to lose a son by suicide is out of my own experience the worst thing, that can happen to parents. My mother never came over it. The questioner has my full compassion and she is so lucky to be able and listen to a master, who can respond and answer to her pain so that a door is opened. Thank you both.
@@Onlinesully It most certainly isn't always easy to talk and we can be greatful for the speakers courage to discuss such sensative and intimate matters puplicly. When you use the term "I" you are speaking from your conditioning which will always be subjective and unique to your person. From the perspective of Awareness bravery is non essential.
Enlightening Thank u Francis , your reply has lightened my heavy heart of the last 25 years, since I lost my teenage son in an accident. There was guilt all these years
I love you Francis ❤️. Can't remotely think of an answer which could be as wholesome and complete as yours. It's absolute Grace for real, to have you and be hearing your words :')
I’m working counselling clients with prolonged complex grief. A lot of talking, a lot of feeling, my job is to listen and understand. It’s so sad and full of such loss and yet full of beauty and meaning too. The whole process of counselling like this is full of humanity, trust and love. I volunteer.
His compassion is evident and I love that he mentioned innocence. It's still very soon after this great loss. He knows it. Extra angels of comfort to all who grieve. (Two NDEs make me believe in these light beings: I just call them angels.) Paz y luz.✨
I believe that Francis had to choose the right words to answer, because this a typical case where the emotions are overwhelming, and reasoning it at minimum. From the non-duality point of view, mother and son are one, as we all are one, but the human experience between mother and son creates this strong connection, it's feels that a part of us as parents also died. It's a loss. The stronger the connection, the stronger feels the loss. And it feels so cold if I say that a parent didn't loose anything because we are one but in different angles of space and time.
A response from the heart. Beautiful, complete, natural, required. Grace voiced. I once heard David Hawkins referring to Socrates and quoting something close to: "All men are innocent by virtue of the fact that they cannot discern truth from falsehood, appearance from reality and that they persue illusion" Was poignantly reminded of our innocence from Francis here and then to this quote. Thank you. Blessings and Love to the lady asking the question
Thank you for revealing the innocence of life and the sweet sadness when life ends. When people die we often mourn them with bitterness or celebrate their contribution to our experience.. What we feel in either case we have as little control over as we do thoughts. When we realise our eternal nature sweet sadness is a congruent response. Loss can be gain, as indeed gain can be loss. Love for all.🙏
Our departed one’s see the world through our eyes. We see the world through their eyes. All the words, all the memories, never were they perceived through my eyes.
Unfortunately, people believe their thoughts and this is what can happen. I learned that over 40 years ago when my dad committed suicide. Thoughts are objects. Don't believe them. Feelings too are objects, but they need to be worked out. Separate yourself from yourself and live in the now, watching all the while and know regardless of what happens you are ok.♡
It is hard to believe anything else but your thoughts when someone close to you dies. My girlfriend of 20 years died a few months ago. Hearing that she, our life together, our shared experiences, etc, are just objects that mean nothing is hard to comprehend dude!
@Mix Meta Hello, thank you for the sympathy. Nothing has changed. The loss I feel is profound. My memory of her and us will, with time, fade away. But make NO mistake, I have been gutted by the loss of the woman that I love. PS: excuse the heavily edited message...tears distort my vision.
I believe the deceased are where they always were: in us. The suffering comes from the belief that others are outside us. Her son is where he always was, in her heart.
Non duality cannot satisfy a grieving mother, God. No. Not for the time she is raw and hurting. She is really trying but the pain is still throbbing. How can one be still? And the pain will come n go in waves...peaking n fading for long time... ..but in rare moments in between the two, there will be silence, the now when you will hear him. That is where you meet him because you both will be One...you fully present beyond senses. Till you leave the constriction...your body and meet him in the ethereal world. So no, you are not crazy. You do hear him in the silence. I cannot even fathom your pain or of parents who lose children but he is pain free, for sure❤❤
@@chillwp179 It's difficult to fathom how anyone could see this as an appropriate "Laugh Out Loud" moment. What is it about this situation or your own comment that brings you such mirth? I can assure you, you are the only one laughing at your own "cleverness".
@@sentientpower I agreed with the statement “Non duality cannot satisfy a grieving mother” because it is in the very nature of such grief that it cannot be soothed - at least not in the time of grieving. When the waves of grief subside, then peace will come. “To everything there is a season.”
There was a Sufi fakir by the name of Junaid. His son, whom he loved dearly, was killed suddenly in an accident. Junaid went and buried him. His wife was astonished at his behavior. She expected him to go mad with grief at the death of the son he loved so dearly. And here was Junaid acting as if nothing had happened, as if the son had not died! When everyone had left, his wife asked him, "Aren't you sad at all? I was so worried you would break down, you loved him so much." Junaid replied, "For a moment I was shocked but then I remembered that before, when this son was not born, I already was and I was quite happy. Now when the son is not, what is the reason for sorrow? I became as I was before. In between, the son came and went. When I was not unhappy before his birth, why should I be unhappy now to be without a son? What is the difference? In between was only a dream that is no longer."
Thanks Francisॐ ❤ 10.47:'we are responsible in the now as this universal consciousness but we are not guilty of the past..' Must confess i have a difficulty to get the fist part of this sentence as i fully agree with second part..
When we are in the now and present then we are responsible as we are conscious, otherwise we are unconscious and not responsible. How can you be responsible if you are not conscious. But you will still have to face the consequences of your unconsciousness even if your not responsible (unconscious).
Once grasped that the mind body is our vehicle, like our car, then it makes sense - all part of a vaste system full of drama that runs itself - Maya. We do nothing, we are "present" though. I remind myself I am not 'doing' and become silent.
@@alisonsalter8352 That implies there are 2 which would be true when mind is controlling you. Once expanded to become one there is only doing - to nobody.
@@johnburman966 yes i see now how it can be read that way. Maybe put the first you with a small y and the seconf you woth a big Y. In other worsa the small you doesnt really exist. The small separate self and the Big Self.
Nothing happens by chance!!! You are a person is half truth!! You are awareness playing the role of a person and infact awareness is playing role of all that is/all that can be experienced!! Both mother and son are only roles played by the same / one awareness. So for awareness the mother and son are just characters in the play! The 'death' of the son has in no way affected awareness!!!
I understand it's incredibly hard. Maternal instincts are incredibly strong. Your modern brain (frontal cortex) is responsible for problem solving, memory, language, judgment, impulse control, and reasoning. Your primal (animal) brain (hindbrain and medulla) is responsible for survival, drive, and instinct. You asked if your son was experiencing anything. I think that even after death one does not lose individuality. Even after death, his individual self (small self) does not dissolve into the universal self (big self). Advaita does not deny the individual self. They just claim that the individual self falls into one with the universal self (IS equals US). That's a little different. That is why I repeat that Trevor did not lose his identity even after his death. I hope you meet him one day and be able to give him a big hug.
Although his words are eloquent, poetic and kind, I don't feel they offered her any real insight or understanding into her situation...or a way forward? I submit the following thoughts: 1. Grief shows up in different ways. That is, we experience grief in different ways based on our unique being, the circumstances surrounding the grief, and the relationship we had with the person we are grieving. We will grieve differently over an elderly loved one who passed after a long period of illness than a child who suddenly or tragically died. In the former we will find more acceptance. In the latter we will be met with shock. More... 2. Grief has it's own timeline. The first "stage" is shock--with varied intensity based on the circumstances. It will be expressed in it's own time. Be it a guru, clergy, therapist, or friend, we can only give comfort through acts of love; being present, compassionate, accommodating, and supportive. You help them ride-out the storm. 3. The level of grief is directly correlated to the level of love we feel and experience(d). If we consider a mother/child relationship: There is no greater love than that which a mother has for her child. As such, if the love is deep...the pain will be deep. If no love, no grief. However, at some given point, when the grieved becomes keenly and consciously aware that their grief is related to their love, they will--albeit counterintuitive--embrace the grief. THIS will be nonduality...the grief and love are inseparable. We embrace the grief because we embrace the love. This is why the grief will never go away. However, in time...when we grieve, the painful tears become tears of joy.
It seemed she wanted to know, literally…am I in touch with my son? Is he in touch with me? And the answer would be the same whether he was just away on a trip, or if he has passed this life. In the former, even though we don’t really know if they are alive and well on the trip, we can feel connected to their being and be happy, and it seems to be paired with the idea that we will see them again in a physical way, along with assumptions about their current state which may or may not be true for them (they are having a good time, they are enjoying themselves, etc.). In the latter, we grieve that what we are aware of in connecting with them, that we impose the worry of the future, and our inability to experience them again thru physical sensations. If we could jus pause in the now and experience, and not cling to a desired outcome, or avert an undesirable one, we might find peace and love in what is.
About the thoughts I disagree. There are different sources of 💭. In a different way they come to us. The awareness gives us an insight in them in how they reach us. Your point of view changes form different time and places. A smell, a vision, a sound, a taste, a touch an experience locks or opens our thoughts. Being ready in the sense of being safe, secure can help to achieve more insight, see yourself more clear and feel yourself unconditionally loving and 🥰.
Francis says it less direct here. The gist of it would be this imho: God plays games/scenarios. And he's always the actor/director/screenwriter, taking many shapes and forms. Two of those forms/shapes are this mother and her son. Seems cruel at first but the suffering is experienced by awareness/God himself. So God is a little sadistic with him/herself although he/her doesnt know they are God. Its form of "masquerading". Or you can view it like a dream at night. Can be a nightmare and seems real, but when you wake up its clear it was just a game of color and sound. As child I had a recurring dream about my father being gravely harmed by a car accident. It haunted me for quite some time. Seemed so real, I was terrified in the dream and so relieved when i woke up. So you can say God is a dreamer for dreaming so many dreams, which can be happy, sad, terrifying or just boring.
9:30: « If we could choose our thoughts, we wouldn't think painful thoughts so it's obvious we don't choose our thoughts.» Really? Some people are prone to entertain painful thoughts, and even dwell in a victim identity, for instance because of guilt. Even if thoughts are like the weather, we can still not identify with our thought process, which is mainly mechanical, repetitive, damaging and useless.
Non-duality is not a problem fixer.In fact,when people have personal problems they should get help from a psychologist.When this is solved you can go back to these retreats.I feel for this women but she's in the wrong place.
She was given the hardest test. For the rest of her time here the unraveling of this will continue. We never get over it, but we include it.
This man is 78 years old. That alone is a testament to his teaching. Looks so strong, intelligent and vibrant.
to lose a son by suicide is out of my own experience the worst thing, that can happen to parents.
My mother never came over it. The questioner has my full compassion and she is so lucky to be able and listen to a master,
who can respond and answer to her pain so that a door is opened. Thank you both.
She’s very brave to speak of it and Francis meets her with kindness. Raw grief can only really be known by experience.
@@Onlinesully It most certainly isn't always easy to talk and we can be greatful for the speakers courage to discuss such sensative and intimate matters puplicly. When you use the term "I" you are speaking from your conditioning which will always be subjective and unique to your person. From the perspective of Awareness bravery is non essential.
Totally Agree , thank you Francis . Lots of love and immense gratitude
Enlightening Thank u Francis , your reply has lightened my heavy heart of the last 25 years, since I lost my teenage son in an accident. There was guilt all these years
@Citizen X Telugu living in Tamil Nadu 😊
I love you Francis ❤️.
Can't remotely think of an answer which could be as wholesome and complete as yours.
It's absolute Grace for real, to have you and be hearing your words :')
What a brave woman
I’m working counselling clients with prolonged complex grief. A lot of talking, a lot of feeling, my job is to listen and understand. It’s so sad and full of such loss and yet full of beauty and meaning too. The whole process of counselling like this is full of humanity, trust and love.
I volunteer.
Praying for this Mom’s heart, healing and comfort. Love connects between Mom and son, that Mom can feels and hear her son’s. ❤️🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻
His compassion is evident and I love that he mentioned innocence. It's still very soon after this great loss. He knows it. Extra angels of comfort to all who grieve. (Two NDEs make me believe in these light beings: I just call them angels.)
Paz y luz.✨
I believe that Francis had to choose the right words to answer, because this a typical case where the emotions are overwhelming, and reasoning it at minimum. From the non-duality point of view, mother and son are one, as we all are one, but the human experience between mother and son creates this strong connection, it's feels that a part of us as parents also died. It's a loss. The stronger the connection, the stronger feels the loss. And it feels so cold if I say that a parent didn't loose anything because we are one but in different angles of space and time.
A response from the heart. Beautiful, complete, natural, required. Grace voiced.
I once heard David Hawkins referring to Socrates and quoting something close to:
"All men are innocent by virtue of the fact that they cannot discern truth from falsehood, appearance from reality and that they persue illusion" Was poignantly reminded of our innocence from Francis here and then to this quote. Thank you. Blessings and Love to the lady asking the question
Thank you for revealing the innocence of life and the sweet sadness when life ends.
When people die we often mourn them with bitterness or celebrate their contribution to our experience.. What we feel in either case we have as little control over as we do thoughts. When we realise our eternal nature sweet sadness is a congruent response.
Loss can be gain, as indeed gain can be loss.
Love for all.🙏
Thank you Francis for responding with such heartfelt tenderness and clarifying Wisdom. 💓💓💓
so full of compassion and understanding you are Francis, wonderful to have all this content available:)
Our departed one’s see the world through our eyes.
We see the world through their eyes.
All the words, all the memories, never were they perceived through my eyes.
This answer was also for me...
Thank you!
Excellent Francis. Yes, the key here is to clearly cognize the difference between I the impersonal reality and the 'me' notion.
A beautiful response by Francis.
Merci Francis 💝
"Recognize your innocence".
Unfortunately, people believe their thoughts and this is what can happen. I learned that over 40 years ago when my dad committed suicide. Thoughts are objects. Don't believe them. Feelings too are objects, but they need to be worked out. Separate yourself from yourself and live in the now, watching all the while and know regardless of what happens you are ok.♡
It is hard to believe anything else but your thoughts when someone close to you dies. My girlfriend of 20 years died a few months ago. Hearing that she, our life together, our shared experiences, etc, are just objects that mean nothing is hard to comprehend dude!
@Mix Meta Hello, thank you for the sympathy. Nothing has changed. The loss I feel is profound. My memory of her and us will, with time, fade away. But make NO mistake, I have been gutted by the loss of the woman that I love. PS: excuse the heavily edited message...tears distort my vision.
I believe the deceased are where they always were: in us. The suffering comes from the belief that others are outside us. Her son is where he always was, in her heart.
Merci beaucoup Francis
Amazing share
Grateful for ur acknowledgment , Francis 🙂
Non duality cannot satisfy a grieving mother, God. No. Not for the time she is raw and hurting. She is really trying but the pain is still throbbing. How can one be still? And the pain will come n go in waves...peaking n fading for long time...
..but in rare moments in between the two, there will be silence, the now when you will hear him. That is where you meet him because you both will be One...you fully present beyond senses. Till you leave the constriction...your body and meet him in the ethereal world.
So no, you are not crazy. You do hear him in the silence. I cannot even fathom your pain or of parents who lose children but he is pain free, for sure❤❤
“Non duality cannot satisfy a grieving mother.” I am deeply moved by the truth of this statement, and the love behind it. Thank you.
@@chillwp179 It's difficult to fathom how anyone could see this as an appropriate "Laugh Out Loud" moment. What is it about this situation or your own comment that brings you such mirth? I can assure you, you are the only one laughing at your own "cleverness".
Is it about satisfaction? Or is it to gain piece?
It has to satisfy, though. There will still be the sweet sadness, as Francis mentioned. If it doesn’t, I don’t think non-duality has been understood.
@@sentientpower I agreed with the statement “Non duality cannot satisfy a grieving mother” because it is in the very nature of such grief that it cannot be soothed - at least not in the time of grieving. When the waves of grief subside, then peace will come. “To everything there is a season.”
That's beautiful
Isnt it though. 🙏🙏♥️♥️
💖 such Compassion 💖
Beautiful answer
There was a Sufi fakir by the name of Junaid. His son, whom he loved dearly, was killed suddenly in an accident. Junaid went and buried him. His wife was astonished at his behavior. She expected him to go mad with grief at the death of the son he loved so dearly. And here was Junaid acting as if nothing had happened, as if the son had not died! When everyone had left, his wife asked him, "Aren't you sad at all? I was so worried you would break down, you loved him so much."
Junaid replied, "For a moment I was shocked but then I remembered that before, when this son was not born, I already was and I was quite happy. Now when the son is not, what is the reason for sorrow? I became as I was before. In between, the son came and went. When I was not unhappy before his birth, why should I be unhappy now to be without a son? What is the difference? In between was only a dream that is no longer."
Thanks Francisॐ ❤
10.47:'we are responsible in the now as this universal consciousness but we are not guilty of the past..'
Must confess i have a difficulty to get the fist part of this sentence as i fully agree with second part..
When we are in the now and present then we are responsible as we are conscious, otherwise we are unconscious and not responsible. How can you be responsible if you are not conscious. But you will still have to face the consequences of your unconsciousness even if your not responsible (unconscious).
@@bam2385 beautifully expressed it feels like you wrote down my thoughts
Beautiful
Once grasped that the mind body is our vehicle, like our car, then it makes sense - all part of a vaste system full of drama that runs itself - Maya.
We do nothing, we are "present" though. I remind myself I am not 'doing' and become silent.
"You are not doing anything; you are being done."
@@alisonsalter8352 That implies there are 2 which would be true when mind is controlling you. Once expanded to become one there is only doing - to nobody.
@@johnburman966 yes i see now how it can be read that way. Maybe put the first you with a small y and the seconf you woth a big Y. In other worsa the small you doesnt really exist. The small separate self and the Big Self.
5.35 I can attest to this. "Whoever or whatever it was that we love, they have left" And yet there are still with us...
Absolute Surrender 🙏💜🙏
Francis je pleure !
I could feel that
Sr Thank you Sr
Wisdom 🙏
I often think about ending my life ....
My so called "life". Just to much pain.
I am also a mother who lost her son to suicide....
It's called clairaudient, telepathy...
Yes he is still having an experience...only the body "died"..not his soul/awareness
On this plane: the human body has emotions/reactions...
All my sympathies To you and no , what he is truly didnt died. He is alive
I'm sorry.
Nothing happens by chance!!! You are a person is half truth!! You are awareness playing the role of a person and infact awareness is playing role of all that is/all that can be experienced!! Both mother and son are only roles played by the same / one awareness. So for awareness the mother and son are just characters in the play! The 'death' of the son has in no way affected awareness!!!
❤
what died of me in someone/
what lives of someone in me//
I understand it's incredibly hard. Maternal instincts are incredibly strong. Your modern brain (frontal cortex) is responsible for problem solving, memory, language, judgment, impulse control, and reasoning. Your primal (animal) brain (hindbrain and medulla) is responsible for survival, drive, and instinct.
You asked if your son was experiencing anything. I think that even after death one does not lose individuality. Even after death, his individual self (small self) does not dissolve into the universal self (big self). Advaita does not deny the individual self. They just claim that the individual self falls into one with the universal self (IS equals US). That's a little different. That is why I repeat that Trevor did not lose his identity even after his death.
I hope you meet him one day and be able to give him a big hug.
a note to the editor, Please review this clip, the masking of the face needs to be extended a little....
Although his words are eloquent, poetic and kind, I don't feel they offered her any real insight or understanding into her situation...or a way forward? I submit the following thoughts:
1. Grief shows up in different ways. That is, we experience grief in different ways based on our unique being, the circumstances surrounding the grief, and the relationship we had with the person we are grieving. We will grieve differently over an elderly loved one who passed after a long period of illness than a child who suddenly or tragically died. In the former we will find more acceptance. In the latter we will be met with shock. More...
2. Grief has it's own timeline. The first "stage" is shock--with varied intensity based on the circumstances. It will be expressed in it's own time. Be it a guru, clergy, therapist, or friend, we can only give comfort through acts of love; being present, compassionate, accommodating, and supportive. You help them ride-out the storm.
3. The level of grief is directly correlated to the level of love we feel and experience(d). If we consider a mother/child relationship: There is no greater love than that which a mother has for her child. As such, if the love is deep...the pain will be deep. If no love, no grief.
However, at some given point, when the grieved becomes keenly and consciously aware that their grief is related to their love, they will--albeit counterintuitive--embrace the grief. THIS will be nonduality...the grief and love are inseparable. We embrace the grief because we embrace the love. This is why the grief will never go away. However, in time...when we grieve, the painful tears become tears of joy.
It seemed she wanted to know, literally…am I in touch with my son? Is he in touch with me? And the answer would be the same whether he was just away on a trip, or if he has passed this life. In the former, even though we don’t really know if they are alive and well on the trip, we can feel connected to their being and be happy, and it seems to be paired with the idea that we will see them again in a physical way, along with assumptions about their current state which may or may not be true for them (they are having a good time, they are enjoying themselves, etc.). In the latter, we grieve that what we are aware of in connecting with them, that we impose the worry of the future, and our inability to experience them again thru physical sensations. If we could jus pause in the now and experience, and not cling to a desired outcome, or avert an undesirable one, we might find peace and love in what is.
She literally said "it's very liberating" to his response
As Eckhart Tolle would say in his texts: (………………………..)
Beauty
You choose either to identify with a thought. Or not.
About the thoughts I disagree. There are different sources of 💭. In a different way they come to us. The awareness gives us an insight in them in how they reach us. Your point of view changes form different time and places. A smell, a vision, a sound, a taste, a touch an experience locks or opens our thoughts. Being ready in the sense of being safe, secure can help to achieve more insight, see yourself more clear and feel yourself unconditionally loving and 🥰.
Francis says it less direct here. The gist of it would be this imho: God plays games/scenarios. And he's always the actor/director/screenwriter, taking many shapes and forms. Two of those forms/shapes are this mother and her son. Seems cruel at first but the suffering is experienced by awareness/God himself. So God is a little sadistic with him/herself although he/her doesnt know they are God. Its form of "masquerading".
Or you can view it like a dream at night. Can be a nightmare and seems real, but when you wake up its clear it was just a game of color and sound. As child I had a recurring dream about my father being gravely harmed by a car accident. It haunted me for quite some time. Seemed so real, I was terrified in the dream and so relieved when i woke up. So you can say God is a dreamer for dreaming so many dreams, which can be happy, sad, terrifying or just boring.
9:30: « If we could choose our thoughts, we wouldn't think painful thoughts so it's obvious we don't choose our thoughts.» Really? Some people are prone to entertain painful thoughts, and even dwell in a victim identity, for instance because of guilt. Even if thoughts are like the weather, we can still not identify with our thought process, which is mainly mechanical, repetitive, damaging and useless.
Not identifying with a thought, is another thought
.."we can still not identify with our thought process, .."
you think that identification with thoughts is a choice?
That's when we're *conscious*
We are not really the character we think we are .
@@innerlight617 Yes. Even if, eventually, what we display as characters is an emanation of life.
Non-duality is not a problem fixer.In fact,when people have personal problems they should get help from a psychologist.When this is solved you can go back to these retreats.I feel for this women but she's in the wrong place.
❤️