sometimes I hate being an empath ,I pick up on everyone's b.s and its so draining .I got to a point where I became a loner just to stop receiving all this negative energy
@@Fromthebeginningtotheending this is true... i replace what others say with the promises of God in the bible... and i pray about the situation.... but i use as my foundation God's Word. cast all your cares upon Him for he cares for you... fear not... perfect love casts out all fear.... greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world, i can do all things through that strenthens me... it is god that works in me both to will and to do his good pleasure.... on and on whatever make me rest in God's peace... no weapon formed against me will prosper... on and on... and i calm down... feel peace... having done what i know to do..... i stand... ptl... i humble myself and ask for help from the Lord... i read the bible too and he really speaks to me ... gives me truth from left and right field... gives me a whole new perspective.. the perspective of reality... period... amen.... thank god i'm free,, i'm free, im free at last... I'm spoiled... i cast all my cares upon God now... i do what i know to do... and then god does much much much more... a great deal!!!!
@@Fromthebeginningtotheending after thirty years of christianity i still have to detach from chaos.. or i get overwhelmed... i am very sensitive.... an hence limit what i am exposed to or i feel like i end up just reacting reacting thinking about the situation... so i am careful... i write songs and use the computer to make my feelings know... and my perspective.. and that is one way i share... i'm the first to know when i am losing it and that is why i am so thankful i can cry out to god big time ... cause he cares... one of the most amazing statements i ever herd from a minister ... he said "you are very sensitive... and god is gonna make you more sensitive" wow... it is a gift...
@@Fromthebeginningtotheending how bout the gift of discerning of spirits... i did not seek that one... i think it was just a gift... how bout some biblical confessions.... i have been hungry... naked.... aflot in the water... beaten bunches of times... mugged... god has made us apostles the laughing stock of the earth... the last act in a circus... confess that... Paul the Apostle did... and look at that Jesus Christ fellow.... the son of man has no place to lay his head... hounded from town to town.. mocked.... lied about.. crucified... all the apostles greatly suffered... please confess the following.. i want to fill up the sufferings that were lacking in Christ! hmmm that is balance... don't just cherry pick scriptures ... cults do that.... rather take the whole
@@Fromthebeginningtotheending New King James Version I now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ, for the sake of His body, which is the church, colossians 1:24 older version states "i fill up the sufferings that were lacking in Christ" i know that passage sound crazy... but it is scripture... all the apostles were murdered... maybe not john cause he would not die... so they sent him to a slave labor island where he had a vision and that is how we have the book of revelations. Problems are standard.... sufficient is the evil for the day there of...one day at a time... it seems that in the spirit relhm .... when we are plugging away even in the midst of problems... things really happen.... i asked a powerful kind minister... why the battles... why the force....he said yes there are battles... but the victories are great! he and his wife where powerful in the spirit rhelm... deliverances mainly.. and discernment and other supernatural gifts.. and they were holy living too. sweet but tough... i used to be in a positive confession movement.... when i was a young christian.. then i moved to an amazing Pentecostal country church where there was real power... real deliverences... real gifts... and real ostracism .... mainly from the prosperity and established churches.. and that great minister was not perfect .... my point is that all those who live godly in christ will suffer persecutions.. That is standard procedure... read every new testament book.... buy in christ.... we amazingly rise above it and have a peace that passes all understanding.... empaths take on too much and just need to watch it... that is all i am saying about pulling back.... the term em-path is new to me.. and i like how there is understanding and counsel for this disposition... that is why i am here... ptl... yeah i will go out ..cause i love how amazing people are... and God loves them to death.. but it is comforting to come here and find out what a narcissist is... it is cool that these categories are identified and the knowledge actually helps with understand and hence heals up cause i see how common the problem is... thanks for you nice reply.... i kinda went a little strong... way to go... we will run and not be weary... praise the lord
Yes! Huge difference. I'd been fixing people since childhood, starting with my mother. Finally I can live from the inside out, and it is freedom, truth and discovery. I love it!
yes, we can never fill our hole in our soul from outside energy, we must fill the hole in our soul from within ourselves, you can sense your healing when the Narcissist can no longer push our buttons...and when you can validate yourself, you no longer depend on others to validate you! good video!
All facts. Empaths are enablers and I was guilty too so please don't take offence... I was nice, kind, and CO-DEPENDANT af...I carried baggage from a narc parent and abandonment and new narcs offered to help carry- then took off with my character and soul (so I thought!- metaphorically). Doing better is all you can do! U are such a stunning lady. Great video 💛
Kayla-Marie I am the same way. I allowed a horrible terribly abusive man into my life and I take full responsibility for having allowed him to be treat me that way. I did think I could save him with my love.
Because of what I have experienced all my life in extended family, I was beginning to think there were no reasonable and kind people left in the world. For me the key is to do what I know to be right, no matter how others react to it.
You describe clearly and exactly what is really happening with us empaths. The need to fix, to be a chameleon so as not to offend others and feel rejected...We must look into ourselves deeply and honestly and accept the truth that we have wounds that are still active, and that these wounds are like a computer code that operates our system. The code is usually hidden in the shadows, so unless we are willing to go there, we may never find it. Engage the warrior within to assist in the search and re-writing and defraging our hard drives. Melanie, your generosity in sharing your gifts and talents are very much appreciated. Thank you.
"...when we start feeling all wrapped up into someone else's energy and try to read them to work out who to be, we know we're in wrong town.. trying to read people's energy to try to stay safe." This business of reading someone else's energy and working out who to be, narcissists do exactly this too- creating personas. We are doing the same thing to seek external validation. We are essentially the opposite side of the same coin.
This is a very important video for me and will help me in my healing work. Narcissists and empaths think they can give other people everything that they need, and be this source of unconditional love to the other. But since that unconditional love cannot come from the outside without having some internal source- that's why both narcs and empaths feel so drained in these outside/other focused relationships and feel like they have put their heart and soul into the relationship and not getting anything in return. Like two empty vessels trying to pour water into each other and feeling frustrated and then acting out (becoming toxic). No one can be a substitute for the unconditional love we need to give ourselves. If we try to get it from someone else, we will end up draining them (the flattery and compliments during the love bombing phase were never enough for us- It's not like we were grateful for the compliments and moved on. We always wanted more of that drug and we did drain the narc too). I imagine this is even more difficult for codependent empaths with children (and a narc child is another story). The children need and demand unconditional love, and the parents tries everything to provide it but it's never perfect or completely unconditional, so boundaries are breached, wounds are created, and the parent is drained. The mother must learn the proper balance of going inward and parenting herself before she parents another.
Not Sure if I agree with the premise here. I think many empaths world view is that everyone shares their caring approach. In that sense narcissists are taking advantage of the empaths ability to empathise, once caught in the web it can be very hard for empaths to break free. I must admit it was a shock to me to realise that some people in the world are just inherently evil in approach and have no concerns for others feelings. Just didn't compute for me.
i totally agree with you too many aholes out there who just dont fkn care then caring people get hurt in med system with family abusers etc landlord crooks
Agreed! I think she was trying to give empaths tools to navigate narcissistic behavior if they absolutely must (employer for example) ,but I don’t think this works in every situation. There are times when someone just views someone else’s kindness for weakness and they will always respond by trying to take advantage. When applied to a friend or family member, this advice sounds a bit like walking on egg shells, to me. And very stressful.
Yea, I'm 38 and I really only came to the realization that not everybody is caring. So just cus I would never do that to someone, doesn't mean someone would never do that to me
I used to believe wow look how nice I am to them and how mean and selfish they are to me. Now I believe there are dogs and cats I can play with in this life and yet if I tried to play with a rattlesnake are hungry tiger they will bite or eat me. For me, it's time for me to learn where and where not to play. Who and who not to trust.
Wow! Thank you for opening my eyes. I've recently discovered I'm empathic and my husband and I have had to move in with my narcissistic mother. I have been working on healing myself from old emotional wounds and I am always looking for acceptance from narcissistic people. ...my mother and coworkers. I always seem to never get away from narcissistic people. My husband, thank God, is not a narcissist and I have his support at every level. I have now subscribed to your channel. thanks again!
Fabulous video! Bottom line, both the Empath and Narcissist need to take responsibility for their own inner feelings of power and self worth. Fortunately for the the Empath this can be achieved! Thank You Melanie!
I am an Empath and this is just what I needed to hear today. The journey to healing does not happen in a straight line, and we encounter some setbacks along the way. Melanie, what you say in this video rings so true. Thank you. Very humbling, but oh so true. Looking forward to more videos that will aid in the healing progress.
Your approach to this problematic is fantastic. thank you so much! It is so truth. In a way when you start to heal, your giving energy stops to be trapped by only the narcissist, who is just the representer of you past and childhood. When you start to heal, you have more energy and attention to give to the world and much more people, instead of being sucked only by the narcist ( your past). In a way is like to flourish and mature. As far as you don't heal those child wounds you stay that child and your potential of giving stays in fact only a seed and never grows.
So true. But I have to fight hard. My torturer wants me dead without ever have lived one single day...and he did it very well I must say !I have to fight and plan for good things this hard as if I would plan the overtaking of another Country !!!!!!And in the past it often happenend the plan was crossed by them !Hard times I had. Sad story this all is.....too sad....
Narcissism is so endemic in a particular culture that I don't differentiate it from horizontal oppression. It's not limited to a dynamic between empath and narcissist.
Ms Evans, you are brilliant. You have hit the nail on the head. I have wondered why I constantly feel as though I were being tossed about in an ocean of conflicting feelings. It is because I had abandoned the helm. Thank you for your insight. Stay well.
i have been an empath all my life but in the US empaths are considered weak and dumb! they are usually put at the back of the class and the back of the line! that is sad because empaths are actually smart, strong and compassionate people! the most vicious narcissists rule in the US! i am sure you know the difference between the cultures in australia and in the US! the US is upside down! i agree with alot of what you say in your videos! i like the idea of thriving and not going through life hurt and defeated like i see on some of the websites!
many countries are learning from the mistakes of the US! look at the government corruption including police and politicians! right now the obamas and clintons are all under investigation! it is a complete mess! people are still protesting donald trump being our new president and they will probably protest for the next four years! do not copy the US! i hope to move to asia as soon as i can! i will come here once in a while but not to stay!
it is a culture that is creating a monster! it is getting worse! there needs to be a spiritual awakening and more people searching for answers like we are doing in the NARP community online!
finally realised it's not my job to "fix" people or their emotional trauma that they built abusive defenses from. I'm no longer relating to trauma because I am healing and becoming more and more grounded.. and realise that I do not have to perform, adjust, shrink to be loved. I can let Love fill me from within. ♡
You are so amazing! Every single thing you say is gold! And I also believe that the only way an empath can ever heal is to go through the pain, feel it and then do something about it. Otherwise the cycle will keep on going. The pain and hurt is neccessary. Feel the pain, detach and heal. I'm so grateful to have learned that, otherwise I would forever be a people pleaser and put my own needs and wants last in order to get approval from other people. Im free now ❤
You are most welcome 1 tuffcookie87. It is my utmost pleasure to help you. Keep going, your Soul is leading the way-- Love and blessings to you, Dear One. xoxox
I absolutely love the content of this video and the way in which it was delivered. I have watched many many videos on this subject and this one is by far the most informative and so accurate. As an empath with a narcissistic spouse looking for ways to deal with it, I feel that I now have the tools with which to start to navigate my way into focusing on me. You are absolutely 100 percent correct when you say that the empath actually becomes toxic as well. Here I am, living proof and not above admitting it. Thank you so much for the eye opener. Looking forward to seeing and hearing more of your work. 😌
Melanie, I am FINALLY instinctively doing what you described. AND, I just mentioned to a trusted and conscious friend that I feel this healing is on the level of the collective unconscious as well. My most recent realization/trigger is that those closest to me do not and will not honor my instinctual feelings concerning others' ill intentions/hidden agendas, etc...which I am so finely tuned into. Had the first meltdown in some time just yesterday concerning this. VERY difficult. Still recovering. Godspeed 🖤🖤🖤
Making progress Mel. I was triggered just before Thanksgiving by my Mother and caught it before I reacted, noting the wounded little girl's feelings. I felt these, mothered her, and released it. Godspeed!
this is amazing I often wondered was I the narc but it was by being involved with one that my own energy became toxic I am still trying to heal and find my happy place again, I must step back and not be a fixer in order to get the attention I want and need. Its all about maturing emotionally ... now that we are more aware we have no choice but to follow this new path and takeresponsibility for ourselves daunting, unfamiliar but apparently the rewards are great...
And it’s just massively empowering to think now you won’t just let it happen. Now you’re free and you exactly how far to push things. Now you are in control and you know how to play small moves and they’re the right moves and people want to be like you and people can’t push you around.
This is the best video I have ever watched on this topic! I want to give you a standing ovation from my couch, it's so wonderful! I have noticed something else, too. Every time the abuse happens, we become even bigger targets with even fewer defenses. In my life I've been intensely targeted by four narcs, less intensely by two who may or may not have been narcs, for a total of six possibly but definitely four. That is six too many obviously!! But I've noticed that, YES, it absolutely does go back to the original wounding. However, with each abusive relationship, those same wounds are torn open even more, and bleed more profusely. The vulnerabilities get even more sensitive as they are exploited repeatedly. By the time my most recent narc came along, my first that was (to my mind but not sure to hers) platonic though emotionally VERY intense, I basically handed myself to her. I was like a puddle of goo, and she took me by the spoonful until she had her fill, then started in with the psychological torture. But as of now, I am finally awake enough to fix the problem so that I am invulnerable to another attack. I will not go through this again. It not only hurt me, but my children as well, as they lost friends and watched me being abused, sometimes in public, by a woman half my size, upon whom they had also seen me lavish my heart, generosity, attention, concern, and care. My daughter has been affected by this, cries over her loss, and doesn't understand why someone mommy loved treated mommy so horribly. I cannot allow her to see me allow it again. I don't want either of my children to think their have to stay open and loving toward someone who only knows how to hate and destroy.
A powerful reminder much needed today. :) I've realized the deeper I focus on how I respond and react, the less I care what the N thinks, says, or does. That need for approval is gone, the nonsensical behavior so much easier to identify and break away from. I still see their pain but I no longer feel that need to want to fix it for them. It's peace that I want, and that inner peace is what makes me feel safe. When an N contacted me today and made the statement, "When I contact you to feel better, I need you to......" I was able to cut it off immediately with "Don't contact me to feel better. That's not my job or my role to feed you. I've raised my son who is now grown and thriving on his own, and single women don't cook much. A busy lady needs a man who is self sufficient." I'm NOT a snack but no contact is the only way to stop them from feasting.
"I am sharing my contribution with the world by being my authentic self." You expressed something I've been trying so hard to put into words. Thank you.
I became an aware or awakened Empath just over 1 year ago. I can’t believe how fast I’m progressing.. I’m progressing so fast that I can already say to You that You are 100% correct in this video. 100% It’s not all the narcissists fault, we had a hand in our own abuse, I guess is how to say it..... I think it’s great what Your doing and I’m glad to have watched Your material.
Thank you so much for this. While I am committed to the journey of healing myself, you really helped me understand a bit more about how I'm re-enacting the trauma from my first family in my current relationships. That's all. Just thanks!
You're so right Melanie. Much of the time I felt "unsafe" and was desperately trying to get back to the "safe" zone, whether it meant being on good terms or not, just to feel I wasn't being annihilated. This is why I would have bad dreams of having to cross a border, being shot down, being kidnapped and killed, that sort of thing, after an episode of flooring narcissistic abuse or rage (including silent treatment socially). Because it comes from the need to feel "safe" when the world is falling down around you, i.e when the cognitive rug seems pulled out from under your very feet. You ironically think that the aggressor can make that happen after you pick up the pieces. Clinging on their word.
Same with me. I used to dream drowning in the ocean or swimmingpool-or I was dreaming brutal Gangsters being after me and then killing me brutally.Dreamt these back then when I didn´t know what was going on.Since I know now and found some freetime dreams have gone.At least one relief !!!
Dear Mel, You are kicking these Narcissists asses, and they don't even know it, Ha,ha. But all Kidding aside your work is transformational, uplifting and inspiring. Your efforts are greatly appreciated by so many. Thank you
When you realize your worth as an individual and say I deserve better than what the narcissist is giving me, and move on from them that's the beginning of the power of loving oneself that the narcissist can never possess for they feel no love
I've watched a number of your videos now and for me this has been the most helpful so far. I see myself all over the place in this one. Seeking the approval of others (especially the narcissist in my life) is exhausting. I learned so much today. I thank you for all you share!
I still have a long way to go in my journey to healing but when you said you had realized the connection between the triggers and the trauma, I thought for a minute about what truly made me feel like that (mainly childhood trauma) and realized the truth about the way I reacted to even the possibility of my narcissist getting upset. And when I realized that what I was feeling was untrue and could be prevented easily (verses feeling like there is no way out) I realized the pain I've been having in my stomach for weeks went away, and it felt like alot of the fog I had (for lack of better words) in my head lifted, and I feel sharper and clearminded. Your videos have helped me so much already. Thank you for helping me change my life!
Amazing!!! Video!!. I've been working on myself for years.. It's definitely been a journey. However your video resonates with me perfectly as this is the next stage of healing for me. Thank you for taking the time to share. Much appreciation xx
This video is amazing. You hit every point squarely on the head. Thank you so much--this is my favorite video you've ever done! Destined for many more listens.
Thank you so much for this, I really really needed this... now I know why I find it so dam hard to be around narcissistic types or others with strong personalities.... because I rely on them to keep me and my feelings in check. I hand over my feelings and moods and say to the narcissist, here take care of these for me. That's why I have huge anxiety about going to see my family as it always ends up in me trying to deal with the things they say and letting their nasty comments and their manipulative ways influence how I feel. its so true, I was trying to blame them but in the end, its me who needs to react differently and not let them control my moods. I just cannot be around them very long because of their ways, and yes I dont blame them because I know somehow they have had this done to them as kids and never realized it, so never tried to do anything about it.
@@MelanieToniaEvans Thanks a lot.. Now I have to find out how to keep this going.. its been a weird day.. with no worries now about going to see them soon... I feel like the world has been lifted off my shoulders...
You have the most succinct and powerful way of communicating your thoughts. Your words resonate and touch my soul very deeply. I can't thank you nearly enough.
Melanie, Thank you so much for my own affirmation of what I have always known, felt and experienced..no longer will I search for things outside of me,.. all I ever needed was some serious healing and to finally realize, that all my answers and sovereignty was where it always is.. inside of me...many people told me for many years all your answers can be found within you, I never understood this.. well, after surviving and enduring horrible narcissistic abuse, the lessons and freedom have all been the enlightenment and awakening from the unconsciousness that I had been living in for so long...I an learning to be alone, and to celebrate my existence without being affecting or feeding the needs of others, I am quite content in my solidarity,... I simply no longer need anyone's acceptance and approval nor need to save them from themselves any more, and now far more keenly aware of who wants to "snack" on me..namaste and blessings to you, love of self is really truly the source of a healthy and more balanced loving individual.. free from the weight and suffering of others whose burdens have held me down and made me so miserable, confused and sucked the life out of me..I am finally free now.. thank you for sharing your love, experience and education as it has been put to good use..my empathic abilities will no longer be used in vain...
Last comment.. I thought I needed to figure out my narcissist, I never could..what I have learned that it is never about figure them out,.. nope,..in the end,.. I figured "me" out.... and that made all the difference in the world!
This is so true, my ex was a narcissistic and I've been with men like him before. What made this situation so unique, I couldn't hide and avoid him because we coparent a child. I started taking ownership of how I was feeling and asking myself why. Once I started asking why and recognizing my mom was one too. During my healing process, I also healed my health as well. Learned to recognize those red flags when dating again. When I attracted yet another one, I knew I still had healing to do. It has been hard but I feel at peace.
As I was listening I was thinking: "Yes, I know this." Though I didn't consciously. Some things, yes, but others I realise were in my subconscious. Becoming consciously aware helps.
This is a very eye opening video. I'm not even sure if I'm an empath, but if I am, I am an unhealed one. Now I have an actual focal point to work towards. Thank you!
This is so enlightening. I was involved as an Empath with a Narcissist and doing that very thing by trying to be his everything. 9 month's ago I was tired of the game so I called him on it. I told him he was a "shitty" person and to "f" off. I caused a narc injury and didn't hear from him for 6mos. In the meantime I went into a recovery program for 12 weeks dealing with addiction and complex trauma. I was quite happy and feeling good about my progress when low and behold...he called. I couldn't talk just then and he told me to call back later at the new number. Well this sent me into a toxic shock and I never made a connection with him verbally. We did have some brief texts where again I called him on his crap. I then blocked him and haven't heard anything. The thing is I keep running things he did and said through my mind. And have been dreaming about him quite frequently. I want disconnect from the psychic thing and I find it helpful that it's the thing in ME that I haven't fully seen. This video has been most helpful in helping me come to that realization. Thank you so much! From Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada...
I love your videos. So inspiring and so clear. I have been listening and watching your videos for 2 years now. Reminded each time I watch. Gives me so much clarity and helps anchor my intuiton. Thank you
I have been in a narssisitic abuse relationship for 44 years and just now i realized what was going on those decades. I am sad why it took me such long time to realize it, always i say for myself that if i saw your videos my would have been changed totally. But i am grateful to god that i finally realized it,as i feel free of guilt that my narssesistic abuser always loved to keep me feeling guilty. Always when i see you videos i feel the notin says "science is light"
Thank you!!! Your video was a well needed to be heard message---oh my goodness you hit the nail on the head at least with me NEEDING to relate to others to feel safe!!! Thank you again and blessings
Thank you so much for this. I actually went searching for an empath cleanse meditation I used years ago. I remembered the woman was named Melanie and had a lovely Australiaian accent. Anyway, I got sidetracked by the autocomplete suggestion for “empaths and narcissists” and have been deep into this content for weeks! Only today am I finding this video, and feel I have come full circle as it must have been your meditation I sought out in the first place. I will continue to watch your content now that I have found it. Many thanks from America 🙏🏻
When I stopped accepting the blame that my narc was pushing on me and taking his anger out on me, he discarded. He ignored me for days. The last time he did this before I broke up with him, he ignored me for 5 days! I did not come forward, so he realized he was losing me, so he came forward. I knew I had to get away for my health and wellbeing. He is such an angry, jealous, hateful and fake person. He is a sex addict and a liar. I finally broke up a few weeks ago and am so happy and free. It was tough, for the first few days for sure. But it can be done and we can heal and be free!
"They becoime toxic and play out intense victimisation. And then truly, it is very very difficult for most people to be able to tell the difference between a narcissist and the un healed empath." This is so true. I'm an unhealed empath and i don't like what I've become. I'm angry. I argue. I am filled with bitterness and resentment. Really it feels like I'm no better than the narcissists who I'm reacting to. Thank you so much for this video. It's the tough love that many empaths need.
You know all my life I have found myself in situations where all I wanted was to sincerely care for and help others. I love to see someone smile simply because I made them feel better or helped them. BUT in the meantime people kept wanting more and more from me or they would just out of the blue turn on me. I'm now 53 and really it's only been a little over 2 years or so in which I've realized that I have most of the qualities that I've read about, these qualities that fit people called EMPATHS. Now along with the fact that I solidly am the personality type INFJ, I relate to being an empath. AND I have 98 percent of the time my entire life have been the target of those who seem to get pleasure from the using, abusing and control over others. At least now I realize what I need to do to avoid running into narcissists again and again.....I need to learn skills to use and to strengthen myself against such individuals. We empaths ALL must try and protect ourselves.
Great video!Thanks. Indeed i am toxic too as an empath.So many wounds from my narc mother and sister.I thought i had healed myself but obviously this was not the case.Fell in love with a narc and tried to heal her fortunately i see the picture.I am breaking my addiction going no contact.
I'm able to realize early on the abusive dynamics of a Narcissist, catch asnd stop myself from trying to "read" or "scan" energy, but I'm still attracting nothing but Narcissists. Actually right now I'm not attracting anyone and not looking, but I don't want to even attract them in the first place! How do I change this?
Hi Veronica, this explains all sweetheart blog.melnarcissists/anietoniaevans.com/why-people-attract- and if you would like to know how to heal using Quanta Freedom Healing I would love you to come into the free webinar to experience it for yourself www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Love and blessings to you xoxox
Wow, this truly has inspired me & I feel like it's the final puzzle piece I have been waiting on .... my mind just kept flashing up all the really difficult scenarios from my (mostly) adult life & its clarified ALOT of what I have endured whether it come from me or sometimes other people who I have/had in my life. I'm sooooo tired & drained at the moment, it seems like every single aspect of my life hurts in some way or another. Now that I've been lovingly pointed in the right direction, by you, I can start to finally un-stick my self from this absolute tangled mess in my head, move-in....& be freeee at last 🕊🕊🕊. Thank you so much for sharing your fabulous wisdom xxxx
Hard truths. I was an empath when I succumbed but I had low self-esteem from childhood neglect and my “giving” was neurotically designed to secure the narcissist’s approval so I could feel secure. Now the I’m much older
Thank you Melanie, I knew the fellow I was helping was a narcissist and I really didn’t know much about the personality disorder up until a week ago . I didn’t even know that there are different ones, he’s a covert narc , i am empathic alone with other gifts I call pops I have visions and I get messages for people I really don’t know what it’s called my visions & messages are but, a few seconds the messages have no voice male or female the message are never negative . I looked at this man was my last spiritual job. I’ve known him 2years maybe longer but, in that time never spent long enough with him to see his true colours , thanks to you and peace and harmony I have woke up to the depth of what’s really going on . People miss judge me because yes I am an empath but, I’m also a full fire Sagittarian . I helped him out realised with both of your help what I was dealing with . I have know put him off my Xmas card list , he went to do the hinding game and I texted him and told him to go find another supplier and also told him he would never break my wings because he couldn’t see them . Now my problem is how to protect myself from theses people and how to know they are coming ? I’m now feeling that I don’t want to meet new people male or female . I’ve always enjoyed people . Right now I’m just recovering from him and thanking my god that I have met this type and at the same time feel like a little girl and hurt by the fact that theses people do exist it’s like finding out there is no Father Christmas. I would be grateful if you could tell me what to look for for . Not only have dealt with him the covert narc I’ also have the police involved with a female psychopath who has threatened my life and I take quite serious because she had a full blown brawl beat up a woman of 18 stone she weighs about eight, I met him threw her , I removed myself from her company almost a year ago not knowing she was a psychopath, I just knew her energy was bad for my health ,so the last month of my life has been one big eye opener Love & Light Rosalind
Thank you!! Ugh- the BEST! It’s crazy how sometimes all it takes is the right way of phrasing something to really allow it to sink in! You said once you healed you were no longer (here’s the best part!!!) “tuning outwards trying to read other peoples energy and trying to give them what was required in order for them to love and accept me.” I know I have baggage for days… (Im also a badass for grabbing my balls and doing work to learn and heal, thank you very much❤️) but to hear those exact words in that order…. It’s exactly what I would do 24/7 with my step mother, totally losing sight that I even had a self. Because that kid was a burden and it was so much easier to morph myself into what she wanted at that moment so maybe I could get a hint of love or something that resembled it). As an empath and codependent (with a splash of narcissistic tendencies, however😬) I have never been really ok with someone not liking me. It’s not like Im a Jekyll and Hyde, I just have a really hard time and get super sensitive about it. The trauma bond that ensues after dealing with this abuse is so deep. I never want the Narc I dealt with to know that because he’d probably get off on it. Like he deserved a medal for the “Best Trauma Bond Activator” or something as if his “being able to” break me and eff me up in the head was the best supply ever. But dang. This is happening FOR US not TO US! Thank you for your knowledge and wisdom ❤️
I'm not healed, but I never do the things you mention. I have boundaries and have never been in a narcississtic relationship since my first marriage, which ended 25 yrs ago. My pain (unhealed) comes from my 7 yr old who was abused and her health isn't legally in my hands. So I'm raw and unhealed. I never feel the need to "help" any adult who doesn't ask for help. I don't care if they are pleased with me or not. But I'm still a unholy mess when it comes to several important things, things out of my control in my own sphere of life that should be in every individuals control.
Precisely - you learn to really not care, and I don't say that to be rude or cruel. You become firm and they just cannot penetrate you any longer, if they don't like it that you inform them of their belittling comments, rude behaviour, and lack of kindness to you and others around them, all to continue to treat you poorly after being told to stop, you can walk away, and not even care, you know you cannot fix it. Not even by resorting to mirroring their behaviour in an effort for them to see how it feels, they just get insulted...that is because they simply do not feel, Oh yes, you are spot on.
Absolute truth...I wish I knew this from birth ...wounded healers need to first heal themselves... Mastering it now with all relationships as being an empath nearly cost me my life..protect yourself...heal yourself..then empower yourself..the best repellent to toxic unhealed unconscious people...I love you and your channel...I resound completely may the Source continue to bless you richly...hugz xxx
I so needed this just now! I was on the brink of sourcing myself, and had a narc, borderline, depressive body of pain tossed at me...and went right into that @#$*! anxious sensitivity thing that totally distracts me from what I need to be doing. Grrrrg! Didn't help that he rocked in the sack...
I don't know if maybe I'm missing a point but I still don't know what to do with my empathy. Now I realize that things will probably change when I heal a bit more. Right now I'm just sitting here, thinking that yes, I want to help people too much but I feel pain from everyone and everything so greatly that I just can't step away and say "Well, let them deal with their own stuff." I don't know, maybe I can figure out a way to step in and step out as I choose. Because I want to keep this sensitivity to pain by any and every means. I just want to be able to not burst into pieces and cry through each pore 24/7. And also, I loved your metaphor with the pretzel. :) Your metaphors really speak to me and open my thought processes over the things that are happening within myself so much more and so much more elegantly. I may be a pretzel but I must admit, I'm still a pretty cute pretzel at that. 8-) Now I just need to figure out which way my loops really go and what's natural to me to be a kick-ass real me pretzel.
Hi gill, I want to reassure, if you decide to heal your wounds, you won't 'lose' your empathic qualities! You will evolve them into more compassion WITHOUT being triggered and know how to protect your own energy. It's a very different experience. Love and blessings to you xoxox
Great video Melanie. Psychopath female intelligence didn't kill me. Her totalitarian brainwash program reconciled me.The core of antagonism didn't change me a bit. My empathetic and narcissistic traits merged as one.The gaze was always there since youth. The experience verified an already realised soul.The inevitable capability to love and to hate. The recognise it in everyone's gaze. Greetings from the Netherlands....
I think it's all about boundaries You want to be Cool And Understanding But to lot of people take kindness for weakness I It seems to be uman nature It's important to always establish boundaries Or people will Note respect you and you space
thank you for this video my god this has been my whole life until I finally realized what you said all in the video so great to have what I thought had changed in me validated one day I just realized I need to help myself not these other people who take all they can and leave me great video thank you:)
New subscriber. I appreciate any difference of perspective so kudos to you for having the courage to present an alternative viewpoint. Your story deserves honest consideration. I am an older empath who has had to learn to control my abilities and create healthy boundaries for myself. Healed vs Unhealed empaths. Knowledge and self-understanding=Power.
I have to rewatch this video since my thoughts are very scattered atm, but she's right, empaths need to learn to be more selfish, basically, if I understood her correctly. The conflict is that we're taught from an early age that "selfishness" is as bad as a sin and punishable. We're also taught not to have boundaries or how to set boundaries...I can't finish this comment now, I'm overwhelmed by thoughts and two words: irreversible trauma.
(Cont.) and have done the internal work-faced my own dysfunction-I can give with true generosity while maintaining my boundaries which is good for all concerned. I agree with your hypothesis-we have to look within!👍☮️
*"Stop taking responsibility for them."* A pearl. 💍
sometimes I hate being an empath ,I pick up on everyone's b.s and its so draining .I got to a point where I became a loner just to stop receiving all this negative energy
me too sick of good and bad people lol i miss my baby and dad
@@Fromthebeginningtotheending this is true... i replace what others say with the promises of God in the bible... and i pray about the situation.... but i use as my foundation God's Word. cast all your cares upon Him for he cares for you... fear not... perfect love casts out all fear.... greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world, i can do all things through that strenthens me... it is god that works in me both to will and to do his good pleasure.... on and on whatever make me rest in God's peace... no weapon formed against me will prosper... on and on... and i calm down... feel peace... having done what i know to do..... i stand... ptl... i humble myself and ask for help from the Lord... i read the bible too and he really speaks to me ... gives me truth from left and right field... gives me a whole new perspective.. the perspective of reality... period... amen.... thank god i'm free,, i'm free, im free at last... I'm spoiled... i cast all my cares upon God now... i do what i know to do... and then god does much much much more... a great deal!!!!
@@Fromthebeginningtotheending after thirty years of christianity i still have to detach from chaos.. or i get overwhelmed... i am very sensitive.... an hence limit what i am exposed to or i feel like i end up just reacting reacting thinking about the situation... so i am careful... i write songs and use the computer to make my feelings know... and my perspective.. and that is one way i share... i'm the first to know when i am losing it and that is why i am so thankful i can cry out to god big time ... cause he cares... one of the most amazing statements i ever herd from a minister ... he said "you are very sensitive... and god is gonna make you more sensitive" wow... it is a gift...
@@Fromthebeginningtotheending how bout the gift of discerning of spirits... i did not seek that one... i think it was just a gift... how bout some biblical confessions.... i have been hungry... naked.... aflot in the water... beaten bunches of times... mugged... god has made us apostles the laughing stock of the earth... the last act in a circus... confess that... Paul the Apostle did... and look at that Jesus Christ fellow.... the son of man has no place to lay his head... hounded from town to town.. mocked.... lied about.. crucified... all the apostles greatly suffered... please confess the following.. i want to fill up the sufferings that were lacking in Christ! hmmm that is balance... don't just cherry pick scriptures ... cults do that.... rather take the whole
@@Fromthebeginningtotheending New King James Version
I now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ, for the sake of His body, which is the church, colossians 1:24
older version states "i fill up the sufferings that were lacking in Christ"
i know that passage sound crazy... but it is scripture... all the apostles were murdered... maybe not john cause he would not die... so they sent him to a slave labor island where he had a vision and that is how we have the book of revelations. Problems are standard.... sufficient is the evil for the day there of...one day at a time...
it seems that in the spirit relhm .... when we are plugging away even in the midst of problems... things really happen.... i asked a powerful kind minister... why the battles... why the force....he said yes there are battles... but the victories are great! he and his wife where powerful in the spirit rhelm... deliverances mainly.. and discernment and other supernatural gifts.. and they were holy living too. sweet but tough...
i used to be in a positive confession movement.... when i was a young christian.. then i moved to an amazing Pentecostal country church where there was real power... real deliverences... real gifts... and real ostracism .... mainly from the prosperity and established churches.. and that great minister was not perfect .... my point is that all those who live godly in christ will suffer persecutions.. That is standard procedure... read every new testament book.... buy in christ.... we amazingly rise above it and have a peace that passes all understanding....
empaths take on too much and just need to watch it... that is all i am saying about pulling back.... the term em-path is new to me.. and i like how there is understanding and counsel for this disposition... that is why i am here... ptl... yeah i will go out ..cause i love how amazing people are... and God loves them to death.. but it is comforting to come here and find out what a narcissist is... it is cool that these categories are identified and the knowledge actually helps with understand and hence heals up cause i see how common the problem is... thanks for you nice reply.... i kinda went a little strong... way to go... we will run and not be weary... praise the lord
I really like this talk. It shows that we're not victims, really. We are choosing to be. That feels really impowering.
U NEED TO BE ON A TARGETED LIST. THEN!!! U WILL BE SINGING A DIFFERENT TUNE.
Yes! Huge difference. I'd been fixing people since childhood, starting with my mother. Finally I can live from the inside out, and it is freedom, truth and discovery. I love it!
Awesome Kathyrn!! I am so happy for you xoxox
How do we heal ?
yes, we can never fill our hole in our soul from outside energy, we must fill the hole in our soul from within ourselves, you can sense your healing when the Narcissist can no longer push our buttons...and when you can validate yourself, you no longer depend on others to validate you! good video!
Cathy Ann outside energy is simply calories.
All facts. Empaths are enablers and I was guilty too so please don't take offence... I was nice, kind, and CO-DEPENDANT af...I carried baggage from a narc parent and abandonment and new narcs offered to help carry- then took off with my character and soul (so I thought!- metaphorically). Doing better is all you can do! U are such a stunning lady. Great video 💛
But healthy people can break your heart too. If they leave your life. But it’s not through abuse tho. Usually it’s through missing.
Kayla-Marie I am the same way. I allowed a horrible terribly abusive man into my life and I take full responsibility for having allowed him to be treat me that way. I did think I could save him with my love.
Because of what I have experienced all my life in extended family, I was beginning to think there were no reasonable and kind people left in the world. For me the key is to do what I know to be right, no matter how others react to it.
You describe clearly and exactly what is really happening with us empaths. The need to fix, to be a chameleon so as not to offend others and feel rejected...We must look into ourselves deeply and honestly and accept the truth that we have wounds that are still active, and that these wounds are like a computer code that operates our system. The code is usually hidden in the shadows, so unless we are willing to go there, we may never find it.
Engage the warrior within to assist in the search and re-writing and defraging our hard drives.
Melanie, your generosity in sharing your gifts and talents are very much appreciated. Thank you.
Thank you Jerrel, I love your level of self-awareness, insight and honesty! And please know you are very welcome :) xoxox
I'm learning to overcome the need to fix and it's helping me tremendously...
"...when we start feeling all wrapped up into someone else's energy and try to read them to work out who to be, we know we're in wrong town.. trying to read people's energy to try to stay safe." This business of reading someone else's energy and working out who to be, narcissists do exactly this too- creating personas. We are doing the same thing to seek external validation. We are essentially the opposite side of the same coin.
Oh gosh yes BhavZ - BINGO ... namely "unconsciousness" .. the root of all dysfunction. xoxoxox
This is a very important video for me and will help me in my healing work. Narcissists and empaths think they can give other people everything that they need, and be this source of unconditional love to the other. But since that unconditional love cannot come from the outside without having some internal source- that's why both narcs and empaths feel so drained in these outside/other focused relationships and feel like they have put their heart and soul into the relationship and not getting anything in return. Like two empty vessels trying to pour water into each other and feeling frustrated and then acting out (becoming toxic). No one can be a substitute for the unconditional love we need to give ourselves. If we try to get it from someone else, we will end up draining them (the flattery and compliments during the love bombing phase were never enough for us- It's not like we were grateful for the compliments and moved on. We always wanted more of that drug and we did drain the narc too). I imagine this is even more difficult for codependent empaths with children (and a narc child is another story). The children need and demand unconditional love, and the parents tries everything to provide it but it's never perfect or completely unconditional, so boundaries are breached, wounds are created, and the parent is drained. The mother must learn the proper balance of going inward and parenting herself before she parents another.
BhavZ "working out who to be" is such a betrayal of ourselves. yikes....damn it....
Yes, I'm truly realizing this now.... our true expression doesn't come out in these superficial masks
BhavZ I will forever remember you words. Just such an awakening. No wonder we're so easily manipulated. Freakin asked for it ! thanks so much.
Not Sure if I agree with the premise here. I think many empaths world view is that everyone shares their caring approach. In that sense narcissists are taking advantage of the empaths ability to empathise, once caught in the web it can be very hard for empaths to break free. I must admit it was a shock to me to realise that some people in the world are just inherently evil in approach and have no concerns for others feelings. Just didn't compute for me.
i totally agree with you too many aholes out there who just dont fkn care then caring people get hurt in med system with family abusers etc landlord crooks
Agreed! I think she was trying to give empaths tools to navigate narcissistic behavior if they absolutely must (employer for example) ,but I don’t think this works in every situation. There are times when someone just views someone else’s kindness for weakness and they will always respond by trying to take advantage.
When applied to a friend or family member, this advice sounds a bit like walking on egg shells, to me. And very stressful.
she has mental issuse..she has never met me in her life im in uk..she chats shit..she dont know me..
Yea, I'm 38 and I really only came to the realization that not everybody is caring. So just cus I would never do that to someone, doesn't mean someone would never do that to me
I used to believe wow look how nice I am to them and how mean and selfish they are to me. Now I believe there are dogs and cats I can play with in this life and yet if I tried to play with a rattlesnake are hungry tiger they will bite or eat me. For me, it's time for me to learn where and where not to play. Who and who not to trust.
Wow! Thank you for opening my eyes. I've recently discovered I'm empathic and my husband and I have had to move in with my narcissistic mother. I have been working on healing myself from old emotional wounds and I am always looking for acceptance from narcissistic people. ...my mother and coworkers. I always seem to never get away from narcissistic people. My husband, thank God, is not a narcissist and I have his support at every level. I have now subscribed to your channel. thanks again!
M Nightcap your are so welcome. I hope this episode has helped! xoxo
Fabulous video! Bottom line, both the Empath and Narcissist need to take responsibility for their own inner feelings of power and self worth. Fortunately for the the Empath this can be achieved! Thank You Melanie!
I am so pleased you enjoyed it Joan, you are very welcome :) xoxox
I am an Empath and this is just what I needed to hear today. The journey to healing does not happen in a straight line, and we encounter some setbacks along the way. Melanie, what you say in this video rings so true. Thank you. Very humbling, but oh so true. Looking forward to more videos that will aid in the healing progress.
You are very welcome Tricia, xoxox
Your approach to this problematic is fantastic. thank you so much! It is so truth. In a way when you start to heal, your giving energy stops to be trapped by only the narcissist, who is just the representer of you past and childhood. When you start to heal, you have more energy and attention to give to the world and much more people, instead of being sucked only by the narcist ( your past). In a way is like to flourish and mature. As far as you don't heal those child wounds you stay that child and your potential of giving stays in fact only a seed and never grows.
So true. But I have to fight hard. My torturer wants me dead without ever have lived one single day...and he did it very well I must say !I have to fight and plan for good things this hard as if I would plan the overtaking of another Country !!!!!!And in the past it often happenend the plan was crossed by them !Hard times I had. Sad story this all is.....too sad....
Narcissism is so endemic in a particular culture that I don't differentiate it from horizontal oppression. It's not limited to a dynamic between empath and narcissist.
Metal Rabbit so are co dependant people . we just need to stop putting ourselves in a box seriously !
Ms Evans, you are brilliant. You have hit the nail on the head. I have wondered why I constantly feel as though I were being tossed about in an ocean of conflicting feelings. It is because I had abandoned the helm. Thank you for your insight. Stay well.
Thank you for your lovely comments Eammon and well wishes to you too. I am glad you received insight from this episode :) xoxox
i have been an empath all my life but in the US empaths are considered weak and dumb! they are usually put at the back of the class and the back of the line! that is sad because empaths are actually smart, strong and compassionate people! the most vicious narcissists rule in the US! i am sure you know the difference between the cultures in australia and in the US! the US is upside down! i agree with alot of what you say in your videos! i like the idea of thriving and not going through life hurt and defeated like i see on some of the websites!
Not that much different from us.
many countries are learning from the mistakes of the US! look at the government corruption including police and politicians! right now the obamas and clintons are all under investigation! it is a complete mess! people are still protesting donald trump being our new president and they will probably protest for the next four years! do not copy the US! i hope to move to asia as soon as i can! i will come here once in a while but not to stay!
greed is a bottomless pit and narcissists are very greedy!
it is a culture that is creating a monster! it is getting worse! there needs to be a spiritual awakening and more people searching for answers like we are doing in the NARP community online!
Drew Norton All the above comments are so spot on. Pure intelligence.
finally realised it's not my job to "fix" people or their emotional trauma that they built abusive defenses from. I'm no longer relating to trauma because I am healing and becoming more and more grounded.. and realise that I do not have to perform, adjust, shrink to be loved. I can let Love fill me from within. ♡
You are so amazing! Every single thing you say is gold! And I also believe that the only way an empath can ever heal is to go through the pain, feel it and then do something about it. Otherwise the cycle will keep on going. The pain and hurt is neccessary. Feel the pain, detach and heal. I'm so grateful to have learned that, otherwise I would forever be a people pleaser and put my own needs and wants last in order to get approval from other people. Im free now ❤
You are most welcome 1 tuffcookie87. It is my utmost pleasure to help you. Keep going, your Soul is
leading the way-- Love and blessings to you, Dear One. xoxox
I am vibrating with the authentic truth that I finally understand. What a gift.
That is so lovely Maggie! xoxox
I absolutely love the content of this video and the way in which it was delivered. I have watched many many videos on this subject and this one is by far the most informative and so accurate. As an empath with a narcissistic spouse looking for ways to deal with it, I feel that I now have the tools with which to start to navigate my way into focusing on me. You are absolutely 100 percent correct when you say that the empath actually becomes toxic as well. Here I am, living proof and not above admitting it. Thank you so much for the eye opener. Looking forward to seeing and hearing more of your work. 😌
Melanie, I am FINALLY instinctively doing what you described. AND, I just mentioned to a trusted and conscious friend that I feel this healing is on the level of the collective unconscious as well. My most recent realization/trigger is that those closest to me do not and will not honor my instinctual feelings concerning others' ill intentions/hidden agendas, etc...which I am so finely tuned into. Had the first meltdown in some time just yesterday concerning this. VERY difficult. Still recovering. Godspeed 🖤🖤🖤
That is great Kimberly! Sending blessings and wishing you healing xoxox
Making progress Mel. I was triggered just before Thanksgiving by my Mother and caught it before I reacted, noting the wounded little girl's feelings. I felt these, mothered her, and released it. Godspeed!
this is amazing I often wondered was I the narc but it was by being involved with one that my own energy became toxic I am still trying to heal and find my happy place again, I must step back and not be a fixer in order to get the attention I want and need. Its all about maturing emotionally ... now that we are more aware we have no choice but to follow this new path and takeresponsibility for ourselves daunting, unfamiliar but apparently the rewards are great...
And it’s just massively empowering to think now you won’t just let it happen. Now you’re free and you exactly how far to push things. Now you are in control and you know how to play small moves and they’re the right moves and people want to be like you and people can’t push you around.
This is the best video I have ever watched on this topic! I want to give you a standing ovation from my couch, it's so wonderful! I have noticed something else, too. Every time the abuse happens, we become even bigger targets with even fewer defenses.
In my life I've been intensely targeted by four narcs, less intensely by two who may or may not have been narcs, for a total of six possibly but definitely four.
That is six too many obviously!!
But I've noticed that, YES, it absolutely does go back to the original wounding. However, with each abusive relationship, those same wounds are torn open even more, and bleed more profusely. The vulnerabilities get even more sensitive as they are exploited repeatedly.
By the time my most recent narc came along, my first that was (to my mind but not sure to hers) platonic though emotionally VERY intense, I basically handed myself to her. I was like a puddle of goo, and she took me by the spoonful until she had her fill, then started in with the psychological torture.
But as of now, I am finally awake enough to fix the problem so that I am invulnerable to another attack. I will not go through this again. It not only hurt me, but my children as well, as they lost friends and watched me being abused, sometimes in public, by a woman half my size, upon whom they had also seen me lavish my heart, generosity, attention, concern, and care. My daughter has been affected by this, cries over her loss, and doesn't understand why someone mommy loved treated mommy so horribly. I cannot allow her to see me allow it again. I don't want either of my children to think their have to stay open and loving toward someone who only knows how to hate and destroy.
A powerful reminder much needed today. :) I've realized the deeper I focus on how I respond and react, the less I care what the N thinks, says, or does. That need for approval is gone, the nonsensical behavior so much easier to identify and break away from. I still see their pain but I no longer feel that need to want to fix it for them. It's peace that I want, and that inner peace is what makes me feel safe. When an N contacted me today and made the statement, "When I contact you to feel better, I need you to......" I was able to cut it off immediately with "Don't contact me to feel better. That's not my job or my role to feed you. I've raised my son who is now grown and thriving on his own, and single women don't cook much. A busy lady needs a man who is self sufficient." I'm NOT a snack but no contact is the only way to stop them from feasting.
"I am sharing my contribution with the world by being my authentic self."
You expressed something I've been trying so hard to put into words. Thank you.
And read “the self absorbed parent”. A dose of reality.
allisfaith and we all can be self absorbed
I became an aware or awakened Empath just over 1 year ago. I can’t believe how fast I’m progressing.. I’m progressing so fast that I can already say to You that You are 100% correct in this video. 100%
It’s not all the narcissists fault, we had a hand in our own abuse, I guess is how to say it.....
I think it’s great what Your doing and I’m glad to have watched Your material.
Thank you so much for this. While I am committed to the journey of healing myself, you really helped me understand a bit more about how I'm re-enacting the trauma from my first family in my current relationships. That's all. Just thanks!
You're so right Melanie. Much of the time I felt "unsafe" and was desperately trying to get back to the "safe" zone, whether it meant being on good terms or not, just to feel I wasn't being annihilated. This is why I would have bad dreams of having to cross a border, being shot down, being kidnapped and killed, that sort of thing, after an episode of flooring narcissistic abuse or rage (including silent treatment socially). Because it comes from the need to feel "safe" when the world is falling down around you, i.e when the cognitive rug seems pulled out from under your very feet. You ironically think that the aggressor can make that happen after you pick up the pieces. Clinging on their word.
Same with me. I used to dream drowning in the ocean or swimmingpool-or I was dreaming brutal Gangsters being after me and then killing me brutally.Dreamt these back then when I didn´t know what was going on.Since I know now and found some freetime dreams have gone.At least one relief !!!
I didn't realize my dreams like that were related to this. Thanks for opening my eyes d
Dear Mel, You are kicking these Narcissists asses, and they don't even know it, Ha,ha. But all Kidding aside your work is transformational, uplifting and inspiring. Your efforts are greatly appreciated by so many. Thank you
Dawson you are very welcome, and I do so believe "pro" movements are were our truth and healing is! I am so pleased my work resonates with you xoxox
14:50 "Damn it! I thought I turned off my telephone!" :-)
I love your genuiness and your channel.
Hahaha glad you liked that Solemei! xoxo
When you realize your worth as an individual and say I deserve better than what the narcissist is giving me, and move on from them that's the beginning of the power of loving oneself that the narcissist can never possess for they feel no love
I've watched a number of your videos now and for me this has been the most helpful so far. I see myself all over the place in this one. Seeking the approval of others (especially the narcissist in my life) is exhausting. I learned so much today. I thank you for all you share!
I am so glad this helped Theresa! Bless :) xoxo
Thank you, this one was so good. Helping me see where I can take responsibility for my own actions to heal completely.
I still have a long way to go in my journey to healing but when you said you had realized the connection between the triggers and the trauma, I thought for a minute about what truly made me feel like that (mainly childhood trauma) and realized the truth about the way I reacted to even the possibility of my narcissist getting upset. And when I realized that what I was feeling was untrue and could be prevented easily (verses feeling like there is no way out) I realized the pain I've been having in my stomach for weeks went away, and it felt like alot of the fog I had (for lack of better words) in my head lifted, and I feel sharper and clearminded. Your videos have helped me so much already. Thank you for helping me change my life!
Hi Nicole, I am so glad to help. Love and blessings xoxox
She's a great orator.
Amazing!!! Video!!. I've been working on myself for years.. It's definitely been a journey. However your video resonates with me perfectly as this is the next stage of healing for me. Thank you for taking the time to share. Much appreciation xx
You are SO welcome Mz xoxox
Yes, it’s about working yourself out all the time as resolutely and mindfully as possible.
This video is amazing. You hit every point squarely on the head. Thank you so much--this is my favorite video you've ever done! Destined for many more listens.
Thank you S SC and I am so pleased you enjoyed it! xoxox
Thank you so much for this, I really really needed this... now I know why I find it so dam hard to be around narcissistic types or others with strong personalities.... because I rely on them to keep me and my feelings in check. I hand over my feelings and moods and say to the narcissist, here take care of these for me. That's why I have huge anxiety about going to see my family as it always ends up in me trying to deal with the things they say and letting their nasty comments and their manipulative ways influence how I feel. its so true, I was trying to blame them but in the end, its me who needs to react differently and not let them control my moods. I just cannot be around them very long because of their ways, and yes I dont blame them because I know somehow they have had this done to them as kids and never realized it, so never tried to do anything about it.
Awesome awareness Ripley, I am so pleased you've 'got it' hun. You are so welcome hun and keep thriving xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans Thanks a lot.. Now I have to find out how to keep this going.. its been a weird day.. with no worries now about going to see them soon... I feel like the world has been lifted off my shoulders...
You have the most succinct and powerful way of communicating your thoughts. Your words resonate and touch my soul very deeply. I can't thank you nearly enough.
It's my pleasure Shaneh975. I am so happy that I have helped you. Love and blessings xoxox
Melanie, Thank you so much for my own affirmation of what I have always known, felt and experienced..no longer will I search for things outside of me,.. all I ever needed was some serious healing and to finally realize, that all my answers and sovereignty was where it always is.. inside of me...many people told me for many years all your answers can be found within you, I never understood this.. well, after surviving and enduring horrible narcissistic abuse, the lessons and freedom have all been the enlightenment and awakening from the unconsciousness that I had been living in for so long...I an learning to be alone, and to celebrate my existence without being affecting or feeding the needs of others, I am quite content in my solidarity,... I simply no longer need anyone's acceptance and approval nor need to save them from themselves any more, and now far more keenly aware of who wants to "snack" on me..namaste and blessings to you, love of self is really truly the source of a healthy and more balanced loving individual.. free from the weight and suffering of others whose burdens have held me down and made me so miserable, confused and sucked the life out of me..I am finally free now.. thank you for sharing your love, experience and education as it has been put to good use..my empathic abilities will no longer be used in vain...
Last comment.. I thought I needed to figure out my narcissist, I never could..what I have learned that it is never about figure them out,.. nope,..in the end,.. I figured "me" out.... and that made all the difference in the world!
This is so true, my ex was a narcissistic and I've been with men like him before. What made this situation so unique, I couldn't hide and avoid him because we coparent a child. I started taking ownership of how I was feeling and asking myself why. Once I started asking why and recognizing my mom was one too. During my healing process, I also healed my health as well. Learned to recognize those red flags when dating again. When I attracted yet another one, I knew I still had healing to do. It has been hard but I feel at peace.
As I was listening I was thinking: "Yes, I know this." Though I didn't consciously. Some things, yes, but others I realise were in my subconscious. Becoming consciously aware helps.
This is a very eye opening video. I'm not even sure if I'm an empath, but if I am, I am an unhealed one. Now I have an actual focal point to work towards. Thank you!
This is so enlightening. I was involved as an Empath with a Narcissist and doing that very thing by trying to be his everything. 9 month's ago I was tired of the game so I called him on it. I told him he was a "shitty" person and to "f" off. I caused a narc injury and didn't hear from him for 6mos. In the meantime I went into a recovery program for 12 weeks dealing with addiction and complex trauma. I was quite happy and feeling good about my progress when low and behold...he called. I couldn't talk just then and he told me to call back later at the new number. Well this sent me into a toxic shock and I never made a connection with him verbally. We did have some brief texts where again I called him on his crap. I then blocked him and haven't heard anything. The thing is I keep running things he did and said through my mind. And have been dreaming about him quite frequently. I want disconnect from the psychic thing and I find it helpful that it's the thing in ME that I haven't fully seen. This video has been most helpful in helping me come to that realization. Thank you so much! From Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada...
Very well put! And excellent "speech analogy" to animate the psychological difference. Thank you for this!
I love your videos. So inspiring and so clear. I have been listening and watching your videos for 2 years now. Reminded each time I watch. Gives me so much clarity and helps anchor my intuiton. Thank you
My absolute pleasure agnieszka, I am happy you like them xoxox
I have been in a narssisitic abuse relationship for 44 years and just now i realized what was going on those decades. I am sad why it took me such long time to realize it, always i say for myself that if i saw your videos my would have been changed totally. But i am grateful to god that i finally realized it,as i feel free of guilt that my narssesistic abuser always loved to keep me feeling guilty.
Always when i see you videos i feel the notin says "science is light"
Hi Rasha,
I am so glad to be of help. Love and blessings xoxox
Thank you!!! Your video was a well needed to be heard message---oh my goodness you hit the nail on the head at least with me NEEDING to relate to others to feel safe!!! Thank you again and blessings
Carolyn it's my pleasure! Many blessings to you too xoxox
Thank you so much for this. I actually went searching for an empath cleanse meditation I used years ago. I remembered the woman was named Melanie and had a lovely Australiaian accent. Anyway, I got sidetracked by the autocomplete suggestion for “empaths and narcissists” and have been deep into this content for weeks! Only today am I finding this video, and feel I have come full circle as it must have been your meditation I sought out in the first place. I will continue to watch your content now that I have found it. Many thanks from America 🙏🏻
You are very welcome Lake Tolbert. I'm so glad this helps. Love and blessings xoxox
Thank you so much. Very helpful. Keep up the good work.
Glad this was Earl xoxo
Love the Truth, please keep speaking it.
When I stopped accepting the blame that my narc was pushing on me and taking his anger out on me, he discarded. He ignored me for days. The last time he did this before I broke up with him, he ignored me for 5 days!
I did not come forward, so he realized he was losing me, so he came forward.
I knew I had to get away for my health and wellbeing. He is such an angry, jealous, hateful and fake person. He is a sex addict and a liar. I finally broke up a few weeks ago and am so happy and free.
It was tough, for the first few days for sure. But it can be done and we can heal and be free!
Thank you so much I think this is just what my friend needs to hear
You are welcome and I hope it helps xoxox
"They becoime toxic and play out intense victimisation. And then truly, it is very very difficult for most people to be able to tell the difference between a narcissist and the un healed empath."
This is so true. I'm an unhealed empath and i don't like what I've become. I'm angry. I argue. I am filled with bitterness and resentment. Really it feels like I'm no better than the narcissists who I'm reacting to. Thank you so much for this video. It's the tough love that many empaths need.
You know all my life I have found myself in situations where all I wanted was to sincerely care for and help others. I love to see someone smile simply because I made them feel better or helped them. BUT in the meantime people kept wanting more and more from me or they would just out of the blue turn on me. I'm now 53 and really it's only been a little over 2 years or so in which I've realized that I have most of the qualities that I've read about, these qualities that fit people called EMPATHS. Now along with the fact that I solidly am the personality type INFJ, I relate to being an empath. AND I have 98 percent of the time my entire life have been the target of those who seem to get pleasure from the using, abusing and control over others. At least now I realize what I need to do to avoid running into narcissists again and again.....I need to learn skills to use and to strengthen myself against such individuals. We empaths ALL must try and protect ourselves.
Great video!Thanks. Indeed i am toxic too as an empath.So many wounds from my narc mother and sister.I thought i had healed myself but obviously this was not the case.Fell in love with a narc and tried to heal her fortunately i see the picture.I am breaking my addiction going no contact.
I'm able to realize early on the abusive dynamics of a Narcissist, catch asnd stop myself from trying to "read" or "scan" energy, but I'm still attracting nothing but Narcissists. Actually right now I'm not attracting anyone and not looking, but I don't want to even attract them in the first place! How do I change this?
Hi Veronica, this explains all sweetheart blog.melnarcissists/anietoniaevans.com/why-people-attract- and if you would like to know how to heal using Quanta Freedom Healing I would love you to come into the free webinar to experience it for yourself
www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Love and blessings to you xoxox
Wow, this truly has inspired me & I feel like it's the final puzzle piece I have been waiting on .... my mind just kept flashing up all the really difficult scenarios from my (mostly) adult life & its clarified ALOT of what I have endured whether it come from me or sometimes other people who I have/had in my life. I'm sooooo tired & drained at the moment, it seems like every single aspect of my life hurts in some way or another. Now that I've been lovingly pointed in the right direction, by you, I can start to finally un-stick my self from this absolute tangled mess in my head, move-in....& be freeee at last 🕊🕊🕊. Thank you so much for sharing your fabulous wisdom xxxx
Hard truths. I was an empath when I succumbed but I had low self-esteem from childhood neglect and my “giving” was neurotically designed to secure the narcissist’s approval so I could feel secure. Now the I’m much older
Oh god such clarity I am totally inspired. thank you thank you from past me present me future me little me. You are such a gift xxx
How sweet Leearna, it is totally my pleasure and thank you! :) xoxox
this video resonates with me to the core! thank you for sharing your gift! much love!
Thank you Melanie, I knew the fellow I was helping was a narcissist and I really didn’t know much about the personality disorder up until a week ago . I didn’t even know that there are different ones, he’s a covert narc , i am empathic alone with other gifts I call pops I have visions and I get messages for people I really don’t know what it’s called my visions & messages are but, a few seconds the messages have no voice male or female the message are never negative . I looked at this man was my last spiritual job. I’ve known him 2years maybe longer but, in that time never spent long enough with him to see his true colours , thanks to you and peace and harmony I have woke up to the depth of what’s really going on . People miss judge me because yes I am an empath but, I’m also a full fire Sagittarian . I helped him out realised with both of your help what I was dealing with . I have know put him off my Xmas card list , he went to do the hinding game and I texted him and told him to go find another supplier and also told him he would never break my wings because he couldn’t see them . Now my problem is how to protect myself from theses people and how to know they are coming ? I’m now feeling that I don’t want to meet new people male or female . I’ve always enjoyed people . Right now I’m just recovering from him and thanking my god that I have met this type and at the same time feel like a little girl and hurt by the fact that theses people do exist it’s like finding out there is no Father Christmas. I would be grateful if you could tell me what to look for for . Not only have dealt with him the covert narc I’ also have the police involved with a female psychopath who has threatened my life and I take quite serious because she had a full blown brawl beat up a woman of 18 stone she weighs about eight, I met him threw her , I removed myself from her company almost a year ago not knowing she was a psychopath, I just knew her energy was bad for my health ,so the last month of my life has been one big eye opener Love & Light Rosalind
Hi Rosalind, I am so happy for you that you have come out of the fog. And it's my pleasure xoxox
Thank you Mel for another good helpful informative talk
My pleasure Yaakov xoxox
thank you for reiterating this :)
our circumstances are a mirror of what we're feeling inside
Just BRILLIANT
Thank you!! Ugh- the BEST! It’s crazy how sometimes all it takes is the right way of phrasing something to really allow it to sink in!
You said once you healed you were no longer (here’s the best part!!!) “tuning outwards trying to read other peoples energy and trying to give them what was required in order for them to love and accept me.”
I know I have baggage for days… (Im also a badass for grabbing my balls and doing work to learn and heal, thank you very much❤️) but to hear those exact words in that order…. It’s exactly what I would do 24/7 with my step mother, totally losing sight that I even had a self. Because that kid was a burden and it was so much easier to morph myself into what she wanted at that moment so maybe I could get a hint of love or something that resembled it).
As an empath and codependent (with a splash of narcissistic tendencies, however😬) I have never been really ok with someone not liking me. It’s not like Im a Jekyll and Hyde, I just have a really hard time and get super sensitive about it. The trauma bond that ensues after dealing with this abuse is so deep. I never want the Narc I dealt with to know that because he’d probably get off on it. Like he deserved a medal for the “Best Trauma Bond Activator” or something as if his “being able to” break me and eff me up in the head was the best supply ever.
But dang. This is happening FOR US not TO US!
Thank you for your knowledge and wisdom ❤️
Thank you so much for the good work you are doing.
You are so welcome Susan xoxox
Thank you for this! It’s what I need to fully recover.
You are so welcome Shane xoxox
wonderful information..please continue to keep under fifteen minutes...easier to grasp.
I'm not healed, but I never do the things you mention. I have boundaries and have never been in a narcississtic relationship since my first marriage, which ended 25 yrs ago. My pain (unhealed) comes from my 7 yr old who was abused and her health isn't legally in my hands. So I'm raw and unhealed.
I never feel the need to "help" any adult who doesn't ask for help. I don't care if they are pleased with me or not.
But I'm still a unholy mess when it comes to several important things, things out of my control in my own sphere of life that should be in every individuals control.
Precisely - you learn to really not care, and I don't say that to be rude or cruel. You become firm and they just cannot penetrate you any longer, if they don't like it that you inform them of their belittling comments, rude behaviour, and lack of kindness to you and others around them, all to continue to treat you poorly after being told to stop, you can walk away, and not even care, you know you cannot fix it. Not even by resorting to mirroring their behaviour in an effort for them to see how it feels, they just get insulted...that is because they simply do not feel, Oh yes, you are spot on.
PREACH sister!!! YASSSSS!!! This spoke volumes to my soul and answered so many questions I've been harboring for years!!!🙏🏾🙇🏾♀️💖
You just described my upbringing in a nutshell. Thank you so much lovely lady👍💙
It is my absolute pleasure Didi xoxox
Melanie Tonia Evans 💙💚💛
Absolute truth...I wish I knew this from birth ...wounded healers need to first heal themselves... Mastering it now with all relationships as being an empath nearly cost me my life..protect yourself...heal yourself..then empower yourself..the best repellent to toxic unhealed unconscious people...I love you and your channel...I resound completely may the Source continue to bless you richly...hugz xxx
Thank you Angel! This means a lot to me. I'm so happy my channel has helped. Love and blessings Angel. Many good things to come. xoxox
Melanie Tonia Evans
The most inspiring video ever, Melanie!
So pleased you enjoyed it Butter Cup! xoxo
I so needed this just now! I was on the brink of sourcing myself, and had a narc, borderline, depressive body of pain tossed at me...and went right into that @#$*! anxious sensitivity thing that totally distracts me from what I need to be doing. Grrrrg! Didn't help that he rocked in the sack...
This was an enlightening talk. Thank you mam.
I don't know if maybe I'm missing a point but I still don't know what to do with my empathy. Now I realize that things will probably change when I heal a bit more.
Right now I'm just sitting here, thinking that yes, I want to help people too much but I feel pain from everyone and everything so greatly that I just can't step away and say "Well, let them deal with their own stuff."
I don't know, maybe I can figure out a way to step in and step out as I choose. Because I want to keep this sensitivity to pain by any and every means. I just want to be able to not burst into pieces and cry through each pore 24/7.
And also, I loved your metaphor with the pretzel. :)
Your metaphors really speak to me and open my thought processes over the things that are happening within myself so much more and so much more elegantly.
I may be a pretzel but I must admit, I'm still a pretty cute pretzel at that. 8-) Now I just need to figure out which way my loops really go and what's natural to me to be a kick-ass real me pretzel.
Hi gill, I want to reassure, if you decide to heal your wounds, you won't 'lose' your empathic qualities! You will evolve them into more compassion WITHOUT being triggered and know how to protect your own energy. It's a very different experience. Love and blessings to you xoxox
You’re doing The Lords Work here. Keep it up! Real Help. 🙏🏾
The truth helps us too!!!
Asteri, totally
Goodness! Your videos are so so good. Please keep up the great work !!!
This video has been a literal Godsend to me! 👏👏👏
Down under..... thank you for helping me understand
Thank you for all the strength you shared
You have given me hope
You are very welcome RWTW, I'm so glad this helps xoxox
You spoke to my soul.
Great video Melanie. Psychopath female intelligence didn't kill me.
Her totalitarian brainwash program reconciled me.The core of antagonism didn't change me a bit.
My empathetic and narcissistic traits merged as one.The gaze was always there since youth.
The experience verified an already realised soul.The inevitable capability to love and to hate.
The recognise it in everyone's gaze.
Greetings from the Netherlands....
Very POWERFUL! Thank you so much 😊
Omg you are so right!! How brilliantly explain. Thank you for educating people, your videos are truly life changing. 🌸
My pleasure xoxox
I think it's all about boundaries You want to be Cool And Understanding But to lot of people take kindness for weakness I It seems to be uman nature It's important to always establish boundaries Or people will Note respect you and you space
Spot on, Melanie!
Thank you Anna xoxox
thank you for this video my god this has been my whole life until I finally realized what you said all in the video so great to have what I thought had changed in me validated one day I just realized I need to help myself not these other people who take all they can and leave me great video thank you:)
Melanie, you describe me perfectly August 8,2017........ But not this time next year.. TY!!!
That's great Debra ... it's my pleasure xoxox
New subscriber. I appreciate any difference of perspective so kudos to you for having the courage to present an alternative viewpoint. Your story deserves honest consideration. I am an older empath who has had to learn to control my abilities and create healthy boundaries for myself. Healed vs Unhealed empaths. Knowledge and self-understanding=Power.
I have to rewatch this video since my thoughts are very scattered atm, but she's right, empaths need to learn to be more selfish, basically, if I understood her correctly. The conflict is that we're taught from an early age that "selfishness" is as bad as a sin and punishable. We're also taught not to have boundaries or how to set boundaries...I can't finish this comment now, I'm overwhelmed by thoughts and two words: irreversible trauma.
Thank you dear sweet Melanie for your advice💃,I don't want no more to be a narc snack..
HUGS❤
(Cont.) and have done the internal work-faced my own dysfunction-I can give with true generosity while maintaining my boundaries which is good for all concerned. I agree with your hypothesis-we have to look within!👍☮️
Thank you and as an empath it totally helps me. You are wonderful.
I am so glad this video helped you Vivi! ❤️
Much love xx