learning how to drive is an absolute nightmare for me but i'm trying to take it lesson by lesson and give myself grace. i think thats really the only way to do it.
THIS. It took me 10 years to be comfortable enough with driving to get my license. My friends made fun of me (all had their license at 16) my parents got very frustrated. I felt like giving up many times but it’s something i desperately wanted, so i basically did exactly what you said. I took it day by day, step by step, and I’ve now been a licensed driver for 9 years. I love seeing others have the same confidence and determination, don’t get discouraged. You’ve got this!!! 🙌🏼
@@_anon_4532 thats so amazing!! feeling left behind and trying to believe in yourself is truly the hardest part. i’m so proud you got there and i appreciate your encouragement very much :’) thank you ♡
That is excellent! You are doing great. It took me a long while to learn to drive, longer than all of my peers, but I got my license recently! While driving still takes a lot of my energy, it does get better! You just take it at your pace 💛💛
Was literally just talking to my friend about this!! I’m 51, failed my driving test years ago & it was only last year that I was able to realise why I couldn’t cope with driving- it’s a processing issue. If there was no other traffic I’d be fine! But my brain cannot keep up with the constant changes & the split-second decisions that let’s face it can be pretty important!
Totally this! I took driver training in high school, so had the learner's license, but never got my license to drive because I couldn't stand driving on a street or the highway where there would be way too much traffic and too much to keep track of. I prefer bike riding. At least when there is too much traffic on a street, I have the option of biking on the sidewalk. And yes, I make sure not to go too fast on my bike so as not to run into pedestrians.
I also remember in high school while I had my learner's, my mom had me drive her Saturn one time to learn and I hated the accelerator pedal because my foot is like lead and so I pressed the pedal too hard accidentally and was nearly speeding down the street when I didn't want to. It was so embarrassing. 😭
So relieved to hear I’m not the only one with this issue!! I also have always struggled with learning to play an instrument for what I suspect might be the same reason. It was so hard for my brain to simultaneously focus on reading the notes and playing the notes at the exact same moment and do it at such a quick pace. The frustration I felt while learning to drive gave me instant flashbacks lol. There’s too much information to process and then act on in a single second
ADHD and autism here. I BARELY passed my driving test. Right after i turned 18, i crashed my car into the front a parked semi. Two weeks later I crashed my new car into a light pole. Both times I was overstimulated. After that I learned to take my time. If i'm not sure that there is enough space to turn onto a busy road, I wait. I force myself to go slow, even if everything in me is screaming to go fast. I would rather miss an exit or listen to the person behind me honk than go past the limits of my cognition and crash again. I'm happy to report that it's been 20 years since the 2nd accident and I have not wrecked another car.
Over stimulation is so real! The one and only time I crashed a car was when I was driving around trying to bail my cousin out of jail (I kept calling the county and they kept telling me different locations) It was also the first time I used the highway and the first time driving in general. So there was that. The fire department was called (they were so nice!) I kind of disassociated after the wreck, staring into space and what not. The FF chalked it up to shock.
Right after I started driving, I hit a gas pump. I've also hit curbs (multiple) when making U turns and a parked car. I've had so many close calls due to being overstimulated. It seems like loud or certain types of music will do it, as well as being around really aggressive drivers (weaving in and out of traffic, tailgating, excessive speeding). ugh
I felt really stupid and pathetic for struggling with driving so much, until I realized being so monotropic might be the explanation for that. One thing that I desperately struggle with is trying to split my attention between what I am physically doing, what my car is doing, what other cars are doing, maintaining the correct speed, and paying attention to road signs. Regardless of the reason, it still sucks though because there is no public transportation in my area and I am stuck at home all the time.
Surprising how among all the things you are paying attention to, you didn't mention pedestrians. Isn't it the worst thing, to lethally hit an unprotected squishy citizen engaging in bipedal propulsion, and then go in jail for that?
@@az8560 Your comment seems really harsh. I feel what this person's feeling with the split attention on busy main roads and highways, while in motion, when there SHOULDN'T be pedestrians crossing to worry about. Of course we also pay attention to pedestrians, and you're gonna pay more attention where you expect them, like residential streets, school zones and intersections, but you're quite okay to not think about pedestrians on the highway. Even though the little roads have the added element of pedestrians, I'd be a much more content driver if I could get where I needed to go by only sticking to side roads. Unfortunately my area isn't well planned and that's so impossible I can't even drive to my cousin in law's house on the next street over without using a road that's maintained by the department of highways.
just jump in practice overtime its easier since certain things come automatic, you're only focusing on the road. Yeah in the beginning it hard to pay attention to everything when you're thinking about where your feet are where to place them turn signs those things like playing a video game becomes automatic. Start practice in an empty parking lot get comfortable with awareness of what your physical doing to the point you no longer need to think about it. Only drive local too familiar places close by in the beginning so you don't need to concentrate too hard on where you are going so you can start out directing your focus to the traffic other cars. Pick a vehicle you're comfortable with I personally was uncomfortable with cars that sat to low I wanted to be able to see over around other vehicles. Didn't want to big those are harder to park. Its better to learn as early as possible as you get older you become a more anxious new driver its harder for things to become natural like if you learn younger the physical doing becomes so natural out of habit learning things older you tend to stay a nervous driving and will have to think everything.
@@az8560 That is a scare y though but depending where one is and is driving, they might not have many for it to be a huge concern in the city that would be one of the first things to be looking out for if you on a highway there shouldn't be random people walking across
With the left right issue, you can paint nails a certain color I did red on right green on left other than the test where they are giving out instructions turn left turn right I don't really think about it if you know where you going you know you can see the location you want to go to is on that side, so you just go towards location. passenger is right by the way. you can make up a rhyme in your head to remember. As for following GPS it will say left or right, but it also has an image on the screen highlining what lane to be in again you can remember the passenger is always right. or mark your hand/nails. I get overwhelmed sometimes when I feel it coming on just do deep breath find a spot to pull over. If in traffic you just stuck moving with the traffic until you see a parking spot, try playing calming music. To help prevent that overwhelm know where you going to beforehand and give yourself plenty extra time in case you need to stop somewhere to catch your breath. Like if you are going somewhere, you haven't been you can look up google maps beforehand study the roads, you're going to be on I do a visual drive the day before using google maps checking out all the roads what they look like the nearby roads in case of a missed turn so there is less chance of surprise. as for the focus on what you're doing and paying attention as you drive the doing becomes habit so there is fewer overwhelming stimuli. You practice in an empty parking lot then non busy side roads until you get the physical things like where your feet go which way to turn the wheel down. Basically, set yourself up to be prepare for any situation.
I’m not good at left and right either. I just look at the image on the GPS and always turn off the sound. Having a screen on my dashboard instead of having to constantly look down at my phone has helped a lot.
You guys are wonderful. Thank you for the helpful tips and maybe one day in the future I will drive. Also, Thank you for being so kind. Sometimes the world isn't the kind and caring place I want it to be, but I don't let that stop me from being nice and kind to everyone. ❤️❤️❤️
I’m autistic, started learning to drive at 16 but didn’t get my license until 27. Been driving for almost 10 years now. Idk who needs to hear this but- don’t give up!
Yes! 36 here, earned my learner's permit near the end of high school in 2006, did my road test in 2021. We can do this, and there's no such thing as too late. My road test guy was so funny at the end when we were back in his office doing the paperwork. "Forgive me, I normally only give this 'you passed' speech to teenagers, I know you're a mom in your 30s..."
I think I was 25 going on 26. I don’t know if I’m autistic, I have a suspicion I am but driving was terrifying for me and I wasn’t sure I ever would. If I did it, any of you can too❤
@@Marescio I’m sorry. I went through a time like that too. Take a break for a few months and don’t even think about it. When you feel like it, try again. Don’t put pressure on yourself.
While I CAN drive I find it over stimulating & a sensory nightmare but I’m a very careful & safe driver. I am also disappointed by my fellow man out on the highways & byways lol.
I would get into yelling matches with my dad, I hit a bush, I cried constantly. That spatial awareness is horrible at first, but I've been driving for 7 years with no accidents! I can't recommend practicing in big EMPTY parking lots, it helped build that spatial awareness!!
My dad did that with me too. It really helped to establish the basics like getting a feel for how big a car is so you know how much room you need to make a turn, or where the lines are when you park, or how much you need to put the weight of your foot on the accelerator to go or on the break to slow down (and in a steady, smooth way for both of those scenarios), etc.
😂 My first 3 driving lessons took place in my family's cow pasture! The car was driven to the center of the pasture by my dad, then he had me take the driver's seat. Thrilling, frightening! No cattle, fences, or fenders damaged. Practicing backing up was something else. My granddad had built our garage with doors like an old fashion barn. Fold out when open. I managed to knock one vertical board clear off the garage door, and the next one was knocked loose at the bottom!! Those doors were seldom closed anyway, but never after that.
other people not following the rules is truly the WORST part! even if I do everything right, if somebody else makes one big mistake then I have to pay for it, and vice versa. it just feels unfair 😅 and yes, not being able to look out the windows is the second worst part lol. i'm the most observant person in the car if i'm not driving. if I have to drive.... well now I have tunnel vision and suddenly can't see anything, apparently. it was so helpful when my driving instructor reminded me I could physically MOVE my head and body to look around if I have to. i didn't realize your face doesn't literally have to be facing straight ahead 100% of the time.
Driving is my Nirvana. One solitary focus. Nothing else matters. My second brain is free to roam if the drive is boring. Just great. UNLESS it's driving in heavy traffic like downtown in a big city. So frustrating. Also agree about other drivers and expecting them to follow the rules of the road and extreme road raging.
I was wondering if anyone else felt that way! I'm super focused on the road and becoming one with the vehicle. It's incredible in the moment. It it one of the few times I am calm and really happy. I do drive fast but I am courteous and try to only when no one is on the road
I literally have adjusted the times when i leave for work to avoid the traffic, for a 30 minute journey leave on the hour when people will have arrived at their work, and less traffic every time!
Driving is my fortress of solitude. Yes you have to deal with other drivers. But you just have to be defensive and safe and get where you are going. Indeed traffic sucks, but it sucks for everyone for sure.
I live in mountains so all my roads are twisty. I love the technical aspect of driving here, feeling the weight of the car shift and the grip of the tires. It feels like the car is an extension of my body. City driving is very difficult and overwhelming though.I totally understand the road rage thing, people doing the wrong thing is infuriating.
Seeing as cars and driving is my special interest…yeah, autistic people can drive! My biggest recommendation is actually (once you get your license), GO AND DO A TRACK DAY!!!!! Like a race track. Like going fast. This may seem counter-intuitive, but everyone is going in the same direction, there’s (actually) very little to hit, and most importantly *you can get used to what the car does & sounds like*. I have found that mastering a skill + learning the black and white rules of the road were crucial to feeling safe - and the knowledge that *when* someone near me does something stupid, I’ll be able to avoid it or mitigate damage. Finally, if you’re not comfortable driving: don’t let anyone tell you that you need to drive! I’d rather you stay home or in the passenger seat than be scared/confused/overloaded in the driver’s seat. :)
I never learned how to drive. I was diagnosed with a bunch of shit at 16 and so my mom never taught me how to drive, and no one else in my family ever bothered. I was basically treated like I would never be able to drive directly because of my mental illness and neurodivergence diagnoses. At 19 I was diagnosed as autistic with CPTSD, I'm 25 now and can't drive, luckily my fiancé's dad is planning on teaching me how to drive stick on an old truck which I'm hyped for. I was always terrified of driving. This vid just made me even more excited to try learning this summer.. I also don't feel so alone because my wife doesn't have a license either at 26.
It's good to know that it's possible. I've been trying to learn to drive and it's terrifying. I cry every time, definitely nowhere near ready to take my driving test. For me, my autism makes me process things more slowly, so driving at a high rate of speed seems unsafe for me. Even driving 20mph is pretty intimidating, but I started with only letting the car roll (in a parking lot, I was not driving that slow in the road lol). I'm even getting smoother with my stops. Anyways, I trust and hope that I'll eventually be able to comfortably drive to the store and whatnot, even if I can't drive on the highway. Side note: not sure about Canada, but in the U.S. that "etiquette" about staying in the furthest right lane on the highway is actually the law. It is technically a violation of the law to just stay in the passing lane(s). That doesn't mean people follow it at allllllll, but thought I'd share.
I had the same issue I was uncomfortable going over 20 in the beginning I started out just driving on side streets where that's the limit. I can drive the highway speeds now. the test I took they only took me down side streets so didn't have to worry about going fast. Basically, they just want to see if you're a safe driver making sure you put on your seatbelt checked mirrors signal stopping at stop signs then being able to parallel park. If speed the only thing your worried about you should be fine on the test getting comfortable going faster just comes with time
Surprisingly I'm a very great driver for someone on the spectrum! Driving and cars have been some of my interests and I always knew how to drive a vehicle. I did get my drivers license a year later than most people did. I got my license at 17 and I've been driving for 11 years now. I'm a good driver. Hope you are well Paige!
I'm 48 with ASD, as well as some other letters. One thing that's been an ongoing issue is a learning difference, and that manifested itself with learning to drive, too - it took a number of attempts to pass the test, but I finally did it. I've been driving now for about 30 years. Thanks for sharing your experiences!
I have ADHD and Autism & I spent ages trying to learn to drive, and I wasn't *bad* but 2 separate instructors trained me & trained me & took my dad's money, but never said "Ha! You are now ready, young padawan! It is time to take The Test!". So we found a place that was staffed by ex taxi drivers, where they offered a 3 day course where you do 3 days of 8 hours' intensive driving practice. For an hour they assessed where my faults were & then for the rest of it we did nothing but all the things I was bad at, until I was good at it. The test was on the afternoon of the third day, having started early in the morning, then I sat my practical test & passed first time. Sometimes you just gotta go all in.
I passed my test but I still consider myself to be a bad driver. I panick easily when people tailgate me, I missjudge how fast or slow oncoming cars are, merging is hard as well. I really wish I didn't have to drive because I genuinly feel like it will kill me some day. But in my society, I have to learn to drive to have access to my job and other things.
When i first started driving, I had the same feeling of the speed limit being too fast. I struggled to get up to 55mph and 65mph on highways and the interstate. Also one big thing i still kind of sturggle with is spacial awareness of the actual vehicle. If youte familiar with video game stuff, imagine a hit box. I struggle to know how big my car's hit box is basically. Thats the best way i can explain it 😅
@@PatchworkDragon yes exactly that! Also I find myself riding on the right edge of the road at times and struggling with maintaining my lane frequently
I used to be horrible with this but I have improved a lot! That being said, I still hit curbs more often than I’d like to admit. My car is pretty low to the. Ground so it can be difficult to see the curbs.
This video was really relatable tbh. I too was terrified to have to drive despite also doing well in the written tests. I used to avoid driving whenever possible and would walk multiple hours away just to avoid having to drive somewhere on certain occasions. Cut to like 2 years later my summer job was essentially driving around 8 hours a day finding places by memory and I loved it lol.
I failed the permit test! I talked to my teachers senior year in 2009 and they told me about identification card and I got it! I don’t drive currently! I bought a Segway in March 2013-April 2023! Then bought an electric scooter in April 2023! I enjoyed life without driving!
I'm 34 and have never driven. I'm so terrified that I will get the "I don't know if you can drive" reaction. I have such a hard time learning physical skills and being taught to DO things. I dont have a family with a car so I also can't practice. It's SO comforting to hear that people like us can overcome the challenges and prove wrong the people who tell us ee can't
I didn't get my license until I was 24 and wasn't an actually competent highway solo driver until a few years ago with much concerted effort. It's one of the first skills to regress when I'm burnt out or overwhelmed.
The driver's education instructor called my parents and made them promise not to let me test out right away - I was "an anxious driver." Well, yeah. There is a lot of input coming in at a very high speed, and if you miss noticing the wrong thing you could ____ someone! Or permanently disable them! Or at the very least, cause several thousands of dollars in property damage. The stakes do not GET any higher, folks! Of course I'm anxious! Not as much as I used to be, but still. I only drive because public transport is not an option.
Paige, thank you for timing your upload right around the time I realize I'm struggling with something and it's related to autism. This gives me so much peace of mind that it isn't just me being stupid and incapable.
My dad taught me to drive when I was 8 years old and i've loved it ever since. Had no problems acquiring my licence either. My car is a sort of "decompression space" for me. I live in a beautiful natural area and I love just going off driving by myself for a while when I need some distance between me and the rest of the world.
I did practice driving a lot when I was younger. It was a waste of money for me though and I never received my license despite paying a huge amount for it. Afterwards I felt used for money. I have decided that I no more need a license. For me it's just filled with anxiety and I can't concentrate an all movements when it comes to driving. I live in the city so I can instead take the bus, trams, train etc.
my mom is very pushy about me learning to drive but I literally feel unable to, and most importantly, I don’t *want* to. I genuinely get way too freaked out behind the wheel and I physically just cannot keep up with doing everything at once. I don’t even have the spatial awareness required to park properly so god forbid I drive too close to someone else. I genuinely think it’s too dangerous for me to drive in particular. Plenty of autistic people can drive of course, but at the same time, every autistic person is different and I’m pretty confident that I’m not gonna be one of those people, and I’m fine with that, but i wish my mom would understand.
This is relatable lol. I started off taking driver's ed at my high school with one of the PE teachers. We had to pass the classroom part, and then we had to pass the driving part and if we didn't pass the driving part, we had to go do a driving test with the actual DMV and pass that. I had barely any issues with the classroom/test part, like you. But the driving part was hard for me, because my teacher wasn't the greatest teacher. One of the things that really threw me off was that he would try to trick us. Like there were times where he would ask me to turn the WRONG WAY onto a one way, and I wouldn't look at the sign because little autistic me just assumed "my teacher wouldn't lie to me" because I didn't think anyone lied, because I didn't lie. So he set me up to fail his driving tests, and because of that I ended up having to take the driving test at the DMV. The other thing that was hard for me was that when I first started learning, my dad really pushed me and *made* me go practice driving with him when I really wasn't in the right state of mind for it/didn't want to at all. I was in an abusive relationship in high school, so I would often not be in the right headspace for learning to drive. I didn't tell my dad this though, because I didn't like talking to people - particularly my parents - about that situation. Add my undiagnosed autism on top of that and boy, was driving a nightmare for me during that time lol. Luckily I did EVENTUALLY (after more than one failure) pass a driving test at the DMV and get my license. But I'd be lying if I said that driving was easy for me, even now after over a decade of doing it all the time, including doing it by myself over large distances (across states). I still struggle with it and I think it's something I'll always struggle with to an extent, but I have been lucky enough not to get into any serious crashes and I hope that luck stays with me lol
I love the timing of this. I am taking my driving test on Thursday. I have driven plenty of non-vehicles for work, and I've driven cars. I have not drove in a couple of years, but I believe I am finally in the right head space to just do it. I do know how to drive. I'm very aware of my limits.
I am fully convinced that driving manual is a stim and I love it, on top of driving the whole car. Also despite having issues with noise from blenders, smoke alarms, animals I love a lot of car noises. Of course I'm fully aware that you shouldn't slam the pedal down needlessly all the time even though I think it sounds nice Also I grew up with Herbie and Knight rider so that definitely influenced liking cars as well, a VW Beetle is such a friendly car and I have to kneel down to say hello to them when I see one!
I LOVE the way you describe things. It kind of makes everything that is weird in my life feel okay. I don't know why. I watch your videos when my world feels out of kilter and bizarre, and I calm down, and it helps. So, thanks. Thank you so very lots and very much.👍
I was in no hurry to learn to drive. Failed my first driving test. Always preferred a manual, keeps me busy. For many years I had a knot in my stomach every time I got behind the wheel. I believe I'm a very competent driver, but I'm also the most road ragey person I know, and never thought it could be a AuDHD thing. Thanks for sharing your story!!
I drive. I was terrified to learn & still don't really enjoy it. I have a lot of anxiety around it & a lot of "rules" I follow to help myself feel more comfortable around driving - for instance, if I'm going on a road trip with friends I do not want to drive unless I absolutely have to. However, if I'm going on a road trip with my husband & kids, I prefer to drive. The pressure driving other people around gets too much to bear, other than family.
Self-diagnosed autiHDer here. In my country, Hungary, drivers ed is compulsory, you can start it at 17, and you can get your licence at 18. Otherwise it works similarly to what you describe, first there's a class and you need to pass a test on traffic rules, and then you get to sit in a car with an instructor. Officially, you are not even allowed to go into traffic with anyone but the professional instructor, so you can't really practice on your family's car unless you find a half empty car park where no one's gonna question you. Back when I learnt to drive, you also needed your first couple lessons in a specific place, imagine like a big court with private roads and some elements like an "obstacle course" where you have to learn specific tasks, like parking, starting the car on a ramp, accelerating to a specific speed then braking within a given distance, etc. And I needed to pass another exam on this before I was allowed into traffic. These days, people can start in this course, but it's not compulsory, they can start right in traffic. I did the whole shabang before I even suspected I might have autism, my one trouble was, feeling like both a too fast and too slow learner at once. Like when explained, I could do the task right, so my instructor thought I'd learnt it, but I didn't memorize it deeply. And young me had no idea how to advocate for myself and ask to be explained again. Back then, traffic wasn't so bad either. I actually quite liked highways first, because they weren't busy at all back then, so it was much easier than city driving. I drove on highhways in various European countries when we took roadtrips to visit family and it was too long for my dad to do alone. Speaking of highways, here it is a rule/law that you must tend right whenever possible, yet people still don't always do it... I've also seen how different driving culture is in different places. I live near a big-ish city, but my country's capital is crazy in comparison and I would be too anxious and not aggressive enough to drive there. I actually spent many years not or barely driving, I lived in the capital and used public transport, then I lived in the Netherlands and biked. Getting back into it was rough and very anxiety inducing. But I've gotten my own car just a year and a half ago, and fallen in love with her since. She's 13 this year, and a Nissan too! A Micra, so she's small and easy to manouver, but has enough power for me. And I've also experienced how different it is to drive different cars, I'm so used to my own car that I prefer not to drive our family car, because it is too different, and then having to pay attention to handling it means I'm not paying enough attention to traffic. And indeed, once I'm used to the car and manouvering becomes second nature, the hardest part is the idiots out there, drivers and pedestrians alike.
I got my autism diagnosis and driver’s license within the same month when I was 28. I also have ADD and in my country (the Netherlands) they make you talk to a special psychologist to make sure you’re going to react safely in situations, anger etc. And they make you take this special driving test to see if you have the capacity to make decisions etc. All that went well, passed my driving exam in one try. But looking back, each new step we added when taking lessons took extra time for me to incorporate. And before shifting gears became second nature, a lot of my brain power went to making sure I was in the right gear, but once that wasn’t taking up space in my head paying attention to my surroundings became a lot easier for me. Edit: added my age and fixed typo
Hey Paige! When I was 16, put off learning, but did get my license first try just after I turned 17. Drove here in Hamilton, Ontario (pop.500,000) for about 3 months then stopped because it was overwhelming to my Asperger's. That was 1985. Haven't driven anywhere but my driveway since. Always wanted to live on a farm and own a vintage VW Beetle. I'd drive all over the farm giving rides to all the animals. Fun times (with many tarps laid down!) You know, there are lot of professional racecar drivers who do not drive in city traffic because regular people are too unpredictable. Great vid, and congrats on getting your overly-complicated graduated license! (Wasn't a thing back in the day.)💕
Hey Paige! Success! Just bought your book and, 7 pages in, 😂 so far so good!❤ I'll non-spoiler comment tomorrow. But,...well done!💕 And it's tomorrow, and I enjoyed your book very much! As always, your take on navigating the Spectrum is excellent and I feel I understand you better having read your book. Your experience with Ontario healthcare is unsurprising.🙄
It's so refreshing to hear you say the same things I am always saying, Paige, about driving. I love to maintain momentum and use my brakes minimally. I love to keep my distance from other cars so I have plenty of space to adapt to others terrible driving while braking only when it's absolutely necessary. I am so with you on the lane hogging malarky, it gets in the way of my driving flow. You are also correct to point out that driving well is about getting to know your car. You must learn your limitations and that of your vehicle and how your car reacts to your inputs. Great vid, Paige and I love your autistic view on life. Keep being awesome! ✌️
Yes. I drive heavy goods vehicles. Savant at spatial awareness! Perfect job for autistic people. Reduced social interactions and following rules all day. Same route every day. Longest I've ever stayed in a job! Oh, and it's the perfect sensory experience for me 👌👌
Like most Autistic people, I was a little behind when it came to maturity at that age. I still played with toys at 16, and I never even thought about driving until I was almost 18, and I actually got my license on my 18th birthday. My experiences are very similar to yours. I am a very courteous and careful driver, and I got very easily annoyed when other people aren't that way, because I naturally assume that everyone else thinks the same way that I do. I have to remind myself that I am the enlightened one, and other people do not share my gift for intelligence, lol. I have a big issue with spacial awareness and depth perception when I am driving, and so I rarely take any chances. Speed limits are really annoying and aggravate my PDA, so I simply drive at whatever speed I feel like driving. I have been driving for 24 years, and i have only had one accident where I was determined to be at fault, and that was six months after I started driving. I broke my neck in the accident, so that definitely made me a believer in safety on the road.
My learner’s permit just expired for the second time, and it’s so embarrassing to have to get it renewed again so I can do that last little bit of practice before finally getting my license. My younger sister got her license before I did, which put a lot of extra pressure on me. Ever since one time when I briefly lost control of the car when I was starting to learn, driving has always made me panicky. I did great at learning the theory, but in practice? Nope! I’m a good driver, and I’ve gotten so much better, but I still hate it! The problem with driving is that it’s so unpredictable and you have to stay aware of everything around you and make split-second decisions, which I am not good at! But that’s why I think the test won’t be too awful, because I can find a closed-course place where it’s just me and the instructor in the same car. And once I get my license, I never have to worry about driving again 😅
It is completely normal for autistic people to take longer to get their drivers license. My learners permit expired at least two times before I actually got my license. I first got a learners permit at 17, but I didn’t get my license until shortly after my 21st birthday. Give yourself some grace!
"I have a problem when people don't follow the rules" YES. I drive to work and back 4 times a week, and in my city istg it's so common, nearly every single person merges into the wrong lane on left and right turns and the anxiety and RAGE it induces in me is unmatched. Having both autism and adhd is weird though, I follow all the rules and get pissed when others don't but I have a speeding problem. Everyone on the road is too slow and if they go 30 under I get so mad
You have to learn to flow, and roll with it. You have to assume that they aren't going to follow the rules of the road, etc. Once you do that, and drive defensively, you will relax more, kind of. Another good reason to NOT speed, is the amount of cameras and cop speed traps out there, red light cameras, etc., at least here in NY State it's a nightmare now. You have to not only be aware of the roads and drivers, but the cameras and other nuisances. Try not to speed at all, unless it's a sheer survival thing.
I'm 39 and was only diagnosed last week. I don't drive and have really struggled with it over the years. My brain exploded when you mentioned the connection between amblyopia and autism - I'm the very same! I can only focus with one eye at a time, I can choose which one but my resting state is with my right eye. I live in Ireland where it's just expected that you'll drive manual transmission but I found that overwhelming. I was already so scared of my (perceived) lack of spatial awareness and having to remember what gear I was in just added to that. My last driving lesson was about 5 years ago, on that one I didn't have my usual instructor so was already on edge. I was stopped in a turning lane to go right (we drive on the left btw) and when we got the green filter light, I proceeded to move, only for the driver in the other lane to run the red light and very nearly hit me! They laid on the horn, I felt really upset (as if I was in the wrong) and even asked if I really had the green, which the instructor confirmed. But that was too much for me and I haven't driven since. If I ever do it again, it's automatic transmission or nothing. I know that'll limit me here but not as much as it used to.
i am on like, my 5th or 6th permit. i CAN drive, even a stick shift. i can parallel park. i can 3 point turn. but i cant trust the other drivers out there. i need to find a drivers ed that ties into the physical drive test. im 38 now. its comforting to hear that it is something that i could get used to, and that being in a more rural area could help me a lot, we are planning to move more rural soon. most drivers dont seem to realize that following the rules keeps us all safer, and getting where we are headed.
AuDHD= best drivers. I got my license at 15. I drive hundreds of miles each day, as part of my job. It takes the entire weekend for me to recover, mentally & physically, from a week’s worth of driving in heavy traffic.
I got pulled over ONCE, for a tail light being out. I didn't have my registration. But I went nonverbal. The police officer could see that I was terrified and she asked if it was the first time I had ever been pulled over. She said that I needed to make sure I had my registration in my car, and she let me go without a ticket.
I'm 40years old with AuDHD. I can drive but I'm terrible at it 😅😂 Road rage n panic, easily distracted. I often even remember how the heck I got to places because Im zoned out when driving smemtimes. I hate driving at night. LED headlights from the other side of road is too much. I can't see well driving at night and my anxiety hikes up. I can't talk to a passenger while driving 😂 I'm lucky that I haven't gotten into accident so far. My partner gets scared when she is a passenger. I'm glad to know that other autistic/adhd folks have struggles with driving 🚗 im not alone 😂
Im self diagnosed so far, 29 years old. I have always had a take-charge attitude and have decided that when I want to know how to do something, I’ll study and practice it until it’s fluent to me. Like I’m not allowed to be bad at it. So i began driving at 17, drove unlicensed until 21 and my husband refuses to drive so I do ALL of the driving. My experience is that Im great at driving but I tend to “daydream” while I do and I drive on autopilot. So I’m fully aware of all of my surroundings and anyone incoming to my lane and mirrors etc but I’ll just have entire conversations in my head or think about other things in my life and just totally zone out, consciously. But subconsciously I know where I am and where Im going and how to get there. I told my husband this and it freaked him out lol but I find that I even drive better this way. When I focus foo much on driving, I tend to be more paranoid and struggle a tad with steering sometimes because it bothers me when the lines aren’t straight but my wheel is and I have to keep going forward or “straight” lol It also bothers me when people drive like assholes and don’t understand how the rules work like “did you not go to drivers ed or learn sh*t about driving? Wtf!” It infuriates me that so many people are allowed to have licenses and drive cars when they don’t want to follow the laws that come with it.
I’m dyspraxic and driving lessons have been a nightmare for me not only did I struggle a lot to drive in a straight line but I had an instructor that kept making me super uncomfortable and kept touching me and not turning up when I was expecting him to and then didn’t use the lessons I paid for and cancelled on me. Next I left uni and managed to eventually get an instructor that was good but she made it pretty clear that I wasn’t very good at reading my environment at all as she randomly disappeared on me. I have had to reschedule my test 4 times at this point and now I’ve finally managed to get another instructor and will have to get used to driving a completely different vehicle and driving on different roads and having no idea what the instructor will be like
I’m from Argentina and people drive like the way people drive in India. I don’t know if you’ve seen any clips from traffic in India, it’s almost the same here in Buenos Aires. Considering that, my sensory profile cannot endure that nightmare. I’ve travelled to other countries and considering how tranquile their streets are, I honestly believe I can drive there, but not here, where I live
I love your comments about the highway etiquette. They made me laugh. I used to drive the highways around Toronto. I am binge watching your videos. Love them.
16:20 What you did to solve the dangerous situation sounds pretty genius to me. It is said that here in Germany, where I live, cars are safer than in the US and this is probably because we have to pass a quite strict check up every other year. So, I believe since I haven't heard about someone having the same issue here in Germany, that this kind of issue does happen literally never here in Germany.
I tried learning to drive first at 16, then at 21. Got a lot further the second time around and did driving lessons for months before I decided to stop, it just wasn’t worth it for my mental health. Just sitting behind the wheel made my heart race, I got overwhelmed every time and would dissociate in the middle of driving because I was so stressed out and anxious. I just couldn’t deal with paying attention to everything at once and having to make split-second decisions, my brain just gave up a lot of times. I was also undiagnosed ADHD so the struggle to focus and plan my next move didn’t help either. I’m 24 now and feel I care less and less about this, I moved to a city that has very good public transportation and I plan on just staying here lol. But it sucks when I wanna go somewhere further away and public transportation becomes long and complicated, or not really doable.
I failed driving school and it took me 30 minutes to parallel park during the driving test and I still got my license at 17. I find driving to be stressful, yes, but it’s very liberating. I drive with familiar music on that’s not too loud and have the gps on so I don’t need to think about where I’m going and it’s always worked for me lol
I HATE driving. My mom doesn't have a license so for some reason that meant that I had to get mine. My brother also does not drive. People don't do what they're supposed to. Also have a bit of ptsd riding or driving. I tell people that its not their driving that scares me (unless your driving does scare me, in which case I'll say something. lol) its the people around us that scare me. I have like 0 depth perception. I can't drive over 50 without having to hold back panic. I can't drive on the highway pretty much at all. Anxiety gets so bad that I can't understand traffic signs on the highway. Not safe. I also have no ability to navigate on my own, so can't leave town without help. I get lost in hallways. I laugh about it, but its more debilitating than people realize.
learning that everyone drives at least 5 miles over the speed limit (at least here in florida) was such a surprise for my little rule-following autistic heart
I know it hurts my autistic brain so much! What's the point of a speed limit if everyone goes 10km over it! I always go the actual speed limit anyways idc
After cycling for 10 years prior to getting my license: my biggest difficulty was breaking 40km/h. Still can't break 60km/h in icy conditions (due to pilot-induced oscillation). I found that driving safety course helped me learn what to pay attention to while driving. Essentially: maintain a bubble around your vehicle. Watch for people/objects that may intersect your path. You can't look at the birds on the side of the road like you can while cycling. Edit: One way to eat "traffic snakes" is to drive slightly below the speed limit. This gives the slowdown time to break up as you approach.
I want to encourage everybody to drive. I count not. I get extremely nervous to the point where I acnnot rpoces information any more. Having a driving instructor besides me makes me feel everything I do is being judged. I just can5 get past it. It can be the most patient kind and understanding person ever. It does not make a difference. This also happens in other situations to a lesser extent. Therapy does not help. It ahs to do with trauma that is deeply imbedded in me. With the right therspist blah balh. Believe me I tried.
ASD1 girly here I didn’t start driving til 18 my mom finally made me and was tired of driving me everywhere! She paid for a drivers Ed instructor for my 18th bday Lol failed my permit test twice and got it on the 3rd try and passed the driving test 1st try I was able to make a appointment & take the license test directly after passing dmv online permit test here in California because I was a legal adult instead of 15 like most kids starting out . Boy the freeway is so hard and scary my drivers Ed teacher was screaming at me faster faster faster 😅😂 he was a man also and I was super nervous practicing alone w him so my mom rode in the backseat 4hrs almost every session except 1 . I appreciate her for that so much it helped having her w me
My son has a really hard time working with people who behave unprofessionally (in his mind) at work. It makes him crazy. He's had a rough time with every job he's had because of this.
Undiagnoses autistic here. Will be turning 31 this year. So... i took Driver's Ed when i was 15, and got a massively high score on the written portion, memorizing the rules and what not. Then started the driving portion of it. Story time for my first lesson. It was December 26th of that year, and we got hit with a massive snowstorm. Why they didn't cancel it, I still have no idea. But roads were slick, traffic was going at like... maybe 20mph on main roads. We have this point where 5 roads come together at lights, we call it Five Points. I went to break to wait for the lights, and instead of slowing down, like the breaks are suppose to do, we start spinning... on the most chaotic intersection we had at the time. The instructor said i handled the spin out well, but... oh my god, i was terrified, shaking practically. I never did end up trying for my actual license. At this point, i would have to relearn all the hands on stuff. And like... 25 feels too fast to me, i would hate to try for highway.
I used to drive (and I still could if I had a car) and I kinda miss it, but not for day to day stuff. I just want a driving holiday. That would be nice. Cheers! and congratulations on March 26th!
This was so helpful for me. I’m so nervous to start driving and I feel like I’m mostly just scared of other drivers. I moved to a bigger city and watching how they drive makes me so nervous. Especially the part about following rules I agree with 100%.
It is something I keep thinking about doing as I am 29 (and almost everyone I know drives) but living in an area with OK public transport only a few miles away from an area with excellent public transport that basically runs 24 hours a day (London), I am pretty indifferent about learning to drive, its too expensive in Britain anyway. I believe I can do it but luckily live in a place where driving isn't essential to get around, it's not perfect but there are choices. Also I am not a patient person and get easily distracted, I wouldn't want someone like me in control of a 2 ton metal box with the way almost everyone seems to be so crappy at driving. I like riding buses and it pisses me off when cars cut us up just to get no further than 10 feet up the road! I am convinced cars are getting too big and its making people reckless with driving. I think I would find parking the hardest for this reason, we need smaller cars again. Also I don't want to add to the already terrible traffic and the pollution from it in my area and want better bus services and for them to connect better with trains. I am convinced most drivers (at least 2/3) shouldn't be drivers at all and for the shift to happen we need way more buses and trains, then those who like or must drive would have a far better experience doing so. No one should beat themselves up for not being able to drive, it is a failure of society for not providing decent and affordable alternatives to driving, I guess I am lucky to live in a place where I am not forced to have a car but in reality it should be like this everywhere.
where i live (rural western usa) the highways (i say freeways) are only 2 lanes in each direction and obviously, like you said, you’re supposed to stay in the right lane and only go in the left lane to pass, but it’s not an etiquette thing here it’s LAW, you can be pulled over and ticketed for *going the speed limit* if you’re in the left lane and people are passing you on the right also my favorite driving fun fact is that in my state (idk if this is a thing in other states) it’s legal to pass on a solid yellow line but ONLY IF you’re passing farm equipment (tractors, combines, etc.) because it’s so common to come across them while driving and they can’t go over i think 20mph (~32kmh) i took drivers ed in high school when i was 15 but then i never got around to getting my license when i finished and i went so long without driving that i was terrified to try again (doesn’t help that when my mom tried to teach me to drive manual i backed into a mailbox) then when i was 18, about a month from 19, me and my internet friend joked about me moving to arizona and getting a place together and my little delulu brain got obsessed with the thought and i wanted it to be real but i couldn’t exactly move to arizona without my license so i just.. got one. my friend took me to the dmv and i took the written test, then i took the driving test like a week later and the day after my 19th birthday i got my license 🤷♀️ i love how motivated i get when i set my mind on doing something delusional
I have a spikey internal navigation profile. I adopted GPS very early on, my dad is probably ND too, he had like ten GPS units for land and water. I can self navigate on foot or on bicycle, but not when I am with other people or in a car. Since my breakdown I have relied on the "avoid highways" option on my GPS app. It's really saved me a lot of stress, anxiety, and terror. "Hyper Mileage" or whatever. I like to be aware of my surroundings scaled by how immediate they are. Thats a circle all around me, a cone cast in front of me, and a separate algorithm running for traffic lights and signs up to a mile away. I just let go of the gas and coast if I know I'll have to stop ahead. It saves gas and brake pads. Accelerate on downward inclines and coast or let some speed reduce going uphill. Saves gas. I only drive before noon. In the morning people in public are more predictable/peaceful (on average).
My now 31 year old autistic son was absolutely determined more than anything, to get his license. To everyone’s surprise, bro did it at 19. Now he races tuner cars and has his motorcycle license 😊
Yes, I drive. I got my driver’s license when I was 20, I am 48 now. I had no clue back then that I was autistic. And it was hard for me to learn it. It helps me to have my own small car. I don’t drive on highways because this is just too fast for me and I can’t process all the information that fast. When I go somewhere the first time it helps me when someone else drives, so that I can get to know the road. And I need to know where I can find a parking space before I go there on my own. It is not always easy. Thank you for bringing up this topic. 💛
I'm 19 and because my mom refused to teach me how to drive in any of our cars we've had over the years, I'm still left clueless. For some reason where I live, the schools drivers ed program cost $20 per fucking session. (30 minutes being the whole session, that's literally NOTHING) so my mom was also "No" at that. I asked if I could get a part time job she could occasionally drop me off to "No" to that also, so I couldn't even get the money myself. To present day. I've spoken to my counselor about it and explained my anxieties driving that I have now, and she thinks half of my issue is the "No no no" thing my whole life, so it's like I feel whatever move I make is the wrong one. And the other half being that I'm highly likely to be autistic (I still need an evaluation for it) but I DO have ADHD, and OCD (OCD ofc being an anxiety disorder, and ADHD making me unable to focus) I hate that my mom is so mad at me for being unable to drive, yet she's made no efforts in giving me access. Everything has been "no" I can't win. Edit: Grammar mistakes.
Love this video ❤ Not being able to look around while driving is the worst!! After you learn to drive, watching TV and Movies where the driver is looking everywhere else but the road makes me want to scream at them hahahha LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING PLEASE!!!! 😅
i do drive and so does my autistic partner - he's a commercial truck driver! i love long road trips. i knew if i didn't drive i'd be stuck with my mother forever. driving represents freedom and control for me.
But I think i got good at it because of hyperfocus. I can't stand conversations or sensory distractions in the car but if I have control of the audio, temperature, etc, that unbroken focus i'm a very good driver and parker.
Hi Paige, I am autistic and I drive since I was 14. I had no licence at the beginning. My brain is really well equipped for driving, navigation and smart reflexes and a lot of intuition, prevision, interpretation, etc. I love when people respect the rules, when you don't respect it's so stupid. Rules are there to communicate partake and secure yourself and others. Let your mood, and ego at home when you dive. Driving can be so much fun when you're autistic!
I hate it when people do not use turn signals. That will piss me off more than anything. I hated driving with my mom too. There was this one stop light by my house. Every time we came up to it, my mom would grab the wheel and scream "Slow this motherfucker down!". To this day, we still joke about it being the slow this motherfucker down light, lol.
Big kudos to all of you who drive! I'm 27 and have never driven a car, not even tried. I'm already horrible at stuff like rolling carts about (I work in a supermarket), so I'm pretty sure I would suck at driving, and also I find the thought super scary 😅 Thankfully I have always been lucky enough to live in places where I could just bike or take public transport to the places I needed to go (or have had my lovely mom to drive me around thank you mom 🙌)
I went to drivers ed at 15 years old, completed all the tests perfectly fine and all the sessions on the road went great. But my parents also didn't provide me with a car to practice once I finished drivers ed. My dad had a manual and my mom had a new car, so i just... didn't drive! And time kept going with no driving experience so it became more daunting, my anxiety skyrocketed at the mere thought of a driving test. Took me until 23 years old when my boyfriend was going to deploy that I NEEDED to get my license. So I studied my ass off and practiced with him for months. And got my license!! I've been driving for about 3 years now and luckily have basically zero road rage. I don't *enjoy* driving but I love having the ability to, it changed my life and I wish I had gotten it soooo much sooner :( I even bought my first car recently at 25 years old and it gives me so much pride. It is totoally doable for many of us to drive, its just daunting!! What helped me TONSSS is watching road test videos on youtubes, hours and hours of real world experience of others driving & what they did wrong. Read every word of the driving handbook from my state (if you're in the US), doing practice tests, and taking my time practicing in the car. Doing exposure therapy basically on myself. I was scared of freeways after getting my license, but forcing myself on there I realized its not bad, and eventually I lost the fear ❤️
I took my driver test in a '85 Blue Celica with a standard transmission. My girlfriend at the time told me the best way to parallel park. I did it in two moves and the guy giving the test only said I was a little too timid otherwise. That told me everything I needed to know to be a good drive aside from learning to that point. In the Dallas area I learned not to make eye contact with other drivers on 635. When I drive, having ADHD and Autism, I cannot afford to take my eyes off the road AT ALL. In Texas and maybe other states too, IDK, people will drive in the passing lane even when the signs say to get out of the passing lane. My wife's car has a backup camera and she uses the heck out of. I never notice it when I backing up.
i swear i felt the exact same way about driving at 15/16, and unfortunately as an aussie, I didn't have drivers ed. i just turned 32 and I am finally ready to learn to drive, especially since I'd committed to having my own car I can sit in and learn where everything is and what its does before being in motion.
I’m 23 and have yet to learn. Absolutely petrified, and it doesn’t help that all the local driving schools I’ve reached out to either said “well if you can write an email I’m pretty sure you’re high-functioning enough to drive a car” or “we don’t give special treatment.” Ok thanks guys. 😑
I was hesitant about driving when I was 15, but once I started I realized I really love it. I am very grateful to own a car and be able to drive anywhere. I can't handle public transportation, the sensory experience and the crowds are too overwhelming. Not so in my own little box where I can play music
IDK if I'm autistic but I have traits (sensory issues) and mad anxiety. Finally got my license at 24. Glad I finally pushed myself to do it. Never had any formal class or training, just learned with my brother/parents and from the internet. And a few days ago, I drove in a big city and did pretty well!
I had the same issues you did with parents with cars that would not teach me to drive, and living out in the country where there was really no public transportation. I didn't learn to drive until I was 24 and didn't get my license until 26. Been driving 20 years now though and have never been in an accident :)
AuDHD here. Driving/Learning how to drive, on roads, with real people, was an extreme nightmare. Now, if it was at home and the riding lawnmower or around the property in one of our junky vehicles, fine. Fences don't die. My dad, bless his heart, was an amazing teacher. He made me feel comfortable and confident. He let me learn in abandoned parking lots and slowly introduced me to real-world driving. He also made me learn and pass my drivers test with a stick shift. I HATED this. Now, in my adult life, I have had two emergency situations where that was required and the only option. Again, thanks, dad. I totally hate driving but can do it and actually do it well. I can predict things before they are going to happen. I can multi task like a pro. And total road rage when folks do NOT pay attention and drive stupid. 😂 It took me longer to get it, but once I did, I had a pretty good record. Most incidents through my 50 years were eased by my defensive driving, or deer that were out of my control. Only one was my fault, and even that I was found innocent due to the other drivers' speeding. Not bad. My son, on the other hand, is terrified to get behind the wheel. He is 25 and Autistic and won't even get in the car to test the lights. That is totally okay. If he ever wants to, I will teach him. Most Autistic folks I know are actually pretty good drivers, in my opinion.
Hi Paige, Thanks. Insightful. Useful. Tip: So often people see a driver doing something strange and procede to teach them a lesson. Even if they are considered to be in the wrong, you have better things to do with your time than be parked on the side of the road with a damaged car exchanging particulars, or worse. Instead you can hang back, give them space, then be on your way without drama. You are really sweet and appealing. Swearing doesn't make your point any clearer. You communicate well.
I bought my current car from my mother about 3 years ago. It is a 2008, and she bought it new, so I have been driving it for 15 years. It is having a problem right now, and this will be the only part that has ever been changed on it, outside of brakes, tires, and batteries. The current battery is ten years old, and still going strong. I wouldn't trade this car for anything.
Driving anything with an engine has been a special interest is mine ever since I started driving go carts at a young age ( I was tall enough when I was 7 years old, most kids were 12 or so) and I also would love to mow the lawn with the riding lawn mower 😁 I love the rules of the road, still hate when others don't follow it but such is life!! I am now a full grown truck driver lady 😂🎉
I'm in NY, 55 male, didn't get diagnosed with Asperger's until 2001 for various reasons. Been driving since 1986 or so, couldn't be bothered going to my HS Driver's Ed., so ended up going to a nearby private driving school and crash-coursing it, but I ended up with an excellent driving teacher, so aced everything! First time out. But that was years before a diagnosis, and before I had other issues etc. My driving record is pretty impeccable, still. I've never caused an accident. I've had others almost cause me to buy the farm a few times, including drunken neighbors, etc. but luckily, never got hurt. But, I have a hard time dealing with some driving stuff: road bullies, garage and service, inspections, road rage, idiots, people who don't signal, tailgaters, etc. I used to have a hard time dealing with just car maintenance and such, breakdowns, flat tires, whatever, the AC system dying out, but I"ve learned to just try to roll with these things. I hit a gigantic pothole in my new Mazda sedan two weeks ago, avoiding another rock in the road near it, and had massive front end tire and bearing damage from it. This was on local roads on LI that are nearly undriveable due to the potholes and roads never having been repaved for 45 years! LOL I would years ago, have total anger meltdowns over shit like that, but this time, I just had to roll with it, and bring it to the dealer the next day, and for another day as well, and get it all fixed. Insurance is paying for it, apparently. Years ago I would be screaming and flipping out from stuff like that. I love having a car, since I Live in suburban west bumfuck LI, LOL, but, I don't love the nonsense that comes with it. I have to have the radio or music going when I'm driving of any distance. Helps keep me chilled out! I believe I'm actually a better driver now than I even was in say, 1986, or 1990. A matter of experience, instinct, and learning severe defensive driving and scanning all the time. Still I couldn't avoid the pothole trap, but that was just a rare situation. The roads in NY are shit, though. Why? Because we are living in a corrupt police state piece of shit state, that's why. The State will only reimburse drivers for potholes etc. during May 15- Nov. 15! That's if they even really do, because for years, NY State wouldn't pay for shit. What a place. Another trigger is parking lot scammers and scam artists, which I've also had run-ins with. A few years ago I chased two young would be scammers in Queens (Glen Oaks) right out of the shopping parking lot I was in, which was hilarious!! I scared the living shit out of them by acting insane and speeding up and chasing them out of the parking lot! Don't try this at home....but it worked in that case.
I got my license when I was 44 and my dad needed someone to drive him home from chemo. Driving is so exhausting…. I took drivers ed when I was 16… Driving induced deep anxiety, and I never got a license. I did apply for drivers permits over the years, It often ended with some kind of episode, like ripping the fuel pump off the car from not knowing how to use a stick shift, to just not practicing because of the fear and anxiety. When my dad needed me, it was enough motivation to get it done and once I got use to the driving part, It was easier, but It still exhausted me, and I carefully plan things in a way to minimize my need for driving. I do find that other drivers are the most difficult part about the whole thing. That and the stress that can come from knowing your car is dying and not knowing how you’re going to replace it or get to work. That kind of stress eats at me, and I miss my life before driving. It does make it easier to work and be functional, but It is also a constant source of stress and anxiety.
I had so many of the same struggles and never knew why. Trucks are so much harder to drive then smaller sedans. The spatial awareness of large vehicles is hard to feel. And I didn’t quite understand how to adjust my side view mirrors till I saw a visual that explained it, a couple years into driving 😅 I really struggle if I have to get into a friend’s or family members’s car car and drive. I feel like I need to know where all the buttons are, etc. all the little differences in cars definitely does feed into this. I love how you explained it like a relationship. Took me years to get used to my husbands truck. Having cameras on the truck (& in multiple places ) was an accommodation I didn’t know would be so helpful. Also have BVD 😅 my first car was a 1995 Toyota and highway driving was absolutely terrifying in that thing. Thought a wheel was gonna fly off. I have found driving in the second lane was always best for me bc I would end up accidentally leaving the highway bc some highways the farthest lanes turn into exit lanes and then come back. But also people entering the high way always come in through thet lane and it’s so annoying. GPS’s were so hard to follow bc I was tryna match the map to were I was. Visually following the pattern Instead of just reading the numbers.
I literally had the same experience as you in most of the things you described. Other than having an online drivers ed. I only got 1 or 2 points off of my test because of the parallel park thing, I have shit eyes that make it difficult to see at certain points, I've only gotten in two "accidents" and they were similar to yours, never gotten pulled over, and my road rage is outta control. lolol
learning how to drive is an absolute nightmare for me but i'm trying to take it lesson by lesson and give myself grace. i think thats really the only way to do it.
THIS. It took me 10 years to be comfortable enough with driving to get my license. My friends made fun of me (all had their license at 16) my parents got very frustrated. I felt like giving up many times but it’s something i desperately wanted, so i basically did exactly what you said. I took it day by day, step by step, and I’ve now been a licensed driver for 9 years. I love seeing others have the same confidence and determination, don’t get discouraged. You’ve got this!!! 🙌🏼
@@_anon_4532 thats so amazing!! feeling left behind and trying to believe in yourself is truly the hardest part. i’m so proud you got there and i appreciate your encouragement very much :’) thank you ♡
My son is trying to get his license now. He has an appointment at the end of May.
That is excellent! You are doing great. It took me a long while to learn to drive, longer than all of my peers, but I got my license recently! While driving still takes a lot of my energy, it does get better! You just take it at your pace 💛💛
I didn’t learn until I was 29! It was a nightmare but I did it. You can too!!
Was literally just talking to my friend about this!! I’m 51, failed my driving test years ago & it was only last year that I was able to realise why I couldn’t cope with driving- it’s a processing issue. If there was no other traffic I’d be fine! But my brain cannot keep up with the constant changes & the split-second decisions that let’s face it can be pretty important!
Same. Plus, I have zero sense of direction and poor spacial awareness means I don't have a good grasp of where the edges of the vehicle are.
Totally this! I took driver training in high school, so had the learner's license, but never got my license to drive because I couldn't stand driving on a street or the highway where there would be way too much traffic and too much to keep track of. I prefer bike riding. At least when there is too much traffic on a street, I have the option of biking on the sidewalk. And yes, I make sure not to go too fast on my bike so as not to run into pedestrians.
I also remember in high school while I had my learner's, my mom had me drive her Saturn one time to learn and I hated the accelerator pedal because my foot is like lead and so I pressed the pedal too hard accidentally and was nearly speeding down the street when I didn't want to. It was so embarrassing. 😭
So relieved to hear I’m not the only one with this issue!! I also have always struggled with learning to play an instrument for what I suspect might be the same reason. It was so hard for my brain to simultaneously focus on reading the notes and playing the notes at the exact same moment and do it at such a quick pace. The frustration I felt while learning to drive gave me instant flashbacks lol. There’s too much information to process and then act on in a single second
"If there was no other traffic I’d be fine!" That's... a big if.
ADHD and autism here. I BARELY passed my driving test.
Right after i turned 18, i crashed my car into the front a parked semi. Two weeks later I crashed my new car into a light pole. Both times I was overstimulated. After that I learned to take my time. If i'm not sure that there is enough space to turn onto a busy road, I wait. I force myself to go slow, even if everything in me is screaming to go fast. I would rather miss an exit or listen to the person behind me honk than go past the limits of my cognition and crash again. I'm happy to report that it's been 20 years since the 2nd accident and I have not wrecked another car.
Over stimulation is so real! The one and only time I crashed a car was when I was driving around trying to bail my cousin out of jail (I kept calling the county and they kept telling me different locations) It was also the first time I used the highway and the first time driving in general. So there was that. The fire department was called (they were so nice!) I kind of disassociated after the wreck, staring into space and what not. The FF chalked it up to shock.
Right after I started driving, I hit a gas pump. I've also hit curbs (multiple) when making U turns and a parked car. I've had so many close calls due to being overstimulated. It seems like loud or certain types of music will do it, as well as being around really aggressive drivers (weaving in and out of traffic, tailgating, excessive speeding). ugh
I felt really stupid and pathetic for struggling with driving so much, until I realized being so monotropic might be the explanation for that. One thing that I desperately struggle with is trying to split my attention between what I am physically doing, what my car is doing, what other cars are doing, maintaining the correct speed, and paying attention to road signs. Regardless of the reason, it still sucks though because there is no public transportation in my area and I am stuck at home all the time.
Surprising how among all the things you are paying attention to, you didn't mention pedestrians. Isn't it the worst thing, to lethally hit an unprotected squishy citizen engaging in bipedal propulsion, and then go in jail for that?
@@az8560 Your comment seems really harsh. I feel what this person's feeling with the split attention on busy main roads and highways, while in motion, when there SHOULDN'T be pedestrians crossing to worry about. Of course we also pay attention to pedestrians, and you're gonna pay more attention where you expect them, like residential streets, school zones and intersections, but you're quite okay to not think about pedestrians on the highway.
Even though the little roads have the added element of pedestrians, I'd be a much more content driver if I could get where I needed to go by only sticking to side roads. Unfortunately my area isn't well planned and that's so impossible I can't even drive to my cousin in law's house on the next street over without using a road that's maintained by the department of highways.
just jump in practice overtime its easier since certain things come automatic, you're only focusing on the road. Yeah in the beginning it hard to pay attention to everything when you're thinking about where your feet are where to place them turn signs those things like playing a video game becomes automatic.
Start practice in an empty parking lot get comfortable with awareness of what your physical doing to the point you no longer need to think about it. Only drive local too familiar places close by in the beginning so you don't need to concentrate too hard on where you are going so you can start out directing your focus to the traffic other cars.
Pick a vehicle you're comfortable with I personally was uncomfortable with cars that sat to low I wanted to be able to see over around other vehicles. Didn't want to big those are harder to park.
Its better to learn as early as possible as you get older you become a more anxious new driver its harder for things to become natural like if you learn younger the physical doing becomes so natural out of habit learning things older you tend to stay a nervous driving and will have to think everything.
@@az8560 That is a scare y though but depending where one is and is driving, they might not have many for it to be a huge concern in the city that would be one of the first things to be looking out for if you on a highway there shouldn't be random people walking across
The more you practice, the easier it becomes! I didn’t get my license until I was 21, but it was well worth it.
37- cannot drive. I forget left and right and I cannot do all the things at once because I get over stimulated and overwhelmed. I freeze.
God relatable. Thank you for helping me feel seen.
With the left right issue, you can paint nails a certain color I did red on right green on left other than the test where they are giving out instructions turn left turn right I don't really think about it if you know where you going you know you can see the location you want to go to is on that side, so you just go towards location. passenger is right by the way. you can make up a rhyme in your head to remember. As for following GPS it will say left or right, but it also has an image on the screen highlining what lane to be in again you can remember the passenger is always right. or mark your hand/nails.
I get overwhelmed sometimes when I feel it coming on just do deep breath find a spot to pull over. If in traffic you just stuck moving with the traffic until you see a parking spot, try playing calming music.
To help prevent that overwhelm know where you going to beforehand and give yourself plenty extra time in case you need to stop somewhere to catch your breath. Like if you are going somewhere, you haven't been you can look up google maps beforehand study the roads, you're going to be on I do a visual drive the day before using google maps checking out all the roads what they look like the nearby roads in case of a missed turn so there is less chance of surprise.
as for the focus on what you're doing and paying attention as you drive the doing becomes habit so there is fewer overwhelming stimuli. You practice in an empty parking lot then non busy side roads until you get the physical things like where your feet go which way to turn the wheel down. Basically, set yourself up to be prepare for any situation.
I’m not good at left and right either. I just look at the image on the GPS and always turn off the sound. Having a screen on my dashboard instead of having to constantly look down at my phone has helped a lot.
You guys are wonderful. Thank you for the helpful tips and maybe one day in the future I will drive. Also, Thank you for being so kind. Sometimes the world isn't the kind and caring place I want it to be, but I don't let that stop me from being nice and kind to everyone. ❤️❤️❤️
@@maddienoelle22 yep I have my music on and check the highlighted lanes on the screen
I’m autistic, started learning to drive at 16 but didn’t get my license until 27. Been driving for almost 10 years now. Idk who needs to hear this but- don’t give up!
Yes! 36 here, earned my learner's permit near the end of high school in 2006, did my road test in 2021. We can do this, and there's no such thing as too late. My road test guy was so funny at the end when we were back in his office doing the paperwork. "Forgive me, I normally only give this 'you passed' speech to teenagers, I know you're a mom in your 30s..."
I think I was 25 going on 26. I don’t know if I’m autistic, I have a suspicion I am but driving was terrifying for me and I wasn’t sure I ever would. If I did it, any of you can too❤
Me! I need to hear that!
I've given up. Tried and failed 3 times, I'm out. Now whenever I think about driving ed I just get so emotional, I'd rather do anything else.
@@Marescio I’m sorry. I went through a time like that too. Take a break for a few months and don’t even think about it. When you feel like it, try again. Don’t put pressure on yourself.
While I CAN drive I find it over stimulating & a sensory nightmare but I’m a very careful & safe driver.
I am also disappointed by my fellow man out on the highways & byways lol.
Ha! This is me exactly! I'm not a bad driver, but man, I hate it so so so so so much. It's draining
Driving is so stressful!
Hate driving out of my safe places
@@lisam.willadsen Well said. That’s definitely true for me also.
I would get into yelling matches with my dad, I hit a bush, I cried constantly. That spatial awareness is horrible at first, but I've been driving for 7 years with no accidents! I can't recommend practicing in big EMPTY parking lots, it helped build that spatial awareness!!
My dad did that with me too. It really helped to establish the basics like getting a feel for how big a car is so you know how much room you need to make a turn, or where the lines are when you park, or how much you need to put the weight of your foot on the accelerator to go or on the break to slow down (and in a steady, smooth way for both of those scenarios), etc.
😂 My first 3 driving lessons took place in my family's cow pasture! The car was driven to the center of the pasture by my dad, then he had me take the driver's seat. Thrilling, frightening! No cattle, fences, or fenders damaged.
Practicing backing up was something else. My granddad had built our garage with doors like an old fashion barn. Fold out when open. I managed to knock one vertical board clear off the garage door, and the next one was knocked loose at the bottom!! Those doors were seldom closed anyway, but never after that.
I drove into a bush too!! TWINSIES
other people not following the rules is truly the WORST part! even if I do everything right, if somebody else makes one big mistake then I have to pay for it, and vice versa. it just feels unfair 😅
and yes, not being able to look out the windows is the second worst part lol. i'm the most observant person in the car if i'm not driving. if I have to drive.... well now I have tunnel vision and suddenly can't see anything, apparently. it was so helpful when my driving instructor reminded me I could physically MOVE my head and body to look around if I have to. i didn't realize your face doesn't literally have to be facing straight ahead 100% of the time.
Driving is my Nirvana. One solitary focus. Nothing else matters. My second brain is free to roam if the drive is boring. Just great. UNLESS it's driving in heavy traffic like downtown in a big city. So frustrating. Also agree about other drivers and expecting them to follow the rules of the road and extreme road raging.
I was wondering if anyone else felt that way! I'm super focused on the road and becoming one with the vehicle. It's incredible in the moment.
It it one of the few times I am calm and really happy. I do drive fast but I am courteous and try to only when no one is on the road
I literally have adjusted the times when i leave for work to avoid the traffic, for a 30 minute journey leave on the hour when people will have arrived at their work, and less traffic every time!
YEAH THIS!
When I was driving school bus I realized that about 80% of school bus drivers are likely autistic... and we are incredible drivers.
Driving is my fortress of solitude. Yes you have to deal with other drivers. But you just have to be defensive and safe and get where you are going. Indeed traffic sucks, but it sucks for everyone for sure.
I live in mountains so all my roads are twisty. I love the technical aspect of driving here, feeling the weight of the car shift and the grip of the tires. It feels like the car is an extension of my body. City driving is very difficult and overwhelming though.I totally understand the road rage thing, people doing the wrong thing is infuriating.
Seeing as cars and driving is my special interest…yeah, autistic people can drive! My biggest recommendation is actually (once you get your license), GO AND DO A TRACK DAY!!!!! Like a race track. Like going fast. This may seem counter-intuitive, but everyone is going in the same direction, there’s (actually) very little to hit, and most importantly *you can get used to what the car does & sounds like*.
I have found that mastering a skill + learning the black and white rules of the road were crucial to feeling safe - and the knowledge that *when* someone near me does something stupid, I’ll be able to avoid it or mitigate damage. Finally, if you’re not comfortable driving: don’t let anyone tell you that you need to drive! I’d rather you stay home or in the passenger seat than be scared/confused/overloaded in the driver’s seat. :)
Wow that sounds like fun.
Great video Paige!! As a guy with Autism, I am scared to drive because i dont want to get into accidents and i dont trust my own driving.
Small cars help.
I never learned how to drive. I was diagnosed with a bunch of shit at 16 and so my mom never taught me how to drive, and no one else in my family ever bothered. I was basically treated like I would never be able to drive directly because of my mental illness and neurodivergence diagnoses. At 19 I was diagnosed as autistic with CPTSD, I'm 25 now and can't drive, luckily my fiancé's dad is planning on teaching me how to drive stick on an old truck which I'm hyped for. I was always terrified of driving. This vid just made me even more excited to try learning this summer.. I also don't feel so alone because my wife doesn't have a license either at 26.
It's good to know that it's possible. I've been trying to learn to drive and it's terrifying. I cry every time, definitely nowhere near ready to take my driving test. For me, my autism makes me process things more slowly, so driving at a high rate of speed seems unsafe for me. Even driving 20mph is pretty intimidating, but I started with only letting the car roll (in a parking lot, I was not driving that slow in the road lol). I'm even getting smoother with my stops. Anyways, I trust and hope that I'll eventually be able to comfortably drive to the store and whatnot, even if I can't drive on the highway.
Side note: not sure about Canada, but in the U.S. that "etiquette" about staying in the furthest right lane on the highway is actually the law. It is technically a violation of the law to just stay in the passing lane(s). That doesn't mean people follow it at allllllll, but thought I'd share.
I had the same issue I was uncomfortable going over 20 in the beginning I started out just driving on side streets where that's the limit. I can drive the highway speeds now. the test I took they only took me down side streets so didn't have to worry about going fast. Basically, they just want to see if you're a safe driver making sure you put on your seatbelt checked mirrors signal stopping at stop signs then being able to parallel park. If speed the only thing your worried about you should be fine on the test getting comfortable going faster just comes with time
That story with the brake failure is insane. Props to you for making it out of that with nothing happening omg, you’re a quick thinker
Surprisingly I'm a very great driver for someone on the spectrum! Driving and cars have been some of my interests and I always knew how to drive a vehicle.
I did get my drivers license a year later than most people did. I got my license at 17 and I've been driving for 11 years now. I'm a good driver. Hope you are well Paige!
I'm 48 with ASD, as well as some other letters. One thing that's been an ongoing issue is a learning difference, and that manifested itself with learning to drive, too - it took a number of attempts to pass the test, but I finally did it. I've been driving now for about 30 years.
Thanks for sharing your experiences!
I have ADHD and Autism & I spent ages trying to learn to drive, and I wasn't *bad* but 2 separate instructors trained me & trained me & took my dad's money, but never said "Ha! You are now ready, young padawan! It is time to take The Test!".
So we found a place that was staffed by ex taxi drivers, where they offered a 3 day course where you do 3 days of 8 hours' intensive driving practice. For an hour they assessed where my faults were & then for the rest of it we did nothing but all the things I was bad at, until I was good at it. The test was on the afternoon of the third day, having started early in the morning, then I sat my practical test & passed first time.
Sometimes you just gotta go all in.
You should use a disability drivers program they are specialized in working with disabled people
I passed my test but I still consider myself to be a bad driver. I panick easily when people tailgate me, I missjudge how fast or slow oncoming cars are, merging is hard as well. I really wish I didn't have to drive because I genuinly feel like it will kill me some day. But in my society, I have to learn to drive to have access to my job and other things.
This exactly😅
When i first started driving, I had the same feeling of the speed limit being too fast. I struggled to get up to 55mph and 65mph on highways and the interstate.
Also one big thing i still kind of sturggle with is spacial awareness of the actual vehicle.
If youte familiar with video game stuff, imagine a hit box. I struggle to know how big my car's hit box is basically. Thats the best way i can explain it 😅
I have the same issue. I always try to allow for a lot of extra space, because I don't know where the edges are.
@@PatchworkDragon yes exactly that! Also I find myself riding on the right edge of the road at times and struggling with maintaining my lane frequently
I used to be horrible with this but I have improved a lot! That being said, I still hit curbs more often than I’d like to admit. My car is pretty low to the. Ground so it can be difficult to see the curbs.
This video was really relatable tbh. I too was terrified to have to drive despite also doing well in the written tests. I used to avoid driving whenever possible and would walk multiple hours away just to avoid having to drive somewhere on certain occasions. Cut to like 2 years later my summer job was essentially driving around 8 hours a day finding places by memory and I loved it lol.
Oh and best part was no highway driving. I totally feel you on that front, highway driving so so stressful and overstimulating. I hate it.
I failed the permit test! I talked to my teachers senior year in 2009 and they told me about identification card and I got it! I don’t drive currently! I bought a Segway in March 2013-April 2023! Then bought an electric scooter in April 2023! I enjoyed life without driving!
I don’t know how you do well on a Segway.
Paige we need a whole series explaining driving for autistic people
I'm 34 and have never driven. I'm so terrified that I will get the "I don't know if you can drive" reaction. I have such a hard time learning physical skills and being taught to DO things. I dont have a family with a car so I also can't practice. It's SO comforting to hear that people like us can overcome the challenges and prove wrong the people who tell us ee can't
I didn't get my license until I was 24 and wasn't an actually competent highway solo driver until a few years ago with much concerted effort. It's one of the first skills to regress when I'm burnt out or overwhelmed.
My ADHD med has saved my driving “sanity.” It calms and slows me down.
The driver's education instructor called my parents and made them promise not to let me test out right away - I was "an anxious driver." Well, yeah. There is a lot of input coming in at a very high speed, and if you miss noticing the wrong thing you could ____ someone! Or permanently disable them! Or at the very least, cause several thousands of dollars in property damage. The stakes do not GET any higher, folks! Of course I'm anxious! Not as much as I used to be, but still. I only drive because public transport is not an option.
Paige, thank you for timing your upload right around the time I realize I'm struggling with something and it's related to autism. This gives me so much peace of mind that it isn't just me being stupid and incapable.
My dad taught me to drive when I was 8 years old and i've loved it ever since. Had no problems acquiring my licence either. My car is a sort of "decompression space" for me. I live in a beautiful natural area and I love just going off driving by myself for a while when I need some distance between me and the rest of the world.
I am 50 and autistic and do not drive. I have never got my license.
I appreciate this I am 31 never continued too many family meme bets lost their lives in cars
How do you guys get around? Genuine question.
@@RexyLearnStuff the city bus and my husband
@@GuilloryFamily wish there was public transport near me :(
@@RexyLearnStuff we also walk places but are very lucky we live near a shopping center.
I did practice driving a lot when I was younger. It was a waste of money for me though and I never received my license despite paying a huge amount for it. Afterwards I felt used for money. I have decided that I no more need a license. For me it's just filled with anxiety and I can't concentrate an all movements when it comes to driving. I live in the city so I can instead take the bus, trams, train etc.
my mom is very pushy about me learning to drive but I literally feel unable to, and most importantly, I don’t *want* to. I genuinely get way too freaked out behind the wheel and I physically just cannot keep up with doing everything at once. I don’t even have the spatial awareness required to park properly so god forbid I drive too close to someone else. I genuinely think it’s too dangerous for me to drive in particular. Plenty of autistic people can drive of course, but at the same time, every autistic person is different and I’m pretty confident that I’m not gonna be one of those people, and I’m fine with that, but i wish my mom would understand.
i’m in the same situation, i don’t know what to do
This is relatable lol. I started off taking driver's ed at my high school with one of the PE teachers. We had to pass the classroom part, and then we had to pass the driving part and if we didn't pass the driving part, we had to go do a driving test with the actual DMV and pass that. I had barely any issues with the classroom/test part, like you. But the driving part was hard for me, because my teacher wasn't the greatest teacher. One of the things that really threw me off was that he would try to trick us. Like there were times where he would ask me to turn the WRONG WAY onto a one way, and I wouldn't look at the sign because little autistic me just assumed "my teacher wouldn't lie to me" because I didn't think anyone lied, because I didn't lie. So he set me up to fail his driving tests, and because of that I ended up having to take the driving test at the DMV.
The other thing that was hard for me was that when I first started learning, my dad really pushed me and *made* me go practice driving with him when I really wasn't in the right state of mind for it/didn't want to at all. I was in an abusive relationship in high school, so I would often not be in the right headspace for learning to drive. I didn't tell my dad this though, because I didn't like talking to people - particularly my parents - about that situation. Add my undiagnosed autism on top of that and boy, was driving a nightmare for me during that time lol. Luckily I did EVENTUALLY (after more than one failure) pass a driving test at the DMV and get my license. But I'd be lying if I said that driving was easy for me, even now after over a decade of doing it all the time, including doing it by myself over large distances (across states). I still struggle with it and I think it's something I'll always struggle with to an extent, but I have been lucky enough not to get into any serious crashes and I hope that luck stays with me lol
I love the timing of this. I am taking my driving test on Thursday. I have driven plenty of non-vehicles for work, and I've driven cars. I have not drove in a couple of years, but I believe I am finally in the right head space to just do it. I do know how to drive. I'm very aware of my limits.
I am fully convinced that driving manual is a stim and I love it, on top of driving the whole car. Also despite having issues with noise from blenders, smoke alarms, animals I love a lot of car noises. Of course I'm fully aware that you shouldn't slam the pedal down needlessly all the time even though I think it sounds nice
Also I grew up with Herbie and Knight rider so that definitely influenced liking cars as well, a VW Beetle is such a friendly car and I have to kneel down to say hello to them when I see one!
I LOVE the way you describe things. It kind of makes everything that is weird in my life feel okay. I don't know why. I watch your videos when my world feels out of kilter and bizarre, and I calm down, and it helps. So, thanks. Thank you so very lots and very much.👍
I was in no hurry to learn to drive. Failed my first driving test. Always preferred a manual, keeps me busy. For many years I had a knot in my stomach every time I got behind the wheel. I believe I'm a very competent driver, but I'm also the most road ragey person I know, and never thought it could be a AuDHD thing. Thanks for sharing your story!!
I drive. I was terrified to learn & still don't really enjoy it. I have a lot of anxiety around it & a lot of "rules" I follow to help myself feel more comfortable around driving - for instance, if I'm going on a road trip with friends I do not want to drive unless I absolutely have to. However, if I'm going on a road trip with my husband & kids, I prefer to drive. The pressure driving other people around gets too much to bear, other than family.
Self-diagnosed autiHDer here.
In my country, Hungary, drivers ed is compulsory, you can start it at 17, and you can get your licence at 18. Otherwise it works similarly to what you describe, first there's a class and you need to pass a test on traffic rules, and then you get to sit in a car with an instructor. Officially, you are not even allowed to go into traffic with anyone but the professional instructor, so you can't really practice on your family's car unless you find a half empty car park where no one's gonna question you. Back when I learnt to drive, you also needed your first couple lessons in a specific place, imagine like a big court with private roads and some elements like an "obstacle course" where you have to learn specific tasks, like parking, starting the car on a ramp, accelerating to a specific speed then braking within a given distance, etc. And I needed to pass another exam on this before I was allowed into traffic. These days, people can start in this course, but it's not compulsory, they can start right in traffic.
I did the whole shabang before I even suspected I might have autism, my one trouble was, feeling like both a too fast and too slow learner at once. Like when explained, I could do the task right, so my instructor thought I'd learnt it, but I didn't memorize it deeply. And young me had no idea how to advocate for myself and ask to be explained again.
Back then, traffic wasn't so bad either. I actually quite liked highways first, because they weren't busy at all back then, so it was much easier than city driving. I drove on highhways in various European countries when we took roadtrips to visit family and it was too long for my dad to do alone. Speaking of highways, here it is a rule/law that you must tend right whenever possible, yet people still don't always do it...
I've also seen how different driving culture is in different places. I live near a big-ish city, but my country's capital is crazy in comparison and I would be too anxious and not aggressive enough to drive there.
I actually spent many years not or barely driving, I lived in the capital and used public transport, then I lived in the Netherlands and biked. Getting back into it was rough and very anxiety inducing. But I've gotten my own car just a year and a half ago, and fallen in love with her since. She's 13 this year, and a Nissan too! A Micra, so she's small and easy to manouver, but has enough power for me. And I've also experienced how different it is to drive different cars, I'm so used to my own car that I prefer not to drive our family car, because it is too different, and then having to pay attention to handling it means I'm not paying enough attention to traffic. And indeed, once I'm used to the car and manouvering becomes second nature, the hardest part is the idiots out there, drivers and pedestrians alike.
I got my autism diagnosis and driver’s license within the same month when I was 28.
I also have ADD and in my country (the Netherlands) they make you talk to a special psychologist to make sure you’re going to react safely in situations, anger etc. And they make you take this special driving test to see if you have the capacity to make decisions etc. All that went well, passed my driving exam in one try. But looking back, each new step we added when taking lessons took extra time for me to incorporate. And before shifting gears became second nature, a lot of my brain power went to making sure I was in the right gear, but once that wasn’t taking up space in my head paying attention to my surroundings became a lot easier for me.
Edit: added my age and fixed typo
Hey Paige! When I was 16, put off learning, but did get my license first try just after I turned 17. Drove here in Hamilton, Ontario (pop.500,000) for about 3 months then stopped because it was overwhelming to my Asperger's. That was 1985. Haven't driven anywhere but my driveway since. Always wanted to live on a farm and own a vintage VW Beetle. I'd drive all over the farm giving rides to all the animals. Fun times (with many tarps laid down!) You know, there are lot of professional racecar drivers who do not drive in city traffic because regular people are too unpredictable. Great vid, and congrats on getting your overly-complicated graduated license! (Wasn't a thing back in the day.)💕
Hey Paige! Success! Just bought your book and, 7 pages in, 😂 so far so good!❤ I'll non-spoiler comment tomorrow. But,...well done!💕 And it's tomorrow, and I enjoyed your book very much! As always, your take on navigating the Spectrum is excellent and I feel I understand you better having read your book. Your experience with Ontario healthcare is unsurprising.🙄
It's so refreshing to hear you say the same things I am always saying, Paige, about driving. I love to maintain momentum and use my brakes minimally. I love to keep my distance from other cars so I have plenty of space to adapt to others terrible driving while braking only when it's absolutely necessary. I am so with you on the lane hogging malarky, it gets in the way of my driving flow. You are also correct to point out that driving well is about getting to know your car. You must learn your limitations and that of your vehicle and how your car reacts to your inputs. Great vid, Paige and I love your autistic view on life. Keep being awesome! ✌️
Yes. I drive heavy goods vehicles. Savant at spatial awareness! Perfect job for autistic people. Reduced social interactions and following rules all day. Same route every day. Longest I've ever stayed in a job! Oh, and it's the perfect sensory experience for me 👌👌
I am terrified of driving. My sister's been telling me to study for my permit for more than a year but it's just too terrifying.
Like most Autistic people, I was a little behind when it came to maturity at that age. I still played with toys at 16, and I never even thought about driving until I was almost 18, and I actually got my license on my 18th birthday. My experiences are very similar to yours. I am a very courteous and careful driver, and I got very easily annoyed when other people aren't that way, because I naturally assume that everyone else thinks the same way that I do. I have to remind myself that I am the enlightened one, and other people do not share my gift for intelligence, lol. I have a big issue with spacial awareness and depth perception when I am driving, and so I rarely take any chances. Speed limits are really annoying and aggravate my PDA, so I simply drive at whatever speed I feel like driving. I have been driving for 24 years, and i have only had one accident where I was determined to be at fault, and that was six months after I started driving. I broke my neck in the accident, so that definitely made me a believer in safety on the road.
My learner’s permit just expired for the second time, and it’s so embarrassing to have to get it renewed again so I can do that last little bit of practice before finally getting my license. My younger sister got her license before I did, which put a lot of extra pressure on me. Ever since one time when I briefly lost control of the car when I was starting to learn, driving has always made me panicky. I did great at learning the theory, but in practice? Nope! I’m a good driver, and I’ve gotten so much better, but I still hate it! The problem with driving is that it’s so unpredictable and you have to stay aware of everything around you and make split-second decisions, which I am not good at! But that’s why I think the test won’t be too awful, because I can find a closed-course place where it’s just me and the instructor in the same car. And once I get my license, I never have to worry about driving again 😅
I earned my learner's in 2006 and took my road test in 2021. You're fine! You'll do it when you're ready.
@@JennaGetsCreative Thank you, that actually means a lot! 💗
It is completely normal for autistic people to take longer to get their drivers license. My learners permit expired at least two times before I actually got my license. I first got a learners permit at 17, but I didn’t get my license until shortly after my 21st birthday. Give yourself some grace!
"I have a problem when people don't follow the rules" YES. I drive to work and back 4 times a week, and in my city istg it's so common, nearly every single person merges into the wrong lane on left and right turns and the anxiety and RAGE it induces in me is unmatched. Having both autism and adhd is weird though, I follow all the rules and get pissed when others don't but I have a speeding problem. Everyone on the road is too slow and if they go 30 under I get so mad
You have to learn to flow, and roll with it. You have to assume that they aren't going to follow the rules of the road, etc. Once you do that, and drive defensively,
you will relax more, kind of. Another good reason to NOT speed, is the amount of cameras and cop speed traps out there, red light cameras, etc., at least here in NY
State it's a nightmare now. You have to not only be aware of the roads and drivers, but the cameras and other nuisances. Try not to speed at all, unless it's
a sheer survival thing.
I'm 39 and was only diagnosed last week. I don't drive and have really struggled with it over the years. My brain exploded when you mentioned the connection between amblyopia and autism - I'm the very same! I can only focus with one eye at a time, I can choose which one but my resting state is with my right eye. I live in Ireland where it's just expected that you'll drive manual transmission but I found that overwhelming. I was already so scared of my (perceived) lack of spatial awareness and having to remember what gear I was in just added to that. My last driving lesson was about 5 years ago, on that one I didn't have my usual instructor so was already on edge. I was stopped in a turning lane to go right (we drive on the left btw) and when we got the green filter light, I proceeded to move, only for the driver in the other lane to run the red light and very nearly hit me! They laid on the horn, I felt really upset (as if I was in the wrong) and even asked if I really had the green, which the instructor confirmed. But that was too much for me and I haven't driven since. If I ever do it again, it's automatic transmission or nothing. I know that'll limit me here but not as much as it used to.
i am on like, my 5th or 6th permit. i CAN drive, even a stick shift. i can parallel park. i can 3 point turn. but i cant trust the other drivers out there. i need to find a drivers ed that ties into the physical drive test. im 38 now.
its comforting to hear that it is something that i could get used to, and that being in a more rural area could help me a lot, we are planning to move more rural soon. most drivers dont seem to realize that following the rules keeps us all safer, and getting where we are headed.
AuDHD= best drivers. I got my license at 15. I drive hundreds of miles each day, as part of my job. It takes the entire weekend for me to recover, mentally & physically, from a week’s worth of driving in heavy traffic.
I got pulled over ONCE, for a tail light being out. I didn't have my registration. But I went nonverbal. The police officer could see that I was terrified and she asked if it was the first time I had ever been pulled over. She said that I needed to make sure I had my registration in my car, and she let me go without a ticket.
Really glad you made this video, it’s a topic not often discussed, it’s good you are talking about it
I'm 40years old with AuDHD. I can drive but I'm terrible at it 😅😂 Road rage n panic, easily distracted. I often even remember how the heck I got to places because Im zoned out when driving smemtimes. I hate driving at night. LED headlights from the other side of road is too much. I can't see well driving at night and my anxiety hikes up.
I can't talk to a passenger while driving 😂
I'm lucky that I haven't gotten into accident so far. My partner gets scared when she is a passenger.
I'm glad to know that other autistic/adhd folks have struggles with driving 🚗 im not alone 😂
Im self diagnosed so far, 29 years old. I have always had a take-charge attitude and have decided that when I want to know how to do something, I’ll study and practice it until it’s fluent to me. Like I’m not allowed to be bad at it. So i began driving at 17, drove unlicensed until 21 and my husband refuses to drive so I do ALL of the driving.
My experience is that Im great at driving but I tend to “daydream” while I do and I drive on autopilot. So I’m fully aware of all of my surroundings and anyone incoming to my lane and mirrors etc but I’ll just have entire conversations in my head or think about other things in my life and just totally zone out, consciously. But subconsciously I know where I am and where Im going and how to get there.
I told my husband this and it freaked him out lol but I find that I even drive better this way. When I focus foo much on driving, I tend to be more paranoid and struggle a tad with steering sometimes because it bothers me when the lines aren’t straight but my wheel is and I have to keep going forward or “straight” lol
It also bothers me when people drive like assholes and don’t understand how the rules work like “did you not go to drivers ed or learn sh*t about driving? Wtf!” It infuriates me that so many people are allowed to have licenses and drive cars when they don’t want to follow the laws that come with it.
I’m dyspraxic and driving lessons have been a nightmare for me not only did I struggle a lot to drive in a straight line but I had an instructor that kept making me super uncomfortable and kept touching me and not turning up when I was expecting him to and then didn’t use the lessons I paid for and cancelled on me. Next I left uni and managed to eventually get an instructor that was good but she made it pretty clear that I wasn’t very good at reading my environment at all as she randomly disappeared on me. I have had to reschedule my test 4 times at this point and now I’ve finally managed to get another instructor and will have to get used to driving a completely different vehicle and driving on different roads and having no idea what the instructor will be like
I’m from Argentina and people drive like the way people drive in India. I don’t know if you’ve seen any clips from traffic in India, it’s almost the same here in Buenos Aires. Considering that, my sensory profile cannot endure that nightmare. I’ve travelled to other countries and considering how tranquile their streets are, I honestly believe I can drive there, but not here, where I live
I love your comments about the highway etiquette. They made me laugh. I used to drive the highways around Toronto.
I am binge watching your videos. Love them.
16:20 What you did to solve the dangerous situation sounds pretty genius to me. It is said that here in Germany, where I live, cars are safer than in the US and this is probably because we have to pass a quite strict check up every other year. So, I believe since I haven't heard about someone having the same issue here in Germany, that this kind of issue does happen literally never here in Germany.
I tried learning to drive first at 16, then at 21. Got a lot further the second time around and did driving lessons for months before I decided to stop, it just wasn’t worth it for my mental health. Just sitting behind the wheel made my heart race, I got overwhelmed every time and would dissociate in the middle of driving because I was so stressed out and anxious. I just couldn’t deal with paying attention to everything at once and having to make split-second decisions, my brain just gave up a lot of times. I was also undiagnosed ADHD so the struggle to focus and plan my next move didn’t help either. I’m 24 now and feel I care less and less about this, I moved to a city that has very good public transportation and I plan on just staying here lol. But it sucks when I wanna go somewhere further away and public transportation becomes long and complicated, or not really doable.
I failed driving school and it took me 30 minutes to parallel park during the driving test and I still got my license at 17. I find driving to be stressful, yes, but it’s very liberating. I drive with familiar music on that’s not too loud and have the gps on so I don’t need to think about where I’m going and it’s always worked for me lol
I HATE driving. My mom doesn't have a license so for some reason that meant that I had to get mine. My brother also does not drive. People don't do what they're supposed to. Also have a bit of ptsd riding or driving. I tell people that its not their driving that scares me (unless your driving does scare me, in which case I'll say something. lol) its the people around us that scare me. I have like 0 depth perception. I can't drive over 50 without having to hold back panic. I can't drive on the highway pretty much at all. Anxiety gets so bad that I can't understand traffic signs on the highway. Not safe. I also have no ability to navigate on my own, so can't leave town without help. I get lost in hallways. I laugh about it, but its more debilitating than people realize.
learning that everyone drives at least 5 miles over the speed limit (at least here in florida) was such a surprise for my little rule-following autistic heart
I know it hurts my autistic brain so much! What's the point of a speed limit if everyone goes 10km over it! I always go the actual speed limit anyways idc
After cycling for 10 years prior to getting my license: my biggest difficulty was breaking 40km/h. Still can't break 60km/h in icy conditions (due to pilot-induced oscillation).
I found that driving safety course helped me learn what to pay attention to while driving. Essentially: maintain a bubble around your vehicle. Watch for people/objects that may intersect your path. You can't look at the birds on the side of the road like you can while cycling.
Edit: One way to eat "traffic snakes" is to drive slightly below the speed limit. This gives the slowdown time to break up as you approach.
I want to encourage everybody to drive. I count not. I get extremely nervous to the point where I acnnot rpoces information any more. Having a driving instructor besides me makes me feel everything I do is being judged. I just can5 get past it. It can be the most patient kind and understanding person ever.
It does not make a difference.
This also happens in other situations to a lesser extent. Therapy does not help. It ahs to do with trauma that is deeply imbedded in me. With the right therspist blah balh. Believe me I tried.
ASD1 girly here I didn’t start driving til 18 my mom finally made me and was tired of driving me everywhere! She paid for a drivers Ed instructor for my 18th bday Lol failed my permit test twice and got it on the 3rd try and passed the driving test 1st try I was able to make a appointment & take the license test directly after passing dmv online permit test here in California because I was a legal adult instead of 15 like most kids starting out . Boy the freeway is so hard and scary my drivers Ed teacher was screaming at me faster faster faster 😅😂 he was a man also and I was super nervous practicing alone w him so my mom rode in the backseat 4hrs almost every session except 1 . I appreciate her for that so much it helped having her w me
My son has a really hard time working with people who behave unprofessionally (in his mind) at work. It makes him crazy. He's had a rough time with every job he's had because of this.
Omg your book just shipped towards my house today and I'm so stinking excited!
Undiagnoses autistic here. Will be turning 31 this year. So... i took Driver's Ed when i was 15, and got a massively high score on the written portion, memorizing the rules and what not. Then started the driving portion of it. Story time for my first lesson. It was December 26th of that year, and we got hit with a massive snowstorm. Why they didn't cancel it, I still have no idea. But roads were slick, traffic was going at like... maybe 20mph on main roads. We have this point where 5 roads come together at lights, we call it Five Points. I went to break to wait for the lights, and instead of slowing down, like the breaks are suppose to do, we start spinning... on the most chaotic intersection we had at the time. The instructor said i handled the spin out well, but... oh my god, i was terrified, shaking practically.
I never did end up trying for my actual license. At this point, i would have to relearn all the hands on stuff. And like... 25 feels too fast to me, i would hate to try for highway.
I used to drive (and I still could if I had a car) and I kinda miss it, but not for day to day stuff. I just want a driving holiday. That would be nice. Cheers! and congratulations on March 26th!
This was so helpful for me. I’m so nervous to start driving and I feel like I’m mostly just scared of other drivers. I moved to a bigger city and watching how they drive makes me so nervous. Especially the part about following rules I agree with 100%.
It is something I keep thinking about doing as I am 29 (and almost everyone I know drives) but living in an area with OK public transport only a few miles away from an area with excellent public transport that basically runs 24 hours a day (London), I am pretty indifferent about learning to drive, its too expensive in Britain anyway. I believe I can do it but luckily live in a place where driving isn't essential to get around, it's not perfect but there are choices. Also I am not a patient person and get easily distracted, I wouldn't want someone like me in control of a 2 ton metal box with the way almost everyone seems to be so crappy at driving. I like riding buses and it pisses me off when cars cut us up just to get no further than 10 feet up the road! I am convinced cars are getting too big and its making people reckless with driving. I think I would find parking the hardest for this reason, we need smaller cars again. Also I don't want to add to the already terrible traffic and the pollution from it in my area and want better bus services and for them to connect better with trains. I am convinced most drivers (at least 2/3) shouldn't be drivers at all and for the shift to happen we need way more buses and trains, then those who like or must drive would have a far better experience doing so. No one should beat themselves up for not being able to drive, it is a failure of society for not providing decent and affordable alternatives to driving, I guess I am lucky to live in a place where I am not forced to have a car but in reality it should be like this everywhere.
i have ASD and am currently learning to drive (in the UK) but i loooove it 🎉
where i live (rural western usa) the highways (i say freeways) are only 2 lanes in each direction and obviously, like you said, you’re supposed to stay in the right lane and only go in the left lane to pass, but it’s not an etiquette thing here it’s LAW, you can be pulled over and ticketed for *going the speed limit* if you’re in the left lane and people are passing you on the right
also my favorite driving fun fact is that in my state (idk if this is a thing in other states) it’s legal to pass on a solid yellow line but ONLY IF you’re passing farm equipment (tractors, combines, etc.) because it’s so common to come across them while driving and they can’t go over i think 20mph (~32kmh)
i took drivers ed in high school when i was 15 but then i never got around to getting my license when i finished and i went so long without driving that i was terrified to try again (doesn’t help that when my mom tried to teach me to drive manual i backed into a mailbox) then when i was 18, about a month from 19, me and my internet friend joked about me moving to arizona and getting a place together and my little delulu brain got obsessed with the thought and i wanted it to be real but i couldn’t exactly move to arizona without my license so i just.. got one. my friend took me to the dmv and i took the written test, then i took the driving test like a week later and the day after my 19th birthday i got my license 🤷♀️ i love how motivated i get when i set my mind on doing something delusional
I’m 22 and don’t drive yet. I tried to drive once several years ago and it was terrifying. I need to get a license at some point but I’m scared
I have a spikey internal navigation profile. I adopted GPS very early on, my dad is probably ND too, he had like ten GPS units for land and water. I can self navigate on foot or on bicycle, but not when I am with other people or in a car.
Since my breakdown I have relied on the "avoid highways" option on my GPS app. It's really saved me a lot of stress, anxiety, and terror.
"Hyper Mileage" or whatever. I like to be aware of my surroundings scaled by how immediate they are. Thats a circle all around me, a cone cast in front of me, and a separate algorithm running for traffic lights and signs up to a mile away. I just let go of the gas and coast if I know I'll have to stop ahead. It saves gas and brake pads.
Accelerate on downward inclines and coast or let some speed reduce going uphill. Saves gas.
I only drive before noon. In the morning people in public are more predictable/peaceful (on average).
My now 31 year old autistic son was absolutely determined more than anything, to get his license. To everyone’s surprise, bro did it at 19. Now he races tuner cars and has his motorcycle license 😊
Yes, I drive. I got my driver’s license when I was 20, I am 48 now. I had no clue back then that I was autistic. And it was hard for me to learn it. It helps me to have my own small car. I don’t drive on highways because this is just too fast for me and I can’t process all the information that fast. When I go somewhere the first time it helps me when someone else drives, so that I can get to know the road. And I need to know where I can find a parking space before I go there on my own. It is not always easy. Thank you for bringing up this topic. 💛
I'm 19 and because my mom refused to teach me how to drive in any of our cars we've had over the years, I'm still left clueless. For some reason where I live, the schools drivers ed program cost $20 per fucking session. (30 minutes being the whole session, that's literally NOTHING) so my mom was also "No" at that. I asked if I could get a part time job she could occasionally drop me off to "No" to that also, so I couldn't even get the money myself.
To present day. I've spoken to my counselor about it and explained my anxieties driving that I have now, and she thinks half of my issue is the "No no no" thing my whole life, so it's like I feel whatever move I make is the wrong one. And the other half being that I'm highly likely to be autistic (I still need an evaluation for it) but I DO have ADHD, and OCD (OCD ofc being an anxiety disorder, and ADHD making me unable to focus)
I hate that my mom is so mad at me for being unable to drive, yet she's made no efforts in giving me access. Everything has been "no" I can't win.
Edit: Grammar mistakes.
Talk about a perfectly timed video! I have Driver's Ed coming up April 4, so it's helpful to know a little bit about what it can be like
Love this video ❤
Not being able to look around while driving is the worst!!
After you learn to drive, watching TV and Movies where the driver is looking everywhere else but the road makes me want to scream at them hahahha LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING PLEASE!!!! 😅
i do drive and so does my autistic partner - he's a commercial truck driver! i love long road trips. i knew if i didn't drive i'd be stuck with my mother forever. driving represents freedom and control for me.
But I think i got good at it because of hyperfocus. I can't stand conversations or sensory distractions in the car but if I have control of the audio, temperature, etc, that unbroken focus i'm a very good driver and parker.
Hi Paige, I am autistic and I drive since I was 14. I had no licence at the beginning. My brain is really well equipped for driving, navigation and smart reflexes and a lot of intuition, prevision, interpretation, etc. I love when people respect the rules, when you don't respect it's so stupid. Rules are there to communicate partake and secure yourself and others. Let your mood, and ego at home when you dive. Driving can be so much fun when you're autistic!
I hate it when people do not use turn signals. That will piss me off more than anything. I hated driving with my mom too. There was this one stop light by my house. Every time we came up to it, my mom would grab the wheel and scream "Slow this motherfucker down!". To this day, we still joke about it being the slow this motherfucker down light, lol.
Big kudos to all of you who drive! I'm 27 and have never driven a car, not even tried. I'm already horrible at stuff like rolling carts about (I work in a supermarket), so I'm pretty sure I would suck at driving, and also I find the thought super scary 😅 Thankfully I have always been lucky enough to live in places where I could just bike or take public transport to the places I needed to go (or have had my lovely mom to drive me around thank you mom 🙌)
I went to drivers ed at 15 years old, completed all the tests perfectly fine and all the sessions on the road went great. But my parents also didn't provide me with a car to practice once I finished drivers ed. My dad had a manual and my mom had a new car, so i just... didn't drive!
And time kept going with no driving experience so it became more daunting, my anxiety skyrocketed at the mere thought of a driving test. Took me until 23 years old when my boyfriend was going to deploy that I NEEDED to get my license. So I studied my ass off and practiced with him for months. And got my license!!
I've been driving for about 3 years now and luckily have basically zero road rage. I don't *enjoy* driving but I love having the ability to, it changed my life and I wish I had gotten it soooo much sooner :( I even bought my first car recently at 25 years old and it gives me so much pride. It is totoally doable for many of us to drive, its just daunting!!
What helped me TONSSS is watching road test videos on youtubes, hours and hours of real world experience of others driving & what they did wrong. Read every word of the driving handbook from my state (if you're in the US), doing practice tests, and taking my time practicing in the car. Doing exposure therapy basically on myself. I was scared of freeways after getting my license, but forcing myself on there I realized its not bad, and eventually I lost the fear ❤️
I took my driver test in a '85 Blue Celica with a standard transmission. My girlfriend at the time told me the best way to parallel park. I did it in two moves and the guy giving the test only said I was a little too timid otherwise. That told me everything I needed to know to be a good drive aside from learning to that point. In the Dallas area I learned not to make eye contact with other drivers on 635. When I drive, having ADHD and Autism, I cannot afford to take my eyes off the road AT ALL. In Texas and maybe other states too, IDK, people will drive in the passing lane even when the signs say to get out of the passing lane. My wife's car has a backup camera and she uses the heck out of. I never notice it when I backing up.
i swear i felt the exact same way about driving at 15/16, and unfortunately as an aussie, I didn't have drivers ed. i just turned 32 and I am finally ready to learn to drive, especially since I'd committed to having my own car I can sit in and learn where everything is and what its does before being in motion.
I’m 23 and have yet to learn. Absolutely petrified, and it doesn’t help that all the local driving schools I’ve reached out to either said “well if you can write an email I’m pretty sure you’re high-functioning enough to drive a car” or “we don’t give special treatment.” Ok thanks guys. 😑
I was hesitant about driving when I was 15, but once I started I realized I really love it. I am very grateful to own a car and be able to drive anywhere. I can't handle public transportation, the sensory experience and the crowds are too overwhelming. Not so in my own little box where I can play music
IDK if I'm autistic but I have traits (sensory issues) and mad anxiety. Finally got my license at 24. Glad I finally pushed myself to do it. Never had any formal class or training, just learned with my brother/parents and from the internet. And a few days ago, I drove in a big city and did pretty well!
I had the same issues you did with parents with cars that would not teach me to drive, and living out in the country where there was really no public transportation. I didn't learn to drive until I was 24 and didn't get my license until 26. Been driving 20 years now though and have never been in an accident :)
AuDHD here. Driving/Learning how to drive, on roads, with real people, was an extreme nightmare. Now, if it was at home and the riding lawnmower or around the property in one of our junky vehicles, fine. Fences don't die. My dad, bless his heart, was an amazing teacher. He made me feel comfortable and confident. He let me learn in abandoned parking lots and slowly introduced me to real-world driving. He also made me learn and pass my drivers test with a stick shift. I HATED this. Now, in my adult life, I have had two emergency situations where that was required and the only option. Again, thanks, dad. I totally hate driving but can do it and actually do it well. I can predict things before they are going to happen. I can multi task like a pro. And total road rage when folks do NOT pay attention and drive stupid. 😂 It took me longer to get it, but once I did, I had a pretty good record. Most incidents through my 50 years were eased by my defensive driving, or deer that were out of my control. Only one was my fault, and even that I was found innocent due to the other drivers' speeding. Not bad. My son, on the other hand, is terrified to get behind the wheel. He is 25 and Autistic and won't even get in the car to test the lights. That is totally okay. If he ever wants to, I will teach him. Most Autistic folks I know are actually pretty good drivers, in my opinion.
Hi Paige,
Thanks. Insightful. Useful.
Tip: So often people see a driver doing something strange and procede to teach them a lesson. Even if they are considered to be in the wrong, you have better things to do with your time than be parked on the side of the road with a damaged car exchanging particulars, or worse. Instead you can hang back, give them space, then be on your way without drama.
You are really sweet and appealing. Swearing doesn't make your point any clearer. You communicate well.
I bought my current car from my mother about 3 years ago. It is a 2008, and she bought it new, so I have been driving it for 15 years. It is having a problem right now, and this will be the only part that has ever been changed on it, outside of brakes, tires, and batteries. The current battery is ten years old, and still going strong. I wouldn't trade this car for anything.
Driving anything with an engine has been a special interest is mine ever since I started driving go carts at a young age ( I was tall enough when I was 7 years old, most kids were 12 or so) and I also would love to mow the lawn with the riding lawn mower 😁 I love the rules of the road, still hate when others don't follow it but such is life!! I am now a full grown truck driver lady 😂🎉
I'm in NY, 55 male, didn't get diagnosed with Asperger's until 2001 for various reasons. Been driving since 1986 or so, couldn't be bothered going to my HS Driver's Ed.,
so ended up going to a nearby private driving school and crash-coursing it, but I ended up with an excellent driving teacher, so aced everything! First time out. But that
was years before a diagnosis, and before I had other issues etc. My driving record is pretty impeccable, still. I've never caused an accident. I've had others
almost cause me to buy the farm a few times, including drunken neighbors, etc. but luckily, never got hurt. But, I have a hard time dealing
with some driving stuff: road bullies, garage and service, inspections, road rage, idiots, people who don't signal, tailgaters, etc. I used to have a hard time dealing with just car maintenance and such, breakdowns, flat tires, whatever, the AC system dying out, but I"ve learned to just try to roll with these things. I hit a gigantic pothole in my new Mazda sedan two weeks ago, avoiding another rock in the road near it, and had massive front end tire and bearing damage from it. This was on local roads on LI that are nearly undriveable due to
the potholes and roads never having been repaved for 45 years! LOL
I would years ago, have total anger meltdowns over shit like that, but this time, I just had to roll
with it, and bring it to the dealer the next day, and for another day as well, and get it all fixed. Insurance is paying for it, apparently. Years ago I would be screaming
and flipping out from stuff like that. I love having a car, since I Live in suburban west bumfuck LI, LOL, but, I don't love the nonsense that comes with it. I have to have
the radio or music going when I'm driving of any distance. Helps keep me chilled out! I believe I'm actually a better driver now than I even was in say, 1986,
or 1990. A matter of experience, instinct, and learning severe defensive driving and scanning all the time. Still I couldn't avoid the pothole trap, but that was just a rare
situation. The roads in NY are shit, though. Why? Because we are living in a corrupt police state piece of shit state, that's why. The State will only reimburse drivers
for potholes etc. during May 15- Nov. 15! That's if they even really do, because for years, NY State wouldn't pay for shit. What a place. Another trigger is parking lot
scammers and scam artists, which I've also had run-ins with. A few years ago I chased two young would be scammers in Queens (Glen Oaks) right out of the shopping
parking lot I was in, which was hilarious!! I scared the living shit out of them by acting insane and speeding up and chasing them out of the parking lot! Don't try this
at home....but it worked in that case.
I got my license when I was 44 and my dad needed someone to drive him home from chemo. Driving is so exhausting…. I took drivers ed when I was 16… Driving induced deep anxiety, and I never got a license. I did apply for drivers permits over the years, It often ended with some kind of episode, like ripping the fuel pump off the car from not knowing how to use a stick shift, to just not practicing because of the fear and anxiety. When my dad needed me, it was enough motivation to get it done and once I got use to the driving part, It was easier, but It still exhausted me, and I carefully plan things in a way to minimize my need for driving. I do find that other drivers are the most difficult part about the whole thing. That and the stress that can come from knowing your car is dying and not knowing how you’re going to replace it or get to work. That kind of stress eats at me, and I miss my life before driving. It does make it easier to work and be functional, but It is also a constant source of stress and anxiety.
I had so many of the same struggles and never knew why. Trucks are so much harder to drive then smaller sedans. The spatial awareness of large vehicles is hard to feel. And I didn’t quite understand how to adjust my side view mirrors till I saw a visual that explained it, a couple years into driving 😅
I really struggle if I have to get into a friend’s or family members’s car car and drive. I feel like I need to know where all the buttons are, etc. all the little differences in cars definitely does feed into this. I love how you explained it like a relationship.
Took me years to get used to my husbands truck. Having cameras on the truck (& in multiple places ) was an accommodation I didn’t know would be so helpful.
Also have BVD 😅 my first car was a 1995 Toyota and highway driving was absolutely terrifying in that thing. Thought a wheel was gonna fly off.
I have found driving in the second lane was always best for me bc I would end up accidentally leaving the highway bc some highways the farthest lanes turn into exit lanes and then come back. But also people entering the high way always come in through thet lane and it’s so annoying.
GPS’s were so hard to follow bc I was tryna match the map to were I was. Visually following the pattern Instead of just reading the numbers.
I literally had the same experience as you in most of the things you described. Other than having an online drivers ed. I only got 1 or 2 points off of my test because of the parallel park thing, I have shit eyes that make it difficult to see at certain points, I've only gotten in two "accidents" and they were similar to yours, never gotten pulled over, and my road rage is outta control. lolol