Your tardy friends suck. 7 Principles
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 พ.ค. 2024
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Be on time.
0:00 Intro
0:47 A lecture in lateness
2:49 Acceptable rate of tardiness
4:23 The principles of punctuality
4:47 Support for The Spirited Man
6:23 Estimated duration of travel
9:13 Kill time ONLY at your destination
9:47 Meet at a specific place
10:42 No communication during commute
12:53 Your excuses are your own
13:46 Be a cop
14:38 Allowances
16:58 Death by a thousand cuts
18:04 The book of etiquette
19:39 The Best Society
21:23 This week on the Patreon
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Lane splitting at 90 mph sounds like a good way to be absent
yeah for the record I rather my friends be on time but would prefer them being late over putting themselves or others in danger
sounds like something a late person would say
sounds like something a dangerously irresponsible lane splitter would say @@eyeofwy
It's crazy how there are no other options than this, right. I wish someone would invent simply leaving earlier!
@@SuperSuperDuperNicewell at least we all know where our principles lay. You're late and he lane splits oh no, chill
Just a disclaimer, this does not come up in OUR couples therapy. I am also very punctual. 😉
😂
Makes sense 😅
Lolllll
Comes up in mine.
I love the fact that you got ahead of the court of public opinion and set the record straight. Thanks for putting up with even needing to do that.
This is like Thoreau levels of neuroticism but applied to the opposite principals. He would probably cringe at the idea of fighting traffic like a warrior. Tongue in cheek, but chock full of the quiet desperation we all feel working, commuting. I am also compulsively punctual but over time it has made me realize I might be better off caring less about it.
The horrors of car dependency. I like to enjoy a nice bicycle ride, so much better than being stuck in traffic.
@@swecreationsThat isn’t going to work when you’re commuting 20 miles like a significant portion of Americans.
@@farmerboy916 Exactly, the only reason you're commuting 20 miles is because of how car-dependant the US is, no other country has it that bad.
@@swecreationsIt isn't really a car dependent issue. It's an issue of how many people get jobs in cities across the state. There's plenty of open jobs near people but people often want a higher paying one two cities away and complain that America is car dependent.
Or let's say there's town a and town b, person a and person b. Person a lives in city a, and vice versa. Person b takes the open job in town a, and now person a has no choice but to take the job in town b.
It isn't as simple as "America is car dependent". But people really don't like complexity, they just like a straightforward simple single thing to blame.
@@sirllamaiii9708lmao you don’t think that happens in Europe and other countries? America is car centric due to infrastructure, not “peoples choices” you simpleton
Punctuality is huge for me too. So much so that I told my father I had met the “girl of my dreams, but she was always late. I don’t think I can get over it”. He paused for a moment and then said “ son, if that is her only problem, marry her immediately!” Been together 30 years now. 25 years married. Two kids in college. Has she become more punctual? Hell no! She is still always late. I have learned to tolerate, but it still ticks me off!
😅😅
I have learned to give my wife a healthy buffer. She's absolutely adorable when she estimates prep and travel time.
Oh so you don't write her off when she passes the "late once a year" threshold this jabroni brags about?
Love this! For future reference: 7 Principles of Punctuality
1. Estimated Duration of Travel
2. Kill time ONLY at your destination, when parked.
3. Meet at a specific place.
4. No Communication During Commute
5. Your excuses are your own.
6. Be a cop.
7. Allowances
a. Dinner at someone's house
b. Parties (non-surprise)
c. Meeting A FAMILY at the mall
d. The playground
e. Qualifiers
f. On-the-clock employees/on-the-clock subordinates
This could make a hilariously passive-aggressive "thank you" card or zine.
What in the hell are you talking about? I’m allowed to be late if it’s to my job?
Mn
One thing I would like to add is that I don't think being late is always a signal of character. In my own experience, some of my most unconditionally caring and compassionate friends are late. I also have friends that are very judgemental and apathetic, who are routinely on time. I think some people see friendships as more transactional than others, while other people see friendships as unconditional. Sometimes my best friends are late, but we often enjoy each other's company more than some of my punctual friends. That said, I have certainly met unsavory people who clearly show that they don't care at all by being late and wasting my time, and that is unacceptable.
Exactly. In my eyes making such a big deal out of punctuality means you are taking life way too serious. You could just enjoy the time where you are waiting. Nothing to do. Talk to someone else while you are waiting or just enjoy the free time.
I think being such a dickhead about punctuality tells a lot about a person
@@jordy5625 Okay, one very important piece of information is missing for your comment to make sense: Are you the one who waits for other people more often than others wait for you, or is it the other way around? If the first is true, then kudos to you on the perspective. But if you are the "always tardy one," then this is just some exquisite bullshit, my friend.
Telling someone whose time you're constantly wasting to "just talk to someone else" or "enjoy the free time" while you are allowing yourself to be disrespectfully irresponsible? hahah, I mean, sorry, but that's just hilarious.
And this is coming from a "recovering, always-tardy addict." I was constantly late, and I, too, couldn't see the problem, as the few times I was the one waiting for someone else for a change, I had no problem finding something to do to kill time, and I knew I had no right to complain whatsoever, so it was even easier to tolerate.
But for some people, waiting and uncertainty are excruciatingly painful (you know the saying: watched pot never boils). I realized that when adults value their time, as they should, and they decide to spend a chuck of that valuable time on you, you making them waste that time in limbo waiting for you is almost always a signal you don't respect them and their time enough to make an effort to be there as agreed upon.
There are some rare exceptions, but it's almost always a question of maturity, accountability, and consideration for others.
@@anatomyotsetyour missing one part: does the late person feel really bad, and are they trying to do better, or do they act like its no big deal and reject any blame? In the second case, you are right, they are apathetic and dont value the time of others, in the first case, they just need to get their shit together. It doesn't entitle them to being late just because they apologized, but at least you know they are capable of doing better.
@@pareraphael6035 Yeah, I agree. that makes all the difference. The reply from jordy5625 gave me a vibe of the second person you are referring to, which is why I wrote the comment. But I might be wrong; maybe Jordy is the one who is always waiting for others and just doesn't mind. But on the offchance that he's the always tardy one, I just wanted to point out the selfishness and inconsiderateness of the perspective that I, myself, used to hold for a long time before becoming more conscientious.
@@anatomyotset then we agree 👍
I actually schedule every minute of my day four years in advance, including designated bathroom breaks. I have a ytterbium atomic clock implanted in my forearm so as to account for the theory of relativity. I disowned my best friend Jeremy, because his constant state of "depression" was his excuse for being 6 minutes late to our weekly squash match. You don't grieve the passing of your mother on MY SQUASH TIME Jeremy.
this is hilarious. you are a comedy writer for sure
Being punctual also allows for safer travel. No need for speeding or dangerous maneuvers that risk the lives of your fellow drivers. Driving is a communal activity that is sold to us as an individual one. Great video, thank you Van.
"Driving is a communal activity sold to us as an individual one" is one of the truest and depressing things I've read about car-centric culture in a while. Thank you.
This is really powerful.
‘Driving 90 splitting lanes on the freeway to get there on time’ 😂
So true, and it cuts way down on the stress/anxiety caused by traffic.
No it doesn't. Deaths on the road happen during rush hour, and are yet another symptom of poverty, like wanting a car to go to work.
I had a piano teacher in high school that hated when I was late. He used to say: “Once you come up with an excuse to be late I know you don’t want to be here” and that broke my heart because I loved piano lessons, so I learned to be punctual.
and she was terribly wrong as well. What a shame.
I wanna know if you told that teacher this story and how you became aware. Did you tell her ?
@@nedanother9382 he was not a nice guy, had some weird ways of teaching but hey at least I’m became a punctual person.
@@leomektoub2705 never was to close with him so no. But I give him praise whenever I can.
Lol, that’s the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard.
My saying is “it’s not an excuse, it’s an explanation of what happened”
There are some people I want to send this to, but I don't want to be petty 😆
Very valuable, thank you Van!
Same here. Damn. My time is valuable and I have a few people that are always late. I do my best to always be on time and that means early
Same same.
You shouldn’t feel bad about setting a boundary.
already sent this to at least 3 lay people.
do send it, that´s why people are late
As someone who has been perpetually late to things, seeing this was like receiving a stern, and very well deserved talking to from my dad. Thanks Van, appreciate your candor!
I second this.
What candor? He complained at his camera about how much more punctual he is than other people.
@@ChunkyJoTell me your a child without telling me your a child
The only one I have an issue with, is the not being on time for employees. I am punctual. Nobody wants to sit around waiting for the meeting to start and nobody wants to go a half an hour over meeting because we have other things to do. Short of the owner of the business, most bosses don’t actually pay the employee they’re just another employee and it’s highly disrespectful to make people wait for a meeting at the person who is late scheduled That’s a good way to get employees to just dread having any meetings it will also encourage them to be late because if the manager is frequently 10 minutes late, they’re going to start planning to only be there 10 minutes after the start of the meeting so that they can do other things and get other work done rather than wasting their time
So true!
Yes! You have to model the norms of your organization. If you want loyalty and not just clock punchers they have to respect you.
100%. Especially when the sin of tardiness is portrayed in all other examples as a horrific disrespect instead of just a misallocation of time. Easy for the boss to say…
@@PhantasmPhoton thats very hitler esque of you!
I have ADHD and unfortunately, that means I also have time-blindness which sucks ass! But if I feel like being late has serious consequences then I am 2 hours early. It's a tough life.
ignore this video. we love you anyway and screw all the hate speech directed at you. this is just the easiest way to hurt you
Adhd cannot be an excuse shut up and be on time (i have adhd and its not hard to be on time)
@@nathansuu that's very hitler-esque of you! do you think before you speak?
@@nathansuuAlmost as if adhd is a spectrum and not everyone's ADHD/rest of the psyche is the same.
@@nathansuu It's not an excuse. It's just the way it is. I fall halfway in between. If I put SIGNIFICANT effort in I can be punctual, but a lot of the time, I am late (even slightly) despite my best efforts. Things take me longer to do than most people it seems, and that makes estimation difficult. I know this because I've had many relationships where the same pattern occurs. I can't keep up, and it's not for lack of trying.
Well this is the video I didn’t know I needed to see. I feel terrible for making my partner late to most things. I never saw it as such a huge deal, but I realise now how disrespectful it is. I’ve used my laziness or ‘go with flow attitude’ as an excuse but it’s actually pretty gross. Thank you Van for making this video. I will work on being more punctual and consider all variables. 🙌🏾
I like your perspective
there's nothing at all disrespectful about it. you didn't evolve to 'use google' and navigate huge distances in an urban sprawl, and there is plenty of unknowns about the human brain that can add to the impossibility of what he's asking for.
this is hate speech, don't blame yourself for his stupid expectations.
@@willtheoct How often are you late Will?
@@willtheoct He is extreme, yes. But his example shows that it is not impossible. It's just a matter of priorities.
@@pascalkempa8005 just like it's not impossible for someone with a broken leg to walk, it's not impossible for a black person to be visible at night, it is not impossible to be persistently in sync with the sun rather than an arbitrary time system that coincides with it, just because some other human wants to degrade you if you don't think like them.
Being punctual is largely related to very strict boundaries. Some of the most selfless people I know are late all the time because they are constantly letting things creep into the vital time of preparation
Punctual people are pessimists, late people are optimists.
@@joshwells3247 perhaps an overgeneralization but I see your point and find it true in most of my personal experiences.
I care a lot and I often find myself crying because I feel so bad for being late - I have ADHD and it's like I just. CAN'T. seem to correctly estimate how long it will take me to do things. I think it will take ten minutes, it takes 30. I try to keep a list written down of how long certain tasks take me. But then I've forgotten my wallet, I've forgotten something important, I have to go back upstairs, I forgot I forgot I forgot. I understand that it's respectful to be punctual, and I really try my best. But I am still late sometimes. It's not that I don't care. If people are annoyed with me, imagine how I feel - living with myself all the time. If you're the type of person who can just do things according to a clock, who doesn't have to work for the ability to do simple things like cook a meal and clean up quickly, I envy you. Save some grace for people like me, for whom that is not simple at all. Sometimes we aren't trying to disrespect you, we're just having a hard time living the way you do, where things can be done on command. My body and mind do not always just go where I want them to.
@@nunyabusiness164 try to double your estimates. Maybe more. Even if it seems outrageous, the worst that happens is you're bored. Better than stressed and late.
@@itmeurdadI think doubling estimates is outrageous for a 2 hour trip. Being 2 hours early is often needing to pay for parking because your destination is not available.
I use Waze to predict traffic. You can put in what time you need to be somewhere and on what day, and it tells you when to leave. Leave a bit earlier than that. It's been pretty accurate for me.
I wouldn't always trust it on holidays and when events are going on.
You should definitely create a video addressing the importance of repaying debts to friends punctually and the significance of keeping one's word. Some individuals truly need such reminders.
I’m hate being late, most of the time I’m in the area 15 minutes early so I know I can be there right on time. I’m also one of the rare people with ADHD that is this way. But if you know someone with ADHD that is always late. Tell them why being on time is important to you and Ask them how you can help them be on time
You could suggest reminder texts. Research when they should leave and give them a proper buffer. They aren’t doing it on purpose. Their brain works differently.
Couldn’t agree more! Time blindness in ADHD is a real thing to be aware of. A lifetime to manage really. Van certainly offers some good rules of thumb to help!
I was looking for a comment on this and losing hope as I scrolled. Neurotypicals will never ever understand that us adhd folks can plan days ahead and we are stilllllllllll late. The guilt kills me and there is no way u can justify it it kills me every time. I don’t know how to fit into a world that expects me to fit into its neat little rule boxes. I am physically unable to and I guess we are banished as van said into the land of those who don’t deserve the time. And believe me I can guarantee I try harder than anyone else
exactly. it's not that I don't care. If I have an appointment, I am thinking about it all day from the moment I wake up - and somehow I am still late sometimes. Nobody is more frustrated with this than I am. It's not that I don't care, it's that I can't estimate how long it will take me to do everything I have to do to prepare, and even if I triple that time, often - I forgot something, and it comes up, and I have to handle it, and then I'm late. And I've missed the bus. And I'm even later. I do try, I promise I try.
The story goes like this: Marcel Duchamp told all his friends that if they wanted to talk with him on the phone they should call him at exactly 7pm. He took the bell out of the phone but would pick it up at 7pm every day to see if anyone was there to talk.
Love this ❤ Considering what the modern equivalent would be
Unknown to Marcel, no one wanted to talk to him over the phone, but he had unrealistic expectations. When no one called, he began finding victims to berate for not being punctual.
@@willtheoctlmaoo
As a punctual person, from the bottom of my heart: thank you
When I started driving, my Dad ingrained in me that if you are not there 15 minutes early, you're late. You never know what you are going to run into on the way to where you are going. Doing this takes the stress out of getting there and allows for unforeseen problems you might run into. I have lived by that philosophy for the past 30 years and I'm never late for anything (unless my wife is involved... grumble grumble).
actually, leaving early does other much more critical things. It prevents stressful rushing (high blood pressure), running red lights and potentially causing an accident.
Yes! I tell that very thing to my son.
To be punctual, you must be early. That's the most important takeaway. You should strive to be ten minutes early, and to ensure that you are early, you should plan to arrive 10 minutes prior to 10 minutes prior. My tolerance for tardy people very quickly wasted away when I was in the army. Nothing is more infuriating than having to arrive ten minutes earlier to formation every time someone is late to the point where I was having to arrive to 0630 pt formation at 0530 because 2 people could just never be on time.
hey guy, life tips:
1. ignore everything in this video
2. stop driving and be local. the planet depends on it
@@willtheoct
Hey guy . Life tip. You do your own thing and we do ours.
Normally I would consider myself a punctual person, but this video gave me food for thought and certainly room for improvement. Thank you, Van.
I was thinking, "this is ridiculous"
And then Van said, "This sounds ridiculous to you, doesn't it? THAT'S WHY YOU'RE ALWAYS LATE"
*That's when it clicked*
At an old job I showed up late in the first week of work and told my then boss "sorry there was more traffic than I expected". He retorted "well I guess you need to leave for work earlier every day then so that doesn't happen - to be really is to be on time and to be on time is to be late". Those words stuck with me, especially in a work situation when others are depending on you to get their day started, and friends & family are at least as important as coworkers.
Leave work earlier or leave your house earlier
@@Eric-zv9ut I meant leave for work earlier
I feel 110% the same way!! I want to show this video to everyone in my life that’s habitually late!! I once showed up to a job interview 15 minutes early and when the interviewer noted that I replied with “the first one on time, is the first one late!” He was quite impressed with that line. I got the job.
wow! almost as if some genocidal culture is eradicating anyone who isnt completely subservient to it
I rather have someone show up late and be safe than show up on time but risk their life trying to get there fast enough. It all boils down to the vibes. If your plans don't have a hard time to be somewhere like a movie then there is no point to be so stressed
I'm glad that works for you. It does not work for everyone. It IS disrespectful.
I agree. I would rather someone be safe than on time. But they absolutely can and should be both. It just takes effort.
If you plan properly you won’t be stressed.
i feel like taking others lateness personally is more self poison than anything else
Van disappearing from people's lives that he feels this way about is the greatest gift he could give them. There are some nuggets of wisdom in here but this is just self obsession and narcissism. You take yourself and your time way too seriously. And it's such an arbitrary standard. Look, be friends with whomever you want, but if you're BFF starts showing up late and you drop them? That makes you trash.
I'm on time, kids make it harder, but pretending like it's the same amount of work for everyone shows a lack of empathy and understanding of neurodivergent people or even harder, people with neurodivergent kids. It's surprising you could make this far in life and think you can make broad generalations about "late people" like this.
Again, as ontime person, this just could have been delivered in such a better way, the info is mostly great.
People will pull out neurodivergent as an excuse for anything
Preach, channels like this shouldn't be on TH-cam.
Or poor people that also want a social life
@@kkon5ti sorry im 30 minutes late to our scheduled event we planned for prior to this I'm poor.
@@cryonics4566 30 minutes is almost a reasonable window, but the sun is off by four hours. maybe just get help and mind your own business?
Personally I’d rather a person be safe and late than potentially dying splitting lanes at 90mph to be on time
Theres a saying cops use to speeders "Better to be a little late than Dead on time"
I think the idea is to plan ahead so you dont have to do a scrambling act i.e dont wake up 10 minutes before you have to leave thinking you can get ready and dressed, coffee in 10 mins (you cant)
That's not the point. If you have too much on your plate to arrive safely on time, then you need to reorganize your schedule. A little time management goes a long way.
Exactly what tardy people say
@@ymarascough1765no, the world doesnt revolve around you. Other factors outside your control exist
"A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to." - Gandalf, how does that quote make you feel?
gandalf is unemployed. he serves no one
@@willtheocthe serves the Valar, though I’m not sure how punctual he is with them
Being late for employees/subordinates will still be received as disrespectful depending on the context, I would say that you could consider that a situation where maybe it’s okay to be late once a month for each employee/subordinate rather than once a year, but if it becomes a habit they might look for another job where their time is valued
This has been my primary area of focus for the last few months, I’ve caused frustration in friends, family and relationship for many years. Last straw was missing an international flight and costing myself $1500. This came at a lovely time, one of my favorite artists roasting what I’ve often excused as the core of my being. God bless ya Van!
when people are late for my meetings, not only do I take it as an immediate 'FUCK YOU' I cut off all communications with that person. MY mother was 6 minutes late for the 2nd time that year back in 2012, I haven't spoken to her since. I'm simply too creative and important to deal with external bullshit like that. Another time a friend was 8 minutes late to lunch (it was his 3rd tardy mark of the year, I let the 2nd one slide because he was in a car crash and coma, I was in a good mood that day), I had went ahead and paid for my sparkling water ((no ice)) and was headed out the door. He was shocked to see I was jumping to such an irrational conclusion and went to hug me. I responded with Uncle Chael Sonnen levels of not letting him get to close to me. If you're willing to show up late, and state such an obvious FUCK YOU to my face, I can only assume you're going to get violent.
haha this is how it came across to me as well.
Not sure what you mean, these are just my principles @@Sour_Ink
Something tells me there’s two very divided camps on this one. Seems like the classic type A / type B personality
😂😂
You are neurotic
"if you're not 15 minutes early you're 15 minutes late" this is what we were taught in the military. It's taken a year of being a father to realise that sometimes being late is outside of my control, especially if kids are involved
Also the swimmers' code (speaking as parent of swimmers) - if it's training at 09:00 then you're in the pool swimming at 09:00, not walking through the door at 09:00
and grown ups are just big kids so let it go
Kids need to be punished and then they will learn there are consequences for their actions.
as a person with ADHD who is habitually late by your standards, I will continue to try to be better. But that's just it - TRY. I don't know what kind of unforgiving, unkind world you live in... it makes me sad to think about all the people who probably hate me because I can't live up to their standards. I try to follow all of your rules. I take the time I think I'll need and I don't double it, I triple it. It's still wrong sometimes. I forget things, I lose things. I lose important things. I mess up things that I care deeply about. I cry because I'm so sorry I'm like this. I apologize, I fail. I promise to try harder. I'm always trying, always failing. How hard do I need to try? Five minutes passes in a blink, I'm late. I think I have time - I never have time, except when I do, and it's forever. I am trying the very best that I can. I fail again. People like you assume I'm not trying. I try again. My whole life, try harder.
Before you judge me, please think... what would your life be like if you had to work up the motivation to drink water? To shower? What would it be like if you - despite your best efforts - lost a different important item 4 times a week. Or if you couldn't just do anything you wanted right when your brain told your body to do it. If you are a punctual person, and all that it takes for you is to care a little more and plan a little more, I envy you so deeply. I care, I plan, I fail. Again and again. I change my plans accordingly - still, somehow, I'm late. It's just not that simple for me. Please, please don't assume that everyone is like you - that all it takes is to care. It's not like that for all of us.
I will keep trying.
Thank you for reading.
you've put into words exactly what I was thinking. I think this video is massively reductive, there are so many good reasons why people are late -- especially if you've got kids, disabilities, or other responsibilities. We owe each other kindness, both in terms of trying to be on time but also in being understanding when others are not.
I feel similar alot of the time,
I think this video is aimed at a specific type of late person and it definitely doesn't cover every type of chronically late person. Some of the tips in this video are useful and might actually help, but I've found that Van Neistat has a very particular way of doing things and doesn't really give much space for alternative ways (and is sometimes an asshole about it). I don't think I would even want to be Van's friend with these requirements.
Most of this video seams to be about making plans with friends, so what I would recommend is find friends that understand how you do things and can help you make effective plans. If your friends can't understand that you being late doesn't mean you don't like them, maybe they aren't a great friend.
I think its pretty stupid to only allow yourself a small number of tardies no matter what the event, my friends don't care that I was late to an event last week. All that would do is make me feel bad and probably stress about it next time.
Agreed. When people are late for me i always reassure them not to worry as i assume they were doing they’re best. I’ve never seen punctuality as a measure of their decency or how much they care about me. They show that in different ways like always being there for me or being thoughtful. I know plenty of arseholes who are always on time. Punctuality has zero correlation with politeness to me. But it is definitely a huge thing for some people and we have to try and respect that even if seems crazy to us.
I do agree, but you’d be phased out from his life and maybe rightly so, it’s annoying waiting for people
'Phased out of life' doesn't make sense as people have evolved to be wired this way alongside more punctual types. Unfortunately there's probably been late people from the beginning of time and will be till the end of time. Their skill set likely to have been held in higher esteem before clocks we're invented 😄 @@ally6438
I’m a very punctual person and I could feel the years of frustration in Van’s voice due to tardy people
And you are probably only a fraction as frustrated as the person who is late themselves. I am usually not too late but that's because I drop what I'm doing even if it's important so I won't put out the other person but it throws my entire day off.
It's a very, very difficult habit to change. However, it's one of those relatively small things that probably compounds and makes every aspect of your life better.
Before I owned a car and took public transit in a large American city. I used to arrive an hour before anything in fear that I would ever be late. It gave me enough buffer in case I missed a transfer, a bus broke down, if a bus was full, etc. once I arrive at the location I would kill time (always bring a book, or in these days your phone) in a neutral location. Depending on the location/event I was going to I would go inside 15/10/0/-10 minutes from the schedule time following social norms. This was when I was in HS/college and didn’t own a car. It never felt like a waste of time because I had something to do. People always complain “I don’t have time to read”, this would be my time. One or more 30-40 minute chunks throughout my day.
Not all of us have such abundance of spare gaps in our day
I love the contrast between you and Casey because In the vlog he constantly seems late to flights and whatnot. Not due to disrespect but just how many things he was trying to shove into time blocks. While you allow more healthy work distribution to remain consistent and punctual. Thank you for sharing these keys. I love your stories and guidance to life. Is there any way you could share your ideals around rest and sleep I know that might be more personal but if you have a bed time routine for more restful sleep I think that could be interesting.
That's a great idea. Van has principals around repair and maintenance and caring for the body is part of that. He got serious about it after hearing Matt Walker speak.
The number of times I watched Casey FILMING HIS VLOG while KNOWING HE WAS LATE TO A FLIGHT HOLDING UP A PLANE FULL OF PEOPLE made me lose my damn mind. Absolutely unfathomable levels of inconsiderateness. Made me low-key hate the dude. Call out your brother, Van.
I’m guessing the “famous artist who lives in NYC” Van was referring to was Casey lol .
@@mikelanzafame3401 probably, but I think Casey has earned being called out by name. It was like a theme of his vlog "omg look I'm late"... then WHY are you filming???
My guess was Tom Sachs. Now I wonder.@@mikelanzafame3401
If it's something important, I'm on time. If not, I'm mostly late. It's hard to describe, but it has something to be in a rush and to squeeze in things last minute. I don't have to work much, and I think that makes a big difference. Time is not so precious to me. Got a lot of free time and I don't care if others are late too. I actually enjoy the waiting time aswell. Guess it's a matter of perspective.
In many countries I've visited and lived it totally normal to be late.
I agree with no communication during travel time. It drives me insane.
so we must be telepaths and know when someone else is leaving
I'm a habitually late person, so thank you for this video. I've found that when I'm going to something where timing is essential (a flight, for example) I am either late or extremely early. I have to overestimate every movement by a large amount of time, and if I don't, I am late. For example, the last time I missed a flight, I overestimated the time to get there, the time for security, the time to shower, but not the time time get dressed and find my keys. Traffic was the worst I'd ever seen it, security was the longest line at that airport I'd ever seen in the 20+ times being there, and I missed my flight. Every other time, I'm sitting in the terminal for at least 2 hours waiting to board.
The airport formula is this: Your goal should be to arrive at the airport 2 hours before your flight. This gives you plenty of time for checking bags, getting through security, using the bathroom, grabbing a drink or a snack, all without any rushing. You may have to sit around the terminal for an hour on a slow travel day, but that’s the cost of punctuality for flights.
Use Van’s instructions for getting your driving time. Rush hour Google estimate. Add 2 hours because you want to get there 2 hours early. Now subtract all this time from your flight time. This is the time you need to be physically walking out of your home to get into your ride.
Do the packing, showering, etc. waaaay before you need to leave. You can always chill around the house until it’s time to leave.
@@Thergood "Do the packing, showering, etc. waaaay before you need to leave."
This is the part that doesn't work in my brain. "Way before I need to leave" sometimes isn't viable because I have to wake up at 3 am or have to leave straight from work, but moreover, my brain doesn't get "way before", I have to tell it exactly what time I need to start or else it isn't going to happen on time.
I have a better formula for people like me with poor executive function: aim for sitting down at your gate an hour before your flight, then round up to a full hour (or add a minimum of 30+ minutes) for every task in between. I assume Security takes 1 hour, the 30 minute drive takes 1 hour, my 30 minute shower takes 1 hour, my final check of my stuff takes 1 hour, and by then, the process that takes 2 hours in reality I've now scheduled to take 4 hours. I always lose time somewhere in that process, whether it's something unexpected going wrong or if it's just the little 3 minute stuff in between I don't account for, but even if I lose time at every step, I will have my butt in the seat an hour before takeoff. That's how I stopped being late for flights, and though it makes me 2 hours early, it's the only thing that really works.
I've was diagnosed with ADHD last year at age 42 and this has been an struggle all my life and what you describe of been late or extremely early if one of the most common symptoms related with how we perceived time or really how we don't
While I agree with much of this in principle, I have so many neurodivergent friends who have serious issues with estimating or keeping track of time. That's not a flaw of character, and the issue with older books of etiquette is they rarely factor in that some people's brains function differently, and in ways that will make them late.
I am largely unpersuaded by the neurodivergent excuse for any adult with the cognitive capability to live on their own. While certain forms of neurodivergence make punctuality more challenging, there is no neurodivergent condition which makes punctuality unachievable. It just requires more effort/planning. Effort that can and should be undertaken. Effort that IS undertaken when it really matters. Neurodivergent conditions can make life tougher, no doubt. But it does not rob a person of agency or the will to work to improve.
Grace to/for everyone, but I agree w this nuanced take. You don’t want to risk disregarding the (extra) hard work that some neurodivergent folks put in to participate in society they way they would like. (I’d put Van in that category, from my armchair anyhow).
@@dcnole In principle I agree with your perspective, but it seems to me that you heavily underestimate how big a toll certain types or degrees of neurodivergence can take on a person. People have conditions which can be seriously debilitating in terms of life-management capacity, and while time-limits for respect are important, this video certainly does not help this issue by enabling more neuroticism and self-righteousness.
Google Maps has a feature where you can select arrival or departure time/date to see what average traffic is like in that window. P.S. The key to being on-time, is planning on being early. Starts at 10? Be there at 9:45.
what azimuth is 9:45 again? am I supposed to be checking my phone every 15 minutes to avoid being 1 minute late? are you delusional?
@@willtheoct did you actually read what I i wrote? I just said a key to being on time is planning to be early. It gives you a big window for delays.
@@timotheus2003 wow congrats for this one thing you can do correctly. How dare not every other person do the same exact thing
I am 15-30 minutes early everywhere I go. If I stumble upon a bookstore near my meeting point, flying trough the books on the shelves and buying one by it's cover is one of the pleasures late people will never be able to enjoy ...
my drama teacher always told me
"early is on time, on time is late, late in unemployed"
As a punctual person, I appreciate this and it also made me laugh.
I personally do make exceptions for people with chronic illnesses. It's hard for them to go out at all sometimes. I consider their difficult decision to attempt to meet up with me to be the polite part, which cancels out lateness due to chronic illness. That's just math.
Lots of people need to hear this. Great video about respecting your people.
Living in México, I might easily have fallen off this wagon. Although I don't have many appointment times, I see professionals [doctors, lawyers, immigration] don't respect clients' time. I have employees who need to take a whole day off work, to go and see a doctor, dentist, lawyer etc. They have made an appointment but 20-30 others have the same appointment and there is a queue from dawn. It makes me angry how people's time is disrespected like this.
I take people's emergencies [the 'your lack of planning is not my emergency' kind] with much salt. I run a small hotel, where check-in time is 3pm. Before an event, like a wedding, quinceañera etc, guests often demand to check in early, so as to get ready for the event. No one ever arrives before the stated check-in time.
The ones that burn me up are those who are always five minutes late, but also show up with drive-thru coffee or a gas station big gulp. I think I know where that five minutes went...
Those people send me into instant internal RAGE.
Possibly it's the same cup they've been hauling around ever since the first time they were late. Recommend doing a temperature check to confirm.
My dad transmitted me to always be on time. He said, especially for driving to a place, that you never know what can happen on the road. I have rarely been late in the last 20 years.
i don't think ive ever been late before but not because of rules.
i feel like applying rules to this makes me want to be late always.
being on time is a benefit from me to me, not others. you can only control what you can.
i don't hold it against other people that they dont live the way i do. its a lot of work. it seems nice not to.
i don't know why exactly, but applying a strict set of rules to this makes it less valuable.
This guy apologizing sincerely for being slightly late for an event 10 months ago, incidiously de-friending through "death by a thousand cuts" instead of just being up-front with his friends (who may be ghosted one day and never know what was pushing them apart), and worst of all him speeding and splitting lanes on a motorcycle to be on time. along with making an exception for bosses to their employees. Well bosses lead by example so for me that's just not okay and disrespectful. All those tell me everything I need to know. He has severe neuroses about this shit.
Yes i'll admit he has some good advice for being punctual (Personally I just set all appointments 20-25 mins early and treat it as so) but this guy has a neurotic obsession.
I do want to look into the book though!
Couldn’t agree more
Being more punctual and planning ahead to be that way HAS increased my productivity and respect levels. I think the once a month once a year thing is too extreme. I also think when it comes to kids, especially if you're on your own with them, there are some times when you plan for things taking way longer and they STILL will make you late because they're kids. They don't know any better most of the time and you can't just ditch them or push them out the door unprepared. I give lots of extra grace for friends/colleagues with young children.
I like to say, "When I am early, I'm on time, when I am on time, I'm late!"
I think this is the video 99.9% of us needed to hear. Thanks for tackling the tough subjects for us Van.
"Instinctive consideration for the feelings of others" is an important tenet of the Spirited Man, and punctuality is a beautiful way to live (especially if you've worked long and hard to become a punctual person). Thanks for pointing that out.
Why post such a positive comment? The whole video is some Hitler youth talking about how terrible the late are, yet you say punctuality is a beautiful feature! Right in the face of opposing evidence! Perhaps you feel guilty and want to play down his words, but that makes you a bystander to his crimes and hate speech.
@@willtheoct You sound like a late person
@@ryandury thank you for acknowledging it is a type of person being targeted
As a habitually late person, thank you for this. It doesn't help that my friends always give me leeway and say don't worry about being late. They are used to me being 15-30 mins late so they plan for it. I'm going to try to be better for my friends sake.
Some of the best advice I ever received was when I was starting my first full time career job. The guy I was working with said, "if you show up consistently and on time, you are already ahead of the game". Since then, I'm 10 minutes early to pretty much every thing. Allows for wiggle room like maybe traffic is worse than you thought or you can't find parking. Maybe it's quicker than you expected so now you're 20 minutes early so you can hang out and have a coffee or read or book or whatever.
Also, for anyone reading this who is perpetually late and doesn't see the big deal, it's a small gesture that shows you either do or don't respect the person/people you're meeting. Is the world going to end if you're 20 minutes late to a restaurant to meet you friends? No, not at all. But if it's a regular occurrence, it says that you don't really care that people are waiting on you and that you can't be relied on. If you waste my time enough, because I was on time at the restaurant and now have to wait 20 minutes, I'm going to be unavailable to you, like Van said.
"if the therapist doesn't take your side, fire them." 🤣
I started watching thinking I was the timely person, apparently I am the tardy one. Ouch. I live in Greece, here people are far worst than me, but I am learning here ! Thanks Van.
Being on time is also a cultural thing a thing should always be aware of many place have very different rules for that
Definitely a total normal thing in many countries and I think being late to unimportant things is no big deal.
In most western European countries people are way more chilled and layed back and I appreciate that far more than the orderly way of living. I'm from Germany and I hate this stick in the ass mentally
What a great video. As a tardy person for many years and now being in my mid-20's, I'm learning to appreciate being early for things. (It's) More effort but certainly less headache and stress which makes you appreciate it. But getting out of that bad habbit is definitely something you have to work on persistently otherwise it's easy to fall back to the old ways.
yet, he equates it to 'disrespect for the common man', despite you and the other clearly not being in each other's presence, nor did either of you evolve for 'google'.
in my late 20s, and this is just a hateful video for.... a certain kind of people
@@willtheoctbeing late is disrespectful.
Because being late, habitually as he defined, is a form of lying.
You agree to be at a place at a time, you are not there. You made a promise, and failed to keep it. Your word means nothing, you care not for whom or what you make promises of.
@@notyetdeleted6319 I don't have a choice but to agree to be there. I'm giving you my entire day but that's not good enough, you need minute by minute because you're crazy and no one is putting up with your other bullshit. So you look for the most subservient people who won't speak out against your attitude, easily identified by repeat punctuality, promote that trait as honorable. Erase the minority from existence, insult, fire, harass, be an intolerable prick but you'll never be half as pleasant and friendly as the tardy that you pick on, you'll just make your society sadder.
France was right
Every part of this seems like it was written by someone who has never struggled with punctuality. The idea that being chronically late is an issue of not understanding how important it is to be on time is just a fundamental misunderstanding of the issue. As a chronically late person, the idea that I could shower less than half an hour before I'm supposed to leave is unthinkable, and shows that the experience you all have of time is a different one than I have.
This resonates.
Have a friend/work employee who is ALWAYS late. I had to start picking him up because he was always late to work. I give him time updates constantly: “on my way”, “see you in 10” etc. But he’s never on time even to be picked up! And he sees it as a quirk. Which is so annoying.
Peace. ✌️
Hopefully hes not suffering from something hes afraid to talk about. Thanks for being a friend and covering for him thats a real bro move.
The way you lay out your videos and topics. The tone of your voice and quality of your content. The subject matter is presented in a great way. Both informative and interesting.
man I miss the precellphone times when everything was les planed out and more chilled out and adventurous out.
what a waste of time to watch...its only about an enraged guy wanting the world to be stressed out about time.
Meanwhile on Casey's channel..."Hey, sorry I'm late I was playing on my skateboard" Casey is always late
My teacher always said this about interviews but I believe heavily in it "If you're early, you're on time. If you're on time, you're late. And if you are late don't bother showing up"
i’ve been showing up late to work almost consistently once or twice a week for the past 2-3 months now and I needed to hear this. i didn’t want to do it but i felt like my work was gonna get done regardless. i’ll get back to showing up early/ on time to work starting this week.
As a recovering perpetually-late person, this is legitimately very helpful.
if you don't recover, don't worry about it. this is more hate speech than helpful
This was one of the most effective placements of an ad ive seen on youtube. I love this is about tardiness and with an ad, i feel like you still respected my time. Thanks dude!
The beautiful thing about those people is that even watching this whole video is not gonna change them
Good attitude 👍
YES! I feel your message in my core! I am 100% with you and love this lecture with all of my heart! 😍
Love this. I am not the most disciplined person by any means but for some reason I've always felt the need to be on time and drives me nuts when people are late.
you feel the need to be on time because its one of the people pleasing behaviours driven by your own anxiety. like the video's poster, you take it out on others, much like the kkk or the nazis would take it out on other groups of people.
I really admire the time and care you put into your videos. They help me frame my life in a meaningful way. Thank you for what you do.
Sometimes I need someone’s dad to yell at me about being late
So helpful and funny. 😂 Your language makes me smile almost all the way through. I do counsel couples to drive separatedly and this has helped late one to hurry up. Thanks Van. And oh, I love Henrie's.
I've done this driving separately thing a half dozen times in the last few months, but I still feel the frustration and resentment that she doesn't have respect for mine or other peoples time. And she flips it that it's "not something to get upset about". It's also awkward telling the guests, we had to drive separate because she was running late.
I'm sorry your desire to drive together on time doesn't happen.
Couples often have different tolerances for things and have to figure out how important they really are. Ask if she would give you the gift sometime of arriving on time together. That this would make you so happy! And when she can't, be playful about it. No more arguing. Sometimes, you may want to be with her more than be on time, and sometimes, you want more to be on time. If so, let her know you're fine going alone. Enjoy your car stereo. Stay light about it. She might miss you if you're not in resistance to her... :) Btw, friends don't care.
"Punctuality" is a virtue for an unenlightened man and a tyrannical boss. A virtue conjured after clocks were put into factories for the first time. Clocks degraded the use of time in life to be purely factored in minutes and seconds, something so inhuman and wholly mechanical. A shift from expectation around an hour of the day becoming a mere 59 second window in which to be "on time" and anything outside of this is early or late. This shift causes us to have unneeded stress and devalue our free time in favor of abiding by someone who wishes to dictate our free time. Just look how Van is so stressed and dictatorial about how things MUST be done, how matters of life CAN'T get in the way of being PUNCTUAL and if they do it is considered an excuse in a negative way.
Clocks will remain and many will continue to abide and dictate using it, but that doesn't mean we can't be reasonable with how we abide or dictate ourselves by it's tyranny. What that means is to not dictate what it means to be early to others, it means to dictate what it means to be "on time" when setting up times for others. Have it be minutes, not seconds. 8:00 to 8:15 instead of 8:00.00 to 8:00.59. It means giving yourself a chance during your free time without a strict routine by the minute. Strive to find a pacing and calm in your life that isn't dictated by the clock. Even venture to put an earbud in that plays a metronome that strikes every second for a day to fully appreciate the ridiculous nature it is to dictate so much of our lives around it.
I'm a person who doesn't really care about being on time and so are most of my friends but for some people I know being on time is important and for those people I will be on time.
In my friends group we often meet someplace and go from there together so its really important to specify if you mean ''we meet there at xx'' or ''we will start from there at xx'' so I just wanted to add tell people exactly what you mean and don't assume they will know it, most cases they don't.
This video is my world! My dads voice, from my birth, “The Only Way To Be On Time Is To Be Early” rings in my ears still at at age 55.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for saying all of the things I have wanted to say to so many people for so many years! As always, wonderful work 🙏. Thank you
If you've got disorders like OCD you might need add an even bigger buffer to travel time. It's hard to be punctual when you have a short window and check the sink, and the stove, and the door, and the car lights, 7 times. Also, the stress of being late, can sometimes add to the compulsion to check everything.
Same buffer probably applies to ADHD and others.
As someone who is habitually late…thank you for your patience.
Van, there’s a wonderful saying in the film industry,
“If you’re early you are on time; but if you are on time you’re late; and if you’re late you’re fired.”
Why do I feel like I’m being yelled at for something I didn’t even do?
One of my favorite videos ever. So good.
My wife is an habitually late person and a linear thinker, I am a strict punctualist and a visual thinker. The part about being the cop had me rolling…
Having a front row seat to what habitually late people do to make themselves late is INFURIATING. Sunday morning, I’m an Elder of our church and my NUMBER ONE JOB is to protect the pulpit from apostasy, and my wife will happily run late to fix her hair just so, pick just the right shoe to match her dress after an hour of staring at her phone. So here we are strolling in during the Pastor’s announcements, and everyone is staring at us. They don’t know that my wife valued her shoe choice over everyone else’s time, over the Pastor’s ability to convey announcements and over my responsibility to pray with the Pastor before he takes the pulpit. It’s not infuriating anymore, it’s disappointing and embarrassing.
To me, it would be exactly the equivalent of me ripping a fart in the middle of a gala when the M.C. takes the podium to thank everyone for their lovely contributions to the charitable cause. My wife would be MORTIFIED and I would NEVER do such a thing, and she cannot understand how these two embarrassments equate to one another.
This just clarifies my point I make to all my friends, that van is mentoring/parenting me through TH-cam. I think this will actually change my life. I come from a family of always late people (and do all these things in this video), and have been trying to become more punctual and fix this in me too. But this is the advice I needed. And my partner agrees. Thank you!
I like the video. I'm not mad when people are late.. I've got some friends who were never on time since i know them (20 years). But I don't care.. that's who they are. And that's why I always have my kindle with me. I don't want my people to be stressed and i have some time for myself.
I love my friends and happy to spend any amount of my time with them, if they are late, it's ok if I am late, it's ok. I would never tell such things as in this video to them and hope they wouldn't too. Heartbreaking. P. S. Actually quite punctual.
That is because you are not a buzy person. Which ia fine. However, when you are buzy it is important.
I dislike your perspective
I’m full blown ADHD where perpetually late is a trademark. I had no idea how others perceive my lateness. I LOVE your formula for getting there on time of allowing twice the travel time to be on time. I can honestly say being a child of an ADHD parent I Never had a plan or formula for punctuality. Thank you for laying that out for me.
This is so good and steps perfectly into my brain ... I often try to explain why being on time is important to me, but this does a far better job than I ever could ha. Those who get it, GET IT!! Those who do not, need to. It is not pettiness or being overly sensitive. Timeliness is respect 101.
Great video! The definition of punctuality is "the fact or quality of being ON TIME". Punctuality is certainly NOT being late, but it is certainly just as much about NOT being early. As someone that works by appointment, my biggest annoyance with clients over the years has been more with early people. Early people are NEVER expected. I can always do more work and be productive while I wait for a late person. An early person just throws things into chaos when they arrive before the agreed time. Meanwhile, most early people think that their early behavior is not only acceptable, but somehow noble. Remember that respecting other people's time goes BOTH ways. Don't be early. Don't be late. Just freaking be there at the agreed time (within the five-minute window at least)! To all of the people in the comments saying, "to be on time is to be late", you are the bane of my existence, and you are completely missing the point of punctuality and respect. Also, if anyone says something about "Lombardi time" here I might have an aneurysm. End of rant!
I understand punctuality being given a certain level of importance. Surely we should all aim to be punctual. I also understand that to that end someone might want to make certain rules around how they keep themselves punctual. I even understand how someone who makes such efforts would be frustrated by those who do not. However, I'm having some difficulty with the notion of someone not just expecting everyone they encounter to live up to their standards, but would also devise methods for tracking their short-comings and in turn inflicting punishments on them for not making the grade. It makes me wonder if they are all aware of such judgement? I mean I suppose if they watch these videos they are. I suppose maybe that was the point. This surely had the feeling of being a very personal message. I hope it was received well.
I have a friend who would offer to take me to gigs and events where I was presenting. For me, I like to arrive at such events 30+ minutes early (at minimum) to ensure set up, mental prep, etc. After a few times, being late to pick me up, I told them that being late was no longer an option.
At the next event, they called me 10 minutes prior to picking me up to say they didn't expect as much traffic as they were experiencing. We live i Los Angeles. Not expecting traffic is NOT an excuse. I called an Uber and left my house. When they arrived at my house, 30 minutes later, they called and asked, "Where are you?"
"Pulling up to the venue. Do not offer to drive unless you are able to pick me up 15 minutes earlier than the time I wish to be picked up."
Over the next two years they took me to a few events and they were never late picking me up.
I used to be chronically late. I would start getting ready to leave when I should actually be walking out the door. My focus was on my present moment, not the future moment. I’m not sure what caused me to see the light, but now that I SEE what this means, I have changed. Being chronically late is one of my biggest regrets.
My grandmother taught me that for school and work: on time means arriving 30 minutes early. For family and friends: on time is arriving 5 minutes early. As a child, she'd slap the s&*t out of me for being late for ANYTHING.
As a german, this rubs me right in all kinds of ways.
"I made an arrangement via mail, that I would meet a friend in Berlin on such and such date & time, two months go by, no communication... 5 MIN EARLY." 😂
Rather than the "be a cop" theory, I have "husband time" and "Wife time". If I know we need to set off by 1pm, I tell my wife, 12.30 or 12.45. that way, we can leave on time without all the added friction.
I'm a young man that is habitually late. It hasn't caused any real problems in my life yet, but this video was a real eye opener.
I vow to become a punctual person, this is now my highest priority.
Long time fan Van, thank you for the talkin' to
Hi, I'm Max and I'm habitually late. I want to change!
I feel so unbelievably validated. Had a friend who was beyond habitually tardy - used to cancel plans 15 mins before the agreed upon time, never showed up on time, always had excuses. It used to drain the energy out of me I used to prepare myself.
So I cut them off. I no longer give them my time and energy.
But please, do not lane split at 90 to be on time. That's foolish.
I've been married 33 years and this used to be a big issue, regarding my spouses continual tardiness. It was a source of unhappiness for me. I lead by example and was always punctual, year after year. I then made a new rule that my spouses tardiness was not a problem for me anymore and now I am happy (and continue to be on time). Voila!