Love this video and thoughts - I've been guilty of this, dressing up to fit in and being one of the actors within the whole play....which in turn created anxiety, which resulted in a drama .... Got out of that, found the real me, and ready to enter a new world on my terms, with degrees of flexibility. This gentleman deserves more exposure, his videos are first class.
Very cool way to explain this. Knowing ourselves, the needs and wants of our personality, and being authentic is imperative in having good relationships. Thank you
It's making a lot of sense to me now, only that when you're are blinded by what you thought was love then you bulldozed any thoughts that didn't align with your fantasy.
I think this can be summed up as "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Meaning what is working for you, and has worked for you in the past, is what you should be doing. If you're a flirty playful woman who likes going out and having a good time, don't put yourself in a situation where you are slogging along as Mrs. Stay at Home Housewife. If you're a dude who enjoys sports and has season tickets to the game, don't kid yourself that you'll cut back on that to spend more time with the family. Be real.
Haha sure! In my case, I thought that becoming a psychologist would mean that everyone would respectfully refer to me as "doctor," and defer to my clinical judgment. I thought that my brilliant insights would effortlessly heal the afflicted, and that I would be recognized by certain people as "finally making something of myself." I also thought I would be a lot like my own therapist. Needless to say, these things did not come to pass. But fortunately my more grounded due diligence correctly predicted that this career would be a good fit for me. With career, you kinda have to understand what you would actually do on a daily basis, and examine whether the everyday responsibilities would likely bring you satisfaction and meaning.
no, you have haunting wish which is irrational, before you have it you can calculate, plan, choose, after that your haunting wish commands your life and is sad when you are with someone else who is normal.or maybe it dies and stays like scar, better to not have it
Hey Dr. Orion, I love your content and have been listening nonstop since I discovered you. What would you say to young men who don’t know who they are or what they want yet? Do you think that exploring these different contexts through the lens of different relationships is a good way to gain some of that self knowledge?
Hey John. That's actually a good question. Maybe I'll make a video on it in the future. In the meantime, you may want to check out "We learn about ourselves in relationships." Thanks for your support.
Isn't playing dress-up the path to self-knowledge? If I don't know myself and have limited criteria, then in my head I can rationalize my way into making any life work, but it's in living those lives will I know if they're mine.
This is true on the one hand, but on the other, some of us have personality traits that can only be described as maladaptive. And we have them to the extent that to go out there and be ourselves and to chase after what we want sincerely would likely lead to certain disaster. I wonder about your thoughts on this.
Yeah, this advice works for men who know what they want. The idea is to know yourself and not do something which ye won't be able to bear. But for those who truly don't know what they want and are flexible probably need a partner that knows what she wants so that they could be her support.
Love this video and thoughts - I've been guilty of this, dressing up to fit in and being one of the actors within the whole play....which in turn created anxiety, which resulted in a drama ....
Got out of that, found the real me, and ready to enter a new world on my terms, with degrees of flexibility.
This gentleman deserves more exposure, his videos are first class.
On point.Guys absolutely always show themselves off when approaching/approached by a new girl.
Very cool way to explain this. Knowing ourselves, the needs and wants of our personality, and being authentic is imperative in having good relationships. Thank you
Absolutely. Satisfying relationships require accurate self-knowledge.
It's making a lot of sense to me now, only that when you're are blinded by what you thought was love then you bulldozed any thoughts that didn't align with your fantasy.
Cannot believe these vids don't get more views
Reason for the state of the world today: so many people in la la land without a clue, or how/why to find it......
I did that mistake all my life. It never worked fitting into someone elses frame. Find your own way you want to live instead of fitiing into another.
Thank you. You just made me realise that deep down i am a serial killer, so from now on, thats how I am going to be.
I think this can be summed up as "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Meaning what is working for you, and has worked for you in the past, is what you should be doing. If you're a flirty playful woman who likes going out and having a good time, don't put yourself in a situation where you are slogging along as Mrs. Stay at Home Housewife. If you're a dude who enjoys sports and has season tickets to the game, don't kid yourself that you'll cut back on that to spend more time with the family. Be real.
Can you give an example of "fantasy narratives" around career choice (much like the examples you provided with relationships in this video)? thanks
Haha sure! In my case, I thought that becoming a psychologist would mean that everyone would respectfully refer to me as "doctor," and defer to my clinical judgment. I thought that my brilliant insights would effortlessly heal the afflicted, and that I would be recognized by certain people as "finally making something of myself." I also thought I would be a lot like my own therapist.
Needless to say, these things did not come to pass. But fortunately my more grounded due diligence correctly predicted that this career would be a good fit for me. With career, you kinda have to understand what you would actually do on a daily basis, and examine whether the everyday responsibilities would likely bring you satisfaction and meaning.
@@psychacks thanks! I appreciate your help. and by the way, your work is healing the afflicted! I think you have found your calling.
no, you have haunting wish which is irrational, before you have it you can calculate, plan, choose, after that your haunting wish commands your life and is sad when you are with someone else who is normal.or maybe it dies and stays like scar, better to not have it
Hey Dr. Orion, I love your content and have been listening nonstop since I discovered you. What would you say to young men who don’t know who they are or what they want yet? Do you think that exploring these different contexts through the lens of different relationships is a good way to gain some of that self knowledge?
Hey John. That's actually a good question. Maybe I'll make a video on it in the future. In the meantime, you may want to check out "We learn about ourselves in relationships." Thanks for your support.
Great!
I wish I knew all of this!
Yeah! Thank God someone comes along, every once in a while, that's willing to give us the information our parents were too ignorant to give us.
I like the idea of knowing yourself first: your values, your likes and dislikes, etc. But do you start to find those out?
Try a lot of things and write a lot of things down. Journaling helps give you an impression of yourself over time.
Isn't playing dress-up the path to self-knowledge? If I don't know myself and have limited criteria, then in my head I can rationalize my way into making any life work, but it's in living those lives will I know if they're mine.
This is true on the one hand, but on the other, some of us have personality traits that can only be described as maladaptive. And we have them to the extent that to go out there and be ourselves and to chase after what we want sincerely would likely lead to certain disaster. I wonder about your thoughts on this.
Can you do a longer one on this topic?
uh oh....this is me
Yeah, this advice works for men who know what they want. The idea is to know yourself and not do something which ye won't be able to bear. But for those who truly don't know what they want and are flexible probably need a partner that knows what she wants so that they could be her support.
I CAN SEE YOUR RETINAS, DR. TARRABAN
Retinas ???
No horse. No gun. No fishing. No laying in insects in the wood without a toilet nearby. I was born in Budapest.