That’s exactly it. I wish in my marriage we were intimate once a month.. that’d be a huge increase. But yeah even if they finally agree to it, and you see disinterest in there eyes while attempting to be intimate.. it’s a complete turn off. Desperate to feel desired by someone.. just wish it was my wife 😞
I would very much like to see the proof in that. I have evidence that they just might be pretty happy with making the other partner miserable. Sometimes neglect and emotional abuse is what does it for them, I think they get off on the suffering.
Totally relate to the first client. I could be him. It's become a stand-off. And it's done grave damage to my mental and emotional well-being. Getting past that feeling of being completely rejected every waking moment is literally torture.
@@matthickman806 it isn’t worth it.. the words you chose subconsciously (torment etc.) are feelings that shouldn’t be felt from someone we love romantically. Period. Be civil but be you unapologetically. If she isn’t on board so be it that’s fine but you need to look out for number one before someone else really will. Cheers and I hope you are doing better emotionally
need better communication... sign up for marriage counseling and try it out... it's worth it... WAY more worth it than listening to this nut who thinks that your spouse is part of the reason for anybody straying.
Every man in this comment section that is being rejected at home STOP being soo small minded and just leave that women there’s millions of women out here ✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾
I’m still trying to figure out how it is always the man’s fault, and how he does not deserve intimacy unless he can figure out what special things he must do to deserve her attention.
Yea isn't paying for everything and taking care of the kids, the yard, and helping with the house work enuff. There's no money left over for dates where married not dating. Every dime a man makes goes towards supporting the life style she wants.
@@red606 Funny that: what a man does is automatically "the minimum", whereas a woman is taught they're already "special" so anything she agrees to is additional and "extra".
Because the man leads the marriage (Spiritually, emotionally and mentally) and has the power to nurture their wife and set the tone for the rest of the household
What you are also saying according to this video, is that the man is “SOL” until she “feels” she wants to have intercourse until she wants to. It can’t be just one-sided until she says to herself, “I guess he got his act together”. This is not the type of marriage I would want
Not necessarily. If both partners do actually agree, it's not. The problem becomes when one person doesn't agree to it . Just because that's been your experience doesn't mean it's everyone's experience.
Well if a partner that has been married for a long time... Like 20+ years and the wife has refused intimacy with the husband and only uses the husband for a piggy bank then it is time to cut the piggy bank off
Intimacy in marriage is a three part deal. There’s spiritual, emotional and physical. Throwing any one of those elements out the window will erode the others away over time.
@@jamesrush6705 You’re absolutely correct. You can have the perfect roommate style relationship that these bozos are talking about but it won’t change a darn thing sexually. They’re just promoting their courses.
Missing the point here. One of the worst phrases a man ever wnats to hear is " hurry up and get it over with". Which is a form of rejection that will NEVER allow intimacy to flourish.
Yikes! I can't imagine ever even having that thought! But I do know what it's like to get rejected by my husband. Regularly. And he never initiates anymore. 💔
But if you respond with, "ok, guess im done here then." And then get out of the bed before finishing, YOU'RE the bad guy. She says she wants it over with, but cant handle when the guy makes the decision to end the encounter before biological inevitability does.
I’m sorry to hear that. Did you end up divorced? And at what point, if you divorced her, did you decide to leave? I’m experiencing the same thing with my husband. 😢
@@dja192 yes, we have gone our separate way. I’m sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. My only advice is for you to plan an exit. You are not going to salvage this relationship. It’s do what he says or live your life as you intended it to be. Giving up your control make it worst for you.
After too long, the relationship becomes broken. You can't repair a broken glass and expect it to become like new. It will always look and feel broken. The damage is permanent.
“I’ll never say no to my husband in the bedroom except for pain and other people.” - from the book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Scheslinger.
Most women do not get turned on just because you are. Don’t confuse Lust with Love because you will never know what true love is. When you are being controlled by a narcissist chances are you have never felt real love because they are really good at pretending. So the answer is if they are withholding from you there is a reason why, it’s not just about you. It’s their problem to figure out, not yours.
being married to a narcissist is a whole different topic, The act of marriage is to take care of each others needs, when one decides that their needs are more important and neglecting a critical need is ok, then they are neglecting the duty of care in a marriage and telling the other My needs are more important than yours, but don't seek that need somewhere else !
In other words, further emasculate yourself by allowing yourself to be gaslit throughout the wild goose chase of pursuing her “intimacy needs”. Make it transactional or like a game of “Simon says” and dismiss her wifely obligations and responsibilities. Oh and don’t mind the other people that have had her that did not have to go through these puzzles and games. You are the nice guy that finished last.
@GregNice718, so have you spoken to the other partners that have “had” her, but didn’t have to go through what you’re going through? Also, you have “had” her too, so are you able to discern any differences in your own behavior from when you “had” her and now?
I believe intimacy is essential outside the bedroom, but it seems like it’s always the men’s responsibility and burden. Why do we give the women an out, they need to be just as responsible to ensure intimacy can be achieved.
Thanks - I heard this about 24 years ago, and when meeting with our pastor, I asked him to read this passage from the Bible but he couldn't find it, but he would get back with us.
Let slide at the moment. Have a talk and get to the reason. It’s either loss of attraction, caring, or both. From there make a decision but don’t let it stand.
After 42 years of marriage, I'm less likely to believe that your partner has left the relationship, but there are typically other circumstances. Start to fix the issue by talking with each other.
Psych 101: Women "marry" for resources!. Consider the children's tale of Cinderella and the screen hit Pretty Woman. The theme is the same. A marriage-minded man is shopping for a life partner and mate while a marriage-minded woman is shopping for a lifestyle. Men marry idealistically and women marry opportunistically. No one explained this to me in my naive youth but when my EX and "friend" processed me through the cash grab settlement system reality struck. Love? Note: The average marriage ends at the 8-year mark, At the moment Sylvester Stallone's wife is in hot pursuit of a $200 million settlement and Ruidi Giuliani isn't-doing much better, Obviously women divorce for resources. It is not marriage that men fear it is divorce. What part do I have wrong?
You are wrong. And Julia Roberts in Pretty Women did not want to be all set up in a fancy apartment by Gere, she wanted him. It is not satisfying to not ever have affection and love.
@@BedfordFalls7 but she was making a living on having men pay attention to her. That's funny. She wanted to see if he wanted her or not and not just for the sake of having a female around for the look of having a good looking woman around. High powered men aren't interested in needing a woman for their income. Men in general want arm candy, however it looks to them as arm candy. Just saying.
Get yourself a dog & go fishing. A dog always loves you & thinks you're perfect. Fishing is exciting hooking that big one, and at the end of the day you have a fresh, delicious meal as a bonus! It's all a Win-Win!
@Steve Johnson I’ve tried it! 41 years and sexless last 24. I’m done. I’ve finally found my man card and I’m gone next year. (I’ve got an action plan I’m working because my wife is a narcissist, so I’m getting my ducks in a row) I feel like I wasted my life.
@@SammifromMiami You ain't done yet Sam. Keep ya chin up, keep getting those ducks in a row, put the line in the sand, move forward. You've done it this ling, not far to go now.👏🫵🖖🏍
That person would be a selfish spouse or there's horrible communication between the two. Selfishness and poor communication ruins marriages. A marriage is based on meeting each other's needs physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.
But regardless of what you do, women seem to be unfulfilled. You can go to the moon and back for them, change for them and provide all their needs and they still seem unfulfilled. What do we don in this situation?
Good luck with your situation. Try counseling first, then if that is useless perhaps it is time to move on. YOU ONLY GET ONE LIFE - MAKE THE BEST OF WHAT YOU HAVE OR CHANGE UP YOUR LIFE. Good luck.
A wife that refuses to be intimate, is sowing a future harvest of infidelity. Don’t be surprised when he finds a more beautiful woman to be with and leaves. You sowed to the wind, and reaped a whirlwind.
Sometimes she was already having an emotional affair with a man and sometimes overtime, it leads to physical affairs. I had many wives whom I meet in social media, overtime, they wanted to have a physical affair with me eventhough they said their husbands are good men. I dont understand why.
@@ahmadyusof2480 - Did the women themselves understand why they wanted to do it? What did they say when they were explaining why, whether you believe what they said or not?
@@darriuscole8544 It would not matter a bit what she says. That is her conscious mind speaking. Desire comes from the unconscious. The conscious mind simply puts forth a socially acceptable "reason" for the decision that the unconscious already made.
Married people stop dating or otherwise doing things with each other. Like much of the world, they get complacent, staying home to stare at screens when there is time, and no time is spent being with each other.
I disagree with the advice to still show affection. Like cuddling and holding hands. My husband does that and it Infuriates me. It’s like foreplay followed by “good night”.
This is why marriage isn't worth it. One person can just say "No" and make the decision for the both of you and then you're out of luck for the rest of your marriage. I'll never do it again. "Compromise" is just another word for losing
unless its a medical issue, and unavoildable ask her to go to couples counseling, if she refuses - shes done with you......then its just time to get out life is too short to be in a sexless marriage
It's heartbreaking living in a sexless marriage. My husband is okay with it. I am not. We've talked about it and he won't change it. Its effecting us for sure and not in a great way. I feel rejected. :(
With modern technology, I won't go into the details in this comment, men have options that will draw them away from a real woman. Meaning, if the chase is too hard, men won't even be interested. It's already happening.
Even if you NEVER reject your husband and even if he's not interested in "other means" he will STILL lose interest. Guys think they won't, but if the woman doesn't lose interest, the guy WILL.
@@SammifromMiami he left me last November😭we haven't gotten divorce started. he actually came over for dinner tonight lol. we recently started talking again but i made it clear i wont take him back. i told him dnt make my suffering n heartbreak be for nothing n to work out whatever between him n his gf. its hard for me to be round him tho cuz im still in luv with him. it sucks!! i wont take him bck cuz he probably would go bck to her eventually n im just not willing to go through it ever again. i havent dated since he left n ive turned dwn plenty of offer's cuz im scared of making another wrong choice of mate. im happier alone right now. maybe someone worth my luv will come along later but for now im finding myself again.
If the relationship has reached a point that there are problems, it is already too late. It should have never gotten that far because the unsatisfied party allowed it to happen. Unfortunately this is an issue in the Western countries. I lived in the US and did not realize how big of a problem it was. I moved to Latin America and the women showed me real fast how horrible American women are for relationships. The bitterness I felt has never gone away. It is actually a despicable thing to do to someone who has promised to love me.
@@theholisticmystic4459 You must be happy with a sexless marriage or you would have done something about it. You allowed it to go on for 15 years so he must provide other things to make up for it. 🤷🏻♂️
@@theholisticmystic4459 I feel for you. As a fellow woman looking at these same videos, I know how much you’re struggling. There is so little help for women on this end of it.
23:40 Show of hands gentlemen and high drive ladies. You got married "until death" to "cuddle"? That should be the top line in the marriage vows. See how many folks bolt as fast as they can through the first door or window they can open. Cuddle. Women don't even want that any more in today's culture. Are we talking about tweens here? Try this and wife will be asking for a separate bedroom nowadays unless SHE decides to. That is issue it is all about happy wife, happy life and she cannot even yell you what will make her happy. Even if you get...whatever...or DO...whatever...it will never be enough and it will never stop. With ZERO results other than MORE wants and MORE excuses that to her and the entire Marriage Industrial Complex are called "reasons".
It’s been over a decade that we’ve touched each other. We have separate bedrooms and barely interact. We share household duties and raise our children together but other than that, we do our own thing.
One does get over trying and getting rejected so then one cuts straight to the chase if you get rejected straight up one hasn’t wasted time and one avoids becoming even more frustrated
You made your decision. What do you think your partner will do? Do you want to divorce but are "just too comfortable." This is a strange relationship. It does have consequences.
Low drive just means the guys going to have to do 3x the heavy lifting to get the woman’s tank from E to maybe a quarter tank . Low drive / libido has so many issues attached to it , trying to figure out what caused it could take years to figure out and may never change . Your drive / desire should be at a base level of matching each other or close to it . When it’s far apart it just doesn’t work.
DEMAGAMAYUNOV, I would have agreed with your strategy. But there is a huge problem that’s much more common that I realized. Many of these kind of people will just straight up lie to you……. They keep up “appearances” long enuff to get entangled bigtime and then they stop pretending and ho back to their true character. This is why people see these massive changes in the first few years of marriage, as one example
Marriage is dead. First marriage divorce rate after 20 years is 50%. Most marriages after 10 years are sexless, but the man still has to subsidize the woman. Change divorce laws or marriage rates will continue to head to zero.
It's a game of serving your spouses needs without demanding they serve you, that's what real love is. Anything else is putting yourself before them and that's not a marriage. Let's walk by the Spirit not by the flesh.
My last. We both came from sexless marriages. From that I told her I would never say no. No arguments in the bedroom. It is a safe place. No lies or run either of us to the poor farm. Pretty much smooth sailing till she died. Al tho she really took advantage of me never saying no. But I stood by my word. My first two marriages basically figured they would run my life and supply them with what ever they wanted or no relations in the bed room. They would also chase you around the house to yell at you. Something my last spouse never did or I.
The answer to the first question was incorrect. They’re both doing the same thing to each other. They’re closing off channels of intimacy because channels of intimacy is closed off. Except one person is doing it on purpose, and one is probably just being a blockhead. Marriage is choosing someone and sacrificing for them daily. Keeping score means you’re centered on self rather than the other. Therapy that takes for granted the impulses, beliefs, and priorities of a materialist, transactional, and secular humanist world is going to break more marriages than it helps
The folks commenting need to actually watch and listen to the video. I think the most effective way to fix this is to be able to communicate openly and honestly like adults. Some people, myself included, didn't learn how to communicate well in relationships. So, therapy and coaching will help!
Well, my partner refuses to communicate and I doubt she’s even capabel of it. Have no place to go so I just deal with it and read comments so that I know I am not alone.
Try to become her best friend, and watch every ounce of respect she ever had for you disappear. You are not her best friend, you are her husband. Fulfill that role in a loving manner, and she’ll fulfill her role in a loving manner.
Once again, its always about the womans needs? Try fulfilling the man's needs as well? The man does not need the intimacy as much as the women does, and this needs to be taken under consideration? Pleasing each other goes both ways?
Hey Kerry! We actually have numerous videos about how to rebuild trust in a relationship after cheating. You can find a full playlist here: th-cam.com/video/VZIqIHHMt2M/w-d-xo.html
It is a long process. I was told by my counselor it takes years and you still never forget. Once you start healing..you have to advocate for yourself, demand how you want to be treated, release those that do not add value to any type of relationship..energy suckers..it hurts..find creative outlets for the pain..cry when you need to..like me..I usually cry in the shower when it bothers me...it us when something triggers it or when your mind is not preoccupied
KerryMillar, depending on what other baggage is included in that package and the personal dynamics, you may NEVER get it back to original form. Again, heavily depending on context and behavioral and value dynamics…..
I've been told by a work colleague (about 20years older than me) some 10 years ago, that his relationship with the wife is: "we're like brothers" :) Now , at 40 years old it's begining to happen to me..... Things are not anymore like they were 10 years ago. We're not brothers yet, but we are slowly getting on that road Age, tiredness, raising a child, the fact that we see each other every day/routine, boredom, problems...... All this adds up and I am certain it will get worse....
I can only speak from my own experience and those of my friends, if your wife ain’t interested in sleeping with you, it’s cause she’s getting it from somebody else
@@lottimerrill2630Same! Women get rejected and people always the blame the woman regardless of if she's getting rejected or the one doing the rejected. It's messed up!
You can only be rejected so many times before you stop trying.
When she doesn’t want you, it does take that long before you no longer want her.
I’m already there.
That’s exactly it. I wish in my marriage we were intimate once a month.. that’d be a huge increase. But yeah even if they finally agree to it, and you see disinterest in there eyes while attempting to be intimate.. it’s a complete turn off. Desperate to feel desired by someone.. just wish it was my wife 😞
@@PictureMaker22 Me too, I quit trying...rejection hurts a lot to be looking for it again and again.
I don’t get it I like doing it once a day would be great people don’t value their lovers any more
When your spouse isn't interested they already left the relationship, they just haven't been honest about it yet.
That is not always true.
I agree. There are many harsh realities that most people will never accept. This is one of them
Yup!!
I would very much like to see the proof in that. I have evidence that they just might be pretty happy with making the other partner miserable. Sometimes neglect and emotional abuse is what does it for them, I think they get off on the suffering.
@@alexisa116 yes but it is more often than not……
Most spouses end up being room-mates and not lovers.
Yep, mine has been for many years.
I have been dealing with that for the last few years!
Sound like a skill issue 💀
I have just started....its been 60 days now..
Your comment hits to close to home 😊
Forced celibacy is cruel
So true, being turned down as the woman is so humiliating. In a loveless, sexless marriage for 25 yrs.. I wish I had left years earlier.
@@LittleCarol how possible?
@@LittleCarolso you did leave?
@@LittleCarol so leave, and leave his money behind
Actually it's INVOLUNTARY Celibacy
Totally relate to the first client. I could be him. It's become a stand-off. And it's done grave damage to my mental and emotional well-being. Getting past that feeling of being completely rejected every waking moment is literally torture.
I can relate as well. I have to ask myself every day is it worth this torment.
Me oo
@@matthickman806 it isn’t worth it.. the words you chose subconsciously (torment etc.) are feelings that shouldn’t be felt from someone we love romantically. Period. Be civil but be you unapologetically. If she isn’t on board so be it that’s fine but you need to look out for number one before someone else really will. Cheers and I hope you are doing better emotionally
need better communication... sign up for marriage counseling and try it out... it's worth it... WAY more worth it than listening to this nut who thinks that your spouse is part of the reason for anybody straying.
Every man in this comment section that is being rejected at home STOP being soo small minded and just leave that women there’s millions of women out here ✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾
I’m still trying to figure out how it is always the man’s fault, and how he does not deserve intimacy unless he can figure out what special things he must do to deserve her attention.
Me too 😂
Her reply "men need beat up" should tell you all about the direction this conversation
Yea isn't paying for everything and taking care of the kids, the yard, and helping with the house work enuff. There's no money left over for dates where married not dating. Every dime a man makes goes towards supporting the life style she wants.
@@red606 Funny that: what a man does is automatically "the minimum", whereas a woman is taught they're already "special" so anything she agrees to is additional and "extra".
Because the man leads the marriage (Spiritually, emotionally and mentally) and has the power to nurture their wife and set the tone for the rest of the household
What you are also saying according to this video, is that the man is “SOL” until she “feels” she wants to have intercourse until she wants to. It can’t be just one-sided until she says to herself, “I guess he got his act together”. This is not the type of marriage I would want
That's so True in my marriage!
It's not like that. Intimacy outside the bedroom to unlock it IN the bedroom is the point.
Well, then, I don't feel like paying the bills anymore. Good luck with that.
@@dapawaz8310 You pay bills?!!! See, most of us women don't even get THAT. We have to do it ALL.
@@SENSEFmost women are not financially responsible for their household. Women simply don’t take that deal, typically.
A sexless marriage is an abusive marriage - get out of it.
Love that!!
Do not forget about financial abuse either
Not necessarily. If both partners do actually agree, it's not. The problem becomes when one person doesn't agree to it . Just because that's been your experience doesn't mean it's everyone's experience.
@@corbingarrett1206 It is never both partner's decision
@@suuuuuuu19 Concur.
If there is no food at home, you go out for dinner. I'm not talking about food
Well if a partner that has been married for a long time... Like 20+ years and the wife has refused intimacy with the husband and only uses the husband for a piggy bank then it is time to cut the piggy bank off
Be careful as the Courts will eat you alive.
Haha let's see what the lawyers have to say about that. You signed yourself up for the pay now pay later program.
How True!
@@halcyonzenith4411 and thats why you dont get married.
It’s impossible to close the bank. If a man leaves, he loses half, or more, of his stuff.
Intimacy in marriage is a three part deal. There’s spiritual, emotional and physical. Throwing any one of those elements out the window will erode the others away over time.
Your right. I get none of those things. None.
@@BedfordFalls7 then pack your bags and go
No it's not about sprint
@@jasonsamuel6601 what?
@@SnookOnTheFly it is not spiritual
A sexless marriage isn't a marriage
IN YOUR OPINION
...for 98% of married men. I agree with you.
Agreed and it's painful to live in it.
I was sexually rejected by my wife for years. The answer? divorce. She still blames me for all of it.
They always do.
My ex husband would make up excuses. Thought something was wrong with me.
@@LauriKunes excuses for what????
@@jamesrush6705 You’re absolutely correct. You can have the perfect roommate style relationship that these bozos are talking about but it won’t change a darn thing sexually. They’re just promoting their courses.
Missing the point here. One of the worst phrases a man ever wnats to hear is " hurry up and get it over with". Which is a form of rejection that will NEVER allow intimacy to flourish.
Yikes! I can't imagine ever even having that thought!
But I do know what it's like to get rejected by my husband. Regularly. And he never initiates anymore. 💔
Yeah my gf has said a few times a wish you could do it whilst I am asleep. It feels so degrading
But if you respond with, "ok, guess im done here then." And then get out of the bed before finishing, YOU'RE the bad guy. She says she wants it over with, but cant handle when the guy makes the decision to end the encounter before biological inevitability does.
That happens all the time
I had a sexless marriage. It was awful. I was discarded. This is normal nowadays, everything gets disposed. I have accepted and learned from it.
I’m so sorry to hear that. It happened to me too. It’s all too common in the narcissist’s love bombing, devaluation, and discard cycle I’ve learned.
Did you remarry?
@@Last_Chance. hells no. No doing that again.
I’m sorry to hear that. Did you end up divorced? And at what point, if you divorced her, did you decide to leave? I’m experiencing the same thing with my husband. 😢
@@dja192 yes, we have gone our separate way. I’m sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. My only advice is for you to plan an exit. You are not going to salvage this relationship. It’s do what he says or live your life as you intended it to be. Giving up your control make it worst for you.
16:40 He IS NEGLECTED, by his wife. He does not just "feel neglected".
It's always the man's fault.
@@Yeahimalright I hope you are being sarcastic and you don't believe that
@@realprimeart yeah
Simple answer, find someone who will.
How to snd where ? Is it that easy ?
@@pranayadash9901it’s not easy. You just have to make yourself appealing and personable.
After too long, the relationship becomes broken. You can't repair a broken glass and expect it to become like new. It will always look and feel broken. The damage is permanent.
It depends on how you fix the glass! If you put it back into the fire, it will come out stronger than before!
@GaryStewart-ml1mu it'll come out as a lump of glass...
“I’ll never say no to my husband in the bedroom except for pain and other people.” - from the book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Scheslinger.
This is what you will say until you do the opposite
15:57 No, we´re not. No even joke about it. Men have been under attack for too long.
Is it right for someone else to decide for me if am celibate?
I had intimacy with my ex wife less than two times per year. At one point it was nine months. And when we were intimate it was a chore for her.
And that's why she's your ex. Good riddance!
Oh my god 💔💔
Im sorry brother!! That's terrible.
I am a woman and I experienced the same thing. I started looking into narcissistic behavior. The control that they want is unbelievable.
I know how you feel, I've gone over 23 years, No Hugs, No Kisses , No Touching, Now we've gone to individual bedrooms !
Most women do not get turned on just because you are. Don’t confuse Lust with Love because you will never know what true love is. When you are being controlled by a narcissist chances are you have never felt real love because they are really good at pretending. So the answer is if they are withholding from you there is a reason why, it’s not just about you. It’s their problem to figure out, not yours.
I am so sorry because you married a narcissist 💔
It's not a small club!
being married to a narcissist is a whole different topic, The act of marriage is to take care of each others needs, when one decides that their needs are more important and neglecting a critical need is ok, then they are neglecting the duty of care in a marriage and telling the other My needs are more important than yours, but don't seek that need somewhere else !
@@johnmac167 you get it , that's exactly how I felt in the past ..
@@Meriamnashe’s probably not. We just live in a world of weaponized pop psychology within a gynocentric frame. It is what it is.
In other words, further emasculate yourself by allowing yourself to be gaslit throughout the wild goose chase of pursuing her “intimacy needs”. Make it transactional or like a game of “Simon says” and dismiss her wifely obligations and responsibilities. Oh and don’t mind the other people that have had her that did not have to go through these puzzles and games. You are the nice guy that finished last.
In todays world, Chad and Tyrone have it made. All other men are “Poindexters.”
Well put sir, well put
@GregNice718, so have you spoken to the other partners that have “had” her, but didn’t have to go through what you’re going through? Also, you have “had” her too, so are you able to discern any differences in your own behavior from when you “had” her and now?
@@melstarr1864 Gaslighting 101
@@thedualtransition6070 I don't think that word means what you think it means. 😆
Im dealing with this and it's making me feel insecure. We're still both in our 30's but it seems like he's just not into it. So frustrating..😢
If you don’t have kids, leave. It won’t get any better.
You have a nice pic most guys be ready for you
If you was with me, you would be getting it every wich way💪🏿
If you don’t have kids leave. It’s only going to get worse.
I am experiencing the same thing. It's exhausting emotionally, mentally and physically
I believe intimacy is essential outside the bedroom, but it seems like it’s always the men’s responsibility and burden. Why do we give the women an out, they need to be just as responsible to ensure intimacy can be achieved.
Thanks - I heard this about 24 years ago, and when meeting with our pastor, I asked him to read this passage from the Bible but he couldn't find it, but he would get back with us.
Let slide at the moment. Have a talk and get to the reason. It’s either loss of attraction, caring, or both. From there make a decision but don’t let it stand.
After 42 years of marriage, I'm less likely to believe that your partner has left the relationship, but there are typically other circumstances. Start to fix the issue by talking with each other.
That’s just it they don’t communicate anymore or improperly like yelling at each other communicate will resolve most issues
First, if you got married, im sorry for your loss. Second, if in a sexless marriage, get rid of her.
Psych 101: Women "marry" for resources!. Consider the children's tale of Cinderella and the screen hit Pretty Woman. The theme is the same. A marriage-minded man is shopping for a life partner and mate while a marriage-minded woman is shopping for a lifestyle. Men marry idealistically and women marry opportunistically. No one explained this to me in my naive youth but when my EX and "friend" processed me through the cash grab settlement system reality struck. Love? Note: The average marriage ends at the 8-year mark, At the moment Sylvester Stallone's wife is in hot pursuit of a $200 million settlement and Ruidi Giuliani isn't-doing much better, Obviously women divorce for resources. It is not marriage that men fear it is divorce. What part do I have wrong?
I thought they were getting counseling and she returned to Sylvester 👍
Bullseye 🎯
Yes, you've got it figured out.
You are wrong. And Julia Roberts in Pretty Women did not want to be all set up in a fancy apartment by Gere, she wanted him. It is not satisfying to not ever have affection and love.
@@BedfordFalls7 but she was making a living on having men pay attention to her. That's funny. She wanted to see if he wanted her or not and not just for the sake of having a female around for the look of having a good looking woman around. High powered men aren't interested in needing a woman for their income. Men in general want arm candy, however it looks to them as arm candy. Just saying.
I was scrolling through TH-cam trying to find videos that can answer a few of my hard questions and found your video. Thanks a lot for sharing
Get yourself a dog & go fishing. A dog always loves you & thinks you're perfect. Fishing is exciting hooking that big one, and at the end of the day you have a fresh, delicious meal as a bonus! It's all a Win-Win!
That sounds all well and good. But society tends to frown upon doing things with my dog, that i wish I could do with my wife!
Try being married for 35 years and the wife has rejected me for the last 20 years?
You got me by 15 years or so , but same boat, what's your age gap?
Find a side chick😀
@Steve Johnson I’ve tried it! 41 years and sexless last 24. I’m done. I’ve finally found my man card and I’m gone next year. (I’ve got an action plan I’m working because my wife is a narcissist, so I’m getting my ducks in a row) I feel like I wasted my life.
@@SammifromMiami
You ain't done yet Sam. Keep ya chin up, keep getting those ducks in a row, put the line in the sand, move forward. You've done it this ling, not far to go now.👏🫵🖖🏍
@@SammifromMiamiWell you finish strong keep doing what you are doing.
That person would be a selfish spouse or there's horrible communication between the two. Selfishness and poor communication ruins marriages. A marriage is based on meeting each other's needs physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.
But regardless of what you do, women seem to be unfulfilled. You can go to the moon and back for them, change for them and provide all their needs and they still seem unfulfilled. What do we don in this situation?
Good luck with your situation. Try counseling first, then if that is useless perhaps it is time to move on. YOU ONLY GET ONE LIFE - MAKE THE BEST OF WHAT YOU HAVE OR CHANGE UP YOUR LIFE. Good luck.
A wife that refuses to be intimate, is sowing a future harvest of infidelity. Don’t be surprised when he finds a more beautiful woman to be with and leaves. You sowed to the wind, and reaped a whirlwind.
Sometimes she was already having an emotional affair with a man and sometimes overtime, it leads to physical affairs. I had many wives whom I meet in social media, overtime, they wanted to have a physical affair with me eventhough they said their husbands are good men. I dont understand why.
@@ahmadyusof2480 - Did the women themselves understand why they wanted to do it? What did they say when they were explaining why, whether you believe what they said or not?
@@darriuscole8544 It would not matter a bit what she says. That is her conscious mind speaking. Desire comes from the unconscious. The conscious mind simply puts forth a socially acceptable "reason" for the decision that the unconscious already made.
It doesn't sound like she'd mind.
@@ahmadyusof2480 Emotional affairs do not exist. They are subjective fitments of the imagination.
Married people stop dating or otherwise doing things with each other. Like much of the world, they get complacent, staying home to stare at screens when there is time, and no time is spent being with each other.
When her heart has grown cold it is done.
I am not going to be fulfilled from cuddling I’m just not. That is bad advice.
Lol I hope they are kidding...
@@soup-nazi6824 No, they're not..
I would never get married again.
Divorced my spouse for no intimacy, found out later she was cheating 😮
I disagree with the advice to still show affection. Like cuddling and holding hands. My husband does that and it Infuriates me. It’s like foreplay followed by “good night”.
Thank you for your honesty
lol that’s true, I hate it too
Then what should he do instead?
@@AL-pu7ux run
@@robinjackson4158 my wife does the same to me, I think it's just for show so other people will think what a lovely couple you are, it's all lies
This is why marriage isn't worth it. One person can just say "No" and make the decision for the both of you and then you're out of luck for the rest of your marriage. I'll never do it again. "Compromise" is just another word for losing
unless its a medical issue, and unavoildable
ask her to go to couples counseling, if she refuses - shes done with you......then its just time to get out
life is too short to be in a sexless marriage
Divorce. There is no fix for this because your partner doesn't care about you!
Any relationship is over when your disconnected from other person. Shouldn't happen, if it does, try twice to repair, then move on.
It's heartbreaking living in a sexless marriage. My husband is okay with it. I am not. We've talked about it and he won't change it. Its effecting us for sure and not in a great way. I feel rejected. :(
how do you cope well enough to go on?
Easiest way to fix that Go for milk on your motorcycle and don't come back for few months , 😂
That actually worked the last six times!
@@rogerdepretto440 I feel like doing that sometimes
@@Jackpot777-9 works for me.
Cuddle instead of intercourse???? What??
Exactly
Only if she cuddles my what she lacks.
One can easily lead to the other. The woman feels secure and loved. It works.
Men don't marry to cuddle its not a compromise. That's b.s.
As long as its mouth cuddles. 😊
Thank you for noting how they contribute with rejection no others acknowledge that
With modern technology, I won't go into the details in this comment, men have options that will draw them away from a real woman. Meaning, if the chase is too hard, men won't even be interested. It's already happening.
Even if you NEVER reject your husband and even if he's not interested in "other means" he will STILL lose interest. Guys think they won't, but if the woman doesn't lose interest, the guy WILL.
Intimacy goes both ways, however as usual all I hear here is it's the man's fault.
i remain loyal n faithful n have zero desire to go outside my marriage. i honestly dnt want anyone else.
You are in for world of Hurt
@the_flip_side_paranormal I feel the same way, but I’m divorcing her anyway. 41 years is enough.
@@SammifromMiami he left me last November😭we haven't gotten divorce started. he actually came over for dinner tonight lol. we recently started talking again but i made it clear i wont take him back. i told him dnt make my suffering n heartbreak be for nothing n to work out whatever between him n his gf. its hard for me to be round him tho cuz im still in luv with him. it sucks!! i wont take him bck cuz he probably would go bck to her eventually n im just not willing to go through it ever again. i havent dated since he left n ive turned dwn plenty of offer's cuz im scared of making another wrong choice of mate. im happier alone right now. maybe someone worth my luv will come along later but for now im finding myself again.
@@Carib6855 i cnt be hurt no more than i already have been.
@@the_flip_side_paranormal you are doing the right thing. I plan on spending some alone time, too. Best of luck to you.
If I were the man that you wanted, I would not be the man that I am. 🙂
Forced celibacy and no intimacy for the past 20 yrs.. I think Ive only stayed for the kids.
Men are easy. If his unit functions. Most often a simple grab will start the ball rolling for a man.
You partner knows they're hurting you and they do it anyway, it's emotional abuse, leave them and if you can't leave them, cheat.
Cheating hurts your own soul. Just divorce.
@@honeyfurfarm2182 divorce is expensive with everybody
@@honeyfurfarm2182 Divorce hurts your finances.
Watch “the happy wife school”- changed my life
Gah. This video made me feel more hopeless than anything.
Me too.😂
Get a new spouse. Once they are done with you, they are done.
If the relationship has reached a point that there are problems, it is already too late. It should have never gotten that far because the unsatisfied party allowed it to happen. Unfortunately this is an issue in the Western countries. I lived in the US and did not realize how big of a problem it was. I moved to Latin America and the women showed me real fast how horrible American women are for relationships. The bitterness I felt has never gone away. It is actually a despicable thing to do to someone who has promised to love me.
15 years and counting in a sexless relationship
@@theholisticmystic4459 You must be happy with a sexless marriage or you would have done something about it. You allowed it to go on for 15 years so he must provide other things to make up for it. 🤷🏻♂️
@@theholisticmystic4459 you are a fantastic person if you didnt resort to infidelity.
Marriage is fraud by deception.
@@theholisticmystic4459 I feel for you. As a fellow woman looking at these same videos, I know how much you’re struggling. There is so little help for women on this end of it.
23:40
Show of hands gentlemen and high drive ladies. You got married "until death" to "cuddle"?
That should be the top line in the marriage vows. See how many folks bolt as fast as they can through the first door or window they can open.
Cuddle. Women don't even want that any more in today's culture. Are we talking about tweens here? Try this and wife will be asking for a separate bedroom nowadays unless SHE decides to.
That is issue it is all about happy wife, happy life and she cannot even yell you what will make her happy. Even if you get...whatever...or DO...whatever...it will never be enough and it will never stop. With ZERO results other than MORE wants and MORE excuses that to her and the entire Marriage Industrial Complex are called "reasons".
It’s been over a decade that we’ve touched each other. We have separate bedrooms and barely interact. We share household duties and raise our children together but other than that, we do our own thing.
I hope that is a choice both of you are making and ok with. If one of you is aching for that connection that is horrible.
@@nledelnr Almost 20 years of marriage. I don’t say much about it anymore because it seems futile. Most people live with worse conditions
Check out Corey Wayne and all his videos and his book about this topic
Roommates at best
@@theholisticmystic4459 it’s a very large club
Refusal or withdrawal are manipulative behaviors of a control freak … opportunities abound it’s just not desirable because of issues of disrespect
A relationship is all behavioral. We need to bring out the romantic behavior in our spouce by our own behavior. It has to be maintained.
One does get over trying and getting rejected so then one cuts straight to the chase if you get rejected straight up one hasn’t wasted time and one avoids becoming even more frustrated
You made your decision. What do you think your partner will do? Do you want to divorce but are "just too comfortable." This is a strange relationship. It does have consequences.
Per usual. Everything is on the guy. No wonder everyone is walking away. Its exhausting trying to be everything all the time.
Low drive just means the guys going to have to do 3x the heavy lifting to get the woman’s tank from E to maybe a quarter tank . Low drive / libido has so many issues attached to it , trying to figure out what caused it could take years to figure out and may never change . Your drive / desire should be at a base level of matching each other or close to it . When it’s far apart it just doesn’t work.
Sure, but people's libido's and drives also change pretty regularly throughout their lives.
Interesting - and supremely validating and reassuring. THANK YOU!
-A higher-drive wife in a recovering sexless marriage
These conversation should be had before any start of a relationship. Off topic, as a woodworker that River table looks amazing 😍
DEMAGAMAYUNOV, I would have agreed with your strategy. But there is a huge problem that’s much more common that I realized. Many of these kind of people will just straight up lie to you……. They keep up “appearances” long enuff to get entangled bigtime and then they stop pretending and ho back to their true character. This is why people see these massive changes in the first few years of marriage, as one example
@@freeandcriticalthinker4431 yeah. I see it happen way too often.
I'm living it.
Don't feel bad, I'm on the same boat.
You don't have to.
I'm with you! menopause killed it.@@tomslik4
Watch “ the happy wife school”
Marriage is dead. First marriage divorce rate after 20 years is 50%.
Most marriages after 10 years are sexless, but the man still has to subsidize the woman.
Change divorce laws or marriage rates will continue to head to zero.
Couldn't agree more with you.
It’s very hard , I was rejected for 10 years…..
It's a game of serving your spouses needs without demanding they serve you, that's what real love is. Anything else is putting yourself before them and that's not a marriage. Let's walk by the Spirit not by the flesh.
Oh ya, and what if once a year is what she offers and it hurry up. I'll bet your tune changes then.
Less than twice a year on average. Only one time last year.
And people wonder why I'm still single at 57 and have never been married. LOL
My last. We both came from sexless marriages.
From that I told her I would never say no. No arguments in the bedroom. It is a safe place. No lies or run either of us to the poor farm.
Pretty much smooth sailing till she died. Al tho she really took advantage of me never saying no. But I stood by my word.
My first two marriages basically figured they would run my life and supply them with what ever they wanted or no relations in the bed room. They would also chase you around the house to yell at you. Something my last spouse never did or I.
These talks are so important.
Best thing is living together ..So. both are free to go on their ways at anytime.
The answer to the first question was incorrect. They’re both doing the same thing to each other. They’re closing off channels of intimacy because channels of intimacy is closed off. Except one person is doing it on purpose, and one is probably just being a blockhead.
Marriage is choosing someone and sacrificing for them daily. Keeping score means you’re centered on self rather than the other. Therapy that takes for granted the impulses, beliefs, and priorities of a materialist, transactional, and secular humanist world is going to break more marriages than it helps
But if I step out, I'm the bad guy. Smh
The folks commenting need to actually watch and listen to the video. I think the most effective way to fix this is to be able to communicate openly and honestly like adults. Some people, myself included, didn't learn how to communicate well in relationships. So, therapy and coaching will help!
Well, my partner refuses to communicate and I doubt she’s even capabel of it. Have no place to go so I just deal with it and read comments so that I know I am not alone.
Try to become her best friend, and watch every ounce of respect she ever had for you disappear. You are not her best friend, you are her husband. Fulfill that role in a loving manner, and she’ll fulfill her role in a loving manner.
Go get a dog
Once again, its always about the womans needs? Try fulfilling the man's needs as well? The man does not need the intimacy as much as the women does, and this needs to be taken under consideration? Pleasing each other goes both ways?
Refuse to have a sexless marriage. Don't put up with it. Just move on.
Sexless means end of relationship. Move on
I'm dealing with this right now.
To be quite honest it’s not worth the agro, headaches and all the rejections
I married the wrong person...
Then get rid of him/her and find the right person. You ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE TO LIVE. You need to decide to thrive, or move on.
Described mine to a "T". None from the wife and won't discuss it.
I am sorry for your situation. Might be time to grab the bull by the horns and change out your life partner.
Time to get out the Ole pillow and imagine lol
How are you meant to recover trust and intimacy after infidelity?
Hey Kerry! We actually have numerous videos about how to rebuild trust in a relationship after cheating. You can find a full playlist here:
th-cam.com/video/VZIqIHHMt2M/w-d-xo.html
You can be a simp & live with it or be a real man & get rid of her...
It is a long process. I was told by my counselor it takes years and you still never forget. Once you start healing..you have to advocate for yourself, demand how you want to be treated, release those that do not add value to any type of relationship..energy suckers..it hurts..find creative outlets for the pain..cry when you need to..like me..I usually cry in the shower when it bothers me...it us when something triggers it or when your mind is not preoccupied
KerryMillar, depending on what other baggage is included in that package and the personal dynamics, you may NEVER get it back to original form. Again, heavily depending on context and behavioral and value dynamics…..
@@MarriageHelper MarriageHelper
Emasculation creates less attraction and deepens the disconnect. How is this good advice?
Watch “the happy wife school”
Always blame the man
Good job
Thank you for the valuable information! This helps me understand a lot!
I've been told by a work colleague (about 20years older than me) some 10 years ago, that his relationship with the wife is: "we're like brothers" :)
Now , at 40 years old it's begining to happen to me..... Things are not anymore like they were 10 years ago. We're not brothers yet, but we are slowly getting on that road
Age, tiredness, raising a child, the fact that we see each other every day/routine, boredom, problems...... All this adds up and I am certain it will get worse....
This program is a letdown... making excuses, not tacking any problems or offering solutions here...
Watch “the happy wife school” - you will be happy you did- I am addicted to it…
I can only speak from my own experience and those of my friends, if your wife ain’t interested in sleeping with you, it’s cause she’s getting it from somebody else
Does that go for men too? Cuz I have been turned down soooo many times by my man….
@@lottimerrill2630Same! Women get rejected and people always the blame the woman regardless of if she's getting rejected or the one doing the rejected. It's messed up!
It’s time for a divorce.
Hi Joe! It’s been a long time. I hope you’re doing well. It’s good to see you.