34 Subtle Ways You May Be Sabotaging Yourself
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ก.ย. 2024
- SUBTLE WAYS YOU'RE SABOTAGING YOURSELF
Self-sabotage is something a lot of us are doing without even knowing it. But self-sabotage shows up in small, everyday things with think or do without even realizing it.
In this video I show you 34 signs of self-sabotage so you can become aware of any you're doing and work to stop self-sabotage. If you're feeling stuck, frustrated and not getting what or where you want in life, chances are you're sabotaging yourself.
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#selfsabotage #impostersyndrome #youtubetherapist
Which one of these stood out for you - and are there any others you notice yourself doing that I didn't mention here?
I think I checked almost 30 of them. *sigh*
About 8 of the 34 proved to be arteries of my self sabotage. The two missing: Depression & sleep. (Not into the pills, know I need to exercise to get the right chemicals flowing) still experimenting w/niacin -ref: Bill w. In "food matters" I could be well rested & feel overwhelmed.. then sleep to check out. *I know action is my cure & motion creates emotion. Glad I took notes on this second viewing. Bless you! & thank you! For your gift! -Darren
sometimes I am avoiding myself.
You hit my nail on the head with: waiting to know everything I can before feeling comfortable starting... I am a classic overthinker (#5 type on the Enneagram) and I am perpetually afraid that if I don't know enough (become competent) I might fail and be humiliated. I also fear making mistakes, and having to go back and do something over again. I even hate going shopping and forgetting one thing! I constantly feel foolish for forgetting something or doing something not exactly perfectly. I'm working on being okay with not being an expert and not having to be perfect to jump in and get started.
All of them
Seeking outside approval and living after people's expectations makes the doubt to creep forward -- self-sabotaging becomes an escape
I do both of these behaviours - approval seeking and living to expectations. It created a 42 yr old woman who doesn't know herself.
@@swoozle2378 It's never too late to change
Which do I do? Way too many!!! I'm glad you said by working on a couple, many will fall away! I'm constantly waiting to feel motivated or blaming others or needing everything to be perfect ... It goes on and on. I'm often tired and anxious so the feeling ready usually means just well rested and calm but the others are just a change in thoughts! Thanks for the video and letting us see all the ways we self sabotage!
Thanks for the detailed explanation
Excellent Video😄😊
Procrastination is my biggest self-sabotage habit.🤦🏼
I hear you. It's a big nasty one, isn't it?
@@juliakristinamah Procrastination is a bad habit I inherited from genetics.
I don't think there's a gene for that - but you likely learned it from your parents.
Reading into things is a huge self sabotage and one of my trouble areas, thank you for this video it's very informative
Glad it connected Kim
Perfect! This topic came at the right time. I spend endless hours, days, weeks, months "getting ready" to do something but never starting; but I do admit that it's an excuse that I use because of my fear of failure along with this perfectionist feeling that I just HAVE to do it right the first time or else I'm a failure. That and outside approval for things I should not care about keep me from taking action. I recently started posting some of my hobby work on Instagram. Even though I don't think it's that good, guess what? There hasn't been that torrent of negative criticism and trolls that I expected. It's just been....quiet.
Motivation comes when I force myself to actually start doing something. Once I start an activity that I have been putting off I tell myself "This isn't bad at all. Why do I let my fear always get in the way of getting started?" It's unfortunate that there was person online that I followed that was a mental health advocate but I got a little tuned off because when the topic of doing something when you're not motivated came up. They said you SHOULDN'T do anything when you don't feel motivated because if it doesn't turn out well you will feel even worse and not want to do it. Well, to paraphrase Joe Rogan, if I only did things when I felt motivated I would be completely out of shape. You have to force yourself to get started, especially when you don't want to.
Working on giving myself the permission to fail and recognize that it is normal and EVERYONE fails at something. No one who succeeded did so without a string of failures. Am gonna listen to this every morning for the next several days to stop doing all these things.
Yasss! GET IT! Life is too short to stay on the sidelines.
I appreciate your videos so much. You always tell me what I need to hear and then some. Thank you
Glad you're here Lizzie and glad it connected.
Lizzie ♥️😊
Fear of not being able to maintain success... my lifelong struggle.
What would happen if you couldn't maintain it Duane?
This video is really applicable to me and one I really needed!! I’m guilty of often getting in my own way and stopping myself from achieving my true potential!! Thanks so much for the weekly uploads, they’re always one of the best parts of my week ❤️
Really glad it connected brother. Time to get out of your own way?
Julia Kristina Counselling I appreciate it so much. It absolutely is, I need to break down the negative through patterns and the crippling fears that have been eating me up and stopping me from doing certain things to leave my comfort zone!
i’m saudi women and your videos changed my life ! i’m so grateful thanks for helping us
"Playing the introvert card" is something others say that I do... possibly as self-sabotage... possible as self-preservation....
What are you preserving yourself for?
@@juliakristinamah
Special occasions. I'm only to be shared sparingly...
@@juliakristinamah
What are your "heart-centered go-getters" going to get?
Such an amazing message! I can relate to a lot here. Thanks!
Glad it made things make sense Jamie.
I’ve been using the “other people’s problem” self sabotage way for so long and this is the first time someone put it into words and made me realized that I’m not doing it because I want to help but to run away from my own life and responsibility to heal and grow 😢 this is tough....
Give yourself compassion Adriana - growth is hard. Looking inward is hard. But you're here and you're doing it. Don't forget that.
All this stuff I am listening to is amazing. Learning so much thank you !!!
Building the net as you fall and the comfort glass box really made me see things from a different perspective, thank you
Really glad those metaphors connected
there is a term "Tutorials hell". It is when you are stuck in reproducing tutorial tasks and content, never really do a thing on your own. I happen to be there for a wile, but later I was just learning on projects and gets payed. It is cool to have a great reputation. Finish projects. But I might be not lonely in my "never finish anything" career path. Even this is not a reason to give up on yourself. I am just doing best I can, and one day I no longer will need to be working on someone just because of all those knowledges I'll collect. So don't feel like crap and don't give up. If I see things this way - you definitely should! But I really see this pattern of "I am stupid" self sabotaging, because I was learning quite good at school and IMHO I am solving really crazy professional troubles. It is just like I am always looking for some swamp to dig in it, because I am not worthy of adequate job or friends... Damn, I really should do something about it.
Lovingly & painfully Brilliant! Thx! For killin me softly Julia! I will watch this 2 more times minimum, right after my nap! 🤣🤔🤓 -greatful student!!! Thank you!
Lol- glad it connected brother. And I hope you're waking up to yourself and learning and growing rather than dying ;-)
This is probably my biggest struggle! Amazing how just because our brain is wired with so many obstacles, we fall into this self sabotage! This is it. I have to overcome because I have no other choice.
Amen brother
@@juliakristinamah Amen!🙏❤
Chris Hill ♥️😊
@@NenaLavonne Aww Thanks!
Waiting to feel motivated; making excuses; perfectionism
I do all of these too
I feel like my brain wants me to hate myself because of the pain I've experienced. I use to be confident, passionate, kind, caring, helpful and considerate. I was more focused on helping others more than myself which was my fault. It wasnt for validation or recognition, it was just how expressed affection.
Now I find myself in a cycle of fear and anxiety. I struggle with so many of these things and I am frozen in staying still and it is driving me insane.
There's still alot of things I need to make progress in life. It took me feeling like I was going to die during a panic attack to get help. Pushing myself, dragging myself and failing alot to get physically active.
I used the "I don't know what to do" excuse when I started having severe anxiety because the process terrified me. I still have to fight myself everyday to keep going and just live. The point is dont stop trying. Dont ever give up on yourself. Even if you are unconsciously self sabotaging yourself, when you realise it- face it. Dont hate yourself like I did and still do sometimes for standing in your own way. I know its difficult to do when you are the one making life harder for yourself but we live and we learn. Learn who you are. Discover your faults and shortfalls. Take the leap and learn what you love. Learn about yourself the way you learn about someone you like/love so you can learn to love yourself the way you love others. I chose this video to post this on because when you realise you are the rock blocking your path, its difficult to accept and overcome.
You can do this. Watching these videos is a fantastic place to start
Thank you Julia
Thank you for your kind words corrine, it means a lot ❤️🤗
/sending virtual hug
I think almost all of them.
Some less then others, but all of them I can relate to.
Glad it connected.
One of the best psychotherapist I have met in a long time told me I am doing an excellent job at self-sabotage I was pissed he was right😁
lol. Funny how those hard truths can be hard to hear!
@@juliakristinamah isn't that the truth thank you Julia we're getting me through the hard times this one hit home take care of the children they are our most precious resource🤾♂️🤸♂️🦄🌻♥️🧸😁 much love and spiritual hugs keep up the good work you are a bright and Shining Light into my darkness helping me see things I could not or would not before🇺🇸🦅🌹👍
@@juliakristinamah oops that should have said for getting me through but you understand👩🎓😁👍🌹
Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are helping my partner of 18 years so much!💞
I'm so grateful to hear that Mama Bear. Thanks to you and your partner for being here.
ALL OF THIS! I need to just listen to this every morning instead of trying to talk myself out of what I know I need to show up and do to move my business forward.
Get it girrlll!! YOU have amazing things to offer this world.
I just discovered your channel, I’ve only watched 2 videos so far and I’ve already learned so much. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I’ve experienced damn near every single one of these and I didn’t even know I was doing them, let alone how much damage it has been doing. Thank you!!!
New subscriber here, great video thank you! I related to all of them haha, in my life I find myself usually taking on impossiblely high goals, then failing, then telling myself I knew you couldn’t do it you can’t do anything why even try
Welcome here friend! Glad you found us. So what's one of your takeaways from this talk?
Julia Kristina Counselling that I have a tendency to think that I’m on my own team and I want what’s best for me so I don’t see myself as a threat to my own well being, but In reality sometimes the best thing for me is the thing that I don’t technically want long story short: I am spirit soul and flesh, (subconscious, conscious, body) and the body is sneakily at war with the spirt and soul sometimes, kinda like, 3 people in 1, thanks again!
Hi nice meeting you.
Lisa marie Kunkel hello nice to meet you to
@@juliakristinamah Hi you have helped me with all ur videos. Everyday I listen n watch keep life going. Love to you n family
I I Quit Before Things get Difficult, Feel Unworthy with Fear of Failure,..
So glad I found you Julia and these videos. Could you tell me if you have made videos that address accepting ourselves as we are right now. I am in process of learning to accept myself as I am today - right now, but I'm overweight and I'm not sure how to accept being here when I have a desire to improve. Does accepting myself as I am right now mean I accept/like being overweight? How can I accept myself and desire to change both at the same time? Every time I look in the mirror, it is SO hard to accept what I'm seeing yet I understand if I can't accept where I am right now, that even if I DO lose weight, I'm still not likely to accept myself then. I realize accepting myself as I am today doesn't mean I choose to stay where I am right now but I really cannot see how to accept me as I am today while desiring to improve myself at the same time. Hope this makes sense. Thanks for any guidance... :)
Well I watch the "World/ and Local ) News" personally and it's caused me to be concerned🤷♀️🤔
But I understand where you are going with the video.
For me: fear, perfectionist, wait until I am Motivated, I'm not sure where to begin? I'm not sure if I can do it? Yeah, I like this video.
Wow, I didn't even notice how much I was sabotaging myself by telling myself that I don't deserve what I want because I'm "not good enough" for it. Thanks for pointing it out and forcing me to deal with the truth 🙂
What's the truth?
I totally agree about self-sabotage. I wanted a certain career and I said maybe if I study mom wavy if I just wait or maybe it'll come to me or always excetera excetera. Can I felt like I wasn't good enough. Maybe I need to read faster to get a lot more knowledge everything you're saying from 12 all the way up to the last number I was blown away because I just needed a sign or something and you said it all now I'm scared a little bit to move forward it's the what ifs😩😢
How do l get on the shift society l need help
These are such useful reminders! I have been working on changing my subconscious programming and I have noticed a lot of anxiety surrounding relationships that was created from childhood attachments. I have really had to work on changing that because I would sabotage relationships often since I couldn't trust and I was full of fear. So good to be aware of self sabotage!
Hi Julia. You often have a couple of things to say that connect with me. But in this vlog i think everything did. My self talk is awful. I had no idea how bad until this vlog
So thank you because i am going to listen again and address one or two things at a time to move my life along.
Waiting to be motivated! Oh man I was such a go getter.... now I cant even find motivation for my day to day. I wonder what happened to me?
Did you loose your "why"?
@@juliakristinamah how do you find it once you've lost it?
Listening to you has given me the opportunity to evaluate my personal roadblocks and deal with them. Thanks again f9r the common sense ideas that work to bring more clarity and success into my life. I look forward each week to your presentations.
Thanks brother. I'm really glad it helped. Good for you for having the courage to look inward and do this work.
Yes waiting until I'm ready!! Like getting in shape before you go to the gym:) Great video. Really useful!! Thanks
All of these hit home for me! I’m hoping to make a job change soon. Finding myself feeling very frustrated with almost everyone at my job now. I’m scared that if I make a move and then I’ll feel overwhelmed with the change of position and different responsibilities and new skills to learn. Instead I need to stop the insanity and trust that I have all the knowledge and experience needed to transition into a new career. I need to find a way to feel grateful for my job now and appreciate all that I have. Thanks
You can do this April!
Muchas gracias, Julia Kristina. :) This helped a lot! All the best from Mexico City.
Hi Julia, I think I do most of the self sabotage ways you mentioned, especially those connected with perfectionism
I feel like I connected to the one about waiting for "when I feel like it" most
you got me thinking about going from one extreme to the other and being out of control in that way - going from doing nothing to trying to do everything or feeling like love is the most important thing and then suddenly jumping to rejecting it completely
you also said there's a difference between self sabotage and a need for a rest, which is really hard to comprehend sometimes
I have done a lot of work on myself already and it can be quite overwhelming, since it is a never-ending process, but hearing other people go through the same motions seems to be the best way to deal with the weight of it all, so thank you for sharing
how about im too old ?//
Great video. Just realized this week that I have been doing this for years. Full certainty before moving forward is huge for me and imagining worst case scenarios. Thank you, Julia.
I didn't realize I was limiting myself. I blame Fate, God, or Destiny.
do you see now how that's a form of self-sabotage?
@@juliakristinamah Yes. I did not know until I listened to your speech.
I love your channel, I just started therapy and you have been so much help.
Feeling other peoples problems
Worrying about peoples judgement of me
Brilliant ..really helping me to be my TRUE SELF.
Awesome job! So glad you didn’t wait to be perfect!!!!!!!! This is huge for me
So many of these Self-Sabotage behaviors have taken over my life- for far too long. Having grown up- and being scripted by my Mother and others to think " I'm a failure" - so not trying. I had many teachers, over the years , say this- : " Your son could be doing so much more- he has such potential"...I know , it's an excuse and fruitless to blame my Mother or anyone else for not doing what I need to do- and the REAL challenge is , developing Self -Trust. Believing that I can do what needs to be , that I don't need to KNOW everything first- or letting FEAR of failure take over. These are my battlefronts...
I deserve all the world but just can't getting it!!!!!!!
Is just the system don't letting me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love to give you a pedicure ownr wish you lived in New York I work at 100 center st at Manhattan Supreme criminal court. Beautiful and goddess ownr
I needed to watch this today because self doubt has started to creep into my dream of building my own business as I go through the process. It is something I have wanted for so long and I am “just doing it” even though I have some fear. I noticed a belief surfacing that I probably won’t succeed and my brain is letting me know all the reasons why. So this video reminded me that this is just my old self sabotaging ways.Thank you for making this video!
I often find that I will try something new-work on skills to be proficient in whatever task or self-expression project- only to drop it.. I love creating art- I'm good at it- why isn't that enough?
Apparently I am a self sabotage machine.
Hey guys, I have a page and a half of notes. Time to do a lot of reflection and talk to my counselor on where the growth will be most helpful.
Gosh all of these to some degree!!
I just had an epiphany yesterday that most of the things I thought I did for others out of 'compassion' I'm actually doing out of a overwhelming self of worthlessness. I thought I was being caring and helpful!!
Then this is in my emails this morning..very on point!
But now the motherload must be unpacked! Such fun!!!
Good for you for being willing to do the work. It's not easy, but so worth it.
I always prepare to little for job interviews. In the back of my mind there's a thought which says you're not gonna get it anyway so why bother
Hello.
Love this, wcs I use this in my life always
Hi, my name is Margaret, I came across you by accident on TH-cam, so glad I did xx
I would get frustrated when I couldn’t do something.
Hello Ms. Julia! First time commenter, long time listener. one year
I worry about hurting other people about what I say.
Trust thyself. So true. I am guilty of going to school too much. Just do it. No more education.
Perfection paralysis is definitely my self saboteur. It is the root of my procrastination and my ‘I’m not good enough’ negative self talk.
What are you willing to do to move through it?
I would be the fixer and the helper Julia.
I do the menial tasks to distract myself from what’s really important(priorities) that need my undivided attention.
Awareness is the first big step. Now, do you have thoughts on how you can change this behaviour?
Julia Kristina Counselling no i feel like it’s hard to resist most days
Hello Thank you for this video.
Focusing on other peoples problems.
Hello thank youJulia Kristina
I say I’m confused Julia.
Change is hard for many people.
I tend to blame other people Julia I admit it.
Thank you maam & yes ma'am understood
Getting stuck in learning …..
Most if not all connected with me I can't use a computer though say hi to the shift Society for Silas as soon as I can I will learn and I will get a computer don't forget to be nice to yourself when you're so good to everyone else🌻
Silas Cochran Yes, if we were as kind to ourselves as we are to others, our lives would be so much happier!
@@shirleykaye4344 yes ma'am I am working on it I am getting a little better I'm eating better and I tried to surround myself with things that make me happy you have a great day big spiritual hug from Silas😁🤸♂️🇺🇸🧸
I say I don’t know Julia.
Most of the above got losr in abuse if life
Thank you this big topic.
Change doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
I tend to be lazy Julia I admit it.
Hi, i'm Duane. First time seeing this channel/you and amazed that within 4 minutes of a video you can break down my whole inner universe and it's many hold backs and strengths...You have my full attention...Funny how I was trying to find a video like this for my friend who's life is slightly mismanaged and not sleeping enough and realizing mine's not so tight either in a different way with my new business/career ..ok back to the video and the next beautiful 5th minute and beyond.
Holy $#!t, (chills in the best way)...epic video, thank you thank you, liked, shared with many and gonna come back for more.
Enjoy your day Lexi
I wait to be ready Julia.
I tend to make excuses.
Very well explained .
Where is the shift society
Hi Julia Kristina I'm a subscriber ..look forward to your topics. I'm 60 and never to old to learn. I love how you explain things and clarify. Appreciate your channel.🙂
Thank you for the video Julia. The biggest one's for me are self doubt and fear.
I hear you. I've struggled with those ones a lot too. What's the first step you could take to get past those?
I think the first step is recognizing when I'm avoiding thing because of the fear and doubt.
Procrastinating/Perfectionism and many more, OMYGOSH...
I'm actually doing all of them and I desperately want to change, great video, thank you Julia Kristina.
Wow. 16 of 34 - I've got some work to do! I actually (kinda) added one more - FEELING unprepared when you ARE prepared. That's one of my biggest problems - I actually know much more than I feel comfortable with, and as such, don't put myself forward because I don't trust my own preparedness.
Thank you julia kristina.
You might rescue me from myself.
A good reminder for self inspection.
I am stuck , but sometimes , doing nothing at all about it, is the best thing to do. I have seen the event horizon. Claircognisation ,precognition , second sight extrapolations all suggest to stay put, making no decisions.
In fact, any active action i might take would eventually be to my detriment.
I cant mirror myself, but i can use every mode to extrapolate on reality.
This is an interlude period , where i have to wait for evolution of factors.
I let fear take over.
I waited and waited and kept thinking I was not ready to start my business, but finally, I did. I still have difficulty with marketing in person, as I don't know who and how to approach, but I am working on it. I went live today on Facebook and will go live tomorrow, with my business, just to prove to myself that I can.
Wow thanks for the video right on key on everything I struggle with. Especially when what others think and perfection paralysis. Being uninformed and unprepared. Avoidance of self
I am so happy that I stumbled upon your channel Julia. New subscriber and am religiously going through your videos. I wish I could join the Shift Society but unfortunately it's just too much for me with the conversion rate :( But your videos here on TH-cam are amazing. Thank you for uploading them.
I don't take enough time for myself, feels like everyone decides my schedule for me
Do you know why you're letting that happen Michael?
@@juliakristinamah "boundaries" : population = not me. I think about them in terms of relationships, and not workmates, or friendships.
I am stuck in making decisions so I don't do anything. Been in same job 24 years still feeling unappreciated but cannot see what possibilities might be
This was great.
i do this with friends I think. I always want to be with lots of friends and be part of a group and when I get it I start to feel uneasy and I do something to ruin the friendships so I end up alone again. I think it's because I'm so used to being alone and although I want to be with people and not be alone that is like my...neutral state of being and where I feel "home" so I sabotage relationships to make myself alone again. With friends and also with boyfriends. Wow Such working against myself! What a way to make myself miserable and deny happiness to myself! My cruellest greatest enemy is really just myself!