@@RachelOates Huh, maybe it was your filter? Didn't think I used any words that could set it off but who knows. I just wanted to let you know that Body Worlds is morally dubious with how they get their subjects. Sorry for being rude, (perceived) censorship sets me off
@@SJTJ There was no reason for me to assume that any of the words I used would set off a filter so yes, I got upset. Something to be said for not being sanctimonious as well
They never think that far ahead. If anyone actually challenged her belief system she wouldn't be able to hold it together, all her arguments would fall apart, and she'd eventually just move the goalpost or make exceptions to fit her narrative. They always do it lmao
I just can't get over the fact that Bethany is a 34 year old mother of two, and still somehow is so juvenile. Like seriously, the rest of the world realised that romcoms do not represent real life when we were teenagers. Just goes to show what living in a purity cult does to a woman..
It looks like delusion at some point, like she's trying to convince herself this is what a marriage SHOULD, MUST be. Then again, I would be too if I grew up in such a family and the only worth I thought I had was possessing an oversaturated, caricaturized, condescending and, ironically, holier than thou version of feminity that acts as the only thing I can talk about
This is common in evangelical culture. You're not considered an adult until you're married so her getting married later took so many years where she couldn't exercise her autonomy (I'm speculating but I grew up in this same mentality)
But it does - i'm the only single person in her 20s in my entire country and when people learn that they just judge me as freak and don't care if i'm a good person or what are my interests. Only thing that matters is the fact i'm not married
Because in their world, that is all that exists. In the real world there are people who are dating, cohabiting, or divorced as well. So not strictly single or married. In fundamentalist churches, people only date for a few weeks or months and then they are married. It takes that long to plan a wedding, so they are practically planning it from the a few dates in. There are very few who go from one dating relationship to another in Christian fundamentalism because if they don't get married off quickly, then they get cast aside as an 'undateable', especially if female. So they leave that church where their ex is after a break up or stay single forever. They go to a new church where they start afresh, pretending they have never dated before. The man then goes on to an arranged rebound relationship that culminates in marriage a few months later.
It reminded me of my time in the southern baptist church in which I was raised: e.g. the sunday school class for "the singles" or "Christian singles". It probably is the biggest part of people's, particularly women's identity aside for Christian. First you are a child, then you are a single, then you are a married. I strongly dislike it though.
@@_lil_lil well, perfect practice makes perfect. these people have a long way to go before they're comfortable enough to actually relax and enjoy themselves for once in their sad, sad lives.
Nothing drives me crazier than Girl Defined's insistence that the only two lifestyles are Christianity and Hollywood. Literally no adult I know thinks movies are in any way a realistic portrayal of love and relationships. Bethany sounds extremely foolish and she makes it abundantly apparent that her only exposure to non-Christian relationships is movies. It's clear she doesn't actually know any non-Christian couples in real life.
fr. i try to be objective like oatesis, but man it's difficult like if you're supposed to theoretically be making this course for me you're doing terrible at catering to me. and i don't know everything but i doubt it's all too helpful to the hardcore christian girls i knew when they'd have been looking for help
@@KylieJelane-p9fwell it is your first purpose at least in my country. Second is to have as many children as possible. That's why me being 26 and single everybody think i'm a freak and my friends and family just abandonden me
For people like Bethany, marriage is the main goal in a woman's life. Basically, she teaches badly - future wives. Until then, they're not allowed to do anything sexual because it seems Bethany doesn't understand anything about hormones. The sex expert is still a woman stuck in her obsession about "purity".
I knew this girl in college who, at the age of 19, had been married SIX TIMES because she didn’t believe in extramarital sex, but still had a healthy sex drive, so she basically would just get married to a guy after a few dates, and then a few months later get divorced. Like... what even is purity culture at that point? It’s just so bizarre. I hope she’s doing okay these days.
Apparently, Mormons used to do that a lot. They would get married in Vegas, stay married for a weekend, and then get the marriage annulled before going back home so they could have sex without going to hell. Then the Mormon church banned that.
Marriage is NOT a machine. I literally hate that she says this. It’s not a baby making machine, we are not baby making machines, we are not machines and our relationships are not machines. This is horrible.
her talking about how excellent sexual intimacy within marriage is is soooo funny to me because hasn't she talked AT LENGTH about how horrible her sex life was for the first several years of her marriage? like girl don't lie to us
It probably still is horrible but ahe got used to it and nothing changed. I had a friend who said at first that her husband was like a bull at a gate and she reformed him. My friend was always joking and gossiping about sex and asking personal questions about people's sex lives directly to them. She also showed us porn films once she got married so we thought she was sex mad. Then she told me that she struggled to keep up with her husband's sex demands. I found that difficult to believe at first. He had incel vibes about him. It took me years to realise that she was being sexually abused by her husband once I read Living With The Dominator. And that she watched the porn films because he was a porn addict and he wanted her to have sex with him like a porn actress. The jokes and gossip were her way of coping with it all. She also got very materialistic and was spending a lot so would push him to earn more money. She needed compensation. At the time if she invited me to a party at her house I would get worried that she would suddenly get up and strip off and say "Let's have an orgy."
She quite literally called herself “dead dry bones” in the bedroom and that Dav struggled to “bring these dead bones to life”. You couldn’t waterboard that info out of me.
It is absolutely wild to me how many times Bethany walks RIGHT INTO THE POINT and yet still misses it completely. She talks so many times about her trauma, confusion, low self-esteem, misunderstanding, lost time, etc results from what the church taught or didn't teach her, and then follows that up with teachings from the church her audience should take to heart. The brainwash is INTENSE. It makes me so mad and sad at the same time. Set yourself free from this nonsense, folks. Be a good person. You don't need to worship a hateful God to be a good person.
I realised I had sexual trauma going all the way back to my first day at school as religion was forced upon us. I had been led to believe it had all come from my strict but atheist parents. They had played a part but not as much as the schools had. My mother wasn't as strict and was much more hands off, leaving me to work things out for myself, but she expected me to conform to my father and his parents at times. They didn't see me but what they could mould me into. My mother and a great aunt saw me, though. My mother's sister was too busy gossiping and running around after people to see me, but she was the first to push me into washing myself when in the bath. I am grateful for my mother being hands off but she could have been more assertive with my father and his side of the family. My father would have treated me like a three year old or disabled child up until puberty if it wasn't for my mother and her side of the family. My mother would be the type to buy you a bicycle but leave you to teach yourself to ride. My father would forbid it.
She also swears compatibility doesn’t matter in marriage but then details every way her exboyfriends were incompatible. Obviously she knows compatibility is real, but she won’t admit it because it would mean admitting she’s incompatible with her husband.
yeah im like my happily married Muslim coworker whose husband always brings her home cooked meals & encouraged her to finish her Master's doesnt *realy* love her?🙄
They literally gatekeep love, morality, selflessness etc. because apparently only "real" characteristics such as these can be embodied IF you believe in God 🙄😒
Right?! It’s like a car with broken wheels on the highway. Like the path is SO straightforward, but Bethany is sitting and spinning in circles aimlessly
“if you’re male and female your body part WILL go together” … cut to me having vaginismus and in fact NOT being able to have a penis inside my vagina🙄😒 it’s INFURIATING how they just say shit like it’s fact meanwhile completely belittling, shaming, and ERASING people that do actually have those kind of physical barriers😡😡
@@justbinji7718 thanks for asking! i have all different kinds of non penatrative sex. As far as treatment, the only thing i’ve ever been suggested by a doctor is “have you tried foreplay😒 - obviously. duh!) and then using vaginal dilators. (give it a google if you don’t know they are) you have to sit with them in for an extended period of time and then slowly move up sizes. it’s often incredibly painful. I’ve used them for years in hopes of it helping but i still can’t have penetration with an “average” penis without pain. and there are still certain times of my cycle where penetration of any kind is impossible. Doctors haven’t really helped but i do live in the US and have limited access as it’s insanely expensive. i have a friend that has a similar condition and she was able to see a pelvic floor specialist and essentially had physical therapy for her vagina. i’d love to give that a try but again… it’s very expensive and not accessible for me. so… 🤷🏼♀️
@@dangerxbadger2300 Agreed it is a bit overstepping to ask how someone has sex, but I don't think I could bash them since they come from a place of genuine not knowing and curiosity by their wording lol (still overstepping though! Just.. not malicious I hope)
The way she brings up SA so casually in like the first session is so unnerving. She aligns non-consensual and normal sexual development so frequently it is clear she sees both as a fault of the child.
I'd noticed that too. I'm convinced GD and well, the majority of Christian influencers really, think because they didn't personally experience it then the problem can't be that prevalent. Nevermind that the teachings and taboos surrounding sex/marriage/gender roles/abuse all work together to create an environment where abuse runs rampant and perpetrators are protected. Nevermind the countless articles, blogs, podcasts etc where people recall their stories. Nevermind the numerous civil lawsuits and criminal cases brought against abusers. It didn't happen to *them* so keep your head in the sand. At the most maybe one day they'll acknowledge it's a problem in a different sect, or in the past. Maybe.
They don't believe it's real. They believe it's maybe one or two isolated "mistakes" and that's it. I have ultra-religious family members and they fully believe the high numbers of child victims are liars. It's very sad and frustrating.
@@katrinaoliver4167 I thought it mostly applied to Catholicism (since I followed a fundie version of it where we offered our sufferings fot the souls of Purgatory) but it seems to be a widespread idea in other denominations too
@@katrinaoliver4167 and from what I've heard if you're unhappy after leaving then it's your punishment from God for being an apostate or something like that, despite dealing with all the religious trauma after my own apostasy I kept going out of spite and also because I didn't want to become an example of how it's impossible to have a good life outside the church (one of my therapists did call my previous community a cult after I told him everything I went through), after some therapy and meds I'm more at peace now for the first time in years
I grew up with Dave and it feels so invasive to see so much of his personal life and intimate life just out there. We ran in the same homeschool/church groups. Their family was extremely sheltered and even my own sheltered family thought they were odd. I had hoped him and his siblings had gotten out like I did. Just makes me sad to know they’re still in it.
I busted out laughing when her first “expert” literally flat out said she’s the least equipped person to talk about this stuff, like what??? I’m mind blown
Ok so that is Christian-coded for a false humility/making it like a “god-thing”. It weirdly actually can lend more credibility in Christian circles to say things like “I should be the lease equipped to talk about this” because it implies that “wow! by Gods grace he has me, the least likely statistically, to share about this! Obviously this is anointed by God!” It’s a nod to Moses being a great spiritual leader even though he is thought to have had some kind of speech impediment or fear of public speaking.
@@katrinaoliver4167 so "I have no clue what I'm talking about but I'll still yapp your ear off and tell you why I'm right and youvre wrong and will burn in hell!" So humble...
People like Bethany literally think real experts in sexuality are conspirators in the trans and gay agenda, and that experts aren't that smart or knowledgeable anyway, so you can trust anyone who claims to have knowledge and who also agrees with your point of view.
HOLY CRAP! A 6 HOUR VIDEO?! Like you said in the community post, this was a big video. You weren't joking. This is by far the longest video I've seen on your channel but it will be entertaining. Thanks for all you do Rachel. I hope you're doing alright
Yes! Rachel's voice and intonation are so graceful, I would love to listen to her more. Btw has she ever published audio books of her poetry or other people's books ? I would love that!
Oh my God I am at 1h49 minutes in and I'm losing my mind at Bethany using romance movies and celebrity couples as examples of "our culture". She for real thinks you either are a christian fundamemtalist or you try to live your life like fictional characters. That tells me everything I need to know about her knowledge on intimacy and sex.
Not only that, but she mixes up the actors with the characters they play. Does she not know that there is a difference between the real actors relationship and the relationship they play as in the movie?
idk but I’ll never get over the teaching the anatomy of female genitalia by looking at a newborn when you could quite literally just google what you want to know.
Maybe the Internet wasnt around but they could have Just gone to a library and gotten an Anatomy book. That Story baffles me more every time i hear it.
@@annabeinglazy5580 for some reason I thought this was more recent, but like you said, you could just look at a biology book with a diagram, because you cannot tell me that would be considered porn when there was clearly no problem with looking at the genitals of a real baby who can’t consent.
I can't get over how they keep pretending they think that "purity culture" is no good now but the literal only part they disagree with is that heterosexual sex AFTER MARRIAGE is a chore. Like babe that's not the purity part.
46:52 "People have been spreading the idea that sex is Big Bad and you shouldn't do it, and purity culture has been infiltrating the community and I couldn't possibly imagine who would be responsible for perpetuating this misinformation" *the call is coming from **_inside the house,_** Bethany*
Bethy: Your worth is not measured by your purity Also Bethy, not even a minute later: Purity is not only for single people, everyone be pure! Which is it Bethy? Which is it???
Bethany sitting in a painted white room in a corner saying it's going to be boring but casual as she rattles off her unfiltered, unedited biases and opinions versus Rachel sat on her sofa surrounded by things she loves and her blanket whilst pointing out the scripts, editing, research and prep that goes into her own discussions and informed experiences. That shows it all really. I'm an hour in and once again got to give Rachel the credit for really putting time and passion into trying to put more consideration for others into the world.
Is she shooting these videos in het closet? That was the first thing I thought when I saw this. The second was "where's her top?" - between bad lighting and the colour of her top I was literally at the one hour mark before I could verify she had a top on. Not that there was any doubt.
@@zar3434 I had the same thought about the top - everything was framed to be as beige and uninteresting as possible as a framing tool. I think there is a prevailing idea that minimalism equates to professionalism, but I cannot help but wonder whether this is a choice to get content out cheaper and faster rather than to build any long term trust or reliable resources with design put into them. (thinking about the typos) As the video goes on, I can only lead into "yes." I know a lot of MLM companies also use cheap, minimalist branding for this reasdon: you never know when it's all going to go under. Everything lacks substance and long term forethought. Which is why i appreciate videos like this a lot: people (Rachel) taking time to craft a space for themselves and others based off of passionate and well researched resources filmed in their own home. Even more so after *certain plagerism video* this month highlighted how easy it is to just hide behind plain backgrounds and content farms looking ""professional"" that just create long term harm to the overall communities they engage with through misinformation. That's my feelings anyway! Also Rachel if you are reading this i hope Kyra and your partner gave you many hugs after all of this, you deserve it with the work you put in and I too know how frustrating tech issues can be on top of a bad day. Much appreciated video (2 more hours to go!)
as someone who has struggled with painful sex before Bethany saying stuff like "god made the vagina and penis to fit perfectly together" is pretty fucked up as I can imagine it would make a lot of women feel broken especially people entrenched in purity culture as that is one of the many things that can lead to vulvodynia and painful sex
It’s literally true though. A penis is MEANT to go into the vagina. It’s not religious, it’s not spiritual, it’s just the way nature made us because we are animals. You must be offended by biology though
“Some people don’t like sex and they’re not broken” oh my god you don’t know how much I needed to hear that. Watching that woman say over and over again that she was broken until she learned how to enjoy sex, I know that’s not nearly the worst part of that clip but that is such a mindset that is always harming me as an asexual like I really do feel broken for not wanting that and it sucks
Honestly you’re very lucky in a way to not have these urges and desires, it all feels so gross sometimes, like what is the point and why am I putting so much energy into thinking about this…
Kyra's Appearances: 7:27 02:03:47 02:05:59 02:40:00 02:47:33 02:50:50 02:54:55 05:16:48 05:26:11 05:28:26 05:55:19 A few commenters suggested that I add time stamps for Kyra's little appearances into my videos so here you go! Hopefully I got all of them, so if you need a smile and want her beautiful little face to cheer you up, you can jump to one of these points! ♥
Honestly I love this video and the intellectual conversation in it but I also love that there is a comment for the wonderfully cute moments to help cope with Bethany talking 😂
Her snores on the bellesa ad honestly sold me on supporting your sponsor more than anything. I heard the little snores and I was like SOLD! 👩⚖️ for low low price of MY HEART
An idea I keep hearing repeated amongst Christian women is "well, you know your True Satisfaction won't come from your husband/your relationship, it comes from God so that's where all your focus should go when you're having problems." And like, I get what they're trying to say in a way, but also I feel like a LOT of Christian women are limping along in shitty marriages because "it's not supposed to be the source of my satisfaction anyway." Like it's a built-in excuse to not reflect on WHY it could be that their marriage/relationship/lifestyle isn't satisfying to begin with.
had an ex partner push his fetish onto me and i HATED it but he always said i had to do what he wanted because “it’s for my pleasure, not yours, just do this for me” and it was AWFUL. compatibility is SO SO SO important and the lack of it makes not only the sex un-enjoyable but can affect the relationship and it makes me sick that bethany brushes compatibility off. i’d be miserable if i was still with that guy
And when you add the self-sacrificing part that she talks about, she’s basically saying that this behavior should be tolerated and accepted as part of a “godly“ relationship. Really disgusting and I‘m sorry you had to go through that!
Hey Rachel this is a phenomenal video, per usual. I don't typically comment but I just wanted to send so much love over the (valid) frustration with the audio! As a listener, I promise it didn't impact the outstanding message behind your words. Doing our best! Thank you for this deep dive.
I felt so bad for Rachel in that moment. I’m just glad she didn’t put the pressure of redoing it on herself. I honestly find it much harder to hear Bethany’s puffs into her mic. The audio issues didn’t impact the message at all. I hope these comments help you feel good about the incredible work you’ve done, Rachel!
Miseducation about hymens is what caused me massive shame about where mine was placed, and subsequently it made it so I didn't go to the hospital when an incredibly irresponsible, sexually coercive person ended up breaking it. I thought blood was normal, that what I went through was normal, and now I'm forever scarred because of that miseducation. Please, please, don't feel shame about your body's bits, and don't hesitate to go to the hospital if something is going awry!
I can’t imagine paying for this “course” and watching Bethany waving her arms around and hitting a curtain in her (bedroom?? Hallway??) and swatting mosquitoes while saying the same thing..over..and over..and over..again! As you said, Rachel- ZERO effort was put into this! And she CHARGES for it!!
Oof. The "broken" part is just so disgusting to hear. How can they say something so horrible, create so many insecurities and say that with such an "inspired" tone? Like what??
Why do these Christian influencers constantly talk about how hard marriage is? There has never been a moment in my marriage in which I've thought it was hard and had to convince myself to "work" for it. They need to pick better partners.
they settled and are miserable. i've known soooo many Christians who didn't have happy marriages until their second or third, because they didn't find the one immediately they settled and were miserable.
As an fundie kid I was constantly told how miserable marriage was! And how you just have to push through all the time! I was shocked how happy I was when I got to live with my then partner, now husband of 15 years. Horrible!
wow. this brought me to tears. i thought i overcame all my sexual shame from the religious purity culture i was raised in, but i guess not. hearing you repeat that masturbation is completely normal & sharing numerous studies with actual science to back it up just finally clicked it into my brain that i am not dirty or a freak. it is nothing to feel shameful about, and it's extremely human. thank you rachel.
I never was particularly religious. But I grew up with my mom pushing it on me that virginity was important and even after an SA I had a “consensual virginity” I needed to guard from everyone. It’s been years and I just don’t know how to recover. This goes with masturbation. I feel too dirty and gross, like I’m doing a wrong thing to get over it. But it makes me feel better I’m not alone in feeling like a bad person. I hope the change sticks with you and the best of luck!
Yeah. That message is hard to get over, erase even more. I still have this idea that I'll be divide punished after doing that. And blame myself when anything goes wrong as it's a sign
That stuff sinks in really deep. I haven't been to church in many years, and I'm still working on deconstructing the Catholic guilt I grew up with. Hope you're doing ok my friend 💜
For any Christians out there thinking of buying this course look at 5:27:15 where Bethany googles 'Libido' She does not know the definition off the top of her head, and she is giving a sex course!! Say you went to a new doctor and said that you have high blood pressure. The doctor said hang on a minute and googled 'high blood pressure' ?!! I would be out of there in a shot. Personally I would learn sex from someone who knows the definition of Libido and go to a doctor who knows what high blood pressure is.
My mom is Greek...throughout that entire part I was vascilating between stabbing a pencil through my ear drums and laughing because she's literally saying "love love"
I saw someone somewhere talk about how straight men think they are competing with other men for a partner when in reality they are competing with the inner peace women feel when they are alone. That was soo true for me. I was in my mid twenties before I started dating. Before that I saw the turmoil my friends went through and went on one single date that put me off dating for a while longer. I think there is something to the idea of thoroughly getting to know yourself before you start dating, but that approach probably won't work for everyone. I'm now in a long term relationship and I don't regret my choices at all. I don't feel like I missed out by not dating in my teens and early twenties. Why did I write this comment? I can't remember how this relates to the video 😂
I had a similar experience although I did end up going on a date at 18 that went well (and we’re engaged 6 years later!). Taking the time to focus on myself and my well being before opening myself up to the intensity of a relationship made a huge difference in my ability to process clearly and make sure my priorities were right. I think this does relate to the video because there are so many instances where Bethany or her guest talks about the turmoil of sexuality and get sooo close to talking about having self fulfillment outside of your relationship… but no. They just tie it back to having blind faith that god will fix things for you if you’re patient enough.
The reason I love these videos is I can put them on as I do my silly little job (grading math papers, quite compatible with listening to stuff) and then I know exactly how long I've worked by tracking how much of the video I went throuth
Chick flicks are ENTERTAINMENT BETHANY. They aren’t REAL LIFE. Thats quite literally the whole freaking point. If you grew up thinking chick flicks were something to live by then you were sadly mistaken.
No, she grew up hearing about bad, evil Hollywood blamed for everything from the pulpit and equating Hollywood with the “the world” and people outside of her church group bc she literally doesn’t know anything about either.
She just embaresses Dave with no care in the world. He does not look happy in his current situation. He looks like he wants out but can't. Bethany isn't even a "godly" woman anymore, but she keeps making these courses on how to go about sex in a godly way while also straight up telling people on the internet that they should try thr Amazon position of all s3x positions. I dont even know if Bethany knows what she truly believes.
@@katrinaoliver4167 it's more so about the fact that she used to be against this kind of stuff completely and taught abstinence until marriage and to only do vanilla stuff because marriage isn't about lust or whatever. And now she's an outright scam artist that has been caught buying followers and likes on Instagram as well as having bots in place to answer comments. Nothing godly about faking your business and how popular it is. And the fact that she used to teach how women's roles in relationships and marriages was to be the house wife and how women are made to be able to take care of the house and clean...only to post photos of her unfolded laundry all over the sofa and how she isn't cut out for it. She's taught teenagers and young adults one thing for years and is now deconstructing but wont admit it. Its about the principle of it all. Teaching one thing but living another way because it doesn't suit her anymore.
@@jaydes4860 by the fact that she buys followers and likes on her business Instagram accounts and talks about how much she's growing when in fact she's buying them and lying to people about how well she's actually doing. Nothing godly or christ like about lying to people for money. Its the kind of thing Jesus would've flipped a table over for..he did something similar in the bible when he flipped over a table from some people trying to sell stuff by a holy temple that were cheating people in the process. Something similar that Bethany is doing. Selling their books and courses about how to live in a godly christ like way only to be lying to people.
The thing about being ace (or aro, though I don’t think I’m personally aro) is that the “default” of having that experience of sexual attraction is something I never knew was an experience, so I was almost 40 before I figured out I’m asexual. It finally made things so clear when I realized I was existing in a completely different way than most of the people around me. I know of a teenager whose mom told them they should get out more when they came out as aro/ace. It made me sad because I felt off my entire teen years and never knew why. Then there’s this kid who has the words to describe their experience but they’re told it’s not legitimate. It’s so unfortunate and I hope ace/aro experiences start to be included in the stories we tell more often just for all the folks out there who need to feel less alone.
Yeah, i suspect i might be aro/ace but it honestly doesn't change anything. Our world is constructed only for people in relationships and not being in one at a certain age is just simple way to complete loneliness when rest of the world turns their backs on you because you're not married so you don't deserve living
i’m either asexual or i’m just young. i’m 18 and i experience attraction but the idea of ever having sex with someone is unappealing and uncomfortable. i’ve been told “but what if you change your mind” then i do. sexuality is fluid and id rather decide another label is right for me in the future than force myself to participate in sex when i don’t want to
hey, you can be asexual and be in a romantic relationship. i personally am sex-repulsed, but i'm committed to someone. don't think that you have to be aromantic to be asexual. take all the time you need to figure yourself out, comrade. @@squidvink
@@squidvink it sounds like you got a great handle on things dude!! Labels can absolutely change, I think we spend our whole lives figuring ourselves out little by little. Never force yourself to do something you aren't comfortable with my friend 💜
If you're personally interested in ace/aro narratives, I know the book Loveless by Alice Oseman is about an ace/aro young adult 👀 it's YA so it might not be your speed, but worth checking out 🤷♀️
3:51:45 This part gave me a full body reaction. I have a condition called vaginismus, which basically makes my bits clamp shut at anything entering my body. It cam be painful and some people cannot physically use tampons, so I can only imagine how agonizing being with a partner would be. Saying that "your body parts *will* go together" isn't only ignorant, it's plain dangerous.
K. World doesn’t revolve around your vaginismus. Penis and vagina going together naturally is true for MOST people, that’s it. Could you go a day without getting offended at random shit?
Thank you for bringing up demisexuality, Rachael! I went for a long time not realizing that I was demiromantic and found it difficult to explain to others why I couldn't just date someone I didn't know. Once I was introduced to the concept, it was a huge relief to put a word to my experience. It made me feel much more confident. Appreciate you pointing out that it's a perfectly acceptable way to form romantic or sexual relationships ^_^
Books recommended in this video include, but not limited to: The clitoral truth 2:55:38 Come as you are 3:10:20 Is this normal? 3:10:51 Bang! Masterbation for people of all genders and abilities 3:25:16 How to have feminist sex 3:27:58 The unexpected joy of being single 4:19:33 The unexpected joy of being sober 4:19:54 Spinster 4:26:56 How to be single and happy 4:28:13 All the single ladies 4:33:38 Invisible women 5:15:04
Something small that really pisses me off is that SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT AGAPE IS!!! Agape isn't just sacrificial love. It's unconditional love for your fellow people. Bethany, you do not practice agape. You regularly judge other people for things they can not control and call them disgusting sinners deserving of punishment. That's not agape. It's hypocrisy.
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that the echo doesn't sound as bad as you probably think it is. I'm really sorry the tech issues happened. This video is wonderful, and I hope you were able to take some time to care for yourself. All of the virtual hugs from a random stranger
I love how they talk about how much more fulfilling christian marriage is than non-christian, and then in the next breath go in detail about how unfulfilled most christian wives are
Just got to the 2.5 hour mark and please know that the amount of effort, passion, and empathy you pour into these videos is beyond admirable and appreciated. I've enjoyed what I've watched so far and I thoroughly look forward to finishing the rest of the video! Thank you for all the hard work you do and the amount of awareness you raise on these very real issues!
What Kristen said about movies and TV having so much more sex and raunch than they used to is straight up wrong, there is factually quite a bit less sex in media than there was in the 70s, 80s, 90s, Broey Deschanel covers it really well in her Taboo on Screen series on Nebula
I *hate* people seeing a couple who aren't married as them both being single. They would describe myself and my partner as 'single' even though we have been together for _18 years_ . We got engaged 5 years in, when we were 18, but life and circumstances have got in the way of us actually getting married yet (I'm hoping to get it done with in 2025, our 20th anniversary year when we're 33) but we have lived together since coming of age and have had a very strong relationship since we were 13. We are in no way 'single'. We are as.good as married, the government treats us as if we are married, we just haven't get done it officially. It is so fucking stupid to class co-habiting people in a long term relationship as 'single' when they are anything but.
co-habiting relationships lasting longer than some marriages getting dismissed is just weird. Glad you have government protections - that can be a reason for long term couples to seek the paperwork
I'm so happy for you guys omg 💜 But no I also hate the way she describes that as well. There are plenty of people with partners that never get married, but they still made a commitment to each other, love each other, and are a team!! I've been with my partner for 5 and a half years or so and I would hate for someone to describe he and I as single just because we don't have rings yet 😒
Sweet Rachel, I’ m autistic and most sounds really bother me. Any thing that sounds too loud, too quiet, too muffled, overly crispy even - and i just want you to know that i got used to the camera mic switch took maybe 60 seconds and then i didn’t even register the change after that💙give yourself some grace, my love😙 [[see what i did there… using ‘grace’…and it’s a girl defined video. i know i know i’m so clever and hilarious😅]]
Ace person / demi romantic person here and just wanted to say 1) Thank you for bringing us up. Really appreciate when you spoke about asexuality/aromanticism not being an absence of sexuality/romantic orientation. 2) You're definition for demi sexual was right. Only thing worth mentioning is it's usually an emotional connection before sexual attraction and that can take many years to form. Although it is totally ok/fine/wonderful to be demi, a lot of demisexuals get told 'isn't that just normal' so it can be important to clarify how it is different from the norm, if that makes sense?
I think people mean well when they say it's normal. I think it's just the other way around. Demisexuality is really very common in my opinion, it's just that a lot of people don't realise it and they convince themselves that they're into sex much earlier than they are, especially women and femmes. Since there's so much pressure to be sexual immediately they just go along with it. It's only looking back years later that they realise they always took quite a while to warm up to sex with a new partner. That's why people call it normal, because there's just a lot of people out there who experience it but never had a full understanding of it. Same way you get those bi or gay Christians who genuinely think everyone is secretly attracted to the same sex and we're all repressing it like they have been for years. They think it's "normal" but in reality they're just gay and don't know it lol. Perhaps a bad example there but I hope that makes sense. We all project our experience onto other people and so it can accidentally be invalidating when in fact it affirms our identities are more common than we ever knew.
Aw Rachel girlie - the audio quality without the microphone is 100% fine, I stopped noticing any difference almost immediately. The video is awesome, I'm over halfway & I'm totally hooked. I absolutely adore your energy, I love escaping into your videos. Kyra softly mooing in the background is perfect accidental ASMR. Thank you girl for this epic masterpiece :)
I'm so excited to slowly watch this over the course of like a week lol! Dissecting content like this is so important and powerful and has helped me so much as an ex-cathlolic and purity culture survivor. Thank you so much for all your hard work and kindness!
i just wanted to say rachel, your section about ovarian cysts and feeling disgusted by parts of your body was really helpful for me to hear. i've felt that way my entire life - i don't want children, i have pcos, and every time i have a period i'm bed-bound for a couple days. i hate the constant fear of pregnancy, and the need to use several methods of birth control both for preventing pregnancy and just making my cycle bearable. i hate having to worry that my pms may kill me. everyone around me has constantly told me that the estrogen based cycle is beautiful and good, and i just cannot see it that way. hearing that another woman feels the same way is incredibly comforting - i felt like i was just being a woman wrong since i couldn't appreciate my cycle. these things are very personal and sensitive, and i really really appreciate you sharing your feelings about this. i feel a lot less alone now
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all that pain and complications. I feel you. I really hate my period. It’s better than it used to be, and I’m grateful for that. Marijuana is one thing that really helps me with cramps. I had a child 3 years ago and it’s been a little less painful since him. BUT. The years of wasted time! Wasted energy building this damn lining only to shed it every month!!! Why!!!!! Science needs to fix this. You know they’d have a magic pill by now if men suffered like this.
I’m at the very beginning. As a 43yo, single, (human) child-less woman living my dream and couldn’t be happier with my life…interested to hear her advice for me. Thank you for putting so much effort and passion into your videos. It’s clear the purpose of everything you put into this world is to make others lives better - it’s so obvious you’re not a fraud. Don’t waste your precious breath on anyone who would say or believe that ❤
We aren't married yet. But since my girlfriend and I act like a married couple of 30 years, I am qualified to say that it is indeed much better than they make it seem.
It’s nice to hear that perspective- 30+ years in the evangelical/fundie world and I’m just now starting to hear that marriage doesn’t have to be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Rewarding, but Very Difficult. I think people in those environments marry because, 1) Bible says to have children, 2) Fulfill husband/wife roles (that’s the only way to truly have value, except the woman needs to be a mother to have value as well), 3) SEX. It’s the only way to get sex in a godly way. As an exvangelical, I can confidently say getting married is mostly about sex for one or both partners.
I just got out of a really toxic relationship where I didn’t feel like I could trust my own thoughts or feelings, but now I feel like I’m finally starting to heal from it and all it took was listening to Rachel talk for 6 hours straight.
I am so sorry that you were in a relationship like that, but I'm even more happy that you're free and starting heal!! Take care my friend, things are only gonna keep getting better 💜
I've had to take this in chunks, but one thing has been made very clear to me: I need professional help in this area. I grew up similarly to Kristen and Bethany; my own mother wouldn't tell me what a clitoris was (she didn't even say the name) and said I would "find out about it when I got older." I was 16. I should have at least had a basic understanding by then, but no, I wasn't supposed to be having sex so why did I need to know how it worked? Then my ex traumatized me... twice. I'll get help when I can afford it; hopefully that's soon. I'm glad I have a very gracious husband.
hi rachel! at around 5:24:40 you were asking about rebecca’s recommendation of “pasteurised” dairy or “unpasteurised” milk. rebecca is actually saying “pasture-raised” dairy, as in dairy from cows that live on open pastures rather than a factory. american southern accents love to string words together 😅
Ahh that makes sense! I was just as confused as Rachel. Also, I really hope that "nutritionist" isn't recommending raw milk to people who are pregnant/ trying to get pregnant... That would be dangerous since pregnant people are at higher risk of getting infections and raw milk is unpasteurized aka hasn't had the bacteria in it killed...
@@sabrena5515 There is a chance that "raw milk" does refer to unpasteurized since that is a movement here amongst conservatives that it's "better" (yes they do ignore the health risks) but it could also mean just like drinking whole milk. Without paying for her scam book I'm unable to be sure if she falls into that specific ideology.
My first (many things) was with my rapist as a young teen. Speaking to the idea of new partners being new around 4:08:30, I just wanted to provide an alternate framing for people who have been assaulted: your body remembers, but that doesn't apply only to the trauma. You may carry the trauma of the assault with you into new partnerships, and that's normal, but know just as those bad memories stay with your body, good memories will stay too. When you engage in safe, consensual, enjoyable sex (if you want to), you get to train neural pathways for yourself. Your choice may have been taken away in the past, but that choice about new and lovely memories to keep within you is completely and totally yours.
I just want to add to the others who have said the (very mild) audio issues are absolutely nothing compared to the thoughtfullness and empathy you clearly put into this enormous project.
Hi Rachel, it broke my heart to hear you crying. The audio wasn’t a issue for me at all but thank you for all the time and effort you put into this and all your other videos. Please don’t be sorry or let a technical issue make you feel bad about yourself. I think you’re great ❤
leaving a pre-emptive comment: what a massive amount of work this must've been! you're incredible, Rachel, and this community really appreciates what you do to inform, educate, and protect others!
1:29:12 when Bethany is talking about boundaries she crossed in a previous relationship, what on earth could she be talking about? This is a woman who purports to have not so much as pecked anyone before the age of 30 on her wedding day. So unless she's literally talking about hugging someone being so sinful that Jesus died to stop her going to hell for it, it seems like she just told on herself and she's not telling her audience the truth.
The way I started internally screaming and jumping around when I saw that this is 6 HOURS LONG- Thank you so much, Rachel, for giving my ADHD brain some background noise while studying for my millions of exams, you have no idea how much I (and a lot of other people) appreciate your content!
Just got to the message about the mic problems at 2:36:00, and honestly Rachel it’s okay. You put so much effort into this and I’m sorry that the audio not being up to your standards had you so stressed. Thanks for all you do, and for taking something that was made with so little care for Bethany’s audience, to turn it into educational and uplifting content for your audience. Stay strong and get an emotional break after this one ❤.
5:24:00 I think she's saying "pasture raised", not pasteurized (you're right, pasteurized is the opposite of raw and pasteurization has saved SO MANY lives, please don't drink raw milk and absolutely do not give an infant raw milk)
3:51:40 -- "If you're a male and a female your body parts will go together".... Bethany's speaker fails to mention the very real medical issue of vaginsmus, something that is thought to affect 1-7% of the female population where pelvic floor muscles involuntarily tighten during insertion and can prevent any penetration. I can assure you its not a myth. It's already quite painful and shameful even if you have a (relatively) healthy view of sex and a partner who respects your boundaries, so it horrifies me to think of some of these fundamental christian women suffering from this and experiencing immense pain and/or shame and assuming it's their fault and having partners believe it is their right to sex.
this video that you can watch for free is unironically a much better resource for sexual education than bethany's entire paid course. thank you for doing your research, being inclusive, and, most importantly, caring
Had to pause and tell you that the apology for the audio is heartbreaking! You post such wonderful professional content and I know we all can listen past something for your wisdom. Lots of love ❤
Can I just say, the way you talk about these topics so passionately and speak up for the people and groups that are marginalised or attacked in this content in such an educated and compassionate way, really restores my faith in humanity. Thank you so much for the time, effort and dedication you have in making these videos. They are so so important ❤
Dear Rachel, thank you so much for everything you do... My life has been "hijacked" by a strange man when I was 14 who basically "raised me" (I was often alone and neglected) to be dependent on him and introduced me to his twisted belief system. It ended with phone calls in which I was hypnotised and sexually assaulted (I'm autistic, I have a severe issue with my imagination and feel sensory "visions" very vividly). I also tried to speak out against him later in life, but was, like you pointed out, retraumatized in the process. After years of torture I broke free from that man. I struggle with anger issues ever since, since nobody knew what he'd done to me in my own head, using my imagination against me. Now even therapy is triggering for me, since he abused therapeutic measures to get into my head. He'll never see the consequences for it and I really hate him. That's it. Thank you for providing this space for everyone to be honest and healing. You're my happy place. What you're doing is saving lives, never forget that. Thank you.❤
I am so glad you're free, that sounds absolutely horrifying and like that was an evil person. I hope you can heal slowly and that you're hanging in there, please take care 💜 I hate the fact that therapy can be triggering like that, I've been through something like that. I hope you find some healthy ways to cope my friend. You deserve health and happiness
I am so happy to see you getting sponsorships. You deserve them and we appreciate the hard work you put in creating these videos. I'm a relatively new subscriber and I binged almost all of your videos. Keep up the good work and much love to you, your partner, and, of course, the sweet Kyra❤
As a demisexual woman who grew up in purity culture, I can say purity culture pushes the feeling that demisexual is the norm as it not only shames all sexual conduct outside of a committed (marital) relationship, but also teaches that emotional intimacy is an important factor in our sexual relationship, and that casual sex rips apart our ability to be emotionally connected within sex- I'd actually be surprised if Bethany is demisexual, it seems more this is a piece of the brainwashing of purity culture that she assumes sexual attraction is this way because it's slanted as "God intended sex to be within emotional intimacy". Thought I'd add that perspective to all this other spot on commentary. :)
First of all, I really needed this video. College finals are getting to me, and listening to you talk while I work has always helped me! I am simply a cozy girl who enjoys Rachel content. Second of all, people like Bethany really piss me off. TLDR, I somehow self-inflicted purity culture on myself while being a lifelong atheist. I was raised as an atheist and had EXTREMELY comprehensive sex ed. My schools talked openly about contraception, levels of intimacy, STDs, consent, etc. My parents drew diagrams of the uterus and the menstruation process LONG before I started my period. They gave me books, took me to classes, and answered any questions I had. Even after the AMAZING job my parents did educating me and preparing me for the world, I still felt so much shame around sex/intimacy, exploring my own body, etc. I developed an identity as the "innocent girl." I was the helpful, kind, booksmart older sister who didn't even swear until she was 14 (very opposite to my current sailor’s mouth). This whole identity was self-enforced. Nobody made me feel like I HAD to be that person, I just attached myself to a set of traits and rolled with them. As a result of this, I really leaned away from anything surrounding sex. I experienced sexual attraction and all that, but I just didn’t want to envision myself actually DOING it. It didn’t align with my “innocent” identity, and neither did masturbation. A very unhealthy and emotionally abusive relationship in my early high school years (complete with constant sexual pestering and an instance of assault) solidified that mild distaste for sexual topics into outright fear. It took me until I was 18 (well over halfway through my first year of college) to feel comfortable actually exploring my body. And holy shit, the day I finally did that was a breakthrough for me. All at once, I felt so much freedom. I wasn’t mentally attached to the “good girl” image anymore because that doesn’t actually mean anything. Sex and self-pleasure have nothing to do with how good of a person you are. I fucking WISH I opened myself up to these conversations and removed the shame a lot earlier. Seeing people like Bethany, who were so clealry curious about sex and intimacy in their youth but were shut down by their communities, who think it’s “hilarious” that they didn’t find out about the mechanics of sex until they were fully an adult, who have such convoluted and self-conflicting ideas of what sex “should” be, who answer questions from people who are very clearly struggling with the ideals that their own communities have forced upon them with answers involving “sexual brokenness” and “sin” and all that bullshit… it drives me up the wall. She so blatantly says that she felt SHAME and GUILT when she was a kid curious about this stuff, and then SHAMES and GUILT-TRIPS people who are curious about this stuff, even through her facade of sex-positivity. If I grew up hearing this nonsense spouted at me in combination with the self-inflicted purity culture thing, I would’ve hated myself for even feeling a modicum of sexual attraction to a boy. So yeah, Bethany isn’t my favorite. Also, the blatant homophobia/transphobia doesn't help her case smh EDIT: while I was watching this I was thinking "... Bethany must be real fun to watch romance movies with." And then she confirmed my exact thoughts.
Me too, her voice is calming and cosy despite talking about serious topics. This sounds weird, how did you self-inflict purity culture onto yourself? I never heard that before. Honestly, your parents did a great job. I was raised in a "kinda Christian" household. We believe in God and Jesus and all. As well as the bible but we don't follow it, we don't agree with it but we never voiced that, it was like something we all knew we believed but decided to act like we don't. I don't believe that the Bible is a holy book. I believe that it is man-made, and not a good one. It can be a good novel. But not a book to follow. Anyway, my parents didn't really do sex education. They taught us the basics like periods and pregnancy. This was more directed at my sisters but we brothers still listened. Ironically, we were more curious and asked more questions than our sisters lmao.
2:45:45 - So, back when I was a young Christian fella (let's say 15 to 25), porn felt inescapable. Every time I went back to it, I felt worse. More shame, more punishing myself, yadda yadda... but it was like trying not to think about a pink elephant. The more you try not to think about it, the more you think about it. As an atheist man (now 35), since no longer feeling shame over it - I don't even think about porn unless I'm horny. Like, I can just live a life and think about board games and work and a book I'm writing and bills and whatever. None of my energy is constantly spent holding on to fear and shame over the possibility of even *thinking* about the idea of porn.
3:20:05 "Are you a virgin? If not, please explain." A totally normal first date question that is in no way awkward! The way most people would (rightly) leave a first date after a question like that, hooboy!
When I was a teenager I went on a date with a guy from my job, he asked me if I was a virgin. When I sat there kind of astounded, not knowing what to say, he said “oh well you’re probably not, the pretty ones never are”. Like what? If I’m pretty I must be experienced? Huh? (I actually was a virgin but didn’t see how it was any concern of his).
@@blammela well sure, but point blank asking "are you a virgin?" Seems a bit judgey from the jump. A more nuanced question would be more sensitive (if you're interested in sleeping with this person, anyway) - like, what do you like to do with a partner, sexually? Are there things you're especially into, or things you really don't like and want to avoid? I guess the question, whether loaded to assume one should or should *not* be a virgin, just seems tactless for such a sensitive topic about someone's intimate life.
5:39:00 I literally can’t believe she said single women don’t have a lot going on in their lives and are bored ??? As a single (and Christian!) woman this is so fucking deluded 😂 I can’t with fundies
FREE TOYS OR GIFT CARDS FOR TOYS! Everyone who signs up to my giveaway with Bellesa wins something! www.bboutique.co/naughty-list/racheloates-yt
Did you seriously delete my comment? Wow.
I haven’t deleted anything?
@@RachelOates Huh, maybe it was your filter? Didn't think I used any words that could set it off but who knows. I just wanted to let you know that Body Worlds is morally dubious with how they get their subjects.
Sorry for being rude, (perceived) censorship sets me off
@@BlueGangsta1958something to be said for having tact….
@@SJTJ There was no reason for me to assume that any of the words I used would set off a filter so yes, I got upset. Something to be said for not being sanctimonious as well
Wait - she prefers to see female obgyns and physical therapists but she still thinks all women need to be homemakers??
In Bethany's perfect world all the female obgyns and physios work from home and they do the cleaning and cooking in-between appointments.
They never think that far ahead. If anyone actually challenged her belief system she wouldn't be able to hold it together, all her arguments would fall apart, and she'd eventually just move the goalpost or make exceptions to fit her narrative. They always do it lmao
I didn't even catch that bit, but wow, what a hypocrite? lmao
Perhaps they are the girls that didn’t get married or have babies. How could all women “need” to be homemakers? 🙈
I was joking if you didn’t know lol.
I just can't get over the fact that Bethany is a 34 year old mother of two, and still somehow is so juvenile. Like seriously, the rest of the world realised that romcoms do not represent real life when we were teenagers. Just goes to show what living in a purity cult does to a woman..
It looks like delusion at some point, like she's trying to convince herself this is what a marriage SHOULD, MUST be. Then again, I would be too if I grew up in such a family and the only worth I thought I had was possessing an oversaturated, caricaturized, condescending and, ironically, holier than thou version of feminity that acts as the only thing I can talk about
Purity culture equating infantilism and naïvety with womanhood 🤮
@@llynxfyremore like a pre teen to me :( it’s very sad
I was not aware she is 34... I thought she is 20+
This is common in evangelical culture. You're not considered an adult until you're married so her getting married later took so many years where she couldn't exercise her autonomy (I'm speculating but I grew up in this same mentality)
I hate how she calls people "singles" and "marrieds" like that's all that defines them
Yeah like she's the IRS and we're all tax forms
This made me bust out laughing first thing in the morning, thank you 😂
But it does - i'm the only single person in her 20s in my entire country and when people learn that they just judge me as freak and don't care if i'm a good person or what are my interests. Only thing that matters is the fact i'm not married
Because in their world, that is all that exists. In the real world there are people who are dating, cohabiting, or divorced as well. So not strictly single or married. In fundamentalist churches, people only date for a few weeks or months and then they are married. It takes that long to plan a wedding, so they are practically planning it from the a few dates in.
There are very few who go from one dating relationship to another in Christian fundamentalism because if they don't get married off quickly, then they get cast aside as an 'undateable', especially if female. So they leave that church where their ex is after a break up or stay single forever. They go to a new church where they start afresh, pretending they have never dated before. The man then goes on to an arranged rebound relationship that culminates in marriage a few months later.
It reminded me of my time in the southern baptist church in which I was raised: e.g. the sunday school class for "the singles" or "Christian singles". It probably is the biggest part of people's, particularly women's identity aside for Christian.
First you are a child, then you are a single, then you are a married.
I strongly dislike it though.
I can't help it. Whenever I hear them say "struggle with masturbation" I always think "Well just get better at it."
Me too! Like what’s so hard about it? 5 mins and done, good clean fun & its FREE
Practice makes perfect!
Like, there are devices for that.
@@_lil_lil well, perfect practice makes perfect. these people have a long way to go before they're comfortable enough to actually relax and enjoy themselves for once in their sad, sad lives.
Call that a skill issue
Calling it now - Rachel put more time and thought into this video than Bethany has for... well, anything she's done.
Rachel put more thought into making this video than Bethany put into making her son
@@fuccapitalismThis is so funny.
@@fuccapitalism or picking her husband
Rachel also puts her HEART into it. You can tell she actually cares.
Literally. And we get it for free!
Nothing drives me crazier than Girl Defined's insistence that the only two lifestyles are Christianity and Hollywood. Literally no adult I know thinks movies are in any way a realistic portrayal of love and relationships. Bethany sounds extremely foolish and she makes it abundantly apparent that her only exposure to non-Christian relationships is movies. It's clear she doesn't actually know any non-Christian couples in real life.
They do this very purposefully, so that when sheltered young people start to question their beliefs they think they have to choose from two extremes
All of this
Couldn’t have said it better
this is ridiculously spot on
She's extremely immature and stunted.
For a course designed for single women, she talks a lot about marriage...
fr. i try to be objective like oatesis, but man it's difficult like if you're supposed to theoretically be making this course for me you're doing terrible at catering to me. and i don't know everything but i doubt it's all too helpful to the hardcore christian girls i knew when they'd have been looking for help
Because being a wife is supposed to be your only purpose…*cringe*
@@KylieJelane-p9fwell it is your first purpose at least in my country. Second is to have as many children as possible. That's why me being 26 and single everybody think i'm a freak and my friends and family just abandonden me
For people like Bethany, marriage is the main goal in a woman's life. Basically, she teaches badly - future wives. Until then, they're not allowed to do anything sexual because it seems Bethany doesn't understand anything about hormones. The sex expert is still a woman stuck in her obsession about "purity".
@@MirElla-tq9neCan you move to another country?
I knew this girl in college who, at the age of 19, had been married SIX TIMES because she didn’t believe in extramarital sex, but still had a healthy sex drive, so she basically would just get married to a guy after a few dates, and then a few months later get divorced. Like... what even is purity culture at that point? It’s just so bizarre. I hope she’s doing okay these days.
I’m glad at least it sounded like she was able to use birth control or time it right, imagine kids from all those liaisons…
Apparently, Mormons used to do that a lot. They would get married in Vegas, stay married for a weekend, and then get the marriage annulled before going back home so they could have sex without going to hell. Then the Mormon church banned that.
Damn, that's very sad. I hope she's ok
guilt and internalized misogyny really is something huh
that is crazy
"This is how you encourage people to kill themselves." Ouf. Chills. As a trans person myself, I appreciate the straightforwardness, I truly do.
i do as well. people like to dance around it so this is so refreshing to hear from a cis person
Same here!
@ville__ where are you vids then. Sounds made up
@@LalaWatches It's a bot
Ditto
"Fundamentalism traumatized me. Here's a fundamentalist sex course to combat that!"-Brithany
Me: Oh my GOD I’m so bored of rewatching video essays…
Rachel Oates, the queen herself: Here’s a six hour video on Bethany Beal’s single’s course.
im at hour and a half mark and time flew by. thats how much i love rachels content💕
I find them triggering but stick through because of Rachel's commentary. You don't have to watch them. I am glad she exposed them in detail.
She could make some abridged versions as well with Bethany Beal and Paul and Morgan taken out.
Marriage is NOT a machine. I literally hate that she says this. It’s not a baby making machine, we are not baby making machines, we are not machines and our relationships are not machines. This is horrible.
Check out Lily Simpson and her brief 10 hour essay on Harry Potter 😂
her talking about how excellent sexual intimacy within marriage is is soooo funny to me because hasn't she talked AT LENGTH about how horrible her sex life was for the first several years of her marriage? like girl don't lie to us
She's kn delululand
So? Not everybody knows how to have great sex right off the bat. Damn. Judgmental.
It probably still is horrible but ahe got used to it and nothing changed.
I had a friend who said at first that her husband was like a bull at a gate and she reformed him. My friend was always joking and gossiping about sex and asking personal questions about people's sex lives directly to them. She also showed us porn films once she got married so we thought she was sex mad.
Then she told me that she struggled to keep up with her husband's sex demands. I found that difficult to believe at first. He had incel vibes about him.
It took me years to realise that she was being sexually abused by her husband once I read Living With The Dominator. And that she watched the porn films because he was a porn addict and he wanted her to have sex with him like a porn actress. The jokes and gossip were her way of coping with it all. She also got very materialistic and was spending a lot so would push him to earn more money. She needed compensation.
At the time if she invited me to a party at her house I would get worried that she would suddenly get up and strip off and say "Let's have an orgy."
She quite literally called herself “dead dry bones” in the bedroom and that Dav struggled to “bring these dead bones to life”. You couldn’t waterboard that info out of me.
It is absolutely wild to me how many times Bethany walks RIGHT INTO THE POINT and yet still misses it completely. She talks so many times about her trauma, confusion, low self-esteem, misunderstanding, lost time, etc results from what the church taught or didn't teach her, and then follows that up with teachings from the church her audience should take to heart. The brainwash is INTENSE. It makes me so mad and sad at the same time. Set yourself free from this nonsense, folks. Be a good person. You don't need to worship a hateful God to be a good person.
I realised I had sexual trauma going all the way back to my first day at school as religion was forced upon us. I had been led to believe it had all come from my strict but atheist parents. They had played a part but not as much as the schools had. My mother wasn't as strict and was much more hands off, leaving me to work things out for myself, but she expected me to conform to my father and his parents at times. They didn't see me but what they could mould me into. My mother and a great aunt saw me, though.
My mother's sister was too busy gossiping and running around after people to see me, but she was the first to push me into washing myself when in the bath. I am grateful for my mother being hands off but she could have been more assertive with my father and his side of the family. My father would have treated me like a three year old or disabled child up until puberty if it wasn't for my mother and her side of the family.
My mother would be the type to buy you a bicycle but leave you to teach yourself to ride. My father would forbid it.
Yep, she wants to acknowledge the harm of how she was raised without actually acknowledging the harm of how she was raised
She also swears compatibility doesn’t matter in marriage but then details every way her exboyfriends were incompatible. Obviously she knows compatibility is real, but she won’t admit it because it would mean admitting she’s incompatible with her husband.
God is not hateful people just interpret the teachings wrong .
@@iiconicvirgo The God in the Bible is absolutely hateful.
"non-Christian couples don't really love each other" is crazyyy
yeah im like my happily married Muslim coworker whose husband always brings her home cooked meals & encouraged her to finish her Master's doesnt *realy* love her?🙄
I better go tell my partner 😂😂
@@platedlizardthat is so sweet
They literally gatekeep love, morality, selflessness etc. because apparently only "real" characteristics such as these can be embodied IF you believe in God 🙄😒
That's because Christian couples don't really love each other.
It’s so weird to watch someone deconstruct while not deconstructing at all.
Literally. The math is not mathing
she’s deconstructing the parts that no longer work for her, while making no apologies for treating those parts as law in the past
Right?! It’s like a car with broken wheels on the highway. Like the path is SO straightforward, but Bethany is sitting and spinning in circles aimlessly
The irony of this woman getting mad at her followers for not letting her be open about sex when she was peddling her puritanical nonsense for years.
“if you’re male and female your body part WILL go together”
…
cut to me having vaginismus and in fact NOT being able to have a penis inside my vagina🙄😒
it’s INFURIATING how they just say shit like it’s fact meanwhile completely belittling, shaming, and ERASING people that do actually have those kind of physical barriers😡😡
I'm curious, is there any treatment for this condition? How do you have sex?
@@justbinji7718 thanks for asking!
i have all different kinds of non penatrative sex. As far as treatment, the only thing i’ve ever been suggested by a doctor is “have you tried foreplay😒 - obviously. duh!) and then using vaginal dilators. (give it a google if you don’t know they are)
you have to sit with them in for an extended period of time and then slowly move up sizes. it’s often incredibly painful. I’ve used them for years in hopes of it helping but i still can’t have penetration with an “average” penis without pain. and there are still certain times of my cycle where penetration of any kind is impossible.
Doctors haven’t really helped but i do live in the US and have limited access as it’s insanely expensive. i have a friend that has a similar condition and she was able to see a pelvic floor specialist and essentially had physical therapy for her vagina.
i’d love to give that a try but again… it’s very expensive and not accessible for me.
so… 🤷🏼♀️
@justbinji7718 those are weird questions to ask a stranger on the internet. Also, there's more to sex than penetration, or did u not watch the video?
Yet another example of how Bethany shouldn’t be speaking on this topic. She has everyone fitting in the same mold. The fundie mold.
@@dangerxbadger2300 Agreed it is a bit overstepping to ask how someone has sex, but I don't think I could bash them since they come from a place of genuine not knowing and curiosity by their wording lol (still overstepping though! Just.. not malicious I hope)
The way she brings up SA so casually in like the first session is so unnerving. She aligns non-consensual and normal sexual development so frequently it is clear she sees both as a fault of the child.
THIS!! They *really* need to stop talking about these topics right next to eachother and even synonymously. It's so disgusting and cruel.
The worst part is that it is entirely intentional because she sees it all as sinful and in the same bucket.
Tf is SA
@@Rowanda7361google is free. SA is short for sexual assault.
@@Rowanda7361 sexual assault
One interesting thing is they never touch on the high percentage of child predators in churches
They would never...that doesn't happen! In their head it doesn't. That would break their heads
I'd noticed that too. I'm convinced GD and well, the majority of Christian influencers really, think because they didn't personally experience it then the problem can't be that prevalent. Nevermind that the teachings and taboos surrounding sex/marriage/gender roles/abuse all work together to create an environment where abuse runs rampant and perpetrators are protected. Nevermind the countless articles, blogs, podcasts etc where people recall their stories. Nevermind the numerous civil lawsuits and criminal cases brought against abusers. It didn't happen to *them* so keep your head in the sand.
At the most maybe one day they'll acknowledge it's a problem in a different sect, or in the past. Maybe.
If the children didn't tempt the predators, everything would have stayed fine 🙄
Basically what I was told as a young child
They don't believe it's real. They believe it's maybe one or two isolated "mistakes" and that's it. I have ultra-religious family members and they fully believe the high numbers of child victims are liars. It's very sad and frustrating.
wasn't their brother literally a victim too? its awful
"I’m choosing to be miserable every day to glorify ‘God’." - Bethany’s 2 courses described in one sentence
Christianity summed up in one sentence.
@@katrinaoliver4167 I thought it mostly applied to Catholicism (since I followed a fundie version of it where we offered our sufferings fot the souls of Purgatory) but it seems to be a widespread idea in other denominations too
@@monus782 I was raised like Bethany. Suffering is next to godliness. Being happy is a sign we aren’t being persecuted enough.
@@katrinaoliver4167 and from what I've heard if you're unhappy after leaving then it's your punishment from God for being an apostate or something like that, despite dealing with all the religious trauma after my own apostasy I kept going out of spite and also because I didn't want to become an example of how it's impossible to have a good life outside the church (one of my therapists did call my previous community a cult after I told him everything I went through), after some therapy and meds I'm more at peace now for the first time in years
"I’m choosing to be miserable every day to glorify something that people tell me about, but can't show actually even exists" - fixed that for you.
I grew up with Dave and it feels so invasive to see so much of his personal life and intimate life just out there. We ran in the same homeschool/church groups. Their family was extremely sheltered and even my own sheltered family thought they were odd. I had hoped him and his siblings had gotten out like I did. Just makes me sad to know they’re still in it.
Maybe one day he will.
He seems like he’s on the path of getting out.
Oh man, he seems like such a sweet dude, too. Poor guy. He doesn't deserve this.
You don't have any content on your channel...@ville__
@ville__What?
I busted out laughing when her first “expert” literally flat out said she’s the least equipped person to talk about this stuff, like what??? I’m mind blown
Ok so that is Christian-coded for a false humility/making it like a “god-thing”. It weirdly actually can lend more credibility in Christian circles to say things like “I should be the lease equipped to talk about this” because it implies that “wow! by Gods grace he has me, the least likely statistically, to share about this! Obviously this is anointed by God!”
It’s a nod to Moses being a great spiritual leader even though he is thought to have had some kind of speech impediment or fear of public speaking.
Oh that's so interesting! Thanks for sharing this.
@@katrinaoliver4167 so "I have no clue what I'm talking about but I'll still yapp your ear off and tell you why I'm right and youvre wrong and will burn in hell!"
So humble...
People like Bethany literally think real experts in sexuality are conspirators in the trans and gay agenda, and that experts aren't that smart or knowledgeable anyway, so you can trust anyone who claims to have knowledge and who also agrees with your point of view.
HOLY CRAP! A 6 HOUR VIDEO?! Like you said in the community post, this was a big video. You weren't joking. This is by far the longest video I've seen on your channel but it will be entertaining. Thanks for all you do Rachel. I hope you're doing alright
After consuming this much Bethany Beal content? Who knows if Rachel is doing alright lol I'm not sure anyone could recover from that
I love her long videos so much her voice is so relaxing and inspiring
@@noelle8016Yeeeeeesss
Yes! Rachel's voice and intonation are so graceful, I would love to listen to her more. Btw has she ever published audio books of her poetry or other people's books ? I would love that!
she’s a crafter’s dream just shut your mind off and get your projects done!
Oh my God I am at 1h49 minutes in and I'm losing my mind at Bethany using romance movies and celebrity couples as examples of "our culture". She for real thinks you either are a christian fundamemtalist or you try to live your life like fictional characters. That tells me everything I need to know about her knowledge on intimacy and sex.
Not only that, but she mixes up the actors with the characters they play. Does she not know that there is a difference between the real actors relationship and the relationship they play as in the movie?
Bethany: “Oh look, something I wasn’t allowed to observe growing up. Soooo, this thing is what everyone in the world does, clearly.”
idk but I’ll never get over the teaching the anatomy of female genitalia by looking at a newborn when you could quite literally just google what you want to know.
My step mom bought me a book allll about the female body and even had pics of vaginas & boobs. There’s tons of books like that
i think back then they didnt have that so readily available, but of course, they still could have done it any other way.
Maybe the Internet wasnt around but they could have Just gone to a library and gotten an Anatomy book. That Story baffles me more every time i hear it.
@@annabeinglazy5580 for some reason I thought this was more recent, but like you said, you could just look at a biology book with a diagram, because you cannot tell me that would be considered porn when there was clearly no problem with looking at the genitals of a real baby who can’t consent.
What did they think they were wiping every nappy change?!
I can't get over how they keep pretending they think that "purity culture" is no good now but the literal only part they disagree with is that heterosexual sex AFTER MARRIAGE is a chore. Like babe that's not the purity part.
"the LGBTQ uprising" is so metal
I yelled "HELL YEAH, RISE" when she said that 😂
Solid lesbian metal band name for sure 😂
Alphabet mafia ready for the pronoun wars ;)
@ville__
Huh? You have zero videos on your channel.
Yeah, we gotta spread that gay agenda
46:52 "People have been spreading the idea that sex is Big Bad and you shouldn't do it, and purity culture has been infiltrating the community and I couldn't possibly imagine who would be responsible for perpetuating this misinformation" *the call is coming from **_inside the house,_** Bethany*
I’ve come back a few times to finish the video. Every time I scroll to find this comment. So funny 😂
'infiltrating' the way Kissinger 'infiltrated' the USA, ig
Bethy: Your worth is not measured by your purity
Also Bethy, not even a minute later: Purity is not only for single people, everyone be pure!
Which is it Bethy? Which is it???
*glitch noise* raised by purity culture i plain don't know
Bethany sitting in a painted white room in a corner saying it's going to be boring but casual as she rattles off her unfiltered, unedited biases and opinions versus Rachel sat on her sofa surrounded by things she loves and her blanket whilst pointing out the scripts, editing, research and prep that goes into her own discussions and informed experiences. That shows it all really.
I'm an hour in and once again got to give Rachel the credit for really putting time and passion into trying to put more consideration for others into the world.
Is she shooting these videos in het closet? That was the first thing I thought when I saw this. The second was "where's her top?" - between bad lighting and the colour of her top I was literally at the one hour mark before I could verify she had a top on. Not that there was any doubt.
@@zar3434 I had the same thought about the top - everything was framed to be as beige and uninteresting as possible as a framing tool. I think there is a prevailing idea that minimalism equates to professionalism, but I cannot help but wonder whether this is a choice to get content out cheaper and faster rather than to build any long term trust or reliable resources with design put into them. (thinking about the typos) As the video goes on, I can only lead into "yes." I know a lot of MLM companies also use cheap, minimalist branding for this reasdon: you never know when it's all going to go under. Everything lacks substance and long term forethought. Which is why i appreciate videos like this a lot: people (Rachel) taking time to craft a space for themselves and others based off of passionate and well researched resources filmed in their own home. Even more so after *certain plagerism video* this month highlighted how easy it is to just hide behind plain backgrounds and content farms looking ""professional"" that just create long term harm to the overall communities they engage with through misinformation. That's my feelings anyway!
Also Rachel if you are reading this i hope Kyra and your partner gave you many hugs after all of this, you deserve it with the work you put in and I too know how frustrating tech issues can be on top of a bad day. Much appreciated video (2 more hours to go!)
It’s so scary that they say all that stuff with a smile on their faces. Like they actually believe in all that.
What’s scarier is that this crap (in my experience) has 95% been “Rules for thee BUT NOT FOR ME!” 🤮😡 it is so angering!
It’s the “god makes this all white noise” smirk. I see it a lot.
People are entitled to their delusions, I suppose. I am more troubled by their sense of entitlement in imposing their bullshit on everyone else.
6h ago? Did you finish the video now?
@@PGOumadid it take you the whole video to realize GD is whack? Yikes.
as someone who has struggled with painful sex before Bethany saying stuff like "god made the vagina and penis to fit perfectly together" is pretty fucked up as I can imagine it would make a lot of women feel broken especially people entrenched in purity culture as that is one of the many things that can lead to vulvodynia and painful sex
Agree with this so much as a divorced woman who has also had bulvadinia.
Right?? Like even aside from medical conditions, not every part is the same size or shape 😮💨
and of course, to say nothing of how it's a lot harder to insert something if the vagina isn't properly aroused.
It’s literally true though. A penis is MEANT to go into the vagina. It’s not religious, it’s not spiritual, it’s just the way nature made us because we are animals. You must be offended by biology though
We love to see a sex-positive video essay that also destigmatizes divorce!
I assume she bases her worldly relationship knowledge on tv series like sex and the city xD
“Some people don’t like sex and they’re not broken” oh my god you don’t know how much I needed to hear that. Watching that woman say over and over again that she was broken until she learned how to enjoy sex, I know that’s not nearly the worst part of that clip but that is such a mindset that is always harming me as an asexual like I really do feel broken for not wanting that and it sucks
Honestly you’re very lucky in a way to not have these urges and desires, it all feels so gross sometimes, like what is the point and why am I putting so much energy into thinking about this…
Just wanted to say that you are valid and NOT broken whatsoever :)
hi fellow asexual person👋 you're awesome
Kyra's Appearances:
7:27
02:03:47
02:05:59
02:40:00
02:47:33
02:50:50
02:54:55
05:16:48
05:26:11
05:28:26
05:55:19
A few commenters suggested that I add time stamps for Kyra's little appearances into my videos so here you go! Hopefully I got all of them, so if you need a smile and want her beautiful little face to cheer you up, you can jump to one of these points! ♥
Thank you!! ❤❤❤
Honestly I love this video and the intellectual conversation in it but I also love that there is a comment for the wonderfully cute moments to help cope with Bethany talking 😂
Her snores on the bellesa ad honestly sold me on supporting your sponsor more than anything. I heard the little snores and I was like SOLD! 👩⚖️ for low low price of MY HEART
Excellent! Also, I really don't mind the echoey audio part, because hearing Kyra snortysnort in the background is always a treat for me!
TY ! ♥
I hate when they call divorce giving up when normally divorce is a big decision that takes so much to get to.
An idea I keep hearing repeated amongst Christian women is "well, you know your True Satisfaction won't come from your husband/your relationship, it comes from God so that's where all your focus should go when you're having problems." And like, I get what they're trying to say in a way, but also I feel like a LOT of Christian women are limping along in shitty marriages because "it's not supposed to be the source of my satisfaction anyway." Like it's a built-in excuse to not reflect on WHY it could be that their marriage/relationship/lifestyle isn't satisfying to begin with.
I came from a "kinda Christian" (aka fake) family. I'm just glad my parents didn't really believe in this nonsense.
Looks like their husbands don't care for their pleasure
had an ex partner push his fetish onto me and i HATED it but he always said i had to do what he wanted because “it’s for my pleasure, not yours, just do this for me” and it was AWFUL. compatibility is SO SO SO important and the lack of it makes not only the sex un-enjoyable but can affect the relationship and it makes me sick that bethany brushes compatibility off. i’d be miserable if i was still with that guy
And when you add the self-sacrificing part that she talks about, she’s basically saying that this behavior should be tolerated and accepted as part of a “godly“ relationship. Really disgusting and I‘m sorry you had to go through that!
That’s awful, I’m so sorry you went through that. If you have to coerce someone into consenting, they aren’t really consenting.
that is horrendous and i'm so glad you are out of that now, its really terrifying that they normalize this disgusting abuse!
Hey Rachel this is a phenomenal video, per usual. I don't typically comment but I just wanted to send so much love over the (valid) frustration with the audio! As a listener, I promise it didn't impact the outstanding message behind your words. Doing our best! Thank you for this deep dive.
Thank you ❤️
seconded! I could tell how upset the tech issues made you but it happens and I appreciate you still sharing your hard work with us 💛
I felt so bad for Rachel in that moment. I’m just glad she didn’t put the pressure of redoing it on herself. I honestly find it much harder to hear Bethany’s puffs into her mic. The audio issues didn’t impact the message at all. I hope these comments help you feel good about the incredible work you’ve done, Rachel!
The audio isn’t horrible, and like everyone else said, the message is there. I hope you don’t continue to feel poorly about the mishap.
I actually liked that it made it easier to hear Kyra 🥰
Miseducation about hymens is what caused me massive shame about where mine was placed, and subsequently it made it so I didn't go to the hospital when an incredibly irresponsible, sexually coercive person ended up breaking it. I thought blood was normal, that what I went through was normal, and now I'm forever scarred because of that miseducation.
Please, please, don't feel shame about your body's bits, and don't hesitate to go to the hospital if something is going awry!
I can’t imagine paying for this “course” and watching Bethany waving her arms around and hitting a curtain in her (bedroom?? Hallway??) and swatting mosquitoes while saying the same thing..over..and over..and over..again! As you said, Rachel- ZERO effort was put into this! And she CHARGES for it!!
resident evil knockoff
Oof. The "broken" part is just so disgusting to hear. How can they say something so horrible, create so many insecurities and say that with such an "inspired" tone? Like what??
Why do these Christian influencers constantly talk about how hard marriage is? There has never been a moment in my marriage in which I've thought it was hard and had to convince myself to "work" for it. They need to pick better partners.
Exactly! My marriage is the easiest thing in my life. It should be a safe space not another battle you have to fight everyday.
Marriage is only hard or work if you are coming at it from a very warped world view. Sadly that is Christian Evangelical Purity Prosperity Gospel...
They legit make it sound like they're fighting for their LIVES in utter MISERY and then finish it off with "- and that's TRUE love." Like ??? 🤣
they settled and are miserable. i've known soooo many Christians who didn't have happy marriages until their second or third, because they didn't find the one immediately they settled and were miserable.
As an fundie kid I was constantly told how miserable marriage was! And how you just have to push through all the time! I was shocked how happy I was when I got to live with my then partner, now husband of 15 years. Horrible!
Rachel Oates just out here making a 6 hour comprehensive sex course disguised as a reaction video. Brilliant research, excellent recommendations!
wow. this brought me to tears. i thought i overcame all my sexual shame from the religious purity culture i was raised in, but i guess not. hearing you repeat that masturbation is completely normal & sharing numerous studies with actual science to back it up just finally clicked it into my brain that i am not dirty or a freak. it is nothing to feel shameful about, and it's extremely human. thank you rachel.
I never was particularly religious. But I grew up with my mom pushing it on me that virginity was important and even after an SA I had a “consensual virginity” I needed to guard from everyone. It’s been years and I just don’t know how to recover. This goes with masturbation. I feel too dirty and gross, like I’m doing a wrong thing to get over it. But it makes me feel better I’m not alone in feeling like a bad person. I hope the change sticks with you and the best of luck!
Yeah. That message is hard to get over, erase even more. I still have this idea that I'll be divide punished after doing that. And blame myself when anything goes wrong as it's a sign
That stuff sinks in really deep. I haven't been to church in many years, and I'm still working on deconstructing the Catholic guilt I grew up with. Hope you're doing ok my friend 💜
Deconstruction is a real thing. So glad you’re on this journey and still able to unfold and heal those parts ❤
For any Christians out there thinking of buying this course look at 5:27:15 where Bethany googles 'Libido' She does not know the definition off the top of her head, and she is giving a sex course!! Say you went to a new doctor and said that you have high blood pressure. The doctor said hang on a minute and googled 'high blood pressure' ?!! I would be out of there in a shot. Personally I would learn sex from someone who knows the definition of Libido and go to a doctor who knows what high blood pressure is.
Every time she says “agape love” it truly makes me want to commit myself to an institution.
My mom is Greek...throughout that entire part I was vascilating between stabbing a pencil through my ear drums and laughing because she's literally saying "love love"
I saw someone somewhere talk about how straight men think they are competing with other men for a partner when in reality they are competing with the inner peace women feel when they are alone. That was soo true for me. I was in my mid twenties before I started dating. Before that I saw the turmoil my friends went through and went on one single date that put me off dating for a while longer. I think there is something to the idea of thoroughly getting to know yourself before you start dating, but that approach probably won't work for everyone. I'm now in a long term relationship and I don't regret my choices at all. I don't feel like I missed out by not dating in my teens and early twenties.
Why did I write this comment? I can't remember how this relates to the video 😂
I had a similar experience although I did end up going on a date at 18 that went well (and we’re engaged 6 years later!). Taking the time to focus on myself and my well being before opening myself up to the intensity of a relationship made a huge difference in my ability to process clearly and make sure my priorities were right.
I think this does relate to the video because there are so many instances where Bethany or her guest talks about the turmoil of sexuality and get sooo close to talking about having self fulfillment outside of your relationship… but no. They just tie it back to having blind faith that god will fix things for you if you’re patient enough.
The reason I love these videos is I can put them on as I do my silly little job (grading math papers, quite compatible with listening to stuff) and then I know exactly how long I've worked by tracking how much of the video I went throuth
Can relate 🙌🏼 I primarily do data entry at my job, so video essays are a life-saver during the day lol
Omg me too! I listen while doing my more repetitive and mundane tasks for work
Chick flicks are ENTERTAINMENT BETHANY. They aren’t REAL LIFE. Thats quite literally the whole freaking point. If you grew up thinking chick flicks were something to live by then you were sadly mistaken.
No, she grew up hearing about bad, evil Hollywood blamed for everything from the pulpit and equating Hollywood with the “the world” and people outside of her church group bc she literally doesn’t know anything about either.
Neither is porn. It’s not real life.
@@MaggieKleppe I fully concur. I don’t think anyone is trying to say that pornography is real life though.
She just embaresses Dave with no care in the world. He does not look happy in his current situation. He looks like he wants out but can't. Bethany isn't even a "godly" woman anymore, but she keeps making these courses on how to go about sex in a godly way while also straight up telling people on the internet that they should try thr Amazon position of all s3x positions. I dont even know if Bethany knows what she truly believes.
Imagine being miserable but thinking you have a covenant with God to be miserable. It's so sad
What do you mean Bethany isn’t “godly” anymore?
She’s not godly because she mentions the Amazon position? Hahaha
@@katrinaoliver4167 it's more so about the fact that she used to be against this kind of stuff completely and taught abstinence until marriage and to only do vanilla stuff because marriage isn't about lust or whatever. And now she's an outright scam artist that has been caught buying followers and likes on Instagram as well as having bots in place to answer comments. Nothing godly about faking your business and how popular it is.
And the fact that she used to teach how women's roles in relationships and marriages was to be the house wife and how women are made to be able to take care of the house and clean...only to post photos of her unfolded laundry all over the sofa and how she isn't cut out for it. She's taught teenagers and young adults one thing for years and is now deconstructing but wont admit it.
Its about the principle of it all. Teaching one thing but living another way because it doesn't suit her anymore.
@@jaydes4860 by the fact that she buys followers and likes on her business Instagram accounts and talks about how much she's growing when in fact she's buying them and lying to people about how well she's actually doing. Nothing godly or christ like about lying to people for money. Its the kind of thing Jesus would've flipped a table over for..he did something similar in the bible when he flipped over a table from some people trying to sell stuff by a holy temple that were cheating people in the process. Something similar that Bethany is doing. Selling their books and courses about how to live in a godly christ like way only to be lying to people.
39:07 “it’s like she was harmed but she can’t see the harm so she’s helping harm others”
This is the case for so, so many Christian women
The thing about being ace (or aro, though I don’t think I’m personally aro) is that the “default” of having that experience of sexual attraction is something I never knew was an experience, so I was almost 40 before I figured out I’m asexual. It finally made things so clear when I realized I was existing in a completely different way than most of the people around me. I know of a teenager whose mom told them they should get out more when they came out as aro/ace. It made me sad because I felt off my entire teen years and never knew why. Then there’s this kid who has the words to describe their experience but they’re told it’s not legitimate. It’s so unfortunate and I hope ace/aro experiences start to be included in the stories we tell more often just for all the folks out there who need to feel less alone.
Yeah, i suspect i might be aro/ace but it honestly doesn't change anything. Our world is constructed only for people in relationships and not being in one at a certain age is just simple way to complete loneliness when rest of the world turns their backs on you because you're not married so you don't deserve living
i’m either asexual or i’m just young. i’m 18 and i experience attraction but the idea of ever having sex with someone is unappealing and uncomfortable. i’ve been told “but what if you change your mind” then i do. sexuality is fluid and id rather decide another label is right for me in the future than force myself to participate in sex when i don’t want to
hey, you can be asexual and be in a romantic relationship. i personally am sex-repulsed, but i'm committed to someone. don't think that you have to be aromantic to be asexual. take all the time you need to figure yourself out, comrade. @@squidvink
@@squidvink it sounds like you got a great handle on things dude!! Labels can absolutely change, I think we spend our whole lives figuring ourselves out little by little. Never force yourself to do something you aren't comfortable with my friend 💜
If you're personally interested in ace/aro narratives, I know the book Loveless by Alice Oseman is about an ace/aro young adult 👀 it's YA so it might not be your speed, but worth checking out 🤷♀️
3:51:45 This part gave me a full body reaction. I have a condition called vaginismus, which basically makes my bits clamp shut at anything entering my body. It cam be painful and some people cannot physically use tampons, so I can only imagine how agonizing being with a partner would be. Saying that "your body parts *will* go together" isn't only ignorant, it's plain dangerous.
K. World doesn’t revolve around your vaginismus. Penis and vagina going together naturally is true for MOST people, that’s it. Could you go a day without getting offended at random shit?
Thank you for bringing up demisexuality, Rachael! I went for a long time not realizing that I was demiromantic and found it difficult to explain to others why I couldn't just date someone I didn't know. Once I was introduced to the concept, it was a huge relief to put a word to my experience. It made me feel much more confident. Appreciate you pointing out that it's a perfectly acceptable way to form romantic or sexual relationships ^_^
isnt that just...normal human emotion
Same! I felt like an alien from 14 to ~24, which is when I learned that demiace and demiaro were things
@@pastelpurpledeathbed I know right
Gun to my head I feel I could perfectly recite Bethany’s life story by heart by how frequently she repeats it lmao
😂😂😂
Books recommended in this video include, but not limited to:
The clitoral truth 2:55:38
Come as you are 3:10:20
Is this normal? 3:10:51
Bang! Masterbation for people of all genders and abilities 3:25:16
How to have feminist sex 3:27:58
The unexpected joy of being single 4:19:33
The unexpected joy of being sober 4:19:54
Spinster 4:26:56
How to be single and happy 4:28:13
All the single ladies 4:33:38
Invisible women 5:15:04
thank you! this is super helpful i wish there was a way to suggest pinning as an audience member
If you go to the description, there's a list of books in a google doc!
Blessssssss you for this.
Thank you!
Thank you!!
Something small that really pisses me off is that SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT AGAPE IS!!! Agape isn't just sacrificial love. It's unconditional love for your fellow people.
Bethany, you do not practice agape. You regularly judge other people for things they can not control and call them disgusting sinners deserving of punishment. That's not agape. It's hypocrisy.
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that the echo doesn't sound as bad as you probably think it is.
I'm really sorry the tech issues happened. This video is wonderful, and I hope you were able to take some time to care for yourself.
All of the virtual hugs from a random stranger
Yeah I feel like when you create something you can see/hear every little flaw but it honestly doesn’t bother me at all. It’s barely noticeable to me.
I love how they talk about how much more fulfilling christian marriage is than non-christian, and then in the next breath go in detail about how unfulfilled most christian wives are
Just got to the 2.5 hour mark and please know that the amount of effort, passion, and empathy you pour into these videos is beyond admirable and appreciated. I've enjoyed what I've watched so far and I thoroughly look forward to finishing the rest of the video! Thank you for all the hard work you do and the amount of awareness you raise on these very real issues!
I am 1 hour in, and I already appreciate her efforts, passion and sympathy. The Intro is always my favourite, happy beginning with a wholesome smile.
girl really called us "the lgbtq uprising" 😭😭 like we're about to overthrow the monarchy
I wish you could 😂
wait what do you mean we are not?? /j
What Kristen said about movies and TV having so much more sex and raunch than they used to is straight up wrong, there is factually quite a bit less sex in media than there was in the 70s, 80s, 90s, Broey Deschanel covers it really well in her Taboo on Screen series on Nebula
I *hate* people seeing a couple who aren't married as them both being single. They would describe myself and my partner as 'single' even though we have been together for _18 years_ . We got engaged 5 years in, when we were 18, but life and circumstances have got in the way of us actually getting married yet (I'm hoping to get it done with in 2025, our 20th anniversary year when we're 33) but we have lived together since coming of age and have had a very strong relationship since we were 13. We are in no way 'single'. We are as.good as married, the government treats us as if we are married, we just haven't get done it officially. It is so fucking stupid to class co-habiting people in a long term relationship as 'single' when they are anything but.
co-habiting relationships lasting longer than some marriages getting dismissed is just weird. Glad you have government protections - that can be a reason for long term couples to seek the paperwork
I'm so happy for you guys omg 💜
But no I also hate the way she describes that as well. There are plenty of people with partners that never get married, but they still made a commitment to each other, love each other, and are a team!! I've been with my partner for 5 and a half years or so and I would hate for someone to describe he and I as single just because we don't have rings yet 😒
Sweet Rachel,
I’ m autistic and most sounds really bother me. Any thing that sounds too loud, too quiet, too muffled, overly crispy even - and i just want you to know that i got used to the camera mic switch took maybe 60 seconds and then i didn’t even register the change after that💙give yourself some grace, my love😙
[[see what i did there… using ‘grace’…and it’s a girl defined video. i know i know i’m so clever and hilarious😅]]
Ace person / demi romantic person here and just wanted to say
1) Thank you for bringing us up. Really appreciate when you spoke about asexuality/aromanticism not being an absence of sexuality/romantic orientation.
2) You're definition for demi sexual was right. Only thing worth mentioning is it's usually an emotional connection before sexual attraction and that can take many years to form. Although it is totally ok/fine/wonderful to be demi, a lot of demisexuals get told 'isn't that just normal' so it can be important to clarify how it is different from the norm, if that makes sense?
or get told that they are lying
I think people mean well when they say it's normal. I think it's just the other way around. Demisexuality is really very common in my opinion, it's just that a lot of people don't realise it and they convince themselves that they're into sex much earlier than they are, especially women and femmes. Since there's so much pressure to be sexual immediately they just go along with it. It's only looking back years later that they realise they always took quite a while to warm up to sex with a new partner. That's why people call it normal, because there's just a lot of people out there who experience it but never had a full understanding of it. Same way you get those bi or gay Christians who genuinely think everyone is secretly attracted to the same sex and we're all repressing it like they have been for years. They think it's "normal" but in reality they're just gay and don't know it lol. Perhaps a bad example there but I hope that makes sense. We all project our experience onto other people and so it can accidentally be invalidating when in fact it affirms our identities are more common than we ever knew.
Genuinely curious what is the difference from the norm if you’re open to educating?
Aw Rachel girlie - the audio quality without the microphone is 100% fine, I stopped noticing any difference almost immediately. The video is awesome, I'm over halfway & I'm totally hooked. I absolutely adore your energy, I love escaping into your videos. Kyra softly mooing in the background is perfect accidental ASMR. Thank you girl for this epic masterpiece :)
it actually breaks my heart how close she gets to comprehension before she reverts to shame and otherness again
I'm so excited to slowly watch this over the course of like a week lol! Dissecting content like this is so important and powerful and has helped me so much as an ex-cathlolic and purity culture survivor. Thank you so much for all your hard work and kindness!
i just wanted to say rachel, your section about ovarian cysts and feeling disgusted by parts of your body was really helpful for me to hear. i've felt that way my entire life - i don't want children, i have pcos, and every time i have a period i'm bed-bound for a couple days. i hate the constant fear of pregnancy, and the need to use several methods of birth control both for preventing pregnancy and just making my cycle bearable. i hate having to worry that my pms may kill me. everyone around me has constantly told me that the estrogen based cycle is beautiful and good, and i just cannot see it that way. hearing that another woman feels the same way is incredibly comforting - i felt like i was just being a woman wrong since i couldn't appreciate my cycle. these things are very personal and sensitive, and i really really appreciate you sharing your feelings about this. i feel a lot less alone now
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all that pain and complications. I feel you. I really hate my period. It’s better than it used to be, and I’m grateful for that. Marijuana is one thing that really helps me with cramps. I had a child 3 years ago and it’s been a little less painful since him. BUT. The years of wasted time! Wasted energy building this damn lining only to shed it every month!!! Why!!!!! Science needs to fix this. You know they’d have a magic pill by now if men suffered like this.
I’m at the very beginning. As a 43yo, single, (human) child-less woman living my dream and couldn’t be happier with my life…interested to hear her advice for me. Thank you for putting so much effort and passion into your videos. It’s clear the purpose of everything you put into this world is to make others lives better - it’s so obvious you’re not a fraud. Don’t waste your precious breath on anyone who would say or believe that ❤
Her advice: no sex, obey God🚶🏻♂️
I’ve been married 2.5 years and every day is not perfect… but oh my heck it’s so much better than fundies make it out to seem.
We aren't married yet. But since my girlfriend and I act like a married couple of 30 years, I am qualified to say that it is indeed much better than they make it seem.
It’s nice to hear that perspective- 30+ years in the evangelical/fundie world and I’m just now starting to hear that marriage doesn’t have to be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Rewarding, but Very Difficult.
I think people in those environments marry because, 1) Bible says to have children, 2) Fulfill husband/wife roles (that’s the only way to truly have value, except the woman needs to be a mother to have value as well), 3) SEX. It’s the only way to get sex in a godly way.
As an exvangelical, I can confidently say getting married is mostly about sex for one or both partners.
“Oh my heck” are you a fellow Utah sneaker?
like maybe marry someone with whom living together is actually good...? what a revolutionary thought
I just got out of a really toxic relationship where I didn’t feel like I could trust my own thoughts or feelings, but now I feel like I’m finally starting to heal from it and all it took was listening to Rachel talk for 6 hours straight.
congrats on taking care of you! hope you're doing better now
I am so sorry that you were in a relationship like that, but I'm even more happy that you're free and starting heal!! Take care my friend, things are only gonna keep getting better 💜
I've had to take this in chunks, but one thing has been made very clear to me: I need professional help in this area. I grew up similarly to Kristen and Bethany; my own mother wouldn't tell me what a clitoris was (she didn't even say the name) and said I would "find out about it when I got older." I was 16. I should have at least had a basic understanding by then, but no, I wasn't supposed to be having sex so why did I need to know how it worked? Then my ex traumatized me... twice. I'll get help when I can afford it; hopefully that's soon. I'm glad I have a very gracious husband.
hi rachel! at around 5:24:40 you were asking about rebecca’s recommendation of “pasteurised” dairy or “unpasteurised” milk. rebecca is actually saying “pasture-raised” dairy, as in dairy from cows that live on open pastures rather than a factory. american southern accents love to string words together 😅
Ahh that makes sense! I was just as confused as Rachel. Also, I really hope that "nutritionist" isn't recommending raw milk to people who are pregnant/ trying to get pregnant... That would be dangerous since pregnant people are at higher risk of getting infections and raw milk is unpasteurized aka hasn't had the bacteria in it killed...
@@sabrena5515 There is a chance that "raw milk" does refer to unpasteurized since that is a movement here amongst conservatives that it's "better" (yes they do ignore the health risks) but it could also mean just like drinking whole milk. Without paying for her scam book I'm unable to be sure if she falls into that specific ideology.
My first (many things) was with my rapist as a young teen. Speaking to the idea of new partners being new around 4:08:30, I just wanted to provide an alternate framing for people who have been assaulted: your body remembers, but that doesn't apply only to the trauma. You may carry the trauma of the assault with you into new partnerships, and that's normal, but know just as those bad memories stay with your body, good memories will stay too. When you engage in safe, consensual, enjoyable sex (if you want to), you get to train neural pathways for yourself. Your choice may have been taken away in the past, but that choice about new and lovely memories to keep within you is completely and totally yours.
I just want to add to the others who have said the (very mild) audio issues are absolutely nothing compared to the thoughtfullness and empathy you clearly put into this enormous project.
„People making machine“ is such an unsexy way to describe a partnership/marriage. 😂 I feel bad for Bethany honestly!
Hi Rachel, it broke my heart to hear you crying. The audio wasn’t a issue for me at all but thank you for all the time and effort you put into this and all your other videos. Please don’t be sorry or let a technical issue make you feel bad about yourself. I think you’re great ❤
leaving a pre-emptive comment: what a massive amount of work this must've been! you're incredible, Rachel, and this community really appreciates what you do to inform, educate, and protect others!
Fr, she must've done hard work making a video thing long. It can't be easy even if she is used to making videos.
1:29:12 when Bethany is talking about boundaries she crossed in a previous relationship, what on earth could she be talking about? This is a woman who purports to have not so much as pecked anyone before the age of 30 on her wedding day. So unless she's literally talking about hugging someone being so sinful that Jesus died to stop her going to hell for it, it seems like she just told on herself and she's not telling her audience the truth.
The way I started internally screaming and jumping around when I saw that this is 6 HOURS LONG-
Thank you so much, Rachel, for giving my ADHD brain some background noise while studying for my millions of exams, you have no idea how much I (and a lot of other people) appreciate your content!
Just got to the message about the mic problems at 2:36:00, and honestly Rachel it’s okay. You put so much effort into this and I’m sorry that the audio not being up to your standards had you so stressed. Thanks for all you do, and for taking something that was made with so little care for Bethany’s audience, to turn it into educational and uplifting content for your audience. Stay strong and get an emotional break after this one ❤.
That woman’s mother asked her teenage daughter if she got wet when talking to a boy. Wow. Just wow.
5:24:00 I think she's saying "pasture raised", not pasteurized (you're right, pasteurized is the opposite of raw and pasteurization has saved SO MANY lives, please don't drink raw milk and absolutely do not give an infant raw milk)
3:51:40 -- "If you're a male and a female your body parts will go together".... Bethany's speaker fails to mention the very real medical issue of vaginsmus, something that is thought to affect 1-7% of the female population where pelvic floor muscles involuntarily tighten during insertion and can prevent any penetration. I can assure you its not a myth. It's already quite painful and shameful even if you have a (relatively) healthy view of sex and a partner who respects your boundaries, so it horrifies me to think of some of these fundamental christian women suffering from this and experiencing immense pain and/or shame and assuming it's their fault and having partners believe it is their right to sex.
this video that you can watch for free is unironically a much better resource for sexual education than bethany's entire paid course. thank you for doing your research, being inclusive, and, most importantly, caring
Thanks for doing these. Give the Kyra bean a hug for me.
Thank you!! I’ll give her all the snuggles 😊
Had to pause and tell you that the apology for the audio is heartbreaking! You post such wonderful professional content and I know we all can listen past something for your wisdom. Lots of love ❤
Can I just say, the way you talk about these topics so passionately and speak up for the people and groups that are marginalised or attacked in this content in such an educated and compassionate way, really restores my faith in humanity. Thank you so much for the time, effort and dedication you have in making these videos. They are so so important ❤
Dear Rachel, thank you so much for everything you do... My life has been "hijacked" by a strange man when I was 14 who basically "raised me" (I was often alone and neglected) to be dependent on him and introduced me to his twisted belief system. It ended with phone calls in which I was hypnotised and sexually assaulted (I'm autistic, I have a severe issue with my imagination and feel sensory "visions" very vividly). I also tried to speak out against him later in life, but was, like you pointed out, retraumatized in the process. After years of torture I broke free from that man. I struggle with anger issues ever since, since nobody knew what he'd done to me in my own head, using my imagination against me. Now even therapy is triggering for me, since he abused therapeutic measures to get into my head. He'll never see the consequences for it and I really hate him.
That's it. Thank you for providing this space for everyone to be honest and healing. You're my happy place. What you're doing is saving lives, never forget that. Thank you.❤
❤️❤️❤️❤️
I am so glad you're free, that sounds absolutely horrifying and like that was an evil person. I hope you can heal slowly and that you're hanging in there, please take care 💜 I hate the fact that therapy can be triggering like that, I've been through something like that. I hope you find some healthy ways to cope my friend. You deserve health and happiness
I am so happy to see you getting sponsorships. You deserve them and we appreciate the hard work you put in creating these videos. I'm a relatively new subscriber and I binged almost all of your videos. Keep up the good work and much love to you, your partner, and, of course, the sweet Kyra❤
Thank you so much!
I like how she looked passionate and happy sponsoring companies. I got excited despite the fact that vibrators freak me out lol
As a demisexual woman who grew up in purity culture, I can say purity culture pushes the feeling that demisexual is the norm as it not only shames all sexual conduct outside of a committed (marital) relationship, but also teaches that emotional intimacy is an important factor in our sexual relationship, and that casual sex rips apart our ability to be emotionally connected within sex- I'd actually be surprised if Bethany is demisexual, it seems more this is a piece of the brainwashing of purity culture that she assumes sexual attraction is this way because it's slanted as "God intended sex to be within emotional intimacy". Thought I'd add that perspective to all this other spot on commentary. :)
First of all, I really needed this video. College finals are getting to me, and listening to you talk while I work has always helped me! I am simply a cozy girl who enjoys Rachel content.
Second of all, people like Bethany really piss me off. TLDR, I somehow self-inflicted purity culture on myself while being a lifelong atheist.
I was raised as an atheist and had EXTREMELY comprehensive sex ed. My schools talked openly about contraception, levels of intimacy, STDs, consent, etc. My parents drew diagrams of the uterus and the menstruation process LONG before I started my period. They gave me books, took me to classes, and answered any questions I had.
Even after the AMAZING job my parents did educating me and preparing me for the world, I still felt so much shame around sex/intimacy, exploring my own body, etc. I developed an identity as the "innocent girl." I was the helpful, kind, booksmart older sister who didn't even swear until she was 14 (very opposite to my current sailor’s mouth). This whole identity was self-enforced. Nobody made me feel like I HAD to be that person, I just attached myself to a set of traits and rolled with them. As a result of this, I really leaned away from anything surrounding sex. I experienced sexual attraction and all that, but I just didn’t want to envision myself actually DOING it. It didn’t align with my “innocent” identity, and neither did masturbation. A very unhealthy and emotionally abusive relationship in my early high school years (complete with constant sexual pestering and an instance of assault) solidified that mild distaste for sexual topics into outright fear.
It took me until I was 18 (well over halfway through my first year of college) to feel comfortable actually exploring my body. And holy shit, the day I finally did that was a breakthrough for me. All at once, I felt so much freedom. I wasn’t mentally attached to the “good girl” image anymore because that doesn’t actually mean anything. Sex and self-pleasure have nothing to do with how good of a person you are.
I fucking WISH I opened myself up to these conversations and removed the shame a lot earlier. Seeing people like Bethany, who were so clealry curious about sex and intimacy in their youth but were shut down by their communities, who think it’s “hilarious” that they didn’t find out about the mechanics of sex until they were fully an adult, who have such convoluted and self-conflicting ideas of what sex “should” be, who answer questions from people who are very clearly struggling with the ideals that their own communities have forced upon them with answers involving “sexual brokenness” and “sin” and all that bullshit… it drives me up the wall. She so blatantly says that she felt SHAME and GUILT when she was a kid curious about this stuff, and then SHAMES and GUILT-TRIPS people who are curious about this stuff, even through her facade of sex-positivity. If I grew up hearing this nonsense spouted at me in combination with the self-inflicted purity culture thing, I would’ve hated myself for even feeling a modicum of sexual attraction to a boy.
So yeah, Bethany isn’t my favorite.
Also, the blatant homophobia/transphobia doesn't help her case smh
EDIT: while I was watching this I was thinking "... Bethany must be real fun to watch romance movies with." And then she confirmed my exact thoughts.
Me too, her voice is calming and cosy despite talking about serious topics.
This sounds weird, how did you self-inflict purity culture onto yourself? I never heard that before. Honestly, your parents did a great job. I was raised in a "kinda Christian" household. We believe in God and Jesus and all. As well as the bible but we don't follow it, we don't agree with it but we never voiced that, it was like something we all knew we believed but decided to act like we don't.
I don't believe that the Bible is a holy book. I believe that it is man-made, and not a good one. It can be a good novel. But not a book to follow.
Anyway, my parents didn't really do sex education. They taught us the basics like periods and pregnancy. This was more directed at my sisters but we brothers still listened. Ironically, we were more curious and asked more questions than our sisters lmao.
2:45:45 -
So, back when I was a young Christian fella (let's say 15 to 25), porn felt inescapable. Every time I went back to it, I felt worse. More shame, more punishing myself, yadda yadda... but it was like trying not to think about a pink elephant. The more you try not to think about it, the more you think about it.
As an atheist man (now 35), since no longer feeling shame over it - I don't even think about porn unless I'm horny. Like, I can just live a life and think about board games and work and a book I'm writing and bills and whatever. None of my energy is constantly spent holding on to fear and shame over the possibility of even *thinking* about the idea of porn.
Silver lining: with the "unplugged" mic, we get to hear the Lady's sleepy breathing for a while and that's adorable and soothing.
3:20:05 "Are you a virgin? If not, please explain."
A totally normal first date question that is in no way awkward! The way most people would (rightly) leave a first date after a question like that, hooboy!
When I was a teenager I went on a date with a guy from my job, he asked me if I was a virgin. When I sat there kind of astounded, not knowing what to say, he said “oh well you’re probably not, the pretty ones never are”. Like what? If I’m pretty I must be experienced? Huh? (I actually was a virgin but didn’t see how it was any concern of his).
At my age being a virgin would be a mondo red flag 😂
Sir, if you’re a virgin, you need to explain lol
@@blammela well sure, but point blank asking "are you a virgin?" Seems a bit judgey from the jump. A more nuanced question would be more sensitive (if you're interested in sleeping with this person, anyway) - like, what do you like to do with a partner, sexually? Are there things you're especially into, or things you really don't like and want to avoid?
I guess the question, whether loaded to assume one should or should *not* be a virgin, just seems tactless for such a sensitive topic about someone's intimate life.
My lab partner and I love listening your videos while working and oh my god are we about to GET SHIT DONE 🖤
5:39:00 I literally can’t believe she said single women don’t have a lot going on in their lives and are bored ??? As a single (and Christian!) woman this is so fucking deluded 😂 I can’t with fundies