I saw a train operator get visibly upset with me for standing too close and I shrugged it off. But after watching this, I will never do it again either.
I was on the J line one night and someone jumped on the track and the operator went bonkers because that’s the second person he hit and was back on the job for about 3 months after taking some time off for therapy, he was heartbroken and said that he can’t do that job anymore, I really felt for the guy.
The problem with this is that the different rolling stock for the NYC Subway have different door positions. So you can't have one standard platform screen door.
I was thinking heat sensors aiming at the train tracks that send a signal to the emergency stop before it reaches the station. With how much technology we have today it’s hard to think why this is still a problem.
On a second thought people can jump when the subway is passing and that’s unavoidable, screen doors would prevent that, but for that subway door distance must be standardized.
My dad walked in front of a train. I've thought about the operator since, wanted to reach out but don't want to cross a line. Now I have more certainty of the traumatic consequences, and am so sorry.
Years ago a saw a documentary on homeless people. They interviewed one man, and he was a motorman who hit somebody with the train. Apparently he couldn't cope. He ended up homeless. That was the first time I even thought about what the would be like, and how traumatizing it could be.
The camera person saying “if you want me to stop filming let me know” while she was crying made me cry, that’s real compassion for another person instead of just trying to get the story
@@DJObiSmalls I think the person who decided to make this piece wanted people to see the true effects of having PTSD. It is an ugly, painful thing to suffer with.
I have taken the subway since middle school to get to school and not once have I gave much thought about the kind of lives these operators live. My respect goes to these essential workers, and a big thank you for always getting me to where I need to be.
When I lived in NYC I always knew they had a tuff job I could see it on the look of their faces when the train came up everyday. I almost had the same driver going to school and back
Much respect to MTA workers. I tried to join your ranks years ago. The list expired before I was called. A good friend who' an employee told me it's not all its seems, so I knw it's tough. There seems to be a tight bond between workers, like most blue collar city jobs. I would have been proud to serve.
Logically there's no way, even if the operators put the breaks on, the momentum of the train would not stop in time. Those people are goners, it's very sad..... It is NOT the operator's fault at all not even a smidge.
Yeah these people killed themselves, the train operators are just the unfortunate ones in front-row seats. Must be horrible sitting there and knowing there's literally nothing you can do to prevent the death that is about to occur except to just watch it happen
A friend of mine trained to be a train driver here in the UK, he was told during training not to make eye contact with anyone who is about to jump as they very often are looking at the driver and often mouth the words “sorry” before jumping. This information still haunts me every time I think of it 💔
Yup there were a lot of people with no jobs, lost thier apartments, no money, COVID diagnoses, depression goes up and a long with mental illness that's a vicious cycle for a lot of suicides. Horrifying indeed.
Alot of people that get hit by trains are homeless people with addiction or mental issues. Covid doesn't affect their living status, thus the same number of deaths.
Ryan Lacy do you have statistics for that? I don’t believe it’s the homeless because of the years of experience I have riding the trains. I used to be a foot messenger and practically lived on the trains. Plus my (ex) graffiti interest had kept me in the train system more than usual.
It really is a fascinating topic. There is absolutely nothing the train operator could do to prevent the death. They didn't cause it, and they had no way to stop the train in time. Yet they bear the guilt for it, because they feel responsible for a human life. Even if it was a suicide, they feel like they should have done something, even though there was nothing they could have done. Whatever they are paid, it probably isn't enough for the mental anguish they must endure. You also have to wonder if this job will even exist in the future. After all, if self driving cars and trucks are in the works, can self driving trains be far behind?
This sucks these people living our worst nightmares, taking a life with no fault of your own yet you still live with that guilt. I hope that they all get better but I know that's a simple wish that we could all do and it would really go away.
@Dave David Don't want to rude - not sure to understand the gist of your post. Have you ever seen someone killed? Ever seen a dead body? I have lived overseas and in China I literally saw an old guy on a bike get creamed by a car. I also saw a suicide dead body floated up on the river in Taiwan. It is an unnerving experience. Truly scary is the people who it doesn't affect. I think cops that get used to the dead need to change jobs.
@@WisdomTooth1987 some ppl don't think like dat lol I used to be da same, now I just don't care unless ik da person who died or if da death really sad.
The other day I saw the aftermath of someone getting hit by a train. The part that has haunted me ever since wasn't even the gruesome scene, it was the operator's face as he stepped out of the train. The second he got on the platform, his legs gave out and the officers guiding him were the only things holding him up. I can't even imagine what that was like for him. Sometimes it is an accident, a fall, but sometimes it is more. If you're ever feeling so overwhelmed or depressed or anything that you view jumping in front of a train as a viable option, please get help. There's so much more waiting for you, and whatever you are feeling currently is only temporary, even if that is impossible to believe in the moment. There's only one way to find out for sure.
A year ago in NYC I was minding my business on the platform at Union Square. The train came into the station fast and a woman immediately screamed super loud and the train stopped soon after that 3/4 into the station. You can imagine the commotion and confusion. I rolled up my sleeves ready to help, I thought this was my calling, I thought I was strong. I went near the epicenter of the panic and this woman frantically screamed and pointed at the gap between the train and the platform. I ran and told the train operator to stop and that someone was down there and I will never forget his face, which showed that this for him was just another day of routine, he was tired and sighed in frustration as he put the brakes on his train. I looked for this “thing” under the train and thats when I saw a human unable to decipher whether a man or a woman, fighting for his life. Imagine a fish out of water. His/hers legs were gone after the knees downwards. No legs, I could see the insides, just like in the movies. I thought i could help and immediately went into my first panic attack. That day changed me forever. Everything was put into perspective. Never complain about another train delay. Never take your life for granted.
Oh my god..I am so sorry. I’m keeping you in my prayers. I can’t even imagine how traumatic that must’ve been. I am SO sorry you had to experience that.
I grew up in the Bronx and in the early 90’s there were a rash of people being pushed randomly in the tracks! This freaked me out! To this day I stand behind a poll and never get close to the platform edge until the train is at the stop! Basically just knowing this caused fear so I can only imagine what you are going through! I hope you have peace! God bless
Michelle Morera thank you I appreciate that. It took a lot of therapy and mind games to be okay with it. But always being careful no matter the situation.
Thank you for acknowledging both parties. As someone who has lived with Major Depressive Disorder since my teen years, I am 54yo now, thank you for seeing our pain. ♥️
@¿Eres Cristiano? Let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely.--Revelation 22:17. Exalt [the Lord]...He turns a wilderness into pools of water, and dry land into watersprings.--Psalms 107:32,35. GOD bless, in Jesus' Name, Amen.
In Israel the train literally goes through the road where everyone walks with no safety measures at all and people just have to move to the side when they hear the train.
@@stefanienava Suicide or not there are unfortunately really disgusting people that for pleasure or “support” of other people like them push the innocent to their death, no matter if they are men, women, children or elderly. In New York this is very common, as various gangs apply tasks to the “new to the group’s” as such so they get accepted to the gang.
I always stand close and the worst part is I use the London Underground and I can only imagine the drivers state of mind at the time the good part is that most underground stations have pits so people who Do there business….. Don’t die and just get stuck until BTP arrives
As a truck driver I've hit alot of animals over the years and in 2 million miles driving a semi I've seen alot of horrific accidents that I cant unsee and it really puts it into perspective how fragile we human beings truly are!
My dad is a truck driver and talks about having seen a lot of car accidents and one time, a kid getting hit by a car. Just now I realise how universal of a thing it is to see while on the job.
What a compassionate and intimate piece of film making. Beautifully edited. The operators we see are so generous and open in explaining their experience - it must have taken a long time to build that level of trust between them and the interviewer. I would love to know more about how the project came about and how long it took to make. Kudos to all, operators and documentarians both. An act of generosity in difficult times.
Idc what people say, living in New York & actually running the city has to be the hardest job ever. I always had respect for them especially seeing what they deal with on a daily bases it’s crazy! The city should pay for counseling for individuals who had to deal with the trauma of death while on the the job.
I think the MTA does pay for therapy- That's why operators are able to afford long leaves of absence. They have paid leave. MTA employees are unionized, so they get decent benefits. And they certainly earn and deserve them!
Woukd not bother me at all because it would not be my fault. A few years ago, I was driving on an Interstate when someone was trying run across 6 lanes of 70mph traffic. When I saw him approaching my lane, I made no effort to avoid hitting him if he remained in my path. My life was more important than that of someone whose suicidal ideations put me in danger. P.S. The moron made it across the interstate.
@@sevinmelton780 each person is different and mental recovery can be as short or as long as possible. What matters is providing them with mental support to cope with the memory.
@@Nswix you should put up the money since you are so eager for it. Also, look into the system's history and how it's really 3 systems in one so there is no one size fits all method that won't be super expensive.
LITERALLY EVERYTIME A FAMILY MEMBER OF MINES LEAVES THE APARTMENT (WE LIVE IN THE HEART OF NYC) I TELL THEM, LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE CROSSING THE STREET AND *DON'T STAND TOO CLOSE TO THE PLATFORM* !!!!!! FRIENDLY REMINDER EVERYONE! Personally, In the height of my addiction I tried to partake in a 12-9 and someone got me out. I can't imagine the pain I would have caused if it happened. I'm better now, I want everyone to be okay too. Stay safe out here.
My grandpa operated freight trains for his whole life and once didnt have time to stop when there was a car on the tracks with the people still in it, and that was 15 years ago and it still bothers him to this day.. But in this case, if your gonna kill yourself dont do it like this... then your taking your own life but also scaring the operators life and making them live with the guilt forever even though there wasn't nothing they could do.
You're right. I have thought about it everyday in my commute. The only thing that stopped me is the mess I'm going to leave behind and the trauma for the poor operator.
I briefly worked in an MTA medical office. I remember at the time being astonished by the sheer volume of MTA workers who needed help after witnessing suicides or being attacked by irate passengers. Whenever you see or interact with MTA workers, please please please be kind because you never know what they've been through on the job. They deserve a massive amount of respect and are truly the backbone of NYC.
Thank you for opening up about the mental aspect of a 12-9. I retired after 30 yrs of service as a bus operator for NYC Transit. Unless someone has walked in your shoes they will never understand what we go through, mentally, to do our jobs. I have a great deal of pride in knowing I did my best for 30 years, but things happen that you may relive every day, even after you’ve left the job the job may not leave you.
Wow I’m so sorry for you and for anyone who works these jobs...you just don’t think about it we just think of you guys as the driver .. I remember my friend dad was a train operator and telling me about people jumping in front of the train ..it happened to him a few times ... also the stories about bus drivers there was one I can Never forget a few years ago a city bus hit a little girl in front of her parents idk what she was doing but she ran across the street I guess but it was too late...it was such a horrible story ....I can’t even imagine the driver ...people don’t think about it ...sounds like a simple job but it’s def not ...this job has ruined some people’s lives and well being ...and I bet dealing with the public never is easy ... sometimes a job isn’t even worth it but these jobs are actually dream careers for some ...I hope you’re doing well now
My dad also retired as a bus operator about 2 years ago. The stories he told me over his career have always stuck with me. I hope you are enjoying your retirement!
@@xwowzerzx2377 Yes the conductor did “hit” the person, but using this term implies there was some sort of intent. I assume thats the point which the comment above is trying to bring up
Absolutely. Vehicles on rails can't swerve "out of the person's or car's way". Railed vehicles have the absolute right-of-way ALWAYS and their path should be a no stopping / trespassing zone for cross traffic or pedestrians.
I am a MTA train operator on the A line and it is very scary to see how close people are to the tracks. One simple mistake can turn into a tragedy. I almost encountered one but i'm glad I didn't
@@nkmcfrln how could someone do that to thier family? Especially if they have kids? (Unless they are bad people) but seeing as how a ripple effect was mentioned it was not a good move on the person's end
I had 5 suicides with my train as a Motorman in 12 years. Been to over 4 dozen as a Supervisor in 25 years. i am retired and now i am numb to death. I feel nothing now.
*hugs to my co workers * A lot of people don't give this any thought, they're just concerned about getting where they need to go. The public doesn't think about us
I don’t understand why the city doesn’t install transparent walls with automatic doors that only open when the train comes. Would that be so impossible?
They only just started cleaning the trains at night because of covid . Hiking transit prices every other year due to an aging system and they some how never have money . I’m pretty sure installing automatic doors at each and every station in the system is not on their to do list
Money is the main factor. Plus many lines run various lengths of equipment. Some trains on lettered lines consist of 75 foot cars, some 60 foot cars. So lining up correctly is gonna be an issue. But money and major station renovations (gutting the station may be required) is a major factor
andre hill no actually it’s been considered it’s just the need to the budget to do it and they have a lot more dire issues to address before they concern themselves with that and don’t forget about the pandemic hitting the pocket of MTA which would make that even less likely to occur.
They should have put up barriers to prevent suicides decades ago. The fact that the difference between life and death on a platform is a step is ridiculous.
They should have retractable barriers to prevent accidents, but at the end of the day if someone wants to kill themselves there's very little that can be done to physically stop them.
The London Underground is very much the same, they have started putting barriers up, especially on the Jubilee line but on the whole, it is very much the same.
Probably just homeless people who want people attention so they can ask for money. That's why I bet the people you saw were probably being ignored by everyone else. If you really wanted to jump you probably wouldn't want anyone to stop you and would just do it.
omg, same. even here in LA i have seen young kids, man, women trying to act tough in front of their friends, snap chatting, literally doing that thing where they keep on jumping and swirling (idk what it's called) in front of a running train. it's crazy. and every time that makes me angry because you joke for one day, two days, three days but time is not always going to be right for your situation. one of these days it just might actually hit you and you might end up loosing your precious life.
I once witnessed someone pacing back & forth on a subway platform muttering to themselves, & I got the feeling that this wasn't going to end well. When they sat down w/their legs hanging over the platform, I knew then what they were planning to do...but thank God there was a supervisor that happened to be monitoring the cameras - she shut off the power to the tracks, & came down to the platform w/emergency personnel. She was able to get the person to go to the ambulance, & I hope that person was able to get the counseling & care that they needed. There was a tragedy avoided that day. I hope these operators never have to go through another 12-9 again.
I'm a subway driver in The Netherlands, and drive the trains with much passion. But a situation like this is always stuck in my head. It's sad. you want to feel ready for it to happen, but you can't be ready. Never. When I enter a busy station, I'll just drive really slow. So slow that I can stop at any moment. That helps
ive been suicidal since i was a child. theres a trolley station by my house and many times ive thought about stepping on the tracks when a trolley comes. this made me realize just how much my death can effect people even if i didnt know them. thank you so much for this, i know it mustve been hard
I was sitting in a first car once, when this guy at the end of the platform jumped onto the track. He was killed. The evil part was that he tried to take a woman with him (a stranger standing near him on the platform). People should stand with their backs to the wall.
Another human being is brought into a suicide regardless. Be it the family members, or whoever finds the body, or the police/ambulance/fire on the scene, the drs in the operating room trying to save you, or the clean up crew...
@@chingalachuga6737But out of these listed, I think only the family could be able to feel the guilt of not doing something or doing it wrong. There is no dead man on the rails when the train is coming.
You know that's all well and good to say, and I wholeheartedly agree with you. But I've been in disgustingly dark suicidal mindsets before, and I don't think someone who's suicidal is going to really worry too much about what happens to other people after they're gone. Which really is a shame because all they're doing is passing on their pain to even more people.
well thing about it, depending on how an accident happens, it could be quick and clean, and so the operator only knows what happened after the fact. Or you get the worst case where the train operator/engineer sees what they run over.
I remember that. He was killed and somehow shielded her. It was reported that he had mental issues and it was an unfortunate situation. There were civilians who stepped in and helped get her up off the tracks. They will definitely need to give her adequate care to ensure she’s coping with things growing up.
3 days ago I witnessed someone climb down onto the tracks on the london underground. He was calm, he just stood there looking at us. 2 seconds later the train hit him. I will never forget his face or the noise it made when the train hit him. I will never stand on the underground platform ever again.
I am an MTA (CTA) worker I clean stations. IT'S A REALLY SERIOUS thing TO SEE A 12-9, it's sad scary experience I witnessed it one time, Queens Plaza Station , I turned around heard the Screech of the wheels of the train then all the screens of all the passengers waiting on the station. three cars were in the station after the emergency brakes were applied I will never forget it. as I write this it gives me the chills remembering it ..
I heard a train operator once say that everyone who works this job will hit a person at least once in their career.. and they can’t do anything about it.
According to another video I saw, the first thing Union Pacific tells their drivers in training is that "On average, each one of you will kill five people doing this job, and there is nothing you can do about it."
nope.. and mgmt will rake you over the coals trying to find a way to place any possible blame on you. especially superintendents, theyre utter scumbags.
Its so strange NYC don't have that anti-suicide doors,here in São Paulo city the Metropolitan Transport Secretary start to instail that doors first on Metro Line 4 (the first of all continent without a conductor,that operate remotal on Viaquatro HQ in Pinheiros district) and increse year after year for all Metro lines and stations,after the metro,the São Paulo Metropolitan trains service (CPTM) receive the doors on a no longer future
@@r32btrainproductions88 But they would save lives and they wouldn't need to spend more money on dealing with the legal aftermath and sending employees to therapy.
I remember in high school a Chinese girl was very distraught and she went up the elevated level of the Astoria Train at Queensboro Plaza. She went to the rear of the platform where the train would be coming in really fast. Soon as the train entered the station she jumped right in front of the speeding train. I was sick for a month. The train motorman had to be given a sedative and was taken to hospital in a very hysterical state. When people jump in front of a train they destroy the lives of the train crew and sometimes they destroy the lives of the EMERGENCY RESPONDERS who have to remove the dead body parts. Now you have idiots who are pushing people on to the train tracks. I'm so glad that I left New York City over twenty years ago.
It’s not the trains motorman’s fault. She made the decision to jump in front of the train. And he had no control over it. I hope he finds the peace and strength to move forward everyday.
Don't try to be condescending about New York City with that last sentence. The world is like that in every part. Good and bad, that's just the nature of human beings.
bohemoth1 you demonize new york and people with mental health issues i understand it’s traumatic for everyone but try to think “what terrible things must this girl see every day to make us see this terrible thing today?”
Can’t believe my friend, Pablo went through this. Literally one of the friendliest people on this very Earth. I give it to all who deal with this. Also thankful he’s doing well these days.
Its not their fault, they shouldn't feel bad, even though its understandable why they would. This is a good example of how commiting suicide can effect others badly, whether they know you or not, even though when you're so depressed you are suicidal, you can't usually see that.
I had 5 12-9s as a Motorman in 12 years. I was a Train Service Supervisor for 25 years and I responded to 37 Suicides. I once went to 3 on Thanksgiving day 1998. After time passes, I feel numb. I feel nothing. I just wanted to get Service restored for our customers, that's all my intentions were. I am glad i am retired, but I would still have had my entire career spent in New York City Transit Authority.
This is tragic, and it takes a lot of bravery for these operators to talk about their emotional scars. A couple years, while I didn't see firsthand but was facing the other direction, someone jumped in front of the E train at Jamaica station. I distinctly remember seeing 2 things that will stick for a while, 1) the blood stains on the front of the first car, and 2) a man on the platform who witnessed the collision and was immediately distraught and buried his head in his hands.
i've always wondered how the operators feel. it's like people forget that there's somebody operating the trains and that they saw that person jump/on the tracks and tried their best to stop it before it hit them. that has to be incredibly traumatizing. thank you for this documentary
Warning ⚠️ s#%cide This brings a painful memory. I almost jumped in front of a train last year. I was hanging out with my cousins in NY getting ready to go to an exhibition about the kpop group BTS. I was at that point in a deep and scary part of depression. I just remembered just feeling so utterly numb that whole day. I wanted to be happy to hangout with the two people I love the most but my suicidal thoughts and emotions were off the charts. I remember just us waiting and waiting. I would stare at the tracks, my mind went foggy. I heard the train coming and my blood started flowing up my arms and legs as if they were ready to just leap. The train was already 60 feet away and my body was ready to just leap. It wasn’t until my cousin voice broke my state with her voice on how excited she was for us to be so close to seeing that exhibition together. Just that word _together_ broke me free. I don’t know why or how to explain it but it felt like I was actually wanted, just by that word. Its so hard just to explain fully that horrifying experience in words really. Overall, im glad i didn’t do it, now after watching this, i cannot believe how selfish I was thinking of about to jump. To those struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide, please get help. I know its hard. I have recently came out to my mother about these emotions this halloween. I thought she would brush it under the rug and that mindset has been haunting and holding me back for years but she did not. She understood my pain. There will be someone out there tha is ready to hold you and hear you. It is our part to take that step and together, you and that person(s) will figure it out. I believe in you. You are not alone :)
Thank you for sharing your story I know we don’t know each other but I live in NYC if u need to rant and I’m happy that your are making changes and positive coping with the pain!i know it hasn’t been easy.but You are strong take good care of yourself and don’t be afraid to speak up.
Why NYC should invest funding into installing automatic doors at at least some stations, instead of building shiny new ones. It could help eliminate track fires caused by trash and not traumatize poor train operators. Also maybe DeBlasio could make it a habit to not get into beef with transit professionals who've made a career of improving subway systems. \o/
It would be amazing to have doors like that and not worry about being the next person to get shoved onto the tracks but deblasio would rather spend 8 billion to deconstruct Rikers Island.
My cousin ended this way. Very soon after I found out my thoughts went to the train driver and my heart broke even more. So sad, we gotta keep pushing mental health to the fore and continue to find ways to help/deal with it.
This is why in japan and other Asian countries they installed barriers that open when train stops and opens its doors. It's sad that the workers have to deal with this fear ontop of the stress of their job
We have that in Europe too depending on the city and lines. For exemple on France, Lille and Toulouse are very safe, but Lyon and Marseille are not equipped. After the 80's, it became obvious we need barriers.
Only some stations have those barriers and it’s not even consistent to an entire line. Suicide by train is a big problem in Tokyo. Every day you will see lines discontinued due to some “human injury” or “human accident.” I’m always nervous taking trains there.
I feel like ALL subway stations need to install those, yes it will cost money, and many subway systems are hundreds of years old, but just think about how much anxiety and stress will be lifted for the operators
My 7 year old and I witnessed a jumper, who was killed. It took a long time to be ok with getting on again and we have so much sympathy for the driver as we could see he hit right in front of them. I don't know that we will ever truly get over it. My sympathies to the brave drivers.
Mathis Martel I’d make them for free, people’s lives matter more then money. But I understand that it costs money because they have to pay for materials and stuff.
I think that as well, I mean those gate do cost money, it’s more important for the safety of the people, but also helps to prevent less garbages on the rail road track.
This was one of the major problematic situation in Seoul. Now we have a screen protector everywhere in order to prevent people to jump. Will help NYC too.
I feel for them! Individuals pls seat down on the bench, stand by the stairs. I am always looking around if I can't position myself where I can be pushed #stayalert
Once I was in the metro (Montreal) and it stopped brutally. The driver kept silent. My first thought was a power cut. Then the driver said " il... Il a sauté" ( he... He jumped). That was so shocking he couldn't say anything else. But if I couldn't have any idea who jumped, I knew it was a man and it was already too much.
@@AEMoreira81 not quick enough moving at line speed. Still takes a few hundred feet to stop, especially when you have multiple cars behind it pushing forward with momentum.
We’re so preoccupied getting a spot in the car that we crowd too close to the platform and forget about the very real hazard of falling. Having to wait for the next train will always be preferable to losing your life, horrific injuries, and traumatizing the train operators (and bystanders) for life. I feel so bad for these train drivers and the guilt they feel. It’s not their fault at all but that level of trauma and ptsd... man.
They should do a documentary on the FDNY who has to come in after a 12-9 happens. Im pretty sure they have a whole training center dedicated to this. Those guys really see some crazy stuff
I was watching this thinking that I want that job just so that I could have a 12-9 happen to me. I feel like that is probably the wrong emotion, but hey, the psychologist said there was no wrong emotion!
When I was living in New York, it always stressed me out to see people standing right at the edge of the platform, sticking their heads really far in to check if the train is coming. It's completely unnecessary. I've even seen someone SIT at the edge of the platform with their legs hanging over the train tracks. Just why??
You ought to see some railfan videos of passeger trains in India. Four-track electrified railroads with trains travelling easily twice the speed of NYC subways, and people at stations casually walk across and along the tracks like they were country roads. Even when trains are approaching.
These seem very preventable with automatic door guards. There are 472 stations and the city can’t afford to install them? I hope this issue is discussed more in NYC.
I'm certain you've been told time and again that it wasn't your fault, and that is true. But that is a tremendous emotional/psychological burden for anyone to bear. I don't know if you believe in God, but give it to Him and do not carry that yourself. And there are people out there who sympathize with you. Blessings!
I remember quite vividly, the number of horrific suicides i witnessed during my 50 years as a New Yorker. Shotgun blasts to the head, headers off tall buildings, and yes, several subway suicides. One of these took place under the # 6 line by Castle Hill Ave. The guy driving in front if me had slammed on his breaks when bodily fluids started to drip on his hood. We all immediately knew what this meant. Thank God these workers have an excellent union for support.
It's so sad how this is affecting them so much and it truly wasn't their fault. I understand their pain. I would probably react the same way if I hit someone.
The reason I haven't considered being a train operator. I don't know if I could handle something like this. God bless all my union brothers n sisters all over💜
I worked on the railways in England and it really does depend on the person. Some accept straight away that they have done all they could and for whatever reason that person decided to end their life. Some sadly never go back to driving and it changes them. Each fatality is truly a unique experience and there is no "one size fits all" way to deal with them.
Yeah, I just want to console her. Give her a kiss on the cheek and tell her " I love you, it's not your fault. I won't leave your side. You're never alone."
i witnessed a suicide, in a different way than them. but i deal with terrible PTSD and i carry so much guilt. like i could have done something to stop it. i was crying watching this because i relate so much. the night terrors, not wanting to leave your house, flashbacks all of it. it’s terrible. i pray for all of these people. it’s a terrible weight to carry. ❤️
I never even thought about something like this. Profound, yet an everyday job, moving thousands and thousands of citizens around the city. One operator at a time. Wow.
After you process the actual accident, the worst part long term physically is going through the area the accident happened. I hit a car in Michigan with 3 people in it at 77 MPH. Now there are crosses and flowers always at that crossing. It’s not anxiety inducing for me, but it’s just not pleasant and my mind will forever have that imagine of the car seared into my mind, especially while going through that specific crossing. Also, seeing the locomotive I was in is strange. Number 27 will always give me PTSD vibes.
Knowing now that standing near the ledge gives the conductors anxiety, I will never wait near the ledge again
90% of people that fall on the tracks is because they stood too close to the ledge.
I had stopped doing that after much contemplation, it wasn’t worth risking an avoidable mistake.
It’s just not smart. Same anxiety you get when a child is playing too close to the street and their parent isn’t watching them well enough.
I know and likewise I will now be more mindful. I now have MAD respect for you train operators!!!
I saw a train operator get visibly upset with me for standing too close and I shrugged it off. But after watching this, I will never do it again either.
I was on the J line one night and someone jumped on the track and the operator went bonkers because that’s the second person he hit and was back on the job for about 3 months after taking some time off for therapy, he was heartbroken and said that he can’t do that job anymore, I really felt for the guy.
Saintz McDouble :(
Aw :(
I hear that. Bless that poor driver. I hope they can find healing
That was my line. I love that line. Bless him.
That was my line for 13 years. I miss it dearly
PLATFORM. SCREEN. DOORS. Save the lives of riders and our subway operators' wellbeing.
The problem with this is that the different rolling stock for the NYC Subway have different door positions. So you can't have one standard platform screen door.
I was thinking heat sensors aiming at the train tracks that send a signal to the emergency stop before it reaches the station. With how much technology we have today it’s hard to think why this is still a problem.
On a second thought people can jump when the subway is passing and that’s unavoidable, screen doors would prevent that, but for that subway door distance must be standardized.
people's lives are worth the cost of standardising the door distance in my opinion, it's not really debatable.
Good investment when you realize these drivers are getting for a year-off to deal with PTSD
My dad walked in front of a train. I've thought about the operator since, wanted to reach out but don't want to cross a line. Now I have more certainty of the traumatic consequences, and am so sorry.
Kate My condolences to you... Sending prayers for you, your family and the operator as well.
@Jamie M GTFO with that insensitivity
God bless you Kate. Im praying for you.
Jamie M it’s just not funny bruh
@Jamie M that's the best you got, nimrod?
Do better, next time lil tink tink.
Years ago a saw a documentary on homeless people. They interviewed one man, and he was a motorman who hit somebody with the train. Apparently he couldn't cope. He ended up homeless. That was the first time I even thought about what the would be like, and how traumatizing it could be.
They won't show us this
PapiSantoes S
Houzell just told you
What’s the name of that documentary?
Sad but trauma ain’t no joke.
@@mexdagod2766 I don't remember what the name was.
The camera person saying “if you want me to stop filming let me know” while she was crying made me cry, that’s real compassion for another person instead of just trying to get the story
It's the very first time I've seen someone so considerate
To be honest, I think that should have been cut out.
@@DJObiSmalls Why is that?
@@KimBlaQue Cause if they authentically felt that way, they would have not put it on camera. Feels like they were trying to come across as ethical.
@@DJObiSmalls I think the person who decided to make this piece wanted people to see the true effects of having PTSD. It is an ugly, painful thing to suffer with.
I have taken the subway since middle school to get to school and not once have I gave much thought about the kind of lives these operators live. My respect goes to these essential workers, and a big thank you for always getting me to where I need to be.
I agree. Salutes to the MTA!
When I lived in NYC I always knew they had a tuff job I could see it on the look of their faces when the train came up everyday. I almost had the same driver going to school and back
Nice to see heart warming comment like this. ❤️
@@frienjie7148 oh sorry thankyou
Much respect to MTA workers. I tried to join your ranks years ago. The list expired before I was called. A good friend who' an employee told me it's not all its seems, so I knw it's tough. There seems to be a tight bond between workers, like most blue collar city jobs. I would have been proud to serve.
Logically there's no way, even if the operators put the breaks on, the momentum of the train would not stop in time. Those people are goners, it's very sad..... It is NOT the operator's fault at all not even a smidge.
I guess it's a bit like Survivor's Guilt.
Just witnessing something like that would be horrific to them
Yeah these people killed themselves, the train operators are just the unfortunate ones in front-row seats. Must be horrible sitting there and knowing there's literally nothing you can do to prevent the death that is about to occur except to just watch it happen
Whta happened I did not really understand
@@lea.4279 people throw themselves into the train...
A friend of mine trained to be a train driver here in the UK, he was told during training not to make eye contact with anyone who is about to jump as they very often are looking at the driver and often mouth the words “sorry” before jumping. This information still haunts me every time I think of it 💔
That’s so awful
As a former Motorman in NYC,, they do not tell you that as part of our training. nope. not at all. back then anyway. I do not know about now
@@robertravena They don't tell us that, some of these tss are heartless
@@sweetpea7077 man dont i know it. They drill their heads that hourly is the only reason the system is running like crap
@@robertravena Yes so true
ridership is down 90% and theres still the same amount of suicides... thats horrifying
Yup there were a lot of people with no jobs, lost thier apartments, no money, COVID diagnoses, depression goes up and a long with mental illness that's a vicious cycle for a lot of suicides. Horrifying indeed.
People are scared to get sick... but sick people still will hurt themselves. Sad but true
Alot of people that get hit by trains are homeless people with addiction or mental issues. Covid doesn't affect their living status, thus the same number of deaths.
Ryan Lacy do you have statistics for that?
I don’t believe it’s the homeless because of the years of experience I have riding the trains. I used to be a foot messenger and practically lived on the trains. Plus my (ex) graffiti interest had kept me in the train system more than usual.
😔
It really is a fascinating topic. There is absolutely nothing the train operator could do to prevent the death. They didn't cause it, and they had no way to stop the train in time. Yet they bear the guilt for it, because they feel responsible for a human life. Even if it was a suicide, they feel like they should have done something, even though there was nothing they could have done. Whatever they are paid, it probably isn't enough for the mental anguish they must endure. You also have to wonder if this job will even exist in the future. After all, if self driving cars and trucks are in the works, can self driving trains be far behind?
A friend of my mother in law committed suicide by jumping in front of a train
@William W. Campbell-Shepherd IX so are they suicide or not? Your example is clearly a suicide.
Kopenhagen have self driven subway
Dubai has an un-manned metro.
The day that trains leave, will be a sad day for me.
This sucks these people living our worst nightmares, taking a life with no fault of your own yet you still live with that guilt. I hope that they all get better but I know that's a simple wish that we could all do and it would really go away.
You think...”if only I did something different, they wouldn’t have died...”
See that’s false guilt. It’s such a terrible lie they believe. Unfortunately it’s something they have to overcome themselves.
IDK man, I think I would rather OD or something WAY less painful, I can’t imagine it. Just an aweful way to go.
@Dave David Don't want to rude - not sure to understand the gist of your post. Have you ever seen someone killed? Ever seen a dead body? I have lived overseas and in China I literally saw an old guy on a bike get creamed by a car. I also saw a suicide dead body floated up on the river in Taiwan. It is an unnerving experience. Truly scary is the people who it doesn't affect. I think cops that get used to the dead need to change jobs.
@Dave David just putting it out there, you must be younger than 13
Imagine hitting a person on the first day... That would suck for life...
Wow...
I had two my first year as a motorman on the #6 line.
Sono Luminescence Don’t do it bro, When I was like that I bought a bicycle and never looked back, don’t off yourself please
Sono Luminescence Get some help man! You’re special! Y u want want to make someone’s life miserable? If you need friends I got you 😘
Crazy
So sad and they look like they’re in real turmoil. But it’s NOT their fault.
they're being dramatic. I would not care so much. ppl die everyday.
@@WisdomTooth1987 some ppl don't think like dat lol I used to be da same, now I just don't care unless ik da person who died or if da death really sad.
@@WisdomTooth1987 "ppl die everyday" yeah but usually you don't have a hand in that, do you?
Not their fault in the least. Prayers up.
Wisdom Tooth do you have a hand in everyone dying? I don’t think so.
The other day I saw the aftermath of someone getting hit by a train. The part that has haunted me ever since wasn't even the gruesome scene, it was the operator's face as he stepped out of the train. The second he got on the platform, his legs gave out and the officers guiding him were the only things holding him up. I can't even imagine what that was like for him.
Sometimes it is an accident, a fall, but sometimes it is more. If you're ever feeling so overwhelmed or depressed or anything that you view jumping in front of a train as a viable option, please get help. There's so much more waiting for you, and whatever you are feeling currently is only temporary, even if that is impossible to believe in the moment. There's only one way to find out for sure.
Wtf the gruesome part would've haunted me more
For years I've been in a constant state of despair. I can't get out.
@@fubytv731 You'll make it through bro. Promise
Hey hinahime, sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I hope you're able to process your emotions and you come out doing better.
oops, there goes my spongebob brain again, thinking you meant people who jump onto the train
A year ago in NYC I was minding my business on the platform at Union Square. The train came into the station fast and a woman immediately screamed super loud and the train stopped soon after that 3/4 into the station. You can imagine the commotion and confusion. I rolled up my sleeves ready to help, I thought this was my calling, I thought I was strong. I went near the epicenter of the panic and this woman frantically screamed and pointed at the gap between the train and the platform. I ran and told the train operator to stop and that someone was down there and I will never forget his face, which showed that this for him was just another day of routine, he was tired and sighed in frustration as he put the brakes on his train. I looked for this “thing” under the train and thats when I saw a human unable to decipher whether a man or a woman, fighting for his life. Imagine a fish out of water. His/hers legs were gone after the knees downwards. No legs, I could see the insides, just like in the movies. I thought i could help and immediately went into my first panic attack.
That day changed me forever. Everything was put into perspective. Never complain about another train delay. Never take your life for granted.
Oh my god..I am so sorry. I’m keeping you in my prayers. I can’t even imagine how traumatic that must’ve been. I am SO sorry you had to experience that.
Omg I'm truly sorry you had to witness that 😓
Jesus
I grew up in the Bronx and in the early 90’s there were a rash of people being pushed randomly in the tracks! This freaked me out! To this day I stand behind a poll and never get close to the platform edge until the train is at the stop! Basically just knowing this caused fear so I can only imagine what you are going through! I hope you have peace! God bless
Michelle Morera thank you I appreciate that. It took a lot of therapy and mind games to be okay with it. But always being careful no matter the situation.
The people that commit suicide unfortunately don’t see another way out of their pain. Sad. Feel sorry for these train operators
Thank you for acknowledging both parties. As someone who has lived with Major Depressive Disorder since my teen years, I am 54yo now, thank you for seeing our pain. ♥️
MrSprite2005 God Bless you
Especially in New York there are so many different easy way out than giving your pain to a metro driver!
Committing suicide is one thing, but don’t bring a lifetime of pain to other human beings.
@¿Eres Cristiano? Let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely.--Revelation 22:17. Exalt [the Lord]...He turns a wilderness into pools of water, and dry land into watersprings.--Psalms 107:32,35. GOD bless, in Jesus' Name, Amen.
Bruh anyone who doesn’t live in the city knows how scary that ledge is
Been to cities, and yea I get anxiety EVERY time I’ve been in the subway.
I’ve only been to two big cities and it terrifies me. Even the buildings looming up and all the people give me panic attacks
For sure. I always stand WAAAAAYYY back until the train FULLY arrives at the station and the doors open.
I live in the city and I’m paranoid about being pushed I stay in the middle of the platform!
In Israel the train literally goes through the road where everyone walks with no safety measures at all and people just have to move to the side when they hear the train.
That operator saying “I can’t wait until I retire in 2 years” just broke me
Make no mistake about it the people who jumped in front of the train deserve nothing but compassion.
Thankfully he only has 9 more months now✊🏿💛
@@loes3000 4 more months
@@royalyeen2845 2 more months
1 more month
EVERYONE PLS TAKE THIS ADVICE
*DO NOT STAND NEAR THAT PLATFORM PLS*
What is “pls”?
@@RainytheNB short for please
Most of these are suicides.
@@stefanienava Suicide or not there are unfortunately really disgusting people that for pleasure or “support” of other people like them push the innocent to their death, no matter if they are men, women, children or elderly. In New York this is very common, as various gangs apply tasks to the “new to the group’s” as such so they get accepted to the gang.
I always stand close and the worst part is I use the London Underground and I can only imagine the drivers state of mind at the time the good part is that most underground stations have pits so people who Do there business…..
Don’t die and just get stuck until BTP arrives
As a truck driver I've hit alot of animals over the years and in 2 million miles driving a semi I've seen alot of horrific accidents that I cant unsee and it really puts it into perspective how fragile we human beings truly are!
My dad is a truck driver and talks about having seen a lot of car accidents and one time, a kid getting hit by a car. Just now I realise how universal of a thing it is to see while on the job.
That's why I hate car douches when they run over people.
About 25 years ago I hit a cat... today it's still bothers me!
Heartwrenching, peace to you& safe travels🙏💙😓
Poor animals....
What a compassionate and intimate piece of film making. Beautifully edited. The operators we see are so generous and open in explaining their experience - it must have taken a long time to build that level of trust between them and the interviewer. I would love to know more about how the project came about and how long it took to make. Kudos to all, operators and documentarians both. An act of generosity in difficult times.
Thank you for this beautiful comment that took the words right out of my mouth
Excellent post, David. I concur with all you said.
I agree this is a beautiful documentary and clearly has brought people together in a sense in the comments.
Idc what people say, living in New York & actually running the city has to be the hardest job ever. I always had respect for them especially seeing what they deal with on a daily bases it’s crazy! The city should pay for counseling for individuals who had to deal with the trauma of death while on the the job.
Yup!
Living and working in a city is extremely hard. Even if the money made it easy, which it doesnt.
I think the MTA does pay for therapy- That's why operators are able to afford long leaves of absence. They have paid leave. MTA employees are unionized, so they get decent benefits. And they certainly earn and deserve them!
i feel deeply sorry for the drivers when they hit someone through no fault of their own and have to live with it.
its how life is my friend get over it
@@Gencturk92 "gEt oVeR iT"
Woukd not bother me at all because it would not be my fault.
A few years ago, I was driving on an Interstate when someone was trying run across 6 lanes of 70mph traffic. When I saw him approaching my lane, I made no effort to avoid hitting him if he remained in my path. My life was more important than that of someone whose suicidal ideations put me in danger.
P.S. The moron made it across the interstate.
MTA please continue supporting the operators traumatized in this way.
@Rafael Sodre good question how long does it take to get over the accident of losing a life.
@@sevinmelton780 each person is different and mental recovery can be as short or as long as possible. What matters is providing them with mental support to cope with the memory.
@@cupcalicious I agree
MTA's not supporting them. Taxpayers are. They should just put the glass doors up.
@@Nswix you should put up the money since you are so eager for it. Also, look into the system's history and how it's really 3 systems in one so there is no one size fits all method that won't be super expensive.
LITERALLY EVERYTIME A FAMILY MEMBER OF MINES LEAVES THE APARTMENT (WE LIVE IN THE HEART OF NYC) I TELL THEM, LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE CROSSING THE STREET AND *DON'T STAND TOO CLOSE TO THE PLATFORM* !!!!!! FRIENDLY REMINDER EVERYONE! Personally, In the height of my addiction I tried to partake in a 12-9 and someone got me out. I can't imagine the pain I would have caused if it happened. I'm better now, I want everyone to be okay too. Stay safe out here.
Glad you’re doing better man the fights unreal and you made it
Awww I’m glad you’re doing better now
@@ClayMastah344 Thank you! And yes day by day is the motto. This is definitely a life long battle so I choose life.
@@mauraperovich8849 thank you!
Stay blessed
My grandpa operated freight trains for his whole life and once didnt have time to stop when there was a car on the tracks with the people still in it, and that was 15 years ago and it still bothers him to this day..
But in this case, if your gonna kill yourself dont do it like this... then your taking your own life but also scaring the operators life and making them live with the guilt forever even though there wasn't nothing they could do.
I know bro, I hate when people do that to the operator. They just doing the job and don't need someone to do this to them.
You're right. I have thought about it everyday in my commute. The only thing that stopped me is the mess I'm going to leave behind and the trauma for the poor operator.
I briefly worked in an MTA medical office. I remember at the time being astonished by the sheer volume of MTA workers who needed help after witnessing suicides or being attacked by irate passengers. Whenever you see or interact with MTA workers, please please please be kind because you never know what they've been through on the job. They deserve a massive amount of respect and are truly the backbone of NYC.
Thank you for opening up about the mental aspect of a 12-9. I retired after 30 yrs of service as a bus operator for NYC Transit. Unless someone has walked in your shoes they will never understand what we go through, mentally, to do our jobs. I have a great deal of pride in knowing I did my best for 30 years, but things happen that you may relive every day, even after you’ve left the job the job may not leave you.
Wow I’m so sorry for you and for anyone who works these jobs...you just don’t think about it we just think of you guys as the driver .. I remember my friend dad was a train operator and telling me about people jumping in front of the train ..it happened to him a few times ... also the stories about bus drivers there was one I can Never forget a few years ago a city bus hit a little girl in front of her parents idk what she was doing but she ran across the street I guess but it was too late...it was such a horrible story ....I can’t even imagine the driver ...people don’t think about it ...sounds like a simple job but it’s def not ...this job has ruined some people’s lives and well being ...and I bet dealing with the public never is easy ... sometimes a job isn’t even worth it but these jobs are actually dream careers for some ...I hope you’re doing well now
Thank you for your service veronica😊
You did well just know that
My dad also retired as a bus operator about 2 years ago. The stories he told me over his career have always stuck with me. I hope you are enjoying your retirement!
The term shouldn’t be “hit someone”
It should be “someone was on the tracks”
..And in which they hit them, changing the term doesn't change the fact that they were hit..
@@xwowzerzx2377 Yes the conductor did “hit” the person, but using this term implies there was some sort of intent. I assume thats the point which the comment above is trying to bring up
@@sterlingrosario28 Oh that makes sense! Thank you for the clarification.
@@sterlingrosario28 conductors dont hit anyone. motormpersons and engineers do.
Absolutely. Vehicles on rails can't swerve "out of the person's or car's way". Railed vehicles have the absolute right-of-way ALWAYS and their path should be a no stopping / trespassing zone for cross traffic or pedestrians.
I’ve had a fatality as a train operator in Philadelphia. It’s not a easy process to get some normalcy
Off topic but do train operators make good money?
@@emchammer1815 yea they do, I think over $50,000 if memory serves correct
@@emchammer1815 🤦♂️
Edmonton Cockburn I like your last name
How are you now?
Feel horrible for the people that has to endure that.
I am a MTA train operator on the A line and it is very scary to see how close people are to the tracks. One simple mistake can turn into a tragedy. I almost encountered one but i'm glad I didn't
@@aaflame So true.
What about now two years later
My family friend took his life this way and left behind two young children.. the ripple effects are unimaginable.
My best friend took his life this way too. Watching this made me cry
God bless em all
May the fire burn hot
@@gmkhn66 With nerds like yourself.
@@nkmcfrln how could someone do that to thier family? Especially if they have kids? (Unless they are bad people) but seeing as how a ripple effect was mentioned it was not a good move on the person's end
I had 5 suicides with my train as a Motorman in 12 years. Been to over 4 dozen as a Supervisor in 25 years. i am retired and now i am numb to death. I feel nothing now.
Thank you for your service 🙏🏽
Now when u see someone jump on the tracks u speed up lol
Wow those numbers are so high! Why ppl want to die by train? It feel too painful and horrible place to end your life...
@@NickR27 That is a terrible comment. Grow up.
@@5014chizuka The worse was a baby thrown in front of an on coming train.
I paused at 6:47...that is the face of a strong woman right there, working through her trauma. Courageous.
*hugs to my co workers * A lot of people don't give this any thought, they're just concerned about getting where they need to go. The public doesn't think about us
I think about you, y’all have a tough job.
You are appreciated, believe me , i would be lost in this city without you guys, some times I don't even know where am going, but some how I get there
Thank you for all you do. We see you!
Ive always thought about how i could say thank you to a t/o after a train ride. I know that would make their day a lot better
Trust me, I think about yall everytime I exit the train. And Im sure you know why
I don’t understand why the city doesn’t install transparent walls with automatic doors that only open when the train comes. Would that be so impossible?
They only just started cleaning the trains at night because of covid . Hiking transit prices every other year due to an aging system and they some how never have money . I’m pretty sure installing automatic doors at each and every station in the system is not on their to do list
Money is the main factor. Plus many lines run various lengths of equipment. Some trains on lettered lines consist of 75 foot cars, some 60 foot cars. So lining up correctly is gonna be an issue. But money and major station renovations (gutting the station may be required) is a major factor
its just a matter of insufficient budget - trust me
andre hill no actually it’s been considered it’s just the need to the budget to do it and they have a lot more dire issues to address before they concern themselves with that and don’t forget about the pandemic hitting the pocket of MTA which would make that even less likely to occur.
Lol, literally how things are in most Asian countries. I know it's definitely in Korea
They should have put up barriers to prevent suicides decades ago. The fact that the difference between life and death on a platform is a step is ridiculous.
They should have retractable barriers to prevent accidents, but at the end of the day if someone wants to kill themselves there's very little that can be done to physically stop them.
@@johnwhite1534 but it alt lease it lowers down the chance of it happening, and stop accidents.
If people really want to do it this way arms are not going to help. They will just go to a different area of the track that is easy to access.
@@johnwhite1534honestly yeah but at least they won’t be causing trauma to the subway operators.
The London Underground is very much the same, they have started putting barriers up, especially on the Jubilee line but on the whole, it is very much the same.
I’ve seen people act like they going to jump in front of the train... dummies
Probably just homeless people who want people attention so they can ask for money. That's why I bet the people you saw were probably being ignored by everyone else. If you really wanted to jump you probably wouldn't want anyone to stop you and would just do it.
O my gosh thats not right but some may just be foolish kids.
omg, same. even here in LA i have seen young kids, man, women trying to act tough in front of their friends, snap chatting, literally doing that thing where they keep on jumping and swirling (idk what it's called) in front of a running train. it's crazy. and every time that makes me angry because you joke for one day, two days, three days but time is not always going to be right for your situation. one of these days it just might actually hit you and you might end up loosing your precious life.
adjrnyc1 Absolutely not. It’s usually young kinds in their early 20s and under
It would be real sad if a psychopath was near by and pushed them on the tracks even though they were just pretending...
I once witnessed someone pacing back & forth on a subway platform muttering to themselves, & I got the feeling that this wasn't going to end well. When they sat down w/their legs hanging over the platform, I knew then what they were planning to do...but thank God there was a supervisor that happened to be monitoring the cameras - she shut off the power to the tracks, & came down to the platform w/emergency personnel. She was able to get the person to go to the ambulance, & I hope that person was able to get the counseling & care that they needed. There was a tragedy avoided that day. I hope these operators never have to go through another 12-9 again.
I'm a subway driver in The Netherlands, and drive the trains with much passion. But a situation like this is always stuck in my head. It's sad. you want to feel ready for it to happen, but you can't be ready. Never. When I enter a busy station, I'll just drive really slow. So slow that I can stop at any moment. That helps
Thank you man. ill take your advice to heart and remember. as a future subway operator.
Yes that is one solution ,in New York the trains enter to fast at the stations.Money maker no live saving.
The worst is going to bed at night and it haunting you
I still get naunted
ive been suicidal since i was a child. theres a trolley station by my house and many times ive thought about stepping on the tracks when a trolley comes. this made me realize just how much my death can effect people even if i didnt know them. thank you so much for this, i know it mustve been hard
how awful...please don't you ever...don't even think about it if you can help it. God bless you ❤
Thinking of you 🧡🧡 stay strong
@@rreno92 that was nice
Wow I think of this most days quick and easy but this puts things a bit different!
Be cautious, you may be picking up on other peoples feelings. Don’t act on it.
I was sitting in a first car once, when this guy at the end of the platform jumped onto the track. He was killed. The evil part was that he tried to take a woman with him (a stranger standing near him on the platform).
People should stand with their backs to the wall.
True.
Did the woman survive?
Don't bring another human being into your suicide.
Another human being is brought into a suicide regardless. Be it the family members, or whoever finds the body, or the police/ambulance/fire on the scene, the drs in the operating room trying to save you, or the clean up crew...
@@chingalachuga6737But out of these listed, I think only the family could be able to feel the guilt of not doing something or doing it wrong. There is no dead man on the rails when the train is coming.
Isn't that impossible?
You know that's all well and good to say, and I wholeheartedly agree with you. But I've been in disgustingly dark suicidal mindsets before, and I don't think someone who's suicidal is going to really worry too much about what happens to other people after they're gone. Which really is a shame because all they're doing is passing on their pain to even more people.
yeah.... this comments means well but is incredibly insensitive.
Whenever I heard about a train hitting a person, I've never thought about how the train operators would feel... It's definitely traumatizing :(
well thing about it, depending on how an accident happens, it could be quick and clean, and so the operator only knows what happened after the fact.
Or you get the worst case where the train operator/engineer sees what they run over.
Last year in the Bronx kings bridge stop ,the father with his young child jump unto the tracks. , the child miraculously survived..
S Call do you know the story behind it further
I remember that. He was killed and somehow shielded her. It was reported that he had mental issues and it was an unfortunate situation. There were civilians who stepped in and helped get her up off the tracks. They will definitely need to give her adequate care to ensure she’s coping with things growing up.
yep, i was at lehman at the time, there was a delay and many of my colleagues were late that day. it was a very sad situation overall.
theFATcatGREEDY during the school commute to! I had to re read the news alert to fully process it. And the video is heartbreaking
I remember that the lil girl survived
3 days ago I witnessed someone climb down onto the tracks on the london underground. He was calm, he just stood there looking at us. 2 seconds later the train hit him. I will never forget his face or the noise it made when the train hit him. I will never stand on the underground platform ever again.
I’m so sorry you saw that
poor guy
I am an MTA (CTA) worker I clean stations. IT'S A REALLY SERIOUS thing TO SEE A 12-9, it's sad scary experience I witnessed it one time, Queens Plaza Station , I turned around heard the Screech of the wheels of the train then all the screens of all the passengers waiting on the station. three cars were in the station after the emergency brakes were applied I will never forget it. as I write this it gives me the chills remembering it ..
Hey i took the test two times my score was under 40,000. Never got the call. What score was ur and how long u waited
Thank you for your service. Did the person jump or were they pushed?
@@piratesmurf4251 6 years ,I forgot all about it until they called
MTA can avoid all 12-9's by teaching what they preach safety and installing clear barriers but they're too cheap!
I just wanna give these train operators a hug right now :,,(
If you’re reading this just know that people love you.
ugh
That's not always true unfortunately, not for everyone at least
Cringy
But thank you :›
That's the kind of pointless thing people say that doesnt do anything like hopes and prayers. Lots of people have nobody that loves them.
Comments like these are reason enough to jump. An insulting and assuming platitude for Internet points.
I heard a train operator once say that everyone who works this job will hit a person at least once in their career.. and they can’t do anything about it.
I’ve heard that one as well. I’ve always thought about it and how true it must be.
According to another video I saw, the first thing Union Pacific tells their drivers in training is that "On average, each one of you will kill five people doing this job, and there is nothing you can do about it."
I think, the best solution are gates at every platform ... it's used at modern metro- lines to prevent entering the track.
nope.. and mgmt will rake you over the coals trying to find a way to place any possible blame on you. especially superintendents, theyre utter scumbags.
I prevented a 12-9 recently, i feel sorry anyone who have to witness one and the crews.
There should be some kind of citizen's award for preventing a suicide. Or even a reward.
Blessings Everyone. Stay Up!
Thank you 🙏🏻💘
You are a real life hero
Thank you for caring about that person! I understand that it must have also been hard for you as well.
We should get the glass doors like in Japan and other countries.
Nah that’s too productive
@@Zones33 also the cars are different sized and they cost to much $$$$$
@@r32btrainproductions88 It would be worth it in the long run though, I could imagine it saving many lives.
Its so strange NYC don't have that anti-suicide doors,here in São Paulo city the Metropolitan Transport Secretary start to instail that doors first on Metro Line 4 (the first of all continent without a conductor,that operate remotal on Viaquatro HQ in Pinheiros district) and increse year after year for all Metro lines and stations,after the metro,the São Paulo Metropolitan trains service (CPTM) receive the doors on a no longer future
@@r32btrainproductions88 But they would save lives and they wouldn't need to spend more money on dealing with the legal aftermath and sending employees to therapy.
I remember in high school a Chinese girl was very distraught and she went up the elevated level of the Astoria Train at Queensboro Plaza. She went to the rear of the platform where the train would be coming in really fast. Soon as the train entered the station she jumped right in front of the speeding train. I was sick for a month. The train motorman had to be given a sedative and was taken to hospital in a very hysterical state.
When people jump in front of a train they destroy the lives of the train crew and sometimes they destroy the lives of the EMERGENCY RESPONDERS who have to remove the dead body parts.
Now you have idiots who are pushing people on to the train tracks. I'm so glad that I left New York City over twenty years ago.
It’s not the trains motorman’s fault. She made the decision to jump in front of the train. And he had no control over it. I hope he finds the peace and strength to move forward everyday.
Don't try to be condescending about New York City with that last sentence. The world is like that in every part. Good and bad, that's just the nature of human beings.
bohemoth- Some of us are not in the Financial Position or for whatever reasons can't get out of New York City.
bohemoth1 you demonize new york and people with mental health issues i understand it’s traumatic for everyone but try to think “what terrible things must this girl see every day to make us see this terrible thing today?”
Yessssssssssssssss
That poor girl she’s strong asf 😭
Can’t believe my friend, Pablo went through this. Literally one of the friendliest people on this very Earth. I give it to all who deal with this. Also thankful he’s doing well these days.
So glad to hear he’s doing well. Id you can, tell Pablo that we love him 💗
I'm relieved to know he's doing okay, he seems like a really nice dude.
Its not their fault, they shouldn't feel bad, even though its understandable why they would. This is a good example of how commiting suicide can effect others badly, whether they know you or not, even though when you're so depressed you are suicidal, you can't usually see that.
Perfectly said!
woah, yeah ... that's not something people can just "get over" right away. wish them all the best.
Yes it is
@@joejorgensb7522 maybe if you're a psychopath, but if not, that's not how the brain works
I had 5 12-9s as a Motorman in 12 years. I was a Train Service Supervisor for 25 years and I responded to 37 Suicides. I once went to 3 on Thanksgiving day 1998. After time passes, I feel numb. I feel nothing. I just wanted to get Service restored for our customers, that's all my intentions were. I am glad i am retired, but I would still have had my entire career spent in New York City Transit Authority.
Was on the 6 today and dude survived after jumping on 77st. A bit eerie that this pops up on my recommended videos.
Geez man
Im on the 6 everyday for years,ive seen jumpers,stabbings,robberies you name it.Be cardfull the six is dangerous.Head on a swivel
You have no privacy, you are a digital slave.
You take care of yourself, ok...
That’s so scary
This is tragic, and it takes a lot of bravery for these operators to talk about their emotional scars. A couple years, while I didn't see firsthand but was facing the other direction, someone jumped in front of the E train at Jamaica station. I distinctly remember seeing 2 things that will stick for a while, 1) the blood stains on the front of the first car, and 2) a man on the platform who witnessed the collision and was immediately distraught and buried his head in his hands.
i've always wondered how the operators feel. it's like people forget that there's somebody operating the trains and that they saw that person jump/on the tracks and tried their best to stop it before it hit them. that has to be incredibly traumatizing. thank you for this documentary
I dont live in New York, but this was a documentary that i needed.
Essential workers deserve so much more in life especially when these things seem to be commonplace
Warning ⚠️ s#%cide
This brings a painful memory. I almost jumped in front of a train last year. I was hanging out with my cousins in NY getting ready to go to an exhibition about the kpop group BTS. I was at that point in a deep and scary part of depression. I just remembered just feeling so utterly numb that whole day. I wanted to be happy to hangout with the two people I love the most but my suicidal thoughts and emotions were off the charts. I remember just us waiting and waiting. I would stare at the tracks, my mind went foggy. I heard the train coming and my blood started flowing up my arms and legs as if they were ready to just leap. The train was already 60 feet away and my body was ready to just leap. It wasn’t until my cousin voice broke my state with her voice on how excited she was for us to be so close to seeing that exhibition together. Just that word _together_ broke me free. I don’t know why or how to explain it but it felt like I was actually wanted, just by that word.
Its so hard just to explain fully that horrifying experience in words really. Overall, im glad i didn’t do it, now after watching this, i cannot believe how selfish I was thinking of about to jump.
To those struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide, please get help. I know its hard. I have recently came out to my mother about these emotions this halloween. I thought she would brush it under the rug and that mindset has been haunting and holding me back for years but she did not. She understood my pain. There will be someone out there tha is ready to hold you and hear you. It is our part to take that step and together, you and that person(s) will figure it out. I believe in you. You are not alone :)
i hope you know that you are loved, and that though i don’t know you personally, i am so, so proud of you for staying strong 💕
You are worthy ❤❤
Thank you for sharing your story I know we don’t know each other but I live in NYC if u need to rant and I’m happy that your are making changes and positive coping with the pain!i know it hasn’t been easy.but You are strong take good care of yourself and don’t be afraid to speak up.
Sending hugs. You’re enough, you’re loved and wanted. 🥰
There is too much suffering in the world...
Life sucks, plain and simple
Edmonton Cockburn smoke weed
Jamie M nope
Jamie M how
Life is just a test
Ever since I was a little kid my father always told me to NEVER stand near the edge of the platform...never.
I never stand close to the edge of the platform for fear of falling. I'm very glad they did this doc.
Why NYC should invest funding into installing automatic doors at at least some stations, instead of building shiny new ones. It could help eliminate track fires caused by trash and not traumatize poor train operators. Also maybe DeBlasio could make it a habit to not get into beef with transit professionals who've made a career of improving subway systems. \o/
It's expensive to build one. I don't know the MTA are gonna build these doors
It would be amazing to have doors like that and not worry about being the next person to get shoved onto the tracks but deblasio would rather spend 8 billion to deconstruct Rikers Island.
@@goliathtigerfishes Yeah. Let Rikers Island abandoned and build the doors for the platform
The doors weren’t really mentioned as an issue when it comes to preventing trains striking people.
He's out of here!!!!
I never gave this any thought. God bless you all 💜🙏🏾💜
N they don’t tell u... they say delays or track fire. Smells like burning flesh.. I have lots of MTA friends.
My cousin ended this way. Very soon after I found out my thoughts went to the train driver and my heart broke even more. So sad, we gotta keep pushing mental health to the fore and continue to find ways to help/deal with it.
This is why in japan and other Asian countries they installed barriers that open when train stops and opens its doors.
It's sad that the workers have to deal with this fear ontop of the stress of their job
We have that in Europe too depending on the city and lines. For exemple on France, Lille and Toulouse are very safe, but Lyon and Marseille are not equipped. After the 80's, it became obvious we need barriers.
The MTA did consider installing barriers at subway stations in New York, but its prohibitively expensive. It would be neat to have them though.
Only some stations have those barriers and it’s not even consistent to an entire line. Suicide by train is a big problem in Tokyo. Every day you will see lines discontinued due to some “human injury” or “human accident.” I’m always nervous taking trains there.
Yes, that's true. The sarin attacks have shown the flaw that must be considered with such machination.
I feel like ALL subway stations need to install those, yes it will cost money, and many subway systems are hundreds of years old, but just think about how much anxiety and stress will be lifted for the operators
My 7 year old and I witnessed a jumper, who was killed. It took a long time to be ok with getting on again and we have so much sympathy for the driver as we could see he hit right in front of them. I don't know that we will ever truly get over it. My sympathies to the brave drivers.
I never stand near the edge at the BART station. Some nut could push you in front of the train. It happens.
they will face the consequences if they do
at some BART stations theres a space under the ledge for you to take cover under if you ever end up on the tracks
Same when I used to catch Bart as a kid I always stood back lots of crazy folks in the bay
I was taught to stay behind the yellow line- like the loudspeaker says to do.
Crazy you say that I use to feel like that in Oakland dam like especially the one by the Oakland stadium
I hope ny thinks about those gates South Korea has in the stations to prevent jumpers
That's what I was thinking, too. I'm really happy that they're here.
Very good system however it cost millions for every station.
Mathis Martel I’d make them for free, people’s lives matter more then money. But I understand that it costs money because they have to pay for materials and stuff.
@@worstgamer1162 totally agree sir
I think that as well, I mean those gate do cost money, it’s more important for the safety of the people, but also helps to prevent less garbages on the rail road track.
Dont live with that burden in you're hearts for those who expereinced this, you did nothing wrong.
I agree they shouldn’t blame theirselves, which hopefully they don’t.
But the issue is the event itself that is traumatic, not self blame.
This was one of the major problematic situation in Seoul. Now we have a screen protector everywhere in order to prevent people to jump. Will help NYC too.
The issue is that there’s different types of trains operated in the NYC subway as door shapes are diff
I feel for them! Individuals pls seat down on the bench, stand by the stairs. I am always looking around if I can't position myself where I can be pushed #stayalert
Once I was in the metro (Montreal) and it stopped brutally. The driver kept silent. My first thought was a power cut. Then the driver said " il... Il a sauté" ( he... He jumped). That was so shocking he couldn't say anything else. But if I couldn't have any idea who jumped, I knew it was a man and it was already too much.
They’re a rubber tire subway, and so their trains can stop more suddenly. But still, that’s frightening.
@@AEMoreira81 not quick enough moving at line speed. Still takes a few hundred feet to stop, especially when you have multiple cars behind it pushing forward with momentum.
We’re so preoccupied getting a spot in the car that we crowd too close to the platform and forget about the very real hazard of falling. Having to wait for the next train will always be preferable to losing your life, horrific injuries, and traumatizing the train operators (and bystanders) for life. I feel so bad for these train drivers and the guilt they feel. It’s not their fault at all but that level of trauma and ptsd... man.
I feel bad for the NYPD/NYSP officers who have to go after the remains
This is something every New Yorker should watch! Thank you to the operators for sharing their stories. I appreciate their courage ❤
They should do a documentary on the FDNY who has to come in after a 12-9 happens. Im pretty sure they have a whole training center dedicated to this. Those guys really see some crazy stuff
If the person is d.o.a nypd removes the body, fdny only remove the body if the person is alive.
@@snowman4008 interesting point! Would have never know that
"There's no wrong emotion"? I would be worried if someone responded positively
I was watching this thinking that I want that job just so that I could have a 12-9 happen to me. I feel like that is probably the wrong emotion, but hey, the psychologist said there was no wrong emotion!
@@vfdlemony2697 it's like splattering a big bug tee-hee
Some people start laughing as a coping mechanism tho, like tearing up and still laughing
@@Moon_in_Flames But they aren’t laughing because of joy
When I was living in New York, it always stressed me out to see people standing right at the edge of the platform, sticking their heads really far in to check if the train is coming. It's completely unnecessary. I've even seen someone SIT at the edge of the platform with their legs hanging over the train tracks. Just why??
You ought to see some railfan videos of passeger trains in India. Four-track electrified railroads with trains travelling easily twice the speed of NYC subways, and people at stations casually walk across and along the tracks like they were country roads. Even when trains are approaching.
😂 i never seen nobody sitting with legs dangling ive been riding my whole life in nyc
@@RailRide Yeah they do that a lot here with the normal trains.
With metroes thought, the problem is people crowd and want to get in first
These seem very preventable with automatic door guards. There are 472 stations and the city can’t afford to install them? I hope this issue is discussed more in NYC.
Sometimes when I was visiting NYC and was waiting for the subway I thought about jumping. I'm so sorry to the operators for even having the thought.
are you depressive or just not seriously thinking about it?
Just take a deep breath & thanks for thinking twice about it.
@@joejorgensb7522 ...
God bless...you're here for a purpose 💜
You are loved and worthy ❤ God bless 😊
You never recover.... I had a fatal 12-9 with 2 days to go on my probation
I'm so sorry 😞
I'm certain you've been told time and again that it wasn't your fault, and that is true. But that is a tremendous emotional/psychological burden for anyone to bear.
I don't know if you believe in God, but give it to Him and do not carry that yourself.
And there are people out there who sympathize with you. Blessings!
😢, I know that's tough 🙏🏾
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I remember quite vividly, the number of horrific suicides i witnessed during my 50 years as a New Yorker. Shotgun blasts to the head, headers off tall buildings, and yes, several subway suicides. One of these took place under the # 6 line by Castle Hill Ave. The guy driving in front if me had slammed on his breaks when bodily fluids started to drip on his hood. We all immediately knew what this meant. Thank God these workers have an excellent union for support.
It's so sad how this is affecting them so much and it truly wasn't their fault. I understand their pain. I would probably react the same way if I hit someone.
The reason I haven't considered being a train operator. I don't know if I could handle something like this. God bless all my union brothers n sisters all over💜
Trauma runs so deep. Heartbreaking all around.
I worked on the railways in England and it really does depend on the person. Some accept straight away that they have done all they could and for whatever reason that person decided to end their life. Some sadly never go back to driving and it changes them. Each fatality is truly a unique experience and there is no "one size fits all" way to deal with them.
To the operators: thanks for sharing your stories
Kristan....I just wanna love her when she’s crying. She’s so beautiful
Yeah, I just want to console her. Give her a kiss on the cheek and tell her " I love you, it's not your fault. I won't leave your side. You're never alone."
Cringeeee
ffs the woman is struggling with mortal guilt and you incels are thirsting. smh...
i witnessed a suicide, in a different way than them. but i deal with terrible PTSD and i carry so much guilt. like i could have done something to stop it. i was crying watching this because i relate so much. the night terrors, not wanting to leave your house, flashbacks all of it. it’s terrible. i pray for all of these people. it’s a terrible weight to carry. ❤️
Loved seeing one of them smile at the end while talking about his job. True love for what he does. Nothing can take that away.
This struck me in so many ways. I use the subway all the time. It saddening that a person decides to harm themselves or commit suicide in this way. 😵😨
I never even thought about something like this. Profound, yet an everyday job, moving thousands and thousands of citizens around the city. One operator at a time. Wow.
After you process the actual accident, the worst part long term physically is going through the area the accident happened. I hit a car in Michigan with 3 people in it at 77 MPH. Now there are crosses and flowers always at that crossing. It’s not anxiety inducing for me, but it’s just not pleasant and my mind will forever have that imagine of the car seared into my mind, especially while going through that specific crossing. Also, seeing the locomotive I was in is strange. Number 27 will always give me PTSD vibes.