Schizophrenia: My biggest delusions 😵💫 Living with schizophrenia 🧠
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 พ.ค. 2024
- Hi! 👋
finally a new video and this one is about my biggest delusion I have had since getting diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.
hope you'll like it!
love you! 💚
contact: kimberlyhallberg95@outlook.com
#schizophrenia #mentalhealth #livingwithschizophrenia
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Editing software: Imovie or final cut pro
Thumbnails: canva, procreate
Music: epidemicsound
All of my music is from epidemic sound! www.epidemicsound.com/music/f...
Your honest sharing of delusions really helps me to realize that my own terrifying delusions are in-fact not reality, which is very reassuring! Thank you.
thank you! that really makes it worth it for me to post videos like this, knowing they might help someone! ❤️
Thank you ! You are educating many of us who care and love individuals who live with schizophrenia as you.
My son's psychosis moments we very similar to yours. He too wanted to live in the forest in a tent to flee the crowds and live in isolation . He too experienced deep anxiety over neighbors talking about him,coworkers poisoning his food and sabotaging his vehicle. People breaking in to our home though all door locks were changed and cameras set up to his request.
Not leaving the home for nearly a year due to anxiety and delusions.
Medication has greatly helped, took nearly two years find the med combination that settled his psychosis. Also, a therapy dog has helped tremendously.
One lingering issue is not showering for months, changes cloths regularly, but brushing teeth and bathing are a struggle.
Listening to this video is educational and heart touching.please know your are a great teacher and helping many of us to understand what it is like living with schizophrenia.
❤❤❤
Thank you Cynthia! that means so much to me! 🥹 and thank you for sharing, I hope everything continues to get better for you and your son. I can tell he has a caring mother and thats a big help in recovering I find. have nice Sunday! 💚
Thank you, Kim ❤️ I wish the best for you,too!
OK this was interesting one. My bf has a lot of this symptoms, especially he set up a camera infront of the door. Brushing teeth and shower I sometimes need to ask him. Also he changes clothes a lot and are obsessed with using to much deodorant. Always ask me if he smells bad? Sometimes it's like he goes into his own world and I can't connect with him when I try to talk. He just ignore me. He is also delusional sometimes when we having a conversation like he feel I attack him when I'm not. It's very difficult and it's like caring for a child. He never make dinner. Barly anything at home. He me er wa t to talk about his health when I ask him and shuts down. Also anger outburst. I also noticed his tone of voice changes depending on person he is with. He is very good at masking. Can this be the answer? I thought first bipolar but I'm not sure now it's gotten worse with age
I want you to know that I feel how hard this must be for you, sharing all of this. This is so very personal and you being vulnerable with these struggles and nuances that are still bothering you, is so so so very brave. Your sharing may not be helping many people, but it is helping enough people. Thank you!
Oh thank you so much! 🥰
I have schizoaffective disorder and struggle with delusions every day. It's so nice to know I'm not alone
💚
You are very brave. Thank you for sharing the reality of living with schizophrenia.
Thank you Holly! 🥰
While watching your video I remembered TH-cam channel that’s called “Living well with schizophrenia”. The creator of the channel, Lauren, has schizoaffective disorder and recently she (onboard with her psychiatrist, psychologist and keto-coach) started her keto journey that goes surprisingly well.
IN NO WAY I suggest you to start keto but maybe it will be interesting for you to check out her videos.
Lauren is talking a lot about the reduction of her symptoms (and the doctors are not concerned about her health as well) so I though that maybe if you are treatment resistent, something like this might help. Also keto seems to help really well with easing symptoms of diabetes, which is also nice.
Once again, I don’t want this to look like I give you an advice of any sort, because I don’t know your situation and your struggles fully and I am not educated about keto either.
So I guess it’s just a recommendation of a very nice TH-cam channel 😊
Hope you won’t find my message rude or intrusive, because I wish you all the best in the world❤
haha funny that you mention that! I started doing keto again after a big break from it this Christmas and I do feel better eating a ketogenic diet, I get slightly more energy and it has been much easier to lose the weight. and don't worry I don't find it intrusive I realize that it comes from a good place. have a nice weekend and thank you for watching and commenting! 💚
I relate so much to the neighbor delusions. I thought I was being harassed by neighbors who were a part of a noise campaign by the CIA. I thought I was a "targeted individual" and my hallucinations played into that. They thought I was treatment resistant until they tried me on Invega and now everything is basically gone. It was such a miserable experience. I can't believe how stressed I was. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. You're not alone. I hope things get better for you!
thank you! sad to hear you can relate but glad you have found a treatment that works for you! sending you a virtual hug! 🥰
@@KimberlyHallberg Thank you! *hugs*
💚@@silverdweller2809
I had no idea that other people suffered from these delusions too! I didn't realise they were delusions until I saw this video about the neighbours, I'm constantly creeping around my flat and scared to make noise
I have a schizophrenic friend whose main delusion is becoming invisible against his will. I’m not mentally ill, but I’ve felt and still feel “invisible” a lot, so that would likely be my delusion too, if I had schizophrenia. He usually gets this delusion when they change his meds and he gets hospitalized. Whenever I go visit him while he’s psychotic, he tells me that he’s happy because I have “a special vision” that allows me to see him and therefore he feels safe. I know he might sound stupid to most people, but I can consider his trust one of my biggest accomplishments in life!
oh wow he must really trust you as his friend! glad to now he has you. thank you for watching and I hope you're both doing well! 💚
Thanks for sharing! This is really helpful for people who aren’t even formally diagnosed with Schizophrenia since everyone lives with delusions about the world and themselves.
I urge you to look into Buddhist psychology - maybe even visit a Buddhist temple in Sweden.
There are fantastic virtual resources by Ajahn Sumedo (an American monk trained in Thailand) from the Amaravati Buddhist Monastery (a monastery in England) channel here on TH-cam.
thank you! 💚
i have the same delusion with my neighbors. they do it on purpose! and i must be so quiet that i barely exist bc otherwise they will take revenge .. 😭😄 haha it's awful to feel such paranoia for years no matter where you live.
the moon thing sounds terrifying! :(
sad to hear you also have this delusion, it really makes you behave weird in your own home... 😔 and yes the moon thing was terrifying, glad I havent had anything like that since. thank you for watching! 💚
My most common delusions are that I have HIV or cancer or some kind of illness that even doctors don't know how to treat, I also think that people put acid or poison in my food and also I am sooo scared of animals because I think that they are demons who are spying on me. I have many others extreme delusions. I also experience hallucinations, I see flies that aren't here and also I see polar lights sometimes. Funny thing is that I also heard moon talking to me. I hear many voices in my head all the time, some bad some good- I call them personalities. I also think that I experience dissociation? Idk, I sometimes forget who I am and where I am and everything feels like a video game-not real.I am 23 years old and I started to experience these symptoms just a few months ago but I am already on antipsychotics. They do help but only like 50%. So my doctor wants me to stay at psych ward to start a more complex treatment since my symptoms are pretty strong. Life with schizofrenia is very hard. Its an everyday battle cause sometimes it gets very overwhelming.
Sad to hear that, I hope the treatment will work better for you than the antipsychotics. good luck and thank you for watching and sharing! 💚
Heck yeah, I feel you on the criminal minds bit. Thank you for being open enough to share this.
I know how it feels, I have bipolar and co-ocurring ocd..I also have delusions. So hard you just believe them as truth.. so hard to get out of their grasp. But we are trying 😊❤
sad to hear you can also relate but as you said: were trying! 🥰❤️
When my schizophrenia was new I had a lot of communication through walls. At times I would try to get away from the madness by leaving. I thought it worked. I haven't had that style of communication through walls in decades.
thank you for sharing! 😊
Thanks Kimberly! I always enjoy your videos! ❤
thank you! 🥹💚
I really wish I was as brave to do what you do and be so open about myself. I just hope you know how very strong you actually are. There really should be a television series where people who have schizophrenia are more accurately portrayed. I distrust a lot of people as well. I tend to believe I am always judged or people are thinking terrible things about me. I think this is just from the negative experiences I had as a child. I do have a funny story about a neighbor. When I used to smoke, I had to go outside. I always thought this neighbor was laughing or talking about me. We never really met until our neighborhood flooded. He said to me that he "knew" I probably thought he was strange. So he was actually worried about what I was thinking about him that whole time. I admitted that I thought he was thinking the same about me. We had a good laugh about it.
oh thank you! and I agree, I wish they portrayed schizophrenia in a more accurate way in tv but as of yet I don't think I have seen much of it (if at all). funny story, I find that most people are so consumed by their own anxiety and thought about themselves that they most often don't actually think of us they way we think they do... but of course thats hard to think of in the moment, especially in psychosis or strong anxiety. I glad you had a laugh at it! again thank you for your lovely comment and for watching! 💚
Thank you for being so honest, real and vulnerable. I totally relate to the neighbour one. I get really upset and think my neighbours have turned on their pigeon scarer even after I told them that the noise bothers me. It’s more that I get obsessed about it and use it as an excuse not to record my singing because the noise would be in the background.
thank you for watching and sharing! 💚
Hi Kimberly, you look fantastic! Thank you for sharing and making us aware of some of the things you have struggled with. Kim, you have friends....please think of me as your far away friend. Have a great weekend and I look forward to your next video
thank you Pam! 🥹 I definitely will think of you as a friend, and have a great weekend too, hopefully there will be a vlog coming on Sunday maybe, depends if I have time to edit it! ❤️
Thank you for sharing Kimberly. ❤ Sharing our inner most vulnerabilities is no easy thing to do. ❤ Just to reassure you, that you are a beautiful person, and your inner beauty radiates outwards. It's always a pleasure watching your videos, I can't believe for one second you could annoy anyone. 🙂 Neighbours if anything tend to show displeasure by making loud noises, playing loud music etc. and consistently so. If you aren't experiencing anything like this you have nothing to worry about. 🙂
Thing is time alone, is time on one's hand to get trapped in internal thoughts, and if we are vulnerable, feeling down etc. our thoughts tend to fixate around the negatives in our current life, which is why it's always nice to have positive people around who can distract and highlight all the positives that we tend to forget. 🙂I think it's also important to remember that your Dad was far from perfect and one can be easily triggered because of that. ❤ Kimberly I hope this has found you in a good place and lifted your spirits some. 🙂I find it very difficult to understand how you haven't met your significant other yet. You are doing everything right, it has only got to be a matter of time... Much love and respect to you, keep up the good work. 🙂
thank you for your kind comment John! 💚
You are so brave to openly talk about this! I am so impressed by your strength!
thank you! 💚
Hello Kimberly! Thank you for sharing what your delusions are like. I find them interesting that there seems to be some common ones among schizophrenics like being watched/spied on, worrying about body odor, etc. Funny enough, i actually experienced the paranoia about body odor during my teen years. It was playing into my anxiety about my hygiene and appearance to others at the time. These were also some very hard years of my life personally. And, I have a strong suspicion my father had paranoid schizophrenia, but went undiagnosed his entire life. I grew out of these delusions somehow. I truly believe the only reason my delusions didn't develop into the full blown disorder, is because i never drank alcohol or did any drugs. And thankfully, i started paying attention to my nutrition and my sleep as i got older. But schizophrenia has always fascinated me, as i see so much of my poor tortured Dad in the disease. And so funny when you mentioned the FBI! Being from Sweden, thats quite a unique delusion for you to have. It is a quite common delusion for the ones in the US. Now I'm curious to know if the FBI's negative reputation is something recognized all over the world..
Hi! and thank you for watching! 🥰 these paranoid delusions I apparently a very western type of symtom when it comes to schizophrenia. schizophrenic symtoms tend to look different depending on what religion and culture you come from. its very interesting! as for the FBI thing, yes id say they do have somewhat of a negative reputation here as well. delusions can really be bizarre and not make any sense at all. 😂 Again thank you for watching and have a nice Sunday! 💚
Hello Kimberly, thank you for having the courage to share your experiences, I have very similar
Delusions about the FBI watching me and I also struggle with feeling I have a chip in my arm and I can be tracked by FBI and doctors, I wish you the best and everyone suffering with schizophrenia, it can be a lonely road so it’s nice to hear other people who know what it’s Ike to deal with this horrible ilness
Hi! thank you for watching and commenting. and I agree, this illness can definitely make you feel very alone and in my case scared too. I hope you're doing better now and I wish you well too! 💚
Thank you so much for making this video 😊. I also suffer with psychosis and paranoia. It is really difficult at those times but, like you, if I am not experiencing psychosis, I feel, and I think I seem, pretty normal. Thank you for normalizing it 😊. I will be watching your other videos.
Thank you for your lovely comment and support! 🥹💚
Thank you for sharing your experience with delusions. It strikes me how isolated one may become as a result, particularly with the accompanying paranoia. so it is almost therapeutic to do these vlogs? How brave you are!
thank you! 🥰 and yes, I do find it therapeutic to do vlogs and videos, its a hobby that keeps me doing something when I have energy to do so and it also feels creative in a way that I like! ❤️
I’m just curious why delusions are mostly about being watched, spayed on or being poisoned or killed and not about something opposite
its really interesting but these types of paranoid delusions is apparently a very western symtom, people from other cultures usually have different types of delusions that are more moulded depending on the culture, religion they're from and so on! very interesting! 🥰
I'm really happy you uploaded! Thank you for making my day
oh thank you! ❤️
Thanks for sharing Kimberly. My most frequent delusion was ‘thought broadcasting’ - believing others were ‘in’ my mind or could read my thoughts.
Did you ever experience anything like that?
Hi! and thank you for watching. and yes, I do struggle with thought broadcasting from time to time. mostly that others can read my thoughts. but it has become much more easy for me to disregard these delusional thoughts over time. 😊
You look stunning by the way ❤
thank you! 🥹❤️
i used to get angry in my delusions but only use my words but man was i excessive yea but a lot of bad things i thought could happen well the doctors told me it was schizophrenia. i used to think i had like a chip in my head though but that just resembles how perfect i can be with calling out whos bad and who isnt. turns out i was right and they actually did go do bad things. i just felt like i was being picked on when i would get angry now a days im just getting delusions that are trying to keep me quiet about it all used to think someone was listening in on my thoughts but thats been the most recent i felt like i was slipping but im getting better
sorry to hear that... I wish you well! and thank you for watching! 💚
You so so brave doing these videos. Keep up the good work!
thank you! 💚
I experience similar ideas, I’m scared to say what exactly because I know they can see this message. I wish you the best with your mental health and I love your channel ❤
thank you! and thank you for sharing the little you feel comfortable with. 🥰💚
thank you for sharing.. ive had the same symthoms. hugs
thank you for watching! hugs 💚
Thanks a lot for sharing
Thank you for watching! 💚
Thanks so much for sharing Kimberly, its all so personal, I really appreciate your courage and honesty. I think it is needed, that people know what goes on with your and others struggles with skizophrenia. It's also heart breaking to have to go through these things, but I feel there is a lot of hope, and you have really progressed. I deal with severe anxiety and PTSD and the feeling of never fitting in, but thats nothing compared to what you go through, with the hallucinations. I truly appreciate you sharing all your struggles. Hope this week is really good for you! Hugs from MaryAnn 🤗💜❤❤🩹
Thank you Mary Ann! 💚 sad to hear you also struggle with mental health issues, I hope your doing better. Just wanted to say that you are the subscriber of mine that has gotten the most "hearts" from me here below the comments according to TH-cam analytics. thank you for your continued support! hugs! 💚🤗❤️
@@KimberlyHallberg Awwww, thats so nice! I have to say you help me a lot with my own issues. Hugs to you again! and hearts! 🤗❤💜💜💜
❤💚@@gypsyskyy9451
‘And if you disliked it give it a thumbs down’ that made me laugh 😂
haha thank you! 🥰
Hi, I have very similar delusions about my neighbours, the police investigating me, and body odour. Don’t think I’ve seen someone so similar to me! It’s been a very difficult couple years.
I try to keep busy by working from home. Luckily I have a flexible employer so it makes life easier. It gives me something to focus on now that I’m stable-ish on medication.
Have you thought about something similar? 🙂
Hi! im glad your doing better now! I wish I had some kind of qualifications for some kind of remote job where I could work mostly from home but I don't... I havent actually thought much about that road actually so im not sure where to even begin. 😊 thank you for watching! 💚
i have paranoia too
sad to hear that! :(
I myself was diagnosed with schizophrenia and thought my thoughts were being controlled by randy Rhoads
thank you for watching and sharing! I hope you're doing better now! 💚
I have question for you. It's more related to the video you made about losing your twenties. I feel the same. I also had psychosis and have BPD and I feel like my life is doomed by mental illness and I've been busy just surviving. While my peers get pregnant, go abroad, get engaged, get married, graduate. How do you deal with the comparison? I have suicidal thoughts that's how I deal with it but I'm sure you have a better method
Hi! one of my sisters has BPD so I know some things about it, sad to hear you can relate, I have very similar thoughts to you about feeling doomed or even left behind by peers. I have planned a video talking about this but haven't had the energy or mental energy more likely to film it yet as its something that get me very emotional to think about... as for how to deal with it, I sadly don't have any good methods yet. im still trying to figure this one out... thank you for watching I hope you have a nice week and take care of yourself! 💚
I think you can reach all these milestones and still be miserable. And there will still be frustration on the other end. It‘s about how you can make your own life fulfilling and set your own standards for it since not everyone is dealt the same cards in life.
very true! 💚@@SeriNe-fj9gh
yea stuff is scary😁
definitely! 😳
♥️🌟!
🥰❤️
I feel people are conspirrenting against me to
sad to hear that. 😕
Hej Kimberly!
Har du hört om nya Karxt medicinen? Den ska tydligen förbättra kognitiva symptom och verka på ett annat sätt än att blocka dopamin receptorerna som dom gamla medicinerna gör. Verkar ändå finnas hopp för att dom kommer framåt med medicinutvecklingen!
Hej! nej, jag har faktiskt inte hört om den medicinen, tack för infon, ska kolla upp detta. alltid skönt att veta att vetenskapen gör framsteg när det kommer till behandlingen av schizofreni. tack! 🥰
Nice
Lastly how much insight do you have during psychosis. Can you do your routine and or stay alone and care for yourself during psychosis?
this also depends on the person, some have better insight than others and this can of course affect the way you're able to take care of yourself. I usually need some extra help but I also am able to live alone.
@@KimberlyHallberg Thank you so much for these answers. Very grateful. You are a kind person
no worries! have a nice day and I wish you well! @@Richer159
Maybe you have the symptoms because of toxoplasmosis (the delusion with smelling like catp**** and that the cat is spying on you may indicate that, this parasite causes the brain to be upset). The doctors have a test for toxoplasmosis, in my region every pregnant woman gets tested for toxoplasmosis, as it can have bad consequences for the baby. So the test is pretty basic. There's no cure/treatment for toxo but at least you'd know then, if this was/is causing some problems. Best wishes! ❤
Hi thank you! I have done all the blood test during the evaluation and I have also done a CT scan and things like that so there shouldn't be anything like that. I trust my doctors did the proper procedure before putting the diagnosis. thank you for watching and commenting! have a nice day! 💚
Do you willingly get admitted in a facility while in psychosis, or does someone have to force you into it. Are you violent when psychotic. And do you have a higher dosage of medications when in psychosis, and how soon do you have recovery from psychosis. Thanks a lot. Trying to understand Psychosis of a family member hence the 5 questions.
depends if the person is considered a danger to themselves or not if they're forced into a hospital but you can also go willingly to get help. and yes you usually get a higher dose of meds if its needed during active psychosis. recovery is very individual sadly so I can't give a time frame. and no you are usually not violent when psychotic thats rare. no worries hope this helps! 💚
@@KimberlyHallberg Thanks so much Kimberly. Your speech, tone of voice, presentation and pauses etc are so soothing to the ears. So i understand delusions in themselves whih happen in psychosis is itself termed psychosis and when you are out of psychosis you dont have or believe in those delusions right? Or some can go on believing their delusions even when out of psychosis (with respect to schizophrenia). Thanks
@@Richer159 it depends for me delusional thoughts tend to linger a little afterward but usually lessen with time.
is the world a cruise ship going through space?
Can schizophrenics work and be successful for say 9 months at a stretch without medications, and get psychosis after 9 months ?
it really varies from person to person but I don't think I have spoken to many who have worked full-time jobs without medications for longer than a few months. and by then they have usually become very ill with psychosis . but some can be symtom free for some time while working and then the psychosis gets triggered again by stress or other things. I haven never been without meds when trying to work part-time and I would definitely not recommend trying...
@@KimberlyHallberg Thank you so much. You look lovely
thank you! 💚@@Richer159
first comment
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Kimberly, hvis du orker å lese norsk, anbefaler jeg deg å lese denne. Du kommer til å få mange aha-opplevelser og lære masse om deg selv: Inn i katastrofelandskapet - erfaringer fra basal eksponeringsterapi.
Tack jag ska kolla upp den! 😊
Have you ever watched the movie mean girls
yes! but it was a long time ago if you mean the original one, I haven't seen the new one 😊
I watched horror films and smoked cannabis as a teenager. Then I got the illness. I don't watch horror films anymore. Except X-files if it counts. X-files have some paranormal and mental illness topics. Sometimes it feels bad now because I miss 90s when I watched it with a healthy mindset. Now watching X-files isn't the same but I think it's a good thing. Now I don't take Hollywood seriously. 🤔
sad to hear! I used to watch a lot of horror films before and I try to sometimes but it's not really the same as before... thank you for watching! also love you're recent shorts! 🥰
@@KimberlyHallberg Thanks! Creating is good for my mental health 😊
It’s astonishing just how frequently cannabis is involved in psychosis and schizophrenia. I also had several cannabis induced psychotic episodes as a teenager. A study showed that 50% of all psychosis in Amsterdam, and 30% in London, is due to high potency cannabis consumption. The public, and teenagers in particular, need to get far more educated about the enormous mental health risks of cannabis consumption.
I’m glad these conversations are increasingly happening and awareness is on the up, but feel far more still needs to be done. Sharing stories like ours is so important in this.
@@Boz-mj8qu Thank you for sharing! These days I don't use any drugs or alcohol. Didn't do anything good for me.
If someone has schizophrenia and they smoke cannabis will it make their schizophrenia worse?
My neighbours keep beeping their car horns at me
sad to hear that... 😔
Starkt att du vågar vara öppen med sånt!
tack! tog ett tag bara. 😊
🥹🙏❤️
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Bible
no thank you.
@@KimberlyHallberg why not?
i'm an atheist. @@thefunson8087
@@KimberlyHallberg why?
@@thefunson8087because sufferers do not need more delusions