👌More videos can be found on this topic at th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswjN2zcpIhN-HNNlLBlPlYoE.html&si=WqecsyRyerwnWfwb ❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com 👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification
I always felt weird that I kept my kids away from my nuclear family and let them hang out with their father's family, now as I have gotten older and I see the result, I am happier with my decision. My kids talk directly, state their wants and boundaries clearly and are accepting of others. My sister is currently ghosting me because I asked a direct question of her. My mother once complained my kids were rude for stating their feelings at her house once. I get it now, I don't fit in and their right, I don't want to either. It doesn't stop my pain but my kids don't have it. Addictions are a huge factor in my family and so is anti social behavior.
I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
My husband's family has extreme codependency and enmeshment - I lost myself trying to fit in and rescue my alcoholic husband who is also a covert narcissist....like his mother....so glad I am able to set healthy boundaries and detach from them...my husband and his parents are very emotionally abusive
If you only knew the magnitude of how much you’ve helped me, you’d be amazed!! I can’t thank you enough for the work you’ve done. I really do owe you 🙏🏽🙏🏽
This is one of the best videos I've seen on the topic. I've been working on myself for almost 2 years realizing that I have strong codependent tendencies. It's breaking out of this drama triangle and recognizing it for what it is,in those closest to me. The way I relate to people is so different now. It's healthier. I'm still working through all of this though.
I am glad you are on the right path and I appreciate you watching the video. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Another fantastic lecture doc. You teach important therapeutic topics that grad school does not touch and your presentation of information is excellent. Thank you so very much.
This brings so much clarity, not only to see how far I have come to love myself and break the cycle of codependency within myself, but to also recognize these behaviors and cycles in others. Thank you so much for sharing! ❤️
I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
If it was that simple but toxic family and people don't function this way. Have you heard the term intermittent reinforcement? This is the trap that abusers infringe in their victims, it is similar to love bombing and devaluation. In simple term, a family even toxic can be supportive to you one day and assist you and the next day humiliate you when you refuse to assist them just to be nice to you the day after... This confuse the brain and the addiction circle begins. Toxic families are not abusive all the time, they are days where they are supportive, kind and encouraging... As they are days where they are hurtful as hell. In the intermittent reinforcement, rats are trained to receive foods when they press the lever (perform a task expected) but eventually there come a moment where they didn't receive foods anymore instead of stopping pressing the lever, they became addicted to it to a point where they neglected themselves. This practice also functions with human beings, when victims performed as expected, the toxic family congratulate them by assisting them and when they don't behave as expected they withdraw their love and devalue the victim, this trains the victims to believe that if they do what their abuser wants they will be love and if they don't do what they want they won't be love, hence they will do all what is in their power to continue doing what their abusers wants so as to receive love.
Where does an adult get a foster family???? And one that's not worse than the original??? Good families don't recruit and why would they invite the drama into their perfect little world?
You are amazing! I thank God I found this channel so I can finally get the help I need! Self awareness is everything!! And now that I’m aware I can take action! Thank you so much for saving lives!!
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
My former therapist, I have a different one now, used to refer to this drama triangle frequently, although he never explained the theory behind the drama triangle. He referred to the parts on a regular basis, but never explained the progression. Your explanation is absolutely amazing. It appears to be the roadmap of my life. When I couldn’t rescue my significant other, I developed an addiction in order to cope with being taken for granted, and that addiction ultimately caused the end of that relationship. Thank you for laying this out and making itmake sense.
Thank you for sharing your experience so openly. It sounds like you’ve done a lot of reflection on how the dynamics of the drama triangle have impacted your life. Understanding these roles-the rescuer, victim, and persecutor-can be incredibly powerful for making sense of patterns in relationships and behaviors. I’m glad the explanation resonated with you and provided some clarity. Recognizing how we might get stuck in these roles is an important first step toward breaking free from them and finding healthier ways to relate to others and ourselves. Your insight and growth are a testament to the hard work you’ve done, even through challenging times. I’d be grateful if you were to share what you found most useful from the video. Also, if you're interested in more tips on how to overcome this or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes.
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
this is good stuff, so many same traits of a narcissist. i understand the difference. the major of the recent society jumps right to labeling someone a narcissist. thank you as there is so much confusion on these topics.
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
I had a "prince on a white horse" he was a super co-dependent. He caught me in a moment of vulnerability. but he really didn't know what he was getting into! I have recently gone from being an active, independent "hot shot" to having a severe seizure disorder, I'm disabled and can't leave home alone. He took it upon himself to fix me and then, according to him we would have this amazing relationship. He cancelled his life and went to work on mine. it wasn't just my health that was a project it was also my flat, my terrace, and my freezer! I am not someone who can handle substantial insecurity and neediness. His charming and caring warmth quickly became annoying, fussy pandering. I noticed problems and mentioned them, at first gently and kindly. His boundary-pushing was enough to destroy us on its own. I also have CPTSD and if someone pushes my boundaries the castle walls, moat and guards are up so the pusher will hurt themselves. There was this unattractive whingey, neediness that repelled me and so caused more of it. He would try and guilt trip me and it would only annoy me. It was so sad because at first, I did think he was the love of my life. I wanted a relationship with him, not a carer. I wanted him to honour himself. I needed him to advocate for himself, I wanted a bf I respect as an equal not a subserviant and I lost all respect for him. He became angry, abusive and irrational and I became cold and hard. It was an intense four months. Now I am trying to hold together this messy disentanglement and it is very hard as he fluctuates from trying to work his way into my life to being abusive and angry all while taking longer to disentangle, of course, it's exhausting and I have seizures daily!. He has been latching onto my friends which really pisses me off. I've worked years for my support network and he has been putting them in the middle of us! He wants to "be friends" even though I am very clear there is no way and I am not treating him well, not bad just very firm and direct. He misreads me and thinks I am being malicious. tells me how awful I've been and how it's my fault he did the awful things he did like drive at 45 in a 20 zone out of anger as well as insult my character and override my no. He also whinges about a sexual incident where I changed my mind and went to sleep he makes out like it was a problem. I have seizures and need to sleep! I did have to threaten him to get the personal images that I need for medical reasons! Btw I found a cure independently for my seizure disorder so I am getting better all by myself.
I feel like there are infinite drama triangles shifting around and operating on a constant basis in my extended family, on both sides. I do not want to be involved because there is no other way to exist within the system that is outside these three roles.
I am so glad to have learned about the support group “Codependency Anonymous.” I am so thankful I have learned what my responsibilities are and what they are not and to have learned to set boundaries. I am so thankful to have learned God is in control and I am not 🙌🏻☺️ the truth sets us free🙌🏻☺️
This is probably the most profound video I’ve ever watched. Had to watch a few more times and take notes. Thank you for explaining this so eloquently. It has helped me understand where i am in my relationship and why I’m so confused. I’ve gained some knowledge and clarity. Thank you 🙏🏻
@@DocSnipes oh where do i begin? the codependency triangle made perfect sense to me once i got curious. The trauma from having an addicted parent carrying over to relationships where rescuing the person becomes the focus and how persecution and victimization come into play when the person doesn’t listen (or want to be rescued in the first place). This has been me in my life and I’m working on fixing it. Thank you for explaining in a way that gives me new hope. I appreciate you
This is good stuff.. My ACA really talks about the drama triangle.. I have heard from someone who went to a CODA meeting and it sounds like they go even deeper into it.. When I see those roles playout I back off.. I think I have enough experience to know how those roles rotate.. I like to say that the "crazy" attracts the "crazy." Just the awareness of that is huge for me..
I used to do nursing CEUs, their price point is just too low for the volume we were able to get. Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
I was JUST asking for training on this at work and wah lah! Here you are doing a presentation. I look very much forward to this. 🙂 Strange! Thanks Doc. 🌞
CBT is unfortunately very limited in regard to trauma. DSM does not recognize codependency neither Complex Trauma nor toxic shame as concepts. This is because CBT is focused on lobotomy and stifling down emotions as a "healing" method, that we cut our feelings in order to handle life and people - which is actually part of codependency trauma triangle, CBT is t(r)eaching us to be in victim role and shut up. This way, pharma mafia can make a lot of money by selling drugs to heal "condition" which is mysterious to CBT: trauma.
"How do people stop the cycle?" Step outside of Karpman Drama Triangle. When we want to meddle in and talk to people how they suppose to live up their lives - especially when they do not ask us - we shut up. It is not shutting up to abuse - it is shutting up to urge to fix other people. We live them to find help themselves. This does not mean that we shut up completely - we can still talk about it - perhaps via blog, twitter or comments like this, in general without any specific order or command. That is Rescuer role. For Victim role - it is in cutting toxic people. Without discrimination. There is no quota that we can fill - if someone is toxic and they drain us - block them, mute, ignore, relocate, shift focus, stonewall - make them gone from our awareness. In victim role we believe we must depend on other people to explain us how to manage life. For Persecutor role - it is feeling we get when we try to explain anger through any other way. This happens because we were punished in toxic ambient when we exhibit our anger. We can learn to express anger in healthy, functional manner - and this means to ignore people, not getting involved - which may seem as if we hate others. It is about love in all 3 roles - that we respect and accept ourselves and others - where we let go of toxic ways how to handle conflict and confrontation: for example by endless assertive arguing and making other people be taught. Covert narcissists will never learn and they feed their ego on our trials to fix them. There is pattern - to turn within. Codependency stems from toxic shame, deep core belief we are inept, wrong and unacceptable. So healing comes to trust ourselves and to focus on our own ideas and goals in life, which is the opposite from what we (l)earned in toxic ambient while growing up, when our persona was forming (mental basis for making decisions in life). So obvious solution is to cut contact with draining, toxic narcissistic people whom we will attract in abundance since we will broadcast signal to be subservient to all people, since we were taught to hate ourselves.
My mother is not addicted to drugs or alcohol. I was living with her and my brothers and sisters from 1993-97. She has arthritis. The arthritis got worse during this period. However she did not do much work. The meals were usually late. I ended up doing most of the housework and looking after my younger brothers and sisters. I did more and more and she did less and less. She was always saying that she was sick. So I did everything. Then she was invited to a party that we all went to. Then all of a sudden she isn’t sick! She goes to the party! I started to wake up. She says she is sick to get out of work. She is also very disorganised. I must have been the rescuer and victim. Now I don’t live with any of them. My life is much better!!! I still have problems with them but it isn’t as bad as before! They ring up and make demands. I am learning how to say no. But I still have to be alert to see if they are even telling the truth about why they are dumping something on me!
I’m codependent but there aren’t any substance addiction issues in my past. My parents were physically abusive and told me to lie to teachers and DCF when me & my sisters went to school with bruises, or else we would be taken away and put in the orphanage and I’d never see my sisters or my parent again.... So that somehow translates into my addiction to love, my intense desire to feel safe with a partner who is as addicted to me as I am to them. I guess my codependency translates more to being extra sensitive & needy. But I do feel lost within myself abs my life purpose, and I feel my best when I am helping somebody or witnessing somebody experiencing something that makes them happy (whether my partner or a stranger). I related SO HARD to the part where you mentioned so stressed you stay in bed for days at a time & end up reserving strength for the next drama to create, ugh I annoy myself so much sometimes 😓
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Is there anyway that a relationship could prosper between the two if both go to therapy, acknowledge there past trauma and put the effort to resolve the issue?
I appreciate you watching. Yes, the relationship between the two can prosper if they undergo therapy. Here’s the link on my video Codependent in Love: th-cam.com/video/g4i5Li9sDgA/w-d-xo.html Hope it helps!
This will not heal toxic shame which is motor that powers up codependency roles. IT is about self acceptance, self love, self validation and removing toxic people and toxic habits out.
Hi Elise! can you talk more abou fibromyalgia? Can emotional trauma or dealing with a narssasist or dealing with a family that has substanve abuse can that effect u so much emotionally that it eventually affects u with chronic pain? Like back pain? Do you believe in chakras and healing chakras?
When the person who is dysfunctional at that time, u ask them/persuqution them of lack of responsible, that s why those people who is dysfunctional got demonlized. Yes everyone need take be responsible for their life, but when they are in the dark place, doesn't know what to do, and lost, how are u going to think cleanerly
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. Other videos on codependency that might help you can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
You’re most welcome. I am grateful to be of service. Also, I’d be grateful if you were to share what you found most useful from the video. Additionally, if you're interested in more tips on the topic this or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes.
I appreciate you watching. The traumatized other is the person who has experienced a traumatic experience. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=Releasing%20trauma
I am so thankful for your videos. I am not sure if I am codependent. I do have some traits but not most of them. Some ideas about codependency feel like an attack on my very core. My husband was previously married to a narcissistic alcoholic. Could we both be codependent? Sometimes I see narcissistic traits in him but I also see codependent ones, I may also have a little of both. Does the codependent learn from the narcissist and change into a narcissist over time?
Thank you so much for asking. Your husband could have developed some narcissistic traits for protection. I hope this video helps: th-cam.com/video/g4i5Li9sDgA/w-d-xo.html What was your favorite tip from the video?
@@DocSnipes Get curious!!! I also love the chapters on your videos. They make it easy to find what I'm looking for and study things that didn't quite sink in. Your explanation of how codependency is related to trauma and a need for control was also very helpful. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom!!
Unilateral disarmament in the context of codependency refers to the decision to stop engaging in codependent behaviors, even if the other person in the relationship continues their own unhealthy patterns. Here's how you can apply this concept to drop your end of codependent traits in a relationship: Recognize Your Codependent Behaviors: Reflect on your behaviors and patterns that are codependent. For instance, if you find yourself doing things for others that they can do for themselves, understand that this may be a way for you to feel indispensable. Identify key warning signs that indicate you are slipping into codependent actions, such as becoming hypercritical or picking fights as a way to protect yourself from vulnerability. Develop Self-Awareness: Use mindfulness techniques to become more aware of your thoughts and feelings in the present moment. This can help you distinguish between reactions that are based on current situations versus those rooted in past trauma. Practice compassionate awareness in the morning and evening to assess your vulnerabilities and needs, and to identify both helpful and unhelpful triggers in your environment. Focus on Personal Growth: Define what a rich and meaningful life means to you and pursue goals and aspirations that are important to you, rather than trying to rescue or control others. Develop self-esteem and recognize why you are lovable for who you are, and why you deserve to be treated with respect. This can help you to not rely on others for validation. Address Abandonment Anxiety: Recognize the difference between someone needing you and someone wanting to be with you because of your inherent qualities. Work on developing secure attachments and addressing abandonment anxiety, which is crucial for recovery from codependency. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with others and stick to them. This involves recognizing what is not your responsibility and overcoming the trauma that triggers your desire to maintain control for safety. Seek Support: Get support from friends, family, or a therapist. It's important to have a network of people who can provide perspective and encouragement as you work through codependent tendencies. Practice Unhooking from Thoughts: Learn to unhook from your thoughts, especially when you feel tempted to revert to codependent behaviors. This involves separating from thoughts that tell you that you can't live without the other person or that you are responsible for fixing everything. By applying these strategies, you can begin to let go of your side of the codependent dynamic, even if the other person does not change. This process can be challenging, but it is a powerful step towards healthier relationships and personal well-being. Learn more for FREE at AllCEUs.com/DocSnipes-AI
Me too, or at least I was. You are on the right track. Seeking therapy and meds (if needed)is the first step, and changing things in your life to move towards goals that make YOU feel good are the way to break this cycle of dysfunction. Unfortunately we can only be responsible for ourselves. ❤️🫂 this is life.
It sounds like you’ve been through a tough time, and it's understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated. Having your medication thrown away, especially something as important as Zoloft, can feel incredibly disrespectful and dismissive of your mental health needs. It’s not uncommon to seek comfort in something like alcohol when faced with such a situation, but as you probably know, drinking can sometimes make things more challenging in the long run. It might be helpful to consider having a conversation with your girlfriend about how this impacted you. Expressing your feelings openly and honestly could lead to a better understanding between you both. At the same time, it might be beneficial to connect with a healthcare professional to discuss getting back on track with your medication and exploring other support options that can help you navigate this period. Taking care of your mental health is essential, and you deserve support and respect in that journey.
I'm addicted to nicotine. Been using nicorette to curb the cravings. Went from 3 packs a day to 1 pack a day. That's my horrible addiction. I'm ashamed.
I love your videos and this one as well but as a recovering codependent this ending left me feeling in a bleak situation. 😅 I’m keeping my eye out for content on healing from codependency from you to give me hope 🙏🫶💗
You’re most welcome. Thank you for watching the video. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency Also, on DocSnipes.com, I offer a variety of self-help courses to help people develop the skills needed to understand and address the things that are keeping them from living their rich and meaningful life, including on healing from codependency. Courses include videos, worksheets, a support forum moderated moderated by me and my staff and access to a weekly text chat with me.
👌More videos can be found on this topic at
th-cam.com/play/PLcB3trehXswjN2zcpIhN-HNNlLBlPlYoE.html&si=WqecsyRyerwnWfwb
❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com
👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification
I always felt weird that I kept my kids away from my nuclear family and let them hang out with their father's family, now as I have gotten older and I see the result, I am happier with my decision. My kids talk directly, state their wants and boundaries clearly and are accepting of others.
My sister is currently ghosting me because I asked a direct question of her.
My mother once complained my kids were rude for stating their feelings at her house once. I get it now, I don't fit in and their right, I don't want to either.
It doesn't stop my pain but my kids don't have it. Addictions are a huge factor in my family and so is anti social behavior.
Did you ask her "are you a b&&&&?"
Sorry. Joke. 😃
Thanks for watching.
“Trying to rescue themselves with broken tools…” ❤love it
I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
My husband's family has extreme codependency and enmeshment - I lost myself trying to fit in and rescue my alcoholic husband who is also a covert narcissist....like his mother....so glad I am able to set healthy boundaries and detach from them...my husband and his parents are very emotionally abusive
Are you still married?
I listened to every word rang true for me. I will have to listen to this again. You do an excellent work of explaining this complex dance, thanks!
Me too! I’ll have to listen again and take notes. It explains why every person I’m attracted has an addiction of some kind.
I can relate to the feeling that I don't deserve love ...
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
If you only knew the magnitude of how much you’ve helped me, you’d be amazed!! I can’t thank you enough for the work you’ve done. I really do owe you 🙏🏽🙏🏽
Thanks for watching.
This is one of the best videos I've seen on the topic. I've been working on myself for almost 2 years realizing that I have strong codependent tendencies. It's breaking out of this drama triangle and recognizing it for what it is,in those closest to me. The way I relate to people is so different now. It's healthier. I'm still working through all of this though.
I am glad you are on the right path and I appreciate you watching the video. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Eye opening.
Thanks for watching.
@@DocSnipes No! Thank you.
Another fantastic lecture doc. You teach important therapeutic topics that grad school does not touch and your presentation of information is excellent. Thank you so very much.
Thanks so much!! :)
This brings so much clarity, not only to see how far I have come to love myself and break the cycle of codependency within myself, but to also recognize these behaviors and cycles in others. Thank you so much for sharing! ❤️
I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
The Light shines in the darkness. I thank you for all that you do-Blessings always!
You’re most welcome. I appreciate you watching
Bless 🙏🏼 You
Thanks for watching.
A family is supposed to support each other. If you re in family that has never supported you then GET OUT- Get a FOSTER FAMILY.
If it was that simple but toxic family and people don't function this way. Have you heard the term intermittent reinforcement? This is the trap that abusers infringe in their victims, it is similar to love bombing and devaluation. In simple term, a family even toxic can be supportive to you one day and assist you and the next day humiliate you when you refuse to assist them just to be nice to you the day after... This confuse the brain and the addiction circle begins. Toxic families are not abusive all the time, they are days where they are supportive, kind and encouraging... As they are days where they are hurtful as hell. In the intermittent reinforcement, rats are trained to receive foods when they press the lever (perform a task expected) but eventually there come a moment where they didn't receive foods anymore instead of stopping pressing the lever, they became addicted to it to a point where they neglected themselves. This practice also functions with human beings, when victims performed as expected, the toxic family congratulate them by assisting them and when they don't behave as expected they withdraw their love and devalue the victim, this trains the victims to believe that if they do what their abuser wants they will be love and if they don't do what they want they won't be love, hence they will do all what is in their power to continue doing what their abusers wants so as to receive love.
It is that simple imo (to cut them off) but also hard.
So well done
Where does an adult get a foster family???? And one that's not worse than the original??? Good families don't recruit and why would they invite the drama into their perfect little world?
Eh there’s also families who are codependent on each other as hell and enmeshed even.
Family isn’t for me.
You are amazing! I thank God I found this channel so I can finally get the help I need! Self awareness is everything!! And now that I’m aware I can take action! Thank you so much for saving lives!!
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
My former therapist, I have a different one now, used to refer to this drama triangle frequently, although he never explained the theory behind the drama triangle. He referred to the parts on a regular basis, but never explained the progression. Your explanation is absolutely amazing. It appears to be the roadmap of my life. When I couldn’t rescue my significant other, I developed an addiction in order to cope with being taken for granted, and that addiction ultimately caused the end of that relationship. Thank you for laying this out and making itmake sense.
Thank you for sharing your experience so openly. It sounds like you’ve done a lot of reflection on how the dynamics of the drama triangle have impacted your life. Understanding these roles-the rescuer, victim, and persecutor-can be incredibly powerful for making sense of patterns in relationships and behaviors. I’m glad the explanation resonated with you and provided some clarity. Recognizing how we might get stuck in these roles is an important first step toward breaking free from them and finding healthier ways to relate to others and ourselves. Your insight and growth are a testament to the hard work you’ve done, even through challenging times.
I’d be grateful if you were to share what you found most useful from the video. Also, if you're interested in more tips on how to overcome this or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes.
Very insightful!! So much to unpack. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful information! Your work is helping so many people out there.
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
this is good stuff, so many same traits of a narcissist. i understand the difference. the major of the recent society jumps right to labeling someone a narcissist. thank you as there is so much confusion on these topics.
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
I had a "prince on a white horse" he was a super co-dependent. He caught me in a moment of vulnerability. but he really didn't know what he was getting into! I have recently gone from being an active, independent "hot shot" to having a severe seizure disorder, I'm disabled and can't leave home alone. He took it upon himself to fix me and then, according to him we would have this amazing relationship. He cancelled his life and went to work on mine. it wasn't just my health that was a project it was also my flat, my terrace, and my freezer! I am not someone who can handle substantial insecurity and neediness. His charming and caring warmth quickly became annoying, fussy pandering. I noticed problems and mentioned them, at first gently and kindly. His boundary-pushing was enough to destroy us on its own. I also have CPTSD and if someone pushes my boundaries the castle walls, moat and guards are up so the pusher will hurt themselves. There was this unattractive whingey, neediness that repelled me and so caused more of it. He would try and guilt trip me and it would only annoy me. It was so sad because at first, I did think he was the love of my life. I wanted a relationship with him, not a carer. I wanted him to honour himself. I needed him to advocate for himself, I wanted a bf I respect as an equal not a subserviant and I lost all respect for him. He became angry, abusive and irrational and I became cold and hard. It was an intense four months. Now I am trying to hold together this messy disentanglement and it is very hard as he fluctuates from trying to work his way into my life to being abusive and angry all while taking longer to disentangle, of course, it's exhausting and I have seizures daily!. He has been latching onto my friends which really pisses me off. I've worked years for my support network and he has been putting them in the middle of us! He wants to "be friends" even though I am very clear there is no way and I am not treating him well, not bad just very firm and direct. He misreads me and thinks I am being malicious. tells me how awful I've been and how it's my fault he did the awful things he did like drive at 45 in a 20 zone out of anger as well as insult my character and override my no. He also whinges about a sexual incident where I changed my mind and went to sleep he makes out like it was a problem. I have seizures and need to sleep! I did have to threaten him to get the personal images that I need for medical reasons! Btw I found a cure independently for my seizure disorder so I am getting better all by myself.
I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching
I feel like there are infinite drama triangles shifting around and operating on a constant basis in my extended family, on both sides. I do not want to be involved because there is no other way to exist within the system that is outside these three roles.
Thankyou Doc Snipes to explain the drama trauma triangle
So welcome. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=trauma
I am so glad to have learned about the support group “Codependency Anonymous.” I am so thankful I have learned what my responsibilities are and what they are not and to have learned to set boundaries. I am so thankful to have learned God is in control and I am not 🙌🏻☺️ the truth sets us free🙌🏻☺️
Thanks for watching.
How can I join this group?
Amen. God is in control..
Thank you for reminding me...
This is probably the most profound video I’ve ever watched. Had to watch a few more times and take notes. Thank you for explaining this so eloquently. It has helped me understand where i am in my relationship and why I’m so confused. I’ve gained some knowledge and clarity. Thank you 🙏🏻
You’re so welcome. Thank you for your kind words and thank you for watching. What were your favorite tips from the video?
@@DocSnipes oh where do i begin? the codependency triangle made perfect sense to me once i got curious. The trauma from having an addicted parent carrying over to relationships where rescuing the person becomes the focus and how persecution and victimization come into play when the person doesn’t listen (or want to be rescued in the first place). This has been me in my life and I’m working on fixing it. Thank you for explaining in a way that gives me new hope. I appreciate you
This channel is classy..thank you so much
Awww.. 😀😀😀 Ty Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Great teaching thank You Doc Snipes! 🙌🏻☀️
Thanks for watching.
Very attractive to watch.
Thank you so much for the insightful video 😊
I appreciate you watching
Loved this! Thank you! ♥️🌹🕊
Thanks for watching.
This is good stuff.. My ACA really talks about the drama triangle.. I have heard from someone who went to a CODA meeting and it sounds like they go even deeper into it.. When I see those roles playout I back off.. I think I have enough experience to know how those roles rotate.. I like to say that the "crazy" attracts the "crazy." Just the awareness of that is huge for me..
I appreciate you watching
@@DocSnipes Thank you.. I will keep watching and keep commenting..
You are awesome! Thanks
I wish that these courses were eligible for nurses as well.
I used to do nursing CEUs, their price point is just too low for the volume we were able to get. Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
I was JUST asking for training on this at work and wah lah! Here you are doing a presentation. I look very much forward to this. 🙂 Strange! Thanks Doc. 🌞
🙂🙂
*voilà is french for "there you are"
Is there a follow up video about what to do about this. Healing ❤️🩹 the abandonment fear, loneliness and reopening of past traumas?
Thanks for watching.
CBT is unfortunately very limited in regard to trauma.
DSM does not recognize codependency neither Complex Trauma nor toxic shame as concepts.
This is because CBT is focused on lobotomy and stifling down emotions as a "healing" method, that we cut our feelings in order to handle life and people - which is actually part of codependency trauma triangle, CBT is t(r)eaching us to be in victim role and shut up. This way, pharma mafia can make a lot of money by selling drugs to heal "condition" which is mysterious to CBT: trauma.
Please search on youtube "do you have post betrayal sydrome?" And there should be a really helpful Ted talk. By a psychologist
I'd like a presentation on counterdependency
Thank u I'm going threw alot I'm sick over this marriage right now
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching
Thank you so much for your work❤️
How do people stop the cycle?
"How do people stop the cycle?"
Step outside of Karpman Drama Triangle.
When we want to meddle in and talk to people how they suppose to live up their lives - especially when they do not ask us - we shut up. It is not shutting up to abuse - it is shutting up to urge to fix other people. We live them to find help themselves.
This does not mean that we shut up completely - we can still talk about it - perhaps via blog, twitter or comments like this, in general without any specific order or command. That is Rescuer role.
For Victim role - it is in cutting toxic people. Without discrimination. There is no quota that we can fill - if someone is toxic and they drain us - block them, mute, ignore, relocate, shift focus, stonewall - make them gone from our awareness. In victim role we believe we must depend on other people to explain us how to manage life.
For Persecutor role - it is feeling we get when we try to explain anger through any other way. This happens because we were punished in toxic ambient when we exhibit our anger.
We can learn to express anger in healthy, functional manner - and this means to ignore people, not getting involved - which may seem as if we hate others. It is about love in all 3 roles - that we respect and accept ourselves and others - where we let go of toxic ways how to handle conflict and confrontation: for example by endless assertive arguing and making other people be taught. Covert narcissists will never learn and they feed their ego on our trials to fix them.
There is pattern - to turn within. Codependency stems from toxic shame, deep core belief we are inept, wrong and unacceptable. So healing comes to trust ourselves and to focus on our own ideas and goals in life, which is the opposite from what we (l)earned in toxic ambient while growing up, when our persona was forming (mental basis for making decisions in life). So obvious solution is to cut contact with draining, toxic narcissistic people whom we will attract in abundance since we will broadcast signal to be subservient to all people, since we were taught to hate ourselves.
Walk away from it. The cycle can't continue without a missing piece.
Firm boundaries and Self responsibility.
Exciting to see what this is about. I think I already have an idea 💡
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
U healed me🙏🏽🧘🏽♀️❤🌹👑🤗
😀😀 Thanks for watching.
Looking forward to hearing this! Thanks @DocSnipes and all. 🕊
😀
My mother is not addicted to drugs or alcohol. I was living with her and my brothers and sisters from 1993-97. She has arthritis. The arthritis got worse during this period. However she did not do much work. The meals were usually late. I ended up doing most of the housework and looking after my younger brothers and sisters. I did more and more and she did less and less. She was always saying that she was sick. So I did everything. Then she was invited to a party that we all went to. Then all of a sudden she isn’t sick! She goes to the party! I started to wake up. She says she is sick to get out of work. She is also very disorganised. I must have been the rescuer and victim. Now I don’t live with any of them. My life is much better!!! I still have problems with them but it isn’t as bad as before! They ring up and make demands. I am learning how to say no. But I still have to be alert to see if they are even telling the truth about why they are dumping something on me!
I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video
I’m codependent but there aren’t any substance addiction issues in my past. My parents were physically abusive and told me to lie to teachers and DCF when me & my sisters went to school with bruises, or else we would be taken away and put in the orphanage and I’d never see my sisters or my parent again.... So that somehow translates into my addiction to love, my intense desire to feel safe with a partner who is as addicted to me as I am to them. I guess my codependency translates more to being extra sensitive & needy. But I do feel lost within myself abs my life purpose, and I feel my best when I am helping somebody or witnessing somebody experiencing something that makes them happy (whether my partner or a stranger). I related SO HARD to the part where you mentioned so stressed you stay in bed for days at a time & end up reserving strength for the next drama to create, ugh I annoy myself so much sometimes 😓
I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video
This lady talks like she knows me personally for years or something.
😀😀Thanks for watching.
Unlimited CEUs for $59 at AllCEUs.com. Based on this channel's videos and the proceeds support our continued mission to make these resources available.
Is there anyway that a relationship could prosper between the two if both go to therapy, acknowledge there past trauma and put the effort to resolve the issue?
I appreciate you watching. Yes, the relationship between the two can prosper if they undergo therapy. Here’s the link on my video Codependent in Love: th-cam.com/video/g4i5Li9sDgA/w-d-xo.html
Hope it helps!
big smile about the 'karma-points!! '. 🙂
When you realize your in the triangle. Don't do anything. Go do something else ; your not playing this game.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
This will not heal toxic shame which is motor that powers up codependency roles.
IT is about self acceptance, self love, self validation and removing toxic people and toxic habits out.
Key word dismantling getting away from it should be the primary thing we do
I appreciate you watching
Hi Elise! can you talk more abou fibromyalgia?
Can emotional trauma or dealing with a narssasist or dealing with a family that has substanve abuse can that effect u so much emotionally that it eventually affects u with chronic pain? Like back pain? Do you believe in chakras and healing chakras?
Absolutely.
100%
When the person who is dysfunctional at that time, u ask them/persuqution them of lack of responsible, that s why those people who is dysfunctional got demonlized. Yes everyone need take be responsible for their life, but when they are in the dark place, doesn't know what to do, and lost, how are u going to think cleanerly
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Thanks for this information!
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. Other videos on codependency that might help you can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Thanks so much for the video
You’re most welcome. I am grateful to be of service. Also, I’d be grateful if you were to share what you found most useful from the video. Additionally, if you're interested in more tips on the topic this or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes.
I can relate to a lot of this.
Can you explain more about the “traumatised other”?
I appreciate you watching. The traumatized other is the person who has experienced a traumatic experience. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at:
th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=Releasing%20trauma
I am so thankful for your videos. I am not sure if I am codependent. I do have some traits but not most of them. Some ideas about codependency feel like an attack on my very core. My husband was previously married to a narcissistic alcoholic. Could we both be codependent? Sometimes I see narcissistic traits in him but I also see codependent ones, I may also have a little of both. Does the codependent learn from the narcissist and change into a narcissist over time?
Thank you so much for asking. Your husband could have developed some narcissistic traits for protection. I hope this video helps: th-cam.com/video/g4i5Li9sDgA/w-d-xo.html
What was your favorite tip from the video?
@@DocSnipes Get curious!!! I also love the chapters on your videos. They make it easy to find what I'm looking for and study things that didn't quite sink in. Your explanation of how codependency is related to trauma and a need for control was also very helpful. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom!!
how would one use unilateral disarmament is a cycle to drop your end of codependent traits in a relationships?
Unilateral disarmament in the context of codependency refers to the decision to stop engaging in codependent behaviors, even if the other person in the relationship continues their own unhealthy patterns. Here's how you can apply this concept to drop your end of codependent traits in a relationship:
Recognize Your Codependent Behaviors:
Reflect on your behaviors and patterns that are codependent. For instance, if you find yourself doing things for others that they can do for themselves, understand that this may be a way for you to feel indispensable.
Identify key warning signs that indicate you are slipping into codependent actions, such as becoming hypercritical or picking fights as a way to protect yourself from vulnerability.
Develop Self-Awareness:
Use mindfulness techniques to become more aware of your thoughts and feelings in the present moment. This can help you distinguish between reactions that are based on current situations versus those rooted in past trauma.
Practice compassionate awareness in the morning and evening to assess your vulnerabilities and needs, and to identify both helpful and unhelpful triggers in your environment.
Focus on Personal Growth:
Define what a rich and meaningful life means to you and pursue goals and aspirations that are important to you, rather than trying to rescue or control others.
Develop self-esteem and recognize why you are lovable for who you are, and why you deserve to be treated with respect. This can help you to not rely on others for validation.
Address Abandonment Anxiety:
Recognize the difference between someone needing you and someone wanting to be with you because of your inherent qualities. Work on developing secure attachments and addressing abandonment anxiety, which is crucial for recovery from codependency.
Set Boundaries:
Establish clear boundaries with others and stick to them. This involves recognizing what is not your responsibility and overcoming the trauma that triggers your desire to maintain control for safety.
Seek Support:
Get support from friends, family, or a therapist. It's important to have a network of people who can provide perspective and encouragement as you work through codependent tendencies.
Practice Unhooking from Thoughts:
Learn to unhook from your thoughts, especially when you feel tempted to revert to codependent behaviors. This involves separating from thoughts that tell you that you can't live without the other person or that you are responsible for fixing everything.
By applying these strategies, you can begin to let go of your side of the codependent dynamic, even if the other person does not change. This process can be challenging, but it is a powerful step towards healthier relationships and personal well-being.
Learn more for FREE at AllCEUs.com/DocSnipes-AI
I feel as though I am on both sides.
I appreciate you watching
Me too, or at least I was. You are on the right track. Seeking therapy and meds (if needed)is the first step, and changing things in your life to move towards goals that make YOU feel good are the way to break this cycle of dysfunction. Unfortunately we can only be responsible for ourselves. ❤️🫂 this is life.
What if both are dysfunctional?
I started drinking for a couple months after my girlfriend threw away my Zoloft. That was rude.
It sounds like you’ve been through a tough time, and it's understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated. Having your medication thrown away, especially something as important as Zoloft, can feel incredibly disrespectful and dismissive of your mental health needs. It’s not uncommon to seek comfort in something like alcohol when faced with such a situation, but as you probably know, drinking can sometimes make things more challenging in the long run.
It might be helpful to consider having a conversation with your girlfriend about how this impacted you. Expressing your feelings openly and honestly could lead to a better understanding between you both. At the same time, it might be beneficial to connect with a healthcare professional to discuss getting back on track with your medication and exploring other support options that can help you navigate this period.
Taking care of your mental health is essential, and you deserve support and respect in that journey.
I'm addicted to nicotine. Been using nicorette to curb the cravings. Went from 3 packs a day to 1 pack a day. That's my horrible addiction. I'm ashamed.
I appreciate you watching. Other videos that might help can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
It sucks being a codependent 😔
What tips from the video will you use to start addressing codependency? Also, we have classes and worksheets on codependency at DocSnipes.com
🍹
I appreciate you watching
I love your videos and this one as well but as a recovering codependent this ending left me feeling in a bleak situation. 😅 I’m keeping my eye out for content on healing from codependency from you to give me hope 🙏🫶💗
You’re most welcome.
Thank you for watching the video.
Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Also, on DocSnipes.com, I offer a variety of self-help courses to help people develop the skills needed to understand and address the things that are keeping them from living their rich and meaningful life, including on healing from codependency.
Courses include videos, worksheets, a support forum moderated moderated by me and my staff and access to a weekly text chat with me.