Assuming a traditional marriage with a male breadwinner and a female home-maker -- from the perspective of the man, he gets someone to do his housework and take care of his children. From the perspective of the woman, she gets someone to foot the bill for her lifestyle.
@user-dj8ot7di3y Thank you for saying this out loud. Most of us women do not know this, as this is a well kept secret men generally don't talk about, and certainly not to their wives, GFs or SOs. And - unfortunately too - the women who do hear this - don't understand it [and in most cases refuse to believe it], because we are wired so totally differently. You said it very kindly and with a lot of restraint - I probably would have used different language to make my point to a woman. I myself have struggled with this fact for a long time - and simply hearing it or "knowing" it, doesn't make it any easier to understand or to incorporate into a working relationship. It takes an actual, daily, determined effort from both parties to keep things fresh, interesting and running smoothly. And to gently remind the other party, when things are sliding off the tracks. I appreciate you for speaking up and putting this out here for women to hear! I wish you would have posted this in the main section of the comments, instead of as an answer to someone's remark, so it's more visible for other women to see!!!
@E Okay sooo…the question is still… why get married in this first place? Because you didn’t know that it would be like that or because your desire to have kids and a family was just that strong? Why not just stay single? Or have a partner and just enjoy it? You’re right. I absolutely do not understand why people do this to themselves. I’m a 41 year old woman. No children and not married. I told my fiancé that I would accept his ring but would like to stay forever engaged. Maybe in 15-20 years if we’re still going strong, maybe we’ll do it just for fun. Make a weekend out of it. He’s okay with whatever I want as long as we’re together. We don’t have to do what society tries to program us to do. What you described is my absolute worst nightmare. For me OR my partner to feel that way. Yes, I want to be with him forever but if I’m not… then I’ll always be thankful for the time we did have. I don’t want to be trapped and I never want for him to feel that way either. I need to know that we’re together because both of us wake up every morning and choose that.
Sounds like he was only sorry because he got caught. Snaps disappear. There would be no way for her to be confident he never got pics. That’s why it’s used for sending those things to people.
I had this happen. A month later he did it again with another women who sent me screen shots. I moved out but kept trying to make it work. I wasted another year and it fell apart anyway. Just walk away girl, you are worth more.
From my understanding of Snapchat which I completely hate.... Things can be hidden and deleted. That's one of the social medias I won't let my daughter use.
@@miknmas1301 it’s just through the app. And there’s absolutely no trace of the photo at all once it’s sent. So she “checked” but there’s no possibility of ever knowing actually.
@@amendaalmonte2236 actually it depends on your settings. you can save specific messages in chat, change it so everything gets deleted immediately, or have your messages delete after a certain time period (for instance, everything gets deleted after 12 hrs). so what's even worse is that he could have made it looked like the non-nude photos/texts were there and he immediately deleted the nudes. So it looks like no nudes were sent in the first place, even though they were. its very easy to manipulate a conversation so only some messages are saved and others are deleted. She probably only saw his saved messages and the nudes were wiped as soon as they were sent.
My fiance did the same thing. Once I found out I left him so fast. Emotional cheating is still cheating. Now I am married to a wonderful man who doesn't cheat! Get out now. If you didn't catch him now he would have physically cheated. GET OUT!
@@Shay-yg7nm I caught my fiancé messaging women in a non flirty way, when I confronted him about it he said it was nothing serious and just wanted to flirt with them a little bit. This happened 2 days after he proposed to me. Would you consider it to be cheating? and is it normal do to that 2 days after proposing.
@@amina-xe7wl 10000%%%% YES!!! It's cheating. That's what happened to me too. Caught my former fiance texting another girl and he said it was nothing. It will escalate into something further I guarantee it. If you are committed to someone you don't emotionally or physically cheat! You don't flirt or text flirt with other girls. You should be his only priority but instead he's taking time away from your relationship to spend texting someone else. I know it's difficult but get out now before you get married and before he takes the emotional cheating to a physical level. You are worth more! Relationship rule #1, never be #2. 💜💜
@@Shay-yg7nm awhh thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️. I have already left, but I just wanted the opinion of someone who doesn’t know me on the whole situation. I’m sure I’ll meet someone better one day ☺️
He didn’t make a mistake. He CHOSE to betray you like the weak man he is. You can’t trust him. He’s still not taking accountability. Bu calling it a “mistake”, he’s minimizing his HUGE transgression. He’s been unfaithful. He needs to do work. Not you.
Yeah it shouldn't even be work. When I'm happy with what I got i can't be tempted. Im not put in "situations" I don't have secrets therefore I don't have to lie.
Ever since being with my husband I can't even look at other guys that way. Everyone gives me the "ick" in a way 😅 no one can even compare to the emotion and depth I feel for him. I think even if he died, I wouldn't be able to be with someone to the same depth as him
Thats not how it works. Men are visual sex driven creatures. I love my wife but I think about cheating and other women all the time. I dont do it, but ifs always there.
Yah girl - he did more than just look or text. He's working on the road, traveling every week for several days - opportunities galore. You have a much bigger problem than you assume, if you think YOU need to repair your relationship or the trust.
Wow, this women needs to learn how snap chat works. Sigh.Denial is a STRONG STRONG thing. At the end of the day,...she will likely not leave the relationship.
Interest and attraction dropped. He’s betrayed and rejected you. Marriage doesn’t have to be a life sentence. Get out while you’re still young and be happy again.
I hate it when I hear, "But he/she wasn't happy!" I'm sorry, but marriage is about commitment and being there for each other until death-- not happy! Life is hard sometimes. Only immature wimps need to be happy 24/7. Life can be a battle! So much for vows; Talk is cheap, I guess, until the next new pretty flirt comes along.
Dr. John. You are too kind. If your husband is busy looking at Snapchat then he can get a part time job. He has too much time on his hands. I bet this poor woman is a stay at home mom and doesn’t work. Sometimes men take that and use it to their advantage and excuse to cheat. Sad, very sad. You practice desire with a man like this by taking a break and spending time apart. Give him space! Work on yourself, exercise, work on you! If this was my husband, I would be moving out real quick. I love myself too much
So true, but kinda difficult to implement if she has young kids to look after. How can she move out when she has kids? Personally I believe any woman who has kids has shot themselves in the foot in terms of having power in a romantic relationship. It’s just so tough when it’s a relationship with kids involved.
This is happening to me.. I am back in school w the help of my parents and on track to have a high earning career in a few years. You have to have a good husband to be a sahm.. not these apathetic narcissists. But we have a daughter. I have daydreams of having a happy marriage with him even when I study, bc I want my daughter to have a great life. Every time I see the signs of him going down that bad road again, the dream blows up.
@@squreshi8413Instead of backbiting on him just be patience and know what makes him to be like this. He may feel that you're choosing your career over him or equal to him and that makes him insecure about your marriage life with you. Do you think choosing something over him will be fine for him? And also saying no in sex in where you're the only hope for him, do women have commonsense or they're acting like they don't?
I would like to know how she found out? And was he in love with this person. He apparently likes her and he’s probably still seeing her. He’s downplaying the relationship, it’s his issue she needs to quit internalizing it. Don’t personalize it because with you being emotional he will manipulate you and you will tell him without knowing what to say. He is still seeing her.
My husband of 28 years did the same thing 4 years ago. Only he got himself another phone I had no idea of and when I caught him. There was over 200 messages with inappropriate pics and the woman was already using the L word. Mine didn’t do anything either as they were 2000 mikes away from each other. I’m not naive though. Had they been in the sane town they would have definitely done the deed. I should have left 4 years ago is my advice.
Why do people want to try blaming the partner that is being emotionally cheated by these immoral twisted men who feel entitled to be online with other women
It ain't just men that cheat. My wife cheated and her reasoning for me getting over it was by stating that "it could have been the other way around " She just didn't believe I wouldn't cheat.
Please understand in 95% of cases it's about a feeling of entitlement. We can ALL have feelings of temptation...we can ALL rationalize... we don't have the same butterflies after 4 kids as we did on that first date. Every single one of us. Even the wife, I'm sure has had to fight that moment of temptation. It's a matter of do they make the decision to not step over the line. If they feel they need more affection, adoration at home, you NEVER fall into another's arms. That's just rationalization for your behavior. I'm sure Mr. Rationalization hadn't given her the butterflies he did on their first dates, yet she isn't sending nudes to other men.
Agreed. Every cheater inevitably gaslights the spouse they cheated on by talking about how they just weren't doing this, or they weren't doing that. Or they were too busy. Etc. You can always make an excuse in your mind. Unfortunately, too many around them also excuse their behavior rather than hold them accountable because it's become more and more acceptable/expected in our society. They say "he/she wasn't filling your needs. I would have done such and such, too", or something along those lines.
she didn't do anything wrong so there is nothing different that SHE should be doing. She is married to a man-BOY. She will ALWAYS wonder what he is doing while not in her presence which means, in spite of what she said; she does NOT trust him; NOR should she
Girl - is that ever true!!! You cracked me up, LOL. I used to find porn mags under the toilet tank lid when I was married to my first husband [who had a full blown porn/sex addiction - which of course 30 years ago I had no clue what that was!]. I feel sorry for his current wife [#4 I think] - I very much doubt he ever managed to get this under control].
Terrible advice. You can't go "all in" with someone who deceives you. You need long term proof that that person is once again trustworthy. Which, in my experience, i have never seen happen.
My husband has been texting a woman for over a year when I finally caught him he wasn’t really remorseful at all and doesn’t admit that it was inappropriate and still feels like it’s ok to make business calls which he has several times since I found out a month ago and I didn’t want him communicating with her anymore but that’s not doing to happen so I have to trust him but I don’t
The Christian answer to this problem is that the human heart is deceitful and wicked...meaning if we just followed our own feelings and lusts all of the time, it would lead down a dark path. Marriage is a beautiful thing because it helps us to put aside our heart desires and temptations and prioritize commitment to one person over feelings for others. The younger generation today has been taught that whatever feels right is right. No, God determines what is right or wrong. I'll be praying for your marriage!
I think this is as difficult or as easy as you choose to make it. It's the classic 7 year itch ( not that is a justification) that is pretty common in relationships. It's a fantasy to think that either spouse will never have attractions. You two has John said just have to get a lot more honest with either other. Rekindle that desire for each other. If he really wanted to hide it from, he could have easily. You can view it as a bump in the road along the way or make a huge deal of it.
Didnt know that about year 7-10. I can confess thats when mine got tested, pretty hard. Happy to say we made it through, better than ever! Year 11 now.
Um this guy did cross the line I don't know what John is talking about on this one. And he travels for work come on he's already cheated most likely and will do it again
San Diego!!! Girl you know it’s nearly impossible to have monogamy in SD! Does he go to Kex? Nolita Hall? Anywhere in little Italy?? Guess what he cheats!
Let him get on a motorcycle and feel “alive”. Maybe it’s me hoping a monogamous relationship can be successful but there are things that can be done to be alive as well as to speak up about how you are feeling in a relationship.
Exactly. People expect their partners to fill every void they have and it’s not realistic or fair. The ONLY person who can make you happy is you. If you need to feel “alive” then yes, get a motorcycle or a new hobby or something to be passionate about. Finding someone new to fill those things will just end the same way over and over again. You’ll never truly be happy and you’ll have hurt a lot of people along the way. These people need to grow up. It’s that simple.
Sad situation! Why? Because if there is a human being that clearly wants more than a friendship, one should know how 2 close that damn door on them asap! Praying for you🙏🏼
I exposed a married creep who did this but his friends who are “fathers and protectors” (lmfao) helped him gang up against me and bully me. Society fails people.
Like John, I am a Professional who has worked with situations like this for well over 30 years. I often respectfully disagree with John and this is one such case. It is nothing normal or common about someone in a good marriage/relationship developing an infatuation with someone outside the marriage. None! Such an occurrence is a HUGE red flag that something is seriously wrong and you would be wise to work on fixing it before it gets to the next level. This gal is in denial. I’d bet my next breath that her husband did have sex with this woman and countless others as he travels for work. John should have advised her to get out.
Poor thing, of course she WANTS to trust him. No one WANTS her trust broken, no one WANTS the family to split. But, there has to be boundaries and you have to be able to respect yourself enough DESPITE being in love with someone. Loving someone isn't enough to stay with them.
Im 27 and he is 37 .My boyfriend of 4 years was messaging and flirting with this married girl from work. We have a 3 year old together and im just honestly lost for worlds and can't stop crying. 😢 like idk how to leave.and right now I feel so ugly and useless.
I feel bad for her. John should have corrected her when she said "i Don't want to break up our family." She didn't break up the family, he did. I agree with the advice that he provided. Too bad it takes cheating to make people sit down and have a convo about the health of their marriage. You can affair proof your relationship by NOT letting your relationship die in the first place. Stop using kids as an excuse to treat your partner like crap
Welp...good luck with the "affair proofing." My ex husband told me I was the BEST sex he ever had, we were madly in love, he was a pastor, we were still in the honeymoon stage first year or two... no big fights, no taking him for granted, I was SOOOO HAPPY and grateful to finally meet and marry a "quality, good man with morals." I worked out regularly, dressed up really nice often, made homecooked meals that brought his blood pressure down, brought in income with my business, supported him emotionally and financially when his job hours decreased. We had no children, I helped support his relationship with his 5 sons, we loved spending time together.... and this "man" had the NERVE to cheat on me with his super fat, mean, ex. I like women of all shapes and sizes but this wasn't like him doing some mega upgrading or anything. I am not perfect...but that day, I just realized I had given literally MY ALL, MY BEST, to a man who said he was deleriously happy... and then betrayed it all. I had to just be DONE trying. I have been celibate and single the last 2 years and it is peaceful. I am still kinda greiving the loss of the fantasy that you can control whether someone will betray you or not...or that you get out of a relationship what you put into it. But I don't think I have it in me to entrust any man with my life ever again. There ARE some great loyal guys out there. But I thought I had one of those super-stars, and I can't afford to risk it again. We've all made mistakes in life...but he didn't clean up his mess, or my broken heart. He just thought I should instantly be over it. If I had done that to HIM... he would NEVER have forgiven me, cuz he KNOWS deep down, how awful it is. He brought me the gift of an STD. I am DONE. I do forgive him, but I can't trust him. (Turns out he gave me more than one goid reason to dump him). Going through another heartbreak of this magnitude again would legit KILL me. No way I'd survive it again. 2 years later and I feel like I just started breathing again. It is great to trust and try in a relationship, but never give more than you can afford to lose (emotionally, financially, spiritially, or mentally), just in case.
This just happened to me! And I appreciate this advice. He’s never (to my knowledge) done anything like this. We love each other, but I can see how I created some walls. We’ve been married 36 yrs. But he took ownership of him just getting too friendly with other women and watching porn. I don’t believe he’s a cheater. But, Was obviously looking for something?? He swears to me its over and he’s giving up all of the above!! Now I know it’s not me, but more about him, I just don’t know what to do with this😮 !! But for context, he forgave me
What if you have already established boundaries and they go out and do what they want. The excuse they give you is, it wasn’t them they don’t know why they did jt. How did you move forward or get over that?
They do it because they can, because its so easy, and real life is tons of serious hard work 😓 It breaks your heart People lack a moral compass and are self centred
If someone ever says that the other person made/makes them feel alive what they're saying is their current relationship (you) is dead. Just walk away. You will never resuscitate your marriage/relationship once those words are said.
that feeling u get from cheating seems worse because what if thats the feeling that made you get with your wife lmao same reason they got together is happening again to someone else
There might not be anything wrong with their relationship, but there doesn’t sound to be *anything* fun there. Dude probably just wants *something* to happen.
It's hard when men have kids. The cool hot wife/girlfriend turns into a chunky mom with no abs anymore. If he really loved his kids he would either stay faithful or man up and divorce and take care of kids and be a dad
@@JustActNormal I’ve seen it, the guy keeps getting more attractive, works out, great with the kids, better job, more confidence, charming. Wife at home drinking box wine while the kids are at school and needs a “nap” when he comes home from work.
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
I will never understand why these cheating types ever get married. Stop wasting everyone's time and stay single
Assuming a traditional marriage with a male breadwinner and a female home-maker -- from the perspective of the man, he gets someone to do his housework and take care of his children. From the perspective of the woman, she gets someone to foot the bill for her lifestyle.
Agreed
EXACTLY!!
@user-dj8ot7di3y Thank you for saying this out loud. Most of us women do not know this, as this is a well kept secret men generally don't talk about, and certainly not to their wives, GFs or SOs. And - unfortunately too - the women who do hear this - don't understand it [and in most cases refuse to believe it], because we are wired so totally differently. You said it very kindly and with a lot of restraint - I probably would have used different language to make my point to a woman.
I myself have struggled with this fact for a long time - and simply hearing it or "knowing" it, doesn't make it any easier to understand or to incorporate into a working relationship. It takes an actual, daily, determined effort from both parties to keep things fresh, interesting and running smoothly. And to gently remind the other party, when things are sliding off the tracks. I appreciate you for speaking up and putting this out here for women to hear! I wish you would have posted this in the main section of the comments, instead of as an answer to someone's remark, so it's more visible for other women to see!!!
@E Okay sooo…the question is still… why get married in this first place? Because you didn’t know that it would be like that or because your desire to have kids and a family was just that strong? Why not just stay single? Or have a partner and just enjoy it?
You’re right. I absolutely do not understand why people do this to themselves.
I’m a 41 year old woman. No children and not married. I told my fiancé that I would accept his ring but would like to stay forever engaged. Maybe in 15-20 years if we’re still going strong, maybe we’ll do it just for fun. Make a weekend out of it. He’s okay with whatever I want as long as we’re together.
We don’t have to do what society tries to program us to do. What you described is my absolute worst nightmare. For me OR my partner to feel that way.
Yes, I want to be with him forever but if I’m not… then I’ll always be thankful for the time we did have.
I don’t want to be trapped and I never want for him to feel that way either. I need to know that we’re together because both of us wake up every morning and choose that.
Sounds like he was only sorry because he got caught. Snaps disappear. There would be no way for her to be confident he never got pics. That’s why it’s used for sending those things to people.
Snapchat????... yeaaa she sent him pictures n he sent her pictures. He is still lying .. good luck
Exactly.
@@Guitarlvr01 she said there are no pictures in there when she looked..yep..that's why they used snapchat because they disappear
@@ASouthernBoyCanSurvive yeah she just doesn’t realize how it works….
@@Guitarlvr01 yea hope she will be ok
@@ASouthernBoyCanSurvive
💯
I had this happen. A month later he did it again with another women who sent me screen shots. I moved out but kept trying to make it work. I wasted another year and it fell apart anyway. Just walk away girl, you are worth more.
From my understanding of Snapchat which I completely hate.... Things can be hidden and deleted. That's one of the social medias I won't let my daughter use.
Yes exactly! Pics delete right after seeing them.
I know nothing about Snap Chat, are messages sent thru text too? Or just thru the app.?
@@miknmas1301 it’s just through the app. And there’s absolutely no trace of the photo at all once it’s sent. So she “checked” but there’s no possibility of ever knowing actually.
He’s playing her.
@@amendaalmonte2236 actually it depends on your settings. you can save specific messages in chat, change it so everything gets deleted immediately, or have your messages delete after a certain time period (for instance, everything gets deleted after 12 hrs). so what's even worse is that he could have made it looked like the non-nude photos/texts were there and he immediately deleted the nudes. So it looks like no nudes were sent in the first place, even though they were. its very easy to manipulate a conversation so only some messages are saved and others are deleted. She probably only saw his saved messages and the nudes were wiped as soon as they were sent.
But why is it on her to repair the relationship and come up with strategies? He should’ve been making this call.
💯!
Agree completely
My fiance did the same thing. Once I found out I left him so fast. Emotional cheating is still cheating. Now I am married to a wonderful man who doesn't cheat! Get out now. If you didn't catch him now he would have physically cheated. GET OUT!
Hey can I ask you something, kinda in a similar situation
@@amina-xe7wl sure
@@Shay-yg7nm I caught my fiancé messaging women in a non flirty way, when I confronted him about it he said it was nothing serious and just wanted to flirt with them a little bit. This happened 2 days after he proposed to me. Would you consider it to be cheating? and is it normal do to that 2 days after proposing.
@@amina-xe7wl 10000%%%% YES!!! It's cheating. That's what happened to me too. Caught my former fiance texting another girl and he said it was nothing. It will escalate into something further I guarantee it. If you are committed to someone you don't emotionally or physically cheat! You don't flirt or text flirt with other girls. You should be his only priority but instead he's taking time away from your relationship to spend texting someone else. I know it's difficult but get out now before you get married and before he takes the emotional cheating to a physical level. You are worth more! Relationship rule #1, never be #2. 💜💜
@@Shay-yg7nm awhh thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️. I have already left, but I just wanted the opinion of someone who doesn’t know me on the whole situation. I’m sure I’ll meet someone better one day ☺️
It's so hard to trust again
If he wants to "feel alive", tell him to start a business 🤣🤣🤣
💯!!
😂😂😂💯
Fr
😂😂😂😂 yep!
He didn’t make a mistake. He CHOSE to betray you like the weak man he is. You can’t trust him. He’s still not taking accountability. Bu calling it a “mistake”, he’s minimizing his HUGE transgression.
He’s been unfaithful. He needs to do work. Not you.
Oh, he works away from home? He definitely cheated.
If you truly love someone you don't even think of cheating. End of story
Unfortunately the world isn’t that black and white. There’s a different between acting on something and having thoughts about it.
Yeah it shouldn't even be work. When I'm happy with what I got i can't be tempted. Im not put in "situations" I don't have secrets therefore I don't have to lie.
Ever since being with my husband I can't even look at other guys that way. Everyone gives me the "ick" in a way 😅 no one can even compare to the emotion and depth I feel for him. I think even if he died, I wouldn't be able to be with someone to the same depth as him
Thats not how it works. Men are visual sex driven creatures. I love my wife but I think about cheating and other women all the time. I dont do it, but ifs always there.
True for women, not for men. I don’t advocate for cheating, but men can absolutely love a woman and sleep with another
The ego is almost always a driving factor in infidelity. That’s why it’s super important for people to distinguish their higher self from their ego.
Could you describe a bit more what you mean by that?
Yes!! A 1000%
Infidelity is always ego thing. You can't trust a person who puts ego over family.
He didn't cross the line??
Hahaha, ok....if that's what we're going to believe. Yea, ok.
Yeah- this guy didn’t tell her the whole truth.
Do they ever tell the whole truth.
💯
Tell him to go live with the other woman. He’ll quickly rethink everything, but don’t take him back.
Yah girl - he did more than just look or text. He's working on the road, traveling every week for several days - opportunities galore. You have a much bigger problem than you assume, if you think YOU need to repair your relationship or the trust.
Mine did it, but he wasn't remorseful.. And don't forget they delete msgs too. So you don't find all the msgs..
Nope. He will do it again. He cheated on you.
Cheating is about your morals and values
Wow, this women needs to learn how snap chat works. Sigh.Denial is a STRONG STRONG thing. At the end of the day,...she will likely not leave the relationship.
Interest and attraction dropped. He’s betrayed and rejected you. Marriage doesn’t have to be a life sentence. Get out while you’re still young and be happy again.
Life is full of problems, especially when you are married. If boredom or excitement are the lures, then no one is safe!!!
I hate it when I hear, "But he/she wasn't happy!"
I'm sorry, but marriage is about commitment and being there for each other until death-- not happy! Life is hard sometimes. Only immature wimps need to be happy 24/7. Life can be a battle! So much for vows; Talk is cheap, I guess, until the next new pretty flirt comes along.
Well that’s why it’s a constant battle to keep each other’s love alive
Fucking Thank You!! Omg being happy is not the end all be all. It’s other emotions to be felt… that’s life💯
Weak narcissists
You should overall feel happy in your marriage, otherwise you might be with the wrong partner. Not an excuse for cheating of course
Don't messages get auto deleted on snapchat? He probably got those.
My thought tad well… 🤔
Yep.
She knows he did
Dr. John. You are too kind. If your husband is busy looking at Snapchat then he can get a part time job. He has too much time on his hands. I bet this poor woman is a stay at home mom and doesn’t work. Sometimes men take that and use it to their advantage and excuse to cheat. Sad, very sad. You practice desire with a man like this by taking a break and spending time apart. Give him space! Work on yourself, exercise, work on you! If this was my husband, I would be moving out real quick. I love myself too much
So true, but kinda difficult to implement if she has young kids to look after. How can she move out when she has kids? Personally I believe any woman who has kids has shot themselves in the foot in terms of having power in a romantic relationship. It’s just so tough when it’s a relationship with kids involved.
@@YourLoveNeverFails I agree 💯
This is happening to me.. I am back in school w the help of my parents and on track to have a high earning career in a few years. You have to have a good husband to be a sahm.. not these apathetic narcissists. But we have a daughter. I have daydreams of having a happy marriage with him even when I study, bc I want my daughter to have a great life. Every time I see the signs of him going down that bad road again, the dream blows up.
@@BagsNBaguettes_327 So moving away from him doesn't make you miss him and worry about his situation? Then he needs who worth him.
@@squreshi8413Instead of backbiting on him just be patience and know what makes him to be like this. He may feel that you're choosing your career over him or equal to him and that makes him insecure about your marriage life with you. Do you think choosing something over him will be fine for him? And also saying no in sex in where you're the only hope for him, do women have commonsense or they're acting like they don't?
99% sure he opened that snap chat…
The shiny new toy gets all the attention. But it doesn’t stay new forever. Eventually fresh meat gets old.
So true!
Amoebas are constantly on the move absorbing whatever they can reach.
Once burnt ,twice shy. Trust is everything if it was you,he'd be gone. Self esteem, I'd move on.
I would like to know how she found out? And was he in love with this person. He apparently likes her and he’s probably still seeing her.
He’s downplaying the relationship, it’s his issue she needs to quit internalizing it.
Don’t personalize it because with you being emotional he will manipulate you and you will tell him without knowing what to say.
He is still seeing her.
My husband of 28 years did the same thing 4 years ago. Only he got himself another phone I had no idea of and when I caught him. There was over 200 messages with inappropriate pics and the woman was already using the L word. Mine didn’t do anything either as they were 2000 mikes away from each other. I’m not naive though. Had they been in the sane town they would have definitely done the deed. I should have left 4 years ago is my advice.
@TheRoyalWe07 Unfortunately, yes.
@@truckingwithtobeeThen, find your own excitement. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
Why do people want to try blaming the partner that is being emotionally cheated by these immoral twisted men who feel entitled to be online with other women
It ain't just men that cheat. My wife cheated and her reasoning for me getting over it was by stating that "it could have been the other way around "
She just didn't believe I wouldn't cheat.
Please understand in 95% of cases it's about a feeling of entitlement. We can ALL have feelings of temptation...we can ALL rationalize... we don't have the same butterflies after 4 kids as we did on that first date. Every single one of us. Even the wife, I'm sure has had to fight that moment of temptation. It's a matter of do they make the decision to not step over the line. If they feel they need more affection, adoration at home, you NEVER fall into another's arms. That's just rationalization for your behavior. I'm sure Mr. Rationalization hadn't given her the butterflies he did on their first dates, yet she isn't sending nudes to other men.
Agreed. Every cheater inevitably gaslights the spouse they cheated on by talking about how they just weren't doing this, or they weren't doing that. Or they were too busy. Etc. You can always make an excuse in your mind.
Unfortunately, too many around them also excuse their behavior rather than hold them accountable because it's become more and more acceptable/expected in our society. They say "he/she wasn't filling your needs. I would have done such and such, too", or something along those lines.
she didn't do anything wrong so there is nothing different that SHE should be doing. She is married to a man-BOY. She will ALWAYS wonder what he is doing while not in her presence which means, in spite of what she said; she does NOT trust him; NOR should she
I wish he would just tell people to leave cheaters, they do not change.
It's always a fucking coworker.
You will never trust him again!! Leave and save yourself of a lot more heartache.
Doesn’t Snapchat pictures get automatically deleted after you see them?
That's what I said!!!
@@havuckofp haha get out of my head
If depends on how you send it. Sometimes you can save an image.
@@HereForFun98 yeah but you can save it then delete it right after, so she could of easily sent pictures without the wife knowing
@@stardarkk yeah I know this. I used to use Snapchat. I’m guessing you meant to respond to someone else on the thread.
Finally, someone who made sense of this type of situation.
The internet is like having a free subscription to every girly magazine in the world. And you don't have to find a hiding place for them.
Girl - is that ever true!!! You cracked me up, LOL. I used to find porn mags under the toilet tank lid when I was married to my first husband [who had a full blown porn/sex addiction - which of course 30 years ago I had no clue what that was!]. I feel sorry for his current wife [#4 I think] - I very much doubt he ever managed to get this under control].
@@ssiegreen5292 My mission in life is to crack people up. You made my day.
Terrible advice. You can't go "all in" with someone who deceives you. You need long term proof that that person is once again trustworthy. Which, in my experience, i have never seen happen.
If he did it once he’ll do it again
My husband has been texting a woman for over a year when I finally caught him he wasn’t really remorseful at all and doesn’t admit that it was inappropriate and still feels like it’s ok to make business calls which he has several times since I found out a month ago and I didn’t want him communicating with her anymore but that’s not doing to happen so I have to trust him but I don’t
Trust your instincts. If it smells rotten it probably is
Snapchat pics and videos get deleted after they are opened!!!!
He is remorseful he was caught.
The Christian answer to this problem is that the human heart is deceitful and wicked...meaning if we just followed our own feelings and lusts all of the time, it would lead down a dark path. Marriage is a beautiful thing because it helps us to put aside our heart desires and temptations and prioritize commitment to one person over feelings for others. The younger generation today has been taught that whatever feels right is right. No, God determines what is right or wrong. I'll be praying for your marriage!
This is a great explanation!
@@teslastream Thank you!
Amen sister!
Beautifully stated!
Can you pray for mine too, please!
Why would you stay in a relationship where you have to check your partner's phone, conversations, friends?!? Just have some self respect and gtfo.
If it was going this far its going to go further. It shows that he has the tendency to cheat.
Or that he loves her and stopped before he destroyed her and his marriage. Not all men are the same.
So glad I'm single and never had kids.
I'm telling you guys, it's the life.
The more time goes on the more being single is looking like the best choice.
I’ve never been able to “rebuild” trust with someone who has betrayed me.
I think this is as difficult or as easy as you choose to make it. It's the classic 7 year itch ( not that is a justification) that is pretty common in relationships. It's a fantasy to think that either spouse will never have attractions. You two has John said just have to get a lot more honest with either other. Rekindle that desire for each other. If he really wanted to hide it from, he could have easily. You can view it as a bump in the road along the way or make a huge deal of it.
They never change. Once a prick, always a prick.
Didnt know that about year 7-10. I can confess thats when mine got tested, pretty hard. Happy to say we made it through, better than ever! Year 11 now.
Leave him he’s gonna do it again
I agree
That man being caught, he might worked hard to protect him rather to work on relationships. It seems from her voice she has doubts.
Um this guy did cross the line I don't know what John is talking about on this one. And he travels for work come on he's already cheated most likely and will do it again
Yea I wonder about John’s advise or thinking sometimes
San Diego!!! Girl you know it’s nearly impossible to have monogamy in SD!
Does he go to Kex? Nolita Hall? Anywhere in little Italy?? Guess what he cheats!
Cheap thrills don’t fill.
I wouldn't be as calm as this woman sounds.
Let him get on a motorcycle and feel “alive”. Maybe it’s me hoping a monogamous relationship can be successful but there are things that can be done to be alive as well as to speak up about how you are feeling in a relationship.
Exactly. People expect their partners to fill every void they have and it’s not realistic or fair.
The ONLY person who can make you happy is you. If you need to feel “alive” then yes, get a motorcycle or a new hobby or something to be passionate about.
Finding someone new to fill those things will just end the same way over and over again. You’ll never truly be happy and you’ll have hurt a lot of people along the way.
These people need to grow up. It’s that simple.
Sad situation! Why? Because if there is a human being that clearly wants more than a friendship, one should know how 2 close that damn door on them asap! Praying for you🙏🏼
Nope. Next caller!
I exposed a married creep who did this but his friends who are “fathers and protectors” (lmfao) helped him gang up against me and bully me. Society fails people.
I’m married for 15 yrs then I found out 3 days ago my husband flirting with his co worker😢so sad😂
Same. And he has probably had affairs all these years.
Same here, I am so heartbroken and have no idea what to do...
@@noo8446hello how are you doing now? Why did uou end up doing?
Imagine the fun the hubby has when the wife is not around.
When you have to start doing all this to maintain a relationship, just leave.
Like John, I am a Professional who has worked with situations like this for well over 30 years. I often respectfully disagree with John and this is one such case. It is nothing normal or common about someone in a good marriage/relationship developing an infatuation with someone outside the marriage. None! Such an occurrence is a HUGE red flag that something is seriously wrong and you would be wise to work on fixing it before it gets to the next level. This gal is in denial. I’d bet my next breath that her husband did have sex with this woman and countless others as he travels for work. John should have advised her to get out.
Poor thing, of course she WANTS to trust him. No one WANTS her trust broken, no one WANTS the family to split. But, there has to be boundaries and you have to be able to respect yourself enough DESPITE being in love with someone. Loving someone isn't enough to stay with them.
Im 27 and he is 37 .My boyfriend of 4 years was messaging and flirting with this married girl from work. We have a 3 year old together and im just honestly lost for worlds and can't stop crying. 😢 like idk how to leave.and right now I feel so ugly and useless.
I wish i could leave
Definitely divorce him so he can be happy!
It's not enough
I need more
Nothing seems to satisfy
I don't want it
I just need it
To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive
I feel bad for her. John should have corrected her when she said "i Don't want to break up our family." She didn't break up the family, he did.
I agree with the advice that he provided. Too bad it takes cheating to make people sit down and have a convo about the health of their marriage.
You can affair proof your relationship by NOT letting your relationship die in the first place. Stop using kids as an excuse to treat your partner like crap
Welp...good luck with the "affair proofing." My ex husband told me I was the BEST sex he ever had, we were madly in love, he was a pastor, we were still in the honeymoon stage first year or two... no big fights, no taking him for granted, I was SOOOO HAPPY and grateful to finally meet and marry a "quality, good man with morals." I worked out regularly, dressed up really nice often, made homecooked meals that brought his blood pressure down, brought in income with my business, supported him emotionally and financially when his job hours decreased. We had no children, I helped support his relationship with his 5 sons, we loved spending time together.... and this "man" had the NERVE to cheat on me with his super fat, mean, ex.
I like women of all shapes and sizes but this wasn't like him doing some mega upgrading or anything.
I am not perfect...but that day, I just realized I had given literally MY ALL, MY BEST, to a man who said he was deleriously happy... and then betrayed it all. I had to just be DONE trying. I have been celibate and single the last 2 years and it is peaceful. I am still kinda greiving the loss of the fantasy that you can control whether someone will betray you or not...or that you get out of a relationship what you put into it. But I don't think I have it in me to entrust any man with my life ever again. There ARE some great loyal guys out there. But I thought I had one of those super-stars, and I can't afford to risk it again. We've all made mistakes in life...but he didn't clean up his mess, or my broken heart. He just thought I should instantly be over it. If I had done that to HIM... he would NEVER have forgiven me, cuz he KNOWS deep down, how awful it is. He brought me the gift of an STD. I am DONE. I do forgive him, but I can't trust him. (Turns out he gave me more than one goid reason to dump him). Going through another heartbreak of this magnitude again would legit KILL me. No way I'd survive it again. 2 years later and I feel like I just started breathing again.
It is great to trust and try in a relationship, but never give more than you can afford to lose (emotionally, financially, spiritially, or mentally), just in case.
Boy you have some biases!
Uhhh... highly doubt it stopped right at the picture line. Snapchat deletes automatically. Hes lyyyiiiinnnngggg 😬😬😬😬
Change rolls for a while let him see what it's like to be home all day with young children.
WORD
She sounds dead inside. I hope she left.
Nope! Get out now
Easy to say when it's not your family.
he said he was sorry.... that he got caught. it's over!!
Snap chat goes away not permanent so it did happen not traceable thats why folks use snapchat
Perfection always leads to exhaustion and endless evils.
What?
Oh he'll go "all in" alright 😅
poor girl has no clue has snapchat works…..
This just happened to me! And I appreciate this advice. He’s never (to my knowledge) done anything like this. We love each other, but I can see how I created some walls. We’ve been married 36 yrs. But he took ownership of him just getting too friendly with other women and watching porn. I don’t believe he’s a cheater. But, Was obviously looking for something?? He swears to me its over and he’s giving up all of the above!!
Now I know it’s not me, but more about him, I just don’t know what to do with this😮 !! But for context, he forgave me
What if you have already established boundaries and they go out and do what they want. The excuse they give you is, it wasn’t them they don’t know why they did jt. How did you move forward or get over that?
They do it because they can, because its so easy, and real life is tons of serious hard work 😓
It breaks your heart
People lack a moral compass and are self centred
What the heck! I just ran into this, Did he leave the Ramsey show to be a live therapist? I’m confused 🤔
No, he’s still with Ramsey. Most of the new Ramsey team members have their own shows in addition to the ones with Dave 😊
Thanks Shanelle, wasn’t aware.. 👍🏼👍🏼
when he is on ramsey they direct relationship calls plus financial he's always been a dr for twenty years now
I’d be curious what he “vehemently” disagrees with Esther Perel on.
Has anyone seen him address that?
leave him immediately.
Bottom line sounds like he got bored and wanted to try something new. I also believe he received pics via Snapchat.
If someone ever says that the other person made/makes them feel alive what they're saying is their current relationship (you) is dead. Just walk away. You will never resuscitate your marriage/relationship once those words are said.
that feeling u get from cheating seems worse because what if thats the feeling that made you get with your wife lmao same reason they got together is happening again to someone else
Da$% I'm good! LMBO. Its something about 7 years that men get bored in their relationship. 😂🤣
It is called "the seven year itch" for a reason
Nope nope nope
Is there a secret app she can put on his phone to track all his activities? Text, phone call logs, keystrokes, pictures even on snapchat?
Snapchat deletes texts and pictures. This is why people use it.
There might not be anything wrong with their relationship, but there doesn’t sound to be *anything* fun there.
Dude probably just wants *something* to happen.
It's hard when men have kids. The cool hot wife/girlfriend turns into a chunky mom with no abs anymore. If he really loved his kids he would either stay faithful or man up and divorce and take care of kids and be a dad
@@JustActNormal I’ve seen it, the guy keeps getting more attractive, works out, great with the kids, better job, more confidence, charming.
Wife at home drinking box wine while the kids are at school and needs a “nap” when he comes home from work.
@@deuteriumjones that's dark
Hmm I think she is sounds emotionless. And he is playing the field hard.
I love that he referenced Esther Perel. She’s brilliant!
I caught my wife texting another man from her workplace
Run for the hills.
Mansplaining men cheating.
Alive and loneliness.