“Just show up, be still, and sit with people.” This is so perfect. I often wonder what to say when friends and family are going through an impossibly hard time. I want to help but don’t feel like I have the right words at the time. This is so beautiful and so helpful. ❤ Love you Dr.John.
@@amandalynmclellan1401 just listening to them is way more powerful than words. Someone who understands or at least acknowledges them for hurting says it will be alright and your feelings matter. You matter. And if someone else is being mean or hurtful to you just keep in mind that most of the time it’s to do with what they are going through and not what you are doing.
as someone who lost her mom recently, we don’t want you to fix things for us because you can’t. we just want someone to listen to us. just sit with friends and be there for them
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
I remember the first time I heard "I believe you" from a family member when finally admitting to the absolute soul draining emotional and mental abuse I had been experiencing in my marriage for years. I hid it out of embarrassment and shame. I am strong a woman, but for whatever reason, I let him break me. I suffered in silence and was gaslit into thinking I deserved it all. Hearing the words "I believe you" meant everything to me. It validated that I was not crazy. I could not stop crying when I heard those words.
@CONeill-j8z I find it incredibly sad, but beautiful at the same time, that strangers on the Internets are kinder to each other than those who supposedly love us.
I love how he described going to the concert with his wife and how he experienced that with her which really hit the mystery button for him because he learned something new about her… so sweet.
Something like 70% of relationships that begin after a divorce will fail. People believe that leaving one relationship will instantly bring happiness. That is literally seeking external validation. The unhappiness is almost always an internal struggle, not because of the partner or the relationship. Love Dr. John!
It's really very simple, not complicated at all. People cheat because they're insecure and don't respect/love their partner. If someone truly loves someone, they would never do anything to hurt them.
@@kat-601as a woman? Men love to cheat because it’s a thrill and having comfort in a relationship, which is what almost everyone wants, is not a thrill. As a man, I would say I just like the variety when it comes to women. I have had to stop saying this to my wife. It is a non-starter and she won’t listen. So there is also censorship in marriage.
@@stk5536 no it’s a solid question: I am doing in my life what I consider to be “planning for the future me”. Meaning, a lot of my self image was screwed up in drug addiction up until a few years ago. I’m an adrenaline chaser to my own detriment, but I aim to slow myself down a little bit because I get caught up in hedonistic pleasures, and I want to be a better person, and I’m banking on being a better, more settled person who can be more giving and loving in the future. But I wasn’t ready right in the moment that the perfect woman came into my life. I want to become that better person while with her, because being single and left to my own devices I am selfish, a womanizer and stoned all the time. With her I don’t want to get stoned and am much more productive and even earning more money than I ever have. I still have these leftover feelings that I’m missing out on all these extra women, but I’m pretty sure that will go away because I know that’s not good for me and I already know where that goes, I don’t have experience of staying present in a loving relationship, that’s the great adventure for me now! The impetus that the right woman came into my life while I was womanizing told me I had to change anyway, and if I let her go I will miss out on the woman of a lifetime. My hope is that I will mature the longer I stay sober and the more I’m compelled to be a better husband. We have our setbacks and successes and she really is the best woman for me. She keeps me alive, I tell her.
@Aright231 is the closest one. Spoiler alert: How about if it is due to our genes, men are geared to spread their seed far and wide, it is in our software, all this to optimize the spread of OUR genes and not somebody else's, as for women they cheat or have always a guy in their friend zone or in their batting cage bescause of their genes as well. They screen around for the best mate they can get in order to optimize the resources provision and protection. Advise: Read about evolutionary psychology and evolutionary biology, you will be flabbergasted😅
@@JustGus469 I don’t know man. The longer and deeper I think about it, I just wanna fuck 🤷🏻♂️ I just love getting revalidated with every new girl. My drive to have a child is like third or fourth place. “Be loved” is in the top 5 and “give love in return” is like top 20. That’s my software. I chose to be married though. I couldn’t be married to anyone else, that’s all I know. My girl is terrified I will cheat. Which tells me she isn’t going anywhere. She has no friends really so I doubt she has a friendzone. I’m her top choice. Life goes on.
I grew up with anxiety,depression and IBS. The protocol at some Hospitals for anxiety attacks or panic attacks is B-12 and thiamine. Make sure your blood levels stay out of the dedicency range. The other thing I learned to deal with panick attacks is to monitor my self talk and to split the mind and speak truthfully and positive to the panicky self. It takes 20 minutes to burn the panick adrenaline so walk the block, self talk and it will calm.
My cousin just sat beside me at the visitation at funeral home.when.my.mom died. It was so comforting and its really all I remember. Just be there, you don't need to speak.
Dr. John is beyond awesome. Everything he says hits, and he is MUCH more relatable and human than so many other therapists running around the internet. ❤❤❤❤
The relationship with my boss took a complete turn when I told her I thought she wanted me out I told her I thought the work environment was toxic my feelings were all wrong but opening up the uncomfortable communication with her made a difference we talked about what we both were there to do she wanted me to do well and stay and that was all I needed to hear to stay and do well in the relationship ( this just happened yesterday) it was so uncomfortable but I’m glad I didn’t just walk out
Ooof when he said the thing about he asking his wife to make a syllubus of herself, I started tearing up. Because I had the same thought “what if my spouse doesn’t like me if he knew everything about me or all that I enjoyed”. Ugh vulnerability is scary.
Sometimes, vulnerability is scary because that might be your body signaling to pause and rethink sharing too much. In order to survive and thrive and be free from manipulation, weaponization, or exploitation, one must not bare all. Differentiation is important, couples who are too vulnerable with each other can become enmeshed or codependent. Just like with everything - the right balance is key. So, be vulnerable but not too vulnerable, that might be healthier imo.
Yes, it is scary, but not as scary as living a lie, and wondering if you’re really loved for all that you are, including the ugly and wretched parts. Your husband has wretched parts, too, so you’re well matched!! 🤣 My point is that *we all have wretched parts,* myself included. The 64K question is what type of wretch each person is- a *sincere wretch* or a *deceiving wretch?* *Sincere wretches* want a long marriage and want to grow into becoming a faithful spouse. *Deceiving wretches* go into the marriage with no intention of taking it seriously. They just go for as long as the fun and easy part lasts, then they jump ship for the next good looking “ride.” I truly believe that only God can help someone discern between a sincere wretch or a deceiving wretch. God helps a person to see the clues as to what type of wretch they are dating. Just saying! 🤷🏽♀️
Men do that as well there are some men that want to live in the honeymoon phase and then when you have children and they have to share, they don’t stick it out and ride the rough patch. It’s a process that a couple goes through. That’s been together for a long time.
I'm going through the most uncomfortable time of my life but.I can tell that it's probably the best thing to.ever.happen.to me.if.I can.just hang in there and.be strong,.I can do this! 😊
" People don't need your words, they need you to show up and be present." "Be still ". Truth ! ! Saying things like "They're in a better place" or asking you right away "will you date and get married again" and the worst. . What are you going to do now? Don't ask stupid questions because you feel the need to say something. When someone is mired in grief and saddness, just be there for them without stupid chatter or idiotic questions.It does not comfort their loss or shock.
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for her, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Great question: How do you cultivate desire for each other? Great answer: cultivate fun, mystery, excitement, and allure. My husband and I have been incorporating more fun.
On Romance, women should start HRT when in perimenopause. I'm 60, my doctor went against the medical opinions and put me on HRT at 50 in order to neuroprotect me from dementia. A couple of months ago, the 2003 study saying HRT was linked to breast cancer was debunked, and 20 years of women's care was denied for a faulty study. I swim in the ocean every day, I look 45, and my joints don't hurt. So changing women's thoughts on HRT is a game changer, and, watch TH-cam guys: how to magnetize your man, they're phenomenal for getting older sex lives like newlyweds.
This. I started HRT at 51 and it totally changed my brain. I actually recommend starting in early 40's if it is warranted. Looking back my brain started to change around age 40. Had I started then...
@@dpie Yep - my wife started changing (disconnection, lack of desire, no touch) at age 40 - went from twice a week, to once every year-year and a half and nothing for the last 8+) - she will not go see anyone about it.
Men only need a few things to be happy. Don't be loud and give it up as much as he needs and feed him. He will begin to treat you like a queen. I'm the luckiest man in the world and i'd do anything for my woman. She doesn't blame me for everything. We do anything for each other. If she doesn't feel like cooking I'll cook or bring home dinner and don't give her grief about it. But if I need loving she will give it. We never reject each other. Always keep each other happy. Ive been married for 23 years and don't plan to go anywhere and would never cheat and lose what i have.
It’s because gmos came out around the time we were born and after 20-30 years of poisoning our guts and brains are failing. Also social media I had debilitating anxiety but started eating organic and self help 10 years ago. I very rarely ever have anxiety anymore
@@lilithowl u calm down. I was in a bad relationship he cheated with everyone he met including paying for escorts. Sorry but he was putting my life at risk not to mention the mental and emotional abuse. I'm still struggling with that a year down the line. It's a horrible thing to do to someone. If u want to be single them do so don't use and abuse people
That was really powerful and so relatable. I don’t even know where those voices (aka words) come from but we get to choose if we listen to those words.
Affection, touch and sexual starvation in marriage seems to be the new adopted mindset for a lot of modern women, they simply won't take accountability for their closed off issues - this is a MAJOR cause of men simply giving up on their marriages. what do you expect when you don't kiss or make love to your husband for years or decades? If you won't make love with your husband - someone else will - eventually
It’s a two way street bro. Are you pushing all of the domestic labor on her? Are you pushing all of the mental load on her? Are you treating her like your servant instead of your wife? Does she also have to work full time? Tired don’t want to fuck. People who are used like your personal walking flesh light also don’t want to fuck you. How you treat her is going to be a direct reflection of how sexual she feels around you
But don’t forget “men suck at communication”… It’s a wild world when women preach this and then say that they gave you signs all along, while simultaneously rationalizing banging the pool boy..😅 (this could also be flipped both ways, not hating on women here but yeah)
Same goes with men. My husband was cheating on me and starved me sexually. He's now on to someone else and I'm single now about to date and he won't let me go. Don't expect out of people what you're not willing to give there are just some really terrible people out there.
That is SUCH A GOOD QUESTION because of all these talks you see: Is there any truth or validity to playing hard to get and having someone chase you? Interesting answer: Yes there is as long as you are not playing games.
Great chat. Cheating, in ALL its different forms includes one thing DR. John, that’s DECEIVING. Please address this. The lying. Betraying. AND, Once a person cheats there is a 350 per cent chance they will do it again. In the stats.
@amc3964 Yes, Deception is the operative word in all false relationships. I think that we are all deceivers on some levels. I believe that a new birth through the Holy Spirit is the only way out of the natural tendency to deceive. Otherwise, what usually happens is one person blows up the whole relationship, or the two natural deceivers just decide to settle and ask no questions, even if they suspect infidelity, they just live with it and ride it out. That’s really pitiful existence, but billions do it daily.
I really feel there is a psychological reason for it. Just what I’ve experienced being cheated on. Some type of childhood trauma, something they grew up around, mom issues or dad issues, etc. Anything to that effect can affect how one is in relationships and if they are never addressed head on, then no matter who that person is with, the patters will repeat.
Yes i am settling because i am comfortable and we have 3 kids and a farm and successful careers - we can try harder to create a better harmony together - go on family walks, make a family feast together, light the fire n watch an old pioneer movie together. Ive grown in my faith while he went the other direction and cheated but i have an ultimatum, turn it all around n try harder for the next 6 months with therapist plus pastor meetings. Forgive like Jesus, and try hard to make it work, make changes and plan future together. By 6 month if nothing has changed, go separate ways.
So I was in a 7 year relationship. My lady would constantly break up with me, sometimes once a week and sometimes several times per month. Usually broke up with me before Father’s Day, my birthday, our anniversary, 4th of July, thanksgiving and Christmas. She would say, if you go to the gym we’re over. If you go out of state without me to see your family, we’re done (although she wouldn’t be available even with months of advance notice. If she can’t or doesn’t want to go, means I can’t go or the relationship is over). Getting a haircut by anyone other than her, would cause a breakup. Again, she wasn’t always or willing to cut my hair, so I’d go get my hair cut. She’d tell me how much she hates me, call block me and then she’d come back days or weeks later. She would tell me that I don’t do anything for her, even though I paid all of her expenses for months when she got sick and kept her from going bankrupt. I paid half of her car payment for years also. As time went on she wouldn’t even answer me back when asking about how her day went. As the years went by, she would no longer hold my hand, kiss me and no intimacy. I would still open her car door, strap her in, give her a kiss and tell her that I love her up until the last day. More recently she asked me to help her have a vehicle towed away, I drove two hours late at night, met with the tow truck driver, got the vehicle loaded, and she tells to tow truck driver to unload the vehicle or she’s calling the police. This just totally blew my mind. Here I was fulfilling a commitment that I made to her, and she just wanted to set me up and make me feel like garbage.
Jeez. It is abuse. Look up on Google. Run..keep distance. Time will heal you. Get out of the abuse. She is not the only one out there. I have been through long relationships and I assure that time will heal you. You are attached..get out of this suffering
It's not anxiety - it's CARING ALOT. We aren't anxious what we don't care about. Be curious why you care so much and honor that God gave you a heart to care so much about that thing.
I get the feeling that at some point during the interview, that Dr. Delony realized that he had walked into a lioness’s den. That’s why he continuously talked about his wife. This was SUPER SMART of him. He sent the EXACT NEEDED message. Umm Hmmm!
That should tell you how good of a counselor he actually is. The way he talks makes people want to talk about things that they have or are currently going through without even knowing it.
I loved her vulnerability and openness.. and for me, the questions she asked were spot on for the relationship I’ve been in for 46 years. Very VALUABLE advice. The questions to ask yourself.. great answers because I’ve been struggling with this almost the whole time.. but never really put it into the catagorical questions..
There's no perfect relationship. Cheating is a sign of unresolved childhood issues and lacking the maturity to deal with it before damaging other people.
Note to the host: your enthusiasm, honesty, and vulnerability was appreciated. I did find myself distracted by the persistent filler words like “mhm” and “yeah.” Keep up the great work!
I'm so sorry this happened to you and your wife. Just frightening. Unfortunately, women can now be denied this life saving care because there are no docs (in some states) willing to risk their license. . .😢
Women need to think about the "elder years"...staying comfortable and in love with a loyal man will give you a partner when you're 80 years old and nobody else gives a shit about you.
I really think that all too often people leave good partners because they lack the skills needed to foster and maintain emotional connection. If you’re at a place where one or two people are indifférent, that’s why you’re there. Before leaving, I think it’s important to see if both people are willing to go to therapy and put in the work to rebuild or learn how to cultivate connection. If both people are willing and able then leaving an otherwise healthy and good relationship is foolhardy because eventually any new relationship you enter will get to the same place as the one that failed due to a lack of skills. If there is abuse or unwillingness to grow then yes, leaving would be the best option but I think we’re much to quick to move on and unfortunately I think a lot of therapists perpetuate this issue as well by not challenging their patients to examine and own their own role in a failing dynamic. Once you’ve fixed yourself and are truely bringing 100% to your relationship or marriage and you are unable to get the same effort from your partner, then leaving is a worthwhile solution. Until then, you’re just moving your problems around and not solving them.
He’s such a great guest, always keeping it real. I just realized that Dr John always wears a black or dark colored shirt. I’ve seen all his podcasts and never thought about that before. Maybe it’s just the camera angle.
The REAL reason why people cheat, is because someone helps them cheat! Imagine if *all* cheaters were told by *every* one their targets, “No, I’m not interested.” End of story!
Talk about lack of accountability, you’re responsible for your actions not people’s response to your actions. People cheat because they lack enough character to do the right thing. Simple as that, everything else is sugar coating.
@@tobi-ing When a cheater is told “No” by the cheater’s target, the cheater is being held accountable, and the one saying “No” IS taking accountability for their actions. I think we’re on the same page, but just wording it differently. All Grace to you.
Some people have no reason to cheat while some have every reason to. Some people decide for you before marriage that you don’t need sex… Divorce isn’t simple! It’s best to judge your own life!
Dr. John always matching other people’s energy. He’s so calm & quiet but we all know he’s really not 😂
Noticed that too, he is so quiet here😂
😂😂😂😂
it’s so cute i love it hahahah
This is the quietest I’ve ever seen him 😂
I love him ..!
“Just show up, be still, and sit with people.” This is so perfect. I often wonder what to say when friends and family are going through an impossibly hard time. I want to help but don’t feel like I have the right words at the time. This is so beautiful and so helpful. ❤ Love you Dr.John.
@@amandalynmclellan1401 just listening to them is way more powerful than words. Someone who understands or at least acknowledges them for hurting says it will be alright and your feelings matter. You matter. And if someone else is being mean or hurtful to you just keep in mind that most of the time it’s to do with what they are going through and not what you are doing.
This is because their trauma makes you uncomfortable.. imagine how they are feeling as it’s not about you. Ask them. How can I support you? ❤
as someone who lost her mom recently, we don’t want you to fix things for us because you can’t. we just want someone to listen to us. just sit with friends and be there for them
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
A perfect marriage is one where they stay committed and love eachother through it all❤
Dr. John is awesome. Love to see a good guy doing this work.
he's the best!
@@WellwithArielleLorreHi Arielle👋 What is the watch you are wearing in this video? I love it!
I remember the first time I heard "I believe you" from a family member when finally admitting to the absolute soul draining emotional and mental abuse I had been experiencing in my marriage for years. I hid it out of embarrassment and shame. I am strong a woman, but for whatever reason, I let him break me. I suffered in silence and was gaslit into thinking I deserved it all. Hearing the words "I believe you" meant everything to me. It validated that I was not crazy. I could not stop crying when I heard those words.
Going through the same thing
Hope your ok
@CONeill-j8z not yet, but I will be. I hope the same for you. Thank you for your kind words.
@CONeill-j8z I find it incredibly sad, but beautiful at the same time, that strangers on the Internets are kinder to each other than those who supposedly love us.
I love how he described going to the concert with his wife and how he experienced that with her which really hit the mystery button for him because he learned something new about her… so sweet.
Something like 70% of relationships that begin after a divorce will fail. People believe that leaving one relationship will instantly bring happiness. That is literally seeking external validation. The unhappiness is almost always an internal struggle, not because of the partner or the relationship. Love Dr. John!
with the exception of certain situations like abuse, infidelity or extreme alienation, though.
Love Dr. John, that man has so much wisdom. He is doing Gods work.
"Settling is about you" So profound, honestly.
He’s right keeping the mystery, compassion, fun, laughter alive.. all breed desire
It's really very simple, not complicated at all. People cheat because they're insecure and don't respect/love their partner. If someone truly loves someone, they would never do anything to hurt them.
You don't cheat because of the partner, you are using them as an excuse, you cheat because you don't love yourself.
@@kat-601as a woman? Men love to cheat because it’s a thrill and having comfort in a relationship, which is what almost everyone wants, is not a thrill. As a man, I would say I just like the variety when it comes to women. I have had to stop saying this to my wife. It is a non-starter and she won’t listen. So there is also censorship in marriage.
@@stk5536 no it’s a solid question: I am doing in my life what I consider to be “planning for the future me”. Meaning, a lot of my self image was screwed up in drug addiction up until a few years ago. I’m an adrenaline chaser to my own detriment, but I aim to slow myself down a little bit because I get caught up in hedonistic pleasures, and I want to be a better person, and I’m banking on being a better, more settled person who can be more giving and loving in the future. But I wasn’t ready right in the moment that the perfect woman came into my life. I want to become that better person while with her, because being single and left to my own devices I am selfish, a womanizer and stoned all the time. With her I don’t want to get stoned and am much more productive and even earning more money than I ever have. I still have these leftover feelings that I’m missing out on all these extra women, but I’m pretty sure that will go away because I know that’s not good for me and I already know where that goes, I don’t have experience of staying present in a loving relationship, that’s the great adventure for me now! The impetus that the right woman came into my life while I was womanizing told me I had to change anyway, and if I let her go I will miss out on the woman of a lifetime. My hope is that I will mature the longer I stay sober and the more I’m compelled to be a better husband. We have our setbacks and successes and she really is the best woman for me. She keeps me alive, I tell her.
@Aright231 is the closest one. Spoiler alert: How about if it is due to our genes, men are geared to spread their seed far and wide, it is in our software, all this to optimize the spread of OUR genes and not somebody else's, as for women they cheat or have always a guy in their friend zone or in their batting cage bescause of their genes as well. They screen around for the best mate they can get in order to optimize the resources provision and protection. Advise: Read about evolutionary psychology and evolutionary biology, you will be flabbergasted😅
@@JustGus469 I don’t know man. The longer and deeper I think about it, I just wanna fuck 🤷🏻♂️ I just love getting revalidated with every new girl. My drive to have a child is like third or fourth place. “Be loved” is in the top 5 and “give love in return” is like top 20. That’s my software. I chose to be married though. I couldn’t be married to anyone else, that’s all I know.
My girl is terrified I will cheat. Which tells me she isn’t going anywhere. She has no friends really so I doubt she has a friendzone. I’m her top choice. Life goes on.
I grew up with anxiety,depression and IBS. The protocol at some Hospitals for anxiety attacks or panic attacks is B-12 and thiamine. Make sure your blood levels stay out of the dedicency range. The other thing I learned to deal with panick attacks is to monitor my self talk and to split the mind and speak truthfully and positive to the panicky self. It takes 20 minutes to burn the panick adrenaline so walk the block, self talk and it will calm.
This was a FANTASTIC interview. I LOVE Dr. John. He is always so full of insights! ❤
Oh he's full of something 😂
Mmhmm
"I'm going to continue to try and show up in the next moment" i needed this today
My cousin just sat beside me at the visitation at funeral home.when.my.mom died. It was so comforting and its really all I remember. Just be there, you don't need to speak.
Creating a whole universe together is something I'm still looking for ❤
Dr. John is beyond awesome. Everything he says hits, and he is MUCH more relatable and human than so many other therapists running around the internet. ❤❤❤❤
Dr. Delony was an amazing guest on this show-far more amazing than most people watching will ever understand. Totally Proud of you, Man!
Dr John is simply the best. The best of the best.
I love Dr. John’s podcast and he seems like a great guy!! This was a great segment. I’m glad I found your podcast. I will start listening to it.
The relationship with my boss took a complete turn when I told her I thought she wanted me out I told her I thought the work environment was toxic my feelings were all wrong but opening up the uncomfortable communication with her made a difference we talked about what we both were there to do she wanted me to do well and stay and that was all I needed to hear to stay and do well in the relationship ( this just happened yesterday) it was so uncomfortable but I’m glad I didn’t just walk out
Your gut feeling may have been partially right. You'll never know. Just do your best.
How your feelings were wrong ? Maybe your thought but not feeligs
This sounds extremely artificially generated.. js.
@@BFku36 it wasn’t thou but you do js
@claire-ui6pu
So how are things going at that job, four months later?
DJD Is my favorite pod cast. My wife and I listen to him every morning. He is the man!!!
Ooof when he said the thing about he asking his wife to make a syllubus of herself, I started tearing up. Because I had the same thought “what if my spouse doesn’t like me if he knew everything about me or all that I enjoyed”. Ugh vulnerability is scary.
Sometimes, vulnerability is scary because that might be your body signaling to pause and rethink sharing too much. In order to survive and thrive and be free from manipulation, weaponization, or exploitation, one must not bare all. Differentiation is important, couples who are too vulnerable with each other can become enmeshed or codependent. Just like with everything - the right balance is key. So, be vulnerable but not too vulnerable, that might be healthier imo.
@@tundeterezvery insightful - thank you
Yes, it is scary, but not as scary as living a lie, and wondering if you’re really loved for all that you are, including the ugly and wretched parts. Your husband has wretched parts, too, so you’re well matched!! 🤣
My point is that *we all have wretched parts,* myself included. The 64K question is what type of wretch each person is- a *sincere wretch* or a *deceiving wretch?* *Sincere wretches* want a long marriage and want to grow into becoming a faithful spouse. *Deceiving wretches* go into the marriage with no intention of taking it seriously. They just go for as long as the fun and easy part lasts, then they jump ship for the next good looking “ride.” I truly believe that only God can help someone discern between a sincere wretch or a deceiving wretch. God helps a person to see the clues as to what type of wretch they are dating. Just saying! 🤷🏽♀️
I’ll rather be comfortable for the rest of my life with the right person. This lady is looking for someone who is perfect that honeymoon phase.
She will never find happiness. She want the honeymoon, all the time.
@@dandaniels2868from what she is saying, the interview was about her
Modern females for you
Men do that as well there are some men that want to live in the honeymoon phase and then when you have children and they have to share, they don’t stick it out and ride the rough patch. It’s a process that a couple goes through. That’s been together for a long time.
@@lauramclaine504it's not a man vs woman thing.
Love is like a flower.... hold it too tightly it will wither and die. Hold it too loosely and it will fly away....
Dr John is the best!
I'm going through the most uncomfortable time of my life but.I can tell that it's probably the best thing to.ever.happen.to me.if.I can.just hang in there and.be strong,.I can do this! 😊
Hope you are still going. All the best
@@giantfatbergyea, I'm still going!
It’s so great! Love hearing from good peoples.
" People don't need your words, they need you to show up and be present." "Be still ". Truth ! ! Saying things like "They're in a better place" or asking you right away "will you date and get married again" and the worst. . What are you going to do now? Don't ask stupid questions because you feel the need to say something. When someone is mired in grief and saddness, just be there for them without stupid chatter or idiotic questions.It does not comfort their loss or shock.
“Be a stable presence.”Wow, so insightful. Too bad families and friends don’t get this, especially with recipient’s of Narcistic abuse.
Fantastic episode please have him back and discuss topics. Loved it!!!
I have So much respect for Dr John...❤
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for her, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
In relationships the only thing we can unsure is I’m going to be there in the moment. So good.
Great question: How do you cultivate desire for each other?
Great answer: cultivate fun, mystery, excitement, and allure.
My husband and I have been incorporating more fun.
I completely agree with meeting people naturally.
Me too 🙌🏼🙌🏼
On Romance, women should start HRT when in perimenopause. I'm 60, my doctor went against the medical opinions and put me on HRT at 50 in order to neuroprotect me from dementia. A couple of months ago, the 2003 study saying HRT was linked to breast cancer was debunked, and 20 years of women's care was denied for a faulty study. I swim in the ocean every day, I look 45, and my joints don't hurt. So changing women's thoughts on HRT is a game changer, and, watch TH-cam guys: how to magnetize your man, they're phenomenal for getting older sex lives like newlyweds.
I just heard a podcast on Huberman about that
Such wise advice.
@kathleenweinstein591 tell that to my Wife. She is dedicated to doing this "naturally" It's destroying her and our marriage.
This. I started HRT at 51 and it totally changed my brain. I actually recommend starting in early 40's if it is warranted. Looking back my brain started to change around age 40. Had I started then...
@@dpie Yep - my wife started changing (disconnection, lack of desire, no touch) at age 40 - went from twice a week, to once every year-year and a half and nothing for the last 8+) - she will not go see anyone about it.
Men only need a few things to be happy. Don't be loud and give it up as much as he needs and feed him. He will begin to treat you like a queen. I'm the luckiest man in the world and i'd do anything for my woman. She doesn't blame me for everything. We do anything for each other. If she doesn't feel like cooking I'll cook or bring home dinner and don't give her grief about it. But if I need loving she will give it. We never reject each other. Always keep each other happy. Ive been married for 23 years and don't plan to go anywhere and would never cheat and lose what i have.
Sure
It’s because gmos came out around the time we were born and after 20-30 years of poisoning our guts and brains are failing. Also social media
I had debilitating anxiety but started eating organic and self help 10 years ago. I very rarely ever have anxiety anymore
Damn that’s a crazy insight. I think you might be right
I love Dr.John he knows his stuff
Once the passion and desire is gone it’s over believe me. Sad but true
very nice and thoughtful video. It's the ones that have been through a lot that are the diamonds for relationships. Keep working, keep smiling Arielle
Dr. John, I love to hear you speak. Thank you for these powerful insights. Thought provoking. Great talk!
Infidelity should be treated as a very serious crime equally for both sexes with no exceptions
Crime - lol settle down
@@lilithowl u calm down. I was in a bad relationship he cheated with everyone he met including paying for escorts. Sorry but he was putting my life at risk not to mention the mental and emotional abuse. I'm still struggling with that a year down the line. It's a horrible thing to do to someone. If u want to be single them do so don't use and abuse people
Deal breaker. Always a
Choice.
@@laurajomcnaughton853uhmmm, YOU chose him, don’t be angry at us!
Heavy agree
Awesome questions. Great job interviewing.
When a woman speaks us men just need to listen and validate whats at the root of her worries ....its that ir gonna leave her or not accept her .
I was not validated. I left
LOVED "PROTECTING AND PRACTICING" GPS.
Women feel the same way about DUTY.. I will continue as caretaker, etc etc etc.. even though they are VERY unhappy..
So do men...
That was really powerful and so relatable. I don’t even know where those voices (aka words) come from but we get to choose if we listen to those words.
Very good interview, excellent questions ! 👌
Affection, touch and sexual starvation in marriage seems to be the new adopted mindset for a lot of modern women, they simply won't take accountability for their closed off issues - this is a MAJOR cause of men simply giving up on their marriages. what do you expect when you don't kiss or make love to your husband for years or decades? If you won't make love with your husband - someone else will - eventually
It’s a two way street bro. Are you pushing all of the domestic labor on her? Are you pushing all of the mental load on her? Are you treating her like your servant instead of your wife? Does she also have to work full time? Tired don’t want to fuck. People who are used like your personal walking flesh light also don’t want to fuck you. How you treat her is going to be a direct reflection of how sexual she feels around you
But don’t forget “men suck at communication”…
It’s a wild world when women preach this and then say that they gave you signs all along, while simultaneously rationalizing banging the pool boy..😅 (this could also be flipped both ways, not hating on women here but yeah)
Same goes with men. My husband was cheating on me and starved me sexually. He's now on to someone else and I'm single now about to date and he won't let me go. Don't expect out of people what you're not willing to give there are just some really terrible people out there.
@@aprilchow-chee5281 EXACTLY!
There is often a reason for lack of desire. Could be chemical, but maybe not.
That is SUCH A GOOD QUESTION because of all these talks you see:
Is there any truth or validity to playing hard to get and having someone chase you?
Interesting answer: Yes there is as long as you are not playing games.
Great questions and answers thank you.
Great chat.
Cheating, in ALL its different forms includes one thing DR. John, that’s DECEIVING.
Please address this. The lying. Betraying.
AND, Once a person cheats there is a 350 per cent chance they will do it again.
In the stats.
@amc3964 Yes, Deception is the operative word in all false relationships. I think that we are all deceivers on some levels. I believe that a new birth through the Holy Spirit is the only way out of the natural tendency to deceive. Otherwise, what usually happens is one person blows up the whole relationship, or the two natural deceivers just decide to settle and ask no questions, even if they suspect infidelity, they just live with it and ride it out. That’s really pitiful existence, but billions do it daily.
I really feel there is a psychological reason for it. Just what I’ve experienced being cheated on. Some type of childhood trauma, something they grew up around, mom issues or dad issues, etc. Anything to that effect can affect how one is in relationships and if they are never addressed head on, then no matter who that person is with, the patters will repeat.
WOW!! Great answer on the cheating. Nice how he talked about the levels.
Dr. D is the best 🎉
WOW!!! So good.
Yes i am settling because i am comfortable and we have 3 kids and a farm and successful careers - we can try harder to create a better harmony together - go on family walks, make a family feast together, light the fire n watch an old pioneer movie together. Ive grown in my faith while he went the other direction and cheated but i have an ultimatum, turn it all around n try harder for the next 6 months with therapist plus pastor meetings. Forgive like Jesus, and try hard to make it work, make changes and plan future together. By 6 month if nothing has changed, go separate ways.
The line of questioning was excellent
So I was in a 7 year relationship. My lady would constantly break up with me, sometimes once a week and sometimes several times per month. Usually broke up with me before Father’s Day, my birthday, our anniversary, 4th of July, thanksgiving and Christmas.
She would say, if you go to the gym we’re over. If you go out of state without me to see your family, we’re done (although she wouldn’t be available even with months of advance notice. If she can’t or doesn’t want to go, means I can’t go or the relationship is over).
Getting a haircut by anyone other than her, would cause a breakup. Again, she wasn’t always or willing to cut my hair, so I’d go get my hair cut. She’d tell me how much she hates me, call block me and then she’d come back days or weeks later. She would tell me that I don’t do anything for her, even though I paid all of her expenses for months when she got sick and kept her from going bankrupt. I paid half of her car payment for years also. As time went on she wouldn’t even answer me back when asking about how her day went. As the years went by, she would no longer hold my hand, kiss me and no intimacy. I would still open her car door, strap her in, give her a kiss and tell her that I love her up until the last day.
More recently she asked me to help her have a vehicle towed away, I drove two hours late at night, met with the tow truck driver, got the vehicle loaded, and she tells to tow truck driver to unload the vehicle or she’s calling the police. This just totally blew my mind. Here I was fulfilling a commitment that I made to her, and she just wanted to set me up and make me feel like garbage.
Hope you're happier now.
Jeez. It is abuse. Look up on Google. Run..keep distance. Time will heal you. Get out of the abuse. She is not the only one out there. I have been through long relationships and I assure that time will heal you. You are attached..get out of this suffering
Did you send her to the streets yet? It sounds like you should’ve a long time ago.
Mental abuse, that’s awful. 😢
It's not anxiety - it's CARING ALOT. We aren't anxious what we don't care about. Be curious why you care so much and honor that God gave you a heart to care so much about that thing.
I get the feeling that at some point during the interview, that Dr. Delony realized that he had walked into a lioness’s den. That’s why he continuously talked about his wife. This was SUPER SMART of him. He sent the EXACT NEEDED message. Umm Hmmm!
Dr John !! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
It felt like the interview was more about her than John.
That should tell you how good of a counselor he actually is. The way he talks makes people want to talk about things that they have or are currently going through without even knowing it.
Without him there, I don’t think she should have a podcast. Maybe be Dr. John’s client. Talking publically about herself is a little cringe.
I loved her vulnerability and openness.. and for me, the questions she asked were spot on for the relationship I’ve been in for 46 years. Very VALUABLE advice. The questions to ask yourself.. great answers because I’ve been struggling with this almost the whole time.. but never really put it into the catagorical questions..
( BTW.. don’t wait 46 years to ask and ANSWER those questions..!!!!)
That’s why she’s single.
Love you Dr. John!!! 🙏🏻🩵
You help so many of us! I love how you talk about and protect your wife! This woman seems flirty with you.
Bottom line; people choose to leave or cheat. Choose to be happy without them
Divorce is a choice, not some transformative stepping-stone process for you to meet your one "true" love.
There's no perfect relationship. Cheating is a sign of unresolved childhood issues and lacking the maturity to deal with it before damaging other people.
Not necessarily. Cancer patients aren't physically able to have sex as much as before so their spouse cheats,as an example.
Very interesting 👌 👍 🤔 and very informative 👍 👌 👏
Just thank you for this video ❤
I love john..
Note to the host: your enthusiasm, honesty, and vulnerability was appreciated. I did find myself distracted by the persistent filler words like “mhm” and “yeah.” Keep up the great work!
I didn’t even notice until I read this comment 😂
I'm so sorry this happened to you and your wife. Just frightening. Unfortunately, women can now be denied this life saving care because there are no docs (in some states) willing to risk their license. . .😢
Not true
In AA it has been said that we do not take partners in relationships we take hostages😅
Settling does seem more like the person “settling” rather than the other person.
Women need to think about the "elder years"...staying comfortable and in love with a loyal man will give you a partner when you're 80 years old and nobody else gives a shit about you.
Same for men. That isn’t just a benefit for women. It’s called marriage. And family. Raising your kids then raising your grandchildren.
@Foxie770 no shit! you probably didn't listen to the pod. She's constantly seeking something new.
I googled her and her husband was 33 years older than her so he wasn't going to be there at 80.
@christiana5757 that would be considered a unique situation...that much of an age gap.
Tennessee traffic is wild in the worst way
Why people cheat? They are cowardly and selfish. The end.
Nah… there’s usually much much more involved within the marriage.
@@GotoworkkkLeave the marriage first, search out sexual partners after.
I really think that all too often people leave good partners because they lack the skills needed to foster and maintain emotional connection. If you’re at a place where one or two people are indifférent, that’s why you’re there. Before leaving, I think it’s important to see if both people are willing to go to therapy and put in the work to rebuild or learn how to cultivate connection. If both people are willing and able then leaving an otherwise healthy and good relationship is foolhardy because eventually any new relationship you enter will get to the same place as the one that failed due to a lack of skills. If there is abuse or unwillingness to grow then yes, leaving would be the best option but I think we’re much to quick to move on and unfortunately I think a lot of therapists perpetuate this issue as well by not challenging their patients to examine and own their own role in a failing dynamic. Once you’ve fixed yourself and are truely bringing 100% to your relationship or marriage and you are unable to get the same effort from your partner, then leaving is a worthwhile solution. Until then, you’re just moving your problems around and not solving them.
Looks like he forgot the bit about "I AM AN ABSOLUTE F***ING LEGEND AND I HELP MORE PEOPLE THAN I WILL EVER KNOW" off his intro... again... 😄💜
So true ❤
20:13 Be loyal to me but if I get bored I’m divorcing you lol.
“mmhmm, mmhmm, mmhmm x1,000”
How has no one addressed this with her?
Dr Johnnnn 🎉
Its so weird seeing John 8 octaves lower than he usually is.
He’s such a great guest, always keeping it real. I just realized that Dr John always wears a black or dark colored shirt. I’ve seen all his podcasts and never thought about that before. Maybe it’s just the camera angle.
Knowing your why is important.
Awesome
💓
The REAL reason why people cheat, is because someone helps them cheat! Imagine if *all* cheaters were told by *every* one their targets, “No, I’m not interested.” End of story!
Talk about lack of accountability, you’re responsible for your actions not people’s response to your actions. People cheat because they lack enough character to do the right thing. Simple as that, everything else is sugar coating.
@@tobi-ing When a cheater is told “No” by the cheater’s target, the cheater is being held accountable, and the one saying “No” IS taking accountability for their actions. I think we’re on the same page, but just wording it differently. All Grace to you.
😂 John is smitten with the host. He is never this way.
Excellent questions and a great interview, I would only say all of the interviewers "mhmms" were very distracting.
Some people have no reason to cheat while some have every reason to. Some people decide for you before marriage that you don’t need sex… Divorce isn’t simple! It’s best to judge your own life!
Stronger than ever = complete and utter denial
It's not true until it is true...
Dr John adjusting to be the interview, his voice sounds different
Love this guy!
It's unfortunate Arielle didn't meet Dr John before getting a divorce because she was bored..
She can date a lot of people based on her looks, but eventually she’ll get sick of the micro dopamine hits and will be left holding an empty sack.
Thank you
Relational ash is insightful
Sometime people cheat for the dopomine hit, sometimes because someone FINALLY pays attention to them.
True, some need to grow up and stop being so selfish and find healthy ways of getting their entitlement needs met instead of acting like crackheads.