I've heard that visualising the things you want can make you less likely to get them because your brain feels like you already have them and so you are less likely to put the relevant work in to achieve it
There's a good side of visualizing, but the positive thinking crowd get it wrong and visualize the end goal rather than the process. Thinking just the end goal it distracts and makes people complacent, showing no results even after all the vision boards and affirmations.
I wanted to clear up some confusion on the visualizing aspect of this video because a lot of people have brought it up. When I say visualizing success I meant it in the context of imagining yourself already winning. What I should have included was that visualizing the process needed in order to achieve success has some evidence of working. Eg studies have found that tennis players and golfers performed better after visualizing themselves training compared to visualizing themselves winning. Also, the students who visualized themselves studying rather than receiving As, spent more time revising and got better test scores. So, rather than trying not to visualize success, you can focus on visualizing the journey towards success. Sources psp.sagepub.com/content/25/2/250 www.cabdirect.org/abstracts/20013074613.html;jsessionid=90F20ED69775C7373F17AE1CBFEFC8CF journals.humankinetics.com/tsp-back-issues/tspvolume11issue3september/effectsofdifferenttypesofgoalsonprocessesthatsupportperformance I should have put this in because I was already aware of it but I didn't realize that it could have been misinterpreted like that. I am sorry about causing all this confusion. Take care everyone.
+Bite Size Psych Visualization can actually create miracles, but not if all you do is sit on your ass all day dreaming about what could be instead of going out and actually doing it. But visualization works in a weird way, therefore most people won't ever get to understand how to use it properly.
+Bite Size Psych YOUR ARGUMENTS ARE WRONG. REGARDING ; Suppressing thoughts, Visualization AND Self affirmation. THE MAIN IDEA OF THESE ACTIONS IS TO CREATE A PATH IN YOUR NEURONS (BRAIN), WHEN A SITUATION IS REVEAL TO OUR BRAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME, IT WOULD BE HARDER FOR THE BRAIN TO OVERCOME THAT SITUATION. BUT IF THE SAME SITUATION HAD ALREADY FILTERED THE BRAIN BY VISUALIZATION AND SELF AFFIRMATIONS. THEN THE SITUATION IS ALREADY KNOWN TO THE BRAIN, THERE FOR, IT WOULD BE EASIER TO OVER COME THE SITUATION.
+Andres R But he's not wrong and a couple times it states there are pretty much loopholes to working around these things. Repeating you love yourself, yet you can't find anything positive about yourself doesn't help you love yourself (Just an example). However, if you find at least one thing about yourself that you like you can build off of that one thing- again just an example. With the visualization he is talking about people that fantasize with no action. Like BxPanda7 said, if you don't move and do something, it's not going to work. You'll just become more disappointed in yourself. But if you push towards it- be it alone or with support- you can grow while having that visualization in your mind. It all varies from person to person. You can't dismiss someone's scientific view without recognizing no one in this world is the same. Therefore making this video and your comment open for exceptions. And putting caps is annoying. Like there's no reason for it.
+Bite Size Psych interesting, but confusing, i mean i think the thing about letting ur anger on a punching bag is not good but constrctive thingy was better
_Yes!_ I have tried positive affirmations so many times and I always end up in tears because I can't force myself to believe them and I end up repeating negative affirmations to myself, which makes me feel that because I can't do the affirmations I'm a bad person, and it ends in a spiral of downward thoughts until I decide just to forget about it and carry on with life, which I _thought_ was unhealthy, but it turns out carrying on and not bothering with it is _good_! Thank you, Bite Size Psych.
There is a saying: The only person you can't lie to is yourself. Not to say that positive affirmations are not valid in your case, I'm sure you are a good person, and you're smart enough, you're strong enough, and gosh darn it, people like you, but in those times when you feel that those things aren't true, the statements may make you feel like a hypocrite, a liar, or just pathetic. Sometimes the best thing to do is just let yourself put those thoughts aside and revisit them later, if at all. Best Wishes.
I tried to make the possitive talk more realistic to my current situation. Like saying that I look okay instead of saying I look great or saying that I'm not dumb instead of saying I'm smart. It has usually helped me feel better because they're ideas that are easier to hold onto then just going from "I'm a shit person" to "I'm so great". That way I can minimize the negative talk and still feel like I'm not just lying to myself.
This reminds me of the shitty advice someone gave my first wife and I on our wedding day: "Never go to bed angry with one another." So we stayed up all night arguing, getting more tired, more cranky, more angry and less reasonable. Sometimes it's far better to walk away and cool off and mull things over for a while.
Through my experience, I've had more success saying "fuck it" than actually being ambitious and persistent. The smaller things that you say yes to can lead you to your goal, even if it doesn't seem like it. But I'm one case, I know this doesn't apply to everyone.
Another one that bugs me is "be yourself", it's like telling someone they don't need to change and everyone will magically start liking you. Or that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and you don't need to change anything. I mean what if "yourself" is something that should be changed? Being yourself only works if who you are is already something that people like to begin with. And it's pretty hard not to "be yourself" because you are "yourself" no matter what, unless you somehow change your DNA, your brain, and body to literally become a different person. It's basically saying "you are fine and you don't need to do anything or take any action to solve the problem you are facing". It's useless advice for people who don't know how to solve whatever problem you are asking advice on.
+jhhwild The Be yourself thing isn't about not making changes, but to stop putting on a false front. Change is natural, we change as persons constantly trough our experiences. It's pretending to be something/someone you are not that is harmful, and that is what the advice is about.
MrAntice I think that in order to be successful in life there are situations that require you to put on a front. You can't "be yourself" if "yourself" is something that people don't like. In that case you pretty much have to pretend to be someone your not because if you don't pretend people won't give you a chance.
+jhhwild One of my favorite quotes from Jim Rohn is "If you chance everything will change for you." People need to work on themselves before they work on getting what they want.
I had anger management and the solution people and councilors alike always told me was to use it constructively and to calm my mind by meditating etc. However, only after I gave up and allowed myself to vent by beating my pillows and eventually buying a punching bag to kick and punch did I slowly let go of my anger. It clears my mind and allows me to think normally. When I'm angry logic and reason have no place in me. That rage burns deeper and deeper until I crack or break down. But training daily let me control myself and my own thoughts, and now, years later, I don't have the same struggle that I used to. Meditation and not doing anything was the worst advice ever given to me.
I just love this channel. It debunks so much of common myths to give us a glimpse of reality. my girlfriend suffers from chronic depression and this video is extremely helpful. subscribed.
I highly disagree with visualization being damaging. Visualization can be extremely effective and motivating if you do it the right way. If you want to get your dream job, don't picture the end result. Picture yourself working hard, being in a state of flow while making progress, enjoying the effort and being absolutely enthusiastic about it. Force yourself to believe it. In case of learning this has been proven to change your brain structure and make it easier for you to gain knowledge. Edit: okay, I read your clarification and agree with that
Visualize implies something between planning and fantasizing. Planning is important, fantasizing is not. The further towards the planning end of the scale you get, the better.
***** The best way to clarify my meaning is a quote from WWII "In my experience plans are useless, but planning is essential." Having just a good A plan is pointless, as you point out. Having a reasonable A, B, C, D, E, and F plan vastly improves the chances that at least one will work. Not to mention, being able to plan on the spot doesn't hurt either. But have an idea of what processes are available.
***** Fair enough. Though "planning" as a verb also indicates a skill, not just the making of plans. At this point it is just semantics anyway. Know whats available, develops some plans/strategies, and test them out, making up more as you go.
+LikeABoss123 The shorter the term of planning, the more specific plans can be. I plan my week. I don't know if I won't be hit by a bus on my way to the university, but that doesn't mean the plan is useless. The plan is made on a very likely assumption nothing bad happens. The more into the future, the less specific and more versatile plans have to be. A company tells you they plan to do X in 2017, Y in 2019 and Z in 2022. They won't give you more specific information because they don't have the information yet. That doesn't mean they can't plan into the future. They do plan, but not too specifically. Of course, everything has to be founded on some sort of strategic thinking to be able to think on your feet about possible solutions to a random encounter. But plans still need to exist in order to give you some actual operational space. Perfect strategy involves both convergent and divergent thinking. Full convergent thinking is very focused on some primary goal. Full divergent thinking involves finding multiple potential solutions to problems and picking the best one. Without divergent thinking, your plans become too fragile as you're unable to adjust them. But without convergent thinking, you don't have a plan to adjust to begin with! And you have 0 chances of success because you don't even know what you're looking for.
As an ex self help addict one book is too many and thousands are never enough. I have never found any constructive answers in any self empowerment material that has ever made a positive difference to my life. The book( the secret) and everything else that came with it was a convention of parasites and bloodsuckers telling lies. I however prefer to make a real life plan then employ all the steps needed to make that goal come true, even without visualizing it, as there is no point in visualizing the steps whether you are in the zone or not because all these things can be done with reality. Anyway good video and very insightful. Thank you.
I worked in an office where loads of people prattled on about The Secret and considered it to be some kind of bible. Crikey that was an annoying period of my life.
It is because they were not using it correctly. You are supposed to visualize your goal once a day for 5 minutes as a form of meditation. Then decrease that time as you get closer to your goal. You are also supposed to not think or talk about the goal, just do it.
When working with those kind of people, they tend to be lazy, unproductive colleagues, often being manipulative in their ways. The best people to work with aren't afraid to express negative thoughts including anger. They may be pricks but things get done.
Adviception!!!... Seriously tho, in my opinion, he's just being very punctual about some of the dangers of some of the most common self-help tips circulating around, and also he provides some links to do our own research about it.
luciu constantin Listen one more time , you just have to listen to the very last advice . Now when you've done this take a dictionary and look up the meaning of the word sarcasm. Wish you a happy New Year .
+VioletTheGeek Doing stuff that gets me into the path I like, accomplishing things for myself, has increased my confidence and also created a positive feedback loop which motivates me to continue moving forward. This because I have experience of succeeding in the things I do. Especially those things I thought were impossible but just needed to be hammered at "one more time".
The one about suppressing thoughts is something I noticed myself when I had nightmares as a child. After waking up from a nightmare, I obviously tried to push the thought of it away, but that only made me more and more terrified and the effort also prevented me from going back to sleep. I eventually noticed that acknowledging the dream, going through it once in my head to kind of "let it out", that made one hell of a difference! Trying to suppress it made me more afraid of the thought itself and blew the fear out of proportion, but thinking about it and going "okay, so that's what happened, that wasn't SO bad after all!" and then be done with it made it easier to let go of it completely.
I find, that positive thinking can be "dangerous" too. When I started with it, it happened, that I completely denied to see negative things in my life. So when I got into bad situations, I just ignored, that they're no good for me and I would find excuses for other persons, no matter how bad they behaved. Also visualizing my goals and visions AT FIRST just put me into a huge period of depression as it only made me realize how far away I am from my dreams. Now I still try to be positive about life, myself and others, but I watch out for those warning signs and while I do look out for the things that make me happy and take a look at what does the opposite, the most effort I put into being ok with myself without having to reach anything.
I've honestly always attempted to use anger to help me get things done, which is helpful, redirecting anger into a task you need to get done, often works in reducing anger and getting the task done faster. Although, it can be detrimental at thimes
The thing with self-affirmation doesn't sound like it's because people don't 'believe' it. It is far more likely to me merely that, when people try to tell themselves that "I am a lovable person" they are confronted with the question of "Well, then why does nobody love it?" The only way to 'solve' this is through self-delusion; rather than thinking "If I am a lovable person, why does nobody love me?", you must lie to yourself, saying "I am a lovable person, therefore people love me" even if everyone hates you and wants you to die. Naturally, this isn't even remotely healthy or productive and a rather shameful state of being besides.
Great content keep up the good work!!! As for me: 1. If something troubles you, you gotta think about it AND discuss it with someone who understands you. That's how you solve problems by thinking and discussing with those who can help. 2. Agree that the advice doesn't work because if you keep self affirming and reality stays the same, you eventually will live in a delusional bubble which is really harmful. 3. I tried punching pillows, breaking old plates, etc., to let anger out and it never worked for me. Again, thinking and discussing with those who can help actually helped me the most.
The little stick person had just been punching stuff and wasn't in the best frame of mind. Also it's hard to spell with stick boxing gloves on your stick hands. :P
i started by trying to overcome shyness and have confidence i was on the right path, i started to man up and go for the things i feared going there doing , and then i kept on watching videos reading ,one thing i read is that my shyness will always stay with me and i believed that so everytime i dont do some of the activities that reduce shyness and i stay like alone or playing video games i would start to blame myself and talk myself down i read also about the law of attraction its that what you think or you feel you attract so everyday when i don't see anything attracted i would blame myself thus my self esteem get lower and lower i tried the hypnosis wich made me fake myself to be the person i want and then i ended up with the idea of i am a fake person after all you see guys we are in 21 century and i discovered that we are experiencing some new drugs the self help drug yes those people are making money out of us selling us books to make us feel that there is something wrong with us and they we believe that we need help and keep buying their shit , if you want to be better you don't need all this complication just face your fears have courage you already have it and accept your flaws nobody is perfect also these books make you think black and white make you more of a perfectionalist and develop in you the habit of excesive self obsession because you always trying to see if you are doing well in your life
I've recently become a quadriplegic and you have no idea, or maybe you have some idea, how often I come across this. You have affirmed a lot of my own skepticism and at the same time give me advice to just try to keep calm and move on in life. Thank you, you've definitely have a subscribe in me.
These are just horribly misinterpreted. Whatever you focus on grows stronger, but you still have to acknowledge your problems, it doesn't mean you have to pretend like they're not there
That is y I don't like the "LOA" movement because their interpretation of how to apply success principles is exactly just that - pretend you are doing great focus on the "positive" exclusively etc.
The thing with affirmations is that they do work _when they remind you_ of something you already know and believe. If all your friends are better than you at tennis, then don't tell yourself "I'm the best tennis player in the world", because you simply won't believe it. Try thinking about the thing you like most about yourself and use that as a starting point. As this makes your attitude more positive you will start to notice other things you like about yourself and then you can add those to your affirmation and it will continue to grow from there. Whatever you do, don't affirm something negative about yourself - even if you believe it to be true. Nothing good can come from doing that.
Thank you soo much for your videos. .you have no idea how much it has helped me and my friends. .I am really looking forward for more of your work..Thank you again. .good work..
I do have a split opinion on self affirmation. Like any form of therapy, it's not for everyone and depends on how one does it. For me it only makes sense if you decided to use self affirmation as a mean to change yourself. The first step always has to be your decision to help yourself and make a change. Secondly, if you're going to use affirmations, you should know that the brain can be programmed by harsh growing up codnitions to feel miserable later in life. Luckly, it can also be re-programed so one can be more happy and self confident. And one of the ways of reprograming is to use affirmations, to stop telling yourself you're worthless and by telling yourself you are worthy. Ofc that alone won't be enough, because you also need to change other life habits and conditions to make a difference, so affirmation is one of the possible tools you can use. So if a person is depressed, not motivated to change but rather stuck in their dark pit of self hate, without support and the knowledge that the emotional state of the brain can be reprogrammed, then, yes, doing self affirmation can look creepy and utterly pointless. It won't have any positive effect. On the other hand, people aware of the possible uses and benefits of affirmations as a form of Neurlo Linguistic Programming, with support and other life changes, affirmations can prove to be very effective
I tried it, I couldn't help laugh at myself every time that I said something good about myself instead of something bad. I found that it has had long lasting impact. However, I believe it was me learning to not take myself so seriously that really helped.
"Cringe" is just a form of self suppresion. It feels emotionally uncomfortable but hey, any deviation in behavior is at some point before the end of that behavior.
OH MY GOD! You have sources! Thank you so much! So few channels include them in their videos, especially the learning ones. I frequently get annoyed by it and it's great to see at least one channel do it.
I realized how much time I wasted doing dumb things after I lost my legs and my daughter in an automobile accident. I started seeing your and other people's inspirational videos which inspired me to create my own videos. It was difficult because I had to fight with the physical and mental pain. Fortunately I'm able to speak and type with my left hand, therefore it is not impossible to communicate without revealing my ugly face. I don't have many viewers, although I'll attempt to inspire as many folks as possible.
I'd want to say regarding the suppression of thoughts - that on the other hand the opposite extreme is bad too: if you _wallow_ in that negative thought, then that can also be a problem, too - and if anything I'd wager that perhaps this "suppress it" or "don't think about it" advice actually is perhaps a distorted version of a legitimate point which is to not let such thoughts _consume_ you. There's a difference between a reasonable level of concern and an unhealthy obsession or rumination just as much as there is between reasonable concern and equally unhealthily trying to suppress the thought.
The Secret backfired on me, to the point that I became so obsessed with 'positive thinking' that I overlooked realistic and not so positive facts in my life. Chocolate is great. Thanks for the video.
About the one where you visualise success, don't forget to TAKE ACTION towards achieving yor success, not just playing mental movies in your head. Visualising is still very good.
Y do ppl say that? Visualization (I dislike the term but it's what we say) IS an action. If your visualization is properly designed then you will do or not do as the case may be. Not all visualization is about achievement or "action" as you call it.
vents like screaming in a pillow or crying like a baby for a few minutes actually helps a lot and i think that everyone that has tried it knows this, you might still be a bit sad or angry afterwards but you've definitely released a lot of tension and it prevents becoming an empty mess
Eric Morrison No, of course not. Otherwise my channel would be utter bullshit too! My issue is that there's a lot of false information that gets published in the self-help genre. So my ultimate message isn't to disregard it but to be skeptical.
+Eric Morrison most of dumb people who don't understand or know how to use Secret cause like I said they are dumb say that Secret is bullshit... also The Secret is not really a self-help book, creator of video thinks he knows everything
letting your anger out is not to process the anger, it's a quick tool to direct your heated anger at something else. after you did this you already feel like you did something to the person that made you angry and could make you more accesible for conversation.
i think the value in visualization isn't pretending you've already accomplished your goal, but that you imagine what needs to be done to accomplish your goal. To acknowledge what needs to be done for your goal to be accomplished. If your a musician, you know you must practice with every moment possible, you cant just walk on stage and visualize performing well. Its the foresight to visualize yourself as a professional. You have to realize that a professional works for his goal in every spare moment. If your not progressing your moving away from your goal.
I'm a 25 years old university drop out who's had spent almost a decade in isolation in my room (a hikikomori or a NEET). I've suffered from things like anxiety, depression, bipolarity, etc (all sorts of personality disorder really). To keep it short, here are the 3 things that cured all my personality disorders: Eating breakfast, going to bed early, and getting some sunlight. All the other advices that I heard to this day were irrelevant to me.
I agree with the underlying message behind the video, which is basically to be skeptical of everything you read, see, or hear. As for self-help books, they've helped me turn my life around from a VERY DARK place that I won't discuss. I've also met other people face to face and online that also used self-help books to become better, more positive, productive people, so they are definitely not a sham or marketing gimmick. With that said, I think self help books work best when used in conjunction with something else, like other self-help materials such as articles, CDs, and videos, befriending and being around positive people, meditation, and willpower.
Without a control group you can't actually claim if it was the self help material or if things played out naturally. How many people who had self help books are still down on their luck? How many committed suicide?
I see it as those who are willing to pick up a self-help book is willing to learn and empower themselves out of their situation. That's only a first step. It also depends on the person and how they choose to use the information. Good self-help advice is there to provide tools that we choose to use in ways we see fit, it is not there to put fault on the person's shoulders but to provide that empowerment. Often, that's a fine line. I personally find researching really helpful when I was in a very bad place. I was able to see that I'm not the only one and was able to learn from others' experiences. That's also considered self-help, being open to educate ourselves with others' experience. Especially when we are surrounded by negativity in this day and age. There is never a one size fits all, we all have to try and find what works for ourselves. I personally much rather believe that my actions can change my environment rather than believing that it is not in my power and not do anything about it. I truly feel that I have changed my environment with a change of thoughts and action, (you can call it self fulfilling prophecy, law of attraction, etc it doesn't matter) but it only makes sense to me to choose to take control where I can over believing that it's just bad luck and I can't change a thing about it but to end my life.
What about all that "Follow your heart," bullshit I hear? While it might work for some, a person like me who has a mental disorder cannot trust their own judgement, and often times if they go out on a limb based on impulsive instinct or aka "following their hearts" it leads to utter hurt and ruin. We do not "know better" deep down inside ourselves, and more often than not you will discover that you had been led on by what you felt inside, which ultimately proved not to be true.
The anger one is definitively spot on for me. I'm not an angry person and I normally handle anger fine but after a session of kickboxing training I seem to come out of it a lot more aggressive and irritable than how I normally would be.
Pomponivs Archibald - Physical activity like that produces endorphins which gives you a natural high and can be very addictive if sought in an unhealthy manner. Anger also ends up producing endorphins and people can get "addicted" to anger as well (especially the type with sudden outbursts) due to the endorphin boost and the false sense of power it gives them over their situation, so combining the two might give a heavy short term dose of feel-good endorphins and a psychological boost (albeit a flawed one) BUT the end result is that you are giving yourself positive bio feedback for anger as a "productive" response to situations, especially anger as expressed through physical aggression and passionate outbursts. This process of positive endorphin feedback will cause your brain to begin to carve new neural pathways to bypass the subconscious circuitry that says "anger can make me do dangerous things, be careful." Do it often enough and that warning light connection gets totally wiped and replaced by a connection to the brain's pleasure center that will drown out any powerful sort of "conscience" or sense of guilt over the action and give you a false sense of security about your actions and how far you're letting your anger go. Anger is extremely deceitful and decades old neuroscience data show connecting it to the pleasure center in your brain is no bueno. Be angry but don't give yourself positive reinforcement by immersing yourself in endorphins as a way to cope. You literally might as well be using drugs, it can end up that harmful if left unchecked (which is a lot easier to do than you realize.) No it doesn't mean one day you'll get done at the gym and by struck by a sudden fancy to go murder someone, no it doesn't mean all those video games you played in high school will suddenly catch up to you turn you into a raging maniac, but it will cause a gradual decay in your ability to empathize with others and literally start altering your thinking to becoming more like that of a psychopath (based on the actual definition, I'm not using a figure of speech here.) When you are angry but get yourself in a physically neutral or relaxed position, it does stuff in the brain to help you get out of the immediate "fight or flight" way of thinking (which messes with your judgment) and enter into a state where you can become more analytical and address the situation to solve problems more logically with greater sensitivity to potential interpersonal implications (since anger seems to often coincide with other people in one way or another.) It reinforces an approach that looks for resolution, not conflict, and uses parts of the brain that aren't really going to be active during a fight or flight response. By having a "resolution mindset" already established, it can help you make correct decision even when you're in the midst of a situation that has triggered the fight or flight response. And at the end, it ultimately gives us the positive biofeedback found in gaining a sense of resolution or constructive progress from addressing anger through verbal communication and analysis, strengthening the pathways in our brains that tell us to be careful of violence resulting from our anger. They say that when making a decision, we subconsciously conclude what choice we will make (often for some horribly long time) prior to when our conscious mind ever becomes aware. It FEELS like we're still contemplating information and mulling it over when in reality our brains already have made our decision long before we get done telling ourselves that we're "properly considered it and are prepared to answer appropriately." In the same way, when we prepare our brains to make the right decisions during times of relative calm, it will become more ingrained within us and during times a chaos when we will revert back to what seems safe (and likely self-preserving) our subconscious minds will grab onto items we have already analyzed and will choose good decisions if we've made them available to our subconscious. We can lunge forward into the positive biofeedback of explosive anger, a desire to take control, and physical violence, or we can grasp for logical decision making, empathy, and a commitment to finding resolution. There IS a measurable difference in how we respond to anger and how it literally reshapes our brains over time the more we respond one way or another.
@@vnleao I like this. But, I've some questions. What is a neutral physical position? And, how can one enter into it, in a social situation that might otherwise prevent it (such as, a standing conversation, where there are no seats)? Also, can the brain heal, from thinking in a manner like the psycho/sociopath? And, by what means? Thanks, and I hope, you reply.
Visualizing success doesn't simply come as fantasizing about the rewards you'd love to have if you already achieved the goal. It means creating a realistic image of the steps you should follow to reach the success, making yourself more comfortable and prepared to take those respective steps.
Great video. It was very informative and visually appealing. Keep up the great work and I'll be looking forward to the videos to come. You've got yourself a new subscriber!
With time, negative thoughts will NOT go away. I agree with the other part or advice 1. About advice 2, that is why the affirmation has to be believable as much as possible and with time go to stronger ones.
Point 3: anger is a cognitive state, not an emotion. You are angry at someone or something for some reason. It is accompanied by emotions of aggression, but aggression is not itself anger. Therefore, the best way to deal with it is to recognise who/what you are angry about and work through your options for redress.
#1, try not to think about it, is half true. If something happens you don't want to think about trying not to think about it will bring it to mind more, thus rehearsing it and making it more memorable. However if you choose something else you enjoy thinking about and then every time the unpleasant thing comes to mind switch your thoughts to the enjoyable thing then you'll spend less time rehearsing the unpleasant thing and thus it will fade faster than if you think about it (or think about not thinking about it).
I learnt to drive by visualizing the steps in various scenarios after watching other drivers for years and passed the test. I didn't have the money or time for lessons, so this does work. Granted, it was in the West Indies 35 years ago, but I did drive in the U.S. a few months later on a temporary licence and did just fine. I love the 80s. Good times!👊
Overvisualizing or overthinking something usually brings the opposite effect. If you try to visualize "a lot of money" and you do so all the time, because your finance hasn't improved, what is prevails is the "not improved". Visualizing with feeling (which is the most important) gives the results; but it needs a lot of effort and the uncoscious covers plenty of feelings that negate the desire. About the feeling suppression. That research must have been totally wrong. If something bad happens, no matter which team you are in (either you are told to suppress it or go on with you life), the feeling will do its circle and it will be felt one way or another; a headache, a panic attack, a burst of anger..."wherever" we are more vulnerable. Humans cannot think their life, they can only feel it! So yes, let the anger out! Just don't kill anyone...
Really? Makes matters worse for me. When a constructive outlet isn't immediately available, I just do like with the depression one and keep going through life and letting it run its course.
+mina86 There was actually a study done with smokers in which when the smokers were told to smoke a certain number of cigarettes a day, they ended up not smoking as much.
You can't compare a chocolate bar with a Life Goal. It works when you have big goals and deep inside you have the belief that you'll never achieve them. A chocolate is nothing useful for comparation.
Your videous always say "Be sceptical" and i usually am. For example everiting that sounds too emotional is bullshit, people often post similar staff in facebook, or showed in TV shows. But you sound so convincing, and i accept your information like a truth. Go on man :) Thumbs up!
Does the title changed from "harmful" to "dangerous" so people stop to think that they did "self-harm" because dangerous sounds much more natural and "outsidish" so people would not feel bad about it... is that right?
Bite Size Psych Well i think not... I have heared it by alot of my friends and coworkers... I think everytime i think, i think correctly. There is no "too much"... But when i read my first comment it sounds like i thinked too much...
I watched the Secret in 2006 and wanted to believe in it. There's a rather inflammatory article floating around on a website calling a man who wrote excellent self-help (honestly I hate the term self-help more like "self-psychology" (learning about your thought process and how to shape it to better yourself) books a "scammer" and worse is this man is no longer alive to defend himself. It's what brought me here to give my input. Let me just say that, This type of shit is *WAY too deep* for some people. Much like lucid dreaming, it is too hard for some people to do. Again much like lucid dreaming, it has to do with our minds. As someone who has lucid dreamed and implemented SOME of what others have spoken about and more, I have seen it in action myself. Both positive and negative. We really are creatures of habit and my habits were very very POOR. After really listening to positive people dead and alive and IMPLEMENTING them as ACTIONS EVERY DAY, I feel my life turning around for the good. Greg Braden talking about the Bible's "Ask and ye shall receive" omitted out from the KJV version of the Bible (along with other sentences and books ) talked about asking without hidden motive. What is that hidden motive? DOUBT. Which is what too many people in this world have. These are the people who are so readily quick to bash self-help people like Tony Robbins and Mark Victor Hansen. This law works only IF you don't sit on your ass and merely wish on it. Thinking isn't going to get you whatever you want. Don't get me wrong, I agree The Secret was snakeoil salesman BULLSHIT but don't throw all the other "self-help" books and speakers under the bus, please. Thoughts-feelings-actions-results!
Quick question, what your opinion on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? I've been reading a book by David Burns about CBT and have found it to be tremendously helpful, I don't consider it to be a traditional self-help book - but rather a way of helping me come to a more rational and logical conclusion with my problems.
TheSouperNazi Hi there. Thanks for asking. So CBT definitely has the big stamp of approval by the scientific literature. Like you said it's all about changing your negative thoughts into something more rational and realistic. But there's another type of therapy called acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) which is almost the opposite of CBT. While CBT will try to change your irrational thoughts, ACT will simply ask you to accept them. So if the thought was "I'm a loser", CBT will say "that's not rational. You only failed that one time and your mind is over-generalizing". However, ACT will say "this negative thought is a mere by-product of your mind. Accept that you have this thought. But know that you are not defined by your thoughts". Hopefully that analogy made sense. As you can guess, there's a lot of mindfulness in ACT. And like CBT, ACT also has a growing amount of evidence proving its effectiveness. I think people should understand the basics of both CBT and ACT as they've definitely shaped the way I view my problems as well. If you're interested in ACT and want another non-traditional self help book, try "The Happiness Trap" by Dr Russ Harris. It's a simple read with lots of interesting messages that'll give you a fresh perspective on how to cope with problems.
Bite Size Psych I've read about the mindfulness approach combined with CBT, it sounds just like ACT. I'm using Headspace as a starting point to better incorporate mindfulness into my daily life and have found it to be much more welcoming and intuitive than other meditation apps. I could find both to be quite helpful, but I prefer CBT because it has helped me shape the way I make decisions and tackle goals. I'll look into your recommendation, I'm always interested in new reading material.
When upset, I actually box (but I box anyways). I find, for me, since I already see it as 'constructive' in getting me to other goals I want (health, fitness,etc), it's good for me. It also helps me focus better on my punches. However, I don't hit other people. I do it on a dummy or with someone holding the pads. I feel better after. Maybe not fully over the issue, but I feel less stressed over it.
Whenever a claim says it can only be understood or realised when you really, really, really believe so, you can automatically dismiss it. I can understand heliocentrism even if I wish the earth were the centre of the universe. The sun will rise tomorrow even if I wish it would not rise. The truth is something that are true regardless what you want or wish.
"To save you from all that advice, here is some advice." This made me smile. To be clear, I agree wholeheartedly with the observations/conclusions (my confirmation bias?), but I must admit that I found some ironic humor in that statement. Nice channel. Nice vids. Enjoyable.
Suppressing a thought and "not thinking about something" aren't the same thing. Thoughts arise both from the unconscious and from conscious choice. Choosing not to consciously bring up or pursue certain thoughts isn't dangerous, and it's crucial to dealing with anxiety. Attempting to block thoughts that appear spontaneously does lead to disaster, though.
What if the reason that those who fantasize more about their crush or dream job fail more often is that they are forced to fantasize since the likely-hood of them getting their crush or dream job is low?
Surely there has to be exceptions to the rule because there's nothing that has helped me but ignoring emotional and psychological problems, it's when I address them when everything goes sour.
Always vent your anger by doing house chores since you got more energy that will help with chores and it makes your mind busy. I usually ended up with my bedroom sleek clean after I got angry then I just sat in the bed or go to sleep, waking up with happy feeling as my bedroom is tidy and I don't as angry as I am before.
+Christian Djami If only! I'm usually angry at myself for not being able to motivate myself to do household chores. How could I possibly get that to work for me?
Hannah Elisabeth lol I usually started with throwing my dirty clothes as hard as I can to the laundry basket. After everything is in, I started to shove everything back to place, then everything just done suddenly lol
Jay Young On self-help? I think there are a lot of useful advice in self-help books but you sorta have to filter out the bullshit. But that's how it is for all the information we hear. Try "Happienss Trap" by Dr. Russ Harris. I don't agree 100% with it but there's some good ideas that have shifted my perspective a bit on dealing with problems. And thanks for the support :)
Quotes that are like "Just do what you want. Don't let other people's thoughts make you feel down" That just sounds really narcissistic to me. It make you sound less empathetic and as a person who internally sulks when a personal insult is thrown at me, it hits me quite hard and I end up trying to suppress my face from looking red.
Excellent and true! I will say that people using visualizations (which can help) have used it incorrectly. The PROCESS is what is to be visualized, not the end result or prize.
When I run into predominantly negative circumstances, I usually 'artificially' craft an upside to make it easier for me to cope with them. I plan an activity that's either a one-time or perpetual thing that I wouldn't have done otherwise, that's meant to create a benefit to push my life into a direction that might have some other perks compared to the alternate route where the negative thing never happened. Of course this can't always properly compensate, and you can't turn shit into gold. But at the very least, you can always use it as an opportunity to turn it into personal growth that others without your kinds of hardship don't have.
In your case, maybe it gives you alleviation if you start campaigning for other people in your situation by supporting respective organizations. Maybe the harm done to you can prevent even more harm done to others. That's of course a righteous thought you have to be careful with, and maybe that's not your thing to begin with, but it is one solution I could think of. I think in many help organizations, among the most motivated people are often those that suffered (or still suffer from) the same fate.
I'm only 23 yr old male not married yet, so mabye my thoughts won't be as helpful. But I often think about and look forward to being a father one day. If that everhappened to me, If I was ever seperated from my son or children for any reason, I would write or make something for them evertime I thought about them or missed them or had something I wanted to tell them. I would save everything for them, and continue to remind myself I will meet them again one day to give it to them, it would ease the pain of seperation, and when you give it to them they may realize how much you care about them and they will get to hear more words from you and be able to hold on to it for amuch longer time. That kind of seperation can be devastatingfor both sides for the son and the Father, but when the son sees how much the Father cares for him after everything it could be very impactful and meaningful.
Find a way to kill your ex wife and make it look like an accident or suicide. Maybe do some research on using poisons that won't show up in an autopsy or maybe employ someone to do a "hit and run car accident" on the bitch. Then apply to have your son returned to you. Also check out some of the MGTOW channels here on you tube that discuss this problem that so many men are facing dew to the corrupt gynocentric legal system.
You can't, just know when he's 18 you can be around him as much as he and you want. The system is against you. Search for "red pill" or "mgtow" to educate yourself on the nature of the system you live in.
people fantasize about situations but they do not believe that it will happen. Thats why it shows more negative results. Remember the three steps Ask, BELIEVE, then Receive? I pondered this same thing as you and thought, "Why doesn't people or little kids that imagine things and have non-realistic goals not get far in life?" They just don't believe it.
what you resit persists...some of this is common sense. If I try to release it then I will mostly get what Im trying to release (yelling into a pillow will not make me less angry cause Im yelling in a pillow and trying to get my anger out and therefore am making myself angry). If I try to push it away and suppress it than it wont go away cause I will be dealing with what Im trying to suppress.
I agree with all these but especially number 3. Once I was so angry I thought I'd let it out but screaming in my car. All it did was scare the hell out of me and make me more upset.
Just discovered your channel. I'm an instant fan. Thanks for making them. Have you read the book The Tools by Phil Stutz & Barry Michaels? If you have, would you please make a video critiquing it. I'd love to hear what you have to say about what they say. Thank you so much!
I don't know about this video, but I attribute pretty much all of the self help advice that this video says is wrong to my success. I used to not visualize what I wanted and I never got it. When I started visualizing what I wanted, it started showing up. I have an affirmation that helps me feel much better about myself and pumps me up for the day. I do kind of agree with #3, I redirect my anger to being more productive which definitely helps.
Maybe because visualizing is the one that ''works for you''? For others, it doesn't work, so they found that directly aiming for their goals without visualization worked for them.
Hello sir, I am one of your subscribers.it looks you really presents extremely precise information in your channel....would you tell me how to make such great videos where precision and information coincides?
I've heard that visualising the things you want can make you less likely to get them because your brain feels like you already have them and so you are less likely to put the relevant work in to achieve it
I happened to me
There's a good side of visualizing, but the positive thinking crowd get it wrong and visualize the end goal rather than the process. Thinking just the end goal it distracts and makes people complacent, showing no results even after all the vision boards and affirmations.
Yes! Is true!
I wanted to clear up some confusion on the visualizing aspect of this video because a lot of people have brought it up. When I say visualizing success I meant it in the context of imagining yourself already winning. What I should have included was that visualizing the process needed in order to achieve success has some evidence of working.
Eg studies have found that tennis players and golfers performed better after visualizing themselves training compared to visualizing themselves winning. Also, the students who visualized themselves studying rather than receiving As, spent more time revising and got better test scores. So, rather than trying not to visualize success, you can focus on visualizing the journey towards success.
Sources psp.sagepub.com/content/25/2/250 www.cabdirect.org/abstracts/20013074613.html;jsessionid=90F20ED69775C7373F17AE1CBFEFC8CF journals.humankinetics.com/tsp-back-issues/tspvolume11issue3september/effectsofdifferenttypesofgoalsonprocessesthatsupportperformance
I should have put this in because I was already aware of it but I didn't realize that it could have been misinterpreted like that. I am sorry about causing all this confusion. Take care everyone.
+Bite Size Psych Visualization can actually create miracles, but not if all you do is sit on your ass all day dreaming about what could be instead of going out and actually doing it. But visualization works in a weird way, therefore most people won't ever get to understand how to use it properly.
+Bite Size Psych
YOUR ARGUMENTS ARE WRONG.
REGARDING ; Suppressing thoughts, Visualization AND Self affirmation.
THE MAIN IDEA OF THESE ACTIONS IS TO CREATE A PATH IN YOUR NEURONS (BRAIN),
WHEN A SITUATION IS REVEAL TO OUR BRAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME, IT WOULD BE HARDER FOR THE BRAIN TO OVERCOME THAT SITUATION.
BUT IF THE SAME SITUATION HAD ALREADY FILTERED THE BRAIN BY VISUALIZATION AND SELF AFFIRMATIONS. THEN THE SITUATION IS ALREADY KNOWN TO THE BRAIN, THERE FOR, IT WOULD BE EASIER TO OVER COME THE SITUATION.
+Andres R
But he's not wrong and a couple times it states there are pretty much loopholes to working around these things. Repeating you love yourself, yet you can't find anything positive about yourself doesn't help you love yourself (Just an example). However, if you find at least one thing about yourself that you like you can build off of that one thing- again just an example.
With the visualization he is talking about people that fantasize with no action. Like BxPanda7 said, if you don't move and do something, it's not going to work. You'll just become more disappointed in yourself. But if you push towards it- be it alone or with support- you can grow while having that visualization in your mind. It all varies from person to person. You can't dismiss someone's scientific view without recognizing no one in this world is the same. Therefore making this video and your comment open for exceptions.
And putting caps is annoying. Like there's no reason for it.
+Bite Size Psych interesting, but confusing, i mean i think the thing about letting ur anger on a punching bag is not good but constrctive thingy was better
th-cam.com/video/JB3oxye8Kd8/w-d-xo.htmlm00s clearly not just smoking :P
Its a joint... with #WEED!
_Yes!_ I have tried positive affirmations so many times and I always end up in tears because I can't force myself to believe them and I end up repeating negative affirmations to myself, which makes me feel that because I can't do the affirmations I'm a bad person, and it ends in a spiral of downward thoughts until I decide just to forget about it and carry on with life, which I _thought_ was unhealthy, but it turns out carrying on and not bothering with it is _good_! Thank you, Bite Size Psych.
There is a saying: The only person you can't lie to is yourself. Not to say that positive affirmations are not valid in your case, I'm sure you are a good person, and you're smart enough, you're strong enough, and gosh darn it, people like you, but in those times when you feel that those things aren't true, the statements may make you feel like a hypocrite, a liar, or just pathetic. Sometimes the best thing to do is just let yourself put those thoughts aside and revisit them later, if at all.
Best Wishes.
trublgrl
Thank you! That was really nice.
That's saying is false. Self-Delusion isn't a fictional term.
I tried to make the possitive talk more realistic to my current situation. Like saying that I look okay instead of saying I look great or saying that I'm not dumb instead of saying I'm smart. It has usually helped me feel better because they're ideas that are easier to hold onto then just going from "I'm a shit person" to "I'm so great". That way I can minimize the negative talk and still feel like I'm not just lying to myself.
I couldn't agree more, Kara!
This reminds me of the shitty advice someone gave my first wife and I on our wedding day: "Never go to bed angry with one another." So we stayed up all night arguing, getting more tired, more cranky, more angry and less reasonable. Sometimes it's far better to walk away and cool off and mull things over for a while.
Through my experience, I've had more success saying "fuck it" than actually being ambitious and persistent. The smaller things that you say yes to can lead you to your goal, even if it doesn't seem like it. But I'm one case, I know this doesn't apply to everyone.
Another one that bugs me is "be yourself", it's like telling someone they don't need to change and everyone will magically start liking you. Or that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and you don't need to change anything. I mean what if "yourself" is something that should be changed? Being yourself only works if who you are is already something that people like to begin with.
And it's pretty hard not to "be yourself" because you are "yourself" no matter what, unless you somehow change your DNA, your brain, and body to literally become a different person. It's basically saying "you are fine and you don't need to do anything or take any action to solve the problem you are facing". It's useless advice for people who don't know how to solve whatever problem you are asking advice on.
+jhhwild The Be yourself thing isn't about not making changes, but to stop putting on a false front.
Change is natural, we change as persons constantly trough our experiences.
It's pretending to be something/someone you are not that is harmful, and that is what the advice is about.
MrAntice I think that in order to be successful in life there are situations that require you to put on a front. You can't "be yourself" if "yourself" is something that people don't like. In that case you pretty much have to pretend to be someone your not because if you don't pretend people won't give you a chance.
Yonkage No, just be yourself and all your problems will magically go away. All you need to do is BELIEVE!!!
+jhhwild One of my favorite quotes from Jim Rohn is "If you chance everything will change for you."
People need to work on themselves before they work on getting what they want.
***** That's true. Sometimes you need to change, it's possible that "being yourself" could be the cause of the problems your facing, lol.
I had anger management and the solution people and councilors alike always told me was to use it constructively and to calm my mind by meditating etc. However, only after I gave up and allowed myself to vent by beating my pillows and eventually buying a punching bag to kick and punch did I slowly let go of my anger. It clears my mind and allows me to think normally. When I'm angry logic and reason have no place in me. That rage burns deeper and deeper until I crack or break down. But training daily let me control myself and my own thoughts, and now, years later, I don't have the same struggle that I used to. Meditation and not doing anything was the worst advice ever given to me.
I just love this channel. It debunks so much of common myths to give us a glimpse of reality. my girlfriend suffers from chronic depression and this video is extremely helpful.
subscribed.
I highly disagree with visualization being damaging. Visualization can be extremely effective and motivating if you do it the right way. If you want to get your dream job, don't picture the end result. Picture yourself working hard, being in a state of flow while making progress, enjoying the effort and being absolutely enthusiastic about it. Force yourself to believe it. In case of learning this has been proven to change your brain structure and make it easier for you to gain knowledge.
Edit: okay, I read your clarification and agree with that
Bite Sized Psych has clarified his stance on this in a comment on this video.
suppressing thoughts is like trying to iron water waves.
Fantasize and visualize aren't the same...
Visualize implies something between planning and fantasizing. Planning is important, fantasizing is not. The further towards the planning end of the scale you get, the better.
***** The best way to clarify my meaning is a quote from WWII "In my experience plans are useless, but planning is essential."
Having just a good A plan is pointless, as you point out. Having a reasonable A, B, C, D, E, and F plan vastly improves the chances that at least one will work.
Not to mention, being able to plan on the spot doesn't hurt either. But have an idea of what processes are available.
***** Fair enough. Though "planning" as a verb also indicates a skill, not just the making of plans. At this point it is just semantics anyway.
Know whats available, develops some plans/strategies, and test them out, making up more as you go.
+LikeABoss123 The shorter the term of planning, the more specific plans can be. I plan my week. I don't know if I won't be hit by a bus on my way to the university, but that doesn't mean the plan is useless. The plan is made on a very likely assumption nothing bad happens.
The more into the future, the less specific and more versatile plans have to be. A company tells you they plan to do X in 2017, Y in 2019 and Z in 2022. They won't give you more specific information because they don't have the information yet. That doesn't mean they can't plan into the future. They do plan, but not too specifically.
Of course, everything has to be founded on some sort of strategic thinking to be able to think on your feet about possible solutions to a random encounter. But plans still need to exist in order to give you some actual operational space.
Perfect strategy involves both convergent and divergent thinking. Full convergent thinking is very focused on some primary goal.
Full divergent thinking involves finding multiple potential solutions to problems and picking the best one.
Without divergent thinking, your plans become too fragile as you're unable to adjust them.
But without convergent thinking, you don't have a plan to adjust to begin with! And you have 0 chances of success because you don't even know what you're looking for.
As an ex self help addict one book is too many and thousands are never enough. I have never found any constructive answers in any self empowerment material that has ever made a positive difference to my life. The book( the secret) and everything else that came with it was a convention of parasites and bloodsuckers telling lies. I however prefer to make a real life plan then employ all the steps needed to make that goal come true, even without visualizing it, as there is no point in visualizing the steps whether you are in the zone or not because all these things can be done with reality. Anyway good video and very insightful. Thank you.
I worked in an office where loads of people prattled on about The Secret and considered it to be some kind of bible. Crikey that was an annoying period of my life.
It is because they were not using it correctly. You are supposed to visualize your goal once a day for 5 minutes as a form of meditation. Then decrease that time as you get closer to your goal. You are also supposed to not think or talk about the goal, just do it.
When working with those kind of people, they tend to be lazy, unproductive colleagues, often being manipulative in their ways. The best people to work with aren't afraid to express negative thoughts including anger. They may be pricks but things get done.
gives an advice to not take any advice
it's to not always take advice for granted.
Lol
Adviception!!!...
Seriously tho, in my opinion, he's just being very punctual about some of the dangers of some of the most common self-help tips circulating around, and also he provides some links to do our own research about it.
Lol!
Ironic
I'm very sceptical about this video .
as you should be with any information. do some research, get back to us on your findings
you don't know what skeptical means ,
Please don't take it personaly , but you want to keep living in your buble....
luciu constantin Listen one more time , you just have to listen to the very last advice .
Now when you've done this take a dictionary and look up the meaning of the word sarcasm.
Wish you a happy New Year .
Sarcasm was obvious in the OG comment. However, it is very hard to express via text.
But you got it , so that is why I gave you a thumbs up .
I felt that I had to point that out so some idiot don't think you gave yourself a thumbs up .
Just the fact that you site your sources is amazing!
Spot on with #2. Self-affirmations just make me feel ridiculous at best.
+VioletTheGeek Doing stuff that gets me into the path I like, accomplishing things for myself, has increased my confidence and also created a positive feedback loop which motivates me to continue moving forward. This because I have experience of succeeding in the things I do. Especially those things I thought were impossible but just needed to be hammered at "one more time".
Me too!! It doesn't work on me, only on people that already have a default good self image!
Only 6500 Subs? This is some very well put together content. Can't wait for more
ekat2468 Hahahahah thanks. It's steadily growing :)
+Bite Size Psych Year later and almost 100k give it another year and you'll have a million as long as you don't think about what I just said.😂
The one about suppressing thoughts is something I noticed myself when I had nightmares as a child. After waking up from a nightmare, I obviously tried to push the thought of it away, but that only made me more and more terrified and the effort also prevented me from going back to sleep. I eventually noticed that acknowledging the dream, going through it once in my head to kind of "let it out", that made one hell of a difference! Trying to suppress it made me more afraid of the thought itself and blew the fear out of proportion, but thinking about it and going "okay, so that's what happened, that wasn't SO bad after all!" and then be done with it made it easier to let go of it completely.
I find, that positive thinking can be "dangerous" too. When I started with it, it happened, that I completely denied to see negative things in my life. So when I got into bad situations, I just ignored, that they're no good for me and I would find excuses for other persons, no matter how bad they behaved. Also visualizing my goals and visions AT FIRST just put me into a huge period of depression as it only made me realize how far away I am from my dreams. Now I still try to be positive about life, myself and others, but I watch out for those warning signs and while I do look out for the things that make me happy and take a look at what does the opposite, the most effort I put into being ok with myself without having to reach anything.
I've honestly always attempted to use anger to help me get things done, which is helpful, redirecting anger into a task you need to get done, often works in reducing anger and getting the task done faster. Although, it can be detrimental at thimes
The thing with self-affirmation doesn't sound like it's because people don't 'believe' it.
It is far more likely to me merely that, when people try to tell themselves that "I am a lovable person" they are confronted with the question of "Well, then why does nobody love it?"
The only way to 'solve' this is through self-delusion; rather than thinking "If I am a lovable person, why does nobody love me?", you must lie to yourself, saying "I am a lovable person, therefore people love me" even if everyone hates you and wants you to die.
Naturally, this isn't even remotely healthy or productive and a rather shameful state of being besides.
Great content keep up the good work!!!
As for me:
1. If something troubles you, you gotta think about it AND discuss it with someone who understands you. That's how you solve problems by thinking and discussing with those who can help.
2. Agree that the advice doesn't work because if you keep self affirming and reality stays the same, you eventually will live in a delusional bubble which is really harmful.
3. I tried punching pillows, breaking old plates, etc., to let anger out and it never worked for me. Again, thinking and discussing with those who can help actually helped me the most.
3:15 "'angier"????
The little stick person had just been punching stuff and wasn't in the best frame of mind. Also it's hard to spell with stick boxing gloves on your stick hands. :P
The stick figure got so worked up by punching out his anger that now he's added angst to the mix, thus "angier"
Kinda like "hangry" but not quite fun enough to put on a hipster pillowcase or coffee mug ;)
This video made me feel much better learning I got three out of four of these concepts nearly nailed. Quite intellectually emancipating, thank you.
i started by trying to overcome shyness and have confidence i was on the right path, i started to man up and go for the things i feared going there doing , and then i kept on watching videos reading ,one thing i read is that my shyness will always stay with me and i believed that so everytime i dont do some of the activities that reduce shyness and i stay like alone or playing video games i would start to blame myself and talk myself down i read also about the law of attraction its that what you think or you feel you attract so everyday when i don't see anything attracted i would blame myself thus my self esteem get lower and lower i tried the hypnosis wich made me fake myself to be the person i want and then i ended up with the idea of i am a fake person after all you see guys we are in 21 century and i discovered that we are experiencing some new drugs the self help drug yes those people are making money out of us selling us books to make us feel that there is something wrong with us and they we believe that we need help and keep buying their shit , if you want to be better you don't need all this complication just face your fears have courage you already have it and accept your flaws nobody is perfect also these books make you think black and white make you more of a perfectionalist and develop in you the habit of excesive self obsession because you always trying to see if you are doing well in your life
I've recently become a quadriplegic and you have no idea, or maybe you have some idea, how often I come across this. You have affirmed a lot of my own skepticism and at the same time give me advice to just try to keep calm and move on in life. Thank you, you've definitely have a subscribe in me.
These are just horribly misinterpreted. Whatever you focus on grows stronger, but you still have to acknowledge your problems, it doesn't mean you have to pretend like they're not there
That is y I don't like the "LOA" movement because their interpretation of how to apply success principles is exactly just that - pretend you are doing great focus on the "positive" exclusively etc.
The thing with affirmations is that they do work _when they remind you_ of something you already know and believe. If all your friends are better than you at tennis, then don't tell yourself "I'm the best tennis player in the world", because you simply won't believe it. Try thinking about the thing you like most about yourself and use that as a starting point. As this makes your attitude more positive you will start to notice other things you like about yourself and then you can add those to your affirmation and it will continue to grow from there.
Whatever you do, don't affirm something negative about yourself - even if you believe it to be true. Nothing good can come from doing that.
Thank you soo much for your videos. .you have no idea how much it has helped me and my friends. .I am really looking forward for more of your work..Thank you again. .good work..
Yeah self affirmation is very cringey and I could never do because it's way too cringey.
Probably not a good idea to decide whether to use a tactic based on if it's cringy or not. Best to choose what's useful and what works for you.
I do have a split opinion on self affirmation.
Like any form of therapy, it's not for everyone and depends on how one does it.
For me it only makes sense if you decided to use self affirmation as a mean to change yourself. The first step always has to be your decision to help yourself and make a change. Secondly, if you're going to use affirmations, you should know that the brain can be programmed by harsh growing up codnitions to feel miserable later in life. Luckly, it can also be re-programed so one can be more happy and self confident. And one of the ways of reprograming is to use affirmations, to stop telling yourself you're worthless and by telling yourself you are worthy.
Ofc that alone won't be enough, because you also need to change other life habits and conditions to make a difference, so affirmation is one of the possible tools you can use.
So if a person is depressed, not motivated to change but rather stuck in their dark pit of self hate, without support and the knowledge that the emotional state of the brain can be reprogrammed, then, yes, doing self affirmation can look creepy and utterly pointless. It won't have any positive effect.
On the other hand, people aware of the possible uses and benefits of affirmations as a form of Neurlo Linguistic Programming, with support and other life changes, affirmations can prove to be very effective
I tried it, I couldn't help laugh at myself every time that I said something good about myself instead of something bad. I found that it has had long lasting impact. However, I believe it was me learning to not take myself so seriously that really helped.
"Cringe" is just a form of self suppresion. It feels emotionally uncomfortable but hey, any deviation in behavior is at some point before the end of that behavior.
When people say "Don't think about it," what they really mean is, "Don't bother me with your tedious problems." Steer clear of these people.
OH MY GOD! You have sources! Thank you so much! So few channels include them in their videos, especially the learning ones. I frequently get annoyed by it and it's great to see at least one channel do it.
I realized how much time I wasted doing dumb things after I lost my legs and my daughter in an automobile accident. I started seeing your and other people's inspirational videos which inspired me to create my own videos. It was difficult because I had to fight with the physical and mental pain. Fortunately I'm able to speak and type with my left hand, therefore it is not impossible to communicate without revealing my ugly face. I don't have many viewers, although I'll attempt to inspire as many folks as possible.
I can relate. Especially with the anger issue; it turns out anger has a feedback on itself.
I love your videos man, tons of useful tips for life, keep it up can't wait for the next one
Percy Saucedo Can't agree more. Also short, but informative. They're perfect.
I'd want to say regarding the suppression of thoughts - that on the other hand the opposite extreme is bad too: if you _wallow_ in that negative thought, then that can also be a problem, too - and if anything I'd wager that perhaps this "suppress it" or "don't think about it" advice actually is perhaps a distorted version of a legitimate point which is to not let such thoughts _consume_ you. There's a difference between a reasonable level of concern and an unhealthy obsession or rumination just as much as there is between reasonable concern and equally unhealthily trying to suppress the thought.
The Secret backfired on me, to the point that I became so obsessed with 'positive thinking' that I overlooked realistic and not so positive facts in my life.
Chocolate is great.
Thanks for the video.
About the one where you visualise success, don't forget to TAKE ACTION towards achieving yor success, not just playing mental movies in your head. Visualising is still very good.
Y do ppl say that? Visualization (I dislike the term but it's what we say) IS an action. If your visualization is properly designed then you will do or not do as the case may be. Not all visualization is about achievement or "action" as you call it.
vents like screaming in a pillow or crying like a baby for a few minutes actually helps a lot and i think that everyone that has tried it knows this, you might still be a bit sad or angry afterwards but you've definitely released a lot of tension and it prevents becoming an empty mess
You are the only person I have heard that gets the self esteem thing. That brought up some things, bravo man, bravo.
another one of my favourite channel on youtube, well done bite size psych, subscribed
The Secret is utter bullshit, but that doesn't mean there aren't legitimate self-help resources available. Sometimes on the same bookshelf.
Eric Morrison No, of course not. Otherwise my channel would be utter bullshit too! My issue is that there's a lot of false information that gets published in the self-help genre. So my ultimate message isn't to disregard it but to be skeptical.
+Eric Morrison most of dumb people who don't understand or know how to use Secret cause like I said they are dumb say that Secret is bullshit...
also The Secret is not really a self-help book, creator of video thinks he knows everything
+Petar-Vertex you're calling this channel dumb then?
+sheepnoisebah that s logical, cause they are talking about something they don't know or didn't even tried but they know it s not working...
letting your anger out is not to process the anger, it's a quick tool to direct your heated anger at something else. after you did this you already feel like you did something to the person that made you angry and could make you more accesible for conversation.
i think the value in visualization isn't pretending you've already accomplished your goal, but that you imagine what needs to be done to accomplish your goal. To acknowledge what needs to be done for your goal to be accomplished. If your a musician, you know you must practice with every moment possible, you cant just walk on stage and visualize performing well. Its the foresight to visualize yourself as a professional. You have to realize that a professional works for his goal in every spare moment. If your not progressing your moving away from your goal.
I'm a 25 years old university drop out who's had spent almost a decade in isolation in my room (a hikikomori or a NEET). I've suffered from things like anxiety, depression, bipolarity, etc (all sorts of personality disorder really). To keep it short, here are the 3 things that cured all my personality disorders: Eating breakfast, going to bed early, and getting some sunlight. All the other advices that I heard to this day were irrelevant to me.
I agree with the underlying message behind the video, which is basically to be skeptical of everything you read, see, or hear. As for self-help books, they've helped me turn my life around from a VERY DARK place that I won't discuss. I've also met other people face to face and online that also used self-help books to become better, more positive, productive people, so they are definitely not a sham or marketing gimmick. With that said, I think self help books work best when used in conjunction with something else, like other self-help materials such as articles, CDs, and videos, befriending and being around positive people, meditation, and willpower.
Without a control group you can't actually claim if it was the self help material or if things played out naturally. How many people who had self help books are still down on their luck? How many committed suicide?
I see it as those who are willing to pick up a self-help book is willing to learn and empower themselves out of their situation. That's only a first step. It also depends on the person and how they choose to use the information. Good self-help advice is there to provide tools that we choose to use in ways we see fit, it is not there to put fault on the person's shoulders but to provide that empowerment. Often, that's a fine line. I personally find researching really helpful when I was in a very bad place. I was able to see that I'm not the only one and was able to learn from others' experiences. That's also considered self-help, being open to educate ourselves with others' experience. Especially when we are surrounded by negativity in this day and age.
There is never a one size fits all, we all have to try and find what works for ourselves. I personally much rather believe that my actions can change my environment rather than believing that it is not in my power and not do anything about it. I truly feel that I have changed my environment with a change of thoughts and action, (you can call it self fulfilling prophecy, law of attraction, etc it doesn't matter) but it only makes sense to me to choose to take control where I can over believing that it's just bad luck and I can't change a thing about it but to end my life.
What about all that "Follow your heart," bullshit I hear? While it might work for some, a person like me who has a mental disorder cannot trust their own judgement, and often times if they go out on a limb based on impulsive instinct or aka "following their hearts" it leads to utter hurt and ruin. We do not "know better" deep down inside ourselves, and more often than not you will discover that you had been led on by what you felt inside, which ultimately proved not to be true.
Thank you for using data and avoiding anecdotal arguments!
super great value. I really needed this, I was struggling with all 4 myths. Thank you very much, keep it up you are changing peoples lives.
The anger one is definitively spot on for me. I'm not an angry person and I normally handle anger fine but after a session of kickboxing training I seem to come out of it a lot more aggressive and irritable than how I normally would be.
What if hitting a punching bag makes me feel angrier BUT also satisfied and boosts my self confidence?
Pomponivs Archibald - Physical activity like that produces endorphins which gives you a natural high and can be very addictive if sought in an unhealthy manner. Anger also ends up producing endorphins and people can get "addicted" to anger as well (especially the type with sudden outbursts) due to the endorphin boost and the false sense of power it gives them over their situation, so combining the two might give a heavy short term dose of feel-good endorphins and a psychological boost (albeit a flawed one) BUT the end result is that you are giving yourself positive bio feedback for anger as a "productive" response to situations, especially anger as expressed through physical aggression and passionate outbursts.
This process of positive endorphin feedback will cause your brain to begin to carve new neural pathways to bypass the subconscious circuitry that says "anger can make me do dangerous things, be careful." Do it often enough and that warning light connection gets totally wiped and replaced by a connection to the brain's pleasure center that will drown out any powerful sort of "conscience" or sense of guilt over the action and give you a false sense of security about your actions and how far you're letting your anger go. Anger is extremely deceitful and decades old neuroscience data show connecting it to the pleasure center in your brain is no bueno.
Be angry but don't give yourself positive reinforcement by immersing yourself in endorphins as a way to cope. You literally might as well be using drugs, it can end up that harmful if left unchecked (which is a lot easier to do than you realize.) No it doesn't mean one day you'll get done at the gym and by struck by a sudden fancy to go murder someone, no it doesn't mean all those video games you played in high school will suddenly catch up to you turn you into a raging maniac, but it will cause a gradual decay in your ability to empathize with others and literally start altering your thinking to becoming more like that of a psychopath (based on the actual definition, I'm not using a figure of speech here.)
When you are angry but get yourself in a physically neutral or relaxed position, it does stuff in the brain to help you get out of the immediate "fight or flight" way of thinking (which messes with your judgment) and enter into a state where you can become more analytical and address the situation to solve problems more logically with greater sensitivity to potential interpersonal implications (since anger seems to often coincide with other people in one way or another.) It reinforces an approach that looks for resolution, not conflict, and uses parts of the brain that aren't really going to be active during a fight or flight response. By having a "resolution mindset" already established, it can help you make correct decision even when you're in the midst of a situation that has triggered the fight or flight response. And at the end, it ultimately gives us the positive biofeedback found in gaining a sense of resolution or constructive progress from addressing anger through verbal communication and analysis, strengthening the pathways in our brains that tell us to be careful of violence resulting from our anger.
They say that when making a decision, we subconsciously conclude what choice we will make (often for some horribly long time) prior to when our conscious mind ever becomes aware. It FEELS like we're still contemplating information and mulling it over when in reality our brains already have made our decision long before we get done telling ourselves that we're "properly considered it and are prepared to answer appropriately."
In the same way, when we prepare our brains to make the right decisions during times of relative calm, it will become more ingrained within us and during times a chaos when we will revert back to what seems safe (and likely self-preserving) our subconscious minds will grab onto items we have already analyzed and will choose good decisions if we've made them available to our subconscious. We can lunge forward into the positive biofeedback of explosive anger, a desire to take control, and physical violence, or we can grasp for logical decision making, empathy, and a commitment to finding resolution.
There IS a measurable difference in how we respond to anger and how it literally reshapes our brains over time the more we respond one way or another.
@@vnleao I like this. But, I've some questions. What is a neutral physical position? And, how can one enter into it, in a social situation that might otherwise prevent it (such as, a standing conversation, where there are no seats)? Also, can the brain heal, from thinking in a manner like the psycho/sociopath? And, by what means? Thanks, and I hope, you reply.
Visualizing success doesn't simply come as fantasizing about the rewards you'd love to have if you already achieved the goal. It means creating a realistic image of the steps you should follow to reach the success, making yourself more comfortable and prepared to take those respective steps.
Thanks for providing the sources in the details! A lot of people don't bother to do that.
Great video. It was very informative and visually appealing. Keep up the great work and I'll be looking forward to the videos to come. You've got yourself a new subscriber!
Bluemymind Thanks :)
With time, negative thoughts will NOT go away. I agree with the other part or advice 1. About advice 2, that is why the affirmation has to be believable as much as possible and with time go to stronger ones.
Point 3: anger is a cognitive state, not an emotion. You are angry at someone or something for some reason. It is accompanied by emotions of aggression, but aggression is not itself anger. Therefore, the best way to deal with it is to recognise who/what you are angry about and work through your options for redress.
#1, try not to think about it, is half true. If something happens you don't want to think about trying not to think about it will bring it to mind more, thus rehearsing it and making it more memorable. However if you choose something else you enjoy thinking about and then every time the unpleasant thing comes to mind switch your thoughts to the enjoyable thing then you'll spend less time rehearsing the unpleasant thing and thus it will fade faster than if you think about it (or think about not thinking about it).
I learnt to drive by visualizing the steps in various scenarios after watching other drivers for years and passed the test. I didn't have the money or time for lessons, so this does work. Granted, it was in the West Indies 35 years ago, but I did drive in the U.S. a few months later on a temporary licence and did just fine. I love the 80s. Good times!👊
Overvisualizing or overthinking something usually brings the opposite effect.
If you try to visualize "a lot of money" and you do so all the time, because your finance hasn't improved, what is prevails is the "not improved".
Visualizing with feeling (which is the most important) gives the results; but it needs a lot of effort and the uncoscious covers plenty of feelings that negate the desire.
About the feeling suppression. That research must have been totally wrong. If something bad happens, no matter which team you are in (either you are told to suppress it or go on with you life), the feeling will do its circle and it will be felt one way or another; a headache, a panic attack, a burst of anger..."wherever" we are more vulnerable. Humans cannot think their life, they can only feel it!
So yes, let the anger out! Just don't kill anyone...
Just discovered this channel, honestly really good, and I say that as someone who wasn't very into psych.
love your videos buddy, the accompanying resources in the description were very helpful as well, look forward to seeing more videos in the future! :)
kevideos653 I'm glad that you appreciate the sources :)
The anger one, I always keep my anger in my head and think it over, and eventually it calms me down
Really? Makes matters worse for me. When a constructive outlet isn't immediately available, I just do like with the depression one and keep going through life and letting it run its course.
So does 1+4 mean I should visualise eating chocolate to stop eating it?
+mina86 Yes
+mina86 Perhaps the visualization of it will actually give you satisfaction on some level
+mina86 There was actually a study done with smokers in which when the smokers were told to smoke a certain number of cigarettes a day, they ended up not smoking as much.
You can't compare a chocolate bar with a Life Goal.
It works when you have big goals and deep inside you have the belief that you'll never achieve them.
A chocolate is nothing useful for comparation.
Your videous always say "Be sceptical" and i usually am. For example everiting that sounds too emotional is bullshit, people often post similar staff in facebook, or showed in TV shows. But you sound so convincing, and i accept your information like a truth. Go on man :) Thumbs up!
This channel is awesome!.
I don't know why it doesn't have more subs
Does the title changed from "harmful" to "dangerous" so people stop to think that they did "self-harm" because dangerous sounds much more natural and "outsidish" so people would not feel bad about it... is that right?
TriggerCurtis Hahaha nah I just felt like this title sounded better that's all.
Bite Size Psych haha okay :D Nice video! :)
Do you think that i think too much?
TriggerCurtis Cheers. And I don't know ... do you think too much?
Bite Size Psych Well i think not... I have heared it by alot of my friends and coworkers... I think everytime i think, i think correctly. There is no "too much"... But when i read my first comment it sounds like i thinked too much...
already 100,000!
I watched the Secret in 2006 and wanted to believe in it. There's a rather inflammatory article floating around on a website calling a man who wrote excellent self-help (honestly I hate the term self-help more like "self-psychology" (learning about your thought process and how to shape it to better yourself) books a "scammer" and worse is this man is no longer alive to defend himself. It's what brought me here to give my input.
Let me just say that,
This type of shit is *WAY too deep* for some people. Much like lucid dreaming, it is too hard for some people to do. Again much like lucid dreaming, it has to do with our minds. As someone who has lucid dreamed and implemented SOME of what others have spoken about and more, I have seen it in action myself. Both positive and negative. We really are creatures of habit and my habits were very very POOR. After really listening to positive people dead and alive and IMPLEMENTING them as ACTIONS EVERY DAY, I feel my life turning around for the good.
Greg Braden talking about the Bible's "Ask and ye shall receive" omitted out from the KJV version of the Bible (along with other sentences and books ) talked about asking without hidden motive. What is that hidden motive? DOUBT. Which is what too many people in this world have. These are the people who are so readily quick to bash self-help people like Tony Robbins and Mark Victor Hansen.
This law works only IF you don't sit on your ass and merely wish on it. Thinking isn't going to get you whatever you want. Don't get me wrong, I agree The Secret was snakeoil salesman BULLSHIT but don't throw all the other "self-help" books and speakers under the bus, please.
Thoughts-feelings-actions-results!
The world needs more videos like this
Lol
3:35 "Discuss why you are angry" = Yell at each other over a bottle of smirnoff.
Quick question, what your opinion on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?
I've been reading a book by David Burns about CBT and have found it to be tremendously helpful, I don't consider it to be a traditional self-help book - but rather a way of helping me come to a more rational and logical conclusion with my problems.
TheSouperNazi Hi there. Thanks for asking. So CBT definitely has the big stamp of approval by the scientific literature. Like you said it's all about changing your negative thoughts into something more rational and realistic.
But there's another type of therapy called acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) which is almost the opposite of CBT. While CBT will try to change your irrational thoughts, ACT will simply ask you to accept them. So if the thought was "I'm a loser", CBT will say "that's not rational. You only failed that one time and your mind is over-generalizing". However, ACT will say "this negative thought is a mere by-product of your mind. Accept that you have this thought. But know that you are not defined by your thoughts".
Hopefully that analogy made sense. As you can guess, there's a lot of mindfulness in ACT. And like CBT, ACT also has a growing amount of evidence proving its effectiveness. I think people should understand the basics of both CBT and ACT as they've definitely shaped the way I view my problems as well.
If you're interested in ACT and want another non-traditional self help book, try "The Happiness Trap" by Dr Russ Harris. It's a simple read with lots of interesting messages that'll give you a fresh perspective on how to cope with problems.
Bite Size Psych I've read about the mindfulness approach combined with CBT, it sounds just like ACT. I'm using Headspace as a starting point to better incorporate mindfulness into my daily life and have found it to be much more welcoming and intuitive than other meditation apps.
I could find both to be quite helpful, but I prefer CBT because it has helped me shape the way I make decisions and tackle goals.
I'll look into your recommendation, I'm always interested in new reading material.
thanks! this is so helpful
Shravan Patankar No worries. I'm glad you found it helpful :)
Bite Size Psyc
When upset, I actually box (but I box anyways). I find, for me, since I already see it as 'constructive' in getting me to other goals I want (health, fitness,etc), it's good for me. It also helps me focus better on my punches. However, I don't hit other people. I do it on a dummy or with someone holding the pads. I feel better after. Maybe not fully over the issue, but I feel less stressed over it.
I love that 2 basically contradicted 3.
Ironically enough, the ad before this video displayed a guide on "self-help".
Whenever a claim says it can only be understood or realised when you really, really, really believe so, you can automatically dismiss it. I can understand heliocentrism even if I wish the earth were the centre of the universe. The sun will rise tomorrow even if I wish it would not rise. The truth is something that are true regardless what you want or wish.
"To save you from all that advice, here is some advice."
This made me smile. To be clear, I agree wholeheartedly with the observations/conclusions (my confirmation bias?), but I must admit that I found some ironic humor in that statement. Nice channel. Nice vids. Enjoyable.
Suppressing a thought and "not thinking about something" aren't the same thing. Thoughts arise both from the unconscious and from conscious choice. Choosing not to consciously bring up or pursue certain thoughts isn't dangerous, and it's crucial to dealing with anxiety. Attempting to block thoughts that appear spontaneously does lead to disaster, though.
What if the reason that those who fantasize more about their crush or dream job fail more often is that they are forced to fantasize since the likely-hood of them getting their crush or dream job is low?
Surely there has to be exceptions to the rule because there's nothing that has helped me but ignoring emotional and psychological problems, it's when I address them when everything goes sour.
Forget addressing the problem emotion is a scarce thing. If I'm ever lucky enough to have something happen to get angry I'll use it as energy.
The quicker you find closure, the quicker you will find happiness
Always vent your anger by doing house chores since you got more energy that will help with chores and it makes your mind busy. I usually ended up with my bedroom sleek clean after I got angry then I just sat in the bed or go to sleep, waking up with happy feeling as my bedroom is tidy and I don't as angry as I am before.
+Christian Djami If only! I'm usually angry at myself for not being able to motivate myself to do household chores. How could I possibly get that to work for me?
Hannah Elisabeth lol I usually started with throwing my dirty clothes as hard as I can to the laundry basket. After everything is in, I started to shove everything back to place, then everything just done suddenly lol
you sir, are a saint
psychology is genuinely one of the best things we have in life
thank you for the research, will be applying these
Can you make a video about behavioral addiction (like video game addiction) and how to deal with it
Very concise and informative! Are there any books that you *would* recommend?
Jay Young On self-help? I think there are a lot of useful advice in self-help books but you sorta have to filter out the bullshit. But that's how it is for all the information we hear. Try "Happienss Trap" by Dr. Russ Harris. I don't agree 100% with it but there's some good ideas that have shifted my perspective a bit on dealing with problems. And thanks for the support :)
Bite Size Psych Cool, thanks :-)
Bite Size Psych What do you think about the book "The Willpower Instinct"?The author have a lot of studies in there :)
I liked "Personal Development for Smart People" by Steve Pavlina. Mostly because is focused more on the system rather then on few simple "tricks".
At 3:15 it says 'ANGIER'
There's a missing 'R'
Quotes that are like "Just do what you want. Don't let other people's thoughts make you feel down"
That just sounds really narcissistic to me. It make you sound less empathetic and as a person who internally sulks when a personal insult is thrown at me, it hits me quite hard and I end up trying to suppress my face from looking red.
But maintaining my skepticism makes me feel more anxious.
That was music? Kay?
these videos are soooooo goood and so well make you should be proud of your work this is amazing.
Excellent and true! I will say that people using visualizations (which can help) have used it incorrectly. The PROCESS is what is to be visualized, not the end result or prize.
Record yourself talking when you are at your peek confidence. Lay out all of your beliefs, your problems, however you feel. Does wonders.
my ex wife took my son away and i have to pay a lot for it. how can i use this in a constructive way?
When I run into predominantly negative circumstances, I usually 'artificially' craft an upside to make it easier for me to cope with them.
I plan an activity that's either a one-time or perpetual thing that I wouldn't have done otherwise, that's meant to create a benefit to push my life into a direction that might have some other perks compared to the alternate route where the negative thing never happened.
Of course this can't always properly compensate, and you can't turn shit into gold.
But at the very least, you can always use it as an opportunity to turn it into personal growth that others without your kinds of hardship don't have.
In your case, maybe it gives you alleviation if you start campaigning for other people in your situation by supporting respective organizations.
Maybe the harm done to you can prevent even more harm done to others.
That's of course a righteous thought you have to be careful with, and maybe that's not your thing to begin with, but it is one solution I could think of.
I think in many help organizations, among the most motivated people are often those that suffered (or still suffer from) the same fate.
I'm only 23 yr old male not married yet, so mabye my thoughts won't be as helpful. But I often think about and look forward to being a father one day. If that everhappened to me, If I was ever seperated from my son or children for any reason, I would write or make something for them evertime I thought about them or missed them or had something I wanted to tell them. I would save everything for them, and continue to remind myself I will meet them again one day to give it to them, it would ease the pain of seperation, and when you give it to them they may realize how much you care about them and they will get to hear more words from you and be able to hold on to it for amuch longer time. That kind of seperation can be devastatingfor both sides for the son and the Father, but when the son sees how much the Father cares for him after everything it could be very impactful and meaningful.
Find a way to kill your ex wife and make it look like an accident or suicide. Maybe do some research on using poisons that won't show up in an autopsy or maybe employ someone to do a "hit and run car accident" on the bitch.
Then apply to have your son returned to you.
Also check out some of the MGTOW channels here on you tube that discuss this problem that so many men are facing dew to the corrupt gynocentric legal system.
You can't, just know when he's 18 you can be around him as much as he and you want. The system is against you. Search for "red pill" or "mgtow" to educate yourself on the nature of the system you live in.
2:02... I don't think that's a cigarette.
I like the way you chosed a joint picture for smokers:))
people fantasize about situations but they do not believe that it will happen. Thats why it shows more negative results. Remember the three steps Ask, BELIEVE, then Receive? I pondered this same thing as you and thought, "Why doesn't people or little kids that imagine things and have non-realistic goals not get far in life?" They just don't believe it.
what you resit persists...some of this is common sense. If I try to release it then I will mostly get what Im trying to release (yelling into a pillow will not make me less angry cause Im yelling in a pillow and trying to get my anger out and therefore am making myself angry). If I try to push it away and suppress it than it wont go away cause I will be dealing with what Im trying to suppress.
I agree with all these but especially number 3. Once I was so angry I thought I'd let it out but screaming in my car. All it did was scare the hell out of me and make me more upset.
Just discovered your channel. I'm an instant fan. Thanks for making them. Have you read the book The Tools by Phil Stutz & Barry Michaels? If you have, would you please make a video critiquing it. I'd love to hear what you have to say about what they say. Thank you so much!
I don't know about this video, but I attribute pretty much all of the self help advice that this video says is wrong to my success. I used to not visualize what I wanted and I never got it. When I started visualizing what I wanted, it started showing up. I have an affirmation that helps me feel much better about myself and pumps me up for the day. I do kind of agree with #3, I redirect my anger to being more productive which definitely helps.
Maybe because visualizing is the one that ''works for you''?
For others, it doesn't work, so they found that directly aiming for their goals without visualization worked for them.
Hello sir,
I am one of your subscribers.it looks you really presents extremely precise information in your channel....would you tell me how to make such great videos where precision and information coincides?