For those who want to re-watch segments: 0:00 Intro and instinct stacking (+Drew’s as a sx-dominant) 6:09 Intro to Drew 8:22 How the instincts work with Envy 9:40 Intro to Social (so) 10:13 Intro to Sexual (sx) 10:39 Intro to Self-preservation (sp) 11:11 Recap on instincts, stacking, and health 15:16 Sexual (sx) 18:27 Social (so) 20:52 Self-preservation (sp) 22:37 Outro nuggets of thoughts Thanks, Drew!
@@drewnewkirk I'm just a visiting 5w4 with some great 4s in my life, adding my contribution. You're great for sharing the perspective of the 4 in all of us in the unique way you do best. Thanks!
@@jackieli772 that’s awesome Mona. Well, I am 85% done preparing for the enneagram 5 videos. I’ll be filming them in the next two weeks so you’ll hopefully not be disappointed in a 4’s look into the 5. Hope it works for you 🤞🏼 Drew
This video was very helpful, thank you! It’s funny that you said SP 4s kind of judge the other types. For the longest time I thought I was a 9 or 7 because tho I relate a lot to the 4s core motivation and I always got it on tests, I always felt like the descriptions of 4s were way too dramatic and gloomy to be me. After learning about self preservation 4s however, I realized that I’m definitely a 4.
Yeah, we aren’t all shmopey or doomy, gloomy. But definitely deep and without total easiness. I’m glad you narrowed it down, that process is not always easy. Keep digging and I’ll keep pumping these out Drew
Absolutely same for me! If I were to talk to people who barely knew me about the enneagram, almost no one would guess me to be a 4. I very much act like both a 9 and a 7 when interacting with people, and that's because I'm a self pres with lots of social tendencies as well (not wanting to have beef). I just wish 4s weren't always portrayed/described as the gloomiest and most overdramatic of all the types.
I've also been in denial about 4, too much shame (revulsion?) about and not identifying with some of the characteristics, maybe... When the student is ready....! Time to embrace the shadow side? Was never a Morrissey fan though.. 🤔 (Hasn't Rick Astley just redone some Morrissey)... Feel like I should could have been a therapist but haven't done it, fear I can't handle... Final point please only hear this in the best intended way, but your sound could be so much more listenable with better quality audio/mic ihvho . So happy to have found you 🎉 (though I did click 'Next' when I first heard the sound quality, eek). Content 👍👌
You are speaking my language, thank you so much for posting all of these episodes about being a 4. The struggle is real, but the love and passion is deep and true!!!!
Oh, the struggle is so real, feel it a bit now to be honest. Just life. But also I’m officiating a wedding tomorrow and am all up in my feels and will probably get a good number of people to cry and laugh. So, typical 4 shit 😂 Thanks for watching Kristi, Drew
the SP 4 description fits me so well. i want to be heard as much as the other two, but im so scared of burdening other people. i always hope that people will ask me questions to get me talking so i can feel like they care about what i have to say
That’s exactly it. Good reflection. Now asking for what you want directly will be the journey 😳 Drew If you’re interested in being on my mailing list drop me your email on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR AT drew@drewnewkirk.com - hopefully I’ll continue to create some cool stuff to share
I am a 4 w 3 and I am learning about the subtype. I was in counseling for years and when I discerned the enneagram, so much of my HEART was healed that counseling couldn’t do 😂 Thank you for sharing these videos. You are HEALING so many people. Thank you!!!
Thank you so much for doing this, you helped me so much. I realized a few days ago that I’m a SP 4 and I totally relate to being judgmental with other 4s. I have a friend that’s a SO4 and I used to think oh my god why is she so dramatic and annoying? Then I realized we were sooo similar but i keep inside me all those feelings instead let them out trying to not overwhelm people around but that’s sooo exhausting, I saw your other videos and I decided to let some little piece of the real me get out and I’m so glad I did it, I felt liberated. Don’t stop doing this please! You have a very beautiful vibe 🙏❤️
Thank you so much! It has been a tough journey for me to be displeasing to others but each day I lean in to that I become less displeasing. We need to just own it to work on it. Keep watching and I’ll keep trying to relate it Drew
Great video. When I'm stressed or in a tough spot, I instantly want to retreat to a familiar place if not my room and work it out myself. There's been times where I was so stressed in a public place that I just abandoned my friends and/or family and left. Anyways, I want to say that I'm a 16 year old, and though I know it's a bad idea to start looking into the enneagram before you're an adult, I just can not let it go. I've discovered it some months ago and I really do enjoy learning about it, understanding myself and others better, and seeing how I can become better. I just have to take into account that because of puberty and the hormones and such that come with it, I won't be quite myself. But yeah, I just wanted to get that off my chest. And again, thanks for making great content.
Wow Benjamin, I do love this. You are not your average teen. Actually I don’t subscribe to the age limit on digging or typing. I have had quite a few teen clients, many now adults and through puberty who I used the enneagram. They were deeply in need of not being left in the dark. Especially 4’s. That kind of complex emotional stuff is basically structured early and when it can be used to help I use it. Especially for mature teens. You are clearly one. Please watch as much of my content on 4’s as you can. I wish I had this at 16, 26, or even 36. Use it towards greatness. Keep me updated on your journey please, it’ll do my heart good 😊 Drew
Thank you! You stressed so much on the dark side of the sx 4, I definitely got it. Came just to say thank you. I don't show wrath, I show frustration, but I surely know what you are talking about. Although, I remember being told that I have a "certain goodness" about myself. The expression stood with me for years for it doesn't show that much if you don't sit with me a little bit, i think because I'm kind of sunny - put on a happy face while dealing with deep emotion, like another youtuber said about us 4s. Anyhow, thanks pal (if I can call you so:) )!
This makes me filled with a bit of joy! Almost as much as being in Hawaii would right now 😂 thanks for watching and I hope it helps you know yourself a bit more. We SX/SP’s gotta continue to save the world together 👊🏼
Just fix your friends as a side hobby 😉 So sorry for the delay. Glad this helped and thanks so much for watching and digging deep! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one. If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out Drew
Drew, thanks for this video. This addresses a question I've had about the relationship of the three subtypes within a person. I appreciate the closing together or flattening out idea of the subtypes. Great stuff!
Thanks Andrew. Yeah, understanding the subtype interplay is pretty crucial to getting a hold of how we regard our safety and security in our world. Glad you enjoyed it
Yep. This was more an overview. I go a bit more in to detail on the SX subtypes video on here and in some of my other enneagram 4 videos. Thanks Megan, Drew
Thank you, the way you broke this down was very helpful! I kept going back and forth between self pres and social as my primary, and the way you laid it out makes me feel pretty confident that I am self preservation first. Thank you!
I love to help Chelsi. Thanks for reaching out and letting me know it sharpened your understanding of yourself better. Hope you keep watching and digging in to some of the other 4 content I have Drew
SP 4 here 🙋🏻♀️ After 34 trips around the sun, I’m starting to figure out something the other subtypes have known all along …drumroll please 🥁 … Suffering in silence kind of sucks ass 😂
Bahaha 🤣 Preach! Finishing up an enneagram 4 overview (I haven’t done one 🤯) But, I come short of saying it sucks ass but in the ballpark Thanks for the laugh… and the candor. [written while getting a tattoo in Milan, because, suffering]
I like that! I try not to shift the language too much for simplicity sake with these videos but love when language is added to help us understand these subtypes more. Those words are right on thanks Stacey Drew
Wow, so yes I am definitely a sexual type 4. I have always felt I search for that connection and I always feel like I get too intense for some people and I pull back. Also yes very self preserving. So I can kind of move back and forth from sexual to preserving. Social I feel I would like to work on. I happened upon you after a break up from a long distance relationship that I was very invested in and have felt shattered and almost out of control with my emotions on the inside trying to find how and what I can do to salvage it. So working on myself seems to be helping, glad for your insight.
Glad you found the work over here Lo. Sorry about the breakup but I hope it helps grow you in ways you never thought would come to you. Keep going down the rabbit hole and I’m sure more and more will be revealed Thanks for watching and engaging the content Drew
@@haleyautumnbrown glad it helped. I appreciate you sharing Haley Nothing like finding connection in music 🙌🏼 If interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks for again for reaching out Drew
Like you I'm coming from many years of therapy. I'm 35 but since 2016 I've done intense rational emotive behavioral therapy, and now I'm studying different philosophies and modalities. I wasn't disturbed, but I felt stuck in a couple of ruts... And then today I came across this typing and so much just clicked. I'm hoping if I can continue to do the uncomfortable and hard work I can stop living in my head and be less overwhelmed by people and stop hiding because even my dog is tired of me being stuck in my own world and feeling misunderstood and happy in my own head and gloomy as shit to the rest of the world. My disturbance has pretty much always come from trying to avoid being seen as exactly what a 4 wing 5 is and it is what I ended up being. My tiniest subwing of all the types is the 3, and I've always DREAMED of being a 4 wing 3. So envious of them. Haha. I'm gonna look into what you offer for therapy because I don't really need the therapy, more like guidance and things to work for and where my shortcomings might be and what strengths I might be overlooking and need to capitalize on. Regardless, looking into the 3 and the 5 is next on the list, and I feel excited learning this, not scared like I did when I first learnt about stoicism. 😁
Well, you seem very driven so your 3 wing, while tiny winged, may be growing. Or just more nerdy 5 investigating. Have you watched the 4 overview I just put out, that’ll take a few days… only 2hrs 40mins long 🤯 Holler at me if you want some guidance and we can discuss but in the meantime keep devouring
@@drewnewkirk awesome. A TH-cam video as long as a Christopher Nolan film. Specificity after my 4w5 heart. Haha. I'll message you when I can afford it, thanks for the info mate.
Thank you for the video! I'm a self preservation 3 W 4 and for a couple of years mistyped myself as a 1. The more I learn about the 4, the more I'm learning about myself.
@@drewnewkirk oh it did. I just finished your 4W5 video which also helped so much and made my cringe at myself a little. I definitely hide and suffer. Gather information and protect myself. It’s frustrating.
I don’t get why they named the subtype “sexual”, because whenever anyone talks about it they say, “Yeah, it’s “sexual”, but it doesn’t mean “sexual”” …but whoever named the subtypes chose “sexual” for a reason. Words have definitions and connotations. If it didn’t have anything to do with sexuality then aren’t there better labels they could have chosen? I wasn’t surprised to find out my subtype is “sexual” because I have a high libido but, everyone seems to say.… “No, it does’t mean “sexual”. I’m confused 😂 4w5 sexual, INFJ, HSP, Narc-Slayer. 😈
Hey Jerry, I get it. Make up your own name for it as the SX4 in you is challenging the status quo and that’s ok as long as you don’t overdo it 😉 So, it doesn’t necessarily have to do with the act of sex but I wouldn’t rule out that SX types live in more thought about sex. Essentially the title refers to exalted, high intensity, all-in, immersive types of people and sex is a good parallel for that kind of energy. Think about the act of sex, it comes with all those things and more (intimacy, authenticity, revelation, etc.) when it’s actually healthy sex. So that word represents all those things not just putting it in and procreating. I don’t mind the description because when I put some thought in to it it fits, and a good conversation about why the name was chosen also helps develop dialogue. Additionally, these centers have been talked about through time and through psychological exploration as they are so incredibly important to our being, our everyday so it does for as far as top things we thing about everyday (sexual expression, survival and connection) Anyway, just some thoughts, Drew
Yes, I align with being a creative as well as a draw towards art and music. I did also feel connected to the Smiths. I would listen to them and then would abandon them cuz they were bringing me too down. I did feel they understood me or me them.
I had the Bona Drag album. Very interesting how you are sx/sp and I am so/sp yet we meet at the self-pres. I love your room decor. Even though I am sx blind, everything you say makes sense-I do search for the most interesting people in the room, and even though I am a social, I still will disappear into a corner with one individual b/c it is ‘safer’ than the group. This is why being social 1st surprised me-I think b/c the social envy was so painful for me. It was so obvious an instinct that I felt I could overlook it. And I too love psychology and therapy-love discussing feelings. My envy manifests like, ‘I could never be that or reach that or I am less than.’ I will say that I have noticed that sx 4s seem to have great eye contact where as I suck at that. As a social, I am very sensitive to perception. And yes, a legacy! I could not exist w/o that. I long to exist collectively.
Wow I love your commentary. This is an amazing video. I'm a Sexual Seven therapist and I found the Enneagram 20 years ago myself. It has helped me, my husband and clients immensely. Can you possibly do other types, subtypes and winds of other types? Best of luck and THANK YOU!
Thank you so much. Welp, yes. I’ve filmed the 9’s and 8’s + subtypes (they be posted soon) and am filming the 1’s next week. Working on 5’s now. I think before summer if not even before spring I’ll have all the numbers done 🤞🏼 It would be awesome to get these types of responses from folks for different numbers 😂 This is inspiring. Thank you so much Drew
@@drewnewkirk I have been certified from the Narrative Tradition Enneagram in 2003. If you need any feedback about 7s I'd be glad to share my journey and the amazing growth from knowing this. And yes, the subtype is the fire that burns the flame of the type!!
@@fredboykin7817 if there’s anything really nuanced you experience there send it over. I’m saving 3’s and 7’s till the end so I have a little time beforehand 🙏🏼
I'm happy to have found your channel. I just found out about subtypes, I am 4w3 sx and now I'm watching this video.. haha, and the word for finding something after a long time *AHA moment!* 😂🤗
Omg the smiths albums were the soundtrack stuck in my 8th grade brain. Now I resonate with juice WRLD or any emotional sad music. All music is emotional for me. Music saved my life. I want to be a music therapist. 👩🏻🎤🎵
I think the thing with The Smiths is that the music was typically quite upbeat while Morrisseys lyrics were depressing and humdrum. It's the contradictions which makes them cool
Thanks for watching and for being in my camp 😂 If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Either way, I appreciate you Drew
Love to get messages like this 🙌🏼 Glad you won’t be killing your friend anytime soon with some new compassion for us 4’s 😉 As for my mbti, I really cant remember. I took the test in grad school many years ago but it just didn’t resonate then. When I found the enneagram it was so real and immediate for me. Not against Meyers Briggs at all just didn’t stick in my memory
Hmm... I think for me one on one is super important, but my life shows that I have joined so many communities and groups. I love to be a part of a gang. Can't figure which is the dominant one. I don't consider myself angry... but I do love to stand out. Probably social after all. :D I do like to suffer publicly :D and it sounds ridiculous when written on the screen.
Do you believe that your instincts can change stacking? Or Do you believe that as you integrate you begins to use each instinct appropriately, ie: social in society, sexual in intimate relationships, etc?
I’ve found that I still tend a bit to the SX and repress the SOC but damnit if they aren’t super close these days and we’ll integrated. That’s the goal I think, to really integrate well. Can they change? Likely. But I’d imagine if they do the flip would likely be because they were close anyway and age can definitely swing you a bit
Are any of you guys INFJ? I find many similarities in both and I tested as an INFJ .. just curious. Also... I love how he wants to incorporate artists into his videos 🤣👌 an enneagram 4 would 😆❤️. I'm also a 1.) Sexual 2.) Self -preserving with regressed social tendencies. I COMPLETELY related to how you needed your sensory sensitivities met . I have velvet sofas and chairs, certain scents, took me forever to find the right duvet. I think a lot of 4s are very hypersensitive to these sorts of things. Our home is our solace, our recharging station... So we need all the things that are comforting to us in that space. It's amazing how much I can personally relate to this man.. 👌
I love this Casey. Yep, we are on the same wavelength with these beautiful needs and wants. Glad you came to these videos and hope you keep relating as you watch more, if you decide to. I still don’t know what my meyers Briggs is but I’ll soon find out. I’ve been a bit lazy in this respect Drew
I’d be interested to know if you have studied how the instincts overlap with enneagram tritype. I think I am a self pres 4 but I am a 468 tritype which is the most intense enneagram tritype there is…..even more than an 8 with a 4 in the tritype. I bring that up because you said a sexual 4 is the most ruthless, but I would be interested to know if you have an 8 in your tritype and if that could account for the “ruthlessness”
Just finished all the subtype videos. I am still not entirely sure if i'm a Sx/Sp or Sp/Sx. Do you have any additional tips to distinguish your true dominant instinct or is it possible for 2 instincts to kind of be in balance?
I personally have a tough time distinguishing myself as I think I’m pretty balanced here. SCX seems to win out but it’s a close race. It’d be great if you were balanced so you may consider yourself lucky. I look for balance myself so you may be healthier than you know 🙌🏼 Have you watched my “work” episodes? I think they could help narrow you down a bit more as well as I think how we work can also be guided by our dominant subtype. Thanks for watching Drew
@@drewnewkirk hi Drew, thanks for reacting. I haven't watched those videos yet, but I definitly will! I like to think I'm quite healthy but I don't want to deceive myself haha
After a loooong time searching and not being able to decide between 8 & 4 I can say for certain after watching all your 8 content and this video that I'm a 4. Thank you 🥲
So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one. As for help being a 4. Definitely try to integrate it into your therapy or coaching if possible. This was my help unless you hire me 😂 If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out Drew
Tough question. I’d currently say, based on my history working with people and based on my experience here on TH-cam so far there seems to be an equal distribution of men/women in each subtype but I wouldn’t say without any hard data I totally understand the question and see why that could be true. What’s your thoughts?
@@drewnewkirk I've noticed I tend to fluctuate between them all, and tend to lean on one depending on the current situation. I would say I've been self preserving for AWHILE, but more moving into the social lately (maybe Covid related)I love pairings and love what I love. I will scream it from the rooftops😁.. I didn't have any proof in relation to my question. Was just curious since you have the experience. I was only assuming since women typically like a group. And men, (in general) are known to be more independent. Loving your videos. I like when people throw out music and books I haven't heard or read.
@@allisona9490 I think you may be right but I think sometimes women, or men for that matter, in groups can still be SP’s and SX’s doing the group thing. Anyway, I love the wrestling you’re doing with the subtypes, it’s fun isn’t it. And profound!
@@drewnewkirk it is fascinating. I'm still toggling with being a worm and goddess after one of your latest videos. One definitely leads to the other and back again for me. I think I'm going to paint a worm that looks like a goddess😂😂😊
Just to point out that mankind did not exist at the same time as T Rexs and dinosaurs...but i understand what you were getting at and back then there were real physical dangers which dont really exist nowadays
For those who want to re-watch segments:
0:00 Intro and instinct stacking (+Drew’s as a sx-dominant)
6:09 Intro to Drew
8:22 How the instincts work with Envy
9:40 Intro to Social (so)
10:13 Intro to Sexual (sx)
10:39 Intro to Self-preservation (sp)
11:11 Recap on instincts, stacking, and health
15:16 Sexual (sx)
18:27 Social (so)
20:52 Self-preservation (sp)
22:37 Outro nuggets of thoughts
Thanks, Drew!
How great are you!
@@drewnewkirk I'm just a visiting 5w4 with some great 4s in my life, adding my contribution. You're great for sharing the perspective of the 4 in all of us in the unique way you do best. Thanks!
@@jackieli772 that’s awesome Mona. Well, I am 85% done preparing for the enneagram 5 videos. I’ll be filming them in the next two weeks so you’ll hopefully not be disappointed in a 4’s look into the 5. Hope it works for you 🤞🏼
Drew
@@drewnewkirk Can't wait! (But I will, because far be it from me to rush someone's craft. lol)
@@jackieli772 thank you for preserving my delicate genius 🤦♂️
This video was very helpful, thank you! It’s funny that you said SP 4s kind of judge the other types. For the longest time I thought I was a 9 or 7 because tho I relate a lot to the 4s core motivation and I always got it on tests, I always felt like the descriptions of 4s were way too dramatic and gloomy to be me. After learning about self preservation 4s however, I realized that I’m definitely a 4.
Yeah, we aren’t all shmopey or doomy, gloomy. But definitely deep and without total easiness. I’m glad you narrowed it down, that process is not always easy. Keep digging and I’ll keep pumping these out
Drew
Absolutely same for me! If I were to talk to people who barely knew me about the enneagram, almost no one would guess me to be a 4. I very much act like both a 9 and a 7 when interacting with people, and that's because I'm a self pres with lots of social tendencies as well (not wanting to have beef). I just wish 4s weren't always portrayed/described as the gloomiest and most overdramatic of all the types.
I've also been in denial about 4, too much shame (revulsion?) about and not identifying with some of the characteristics, maybe... When the student is ready....! Time to embrace the shadow side?
Was never a Morrissey fan though.. 🤔 (Hasn't Rick Astley just redone some Morrissey)...
Feel like I should could have been a therapist but haven't done it, fear I can't handle...
Final point please only hear this in the best intended way, but your sound could be so much more listenable with better quality audio/mic ihvho . So happy to have found you 🎉 (though I did click 'Next' when I first heard the sound quality, eek). Content 👍👌
You are speaking my language, thank you so much for posting all of these episodes about being a 4. The struggle is real, but the love and passion is deep and true!!!!
Oh, the struggle is so real, feel it a bit now to be honest. Just life. But also I’m officiating a wedding tomorrow and am all up in my feels and will probably get a good number of people to cry and laugh. So, typical 4 shit 😂
Thanks for watching Kristi,
Drew
@@drewnewkirk I love making people cry...in a good way 🤣 I bet you make a damn good wedding officiant.
@@kristiharrison7128 ha! Depends on who you ask at the wedding. I’m definitely a non-traditional officiant and that can tweak some folks
the SP 4 description fits me so well. i want to be heard as much as the other two, but im so scared of burdening other people. i always hope that people will ask me questions to get me talking so i can feel like they care about what i have to say
That’s exactly it. Good reflection. Now asking for what you want directly will be the journey 😳
Drew
If you’re interested in being on my mailing list drop me your email on instagram @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR AT drew@drewnewkirk.com - hopefully I’ll continue to create some cool stuff to share
I am a 4 w 3 and I am learning about the subtype. I was in counseling for years and when I discerned the enneagram, so much of my HEART was healed that counseling couldn’t do 😂 Thank you for sharing these videos. You are HEALING so many people. Thank you!!!
Beautiful! A great message to get at the end of a week. Thanks for watching and to our continued health 🙌🏼
Drew
Thank you so much for doing this, you helped me so much. I realized a few days ago that I’m a SP 4 and I totally relate to being judgmental with other 4s. I have a friend that’s a SO4 and I used to think oh my god why is she so dramatic and annoying? Then I realized we were sooo similar but i keep inside me all those feelings instead let them out trying to not overwhelm people around but that’s sooo exhausting, I saw your other videos and I decided to let some little piece of the real me get out and I’m so glad I did it, I felt liberated. Don’t stop doing this please! You have a very beautiful vibe 🙏❤️
Thank you so much! It has been a tough journey for me to be displeasing to others but each day I lean in to that I become less displeasing. We need to just own it to work on it. Keep watching and I’ll keep trying to relate it
Drew
Great video. When I'm stressed or in a tough spot, I instantly want to retreat to a familiar place if not my room and work it out myself. There's been times where I was so stressed in a public place that I just abandoned my friends and/or family and left. Anyways, I want to say that I'm a 16 year old, and though I know it's a bad idea to start looking into the enneagram before you're an adult, I just can not let it go. I've discovered it some months ago and I really do enjoy learning about it, understanding myself and others better, and seeing how I can become better. I just have to take into account that because of puberty and the hormones and such that come with it, I won't be quite myself. But yeah, I just wanted to get that off my chest. And again, thanks for making great content.
Wow Benjamin, I do love this. You are not your average teen. Actually I don’t subscribe to the age limit on digging or typing. I have had quite a few teen clients, many now adults and through puberty who I used the enneagram. They were deeply in need of not being left in the dark. Especially 4’s. That kind of complex emotional stuff is basically structured early and when it can be used to help I use it. Especially for mature teens. You are clearly one. Please watch as much of my content on 4’s as you can. I wish I had this at 16, 26, or even 36. Use it towards greatness. Keep me updated on your journey please, it’ll do my heart good 😊
Drew
Thank you!
You stressed so much on the dark side of the sx 4, I definitely got it. Came just to say thank you.
I don't show wrath, I show frustration, but I surely know what you are talking about. Although, I remember being told that I have a "certain goodness" about myself. The expression stood with me for years for it doesn't show that much if you don't sit with me a little bit, i think because I'm kind of sunny - put on a happy face while dealing with deep emotion, like another youtuber said about us 4s. Anyhow, thanks pal (if I can call you so:) )!
Aloha to another Sx/Sp 4. I’m so excited to find your channel. 🎉
This makes me filled with a bit of joy! Almost as much as being in Hawaii would right now 😂 thanks for watching and I hope it helps you know yourself a bit more. We SX/SP’s gotta continue to save the world together 👊🏼
Hey! I’m a 4, too. If I wasn’t an elementary school teacher and musician, I’d be a counselor. I love connecting with people! Charlene Maeder
Just fix your friends as a side hobby 😉
So sorry for the delay. Glad this helped and thanks so much for watching and digging deep! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one.
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out
Drew
Four minutes in and you’ve spoken to my soul ✌️
I love that Mary! Thanks for watching. Hope the remaining minutes didn’t negate the first 4 😂
Thank you for these videos. So lovely to learn from you. Your energy is loving and warm.
That’s a beautiful affirmation right there. Thank you Stacey and I’m joyed you got something out of them. Keep an eye out for more!
Drew
Drew, thanks for this video. This addresses a question I've had about the relationship of the three subtypes within a person. I appreciate the closing together or flattening out idea of the subtypes. Great stuff!
Thanks Andrew. Yeah, understanding the subtype interplay is pretty crucial to getting a hold of how we regard our safety and security in our world. Glad you enjoyed it
Just FYI sometimes the sexual sub type is also referred to as the “one-to-one” (or one-to-one bonding) subtype
Yep. This was more an overview. I go a bit more in to detail on the SX subtypes video on here and in some of my other enneagram 4 videos. Thanks Megan,
Drew
Thank you, the way you broke this down was very helpful! I kept going back and forth between self pres and social as my primary, and the way you laid it out makes me feel pretty confident that I am self preservation first. Thank you!
I love to help Chelsi. Thanks for reaching out and letting me know it sharpened your understanding of yourself better. Hope you keep watching and digging in to some of the other 4 content I have
Drew
love the t shirt ,,, a favourite must be.. feels and fits just right I know the feeling
SP 4 here 🙋🏻♀️ After 34 trips around the sun, I’m starting to figure out something the other subtypes have known all along …drumroll please 🥁 …
Suffering in silence kind of sucks ass 😂
Bahaha 🤣 Preach! Finishing up an enneagram 4 overview (I haven’t done one 🤯) But, I come short of saying it sucks ass but in the ballpark
Thanks for the laugh… and the candor. [written while getting a tattoo in Milan, because, suffering]
@@drewnewkirk 😅😅😅 My artist says I’m the most stoic client he’s ever had - because suffering in silence 🤪 Hope you had a nice trip
Mario Sikora calls the instincts:
Self-preservation - preserving
Sexual - transmitting
Social - navigating
I like that! I try not to shift the language too much for simplicity sake with these videos but love when language is added to help us understand these subtypes more. Those words are right on thanks Stacey
Drew
!!!! Mind is blown. Now I understand why I feel like an 8 at times.
Crazy right? Changed my life when I found this out as well
Wow, so yes I am definitely a sexual type 4. I have always felt I search for that connection and I always feel like I get too intense for some people and I pull back. Also yes very self preserving. So I can kind of move back and forth from sexual to preserving. Social I feel I would like to work on. I happened upon you after a break up from a long distance relationship that I was very invested in and have felt shattered and almost out of control with my emotions on the inside trying to find how and what I can do to salvage it. So working on myself seems to be helping, glad for your insight.
Glad you found the work over here Lo. Sorry about the breakup but I hope it helps grow you in ways you never thought would come to you. Keep going down the rabbit hole and I’m sure more and more will be revealed
Thanks for watching and engaging the content
Drew
Here I am, a newly named 4 and the Smiths are my top 5 favorite bands of all time.
I believe I'm a 4w5. Also, I'm painting! What an hour it's been.
I love it! Go all in, I have enneagram 4 content for days 😂
I’ve never felt more seen 💀😂 the smiths are my favorite.. I constantly quote “oh mother I can feel the soil falling over my head”
@@haleyautumnbrown glad it helped. I appreciate you sharing Haley
Nothing like finding connection in music 🙌🏼
If interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks for again for reaching out
Drew
Genius work Drew !
Watching you makes me reconsider my subtype ( sx 4w5 ).
Let it be fluid my friend, it’ll land and be clear in time. But, mostly, have fun! Thanks for reaching out, it means a lot that you’re watching
Drew
@@drewnewkirk Your efforts and strong insights about types are what to be apprecaited ! And i think i am an usual kind of SX4 haha.
@@zakariaelidrissi3001 unusual you mean? Join the club friend 😂 Love doing these! More to come very soon
Like you I'm coming from many years of therapy. I'm 35 but since 2016 I've done intense rational emotive behavioral therapy, and now I'm studying different philosophies and modalities. I wasn't disturbed, but I felt stuck in a couple of ruts... And then today I came across this typing and so much just clicked. I'm hoping if I can continue to do the uncomfortable and hard work I can stop living in my head and be less overwhelmed by people and stop hiding because even my dog is tired of me being stuck in my own world and feeling misunderstood and happy in my own head and gloomy as shit to the rest of the world. My disturbance has pretty much always come from trying to avoid being seen as exactly what a 4 wing 5 is and it is what I ended up being. My tiniest subwing of all the types is the 3, and I've always DREAMED of being a 4 wing 3. So envious of them. Haha.
I'm gonna look into what you offer for therapy because I don't really need the therapy, more like guidance and things to work for and where my shortcomings might be and what strengths I might be overlooking and need to capitalize on. Regardless, looking into the 3 and the 5 is next on the list, and I feel excited learning this, not scared like I did when I first learnt about stoicism. 😁
Well, you seem very driven so your 3 wing, while tiny winged, may be growing. Or just more nerdy 5 investigating. Have you watched the 4 overview I just put out, that’ll take a few days… only 2hrs 40mins long 🤯
Holler at me if you want some guidance and we can discuss but in the meantime keep devouring
@@drewnewkirk awesome. A TH-cam video as long as a Christopher Nolan film. Specificity after my 4w5 heart. Haha. I'll message you when I can afford it, thanks for the info mate.
I've never felt more understood, I think I have the same stack too. My 20's have been difficult for a lot of the same reasons you alluded to.
Ugh. 20’s. Some of those years were brutal. But the 30’s were way better. Thanks for reaching out as it gives me some added fuel in me 40’s 😉
Drew
Omgggg I’m always finding that one person in the group that I click with, every single time!
Me too! Me too
Thank you for the video! I'm a self preservation 3 W 4 and for a couple of years mistyped myself as a 1. The more I learn about the 4, the more I'm learning about myself.
Keep the research going Sergio! I’m with you and exploring also. I hope it keeps you going the direction best for you
Drew
I learned a lot about myself watching this. I am definitely self-preserving.
That fills me with joy HP! Hope it unlocks some more boxes!
Drew
@@drewnewkirk oh it did. I just finished your 4W5 video which also helped so much and made my cringe at myself a little. I definitely hide and suffer. Gather information and protect myself. It’s frustrating.
@@HP-mk2lw that honesty is the gateway to freedom my friend. It hurts, but it does not harm! To more necessary suffering 🍻
I don’t get why they named the subtype “sexual”, because whenever anyone talks about it they say, “Yeah, it’s “sexual”, but it doesn’t mean “sexual””
…but whoever named the subtypes chose “sexual” for a reason. Words have definitions and connotations. If it didn’t have anything to do with sexuality then aren’t there better labels they could have chosen? I wasn’t surprised to find out my subtype is “sexual” because I have a high libido but, everyone seems to say.… “No, it does’t mean “sexual”.
I’m confused 😂 4w5 sexual, INFJ, HSP, Narc-Slayer. 😈
Hey Jerry,
I get it. Make up your own name for it as the SX4 in you is challenging the status quo and that’s ok as long as you don’t overdo it 😉 So, it doesn’t necessarily have to do with the act of sex but I wouldn’t rule out that SX types live in more thought about sex. Essentially the title refers to exalted, high intensity, all-in, immersive types of people and sex is a good parallel for that kind of energy. Think about the act of sex, it comes with all those things and more (intimacy, authenticity, revelation, etc.) when it’s actually healthy sex. So that word represents all those things not just putting it in and procreating. I don’t mind the description because when I put some thought in to it it fits, and a good conversation about why the name was chosen also helps develop dialogue. Additionally, these centers have been talked about through time and through psychological exploration as they are so incredibly important to our being, our everyday so it does for as far as top things we thing about everyday (sexual expression, survival and connection)
Anyway, just some thoughts,
Drew
I think intense maybe a better word to use than sexual
This was super insightful
Thanks for watching
Yes, I align with being a creative as well as a draw towards art and music. I did also feel connected to the Smiths. I would listen to them and then would abandon them cuz they were bringing me too down. I did feel they understood me or me them.
I understand that push and pull with the smiths. Nowadays I can finally listen to them almost in a Buddhist way as an appreciative observer 😂
Drew
Taking a little poll… As an Enneagram 4, What is your Moon sign in astrology?? Feel free to add your wing and subtype also! :) Thank you 🙏🏽
I had the Bona Drag album. Very interesting how you are sx/sp and I am so/sp yet we meet at the self-pres. I love your room decor. Even though I am sx blind, everything you say makes sense-I do search for the most interesting people in the room, and even though I am a social, I still will disappear into a corner with one individual b/c it is ‘safer’ than the group. This is why being social 1st surprised me-I think b/c the social envy was so painful for me. It was so obvious an instinct that I felt I could overlook it. And I too love psychology and therapy-love discussing feelings. My envy manifests like, ‘I could never be that or reach that or I am less than.’ I will say that I have noticed that sx 4s seem to have great eye contact where as I suck at that. As a social, I am very sensitive to perception. And yes, a legacy! I could not exist w/o that. I long to exist collectively.
Jessica I love the depth at which you process. Both vulnerable and honest. That bona drag album though! We 4’s are crazy
Wow I love your commentary. This is an amazing video. I'm a Sexual Seven therapist and I found the Enneagram 20 years ago myself. It has helped me, my husband and clients immensely. Can you possibly do other types, subtypes and winds of other types? Best of luck and THANK YOU!
Thank you so much. Welp, yes. I’ve filmed the 9’s and 8’s + subtypes (they be posted soon) and am filming the 1’s next week. Working on 5’s now. I think before summer if not even before spring I’ll have all the numbers done 🤞🏼
It would be awesome to get these types of responses from folks for different numbers 😂
This is inspiring. Thank you so much
Drew
@@drewnewkirk I have been certified from the Narrative Tradition Enneagram in 2003. If you need any feedback about 7s I'd be glad to share my journey and the amazing growth from knowing this. And yes, the subtype is the fire that burns the flame of the type!!
@@fredboykin7817 if there’s anything really nuanced you experience there send it over. I’m saving 3’s and 7’s till the end so I have a little time beforehand 🙏🏼
I'm happy to have found your channel. I just found out about subtypes, I am 4w3 sx and now I'm watching this video.. haha, and the word for finding something after a long time *AHA moment!* 😂🤗
Join the club. Come sit down. Just a bunch of 4w3SX types in here 😉
Thanks for watching and digging deep, it’s a fun ride
Drew
Omg the smiths albums were the soundtrack stuck in my 8th grade brain. Now I resonate with juice WRLD or any emotional sad music. All music is emotional for me. Music saved my life. I want to be a music therapist. 👩🏻🎤🎵
Speaking of music saving lives. Listen to this podcast
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rebel-souls-podcast/id1520407875
I mean, I’m the guest so…
I think the thing with The Smiths is that the music was typically quite upbeat while Morrisseys lyrics were depressing and humdrum. It's the contradictions which makes them cool
I’m a 4 sx/sp too! A 4w5 458
Thanks for watching and for being in my camp 😂
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Either way, I appreciate you
Drew
Thanks for explaining my best friend more clearly to me, got goosebumps 🥺❤️Great work‼️
Ps. Just curious: what’s your mbti type?🧐😁
Love to get messages like this 🙌🏼
Glad you won’t be killing your friend anytime soon with some new compassion for us 4’s 😉
As for my mbti, I really cant remember. I took the test in grad school many years ago but it just didn’t resonate then. When I found the enneagram it was so real and immediate for me. Not against Meyers Briggs at all just didn’t stick in my memory
That's me, hihi, thank you Drew❤💯✔
Drew is an INFP. Should check out Personalityhacker.
Your videos are great! Thank you!
It’s a joy to put them out for my fellow 4’s. Thanks for watching
Drew
Hmm... I think for me one on one is super important, but my life shows that I have joined so many communities and groups. I love to be a part of a gang. Can't figure which is the dominant one. I don't consider myself angry... but I do love to stand out. Probably social after all. :D I do like to suffer publicly :D and it sounds ridiculous when written on the screen.
I think you nailed it based on that explanation. Probably SX is your second in command.
Do you believe that your instincts can change stacking? Or
Do you believe that as you integrate you begins to use each instinct appropriately, ie: social in society, sexual in intimate relationships, etc?
I’ve found that I still tend a bit to the SX and repress the SOC but damnit if they aren’t super close these days and we’ll integrated. That’s the goal I think, to really integrate well. Can they change? Likely. But I’d imagine if they do the flip would likely be because they were close anyway and age can definitely swing you a bit
I like the idea that Howl is SX 4 and Sophie is SP 4.
I don’t know what this means but if you’re able to understand someone better because of this I dig it 😉
Drew
@@drewnewkirk Howl's Moving Castle is a Studio Ghibli movie.
Are any of you guys INFJ? I find many similarities in both and I tested as an INFJ .. just curious.
Also... I love how he wants to incorporate artists into his videos 🤣👌 an enneagram 4 would 😆❤️.
I'm also a 1.) Sexual 2.) Self -preserving with regressed social tendencies. I COMPLETELY related to how you needed your sensory sensitivities met . I have velvet sofas and chairs, certain scents, took me forever to find the right duvet. I think a lot of 4s are very hypersensitive to these sorts of things. Our home is our solace, our recharging station... So we need all the things that are comforting to us in that space.
It's amazing how much I can personally relate to this man.. 👌
I love this Casey. Yep, we are on the same wavelength with these beautiful needs and wants. Glad you came to these videos and hope you keep relating as you watch more, if you decide to. I still don’t know what my meyers Briggs is but I’ll soon find out. I’ve been a bit lazy in this respect
Drew
I’d be interested to know if you have studied how the instincts overlap with enneagram tritype. I think I am a self pres 4 but I am a 468 tritype which is the most intense enneagram tritype there is…..even more than an 8 with a 4 in the tritype. I bring that up because you said a sexual 4 is the most ruthless, but I would be interested to know if you have an 8 in your tritype and if that could account for the “ruthlessness”
you had me at Morrisey. LOL. ❤️
Goal accomplished 🙌🏼
Nice 👍 video. I have the same instinct stack 🙂
Thanks Andrea! We are the chosen few 😂
Now we just have to take over the world and let people know our intensity is beautifully complicated 🙌🏼
Just finished all the subtype videos. I am still not entirely sure if i'm a Sx/Sp or Sp/Sx. Do you have any additional tips to distinguish your true dominant instinct or is it possible for 2 instincts to kind of be in balance?
I personally have a tough time distinguishing myself as I think I’m pretty balanced here. SCX seems to win out but it’s a close race. It’d be great if you were balanced so you may consider yourself lucky. I look for balance myself so you may be healthier than you know 🙌🏼 Have you watched my “work” episodes? I think they could help narrow you down a bit more as well as I think how we work can also be guided by our dominant subtype. Thanks for watching
Drew
@@drewnewkirk hi Drew, thanks for reacting. I haven't watched those videos yet, but I definitly will! I like to think I'm quite healthy but I don't want to deceive myself haha
@@dianana7371 we are never as healthy as we think we are and never as unhealthy as we think we are 😂 But we are in this together 👊🏼
After a loooong time searching and not being able to decide between 8 & 4 I can say for certain after watching all your 8 content and this video that I'm a 4. Thank you 🥲
Amazing! That must be relieving and exciting? Did you watch the episode I did on 8&4’s together?
Dude I'm a INFJ SX4w5 and I could use some help in regards to being a SX4.
I'm an INFJ too. Just found out tonight that I am a 4.
So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one.
As for help being a 4. Definitely try to integrate it into your therapy or coaching if possible. This was my help unless you hire me 😂
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out
Drew
Do you think women are more inclined to the social aspect?
Tough question. I’d currently say, based on my history working with people and based on my experience here on TH-cam so far there seems to be an equal distribution of men/women in each subtype but I wouldn’t say without any hard data
I totally understand the question and see why that could be true. What’s your thoughts?
@@drewnewkirk I've noticed I tend to fluctuate between them all, and tend to lean on one depending on the current situation. I would say I've been self preserving for AWHILE, but more moving into the social lately (maybe Covid related)I love pairings and love what I love. I will scream it from the rooftops😁.. I didn't have any proof in relation to my question. Was just curious since you have the experience. I was only assuming since women typically like a group. And men, (in general) are known to be more independent. Loving your videos. I like when people throw out music and books I haven't heard or read.
@@allisona9490 I think you may be right but I think sometimes women, or men for that matter, in groups can still be SP’s and SX’s doing the group thing. Anyway, I love the wrestling you’re doing with the subtypes, it’s fun isn’t it. And profound!
@@allisona9490 also, I think Covid has definitely atrophied people’s Social subtype part. I know it has for me
@@drewnewkirk it is fascinating. I'm still toggling with being a worm and goddess after one of your latest videos. One definitely leads to the other and back again for me. I think I'm going to paint a worm that looks like a goddess😂😂😊
Are you an INFx or an ISFP?
Have no idea. Never was all that interested but one day will totally find out. Be patient with me 🤦♂️
Just to point out that mankind did not exist at the same time as T Rexs and dinosaurs...but i understand what you were getting at and back then there were real physical dangers which dont really exist nowadays
Was just trying to amp up the message of course. But, damn, would it be cool to have the friendly dinosaurs to drive to work back then
😳shook …
Rattling the cage my friend. Staying shook is a good place to be for growth 😉
Why are you guys so dramatic?
Thanks for this video.
Can’t help it I guess. Don’t get too close it’s contagious 😉