Polygyny is not for everyone. I don't like it for me. It was the most painful experience I've had besides losing my parents. I NEVER want to participate in Polygyny again. I would rather be alone than participate in Polygyny. It wasn't because I thought he wasn't coming back it was the fact that he chose to take a second wife after 13 years of marriage knowing how it was affecting me. He's a man, he fast for 30 days during Ramadan without having sex during the day. So I don't want to hear the sex excuse. As for the he can't get everything he wants from 1 women is crap. He did not possess everything I want in a man. All men don't want Polygyny, I'd rather have one of those. Polygyny did not benefit me in the least. He and his wife were happy while I was miserable. I can't do it. Sounds like it's all about what the man wants.
I think it's because you allowed your mind to be so. Why not direct your mind to something more reasonable and wait and see how it blooms. If it requires you to take a break, you should. It's okay not to be okay sometimes tho'. But I assure you, you'll be fine afterwards.
@@raheematoyerinde224 Not interested I tried it isn't for me. He can find other willing participants. So can I InshaAllah. Then the whole being intimate with him after knowing he was with someone else grossed me out. Major turn off she can have him.
@@adriennematthews1390 Women in Islam are always told to bear with pain while the man gets all the privileges. A woman's feelings are just useless overreacting emotions and if you do not get over them then you are at fault. Terrible ideology
The pain of sharing is having a bad day and wanting nothing more than than to cry in your husband's arms, and not being able to because he's with the other one for a few days. Deal with it. It's feeling sexually frustrated because it's been 3 days since you've seen your husband and been intimate with him, and before the new wife came you had sex daily for years. While knowing that he gets to have sex every single day if he so chooses, just with someone else. Deal with it. It's marrying young together, having 4 of his children, and being 40, and your husband marries a 25 year old and you know that he prefers her body over yours, even if he doesn't say anything, you can tell his excitement is elsewhere. Deal with it. I'm glad it's working for yall since the 1st wife was able to overcome the feelings of betrayal, neglect and abandonment, but it sounds like the women have to go through A LOT of emotional pain to come out on the other side, and he could potentially add new younger wives years later and you're going to have to go through the whole thing again. What actual pain is a man experiencing in monogamy that is worth all of this?
You explained it beautifully! I love the women coaches and I understand they’re in a good place now, however why does it seem the women are always making the sacrifices.
THAT PART! Very eloquently said. It’s something how lots of times the men’s needs/desires are put ahead of the very women they desire the most. Like really? Women go through so MUCH emotional pain when dealing with emotionally immature men, men that never learned how to be a husband and actually share their lives with women instead of collecting them for their desires. So many parents (NOT all) teach their daughters how to cook, clean, and take care of babies. To be careful with the fragile egos of men and the like. And teach their sons the importance of getting a job/starting a business and the like. Are we teaching them about the different kinds of intimacy? Are we teaching them how to have conversations using proper emotional vocabulary? For Muslims, are we teaching them the true sunnah of the prophet (SAW) who was an exemplar in relationships? Are we having honest frank & authentic conversations with the young adults in our lives about what it means to build a live with another person? If we can’t answer yes at least to that last question we’re doing our children and our community a great disservice. We have to start being honest, we have to start being open, we have to start initiating the conversation with our young people. They deserve better, we deserve better, we have to try harder. I can go on & on. But I’m going to stop here.
Thank you so much for breaking this down, it was no coincidence that I found your page. I'm new to polygyny and needed to put my mind to rest w/ the logistics of it. Peace and Blessings to you all❤️
You speak with such clarity, your views are balanced, it's refreshing listening to you! Thank you. It seems the idea and practice of polygyny is slowly catching on. So many women are desirous of the love and support of a good, mature and responsible man. We wait for the minds and hearts to open up to the idea of what seems reasonable and natural❤
Very interesting. My question is, does the man also need to be reasonable and mature and share his wife with other men? If you say no, it all sounds like a rationalization for men in power to control women as property and get all their desires without caring about the pain it causes his loved ones. To me, this is not maturity at all. It is internalized misogyny. As if women's feelings do not count as much as men's feelings.
I will do a video insha Allah (God willing) addressing this question so others can get benefit from the answer without a long post. Although we've done videos speaking about this topic and mindset in the past, it's proper to reiterate and give a clear discussion so it's easier to direct those who truly want to understand to a video solely dedicated to addressing this type of thinking. However, it may seem that you have your mind made up on what you think based on the answer I would or wouldn't give and what it may look like to you. So, are you truly asking for clarity or for sheer argument or projection?
I am a woman. I work a lot and I earn a lot. I own my own house and my own car. I earn more than most men. I agree that many men are dirty. Many men offer me sex, yet I reject them because I am more pure in my mind than they are. Many men are on a low spiritual level. I am aware of that. But I do not socialize with those men, and it is my responcibility to take care of myself spiritually to always keep myself spiritually pure. And I will never let a man who is on a lower spiritual level than me, touch me. Only a pure man is allowed to touch me. And he must prove himself! He must prove that he is pure in his mind and pure in his heart, and he must prove that he is worthy of my attention.
sister, have you ever experienced unfairness between you and your sister wife? if so how did that feel? and how were you able to handle the situation and speak on it?
Jealousy is natural. Who can be better than our Mother 'Aisha , may Allaah be pleased with her? Accepting to share doesn't mean that there won't be any jealousy.
Gurl I don’t agree with your statement that what men want one woman can’t provide … now I’m not against what u do ,., it’s your choice but don’t play God or the creator.. I’m not suppose to b all for the man.. God is his everything and my everything and all that lacks I do believe can b sorted through . Bless you my sister no meanness intended
No meanness taken sis. What I was speaking about, you explained in your comment about not being a person's "everything". That's what I mean. We can do much for each other, we can sort out discrepancies and compromise if desired, however we can not provide everything a man wants as one woman and vice versa for a man. We are different in how we were created so we see and handle things differently. Case in point, men have a 24 hour reproduction cycle and we have a 21-28 day. Even if we have a high sex drive as women we can't perform naturally everyday as they can. This is where compromise can come in. A man knows a woman has her cycle. May not be able to perform during her period, postpartum, etc. however he can choose to go without even though he desires to be fulfilled in that way at that time. We as women can have a great provider, awesome leader and a man who is loving, however he may not be around as much as we would like (physically or mentally) because he is providing and planning for our security but we desire more, whether it be of his time and attention and that, he can't provide as one man. We are mere humans who lack in some way at some time to someone. We can compromise but we cannot be everything or provide everything that each other wants as one individual. We are not built that way. Hope this clarifies what I meant.
Your response is is honestly dimwitted. Because you intentionally stretch the meaning of her statement to something you KNOW she doesn't mean. Women or men like you are repulsive.
11:23 I’m so blessed my husband cooks my comfort food when I have monthly period cramps instead of craving for another p[_]$$y and when I have a baby, I need him by my side to look after me for a few months. So when u say “he wants…..”, I’d say I NEED him at those phases that u mentioned when I’m in discomfort. I shouldn’t be forced to run behind children or cook with an aching waist. If he’s horny all the time.. forget about the wife, what if his grand-parents and parents r sick and ageing, will he sit by his moms or grand-moms bedside and serve her or think about “his wants”. I’d say we both should put “wants” aside and look after his mom just the way she looked after him when he was a helpless infant. Now this is called building a family, a culture. I’m just curious about the multiple sets of in-laws and grand-in-laws, will he care for them too in times of need? Equally?
Funny how you completely ignore @12:26 about men craving emotional comfort and you paint men as undisciplined and uncaring horny fools while at the same time pushing your own wants to the forefront as NEEDS. There's a reason women are known as caretakers and men as breadwinners, our roles are NOT the same, but feel free to continue thinking it is.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi doesnt ayah 4:34 translates to 'men are the caretakers and maintainers of women'... If the sister gets really ill during her period as some women do, I don't think it is fair to say it's a want to be taken care of during that time. She's clearly in a loving relationship ma sha Allah. Just as a woman should step up if her husband is struggling financially, it only makes sense that a man should chip in when his wife is struggling in the home. Isn't that what it means to be clothing for each other, to meet each other's needs and protect the other? I'm also interested in how you guys manage the responsibilities and commitments with in laws if you're open to sharing that.
@ Z M - good question, please note the ayah says men are the qawamoon of women, not that simply husbands are of a wife. The challenge I have with her statement is it wreaks of self-centeredness and completely acts as though a man only has sexual needs which is very dismissive. Note that she said if she has a child that she NEEDS him by her side for months... the issue here is that isn't practical that a husband all of a sudden stops what he has been doing to provide for the family and be by her side for months. Does he stop working, running businesses, etc? That is part of being a qawam. Where we're from, a mother usually gets several weeks of maternity leave but the father still must provide financially. Maybe it's this type of thinking that causes marriages to have a 36% satisfaction rate after the birth of a first child? (According to longitudinal study by Gottman institute). Traditionally a husband does add more responsibilities as a new father however there are more helpful people whether it's the new grandma, aunties, sisters, etc who offer to help as well. Let's not act as though the support system is only the husband here. You are correct that if someone is seriously ill or in need the other spouse should step up, no disagreement here except that isn't what she said, she made it all about her wants and needs where he has no choice but to serve her and only simple men who have uncontrollable lusts and desires and want another piece of pu$[_]y would do different. See the issue?
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi where I am from, it is not normal to expect people from outside of the couple to help in the home. Other relatives might help occasionally but it isn't expected or something you automatically can rely on. Men here get around a month off for paternity leave or they can opt to share out the maternity leave and get 6 months each. Fathers don't stop working outside of this, they come home and help out to give the new mum a break since she's still recovering from pregnancy and labour, in addition to breastfeeding, post-natal bleeding and looking after the baby. I don't think it is fair to strictly follow data that is collected from non muslim societies, they function as families entirely differently. They don't have Salah or Quran or the guidance in regards to character and behaviour. There are a lot of things I've seen non muslim families do that damages them and would never be the sort to occur in a practising muslim household.
Where we're from, family is suppose to be family and a woman giving birth does not mean she is now fully incapacitated and her husband stops everything and takes up the role of stay at home caregiver for his wife who is a mother, new or not. Ask single mothers or wives whose husbands are surgeons, truck drivers, or firefighters. Others can pretend and live in the land of make believe if they want to, that's fully a person's right, but when they choose to not delude themselves, we're here understanding gender roles and reality, because we are not afraid to discuss it. Seems the real issue that is unable to be hidden in the comme ts thus far is the problem you actually have with polygyny. It's as if somehow humans think they know better than the One who created them. Do we not know Allah knows how He created women and their needs regarding childbirth, monthly cycles, and so on yet still allows polygyny?!? It's almost like we think we can negate something because of how we feel, we may need to revisit the definition of submission and direct it towards Islam which is the literal definition of the word Muslim. Peace.
Sharing is Caring!!! Quiet as its kept, the SECOND WIFE always feels like a princess!!! She feels like every day is a HONEYMOON and because she’s new to the marriage the husband “REALLY PUTS HIS BEST FOOT FORWARD”!!! She feels like she is being WINED (alcohol free) and Dined at every meal. She also feels Romantically and “DEEPLY IN LOVE”with the man of her dreams on a daily basis. She will also do whatever it takes to keep “THEIR LOVE ALIVE AND POPPING”!!! Fess Up Nyla…”SECOND WIFE ROLE…IT’S DIFFERENT”!!! ENJOY 😉
You think so huh? Interestingly enough that's called a honeymoon phase which can be extended as long as the participants desire it to be by putting their best foot forward continually. Sometime we forget that this train of thought ignores that the FIRST WIFE was his First 'Princess' who had a similar honeymoon phase without the challenge of having to pause for another wife. She as well as any other wives have the opportunity to continue this bliss as long as effort is continuously put in. But i must admit that it is an oversimplification of how things are because with any human behavior over time, things change.
Sadly unless you're a married man, you actually don't have the 'experience necessary to make this type of judgment call. Many books, talks, and even movies address the idea of falling in love all over again with the same person. It isn't limited to monogamy or an unknown thing with the many miserable marriages that exist.
To be fair, trying to understand it would be similar to a man understanding a menstrual cycle or how it feels to have another human living and growing inside of you then giving birth. We don't think it's fully possible and may likely only lead to frustration and unnecessary worry.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi Not true when you're the only wife for years and he takes a second wife. If tears your whole world apart. You have no idea what the initial wife that doesn't know or doesn't want to participate goes through. Nyla, talk to me when if your husband takes a third wife. Then and only then will you know how it feels for the initial wife.
@@adriennematthews1390 I kind of agree with you. I am the first wife of my husband and we have been married for the past 13 years. He took second wife,Allah knows I have no issue with having a co wife but then there must be a bit jealousy of having to share. Especially when you need your husband sexually and he is no where to be found or when all what you both shared before,like the happy moments,jist,plays etc all reduced drastically. The second wife's won't understand this cos they are not in the first wife shoes,that's just the reality.
I don’t understand why are many people against polygamy watching these videos 🤔 if you’re so against it why are your spending time here? Go and watch videos against polygamy. This is a channel for those who came here to learn and appreciate. I’m a Buddhist and even though we don’t practice Islam we know how to respect others
I think that you made a lot of good points. The key point is emotional intelligence on all sides if all sides have this then it will diminish fear but fear comes in usually when one or more people involved is lacking emotional intelligence. So that was a really good point and so very true.
I have one honest question: Would it be the same natural to u to see him bring a 3rd or 4th wife along? Because, u see, since u r the 2nd, there was a woman there before u, that u already knew about, and i expect that "sharing" hits differently for her than u.
I have an honest answer for you, yes it would be the "same natural" for me. In fact, my co-wife and I have discussed this and we have talked about it on several occasions. You see, it's not just the position of the woman in the marriage, it's their experiences, their mindset, their personalities, behaviors that make up how they will take such a thing. "Sharing" is different for all of us. Not just initial wives in comparison with additional wives but wives in polygyny in general. There is a narrow-minded mindset that can cause limitations when things are looked at as a position thing rather than an experience thing. There are first wives who don't feel the way other first wives do in polygyny and there are first wives and additional wives who can relate to one another. I work on me and mind my marriage and I have developed a growth mindset that I teach others to have to improve their lives and marriage, regardless of their position. My clients are not just additional wives but first wives as well who want to grow and not use their position in polygyny as an excuse disguised as a reason to hold them back. Hope that answers your question. 💎~Coach Nyla
This is one very fascinating channel. True, personal mindset and life experiences make each of us to take many things differently. I still believe that there are "some" things that we all take in the exact same way, but its also true that i find it interesting to see that IT IS POSSIBLE for women to fulfill themselves in different ways than what the majority of us are used to.
I think it’s part of the husband’s responsibility to recognize his wives insecurities and provide them the needed support and reassurances. She shouldn’t go thru that alone.
Jealousy in women purely based on fertility competition. The younger the woman the more attractive from a fertility premise the more jealousy. Feelings in women are rooted in fertility competition. The pain of sharing is based on fertility competition then resource competition. None of this based upon genuine love for a Man. Its the inner working of female competition. The deal of monogamy is for a Man to eliminate a womans competition with her delivering a minimal amount of effort while possibly guaranteeing that the offspring she claims are his are actually his own. Women viciously compete with other women over trivial pursuits EVERYDAY to no ends of pettiness yet are "heartbroken" over a Man that they tolerate because He puts them into open competition to deliver strong offspring that dont grow to hate him because she loved his resources yet had no real respect for Him and his premise. Women tell the biggest lies to themselves then to their mates.
Want more if? Finance, time, accountability,etc. I live in Brooklyn NY where a large number of Muslim brothers who are not financially, emotionally capable of taking on several wives do so because it’s their right. There needs to be accountability in men’s actions. Yes… THERE ARE PREDATORS out there . Poly can be a wonderful way of life …depends on the folks involve.
Unfortunately there are predator men everywhere. And of course some of those predators use polygamy as a weapon. The prey often doesn’t know they are the prey till it’s too late. Predators go after what they perceive as weak (those that don’t have experience, kind, desperate, divorcée etc.). The irony is that the predators are always the WEAK ones. The emotionally immature, often victims of trauma themselves. It’s text book.
I don't mind sharing. Im his 1st. What bother me is. He told his family we divorced. While im still with him. Not divorced. So i feel like im the mistress. He use the The Quran to his benefit. So where to i go from here. Mind you his whole family is Muslims. From Turkey and 2nd wife is in turkey. I live in USA. He over road driver. I see him 8 days in a month. He goes to vacation 2 months. I don't argue. But I know Allah see everything. Btw 9 years. He married to her. Me 28 yrs.
I’ll rather say the pain of caring anyways because women need to be husbanded in a certain way possible and comfortable and do share the belief that it becomes a pain of sharing in some people’s experiences, for sure but bitter feelings occur in other departments of life objectively speaking ❤
It seems like women feel all of this emotional pain because they simply don't like the idea that the man they married doesn't 100% belong to them. I have yet for them to state a tangible and logical reason as to why they are feeling the pain. Is he failing to pay the bills? Failing sexually? Does he not have any love for you anymore? Anything besides not always being together? It sounds like this comes from a position of pride, the "I should be all you want and need mindset." that seems to be predominantly western.
a man will not be able to be as present for his kids if he has a second family, simple as that, there is less of his time and energy to go around, so women will be married but living life as a single parent for some moments. there’s your logic
A man is not married to his kids therefore this is a poor example. His children can go where he goes and he can see them daily depending on how he structures things. That never makes either parent a single parent, ridiculous and far reaching statement. Similarly, if a man is a surgeon, firefighter, EMT, etc... he will spend less time as well but we don't see anyone disrespecting him due to those professions...
If you think we're promoting polygyny fir every man as though he can afford it, perhaps you should watch other videos where we make it explicitly clear that men need to have their finances together, Coach Nazir goes in hard about that, consider watch what he teaches as well before assuming we promote foolish ideas.
Sister if one woman was not sufficient for him..from beginning ALLAH will give him 4 ..but our mother Hawa was only one ..your logic don't have a sense..I love you for ALLAH
Asalam alright sister, i just laugh thinking that this is what second wives think to make themselves feel less guilty for marrying someone's husband,using something and giving it back just the way you took it,lol,😂😂
Thanks for this video. I wish you guys the best of the 2 worlds. I just want to make a point. That people just keep putting up the statement against polygyny by stating.... but polygyny is not for everyone!. I really don't know where they got it in the first instance that it is. The provision for it from Islam point of view is that, it is there to use whenever a man want to, rather than go into adultery or fornication. Also that , it is for when a man wants more sex, it is not for more sex. For instance, whoever thinks not having sex in ramadan is the rule for Ramadan it is not so , u can have sex in Ramadan, but only not when u fasting, as all other periods when u have broken your fast is permissible for sex. For the women who are 'fortunate' to be with men who don't want polygyny, it is good if they find them. But not being married just because u looking for men who are not presently or may not in the future go into polygyny, and therefore remain to single, that is what islam is against. The Prophet actually said it is not of us who decide to be unmarried. It is another ball game if you never find a suitor. May Allah guide us aright.
Ass-salaamuaikum warahmatullah wabarakaatu, sister many of the things you expressed are facts. I do believe men have a innate disposition to be with many women, alhamdulillah. Allah has given men that right and some the desire to practice polygamy. In my opinion wallahu alam, polygamy can be practice without any social reasoning, for instance there are women who for the sake of wanting alone time or someone to share in the responsibility of household responsibilities choose to accept and be in a polygamous relationship. There is also the social aspect like Sara the pious wife of Ibrahim who wanted her husband to be a father and at the time could not be the means for him to do so. I do believe, wallahu alam, that men been the maintainers, providers and protectors of women, with these attributes can loving positions a women to deal with polygamy even if it is not a thing he sincerely desires. I was under the understanding that the social aspect of polygamy is the beauty in practicing polygamy, wallahu alam. Brothers and sister love each other and strives to make your spouses believe without doubt that they means a lot to you. It's hard and hurts like no other pain when the one you love has not and can not love you the way you yearn until another wife enters the picture and when you realize that you will never have that even after 27 years of effort. Alhamdulillah some of your points were helpful, jazakrillah khair.
So polygamy is all about sex?? As I understood from the Quran Allah, made it permissible during the Prophet's SAW time because there were many widowers and slave women after the wars. There is no place in the Quran that it says men can marry because of their lust. Also, many sheikhs are not for polygamy. A couple before marriage should know each other's stance on polygamy. No one knows what the future holds, however, it is a shock and unfair to the 1st wife who have a built a future with this man for 35+ years and he goes off to get a younger bride. Most men abandon their 1st wife and her children when they marry a 2nd wife. The 1st wife is abandoned because he has found a new toy. What about the men who are over 60 yrs old getting married to teenagers (who do it for financial support) as 2nd wives, what lust does he have? Thank you Allah for giving us an option, because polygamy is not for everyone.
ya ukhti, polygyny is also not all about sex; it's much more than that. case in point: the prophet saw says in sunan ibn majah 1863 "marry, for I will boast of your great numbers.” that is a HUGE benefit of polygyny; having the prophet saw boast about you is a HUGE honor. a man marrying multiple women makes it easy for us to increase the numbers of righteous muslims out in the world, and we get rewarded for all the good that they do. you pointed out that no where in the qu'ran does it say that men can marry because of their lust; however it doesn't prohibit it. because men operate on a 24 hour cycle while women operate on a 28+ day cycle, and intimacy is a right for both the wife and the husband, this makes it easier for him to satisfy his desires without thinking about/doing haram. intimacy in a marriage keeps everyone chaste, which protects the family unit in accordance with what Allah awj wants. if marrying more than one woman will keep him chaste while he also maintains keeping us as women/wives chaste, Allahu akbar. besides, if a man marries another woman solely for intimacy, he will have to face Allah awj regarding his injustice, because each wife gets equal rights, and his deliberate deficiencies are accounted by Allah awj if he isn't doing his best to be just between them. if a man's intentions with marrying a second wife is because he wants to abandon the first one and have a "new toy" then he will have to answer to Al-Baseer for making such a grave decision, so don't think that Allah awj forgets about those women that go through that. Allah awj is the Most Just, and our reward is with Him and our trust is in Him. Allah awj wouldn't legislate/allow something that doesn't have a benefit. this dunya is not the end; the goal is jannah, and in jannah i'm pretty sure we couldn't care less about these things lol. by the way i intended this with no ill will and in the gentlest manner possible (but of course you can't recognize my tone through words lol.) again, nobody is forcing polygyny on you, but it's best not to cause fitnah and shubuhaat in the comments in case someone is considering polygyny. barakAllahu feek 💕💕💕
The fact that many ladies think that sharing a man means he will love your co-wife or wives more than her is very wrong. Because even though you are legally married to him and he start being interested in having another wife you can stop him to take a second one because that it is right unless you want him to cheat on you which is completly haram in ISLAM. ALLAH IS THE MOST KNOWING AND WISE WHEN HE REVEALED THIS PERMISSION. A WOMEN CANNOT POSSESS A MAN 100%. SHARING IS CARING.THANKS FOR MAKING UNDERSTAND THIS REALITY TO OUR SISTERS. GREAT REMINDER ! MAY ALLAH REWARD YOU AND BLESS YOU POLYGYNY COUPLE.
Yes, of course. Would be the same in reverse. We can’t have more than one husband because of our anatomy. But I don’t think the pain is much different than you would feel if in reverse.
All the while you won't get him back the same because now he's emotionally invested with another person so your relationship will not be the same as before he married someone else while married to first wife
I think someone choosing to be in polygyny isn’t a matter of sharing a man or stealing someone’s man. It should be something to reflect on, especially on a man’s part if he chooses to go thus far with a woman. He chose to marry her! Educate yourself more and stop letting media influence your mindset around people’s affairs!
Oh really, even though the husband wanted to marry and has been allowed to in his religion. He could afford one and knew he could treat them well. I get how it may feel to be the first wife and your husband getting another woman. But it’s been allowed in Islam and we cannot stop them, it’s their right.
How is one woman not enough when he’s splitting time between 2 houses? So when he’s with you, he’s only with you right? So that means it’s very possible for one woman to fulfill his needs. I could see if you lived in the same house together but no. He was just bored with his wife and he will get bored with you too and branch off (if he can afford it)
Wow!🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 Your example of toddlers is blowing my mind. They are fearful of sharing because they think within themselves that they will not get back what they give away-to share. That is going to help me so very much. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. God bless the Man of the house, as well as the Wives. ✊🏿🖤💯#BlackLoveEveryday
It is so interesting how an observation can be perceived and interpreted with such vast difference. When I listened to the analogy about the toddlers, I immediately felt that it was absurd. Would most people be happy to share their toothbrush with others? The contents of their journal? To me, it is not the principle of sharing that most women object to, but rather WHAT is being shared. I would happily share my phone with someone who needed to make a call, I would share my lunch, I would share an umbrella. Sharing is not the challenge, it is the profound and tangible hardships and pain that arises from sharing a spouse specifically.
@@AnastasiaAlison I can comprehend that we would have two different viewpoints. We have two different backgrounds-which do contribute to the totality of our current viewpoints. Also (being a bit open), I would not discount or dismiss a different viewpoint. If we, being individuals, after entering partnerships/marriage would make the everyday effort to secure ourselves and listen to learn how to secure the other(s) sharing wouldn't be such an issue. Yet, we are not those Individuals. We are not secure within our own selves. We are not proficient in providing unbroken security in others. So, therefore, when encountering others who have taken the time to move towards such endeavors we may not be able to fully comprehend their actions, speech, or the simplicity of their being. Again, bringing us back to your statement of "seeing it differently".
@@Ohitishim Do you consider it truly to be a lack of security? Or a boundary? I think sharing a spouse is the issue for many, regardless of how confident a person is in themselves, it can make them feel like everything that made their relationship special, is lost. In a monogamous marriage I was the most self assured, secure version of myself I have ever been, regardless of external or internal challenges. I felt my husband and I had an unshakable fidelity. However, when you are suddenly insufficient, when you are replaced for half of the time and when you lose that connection, that exclusivity, that devotion and intimacy...I think regardless of how secure a person is, for many, they cannot accept or endure it. I believe it is a boundary that has been crossed. The relationship is now devalued. I hear over and over again that men and women are different, but I cannot believe that what I felt upon being propelled into a polygynous dynamic, was any different to how an average man would feel at having to share their spouse. Anger, betrayal, jealousy, pain, revulsion and a complete loss of faith in the relationship. Would you call a man insecure for not wanting to put up with sharing their wife, just on a primal level? So why are women labelled as such for something that is completely rational? For wanting to leave? Would you call someone insecure for not wanting to share their toothbrush? For not wishing to share their family medical history? For not wishing to share the contents of their journal? Is it insecurity or a boundary? A boundary against sharing something that is an intimacy. It comes back to my initial critique that it is not the principle of sharing that is challenging or unpalatable, but rather what we are being told to share.
@@AnastasiaAlison After reading the entirety of your reply I will say that for some the practice of Polygyny can be divisive (if it isn't practiced correctly). *I would also ask our good Brother to chime in if he sees that it is necessary to do so* Lack of security (as I spoke about) is to be applied because Polygyny is already discussed-by each marital partner. Lack of boundary is to be applied (as you spoke about) when views, thoughts, and feelings are not considered when Polygyny is discussed. Plus, if monogamy is the agreed upon standard (by both marital partners), Polygyny most definitely can be "the catalyst" for degradation of self esteem and confidence within the Marriage. But, you can also see that if the marital partners are both in agreement of the tenants of faith, and in agreement to dwell under those tenants of faith, then the introduction of an item that does fall within the practicing of that faith should have precedent over the views, thoughts, and feelings of those marital partners? You can see that, correct? If you can, then we are (once again) back to your original position: there is a difference of viewpoint.
@@Ohitishim I think that polygyny can be divisive whether it is practiced correctly or not. For example, a husband can spend an equal amount of nights with both wives, share resources equally and yet, the Quran notes that a husband cannot maintain emotional justice between his wives. So in light of that, who can blame a woman when she does not wish to participate in such a dynamic knowing that emotionally, she may no longer be fulfilled? That she may not be loved as much? Technically, the polygyny is being practiced correctly and yet, there are still irrefutable issues that for many, cannot be endured or accepted. I have absolutely no problem if couples are engaging in polygyny as consenting parties. However, it is not a tenant of faith that a wife must endure a dynamic like that against her will. Polygyny is not compulsory in Islam either. It is ultimately up to the husband as to whether he wishes to partake in that practice over the views, thoughts and feelings of his wife. But I cannot begrudge wives, such as myself, who do not wish to participate, who have a boundary against sharing their husband, and thus choose to separate/divorce.
13:10 speaking with a fork tongue aka talking out of both sides of your mouth 😂. She’s not sufficient for him. Don’t try to spare feelings now after saying all that
Polygyny is not for everyone. I don't like it for me. It was the most painful experience I've had besides losing my parents. I NEVER want to participate in Polygyny again. I would rather be alone than participate in Polygyny. It wasn't because I thought he wasn't coming back it was the fact that he chose to take a second wife after 13 years of marriage knowing how it was affecting me. He's a man, he fast for 30 days during Ramadan without having sex during the day. So I don't want to hear the sex excuse. As for the he can't get everything he wants from 1 women is crap. He did not possess everything I want in a man. All men don't want Polygyny, I'd rather have one of those. Polygyny did not benefit me in the least. He and his wife were happy while I was miserable. I can't do it. Sounds like it's all about what the man wants.
Thank you!!!!
I think it's because you allowed your mind to be so. Why not direct your mind to something more reasonable and wait and see how it blooms. If it requires you to take a break, you should. It's okay not to be okay sometimes tho'. But I assure you, you'll be fine afterwards.
Yes sister there is pain in shearing
@@raheematoyerinde224 Not interested I tried it isn't for me. He can find other willing participants. So can I InshaAllah. Then the whole being intimate with him after knowing he was with someone else grossed me out. Major turn off she can have him.
@@adriennematthews1390 Women in Islam are always told to bear with pain while the man gets all the privileges. A woman's feelings are just useless overreacting emotions and if you do not get over them then you are at fault.
Terrible ideology
The pain of sharing is having a bad day and wanting nothing more than than to cry in your husband's arms, and not being able to because he's with the other one for a few days. Deal with it.
It's feeling sexually frustrated because it's been 3 days since you've seen your husband and been intimate with him, and before the new wife came you had sex daily for years. While knowing that he gets to have sex every single day if he so chooses, just with someone else. Deal with it.
It's marrying young together, having 4 of his children, and being 40, and your husband marries a 25 year old and you know that he prefers her body over yours, even if he doesn't say anything, you can tell his excitement is elsewhere. Deal with it.
I'm glad it's working for yall since the 1st wife was able to overcome the feelings of betrayal, neglect and abandonment, but it sounds like the women have to go through A LOT of emotional pain to come out on the other side, and he could potentially add new younger wives years later and you're going to have to go through the whole thing again.
What actual pain is a man experiencing in monogamy that is worth all of this?
You explained it beautifully! I love the women coaches and I understand they’re in a good place now, however why does it seem the women are always making the sacrifices.
@@gwenlandry3625 because there are so many of y’all free (meaning not in jail) and single
oppression olympics
i can feel your pain and not deserve equal pain myself
THAT PART! Very eloquently said. It’s something how lots of times the men’s needs/desires are put ahead of the very women they desire the most. Like really?
Women go through so MUCH emotional pain when dealing with emotionally immature men, men that never learned how to be a husband and actually share their lives with women instead of collecting them for their desires.
So many parents (NOT all) teach their daughters how to cook, clean, and take care of babies. To be careful with the fragile egos of men and the like. And teach their sons the importance of getting a job/starting a business and the like. Are we teaching them about the different kinds of intimacy? Are we teaching them how to have conversations using proper emotional vocabulary? For Muslims, are we teaching them the true sunnah of the prophet (SAW) who was an exemplar in relationships? Are we having honest frank & authentic conversations with the young adults in our lives about what it means to build a live with another person? If we can’t answer yes at least to that last question we’re doing our children and our community a great disservice. We have to start being honest, we have to start being open, we have to start initiating the conversation with our young people. They deserve better, we deserve better, we have to try harder.
I can go on & on. But I’m going to stop here.
Thank you so much for breaking this down, it was no coincidence that I found your page. I'm new to polygyny and needed to put my mind to rest w/ the logistics of it. Peace and Blessings to you all❤️
You speak with such clarity, your views are balanced, it's refreshing listening to you! Thank you. It seems the idea and practice of polygyny is slowly catching on. So many women are desirous of the love and support of a good, mature and responsible man. We wait for the minds and hearts to open up to the idea of what seems reasonable and natural❤
Very interesting. My question is, does the man also need to be reasonable and mature and share his wife with other men? If you say no, it all sounds like a rationalization for men in power to control women as property and get all their desires without caring about the pain it causes his loved ones. To me, this is not maturity at all. It is internalized misogyny. As if women's feelings do not count as much as men's feelings.
I will do a video insha Allah (God willing) addressing this question so others can get benefit from the answer without a long post.
Although we've done videos speaking about this topic and mindset in the past, it's proper to reiterate and give a clear discussion so it's easier to direct those who truly want to understand to a video solely dedicated to addressing this type of thinking. However, it may seem that you have your mind made up on what you think based on the answer I would or wouldn't give and what it may look like to you. So, are you truly asking for clarity or for sheer argument or projection?
You ladies are very inspiring for those ladies who are co wives. So mature
Is this Akani?
Sharing is caring
I am a woman. I work a lot and I earn a lot. I own my own house and my own car. I earn more than most men. I agree that many men are dirty. Many men offer me sex, yet I reject them because I am more pure in my mind than they are. Many men are on a low spiritual level. I am aware of that. But I do not socialize with those men, and it is my responcibility to take care of myself spiritually to always keep myself spiritually pure. And I will never let a man who is on a lower spiritual level than me, touch me. Only a pure man is allowed to touch me. And he must prove himself! He must prove that he is pure in his mind and pure in his heart, and he must prove that he is worthy of my attention.
I love this ☺️
Why does that have to with being physically pure, not sleeping around. And marriage, what is that to do with this video on polygamy.
sister, have you ever experienced unfairness between you and your sister wife? if so how did that feel? and how were you able to handle the situation and speak on it?
Right
we all have that paranoid fear of pain that needs healing
Jealousy is natural. Who can be better than our Mother 'Aisha , may Allaah be pleased with her? Accepting to share doesn't mean that there won't be any jealousy.
Exactly!!
Ofcourse there will. But she didn’t stop him either, because she couldn’t. It was his right. And he didn’t need her permission.
Just love your content.. real uncensored conversation♥️
Gurl I don’t agree with your statement that what men want one woman can’t provide … now I’m not against what u do ,., it’s your choice but don’t play God or the creator.. I’m not suppose to b all for the man.. God is his everything and my everything and all that lacks I do believe can b sorted through . Bless you my sister no meanness intended
No meanness taken sis. What I was speaking about, you explained in your comment about not being a person's "everything". That's what I mean. We can do much for each other, we can sort out discrepancies and compromise if desired, however we can not provide everything a man wants as one woman and vice versa for a man. We are different in how we were created so we see and handle things differently.
Case in point, men have a 24 hour reproduction cycle and we have a 21-28 day. Even if we have a high sex drive as women we can't perform naturally everyday as they can. This is where compromise can come in. A man knows a woman has her cycle. May not be able to perform during her period, postpartum, etc. however he can choose to go without even though he desires to be fulfilled in that way at that time. We as women can have a great provider, awesome leader and a man who is loving, however he may not be around as much as we would like (physically or mentally) because he is providing and planning for our security but we desire more, whether it be of his time and attention and that, he can't provide as one man. We are mere humans who lack in some way at some time to someone.
We can compromise but we cannot be everything or provide everything that each other wants as one individual. We are not built that way. Hope this clarifies what I meant.
Your response is is honestly dimwitted. Because you intentionally stretch the meaning of her statement to something you KNOW she doesn't mean. Women or men like you are repulsive.
11:23 I’m so blessed my husband cooks my comfort food when I have monthly period cramps instead of craving for another p[_]$$y and when I have a baby, I need him by my side to look after me for a few months.
So when u say “he wants…..”, I’d say I NEED him at those phases that u mentioned when I’m in discomfort. I shouldn’t be forced to run behind children or cook with an aching waist.
If he’s horny all the time.. forget about the wife, what if his grand-parents and parents r sick and ageing, will he sit by his moms or grand-moms bedside and serve her or think about “his wants”. I’d say we both should put “wants” aside and look after his mom just the way she looked after him when he was a helpless infant. Now this is called building a family, a culture.
I’m just curious about the multiple sets of in-laws and grand-in-laws, will he care for them too in times of need? Equally?
Funny how you completely ignore @12:26 about men craving emotional comfort and you paint men as undisciplined and uncaring horny fools while at the same time pushing your own wants to the forefront as NEEDS. There's a reason women are known as caretakers and men as breadwinners, our roles are NOT the same, but feel free to continue thinking it is.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi doesnt ayah 4:34 translates to 'men are the caretakers and maintainers of women'...
If the sister gets really ill during her period as some women do, I don't think it is fair to say it's a want to be taken care of during that time. She's clearly in a loving relationship ma sha Allah. Just as a woman should step up if her husband is struggling financially, it only makes sense that a man should chip in when his wife is struggling in the home. Isn't that what it means to be clothing for each other, to meet each other's needs and protect the other?
I'm also interested in how you guys manage the responsibilities and commitments with in laws if you're open to sharing that.
@ Z M - good question, please note the ayah says men are the qawamoon of women, not that simply husbands are of a wife.
The challenge I have with her statement is it wreaks of self-centeredness and completely acts as though a man only has sexual needs which is very dismissive.
Note that she said if she has a child that she NEEDS him by her side for months... the issue here is that isn't practical that a husband all of a sudden stops what he has been doing to provide for the family and be by her side for months. Does he stop working, running businesses, etc? That is part of being a qawam.
Where we're from, a mother usually gets several weeks of maternity leave but the father still must provide financially. Maybe it's this type of thinking that causes marriages to have a 36% satisfaction rate after the birth of a first child? (According to longitudinal study by Gottman institute).
Traditionally a husband does add more responsibilities as a new father however there are more helpful people whether it's the new grandma, aunties, sisters, etc who offer to help as well. Let's not act as though the support system is only the husband here.
You are correct that if someone is seriously ill or in need the other spouse should step up, no disagreement here except that isn't what she said, she made it all about her wants and needs where he has no choice but to serve her and only simple men who have uncontrollable lusts and desires and want another piece of pu$[_]y would do different. See the issue?
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi where I am from, it is not normal to expect people from outside of the couple to help in the home. Other relatives might help occasionally but it isn't expected or something you automatically can rely on. Men here get around a month off for paternity leave or they can opt to share out the maternity leave and get 6 months each. Fathers don't stop working outside of this, they come home and help out to give the new mum a break since she's still recovering from pregnancy and labour, in addition to breastfeeding, post-natal bleeding and looking after the baby.
I don't think it is fair to strictly follow data that is collected from non muslim societies, they function as families entirely differently. They don't have Salah or Quran or the guidance in regards to character and behaviour. There are a lot of things I've seen non muslim families do that damages them and would never be the sort to occur in a practising muslim household.
Where we're from, family is suppose to be family and a woman giving birth does not mean she is now fully incapacitated and her husband stops everything and takes up the role of stay at home caregiver for his wife who is a mother, new or not. Ask single mothers or wives whose husbands are surgeons, truck drivers, or firefighters.
Others can pretend and live in the land of make believe if they want to, that's fully a person's right, but when they choose to not delude themselves, we're here understanding gender roles and reality, because we are not afraid to discuss it.
Seems the real issue that is unable to be hidden in the comme ts thus far is the problem you actually have with polygyny.
It's as if somehow humans think they know better than the One who created them. Do we not know Allah knows how He created women and their needs regarding childbirth, monthly cycles, and so on yet still allows polygyny?!? It's almost like we think we can negate something because of how we feel, we may need to revisit the definition of submission and direct it towards Islam which is the literal definition of the word Muslim.
Peace.
Sharing is Caring!!!
Quiet as its kept, the SECOND WIFE always feels like a princess!!! She feels like every day is a HONEYMOON and because she’s new to the marriage the husband “REALLY PUTS HIS BEST FOOT FORWARD”!!! She feels like she is being WINED (alcohol free) and Dined at every meal. She also feels Romantically and “DEEPLY IN LOVE”with the man of her dreams on a daily basis. She will also do whatever it takes to keep “THEIR LOVE ALIVE AND POPPING”!!!
Fess Up Nyla…”SECOND WIFE ROLE…IT’S DIFFERENT”!!! ENJOY 😉
You think so huh? Interestingly enough that's called a honeymoon phase which can be extended as long as the participants desire it to be by putting their best foot forward continually.
Sometime we forget that this train of thought ignores that the FIRST WIFE was his First 'Princess' who had a similar honeymoon phase without the challenge of having to pause for another wife. She as well as any other wives have the opportunity to continue this bliss as long as effort is continuously put in.
But i must admit that it is an oversimplification of how things are because with any human behavior over time, things change.
Sadly unless you're a married man, you actually don't have the 'experience necessary to make this type of judgment call. Many books, talks, and even movies address the idea of falling in love all over again with the same person. It isn't limited to monogamy or an unknown thing with the many miserable marriages that exist.
To be fair, trying to understand it would be similar to a man understanding a menstrual cycle or how it feels to have another human living and growing inside of you then giving birth.
We don't think it's fully possible and may likely only lead to frustration and unnecessary worry.
@@outstandingpersonalrelationshi Not true when you're the only wife for years and he takes a second wife. If tears your whole world apart. You have no idea what the initial wife that doesn't know or doesn't want to participate goes through. Nyla, talk to me when if your husband takes a third wife. Then and only then will you know how it feels for the initial wife.
@@adriennematthews1390 I kind of agree with you. I am the first wife of my husband and we have been married for the past 13 years. He took second wife,Allah knows I have no issue with having a co wife but then there must be a bit jealousy of having to share. Especially when you need your husband sexually and he is no where to be found or when all what you both shared before,like the happy moments,jist,plays etc all reduced drastically. The second wife's won't understand this cos they are not in the first wife shoes,that's just the reality.
I don’t understand why are many people against polygamy watching these videos 🤔 if you’re so against it why are your spending time here? Go and watch videos against polygamy. This is a channel for those who came here to learn and appreciate.
I’m a Buddhist and even though we don’t practice Islam we know how to respect others
We are some full of excuses, what about doing what the Most High say to do as women & men.
All good points. The honesty!
I think that you made a lot of good points. The key point is emotional intelligence on all sides if all sides have this then it will diminish fear but fear comes in usually when one or more people involved is lacking emotional intelligence. So that was a really good point and so very true.
True, we dont possess people... much wisdom, thank you.
Great video.
I have one honest question: Would it be the same natural to u to see him bring a 3rd or 4th wife along? Because, u see, since u r the 2nd, there was a woman there before u, that u already knew about, and i expect that "sharing" hits differently for her than u.
I have an honest answer for you, yes it would be the "same natural" for me. In fact, my co-wife and I have discussed this and we have talked about it on several occasions. You see, it's not just the position of the woman in the marriage, it's their experiences, their mindset, their personalities, behaviors that make up how they will take such a thing.
"Sharing" is different for all of us. Not just initial wives in comparison with additional wives but wives in polygyny in general.
There is a narrow-minded mindset that can cause limitations when things are looked at as a position thing rather than an experience thing. There are first wives who don't feel the way other first wives do in polygyny and there are first wives and additional wives who can relate to one another.
I work on me and mind my marriage and I have developed a growth mindset that I teach others to have to improve their lives and marriage, regardless of their position. My clients are not just additional wives but first wives as well who want to grow and not use their position in polygyny as an excuse disguised as a reason to hold them back. Hope that answers your question.
💎~Coach Nyla
@outstandingpersonalrelationshi thank u, happy for u.
This is one very fascinating channel. True, personal mindset and life experiences make each of us to take many things differently. I still believe that there are "some" things that we all take in the exact same way, but its also true that i find it interesting to see that IT IS POSSIBLE for women to fulfill themselves in different ways than what the majority of us are used to.
I think it’s part of the husband’s responsibility to recognize his wives insecurities and provide them the needed support and reassurances. She shouldn’t go thru that alone.
excellent
sharing is caring
Jealousy in women purely based on fertility competition. The younger the woman the more attractive from a fertility premise the more jealousy. Feelings in women are rooted in fertility competition. The pain of sharing is based on fertility competition then resource competition. None of this based upon genuine love for a Man. Its the inner working of female competition. The deal of monogamy is for a Man to eliminate a womans competition with her delivering a minimal amount of effort while possibly guaranteeing that the offspring she claims are his are actually his own. Women viciously compete with other women over trivial pursuits EVERYDAY to no ends of pettiness yet are "heartbroken" over a Man that they tolerate because He puts them into open competition to deliver strong offspring that dont grow to hate him because she loved his resources yet had no real respect for Him and his premise. Women tell the biggest lies to themselves then to their mates.
why don't talk about when some husbands love more one wife than the other specially
Can a wife want more???
Want more what?
Want more if? Finance, time, accountability,etc. I live in Brooklyn NY where a large number of Muslim brothers who are not financially, emotionally capable of taking on several wives do so because it’s their right. There needs to be accountability in men’s actions. Yes… THERE ARE PREDATORS out there . Poly can be a wonderful way of life …depends on the folks involve.
Sis. I was so distracted by your hijab. Beautiful! Mashaallah
I have no problem sharing hubby
I didn't know that there were predator men that practice polygamy!!! can you shed some light on it and advice women who are married to these men
Unfortunately there are predator men everywhere. And of course some of those predators use polygamy as a weapon. The prey often doesn’t know they are the prey till it’s too late. Predators go after what they perceive as weak (those that don’t have experience, kind, desperate, divorcée etc.).
The irony is that the predators are always the WEAK ones. The emotionally immature, often victims of trauma themselves. It’s text book.
Sharing is caring. Love you Sis and the entire family of outstanding personal relationship.
sensationalized folks always want to jump in the ish and swim in it when they could just smell it and move on lol
I don't mind sharing. Im his 1st. What bother me is. He told his family we divorced. While im still with him. Not divorced. So i feel like im the mistress. He use the The Quran to his benefit. So where to i go from here. Mind you his whole family is Muslims. From Turkey and 2nd wife is in turkey. I live in USA. He over road driver. I see him 8 days in a month. He goes to vacation 2 months. I don't argue. But I know Allah see everything. Btw 9 years. He married to her. Me 28 yrs.
Wow, subHanAllah, that is such despicable and cowardly behavior. You're in our duas ukhti.
SubhaaanAllah!!!!!! She needs to be protected!!!! Hit every nail on the head! Jazaakumullahu khayra Y'all!
I’ll rather say the pain of caring anyways because women need to be husbanded in a certain way possible and comfortable and do share the belief that it becomes a pain of sharing in some people’s experiences, for sure but bitter feelings occur in other departments of life objectively speaking ❤
everyone aboard better understand and love sacrifice
It seems like women feel all of this emotional pain because they simply don't like the idea that the man they married doesn't 100% belong to them. I have yet for them to state a tangible and logical reason as to why they are feeling the pain. Is he failing to pay the bills? Failing sexually? Does he not have any love for you anymore? Anything besides not always being together? It sounds like this comes from a position of pride, the "I should be all you want and need mindset." that seems to be predominantly western.
a man will not be able to be as present for his kids if he has a second family, simple as that, there is less of his time and energy to go around, so women will be married but living life as a single parent for some moments. there’s your logic
A man is not married to his kids therefore this is a poor example. His children can go where he goes and he can see them daily depending on how he structures things. That never makes either parent a single parent, ridiculous and far reaching statement.
Similarly, if a man is a surgeon, firefighter, EMT, etc... he will spend less time as well but we don't see anyone disrespecting him due to those professions...
@@Stephanie-rf2qp by your logic if my husband travels or goes to work also maybe just unavailable I am a single mom ? Let’s be serious please
If you think we're promoting polygyny fir every man as though he can afford it, perhaps you should watch other videos where we make it explicitly clear that men need to have their finances together, Coach Nazir goes in hard about that, consider watch what he teaches as well before assuming we promote foolish ideas.
Sister if one woman was not sufficient for him..from beginning ALLAH will give him 4 ..but our mother Hawa was only one ..your logic don't have a sense..I love you for ALLAH
Asalam alright sister, i just laugh thinking that this is what second wives think to make themselves feel less guilty for marrying someone's husband,using something and giving it back just the way you took it,lol,😂😂
Thanks for this video. I wish you guys the best of the 2 worlds.
I just want to make a point. That people just keep putting up the statement against polygyny by stating....
but polygyny is not for everyone!. I really don't know where they got it in the first instance that it is. The provision for it from Islam point of view is that, it is there to use whenever a man want to, rather than go into adultery or fornication. Also that , it is for when a man wants more sex, it is not for more sex. For instance, whoever thinks not having sex in ramadan is the rule for Ramadan it is not so , u can have sex in Ramadan, but only not when u fasting, as all other periods when u have broken your fast is permissible for sex.
For the women who are 'fortunate' to be with men who don't want polygyny, it is good if they find them. But not being married just because u looking for men who are not presently or may not in the future go into polygyny, and therefore remain to single, that is what islam is against. The Prophet actually said it is not of us who decide to be unmarried. It is another ball game if you never find a suitor. May Allah guide us aright.
ameen, well said sis, thank you for getting it. Saying polygyny isn't for everyone is like saying water is wet.
Alhamdullilah thank u
Ass-salaamuaikum warahmatullah wabarakaatu, sister many of the things you expressed are facts. I do believe men have a innate disposition to be with many women, alhamdulillah. Allah has given men that right and some the desire to practice polygamy. In my opinion wallahu alam, polygamy can be practice without any social reasoning, for instance there are women who for the sake of wanting alone time or someone to share in the responsibility of household responsibilities choose to accept and be in a polygamous relationship. There is also the social aspect like Sara the pious wife of Ibrahim who wanted her husband to be a father and at the time could not be the means for him to do so. I do believe, wallahu alam, that men been the maintainers, providers and protectors of women, with these attributes can loving positions a women to deal with polygamy even if it is not a thing he sincerely desires. I was under the understanding that the social aspect of polygamy is the beauty in practicing polygamy, wallahu alam. Brothers and sister love each other and strives to make your spouses believe without doubt that they means a lot to you. It's hard and hurts like no other pain when the one you love has not and can not love you the way you yearn until another wife enters the picture and when you realize that you will never have that even after 27 years of effort. Alhamdulillah some of your points were helpful, jazakrillah khair.
So polygamy is all about sex?? As I understood from the Quran Allah, made it permissible during the Prophet's SAW time because there were many widowers and slave women after the wars. There is no place in the Quran that it says men can marry because of their lust. Also, many sheikhs are not for polygamy. A couple before marriage should know each other's stance on polygamy. No one knows what the future holds, however, it is a shock and unfair to the 1st wife who have a built a future with this man for 35+ years and he goes off to get a younger bride. Most men abandon their 1st wife and her children when they marry a 2nd wife. The 1st wife is abandoned because he has found a new toy. What about the men who are over 60 yrs old getting married to teenagers (who do it for financial support) as 2nd wives, what lust does he have? Thank you Allah for giving us an option, because polygamy is not for everyone.
ya ukhti, polygyny is also not all about sex; it's much more than that. case in point: the prophet saw says in sunan ibn majah 1863 "marry, for I will boast of your great numbers.” that is a HUGE benefit of polygyny; having the prophet saw boast about you is a HUGE honor. a man marrying multiple women makes it easy for us to increase the numbers of righteous muslims out in the world, and we get rewarded for all the good that they do.
you pointed out that no where in the qu'ran does it say that men can marry because of their lust; however it doesn't prohibit it. because men operate on a 24 hour cycle while women operate on a 28+ day cycle, and intimacy is a right for both the wife and the husband, this makes it easier for him to satisfy his desires without thinking about/doing haram. intimacy in a marriage keeps everyone chaste, which protects the family unit in accordance with what Allah awj wants. if marrying more than one woman will keep him chaste while he also maintains keeping us as women/wives chaste, Allahu akbar. besides, if a man marries another woman solely for intimacy, he will have to face Allah awj regarding his injustice, because each wife gets equal rights, and his deliberate deficiencies are accounted by Allah awj if he isn't doing his best to be just between them.
if a man's intentions with marrying a second wife is because he wants to abandon the first one and have a "new toy" then he will have to answer to Al-Baseer for making such a grave decision, so don't think that Allah awj forgets about those women that go through that. Allah awj is the Most Just, and our reward is with Him and our trust is in Him.
Allah awj wouldn't legislate/allow something that doesn't have a benefit. this dunya is not the end; the goal is jannah, and in jannah i'm pretty sure we couldn't care less about these things lol. by the way i intended this with no ill will and in the gentlest manner possible (but of course you can't recognize my tone through words lol.) again, nobody is forcing polygyny on you, but it's best not to cause fitnah and shubuhaat in the comments in case someone is considering polygyny. barakAllahu feek 💕💕💕
sharing is caaring🥰🥰🥰🥰
The fact that many ladies think that sharing a man means he will love your co-wife or wives more than her is very wrong. Because even though you are legally married to him and he start being interested in having another wife you can stop him to take a second one because that it is right unless you want him to cheat on you which is completly haram in ISLAM. ALLAH IS THE MOST KNOWING AND WISE WHEN HE REVEALED THIS PERMISSION. A WOMEN CANNOT POSSESS A MAN 100%. SHARING IS CARING.THANKS FOR MAKING UNDERSTAND THIS REALITY TO OUR SISTERS. GREAT REMINDER ! MAY ALLAH REWARD YOU AND BLESS YOU POLYGYNY COUPLE.
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh my dear sister beautiful as ever mash’ Allah 👑♥️🌹💞
Truth
Oh my goodness…it’s like no matter how good/helpful the husband is the wives always feel pain…smh
Yes, of course. Would be the same in reverse. We can’t have more than one husband because of our anatomy. But I don’t think the pain is much different than you would feel if in reverse.
women are human yes
The first wife feels like it should all belong to her thats why she felt pain while seemingly not have an actual logical reason to feel pain.
As for u , u shouldn't have entered another woman's marriage, get her husband.
😂😂😂
All the while you won't get him back the same because now he's emotionally invested with another person so your relationship will not be the same as before he married someone else while married to first wife
I think someone choosing to be in polygyny isn’t a matter of sharing a man or stealing someone’s man. It should be something to reflect on, especially on a man’s part if he chooses to go thus far with a woman. He chose to marry her! Educate yourself more and stop letting media influence your mindset around people’s affairs!
Oh really, even though the husband wanted to marry and has been allowed to in his religion. He could afford one and knew he could treat them well. I get how it may feel to be the first wife and your husband getting another woman. But it’s been allowed in Islam and we cannot stop them, it’s their right.
😂👌🏾😘💞
Mental manipulation period
Elaborate, what exactly?
The husband can also withhold sex because he have another person to have sex with
How is one woman not enough when he’s splitting time between 2 houses? So when he’s with you, he’s only with you right? So that means it’s very possible for one woman to fulfill his needs. I could see if you lived in the same house together but no. He was just bored with his wife and he will get bored with you too and branch off (if he can afford it)
Wow!🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
Your example of toddlers is blowing my mind.
They are fearful of sharing because they think within themselves that they will not get back what they give away-to share.
That is going to help me so very much. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. God bless the Man of the house, as well as the Wives.
✊🏿🖤💯#BlackLoveEveryday
It is so interesting how an observation can be perceived and interpreted with such vast difference. When I listened to the analogy about the toddlers, I immediately felt that it was absurd. Would most people be happy to share their toothbrush with others? The contents of their journal? To me, it is not the principle of sharing that most women object to, but rather WHAT is being shared. I would happily share my phone with someone who needed to make a call, I would share my lunch, I would share an umbrella. Sharing is not the challenge, it is the profound and tangible hardships and pain that arises from sharing a spouse specifically.
@@AnastasiaAlison I can comprehend that we would have two different viewpoints. We have two different backgrounds-which do contribute to the totality of our current viewpoints. Also (being a bit open), I would not discount or dismiss a different viewpoint.
If we, being individuals, after entering partnerships/marriage would make the everyday effort to secure ourselves and listen to learn how to secure the other(s) sharing wouldn't be such an issue. Yet, we are not those Individuals. We are not secure within our own selves. We are not proficient in providing unbroken security in others. So, therefore, when encountering others who have taken the time to move towards such endeavors we may not be able to fully comprehend their actions, speech, or the simplicity of their being.
Again, bringing us back to your statement of "seeing it differently".
@@Ohitishim Do you consider it truly to be a lack of security? Or a boundary?
I think sharing a spouse is the issue for many, regardless of how confident a person is in themselves, it can make them feel like everything that made their relationship special, is lost. In a monogamous marriage I was the most self assured, secure version of myself I have ever been, regardless of external or internal challenges. I felt my husband and I had an unshakable fidelity. However, when you are suddenly insufficient, when you are replaced for half of the time and when you lose that connection, that exclusivity, that devotion and intimacy...I think regardless of how secure a person is, for many, they cannot accept or endure it. I believe it is a boundary that has been crossed. The relationship is now devalued.
I hear over and over again that men and women are different, but I cannot believe that what I felt upon being propelled into a polygynous dynamic, was any different to how an average man would feel at having to share their spouse. Anger, betrayal, jealousy, pain, revulsion and a complete loss of faith in the relationship. Would you call a man insecure for not wanting to put up with sharing their wife, just on a primal level? So why are women labelled as such for something that is completely rational? For wanting to leave?
Would you call someone insecure for not wanting to share their toothbrush? For not wishing to share their family medical history? For not wishing to share the contents of their journal? Is it insecurity or a boundary? A boundary against sharing something that is an intimacy.
It comes back to my initial critique that it is not the principle of sharing that is challenging or unpalatable, but rather what we are being told to share.
@@AnastasiaAlison After reading the entirety of your reply I will say that for some the practice of Polygyny can be divisive (if it isn't practiced correctly).
*I would also ask our good Brother to chime in if he sees that it is necessary to do so*
Lack of security (as I spoke about) is to be applied because Polygyny is already discussed-by each marital partner. Lack of boundary is to be applied (as you spoke about) when views, thoughts, and feelings are not considered when Polygyny is discussed. Plus, if monogamy is the agreed upon standard (by both marital partners), Polygyny most definitely can be "the catalyst" for degradation of self esteem and confidence within the Marriage.
But, you can also see that if the marital partners are both in agreement of the tenants of faith, and in agreement to dwell under those tenants of faith, then the introduction of an item that does fall within the practicing of that faith should have precedent over the views, thoughts, and feelings of those marital partners?
You can see that, correct?
If you can, then we are (once again) back to your original position: there is a difference of viewpoint.
@@Ohitishim I think that polygyny can be divisive whether it is practiced correctly or not. For example, a husband can spend an equal amount of nights with both wives, share resources equally and yet, the Quran notes that a husband cannot maintain emotional justice between his wives. So in light of that, who can blame a woman when she does not wish to participate in such a dynamic knowing that emotionally, she may no longer be fulfilled? That she may not be loved as much? Technically, the polygyny is being practiced correctly and yet, there are still irrefutable issues that for many, cannot be endured or accepted.
I have absolutely no problem if couples are engaging in polygyny as consenting parties. However, it is not a tenant of faith that a wife must endure a dynamic like that against her will. Polygyny is not compulsory in Islam either. It is ultimately up to the husband as to whether he wishes to partake in that practice over the views, thoughts and feelings of his wife. But I cannot begrudge wives, such as myself, who do not wish to participate, who have a boundary against sharing their husband, and thus choose to separate/divorce.
#sharingiscaring
13:10 speaking with a fork tongue aka talking out of both sides of your mouth 😂. She’s not sufficient for him. Don’t try to spare feelings now after saying all that
#SharingIsCaring
I love Allah, il be so glad he's with someone else so I. Hv focus 😂
one of the best video’s ! we need more of these !
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