Phil In The Blanks | Ep 172 | Navigating Narcissism
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 มิ.ย. 2023
- Navigating Narcissism
#podcast #narcissist #fyp
The term 'narcissist' is having a moment right now- but is the word being overused? It's important to know exactly who and what you are dealing with. An accurate, clear understanding of narcissistic behavior is essential to living with this condition. Dr. Phil revisits the various types of personality disorders so you can be sure that a person in your life is truly suffering from this condition and that you get the right help to navigate your life clearly. - บันเทิง
It’s dangerous to confront a malignant narcissist. After 26 years of emotional, verbal then physical abuse, I divorced my ex husband. When I told him if he didn’t go to therapy with me I was going to leave the marriage. He went ballistic and attacked and choked me. Luckily I was able to escape. He had told me for years that if I ever left him he’d make my life a living hell…and for 8 years after he did just that. I’ve been remarried 20 years and realized I’d never really been loved before. Honestly, I don’t believe these people can change. No body believed how bad it was all those years. I met my now husband a year after I left my marriage. He went to all of my court hearings and witnessed the insanity. He was blown away. He’d never met anyone that was so manipulative and abusive and lied about everything. I finally felt validated that I wasn’t crazy. I wish I’d heard something like this decades ago.💜
I’m telling the police everything
@@future8796that’s awesome
Unfortunately, those who have oxytocin have been abused by those who do since the beginning. I am happy that you got out and found love. It gives those of us who haven't a modicum of hope.
I believe you 🙏🏽💗
How u no it's not me I was told I have borderline personality disorder because I'm a incest survivor I never was told I was I just heard about it on here
Confronting a narcissistic is like talking to the wall. They will use you until there's literally nothing left. RUN!!!
Right
Going thru this with my wife, drains all the energy from me everyday I got fed up and moved out
Emily you are right on. It is as if they have no feelings. Rage. Seek to hurt all the time and blame others. Malignant Narc
I've been mobbed and gaslighting at work for over 12 years till present. Full of NPD cowards at work and will end up exposing themselves.. I'm a top worker, jealous of me big time and of my money and condo too. Defamation of character. Saying I'm a stalker, I drink, I'm crazy. All bs. Managers are scared of the bullies, they do nothing, union, police are all totally useless too. Toxic workplace in healthcare. Been working 38 years and never been suspended. Action speaks louder than words. But this crap never ends trying to scare the women at work, all the insecure and toxic women. I will never quit due to these lazy bums with no life. These 2 guys should be locked up and have the manager fired.
So sad what this ppl can put you through
The best part with dealing with narcissistic people is NO CONTACT.
Unless your a child of one
@@carolynsirianni1251
Or adult kids and grandkids 😅
I LOVE YOU for this!!!!!❤❤❤❤
Very difficult to do when it's my next door neighbour who is the latest. Talk about neighbour from hell😊😊
@ChavoMysterio
Yes, I agree.
For my own sanity
I was married to a doctor who was the worst narcissist you could imagine. I divorced him after 17 years. It's been 23 years since I took him to court. I won but I have been a recluse and beaten down ever since I met him. I ask myself how I could have gotten involved with him. I was a nurse and I lost my mind, I think. But Im an old lady now and still feel broken. I was always outgoing and fun, had many friends. Now I am alone and sad.I still can't believe one person could totally break another human being.
Hey Barb my dad was a narc and emotionally, sexually and physically abused me as a child and into my adulthood and he also abused my mother . I went shopping with my mother during that time and we both were discussing how we loved polka dots that were all the fashion that spring season . When he came to pick us up from shopping ( At that time we both didn't drive also during that time there was no information on this NPD disorder this was in the 1980's ) anyway He saw me pick up a polka dot dress that was beautiful and began to tell me how he liked polka dots on women. That dress would look nice on me . There was a sexual tone in his voice and I put that polka dot dress down and never wore polka dots again while he was alive . When he died slowly I started to take back my love of polka dots. I am a visual artist and I included them in my painting. I like to sew so I brought some polka dot fabric and finally I wore a polka dot blouse. To be able to claim and embrace something that makes you feed good is a triumph. Find something that they took from you and reclaim it. It seems silly at first but as you start reclaiming your joy you will become joyous again. If he hated your cat get a cat decorate your room with pictures of cats. It's a small step but will open up a large window to that was then and this is now. Taking back pieces of your self dropped along the way is a triumph. I hope this helps you.
Let's the healing begin. It's never late
😢 I’m in the same place you are. I have no trust in myself much less anyone else. I’m slowly starting to feel alive again A good luck to you.
I'm sad for you! 😢
I know how you feel. Mine took my youth and all hope of a normal family life away from me. I found out recently, after no contact, he married someone else and had a child with them instead. (the poor woman is much younger than him and, this was an arranged marriage too) The truth is, I made a choice. Even though I had none to make. I had just nursed my father, and at that time, I decided to end the relationship, Dad died from cancer 14 years after my mother. (The last time I saw my ex was at my father's funeral 19 years ago. I had enough of the lies, cheating no compassion and a total lack of empathy). So after 20 years of misery, marginalisation, exclusion being bullied, scapegoated and isolated and after hearing my father's last words, which were' Say true to yourself; I chose my freedom...
This took place 19 years ago. I set myself free with no help from anyone. I had no idea about narcissist survivors - and related abuse, but I did it, I hope you can see that you are free too, and that this is such a precious place to be.
After 19 years of no contact just a few weeks ago, I contacted him for a reason, and he told me he had moved on, got married to someone and had a child and yes I am grieving for a life I never had. Yet at the same time, after 40 years of meeting him the dark shadow he cast over my life has finally been lifted. Still, my reaction surprised me, I thought I was over him but I am grieving his loss even though the person I knew, that I thought he was never existed. Initially, I was angry, I was full of regret that I got involved with him in the first place, and most of all I stopped looking over my shoulder and running. I am no longer living in fear, he put me in so much fear. I am totally free and he has no power over me now. The upshot, this is the first time I have tasted total freedom in almost 40 years, and it feels very strange. I feel that I could meet someone new. I could even date again. But, I am yo-yo-ing best wait for that to calm down. My emotions are all over the place so I am learning about the different narcissist traits and all the advice I can find so I never make the same mistakes again, to ensure I never fall into the trap again.
However, I must say this don't give up on love, you are alive and you are just as beautiful now as you were before you met him. You can find happiness if you allow it in your life. Love comes in all forms, and fundamentally despite how you feel, in real terms he has taken nothing from you, he has not got the power to do that, no one has...
It's very difficult when the narcissist is a parent.
Leave him/her/them as soon as you can
@@karinhabets5942 That was in the past. They are deceased.
Extremely difficult. No contact is difficult because of the gaslighting flying monkeys in the family
Very true. Both my parents were narcissists. The damage those types if people do is immeasurable
Boundaries are crucial
Narcissists resent you because you ARE so healthy, and they're not. They know they're not, and they hate us for it.
Do you mean mentally healthy ?
@@rob-robiI would think so🫂
So true, theyl tear you apart just for your positive trait , they dont have, it's ridiculous to wrap your head around why abuse someone for being mentally healthy?
No. The issue is not about hate... it is all about control. It is through control of others and/or the situation that they feel stability. They have an internal chaos - a battle - when they do not have it. The same is true for Borderlines and other Cluster B disorders.
@darkshadow3072 #demonic bro.. sounds like warring against right & wrong, evil vs good🙏🏾
After 34 years I realized I’ve been surrounded by narcissists my whole life
Kinda creepy when you figure that out isn't it!
Yes me too! Most of family members have some sort of narcissism and some do have a mental illness! It does not work with me I am quite secure so saying no to any of them pissed them off.
I worked with 2 narsasist for 12.5 years. A boss & his extremely arrogant queer fuck kid . After almost 9 years away from them , the abuse is still very real .
Me 58 years- no help in the late 60’s/ 70’s, she ruined my life.
@@mamalovesthebeach437 it’s a huge relief to me, like a gift from God. It made me realize it wasn’t me all along.
It took me until my mid 40's to realize that my narc parent ENJOYED sabotaging, demeaming, and humiliating me. I had Stockholm Syndrome and spent decades defending them, not realizing all the while they were deliberately out to harm me. Once I got the memo, I acted accordingly and left them behind.
Sorry you had to go through that. Things didn't go well for my family either, but I always tried my best to do the best I could. Don't worry about the past, I guess, is what I'm saying. Your past could have been great, but life can still end up shit. What matters is having a great life right now. Right now.
This is my life right now. I need these tools. Yes. Enough is enough.
Glad you were able to escape.
It's heartbreaking when it's your parent too. A positive is that they teach us to be better parents to our own kids.
👏👏
I was married for 30 years to a man with NPD. I had no awareness of what the issue was. He increasingly became more paranoid, more grandiose, and more abusive. He was physically, verbally, emotionally, and financially abusive. These people are impossible to have a relationship with much less a marriage.
sooo true. it's literally impossible. I'm currently stuck and trapped but I've got a plan to execute for an escape out of this nightmare. It may take me a few years but it will be worth it. I hope I can be in your shoes in 30 years. Hope all is well, stranger. Cheers
Wow. I did 13 years with a narcissist. I can't imagine spending a day more than that. One day with a narcissist is one too many.
Same happend to me… 16 years . Aging narcisist became more and more abusiv.
Me too over 25 and the abuse is still happening by him turning everyone against me. Kids and grandkids. I wish I felt more comfortable writing more truth but I don’t. Still scared 😮
Wow 30 years. Did you stay so long to not break the vows of marriage? Sometimes I feel the vows better or worse is just nonsense. Also any good man would love to have that kind of devotional wife. Mant blessing to you
Thank you for educating the public on this epidemic. I was with a narcissist for 16 years. Leaving him and the smear campaign, harassment along with legal abuse nearly destroyed my life. He looked to destroy me and everyone and everything I loved. I have not spoken to him in 5 years but his manipulation was so deep that now I am an alienated parent and have not seen my son now 28 for almost 3 years all based on lies. I live in grief. To take a mother’s child and destroy a loving relationship is a crime. When I studied narcissism I realized my mother is a narcissist and I have been a lifetime survivor. My brother ended his life in 2012. This personality disorder can have deadly consequences as it did to my family. The education of narcissism and abuse needs to be in schools, our young people need to be aware. Great video🙏
My life exactly too. They seem to come into our lives in bunches. A mother and x husband who are malignant narcissists. If it's genetic, my daughter got it from both sides. Unfortunately she can't see the forest for the trees. I can only watch from afar and pray for the best.
Sorry that you don't have relationship with your son . Pray for him that God Almighty opens his eyes to the truth. Lies have expired date!
Harassment seems like the best term to describe these people
you're not alone. I had to let my daughter go without any attempt to change her mind - it's behavior that's cyclical and I am done. Exhausted from going around in circles only to see her come back again and again ad nauseum.
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Lifestylebyrachel I’m so sorry about your son and your brother. I hope somehow the truth comes out and you’re reunited with him 🙏. And yes, this should definitely definitely be taught in school.
"Not everyone you lose is a loss".... Dr.Phil
Love this!
"Don't give them the power to determine who you are." This is a lifelong lesson when you have been raised by a narcissist. Thank you for this powerful and educative video.
Great advice. It takes time, determination, and courage. Narcissists are cowards who prey on what they perceive as weak. People can immunize themselves from toxic narcissists. Stop caring about what they think. Narcissists will never change except to get worse.
I was a wedding planner and one of my assistants came in during an (unscheduled) consultation because their grandchild had just been hit by a car and died! I was in shock and took a few minutes to comfort them , but the bride said , ‘well…anyway… we were talking about which forks to use at the reception, cocktail or regular size.’ She was upset that someone had interrupted her fork question when their GRANDCHILD HAD JUST DIED! No empathy whatsoever. Good luck to that bride groom!
I don't know if selfishness or the ability to not feel empathy is narcissistic. There could be many factors that lead to nonempathic behavior. They could just be so jaded from bad things happening that they immediately redirect themselves in order to *_not_* feel sadness in any way. It looks alien to others, but it's a coping mechanism.
Narcissists in that situation would be more about saying something on the accident situation to look like the savior in the room.
It's a little different. But both situations are bad.
You are joking, right??
A child D I E D and your defense of the cold bride is because “they might be jaded”.🤔
Unbelievably cold on your part and that shallow, self absorbed bride.
Seriously, by now the husband fled or worse…apparently you have never really dealt with malignant narcs OR perhaps you might be one as well. Wish you the best regardless✌️🕊️❣️
@@FreeOpenTruth You are totally wrong.
The number one sign that someone is narcissistic, is a lack of empathy.
You actually sound like you are gaslighting - another key sign of narcissism.
@@diane4488 - Yes. That is a sign of narcissism. But lack of empathy doesn't automatically make someone a narcissist. That's the point I'm trying to make.
@@FreeOpenTruth
You don't seem to get how extreme the example is.
Someone's grandchild had literally just been run over, and killed. It's a massive shock, a very horrific, overwhelmingly sad, and tragic thing.
To be upset that your wedding planning was interrupted, shows arrogance, a massive lack of empathy, a huge level of selfishness, and emotional disconnect with others.
One can only imagine you are seriously a narcissist yourself, to keep justifying that level of self-centredness as ok or normal.
OMG Dr. Phil I let my Narc girlfriend control me for over 6 years. She threw me out twice but I kept coming back to her. She had this strong hold on me. But last year a week before Christmas I left her and purchased my own house without her knowing. That was the only way I could escape her stronghold. In addition, she was also an opportunist which was even worse. I recently had her name removed on a tattoo so there is no more reminders. I feel so much better. I am finally at peace. Thank you for ALL your podcasts! 👍
My advice is to never ever get a tattoo like that.
It’s called trauma bond ❤️ good on you for getting free, it took me 14 years to get free - I’ve been free almost a year now, still picking up the pieces after being made homeless for the first time in my 57 years of life. The Demonic Narc boasted on Fb the new supply- I feel nothing but sorry & afraid for her, I want to warn her, I can tell she’s a lovely girl like me. 🥺🙏🏽
Omg I just read your part about the Tattoo- I have that too, not in big thick Old English block writing like hers, I knew I shouldn’t be getting it at the time, I was almost bullied into it, I was smart enough to get it thin & loopy so easy to turn it into a flower or design. But I had to move town to get away from her so I’m in a small Queensland country town now with no tattooist 🙁 one day I’ll do something about it.. check out Danish Bashir & Narc con they’re good channels also. I think it’s important to stay in touch with these videos so we never forget and stay abreast of the red flags to look out for when meeting a new potential romantic person .
@@heatherhall3452yeah those are good channels. I just dealt with 4 years with the Narcissist and it's enough to drive you literally crazy
Good for you , you're worth more than baby sitting a outer control 2 year old
The s3x must have been amazing
My demonic sister turned my entire family against me. For the 3 years my son was dying of cancer i did not get one word of comfort or support from any of them. That is evil to the core.
Awww man 😢this is really sad. I’m so sorry you went through this. Karma is the rule of the universe and I sure hope your sister gets what she deserves. I again apologize you had to go through such tragic hard times with zero comfort from family. Idk you but you are in my prayers 🙏
@kristin9135 Thank you. That means a lot to me ❤️
❤😢❤
Much love and continue to pray for you healing with the loss of your precious child….heartfelt condolences. As cruel the lack of family support during such a painful time possibly it was a blessing in disguise that you don’t have additional hurt or negative memories from them to take away the time you had with your child and you navigating through his illness and your loss and heartache. God bless
@user-rt9uc2yt2x You're right. If I had had to dwell in their toxic waste pool AND watch my son die, I wouldn't have made it through. Thank you for giving me a different perspective 💔❤️🩹❤️
“You think you’re gonna vent and feel better, no you’re not” 😂
So true, I made that mistake
Me too. More than once.
After 8 years of a terrible relationship. Along the way, I remembered thinking. He is stealing my life, my identity. He is love bombing me so i am reliant. I saw recognised things that were wrong with no name. Many more patterns. Thank you for educating me. The education also gave me the strength to walk away. Leave my fear based life.
Narcissists are demons. Glad you left for a better life.
Dr Phil, there's another type of response that a narcissist will display: you tell them that something they did bothered you and they sit there like golden retrievers, staring intensely at a spot on the floor, not hearing what you're saying, or they simply act like they can't hear you. I used to do this, but it was after someone in my family had really effed me over and I had to see them on holidays. I stopped talking to all of them and got my head on straight finally, at the age of 62. I escaped a lifetime of crap from mom and two sisters' houses of cards of lies and their absolute refusal to even acknowledge that anything was ever wrong. They all would rather their children have emotional issues than ever admit that they may have made a mistake.
Unfortunately they don't believe anything is wrong with them so they don't believe their kids will have issues.
oh
Not my mother! Nothing like a Golden retriever - please
I hear you- my life was a nightmare- and I didn’t figure& put the whole thing together until 58 years. And then you die because they aren’t going to admit a damn thing I realized, after trying to explain& sending short TH-cam clips about it, NOPE! Nothing! Mother still could care less about me - I’m used to it- golden brother passed suddenly at 60 , and detested me my whole life because of her& he married someone exactly like my narcissistic mother, cruel bitch I have to say. I mean high up there in the narcissistic spectrum. Peace to you& all that endure this nightmare.
Not everybody you lose is a loss, Thank you.
Emily you are so right. I spend hours thinking about how to fix this; fix someone. And in the end, we can only truly fix ourselves.
Human Society is BASED ON NARCISSISM....We do need to look at that. And Society is falling apart because of it.
Very good point.
This right here.... All bad toxic behavior is rewarded... Whereas good decent people, just trying to live their life, are stepped on and ignored... Until this changes, which it seems at least it's being brought into the light, but it needs to flip.
Dr Phil, when you rattled off the things they say to us, I was SHOCKED. "What's wrong wit you?" and, "Why can't you just be happy?" I would also like to add: "Calm down!" That's one I've heard them say many times. All they're saying is, "Take the bait. Take the bait. Take the bait."
Mine always says, "why are you so mad?" or "I am not the mad one you are." "I did not do or say it." and one of my favorites is when he says "I did didn't do anything." I just walk off and say whatever as I give him a wave off. But sometimes that just makes him get physical.
“You seem very mad lately” like where tf did that come from. Complete gaslighting.
My daughter didn’t survive her covert narcissist husband. She had enough and finally tried to break free. He wouldn’t allow that. He murdered her last September 2022 and then killed himself. She had always given in before but this time was different. We were all on edge. We could see him ramping up his efforts. He was getting more desperate. Dr. Phil is correct. After you leave is the most dangerous time. Be careful.
I was in a relationship with a man who has NPD. I still get sad , and I always remember how discounted I was for 7 years. It's the 'gift' that keeps on giving.
I dated a guy that did "leveling" with his 16 year old son who has cerebral palsy and is on crutches. His son asked to take a Ju Jitsu lesson. The boy took the lesson, which I attended. The lesson went great and the boy was very happy, proud, and had a wonderful time. Ju jitsu is a martial art that involves a lot of rolling around on the ground. At least this lesson did. Anyway, as we three walked to the car, the father says, "I didn't know if you were doing Ju jitsu or dating. " I absolutely cringed as I saw the boy's face fall and go dark. My heart broke for him. He basically called his son a homosexual, engaging in a homosexual act. He turned a rare bright spot in the boy's incredibly difficult life, into a memory of intense shame and trauma. The boy never took another lesson. The constant gas lighting of his son, and myself, was the reason I only went on 5 dates with him. A sick individual.
I asked my three grown children to read a manuscript of a book I had been working on for years. I really just wanted their feedback. They all said..NO...and shamed me for asking them....like I was burdening them.
@jaydeecee1643 They sound kind of lazy when it comes to showing a kindness. I've known several people also that say they are not, "book readers." I feel sorry for them. I love to read books. I could never honestly critique a friend's book, though. You may have to pay a professional for an honest opinion. Congratulations on your project.
I hope you reported him.
This should be required viewing for students.
Yes! This should be required for all humans!
Yes yes yes yes and YES!!!!
Absolutely needs to be a mandatory lesson in English class or something for sure.
I am watching this video and I can't believe how they are all the same. Last year I lost two sisters three months apart. My ex told me"You need to just put it behind you and move on with your life.. " that is the cruelest thing anyone has ever said to me 😢
Yes so cruel. Devastating enough to lose one Sister, but then also another and so soon afterwards. Your ex has no feelings at all. Your grieving will be as long as needs be. So sorry. Take care ❤
Yes, when my family passed over a series of years (bro, mom, then dad), the devastating call in the middle of the night, absolutely no comforting, care or concern. I’m broken, heartbroken over parents, emotionally in pain and this person just wants to have sex. I could not believe the lack of empathy.
First, I am sorry for your loss. What I am concerned about though is you. As I read through these and other comments about these type of people, the common thread are people who are forever scarred by the time in relationship with a narcissist. That's the real tragedy at that point. Do all you need to heal and get back that YOU that is happy, content, loved, and valued. I don't pretend to have your answers but I know a part of this process is to forgive them. Too often we think of forgiveness as letting the other person get away with something without penalty. It is not so. Forgiveness will UNCHAIN you from their harm. I am learning all I can about this topic because my sister is married to a self pleasing husband who, we have learned, has been cheating on her for their whole marriage, has taken advantage of her financially, hidden assets from her, sabotaged her divorce proceedings so as to make her run out of money for lawyers, and made her give up a baby because it was born with special needs. Being a woman of faith, she believes God will restore her husband, family and marriage, despite all the evidence to the contrary and the statistical improbability. In my dealing with him I was manipulated and cheated of money. A real prince. I am going to try to help her to start setting boundaries for his outrageousness, in a process that I hope will culminate in her being able to stand her ground, realize that she needs to be free, and is in a place where she can be valued and loved. We all make mistakes. Don't let yours do any more harm. You are ahead of the game because you have broken free. Now find peace and love and happiness. That is the best revenge. Get yours.
My narcissistic brother stole our family business with his embarrassingly wild, non-stop onslaught of lies - because he ‘cared’ so much. Yup, the victim at every turn. You described him perfectly. BEWARE. He took down, fractured, and destroyed a good family. B-E-W-A-R-E !
Yes it happen to me it was my sister she was cunning and manipulating my mother and my other sisters to be against me because I was the brother they always use me as a punching bag.
Thank you, Dr. Phil, for shining a light on this problem. It is widespread and I think that it can be proven in a court of law that its consequences are much more lethal than most people realize.
Amen!
True, but a lot of judges tend to still give them the benefit of doubt. And in divorces the judge will refuse to consider narcissism and emotional abuse without proof in the form of physical abuse which a covert malignant doesn't do in the normal way. They hide physical abuse behind other behaviors or situations that they can exploit. They are still backwards, uneducated, or unaware.
@@krystalMtn The judges can be blamed then if they are calling for a physical abuse. There's so much more going on behind the scenes that corrupt judges help to cover up.
@@jamesmulcahy8548 They don't have to consider NPD or emotional abuse as cause. They fall back on state domestic abuse laws which are still oriented towards a violent physical abuser.
A covert doesn't abuse in the same way so there are no police reports that can be filed. Because there's no evidence or proof of the kind of physical abuses they engage in. They exploit existing circumstance to hide the abuse. Such "accidentally" causing pain to an already painful or injured area.
Oh that’s for sure. I know very well…
Thank you so much Dr Phil. This is a fantastic insight for beginners. It is a sad fact that these people are so evil. That's why they parasite on healthy victims because we are innocent and could not imagine such evilness.
Yes, great insight.
Thank you Dr. Phil for the information. My friend told me my husband is a narcissist and gave me some of the things they do and say. I thought he could go to counseling and get help but, now I know that will not work. He becomes so angry over little things and our home is always on edge. Even our dog hides from him when he gets in his moods. We have been married for 6 years and it seems to be getting worse. He is verbally, mentally, emotionally and physically abusive. I talk to friends and my mom quite often so I can vent. But when he started getting migraines he really became physically abusive. He takes credit for all the good things that happen and leaves me cleaning up all the crap so to speak. If anything goes wrong he yells and screams and becomes physical if I cannot get out of the house. He blocks the door way so I can't leave and then says he needs the car. We only have one car. I feel like he talks in circles all the time and it literally makes me feel crazy. I was hoping our house would sell in time for the Holidays so, I can get out of this craziness. After I get out I am going to need a ton of counseling myself so I can be a mentally healthy person again. If it were not for my friend bringing up the narcissistic behavior I would have continued to think it was me. Thank you for helping me see he is just not fixable.
The one thing that I notice in my own life is that with all narcissistic types they found a way to separate me from friends and family. I had friends that drifted away because they were uncomfortable with the situation. In my marriage I lost my sister's love before I became pregnant. I went through my pregnancy with almost no support. Later there was some reconciliation with my sister but not the same. I love my daughter and had to deal with him turning her against me by saying things like I was an unfit mother. She is now grownup and pregnant and suffering from depression. As soon as you see the signs of separation from family and friends, GET OUT. Don't engage with them at all, period. Once you have children that isn't an option. By the way, my daughters father is a therapist. After we split and I told him I was tired of feeling suicidal, he laughed.
Ignore the narcissists. They will wither away.
No they don't, COVID took the MIL at 96.
Nope. They're still here.😂😭
You can only hope they get bored and look elsewhere for their sadistic mental jollies.
Being married to a narcissist is extremely difficult, especially when they abuse the children and you feel you have no way out.
In part, I stayed so I could be a shield for the children as long as he focused on me. If I left, there would be times where they would have to be with him alone. I know friends who had to deal with this and it is soul-torturing.
What "outsiders" don't understand is that this happens over time in small increments. It is long-term conditioning, until you are trapped in an alligator pool.
@karenk2409 very true. They abuse everyone and threaten to cause harm to the kids to punish you. It's terroristic and they enjoy the fear they cause. I don't know how I survived it for 15 years. Even after my kids where out of the house, he'd ruin every vist every holiday, and he'd bad mouth me to them . They hate him now that they are adults and want nothing to do with. His loss but he doesn't care. He lost his control and has nothing to use to make crazy now. I left 4 years ago and still comes around. Has nothing good to say and still trying get me to come home to help him. It never stops, he will not give up his control of me.
@@karenk2409
My God I’ve been doing that for 5 years. Just gave the paperwork and I’m the man. The courts favor the women and taking a gamble of my children loosing that shield.
stop being an enabler. there's always a way out. stop allowing the children to be abused! you're being selfish.
So many people who suffer under these people. I have a sister who I recently realized has this narc disorder. I am the scapegoat. I am 58 today.
Isolation!
Now I get it.
20 years of marriage to one with 3 kids that progressively worsened,the kids were pited against each other and me.
You, sir, are spot on.
I warned I would leave in a year if there was no change.
The kids were grown to young adults,I was bashed and embarrassed at the oldest sons wedding and kept my promise I left.
The rage was epic but worth it,it only took 10 years and one hundred thousand,yet I'm doing great, and the kids still love me.
It is so painful when the kids are used.
I’ve listen to many talks on narcissism, it’s rampant in our family, and I must say that your talk is one of the best that I have ever heard on explaining the situation, and how to cope with it. Thank you very much.
Same here. There is another next level perspective readily absorbable.
It's rampant in families bc it's genetic. Learn that, Phil!
Once you've encountered people with one of these personality disorders and you have gathered some knowledge about it, there more easily identified over some time.
True, I just wish I knew sooner
@@lifestylebyrachelme too, they got to me when I was just a vulnerable kid, now I hope to God I come across to one of them
I left my narcissist husband after 30 years. I knew my marriage was toxic years before I l left. Early on he convinced me that I "wasn't enough". My mother had coñvinced me early in my çhildhood that I ”wasn't enough”. She continued that attitude throughout her life. She often belittled me. 😅
@@janerichardson7150I’m glad you got the strength to leave! Way to go. How did you do it? Legal help? A shelter?
@@bsp5161 I saved up some money. I had a good income. Rented an apartment and never looked back.
I was unfortunately married to my kids mother for 15 years and never had an idea of what a Narcissist was. I just thought she was just mad for some reason. She mentally beat me down for years and I had no idea why I felt empty. I saw so many red flags at the beginning and just kept going.
Thankfully we got divorced two years ago but it’s still been though. She’s done all the typical Narcissistic behavior and so it’s very clear now.
We need more people to become aware of this disorder because so many aren’t aware and are dealing with these people that tearing lives apart.
This was one of your best podcasts! Thank you. ❤
The other issue is you have to compare their words with their actions. Because most have learned to emulate emotion and speak what they have learned is the appropriate response to a situation. But you'll soon figure out there's no genuine concern, compassion, or ability to relate. Also they can also temporarily switch between types and depth of narcissism they engage in. Confronting them might also make them become dangerous .
I appreciate you as a doctor admitting that doctors are narcissists! I feel validated! I would say about 90%. another one is lawyers. But having research this topic for 20 years you presents the most coherent and accurate descriptions of these people.
Therapy with a narcissist just gives them buzz words and ammo to use against their targets. Get it for yourself to be able to cope, and hopefully eventually escape, this kind of toxic relationship. It has an expiration date that you may not ultimately have any say in, and it's only going to get more rotten as time goes on. 😮
Thank you Dr.Phil for being so genuine and realistic about narcissism.
My narc inlaws blew up my marriage bc as their son, my husband allowed it. He was too afraid of his disgusting mother- a 40 year old man afraid of his mother. Therapy helped but I left a year ago. He and I are doing the co-parenting effectively thus far so at least we have that.
Parents are always parents.
@@tonytravels2494 This is a well-meaning but unhelpful comment.
Just remember if he has Narc parents they have trained him to be afraid of them. You may not know all he endured at their hand. I am sorry they blew up your marriage. But in the long term only he can may the decision to let go of what is toxic in his life. I am glad you got out alive.
I have Asperger's Syndrome and had a difficult childhood. People think that Aspie's are narcissistic. However, I have empathy and have learned to curb the behaviors that seem to be narcissistic. The three major differences are 1. the ability and desire to change including seeking counseling vs refusing to acknowledge a problem. 2. Intention ... power and control vs understanding and cooperation. 3. Empathy. Total lack of vs. genetic limitation resulting in a non-neurotypical "Let me help you fix the problem" response to other's pain. Many Doctors have Asperger's which is generally accompanied by extremely high IQ's and were so focused on feeding the intellect, that the social aspects of life were neglected. I was married to a narcissist that was mentally, emotionally, sexually, financially and only twice physically abusive because I called 911. I am still in recovery... 15 years after I left. The church is full of Narcs.
Susan, you sound like a nice person, not a narc. Several of my friends have Asperger’s and are delightful people (yet often misunderstood). Best to you. I hope you find your “tribe,” you explained things very well 🫶
Spiritual narcissism is a thing…… holier than though sanctimony!
That’s because religion breeds narcissism just look at the Bible.
You are, oh so very correct! @@robertrainford6754
@gripplehound
I am also an Aspie and my mom knew and never told me. I figured it out after my youngest son was diagnosed. I believe she found it more convenient to just use it against me in order to keep me confused and under her control. I was convinced I was the problem for so long because we do appear self-centered unless we are aware of ourselves and can then modify our behavior. We went to family counseling until psychology put together co-dependency, which has now been realized as narcissism. They started calling her co-dependent and she was done. How dare anyone tell her she may be part of the problem. You are absolutely beautiful, by the way. You have that angelic face I've come to associate with people that are on the spectrum. Some get upset about that and say we don't "look autistic", but we do in that we are all exceptionally cute. 😊😊
The perfect line to summarize this, "They don't think the way we do." I am a criminal law paralegal, and I often say, "How do people think this way. I don't get it."
That's exactly right. Now, the paradigm shift to have the revelation with my toxic husband. Wow. Mind blown.
Thanks, Dr. Phil! I was fired by a narcissistic boss several months ago. She was cruel to me for years, exploited me, was manipulative, and eventually fired me out after all the abuse. I've had a lot of anger and grief about this, and I've ruminated way too much. I could not believe someone could treat someone so callously and get away with it. I doubt she felt an ounce of guilt over the way she treated me. Saying it's because we are too healthy has been very helpful to me to understand. No one who is healthy could conceive treating others that way, and it makes me see that I am a good person, despite how my boss smeared me name.
My sister, with the best of intent, devoted herself to protecting her daughter and to give her daughter what was lacking in her own childhood. She created a narcissist, no doubt. But she wasn’t intending this outcome. Now the daughter almost 50, and likely a dual diagnosis with BPD/NPD. She is the meanest human I have ever known. But wait it doesn’t stop there, she
has a child who is being sucked into
the rabbit hole. It is a tragic situation. This is the worse part of this.
Very sad...how cruel life can be. Over- compensating for a " difficult" childhood is often a set up to creating an on-going, generational cycle of mental illness. Without knowing it...with the very best intentions...the damage of an abusive childhood insidiously continues to create more damage. So very sad.
You have to be willing to walk away to avoid circular arguments which they use for future fuel. They only understand actions not words. This is what I learned from this video. Thank you. Please tell me more about the walk away and how to deal with the repercussions. I'm walking.❤ Love to everyone everywhere ❤
Did you survive? I am actually serious. How did you leave? Did you have a career? Savings?
@@Brandi.Nicole being financially secure is a priority of mine so I'm not stuck in a relationship because I don't have a place to go. Yes, I have a career. I worked 3 jobs and went to school full time.
@@s.v.662 Same - had a business and established connections and gen he slowly conditioned me over the years to give it all up and stay at home. The isolation and him is maddening. You are so lucky you weren’t as passive as me. I feel like I am instantly in freeze state.
Malignant narcissist "weaponizes " Now we get it. Great and concise definition, Phil. Thx
When I went to college, I study psychology, and it was basically to figure out what was wrong with my mother
Well… they did not teach us about narcissism, because we could not treated as a therapist
That was wrong, and I think narcissism should be taught to every child at a young age ( to be determined by specialists )
Well this explains a lifetime of useless shrinks.
Right the National Psychiatry board doesn’t even help victims of Narcissistic abuse!! If you were born to a narcissist, and were abused all your life, they have no help for us victims it’s like a huge slap in the face ! It’s a damn shame & I know one day it will be introduced to psyc Drs that don’t know shit about it now. It ruins souls people!! When the hell will they do something about it? When?
Thank you so much, Dr Phil.
This video opened up my eyes by giving me info that I needed & didn’t know.
I found this video to be extremely informative & I needed that very much bc I have a narcissistic adult daughter & a narcissistic grandchild who are so abusive & have no compassion & I just couldn’t understand why… & I didn’t know how to deal with them.
But you have described them perfectly.
They both fit what you described!
And I can’t afford to go to a therapist & I’m not able to physically bc their abuse has made me ill & I cried for years bc I love them very much but they don’t care at all about me nor do they ever call to check on me ! See how I’m doing.
They only talk to me when they need money. Everything is alwYs all about them!
And I didn’t know how to protect myself. But now, after watching this video, I feel a huge sense of relief because now I understand much more & I’m going to put into practice what I learned from you.
Thank you sincerely from my heart. ❤️ God bless you.
😅y
😮
I've set boundaries with my Ex, who is a classic covert narcissist. I told him he had to stop gaslighting, and he didn't even know what that meant. I gave him an article about gaslighting, and wouldn't you know, now I'M the gaslighter. I'M the abuser. I'M the manipulative one. 🤣 I tolerated him long enough to get the Quitclaim Deed he promised me, and now I am free of his abuse.
I surprise he gave you the quit claim. Mine wouldn’t give me anything back cuz he was basically giving up his control
Thats absolutely true
Well of course you are the one doing wrong, and mine would have me in tears and apologizing for something he had done🤔
Don’t bother, they just parrot back whatever you say….
Social Media has tended to make narcissists of us all !
Wow I’m only 7 minutes in and this just described a person in my life whom Iv been trying to define and am always on my guard when around, have had to learn to communicate with ongoing THANK YOU SO MICH FOR THIS POST❤
Thanks so much from Canada. Gave it to a most upset husband who feels suicidal, so betrayed and hurt. She is evil beyond words. Anyway, I gave him all your teachings on what every angle of narcissism looks like. He’s studying them right now, thank heavens. Again thanks once more. God bless you and I know you will keep up the good work.
Thank you Dr. Phil!
We are saving lives speaking up about this! ❤
Thank you @drphil I am hotboxing aka gaslighting you right now
True❤
really WE? so glad you are helping the world along with Phil
This is wild. All the examples you give its like check, check, check. And its like reliving my childhood lol all over again.
They absolutely have the ability to know how painful it is for you. As a matter of fact, that is what they live for. Enjoying your pain. We really need to be careful with words these days.
Yes, Dr Phil! Please talk more about Narcissists so I can learn about them & how they think & so I can learn how to deal with them. And I say this bc I hv narcissists in my immediate family, & I have suffered greatly & since I didn’t know how to deal with this, they destroyed my life. I hv suffered so greatly at their hands with all their cruelty, & it caused me so much pain & even made me very ill, emotionally & physically and they moved out about 6-7 years ago... And I hv been working on healing & the only way is by learning from wonderful people like you, who share their knowledge to help people like myself. It’s been so, incredibly therapeutic & it’s the only therapy I hv been able to afford because of your kindness.
I Thank you sincerely from my heart & May God bless you abundantly, above & beyond anything you can imagine, hope or think! You are a true blessing to so many who need your advice like myself!! ❤️❤️❤️
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you Dr. Phil. I can listen to you 24/7. Too bad what you're teaching here isn't taught to young children in a manner they can understand. And always continue to be part of their curriculum throughout school so they never can forget to be aware of toxic people, and to help protect their emotional and mental well being. If you haven't already done one, I'd like to hear your take on people who abuse/torture animals beginning at a young age or even later in life. Thanks again.
Harming animals is BAD. Call them out, report them, get the Hell away.
@@lizannewhitlow1085is it just mammals? Or all animals?
An adult abusive man that I’m pretty sure is a narc admitted to me that he tortured a frog when he was a preteen. He loves animals and treats all animals well now so I don’t know what to think. I still think he is a sociopath or psychopath.
Let it be bred out of mankind!
It is so sad, to see your loved ones in that Situation, because you know and see their pain they are suffering. My granddaughter is like that and it breaks my heart because she is not truly happy.
I think it was December 2021 and I had come from working out of town the weekend. After going to bed, I went to you tube and scrolled down. There you were, talking about covert narcissists. That was my lightbulb moment. Thank you so much. I kept wondering what the deal was with my husband acting like he need. That gave me so much peace. Since then I have educated myself even more. Knowledge is power! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for throwing out that lifeline!
Took me 30 years to recover
After was married for 29 years
Why did it take
Me so long
To recover. 😢😢
Because it’s so bizarre, it’s hard to believe any human could be so cold and evil.
Absolutely!!!!
Thank you and yes would love to know more tips. In a 21 year marriage with this and trying to figure a safe way out.
Go! I'm 30 years married to hell... I only wish and pray I wish I would have got out back then! never ever easy... always something blocks that exit.. when living in your car is better then going home that's when you leave.. perhaps make his life so bad he leaves.. never easy my friend
Dr. Phil thank you so much for these videos. I am in the middle of devorcing a narcissist after five years of hell. For those of you who think your stronger and smarter than this disorder your going to be schooled much the way i was. She left me a little over a week ago, being a day after a lung cancer byopsy. This was payback for filing a restraining order on her back on Thanksgiving after her berating me in front of my daughter her boyfriend and his grandmother. She then attacked my daughter physically after my daughter confronted her behavior. I was manipulated into letting her back a month after that. I was played for my tax receipt. She is one to weaponize anything anyone, anything I say or anything i do. Even after five years i can't rap my mind around her behavior, save for the videos such as this. These videos have healing power and has alowed me to reconnect with myself. The biopsy was positive for non small cell lung cancer stage one. It is only in one area. She cant be bothered with the cancer information because there is no benefit in it for her. Silence is saying no more. I wouldn't have had that protection without information like this. Very humbly yours Alan
God Bless you, Alan! Prayers you to know and remember, you are never alone, especially in your journey through cancer treatment, but always. .y husband survived this dx, go to CTCA Newnan, GA. They are the very best. Godspeed.
I've been mobbed and gaslighting at work for over 12 years till present. Full of NPD cowards at work and will end up exposing themselves.. I'm a top worker, jealous of me big time and of my money and condo too. Defamation of character. Saying I'm a stalker, I drink, I'm crazy. All bs. Managers are scared of the bullies, they do nothing, union, police are all totally useless too. Toxic workplace in healthcare. Been working 38 years and never been suspended. Action speaks louder than words. But this crap never ends trying to scare the women at work, all the insecure and toxic women. I will never quit due to these lazy bums with no life. These 2 guys should be locked up and have the manager fired.
Wow Alan! What a terrible experience. They create craziness. Not only that, good thing you’ll be able to rest comfortably. You will be fine. You are in my prayers. I’m so sorry. ❤
Praying for a healthy diagnosis the next time you go.
I was married to a narcissist woh was also a sociopath (possibly a psychopath ) for 18 years. It’s a miracle he didn’t end up getting us both put into prison. He would intentionally force me to take on the more risky parts of his “cons” which was terrifying and still eats at my soul. He stole and conned people/businesses out of so much. Be very careful leaving these people,have an airtight plan to escape and hide. They are often dangerous.
The toxic person I'm with said, "You're broken. You need therapy". After I told him I was at my end and asked for help keeping the house and being a parent to our children....
It's so hard when you grew up with a nacissistic parent & grandmother, I understand it's complex to wrap your head around it. These people NEVER change loving them more wont change their abusive reckless behavior, leave in a heartbeat if you wish, because you'll never change them in this lifetime!
Dr. Phil you must have met many covert narcissists. And narcissists in general, because you nailed the examples perfectly! The things you listed that they will say... are 100% on point.
Narcissists must always win. Narcissists cannot accept losing, criticism, or rejection. Narcissists do not accept responsibility and blame others. Narcissists are deceivers and pathological liars. Narcissists are control freaks. Narcissists have no shame, guilt, or remorse. Best ways to deal with narcissists; minimize them as they minimize you; treat them at they treat you; ignore them; be strong; be definite; never show fear or hurt. Narcissists enjoy hurting and humiliating others because that makes them feel powerful and important. Refuse to let narcissists hurt you. If you can, go and stay no contact forever. Narcissists never change and only get worse.
Thank you, Dr. PHIL for teaching on the covert narcissist,I knew the malignant would do the poor me act,but now I see the behavior of the covert is constantly fighting the fiction of their trouble with others.
It is a learned behavior, and it can breed borderline behavior in the children as well.
Old narco.paths in senior housing is becoming increasingly a problem. Needs to be more laws against abusers who bully and harass decent people just trying to live.
Thank you so much Dr. Phil for educating us about this! It feels devastating living with someone like this. They also change history make up different narrative to fit their needs, they keep a small circle of “friends” giving false info to continuously feeds their ego! If they don’t get enough attention, They also cheats! Repeatedly.
Too uncomfortable to say more than this gave me chills. You nailed it and him.
Us victims of NPD INDIVIDUALS need a " mee too " movement to inform and help other victims , thank you
I need to listen to this, pretty much on a daily basis! I have so much self-doubt, and just have such a hard time believing that those so close to me sabotage my wellbeing.
Thank you. You can’t image how helpful this is. It’s also weirdly scary that this description is almost exactly what I’ve experienced. Now as I struggle to move on, I feel guilty, and bad in some way as the narcissist’s words play over and over in my mind. It’s like poison that I can never get rid of. This has helped me understand much better. Thanks again.
I hate the anger I have by staying with him after obvious insults and cheating.
"If you want to get the things that you need give away the things that you need." That's not true if you're dealing with a taker. They will just take and take and take and never give you anything in return. A lot of the time they won't even say thank you.
I shared these videos with my sister who for 18 years was married to a narcissist.After 18 years she started telling us the truth he tried manipulating our whole family. One of my brothers actually believes him and feels for him because he’s a victim player
that's the tragic part... they are so charming that no will ever believe your abuse.. sadly you actually start doubting yourself and thinking you are the one with a problem.. it's living hell
The reason they can sneak up on you is "Your Just To Healthy". Love that Dr. Phil
"I'm not the only one that thinks this/that about you"..."You bring these things on yourself"... "You like to feel sorry for yourself"... "You like to argue"...
"I/he/she treats everyone that way. Why do you take it personally?"...
In the hopes that it might help someone else, I want to point out that after surviving a covert narcissist as a parent, i didn't realize that i walked right back into the grips of a covert narcissist boyfriend just a few years later. It felt disarmingly familiar, which i misunderstood to be a good thing. I was the people pleaser, trying to save them both. It was a pattern, and it took me 10 years to realize they were one in the same.
I've been mobbed and gaslighting at work for over 12 years till present. Full of NPD cowards at work and will end up exposing themselves.. I'm a top worker, jealous of me big time and of my money and condo too. Defamation of character. Saying I'm a stalker, I drink, I'm crazy. All bs. Managers are scared of the bullies, they do nothing, union, police are all totally useless too. Toxic workplace in healthcare. Been working 38 years and never been suspended. Action speaks louder than words. But this crap never ends trying to scare the women at work, all the insecure and toxic women. I will never quit due to these lazy bums with no life. These 2 guys should be locked up and have the manager fired.
Yesss my ex husband is so much into grandiosity, showing off he’s the best, the need for admiration, he wants people to see he’s the best, rich and big and respected. 11 years of this bubbles I finally able to break free. I am in so much happier state of mind now. When I had the miscarriage, he didn’t even care. I was at the hospital by myself with our two kids. He didn’t care at all. He didn’t show any worries about me being in the hospital with two kids, he didn’t even worry about his kids. That was the draw line for me.
Thank you Dr Phil....this gave me more comfort than you'll ever know! I'm grateful for your time and insight on this confusing and hurtful issue.
I have made the decision to say goodbye to my narcissistic mother. I still keep her in my life but it’s very surface stuff. I cannot confide in her and I don’t trust her. She has put me through the rigger. It’s not easy to cut a parent off it doesn’t happen overnight. It has taken many attempts to heal and talk things through. Yet one day you wake up and say I’m done. I love my mother but I don’t want her in my life. Very very hard decision. I am sad and have dealt with tremendous guilt but I have to protect myself and my children. I have placed my boundaries with her. She uses me and hides behind her do gooder persona. She is a giver so therefore it gives her a pass. Anyway I can go on and on. I have forgiven her for me to move on and be free. Thank you.
I see my mother as, just a person who gave birth to me any my brother's. She is not a mom she is a ademonic controller who is a pathological liar. Our pain brings her joy. She wants me to fail so badly. She is reprobate!
Well done!!!! You are to be congratulated! Consciously choosing healthy boundaries for you and your children. The cycle stops here.
Well done.
Wow, so accurate, my experience with narcissists. I have a friend who recently upped the narcissism, I had been keeping her at distance but she started communicating more and more recently probably because other friends of hers left. One time she was telling me about her family, her brother and mom and how they dislike her, knowing her history I knew that she is self centered and if she wants something she is just thinking about herself, so whatever she suggests them to do are self serving which they don't accept, so she just has bad relationship with them, because I deduced that they see her as selfish, so I told her to find good things in them and tell them that you are grateful for all the good things they have done and sometimes make tea or coffee for all of them and sit and talk and ask them about their life (which she has never done) and after that the way she responded disgusted me, she responded as if I have given her an idea as to how to 'control/manipulate ' them while I just wanted her to see the good things In them and mend her relationship with them. She had no interest in mending her relationship, all she wanted was to manipulate them into doing things that she wanted for herself. After that, helping her felt like I was training her into fooling people, which agitated me more. She later tells me that it worked! And she became less stressed, now she is able to manipulate her mom and then she goes on to try and manipulate me on several occasions! Gosh I can't express the disgust I feel for that kind of behavior that is completely devoid of empathy and is down right cruel. She started to diminish me, and exaggerate herself, I realized that since she is able to manipulate her mom and brother she thinks she can conquered the world which is literally her ambition because she is narcissistic, she could not do it till now because she is just not intelligent enough and lacks empathy to be able to relate to people, she is always in some conflict with people, snaps and is annoyed by them, coz she thinks e knows better than them. What disgusts me the most is how these people are able to do put down people who are helping them! Their insecurities are triggered and they will step on you, while you have made yourself a little lower so they don't feel too bad about themselves. But to feel better about themselves they will try to step on you while you are bent to give them a hand. I had to tell her to leave me alone after dealing with the shit show for a while. I work on myself, I keep my ego in check and if I wanted to subject myself to toxicity I would have been that but I don't so why would I subject myself to toxicity from someone els?! And when I confronted her with all the bad behavior she was doing, she says 'you were never like tgis' ' I don't even remember' ' I never heard you say anything like that before' 'I didn't mean it that way' 'why now?' Absolutely no accountability for her actions and I said I am responding to you! she is handing me a script that I should abide by! And not call out her behavior and just accept it! Just disgusting. When I tell her you are disrespecting me she says you are disrespecting me! For pointing her bad behavior! Sha says exactly the same stuff said in the video - you are judging me, when I said you are being narcissistic she says you are being narcissistic. She just repeats back whatever I say. And then tries to guilt me, as if I am the one doing something wrong, she could not possibly do any, while out entire friendship she is telling me stuff about what she did and what others did and every time it is her fault, She tells me those things so I put thing in ways so it doesn't bother her mentally, coz I point out her wrong by not making her feel guilty. she went to a therapist and comes back and says I like to talk to you, you help me better the them, I didn't like it (she also lied about her age on the form, for therapy, 4 years difference). I feel so disgusted how these people just use other's empathy and have no positive feelings for them. When I said don't talk to me or message me and all the other stuff, after gaslighting me she says '15 years of friendship, gone just like that' dude it's your fault! Still making me feel like it is my fault that the '15 year friendship' is gone and the loss is not for me loss is that she can't tell anyone else that she has a friendship going for 15 years because that would have made her look good in people's eyes, coz she has no long term friendships.
Sounds familiar with someone's first encounter with the affliction. We try to reason yet none, that it seems everyone else has, is there and never will be. Soooo much of your comment was my first ( and last one ever ) encounter.
@@bradmcewen yeah, I thought she has had a sad life so that has made her prone to anger whenever she used to snap and used to apologise afterwards, my empathy wanted to give her a safe space so she can feel better and maybe recover frome the pain but I did not know that she had narcissistic traits, after college I kept a distance from her but she always kept in touch, she would call me with her problems and I would give her clarity and advice. Her personal life and work, none of them were ever going well, because she is ungrateful, but since I solved her family situation and her work is little bit better than before because she is working from home after pandemic ie not meeting the people she works with, she thinks she is doing 'too well' and has progressed that she always wanted as she compares herself to everyone, so now she thinks she is entitled to the attention she never got, so anything good in others that used to make her depressed now gives her a narcissistic wound and then she engages in behavior to try and diminish and demean the perceived source. I didn't know all that, I just knew I didn't feel good with her so had maintained a distance after college but still helped her when she asked but after pandemic her other supplies probably left her so she increased her interactions with me and started to try and diminish me and exaggerate herself, ofcourse that made me uncomfortable and caused a lot of distress but I don't accept disrespect from anyone. So had to end it because when I tried to tell her she just gaslight me and thinking about it still makes me feel so disgusted. With a friend this was my first and last narcissism encounter, I had tolerated because I felt bad for her and my compassion wanted to help but I have learnt now that some people should be left at their misery, they are miserable for a reason and helping them means giving fuel to fire, they have bad intentions and we are just helping them carry those intentions successfully, they lack empathy, it just boggles my mind. No amount of love and acceptance can change them. Better to steer clear from people like that and always help people who are empathetic to begin with and not help people with the thought that help will make them better humans.
@@SA-cb2it Sooooo familiar. Some how it has been learned as acceptable life strategy. Imo one way is through generational and societal degradation of basic human decency. The best thing for me was / is introspection of want. It will get you to capitulate to someone who seems all that you hoped for but was an external mirage with deep inner demons that require the degradation of all. Ironically especially those who showed care while crushing themselves. Triangulation was the worse. This is a affliction of intolerable clues all along the way that they do indeed provide us with an education of an aspect of human behavior.
@@bradmcewen yes, that's exactly right! I do keep myself in check and see and be clear about my wants, I tend to not depend on anyone for emotional nurturing or anything else and with reasoning try to get insight into how I behave and what I what and why, so I don't tolerate bad behavior that is intended to diminish me, I would rather be alone than tolerate that for some gain. Fortunately /unfortunately, I don't have much desires, I tend to do what I think is right, even if that means someone else's gain, ie I try to be fair and judicial and I think that's why if I see someone suffer I tend to help them, but yeah i learnt from these experiences and my tendency to help and lift their suffering that you need to leave some people on their own no matter how much we feel their pain coz some people have empathy and some don't, and the one's who do not spread suffering, that has been my major learning from these experiences. And helping non empathetic people means empowering them to do more bad to others. I used to think lack of love or acceptance leads people to become bad but it is much more than that ie physiological too where they can be psychopathic or have rigid learnt behaviours manifested as personality disorders, no intervention can lift their suffering in these scenarios. But these experiences are painful and the key is to recognize them early on and not give excuses to their behaviours based on their sad past, because it is better to protect yourself and others and not empower these people with tools that they can use to create trauma for others, I feel guilty about helping someone if they go on to do wrong with that strength, because that has never been my intention.
Yes sir u r right. I'm dealing with a narcissist as I watch this!😮
Thank you so much for your deep dive into the different types of NPD. It is so validating to me. I appreciate it greatly
I am listening to this video for the second time. A situation has transpired that makes me feel much more cautious about this individual. My boundaries are up and I will not be used or abused by anyone. Thank you again for this informative, priceless video. You are saving lives. God bless you.
That's right....be a trusting person and they run over you backwards and forwards....simply because we start out with Trust.
In renting room and sharing a house with a single mom narcissist with her 14 year old son was hard in the beginning and dealing with the lying, the lack of empathy, the gaslighting, etc. was so crazy that twice already, her own son of his own accord took my side with her mother yelling at him and called him “betrayer”. She forbid him to talk to me since I drew my boundaries on her but he finds a way to communicate with me with sign language when his mother was at home. Boundaries work since she was quieter for the past few months. The entire household knows that about her and accusing others of what she is really guilty of. I have a friend that is a retired PH D clinical psychologist and she tells me that it is very hard to change them.
No ,she thought she was setting me up,I gave her a choice:Stop shouting or leave! She chose to leave!
Got rid of her (I’am alone,yes)not looking back,but ahead to divorce.
All the behavior you itemize have fit her to a”T”.Thank you for the heads- up,Namaste.🀄️
I wish I had you to teach me all of this fifty years ago. However, I have you now at 68 years of age. I AM healing. I AM recovering NOW and my gratitude goes beyond words. God bless you Dr. Phil.
How do you heal after yrs of this abuse.
Absolutely spot on. This is excellent. Thank you.
I wrote your show once and then went through Pathways.... best decision I ever made but I'm sure your teaching on boundaries would have made a huge difference
This is the best educational & most comprehensive video, on this subject matter, that I’ve heard yet. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
I would love to hear more about how to be a better support to other family members who have suffered from this abuse. In this regard, being a survivor from it & my relationship with God has brought much healing. Yet, I recognize there’s still more work to do.
It’s a continual challenge for me, to not take their abuse so personally. It has been a real “eye opener” to know that the’ll hurt or lie to anyone as long as it benefits or makes them look good.
It truly is a heartbreaking disease for sure.
Thank you again Dr. Phil! ♥️
Thanks for sharing this, those of us that have been impacted know the power of your insight
Thank you, Dr. Phil, for your helpful suggestions and encouragement in - exactly how to walk away from years of the narcissist's grip and hold on you,...when you know that without a doubt, that enough is enough and as a path to get out of a their evidentally alternate black hole reality.
Taking notes ✍️ .... Thank you ! Dr. Phil , for your knowledge on the subject : narcissist disorder toxic person....God bless you ! 🍃🙏🌿 I like your show very much 👌💯👌..... PEACE ✌️
It's so bad that nobody except my kids and closest friends actually believe me. Her own circles would never ever suspect her to be a narcissist. My own parents don't believe me.
Secret cameras? Record her?