Honestly it's just a symptom of the digital age. As our communication becomes more and more physically disconnected, we also become more disconnected as people. It's a lot easier to forget someone if your communication is primarily just text on a screen, versus meeting and talking in person.
As someone who struggles with texting, please don't jump to conclusions with people based on texts. Texting is incredibly mentally taxing for me, to a point where I rarely engage with it nowadays, but if you want to call or talk in person, I'll always be there. Not everyone finds the same things easy, and them withdrawing can be about their own mental state, not a form of manipulation.
real, it takes me 2-4 days to respond sometimes if it’s not close family. it’s not that I don’t like my friends, I just get exhausted easily…. i wish people didn’t think it’s some sort of litmus test for whether they value you.
This this this! I truly mean no harm… I’m just introverted and have a lot of social things I need to keep up with already😓… If anyone has any advice for me to be less toxic with this, please let me know❤️🩹/nf
I'm not sure if I fully agree with this video. I've learned over the years that texting is much more complicated than that. Someone could not be texting you because they have adhd or are anxious or depressed or something like that. It's not always because you're an afterthought. Some people genuinely forget or start overthinking so much, and it's really not because they don't care. And I think different people also have different ideas over how texting should go. Some people look at it more like sending letters, like back in the day just to put it simply lol. And other people expect a reply within a few minutes.
Yes !! I really agree with this! I grew up being told that a text is something you get to when you can, and a call is more urgent with whatever someone is trying to tell you. And it always feels like i’m doing something whether it’s like doing house tasks, personal hobbies, spending time with family, i hardly take out my phone for these tasks. So i just naturally forget about everything on my phone until a month later i remember getting notifications about something.. and then it becomes embarrassment and shame (?!??) and i reply when i realize there’s nothing else to it, all my friends and family know already that i’m a horrible texter, it’s just kind of sad when meeting new people.
I have depression and I hate more than anything trying to fake my mood to someone during texting. I don't feel it's fair to the other person when they ask "how are you?" and the answer is "Not good, to be honest." especially if it's a newer friend that you don't want to show your down side too yet, and so it's just easier to text back when you are actually in a good mood again. TL: DR - Texting people when you have depression is difficult.
I feel like this would do well if there was no effort put into understanding each other's situation. Then, use this video to get a further understanding. Sometimes just sending one quick text of I can't text oftern because of etc. I'm not sure how many people forget or don't know to do this.
some people have texting anxiety, or sometimes cant think of what to respond. so they step away to think about what to reply. happens to me sometimes, and then i worry that the person might think im showing disinterest or something bad. then i feel bad about myself and become even more distant. it can be a vicious cycle
I get your point but I do not think that a thing like "texting anxiety" exists. That would be a fancy and misleading term for what you are experiencing.
Then just say that you'll get back to them soon tell them you got their message you read it and you will respond shortly. that's really not that difficult, and it's not rude either
I’m a night texter only because that’s when I have time to myself. In fact, this comments being written at 3am. The point is, I love my friends more than anything but responsibilities may get in the way. Of course I will always try to be as quick to respond as I can and I’m currently still working on it but I wouldn’t at all call the ones I’m texting a low priority. They mean the world to me. Moral of the story, don’t be quick to assume the worse.
I have had a best friend for like over 7 years now and we used to talk alot but now we just skip a whole moth without talking and we both come back like nothing happened and start jokes. I once confronted her about this, for me it's normal because i feel like I've secured her as my best friend "forever", and so when i asked her she had the exact same reason and i just knew she was the one. 😂❤
Hardly anyone is truly "bad" at texting. They just don't feel like texting YOU. Keep putting yourself out there and find someone who does. Having said that, be patient with people. The biggest problem with texting an individual is that two people are almost always in different moods when apart. If you're an adaptable, understanding, and patient texter, it will pay off. :)
To me, excessive concern about texts is a monstrous red flag. Texting isn't for meaningful conversation, it's for short messages what used to be phone calls. Wanting to have full-on novel-length conversations in text are a giant red flag with flashing red lights. It's rare that I disagree with these videos, but I can't really get behind this one. I would consider someone who demanded all of what this video suggests about texts to be a red flag wrapped in red flags. Far too clingy and dependant on texting, overthinking the meaning of every thing, and the whole timing of text return time to be more than a little creepy.
I don't completely agree with this. I have online friends who I only talk to via text and we usually write each other "novel-length" messages every month or two. But I treat it like writing letters to each other. So I think it also depends on the situation. But I do agree that in a lot of other situations, people shouldn't make texting such a big deal.
It's all subjective and this video is more of take with a grain of salt. Me and my bestie are extremely close yet we rarely text and when we do it's short and sweet, we leave bug convos to calls or In person
Your comment feels really defensive, as if you exhibit a bunch of these behaviors. Feeling called out? "excessive concern" "full-on novel-length" "demanded" "clingy and dependent" "overthinking" "timing" - where in the video did they claim you should be these things? #1 inconsistency #2 night crawlers, low priority #3 minimalist #4 one directional #5 constant critics #6 passive aggressive Over the course of the 6 behaviors mentioned, they specifically state that context matters. A few of these are just straight toxic. If you exhibit some of these behaviors, maybe you need to do some introspection. And do you know what a "red flag" is? It doesn't mean this person is evil, and cut them off immediately. It means there's something worth paying attention to, so you can get more context and understanding. It may turn out there's nothing wrong. Your criticism was pretty vague. What specifically was stated that you disagree with?
@social3256 I think it's just that some people prefer and have different forms of communication and therefore, some of these things won't always apply to everyone.
@bramble-95 I can't disagree with you that there is a situational component. However, I didn't get the impression that the video was about that once-a-month, we're-far-apart-and-don't-talk-much kind of catch up, although even then, I'd prefer an email or an actual call, but in that situation I get it. The feeling I had was more in casual dating/existence with people you are around often and close-by. The kind of texting clinginess described in the video is a bit squicky.
I do feel bad when i have people i enjoy being around and talking to, but then having multiple groups of people like that. I cant hang out with everyone and sometimes i just need time to myself, either or makes it feel like im leaving someone out… just trying to remind myself that i’ll talk to them soon, i know i will.
There are so many people in the comments here who are thinking they are toxic people just because they don't put texting at the top of their priority list. That's really sad and not fair. This topic has a lot of nuance even within generational gaps. No you're not a horrible person for not talking with everyone you consider a friend every second of the day. How woukd anyone get anything done otherwise? I get that it feels hard to navigate relationships with others in these days but this really isn't it.
It's something they addressed. But from this and the comment section, things will develop. There'll be a way to tell the difference between all the possibilities and situations people are in. The main things that steps are taken to break things down and to prevent misunderstandings. But in the process of that people will have a variety of opinions for, against, and even different directions things can go. So, since is near the start of the whole process, things will be addressed more properly in later videos by people.
I definitely do the last one. Not constantly and not often anymore, but my BPD causes me to panic and overthink and overanalyse every potential hidden meaning behind messages and the gaps between them. Even sometimes typing then pausing then typing again. I have worked so hard to get rid of that mindset, and it’s been so hard because I’ve been hurt so many times by ignoring or mainly not recognising signs somebody was not interested or offended or something like that due to my autism making social situations a bitch and a half. But I like to think that I’m doing better with that. Especially with letting people get back to me when they want (within reason obviously like don’t leave me hanging for half an hour), and I’m doing okay ish with not reading into every message.
Sorry to hear you're experiencing that, and it's not your fault you have BPD. I was hoping you could explain further: "don't leave me hanging for half an hour" that's not a very long time to be left hanging in my opinion. What are you going to do if they leave you hanging for 30 minutes?
@ Realistically? Panic probably. Worry and stress about if they hate me or not. I’m doing my best to be okay with longer and longer stretches of time between replies
@@Chaotic.Fish88 you're amazing for so much self reflection and it's clear that you care. You're gonna get through this don't worry. Try to take it slowly, that's what I try to focus on when dealing with anxiety. Everything will be okay
Hey! BPD it's not mental disorder, connected somehow with your brain, it's illusion of your own wrong understanding of your feelings formed from childhood. You constantly devalue your feelings because you think they're shameful. "BPD" doesn't really exists, and it's emotional disorder that is easy to heal. You can find more by searching The Last Symptom in the articles, they helped me to get rid of this "BPD" and forget this. And I had it as you, absolutely the same. To heal you need to understand that your parents did something wrong to you, and understand that some people around you can behave wrong to you. You'll need to understand that your feelings matters, and you value as person in this world. You're the only one who can do it, and no one will help you. You can't do it for someone, and only for yourself, only if you really want to get rid of it. The reason why you fear abandonment and easily get offended is that you subconsciously sure that you and your feelings are nothing, and it doesn't matter in this world. So you think that others think the same, which is not true. In your head you have formed worldview of that your value fully depends on evaluation of other people, which is not true, and it just means you can't really value yourself. To get rid of this illusion you need to stop pity yourself and stop searching for pity from others, and try to understand things seriously. What is true is that your behavior shouldn't be accepted, which is for some reason almost all psychologists do, and makes you to never heal fully, and it destroys you every day. You will find more on the articles. I'm sure you, as everyone can and as I did, can get rid of it, and have happy life that you deserve. But for this you will need to really want it, and take it seriously. And remember, people who really care and really want to help always exists, so you're not hopeless. Your feelings is the only reason why you exists, and the only thing that takes it from us it's end of life. After death feelings disappear. So don't devalue them, because once you just won't have them, and now you can have happy deserved life until you can. Your BPD is related to that you your whole life lack of intimacy, that you can replace with other behavior, with animals, with other things that gives oxytocin but not real intimacy. People can't live without it, it's important thing of pyramid of needs, so please find it, after you'll heal. I'm sure it's around you just don't notice it. People bring love, and maybe you're the only one who hate yourself now, thinking that all the world against you. Good luck ❤
Hey! BPD it's not mental disorder, connected somehow with your brain, it's illusion of your own wrong understanding of your feelings formed from childhood. You constantly devalue your feelings because you think they're shameful. "BPD" doesn't really exists, and it's emotional disorder that is easy to heal. You can find more by searching The Last Symptom in the articles, they helped me to get rid of this "BPD" and forget this. And I had it as you, absolutely the same. I'm sure you, as everyone can and as I did, can get rid of it, and have happy life that you deserve. But for this you will need to really want it, and take it seriously. And remember, people who really care and really want to help always exists, so you're not hopeless. Your feelings is the only reason why you exists, and the only thing that takes it from us it's end of life. So don't devalue them, because once you just won't have them, and now you can have happy deserved life until you can. People bring love, and maybe you're the only one who hate yourself now, thinking that others do. Good luck ❤
Wait, the vanisher one is so real... My "friend" always responds and then leaves until 2 day later. They also always messaged short words like "lol" etc. It turned out they just purely didnt want to be friends with me. The timing of this vid is so right that i feel like im being watched-😭😭
That's dry texting. I vanish, respond to the last text, and then try to start a new conversation because I know my friend is long since done with the last one.
I just hate texting. I lose interest quickly and people often don’t have anything to say that I find engaging. The same “what are you up to?” every day makes me feel like it’s a chore, even when I want to respond with detailed responses - I just don’t have that kind of energy anymore. It’s not the right type of socializing for me. I HATE trying to focus on just my phone long enough for a short conversation. Kinda just hate my phone honestly
Perhaps start an engaging conversation? It sounds like people are trying to reach out to you & "what are you up to?" is a foundational connection point. You can't make it other people's responsibility to be engaging if, from what it sounds like, you don't care to put any effort in, yourself. What are *they* up to?
Yep. Context is everything. Have a REAL conversation regarding ND/sleep/work and family obligations, etc. Be honest about your needs/wants/expectations/preferred forms of communication. In other words, be a friend but not a doormat. 💫 (the more you know builds a relationship). TL;DR if you are uncomfortable, say so. Take care. 🌱
I am guilty for some of these. Whenever someone starts a conservation with me for the first time, I am usually checking out if I want to stay in contact with them. If I am not interested, I don't text them again but don't tell them that I don't want to engage with them anymore. My girlfriend is usually sending me big walls of text. While my texts are a lot smaller than hers doesn't mean that I am not interested. I just don't seem to have the ability to communicate that well. I have very rarely had moments where I say a lot. Most of the time I say a little to nothing. But she knows about it and is fine with it. It's more of what I say instead of how much. We are always there for each other, whenever someone is having a bad day or just want to talk, we always make sure to give us the time and attention. We love each other very much and while our energies don't seem to match, we balance each other out. If some of you got a question, feel free to ask me anything (regarding to my comment though lol)
Personally I think the first behavior you described is just straight up wrong. Someone is making the effort to try to engage with you and you just don't text back depending on how you may feel about them and then you don't even tell them what your issue is. That leaves the other person wondering if they did something wrong, if you don't like them, if you'll answer eventually, ect.. I think you should absolutely just openly tell the person whatever the reason is that you are not interested in a conversation with them. That way you leave no unnecessary confusion. While you and me will probably never privately text, this is super important to me because people these days think they can do whatever they want on the internet or through texting platforms without considering that there is another human being behind the screen. You wouldn't just turn around without saying a single word when someone tries to talk to you in real life aswell. It would be rude, ignorant and dishonest if you did that, aslong as the engaging person had normal or good intentions with their cause.
@babsibenson Ok, I think you misunderstood me there. That's not what I was trying to say. Of course I am answering them when they text me. But when the next day is coming and they don't message me again, I take that as them understanding that I don't want to keep the conversation going. I am not just ghosting them. That's something even I don't do. Edit: I also tell them beforehand that I am not really that much into texting or smalltalk and I usually don't engage in conversations
i feel like i just realised that i’ve been avoiding most people due to the fact that i don’t think i should get close to them or i’m just afraid of becoming friends with them as a whole. I don’t want to get hurt, so I keep my distance from others. That’s also a reason I don’t have anyone to spend time with, other than my family members. this video is like a wake-up call, but does anyone have any device on how i can do something about it?
I dont wanna go too into detail on why I think this video has so many flaws and biases tbh but a key point I want to say: context and communication are what matters, Ask questions, don’t just assume, no one knows whats really going on in someone’s day to day life for why they aren’t responding quickly, responding at certain times, or being dry.
If You are the one experiencing obstacles to communicate, You should say what's going on. I don't bother with people who want me to elicit info anymore.
agh i often vanish but it's due to autism/anxiety..... then i feel too stupid to reply after a long time so sometimes i avoid people for months even though i like them a lot :(((
Narcissist will love bomb u in beginning of the conversation and when u ll start giving them importance suddenly they will start playing games and rude behaviours. U ll feel so bad after communicating with them.
i genuinely dislike minimalists they're so boring and flat and no brainers it's so annoying especially in a discussion they state dumb stuff you give them contra and they just say no or ok and there's so damn many of them AAAAH
I may be a backhanded texter.. in the sense that I say 'alr imma stop bothering you now' except I acc mean it since ik I'm annoying. I don't say it with aggression, I say it with insecurity. I literally pour my heart out to someone, write a whole rant to make sure they don't lose interest and get bored and tired of me, then I say something like 'ALRR I'LL STOP BEING ANNOYING NOW' since I don't wanna be an energy vampire. I'm constantly trying to be active, responding to each text instantly, and yet that's not enough. I js wanna them happy n keep them interested :(
Clicked on this to see if any of my texting behaviours were toxic - and lo and behold. Not even surprised. My texting pattern is very inconsistent, sometimes I can talk almost for hours, other times can't talk at all - I might have the time, but just not the strength. Recently it's mostly the latter. And I feel really bad when I haven't texted someone in a long time, prompting me to avoid them out of shame, thus not texting them even longer. I'm very aware of this and I feel bad about this, but I can't help it. And even if I do text them eventually, not very often do I have much to say. Which I feel bad about yet again.
You're not toxic, you're different. People place far too much emphasis on texting as if it's objective. It's different for everyone. Don't sweat it. Find people who understand how you are. These kinds of expectations breed anxiety disorders
Dealt with one-sided texters. Tried to ask different open ended questions, but their answer is always similar to the other and their personality is very one-dimensional.
Bro I always worry about accidentally conveying what might be toxic when I don’t mean to and try to apologize for it. Like I sometimes just trauma dumb on my friends but try to ask if I can first bc no one’s ever really listened or acknowledged those feelings. And I’m over apologetic so that can get annoyed and I overthink everything. While I think what is in this video is helpful it might not be the best to directly apply each to every context/situation/citcumstance.
One texting habit I always see in people when I’m talking to them is that I’m always the one starting a conversation. It’s fine if it’s half and half or even leaning to my side, but when it’s 100% of the time, it makes you seem like you’re just an afterthought
Tried reconnecting with an old friend who was enthusiastic earlier this year but when I tried again, I could tell they weren’t interested anymore with their one word answers
I think denoting these patterns as "red flags" is very lethargic and dismissive. You are looking for somebody without asking them about themselves. How ironic is that!
Older guys who date ppl in their 20s are usually walking red flags for people their own age; hence why they go younger. That and how humanity is obsessed with barely legal girls.
As a one way texter I'd like to represent us and let anyone in this type of relationship know that it's not always because we're self centered. I just assume if the person on the other end wants to be friends with me they'll let me know about their life without me having to interrogate them. If you're in this type of relationship on the other end you should try and say some stuff that matters to you! The real tell on whether my type of texter cares is if they have something to say about your life. If you just get one word back after telling them something important, that's how you know it's an unbalanced relationship!
I don’t know. The comments really got me conflicted. A lot of people mention “texting anxiety” and being introverted and not responding for days. …like what? If you have such crippling anxiety over texting of all things, maybe you should really reflect on yourself. If you can’t tell the person that you’ll simply respond later then don’t even bother making friends/exchanging numbers. I just think it’s silly but i probably don’t understand. Because lets be honest, most people in this world are ALWAYS on their phone so to not to respond to a text after a few days is blatant disrespect. Just exchange emails at that point since its more acceptable to respond days later on there.
This is legitimately why I'm afraid to connect with peers. I don't place a strong emphasis on texting etiquette and I don't wanna be labeled as a shitty person for it when I can just interact without stress with 30+ individuals who don't place the same emphasis on these things. I do try and let people know. But I prefer face to face interaction and don't always have time or space for texting.
I may be wrong. But it's the desire to make things better and smoother. Lots of things have gone from being basic to complex and specific, because they are that way to fulfill a purpose more efficiently. It's a pain, I feel like we're all moving too fast.
A red flag to me is someone who over analyzes my behaviour to look for red flags. I’m no longer a teen, I dont text chat anymore I text when necessary and I keep it short because I dont like texting. If that is interpreted as a red flag I’m gonna interpret your interpretation as a red flag.
I used to believe that when someone does let's say ONE bad thing but the other time they'd do more positive things, i'd fixate on that. But now i see it as "how do they behave?" And then i start to look for patterns on an over time deal. We mess up all the time because we are humans but if we keep doing it, it's a pattern and sometimes it might not be seen because of the level of awareness. That's when i learned about boundaries and started putting focus in myself more. Been feeling good learning new things
I'm an introvert and a night owl, so I naturally struggle with conversation as it is even face to face. I try my best, but when I can't get a word in edgewise with face to face conversations, I forget what I was trying to say in the first place and don't even bother trying anymore. The one time I did try to participate in a conversation with my dad's family, my dad interrupted me and said that my story was boring and no one wanted to hear it. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there thinking to myself, "Yeah, and how many boring conversations did I have to sit through over the years? The one time I try to participate, you interrupt me and you wonder why I never join in any conversations."
That's why I only use text to meet up with the ones I'm close too or keep it to business, serious or emergency matters. The most effective friendly or intimate conversations should take place in person, over the phone or facetime.
This one, the vanishers (0:40), kinda upset me. I’m not lacking interest or pulling away when I feel too close, nor am I manipulating you. I just really f*cking hate texting. I don’t dislike you. I just hate texting and having to read a message behind a message. Also, as said by my father: “If it was important, they’d call you. Texting can be replied to later.” Edit: Also, context is important. It varies from person to person, and this video is too narrow for such a broad subject.
texting does kinda suck for this reason the medium of communication has room for too much variety at random- are u gonna get a short text or a long thoughtful one? a quick reply or one that takes days-?- all things that open the gate to overthinking
I do all of these exept for the last two. I don't know what's wrong with me, and I feel like a narc. I only ever care about others, and would do anything for them, but sometimes I crave the spotlight and just want attention. Is it because I'm an introvert or am I really just a bad person? Or is it because I've been socially neglected by other kids my age for as long as I could remember? When I send a text, it's always just to ask a question, ask for some help or mainly to say something funny. When the other person begins to fill me in with everything they have been doing for the past week and start to rant about random fandoms and crap, I back away because it's no longer something I'm interested in. Is it me or is it them that's the problem? I'm so sick of socialising, it's so mentally draining and it never results in anything good anyways. I don't know what to do any more
WOW the timing couldn't be more oddly specific. We used to talk like we're couples and now I feel like I'm just bothering her everytime I go out my way to text her. Pretty good video
Sometimes its not a red flag rather the person don't like your personality and don't want to engage with you ! Nowdays ig we have so many terms that we all are somehow entangled to everything. Heard a podcast few days back that said we all are bit of narcissistic because we want attention , who doesn't want to lead and look good just for getting more opportunities.
If you don't like someone's personality and don't want to engage with them, tactfully tell them. Don't play games. That's why it's a red flag. Being opportunistic is one thing; but only thinking of yourself is narcissistic.
I find that I sometimes fall for the one-way texting behaviour where I need to put in effort to ask about whoever I'm texting. I wish it came more naturally to me so I didn't have to worry so much about not checking in with someone. But all in all, altho I'm down for a chat, I don't text anyone unless I need them for something rather than just go out of my way to talk just for talking sake, which also means that I leave others to initiate texts over myself. As a result, I don't have deep friendships anymore, not since the good ol' school days.
3:18 Or that I don't want to make the other person feel uncomfortable by asking questions about themselves as I wouldn't like that and that there is the risk they would ask me something about myself
Man another reminder of my last relationship...she loved me when I was giving her money to go on dates with other dudes with...nothing I said or did mattered outside of that. It sucks because I still have to stay armed when I leave the house because of her (just moved back to the town my parents live in). Like comnstantly looking over my back, waiting for her drug dealer friends to jump me. I even tried to take her to court and the judge basically told me "men don't get abused". But I still want to love someone...even though it scares the hell out of me. Just she used alot of manipulation techniques like the ones described in the video when she would text. I was the love of her life...just sick of people's shite
Sometimes it's time sensitive. Or sometimes they're in a vulnerable moment that passed because you didn't respond timely enough. It happens. I don't do it, but I've a couple friends who do. Thankfully when I ask about it, they're tell me what's up & not shut down. Just ask about it. Be persistent. Tell them that it upsets you.
Reminds me of an ex fling who couldn't talk face to face everytime I tried to but wouldn't stop texting me on Instagram and even blame me for not responding as fast as she wanted to. Conversations irl are way better than texting.
I was going through the minimalist for the longest time. During that time tho the girl I was texting first started as very emotional supportive and let me talk to her when I needed. Because she let me be so open with her, I wanted her to do the same by telling her, I'm here for you if you need to talk, but she would never. I know that she was going through a lot. I always tried to talk to her at a time I know she was available - so I'm not interfering or interrupting anything that's going on in her life. But as time went on she kept sending me short handed answers and put less effort on what to say to me, and went on being less supportive. I felt like I wasn't a priority to her and she was always a priority to me. I was the one who always started our conversations. It took me a long time, but I blocked her number, and deleted her off of my phone
I don’t agree with this video because I tend to play with my game while waiting for that person to reply. I’ll only go back to the engaging and fun chat when it’s midnight and I’d already forgot the vibe of the conversation and so I’ll leave it on read or just react it with a heart. I also barely text anyone because of my introverted personality. I’d take a whole day of maybe even days to reply. And I decline calls even from my family.
The first one also has a reverse. You're constantly carrying the conversation but the person on the other side, just keeps responding in short words like they have little or nothing to say. Even when a good discussion is going, as soon as you try to make plans to talk more, the other person offers nothing.
I have an issue with this one - I had a significant portion of my life when I was homeschooling two kids, attending college myself, working full time, and I just didn't have the time to maintain full on conversations and I just didn't have the time to respond. If someone couldn't handle that, then that's on them. I'm not reorganizing my life for someone when I already running at my maximum capacity.
Timestamps 1). The vanishers 0:40 2). The night crawlers 1:42 3). The minimalist 2:10 4). One-way texters 2:55 5). Constant critics 3:24 6). The backhanded texters 4:14 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
I'm currently experiencing the first red flag that was mentioned in the beginning of the video. In the back of my mind I knew it was a red flag. I met the guy through a childhood friend I recently reconnected with and visited in the beginning of the month. Over the past 3 weeks he has become more and more on and off with texting me when in the beginning, and even in person showed lots of interest in me. I was on the phone with one of my friends a few hours ago and talked to her about it and she confirmed that it was a red flag, and watching this video confirmed it even more.
I’m the minimalist and vanisher, but I normally vanish whenever it gets to a topic that I might say something wrong about, and I’m minimalist simply because half of the time I don’t know what to say.
I feel like the anonymity of texting can influence anyone in different ways. Its good to get everyones experiences from both sides, as to develop a better understanding of it. Also, everyone deals with things differently, and processing takes a while to happen.
I hate that I see myself in the first red flag. I love talking to other people, but at some point I just.. lose interest. It's not something I do on purpose, at least I think I'm not. I don't have bad intentions when doing this. It just gets tiring to text a lot, causing me to text less and less until I stop entirely. I have lost a friend due to that behavior and I ended up seriously hurting them emotionally without even realizing. I guess I forget that the people on the other end of the screen are also just that. People with emotions and feelings. Now, I just warn people about it or try avoiding getting too close to people in the first place. Does this make sense? Probably not. I most likely seem like a shitty person but I don't really know how else to tackle the problem.
My best friend is an interesting case, we don't text nearly as often as we used to, and he usually is a dry and short texter. But i know why he isn't an energetic texter, and in person, he is a lot more energetic
Lots of these aren't red flags for friendships, but may be red flags for relationships. I think it's okay for people to prioritize other things until later in the day, as it's important to be able to put ones phone to the side. This ofc depends on nuance, but while some people may not simply care others may seek to prioritize and I think that's okay when communicated.
Can't even remember the last time I had a "conversation" via text. I only use it for short messages, like "7:30 right?" or "still on for poker tonight?" that sort of thing.
WHAT? is it a red flag to "disappear"? I do it all the time... I get caught up doing laundry or cleaning or fall asleep...but all my pals are the same...maybe it's different when you are neurodivergent???
Idk. I feel like there's such a lost art in saying "good morning" and "good bye" or ttyl or literally anything that lets the other person know you're busy or don't have time or that you're disengaging. We treat each other like video games or how toddlers play with toys. Yeah, it works for most of us, but that doesn't mean we can't do better.
It’s sad when a friend goes from being hella invested to obviously no longer interested in texting you anymore.
Same+++ i had a lot
Object impermanence applies to people too. I love my best friends, but there are moments where my ADHD just genuinely forgets they exist
That's just life in general too
Honestly it's just a symptom of the digital age. As our communication becomes more and more physically disconnected, we also become more disconnected as people. It's a lot easier to forget someone if your communication is primarily just text on a screen, versus meeting and talking in person.
It gets annoying but I think it's better that way so I can forget them as well
As someone who struggles with texting, please don't jump to conclusions with people based on texts. Texting is incredibly mentally taxing for me, to a point where I rarely engage with it nowadays, but if you want to call or talk in person, I'll always be there. Not everyone finds the same things easy, and them withdrawing can be about their own mental state, not a form of manipulation.
I agree, it's not easy to get a read on texts very often or the mood or queues etc.
real, it takes me 2-4 days to respond sometimes if it’s not close family. it’s not that I don’t like my friends, I just get exhausted easily…. i wish people didn’t think it’s some sort of litmus test for whether they value you.
Exactly, it's better to not immediately expect the worst
This this this! I truly mean no harm… I’m just introverted and have a lot of social things I need to keep up with already😓… If anyone has any advice for me to be less toxic with this, please let me know❤️🩹/nf
Same for me. It's such a difficult thing sometimes that even the thought of replying is too overwhelming.
0:41 Ghosters
1:43 Low Priority
2:11 Disinterest & Dismission
2:56 Egotistical
3:24 Criticalist
4:15 Undertones
thanks! ^^ this should be pinned !!
I'm not sure if I fully agree with this video. I've learned over the years that texting is much more complicated than that. Someone could not be texting you because they have adhd or are anxious or depressed or something like that. It's not always because you're an afterthought. Some people genuinely forget or start overthinking so much, and it's really not because they don't care. And I think different people also have different ideas over how texting should go. Some people look at it more like sending letters, like back in the day just to put it simply lol. And other people expect a reply within a few minutes.
Yes !! I really agree with this! I grew up being told that a text is something you get to when you can, and a call is more urgent with whatever someone is trying to tell you. And it always feels like i’m doing something whether it’s like doing house tasks, personal hobbies, spending time with family, i hardly take out my phone for these tasks. So i just naturally forget about everything on my phone until a month later i remember getting notifications about something.. and then it becomes embarrassment and shame (?!??) and i reply when i realize there’s nothing else to it, all my friends and family know already that i’m a horrible texter, it’s just kind of sad when meeting new people.
I was already confused, this video didn't help! But I agree with you...texting is complicated.
I have depression and I hate more than anything trying to fake my mood to someone during texting. I don't feel it's fair to the other person when they ask "how are you?" and the answer is "Not good, to be honest." especially if it's a newer friend that you don't want to show your down side too yet, and so it's just easier to text back when you are actually in a good mood again.
TL: DR - Texting people when you have depression is difficult.
I feel like this would do well if there was no effort put into understanding each other's situation. Then, use this video to get a further understanding.
Sometimes just sending one quick text of I can't text oftern because of etc. I'm not sure how many people forget or don't know to do this.
People who expect reply within minutes might have anxiety.
Texting is the worst.... I prefer live conversations while my partner prefers knowing what's up on the spot
some people have texting anxiety, or sometimes cant think of what to respond. so they step away to think about what to reply. happens to me sometimes, and then i worry that the person might think im showing disinterest or something bad. then i feel bad about myself and become even more distant. it can be a vicious cycle
That's what I was thinking-
as long as you communicate it, I don't see a problem
I get your point but I do not think that a thing like "texting anxiety" exists. That would be a fancy and misleading term for what you are experiencing.
Then just say that you'll get back to them soon tell them you got their message you read it and you will respond shortly. that's really not that difficult, and it's not rude either
yess, happens w me very often
I’m a night texter only because that’s when I have time to myself. In fact, this comments being written at 3am. The point is, I love my friends more than anything but responsibilities may get in the way. Of course I will always try to be as quick to respond as I can and I’m currently still working on it but I wouldn’t at all call the ones I’m texting a low priority. They mean the world to me. Moral of the story, don’t be quick to assume the worse.
To be fair this video dropped at like 1am. I know this because I was up. And procrastinated to watch it
The timing of this is insane
True!
Agree😂
Right!
Fr! This channel is full of mind readers I swear.
I saw the notifciation and had me started looking around my surroundings. Its too timing
I have had a best friend for like over 7 years now and we used to talk alot but now we just skip a whole moth without talking and we both come back like nothing happened and start jokes. I once confronted her about this, for me it's normal because i feel like I've secured her as my best friend "forever", and so when i asked her she had the exact same reason and i just knew she was the one. 😂❤
Neu 👏 ro 👏 di 👏 ver 👏 gent 👏
@@VanNessy97are you mocking her/him?
Same with me and my bestfriend 🤣
True friendship🙂↕️ My mom and her best friend are the same😆
Aww that is a good kind of friendship
I miss the 1990s when there was nothing of this.
That was the 70's you're referring to
@Realnofake5Actually it was the 50's 🤓
E-Mails were a thing in the 90's and people used their landline phones a lot and also wrote mails. What changed is what these things transformed into.
I miss Medieval Times
The restaurant theatre show.
I miss the Stone Ages
(The Medieval Times restaurant theatre show still exists)
What are you grateful for this week?
Being alive ❤
This video
Yes! Always grateful for smallest of the smallest things.
I'm grateful for this video, and i am also grateful for my family and friends
family
Hardly anyone is truly "bad" at texting. They just don't feel like texting YOU. Keep putting yourself out there and find someone who does. Having said that, be patient with people. The biggest problem with texting an individual is that two people are almost always in different moods when apart. If you're an adaptable, understanding, and patient texter, it will pay off. :)
To me, excessive concern about texts is a monstrous red flag. Texting isn't for meaningful conversation, it's for short messages what used to be phone calls. Wanting to have full-on novel-length conversations in text are a giant red flag with flashing red lights. It's rare that I disagree with these videos, but I can't really get behind this one. I would consider someone who demanded all of what this video suggests about texts to be a red flag wrapped in red flags. Far too clingy and dependant on texting, overthinking the meaning of every thing, and the whole timing of text return time to be more than a little creepy.
I don't completely agree with this. I have online friends who I only talk to via text and we usually write each other "novel-length" messages every month or two. But I treat it like writing letters to each other. So I think it also depends on the situation. But I do agree that in a lot of other situations, people shouldn't make texting such a big deal.
It's all subjective and this video is more of take with a grain of salt. Me and my bestie are extremely close yet we rarely text and when we do it's short and sweet, we leave bug convos to calls or In person
Your comment feels really defensive, as if you exhibit a bunch of these behaviors. Feeling called out? "excessive concern" "full-on novel-length" "demanded" "clingy and dependent" "overthinking" "timing" - where in the video did they claim you should be these things?
#1 inconsistency
#2 night crawlers, low priority
#3 minimalist
#4 one directional
#5 constant critics
#6 passive aggressive
Over the course of the 6 behaviors mentioned, they specifically state that context matters. A few of these are just straight toxic. If you exhibit some of these behaviors, maybe you need to do some introspection. And do you know what a "red flag" is? It doesn't mean this person is evil, and cut them off immediately. It means there's something worth paying attention to, so you can get more context and understanding. It may turn out there's nothing wrong.
Your criticism was pretty vague. What specifically was stated that you disagree with?
@social3256 I think it's just that some people prefer and have different forms of communication and therefore, some of these things won't always apply to everyone.
@bramble-95 I can't disagree with you that there is a situational component. However, I didn't get the impression that the video was about that once-a-month, we're-far-apart-and-don't-talk-much kind of catch up, although even then, I'd prefer an email or an actual call, but in that situation I get it.
The feeling I had was more in casual dating/existence with people you are around often and close-by. The kind of texting clinginess described in the video is a bit squicky.
I do feel bad when i have people i enjoy being around and talking to, but then having multiple groups of people like that. I cant hang out with everyone and sometimes i just need time to myself, either or makes it feel like im leaving someone out… just trying to remind myself that i’ll talk to them soon, i know i will.
One of my friends told me, "there's always that one dude who doesn't have to text first". Dang
There are so many people in the comments here who are thinking they are toxic people just because they don't put texting at the top of their priority list. That's really sad and not fair. This topic has a lot of nuance even within generational gaps. No you're not a horrible person for not talking with everyone you consider a friend every second of the day. How woukd anyone get anything done otherwise? I get that it feels hard to navigate relationships with others in these days but this really isn't it.
It's something they addressed. But from this and the comment section, things will develop. There'll be a way to tell the difference between all the possibilities and situations people are in. The main things that steps are taken to break things down and to prevent misunderstandings. But in the process of that people will have a variety of opinions for, against, and even different directions things can go.
So, since is near the start of the whole process, things will be addressed more properly in later videos by people.
I definitely do the last one. Not constantly and not often anymore, but my BPD causes me to panic and overthink and overanalyse every potential hidden meaning behind messages and the gaps between them. Even sometimes typing then pausing then typing again. I have worked so hard to get rid of that mindset, and it’s been so hard because I’ve been hurt so many times by ignoring or mainly not recognising signs somebody was not interested or offended or something like that due to my autism making social situations a bitch and a half. But I like to think that I’m doing better with that. Especially with letting people get back to me when they want (within reason obviously like don’t leave me hanging for half an hour), and I’m doing okay ish with not reading into every message.
Sorry to hear you're experiencing that, and it's not your fault you have BPD. I was hoping you could explain further: "don't leave me hanging for half an hour" that's not a very long time to be left hanging in my opinion. What are you going to do if they leave you hanging for 30 minutes?
@ Realistically? Panic probably. Worry and stress about if they hate me or not. I’m doing my best to be okay with longer and longer stretches of time between replies
@@Chaotic.Fish88 you're amazing for so much self reflection and it's clear that you care. You're gonna get through this don't worry. Try to take it slowly, that's what I try to focus on when dealing with anxiety. Everything will be okay
Hey! BPD it's not mental disorder, connected somehow with your brain, it's illusion of your own wrong understanding of your feelings formed from childhood. You constantly devalue your feelings because you think they're shameful. "BPD" doesn't really exists, and it's emotional disorder that is easy to heal. You can find more by searching The Last Symptom in the articles, they helped me to get rid of this "BPD" and forget this. And I had it as you, absolutely the same. To heal you need to understand that your parents did something wrong to you, and understand that some people around you can behave wrong to you. You'll need to understand that your feelings matters, and you value as person in this world. You're the only one who can do it, and no one will help you. You can't do it for someone, and only for yourself, only if you really want to get rid of it. The reason why you fear abandonment and easily get offended is that you subconsciously sure that you and your feelings are nothing, and it doesn't matter in this world. So you think that others think the same, which is not true. In your head you have formed worldview of that your value fully depends on evaluation of other people, which is not true, and it just means you can't really value yourself. To get rid of this illusion you need to stop pity yourself and stop searching for pity from others, and try to understand things seriously. What is true is that your behavior shouldn't be accepted, which is for some reason almost all psychologists do, and makes you to never heal fully, and it destroys you every day. You will find more on the articles. I'm sure you, as everyone can and as I did, can get rid of it, and have happy life that you deserve. But for this you will need to really want it, and take it seriously. And remember, people who really care and really want to help always exists, so you're not hopeless. Your feelings is the only reason why you exists, and the only thing that takes it from us it's end of life. After death feelings disappear. So don't devalue them, because once you just won't have them, and now you can have happy deserved life until you can. Your BPD is related to that you your whole life lack of intimacy, that you can replace with other behavior, with animals, with other things that gives oxytocin but not real intimacy. People can't live without it, it's important thing of pyramid of needs, so please find it, after you'll heal. I'm sure it's around you just don't notice it. People bring love, and maybe you're the only one who hate yourself now, thinking that all the world against you. Good luck ❤
Hey! BPD it's not mental disorder, connected somehow with your brain, it's illusion of your own wrong understanding of your feelings formed from childhood. You constantly devalue your feelings because you think they're shameful. "BPD" doesn't really exists, and it's emotional disorder that is easy to heal. You can find more by searching The Last Symptom in the articles, they helped me to get rid of this "BPD" and forget this. And I had it as you, absolutely the same. I'm sure you, as everyone can and as I did, can get rid of it, and have happy life that you deserve. But for this you will need to really want it, and take it seriously. And remember, people who really care and really want to help always exists, so you're not hopeless. Your feelings is the only reason why you exists, and the only thing that takes it from us it's end of life. So don't devalue them, because once you just won't have them, and now you can have happy deserved life until you can. People bring love, and maybe you're the only one who hate yourself now, thinking that others do. Good luck ❤
Wait, the vanisher one is so real... My "friend" always responds and then leaves until 2 day later. They also always messaged short words like "lol" etc. It turned out they just purely didnt want to be friends with me. The timing of this vid is so right that i feel like im being watched-😭😭
dw you'll find a good friend eventually
@thebanquetneverends TY! actually made some that were better than them in many ways
lol
She just wants her time
That's dry texting. I vanish, respond to the last text, and then try to start a new conversation because I know my friend is long since done with the last one.
I hope i dont do one of them 😭😭😭
Same😭
I only do one red flag😮
I know I'm guilty of half of these. I don't feel like you should be available 24/7 because we aren't.
i sometimes am the vanisher bc of my social battery
@@MahiruShiina10 oo nice
Soon as I saw the notification, I knew I had to click
I just hate texting. I lose interest quickly and people often don’t have anything to say that I find engaging. The same “what are you up to?” every day makes me feel like it’s a chore, even when I want to respond with detailed responses - I just don’t have that kind of energy anymore. It’s not the right type of socializing for me. I HATE trying to focus on just my phone long enough for a short conversation. Kinda just hate my phone honestly
Perhaps start an engaging conversation? It sounds like people are trying to reach out to you & "what are you up to?" is a foundational connection point. You can't make it other people's responsibility to be engaging if, from what it sounds like, you don't care to put any effort in, yourself. What are *they* up to?
the constant critics are genuinely the worst kind of people in real life too
1 means I'm neurodivergent, 2 means I have Non24 and my circadian clock is more of a roulette wheel. 6 means ✨I've Been Traumatized✨
Yep. Context is everything. Have a REAL conversation regarding ND/sleep/work and family obligations, etc. Be honest about your needs/wants/expectations/preferred forms of communication. In other words, be a friend but not a doormat. 💫 (the more you know builds a relationship). TL;DR if you are uncomfortable, say so. Take care. 🌱
Your voice is freakn' awesome. Very relaxing. Its actually helping me finally wind down
Counter perspective on the night time texting, I am an individual that works overnight and am up at odd hours instead of when ppl are typically awake
I am guilty for some of these. Whenever someone starts a conservation with me for the first time, I am usually checking out if I want to stay in contact with them. If I am not interested, I don't text them again but don't tell them that I don't want to engage with them anymore.
My girlfriend is usually sending me big walls of text. While my texts are a lot smaller than hers doesn't mean that I am not interested. I just don't seem to have the ability to communicate that well. I have very rarely had moments where I say a lot. Most of the time I say a little to nothing.
But she knows about it and is fine with it. It's more of what I say instead of how much.
We are always there for each other, whenever someone is having a bad day or just want to talk, we always make sure to give us the time and attention. We love each other very much and while our energies don't seem to match, we balance each other out.
If some of you got a question, feel free to ask me anything (regarding to my comment though lol)
Personally I think the first behavior you described is just straight up wrong. Someone is making the effort to try to engage with you and you just don't text back depending on how you may feel about them and then you don't even tell them what your issue is. That leaves the other person wondering if they did something wrong, if you don't like them, if you'll answer eventually, ect..
I think you should absolutely just openly tell the person whatever the reason is that you are not interested in a conversation with them. That way you leave no unnecessary confusion.
While you and me will probably never privately text, this is super important to me because people these days think they can do whatever they want on the internet or through texting platforms without considering that there is another human being behind the screen. You wouldn't just turn around without saying a single word when someone tries to talk to you in real life aswell. It would be rude, ignorant and dishonest if you did that, aslong as the engaging person had normal or good intentions with their cause.
@babsibenson Ok, I think you misunderstood me there. That's not what I was trying to say. Of course I am answering them when they text me. But when the next day is coming and they don't message me again, I take that as them understanding that I don't want to keep the conversation going.
I am not just ghosting them. That's something even I don't do.
Edit: I also tell them beforehand that I am not really that much into texting or smalltalk and I usually don't engage in conversations
Yeah, sounds like my EX. I tried to understand him, but now I'm petty sure I prefer someone who values my effort to communicate and create bonds.
Your videos have been a tremendous help for my personal well-being. God bless you.
0:41 The vanishers
1:04 Avoidant Attachment
1:43 Night Crawlers
2:11 The Minimalist
2:56 One-Way Texters
3:25 Constant Critics
4:15 The Backhanded Texters
😂😂
i feel like i just realised that i’ve been avoiding most people due to the fact that i don’t think i should get close to them or i’m just afraid of becoming friends with them as a whole. I don’t want to get hurt, so I keep my distance from others. That’s also a reason I don’t have anyone to spend time with, other than my family members. this video is like a wake-up call, but does anyone have any device on how i can do something about it?
I dont wanna go too into detail on why I think this video has so many flaws and biases tbh but a key point I want to say: context and communication are what matters, Ask questions, don’t just assume, no one knows whats really going on in someone’s day to day life for why they aren’t responding quickly, responding at certain times, or being dry.
If You are the one experiencing obstacles to communicate, You should say what's going on. I don't bother with people who want me to elicit info anymore.
0:53 THIS RIGHT HERE IS WHAT GETS ME. Then I still respond quickly like a fool
Starting to see this with my gf and I’m worried…
@@Kai-jj8gfMaybe she picked up on the pattern and thought it was normal? Manipulation does things to a person.
@@Kai-jj8gfgotta leave her bro
@@Kai-jj8gfTell her what she's doing and why you don't like it
Stop texting, start calling.
I like a mix of both. But it took Adderall to get there, lol
I have a friend who exhibits these behaviors in REAL LIFE and it's very annoying🤦🏾♂️😒
agh i often vanish but it's due to autism/anxiety..... then i feel too stupid to reply after a long time so sometimes i avoid people for months even though i like them a lot :(((
Narcissist will love bomb u in beginning of the conversation and when u ll start giving them importance suddenly they will start playing games and rude behaviours. U ll feel so bad after communicating with them.
they don’t want you to read the book Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki because it sets you free
i genuinely dislike minimalists they're so boring and flat and no brainers it's so annoying especially in a discussion they state dumb stuff you give them contra and they just say no or ok
and there's so damn many of them AAAAH
My best friend and i both have ADHD... our texting issues are next level
I may be a backhanded texter.. in the sense that I say 'alr imma stop bothering you now' except I acc mean it since ik I'm annoying. I don't say it with aggression, I say it with insecurity. I literally pour my heart out to someone, write a whole rant to make sure they don't lose interest and get bored and tired of me, then I say something like 'ALRR I'LL STOP BEING ANNOYING NOW' since I don't wanna be an energy vampire. I'm constantly trying to be active, responding to each text instantly, and yet that's not enough. I js wanna them happy n keep them interested :(
Same QwQ
Clicked on this to see if any of my texting behaviours were toxic - and lo and behold. Not even surprised. My texting pattern is very inconsistent, sometimes I can talk almost for hours, other times can't talk at all - I might have the time, but just not the strength. Recently it's mostly the latter. And I feel really bad when I haven't texted someone in a long time, prompting me to avoid them out of shame, thus not texting them even longer. I'm very aware of this and I feel bad about this, but I can't help it. And even if I do text them eventually, not very often do I have much to say. Which I feel bad about yet again.
Same QwQ
You're not toxic, you're different. People place far too much emphasis on texting as if it's objective. It's different for everyone. Don't sweat it. Find people who understand how you are. These kinds of expectations breed anxiety disorders
Dealt with one-sided texters. Tried to ask different open ended questions, but their answer is always similar to the other and their personality is very one-dimensional.
Bro I always worry about accidentally conveying what might be toxic when I don’t mean to and try to apologize for it. Like I sometimes just trauma dumb on my friends but try to ask if I can first bc no one’s ever really listened or acknowledged those feelings. And I’m over apologetic so that can get annoyed and I overthink everything. While I think what is in this video is helpful it might not be the best to directly apply each to every context/situation/citcumstance.
One texting habit I always see in people when I’m talking to them is that I’m always the one starting a conversation. It’s fine if it’s half and half or even leaning to my side, but when it’s 100% of the time, it makes you seem like you’re just an afterthought
As a dry texter, not everyone who comes off as dry don't find your time worthwhile, we're just portraying ourselves the way we are in person
Tried reconnecting with an old friend who was enthusiastic earlier this year but when I tried again, I could tell they weren’t interested anymore with their one word answers
I think denoting these patterns as "red flags" is very lethargic and dismissive. You are looking for somebody without asking them about themselves. How ironic is that!
This shit is why I date older guys as someone in my 20's. They don't give a shit about meaningless shit like this. :7
Older guys who date ppl in their 20s are usually walking red flags for people their own age; hence why they go younger. That and how humanity is obsessed with barely legal girls.
I somehow at first misread the video title as "6 Texting Behaviors That Are Not Sexy"
XD
As a one way texter I'd like to represent us and let anyone in this type of relationship know that it's not always because we're self centered. I just assume if the person on the other end wants to be friends with me they'll let me know about their life without me having to interrogate them. If you're in this type of relationship on the other end you should try and say some stuff that matters to you! The real tell on whether my type of texter cares is if they have something to say about your life. If you just get one word back after telling them something important, that's how you know it's an unbalanced relationship!
I don’t know. The comments really got me conflicted. A lot of people mention “texting anxiety” and being introverted and not responding for days. …like what? If you have such crippling anxiety over texting of all things, maybe you should really reflect on yourself. If you can’t tell the person that you’ll simply respond later then don’t even bother making friends/exchanging numbers. I just think it’s silly but i probably don’t understand. Because lets be honest, most people in this world are ALWAYS on their phone so to not to respond to a text after a few days is blatant disrespect. Just exchange emails at that point since its more acceptable to respond days later on there.
Why do we always find the simplest things so hard and make it so uneccesarily complicated for everyone involved? Draining
This is legitimately why I'm afraid to connect with peers. I don't place a strong emphasis on texting etiquette and I don't wanna be labeled as a shitty person for it when I can just interact without stress with 30+ individuals who don't place the same emphasis on these things. I do try and let people know. But I prefer face to face interaction and don't always have time or space for texting.
I may be wrong. But it's the desire to make things better and smoother. Lots of things have gone from being basic to complex and specific, because they are that way to fulfill a purpose more efficiently. It's a pain, I feel like we're all moving too fast.
Don't mind me watching this as if someone ever texts me.
A red flag to me is someone who over analyzes my behaviour to look for red flags.
I’m no longer a teen, I dont text chat anymore I text when necessary and I keep it short because I dont like texting. If that is interpreted as a red flag I’m gonna interpret your interpretation as a red flag.
I used to believe that when someone does let's say ONE bad thing but the other time they'd do more positive things, i'd fixate on that. But now i see it as "how do they behave?" And then i start to look for patterns on an over time deal. We mess up all the time because we are humans but if we keep doing it, it's a pattern and sometimes it might not be seen because of the level of awareness. That's when i learned about boundaries and started putting focus in myself more. Been feeling good learning new things
1:47 what if they’re from another country/region
🤦🏼♀️
Saw this video and immediately clicked thank you so much for bringing these things to light ❤
I'm an introvert and a night owl, so I naturally struggle with conversation as it is even face to face. I try my best, but when I can't get a word in edgewise with face to face conversations, I forget what I was trying to say in the first place and don't even bother trying anymore. The one time I did try to participate in a conversation with my dad's family, my dad interrupted me and said that my story was boring and no one wanted to hear it. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there thinking to myself, "Yeah, and how many boring conversations did I have to sit through over the years? The one time I try to participate, you interrupt me and you wonder why I never join in any conversations."
I’m a nightcrawler and it’s not that you’re an afterthought, it’s just I’m nocturnal
That's why I only use text to meet up with the ones I'm close too or keep it to business, serious or emergency matters. The most effective friendly or intimate conversations should take place in person, over the phone or facetime.
This one, the vanishers (0:40), kinda upset me. I’m not lacking interest or pulling away when I feel too close, nor am I manipulating you.
I just really f*cking hate texting.
I don’t dislike you.
I just hate texting and having to read a message behind a message.
Also, as said by my father:
“If it was important, they’d call you. Texting can be replied to later.”
Edit:
Also, context is important. It varies from person to person, and this video is too narrow for such a broad subject.
texting does kinda suck for this reason
the medium of communication has room for too much variety at random- are u gonna get a short text or a long thoughtful one? a quick reply or one that takes days-?- all things that open the gate to overthinking
@@nicolovespanda Exactly! Texting is just so subjective, based on situation, receiver *and* sender.
I do all of these exept for the last two. I don't know what's wrong with me, and I feel like a narc. I only ever care about others, and would do anything for them, but sometimes I crave the spotlight and just want attention. Is it because I'm an introvert or am I really just a bad person? Or is it because I've been socially neglected by other kids my age for as long as I could remember? When I send a text, it's always just to ask a question, ask for some help or mainly to say something funny. When the other person begins to fill me in with everything they have been doing for the past week and start to rant about random fandoms and crap, I back away because it's no longer something I'm interested in. Is it me or is it them that's the problem? I'm so sick of socialising, it's so mentally draining and it never results in anything good anyways. I don't know what to do any more
"They dissappear for Days"
I wish. Would still suck of course. It would be better than Weeks or even a Month or more though.
Psycho2go! You guys are so knowledgeable ☺️. I love your content, it’s very informative, and educational. ❤ keep it up.
helpp after this i just realized how many fake friends i have 😭
WOW the timing couldn't be more oddly specific. We used to talk like we're couples and now I feel like I'm just bothering her everytime I go out my way to text her. Pretty good video
Good Video.
Merry christmas and good switch to the New year.
Sometimes its not a red flag rather the person don't like your personality and don't want to engage with you !
Nowdays ig we have so many terms that we all are somehow entangled to everything.
Heard a podcast few days back that said we all are bit of narcissistic because we want attention , who doesn't want to lead and look good just for getting more opportunities.
If you don't like someone's personality and don't want to engage with them, tactfully tell them. Don't play games. That's why it's a red flag. Being opportunistic is one thing; but only thinking of yourself is narcissistic.
I find that I sometimes fall for the one-way texting behaviour where I need to put in effort to ask about whoever I'm texting. I wish it came more naturally to me so I didn't have to worry so much about not checking in with someone.
But all in all, altho I'm down for a chat, I don't text anyone unless I need them for something rather than just go out of my way to talk just for talking sake, which also means that I leave others to initiate texts over myself. As a result, I don't have deep friendships anymore, not since the good ol' school days.
3:18 Or that I don't want to make the other person feel uncomfortable by asking questions about themselves as I wouldn't like that and that there is the risk they would ask me something about myself
Man another reminder of my last relationship...she loved me when I was giving her money to go on dates with other dudes with...nothing I said or did mattered outside of that. It sucks because I still have to stay armed when I leave the house because of her (just moved back to the town my parents live in). Like comnstantly looking over my back, waiting for her drug dealer friends to jump me. I even tried to take her to court and the judge basically told me "men don't get abused". But I still want to love someone...even though it scares the hell out of me. Just she used alot of manipulation techniques like the ones described in the video when she would text. I was the love of her life...just sick of people's shite
Right on time for me. I'm trying to text more people.
Guilt tripping is what my mom always does in a argument
No words, thank you psych2go
One of the biggest texting red flags for me is that person who unsent messages because you didn't respond right away.
Sometimes it's time sensitive. Or sometimes they're in a vulnerable moment that passed because you didn't respond timely enough. It happens. I don't do it, but I've a couple friends who do. Thankfully when I ask about it, they're tell me what's up & not shut down. Just ask about it. Be persistent. Tell them that it upsets you.
Learn love your self first and know your self worth if they don’t value you pretty much is best let them go… some ones loss other people’s gain 👍.
Reminds me of an ex fling who couldn't talk face to face everytime I tried to but wouldn't stop texting me on Instagram and even blame me for not responding as fast as she wanted to. Conversations irl are way better than texting.
Some people have anxieties...
I was going through the minimalist for the longest time. During that time tho the girl I was texting first started as very emotional supportive and let me talk to her when I needed. Because she let me be so open with her, I wanted her to do the same by telling her, I'm here for you if you need to talk, but she would never. I know that she was going through a lot. I always tried to talk to her at a time I know she was available - so I'm not interfering or interrupting anything that's going on in her life. But as time went on she kept sending me short handed answers and put less effort on what to say to me, and went on being less supportive. I felt like I wasn't a priority to her and she was always a priority to me. I was the one who always started our conversations. It took me a long time, but I blocked her number, and deleted her off of my phone
I don’t agree with this video because I tend to play with my game while waiting for that person to reply. I’ll only go back to the engaging and fun chat when it’s midnight and I’d already forgot the vibe of the conversation and so I’ll leave it on read or just react it with a heart. I also barely text anyone because of my introverted personality. I’d take a whole day of maybe even days to reply. And I decline calls even from my family.
The perfect example of the type of person I avoid.
@@fpm3121Or maybe people aren't all extroverts?
The first one also has a reverse.
You're constantly carrying the conversation but the person on the other side, just keeps responding in short words like they have little or nothing to say.
Even when a good discussion is going, as soon as you try to make plans to talk more, the other person offers nothing.
I have an issue with this one - I had a significant portion of my life when I was homeschooling two kids, attending college myself, working full time, and I just didn't have the time to maintain full on conversations and I just didn't have the time to respond. If someone couldn't handle that, then that's on them. I'm not reorganizing my life for someone when I already running at my maximum capacity.
Not in a relationship yet but watching all of these to avoid the situations in rrddit stories
Timestamps
1). The vanishers 0:40
2). The night crawlers 1:42
3). The minimalist 2:10
4). One-way texters 2:55
5). Constant critics 3:24
6). The backhanded texters 4:14
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Omg im so bad at reading text meanings this is helpful
Interesting vid!
0:10 In ✨PeRson!✨
I'm currently experiencing the first red flag that was mentioned in the beginning of the video. In the back of my mind I knew it was a red flag. I met the guy through a childhood friend I recently reconnected with and visited in the beginning of the month. Over the past 3 weeks he has become more and more on and off with texting me when in the beginning, and even in person showed lots of interest in me. I was on the phone with one of my friends a few hours ago and talked to her about it and she confirmed that it was a red flag, and watching this video confirmed it even more.
I love these videos they help me manipulate much easier
I’m the minimalist and vanisher, but I normally vanish whenever it gets to a topic that I might say something wrong about, and I’m minimalist simply because half of the time I don’t know what to say.
I feel like the anonymity of texting can influence anyone in different ways. Its good to get everyones experiences from both sides, as to develop a better understanding of it. Also, everyone deals with things differently, and processing takes a while to happen.
I hate that I see myself in the first red flag. I love talking to other people, but at some point I just.. lose interest. It's not something I do on purpose, at least I think I'm not. I don't have bad intentions when doing this. It just gets tiring to text a lot, causing me to text less and less until I stop entirely. I have lost a friend due to that behavior and I ended up seriously hurting them emotionally without even realizing. I guess I forget that the people on the other end of the screen are also just that. People with emotions and feelings. Now, I just warn people about it or try avoiding getting too close to people in the first place.
Does this make sense? Probably not. I most likely seem like a shitty person but I don't really know how else to tackle the problem.
Needed This
My best friend is an interesting case, we don't text nearly as often as we used to, and he usually is a dry and short texter. But i know why he isn't an energetic texter, and in person, he is a lot more energetic
4:51 me sometimes: "okay, how do i respond to this?"
You know what? I'm switching to a clamshell for emergencies only
Lots of these aren't red flags for friendships, but may be red flags for relationships.
I think it's okay for people to prioritize other things until later in the day, as it's important to be able to put ones phone to the side.
This ofc depends on nuance, but while some people may not simply care others may seek to prioritize and I think that's okay when communicated.
Man it's sad that I'm pretty sure I experienced most of these when trying to find people interested in bubblegum blowing and gaming like I am
They're talking about nightcrawlers in this video but they sent me the notification for this video at 2:20 a.m.. 🤔
I do the first one but it's not personal and I don't want to do it, my anxiety makes me overthink every text message I receive
Can't even remember the last time I had a "conversation" via text. I only use it for short messages, like "7:30 right?" or "still on for poker tonight?" that sort of thing.
WHAT? is it a red flag to "disappear"? I do it all the time... I get caught up doing laundry or cleaning or fall asleep...but all my pals are the same...maybe it's different when you are neurodivergent???
Idk. I feel like there's such a lost art in saying "good morning" and "good bye" or ttyl or literally anything that lets the other person know you're busy or don't have time or that you're disengaging. We treat each other like video games or how toddlers play with toys. Yeah, it works for most of us, but that doesn't mean we can't do better.
Constructive criticism is ideal! but only criticisms it's demoralizing