Why Coach Nazir didn't tell Coach Fatimah BEFORE he married again. Learn Proper Communication
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ส.ค. 2024
- Coaches Nazir & Fatimah discuss polygyny and why he chose to marry BEFORE telling her and if he'd do it again that way? We just finished up an RMIC Livecast for our RMIC Members, more details at bit.ly/polyassessment/rm and we trained on how to develop effective and caring communication. This video is a short explanation and also takes Q&A at the end.
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Why I Married a Married Man video: • Why I chose to marry a... ...
Celebrating Polygyny video: • Celebrating Polygyny ...
Would I Still Choose Polygyny video: • Would I Still Marry A ... ...
Can I Handle My Husband Being Married to More Than One Wife video: • Can I Handle My Husban...
00:00 Introduction
00:27 Advise from Coach Fatimah
02:23 What are the shoulds before polygyny?
05:31 Why didn't Coach Nazir tell Coach Fatimah? and what was he thinking?
11:48 How did Coach Fatimah find out? what was her reaction?
14:01 The man must have the courage
16:17 How did Coach Fatimah feel? what did she think?
19:17 The women must have courage too
20:25 What did Coach Nazir think after Coach Fatimah found out?
22:10 What did Coach Fatimah think of Coach Nyla before polygyny?
24:23 Question - As a man with two wives are you happy?
25:24 What did Coach Fatimah think of Coach Nyla's children?
27:11 Question - Is it true that it's 80% mindset and 20% relationships?
28:42 How did Coach Fatimah cope a feeling of low self-esteem
30:20 Question - What do you do when your co-wife comes in with her insecurities?
32:42 Question - What do you do when you have a immature co-wife?
33:45 Question - How do you deal with betrayal?
35:05 It takes time
36:15 Question - How do you lead the home when the wife wants nothing to do with the other?
37:42 Outro - บันเทิง
not telling the wife of your intention is disrespectful and not Islamic. Telling her doesn't mean she has to agree but courtesies demands that conversations be held.
he doesn't have to tell her and its Islamicly ok
Most women will work arround spiritually, to stop the man from marrying the other woman
@@ramtransportllc6818
I hate when people act like it's acceptable or okay. You don't expect your wife to make big decisions behind your back, do you? And then have her just expect you to be okay with it? It's not very nice.
Doing it behind her back feels some kind of betrayal, it’s better to tel her it’s up to her weather she agrees to it or not, atlist there will be a trust..
True it is not best practice at all. We train on this in other videos because it can definitely cause unnecessary harm.
I don't mean any disrespect with this. But I believe it's important to address the importance of having blood tests before marriage especially in polygyny. If a man chooses not to tell his wife before taking another wife because he believes that's his right, it's important that he gets a blood test from the woman he's planning to marry. If the woman happens to have a disease, that he may think is no big deal, he does not have the right not to inform his current wife and take on the new woman and possibly infect his current wife. It is not his right to infect his current wife because it's no big deal to him.
Thank you for the education you all are sharing. May Allah bless you all. Ramadan Mubarak.
This is a very important conversation,especially for women.Looking at the numbers of women in many countries out nomber those of men and polygyny is a solution to illicit relationship.
Polygamy destroyed my family. For every successful experience of polygamy, there are 10 instances where it has led to catastrophe.
Polygamy is a form of marriage. So what you're saying is marriage destroyed your family which is highly unlikely. Similarly, monogamy doesn't destroy families either, it's the attitudes, behaviors, and people involved who are destructive.
Adults must learn to take accountability because blaming ideas will only prevent healing and allow victimhood to thrive.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi I’m not saying it can’t be done successfully.
The issue is men who are capable of polygamy don’t do it, and the men who are totally inept at even monogamy want to seek polygamy. This public encouragement for polygamy attracts the wrong and unintended crowd, which has destroyed families.
Again, you are pointing the blame at marriage. That isn't the problem, monogamy or polygyny. You said men who are totally inept at even monogamy which seems to suggest that 'men' are the issue. Then there are those who blame women, that is a losing circular argument.
You suggest that the public encouragement for polygyny attracts the wrong and unintended crowd whereas we educate people on the best practices for marriage in both monogamy and polygyny. Where would you suggest people learn how to practice polygyny in a healthy way? There were little to no resources when we started our journey.
The solution is not to avoid speaking on polygyny, it's to educate men and women about marriage so they can succeed. If women are choosing bums who are inept and foolish, clearly they also need education.
I reiterate, clearly it isn't monogamy or polygyny that destroys, it's the lack of accountability and insistence on blaming that causes failure in EVERY area of life, not just marriage.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi To learn polygamy the correct way, you should be able to learn from scholors in private. Those who practice polygamy successfully should encourage other men within their circles with the capacity to enjoin in polygamy, not public and not on TH-cam which any bum has access too.
There is a difference between a monogamous and polygamous marriage. In monogamous marriage, both parties know roughly what they’re getting into. In polygamy, the rights of previous wives may become restricted or stretched due to the addition of new wives. If a man doesn’t have track record of building successful marriages and the capacity, he should not be allowed to engage in polygamy. This is the system that is followed by shariah courts in Malaysia and it has led to less family’s being broken and stronger and stable family systems. Do you not agree that this system safeguards everyone rights and is more in line with the prophetic sunnah than what is currently practiced? Only vetted men should be allowed to engage in polygamy.
Regarding your stance about women choosing “bums”. It is not simply a matter of money, but also a matter of character. A man who is wealthy can be an awful husband who abuses his wife. Your also speaking from a western mindset. Vast majority of the marriages that happen in the East (Asia, south east asia) are arranged marriages where suitable suitors are found by family’s. Most of the time it is just the women accepting the choice of her parents. And one can never truly know what the husband is like without actually living with them. This is how those narcissists, abusers ect slip though the cracks and manage to get married. Many women stick through such marriages through shame culture prevalent in the Muslim world, and after a couple children and a few years, they are attracted by the fanning of flames of polygamy from channels such as yourself. They end up marrying again to younger and vulnerable women out of lust, once again it either being the final nail in the coffin for the first wife or a talaq by husband which breaks families further. This is not only the case in Asia, but also in the west where families of asian decent choose to marry their daughters to men from back home. You need to keep in mind that vast majority of Muslims in the world are governed by regressive cultures and values, which unrestricted polygamy only makes worse.
Thank you for the background information about your culture and practices. As someone who was born in the West and accepted Islam, I find it offensive that you suggest that something should be hidden and only learned in private. Allow me inform you that Muslim don't own polygyny, Islam restricted it to marrying 4 women simultaneously and set rules in place. There are many people of many faiths who are looking to or already practice polygyny and follow this channel and we are honored to share with the way we practice polygyny according to our deen.
Saying that to learn how to practice it correctly to learn in private from scholars is not only impractical, but a slap in the face to Islam. What subjects are 'hidden' subjects in Islam that shouldn't be spoken about or that Muslims are afraid of? Allah sent His guidance for ALL mankind and His final Prophet (sws) didn't hide any part of it. Furthermore, you have to find scholars who are willing, able, qualified, and not afraid of what different government's policies are since there is no one government that follows the shariah 100%. Islam doesn't hide the truth no matter who doesn't like it and again, polygyny is simply a form of marriage.
We are not qualified to nor give fataawa or teach fiqh on this channel. There is lots of information going back centuries on that.
If there are cultural practices that Muslims follow instead of allowing a Wali or Wakil to do his job on behalf of the potential wife, who is to blame? Should men be capable and vetted? Absolutely! That is the wali/wakeel's job and why we teach and we train men and women to be capable emotionally, mentally, and financially.
Of course you have only stopped on our TH-cam channel and haven't taken any of our courses or participated in counseling, but being offended that we are here for people that want practical guidance regarding polygyny will not solve your deep seeded issue.
You will never stop men from desiring women nor wanting to marry more than one wife so thinking there shouldn't be discussions about how to healthily do that on TH-cam or social media are naive at best! Men will have discussions, assumptions, and evil men will prey on women as has been done before this channel existed. Similarly you have evil women that will prey on men and work to emotionally manipulate them.
OPR's job is to equip men and women to be better and help increase their personal growth with best practices so that their relationships may be outstanding, marital and otherwise.
I challenge you to provide 5 resources where polygyny is taught in a practical fashion to develop healthy families. Please list them and also list 5 scholars that people can learn from and who are available... don't worry we'll wait.
In the meantime, keep in mind this channel is for all people should they want to benefit or keep scrolling if they do not. And as someone who accepted Islam, it is clear that the problems you list are the result of choosing ones culture and values OVER the Islamic way; which for Muslims we know can only result in failure.
Quran 2:208 - O believers! Enter into Islam wholeheartedly and do not follow Shaytan’s footsteps. Surely he is your sworn enemy.
I would never trust a man who did that and didn’t think to tell me before hand. If it’s going to affect me, give me a heads up. It’s so unnecessary to keep it a secret. Men are so inconsiderate. Some women put up with this.. I wouldn’t.
I really don’t know that I could ever fully trust him again either. Forgiveness, yes. Trust? Hmmmm that’s a tough one.
very inconsiderate and i am saying this as a woman that has many brothers and men in my family
In this video you are both nervous and uncomfortable ....
There are wounds that have not yet been fully healed, and you cover them unnecessarily with the blanket called positivity ...
Feelings as well as light cannot be completely hidden.
In any case, this video conveys this feeling to me.
Your opinion is your opinion, no worries, people will read whatever they like.
If it works for you guys and ur peaceful with yourselves and in the company of each other. That's great. It's a life choice and a preference. I personally wouldn't trust a partner who secretly goes and marries. I'd like to be given the choice and respect to choose if from the start if I want to be with someone who wants another wife, instead of being thrown into it. Life's too short indeed to live with jealousy. Polygamy is not for all. Mental health is more important
Jealousy can be triggered by polygamy but polygamy isn't the cause of it
Jealousy is a weakness that can be worked on. A man has a right to change his mind overtime abour what he said he wouldn't consider doing at the beginning. No woman exclusively owns a man's thoughts, desires and experiences. Everyone woman should always expect and accept that polygamy will be on the table for any man, but not all men will exercise it for a variety of reasons including lack of desire or preference (but desires and preferences can change).
How about the pain first wife go through😭😭😭
Joy comes after suffering
@@muhammadmafaz8530 Baloney.
@@muhammadmafaz8530joy for you not for the wife 😂😂
Marrying without telling yr existing wife is disrespectful and definitely disqualifies the man for being husband to more than one woman
You should do a third marriage.. And let the second one taste the pain as well..
As salaamu alaikum,
My hubby didn't tell me when he got married. Our marriage was toxic. He was narcissist and was becoming more and more abusive. I could tell something was up because he started going in thousand times more. I decided not to stay and asked for a divorce. Now he still is rude and abusive and doesn't provide for our girls. Sometimes it's better to stay if he is a good bro, but mine was horrible.
wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatullah,
Glad you saw the signs and Allah removed you from such a situation, alHamdulillah! May Allah continue to protect you and provide you with wisdom, ameen.
A narcissist male that can marry multiple women is the nightmare.
Narcissist men are horrible! Omg
This is what I am going through
Have sabr sister,May Allah make it easy for you
I have only ever read in the Quran of polygyny in relation to orphan women (war captives, etc.) I think polygyny only applies to this situation. Sister Fatimah has talked about her pain. My husband's father married a second women and caused a lot of pain for his mother, his sister, and himself. I don't believe Allah wants this for women and children. I don't think polygyny is a blanket permission.
Then you should consider reading the explanation of the Quran so you understand it clearly and concisely. The scholars are not of this opinion.
Tafaseer are here for that reason. Allah is Al Hakeem and knows best, not His slaves.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi I know that, but I have a brain myself.
Islam = submission/surrender to the will of Allah.
Muslim = one who submits/surrenders to the will of Allah.
Quran = Speech of Allah:
33:36 - "It is not for a believing man or a believing woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decided a matter, that they should [thereafter] have any choice about their affair. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger has certainly strayed into clear error."
4:59 - "O you who have believed, obey Allah and obey the Messenger and those in authority among you. And if you disagree over anything, refer it to Allah and the Messenger, if you should believe in Allah and the Last Day. That is the best [way] and best in result."
You do have a brain, every human does. Having one doesn't mean you were given the ability to supercede the One who gave it to you and will require its return. Ego and pride caused Iblis' downfall...
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi I have read several classical scholars' opinions, including imam Ghazali, (who is sometimes cast as a misogynist), and several of them are against marrying more than one wife. I don't know which scholars you are reading, but even within scholarship, people pick and choose which ones come closest to their own feelings and thoughts. Their isn't anything wrong with this. Allah only spoke about polygyny with orphans so classical scholars' opinions were based on ijtihad. In any case, I wish you all happiness because you have big challenges.
@@Mariam-ze8bd there is no such opinion in islamic fiqh . The ayah speaks of that context, but it's more general, the prophet SAW and his wifes aren't in an orphan girl situation and neither were the wives of most of his companions .
I understand this can be hard for sisters, but keep in mind Allah knows better and decrees what you might not like, the test being to submit anyway . Clearest example for men and btw specifically mentioned in Quran is jihad and war, Muslim men are required to fight when they were called for it, even if they hated it, their own feelings are irrelevant, they have to fight.
The man is allowed multiple wives but it’s very wrong and disrespectful not to tell your wife/wives before adding another wife.
Exactly..Agreed
سلام عليكم..
Yes its disrespectful Not to Tell his Wife..
Not about if its Haram or Halal..
Our Messenger* Saw * Married with Transperence..
Openly..
Socially..
Read Seerah..
Because their narcissist men
So sad to hurt the wife
wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatullah,
He (sws) did marry without notifying his wife beforehand and instead notified them after he married. He (sws) even proposed to Juwariyyah (ra) in front of his wife Aisha (ra).
Furthermore, they held family meetings where all of his wives, our mothers (ra), all met in the wife's home whose night it was. Let's not be picky with the sunnah and instead use it to benefit us.
The first wife should always be informed based on respect. Especially if she has children. If you will be out of the house and not spending time with them they deserve to know where you are. It could cause problems if you hide it.
I think that doing something that'you know is especially going to hurt your partner shows a lack of empathy
No it doesn't necessarily, but feel free to generalize and assume like you've been doing in several other comments of yours.
Ex: Prophet Muhammad (sws) stated openly and unequivocally that if his daughter Fatimah (ra) stole he would cut off her hand. (This was in response to people attempting to get a pardon of a woman who had status and wanted that status to help her when she did wrong).
That could be seen as traumatic and hurtful to his daughter and others hearing this as an example, yet it wasn't.
Life is life and some decisions will be difficult especially when there is no clear "winner" or "loser" as we'd like to imagine all situations having.
Feelings are meant to be felt, not have the drivers seat when making decisions. Maturity and fairness require fairness and justice so as to not oppress. That is true empathy, for the soul.
This is for everyone reading the comments, not just you. It's meant to get people to reflect on their actions Before doing them, not get defensive afterwards. You cant possibly know if you have created trauma or not unless you ask the people affected.
What are you on about, Stealing is haram, there is no compromise on that! A second marriage is halal, not exactly fardh. Springing it on someone who clearly has strong feelings about it is cruel and incompassionate. Like I said in my other post my comments are on a public forum discussing polygyny, not in your personal inbox.
I will again remind you that Islam and its scholarship contradicts your view of what's cruel and "incompassionate"; when it is something that the Prophet (sws) did; he married and informed his wives afterwards, including proposing to another woman in front of one of his wives, which I'm sure you would have a major issue with.
So it'd be better if you held your tongue and recognized that Islam requires submission from Muslims, not the other way around. Consider learning more about the deen so that your thoughts are more in line with it so you aren't calling the best person who walked the planet cruel and incompassionte because of how you choose to judge actions that even he did, سبحان الله.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshiI dont understand this page. In another comment you have replied that it's 'not best practice' and that you 'teach people otherwise'. Here, you are defending it, and sounding very triggered about it too, I must add. Yall need to make up your minds. And one of you needs to heal from the trauma loool
Currently experiencing this now. Thank you so much for sharing. I also initially shut this conversation down and I was surprised with this reality anyway. Currently on the road to healing.
I’m so sorry sister may Allah make it easy on your heart and soul 🌸
Aameen may Allah make it easy for you
A journey never dreamt of taking…..indeed life z full of surprises
@@rahmaabdillahi2795 may Allah give you and all of us Jannah without account.
He seems detached when Coach Fatima is talking.
I would be so angry . I couldnt do it. I pray you all work this out. I believe one on one.
Not telling is cowardly.....and so selfish....and puts one up on the new wife.....because she knew and the initial wife didnt .
The whole multiple thing is lack of self control and complete love😩😩😩😩😩
I really admire what your channel is about and sharing your experiences. It’s very insightful and helpful!
If she had left you the moment she was told, then you had one wife again
This is the first time I see u, I'm not married, I'm 20 y.o Muslim trying to make my base of thoughts about different topics , .... but watching that made me cry... I cried .... I respect you sister you are really courageous....it's just amazing.
May Allah reward you for your patience and faith .
I like how you mentioned the mbti types .
I'm infj ... maybe this why I cried...relationships is a huge red line to us .
Pain can be felt not spoken in the words. Same is here with this couple.
When you look at cultures where polygyny is common, both men and women have many examples of these types of marriages. However when you look at cultures where Muslims don’t have many examples, then men often do it wrong and hide it. It’s not about permission. It is about respect. It’s about maintaining her self respect in the marriage and not lose trust in the husband and feel like she doesn’t matter. A man who does that will never be seen the same by his wife and family again. I think some wounds can heal but that one never fully heals. Women-make it part of your marriage contract that a he cannot hide it from you and you need to be told in advance. Then the wife can process the information and deal with it or leave. It’s also about health. Everyone in the marriage needs to have some very important medical tests. Many men bring diseases to their wives not only through cheating but also through polygyny and marrying without the proper medical tests such as HIV/STDs.
So if a women doesn’t want Polygamy at all. Can she put it in the marriage contract as grounds for divorce?
Yes she can. She can make the stipulation in her marriage contract to exit.
🫨I don’t even think she got the chance to nor the premarital counseling & knowledge of her full rights to create the contract 📑 before their marriage. I think they were both reverts/converts to Islam. SubhanAllah, that they are Muslims.
@sandycheeks1580 you may be new here but we've known each other since we were 14 & 15 yrs old. We're sharing our journey of struggle and progress and are transparent with the mistakes we've made and the best practices we suggest.
It's complicated when the communication is one sided
Masha Allah this sister is very strong.
I know my community most men keep secret their second wives and that is a shame. I would say that is a cheating. It’s good idea to tell your initial wife to show her that you are still have some respect for her.
Unfortunately in islam. Husband has no reason to tell first wife. When he marry 2nd wife. Lamo
I don't know anything much Islam but I know it permits a man to have up to 4 wives.... I cannot help but feel sad for women who are struggling, heart broken about their husbands taking a second wife. Isn't this something that can be discussed prior to marriage.... Like any other important matter? Are discussions had before marriage in Islam? Perhaps they will find they do not want the same things and avoid this kind of trouble? If I was looking for a husband and and a man said to me.. he wants children but I tell him that I do not, well then we're not compatible after all. Could it be the same for polygyny? Not all men want multiple wives, right? Why can't like minded men/women link up? Some women like the idea of polygyny... Why not seek them out instead? I don't know.... just a thought.
Yes, it can and should absolutely be discussed before marriage. In our case, we were both relatively new to Islam and didn't know much plus we had already been together prior to accepting Islam as well.
What you mentioned is wise and will save lots of heartache because each will know what each other's expectations are and also know if they're compatible from the start versus ignoring the discussion and setting yourself up for surprises and potential heartache later on down the line.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi Thanks, you guys are awesome! I knew about your story... I was thinking in terms of other marriages. Also... I realize nothing is guaranteed, even if it IS discussed prior to marriage. People change, desires change, thought processes change. All one can do is go in the direction of best practice (got that from coach Nazir) Lol! ❤️
@Sam Khan I don't really have a strong opinion one way or the other on polygyny, I was just wondering if there was a way to lessen the emotional turmoil that sometimes ensues... I have heard some women say they love it, they would not want it any other way, and for some it is a deal breaker. As a woman, I can see the benefits of polygyny for everyone involved, given the right mindset. I don't think it is for everyone (clearly) man or woman. It seems to have worked out well for Coach Nyla and Fatimah, which is a blessing.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi Assalamualaikum.. I just wanted to ask, does not wanting to share my husband make me any less? Because sometimes I feel guilty for not wanting to share my husband because of everything that I have been hearing from people
Wa alaykum as salaam,
No, not wanting to share your husband doesn't make you any less.
I have a question. And by all means I really hope I do Not offend anyone. But no matter how old the situation is, was,or whatever. The fact that you was not honest with Fatima and still went and married Nyla speaks volumes. You was not honest nor loyal and you did not get the approval or acceptance from Fatima FIRST. Its like she (Fatima) was kinda forced to accept what her husband wanted. Because she was not on the same wave as her husband. But because she loved her husband and probably did not want to start over and continue to hold onto her marriage Fatima still stayed. So that caused Fatima to do the work on self and accept the situation for what it is. So Nazir it makes you seem and look very selfish and all for self because that was what YOU originally wanted and what Fatima had to accept. I understand you guys have videos explaining the situation but by viewing your videos and noticing Nazir body language he gravitates more towards Nyla in a more sensual way than Fatima. My question for Nazir is: If Fatima gave you an ultimatum saying "its either me or her". Would you still have married Nyla?
Thank you for your question. I'm not offended and glad you made your comments, it points out many single women's common fears and first wives assumptions.
I want to point out that there are a lot of assumptions, guessing, and even projecting in your comment prior to your question so I will address that first.
When you say things like the 'fact' that... then 'not honest or loyal' and did not get approval or acceptance from Fatimah 'FIRST.' Followed by 'its like', 'and probably did not want', 'so that caused', 'it makes you seem', 'body language', and he 'gravitates more to Nyla in a sensual way', when you evaluate these statements, you can see how you were crafting a story for your narrative as people often do.
So let's get to it, I was not forthcoming and told my wife Fatimah I married a after I married Nyla, yes. Is that best practice? No. I agree that it is better to be more open and up front when doing so, however that doesn't equate to being dishonest or disloyal. That is a preference, a good one, yet a preference and preferences don't determine principle.
A husband is the final decision maker and leader of the family, or should be in my opinion. So if he must seek and obtain permission, approval, or acceptance first, then he is not the leader. He should try to influence, reassure, and consider her emotions however he must make the difficult decisions regardless as that's put in his hand, not hers. He should consider what's best for the family, current and future, and what his vision is.
Adults have self-efficacy and all of our relationships are voluntary. Fatimah had to weigh difficult decisions the same as I had to and we both had to ultimately decide. Although you'd like to hallucinate that she was forced to stay, she absolutely was not and that door is still open to this day, see above: all relationships are voluntary.
We both chose to work on ourselves, thinking someone is forced to is very shallow and shows the lack of importance placed on personal growth in that person's life.
With that being said and you offering psychoanalysis on our videos, I'd have to say the 'sensual' comment was a bit humorous. It's completely inappropriate to be sensual in our vids and for you to choose to see that speaks volumes in and of itself, furthermore that speaks to a deeper fear which is what your actually inferring is that I love Nyla more.... that's wild for someone outside of a relationship to project so much but we do it with movies and music and other things so I get it. But I'd never disrespect or make either of my wives uncomfortable by being sensual in front if the other. Thanks for the humor though.
As for an ultimatum, I don't do them, that is a form of emotional manipulation seeking to control another. I didn't do them when I was young and don't do them now. If such a person thought they had that influence over me to control me, I'd walk immediately because all relationships are voluntary.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi Well coach Nazir again with all do respect there was no humor in what I said. I may have not explained it the way you may have wanted but you still understood. Just more so of curiosity and making a statement based off your previous videos. I'm sure now with everything being said all of you look very well and happy after the deed was done. But as you state that I cannot speak that I'm basically making assumptions. I have been observing your videos and all three of your testimonials about polygyny and based it off of that. And by the way that it sounds from the outside looking in that's what it seems like the way that it was explained in your previous videos. And I don't understand how is it a difficult decision about making someone your wife when you've already had a wife. That decision could have been avoided. That decision was not a necessity. Or better yet let me ask you why was it a difficult decision for you to make? How did you feel when you went out of your marriage to go and find another wife to marry knowing that it could be a possibility that your current wife would not feel well about the situation? Was Fatima feelings taken into consideration at that time?
Note: I love your videos. I adore both your wives fashion and etiquette. And I also like the fact that you allow us audience to voice our questions.
First, let me say that I respect the candor and respectfulness in your question. Though the emotions do come through, it's not flippant or dismissive.
We're here for education and to address these concerns because they didn't exist when 11 years ago when such resource would have been beneficial.
You may be new to our channel which is fine, but we've discussed how I came to practice polygyny. I wasn't out searching for another wife, which isn't bad, but that's not how it happened. I was approached by a wakeel on Nyla's behalf and after a few months of considering, decided to proceed with it.
Here's the challenge you're having that I read from your questions: "Why did you feel the need to marry again?" If that's the case, I did a video about it, feel free to check it out. Do I feel you will you ever understand as a woman? No, absolutely not but as humans, we like to be able to explain things.
As to why it was a difficult decision; we live in a society that considers polygyny a taboo. Our society doesn't value morals hence the massive disarray. It is a difficult decision for any man because if he loves his wife, has a happy marriage, and he also has the ability to increase that by having another happy marriage simultaneously and focus more on legacy, you don't want to hurt your wife's feelings. So did I take into consideration her feelings? Of course, but I had to make the difficult decision of what to do and what I felt was best for my family over the long term, meaning generationally.
However that leads to a challenging conundrum if you care about morals:
1. Don't marry and go against your desire in order for your wife's or society's comfortability to status quo which builds resentment in marriage on both sides.
2. Marry again and let things play out towards the vision you diligently work towards. (many times more children, more active parental engagement, changing generational trajectories).
If you don't care about morals, then there's always having multiple affairs, prostitution, being a Sugar Daddy or Zaddy depending on age, or simply having jump downs, mistresses, girlfriends, etc... which is far more common and a way many men go towards because it requires nothing of him while women allow it. Sadly many wives would rather their husbands have an affair than marry another. What does that say of that type of person?
As a man, he must ask himself if he should play small and not focus on building a strong family legacy or solve societal problems by marrying another woman which you feel is an innate part of your makeup if you are qualified? That isn't an easy decision for a person who cares. However life isn't about always being comfortable. It takes vision and commitment to a mission to lead when others may not see the vision. As you noted, my decisions and leadership has led to what I thought it could and now we are living a life most would only dream of. It wasn't by accident, it was by design and learning.
We don't care about the status quo. When was the last time you heard of a black family traveling the world together, world schooling their children and exposing them to multiple countries, languages, and opportunities? I'm not bragging, I'm just saying that there is an entire world out there that can be experienced once we break out of the box that society wants us caged in.
Now my question is, have you ever thought about how the husband feels? For example, would you look at a Lebron James who is a billionaire, who gives back to the community in many ways, and from the outside looking in, seems to be a pretty stand up guy; would you feel it would be problematic if he wanted to marry 3 more women and build a bigger legacy with his James family name?
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi Morals oh yes Im big on morals and principals. And yes I have traveled and have explored the roots of our people. I guess my thing more so was to not be or come off as judgemental but be more understanding. I was approached by a Muslim man and offered to be in a polygyny relationship. I started to do my research and stumbled upon your videos. So you see the questions I asked was not only to ask about your situation but also about mine. For me to understand and gain knowledge. And because of your videos and seeing more into my situation; I have made my decision.
How did you feel coach Nazir knowing that your family was expanding? How do you manage and maintain?
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi I feel everybody has a choice when it comes to their life goes how they want to live it. I cannot judge no one and nor do I want to be judged. If you wanted to have twenty wives it really wouldn't make a bit of a difference. Just know that there is a saying. A man can love 2 women but will have romantic feelings for 1. A man can split his time and try to make everything as equal as possible but it's still not the same if it where for only 1 woman. Now with more women a man has to devote himself to more everything. And how fair is that to the family in whole?
Exactly, a permission is not needed, but best believe the man knows what he signed up for when he chose a woman that made it clear she wouldn’t be happy with it. You don’t have to ask her for permission, but she can behave as she wants with you, your second wife and any kids y’all have amongst you. Men always talk about wanting peace, so choose the right women that will help you attain that peace. Believe a woman when she says she ain’t having none of this. She will, in almost all cases, cause a whole lot of hell. Resentment is only going to happen if he had always made it clear and the wife accepted it then changed HER mind. But if you told her you ain’t doing the second wife thing… and then changed your mind.. why do you get to be resentful to your wife for always keeping to what she’s said 🤷🏻♀️
I will probably say this under every video regarding this topic. Marry as many women as you have the capacity for, but do so with the ones who are accepting it from the start. Don’t marry a woman who told you she ain’t about that life, then put her through what she’s clearly stated she ain’t comfortable with.
A man does not live to always make his wife's/childrens' etc. lives comfortable. A wife should be willing to evolve as her husband evolves through his life (that is the essence of letting the man lead and set direction - you can't pick and choose stuff only when it's comfortable)
@@Polygyny nah, there are plenty of women who will happily accept marriage to a man that makes it clear he wants multiple wives. Marry those women. Why you going to marry a woman who clearly states she’s not about that life and then get offended and annoyed when she’s unhappy and jealous and making scenes when you go and do that??
If we were to take what you said seriously well then lots of men also make huge mistakes or turn out abusive etc… should the woman adapt to that? Or does it only work when it comes to polygamy?
@qpixelthree80 if you're looking at it from a humanist/secular/individualist point of view then your point is valid.
If you're looking at it from a religious point of view (where the Holy book allows and permits something, then the religion's observers' agreement is not a condition to whether or not something that is permitted will be pursued).
The religion's observers' can't use their agreement or disagreement to limit someone's else freedom to pursue something that is actually allowed by the religion. People are able to change their mind. However, if someone made a vow before God that they would not do or do something they should keep it, but if not a man is free to change his mind and the woman that follows a religion that allows polygyny should always know that taking a second wife will always on the table - if the woman is diametrically opposed to this she shouldn't claim she shares her potential husband's religion before marriage. If you follow a religion you are accountable for all of it - you can't pick and choose and force a man to adhere to a woman's preferences. The man is the head of the household, not the woman - a man is free to change his mind as long as it is lawful by the religion (the woman's feelings should be considered but her feelings are not a veto or deciding factor). Any woman who doesn't understand this shouldn't be married under the jurisdiction of a religion and should pursue what they really want: a secular lifestyle that focuses on self and feelings. Maybe women should start being more upfront before marriage and tell men that they will be picking and choosing what parts of a religion they want to follow. It's not just about being submissive to the man but also being submissive to the religion.
@@Polygyny The religion allows women to set conditions prohibiting polygyny before marriage and women are allowed divorce if they can't tolerate polygyny. So---
Kindly don't be a hypocrite.
In Islam, nobody can make haram (prohibited/forbidden) what Allah made halal (lawful) nor make the haram (prohibited) halal (lawful).
A woman may stipulate in her marriage contract that if he chooses to practice polygyny, she has the right to divorce. However, she can never make polygyny unlawful for him because she is not his Creator.
Second, simply a man choosing to practice a lawful action isn't good cause reason for divorce in Islam. Feel free to check the fiqh on both of these matters.
I feel your U tube channel is very educational and teach people about the culture. This is important to UNDERSTAND because, people work with children from your culture and come from families that practice this life style.
I’m Muslim and I’m not open for polygamy. My family was destroyed behind this practice. I’m open to hear the information though . The brother that wants to marry me want to practice this. It’s been 25 years since , I’ve try to understand this. I just can’t get into this. I don’t think I can be open to it by now. But I like how you educate us on polygamy. I was thinking maybe I should just leave that brother alone and let him find a women that’s open to it.
Thank you for the openness to learn. We highly doubt the family was destroyed by marriage i.e. polygyny.
It was likely destroyed due to actions that were negative and destructive by one or more people however the blame was put on the form of marriage which was polygyny.
Blaming polygyny is similar to saying that monogamy destroyed someone's life and gives a pass to bad behavior which is the root of the problem. There is nothing that excuses poor behavior except not being sane and if someone is insane, then they aren't fit mentally for most things and need major help.
If you aren't open to polygyny and the person already informed you, please be honest in order to save both of you any possible heartache or reconsider what the actual problem was that destroyed your family, because it isn't the institution of polygyny.
You should let him go. You both deserve happiness and neither of you should settle for anything less
Don’t block your blessings for something the prophet said is okay!
@@leolaelliss326 exactly. Just because it’s halal doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. You have a right to say no. At least this brother has been honest and didn’t blindside you.
I Really come from a country where men do this for selfishness not for SUNA and they abuse women right and left and they keep marrying mostly younger women and the oldest wife always has been digested and if she one word He will divorce her we Muslims can worship to Allah in million ways without hurting anyone and Allah said in the holy Qoran men can marry up to 4 wives but if he can't be responsible and fiar and eqial to all those women then keep one wife and that is the B
The thing is you letting her know out of respect it’s not seeking for a permission from her
But it’s a great conversation as the sister said she got the chance to ask all her questions and reaffirmations
I will be stipulating that I do not want my husband to marry another one in my Nikah contract. If he breaks it I wish to be divorced. It is cowardly to me if the man cannot even tell his wife before he even marries her that he wants to marry more than one
Definitely your prerogative. As to cowardly, we'd say a man who knows he wants to and holds back is deceitful and cowardly.
However, we also know that many men have no intention on marrying again because they have no idea what marriage is like and if they can handle it.
Sometimes marrying for the first time is like asking an 18 year old what they want to do with the rest if their life and to choose their college major based on that.
Asslamu Aleykum Coach Nazir,
My husband didn't tell me ahead of time but I figured it out and initiated the discussion.
Believe me knowing his plan in advance doesn't lessen the pain. In the contrary you wait on the D Day as the prisoner condemned to death sentence.
Coach Fatuma,
I pray that one day I will be able to laugh about all this as you are doing . This hurts so bad now.
wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatullah ukhti wa eid mubarrak,
I agree that it seldom eases the pain however focusing on personal growth does speed the healing process for those who need it. May Allah grant you shifaa and cause it to be a great benefit to you even though you may not see it now.
If he truly loved you, he wouldn't have touched another woman. Just like you wouldn't want to be with another man. If there is no loyalty, there is nothing. Leave him sister And find someone who loves you.
Grow up and have some respect instead of coming here with this ridiculous 'Know It All' attitude & judgment!
Funny how YOU can advise someone you don't know who does or who does not love them.
It's this type of flippant, careless, and dismissive advice that allows people to live delusional lives. Continue in your own delusion but you won't be allowed to continue with it on this channel should you try!
@@denizozturk1742 I think love and marriage are more complex than what you are implying .........unless you are living in the teletubbies world.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi It is not my intention to be arrogant. But why does a man upset his wife for this reason? In my view there is respect and devotion in love.
Based on listening to Coach Nazir, he said it presented it self, the situation presented itself. I would like to know what the situation looked like. He is not transparent in answering that question in my opinion. Was he looking? Did Coach Nayla ask him ? What situation? The situation presented itself is a very annoying answer from someone who wives hold him in high esteem, my opinion.
Coach Nyla's Wali approached me. It's unfortunate that my answer doesn't appease or satisfy you, but this has been answered in several videos. Keep in mind we don't answer to you or anyone 'asking' in such a rude and disrespectful way. We're here to educate not here for your entertainment purposes.
Gaslighting and narcissistic
Excellent I really enjoyed the talk. May it be a benefit to other. May Allah swta continue to bless your Union.
I think In Islam if the husband wants to marry again he first must ask the wife if she says no it's a no. You can't do it behind her back. Message for sisters if you don't want him to marry multiple times I would discuss it at the time of nikah maybe put it in the nikah nama.
We've said it lots of times, including in this video, but Islam does not give wives the authority over their husbands decision to marry again. He does not need to seek her permission for something that Allah already permissible, period.
However, as we state in the video, it is best to discuss things prior to for a myriad of reasons.
We've learned from our ups and downs, mistakes and good decisions, which is why we share and created this channel.
Maa Shaa Allah! This is conversation is mandatory in black households! Jazaakumullaha Khayra!
AsSalaamu Alaikum wa rahmatulillahi wa barakhatu. Love what y’all are doing. May Allah reward you all Aameen.
I’ve been enjoying the videos. Although I’m Hebrew , I am into poly and going into a marriage and tried to share these videos… It is a lot to learn and adapt too. I don’t feel I have any jealousy but it needs to be organized and respectful. The videos help me so much.
Welcome! Congratulations and we're glad to hear you're finding benefit. We have quite a few Hebrews and people from other faiths as well. We hope to share and inspire people no matter your background.
You may also find it beneficial to interact in our private community which is more engaging. OutstandingPersonalRelationships.com/invitation
I’m Hebrew as well and very new to this. I am also entering into a marriage. Just wanted to let you know your not alone! These videos have been helping me so much. APTTMH
Lmbo @ the # of times I rewatched 12:43-44 loll. That's a whole tweet frfr! I'm not going to type it, yall get that meme together with the visuals too lol
???? Hi. Was your second wife aware that the first wife was unaware of herself becoming the second wife and how did she deal with that and how long was he married to his second wife before the first wife found out. I hope that's clear. I know it might sound a bit mixed up. Some good points made. Thank you.
It’s very interesting, I love that this beautiful sister is very emotionally stable and secure in herself & her faith. I can only imagine the immense hurt, betrayal & insecurities she much have felt when her husband decided to married another woman and tell her afterwards. I’m curious if she experienced low self esteem or bouts of depression after he told her?
I would also like to know how this sister built her sense of security in this situation and how her husband was able to reassure her. But, of course women have to be overly emotionally strong & self consoling for ourselves & our families regardless of whatever her husband decides to do behind her back. It seems like since they married very young he as a man feels the need to sexually expressed himself elsewhere while still keeping what he’s built. Luckily Islam allows him to do this smh.. But anyways Mashallah I pray that any sister who’s in this situation finds her sense of emotional security safety and love in sharing half of your husband with someone else. ❤️
Beautiful comments, well said!
Salaams family
Polygamy is about accountability, respect and you must be able to financially support the sisters and children also you must treat them equally and fairly this is very challenging and the you must be highly evolved Quran says if you knew best you would only have one...Salaams
@michellesimpson4093 we agree with most of your comment except where you carried on a common lie against Allah. There is nowhere Allah says, "if you knew best you would only have one."
Please double check that and seek tawbah.
I really appreciate and have great respect for any man who has the strong character to disclose his mistakes ( or how a thing could have been done better) that truly is a very rare quality among men OF ANY FAITH. bravo brother
Thanks for the kind words. We're all human and rarely are mistakes fatal in relationships. We should declare war on our egos because that pride will have us losing while fooling ourselves.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshiLove this comment.
I absolutely admire Coach Fatimah. The definition of a strong woman right here!
As salaamu alaikum. #philly in the house Ramadan mubarak happy to catch you guys live Maa shaa Allah
Shalom! I'm Brazilian and I can't find good information about polygyny in my own language.
I found you here and I wanna say that your channel is really great with a lot of relevant information.
Congrats and thank you! You are doing a very very good job!!!
YHWH blesses your whole beautiful family!!!
We follow the Torah. We're getting back to God's way! 🙏
Você pretende adentrar num casamento poligâmico? Que eu saiba isso não é permitido no judaísmo... Não estou entendendo... Me explique.
a Torá que os judeus seguem permite a poligamia. é aí que um homem é casado com múltiplas esposas como Abraão, Moisés, Davi, Salomão e muitos outros profetas. Só porque eles escolheram não seguir mais a Torá, não significa que isso não seja permitido.
É verdade, uma coisa é a Torá, outra coisa é o Judaísmo.
A propósito, graças a Allah, tive acesso a leitura do Alcorão e há 1 ano me reverti ao Islam. Alhamdullilah!
parabéns, que Allah continue a recompensá-lo e elevá-lo! Obrigado pelo seu comentário e não, não falamos português, porém usamos o Google Tradutor. Sinta-se à vontade para usá-lo em inglês para que outras pessoas possam se beneficiar da sua discussão, se desejar.
MashAllah. I have so much respect for the men and women who do polygyny, they're strong and may Allah bless all of them ameen.
I believe the conversaiton should happen before the first marriage. I do not want a polygamist marriage. If I married a muslim man I would draw up a premarital contract for him that says he will never take a second wife as long as we are married.
To each their own. The thing is that a clause like this wouldn't be enforceable but you could put a clause that you would divorce if he married again. A human cannot prohibit what God made permissible even in a contract.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshiWhen a Muslim man signs a contract saying he will not marry a second wife in that first marriage, he has given his word. As a Muslim man he is obligated to keep his word and honor that contract . This would also be what God has ordained.Honor your contracts. If you sign this contract before God stating you will not take a second wife. You as a Muslim man cannot break that contract.
@@rosg452 the contract is void , and is itself not binding , reason being directly forbidding for him something that Allah allowed . If it's too much for a woman though she can ask for divorce and is a legitimate ask in islamic court if it becomes unbearable . Think of it like the man putting in the contract that he shall never provide for his wife , even if she agrees it doesn't matter and isn't applicable . Any contract negating Allah's rules is void .
Lol ur wicked mouth love it fatimah
Fatimah ur amazing beautiful women bcuz ur honest in ur feeling.
Why does any man need more than one wife?! And to do it without telling her either! Totally took her for granted! He did NOT consider his existing wife’s feelings! What if it was a deal breaker?!
1. No man 'needs' another wife. It's a want, not a must.
2. You sure he didn't consider her feelings? How can you be sure? Clearly you didn't watch the video... unless of course you think her feelings should dictate his actions therefore he has no choice in the matter...
3. Deal breaker, all relationships are voluntary. All. Of. Them.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi a man wanting not needing go against what i heard from coach nyla but i think there is sone cases when a man really need more than one.
We all agree that an additional wife is not a necessity, but simply a desire. It's considered extra.
what about the husband's feelings? did the wife not consider her husband's feelings.. it can go both ways? Not knocking the wife becuase she should definitely be told about it but why is sooo many situations the man's feelings are always tossed aside. 🤔
Life is full of choices and risks. Women choose to risk their lives with childbirth and many mothers say they almost felt like they were going to die just before the baby was born... then the same ones who say that do it multiple times. Is that not love because many don't understand it?
Love rarely makes sense in a logical or scientific way. People may love someone they've known for 5 days more than someone they've known for 50 years while many scratch their heads and ask how.
Some husbands work their hands to the bone to provide and protect his family yet gets disrespected and scorn in return whereas he continues to do it for love. Similarly some wives serve their husbands and make peace out of chaos out of love and are never thanked... love can be a weird and an abstract thing to describe while feeling different to each one touched by it, but one simple truth about love is that it exists and is expansive no matter your definition.
Once we accept that love is and focus on ways to increase the love between us and our spouses then we can feel more secure and fulfilled knowing live can and should continually expand with us.
As salaamu alaykum Coaches,
Thanks so much for this.
I'm getting an error message from your FB group links.
Wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatullah, interesting, try facebook.com/groups/letstalkpolygyny
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi This one works!
Salam I think it is very important to discuss this as adults. I knew I did not want to be in polygamous marriage from the being of my marriage 15 years ago and even more so now. Alhamduiallah, I clearly communicate that clearly to my husband before marriage and he agreed, cause I was fortunate enough to be advices to speak such important topic before marriage . I know I would be a terrible wife in that situation, so I rather just leave in peace , and raise the kids in a respectful and safe space , Alhamduiallah.May Allah bless your family.
@aestetic cookies, waalaikumsalaam sis I totally get you mashallah. My husband and I spoke frankly about it before marriage. We spoke about it during and before he actually went ahead and remarried. It also wasn't something he ever thought he'd be in and he wasn't actively out searching and seeking however its what Allah had written. We chose together to keep our marriage even when he added other wives. It wasn't something either I was doing cartwheels over but Allah is Merciful.
Another thing I've seen sis is that I would hear from friends is they said the same thing about knowing they would be a terrible wife. I myself felt these feelings and they did manifest initially I think perhaps I told myself that's what would happen lol.
@@ummukatheer247 Salam sis, it is true what ever Allah wills , than no one can stop but each spouse i think should know how to make their marriage work , however, there are just things that just won’t work for me. My sister in law just left 20 year marriage cause she knew this type of arrangement was not meant for her. I think , if people act like adults and speak honestly than both can be happy especially the kids . As I said , I would respect and even celebrate his second marriage but I won’t be part of that union. Honestly speaking (no offence) but since we are speaking honestly, I don’t think a man can love two women at the same time, so if he decides to get another wife and hurt me in the most unimaginable manner than he decided if I leave or stay makes no difference to him. I know what would hurt my husband ( like have an affair, or insult his mother) and If i do those things than I know he will leave , therefore my actions was done knowing that risk , i feel same with his action. I have been married fare too long , and as I grow older am just not into making unnecessary chaos or confusion.My husband is a smart man , he knows where I stand . I think a lot of the times women fear breaking the family but i don’t think anything has to be broken. I would actually move closer to his area so he can access to his kids , cause I won’t punish him or the kids , and I think mothers need to stop choosing pain over selfcare because they feel the kids will suffer. These are his children and if we stay or break up , Allah will ask him of his responsibility towards them , and one day those kids will grow up and leave the nest , and I will live with my own actions . I wish you and your family lifetime of happiness.
To be Muslim and think that a man can't love two women at the same time says alot about how you put your feelings over the wisdom of Allah t'ala in His infinite wisdom and that of our Nabee (sws) and the Sahabah (ra) who were of the best generation. May Allah increase you in submission and forgive you for that which you don't understand, ameen. You just insulted the very people who carried Islam to the world and who are the vessels that helped you become Muslim...
You should reread what you said. You said you don't believe a man can love two women at the same time. THAT is what goes against Allah and His Messenger (sws), not loving one more than another. Allah said in Surah Nisa that we are unable to love equally even if we try and that we're not held accountable for that.
However saying a man can't love two women at the same time is clearly against Islam.
It’s so true when you create a safe space to talk, your husband will open up more about what he wants and the transition to polygyny will be (not easier) but tolerable.
Omission is lying. Religion is often times used to blanket everything.
I would be interested on your thoughts about wives who practice the same religion but come from entirely different cultures ( in reference to two wives on the African continent who are from different cultures, and different tribes) should both wives be chosen from the same culture or is that a small matter?
That's a good question. I've seen it work where they have similar values and beliefs and hold them higher than their culture or traditions however when their culture and traditions trump their religious convictions, it can cause lots of trouble.
If you get into a polygyny relationship for sake of Allah but you feel resentment towards the husband if he takes another wife . Of course no one likes to share ( I’m sure no man would want to share his wife. So yes can be hurtful). Can you go about in this relationship motionless ( not feeling love for him). InShA Allah you do it for Allah and get the paradise choose another In Jannah if you don’t want your earth husband. Can you make it work by blocking your emotions but just being a servant to please god and doing what has to be done?
Sr. Fatimah has a beautiful soul & an amazing intellectual mind. She is a Brilliant woman with strong faith. Because of Sr. Fatimah, your man is known as a man. You are the backbone of this beautiful family. I believe anyone who will come to associate with you, will be amazed by you. MashaAllah Tabarakallah BarekAllah Fek.
Both of you are amazing and thoughtful . Your deliberations are insightful and very informative. Please keep this going in sha Allah. May Allah bless and reward your deeds.
I'm just came across this channel and I'm curious. How long before coach Fatimah was told or found out about the other wife?
Some men are too insecure to let go of a wife that they should be divorced from because they're worried about her next potential husband. The relationship was over before the other wife entered.
Never heard that before, interesting hypothesis... 🤔
Yeah I felt like I had been open. I thought I had made my relationship open enough to come to me before this. I never wanted to shut this part of him down. My dad had told me long ago men desire verity. So I always understood most BM weren’t monogamous. So I always made room for this understanding. I would’ve still been jealous. I would’ve still felt my insecurities. I trust my man. (I have asked questions from day 1 and 3 yrs later. I get the same answer)…. Had I been let in before the event, I feel I would’ve handled things better. I could’ve been in a more stable, logical mind instead of all the emotions hitting you first. I wouldn’t see her as such a big threat. It felt that everything was a lie. After I had allowed his mad hood to express its self freely I thought… it feels like I didn’t do enough, I wasn’t trust worthy enough for you to come to me as a man….Now I have to reevaluate did I choose the right man? (Even though mistakes happen, the insecurities will make you wonder if you’re vetting skills need to be reevaluated)… I’m not saying it will be perfect. I’m saying you can get to her logical brain first, and mitigate her emotions and insecurities before they are activated on top of the lies you will have to tell to evade her sight. It’s a double whammy, when you have submitted to your man in trust in all aspects… is your woman not worthy of seeing her man for who he is before everything is set in stone? Can she be allowed to get on board and be your fan girl?.. I am not Islamic and understand this is not Halal. I’m a realist….Women are aroused by a man who attracts other women. It’s not really that hard of a sell as you may think. (Just cause these women are Islamic and reserved they won’t tell you that your desire for your man becomes ever more potent when another woman enters the picture, sexual competition being the main proponent and drive. Validation and connection, also come to the bedroom to be sorted out from both women)…I do believe coach Fatima is monogamous but her co wife is not? Meaning I believe she is fluid? (😅I might be reading into it too much) I believe God said you are not to lay with another man’s wife. That can be a real ambiguous statement for some. U think sultans we’re getting women pregnant 1 woman at a time, all the time? ….even if your wife isn’t into that. Female nature is to be attracted to a man who can handle women…. So again her nature will be aroused by him conquering another woman. I feel most women can be on board if you get her logic brain first. TELL YOUR WIVES.
One has to EVOLVE and GROW and LEARN .
Love it!
As salaamu alaikum,
yes they do have to ask going into or during the marriage. the women may not want this at all. Better to be honest from the start.
In order to be married does it have to legal with documentation?
No, marriage existed before governments. They adopted it from people, not the other way around. However there should always be a marriage contract and many are done in religious ceremonies without adding a State as a party.
I like the facts that you can talk about it in a playful way....
You guys have healed and that's maturity
Shalom and greetings. The thing I love about you guys is that you are real and That you give us the good the bad and the indifferent!
I love you guys for the sake of Allah 💜 your relationship is great 😊 Alhamdulillah
What if you can’t along with the 2nd wife? Any advice?
As much as a man will do what he wants no matter what, I think it’s disrespectful to not tell your wife, that’s the least you could do tbh…
You can said whetever you want. But. When they want. Second. Wife its done. Just keep the martiage for sake of Allah. Respect and thats it
He is a real man period
I salute you bruh I’ve leant a lot
Thanks y’all
I believe in polygany but she still seems hurt by how it went down.
There were negative emotions and feelings that persisted for some time but we've gotten past that and are now sharing our journey to help others and educate them on best practices.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi feel sorry for you. You live a lie.
Usually this doesn’t work because some “man” don’t know how to handle his jealous first wife .
How did you cope Coach Fatima this was brought to me a month ago and I listened to his heart and I choose to accept but being that it’s so new I’m still in pain and Termoil can you give me some words to help navigate this time in my life
This video is a real key in unlocking the communication piece. In the Bible, our fore mothers and initial wives (Sarah, Rachel, Leah, etc.), in most cases, brought the subsequent wife/wives to the husband, not as validation, but because she understood the desire of her husband (Gen 3:16). We know, as s/c Black men, our woman (isha) is literally another FIRE that burns within that fleshly shell. They're our greatest allies or worst enemies. Western culture has them confused and insecure in most cases now. Your work is needed and appreciated.
Thank you Fatima I feel how you described you felt in the beginning I realize I been amazing to him and I’m amazing and that this had nothing to do with me and he also made it clear that it had nothing to do with me and I saw his heart just like your husband my partner had always mentioned stuff over years that triggered me so when he finally said his intentions I kinda new in my heart that it would come to this… I’m in a roller coaster of feeling this conversation took place only 1 month ago I trying so hard to be ok and love unconditionally Thankyou Fatima I wish I could meet you in person
This phase is also hard
beautiful families mashallah ❤❤❤
I like 100%+100% is awesome
I am learning so much from you guys. May Allah bless you abundantly. Polygyny has been a challenging topic for me and I am so glad to have you guys talking about it and addressing the spectrum of experiences that come with it.
I respectfully would like to offer feedback also. I find it difficult to follow a particular person when the other person begins talking over them. I am sure this isn’t intentional, and just your dynamic. But it takes away from the clarity of what is being said.
I hope your health is better now Fatimah! Jazakallah to you all. ✨
Alhamdulillah sis, I totally understand what you're saying in regards to the interruptions. However, this topic was a heavy one, and it wasn't the easiest content to create on my part. My jokes etc are to simply provide comfort to us both and our audience. If you watch more of our videos, you may find that these interruptions have lessened. This particular video is part of my journey through personal development and I don't regret it. I've experienced massive growth and so has my family. 💖 ALHAMDULILLAH. Thank you for your support..
JazakhuAllah khair,
~ Coach Fatimah 👑✨️
This was a great video
Question... Must a woman marry in Islam, or does she have the option to stay single?
A woman or man may stay single however if they want to be intimate with the opposite sex, marriage is the moral way in Islam.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi I understand, thank you. ❤️
Fellow INTJ. :)
Is intj more likely to be in poliginy?
I enjoy watching you're show, I learn much. I am interested because my ancestors practiced polygamy and they were fine moral people and had wonderful families.
My family were pioneers in Utah after being driven from Nauvoo. Recently, many people in the LDS Church have adopted feminism from one degree or another had attack viciously the prophet Joseph for taking some wives without his first wife consent. The reason is it is well and objectively documented that Emma sometimes got very violent. As she matured Emma became more accepting and as Joseph matured he told her in advance but in the beginning Joseph couldn't approach Emma. He did what he thought was best , Joseph was not being abusive he just did not feel like Emma was approachable at the time.
It's western bigotry towards prophet Joseph which makes this episode much worse than it really is. The prophet Joseph later realized that he should have told Emma first. In Western Society in the 1840's it was more difficult.
I had the same experience. Husband married behind my back
I just can't believe this discussion. He just goes behind your back, cheats, messes around, breaks your heart and does god knows what kind of damage to your family unit and there you are being the martyr. Nope, nope, nope, nope I'm sorry not buying what you both are selling.
I don't know what YOU think YOU heard, but maybe English isn't your first language? Cheating, messing around? How you deduced that is ridiculous and would NEVER be accepted! Only someone with a lack of comprehension, someone who claims to know it all, or one with immense immaturity would gather that!
Feel free to move on to somewhere else because saying such a stupid and disrespectful thing says far more about you than anything!
Really sad
Alhamduli’lah
The man indeed doesn't need to tell the first wife that he wants to married a second wife. However the scholars they said he should tell the first wife out respect for her and to have harmony in the household
So did he have a whole relationship behind your back, or did he just pick a woman and bam they married? I’m so confused
No, we both were familiar with her for a few years through our business. I actually thought he should marry her after she was divorced but I wasn't going to suggest that so I never told him.
However a while after her marriage failed and she now had two children, her wakeel (male guardian) reached out to Coach Nazir. Since he had already known her, it didn't take the traditional courting route so no there wasn't some boyfriend/girlfriend/dating relationship.
Salam sisters and brother. I had a question and I hope it does not come off crossing the line. Please feel free to tell me “ mind your business sis” , but I am coming from a place of curiosity and trying to understand your lifestyle In Shaa Allah. Brother I noticed you completely shut down the idea of adding my wives into your union, but you previously said you desired four wives in the beginning, if I may ask what changed? For example as a parent and a spouse I know it is a lot of responsibility raising just one family but for example if there were sisters that were financially stable , and who were just in need of companionship would that be an option. Also to the sisters, would that be something you would support , why and why not . JazakAllahu kheirn.salam
Wa salaam,
Thank you for your question sister, we think or brother 🤔. Perhaps you misunderstood, Coach Nazir didn't shut down marrying again, he simply said he's not looking and would prefer to focus on helping our daughters get married. He noted he's married but available.
Neither of us are averse to that. He's shared that as he grows the things he'd require in a wife have changed from when he first married at 19 then again at 34 yrs old. Goals have changed and matured but if something presents itself to his liking, he'll have to evaluate it himself.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi JazakAllahu khairn for reply. May Allah continue to bless you and your family .
Her eyes. Are sad.
ISLAM, when the three of you are talking please consider individual microphones.
Salamualaikum please I am in a similar situation my husband wants another wife and I don't have a problem but my problem is he intends to go into dating for a year or more before marriage..what do I do
Wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatullah,
Dating for a year? Dating is not allowed in Islam, that makes no sense. Either make the decision to marry or not marry if there is someone.
Assalamu allaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu
it's no good when you both talk at the same time!
Wa'alaikumussalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.
Wow Masha Allah Tabarakallah brove both of you specially you sister so proud of you wallahi how you took all this and you talking about so calmly 👏 🥰 💛
I went through and still going through this recently and first wife is creating so much unwanted problems and she's now saying her or me and he so stressed out and he's saying I think we need to get divorce subhannallah I'm so broken and confused bit listening to this video and the other one subhannallah where you talked about it life is more than our husband we have to focus our kids and job and friends, I feel I'm so related to Ur other video conversation I don't feel over jealousy like that and how you described the other video because of this I have been so sick but better now alhamdulillah please everyone pray for us and pray for first wife to Allah guide her and soften her heart and to Allah give strength to my husband
Ameen 💖
He is full of himself. The women are an accesory to his life. And they don't matter, indeed. She sees it, and finds reasons to be able to ignore it.
If you tell your wife beforehand, you are causing unnecessary pain multiple times. It is better to go through the hustle once.
In many cases, the person onforming his wife ended up being sobotaged by his wife and the project collapsed.
Sometimes polygamy is a necessity. Will skip the details
I have got much respect for Nazir's family. We love you for the sake of #Allah
سلام عليكم..
Lies is Haram..
Well if you have a secret life you calling work or whatever..
Its Not honest..
But if he inform his wife then he has to deal with it..
Her reaction to it..
Or why Marriage has Tabla..
Drums..
It is publicly announced much to avoid public Fitna when seeing couples in public.
Not Making Haram..
It Matters.
And children..
Not knowing they have Brothers and sisters..
Haram to Marry..
Its been some Drama movies about that..
I am living in Egypt..
wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatullah. And water is wet.
On the contrary there are two or 3 times where lying isn’t haram. One of them being Something the man tells his wife to please her. And Allah knows best
@@najahshikamaru620 hm..
Its true..
Don't know if that's the context thou.
😊
@@najahshikamaru620 how does that fit into this situation ?
Isalam encourage man to marry more than one wife. I see many brothers are married to more than one wife’s but treat them unfair. They couldn’t provide for them people are encouraging the women’s to stay in a tonic marriage.
We are adamant about being capable to marry more than one which starts with being able to provide. Starting without understanding what fairness is about is problematic.
It's unhealthy to allow a marriage to grow toxic and stay.