As a police officer who works patrol, and my secondary duty is as a negotiator, I find these videos, extremely helpful in understanding some people I have to deal with. Thank you.
God bless you, thank you for your service ❤ I'm so grateful to have good people like you that serve our communities. 😊 the world is a better place with law enforcement, I've been saved multiple times from PD assistance 🕊 ♥
@@GMarieBehindTheMaskif someone was coming at you, violent, out of control, unreasonable...and so on, is that something you look forward to, or is it something you try to get through? Putting a narrative on someone saying something, is your own mind personalizing things. This is unhealthy and can be addressed.
I have BPD. I was diagnosed in my 20’s, I am now in my 50’s. I am happy to say I have a good sense of myself and I’m very high functioning. It took years of therapy and 2 suicide attempts, but I made it through and came out whole. I love myself, I’m proud of myself, I’m good to myself. Reading through some of these comments made me feel sad. I empathize. But I’m here to tell you there is hope. I’m living proof.
Hey all! I'm an Aussie guy with BPD. I was a monster until I did Dialectical Behavioural Therapy and had a spiritual awakening around 2015. Knowledge and awareness is vital ❤❤❤
Well Done sending you lots of healing energy. People don't understand how difficult to cope with symptoms we just learn to deal with them in our own unique way.
I have a friend who is BPD...he goes to therapy and works very hard, you wouldn't even know it unless he told you or under extreme circumstances, he's not perfect but I'm proud of the work he's doing and the improvements that he's made
I begged my ex for years to go to therapy. He complained daily about unaliving himself and hating himself. Once I realized he just wanted to be a victim and use me as a therapist/punching bag and after the millionth arguement where Im the worst devil he came across, I left him and his pity party.
It's good that your friend is seeking help. Unfortunately people with BPD are often unwilling to do the work and instead have a repetitive compulsion to repeat their explosive behavior.
@@therealdeal3672 that's true, my friend is the rare exception, most cluster B personality disorders don't seek therapy...I think it's just too painful
Dr Phil was correct in saying BPD is very painful for the person experiencing it. We tend to drive away people, often finding ourselves all alone, which enforces our fears of abandonment. The worst part is we don't have our own self to fall back on bc we don't know who we are.
BOO HOO. Then get into therapy and commit to it the rest your life..I defended and fought for my neice forever. But I have a beloved sister dead at 71, her health finally collapsed by the effort. And her father, who she left in the care of a petty drug dealer in AZ when she gave him POA and spent nearly 3 years locked in a bedroom with a remote control and a handle-pan too pee in while his "caretaker" stole every penny--over 400,000--he and my sister had spent a lifetime accumulating. He'd call and call, but she wouldn't return his calls. When we finally got him safely to FL he was struck by a car 3 days later and in a body cast facing a year of rehab, and has Alzheimers and will likely never walk again. My sister still allows calls, and we have endure his "I love you's, answered with "really Dad, do you really love me?" That man worked double shifts for years and even picked up a paper route in January, in Minnesota, paying for her endless revolving doors in and out of hospitals. Now she's got her hooks in my ex-husband's kids, trying to unravel our 24 year old divorce settlement..I'm only pausing long enough to give them a second and final warning about the danger they've allowed into their lives, and then I will putting an end to those phone calls to Dad and praying his Alzheimer's erases all memory of her, and a little peace before he dies. I'm so sorry it took me so long to see the truth. So many have suffered, and it's time she gets to feel the consequences of her behavior. I loved her so much it hurt, but the blood in my veins runs ice cold to reality, and she's not going to take another life from our family. Prison will keep her housed and fed, we've done everything we could.
The part where he says they don't do it to entertain themselves is not true in all cases.. some of the things I do is for entertainment at others expense and I don't care how I leave their emotional state afterwards
Dr. Phil, thank you for this video. It was a revelation to me. I finally realized that my wife has BPD. She shows 5 of the 9 symptoms that you have outlined. Since, the beginning of this month I have decided to be patient and understanding with my wife. Your video has given me some additonal steps I need to take to help my wife. Thank you very much, I will follow those steps to help her.
I’m in the process of going through a divorce with a woman with bpd. She has betrayed me, discarded me, and is denying my rights to my daughter. This video inspired me toreach out and say, “regardless of our differences I just want you to know I’m here for you no matter what. “ somehow that actually is helping me feel better.
I am sorry to hear that and you done the right thing. I want to ressure you as someone undergoing this discovery, I do not condemned this sickening act or excuses.
Eric, I have been through it too. It is important to come to terms with the fact that your wife is not the person you thought she was. She is a toddler, emotionally. She will most likely only respond to your kindness with hostility. She is a toddler. I'm sorry, but I don't believe the borderline is capable of anything but blame and hostility. It is not a matter of will not, it's a matter of can not. Very seriously. Do not engage emotionally with her. Stay clinical. Document everything. Do not discuss the past. Do not take the bait when she says "it's all your fault", which is the motto of the borderline. Stay clear and heal yourself. Be calm. Accept that she may never stop trying to hurt you. You will recover, you will survive, your life will be so much better, even though it will not be easy at all. I'm sorry you are going through this. Most importantly, be there for your daughter. Never give up on her. Your wife will try to eliminate and alienate you. It will hurt badly. But do not give up. Your daughter is worth fighting for, for as long as it takes. Do not lose your temper. Do not do something stupid. Your wife will screw up. They always do.
@@erics8918 I'm sorry to hear that you feel worse after reaching out. I have family members with this disorder. I have compassion, but they can be genuinely very mean. So, something very important is to have a good sense of your own boundaries. Then, we can feel compassion while not allowing ourselves to be harmed emotionally or otherwise.
This was a huge relief. Dealing with my daughter and her boyfriend, I thought I was crazy. This was helpful, and I have been reacting terribly. This knowledge is an anchor.
have you seen these: "Back From the Edge" - Borderline Personality Disorder th-cam.com/video/967Ckat7f98/w-d-xo.html th-cam.com/video/CAnpZph0Sxc/w-d-xo.html
Bless your heart! No one is crazy, but it sure can feel that way sometimes. Glad to hear Dr Phil's words brought you relief! You are not alone! And remember dear one, self-care is a priority! Self care allows you to rejuvenate as often as needed. And that's often! God bless you!
Good for you as soon as I realised that people are too busy thinking about themselves. I stopped letting people get to me if they are disrespectful. Having peace of mind by changing our thoughts can help
My 19 year old son had only just been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder. He committed suicide 6 months later. The conversations and texts with him the last year of his life was so very difficult. It effected our whole family. When he was ok, he was the most amazing brother, son, friend, worker. When he had his episodes, life was heartbreaking. The stigma is so detrimental.
10:19 I am honestly in tears right now. That sentence is so true! I live with BPD. I don't want to be this way, it's an emotional roller-coaster every single day. Then having people say things like, "what is wrong with you?" Or "ffs one minute you're fine and then you're down in the dumps! Shake it off." I'm in pain all the time, I didn't choose this. I've done a lot of work, DBT really does help. I have a couple diagnosis but this one is by far the hardest to understand.
I watch your show every day. I've heard you mention your podcast many times. When I heard you were going to talk about Borderline Personality Disorder, I had to listen. I was diagnosed with this about 10 years ago. I found a counselor who has helped me in numerous ways to overcome many of the issues associated with this disorder. She helped me to get into a treatment center. I've been clean and sober for almost 5 years. She also told me that many counselors don't like to work with people who have this disorder. Thankfully, she wasnt one of them. Listening to your podcast brought back past memories of the ways I acted, feelings I had (and still have at times), things I would do, and other things. There are parts of it that were painful to hear. However, I'm very thankful I heard you mention you were going to talk about it on your podcast. I subscribed and am hoping to hear more about this in the future. Thank you very much Dr. Phil. You explained this in a way that was easy to understand. I'm going to send this to my counselor. I know she'll find it interesting. ❤
@@neilfox8230 I'm so glad! 💕 I hope you can find someone will help you as thoroughly as Karen has helped, and continues to help me. My counselor also uses EMDR. If you can find someone who can use that to help you, I think you'll be be on your way to feeling better. It may not be the first one you go to, but that person is out.there for you. ❤️🙏
As a retired psychotherapist this was and is the most valuable explanation of BPD I've ever heard. When I first began practicing more than 40 years ago borderline personality disorder was, well, basically an indictment. I found that DSM-wise that was not necessarily true, and looking back I know what I thought was true. I'm certain that I made mistakes and I recall cases that I do regret yet I remember others in which acceptance and reassurance, care, achieved results. Fear of abandonment I found to be SO key I'm remembering so many referrals with a BPD diagnosis that were so flawed, both in outpatient and inpatient settings. While I've come to many of your conclusions I do appreciate your clarity and most of all your always emphasis on compassion for those suffering. Thank you Judi Siegfried, MSW
My fear of abandonment has transformed into not caring anymore - or a numbing effect - when people do leave. Because they always DO leave, and i don't blame them. I can't stand my own mood swings or insecurity - i don't expect many would.
@@kerrysaunders1936 it's suppression. Most of it is and variables in between. Based on experiences in life. It just doesn't 'occur' our world is responsible and lack of loving values within a success model few hope to achieve, most trying to look the part at the experience of others. The lens should be how people were made to feel which was disallowed
I have a friend , diagnosed BPD, but very obviously NPD traits. Whew, it is exhausting to not blow up and go off on her, I try so hard to remember, be silent, but I am so tired of the disrespect, rudeness, controlling behavior, entitlement, bossiness, whiny victimhood expecting me to be her daily free silent therapist.
If you haven't already, I would read a few books specifically on how to live with somebody or be a family member and friend of somebody with BPD. Boundaries of course are very important. It sounds like you're getting stressed out and burnt out. If you were to suddenly shift your boundaries and pull away, then it could definitely trigger them, possibly send them into crisis, and probably they would switch on you and suddenly perceive you to be their worst enemy. Well thought out and gentle communication is key. I'd VERY highly recommend speaking to a therapist yourself about how to handle this volatile and potentially trauma causing relationship.
Some of these are exhibited by my wife " disrespect, rudeness, controlling behavior, entitlement, bossiness". However, since the beggining of this month I have started being patient with her. I sometimes stay quite when she exhibits any of the behaviors as helpful , as she eventually cools down. I have learned additional methods of dealing with my Wife's BPD. I will try them.
If it's impacting you to that extent, it's probably best to go no contact, then they can't take their bullying behaviours out on you, and they'll look for another victim.
It’s exhausting having a mother like this. She perceives every relationship I or anyone else’s has with anyone a threat to her and her abandonment. Even with my own siblings and grandparents. She’s now doing this to my kids 😡 and is jealous of relationships they have with other family members and feel rejected because they also love other people. This is where I draw the line and have limited contact with her!
She literally creates the thing she fears most ie abandonment herself as she pushes people away because I have no choice. I’m done with feeling sorry for how she must feel I’ve done that all my life. It’s time I heal from her damage and protect my kids from experiencing the same.
I thought that was narcissistic but you have discribed my mother to a T. She isn’t always this way, but when she is, she is Terrible threatening (through lies to others) person who I can nit deal with.
Thank you for presenting this as something that ppl should be compassionate about. I have BPD and it is hell sometimes. Being so emotionally reactive, not being able to manage the feelings, being up and down, it’s miserable.
I have BPD with depression and anxiety, in my thirties. Thank you Dr. Phil for your compassionate talk about this very unfortunate disorder. I've been diagnosed for 10 years, and if you do some work, you do start to notice your behaviours and triggers, and you eventually get better 👍.
That happens if the person disassociates. That doesn't happen with everyone. I have BPD and my sister accuses me of being delusional. The therapist shut that narrative down. My sister does things intentionally to get a reaction.
The ending of this video (from about 40:00) is so touching. It’s everything me personally have ever needed to hear from the people that I’m closest to! This video has been the only time I’ve heard or felt so much understanding and compassion. It adds so much more hope to the thought of getting help. As a woman who has been in therapy for a little over a year (only maybe 6 months regarding BPD) I’m so glad I’m doing the work. It’s hard & most times feel lonely as ever. But I’m doing it. & if no one else is proud of me or see my progress, I do. I hope one day, others can see & acknowledge it too.
Being kind when suggesting you're loved on go to therapy is great,but when you do make sure there are no distractions,nothing to pull you away from them,because the minute you answer your phone,yell at the children,hubby,dog you've lost them. Even a change in facial expression,body movement etc. can cause someone with BPD to immediately jump to the idea you are abandoning them. Choose a quiet room and place a mirror on the opposite side you are seated,with your loved one facing you,this way you can glance up and see your facial expressions and change them. People with BPD are very keyed in to body language and facial expressions,it is part of their survival kit. If it is sensed they are going to be abandoned,one of two things will happen. They will cling to you with every fiber of their being,or they will abandon you to avoid the pain of abandonment.
@@sandralogue1774 I think you gave a valuable piece of advice. Dr. Phil video confirmed that my wife has BPD. I will take your advice and apply it at the right time.
Thank you for your insight Dr. Phil, I have bipolar and borderline personality disorder. I believe I'm on the passive end. Yes, to mania, charismatic, and I change looks, hair etc. Quite often. I'm 60 now, and spend most of my time by myself, just me and my little dog. Like you said it's hard to understand others, when I can't understand myself! Thank you for your compassion on us.
My family member, who we believe is BPD or NPD or both, believes they are constantly rejected and is super-sensitive to correction or suggestions. Instead of being clingy, though, they are two-faced and easily hate others and push them away.
I was not aware Dr. Phil still had a show….He is one of the OG psychologists who made wave in Mental Health and I always have Respect for him. I also admire Dr. Ramani❤️
3 months out from dating my ex with BPD. I have learned a lot from the illness. I have beat myself up and have thought everything was my fault. I am starting to feel better emotionally. Dr. Phil I love you man. You are a solid American and one of the few men I look up to in today’s social climate and political environment.
My experience with BPD was that she was a serial cheater. Always had someone on standby. We were always one fight away from her disappearing. That’s how the fear of abandonment manifested. It was like she was saying “If you don’t want me, someone else does”. At the same time, she was also accusing me of cheating and not wanting to be with her. It was one heck of a ride, but I’m glad I got off.
Man you go that right. Living with them (especially when they are episodic) is like crawling on broken glass. Their goal? To destroy you any way they can. If you don't pull away and protect yourself (physically, mentally and emotionally) they will destroy you. You must be self-protective and create as much distance as you can.
Definitely! I went through the same exactly cheating accusations which was odd cause I've never needed to cheat on anyone in my whole life and now realizing that she for sure cheated on me with someone? She always had her ex on standby and is now engaged to him while he is in jail and is cheating on him with some random dude till he gets out. I knew something was odd when I accused her and she blew up in a rage? There were obvious signs that I only realize now that's it's over. It's OK cause I'm free and that alone is all that matters.
This is the best and most straightforward way of explaining this disorder in a way that people can understand. Some parts of this made me laugh a little because my daughter has BPD.
Thank you for explaining NPD Doctor Phil. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and my daddy is her slave. She has always had total control of him and the dynamics of our family. It’s been a really hard life for me. Your advice has helped me a lot. Thank you for sharing. God bless you and your family Dr. Phil.
I was raised by a narcissistic father and my mother bore the brunt of the domestic violence. My father has a massive superiority complex and even though he is 72 , wont relent. It very difficult to deal with a narcissist. My childhood was affected by it. I became prone to violence, didnt do well in school, didnt do well in work environment, and have no friends. Now I am 42, and have a wife and a child and unable to meet ends , therefore, sustain my family via handouts from the same narcissistic father. In my heart , I decided to take away all the hatred I had for him and only seek forgiveness for my wrong doings.
My son has BPD. When he took the test for BPD- he checked almost every box except ONE on the test. Psychiatrist looked at me and said “we have our answer.” It explained all the misdirected anger, the violence towards other, the impulsive behaviors with high amounts of spending, the cries for help after he did those things, the self-harm, and his instability in relationships with his friends, his family and the girlfriends he had. I look back now and I see where it started. These symptoms started right after he was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes (T1DM). Now, he has these fits of anger even outside of high glucose levels. It doesn’t matter where he’s at on the glucose range…he still pitches fits. You can’t leave him by himself when he’s unstable, you can’t be around him when he’s unstable otherwise he will direct that anger on you, and you can try to stay calm, but he will eventually shut down without reason. I deal with disabled individuals as part of my job on a daily basis. I’ve seen all kinds of mental health illnesses, but by far the most complex, most difficult, and hardest to understand is BPD.
To describe his emotions: it’s an absolute roller coaster. My son has mania, but this mania is short lived. It maybe lasts a few hours tops. It’s calm, crying spells, rage or calm, rage, crying spells. We often blink and going “what happened?”
Thanks for shedding light on this. I was diagnosed a few years ago and sometimes I feel so alone and crazy. I’m thankful my fiancé and his family are so accepting and understanding. I had a really hard childhood, and it was stressful and I dealt with things I shouldn’t have had to and dealt with them very good until I hit about 19, and I started really showing out then. My grandma raised me basically by herself, my dad left when I was around 13 and my mom was in prison from the time I was a year old til March of this year and I’m now 27. I’m able to mostly control myself now with years of therapy and I’ve taken medication for about 4 years now to help with my depression but it’s nice to hear your opinions on BPD. I didn’t ask to be like this, I try my best but unfortunately it’s something I have to live with. Be kind, you never know what people are dealing with.
I was diagnosed back in 2008, along with ptsd and severe depression. Like you, my childhood was traumatic. I saw things, heard things that no child should ever be witness to. I was terrified for the most part. After years of self harm, and misdiagnosis, taking meds that were not helping anything, I finally found Marsha Linehans work, DBT. It has saved my life. It's one of the hardest mental illnesses to understand, I'm 49 and still working with a therapist. If you can find dbt classes, try it. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Hope you're doing well 💗
Oh my goodness. I completely agree that there is a huge stigma that goes with BPD. Sometimes, for the family, it’s very hard to live with the verbal and emotional abuse, the accusations and the lies, the threats and vengeful behavior, the rewriting of history, etc etc etc. And if the bpd individual refuses to acknowledge the issues and get help… what are we to do? We are always blamed for her actions, failures, and treatment of others, including us. We have been her biggest supporters, and yet, here we are with our grandchildren being held as collateral and being called toxic and the cause of all of her trauma ( that only she recalls).
You described me doctor Phil! 😢 thank you so much!❤ I'm 69 years old and I was a bad mother because of BLP! I never new I had it until it was to late, now I suffer from depression knowing that I wasn't a good mother! My son has OCD and 2 of my daughters suffer from depression and anxiety! I feel guilty and I just want to die!😢
Please don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure you did the best you could under the circumstances. I did everything I thought was right. I read all the books on raising kids, never drank, smoked or did drugs, was a stay at home mom, read them tons of books, breastfed, sent them to private school, took them to church, threw them birthday parties, you name it. I tried to be super mom. And now that they are grown? One hasn’t spoken to me in 8 years, and the others, well, it’s been rocky. On the other hand, we’ve all seen examples of horrible parents who are very close to their children. It’s crazy! But please don’t beat yourself up about it.
After listening to MANY PhD doctors and amateur people ranting on this subject over the past several years, I gotta say it's refreshing to hear Dr Phil's insight and especially the empathy that he mentions, unlike soo many other professionals that ommit. Very impressive Dr Phil to say the least.
As being diagnosed having BPD it has been a struggle my entire life. Staying mindful and staying in therapy help. I also take medication to help stabilize my mood. Its really hard work to stay mentally healthy.
Dr. Phil , it’s not just a pain. It’s life altering and health damaging to deal with BPD. The more compassion you have the more they hit you! There is no insight just a blame game. It’s impossible
I have compassion. I have empathy. What I don't have is the ability to sit there and let them keep splitting and devaluing me like trash. The victims become narcissistic or borderline themselves. It's a cycle of pain for everyone. I'm glad my wife left. I've been able to recollection Mt mental health and life. I pray she figures everything out, 🙏🏼. The victims are just as important. It not that we don't care about them. But what about us? F*&^ the stigma.
I was diagnosed about 6 yrs ago. I am now 74. Just getting the diagnosis brought me so much clarity. I did DBT for a couple of years thru a major HMO. It was a lifesaver. I only wish I had gained all this understanding when I was young. But....I didnt.. However, I can handle myself and my emotions for the most part now. I use the skills that I was taught. Ive come to the point where I can accept the thoughts I have and not run from them. But now at 74 I am isolating alot. I really no longer have any friends, its very lonely and I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this or knows someone who has and how they deal with it.
Yes I isolation I do alot I have no friends really they were drug friends I've been clean allmost 18months...I feel I got borderline personality disorder I'm on social security disability my mom told me I had this isolation is not good but I vist mom she's 91 I grow up in a very abusive home my dad was mean I think he had borderline personality disorder and narcissist I don't no never was told I had narcissist but I do have borderline personality disorder ok God bless I'm in therapy as well ok good day can't take any medication...makes me sleepy anxiety medication ok plus I got Graves disease hyperthyroidism ok buy my ex is gone no more toxic relationships with men in jail prison ok buy I'm kathy
Start perhaps by getting back out there to your circle of family n friends Jesus will open your heart n He'll give you purpose Seek Him GODblz Bsav LivnluvinCHRIST p.h
@@paulahard1200 yes I will it's just very hard with the weather so cold 🥶 I'm on medication now 10milgrams once a day pacsol called fluoxetine since Nov 2023 its helping a little with panic attacks ok ...I'm trying to love me more as I'm a incest survivor since I was 9
I am 62 and go weeks and months without talking to another human. And when I do it is brief. But for some reason, I cope for the most part. People annoy me.
I was diagnosed with borderline, bipolar, ptsd, adhd and depression. I struggle every day but try my best to control my emotions and I’ve been in therapy most of my life to deal with my traumas. I am text book of these symptoms. I really try hard to be a good person including controlling my emotions and impulsivity
Dr. Phil, you are so more much helpful doing these videos than the TV show-this is true Psychology help for people. You can really help normalize these discussions. And you are right, there is stigma for these patients and it can become so severe that they end up in legal trouble. So appreciate you doing these educational videos.
I had a friend for 15 years who was triggered suddenly when I sold my house and moved across town. She went nuts when I made a few new friends and she spun out of control trying to control me. Without going into all the crazy things she did, we mutually decided to end our friendship. I have not looked back. I don't need crazy in my life.
U decided. A cluster B never “ends a relationship” They put you on a shelf and will think about you all the time. Don’t be surprised if she shows up 10 years later trying to reach out They never forget …
I have made that hard decision as well. Not because of a certain person, because as I am now a woman in my early 70’s, I just don’t want to deal with unstable people.
Dr Phil, I have had severe BPD since childhood. My life has been a mess. I no longer communicate with any of my family at all. I have no friends. I have a very rocky relationship with my coworkers. My relationship with my bf of 8 years is volatile at times. I am in therapy and I have been making very slow progress. I have so much childhood trauma from my psychotic mother who abused me from birth and forced me to be in an extremely controlling religion that ruined my childhood and my ability to have healthy relationships with literally anyone.. sometimes I feel like I am never going to overcome it. My impulsively is pretty bad, especially when I am triggered. I am a good person... I'm just have a really hard time controlling my emotions. There's such a horrible stigma attached to people who have BPD. No one really knows how to treat it, so I feel like I'm just slowly spinning around the drain. All I want is peace.
My story is very similar to yours. I promise it gets better. The hardest thing I've ever had to do was learn to love myself. I struggle everyday, constantly and sometimes have no idea id it's even working. But there are people that love me and need me. Including myself, I need me to be okay. I hope this helps in some way.
As a BPD patient who has done alot of work on myself, this is a great video, stigmatisation from professionals causes serious harm and vulnerable to be treated badly
My mother is both! I am drained. I just quit work and never told her if she knew I was free, she would thrive! I just pretend I'm working to have free time
I had a friend who would constantly bombard me with contact when she knew I wasn't working. No respect for boundaries! You are very wise to say you are busy.
34:27 Dissociation is a trauma response. Everyone experiences this to a certain extent. Those with ptsd or developmental trauma without BPD struggle with dissociation, depersonalization, and Derealization. BPD lacks the skills, support, and secure attachment every person needs so they have a weak window of tolerance and intense emotional instability. There are professionals who believe BPD is a combination of BPD and PTSD. Complex PTSD is almost identical to BPD without the tendency to self harm. Its a response to severe early trauma, lack of healthy attachment, etc
I think so too. And it seems to be generational because the parents did not learn from their horrible experience what it feels like to be belittled, shamed, beaten, and mocked; they inflict the same abuse they received on their children. I think that parenting classes should be a requirement for new parents and psychology certainly should be one of the courses. They need to break free of the toxic treatment they experienced, to make them aware of what may have happened to them in the past and not to continue the abuse. Also, I think that to get a marriage license, you should be required to take classes to discuss finances, children, and psychology. Too many people marry the wrong people and once children come into the world, a whole set of new problems. And people need their Heavenly Father in their lives, an authority over them to guide them and to understand real love that they can use in raising their kids. Too much mental illness out there and the solution is LOVE! You have to give love to get love but as Dr. Phil and many other psychologists have pointed out that people are so protective of themselves because of childhood trauma, they can't give love freely. It's really sad and doesn't have to be this way.
C-ptsd have splitting? Dissociation? Psychosis and Neurosis? Does cptsd have neurobiological evidence? Because borderline does have so STOP spreading misinformation.
Its hell to try and date a bpd or narcissist. It ruins the relationship. They up the behavior until you have no choice but walk away. The push pull behavior is intense.
Thanks much for putting that into words. I walked away after 15 years of painful shenanigans that he got a real kick out of. Unfortunately, he made it 100 times worse for me and for others after I called it quits. Had no idea he even had it in him to be capable of the stuff he did.
The things he did were classic: wouldn't talk to me literally for, months , if he got ticked off. Stole things from me if he thought I owed him for something, forgetting that I borrowed the money for the downpayment on a luxury townhouse that he and his best friend decided he and I should buy together. Almost choked me to into unconsciousness one morning out of the blue. Sold my musical instruments without my permission and probably my camping gear and golf clubs (I was a golfing hazard anyway, but he had no right to sell them). Was seeing other women before work (friends). Want more? The list is colossal. 😀 I can actually laugh at it now that I've been studying the narcissistic personality, but when you're in it and for years afterward, it's absolutely devastating. Financial deals that I never knew about, lying I would assume....Colossal. my name: La Stupida.
I find the attitude, and empathy concerning BPD grow over the decades. Thankfully the decades of work, and aging has me healthier. I'm with good friends who I Know won't leave me. And I know it is wrong to be abusive, or toxic to everyone. Not just my loved ones, but that guy at McDonald's that told me the shake machine is broken. I'm comfortable with myself when I'm alone. I don't have to perform for anyone. I know myself, and the things that I love. I live independently but still ask for help, even though I don't have to. For days and I no longer want to die, and I actually have a zest for life. That last one's pretty major. Thank you Dr Phil for the compassion. I also wanted to tell my story because I want people to know it's okay to get help. And that help can work. If anybody has troubles right now, ask for help. You deserve it. You're awesome, and you are loved. It's not your fault for having borderline. I know it feels like a punishment. Like a prison sentence and you've done nothing wrong. You don't have to live this way anymore. Again I want to say, you are loved!
My wife has classic BPD characteristics. I'm the one in therapy because she believes that the rest of the world is not thinking or behaving clearly but she is. She has stated often "There's nothing wrong with me, you need help, not me" so, I get help...she won't come with me. My therapist stated straight away that the only thing that he can do is to help me cope if I decide to stay in the relationship.
You can't save the relationship, sorry if is hard to read. Protect yourself buddy. I also was married with a BPD woman. Build an escape plan, gather some basic stuff and wait patiently until one of her episodes manifest, and use that window to escape. Her mental illnes is NOT your responsability. There are million of healthy women out there to partner with and build a healthy relationship.
DBT is AMAZING!!! It's SERIOUSLY hard work but you get out of it what you put into it. YES, Hollywood even adds to the stigma of BPD. I keep it unspoken which is a shame of having to do, as if I choose to feel these things beneath the surface, going from applying for Disability and appealing denials for five years to having two jobs. It's not easy having this, that's for sure! Others can walk away and never have to be around it but we can't run away from ourselves with disorders. I don't wish it on ANYONE.
Doctor Phil, please please keep on doing your work, coz I think no one else can do it so fully and clearly, your help and support for us is enormous, thank you so much, may God bless you every single day of your life🙏😇
I was diagnosed with this ( BPD)when i was 24 years old , im now 48 , i still suffer trying to get by , every word your saying here is 100% right , its a long life battle i sent your vid to my mum as i couldnt and still cannot explain my feelings
Dr. Phil, you describe the Borderline being “resistant to change.” Having seen this disorder play out up close, I observed a “refusal to change”. This contains a level of moral choice, I believe. Over time, this bold and dangerous refusal to see anything wrong with oneself leads to personality distortion, and subsequently a loss of friends and loving relationships.
No they can keep their friends it’s any relationship they are in they cannot keep it , they will put you through hell and back , they lack empathy , they lack eveything ,t hey cannot love at all …
Sorry Dr Phil i dated a diagnosed borderline girl for 2.5 years I can’t have compassion for a person who cheats and lies , no one should have compassion for that , and that wasn’t the only thing , I did have compassion for her in the beginning I worked with her I was always there for her ….I gave her my all , I even gave her the chance to come clean about the cheating.. I asked her twice and both times she said no right to my face , it’s not until i told her I have proof in all the texts you have been sending this guy ….her response to me that she is done , then moved on to this other guy so when you say compassion I do not recommend being compassionate to any of them , protect yourself at all costs ..
@@alexanderthegreat3106I agree, if you are involved with a borderline, just run, before your own life is destroyed. There is nothing you can do for her, just save yourself.
@alexanderthegreat3106 I'm sorry to hear that. I am currently under going with my discovery of BPD, I never knew existed. I know for a fact I can assure you that I too am disgusted and will never acknowledge someone like that as my kind. Never in my life will and never believe that to be an excuse, ride on buddy. May your future bloom.
As a person with BPD, PPD, CPTSD and Depression, Dr. Phil spoke from my soul 😞. Thank you so very much!!!!! It made me cry a few times during this video because he spoke the truth and I feel so so very very alone, thinking I am destined to deal with this alone since in my country to find a psychologist who is WILLING to treat my disorders is extremely rare. Most of those therapists are scared to treat this 😔😔😔.
I have BPD, when I got diagnosed I filled all 9 catagories, and alongside my BPD I got pretty bad ptsd, heavy depresion and anxiety. I have studied Psychology alot in the past 12 years (no school just on my own, not saying I am an expert, far from it) because I always knew there was something different about me, and mental care is absalite shit in my country, I never got any help there. Been studying BPD now for almost 7 years, got an official diagnosis 4 years ago from three different professionals. I have to say! This is by far the best and most informative video on this disorder I have come accross, usually there is some biast/stigma in the articles or videos, absalutely none from you! Thank you! And this video also made me realize how far I have come living with this disorder and making it better. Funny thing though, I have been all those 4 subcatagories, many times, just at different times, any idea why that is? And also, even if we cry wolf about suicide, no other disorder has as high a suicide rate as bpd, by quite alot, so it is a double edged sword kind of
Dr Phill ,how person with people with PBD can manage huge amount of anger.Must say that emotion of anger in BPD person is 100 times stronger than in average person.
They emotional dysregulation, they cant regulate those feelings: fear, anger, sadness All of it is magnefied and bpd people can not regulate those feelings. Normal people even if we are afraid or angry, can manage those feelings. We know those are feelings, but we can handle those feelings. Mind over feelings. Bpd cant do that
@@lida8433 the bpd person should seek professional help from a psychiatrist. And tell the doctor about bpd. And undergo bpd therapy program. It is not only medication that will be prescribed.
@@lida8433 they need medicine to help them out as mood stabilizers etc. But these people need to go to a therapist, and heal emotional childhood wounds. Almost always bpd has something to do from childhood
Hey Dr. Phil, thank you for your informative Service. I am a doctor myself , but an orthopaedic and trauma surgeon. I suffer from BPD my whole life now , after everyone always telling me what I can’t do , after abusive parents in my childhood , I am constantly trying to find myself, to understand why am I and for what. So I decided to at least give as much as I can on the way. Two narcissist partners later , I am right now at a point in my life where I know, that this can’t go on for ever. I started therapy a year ago, and it’s going to take another few years I suppose , because progresses I make , are small and many only short lasting. But I hope I will find a point where I can finally lean back , be cool about the world and proud of myself (which I am totally not, I always feel like I could do more, help more, give more, educate myself more). And by the way, the commercial breaks in this video helped me not to start crying 🙈 I wish you all the best , and to all affected by BPD , give it a shot with therapy, slowly it will help. And to all others , rest assured , when something we said upset you, we mostly didn’t mean it so , we are constantly imprisoned by fear , negativity , self devaluation and horrified by the idea of being left.
Such a big help. I went along with all he decided to do (my son) he is grown and I'm still spinning like a top going after his ideas. Thank you for education
I suffer from bpd.I'm 65.as a female I an recognize 4 of the symptoms. As. NAVY VET.IVE HAD WONDERFIL. HELP. And as a widow now im dealing with a husband and daughter's death.she died age 37 by suicide. Another of help and strong people in my life since being 6 yrs.I knew I was ill but never dealt with it till my 6 yrs of service .what a difference!!. Thank you so much and talk therapy works for me..
Dr Phil.. thank you for this segment! My best friend has a son who is diagnosed Bi Polar, but has not been to a doctor in years. He has had several outburst and even spent time in jail for attacking his own mother, grandmother and the mother of his child. So “ mother” figures. And my friend has protected her son his whole life. She honestly, has done too much for him. He recently attacked her again, and this time, got on top of her and all she could do was bite her son to get him off of her. He shows no remorse. My friend got away and just crumbled into her bed in disbelief. She waited until the next morning to go to the ER and then reported it to police. Her attacker, however, reported that night to an officer who actually agreed to meet him in a park?? Her son claimed he had to “ detain” his mother? Long story short, a month has passed, no arrests. And it’s like the cops are on his side? Even this guy’s daughter, who is 7, has missed her open heart surgery because of his shenanigans. Where is the truth these days? Lake Placid Florida is in trouble!
This sounds exactly 💯 like my ex, but he has narcissistic personality disorder. The difference between the two for him is that he was mimicking this but was not emotionally invested in the charade. He would flip out and rage for 5,6, or 7 hours and as soon as he was out of time and was leaving for work, he wanted a kiss like we had just been discussing something like rational people
Cluster B traits are shared across the spectrum so… basically just lump them as crazy.. easier then trying to “figure it out”. Toxic is toxic You should get into therapy and start reading books on codependency though. It’s why u attract and got together. All will make sense your role when you learn about it Start disconnecting. Set small Boundaries. Focus on yourself. Therapy and start moving away from the toxicity… You got one life to live. Not sure any of us that went though this says. I’m glad I stayed till I died…. It’s u healthy and you two have a unhealthy way of relating which won’t get better. Seek therapy and resources for codependency and it will click
She divorced him, sounds like she did deal with it unless she is trapped again by a narcissist but it sounds like she knows the outcome of that. @@ssing7113
Well said. Crazy is crazy. I divorced him. And I will read codependency. I'm in therapy after being connected to this roller coaster ride for 3 years or so. It was a strange, scary, highs, and lows ride & not safe & even dangerous felt at times. I would never ride this crazy ride again. Now I know the truth about what I was really dealing with. I place him in God's hands. He's the only one who can handle this. I wish you happy healing & enjoy your life back! ♥️🎉
@caligirl9403that man was a narc. Yes we share traits but narcs are the ones that don't give a damn about anything. We borderliners give way to much of a damn. The fact y'all can still sit and think that borderliners choose to be this way and act like its the bpd person's fault makes you the crazy one. We do everything we possibly can to be less like ourselves and more like someone everyone would like. The pain we feel is so over the top that it spills over to the people we love when they attempt to leave us. Doesn't matter who it is. Be kind. Don't be hateful and ignorant.
Reposted from podcast... OK. I pegged a whole lotta the 9+4. I'm 63 and a truck driver. I think I can identify the primary sources of the BPD beginnings/fruition in my life and I've done so much, by the grace of God, in the deliberate forgiveness of the people involved. You've gotta know, Dr. Phil, that I nearly burst into tears when you said what a better motivator would be - saying, 'you deserve...' (crying pause) Just because I've forgiven doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt so very deeply any more. I sobbed because the thoughts of desire to be understood and comforted were too often met with accusations and arrogant superiority - which triggered Self-L.O.A.T.H.I.N.G. to the point of extreme mental gymnastics: I'll be better! I'll take the hardest classes and get straight A's. I'll be the best, most-badged Girl Scout. I'll practice the piano and clarinet longer and play better than anyone in the orchestra/band. Then, I'd shrink inside my mind, knowing that it wouldn't matter - there'd still be something I didn't do enough of. Then I'd cry into my pillow because I didn't dare let them hear ANYTHING. The crying often turned into screaming. If I still could get outside, I'd pick a fight with a neighbor kid (there were only boys), or ride my bike too far or some other rage releasing expenditure. Usually, ended up being late - then getting spanked - always too hard, always too many times - then accepting the blame from the disciplinarian (usually Mom) because she let my spent little body lean against her while she explained my faults. Imagine the sense of confused relief when I realized I was a project for the narcissistic pastor who was my adoptive father - who always reminded me how special I was to be adopted, although 'we' love you never translated into anything close to tender much less personal. I could tell you so many reasons why I'm not OK. But, I think I'm gonna be OK. Moments like this pass and, although I struggle with self-identity and personal value, I know I have a hope and a future. I know that love isn't a word to be heard so much as a life to be given and lived. I know that this is very non-measurable in the scientific definition of psychological health. It's a fight, sometimes an entire season - literally - to find footing that isn't slick or elusive. I give up and cry hard sometimes. I spend more than I should sometimes. I sometimes wallow in the pitiful memories that play like videos... Then, I remember that Someone made me. He knew all the pain and shame and desperate longing to be touched kindly. He knew my immature responses that would stay viable through my life to this point. He died for me, He died for them - all of the 'thems' - and I can feel each physical scar, each mental trauma and emotional torture knowing that I will be whole and complete one day. All I can say is it's the hardest things, eventually (often not during the experience), that solidify my faith in the One Love Who has never betrayed me or abandoned me, abused me or blamed me, or left me to die alone. It took a long while to come to this reality and the truly dark, evil people still try to destroy my world, but I'm learning when to fight, when to silently wait, and when to walk away. It - evil - causes me to sometimes shake inside to the edge of nausea - especially when I didn't see it happening while it was happening. But the validation I receive from God's Word through people like yourself lightens the trauma and begins releasing the grip of complete mental death that attempts to regain hold of my mind, will, and emotions. Thanks for your podcast!
This is exactly like my Ex, Dr Phil. His mom left the family when he was 9. His dad raised 3 kids and after 6 yrs, he found his mom again, but then, she had 2 other austic kids with 2 other men. He was fine when I met him but gradually was abusive and so unstable. Sometimes violent. So sad.
I was married to someone like that who still has not gotten help. When i sent him to a psychiatrist several times. He would get medicine and take it for a week and then never take it again and not go to appointments with the Dr. it put my kids and me in danger. I went to a womens shelter (for counseling for the cyclical circle of abuse - and this is a secret place to protect women). He strangled a man and went to jail. And told me i should forgive him. I said no I will not. I said he was on a DOWNWARD SPIRAL and HE was taking us down with him. A friend at work told me to get out of there because I am next And i filed for divorce Still dealt with the aftermath. Got a lawyer and it helped me He filed for bankruptcy and called me and told me snd told it was my fault and put my house in bankruptcy.
Stigma is a huge problem. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2005. I’ve had a lot of therapy, including DBT developed by Marsha Linehan. DBT is the best therapy that I’ve had, to date. I had a heart attack in 2017. I have been in a hospital for appointments for my heart, and been stigmatized regarding my BPD, without ever showing any kind of symptom of BPD. I have been told to move away from a nursing station, because I might overhear something, and bring a lawsuit against the hospital. I was waiting for a prescription for my heart, I had only been to that hospital for my heart.
I am bordeline , I have insecurities and emotional instabilities. But I don’t act under impulse, actually I am an overthinking person who have so much difficulty in choosing stuff, to decide what I want and I look for other people validation even to pick a potato at the market, also if I feel a threat that someone is leaving me I am the first to leave.
Thank you for this series. I believe my son (18) fits this bill and as a single mom who has done anything and everything that so I can think of over the last few years to figure out what’s going on and help him, this has helped me feel less isolated and alone, as this has drastically effected my life (and I now have custody of his son, although he does live in the home with my grandson and I). It’s been devestating and I wish he would get help. This series has helped me be much more compassionate and approach or respond to him in a very different manner. Thank you!
Dear Dr Phil I am 65 single Mom to 1 daughter. I have struggled to garner help since she was 17. I always thought she might be BPD or Bi Polar. She is now 44 and recently told me she was diagnosed with Dis associated Personality Disorder? All the things you are talking about are spot on. One thing.... as her Mom i have spent many nights wondering what i couldve done differently. No parent is perfect ❤ One thought keeps coming to mind though.... Melissa, never allowed us to cuddle her as an infant/newborn? She was a healthy baby born naturally etc but allergic to milk? My question is did i miss crucial clues? Tragicaly my daughter has been estranged for years, and although my home is always open to her, i have been forced to implement safety features in my home for her ever 3 to 5 years visits. She has also taught me to never ever get in a car she is driving. I know her struggle is very real. I know she hates the chronic chaos and pain that envelopes her and wish with all my heart i could safely help more. Any suggestions? Btw... i took large part in raising her 25 and 23 year old kids She now has a 3year old 😢 who i have only seen breifly a few times. This concerns me and her older kids. She needs help 😢❤
My daughter was clinically diagnosed with BPD at 18 years of age. She went through therapy and DBT. She has 7 or 8 of the 9 descriptors and she is the first subtype “quiet/discouraged”. She began devaluing me at around age 17 and began cutting herself at age 18. She has also been diagnosed with an eating disorder (binging then restricting) for which she underwent outpatient therapy. She finally moved out of my home at age 31 and her borderline seems to have been helped. It feels like she replaced my caregiving with a spouse who fulfills those needs. Great news! She’s doing better. However she now demonstrates all the signs of covert narcissism and displays and utter lack of contempt for me and has little to no empathy when it comes to me. Her father and I divorced when she was 2 or 3 and I was her primary caregiver. He had little involvement. I can’t help but feel like I did something wrong. She had separation anxiety as far back as an infant so I know part of it is biological temperament. She wasn’t abused, beaten or had any other major trauma of which I am aware. Did my parenting (which was distracted as a single parent) create this issue? Does she have the ability to ever love me? We are no contact at this point. Will I ever have my beautiful daughter back again? Can treated BPD evolve into NPD? I know they are both cluster B disorders. Thanks Dr Phil.
Sorry to hear We’ll it can be genetic so could be from the family tree… so don’t beat yourself up The thing with cluster B that Europe is trying to move toward js all cluster B grouped together. So the share a lot of traits and can display across the whole spectrum. There’s very few who go through treatment that long so hard to say. Hopefully someone else can chime in. Do you have contact with the spouse? Wonder his thoughts or how you saw their relationship u fold which would be a good clue into just the general. Maybe he is toxic as there’s a 1/3 chance a cluster B gets with another cluster B or he’s severely codependent… I wish you well on the journey. Hi hope it gets better and you guys have a healthy relationship down the road. .
@@MW-ov8wi part temperament part environment is what I have learned from researching it. Not a lot of therapists really understand or know how to treat cluster b disorders especially when it comes to a person living with someone with it. The only diagnosis that was ever eluded to by any therapist i saw is maybe C-PTSD from the narcissistic abuse.
@@kathleenmatteo660175 percent supposedly develop it from being abandoned while they were children and the rest develop it from perceiving that they were abandoned at some point in their life according to Aj Mahari. They all can fully recover
My soon to be ex-husband is a malignant narcissist, but is also extremely volatile about every little thing. He has raged so much I have called the police several times! He is a true emotional roller coaster!
Amazing lecture. So simple so gentle and super explaining. Searching over 20 years for answers.. never find one ( including in my text books) Here all of it from A-Z .all 9 matching. What most important is that I had totally wrong approach to everything. I loved and hated my two effected family members. I blamed them, I demanded a change...I never ever understood them. What a game changer. 84% successful treatment... even if only 50% I would be grateful. Wow. Putting resentment away and replacing with some compassion towards better tomorrow.
Addictions, sex, drugs, alcohol, gaming, lies, mind games, cheating, paranoid, loud, gas lighting, shady... After 5 years he has the worst symptoms of all of this. 8 months of unemployment, no money, no license, no health insurance, no vehicle, can't support himself without me. Excuses and blame spews out of his mouth... Sick!!!
Thank you Dr.Phil. i only wish there was more help out there for us victims of a bpd parent. This type of help is highly expensive, and not many therapist's understand this disorder very well.
I think a bit more explanation about how they are invalidated. It’s not that their families didn’t love them but more that they did not have the skills to know how to validate. Not all have been ‘abused’ as normally defined. Just lack of skills within families to communicate while setting boundaries.
This is exactly what i was searching for, what is it that makes me so unstable every day and uncommon among normal people, then each characteristic hit the nail on the head.
i can't believe he did a documentary of me. almost everything i can relate to. i'm so glad he mentioned that it's not fun for us. i wish i could show this video to everyone i know so they can understand. it's ruining my life. i walked out of my drs bc they were rude and hurt my feelings. i've been denied or judged at every facility in a couple counties. i'm out of options in my area stigma of addiction and mental health automatically screws us and the ones that are there to help are the ones who make u feel like a pos,liar and i'm wasting all those hours making stuff up to get the "good meds" they don't understand if i wanna "feel good" i know where to go, certainly wouldn't be begging for help from ppl that think ur a pos. i put deadly stuff in my body that unsliced ppl i'm sorry ur little buspar doesn't help lmao RANT OVER!! this was a great video thanks
As a caregiver, you gave me new insights. The lady I take care of, was. Diagnosed as being mentally retarded now she is 68 years old, but she acts like she is 14 at the oldest but what you had said makes a lot of sense. I feel I wasn’t trained in this field, but I made a commitment to this woman that I would never let her be alone so I appreciate what you’re saying because it helps me a lot.
Let me tell you this. These people will have you suicidal or have you on your way to a nervous breakdown. I guarantee you they will leave you very broken. If something feels off, get the hell away from them as fast as you can.
Wowwwww… this is a horrible comment. People with bpd need someone who will show stability and a love that actually lasts. If they can do dpt therapy, they can completely be free of bpd. Maybe educate yourself, instead of being so extreme. Maybe you’re bpd?
My step father told me every day how ugly I was, how stupid I was, how much he hated me, how no one loved me and I’m sure I had this at a younger age, maybe still a little bit but I think I have it under control
Beginning to think my husband is borderline where previously I'd thought he was narcissistic. It's totally mentally and emotionally exhausting because from one day to the next you never know what or who you're dealing with. Random punitive outbursts that bear no relation to anything current. You're constantly on the big dipper ride of their issues, it's like permanently being their psychotherapist and emotional balancer yet they've no respect for you and make no progress as they wont accept any input, though that's what they demand - bizarre. 'Conversation' is 100% interrogative..... who, where, what, when, when, how? Yet they project this and accuse you of the same, when it's them. Exceptionally negative. Feed me, feed me, feed me constantly. His mother was massively into corporal punishment and his first thought when he realised she'd died in hospital was 'Thank God, there will be no more beatings.'.... he was 17!!! Yet he went ballistic when I tried to explain that's where his problems .... and mine!!! LOL...... originated, so I interpreted that as him not wanting to face the truth. May God bless, enlighten them and support us all.
Thank you Dr. Phil, I am really enjoying the entire Phil in the blank podcast. Sooo helpful, I don't listen to your podcast with a certain person, problem or personality problem in mind, I listen because I love the information, I have always believed that knowledge is power and it's nice to have awareness and information when dealing with people, I enjoy people, connecting and conversing and just appreciate having information that I can always refer too when needed. I learn so much and try to recognize my own personality traits & issues also. Thank you
Please talk about and direct people to the Family Connections program developed by National Education Alliance for BPD (NEABPD). It is a program for loved ones of those with BPD to help them understand their loved one and better communicate with them in a validating way. I was a facilitator for the program and saw so many good results for loved ones dealing with their person with BPD. It is run in many countries.
I have a seven year relationship with a borderline and it's very very difficult and this is spot on and helped me so much to get my compassion back and get a whole new perspective on dealing with this unique and loveable and challenging person . We may have to live apart and not in the same home to continue the relationship . He got a nco and we aren't allowed to communicate cause of his last extreme episode . He has all nine characteristics and goes between petulant subtype and self destructive subtype .right now he's in full blown self destructive subtype and I am working on loving detachment 😢
There was no abuse, no alcohol, no drugs, no sexual abuse. Our child was loved, honored and highly respected and regarded. So I really get deeply frustrated when I hear this is my/our fault.
@@timweedon2785we have been blamed for everything wrong in our adopted sons life since he was 14. We’ve done counseling family and individual. He would never participate. I went through counseling individually for 15 months. I (mom) am taking the brunt of his feelings for his biological mother. Adoption itself can make life difficult. He is 22 and still refuses treatment and therapy. He is explosive and at times I’m afraid of him. We attend NAMI support groups and are constantly educating ourselves on how to handle our own emotions. So I highly disagree that the parents are always narcissistic. We are in our 70s and are simply tired.
I always say that no matter who you are, playing the blame game will not help you but may make you feel more entitled to continue to behave in an abnormal manner. They then take their abnormal behavior and twist it into becoming a normal way of life. I say that when each one of us stands alone on judgment day we can't even blame the devil. On the other hand the devil can claim us. If you are a high functioning person and you know right from wrong then what is so hard about trying to correct your flaws? Unless you have conconcrete evidence on a brain scan that a part of your brain is underdeveloped or injured, alot of things simply makes no sense.
As a police officer who works patrol, and my secondary duty is as a negotiator, I find these videos, extremely helpful in understanding some people I have to deal with. Thank you.
God bless you, thank you for your service ❤ I'm so grateful to have good people like you that serve our communities. 😊 the world is a better place with law enforcement, I've been saved multiple times from PD assistance 🕊 ♥
You have to deal with? 😒
@@GMarieBehindTheMaskif someone was coming at you, violent, out of control, unreasonable...and so on, is that something you look forward to, or is it something you try to get through?
Putting a narrative on someone saying something, is your own mind personalizing things. This is unhealthy and can be addressed.
I'm sure he meant "the people he serves, and situations he has to navigate" (You're welcome)
@@GMarieBehindTheMask so sensitive… I guess I deal in the real world and not cotton candy land
I have BPD. I was diagnosed in my 20’s, I am now in my 50’s. I am happy to say I have a good sense of myself and I’m very high functioning. It took years of therapy and 2 suicide attempts, but I made it through and came out whole. I love myself, I’m proud of myself, I’m good to myself. Reading through some of these comments made me feel sad. I empathize. But I’m here to tell you there is hope. I’m living proof.
what's your body count? guessing it's pretty high
You are awesome!!!!!
Thank you for your comment. I'm 61 and just found out this year that there's a name for my misery!
this is a relief
If thats all true then you arent a borderline.
Hey all! I'm an Aussie guy with BPD. I was a monster until I did Dialectical Behavioural Therapy and had a spiritual awakening around 2015. Knowledge and awareness is vital ❤❤❤
Well Done sending you lots of healing energy. People don't understand how difficult to cope with symptoms we just learn to deal with them in our own unique way.
Wish mine would.
Thankyou for your comment ❤ from another Aussie ❤
Aussie here too in Brisbane
Where does one get bpd therapy? Seems only big cities? Thanks
I have a friend who is BPD...he goes to therapy and works very hard, you wouldn't even know it unless he told you or under extreme circumstances, he's not perfect but I'm proud of the work he's doing and the improvements that he's made
Good feedback
I begged my ex for years to go to therapy. He complained daily about unaliving himself and hating himself. Once I realized he just wanted to be a victim and use me as a therapist/punching bag and after the millionth arguement where Im the worst devil he came across, I left him and his pity party.
It's good that your friend is seeking help. Unfortunately people with BPD are often unwilling to do the work and instead have a repetitive compulsion to repeat their explosive behavior.
@@therealdeal3672 that's true, my friend is the rare exception, most cluster B personality disorders don't seek therapy...I think it's just too painful
@@lesliel.6260and/or unaffordable.. When most ppl can barely afford rent, well...
Dr Phil was correct in saying BPD is very painful for the person experiencing it. We tend to drive away people, often finding ourselves all alone, which enforces our fears of abandonment. The worst part is we don't have our own self to fall back on bc we don't know who we are.
BOO HOO. Then get into therapy and commit to it the rest your life..I defended and fought for my neice forever. But I have a beloved sister dead at 71, her health finally collapsed by the effort. And her father, who she left in the care of a petty drug dealer in AZ when she gave him POA and spent nearly 3 years locked in a bedroom with a remote control and a handle-pan too pee in while his "caretaker" stole every penny--over 400,000--he and my sister had spent a lifetime accumulating. He'd call and call, but she wouldn't return his calls. When we finally got him safely to FL he was struck by a car 3 days later and in a body cast facing a year of rehab, and has Alzheimers and will likely never walk again. My sister still allows calls, and we have endure his "I love you's, answered with "really Dad, do you really love me?" That man worked double shifts for years and even picked up a paper route in January, in Minnesota, paying for her endless revolving doors in and out of hospitals. Now she's got her hooks in my ex-husband's kids, trying to unravel our 24 year old divorce settlement..I'm only pausing long enough to give them a second and final warning about the danger they've allowed into their lives, and then I will putting an end to those phone calls to Dad and praying his Alzheimer's erases all memory of her, and a little peace before he dies. I'm so sorry it took me so long to see the truth. So many have suffered, and it's time she gets to feel the consequences of her behavior. I loved her so much it hurt, but the blood in my veins runs ice cold to reality, and she's not going to take another life from our family. Prison will keep her housed and fed, we've done everything we could.
I’m still not quite sure what that means, “know who you are“
The part where he says they don't do it to entertain themselves is not true in all cases.. some of the things I do is for entertainment at others expense and I don't care how I leave their emotional state afterwards
@@MattHelmSAthat is sadistic, Machiavellian , narcissistic, dark triad
Do you regret that behavior after you've engaged in it? I'm really trying to fully understand a loved one with this disorder. @@MattHelmSA
Dr. Phil, thank you for this video. It was a revelation to me. I finally realized that my wife has BPD. She shows 5 of the 9 symptoms that you have outlined. Since, the beginning of this month I have decided to be patient and understanding with my wife. Your video has given me some additonal steps I need to take to help my wife. Thank you very much, I will follow those steps to help her.
I’m in the process of going through a divorce with a woman with bpd. She has betrayed me, discarded me, and is denying my rights to my daughter. This video inspired me toreach out and say, “regardless of our differences I just want you to know I’m here for you no matter what. “ somehow that actually is helping me feel better.
I am sorry to hear that and you done the right thing.
I want to ressure you as someone undergoing this discovery, I do not condemned this sickening act or excuses.
@@dantevivanco5035 her reply was very dry and cold. I hoped she’d see me be vulnerable and show that she had some love still, but now I feel worse.
Eric, I have been through it too. It is important to come to terms with the fact that your wife is not the person you thought she was. She is a toddler, emotionally. She will most likely only respond to your kindness with hostility. She is a toddler. I'm sorry, but I don't believe the borderline is capable of anything but blame and hostility. It is not a matter of will not, it's a matter of can not. Very seriously. Do not engage emotionally with her. Stay clinical. Document everything. Do not discuss the past. Do not take the bait when she says "it's all your fault", which is the motto of the borderline. Stay clear and heal yourself. Be calm. Accept that she may never stop trying to hurt you. You will recover, you will survive, your life will be so much better, even though it will not be easy at all. I'm sorry you are going through this. Most importantly, be there for your daughter. Never give up on her. Your wife will try to eliminate and alienate you. It will hurt badly. But do not give up. Your daughter is worth fighting for, for as long as it takes. Do not lose your temper. Do not do something stupid. Your wife will screw up. They always do.
They don't have a heart. Don't ever think they do. It will hurt you worse. Guard your own heart.
@@erics8918 I'm sorry to hear that you feel worse after reaching out. I have family members with this disorder. I have compassion, but they can be genuinely very mean. So, something very important is to have a good sense of your own boundaries. Then, we can feel compassion while not allowing ourselves to be harmed emotionally or otherwise.
This was a huge relief.
Dealing with my daughter and her boyfriend, I thought I was crazy.
This was helpful, and I have been reacting terribly.
This knowledge is an anchor.
I’m sorry you’re going through that. It is great to hear you’re trying to understand and hopefully protect yourself. You’re doing great! ❤
have you seen these: "Back From the Edge" - Borderline Personality Disorder
th-cam.com/video/967Ckat7f98/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/CAnpZph0Sxc/w-d-xo.html
Now you can tell them they're crazy.
Bless your heart! No one is crazy, but it sure can feel that way sometimes.
Glad to hear Dr Phil's words brought you relief!
You are not alone! And remember dear one, self-care is a priority! Self care allows you to rejuvenate as often as needed. And that's often!
God bless you!
Once I found my self-worth, I am now my own best friend, and my own best date. Life is so much more peaceful!!!❤❤❤❤
❤Amen😊❤
Fantastic!❣❣
Amen.
Yes !!!!❤
Good for you as soon as I realised that people are too busy thinking about themselves. I stopped letting people get to me if they are disrespectful. Having peace of mind by changing our thoughts can help
My 19 year old son had only just been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder. He committed suicide 6 months later. The conversations and texts with him the last year of his life was so very difficult. It effected our whole family. When he was ok, he was the most amazing brother, son, friend, worker. When he had his episodes, life was heartbreaking. The stigma is so detrimental.
My sincerest condolences 🙏🏽🕊️🌹
I am so sorry for your lovely son😢🙏
The pain is unimaginable. I'm so sorry. I hope you are finding peace and comfort.
I'm very sorry for your loss
Borderline gets confused with Narcissism. Dr. Phil's video perpetuates the stigma.
I have wondered all my life what is wrong with me. After hearing BPD symptoms, they describe me perfectly.
Started when I was a young child.
Bruh he got to number 3 I'm like omg.. by the time he got to 9 I was like I literally experienced all of this
10:19 I am honestly in tears right now. That sentence is so true! I live with BPD. I don't want to be this way, it's an emotional roller-coaster every single day. Then having people say things like, "what is wrong with you?" Or "ffs one minute you're fine and then you're down in the dumps! Shake it off." I'm in pain all the time, I didn't choose this. I've done a lot of work, DBT really does help. I have a couple diagnosis but this one is by far the hardest to understand.
Grow up; it's not all about you or your BS.
@@walleyehunter1541 LMFAO did someone piss on your breakfast? Get a life troll 😡
Remember dear one, you are not alone! Prioritize self care so you can rejuvenate.
Keep up the good work!
Yes, DBT! It works! God bless you!
@@walleyehunter1541 You're a loser.
I watch your show every day. I've heard you mention your podcast many times. When I heard you were going to talk about Borderline Personality Disorder, I had to listen. I was diagnosed with this about 10 years ago. I found a counselor who has helped me in numerous ways to overcome many of the issues associated with this disorder. She helped me to get into a treatment center. I've been clean and sober for almost 5 years.
She also told me that many counselors don't like to work with people who have this disorder. Thankfully, she wasnt one of them. Listening to your podcast brought back past memories of the ways I acted, feelings I had (and still have at times), things I would do, and other things. There are parts of it that were painful to hear. However, I'm very thankful I heard you mention you were going to talk about it on your podcast. I subscribed and am hoping to hear more about this in the future. Thank you very much Dr. Phil. You explained this in a way that was easy to understand. I'm going to send this to my counselor. I know she'll find it interesting. ❤
So good! GOD Bless You!❣❣
Fantastic to read your comment Patricia, really gives me hope for myself!
@@clarebaxter777 thank you. ❤️
@@neilfox8230 I'm so glad! 💕 I hope you can find someone will help you as thoroughly as Karen has helped, and continues to help me. My counselor also uses EMDR. If you can find someone who can use that to help you, I think you'll be be on your way to feeling better. It may not be the first one you go to, but that person is out.there for you. ❤️🙏
As a retired psychotherapist this was and is the most valuable explanation of BPD I've ever heard. When I first began practicing more than 40 years ago borderline personality disorder was, well, basically an indictment. I found that DSM-wise that was not necessarily true, and looking back I know what I thought was true. I'm certain that I made mistakes and I recall cases that I do regret yet I remember others in which acceptance and reassurance, care, achieved results. Fear of abandonment I found to be SO key
I'm remembering so many referrals with a BPD diagnosis that were so flawed, both in outpatient and inpatient settings. While I've come to many of your conclusions I do appreciate your clarity and most of all your always emphasis on compassion for those suffering.
Thank you
Judi Siegfried, MSW
So nice!
Best explanation?? He called bipolar a personality disorder -_- Dr Phil is a sham
Explained it then Tilionis.
My fear of abandonment has transformed into not caring anymore - or a numbing effect - when people do leave. Because they always DO leave, and i don't blame them. I can't stand my own mood swings or insecurity - i don't expect many would.
@@kerrysaunders1936 it's suppression. Most of it is and variables in between. Based on experiences in life. It just doesn't 'occur'
our world is responsible and lack of loving values within a success model few hope to achieve, most trying to look the part at the experience of others. The lens should be how people were made to feel which was disallowed
I have a friend , diagnosed BPD, but very obviously NPD traits. Whew, it is exhausting to not blow up and go off on her, I try so hard to remember, be silent, but I am so tired of the disrespect, rudeness, controlling behavior, entitlement, bossiness, whiny victimhood expecting me to be her daily free silent therapist.
If you haven't already, I would read a few books specifically on how to live with somebody or be a family member and friend of somebody with BPD.
Boundaries of course are very important. It sounds like you're getting stressed out and burnt out.
If you were to suddenly shift your boundaries and pull away, then it could definitely trigger them, possibly send them into crisis, and probably they would switch on you and suddenly perceive you to be their worst enemy.
Well thought out and gentle communication is key. I'd VERY highly recommend speaking to a therapist yourself about how to handle this volatile and potentially trauma causing relationship.
Narcissism is part of personality B cluster where in bpd is part of that cluster
Some of these are exhibited by my wife " disrespect, rudeness, controlling behavior, entitlement, bossiness". However, since the beggining of this month I have started being patient with her. I sometimes stay quite when she exhibits any of the behaviors as helpful , as she eventually cools down. I have learned additional methods of dealing with my Wife's BPD. I will try them.
@@dianaverano7878 Exactly, I sometimes feel my wife has a modicum of superiority complex.
If it's impacting you to that extent, it's probably best to go no contact, then they can't take their bullying behaviours out on you, and they'll look for another victim.
It’s exhausting having a mother like this. She perceives every relationship I or anyone else’s has with anyone a threat to her and her abandonment. Even with my own siblings and grandparents. She’s now doing this to my kids 😡 and is jealous of relationships they have with other family members and feel rejected because they also love other people. This is where I draw the line and have limited contact with her!
She literally creates the thing she fears most ie abandonment herself as she pushes people away because I have no choice. I’m done with feeling sorry for how she must feel I’ve done that all my life. It’s time I heal from her damage and protect my kids from experiencing the same.
I thought that was narcissistic but you have discribed my mother to a T. She isn’t always this way, but when she is, she is Terrible threatening (through lies to others) person who I can nit deal with.
Pretty sad to have to fight this battle with yourself and end up costing relationships regardless
Thank you for presenting this as something that ppl should be compassionate about. I have BPD and it is hell sometimes. Being so emotionally reactive, not being able to manage the feelings, being up and down, it’s miserable.
Do you hurt others?
I have BPD with depression and anxiety, in my thirties. Thank you Dr. Phil for your compassionate talk about this very unfortunate disorder. I've been diagnosed for 10 years, and if you do some work, you do start to notice your behaviours and triggers, and you eventually get better 👍.
Wow, the end of this was particularly powerful. Changing the world Dr. Phil! Thank you for what you do ❤
I think the most difficult part of the disorder is the delusional thinking.
Like thinking that we are famous already or on a fast track to becoming famous. Or that we have money that's burning a hole in our pocket. It's tough
Obsession & stalking must be side effects of borderline personality disorders 😢
@@vodkavuitton definitely the obsession.
That happens if the person disassociates. That doesn't happen with everyone. I have BPD and my sister accuses me of being delusional. The therapist shut that narrative down. My sister does things intentionally to get a reaction.
The ending of this video (from about 40:00) is so touching. It’s everything me personally have ever needed to hear from the people that I’m closest to! This video has been the only time I’ve heard or felt so much understanding and compassion. It adds so much more hope to the thought of getting help. As a woman who has been in therapy for a little over a year (only maybe 6 months regarding BPD) I’m so glad I’m doing the work. It’s hard & most times feel lonely as ever. But I’m doing it. & if no one else is proud of me or see my progress, I do. I hope one day, others can see & acknowledge it too.
Being kind when suggesting you're loved on go to therapy is great,but when you do make sure there are no distractions,nothing to pull you away from them,because the minute you answer your phone,yell at the children,hubby,dog you've lost them.
Even a change in facial expression,body movement etc. can cause someone with BPD to immediately jump to the idea you are abandoning them.
Choose a quiet room and place a mirror on the opposite side you are seated,with your loved one facing you,this way you can glance up and see your facial expressions and change them.
People with BPD are very keyed in to body language and facial expressions,it is part of their survival kit.
If it is sensed they are going to be abandoned,one of two things will happen.
They will cling to you with every fiber of their being,or they will abandon you to avoid the pain of abandonment.
Kudos to you for doing the work! I truly hope you can find some peace and self love that lasts.
@@sandralogue1774 I think you gave a valuable piece of advice. Dr. Phil video confirmed that my wife has BPD. I will take your advice and apply it at the right time.
Thank you for your insight Dr. Phil, I have bipolar and borderline personality disorder. I believe I'm on the passive end. Yes, to mania, charismatic, and I change looks, hair etc. Quite often. I'm 60 now, and spend most of my time by myself, just me and my little dog. Like you said it's hard to understand others, when I can't understand myself! Thank you for your compassion on us.
My family member, who we believe is BPD or NPD or both, believes they are constantly rejected and is super-sensitive to correction or suggestions. Instead of being clingy, though, they are two-faced and easily hate others and push them away.
A compassionate and tender way to reach out to them. DESERVE❤
❤❤❤
No way. Stay away from these monsters they will destroy your life.
I was not aware Dr. Phil still had a show….He is one of the OG psychologists who made wave in Mental Health and I always have Respect for him. I also admire Dr. Ramani❤️
She's the best
3 months out from dating my ex with BPD. I have learned a lot from the illness. I have beat myself up and have thought everything was my fault.
I am starting to feel better emotionally. Dr. Phil I love you man. You are a solid American and one of the few men I look up to in today’s social climate and political environment.
My experience with BPD was that she was a serial cheater. Always had someone on standby. We were always one fight away from her disappearing. That’s how the fear of abandonment manifested. It was like she was saying “If you don’t want me, someone else does”. At the same time, she was also accusing me of cheating and not wanting to be with her.
It was one heck of a ride, but I’m glad I got off.
According to Dr. Phil, you have to have patience for that? Not a chance I’m gonna have any patience for that kind of behavior.
A BPD person would do that in order to abandon you before you can do it to them. It's a self protective measure.
Man you go that right. Living with them (especially when they are episodic) is like crawling on broken glass. Their goal? To destroy you any way they can. If you don't pull away and protect yourself (physically, mentally and emotionally) they will destroy you. You must be self-protective and create as much distance as you can.
Definitely! I went through the same exactly cheating accusations which was odd cause I've never needed to cheat on anyone in my whole life and now realizing that she for sure cheated on me with someone? She always had her ex on standby and is now engaged to him while he is in jail and is cheating on him with some random dude till he gets out. I knew something was odd when I accused her and she blew up in a rage? There were obvious signs that I only realize now that's it's over. It's OK cause I'm free and that alone is all that matters.
This is the best and most straightforward way of explaining this disorder in a way that people can understand.
Some parts of this made me laugh a little because my daughter has BPD.
Thank you for explaining NPD Doctor Phil.
I was raised by a narcissistic mother and my daddy is her slave. She has always had total control of him and the dynamics of our family.
It’s been a really hard life for me.
Your advice has helped me a lot.
Thank you for sharing.
God bless you and your family Dr. Phil.
I was raised by a narcissistic father and my mother bore the brunt of the domestic violence. My father has a massive superiority complex and even though he is 72 , wont relent. It very difficult to deal with a narcissist. My childhood was affected by it. I became prone to violence, didnt do well in school, didnt do well in work environment, and have no friends. Now I am 42, and have a wife and a child and unable to meet ends , therefore, sustain my family via handouts from the same narcissistic father. In my heart , I decided to take away all the hatred I had for him and only seek forgiveness for my wrong doings.
Forgiveness and understanding
J Christ
My son has BPD. When he took the test for BPD- he checked almost every box except ONE on the test. Psychiatrist looked at me and said “we have our answer.” It explained all the misdirected anger, the violence towards other, the impulsive behaviors with high amounts of spending, the cries for help after he did those things, the self-harm, and his instability in relationships with his friends, his family and the girlfriends he had.
I look back now and I see where it started. These symptoms started right after he was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes (T1DM). Now, he has these fits of anger even outside of high glucose levels. It doesn’t matter where he’s at on the glucose range…he still pitches fits. You can’t leave him by himself when he’s unstable, you can’t be around him when he’s unstable otherwise he will direct that anger on you, and you can try to stay calm, but he will eventually shut down without reason.
I deal with disabled individuals as part of my job on a daily basis. I’ve seen all kinds of mental health illnesses, but by far the most complex, most difficult, and hardest to understand is BPD.
To describe his emotions: it’s an absolute roller coaster. My son has mania, but this mania is short lived. It maybe lasts a few hours tops. It’s calm, crying spells, rage or calm, rage, crying spells. We often blink and going “what happened?”
All sympathy and compassion for you. It hurts seeing our child suffering and we feel so powerless. Sending you strength.
Phil's psychology dissertations are absolutely fascinating. I can see why he's so famous.
Thanks for shedding light on this. I was diagnosed a few years ago and sometimes I feel so alone and crazy. I’m thankful my fiancé and his family are so accepting and understanding. I had a really hard childhood, and it was stressful and I dealt with things I shouldn’t have had to and dealt with them very good until I hit about 19, and I started really showing out then. My grandma raised me basically by herself, my dad left when I was around 13 and my mom was in prison from the time I was a year old til March of this year and I’m now 27. I’m able to mostly control myself now with years of therapy and I’ve taken medication for about 4 years now to help with my depression but it’s nice to hear your opinions on BPD. I didn’t ask to be like this, I try my best but unfortunately it’s something I have to live with. Be kind, you never know what people are dealing with.
I was diagnosed back in 2008, along with ptsd and severe depression. Like you, my childhood was traumatic. I saw things, heard things that no child should ever be witness to. I was terrified for the most part. After years of self harm, and misdiagnosis, taking meds that were not helping anything, I finally found Marsha Linehans work, DBT. It has saved my life. It's one of the hardest mental illnesses to understand, I'm 49 and still working with a therapist. If you can find dbt classes, try it. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Hope you're doing well 💗
Oh my goodness. I completely agree that there is a huge stigma that goes with BPD. Sometimes, for the family, it’s very hard to live with the verbal and emotional abuse, the accusations and the lies, the threats and vengeful behavior, the rewriting of history, etc etc etc. And if the bpd individual refuses to acknowledge the issues and get help… what are we to do? We are always blamed for her actions, failures, and treatment of others, including us. We have been her biggest supporters, and yet, here we are with our grandchildren being held as collateral and being called toxic and the cause of all of her trauma ( that only she recalls).
💯 Save yourself & stay away from her, I would even move if you can
Been there and I feel for you!❤️
Exactly, very well said
You described me doctor Phil! 😢 thank you so much!❤ I'm 69 years old and I was a bad mother because of BLP! I never new I had it until it was to late, now I suffer from depression knowing that I wasn't a good mother! My son has OCD and 2 of my daughters suffer from depression and anxiety! I feel guilty and I just want to die!😢
Please don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure you did the best you could under the circumstances. I did everything I thought was right. I read all the books on raising kids, never drank, smoked or did drugs, was a stay at home mom, read them tons of books, breastfed, sent them to private school, took them to church, threw them birthday parties, you name it. I tried to be super mom. And now that they are grown? One hasn’t spoken to me in 8 years, and the others, well, it’s been rocky. On the other hand, we’ve all seen examples of horrible parents who are very close to their children. It’s crazy! But please don’t beat yourself up about it.
After listening to MANY PhD doctors and amateur people ranting on this subject over the past several years, I gotta say it's refreshing to hear Dr Phil's insight and especially the empathy that he mentions, unlike soo many other professionals that ommit. Very impressive Dr Phil to say the least.
As being diagnosed having BPD it has been a struggle my entire life. Staying mindful and staying in therapy help. I also take medication to help stabilize my mood. Its really hard work to stay mentally healthy.
Dr. Phil , it’s not just a pain. It’s life altering and health damaging to deal with BPD. The more compassion you have the more they hit you! There is no insight just a blame game. It’s impossible
I have compassion. I have empathy. What I don't have is the ability to sit there and let them keep splitting and devaluing me like trash. The victims become narcissistic or borderline themselves. It's a cycle of pain for everyone. I'm glad my wife left. I've been able to recollection Mt mental health and life. I pray she figures everything out, 🙏🏼. The victims are just as important. It not that we don't care about them. But what about us? F*&^ the stigma.
I was diagnosed about 6 yrs ago. I am now 74. Just getting the diagnosis brought me so much clarity. I did DBT for a couple of years thru a major HMO. It was a lifesaver. I only wish I had gained all this understanding when I was young. But....I didnt.. However, I can handle myself and my emotions for the most part now. I use the skills that I was taught. Ive come to the point where I can accept the thoughts I have and not run from them. But now at 74 I am isolating alot. I really no longer have any friends, its very lonely and I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this or knows someone who has and how they deal with it.
Yes I isolation I do alot I have no friends really they were drug friends I've been clean allmost 18months...I feel I got borderline personality disorder I'm on social security disability my mom told me I had this isolation is not good but I vist mom she's 91 I grow up in a very abusive home my dad was mean I think he had borderline personality disorder and narcissist I don't no never was told I had narcissist but I do have borderline personality disorder ok God bless I'm in therapy as well ok good day can't take any medication...makes me sleepy anxiety medication ok plus I got Graves disease hyperthyroidism ok buy my ex is gone no more toxic relationships with men in jail prison ok buy I'm kathy
Start perhaps by getting back out there to your circle of family n friends Jesus will open your heart n He'll give you purpose Seek Him GODblz Bsav LivnluvinCHRIST p.h
@@paulahard1200 yes I will it's just very hard with the weather so cold 🥶 I'm on medication now 10milgrams once a day pacsol called fluoxetine since Nov 2023 its helping a little with panic attacks ok ...I'm trying to love me more as I'm a incest survivor since I was 9
I am 62 and go weeks and months without talking to another human. And when I do it is brief. But for some reason, I cope for the most part. People annoy me.
I was diagnosed with borderline, bipolar, ptsd, adhd and depression. I struggle every day but try my best to control my emotions and I’ve been in therapy most of my life to deal with my traumas.
I am text book of these symptoms. I really try hard to be a good person including controlling my emotions and impulsivity
Wishing you all the best.
My Dad told me he didn't think I would graduate from high school when I was a teenager. I am a professional and still have doubts about myself.
Dr. Phil, you are so more much helpful doing these videos than the TV show-this is true Psychology help for people. You can really help normalize these discussions. And you are right, there is stigma for these patients and it can become so severe that they end up in legal trouble. So appreciate you doing these educational videos.
I had it I guess.... you can heal. What helped me was a husband with a heart of gold, knowledge and luck.
I had a friend for 15 years who was triggered suddenly when I sold my house and moved across town. She went nuts when I made a few new friends and she spun out of control trying to control me. Without going into all the crazy things she did, we mutually decided to end our friendship. I have not looked back. I don't need crazy in my life.
U decided. A cluster B never “ends a relationship”
They put you on a shelf and will think about you all the time. Don’t be surprised if she shows up 10 years later trying to reach out
They never forget …
Sounds familiar!
@@ssing7113people with bpd end relationships all the time. Often when there is no reason to but they perceive there to be one.
a borderline doesnt end a relationship....they just get left...but we never forget....when we see the person we welcome you to hell.
I have made that hard decision as well. Not because of a certain person, because as I am now a woman in my early 70’s, I just don’t want to deal with unstable people.
Dr Phil, I have had severe BPD since childhood. My life has been a mess. I no longer communicate with any of my family at all. I have no friends. I have a very rocky relationship with my coworkers. My relationship with my bf of 8 years is volatile at times. I am in therapy and I have been making very slow progress. I have so much childhood trauma from my psychotic mother who abused me from birth and forced me to be in an extremely controlling religion that ruined my childhood and my ability to have healthy relationships with literally anyone.. sometimes I feel like I am never going to overcome it. My impulsively is pretty bad, especially when I am triggered. I am a good person... I'm just have a really hard time controlling my emotions. There's such a horrible stigma attached to people who have BPD. No one really knows how to treat it, so I feel like I'm just slowly spinning around the drain. All I want is peace.
I believe healing your traumas is the solution to any mental health problem. Check out Daniel Mackler.
My story is very similar to yours. I promise it gets better. The hardest thing I've ever had to do was learn to love myself.
I struggle everyday, constantly and sometimes have no idea id it's even working. But there are people that love me and need me. Including myself, I need me to be okay.
I hope this helps in some way.
Try to be patient with yourself. Have compassion for your history. It takes time but it’s possible, you are on your way!
Kudos to you for trying. 🫶@@Simone79126
I love the change of the wording from you “need” vs you “deserve.”
As a BPD patient who has done alot of work on myself, this is a great video, stigmatisation from professionals causes serious harm and vulnerable to be treated badly
My mother is both! I am drained. I just quit work and never told her if she knew I was free, she would thrive! I just pretend I'm working to have free time
Big hugs
And remember dear one, self care is not selfish, it is necessary for you to rejuvenate! God bless you!
I have BPD and cringe at the idea of being "taken care of." Overly independent is one of its traits.
I had a friend who would constantly bombard me with contact when she knew I wasn't working. No respect for boundaries! You are very wise to say you are busy.
34:27 Dissociation is a trauma response. Everyone experiences this to a certain extent. Those with ptsd or developmental trauma without BPD struggle with dissociation, depersonalization, and Derealization.
BPD lacks the skills, support, and secure attachment every person needs so they have a weak window of tolerance and intense emotional instability.
There are professionals who believe BPD is a combination of BPD and PTSD. Complex PTSD is almost identical to BPD without the tendency to self harm. Its a response to severe early trauma, lack of healthy attachment, etc
Dr. Phil is dishing out some major truths. ✌️😎
I think so too. And it seems to be generational because the parents did not learn from their horrible experience what it feels like to be belittled, shamed, beaten, and mocked; they inflict the same abuse they received on their children. I think that parenting classes should be a requirement for new parents and psychology certainly should be one of the courses. They need to break free of the toxic treatment they experienced, to make them aware of what may have happened to them in the past and not to continue the abuse. Also, I think that to get a marriage license, you should be required to take classes to discuss finances, children, and psychology. Too many people marry the wrong people and once children come into the world, a whole set of new problems. And people need their Heavenly Father in their lives, an authority over them to guide them and to understand real love that they can use in raising their kids. Too much mental illness out there and the solution is LOVE! You have to give love to get love but as Dr. Phil and many other psychologists have pointed out that people are so protective of themselves because of childhood trauma, they can't give love freely. It's really sad and doesn't have to be this way.
C-ptsd have splitting? Dissociation? Psychosis and Neurosis? Does cptsd have neurobiological evidence? Because borderline does have so STOP spreading misinformation.
Its hell to try and date a bpd or narcissist. It ruins the relationship. They up the behavior until you have no choice but walk away. The push pull behavior is intense.
So true!
Thanks much for putting that into words. I walked away after 15 years of painful shenanigans that he got a real kick out of. Unfortunately, he made it 100 times worse for me and for others after I called it quits. Had no idea he even had it in him to be capable of the stuff he did.
I'm quiet BPD and I got with a covert narcissist. So much hell, angry all of the time.
@@Mia-r9s9p What was that stuff he did?
The things he did were classic: wouldn't talk to me literally for, months , if he got ticked off. Stole things from me if he thought I owed him for something, forgetting that I borrowed the money for the downpayment on a luxury townhouse that he and his best friend decided he and I should buy together. Almost choked me to into unconsciousness one morning out of the blue. Sold my musical instruments without my permission and probably my camping gear and golf clubs (I was a golfing hazard anyway, but he had no right to sell them). Was seeing other women before work (friends). Want more? The list is colossal. 😀 I can actually laugh at it now that I've been studying the narcissistic personality, but when you're in it and for years afterward, it's absolutely devastating. Financial deals that I never knew about, lying I would assume....Colossal. my name: La Stupida.
I find the attitude, and empathy concerning BPD grow over the decades. Thankfully the decades of work, and aging has me healthier. I'm with good friends who I Know won't leave me. And I know it is wrong to be abusive, or toxic to everyone. Not just my loved ones, but that guy at McDonald's that told me the shake machine is broken. I'm comfortable with myself when I'm alone. I don't have to perform for anyone. I know myself, and the things that I love. I live independently but still ask for help, even though I don't have to. For days and I no longer want to die, and I actually have a zest for life. That last one's pretty major.
Thank you Dr Phil for the compassion. I also wanted to tell my story because I want people to know it's okay to get help. And that help can work.
If anybody has troubles right now, ask for help. You deserve it. You're awesome, and you are loved. It's not your fault for having borderline. I know it feels like a punishment. Like a prison sentence and you've done nothing wrong. You don't have to live this way anymore. Again I want to say, you are loved!
This video talk is by far the best and comprehensive from all others I’ve heard about BPD.
I agree.
My wife has classic BPD characteristics. I'm the one in therapy because she believes that the rest of the world is not thinking or behaving clearly but she is. She has stated often "There's nothing wrong with me, you need help, not me" so, I get help...she won't come with me. My therapist stated straight away that the only thing that he can do is to help me cope if I decide to stay in the relationship.
You can't save the relationship, sorry if is hard to read. Protect yourself buddy. I also was married with a BPD woman. Build an escape plan, gather some basic stuff and wait patiently until one of her episodes manifest, and use that window to escape. Her mental illnes is NOT your responsability. There are million of healthy women out there to partner with and build a healthy relationship.
DBT is AMAZING!!! It's SERIOUSLY hard work but you get out of it what you put into it. YES, Hollywood even adds to the stigma of BPD. I keep it unspoken which is a shame of having to do, as if I choose to feel these things beneath the surface, going from applying for Disability and appealing denials for five years to having two jobs. It's not easy having this, that's for sure! Others can walk away and never have to be around it but we can't run away from ourselves with disorders. I don't wish it on ANYONE.
Doctor Phil, please please keep on doing your work, coz I think no one else can do it so fully and clearly, your help and support for us is enormous, thank you so much, may God bless you every single day of your life🙏😇
I was diagnosed with this ( BPD)when i was 24 years old , im now 48 , i still suffer trying to get by , every word your saying here is 100% right , its a long life battle
i sent your vid to my mum as i couldnt and still cannot explain my feelings
❤😢❤
Were you abused as a child?
That was beautifully compassionate.
❤❤❤
Dr. Phil, you describe the Borderline being “resistant to change.” Having seen this disorder play out up close, I observed a “refusal to change”. This contains a level of moral choice, I believe. Over time, this bold and dangerous refusal to see anything wrong with oneself leads to personality distortion, and subsequently a loss of friends and loving relationships.
No they can keep their friends it’s any relationship they are in they cannot keep it , they will put you through hell and back , they lack empathy , they lack eveything ,t hey cannot love at all …
Sorry Dr Phil i dated a diagnosed borderline girl for 2.5 years I can’t have compassion for a person who cheats and lies , no one should have compassion for that , and that wasn’t the only thing , I did have compassion for her in the beginning I worked with her I was always there for her ….I gave her my all , I even gave her the chance to come clean about the cheating.. I asked her twice and both times she said no right to my face , it’s not until i told her I have proof in all the texts you have been sending this guy ….her response to me that she is done , then moved on to this other guy so when you say compassion I do not recommend being compassionate to any of them , protect yourself at all costs ..
@@alexanderthegreat3106I agree, if you are involved with a borderline, just run, before your own life is destroyed. There is nothing you can do for her, just save yourself.
@alexanderthegreat3106 I'm sorry to hear that. I am currently under going with my discovery of BPD, I never knew existed. I know for a fact I can assure you that I too am disgusted and will never acknowledge someone like that as my kind. Never in my life will and never believe that to be an excuse, ride on buddy. May your future bloom.
They have no remorse, agreed, a series of immoral choices that THEY CHOOSE. They purposely choose to hurt others, even their own children.
As a person with BPD, PPD, CPTSD and Depression, Dr. Phil spoke from my soul 😞. Thank you so very much!!!!! It made me cry a few times during this video because he spoke the truth and I feel so so very very alone, thinking I am destined to deal with this alone since in my country to find a psychologist who is WILLING to treat my disorders is extremely rare. Most of those therapists are scared to treat this 😔😔😔.
True facts...do not mention anything about visiting any member of your family.
I have BPD, when I got diagnosed I filled all 9 catagories, and alongside my BPD I got pretty bad ptsd, heavy depresion and anxiety. I have studied Psychology alot in the past 12 years (no school just on my own, not saying I am an expert, far from it) because I always knew there was something different about me, and mental care is absalite shit in my country, I never got any help there.
Been studying BPD now for almost 7 years, got an official diagnosis 4 years ago from three different professionals.
I have to say! This is by far the best and most informative video on this disorder I have come accross, usually there is some biast/stigma in the articles or videos, absalutely none from you! Thank you!
And this video also made me realize how far I have come living with this disorder and making it better.
Funny thing though, I have been all those 4 subcatagories, many times, just at different times, any idea why that is?
And also, even if we cry wolf about suicide, no other disorder has as high a suicide rate as bpd, by quite alot, so it is a double edged sword kind of
I thought BiPolar had the highest rate of suicide???
Dr Phill ,how person with people with PBD can manage huge amount of anger.Must say that emotion of anger in BPD person is 100 times stronger than in average person.
They emotional dysregulation, they cant regulate those feelings: fear, anger, sadness
All of it is magnefied and bpd people can not regulate those feelings. Normal people even if we are afraid or angry, can manage those feelings. We know those are feelings, but we can handle those feelings. Mind over feelings.
Bpd cant do that
@@dianaverano7878 So are medicatios only alternative??
@@lida8433 the bpd person should seek professional help from a psychiatrist.
And tell the doctor about bpd. And undergo bpd therapy program. It is not only medication that will be prescribed.
When they are episodic they are like a volcano ready to blow! Pity the poor person that has to drown in that lava!
@@lida8433 they need medicine to help them out as mood stabilizers etc. But these people need to go to a therapist, and heal emotional childhood wounds.
Almost always bpd has something to do from childhood
Nobody had compassion when I went through it.
Dr. Phil you have never been so on point. Thanks!
Hey Dr. Phil, thank you for your informative Service. I am a doctor myself , but an orthopaedic and trauma surgeon. I suffer from BPD my whole life now , after everyone always telling me what I can’t do , after abusive parents in my childhood , I am constantly trying to find myself, to understand why am I and for what. So I decided to at least give as much as I can on the way. Two narcissist partners later , I am right now at a point in my life where I know, that this can’t go on for ever. I started therapy a year ago, and it’s going to take another few years I suppose , because progresses I make , are small and many only short lasting. But I hope I will find a point where I can finally lean back , be cool about the world and proud of myself (which I am totally not, I always feel like I could do more, help more, give more, educate myself more).
And by the way, the commercial breaks in this video helped me not to start crying 🙈
I wish you all the best , and to all affected by BPD , give it a shot with therapy, slowly it will help. And to all others , rest assured , when something we said upset you, we mostly didn’t mean it so , we are constantly imprisoned by fear , negativity , self devaluation and horrified by the idea of being left.
Such a big help. I went along with all he decided to do (my son) he is grown and I'm still spinning like a top going after his ideas. Thank you for education
I suffer from bpd.I'm 65.as a female I an recognize 4 of the symptoms. As. NAVY VET.IVE HAD WONDERFIL. HELP. And as a widow now im dealing with a husband and daughter's death.she died age 37 by suicide. Another of help and strong people in my life since being 6 yrs.I knew I was ill but never dealt with it till my 6 yrs of service .what a difference!!. Thank you so much and talk therapy works for me..
Dr Phil.. thank you for this segment! My best friend has a son who is diagnosed Bi Polar, but has not been to a doctor in years. He has had several outburst and even spent time in jail for attacking his own mother, grandmother and the mother of his child. So “ mother” figures. And my friend has protected her son his whole life. She honestly, has done too much for him. He recently attacked her again, and this time, got on top of her and all she could do was bite her son to get him off of her. He shows no remorse. My friend got away and just crumbled into her bed in disbelief. She waited until the next morning to go to the ER and then reported it to police. Her attacker, however, reported that night to an officer who actually agreed to meet him in a park??
Her son claimed he had to “ detain” his mother? Long story short, a month has passed, no arrests. And it’s like the cops are on his side? Even this guy’s daughter, who is 7, has missed her open heart surgery because of his shenanigans. Where is the truth these days? Lake Placid Florida is in trouble!
This sounds exactly 💯 like my ex, but he has narcissistic personality disorder. The difference between the two for him is that he was mimicking this but was not emotionally invested in the charade. He would flip out and rage for 5,6, or 7 hours and as soon as he was out of time and was leaving for work, he wanted a kiss like we had just been discussing something like rational people
Cluster B traits are shared across the spectrum so… basically just lump them as crazy.. easier then trying to “figure it out”. Toxic is toxic
You should get into therapy and start reading books on codependency though. It’s why u attract and got together. All will make sense your role when you learn about it
Start disconnecting. Set small Boundaries. Focus on yourself. Therapy and start moving away from the toxicity…
You got one life to live. Not sure any of us that went though this says. I’m glad I stayed till I died…. It’s u healthy and you two have a unhealthy way of relating which won’t get better. Seek therapy and resources for codependency and it will click
@@ssing7113 I dealt with that issue already, but thank you for the advice
She divorced him, sounds like she did deal with it unless she is trapped again by a narcissist but it sounds like she knows the outcome of that. @@ssing7113
Well said. Crazy is crazy.
I divorced him. And I will read codependency. I'm in therapy after being connected to this roller coaster ride for 3 years or so. It was a strange, scary, highs, and lows ride & not safe & even dangerous felt at times. I would never ride this crazy ride again. Now I know the truth about what I was really dealing with. I place him in God's hands. He's the only one who can handle this. I wish you happy healing & enjoy your life back! ♥️🎉
@caligirl9403that man was a narc. Yes we share traits but narcs are the ones that don't give a damn about anything. We borderliners give way to much of a damn. The fact y'all can still sit and think that borderliners choose to be this way and act like its the bpd person's fault makes you the crazy one. We do everything we possibly can to be less like ourselves and more like someone everyone would like. The pain we feel is so over the top that it spills over to the people we love when they attempt to leave us. Doesn't matter who it is. Be kind. Don't be hateful and ignorant.
Reposted from podcast... OK. I pegged a whole lotta the 9+4. I'm 63 and a truck driver. I think I can identify the primary sources of the BPD beginnings/fruition in my life and I've done so much, by the grace of God, in the deliberate forgiveness of the people involved. You've gotta know, Dr. Phil, that I nearly burst into tears when you said what a better motivator would be - saying, 'you deserve...' (crying pause) Just because I've forgiven doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt so very deeply any more. I sobbed because the thoughts of desire to be understood and comforted were too often met with accusations and arrogant superiority - which triggered Self-L.O.A.T.H.I.N.G. to the point of extreme mental gymnastics: I'll be better! I'll take the hardest classes and get straight A's. I'll be the best, most-badged Girl Scout. I'll practice the piano and clarinet longer and play better than anyone in the orchestra/band. Then, I'd shrink inside my mind, knowing that it wouldn't matter - there'd still be something I didn't do enough of. Then I'd cry into my pillow because I didn't dare let them hear ANYTHING. The crying often turned into screaming. If I still could get outside, I'd pick a fight with a neighbor kid (there were only boys), or ride my bike too far or some other rage releasing expenditure. Usually, ended up being late - then getting spanked - always too hard, always too many times - then accepting the blame from the disciplinarian (usually Mom) because she let my spent little body lean against her while she explained my faults. Imagine the sense of confused relief when I realized I was a project for the narcissistic pastor who was my adoptive father - who always reminded me how special I was to be adopted, although 'we' love you never translated into anything close to tender much less personal. I could tell you so many reasons why I'm not OK. But, I think I'm gonna be OK. Moments like this pass and, although I struggle with self-identity and personal value, I know I have a hope and a future. I know that love isn't a word to be heard so much as a life to be given and lived. I know that this is very non-measurable in the scientific definition of psychological health. It's a fight, sometimes an entire season - literally - to find footing that isn't slick or elusive. I give up and cry hard sometimes. I spend more than I should sometimes. I sometimes wallow in the pitiful memories that play like videos... Then, I remember that Someone made me. He knew all the pain and shame and desperate longing to be touched kindly. He knew my immature responses that would stay viable through my life to this point. He died for me, He died for them - all of the 'thems' - and I can feel each physical scar, each mental trauma and emotional torture knowing that I will be whole and complete one day. All I can say is it's the hardest things, eventually (often not during the experience), that solidify my faith in the One Love Who has never betrayed me or abandoned me, abused me or blamed me, or left me to die alone. It took a long while to come to this reality and the truly dark, evil people still try to destroy my world, but I'm learning when to fight, when to silently wait, and when to walk away. It - evil - causes me to sometimes shake inside to the edge of nausea - especially when I didn't see it happening while it was happening. But the validation I receive from God's Word through people like yourself lightens the trauma and begins releasing the grip of complete mental death that attempts to regain hold of my mind, will, and emotions. Thanks for your podcast!
This is exactly like my Ex, Dr Phil. His mom left the family when he was 9. His dad raised 3 kids and after 6 yrs, he found his mom again, but then, she had 2 other austic kids with 2 other men. He was fine when I met him but gradually was abusive and so unstable. Sometimes violent. So sad.
You have an ex named "Dr. Phil?" That's crazy!
I was diagnosed later in life following an extremely abusive relationship with a narcissist. Her really did a number on my head.
I was married to someone like that who still has not gotten help. When i sent him to a psychiatrist several times. He would get medicine and take it for a week and then never take it again and not go to appointments with the Dr.
it put my kids and me in danger. I went to a womens shelter (for counseling for the cyclical circle of abuse - and this is a secret place to protect women).
He strangled a man and went to jail. And told me i should forgive him. I said no I will not. I said he was on a DOWNWARD SPIRAL and HE was taking us down with him. A friend at work told me to get out of there because I am next
And i filed for divorce
Still dealt with the aftermath. Got a lawyer and it helped me
He filed for bankruptcy and called me and told me snd told it was my fault and put my house in bankruptcy.
This was THE best description and overview of borderline personality disorder. Thank you, Dr. Phil!
Stigma is a huge problem. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2005.
I’ve had a lot of therapy, including DBT developed by Marsha Linehan. DBT is the best therapy that I’ve had, to date.
I had a heart attack in 2017.
I have been in a hospital for appointments for my heart, and been stigmatized regarding my BPD, without ever showing any kind of symptom of BPD.
I have been told to move away from a nursing station, because I might overhear something, and bring a lawsuit against the hospital.
I was waiting for a prescription for my heart, I had only been to that hospital for my heart.
Yes, me too....the stigma is very dangerous...😢
I am so sorry 😞 ❤
I was finally diagnosed with BPD. I'm so ashamed. In my 50s now, but...
I am bordeline , I have insecurities and emotional instabilities. But I don’t act under impulse, actually I am an overthinking person who have so much difficulty in choosing stuff, to decide what I want and I look for other people validation even to pick a potato at the market, also if I feel a threat that someone is leaving me I am the first to leave.
Get rechecked for DID or C-PTSD
Thank you for this series. I believe my son (18) fits this bill and as a single mom who has done anything and everything that so I can think of over the last few years to figure out what’s going on and help him, this has helped me feel less isolated and alone, as this has drastically effected my life (and I now have custody of his son, although he does live in the home with my grandson and I). It’s been devestating and I wish he would get help. This series has helped me be much more compassionate and approach or respond to him in a very different manner. Thank you!
Dear Dr Phil
I am 65 single Mom to 1 daughter. I have struggled to garner help since she was 17.
I always thought she might be BPD or Bi Polar.
She is now 44 and recently told me she was diagnosed with Dis associated Personality Disorder?
All the things you are talking about are spot on.
One thing.... as her Mom i have spent many nights wondering what i couldve done differently. No parent is perfect ❤
One thought keeps coming to mind though....
Melissa, never allowed us to cuddle her as an infant/newborn?
She was a healthy baby born naturally etc but allergic to milk?
My question is did i miss crucial clues?
Tragicaly my daughter has been estranged for years, and although my home is always open to her, i have been forced to implement safety features in my home for her ever 3 to 5 years visits. She has also taught me to never ever get in a car she is driving.
I know her struggle is very real.
I know she hates the chronic chaos and pain that envelopes her and wish with all my heart i could safely help more.
Any suggestions?
Btw... i took large part in raising her 25 and 23 year old kids
She now has a 3year old 😢 who i have only seen breifly a few times. This concerns me and her older kids.
She needs help 😢❤
Thank you Dr Phil, very informative, love your suggestion ‘deserve’ rather than ‘need’. I’ll try it on my suspected bpd adult child.
My daughter was clinically diagnosed with BPD at 18 years of age. She went through therapy and DBT. She has 7 or 8 of the 9 descriptors and she is the first subtype “quiet/discouraged”. She began devaluing me at around age 17 and began cutting herself at age 18. She has also been diagnosed with an eating disorder (binging then restricting) for which she underwent outpatient therapy. She finally moved out of my home at age 31 and her borderline seems to have been helped. It feels like she replaced my caregiving with a spouse who fulfills those needs. Great news! She’s doing better. However she now demonstrates all the signs of covert narcissism and displays and utter lack of contempt for me and has little to no empathy when it comes to me. Her father and I divorced when she was 2 or 3 and I was her primary caregiver. He had little involvement. I can’t help but feel like I did something wrong. She had separation anxiety as far back as an infant so I know part of it is biological temperament. She wasn’t abused, beaten or had any other major trauma of which I am aware. Did my parenting (which was distracted as a single parent) create this issue? Does she have the ability to ever love me? We are no contact at this point. Will I ever have my beautiful daughter back again? Can treated BPD evolve into NPD? I know they are both cluster B disorders. Thanks Dr Phil.
Sorry to hear
We’ll it can be genetic so could be from the family tree… so don’t beat yourself up
The thing with cluster B that Europe is trying to move toward js all cluster B grouped together. So the share a lot of traits and can display across the whole spectrum.
There’s very few who go through treatment that long so hard to say. Hopefully someone else can chime in.
Do you have contact with the spouse? Wonder his thoughts or how you saw their relationship u fold which would be a good clue into just the general. Maybe he is toxic as there’s a 1/3 chance a cluster B gets with another cluster B or he’s severely codependent…
I wish you well on the journey. Hi hope it gets better and you guys have a healthy relationship down the road. .
@@MW-ov8wi part temperament part environment is what I have learned from researching it. Not a lot of therapists really understand or know how to treat cluster b disorders especially when it comes to a person living with someone with it. The only diagnosis that was ever eluded to by any therapist i saw is maybe C-PTSD from the narcissistic abuse.
@@kathleenmatteo660175 percent supposedly develop it from being abandoned while they were children and the rest develop it from perceiving that they were abandoned at some point in their life according to Aj Mahari. They all can fully recover
"Worthy" is another nice substitute to sound less preachy.
Many traits shared with narcissism
..thanks Dr Phil i enjoy your talks ,TV show and your analysis..eye opening 😮
My soon to be ex-husband is a malignant narcissist, but is also extremely volatile about every little thing. He has raged so much I have called the police several times! He is a true emotional roller coaster!
Dr Phil thank you for your compassion for the border line disorder
Amazing lecture. So simple so gentle and super explaining. Searching over 20 years for answers.. never find one ( including in my text books) Here all of it from A-Z .all 9 matching. What most important is that I had totally wrong approach to everything. I loved and hated my two effected family members. I blamed them, I demanded a change...I never ever understood them. What a game changer. 84% successful treatment... even if only 50% I would be grateful. Wow. Putting resentment away and replacing with some compassion towards better tomorrow.
Addictions, sex, drugs, alcohol, gaming, lies, mind games, cheating, paranoid, loud, gas lighting, shady... After 5 years he has the worst symptoms of all of this. 8 months of unemployment, no money, no license, no health insurance, no vehicle, can't support himself without me. Excuses and blame spews out of his mouth...
Sick!!!
YES ! Exactly !
Yep!
Thank you Dr.Phil. i only wish there was more help out there for us victims of a bpd parent. This type of help is highly expensive, and not many therapist's understand this disorder very well.
I think a bit more explanation about how they are invalidated. It’s not that their families didn’t love them but more that they did not have the skills to know how to validate. Not all have been ‘abused’ as normally defined. Just lack of skills within families to communicate while setting boundaries.
This is exactly what i was searching for, what is it that makes me so unstable every day and uncommon among normal people, then each characteristic hit the nail on the head.
i can't believe he did a documentary of me. almost everything i can relate to. i'm so glad he mentioned that it's not fun for us. i wish i could show this video to everyone i know so they can understand.
it's ruining my life. i walked out of my drs bc they were rude and hurt my feelings. i've been denied or judged at every facility in a couple counties. i'm out of options in my area
stigma of addiction and mental health automatically screws us and the ones that are there to help are the ones who make u feel like a pos,liar and i'm wasting all those hours making stuff up to get the "good meds" they don't understand if i wanna "feel good" i know where to go, certainly wouldn't be begging for help from ppl that think ur a pos. i put deadly stuff in my body that unsliced ppl i'm sorry ur little buspar doesn't help lmao
RANT OVER!! this was a great video thanks
unalives*
As a caregiver, you gave me new insights. The lady I take care of, was. Diagnosed as being mentally retarded now she is 68 years old, but she acts like she is 14 at the oldest but what you had said makes a lot of sense. I feel I wasn’t trained in this field, but I made a commitment to this woman that I would never let her be alone so I appreciate what you’re saying because it helps me a lot.
Let me tell you this. These people will have you suicidal or have you on your way to a nervous breakdown.
I guarantee you they will leave you very broken. If something feels off, get the hell away from them as fast as you can.
Yes, abandon them as fast as you can no matter the context of the relationship. They might tattoo your name on them or break glass. Leave them.
Oh sure, unless you are their child and are powerless to escape.
Wowwwww… this is a horrible comment. People with bpd need someone who will show stability and a love that actually lasts. If they can do dpt therapy, they can completely be free of bpd. Maybe educate yourself, instead of being so extreme. Maybe you’re bpd?
@@Sadness_is-a-VOID trust me, im educated. And,uh no, im not a borderline. I fit no symptom criteria. Is what it is. Just admit it.
@@neveragain733 lol you’re not educated clearly, you’re saying the opposite of what Dr. Phil is saying. Lol so you think you know better than him?
My step father told me every day how ugly I was, how stupid I was, how much he hated me, how no one loved me and I’m sure I had this at a younger age, maybe still a little bit but I think I have it under control
Beginning to think my husband is borderline where previously I'd thought he was narcissistic. It's totally mentally and emotionally exhausting because from one day to the next you never know what or who you're dealing with. Random punitive outbursts that bear no relation to anything current. You're constantly on the big dipper ride of their issues, it's like permanently being their psychotherapist and emotional balancer yet they've no respect for you and make no progress as they wont accept any input, though that's what they demand - bizarre. 'Conversation' is 100% interrogative..... who, where, what, when, when, how? Yet they project this and accuse you of the same, when it's them. Exceptionally negative. Feed me, feed me, feed me constantly. His mother was massively into corporal punishment and his first thought when he realised she'd died in hospital was 'Thank God, there will be no more beatings.'.... he was 17!!! Yet he went ballistic when I tried to explain that's where his problems .... and mine!!! LOL...... originated, so I interpreted that as him not wanting to face the truth. May God bless, enlighten them and support us all.
Thank you Dr. Phil, I am really enjoying the entire Phil in the blank podcast. Sooo helpful, I don't listen to your podcast with a certain person, problem or personality problem in mind, I listen because I love the information, I have always believed that knowledge is power and it's nice to have awareness and information when dealing with people, I enjoy people, connecting and conversing and just appreciate having information that I can always refer too when needed. I learn so much and try to recognize my own personality traits & issues also. Thank you
Please talk about and direct people to the Family Connections program developed by National Education Alliance for BPD (NEABPD). It is a program for loved ones of those with BPD to help them understand their loved one and better communicate with them in a validating way. I was a facilitator for the program and saw so many good results for loved ones dealing with their person with BPD. It is run in many countries.
Do they have help for people who have been smeared in court by someone with BPD who abandoned them and false allegations made?
I have a seven year relationship with a borderline and it's very very difficult and this is spot on and helped me so much to get my compassion back and get a whole new perspective on dealing with this unique and loveable and challenging person . We may have to live apart and not in the same home to continue the relationship . He got a nco and we aren't allowed to communicate cause of his last extreme episode . He has all nine characteristics and goes between petulant subtype and self destructive subtype .right now he's in full blown self destructive subtype and I am working on loving detachment 😢
There was no abuse, no alcohol, no drugs, no sexual abuse. Our child was loved, honored and highly respected and regarded. So I really get deeply frustrated when I hear this is my/our fault.
That's what narcissist parents often think. Not saying that's definitely true. But it might be
@@timweedon2785we have been blamed for everything wrong in our adopted sons life since he was 14. We’ve done counseling family and individual. He would never participate. I went through counseling individually for 15 months. I (mom) am taking the brunt of his feelings for his biological mother. Adoption itself can make life difficult. He is 22 and still refuses treatment and therapy. He is explosive and at times I’m afraid of him.
We attend NAMI support groups and are constantly educating ourselves on how to handle our own emotions.
So I highly disagree that the parents are always narcissistic.
We are in our 70s and are simply tired.
I always say that no matter who you are, playing the blame game will not help you but may make you feel more entitled to continue to behave in an abnormal manner. They then take their abnormal behavior and twist it into becoming a normal way of life. I say that when each one of us stands alone on judgment day we can't even blame the devil. On the other hand the devil can claim us. If you are a high functioning person and you know right from wrong then what is so hard about trying to correct your flaws? Unless you have conconcrete evidence on a brain scan that a part of your brain is underdeveloped or injured, alot of things simply makes no sense.
The damage happened before you adopted him.@@tamarafehr1983
Thank you for the information. You act like a professional which you are. But you also share your knowledge .