Driving while autistic: my experience
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ก.ย. 2024
- Driving while autistic (or learning to drive) can be filled with struggles for many people.
In this video I talk about
- My own experience learning to drive as an undiagnosed autistic adult (and eventually passing my test)
- The various skills needed to drive which might get overlooked as particular struggles for autistic people: motor skills, visuospatial differences, attention to detail (and why that might be a hindrance) and navigational skills.
- A few tips that might help
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Late 30's and I don't drive. It's just overwhelming: changing lanes, wondering how other drivers are going to behave. I prefer walking, biking, and taking transit. I know I am much less likely to injure someone else or damage property in an accident. I appreciate your story and sharing.
I hadn't realized how much I learned to 'block out' details that are overwhelming while driving, like businesses and signs on the roadside, or making eye contact with drivers until listening to you discuss it. I have to ignore the people in the cars in order to function lol 😂 I'm an excellent driver, but don't get mad if I don't wave at you if you see me on the road!
This made me realize just how much I have to 'zone out' in public places to cope.
I think I had a similar feeling learning to drive. I was always worried about whether or not I'd be able to hold conversations with passengers, or even get distracted by music playing on the car radio!
I never look at other drivers, just their cars and turn signals.
I only just realized you were supposed to look at the other drivers. 😃
Waving seems very friendly. If I were to gain mah licence and a driver waved to me, I'd be very tempted to reciprocate and most probably would do so.
Yeah I barely look at other drivers, I've often noticed a minute afterward that hey I think that was someone I know, certainly not in time to wave, mostly I just look at the cars, I actually recognize some people's cars but of course somebody else could have the same car lol
Spatial awareness and depth perception. Coordinating the clutch, accelerator and brakes. Visual input of traffic movement, pedestrians, buildings going past, intersections, all while controlling the car and staying safe. It took me a long time to build skills, but it was worth it. Didn't know I was autistic back then. I'm coming up to 10 years of having my car licence 😀 🚙
Marie Carlino Thats amazing! I have so much respect for you. 👏🏽🙌🏽
This comment gives me so much hope.
I just started taking lessons at 46.
I won't can't/won't drive stick. It's just one more thing to deal with and it's all I can do just to drive an automatic!
@@someonerandom256 I could not relate more to a sentence!!❣
I’m almost crying out of relief. I’ve struggled with driving to the point where I have panic attacks at the thought of driving anywhere but my school (10 min drive), work (7 min drive), and church (15 min drive). I‘ve felt so ashamed for years because of this and no one understands. THANK YOU for posting this video.
I'm 28 and I just drove on the Hwy for the first time in my life on last Friday!! And I still have crippling anxiety thoughts and panic attacks and it feels like my life is getting ruined
I relate to this so much, no body understands
“I really hope 2020 worked out ok.” 2020: HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa. Welcome misery
🤣🤣🤣
Emelia Marie was thinking exactly the same 😂
I laughed so hard when I heard it 😂😂
Well...had an escaped emu chase people around my neighborhood this week, so 2020 has continued to be...interesting. Then again I do live in Florida.
Came here to say this 🤣
When I was learning to drive I was so scared about staying in my lane, I was always looking at the lines on the road.
I'm ok driving my own car in areas I'm familiar with. I can't drive in the city - too busy and freaks me out. At work they once asked me to drive the "work car" for a delivery. I was internally freaking out about driving another car so i just took my own car! How can you explain to people "I can't drive another car I'm not familiar with or I'm going to have an anxiety attack and probably crash the car!!"
I had to drive hubbys car once... I drive a vitara and his car is mux so it was quite distressing for me but I got through that one day. Now He keeps mentioning a new car for me and I'm really attached to my vitara as I know her well and feel confident driving her.
I can either focus on operating the car, the rules of the road or all of the extraneous sensory input, but not all of those at the same time🙃 I also completely lose my sense of direction when I'm in an enclosed space, as the driver or passenger. I don't have that issue when walking or biking. I have a license but have chosen not to drive. I've adapted by walking if I'm going 10 miles or less round trip, riding my bike for longer trips.Also, Uber is also my best friend. I'm with you on public transport. It's very overwhelming!!!
Honestly... Public transport has been less overwhelming for me recently (use it to get back from my retail job that is so desperately important). Usually have to just block out everything with music and the fact that I'm exhausted from work anyways... but with less people riding on it and not having to deal with swiping cards or inserting money and the awkwardness of that and the talking to the driver just to figure out what they said only to find out it was useless extraneous smalltalk that simply was meant as words to fill space...
It's a lot simpler cuz just Stand by back doors as people leave; then walk in and sit down knowing that no one is gonna sit near me or in any seat directly next to mine even because of them sectioning things off to have very limited seating.
They say find the silver lining in the clouds... Well I found a great one here but oh... those are some dark clouds.
I identify with all of your comment so much. 🙌🏽
I relate SO MUCH! How do people concentrate on all these things at once?! It defeats me :')
I can and do drive, thankfully, but I moved to a city where finding parking is very, very difficult, and the university gives parking passes to very few people, so I’ve been using a lot of public transport, and it’s been hell. I WISH I could ride a bike, it’s honestly a doable distance, but it’s so goddamn hilly that it’s impossible. I hate the region I live in!
I can't have involved discussions with passengers or someone on the handsfree, and drive at the same time. I find it extremely hard to look out for direction signs while also concentrating on the other tasks involved in driving. To compensate, I use Google Maps to learn unfamiliar routes beforehand, and hope there isn't a road block. Driving known routes is a breeze, and enjoyable, but I very rarely take unknown routes. Driving in Oslo, capital city of Norway, is known to be a nightmare for anybody however experienced, so for me it can be outright dangerous. So I always plan that carefully, and take the easiest routes. I moved from Oslo, partly to get away from said nightmare. When on foot, my ability to find my way first time is extraordinarily good, but when driving I lose my sense of direction in record time, which has something to do with the inability to concentrate on more than one thing at a time. I drive really well when I'm not stressed, and quite bad when stressed. The older I get, the more effort I put into not getting stressed while driving.
Oh my, am I really supposed to make eye contact with other people while driving? I have been driving for eight years now and I only ever looked at the cars. Maybe that's why I find it very confusing to drive through traffic.
I've been driving for 18 years, and I never really thought about that either... Though I still mostly manage to read the intention of others even when they don't use the indicators or worse blink the wrong way in roundabouts. I probably shout "INDICATORS! you stupid ****" at someone, at least once each time I drive... But they probably don't even know because my windows are up and I drive just as calmly as ever. Though the last few years I've started daring to use the horn when stupid people fail to yield and I have to emergency brake for them; which I'm quite proud of myself for.
Well I never, after 48 years driving I’m surprised to learn that others make eye contact when driving. I use eye contact only from stationary or in very slow moving queues ie to acknowledge another driver has given priority or that I have seen them and will make space for their manoeuvre. .... and even then there is mostly a hand wave or a light flash of confirmation ....... eyes only is far too dangerous to attempt at any speed
Normies make eye contact while driving? Well that probably explains why there's accidents then.
I'm partially joking of course people make hand signals at stop signs.
And I suppose reading someone else's intention could be very beneficial to avoiding collisions.
Heck no. That is one situation where you should not worry about eye contact. Keep your eyes on the road
I‘ve been driving for a good year now and just recently noticed that other drivers sometimes tend to give subtle gestures for example as to when it’s clear to pass a standing vehicle blocking the road when they assume you cannot see it yourself. Sometimes these gestures are confusing but specifically making eye contact is not what I‘ve ever considered doing in specific except maybe when you are on a crossroad and persons that are insecure themselves about that specific give you signals to whether you are supposed to go first.
Unfortunately many drivers aren’t exactly what I‘d consider in that respect „good“ persons and tend to make their own rules on how to drive. I still have quite a bit of an issue coordinating everything. I was told that apparently some actions like changing gears or starting up when stopping is something that others quickly learn to do without thinking about it but for me almost every action requires conscience though I feel like driving helps me getting used to it better.
This video should be required driving curriculum
I'm actually going to save it and show it to whoever's next to try and teach me.
@@talysharawlins94 Nice 👍
I'm also surprised you didn't mention the panic of "OH MY GOD THIS OTHER CAR JUST FLASHED THIER LIGHTS AT ME WHAT DO THEY WANT FROM ME!?!?". I've never been able to figure out how most people seem to have this intuitive contextual understanding of what flashing means in every situation. Is my car damaged? Do I have a light out? Is there a police car around the corner? Do they want me to pull out? Are they thanking me? Do they recognise me? I'm slowly starting to get the hang of it but 3 years into driving I still panic a little bit about 50% of the time :D
In the US, people flash lights to let you know they saw a cop hiding ahead of you so SLOW DOWN or you’ll get a speeding ticket!
Oh Sam, this was so validating for me. I had the hardest time getting comfortable driving a car. I failed my driving test once (had a total mind blank anxiety situation after failing one of the maneuvers I was supposed to do) and after getting my license on the second try I basically didn’t drive at all for two years because I was so scared to. I too did really well with the “technical” aspects but it was just TOO MUCH to focus on at once. Things got better when I switched from manual to an automatic car and there was one less thing to stay on top of. I also had an eye surgery for strabismus and felt more confident driving after that.
Every video you make I feel like I am absolutely sure that I am autistic. I really need to try my best to get an official diagnosis because I know that otherwise (and maybe even with one) people in my life would never ever believe me.
I’m not autistic, but I have adhd and I struggled A LOT to learn how to drive. Until today I don’t drive on highways by myself. I came here to say that I felt fully confident to drive in the city just last year at 28, after 7 years of having my license and almost 2 years of owning my own car. It’s okay to take your time, everybody has their own timeline.
you saying it's not your driving skill that needs work but needing time to just go at your own pace nearly brought tears to my eyes. I keep trying to explain I want more time and I know I COULD pass my test at the end of this month if everything goes in my favour, but if I'm feeling shakey or unwell or if something isn't right or someone's upset me, I'm not confident enough to recover that yet because I need more time.
Lots of people think you pass your test and that the real work starts afterwards because you keep practicing after that but for me I'd rather have the experience of driving provisional with my partner in the car for long enough that when it comes to my test if I make a mistake it won't fluster me and cause me to flunk the entire test by making more mistakes after that.
I find driving cars way too overwhelming, there's too much to focus on, but weirdly, I picked up riding a motorbike right away, that felt natural to me, I'm still working on being comfortable with a car so for now my bike is a pretty good alternative
A motorbike and a bicycle are basically the same. So, if you felt comfortable on a bicycle, that might be why. I just recently started riding s motorcycle and really caught on easily, even though I struggled with driving. I didn't get my license until I was 20.
I've only been riding for 3 months and I got my license already. I think cars just have too many distractions, while a motorcycle, you only worry about the road.
Omg me too! Full time rider here
I didn't know I was autistic when I learned to drive. The thing that helped me was that my driving instructor noticed how incredibly nervous I was on the first day. When they were assigning students to the various instructors, he decided to make sure I was one of his students because he was good with nervous drivers. Having a calm, supportive instructor made a big difference for me. I can empathize with having sensory overload when driving, it tends to happen when I am going somewhere new and I don't really have any mental filter built up for what I need to pay attention to. I have to be very alert when I am going somewhere new.
I'm not diagnosed or anything, but I've had so much trouble with driving, and everybody makes it out that I'm just whiny/lazy about it, which is pretty scathing because I've genuinely had multiple anxiety attacks behind the wheel. Knowing that there are drivers who specialise in dealing with people who have extreme driving anxiety honestly changed the game for me. I was fed the idea that it would be best to throw myself in the deep end with an instructor. Nobody told me THIS was an option. Turns out there's a company where I live that offers this service!! They're closed rn but I'll book as soon as I can. This video made me feel I have a chance. Thank you. :')
I'm right there with you same here. I actually use to be really good at it but as I got older I couldn't do it more and more and now I don't drive at all. I wonder if this autism could explain this driving fear. I feel so ashamed and people do not understand
Everyone has something that they struggle with. Don't ever feel bad for struggling with something because it is not your fault! Thank you for all the awesome videos. ❤
I don't feel bad about it but other people are making me feel bad about it 😢
It's comforting to hear another person acknowledge the pressure amd shame that comes with taking & failing driving tests and struggling with the entire process of driving.
If I had grown up in a place with decent public transport, I probably would have waited longer to get a license. Instead, I failed 1 test at age 18, and barely passed the second test a few months later. I spent the next 10 years or so having extreme anxiety and getting into minor car accidents roughly once per year.
I'm in my 30s, not diagnosed autistic, but your videos (as well as other sources) have made me nearly 100% certain that I am. This one provides even more confirmation of my suspicions.
Thank you for being so open about your experiences.
I also got my drivers license at 31 :) it took a good ten years of concerted effort, 3 driving schools, determination, and finally a teacher who could help me relax a little and build my confidence to get there. I found this extremely validating
Hi i wanna share my story a little. So basically i was able to drive mostly fine for about a year, i pretty much only went to work, get fast food, or thrifting. But then once i moved for college suddenly i was almost completely inable to drive anymore. I was having panic attacks and dissociating while driving. I was able to drive a little in my hometown, but then i moved from my hometown, so i was basically entirely housebound. Ive not officially been diagnosed with autism yet but im working on it with several mental health professionals, and i feel a lot of comfort hearing others with stories similar to mine! Ive yet to "solve" my driving issue, ive not driven more than 5 minutes in almost a year, but im determined to overcome the sensory overload and anxiety and have some independence back
This was the most relatable thing I’ve ever heard! I’ve always felt like a freak for hating to drive (got my license in my early twenties, in spite of taking drivers’ ed in high school). Unfortunately, I’ve never really gotten over hating to drive, and while I maintain my license, I avoid it to the point that it’s definitely a phobia. Interestingly, I recently discovered my great-grandmother hated driving (she died before I was born, so I had no idea about this), and she actually stopped driving completely at age 40 (no accidents or anything, she just didn’t want to ever drive again). So maybe there’s a gene for hating to drive! 😆😆
I agree with looking for a driving instructor that is specialised in teaching people with anxiety and/or autism.
It made a world of difference for me too
VAn understanding driving instructor is most definitely needed. I had to go to a completely different city to learn drive with some confidence. I needed peace and quiet?🥺
Made the world of difference for me as well - the first instructor I had was great in the classroom but terrible for behind-the-wheel (he made me go 65mph the first time I ever drove on a highway, as well as get on the interstate at one entrance ramp, get all the way up to speed (65mph), then slow all the way down and get off at the next exit, so all of that within the space of less than a mile; he also wouldn't let me use my passenger side mirror at all whatsoever). After that session, I was scarred and it was another 2 or 3 years before I did another behind-the-wheel, and the rest of mine (and my sister's) were with a company that specialized in working with neurodivergent people, so the instructor was super chill and laid back, exactly what both my sister and I needed; I don't think I ever went on the highway for those, and I'm eternally grateful for that - I eventually learned how to drive on the highway by slowly working my way up in speed once I got my license (didn't get it until after my freshman year of college, so 3+ years later than most of my friends), and now I can handle driving on the interstate at 80 mph with 60+mph cross winds across the Great Plains and still stay perfectly calm and in full control of the vehicle (not easy when passing a semi and as soon as I get to the other side, the vehicle I'm in gets slammed sideways because of the way the wind currents work - it took a long time to get there).
Heck yes. My driving instructor that shouted at me freaked me right out and I messed up badly. My chilled instructor really helped
I am SO glad you made this video! 😭💗 You and I are around the same age, and I have never had my driver's license. I am also someone who recently realized I'm autistic within the last few years. I never understood exactly why *I* couldn't drive. Yes, I had anxiety but it was more than that. Now I understand it's sensory related, and I feel a little more at ease. I still feel ashamed, I hate relying on others. I also have two kiddos, so it definitely puts a damper on things. I'm in central west Florida. I have so much more to say but no more energy lol. You're amazing! Thank you for making these videos 💖
Amber Honea Lots of people who don’t have our neurological hurdles fail miserably to drive, with some scrapping through their test and then being a danger to everyone from then on. At least we know what are and aren’t capable of and play to our skills instead.
I'm 55 and don't drive... and am feeling a little less embarrassed about it after watching this video.
I relate so much. I failed my driving test twice and I broke down crying from panic on my first test because they grabbed the wheel without my knowing too! I still have huge driving anxiety and I know the social part of driving also are very hard for me too.
I cried during my driving test. I was so anxious about it but like you said, didn’t want people to drive me around all the time.
That's one of the things I shudder over when I think of driving a car/ learning to drive
I didn’t get my licence until I was 26. I can’t count how many times people have said they saw me driving and waved or tooted their horns but that I didn’t notice them! Now it all makes sense! 😂
This was really validating! Nobody understood why I wasn’t very excited or motivated to learn how to drive, but it was just really scary and stressful and HARD. I passed my test at age 18, and I enjoy driving now (when I’m by myself anyway), but it was a difficult road to get there. I’m totally with you on the attention to detail not being a benefit when learning, even if it is afterward. Thanks for talking about this!!
This was such a validating video to watch! I'm not "out" to most of my friends as autistic, and they always tease & poke fun at me for being so directionally challenged. I have the worst time with directions, multiple sets of instructions, and navigational skills.
Every video you make is an OMG for me. I passed on my first try, but, waited until I was 18 years old, because when I was 16, I took a High School Driving Course. The first day on the road was the first time I had driven and I was so stressed. I was driving well, but slow and he pushed the accelerator pedal. My friend was in the back seat as we were teamed by twos. His speed was majorly terrifying and I felt so terrified I quit. Your video totally explained what I was experiencing. You are such a great explainer. Keep the videos coming. Thanks for sharing. :)
I get anxious that I won't be able to drive when im older 😣 I'm 12 right now and I was diagnosed with autism at age 9 and it's pretty bad and not that many people understand me *that's why I love your channel because it inspires me that I can do anything and that my disability shouldn't stop me* sorry that was cringy
Hi Yo Samdy Sam
Great video!
I was just recently diagnosed with autism as an adult, and everything makes much more sense now.
I really enjoy your videos, I think we have a lot of the same issues more or less.
About this video, I always wondered why it was so hard for me, to get my drivers licence.
I obviously never figured it had something to do with autism, when I wasn't diagnosed, but it is nice to know that others have struggled with that too.
It took me about one year to get my drivers licence, and I would have given up, if my mom haven't forced me to get it. I rarely use it, and it was really provoking my anxiety, still does.
But now i have a sense of belonging somewhere, though my mother and her family are not supportive of my diagnosis, and thinks that it is an "excuse" to act immature and "weird"..
Lene Lydia Petersen Did you see only a male per trail of autism growing up and though that's not me before you got your diagnoses?
I am autistic and ADHD, and I have zero issues driving, I love it and I am very very good at it. I have a perfect driving record.
To me (an Aspie) the eye contact thing was already a thing I was taught when i was younger, since cycling in the Netherlands requires it as well. I mostly struggled wit the 'looking thing', being forced to check everything in a way the instructor noticed it. It's the reason most people fail.
Now I understand why my mom ended up taking a driving test four times and never drove a car after she passed that test. I think my driving education experience was different because I started with a motorcycle license, where they teach you to look into the curve and you feel the movement with your whole body. Anxiety and an unfamiliar car led to failing my first car test, then a hiatus after finally passing. But I got comfortable with the roads on the motorcycle and comfortable with driving a car with my spouse. Thank you very much for making these videos. (34, female, and waiting for a diagnosis)
I passed my driving test on the fifth attempt last year. Don't give up!
(To my knowledge) I'm not autistic, but I have some coordination issues that make me learn new types of movement challenging. So I was very nervous about learning to drive. In my country, the system is about as accomodating as in the UK, but fortunately I've found an instruktor who had experience with anxious drivers and had courses for women who had their licence but was afraid to drive too. He was very patient and the perfect fit for me. And my parents were willing to finance almost 3 times more lessons than required by law.
This is the most relatable video I have ever seen, driving overwhelms me to no end. One problem I've got with driving is I always take a moment to tell which side is left or right, and I never have that moment to spare. It makes taking directions near impossible. Even though I probably do drive better than some of my friends who have licenses (being overcautious to a fault will do that...) I don't know if I ever plan to get my license. I've never been bothered by public transport, I spent a semester abroad in Vienna and the unlimited access to the subway I had was the most freeing time of my life. I'm moving away from my small suburban hometown to a large city in a few months, partially so I can have access to super reliable public transport again and never have to get my license.
Thank you for this ❤️ I'm currently learning to drive (or I was, yknow, in The Before) and I'm 25, definitely relate to not feeling like a "proper adult" (and more generally in life too). I think I've got really lucky with an instructor too, she's great, very patient and calming and encouraging. But my spatial awareness is terrible and I struggle when there's lots of traffic or at a roundabout, because I can see all the cars and stuff, but it's like I just can't process it properly to work out what to do next. And I do the corner thing too!
I failed 5 times.
It was the anxiety of being tested that made me make mistakes.
And the last time I did the test, the tester almost failed me because I was TOO CAUTIOUS
I’m autistic and have ADHD and have been driving for almost 3 years now. The only thing that still throws me off to this day is other drivers and the mad things they get away with on a regular basis. Always thought I’d make a great traffic cop because that’s all I do now is point out other people’s mistakes all day! Great video though and I love everything you brought up!
Thanks for this video, I’m 22 years old and I have been avoiding learning to drive because I have been afraid of not being able to pay proper attention. I thought about learning when I was 18, but I decided against it. I wanted to save money and not have a reason to pay for gas/insurance/maintenance when I’ve made it this far in life without driving myself.
But also I don’t have a need to drive regardless, at least where I live now. I live with my boyfriend who can drive and we usually go places together anyway. Most of the time I walk where I need to go, but if COVID was not happening I would take public transit more (always with headphones in). If I don’t have headphones it’s a little overwhelming but much less so than the responsibility of driving would be to me. If I can’t get a ride from a loved one or friend, and I’m going a farther distance, I’ll just go on a shuttle service or something similar
this video was very healing. At the age of 61 I realized I was Autistic along with my ADHD. since this just happened over the past year i’ve been looking back at my life at ways it effected me. any scenario that was brought to mind also brought up shame and humiliation. i hadn’t thought about my driving thus far, but I have now. At 17 i failed my test twice. i never heard of anyone at my school that failed twice. i told no one, and would have been mortified if I knew my friends found out. The third time I took it I was really nervous. I passed but it was still humiliating. The instructor gave me a scolding, saying he technically could have failed me but he would let me pass, then went on to tell me what a bad driver I was. on the way home I backed out and hit a pole denting my VW bumper. A real confidence booster. I was so sure I was the only person who ever took the test three times I’ve been carrying around that humiliation for years. knowing what I know now, when that memory came back (as i watched this) it all made perfect sense and theres a whole community out there that struggled. Who knew? Smart, talented people with a fee rungs missing from their ladder.
What an amazing service to have special exams and instructors for people with fear of driving!
Thank you so much for another honest video! I'm in the process of trying to get diagnosed with autism as a 30 year old. I was the only kid in my class not excited to start driver's ed. I also remember when I was driving I got so worried I was going to hit the markers on the side of the road. I remember the instructor dismissing my concern saying that they were feet away from the road I'd have to be driving off the road to hit them. I didn't realize my perception of objects while driving can be off or exaggerated, especially when I'm feeling anxious.
This experience you describe, Being Ready or Not Ready to do a thing, is something I've experienced my entire life. And now at forty-several years old, as a very-recently self-diagnosed autistic person, I can totally relate to the Being Ready aspect of Aspergers/Autism as it relates to driving. And the mix-up of Left and Right, and having to pause to remember which word goes with which direction. I Do That! And I didn't know that was an Autism thing too! Also the caption of Thinky-Stimming when you rubbed the base of your fingernails -- I Do That! In fact, I was doing that in that very moment, and probably throughout while absorbing and processing this video. And I didn't know that was also an Autism Stimming thing!
I had taken the Drivers' Education course at age 17 or 18, which included classroom and hands-on instruction. I retained what I was learning and passed the in-class written quizzes and exams. The physical act of driving wasn't overwhelming. The instructor's car was an automatic, and the passenger (instructor) side had an extension of the brake pedal. If I let off pressure from the brake too soon or wasn't applying enough pressure, I could feel my brake pedal move when she pressed the pedal on her side of the car. The written exam and hands-on exam at Motor Vehicle Dept went well, and I succeeded on the first try. Several months later, a friend of my family gifted a car to me. It was a manual shift car. I had ZERO experience with a manual shift. And feeling the moment that "the seat of my pants" should tell me how much to release the clutch and how much to press the accelerator was The Hardest Thing for me! I couldn't feel how much gas to give it while releasing the clutch, and I'd either squeal tires or chug-chug-stall it. I'd get anxiety headaches and shut down from mental exhaustion. I just gave up trying to drive it because, as you stated, I wasn't "Ready" for it at that time in my life. Neither did I recognize that I might be Autistic.
After several years of driving an automatic, my then-boyfriend convinced me that if we were to marry, I'd have to learn to drive a manual-shift car. By then, I had been a passenger in a manual-shift car enough times with an experienced driver, watched them handle the driving process, and began to notice the feel of "the seat of my pants" -- a.k.a. "the effects of inertia" -- during take-off and between gears. I got into the driver's seat, the boyfriend in the back seat, and my Dad as front seat passenger. I pressed the brake and clutch and started the car, moved the shift stick to 1st gear, gradually released the clutch until the seat of my pants told me to let go the brake and give appropriate pressure to the accelerator. Take-off went unbelievably smoothly! I was apparently "Ready" for a manual shift car at that time in my life, as the rest of the drive went just as well as that first take-off. From then on, I rarely stalled-out or squealed tires.
By the time I got an automatic car again, I had driven manual for so long that, for quite a while, I still found myself occasionally stomping my left foot to the floor before reaching for the ignition.
Cheers to You for knowing the difference between Not-Ready and Ready, and for acknowledging that others can also need time to become Ready for anything.
I’m glad you did get your license. My dad was very much into driving, taxi driver, old cars, etc. he had me on his lap at 3 years of age steering the wheel. I’m a lot older than you, this is way before seatbelt laws.
So I’ve been in love with driving as a kid, but I didn’t get my license until 25 years of age. I hyperfocus in the road in front of me. I don’t like automatic cars really, I love the control of a manual.
I have Asperger's syndrome and I also had a long journey to get to my license. I eventually ended up needing to drive in an automatic car for a while to learn how to use the mirrors and other watching stuff, learned shift after that and switched to a different instructor at some point because my first instructor was just too assertive in his driving style for me and wanted to push me to also be like that. When I finally learned how and where to look while driving and had an instructor next to me who accepted it if I wasn't feeling comfortable when he asked me to get in front of a big truck 1 km before we had to leave the high way and rather would have me driving 90 km/h behind that truck than 100 km/h or faster while sweating anxious, that's the moment when I finally made some actual progress and I passed the actual driving test at my first try.
Interesting video, I have been driving for years, passed my test in 1986. I'm still waiting for my autism assessment but what you have said is very true for me. I would not even attempt public transport alone, the car is the way I get about. ❤️
it was easy in 86 wasnt it , all you had to do was drive for 15 mins and answer 5 highway code questions .
I’m 30 seconds in and THANK YOU FOR THE TIMELINE!!! EVERY, TIME, I hear someone say “x amount of months ago” etc. without really clarifying I get so frustrated, I really didn’t realize how much I needed that.
Yellow tinted glasses! No need for welders ones-the yellow tint helps with the glare and clarity in sun, rain, but especially in snow and always always use them in the dark! As always this is absolutely fantastic content! I'm early on my autism realisation journey at 36 only now addressing ongoing issues and seeking diagnosis. Thank you for easy to relate to information that's making me feel less overwhelmed by it all 😇
I pretty much always drive in familiar places because it’s so stressful to be aware of all the traffic at the same time as manuvering ( not sure of the spelling) the car. I drive manually so it’s a lot to think about. I’m lucky to live in quiet a small city, would never drive in bigger cities like Stockholm (Swedens capital city, I’m swedish), it overwhelms me to think about all the lanes and cars everywhere.
This video hits close to home.
I don't know if I'm actually autistic, because diagnosis in my country is not really accessible, but after I've seen a lot of your videos I'm sure I might be. I've got my driving license with the first try, but nearly failed. I've lost a lot of money on driving lessons though, because my instructor wanted to make sure, that I could drive safely, before I startet the driving test. Driving in the city is only overwhelming for me, because of all the people, other drivers, bicycles and stuff. Driving outside of the city is a bit more relaxed, but I have problems with the glare of the sun, motor vibration and noise.
Public transport on the other hand is really calming me down for some strange reason. I like the rythm of trains, but I feel exhausted if there are many people. Anyways, the public transport makes me tired, but I'm not as stressed as if I had to drive a car on my own. My mother does not help much, because she wants me to drive everytime we want to be outside of the city. She does not understand if I don't want to, because I'm tired and overwhelmed even without driving.
Driving is to much sensory input for me, too much navigation and too much to think about.
I hope you can read everything. I'm from Germany, so English is not my mothertongue and I'm really tired right now, because the neighbors making a lot of noise in the night, when I'm trying to sleep... Stay safe everyone :)
My inability to drive turned into a genuine love for walking and I'm fine with that... but I'm also in a decent sized city in Oregon; so I have one of the best experiences just walking around and just being able to take in the sights of the trees and such.
my only complaint with walking is that it's noisy outside... which is mostly cause of the cars... and it is often inaccessible... cause of the car focused attitudes...
Like; having to walk across the street or into traffic to get past some cars parked literally on the sidewalk because no one getting fined for that if it's outside their house 9.9 Or people roping off their mailboxes *and* the sidewalk making them inaccessible to wheelchair users who now have to just go in the damn street.
Or the big offender that is literally everywhere in the suburban parts of town and almost everywhere in the residential areas even in the urban centers; Trash cans on the sidewalk. And not even just on trash day; tons of peeps leave their trash can on the sidewalk all week. Screw the peeps even more that do it *and* have a fenced off yard.
And this all assumes we even have sidewalks in the first place 9.9 Cause totes fine to have streets all across suburbia and urbia without sidewalks bcuz cars run the roads and those that are unABLE to be in one of those cars just have to deal with being second class to the cars.
I learned to drive in Portland/Clackamas! I'm in Newberg, now.
@@prettylynette I'm in the capital; which is tiny compared to Portland and Eugene... but is still surprisingly walkable even if we can't get decent public transit (Only in this last half a year have we even had saturday service and limited service after 6 til midnight on weekdays instead of stopping at 9pm).
Tho the benefit here is that we don't have buildings taller than our tallest trees :P
I live in Bern, which has trams and even trolley buses! That certainly makes it more forgiving not to drive. XD
I also struggle with left and right 😂 I could start driving lessons in like a year I think but I am kinda nervous for stuff that you also said! :( like paying attention to the right things
driving makes me anxious. it's always a lot of information to process all at once and not a lot of time; there's the car and the external inputs etc. i also have social anxiety so the thought of other people/drivers seeing me and passing judgement makes it worse. before i started to learn to drive (i managed to put it off until the age of 22) i thought the idea of usung the clutch an gear stick would be too hard for me but i did manage to get used to the physical aspect of driving.
i failed once, for the opposite reason: i stopped to quickly! i was anxious about a roundabout ahead of me which is was complicated before they did a load of road works to make improvements (which took almost a whole year!). So i stopped at the traffic lights when there were cars behind me, on a rainy day so the road was wet. i find it funny to tell people now how i failed though because i always just say "oh, i failed for stopping at a traffic light!" which confuses them haha.
i had a moment of intense anxiety on the test that i passed though when the examiner asked me to do a parallel park, the manoeuvre i was and am least confidence with (i dont know if i would go as far to say it was a panic attack though). I managed to calm down though in the end which was good.
I used to have a problem with gripping steering wheel so hard it would hurt but someone online suggested getting a giant fuzzy steering wheel cover and it is so awesome! Almost instantly solved the problem.
I failed my driving test twice, not because I couldn't drive but because I couldn't handle the test. I then had to surrender my licence because of physical medical issues. 11 years later I was cleared to drive again, but only an automatic. My original instructor was good but I didn't go back to her because she didn't teach automatic, only manual.
I really lucked out because the only automatic instructor I could get hold of in my area was experienced with disabled drivers, both physical and neurological. He didn't know I was autistic to start off with. About 8 lessons in, as I really already knew how to drive from my previous learning, he gave me a mock test. About 10 minutes into it, I almost had a panic attack. He talked me safely to a parked position and talked through with me what the issue was.
The next three months were focused, not on teaching me to drive, but on preparing me for the test. He didn't mention the 't-word' again until he knew I was mentally ready for it. He worked out that I was quite chatty in normal lessons but silent during that awful mock test. That was because I was overthinking everything. He correctly pegged that and made me study the news in the run-up to my test so that I had something to talk to the examiner about. It definitely helped me to pass.
One of the major problems I have is with reversing. No matter how much the sensible side of my brain tells the squirrelly side that putting the car in reverse makes the car 'see' the back of the car as the front, I still want to steer the way that I want the front of the car to go, not the back. Every time I reverse, there's a battle between my conscious and subconscious as to which way I turn the wheel. My conscious wins every time but the struggle is exhausting.
One of the manoeuvres on the British Test now is 'pull up on the wrong side of the road (the right side, which is a little confusing), reverse two car lengths and then pull back into traffic'. It is actually illegal to pull up on the wrong side of the road but everyone does it so they want you to be able to do it safely. I am a finicky rule-follower so this one was a double whammy for me. I have to do something illegal, then do something unnatural, followed by something stupid. Guess which manoeuvre I got on my test? I think the examiner thought I was a little loopy as I literally had to talk myself into doing it!
i just failed my first exam yesterday and it was horrible, the whole concept of driving a car where you could risk your and other people's lives and the amount of stuff you're supposed to pay attention and keep track of... yeah it's horrible, thanks for making this video, makes me feel more comfortable
I can't drive or ride a bike but I do walk and use public transit my sister takes me places sometimes too. She lives in the apartment above me so quite convenient. I tried several times to learn. Latest time I was in my mid 20s I'm 42 now. I'm glad you were able to learn to drive. I do think of driving as grown up too but I can do almost anything else. I live completely alone and take care of my two dogs. I cant work but I do go to psych social rehab program a few days a week well up until quarantine. Great video as always I really enjoy your videos a lot. The good thing about where I live is it's a small town so if anyone else is in the transit bus it's maybe one or two people unless it's the 1st or 3rd of the month then it tends to be a lot more so I just make it for any time besides the 1st week of the month seems to work for me.
I always hate driving in new areas that have a lot of development. My brain feels the need to look at EVERYTHING and it’s just so overwhelming and difficult to drive on top of not knowing how the roads are in this area.
If I am autistic, it doesn't show in my driving other than my recognition of driving patterns of other drivers whilst driving.
Been driving since before I legally could. Got permit to drive my grandmother around whilst still under age.
Later on, mother got a job with newspapers and I ended up helping as a means to make my own money. As a result, I made efficient route lists for not only myself but other carriers as well. Once I had a license and vehicle to use, I took up substitute carrier for when people wanted a night(s) off (it's a 7 day a week job). Best part was honestly driving on the wrong side of the road whilst throwing papers out the window. Got pulled over once and cop was like "what're you doing?" "Delivering newspapers, I've extra, would you like one?" "No, just be wary of driving on the wrong side of the road, it's not safe." "Of course sir."
Only times I've ever been pulled after that was when the vehicle was out of date or the registered driver (when borrowing a vehicle) had a warrant, oh and the one time my vehicle had full capacity so I honestly had no idea I was going that fast because whenever the speed went past 65, the car started shaking, which more weight inside, this didn't occur, and I some how was going 85. Pulled over in a parking lot because it was the safest option, everyone inside is freaking out since that wasn't protocol in NV as it is in CA, to make sure the officer, you and other drivers are safe during any interacting. Since I parked on private property, he couldn't cite me and I was let off with a warning after explaining I was the DD, this was the first time I had this much weight in my car and I was terribly sorry for not noticing seeing as that is part of the job as a driver. Either way, never been pulled for anything that was seriously breaking the law.
Aside from the one time that I was driving super angry, shouldn't have, and flipped my car, luckily I didn't go off the overpass I was on into traffic. Got a massive scar on my left hip/buttock area to remind me of my shear stupidity.
Yea, as long as my emotions are in check, everything is grand on the road.
I hated driving so much, I had three different instructors, the first outright quit on me and the second kept cancelling lessons and tried to force religion on me for some reason before quitting too, then finally we found a nice man who was so chill and soft spoken that actually helped me and I passed with him aged 20
They often think of religion as their life flashes before their eyes...
No tint is to be rocommended for driving at night! A tint can make you feel at ease but will make your actual vision worse and can make certain lights less visible which could lead to you missing a deer running on to the road. Lots of love!
YES! That’s what was screaming in my head the whole time she was talking about it.
What about talking to yourself in the car? I do that constantly and have even had people stare at me haha. I think for me and a lot of autistic people it's easier to verbalize your thoughts or rehearse conversation in your head and my car is a quiet safe place where I can do that.
I often record vlogs while driving
Im 29 and this video made me cry. It is very relatable to me, as are many of your others. Thank you
I will be saving and sharing this video because people keep telling me to get my driver's license and I keep saying, "Nope."
(Fun fact, I know how to drive, after I'm reminded which pedal is the gas and the brake. And I picked up on driving with a stick pretty quickly, I'm proud to say.)
Context before getting into why I refuse to get my license, I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid, but I ended up self diagnosing as autistic as an adult. What prompted it?
My mom said to me one day, "You're probably autistic, too, I just never got you tested for it."
...
After reading through "ActuallyAutistic" Twitter, and watching your videos, she was right.
I didn't realize having to think about left and right was an autism thing until this video, SUPER helpful.
I brought up ADHD because it's definitely a component; driving. Bores. Me. So does being a passenger, which is why I prefer to be on my phone.
My dad, when I was a teen, took me on a back road to teach me the basics, and he said I did well, but I wasn't actually engaged until he let me floor it so I would know what it felt like.
Flooring it was the ONLY time I was actually awake and paying full attention. Every other time, I was zoning out because I was bored.
So, no. For the safely of myself and everyone around me, I will not be driving.
(Unless it's the apocalypse and we need to get away as quickly as possible.)
I'm 46 and would really like to learn to drive and have more independence. My partner has been driving me for 22 years. This video really helped me to understand some of the aspects I have experienced with lessons.
Well... that hit close to home. Thank you for opening up about your experience! Always glad to hear that one is not alone with this...
My heart goes out to you. Your first experience was my first experience with a man. I understand what you’re saying, there is hope, I actually feel driving is really good for Autistics.
Love this one Sam! Thanks for sharing with us. My 15 year old was recently diagnosed. We're in the US where kids typically get their driver's license at age 16. The information you've provided here will really help us as they learn to drive.
Looking at the outside of the corner when going round a bend, sounds like a difference with our "bottom up" or details first way of process information, versus the contrary in neurotypical people. I didn't realize that I did the same thing until you said it. Multiple negative experiences completely unrelated to driving skill level made me stop driving years ago. Now that I have an Autism diagnosis, it makes so much thing. Eye contact with drivers? Wow. I certainly never did that. Ever. Thank you for teaching me that this is a thing, I'll be telling my Psychiatrist/Psychologist (she's both) about you.
This is so similar to my experience when I was learning to drive. And this support my suspiciousness that I am autistic too. I was wondering then why it was so difficult to me. Writing part I almost fail because office staff was chatting loudly in next room and I was focus them, not my "super fast" computer a,b,c test. I did not understand how those car pedals working, until I figure out just to look time after time how driver used her legs and stick same time, until I get my Heureka moment. Now I am very careful driver but still not want to drive big city centers, in rush hour or highways. And night/dark time I'm avoiding as much as possible because car lights are pain in the butt.
yes yes yes...i absolutely cannot drive, and i made the guy giving me the road test scream. i tried again later in a small town setting, but was just feeling so much pressure that i could not perform basic parking or remember anything i knew. broke into tears more than once.
I loved driving and driving so much during driving school was a nice adventure for me.
I had a horrible experience getting my license, my main issue was with the instructor. We did not click at all and he was mean, always critical and bullying me. He would say things like, is this your first lesson after my first failed test, and always exacerbate my anxiety. Sitting with his bare feet up on the dashboard while i was driving. I am extremely perfectionistic and like you said i want to follow the rules/law always. So any kind of deviation will completely throw me off. I managed to pass my second driving test despite my instructor, and i have been driving accident free for almost 20 years now. I am undiagnosed, but going to a psychiatrist in june. A lot of the things you said in this video made sense to me and reminded me of my experience getting my license.
I am very lucky. I got my license 40 years ago in a little town with almost no traffic! I didn't even have to parallel park because I was driving a cargo van and the examiner was afraid I'd damage the other car! 😄
Lol I cried when I took the test for the first time too. The lady was cold as ice and had a mean scowl on her face. 3rd time was the charm. It helped that my Grandpa brought me that time instead of my dad too. My dad was always really harsh and scared me. Grandpa was kind and calm usually. Never yelled. Gave me a lot more confidence and I could think straight.
I have major trouble driving a car because I always experience sensory overload and have a mild panic attack. I am so glad I am not the only one!
Something I have found as a bad confusing distraction is driving past woods when the sun is behind them. This gives almost a strobing effect (sun-shade-sun-shade-sun-shade) which at higher speeds can be very disorienting. Solutions: slowing down, changing the route of the drive, not driving. It is worse at some times of the year-and frequently catches me off guard. Thanks for the great video!!
6:31 I wish someone who came up with this idea to have a beautiful life for the rest of their life, wishing them to always wake up with a good mood and great health and happy family all around. We need more this kind of considerate people in the world.
I'm grateful for this video. I was scared to watch because I find driving very difficult but I don't want to confront it. But you've made me feel better! I've been driving a long time but I've learnt a lot from this video. Thank you!
I spent a long time not confronting my fears so well done you!
(US) Took a driver's ed course with really awesome elderly man... we just talked most days, but got the rules to the game... I actually took my drivers test... I deliver food now and I'm super good at driving. 😁
I’ll be old enough to learn how to drive in a year, and I’m really scared tbh. I have a hard time paying attention to multiple things at once and tend to focus on a single thing I’m doing, and I forget things a lot. I’m determined to try driving, though!
Driving is so exhausting to me, I didn't understand why until I noticed in a conversation with other people that not everyone notices every single detail while driving. Like single leaves on trees, animals etc. on the side of the road, number plates, it's just so much input... I strongly relate to the whole thing with other drivers not following the rules, it still upsets me so much although I've been driving for more than 5 years. I failed the driving test once because I was just way too anxious, too, btw
I love driving and consider myself a very good driver. I lived on the edge of town and I used to go out very early in the mornings to the roads by all the local farms and drive there to become comfortable with it, now I’m great at it. I had a job for a few years where I would drive to Walmarts all over the country, mostly the Midwest, and it’s was mostly backroads and there would be hours where I would hardly see anyone. It was wonderful. Just me and the car and the road.
This is really helpful for me thank you for sharing your driving experience as I really want to start taking lessons and I’m on the spectrum too 💖
wow, your channel and all the different themes you touch on in your different videos is really teaching me about how many aspects of life are places where autism has a say . just wow. this is beyond words helpful, thank you. since I started watching your videos I am peeling back layer after layer of self-criticism, as I develop my understanding of what it means to be on the spectrum!
My mother primarily taught me how to drive, including how to drive both standard and manual transmission vehicles, and I received my Pennsylvania driver’s license at 16 on my second attempt. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 39 by the way.
I strongly relate to all of the things you explained here and I know this is an older video but in case anybody needs to hear this.. I could not drive and was terrified of it. Even after I finally could drive, I would always avoid it or ride with others when possible. Now, I’m a FedEx ground delivery driver and drive the huge truck with no doors and love it. Give yourself time and do what you need to do for yourself. I still am cautious and aware of my surroundings and other things like that but it makes me a better driver. I follow rules, talk to myself, and have never had a ticket of been in an accident. Not even one that wasn’t my fault and I’ve been driving for 10 years so just don’t count yourself out and don’t feel guilty if you just aren’t feeling driving. It’s ok(:
Hi Sam. Thanks for that. I am 75 and I've been driving since I was 14. I LOVE driving because it reminds me of having a pedal car when I was little. Even now, I still think of my Jag as a giant toy car. I even make car noises! I don't regard my self as a particularly good driver. I'm awkward, so I give other cars a wide berth. Also, I have a bunch of comorbidities. Still, I love it. Thanks for the channel. Peter.
This is so relatable! I think I could be autistic and have been researching everything relating to autism over the past few weeks. I’ve really struggled with learning to drive and felt like a failure because of this and now I’m actually realizing that it could be a combination of anxiety and autism.
I didn’t take driving lessons earlier because of my fear and anxiety with driving. Today I had a really bad driving lesson in the simulator and I cried after because I didn’t get any star during the exercise , the engine of the vehicle broke down ( I stop a lot ). Thank you for story and I hope I can improve my driving.
People outside the autism disorder spectrum and even family member that don’t accept my level 1 autism didn’t believe in my ability.
I didn't start driving at 26 and passed my test first time at 28, I took my time as I wanted to be competent confident, my Dad taught me as a professional driver himself so I only needed 10 lessons.😊
I learned at 15, got my license at 16. One thing I think helped me was my attention to detail. Before I learned, there were so many I think I subconsciously prepared for. By the time I could drive legally on my own, I knew every road in my area, and even in the nearby cities, I knew ALL the speed limits and road signs, still do actually, and I was/am probably overly prepared for the most random of accidents such as having my car go in a lake, which I live right by, and people have, so not like an illegitimate fear, and if a bridge collapsed, things like that.
Such a great summary of learning how to drive !!! I also think that learning how to drive teaches you how to "curb" your ADHD... and navigate life's situations. Social circumstances are in my opinion very similar to driving situations : general rules may exist, but the practical application is different every time.
Yesss! Overwhelmed by detail, I'm especially distracted by dogs having a walk 😅 I have to try to block them out!
Welding goggles!! I don't know if that means something else in other places but here those block everything unless you have a welding flame going. Like next to pitch black. Hearing that makes my anxiety spike.
I had my first driving lesson two days before my 30th birthday. Three years later (2018), I was only just starting to feel like a "competent" driver, and I still haven't passed my theory yet, nor even felt sufficiently prepared for my practical test! And then we moved further into London, which upset those plans somewhat, because a) I wouldn't have really had much use for a car, and b) f**k driving anywhere in London - looks far too stressful!
My instructor didn't really understand my difficulties with spatial perception, or anxiety, but she was very patient and tolerant with me. She printed out a set of instructions she'd written for each manoeuvre, breaking each one down into simple steps, which I found a very helpful way to learn. Watching this video, I related to so much, I always thought there had to be more to my poor driving than just anxiety!