Thank you for sharing.... I lost my husband 3 years ago and it is still so hard we were together for 35 years..... more than half my life I miss him so very much 😥
Connie ... I am so sorry for your loss ... It has to be hard every day. I am praying for you. May you find comfort, peace and eventually, with glimpses of it now, joy. God Bless
After listening to so much advice around "what not to say" some of that advice is just as painful to hear. Everyone is different and what offends one person may not offend another, but you (in my opinion) did this perfectly. We know that bereavement is something that's going to happen inevitably to almost every person at some point, yet most of us are still so unequipped to comfort and support someone who is facing the most difficult part(s) of their life. This is some of the best advice I've heard by far. Thank you for taking the time and caring enough about others to make this video and share your wisdom. 🙏~Blessings~🙏
The worst thing is that people do bail. My husband died, people came to the funeral, sent flowers and cards, some even checked in to see how I was after a week or two. After that--nothing. This includes family. Makes it so much worse.
Sadly Diane, people do not have the pain for your loss as you do. They get on with their lives. I pray you are grieving well. You will heal. You will never be the same but you will heal. It helps to talk to someone or join a grief group.
I know exactly what you mean!!! We lost our 15 year old 6 months ago. And struggle every single day. So much love and compassion the first 2 weeks. And now. Nothing
Since losing my wife after 41 yrs of a great marriage, I have watchedA lot of these type videos. Some have helped and some have not. This is one of the really good ones. I think this pastor has a deeper understanding of the real issues than most.
Kurt I am so sorry I did not see this earlier. I hope you have some friends in your life to comfort and support you. May God bless you and give you comfort, hope and may you find joy in your day when you least expect it.
Thank you for making this video. We have had hardly any support since we lost our 4.5 year old son Mikey during his heart surgery. People, mostly family, have said the CRUELEST things to me. I don't get why people can't just have empathy.
Christy ... So sorry for your loss... People who have not experienced what you have are just uncomfortable because they are not sure how to act or what to say. Have you checked into a grief group. This people have a sense of the pain. Dear Lord please give Christy strength and some encouragement to get through this very hard time. In Jesus name Amen
I am so sorry for the loss of your son and people not being sensitive with their words. My heart is truly broken for you. Can’t imagine what you’re going through. I will keep you lifted up in thoughts & prayers.
when my husband died, I was in shock. I didn't expect it. I had one friend who would ask what to do to help me. I needed him to just be there. He is now going through the grief of watching his mom die. I'm just there. I'm not giving advise, I'm listening. I had people say such stupid things to me that it brought me to anger. I needed to grieve and after two years, I am still grieving. Knowing that I can't take away my friends pain, I'm walking through his pain with him. It's hard because I want to say, it is all going to be fine in time. I can't say that, because after two years, my pain is still there. Loss of a loved one is hard emotionally and physically. You walk through it numbly and without God, you will not get peace. I will do for my friend all I know what to do, and that is just be there. He is suffering with depression without his mom passing, and his depression is getting worse. Please pray for him.
Thank you. I was still am so naïve... An idiot really. I so wish I had caught this video several weeks ago. I frantically tried to do everything to comfort my grieving girlfriend who lost her father but i completely failed. Her whole personality changed and in order to try to acclimate to it, I ended up hurting her and letting her down so badly. I think her heart is hardened towards me and I can totally understand why. I truly thought I was doing the “right” things. I feel so terrible for hurting her and wish I could go back in time to fix it. She thinks I’m a selfish jerk and unfortunately I can see why. Thank you for taking time to make this video and hopefully others will see it before they let their grieving loved one down like I did... :/
Never tell someone "not to dwell on it we grieve every day" during the anniversary of your loved ones passing... now I feel like I'm not allowed to express my feelings around the person that said that to me.
What kind & gentle wisdom. This really helped me with some grief I’m going through.. but mainly what to say to the family. And you’re right when saying “we want to ease or take away their pain”. That’s the bottom line. And hopefully we can forgive people and have some mercy when saying inappropriate things and know they (hopefully) meant well. My heart breaks and is so sad for all these people.. even if it’s three years later. I’m glad I found this channel. Looking forward to listening to more of your messages. I can tell you have a beautiful spirit♥️ Thank you for sharing & God bless🙏 Stay well!
I am glad this could help. Thank you for watching. Dear Lord I lift up this family for healing and for wisdom in dealing with the differences in each person and how they deal with grief. In Jesus name.
Thank you, so true!! Grieving so much over my husband, best friend, companion, coparenting, and being there for me all the time and best father of our two beautiful daughters!! In the first year is the hardest for us
I am so sorry for your loss..... That has to be very painful. I pray for your strength, faith, peace and your ability to be a mom to your daughters as you go through this time. The first year is the hardest. I hope you have some support around you that can listen and encourage. I pray you have more and more good days. I pray that the good time memories of your husband come to mind and will more frequently bring a smile to your face.
wow... I am so sorry I did not see this earlier. you posted this a month ago. I hope you are are finding some comfort. May God bless you and may he give you strength. I hope you have people to comfort you.
For once a Christian who understands the discomfort, anger, and confusion towards the “God” answers. I really appreciate this pastor. He is so-relatable for once! I will subscribe to this man just for that! And he should be getting way more likes than he has now in my opinion!
Bless you for posting this video. This has to be one of the best descriptions of what to say and not to say to someone who is grieving. I lost my beloved husband and soulmate 4.5 years ago. The loss was sudden and unexpected. I feel like I’ve been through hell and back again, but I will say this, the only reason I came back was because of people who loved me enough to stand by me while I walked through the dark night of my soul. I call them my angels, sent to wrap themselves around me and listen without telling; who gave me their unconditional presence, and when I was ready, gently walked by my side as I returned to life and living again. Those who bailed out didn’t come back, but I understand that it was too painful for them to bear and that’s ok, we can’t always be everything to everyone. I had the right people around me at the right time. There were others who didn’t bail out but saw my predicament as an opportunity to take control of my life and either fix it or sort it out so that they didn’t have to see my grief. Again, and with the benefit of hindsight that time and healing brings, I understand that they couldn’t bear another person’s pain. I read this quote online. For me it describes the way I needed someone to be around me when I was standing in my personal grief abyss. This was written by a Father Joe Mahoney:- “WANTED: A GRIEF HELPER A strong, deep person, wise enough to allow me to grieve in the depth of who I am, and strong enough to hear my pain without turning away. Not too close, because then you couldn’t help me to see. Not too objective, because then you might not care. Not too aloof, because then you couldn’t hug me. Not too caring, because then I’d be tempted to let you live my life for me. I need someone who believes that the sun will rise again, but who does not fear my darkness, or walk through the night; Someone who can point out the rocks in my way without making me a child by carrying me; Someone who can stand in thunder and watch the lightning, and believe in a rainbow.” These words are amazing, and so is this video. Thank you and bless you for posting this 🙏❤️🙏
This is so true we had lost my mother unexpectedly in February this year and I don't know how many times I have heard she's in a better place...well I feel no because she's not here to talk to anymore or have coffee with in the mornings and I think that life's just not fair then, I feel bad inside and late at night it hits me hard because we came home after eating with friends and found her unresponsive sitting on the loveseat...her loving granddaughter whose only 10 has those lasting memories of her grandmother and everytime it comes back to memory it breaks my heart. I miss her every day and I go visit her every other day when I can which helps me but it's still not the same.
Helen .... Sorry for your loss.... It takes a while to grieve. It's the missing that is the hardest. It is comforting to know that for her she is in a better place. But when you are this close to her being gone it is very hard. It will get better. And she would want you to get well. You will always carry her around with you. You will always have grief when you think about her. But it will get easier. I wish you well and God bless.
Thankyou...I just lost my husband 5 weeks ago to cancer...I had person say to me...Well ....at least you,re working! Th e atleast word is like saying that it,s no big of a deal! But you know...sometimes a big hug speaks volume!
My dog crossed the Rainbow Bridge on Tuesday morning. I placed a copy of that poem/tribute on my storm door along with a pic of my pup and a note that read, please RESPECT my request for no contact. Today is Friday and my door bell was rung yesterday and today. Respect was all I requested....
While at my son's funeral my father in law said to me. "Everyone dies" and shrugged. I've had all of the things on your list said to me. But what my FIL said struck me as the most strange. The ones that really hurt is "He is no longer suffering" and "He is in a better place" My son may have had health problems that resulted in daily struggles. But you've never met a person who who face them with a smile and a strength that was awesome to see. He loved life. He found joy in everyday and gave kindness and caring freely. He loved living. He loved us and we loved him. He belonged with us. My son never wanted to die. How can someone call that suffering? how can they say he is better off now. I fought for his life. for his happiness. I fought hard and I failed, our worst nightmare came true. To have people say he is in a better place and me having to smile and thank them. It kills me.
I am sorry for your loss..... Yes its hard... Most people just have a hard time dealing with grief. It makes them feel uncomfortable. And the ones that have the hardest times are usually the ones that have not experienced that kind of grief.
thank you, it really helped me think on how to be there for my friend, and I like what you say, because when I went through grief, I just wAnted people to listen and not to ask how I was feeling or to push me into feeling any different. I was also being the strong person and let my kids cry and screAmed, and was there for them, after a whole yeAr had passed I was finally able to cry on my own and let myself feel what I was suppressing. mammas would usually do that, but we are people of feelings as well.
Thank you for this. Really appreciate it. Very wholesome and gentle and kind. I usually stere clear of religion but this is just neutral and heart felt.
Thank you so much i hv been listening to this talks since i lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly 18 days before .....i wish we should learn to how to console person who lost their loved ones......
Thank you for posting this. This does not just apply to the loss of someones life. It can apply to the loss of a job, loss of a relationship, loss of a role (not a paid job). I enjoyed fatherhood but my children dont want a father anymore. I have to accept that and find other sources of acceptance and being appreciated.
That is true .... People just don't feel comfortable being quiet or listening. They have to say something. Sorry about what's happened with your kids....
Royal Farris thank you so much🙏🏼 I had his memorial / life celebration Saturday and 300 people came and I was afraid before hand but it went so beautifully that I am feeling a lot of peace and healing from it. It felt like the love or light or energy of his soul or memory filled the room with the strength of love. He loved God so much (he was Hindu but born catholic) and believed in the soul, and I honestly would be hurting even more with far longer darker moments and less peaceful moments of grace if he was an atheist or nihilist ... I am still hurt and sad and in shock and miss him so dearly but I am open to goodness and hope. Thank you so much for this video again.
Royal Farris i wrote him a special obituary : m.legacy.com/obituaries/providence/obituary.aspx?n=&pid=189496772&referrer=0&preview=True ❤️ he helped so many people it is true. Thank you.🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing. I understand this grieving time. God is awesome God Amen 🙏 I have no answer for this loss in my life. Sad sad. My friends says All things work for good for all those who love the Lord. God does the best for us. But sad for our losses. Yes they said he is in better place no more pain. Sad sad sad. I know how you feel. My friend loss her daughter she always say I know how you feel. God bless you all and praying God bring peace comfort to your your family Amen 🙏
I think as a person who looked after my mum a lot when she died. I did so much I felt it was inappropriate people kept saying how wonderful mymum was.I had been through the wringer I was exhausted, it felt almost like an insult I didn't feel acknowledged or appreciated.
I cared for 3 years for my husband and some health professionals didn't include me or listen to me sometimes. I felt hurt . Caring is hard. It was a credit to you that your Mum remained the person she was.
Thank you for calling out "bad theology"! I often feel hurt and irritated when I sense that someone is following a script (faith-based or otherwise) when I come to them in moments of pain. I feel they don't care about my sadness and just want to use a shortcut to make me smile again. Just being with a person and letting them feel is far more powerful, I find.
I'm sorry for your experience. When I talk to people they say that they just don't know what to say. I pray God puts some people around you that are good patient listeners
I could not have a girl I really wanted and felt it like grief after she went away for good and with no contact, it has been 3 years and a half now, what you said is true, words have to be chosen very carefully and the person has to be helped, I really do believe those who say these bad sentences just sort of express their intention, I know it's crazy but they have bad intentions against grieving people (not always tough) whoever is under grief, keep being patient and finding small solutions when possible, what helps the most is patience, you know time will come when such a difficulty will touch them too (even tough we will never wish them that) but this will definitely make them remembering how cruel and bad they have been with us and make them understand us, respect us for resistance, adaptation, they might even ask to be forgiven too
I lost my 3 year old son almost three months ago. I recently had someone in my family ask me how I was doing, but when I began to answer, she told me that she didn't want to hear anymore because she had cried enough already. Today I tried to talk to her about the event and she told me that we shouldn't associate, that she has more wisdom than me as my parent and will continue to advise me in this, that even GOD says I should be done.
Wow .... that must be hard. Three months is a very short time. People don't mean to be mean they just don't want to have to deal with the discomfort ..... That is hard for the grieving person. No one has the wisdom of your grief except you. Hang in there. It will get better. There will always be some pain associated to the loss. The trick is being able to grow through this. If your grief is making it hard to function you may need to see a professional. If you are a Christian, I would make sure to see a Christian professional who can relate to you spiritually.
Thank you so much this has given me enlightenment on how I can talk to my girlfriend because she doesn't want my help she won't accept any help and she just wants me to forget about it like nothing happened
I lost my son almost three months ago and I can honestly say I hate when someone tell me to be strong or to be strong for my day because I can't no matter how much I try I can't be strong I'm torn heartbroken and devastated.. or when they ask me what's wrong like what do u Mean what's wrong. Like I suppose to be over it already. I have isolated myself from certain people who don't get it.
I lost my sister two years ago just before the pandemic. We lived together all but 11 of her 63 years. Nancy had some mental handicaps. She was the sweetest and most loving person. After our parents were gone, I became her legal guardian. The last four years sadly she became too physically disabled to live at home. We found a nice place for her and she developed wonderful friends, and was popular with everyone. I work in administrative position in a hospice house. It came to the point one day when I had to place Nancy on hospice at her facility. We all thought she had a few months left, but she declined very rapidly. It was a total shock that morning when I received that devastating call. My whole life crumbled. Nancy was a true part of who I was and am. She was my whole purpose in life. I was always her protector and defender our entire lives. I lost the person I loved and I lost me. My loving coworkers were my biggest support and have been long term. Losing the person who loved me most in the world left me so empty. Left me feeling like love had died and evaporated, too. The most profound thing anyone said to me that made a difference was when someone said they loved me. "I love you" were the words my soul needed to here, especially since it was now me only left. These may not be the words that will bless and offer some salve for the heart wounds for everyone, but went a long way with me. I discovered that the world does not value the grief adult siblings have. You cannot find a support group for an adult loss of a sibling. The only sibling loss is for children. That makes the grief worse to see that the world that is dedicated to helping grieving people thinks this loss is not important. In most all cases you will know your siblings longer than anyone in your life. I hurt so much at the hospice house when a patient is admitted by a sibling and the sibling or siblings are the only family. I know there will be no outside support for them when that person dies. I pray that they have more people in their lives who will love and comfort them through this. One thing that has been nice that some coworkers have done after a little while passed is to have me share some stories and memories of Nancy, tell them what she was like, what her interests were. It gave a real personhood to her. A real validation to her life and my life, and the sacred and forever bond between us. I can take comfort that in her very strong faith we will be reunited in heaven, and that now she is experiencing being whole with no disabilities or limitations for the first time. She is free and happy and fill with total joy and love. That doesn't plug the whole, but just gives hope. God bless you ❤🙏❤
I am sad for what you are going through. Most people try very hard to avoid the grieving. It just makes them uncomfortable and they don't know how to act or respond.
My friend took his life Thursday morning. Looking at my math teacher and hearing him Say my good friend took his life is the worst feeling ever. When my friend from church said oh I know how your feeling this just makes me upset and angry bc nobody knows how I feel.
Lord please give Jenna strength and wisdom in dealing with this grief. I lift up the family and I pray for them to be strong and feel your presence in this situation and the days to come.
This is so helpful, a dear friend of mine lost her brother a year ago and I find it difficult to talk to her about it sometimes. I think it is really important to remember that I can't give her answers and I can talk on behalf of God; and I shouldn't need to. Thank you for your suggestions!
Hi I am grieving for my husband. He passed away a month ago. All you said makes sense. The person who lost her husband and a daughter a while ago and was the one I thought would understand something of grief , upset me the most ! I was kind and listened to her earlier in the year but when I told her about my husbands death , she said ..'.oh what will you do for Christmas?' Which was 2 months away at the time. I looked at her in horror and said I couldn't even think about it! ....and no, she wasnt inviting me. I have to admit ,now I am grieving, i realise i have been clumsy in the past with others in that situation.
I'm so sick of people saying God gives you what you can handle. In the past years, I've had 19 orthopedic surgeries, my sister lost a set of triplets and twins, my father just passed away this spring, and the list goes on. Now my sister's good friend just died. I am sick of loss and death. God does nothing, but take away people i care about and love. It makes me sick.
Lindsey I am sorry for all you have had to go though. We lived in a world that makes people sick. God does not promise to fix everyone while we are here. He does not say He will not give you more than you can handle. People misquote that all the time. He says you can handle it if you rely on Him. He gives you the strength and comforts if you let him.
I'm so sorry of what your going through. But I do hope you would fully rely on God whatever you're going through . I'm a believer and I'm proud to say that. I will be praying that your walk with God goes good. And I hope you live for God and not people. People are just people ! They won't always be there to catch you . There is only one person who will never forsake you and that is God. . Let me know if you need more understanding of how to be a believer .
i am so sorry I did not see this earlier. You will have some hard days. When you watched this video, at two weeks, it may not have set in yet. I hope you have people along side you on this journey. People don't usually mean to be insensitive. They just are. Or they may actually think they are helping.
In the last 14 months I've lost 3 people that meant the world to me. March 1st 2019 my step son Shawn of 24 yrs to aids at the age of 30. June 20th I lost my nephew Tyler to a drug over dose. 7 hours later to the minute on June 21st I lost my fiance Jake. Shawn and Tyler hurt. But Jake hurt beyond compare. He was comforting me about my nephew when he went in to his heart attack. He passed away in our home while I was performing cpr on him. He was gone before the paramedics arrived. I've lost myself and all the friends we had. I've pushed everyone else away because I know they don't understand and I do not want to burden people with my grief. I now keep getting told to move on along with all the things you've stated in this video. I wish whole heartedly that I could move on. Let it go. But not only do i miss him more everyday. I fall in love with him more everyday. I don't think it's fair for people to say these things to me because of it was them they would be feeling the same as me. I do not wish this pain on anyone!
Wow.. I am so sorry for your pain. People are not trying to be mean. You pain is uncomfortable for them. They are trying to help. I am praying for your healing.
Thank You. I lost my husband to a rare and dreadful disease called Amyloidosis. A Pastor told me he envied my husband who was in heaven. My only thought was. if you only knew how much he suffered before he died he would not ever envy him.
Ummm thank you for this my grandma she just died today and my dad is very sad and so am I thank you also is there anyway to talk to u by email or something so u can guide me a bit with this ...this...my ... loss
Sorry for the late response. I have been on vacation and am way behind. I am sorry for your loss. Do you have a pastor you can talk to? Grief is so hard to do on your own. You can email me at royal@lifeconnectionchurch.org I don't think I can help much via email. You might check out this book.... www.amazon.com/Confessions-Grieving-Christian-Zig-Ziglar/dp/0805427457/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499949830&sr=8-1&keywords=zig+ziglar+grief
Don't compare your grief over your dog dying to your friend's grief at losing her husband. The same friend also told me she saw another man coming into my life if I would only be willing to let him in. Not helpful at all! Doesn't matter that I lost my husband 14 years ago after 6 years and 11 months of marriage. Yes...my husband told me I should get married again...I just fear I can't go through watching another husband die and burying him.
My father died last month and I am still haven't gotten a chance to grieve for him properly because I was sick in bed with a virus during his last week of his life and the week after I planned his,funeral and had skin cancer surgery the same week.,Then I went to work after Labor Day. Also there is a friend who kept texting me every since the funeral and kept talking about an upcoming picnic at a mutual friends house. I kept telling him I am,not going it is too soon . I am still mourning. What should I do ?
You should mourn at your own pace...... If you don't feel like being around a bunch of people just say no. It is ok to tell the friend you are not ready
When my husband died 13 years ago, our married friends dropped me right after the funeral. That hurt. I'm presently grieving my mom who just died on Jan 15th 2019, 9 months ago, and today someone said don't cry too much. Don't cry. You drive a power wheelchair and are crying, you shouldn't cry when in your wheelchair. Uh gee thanks. This was a social worker in the nursing home I live in.
I am so sorry because for one some people don't really understand we all grief in different ways, and others have just never had that kind of grief so they don't understand. And crying is a good thin no matter what.
I am sorry for your loss ..... And there is no way it was your fault. If you let go of the blame you can heal and be stronger than you were before the loss.
It is definitely hard to recover from that. I would think she would want you to get better. You would want her to get better. God Bless..... I am saying a prayer for you right now.
Thank you for sharing.... I lost my husband 3 years ago and it is still so hard we were together for 35 years..... more than half my life I miss him so very much 😥
Connie ... I am so sorry for your loss ... It has to be hard every day. I am praying for you. May you find comfort, peace and eventually, with glimpses of it now, joy. God Bless
I understand. My wife died yesterday.
it is like I was torn in two and half of me is lost forever.
I will die with a broken heart.
After listening to so much advice around "what not to say" some of that advice is just as painful to hear. Everyone is different and what offends one person may not offend another, but you (in my opinion) did this perfectly. We know that bereavement is something that's going to happen inevitably to almost every person at some point, yet most of us are still so unequipped to comfort and support someone who is facing the most difficult part(s) of their life. This is some of the best advice I've heard by far. Thank you for taking the time and caring enough about others to make this video and share your wisdom. 🙏~Blessings~🙏
I am glad you were blessed. God Bless
The worst thing is that people do bail. My husband died, people came to the funeral, sent flowers and cards, some even checked in to see how I was after a week or two. After that--nothing. This includes family. Makes it so much worse.
Sadly Diane, people do not have the pain for your loss as you do. They get on with their lives. I pray you are grieving well. You will heal. You will never be the same but you will heal. It helps to talk to someone or join a grief group.
I know exactly what you mean!!! We lost our 15 year old 6 months ago. And struggle every single day. So much love and compassion the first 2 weeks. And now. Nothing
Since losing my wife after 41 yrs of a great marriage, I have watchedA lot of these type videos. Some have helped and some have not. This is one of the really good ones. I think this pastor has a deeper understanding of the real issues than most.
Kurt I am so sorry I did not see this earlier. I hope you have some friends in your life to comfort and support you. May God bless you and give you comfort, hope and may you find joy in your day when you least expect it.
Thank you for making this video. We have had hardly any support since we lost our 4.5 year old son Mikey during his heart surgery. People, mostly family, have said the CRUELEST things to me. I don't get why people can't just have empathy.
Christy ... So sorry for your loss... People who have not experienced what you have are just uncomfortable because they are not sure how to act or what to say. Have you checked into a grief group. This people have a sense of the pain. Dear Lord please give Christy strength and some encouragement to get through this very hard time. In Jesus name Amen
I am so sorry for the loss of your son and people not being sensitive with their words. My heart is truly broken for you. Can’t imagine what you’re going through. I will keep you lifted up in thoughts & prayers.
when my husband died, I was in shock. I didn't expect it. I had one friend who would ask what to do to help me. I needed him to just be there. He is now going through the grief of watching his mom die. I'm just there. I'm not giving advise, I'm listening. I had people say such stupid things to me that it brought me to anger. I needed to grieve and after two years, I am still grieving. Knowing that I can't take away my friends pain, I'm walking through his pain with him. It's hard because I want to say, it is all going to be fine in time. I can't say that, because after two years, my pain is still there. Loss of a loved one is hard emotionally and physically. You walk through it numbly and without God, you will not get peace. I will do for my friend all I know what to do, and that is just be there. He is suffering with depression without his mom passing, and his depression is getting worse. Please pray for him.
Thank you. I was still am so naïve... An idiot really. I so wish I had caught this video several weeks ago. I frantically tried to do everything to comfort my grieving girlfriend who lost her father but i completely failed. Her whole personality changed and in order to try to acclimate to it, I ended up hurting her and letting her down so badly. I think her heart is hardened towards me and I can totally understand why. I truly thought I was doing the “right” things. I feel so terrible for hurting her and wish I could go back in time to fix it. She thinks I’m a selfish jerk and unfortunately I can see why. Thank you for taking time to make this video and hopefully others will see it before they let their grieving loved one down like I did... :/
Lost my four-year old daughter and let me say that there is no such thing as moving on but moving WITH grief.
yes I agree ... The grief will change but it will always be there ... so sorry for your pain
Never tell someone "not to dwell on it we grieve every day" during the anniversary of your loved ones passing... now I feel like I'm not allowed to express my feelings around the person that said that to me.
you don't have to express your feelings in front of him. But you also know its ok to grief.
What kind & gentle wisdom. This really helped me with some grief I’m going through.. but mainly what to say to the family. And you’re right when saying “we want to ease or take away their pain”. That’s the bottom line. And hopefully we can forgive people and have some mercy when saying inappropriate things and know they (hopefully) meant well. My heart breaks and is so sad for all these people.. even if it’s three years later. I’m glad I found this channel. Looking forward to listening to more of your messages. I can tell you have a beautiful spirit♥️ Thank you for sharing & God bless🙏 Stay well!
I am glad this could help. Thank you for watching. Dear Lord I lift up this family for healing and for wisdom in dealing with the differences in each person and how they deal with grief. In Jesus name.
Thank you, so true!! Grieving so much over my husband, best friend, companion, coparenting, and being there for me all the time and best father of our two beautiful daughters!! In the first year is the hardest for us
I am so sorry for your loss..... That has to be very painful. I pray for your strength, faith, peace and your ability to be a mom to your daughters as you go through this time. The first year is the hardest. I hope you have some support around you that can listen and encourage. I pray you have more and more good days. I pray that the good time memories of your husband come to mind and will more frequently bring a smile to your face.
The first year is the hardest year for loss in general. I'm in my first year with my moms death now.
ms mcfeely you hav my empathy
been 3 yrs ....together 41yrs.....never be the same...grief is carried
Thanks for this video. Three weeks ago I lost 5 family members all at once. It's been very hard.
wow... I am so sorry I did not see this earlier. you posted this a month ago. I hope you are are finding some comfort. May God bless you and may he give you strength. I hope you have people to comfort you.
For once a Christian who understands the discomfort, anger, and confusion towards the “God” answers. I really appreciate this pastor. He is so-relatable for once! I will subscribe to this man just for that! And he should be getting way more likes than he has now in my opinion!
thank you you tube man who actually gets it somewhat.
My pleasure .... Thanks for your encouragement. God Bless
Bless you for posting this video. This has to be one of the best descriptions of what to say and not to say to someone who is grieving.
I lost my beloved husband and soulmate 4.5 years ago. The loss was sudden and unexpected. I feel like I’ve been through hell and back again, but I will say this, the only reason I came back was because of people who loved me enough to stand by me while I walked through the dark night of my soul.
I call them my angels, sent to wrap themselves around me and listen without telling; who gave me their unconditional presence, and when I was ready, gently walked by my side as I returned to life and living again.
Those who bailed out didn’t come back, but I understand that it was too painful for them to bear and that’s ok, we can’t always be everything to everyone. I had the right people around me at the right time. There were others who didn’t bail out but saw my predicament as an opportunity to take control of my life and either fix it or sort it out so that they didn’t have to see my grief. Again, and with the benefit of hindsight that time and healing brings, I understand that they couldn’t bear another person’s pain.
I read this quote online. For me it describes the way I needed someone to be around me when I was standing in my personal grief abyss. This was written by a Father Joe Mahoney:-
“WANTED: A GRIEF HELPER
A strong, deep person, wise enough to allow me to grieve in the depth of who I am, and strong enough to hear my pain without turning away.
Not too close, because then you couldn’t help me to see. Not too objective, because then you might not care. Not too aloof, because then you couldn’t hug me. Not too caring, because then I’d be tempted to let you live my life for me.
I need someone who believes that the sun will rise again, but who does not fear my darkness, or walk through the night;
Someone who can point out the rocks in my way without making me a child by carrying me;
Someone who can stand in thunder and watch the lightning, and believe in a rainbow.”
These words are amazing, and so is this video. Thank you and bless you for posting this 🙏❤️🙏
So sorry for your loss ... especially the pain of a sudden loss ... may you continue to heal and be blessed
This is so true we had lost my mother unexpectedly in February this year and I don't know how many times I have heard she's in a better place...well I feel no because she's not here to talk to anymore or have coffee with in the mornings and I think that life's just not fair then, I feel bad inside and late at night it hits me hard because we came home after eating with friends and found her unresponsive sitting on the loveseat...her loving granddaughter whose only 10 has those lasting memories of her grandmother and everytime it comes back to memory it breaks my heart. I miss her every day and I go visit her every other day when I can which helps me but it's still not the same.
Helen .... Sorry for your loss.... It takes a while to grieve. It's the missing that is the hardest. It is comforting to know that for her she is in a better place. But when you are this close to her being gone it is very hard. It will get better. And she would want you to get well. You will always carry her around with you. You will always have grief when you think about her. But it will get easier.
I wish you well and God bless.
Thankyou...I just lost my husband 5 weeks ago to cancer...I had person say to me...Well ....at least you,re working! Th e atleast word is like saying that it,s no big of a deal! But you know...sometimes a big hug speaks volume!
I am so sad for your loss. Lord please please comfort Moniques with your comfort and people who will love patiently. .
My dog crossed the Rainbow Bridge on Tuesday morning. I placed a copy of that poem/tribute on my storm door along with a pic of my pup and a note that read, please RESPECT my request for no contact. Today is Friday and my door bell was rung yesterday and today.
Respect was all I requested....
I am so sorry for your loss
This helped a lot in understanding how best I can help my friend right now. You have astounding guidance on this topic.
Thank you for the encouraging words and I am glad I could help
While at my son's funeral my father in law said to me. "Everyone dies" and shrugged.
I've had all of the things on your list said to me. But what my FIL said struck me as the most strange.
The ones that really hurt is "He is no longer suffering" and "He is in a better place"
My son may have had health problems that resulted in daily struggles. But you've never met a person who who face them with a smile and a strength that was awesome to see. He loved life. He found joy in everyday and gave kindness and caring freely.
He loved living. He loved us and we loved him. He belonged with us. My son never wanted to die.
How can someone call that suffering? how can they say he is better off now.
I fought for his life. for his happiness. I fought hard and I failed, our worst nightmare came true. To have people say he is
in a better place and me having to smile and thank them. It kills me.
I am sorry for your loss..... Yes its hard... Most people just have a hard time dealing with grief. It makes them feel uncomfortable. And the ones that have the hardest times are usually the ones that have not experienced that kind of grief.
thank you, it really helped me think on how to be there for my friend, and I like what you say, because when I went through grief, I just wAnted people to listen and not to ask how I was feeling or to push me into feeling any different. I was also being the strong person and let my kids cry and screAmed, and was there for them, after a whole yeAr had passed I was finally able to cry on my own and let myself feel what I was suppressing. mammas would usually do that, but we are people of feelings as well.
My pleasure ... Sorry for your pain and thanks for your generosity in caring about others.
Thank you for this. Really appreciate it. Very wholesome and gentle and kind. I usually stere clear of religion but this is just neutral and heart felt.
My pleasure Emily. Thanks for the comment and I am glad you liked it.
Thank you so much i hv been listening to this talks since i lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly 18 days before .....i wish we should learn to how to console person who lost their loved ones......
people just don't understand or they are nervous about what to say. . I am sorry for your loss. May God give you strength, comfort and peace ....
Thank you for posting this. This does not just apply to the loss of someones life. It can apply to the loss of a job, loss of a relationship, loss of a role (not a paid job). I enjoyed fatherhood but my children dont want a father anymore. I have to accept that and find other sources of acceptance and being appreciated.
That is true .... People just don't feel comfortable being quiet or listening. They have to say something.
Sorry about what's happened with your kids....
Thank You Royal, for your prayer.
Wonderful advice. I’m forwarding this like crazy as I lost my husband and am encountering these issues constantly!
Father please bless Rebecca .... Give her peace and joy and the ability to cope with the weaknesses of others .. In Jesus name
Royal Farris thank you so much🙏🏼 I had his memorial / life celebration Saturday and 300 people came and I was afraid before hand but it went so beautifully that I am feeling a lot of peace and healing from it. It felt like the love or light or energy of his soul or memory filled the room with the strength of love. He loved God so much (he was Hindu but born catholic) and believed in the soul, and I honestly would be hurting even more with far longer darker moments and less peaceful moments of grace if he was an atheist or nihilist ... I am still hurt and sad and in shock and miss him so dearly but I am open to goodness and hope. Thank you so much for this video again.
That is good to hear ..... 300 people... He had a positive impact on others. God Bless
Royal Farris i wrote him a special obituary : m.legacy.com/obituaries/providence/obituary.aspx?n=&pid=189496772&referrer=0&preview=True ❤️ he helped so many people it is true. Thank you.🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing. I understand this grieving time. God is awesome God Amen 🙏 I have no answer for this loss in my life. Sad sad. My friends says All things work for good for all those who love the Lord. God does the best for us. But sad for our losses. Yes they said he is in better place no more pain. Sad sad sad. I know how you feel. My friend loss her daughter she always say I know how you feel. God bless you all and praying God bring peace comfort to your your family Amen 🙏
Thanks for sharing Solo ... Grief is so hard and it is easy to have it consume you. thanks for your blessing
I think as a person who looked after my mum a lot when she died. I did so much I felt it was inappropriate people kept saying how wonderful mymum was.I had been through the wringer I was exhausted, it felt almost like an insult I didn't feel acknowledged or appreciated.
Polly it will sure wear you out. People are not sure what to say. God will bless you for serving and loving
I cared for 3 years for my husband and some health professionals didn't include me or listen to me sometimes. I felt hurt . Caring is hard. It was a credit to you that your Mum remained the person she was.
Thank you for calling out "bad theology"! I often feel hurt and irritated when I sense that someone is following a script (faith-based or otherwise) when I come to them in moments of pain. I feel they don't care about my sadness and just want to use a shortcut to make me smile again. Just being with a person and letting them feel is far more powerful, I find.
I'm sorry for your experience. When I talk to people they say that they just don't know what to say. I pray God puts some people around you that are good patient listeners
I could not have a girl I really wanted and felt it like grief after she went away for good and with no contact, it has been 3 years and a half now, what you said is true, words have to be chosen very carefully and the person has to be helped, I really do believe those who say these bad sentences just sort of express their intention, I know it's crazy but they have bad intentions against grieving people (not always tough) whoever is under grief, keep being patient and finding small solutions when possible, what helps the most is patience, you know time will come when such a difficulty will touch them too (even tough we will never wish them that) but this will definitely make them remembering how cruel and bad they have been with us and make them understand us, respect us for resistance, adaptation, they might even ask to be forgiven too
Granpa, ur voice is lit🔥
I hope that is good. Thanks for your comment. Have a great week
So blessed to hear your message. ❤️🔥🙏
I lost my 3 year old son almost three months ago. I recently had someone in my family ask me how I was doing, but when I began to answer, she told me that she didn't want to hear anymore because she had cried enough already. Today I tried to talk to her about the event and she told me that we shouldn't associate, that she has more wisdom than me as my parent and will continue to advise me in this, that even GOD says I should be done.
Wow .... that must be hard. Three months is a very short time. People don't mean to be mean they just don't want to have to deal with the discomfort ..... That is hard for the grieving person. No one has the wisdom of your grief except you.
Hang in there. It will get better. There will always be some pain associated to the loss. The trick is being able to grow through this.
If your grief is making it hard to function you may need to see a professional. If you are a Christian, I would make sure to see a Christian professional who can relate to you spiritually.
3 months , at three months , I had not even accepted the fact , my wife had died ,....
So sorry for your terrible loss
I'm so sorry first for your loss secondly that anyone would do that to you.
Thank you for sharing... it's so helpful 👍🏻
God Bless.... I hope you are doing well.
I Lost my Husband, a year and 8 months ago, it's been very hard! And I dream him all the time.
Lord please give Rosalinda comfort in you to persevere and let the good memories her to have peace.
Thank you so much this has given me enlightenment on how I can talk to my girlfriend because she doesn't want my help she won't accept any help and she just wants me to forget about it like nothing happened
Father in Heaven please give this man the wisdom and patience to help his girlfriend and comfort her. In Jesus Name Amen
This is very good advice, thank you!
thank you for the encouragement and God bless
I lost my son almost three months ago and I can honestly say I hate when someone tell me to be strong or to be strong for my day because I can't no matter how much I try I can't be strong I'm torn heartbroken and devastated.. or when they ask me what's wrong like what do u Mean what's wrong. Like I suppose to be over it already. I have isolated myself from certain people who don't get it.
I am so sorry for your loss..... Lord please give Priscilla times of joy and peace and great memories to be thankful for.
@@lifesupporttv thank you so much
Thank you!
You're welcome!
I lost my sister two years ago just before the pandemic. We lived together all but 11 of her 63 years. Nancy had some mental handicaps. She was the sweetest and most loving person. After our parents were gone, I became her legal guardian. The last four years sadly she became too physically disabled to live at home. We found a nice place for her and she developed wonderful friends, and was popular with everyone.
I work in administrative position in a hospice house. It came to the point one day when I had to place Nancy on hospice at her facility. We all thought she had a few months left, but she declined very rapidly. It was a total shock that morning when I received that devastating call. My whole life crumbled. Nancy was a true part of who I was and am. She was my whole purpose in life. I was always her protector and defender our entire lives. I lost the person I loved and I lost me.
My loving coworkers were my biggest support and have been long term.
Losing the person who loved me most in the world left me so empty. Left me feeling like love had died and evaporated, too. The most profound thing anyone said to me that made a difference was when someone said they loved me. "I love you" were the words my soul needed to here, especially since it was now me only left. These may not be the words that will bless and offer some salve for the heart wounds for everyone, but went a long way with me.
I discovered that the world does not value the grief adult siblings have. You cannot find a support group for an adult loss of a sibling. The only sibling loss is for children. That makes the grief worse to see that the world that is dedicated to helping grieving people thinks this loss is not important. In most all cases you will know your siblings longer than anyone in your life. I hurt so much at the hospice house when a patient is admitted by a sibling and the sibling or siblings are the only family. I know there will be no outside support for them when that person dies. I pray that they have more people in their lives who will love and comfort them through this.
One thing that has been nice that some coworkers have done after a little while passed is to have me share some stories and memories of Nancy, tell them what she was like, what her interests were. It gave a real personhood to her. A real validation to her life and my life, and the sacred and forever bond between us.
I can take comfort that in her very strong faith we will be reunited in heaven, and that now she is experiencing being whole with no disabilities or limitations for the first time. She is free and happy and fill with total joy and love. That doesn't plug the whole, but just gives hope.
God bless you ❤🙏❤
I am sad for what you are going through. Most people try very hard to avoid the grieving. It just makes them uncomfortable and they don't know how to act or respond.
My friend took his life Thursday morning. Looking at my math teacher and hearing him
Say my good friend took his life is the worst feeling ever. When my friend from church said oh I know how your feeling this just makes me upset and angry bc nobody knows how I feel.
Lord please give Jenna strength and wisdom in dealing with this grief. I lift up the family and I pray for them to be strong and feel your presence in this situation and the days to come.
This is so helpful, a dear friend of mine lost her brother a year ago and I find it difficult to talk to her about it sometimes. I think it is really important to remember that I can't give her answers and I can talk on behalf of God; and I shouldn't need to. Thank you for your suggestions!
I am so glad ... Thanks for your encouragement...
Hi I am grieving for my husband. He passed away a month ago. All you said makes sense. The person who lost her husband and a daughter a while ago and was the one I thought would understand something of grief , upset me the most ! I was kind and listened to her earlier in the year but when I told her about my husbands death , she said ..'.oh what will you do for Christmas?' Which was 2 months away at the time. I looked at her in horror and said I couldn't even think about it! ....and no, she wasnt inviting me.
I have to admit ,now I am grieving, i realise i have been clumsy in the past with others in that situation.
Ann I am so sorry for your loss. Lord please comfort her and may she see joy in her days when she least expects it
I lost my elder sister a month ago,i love ehr so much,this video helped me but at the same time,you made my cry...
Lord would you please give Key Wizard comfort, healing, and courage. Amen
Thank you so much my friend,i truly appreciate it...
so helpful video. My friend's brother died recently and i had no idea what to say to her. Thank you for these tips.
Sorry for not responding earlier ..... Thanks for the encouragement. If I can answer any other questions please let me know and I will try.
thank you
May God bless and keep you and may you have people in your life to support and comfort you.
I'm so sick of people saying God gives you what you can handle. In the past years, I've had 19 orthopedic surgeries, my sister lost a set of triplets and twins, my father just passed away this spring, and the list goes on. Now my sister's good friend just died. I am sick of loss and death. God does nothing, but take away people i care about and love. It makes me sick.
Lindsey I am sorry for all you have had to go though. We lived in a world that makes people sick. God does not promise to fix everyone while we are here. He does not say He will not give you more than you can handle. People misquote that all the time. He says you can handle it if you rely on Him. He gives you the strength and comforts if you let him.
Royal Farris I agree with wholeheartedly there. You make it easier to understand more than most.
Sorry for your pain
I'm so sorry of what your going through. But I do hope you would fully rely on God whatever you're going through . I'm a believer and I'm proud to say that. I will be praying that your walk with God goes good. And I hope you live for God and not people. People are just people ! They won't always be there to catch you . There is only one person who will never forsake you and that is God. . Let me know if you need more understanding of how to be a believer .
Thanks for this video. I'd like to add one to NEVER say: "Life goes on." I lost my mother 2 weeks ago and this is what my father-in-law said to me 😢
i am so sorry I did not see this earlier. You will have some hard days. When you watched this video, at two weeks, it may not have set in yet. I hope you have people along side you on this journey. People don't usually mean to be insensitive. They just are. Or they may actually think they are helping.
In the last 14 months I've lost 3 people that meant the world to me. March 1st 2019 my step son Shawn of 24 yrs to aids at the age of 30. June 20th I lost my nephew Tyler to a drug over dose. 7 hours later to the minute on June 21st I lost my fiance Jake. Shawn and Tyler hurt. But Jake hurt beyond compare. He was comforting me about my nephew when he went in to his heart attack. He passed away in our home while I was performing cpr on him. He was gone before the paramedics arrived. I've lost myself and all the friends we had. I've pushed everyone else away because I know they don't understand and I do not want to burden people with my grief. I now keep getting told to move on along with all the things you've stated in this video. I wish whole heartedly that I could move on. Let it go. But not only do i miss him more everyday. I fall in love with him more everyday. I don't think it's fair for people to say these things to me because of it was them they would be feeling the same as me. I do not wish this pain on anyone!
Wow.. I am so sorry for your pain. People are not trying to be mean. You pain is uncomfortable for them. They are trying to help. I am praying for your healing.
Thank You. I lost my husband to a rare and dreadful disease called Amyloidosis. A Pastor told me he envied my husband who was in heaven. My only thought was. if you only knew how much he suffered before he died he would not ever envy him.
I hear you.. Sorry for your loss. people usually, especially pastors, don't mean to offend
Ummm thank you for this my grandma she just died today and my dad is very sad and so am I thank you also is there anyway to talk to u by email or something so u can guide me a bit with this ...this...my ... loss
Sorry for the late response. I have been on vacation and am way behind. I am sorry for your loss.
Do you have a pastor you can talk to? Grief is so hard to do on your own. You can email me at royal@lifeconnectionchurch.org
I don't think I can help much via email. You might check out this book.... www.amazon.com/Confessions-Grieving-Christian-Zig-Ziglar/dp/0805427457/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1499949830&sr=8-1&keywords=zig+ziglar+grief
Don't compare your grief over your dog dying to your friend's grief at losing her husband. The same friend also told me she saw another man coming into my life if I would only be willing to let him in.
Not helpful at all! Doesn't matter that I lost my husband 14 years ago after 6 years and 11 months of marriage. Yes...my husband told me I should get married again...I just fear I can't go through watching another husband die and burying him.
Is it okay to say “I went through this once too”
Absolutely ... I hope it made you stronger
Thank you..
My pleasure ... God Bless
My father died last month and I am still haven't gotten a chance to grieve for him properly because I was sick in bed with a virus during his last week of his life and the week after I planned his,funeral and had skin cancer surgery the same week.,Then I went to work after Labor Day. Also there is a friend who kept texting me every since the funeral and kept talking about an upcoming picnic at a mutual friends house. I kept telling him I am,not going it is too soon . I am still mourning. What should I do ?
You should mourn at your own pace...... If you don't feel like being around a bunch of people just say no. It is ok to tell the friend you are not ready
Is this why I feel numb?
Yes... Grieve is a hard journey. Do it with God Search for a Grief Share group near you. Search it,.
My best friend's dad just died
I hope you can be a comfort to him
When my husband died 13 years ago, our married friends dropped me right after the funeral. That hurt. I'm presently grieving my mom who just died on Jan 15th 2019, 9 months ago, and today someone said don't cry too much. Don't cry. You drive a power wheelchair and are crying, you shouldn't cry when in your wheelchair. Uh gee thanks. This was a social worker in the nursing home I live in.
I am so sorry because for one some people don't really understand we all grief in different ways, and others have just never had that kind of grief so they don't understand. And crying is a good thin no matter what.
Someone told me to take medicine. Ridiculous.
unfortunately people do not know what to say.
I lost my friend name malinda in she cummit sucidie on 10 12 11 it is 6 years now and it makes me feel like my fault
I am sorry for your loss ..... And there is no way it was your fault. If you let go of the blame you can heal and be stronger than you were before the loss.
Royal Farris she was like a big sister and I was like a little sister to her
It is definitely hard to recover from that. I would think she would want you to get better. You would want her to get better.
God Bless..... I am saying a prayer for you right now.
Royal Farris thanks can do it every night please