ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ธ.ค. 2020
- I shot this and then realized that it's way too long, so I decided to break it up into 2 parts:
This week I'll share stories from when I was a kid - how I knew I was different from other guys at a very young age, and my experience first discovering sex and first questioning my sexuality.
Next week, I'll have the second part edited and uploaded, which will share ways I tried to research and learn more about my sexuality, and how I eventually come to terms with being gay.
I hope you guys find this insightful, relatable, or maybe even helpful! Let me know in the comments what you think! What was your coming out experience like?
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gay asian, asian gay, gaysian, gay asia, gay chinese, gay asians, american gay, asian gays, lgbt, lgbtq
When my mom asked me if I was Gay, and I wasn’t ready to answer, I responded, “Not yet.”
Well done. When I came out to my mom in Dec of 1981 on my first holiday after being in the USA for my college education ...even at that time she was so progressive...she held me tightly and we both cried and she said to me no matter what mummy still loves you and since then I have always come out to my colleagues and close friends even in the 80s...I happened to stumble on this video and channel and I just want to wish you every happiness and good health..stay safe...from Singapore to you...warm blessings to you and the family...
What a sweet story, thanks for sharing!
Singapore? I stay in Singapore
A handsome guy, intelligent and charming. SMOKIN' HOT!
As a parent and a gay man, I would add one more piece off advice for parents. Make sure your children know that you love them unconditionally and that the question of whether they are gay or straight or something in-between is totally unimportant to you. The only thing that you want as a parent is for your child to be happy and discover early on that one has to be true to yourself, not someone's else's vision of who you should be.
My thoughts! And truly nothing else matters. Greetings from Germany ☀️
My Dad made it clear to me as a child that he didn't care what I did with my life as long I was the "best that you can be at it".
as a chinese I find this insightful, I feel lucky I didnt receive much family discrimination. god bless us
You are so lucky, its different here in indonesia 😭
@@dogtrainingrevolution5993 honey I think the only safe space for us rn would be taiwan or thailand 😎
@@staninsertkpopgroup1181 better u move to Brunei 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤭
@@dogtrainingrevolution5993 oh honey noo tats a no no place for us 😂😂
@@staninsertkpopgroup1181 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭😍😘
My family's reaction to finding out I'm gay.
Dad: shakes head and walks out of room.
Mom: doesn't matter I love you anyway. Just give Dad some time to get over his surprise.
Brother:does this mean I gotta treat you like a sister now?
Grandma:always remember God used the extra pieces of wonderful he had laying around in Heaven to create you so don't believe if anyone say anything bad about you, God has made you this way for a reason.
You are lucky
Your grandma is so sweet
I am so happy today i don't know with whom to share cause i didn't come out ..today i come out to my mom n that is the best acceptance one can ever have 😭😭😭
Im a gay boy to and my grandma would probably be upset about it and so god will heal me or something like that but luckly because im pretty masculine most people would never find out unless i told them
yo brother funny bruh🤣
I commented on ONE video of another individual that came out recently, and now Google has decided this is my topic of interest for the rest of my life. :) Congratulations on feeling comfortable enough to show others a part of yourself! A very brave, and freeing decision.
So glad you’ve made a channel and are sharing your story. You’re going to help so many people, and I can’t wait to see the community grow. Keep it up! 👏👏
Thank you so much, I hope so too!
Hats off to you. Kicking ass. As a gay dude in his 20s, I totally understand your story but I must say , I did have it easier. So again, hats off to you. My advice: use your story to keep inspiring the young ones coming out as a kid. Much love.
What an incredible heartfelt story. It's great to see that you're well adjusted and walking in your truth!❤️💙💚🧡
This was so helpful. I so relate to your experience. Wishing you a fulfilling and meaningful LIFE!
It is interesting to see how coming out is different to everyone. Thank you for sharing your story and I agree with what you said about parents not asking you anything about it. Sometimes the hardest part of the coming out story is to come out to yourself and to actually accept your sexual orientation as part of yourself. It gets better at least thats what happened to me. I came out to my family when I was 14, including my grandparents. Some of them in the begginin were a bit harsh and actually rejected me for a while. Now im 26 and everyone is ok.
Have a good day! X
100% agree, glad you're doing well now!
I am glad to see such a confident young man, I hope your parents know what a good job they have done in raising you. I am also glad to have another asian-american gay man's representation on TH-cam, there is not enough representation of non-white gays on TH-cam.
Being Asian myself ...I can relate your story. Well Done . Will waiting for more of your experience being gay .
Omg I love this! So nice to see you talk about your story so comfortably! Definitely nice to see it from an asian male perspective. PS you look amaze
I find you so incredibly attractive it actually hurts!
Love your channel, Kevin. Love how articulate you are about your own story, and that you care enough to want to share it with everyone who drops by. I hope you are finding your way through your gayness. And that you maybe have found someone you would like to be with. All the best on your journey. 🌟
Awesome to hear, thank you!
I had a terrible time coming to terms with myself. I was suicidal at several points but I eventually made peace with myself and my life has been better ever since. I just wanted to tell you so many of the things you talk about are So Familiar. I guess it is hard for many of us. Not everyone, but for some of us it is very hard. You are a sweetheart. You will do alright. I hope you had a good Christmas Holiday (You posted this on the 22 of December, 2020). Thank You for Being So Honest and Open.
I'm also having a difficult time accepting my sexual orientation. I'm so hurt.... everything and everyone around me is STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUAL. Sometimes I feel like God did me wrong. I feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself. Being gay is also very lonely and other gay men just want to hook up. 😂 I'm also still a virgin. I don't know I'm just feeling numb.
Your life does not belong to only you - it belongs to your family, your society. This is a concept I really never thought about. Thanks for sharing that.
It's definitely not an American concept, that's for sure. One of my dearest friends is originally from the Middle East, and he grew up with that same message. It's very much so, but not solely, an Asian cultural concept.
Kudos to you! You do you, as long you're happy and you don't hurt others be it physically or mentally, I support! 👍🏻
Ah yes a guy with whom I think I could have a relationship with but of course he's millions of miles away
i adore your honesty, kevin. more power! 😘
Wow I never knew coming out meant that much to people (I'm not gay but I am a different minority as a Jewish black man) so I understand some of the things you're talking about and it's great to have a new perspective other than black and white literally💪🏾🏳️🌈
Glad to hear! Thank you
Dude, thanks for sharing this story.
Great video! I would like to add that having good lgbtq+ friends and ally are important too. It took me a long time to really comeout
Very insightful video, Kevin. It should help young gays. I am eager to view Pt. 2, now. We do not get enough input from Asian families regarding the "Big Gay Issue."
It was such a nice story you shared and helping out many people here to go through it and guiding us. Thankyou so much for your videos and the efforts you doing to help us , Thankyou to you from india 😊🙏
Underated! Thank you for your story.
*0:48** "Your life does not belong to only you..it also belongs to your family.."*
This is EXACTLY why I will never again date an Asian guy. I know everyone is different..and I'm certainly not trying to stereotype anyone. BUT..when Asian-American guys (Gay or Straight) keep doing the same thing over and over again..such as putting their childhood families wishes ahead of their lovers..then I can only assume this is pretty widespread. I fell really hard in love with an Asian-American guy. I loved his tall and smooth body..his super intelligence..and his musical abilities -he was a concert violinist. And he loved me being a tall, white and hairy guy..into science..and also a classical guitar player. I was falling head over heels for him..and he said he felt the same way about me. I gave him all my time..did anything he wanted to make him feel loved and appreciated..and went out of my way to give him everything he needed to feel happy, safe and secure. And just when I was ready to live with him and become serious..he drops a bomb on me that we could never be a true couple because his parents expected him to marry a girl and have a big family. So..basically I would be his secret lover and nothing more. Like some worthless mistress to a married straight man. Broke my heart into a million pieces. And I have heard this more than once from Asian guys who refuse to disappoint their traditional and homophobic families. I know family is important. But I wanted to create a family with a guy. Not be ruled by the one he already has. Never. Again.
I’m proud of you and your courage to express very clearly the way you want to pursue your (love) life! It certainly takes balls to do so but in the end it pays off all your struggles. Always be true to yourself no matter what. See, these people who definitely lack self confidence to pull their thing through in family and society are doomed to live someone else’s life but not their own. Since i’m a mother of a gay boy and the sister of a gay brother i can completely relate to your story. I love my son and brother just the way they are. I‘m a proud mom and sister of 2 gorgeous people daring to be themselves. I wish you the best of luck in love and life. Love from Germany 🍀☀️
@@inezdebaue4077 Thank you for your kind words and for being a wonderful mother and sister. Your family is very lucky to have you and I hope they appreciate you every single day. We need more people like you in society to teach those who are afraid of pursuing their own dreams that's it's OK to live your life the way YOU see fit. And that your family and friends will adapt and support you if they truly love you and want happiness in your life. Stay well and love from the USA! 😉
@@Nightbird. Thank you for your lovely words and for being the person you are. We all DESERVE the right to live and love the way we want to. Ultimately it doesn’t make us less human just because we love someone of the same gender, does it? Stay safe and healthy and continue being the radiant person you are. ❤️
I hear you and I'm sorry to hear what transpired. You deserve to be more than a "hidden lover", 100%!
I just want to caution against concluding that all asians will hurt you in this way, because (and I think you already know this) it is simply not true. For example, in the video, I mentioned that I came out to my parents bc of the guy I was seeing - thinking that me being closeted might be what was hindering our relationship, I made a decision opposite of what your ex-lover did.
What I encourage you to do instead, to avoid having to deal with this kind of thing in the future, is - have that conversation early on before you commit to someone. Ask them about their future goals. Are they out? What do they see in their future and do you think you can be a part of that story? Make it a nonnegotiable for you. If they want to be with you, they need to be out. I think that's a very valid ask.
@@KevinHao Thanks for your kind reply. I was hesitant to share my story because while it was what I experienced..and I can only speak my truth..I knew that to some it would sound like I was stereotyping..and I tried my best to explain that wasn't what I was doing. But..when something keeps happening to you..all you can do is share and let people come their own conclusions.
And I applaud you for being so honest and doing the right thing. I can only hope more Gay Asian men watch your video and learn from your courage to be honest and open and hopefully do this themselves in their own lives. Honesty usually is the best policy..but of course every situation is different and one must also use caution and discretion in certain circumstances.
And I did indeed do what you suggested and asked all the right questions to avoid heartache at the start of it. But..(and I learned this the hard way)..some men lie to get what they want. He told me everything he knew I wanted to hear to be able to have me. And he knew what he was doing and that it wouldn't last once I found out the truth. But as he told me when it was over.."It's better to have heaven for a little while than never at all..". Yea..some guys are like that unfortunately. You can do and say all the right things..but you can't control the other person or their true motives. And I am finding this to be a sad reality among many gay men..no matter their age or race. So please be careful out there and stay well my friend.
I LOVE YOU BRO!!!
Thanks for your bravery and confidence
Stay safe and healthy
Congrats welcome to the world of happiness ... from Philippines 🇵🇭 with love ❤️
I think that coming out is a bit scary because it makes me worrie not only about myself but how the people i cared for would've taken the situation.
What I thought would cure my gayness was to kiss a girl lol which didn't happen anyway...
I grew up in China so my experience was very different and I still haven't yet come out to my family...But I felt the panic when you worried about your mom finding your porno prints! I'm glad to hear how it turned out, thanks for sharing your story!
very curious to hear your exp as a gay person in China!
@@KevinHao I lived in a small town where people are fairly conservative especially older generations. Queerness was never talked about in mainstream media although nowadays young people are more informed thanks to the internet.
I only came out to some of my friends and they were all very supportive. But I know with my parents it would be super difficult...
Fun fact, back in high school another gay boy and I would take turns playing Divas' music videos on the projector during class break lol (GAGA is a must of course so that's universal :) )
We obviously have a large population of LGBTQ people, and we have our own gay dating/hook apps lol In major cities like Beijing and Shanghai it's certainly more accepted/tolerated and there're more activism and communities.
But China's overall attitude on LGBTQ issues is "don't ask, don't tell", which IMO doesn't help with changing people's prejudice and discrimination. While young people could be supportive of "Love is love", there are usually way more nasty comments whenever it's discussed online. And many gay men actually get into straight marriage under societal and family pressure, which often are tragic especially for their wives :( (we call them 同妻 “homo-wife”)
Actually, we recently lost a lawsuit over a textbook claiming "Homosexuality is a disease"... MEANWHILE, a tv show adapted from a BL novel is trending, actively not so discreetly celebrating "brotherhood" XD th-cam.com/video/a_TmXT2tOHY/w-d-xo.html (here is a taste of gay-baiting if you're interested lol)
I've been living in NYC for 4 years and it's certainly more LGBTQ friendly at least in my experience! I hope China will open up on this one day!
I feel like I just wrote an essay lol Hope that gave you a brief idea!
@@changwilliamwang Thank you for sharing! My mom had expressed a similar sentiment - that being queer is quite common now, but there's still a very strong "don't ask don't tell" policy. I've always wanted to hear what it's like for people from other countries in other parts of the world, but you know - they wouldn't be posting it on American internet/media, so it's hard to find.
You have such a beautiful smile and wonderful energy ❤️
So relatable! Love this
Very interesting. Thanks for the advice to parents. Thank you, Kevin.
Love you! Thanks! I came out At 17, back in 2011. I remember Limewire. That was rough
Loved this 💜
Great story. Handsome host!
That is the most welcoming "welcome to my channel greeting ever"
Your lisp is so cute I love it 🥺
Kevin, there's a better way to advise parents than your recommendation.
Parents, Let your kids know that you support and accept LGBT people. In general. You don't need to confront your children directly about their sexual orientation directly but you need your kids to know that no matter what, you're accepting and supportive. "Hey Kevin, I just want you to know that sometimes men fall in love with men and women fall in love with women and that's okay. One day you may fall in love with someone and it doesn't matter to me what gender they are, I just want you to be happy. I also want you to know that if you have gay friends, they are welcome here. I also don't tolerate any homophobia in this house hold. "
A+ Parenting being pre-emptive. Let your kids know where you stand before they ever have to think about worrying about coming out.
If parents don't do this, they place their children in an uncomfortable situation for years, worrying unnecessarily if their parents will accept them. Don't do this.
And, Kevin, your mother's reaction was just fine at the time. She's a product of her generation. But the next generations can do even better.
kevin Hao your story is inspiring!
Supporting from Tik Tok!
Thanks for sharing. Yes, coming can be different for different cultures. OCD can happen to anyone. I got that because my mom was OCD. You don't "sound" or "look" gay, LOL
Thanks for sharing!
Iv having hardtime growing up to be gay too , but atleast my parents know that i am gay coz they can tell it the way i act , play with girls rather than boys... maybe because i grow up with four sisters and im the only boy .. so i dont need to be out anymore
Well said Kevvy! ; )
It is so difficult, lonely to never have experience love, never been on a date or in a relationship I will die lonely and alone. Aside from that I take care of my parents actually they are my best friends, I love food and I am very happy and healthy. May we all be so fortunate in life to find peace and happiness.
Gotta say I know you probably hate this but I think your lisp is the cutest 😍✌😊
Just found your channel and subbed.Great content!.😊🌈✌️
thank you for being great!
Hahahahahah.......loved your snarky comment about bankers!!!!
Broo you're brave and know who you're
I was just like you but in different way bcs IAM not too girlish like other girls, I have a boy cut everybody thoughts IAM boy 😒 I told them IAM not boy than they start saying IAM lesbian , girls keep distancing over me
And nobody wants my friends 😔
But now I don't care IAM a tomboy and IAM so fucking proud who IAM
I feel like that cleanliness thing where you couldn't sleep until you arranged your room was high-key an OCD thing not a gay thing but go off I guess.
oh 100%, that's the point I'm trying to make in the video. As a kid, I often confused these sort of "masculinity/femininity stereotypes" with being gay/straight - I later realize as an adult that the two have nothing to do with each other.
@@KevinHao Oh I see haha. It definitely sounded like actual OCD and I was worried you've been misattributing it.
It may have been a good thing you considered it a feminine trait: you dealt with it essentially by exposure therapy. Hope that helped the obsessive tendencies!!
Thanks for sharing!!!
Hugsss! 💕💕💕 you are handsome btw.
Your story is similar to mine! I printed out a bunch of pics when I was like 14 and kept them hidden in a binder in my bedroom closet. I came home from school one day and the binder was on my bed. I knew 100% that I didn't leave it there because I hadn't looked at it for a few days. My mom ended up questioning me on it and I denied being gay (at the time I didn't even know what I was anyway). She was okay with it, but she ended up having my older cousin's BF talk to me about it. He was like 30ish and straight. He was cool about it, but it was incredibly awkward and I still have no idea why she did that. I denied being gay to him, too. Like you said, parents should just leave it alone and wait for their kid to come out to them. We'll do it when we're ready. It may take a while before we even know that we're gay.
You’re beautiful inside and outside. Thanks for sharing your story. When I was about 12, my parents asked me if I wanted to be a girl. That idea was repulsive to me. I yelled, “NO!” at them. We never really talked to each other again….just surface it, how’s the weather…stuff like that. I tuned them out.
Hi Kevin, I’m not a gaysian but a gaysouthafrican to copy your terminology, but enjoyed finding your channel and think you’re perfect as you are. I do think though that parents can help gay kids by letting their kids know that the parents don’t think negatively about gays.
agreed!
totally relate to the printing out bara thing LOL
yasss keep it up!
I was far to close to my screen for the openning of this video lmao
Masculinity is not about being dirty and messy.
What kind of judgement is that?
There are many girls who are messy and many boys(masculine) who like it clean and organised
My family's reaction was like "Mmm ok, that's good" and I was shocked lol
This is your third video I have watched. I am charmed by you. You are so nice, wholesome and gentle. Great attributes. My story: When I first came home from Navy boot camp at 21, i was out driving with my Mom and she point blank asked me if I was gay. I silently freaked out inside. I just knew that my uneducated, Pentecostal Christian parents would tell me that I was no longer their son. I said, "Yes, Mom, I'm gay." She went, "whew", we (Dad and Her) already knew. That evening the three of us sat down and talked about it. They told me they loved me, and although it was contrary to their beliefs, they would always love me. And that if I ever met anyone that was "that special" they would be welcome in their house as their son too. I cried. It lifted a burden off of me that I had carried for almost 2 decades. I was so fortunate to have two loving parents who made me feel whole and normal. So as I go through my days, I always wear a gay pride flag on my shirt or any of several gay related pins I have. And I also bought a lot of gay themed T-shirts I wear in public. At 66 years old, If I can help one teen or 20 something realize if that old man can make it and be openly gay, maybe I can to, then I felt like I've done something wonderful! Keep making your videos, I hope a lot of young people can see them and be inspired by them.
Very interesting experience. Now, I have a note on what you said about "not being grossed out by women but just being neutral might mean that I'm bi, I don't really care", especially the grossed out part. I think that being "grossed out" by the sexes and genders we aren't attracted to makes no sense, and is probably heaaavily influenced by culture. I think you can perfectly be gay and not being disgusted by a human body, and I find that healthier than disgust, tbh.
I think some gay people act like they're grossed out by the opposite sex because they might feel traumatized from being pressured to be straight for so long. But a lot of them grow out of it eventually.
@@salami7677 most probably yeah. I'm also referring to a lot of straight ppl who act disgusted by ppl the same sex/gender as themselves (-if i remember correctly, i wrote that comment a while ago lol)
Hye kevin..🖐️🖐️😘 welcome to lgbt comunity...u a strong person.so adorable..
Parents should also make sure they do not talk about LGBT people in a negative light because you never know who it will affect.
6:36 I always wonder are those ads a coincidence or something that is carefully planned?
okay don't attack me, it's just a thought.
Not google knowing that I'm gay before I even knew what sex was 🙈😂
Great mom!
All I want to know is where I can buy that body pillow!
Nice story.
You are amazing
Thank you ☺️
Why do I find a lot of things in common with you😂😂
Great video! Thank you. Instead of asking your child, you can begin making positive statements about gays, marriage equality, indigence about gay oppression, etc. It will contradict the negative things your child has already heard and show him/her that you are a solid ally, making it easier to love him/herself and come out to you.
Sir, I was profoundly impressed with your remarks; very articulated, insightful statements on cultural differences, and personal history. In recent history Asian people have experienced attacks due to the virus, fear of China/Taiwan, can you help us understand how this impacts you. I offer this so as to raise awareness, healthy discussion ....
Your happiness matters!
Im bi 19 korean living in Aus currently in a relationship with the cutest boy i know😅 and i kinda relate to u and love your vid! I dont think i'll ever tell my mum tho. Thank u for the vid👍🏻😁
I LOST it when you said you thought yo sister was full of sht. Thank you for sharing your story, I always find Chinese diaspora fascinating especially from Americans. When my friends told me about hentai in high school we were all fascinated by it but then realized its just some Japanese dude's drawing and it quickly lost it's novelty.
hahaha
Hoh.. I cant focus what you talking about XD i am sorry,i'm just focus to your handsome face. Make me melted
So how tall are you
Hello, nice story, you are super cute!
YOU ARE CUTE.. GOOD ON YOU
Love your vid - from singapore
Your good looking
Wanna add my 2 cents to parents: if you pretty sure ur child is gay and u r chill about it, yes i agree bout the pretending one...BUT, pls show some sign that u are okay with your gay kid, that u support them no matter what a lil by lil, just so ur child didn't feel as much pressure as other gay kid growing up and it also could give them courage to coming out to you!
Looking cool and handsome.
So so cute🔥🔥🔥❤
Guys this is my future husband..
Wow, I never knew in this age Asian parents in America can be more conservative than their counterparts in Asia.
Being gay doesn't mean you can't be masculine.
It should be illegal to be that attractive
Make some videos about dating
I'm sorry, but you're so cute! Be who you are NO MATTER WHAT!
Beautiful! 🙈
I wish my guardians had had that reaction... Instead they forced me to burn it, and promise to never look up porn again...I completely ignored that last though... especially once I was in college with my own computer...
The most interesting part was that my grandmother actually had found my first stash...and quietly disposed of it...and what I burned was my second round of print outs...after having that more notable incident, I was even more closed mouthed about such matters as I could tell they weren't comfortable with the matter...and it was only because my grandmother had interfered on my behalf, that they didn't respond more than that...I was incredibly frustrated by their treatment, and I did lash out in my own way...not in a way that is observable to most...bit it resulted in a loss of trust...and after that, I kind of had to slowly process what it was that I had done...it wasn't until when my Mental Health Status Declined again Twice during my college years that I came to comprehend what had occurred on their end...as In the depths of my horrible Mental Health condition...I had repeated it...it is frustrating that it took me so long to comprehend it...but long before I did, I had developed a large array of skills to help me avoid betraying someone's trust in me...as that's the one thing I despise in others...and the only way to avoid the hypocrisy is to become someone who doesn't betray others regardless of what they do to me...I have secrets I learned about people who later betrayed me...but I don't know what they are precisely because of the skills I developed aid in that separation.
The only secrets I blatantly state I will not keep, are ones that will cause harm to those I care about...or cause harm to others...I specialize in comprehension of consequences precisely because I lack the ability to innately process such things in relation to myself... I'm not precisely impulsive, but I am also not exactly capable of understanding how something relates to myself... despite my stellar capacity to learn and otherwise comprehend things...an ability that's so robust that when I was less knowledgeable...it would regularly cause problems... including the first real traumatic experience of my Life...
My writing style mainly reflects my active effort to process what I am writing about, and when I am anxious...I get too wordy...
Which is partly why I hate writing... it's too easy for my anxiety to run ahead without any roadblocks that I would use to Burn out my capacity to be anxious when actually talking to someone....I actually make an effort to Burn through all of my anxiety triggers with people I meet, as fast as I can manage...just so they can get to speak to the Real me...but most people aren't able to survive the process...as it normally reveals things that most people don't like to acknowledge.
However, I force myself to destroy my illusions because of the other traumatic childhood experiences... illusions aren't safe, and they don't provide any sustainable comfort...and so whenever people first meet me...I am essentially removing all of the assumptions I have made...and by the time I Finish...only those who appreciate someone who takes Pride in being true to who they really are, are the ones who stick around...even if we don't always speak often...and occasionally going on multi-year silences...that I can literally act like they never occurred simply because I have an annoyingly large memory capacity...and my sense of time isn't normal...I literally can pretend a conversation that happened when I was a child, happened just yesterday...and I am actually pretty lucky that I learned how to Filter my ability to remember stuff based on how positive it was for me in general...I can't erase the biggest and worst memories, but at least I have more good memories than bad ones...
I was lucky when growing up really...I never really thought of my sexuality as being a problem...and as I had developed a deep distrust of what people say about others...I also didn't do more than acknowledge that the accepted romantic dynamic of the time was A Purely Cisgender Heteronormative Paradigm...and that it would be a problem that I had to circumvent if not outright if not outright ignore...I didn't know this at the time...but apparently my mom began suspecting that I was gay from quite a young age... but contrary to her normal behavior, she chose to ignore things and pretend that I was her perfect son...even while she literally handed me books from the Adult section of the local library about sexual development and stuff...these books where from the time before regular publishing companies for such books moved away from having actual pictures of the subject matters at hand...and that was an enlightening experience for me as a 4th grader...it cemented in my mind that I wasn't interested in girls in the same way as the male figures around me were, and that my interest in men.. one that I had been aware of since I was two...was the only path forward in that department... that's why whenever people talk about whenever they feel they knew who they were...I actually say I was 8 or 9... because by that point, I actually did know who I was, and was fine with it...that traumatic experience I had was an entirely different matter in my mind, completely unrelated to my Sexual Orientation... despite it technically being derived from my very interest...I don't know how my 7 year old self was able to make such a grandiose distinction, while making an awful mess of the rest.🤦🏼♂️ I really am exceptionally brilliant in the oddest ways...
All said and done...I still have to untangle the problems that arose from that incident...and my plans involve me leaving my home state of Vermont for a place & culture so drastically different that some question my logic... however, my therapists all comprehend what I am trying to achieve with such a drastic move...I have a habit of reinventing myself whenever my situation changes...and the best way to achieve the changes I want is to create a situation that is only reminiscent of what my life was like when I was about two...I only recently gained fluency in English, but I was confident...my plan is to generate that same sense of wonder, because even though I was ignorant, I was fearless...and I was fearless because I knew that I could learn new things just by doing stuff...I still have aspects of that fearless persona...all that's left is to fully embrace the mindset that I had back then...pain didn't bother me back then...I didn't like to see others in pain, but I didn't feel particularly bad even when I burned my chin on a hot skillet at the age of three or four...I was surprised, and it hurt...but I wasn't emotionally hurt by it...it never affected my ability to handle hot things after that...
2:04, "Farts and Loud Noises"...??? Omg, I work in a department full of those guys. 😹😹😹
I always tell them, "Hey, we don't know each other well enough to be smelling each other's butt gas." They liked that, thought it was funny, and let more farts. 😹😹😹
Handsome guy 😍 I'm from Thailand 🇹🇭