I really love how sex is solely for the purpose to have babies, but also you should never refuse sex to your husband because he has needs and deserves to be pleased. Almost as if sex isn't just about birthing children ?
No no, it's only about the babies...for the woman! That's why we don’t use condoms! Every time she gets railed, the fear of pregnancy shiuld be looming above her like a bad omen and make sure she doesn't enjoy herself in the least. Duh!/s
This is one of many contradictions that you find in Christian teachings. I have read an article on sex in medieval Western Europe and how there practically no way people could sexually behave in a "God-honoring" way because God, apparenty, did not know what he wanted. Like you said - sex only for procriation, but also, please your husband whenever and however he wants. There are other contradictions like: - Please your husband whenever he wants, but also, you can't have sex on religious holidays, more than half days a week, and when the sun is out. - Please your husband whenever he wants, but he is not supposed to have more than one go at it at a time. - Please your husband however he wants, but also, most sexual positions are not allowed. - Have sex for procreation only, but also, your wife has to orgasm in order to get pregnant (I actually don't remember whether it was a general Medieval belief or what the Bible said). - Men are entitled to sex, but also, how DARE they and women enjoy it. - Bestiality is bad, but homosexuality is even worse, apparently. etc.
@@gg-fr4nw I have 1 example, although there really many: 1 Samuel 18:27. Also there are a lot of stories of married men having kids with their servants, that’s not very respectful…
I don't think I'll ever get over the hypocrisy of these people demanding that others live their lives as obedient, subordinate, perpetually home-dwelling wives and mothers while simultaneously running blogs, youtube channels, TikTok accounts, selling courses, and generally girlbossing it up and (gasp!) _earning an income._
@InternetIsWild remember I'm not even an hour in and I already think this guy is a walking red flag. I'm pretty sure that fear kicked in the moment she married this man.
@@Arwena111They get away with it because most people especially most men don't see influenceing as careers ......So they get away with selling overpriced courses
@@sakuraesther6309 Not just that, but people don’t think that influencing can be lucrative, so they think these trad-wives don’t make much when they make bank off page engagement, and cuz they saw that their audience wants to hear they make and exception for them, but would never let their wife do what they do.
I feel like this is very common. There is this arrogance a lot of people get in their first year of marriage, but most of these people are just mildly annoying and not giving advice on the internet.
As a dude, I supported the family on one income while my wife stayed home with the kids and when they were older she finished college. Then she got a job that paid more than mine and I slowed down at my job. Then my job expanded and offers a ton of overtime so I’m working more again and she slowed down. It’s decided by what jobs make more sense at the time, not male and female.
This is such a great balance, no kids for us but all household duties, etc are split based on who's working the most and what tasks we prefer, so the person working more hours has an "easier" time at home since their current financial contribution is higher, it's worked incredibly well for us!
I just love how she says women are not entitled or automatically deserving of anything just because they're women straight after describing how men are entitled to all sorts of services from their wife just because they're the man🤦♀️
Look, I don't mind doing chores for my parents or loved ones, but if I'm calling myself their servant and doing everything for them, I better get paid.
I agree! I moved back home after college and help out with household responsibilities in exchange for a cheaper and cozier living situation. And I enjoy being able to cook meals for my boyfriend. Even then, they hardly treat me like a servant. We just believe in splitting tasks equally around the house, and my boyfriend doesn’t mind cleaning up and prepping ingredients for me to cook.
I actually think that anyone who cares about children should be happy that people who don't want them, don't have them. Feeling unwanted and uncared for by your parents is one of the worst things you can do to a child
So true. Absolutely anything to desperately convince themselves that what they are doing is okay and doesn't require any deeper thought. Also anything to avoid thinking about people who aren't as fortunate in life and have to actually plan their lives.
100%. As a parent and someone who used to work in early childhood education for years, it's a big relief to me when someone makes the choice that having children just... isn't for them. It's a kind choice to make for the world, themselves, and the hypothetical children.
And funny enough, feeling unwanted and uncared for as a child is an experience commonly found in traditional/religious communities. Turns out, that indoctrinating young adults into believing that abortion is "murder" doesnt produce the best parenting results. Funny how that works. 🙃
I don't even know wtf the joke is lol I'm gonna look it up, knowing that it's almost certainly gonna be some hacky BS Edit: oh christ it's just "Mrs." presented as some sort of humorous joke. That's just dumbass.
I have an MRes (Master of Research), and it could conceivably have been some kind of American variant (like they have BS for Bachelor of Science instead of our BSc)
I'm completely honest, i could never go to America, and i feel so sorry for all those unfortunate souls who aren't able to get these basic needs met ;-;
@@justordinaryme3940 yeah please don't. My kid had a shooting alarm at her school in the nicest area in the US. It turned out being not a threat but shook to the core. You aren't safe anywhere here for any reason.
For too many years, this was my upbringing and life also. It wasn’t until I had a daughter- a wonderfully strong-willed and free-spirited daughter- that I made the decision to leave. She was 3 when I realized that breaking her spirit would be the only way she would find acceptance in her family and church and I couldn’t allow that to happen. 13 years. a divorce, and one amazing and supportive stepdad later, and she is thriving. Her fire and determination are some of the qualities that I admire most about her and my only regret is that I didn’t leave sooner.
That is awesome. I appreciate making the decision to watch her grow. I also have a beautiful strong willed daughter that I wouldn't trade for the world. 🩷
this was so incredible to read. i was that daughter, and my family stayed in religion. i’m now 30 and just realizing it’s okay to be loud and “annoying” as a (perceived) woman. you’re doing a great thing by recognizing how bad it would be for your daughter to stay in that💚
I grew up like this too. Luckily I got out before I found a relationship. Part of the reason I couldn't find a relationship es because I was "too smart", "feisty", "masculine" And "weird". It's hard to be perfect enough that a man in this environment will even vaguely like you. You have to be a literal angel who never gains weight, gets stretch marks and never complains. Good for you getting your daughter out of that. ❤
My mom left when I was 2. I'll be forever grateful for her doing that. She is the reason why I had a happy childhood, a great education and I'm in a happy marriage to a man who loves me like a equal partner, not like my boss.
The truly ironic thing about the trad wives who drop education and career paths to be wives and mothers is that they also vote for politicians who advocate for policies that make it harder for them should they find themselves alone. I genuinely wish these women didn’t have to worry about their husbands leaving them or dying. I wish they could trust that the world would have their back if they ended up in that situation. But we don’t live in a world that works that way and they’re at least a small part of the reason why. The lack of empathy in these “Christians” is sad.
Chalk it all up to the hellish merger of fundamentalist conservative evangelical Christianity with "trickle-down", "no handouts" right wing economics. The cult of Daddeh Trumpseh is both the apotheosis and the inevitable (?) culmination of this cancerous cyst on the American body politic. I fear that it will destroy our country. Sign of the times.
Because they think that they are married to "one of the good ones". Someone that would never leave them. Especially when religion is involved, they think it would be unfathomable for him to leave them. They probably think those who are abandoned by their husbands should have "chosen better" and that they deserve whatever happens to them. It's a complete lack of empathy. A socially unaware view of relationships. And internalized misogyny.
@@evea.4358 but the sadder thing is even if they did marry "one of the good ones" (eugh), thats not the only concern. What if their husband becomes unable to work? Get sick or injured or dies? Do they just believe the grace of God or smth will prevent this from happening?
@@cassualtea2040 They think that they can just "fall back on their degree" . (provided they have any) I don't think these people understand how hard it is to find a job without any experience ESPECIALLY if you graduated 10+ years ago and never used your degree. Even worse if you don't even have a degree (or trades training) ... good luck finding a job to support an entire family.
Because they genuinely do not think separation should be an option. Even in instances of abuse, many of the Christians I’ve been around will only approve of temporary separation while you “work through you problems” they do expect you back together at some point - divorce is NOT an option
I was thinking about what Solie said about unplanned pregnancies... that it would be seen as a disaster instead of excitement for a "new little blessing"... Well. If I was finding out I was pregnant today, I would cry and get a panic attack. Because I have an over 50% risk of dying if I give birth or if I survive - end up in a wheel chair. It's a highly privileged position to not even think about the situations other people can be in. If you're healthy and wealthy, sure, you have it quite different than me. I'm not financially stable and I have severe health problems. Get off your high horse, Solie!
Reading this made me pause and think about all the people I know that have given birth and I realized I know waaaaaaay many more people who almost died giving birth than I know people that didn't almost die.
She is also making it sound like it's a new thing and before feminism women didn't use to get scared about unwanted pregnancies. Just because nobody cared what they felt, I'm pretty sure it has always been very very scary to most girls/women. They were never asked what they wanted so chances are there were a lot more unwanted pregnancies than just the obvious ones, even within marriages.
It's really obnoxious because they also act as if marriage will protect you from negative outcomes of pregnancy and having a child. Health can still be an issue like you said, physical and mental. Babies can be born with health issues. The parents could have little to no help. They may not be able to afford the child. Also, Horrible people come it all forms, including people who identify as Christians. Some Christians can be a bad people and/or bad parents. Marriages don't always work out. Life isn't a staircase, it's a rollercoaster that you are blindfolded on at times. I know people who have fast-tracked relationship to marriage to children, and it seems miserable.
I’m pretty sure she is - her videos pop up on my FYP sometimes and I think she’s with a new partner and getting her feet on the ground. I think she left her ex quite awhile ago (and if it’s the tiktoker I’m thinking of, he was cheating on her during their entire multi-decade relationship)
Funny how Jesus preached far more about financial modesty and not showing off excessive wealth He literally explicitly called out people who wores luxurious jewelry with gold and yet they seem to only focus kn clothing modesty
He also advised men to cast their hands and/or eyes, if these body parts led them into sin but somehow "fundie" xtians always seem to overlook that verse.
my husband died when I was 55. You'd best believe that engineering degree came in right handy. I worked most of the time I was married (took some time off to care for him). Now, I'm 60, make 6 figures and live comfortably. Why being a "trad wife" is a BAD idea.
Fundies love to say that their church will look after them, should their husband die or run off with someone else. Not one of them can provide any examples of families in their own church being financially supported by that church.
Jesus. How have people not heard of insurance, savings and assets. It’s not that hard. Live meaningfully, pick a good partner, plan for the future. I’m a proud anti feminist. We don’t need pity, we are fine lol.
sorry about the loss of your husband, it really sucks to lose somebody you care about especially so young. I'm glad you were able to build a happy and stable life for yourself at least.
@@Subjugatedhappywife there are people who can't or won't either plan for the future. In the case of divorce, often, the men refuse to pay the court ordered alimony and/or child support. I just hope it never happens to you.
@@icravedeath.1200 My mom worked at planned parenthood type of thing in the 80’s and she saw pregnant 12-13 year olds. Yes, some had BF’s in their 20’s, some would make pregnancy pacts with their friends and come in for group abortions, one girl came in every couple of months and would gush bout how happy she was to be pregnant just to terminate, and others said they could t go on bc cuz their BF’s said it was bad for them. Just wild stuff.
Came across a tradwife recently. She insinuated I would be a double income no kids household to which I said, not really. We plan to foster kids 10 years old and up. She sighed of relief when I said that. It was odd that someone would care that much whether I plan on having kids in my home or not. I work with children. I love kids. I do not want young children in my home 24/7 for many personal reasons. There are already too many uncared for children in this world. Tradwives need to stop telling people to have kids no matter what their personal feelings or circumstances are.
That’s cuz she only saw your worth in being a mother, but I’m surprised that you said she breathed a sigh of relief when you told her that you’d foster kids cuz most would’ve told you that you need to have your own kids, or it’s not legitimate. I don’t get it, but they’re obsessed with natural born kids.
I'm glad that you have so much empathy for Solie. As a former Tradwife myself, a lot of people don't understand how STRONG the cult mind is for religious young women and how hard it can be to break out of that. Most of the time, if a husband leaves, that can make the woman stay in the cult and become even stronger enmeshed in (they get married to another cult member, or their cult member parents take care of them and their kids). But if a woman LEAVES the cult after, she has nothing. No education, no job prospects, no money, and no one to help take care of the kids. That second woman is so strong. ❤
What’s with fundies and thinking animals aren’t sentient? Yes, some creatures are not sentient, however there are animals incredibly capable of complex emotions such as love. Animals form bonds with people, to which they feel safe and almost like a family-mentality.
@@godofanarchye You mean sapient. Most animals are sentient. Sentience is the ability to experience the world and react to it. Sapience is the ability to experience the world, react to it, and then consider your own position in that reaction. More or less. There are different levels of sentience of course. A dog, horse, gorilla, human toddler, dove, and crocodile are way more sentient than an ant, a goldfish, or a starfish. They are all sentient though. And there are more animals than humans who are sapient or "semi-sapient" as well, like orcas, octopuses, elephants, ravens, rats probably...
I couldn't help but chuckle at the 18 year old making wedding vows that include, "I promise to not let myself go." I've been married 14 years. My husband and I's bodies have both changed over that time. Not in a "let ourselves go" way, but as people age, our bodies change. I personally have gone up in weight, down in weight, a little up again. I had a baby, my hips have gotten wider. Different health issues can come up and affect your body and size. I hope she has grace for herself as she gets older and I very much hope her husband does too.
that one's WILD bc if a woman gets a serious illness like cancer its so common for their husbands to leave them that nurses are trained on how to console patients for that 😢
Woman with PCOS here! I struggled for my entire teenage years with painful periods until my first visit to the OB/GYN, where the doctor and I worked out a birth control method that works for me. Who knew that life without crippling pain every month was possible? And these problems (PCOS, endometriosis, retroverted uterus, etc) are very, very common - if you menstruate and are in a large amount of discomfort, finding a birth control method that works for you can give you a new lease of life. I also HATE it when people reduce womanhood down to ‘having a womb’ 🤮 both my grandmothers had to have hysterectomies at younger ages (30s and 40s) and their lack of wombs did not strip them of their womanhood! This is to say nothing of trans folks - having a working womb does NOT determine your womanhood - womanhood is so much more than such a stupid, arbitrary, reductive notion like having a working uterus!! Ugh that idea makes me hurl! Thank you Rachel for all the education work you’ve done hitting back at this ignorant trash!
Thank you so much for saying this! I have PCOS and endometriosis and it had gotten so bad that I had no quality of life. It’s dumbfounding that these people who claim to be these wonderful, wholesome Christians are so judgmental and close minded about people with health problems they’ve been fortunate enough not to deal with. My IUD gave me my life back. The idea that necessary medical treatments make someone less of a woman or make you less worthy as a human is dumbfounding.
Very true, finding the right birth control helps so much with PCOS. My husband would not want me to be suffering everytime I have a period. It's like, well you would take medication for any other issue in order to improve your quality of life and birth control to me is the same thing. Xx
As an ex-fundie who escaped an abusive predatory marriage who was brainwashed into having 2 kids, I am really grateful for these videos. They are so healing
I'm so happy you escaped! I hope your life continues to improve. Btw, I've recently discovered Jordan and McKay and they give really interesting products on purity culture, etc.
3:25:01 hey, as a new zealander I want to make a half correction. Women over here could vote before 1890, that's just when women got the right to vote in the European system. Māori women could vote pre-colonization. For example there were women who signed the treaty of Waitangi but one European man didn't know that the women here could vote so refused women's signatures which resulted in at least one very insulted family
As a 53 year old mom, these young women are living in a fantasy. And they don’t have enough life experience to give me advice. Honestly I would rather get advice from my childless friends rather than some young mom living in an unrealistic, patriarchal, dream world
14:15 I don’t know what progressive world she lives in- I still live in a world where women are definitely judged by our looks, and our worth is often based on how valuable men find us.
@@fawn2911 Its in our dna for men to seek out women who are capable of child bearing,fit, healthy and womens dna to seek men who can provide and protect the off spring
Fun fact: if you click the "dont show me this channel" button (location of this button depends on your device but desktop its under the 3 dots!) It will not only prevent their videos from showing up in anybof your feeds, it will also disincentivise his videos in the algorithm! I love using this on content from tertible people. Works better than the thumbs down button, which shows there is engagement and promotes videos instead of disincentividing them
It is SO funny how she says that you are not entitled to or deserving of love, your dream job etc. but at the same time tries to convince you that men are totally entitled to women’s bodies, unpaid labor etc. LOL
I used to work with a man whose household follows the "women stay at home to take care of kids" thing for religious purposes but I remember chatting with him about it. He was super chill, always open to chat without being preachy. He told me after they got married, he and his wife came up with a plan and while he worked, she went to school to get her degree in early childhood development because best case he could financially support his family by himself and she would be able to use her degree to help raise and teach their kids while she stayed home with them. Worst case; she had marketable skills in case the economy went down enough he couldn't support them alone or - heaven forbid - something happened to him. She wouldn't be stuck in the same situation as that poor woman with no marketable skills, unable to get a job to support herself or her kids. Solie and her hubby - and these other trad wives tbh - could learn a thing or two from them.
The main difference is that even though this (from what little I have heard) nice couple were indeed equals who togeather made a plan fpr the future were neither would be set back in case something happened, from little income, to death, to divorce. While she was at home with the chores and kids, it was a choice she actually made. While he was the one working, he made that choice. And they did it togeather. Not at all like these fundies...
3:09:32 On the topic of free tampons in bathrooms: In Canada, federally regulated workplaces are required to have free pads and tampons available in ALL washrooms. Hopefully other countries and private companies follow suit.
Girl, it's 3 in the morning on a working night! You can't just drop a 4 hour video like this now, now how will I sleep? I have to go to work in the morning! PS: That eye look is STUNNING
not only that, being a midwife isn't all about cute babies. Births are messy. A friend of mine is a midwive, and according to her the job is not for the faint of heart, like any medical profession.
Re: making things for "your man". I love doing things for my partner. I don't like cooking, but last weekend he was sick and I went out of my way to make him the best chicken noodle soup I could, and I was happy to do it for him. But he NEVER demands those things from me and he frequently does similar things for me. We do it naturally, because we love each other, not because he is a man and I am a woman. It's crazy anti-feminist think we never do anything for our loved ones just cause they are men
The "serve him first at a meal" - My ex-husband used to insist on this! I had to serve him, then the kids and then me last, and we all had to wait until he gave us permission before we were allowed to eat! Sometimes, he would refuse to let one of us (me or the kids) to eat - it was "everyone can eat, apart from YOU"... He used to say that the pecking order in the house was him, the kids, the dogs and then me! I also had to do all the child-care, all the cooking, all the cleaning. And I was maintaining a full-time job as well... I was also not allowed to say "no" in any way - not just in bed, I literally was not "allowed" to say no even when it was the appropriate answer to a question! He once said that he "owned me" and that I was his "property"... He even once said that he could not r*pe me because I was his property. Not Christian though, he was just an abusive misogynistic a-hole...
@@Sochi314 He was EVIL - turned out to be a CSAB... my niece! HE got a vasectomy, not because he did not want me to have more kids, more because he was worried he would get her pregnant as she started her periods (yes he was abusing her BEFORE she started!)
Does serving him mean loading the plate for him and placing it in front of him? My mom would place bowls and platters on the table and my dad would put the food on the plate himself. We kids helped ourselves. There was requests about “Please pass the potatoes” and so forth.
How can submission be simultaneously something that comes natural to women but is also something you need to learn or ask god for to change you into a submissive wife if you arent....... Isnt really natural is it?
Yup, if something comes naturally, you don't have to force people into it. Like you don't have to force people to breathe or to want to eat and pee etc.
@@daviddeidaWell this can’t be the case. Because otherwise the suffrage and feminist movements wouldn’t have started in the first place. Even in the most oppressive, misogynistic and isolated societies in the world, women fight for their rights. Malala Yousafzai took a bullet to the face as a teenager because she wanted to go to school. She had no Netflix access. Centuries ago, women were getting burned at the stake for having opinions and they kept having them. Lol what a weak argument.
@@daviddeida solie grew up fundie (without any mainstream media influence) and yet she still struggles to be submissive... there are also so many women from fundie homes who say the same things about struggling to submit. the point is that it's not natural for them if they have to force themselves to do it.
My jaw literally dropped at the "my husband tells me what to think" tweet. These people really are just too far gone if they're AWARE of this behavior. Oh wow
Does she know how much time and schooling goes into becoming a midwife...? My aunt, who hails from very Catholic Ireland, runs the midwife program at my medical college, and degrees in that program take between 3 and 5 years. As a midwife, you must be the most accepting, forward thinking, non-judgmental person. That is your job, to show up for parent and baby, no matter their decisions.
At uni I took a module on coaching and team leadership and for one of the lectures we had a midwife come in a talk about her job, how she’s learnt coaching skills over the years, the way she’s learnt to understand what people need when they can’t necessarily express it in words. It was amazing! She was amazing!
And it's a mentally and emotionally taxing job, too. Giving birth is amazing and wonderful and absolutely terrifying when things go even mildly wrong. I burnt out 3/4 of the way through my degree for this exact reason, and I have so much respect and admiration for the people who continue to do it. It's not an easy profession at all and the way she minimises it is disgusting (but not at all surprising, given her other views around pregnancy and sex, etc.)
32:21 I called my very wanted, planned fetus a parasite. Babies literally steal nutrients from the host body to survive. And I can still love my baby very, very much while recognizing the toll it takes on the body.
I used to make that same joke. My mother hated it but I meant it in a joking way. Now that she’s born and an infant she makes so many funny noises that I call her my little gremlin. 😁 I mean it in a loving way but I understand that’s not everyone’s humor.
I always say I didn’t understand abortion until I had kids , the idea that that statement means “ I hate my kids and should have aborted them “ is wild .
@@lexycameron9074 I know! Being honest about how hard pregnancy and parenting is is not at all the same as saying "I hate my kids" or "I wish I didn't have kids" or "nobody should have kids."
I don’t have kids nor do I want them, but I would 100% be calling my hypothetical fetus a little parasite in the most loving way possible. I call my fur-babies free-loaders after all.xD
Your worries about her, what will she do if her husband dies and she has no skills or ability to care for her family.... this is Anna Duggar!! Cannot divorce, cannot work, no ability to express how she really feels about what her husband did. Instead she plays the good wife and maintains his denial, visits him and takes her place under his fathers household 🤢
We were also designed to sleep on the ground, shit in the woods and eat raw meat. You could say our purpose was to live without all modern day conveniences. Personally I'm happy to sleep in a bed, have running water and use an electrical stove.
“I don’t have to get up at 5 AM every morning.” Yes, because you were probably already awake after your baby fussed at 12, 3 and 4:30 AM, and the toddler had a bad dream. Also, people who run their own businesses often take *fewer* vacations because they have to keep things running. There’s just zero reason to listen to what Solie has to say; she has no education and no life experience outside of her marriage, and it really shows.
The more advertisements i get for Freshpet, Purina Proplan, Rover and Chewy, the more i hate dogs and the amount Western humans spend on them. Pets are a waste of resources.
Thank you for being so straightforward about not wanting to have children! Every time I say that I will never have children people tell me "you don't know what you're talking about", "you will want them eventually", "once you get pregnant (yes, they count on me having an accidental pregnancy 😰) you will want to keep it". And like, ok, nobody can predict the future, but don't pretend to know more about me than I do, goddammit. If somebody can make predictions about my future desires it is ME. I think they feel so attacked because they never knew they had a choice regqrding having children, and they see me and get mad and think I shouldn't have it either. Wild behaviour really.
"Birth control wrecks havoc on the women's cycles" hoh boy Solie my buddy my pal my body was already doing that, birth control is the only reason I even HAVE consistent cycles anymore.
Exactly! I so badly want to ask these people what they think about individuals who already have severe issues with their reproductive systems. What do they think about people with PCOS or infertility issues? Does God just not love them?
Same here! I have PCOS, and before birth control I had 1-3 periods PER YEAR. I'm off of it now but it 'jump started' my hormones and that's the only reason I have a regular cycle now.
I wonder if the reason for like fundie couples the reason they get the whole "The first year being married is the hardest" is the fact that in fundie world, these people are moving from their parents place in with a spouse? Like, they never lived with the romantic partner specifically, never lived alone, never lived with roommates, the entire idea of not living with your parents or family and moving in with someone functionally brand new, its a lot in a short period of time.
Combine this with marrying a virtual stranger that you couldn't even be alone with, let alone live with before committing your life to being with them. It's a scary transition period for a lot of people, while at the same time they're trying to learn who their new spouse is. (And if that spouse is domineering, demanding, and abusive, that's going to make it a lot worse.)
The dating advice helped so much, Rachel. Truly thank you. I’m currently at the point in my life where «you’re just not a good woman» is soul crushing to hear and easy to believe. Taking your words to heart
1:30:00 - As someone who grew up religious - Yeah, the first year/s are the "hardest" because they hopped into a marriage sooner than later and had lot of relationship growing pains *after* committing to marriage. But I'm glad these two with their whole.... uh, less than one year of being married, are here to discuss their experiences.
Sayings like that always make me blink, since I and my husband never had those problems. But, then again, we got married in year five of our relationship. Those growing pains had come and gone by that point. Year one of our relationship was...interesting to say the least. People here tend to say that most couples have their first crisis after one year. We had all those crisis and growing pains in our first three months. Apparently we were very efficient. XD Over twenty years later, we're still together. But really, those who get married without truly knowing their partner is just weird to me.
1:43:36 oh shit. This was tough to hear. I actually got married at 17 to a 24 year old (which was weird even by Mormon standards), and it feels like Solie is me in a worse timeline where I was even more brainwashed. Luckily I got out - I'm 21, exmormon and openly lesbian.
Wait wait wait wait. She's TWENTY-FOUR? And has THREE kids? I feel faint, that's my age, and the mere idea of that. Oh, wow. I cannot even begin to comprehend that, and I've only started this video. I can barely even comprehend somebody in my age-bracket having ONE kid, but THREE? AND a trad-wife at that? Oof, that one feels so sad. But the saddest thing of all, I probably know someone just like her, only I've cut contact with all my former classmates. I don't see them, and therefore can't know whether or not they've fallen down that path. But I can bet at least a few of them have, and that just makes me so sad. Not a surprise, with how my town has at least for different denominations, but still. Incredibly sad to see folks my age ('00) fall down into these paths, and to see their lives be so restricted. Oof. It also is a very harsh and brisk reminder that I'm an adult, and that my teenage years are further behind me than I ever thought. The Pandemic contributed to my loss of time awareness, but still. I'll be 26 by the time I've finished my education and gotten my teaching license, and THAT is wild to me. Anyway! Looking forward to watching this video, Rachel! Your deep-dives are always a joy to watch!
I personally grew up with someone a lot like this. Married at 19, three kids by 24. Down all the Qanon antivax rabbit holes. Terrifying to think when I was a kid I expected to be married by like, 22 at the latest major difference between this girl and me is my parents were absolutely determined that I graduate college. EDUCATION MATTERS)
@@DarkFleurofIra I recently heard about something called "the baby fundie voice" which is a certain speech pattern that fundie women are (more or less subconsciously) trained to use. Look it up, there's people that can explain it way better than me and I find it interesting (in a horrifying way).
27:30 Solie is a woman with an online presence, she must get inappropriate sexual comments all the time. I hope she doesn't blame herself and think she deserves those comments. I'd also hope that experiencing that form of sexual harassment would convince her to stop victim blaming.
The use of that Matilda clip was perfect; it also cracked me up because every time someone like this goes on and on about being "pure", all I can think of is Frank Reynolds slathered in hand sanitizer and I just hear Danny DeVito's voice in my head going "I just want to be PURE". Edit: I'm generally pretty happy just being single, but you talking about your relationship does inspire my own yearning for a loving relationship. On the other hand, hearing fudies like Solie talk endlessly about what a "gift" their marriage is makes me want to stay single forever. Also, my tarantula was a more gentle and compassionate person than Solie. And he had absolutely nothing going on in his brain, he didn't know me from Adam, but at least he wasn't a bitter, spiteful transphobe.
Don't open your eyes, You won't like what you see, The devils of truth steal, The souls of the free, Don't open your eyes, Take it from me, I have found you can find, Happiness in slavery. - Nine Inch Nails, "Happiness In Slavery"
@@apjapkicats definitely know love too 🩷 My one cat wakes me up just so she can sit on my chest and cuddle. At first I thought it was bc she was hungry, so I got up and fed her, but once I went back in bed she stopped eating and came back to cuddle with me 🥰
1:55:04 the number of physical signs of discomfort Solie showed during talking about compromise, coupled with her looking at him as she tries to explain it, genuinely made me feel bad for her. She displaying behavior like she’s being held hostage, like so afraid of Andre and afraid of misstepping. She’s so young and so indoctrinated by Andre and her church community/family….I am sad for her, and the children she will inevitably raise in the same values. I hope she can get out of this safely.
I have to say, my favourite part of watching these kinds of videos from Rachel is getting to hear her gush about her partner. It’s so sweet and lovely to hear as a long time viewer ❤
There is always the thought process of "Women don't take accountability" from these trad and/or redpill types but their entire philosophy is about allowing MEN to never take accountability. Men and women BOTH should take accountability for bad behaviors. Being the victim of SA is never the woman's fault.
Listening to you talk about your relationship made me cry. Thank you, Rachel, for proving that it's possible to find safe, joyful relationships in this overwhelming world.
As sad as this video has made me feel for people like Solie, as happy it has made me that you found Kieran and this amazing relationship you seem to be in♡
Ok, as a woman in my 40’s, I was pretty mad throughout most of this video. I am a PERSON. I am not a walking womb, my sole purpose for existing is not to create babies, I will not live according someone else’s “god” or religion, and HELL YEAH, I WANT TO VOTE. My marriage is an adventure with my best friend and yes, we both CHOSE to be child free as the best thing for us. And my cat loves me. 😂
The childfree people "hate children" accusation is hilarious to me bec. who is advocating for: - physical abuse - intense grooming into the traditional gender binary - withholding of education - lack of boundaries - etc. Some traditional/religious parents dont know what unconditional love is: they dont know what marital love is and they dont know what parental love is either. They simply indoctrinate and gaslight each other into thinking that bullying and abuse are how they prove, they love one another. Lol.
This is so well-put! While they were explaining the different aspects of their marriage and their values it just kept hitting me how this is literally creating all the conditions for abuse that can go on unchecked, normalised and unsanctioned. :-//
1:57:08 modesty was a huge concern for me when I was a child through my 20s. When I turned 40, I realized I hadn’t been cat-called in a few years and I felt so good. As a woman, I know I’m still not really taken seriously but no longer being a sex object in public is the best feeling. My clothing style hasn’t changed, if anything, I’m more confident in less clothes now than when I was young. It’s not what we wear, men, and old men, sexualize and prey on young women and girls. There’s nothing natural about that, the men who act like this are predators. This is not a god thing, there’s no advice about this in the Bible. The stuff about modesty in the Bible isn’t about skimpy clothing anyways, it’s about being ostentatious and wearing your family’s wealth, which is/was a cultural thing in that era.
I’m 36 and have also noticed the cat calling has basically stopped, it’s such a relief!! I’m just a human, we all are, I appreciate modesty in men too (ie, topless gross dudes)
Maybe I'm overthinking this, but hearing him talk about "buying" his wife feels extra icky with her being at least part black, especially since fundamental Christian denominations have been associated with white supremacy and anti-abolition politics since their beginning. For instance, the Southern Baptist Convention literally started because the southern Baptists wanted slavery to be viewed as biblical, since most of the leaders were southern slaveholders. Then you add in the modern white supremacist links to the traditional marriage movement and fundie communities and it gets so much worse
Can I just say that I love how you light up and come across as super happy and excited when you talk about Kieran about 1.5 hours into the video? It’s just so nice to see, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy to see you so happy. And I really hope this doesn’t come across as creepy or anything. And of course I don’t mean that you seem unhappy or bored during the other bits of the video. You’re always so well-spoken, passionate, educated and also emphatic. I love how you never put anyone down and even find bits you agree with even when someone has completely different views
3:25:30 - If anything, Solie's video in their car, with her husband heavy breathing into the microphone, a child screaming in the back and Solie struggling to string a coherent sentence together to explain why "feminism bad" is probably the best point in favour of feminism and education.
I was going to say, the trouble adjusting in the first year of marriage is only a problem if you've never lived together as a couple before. Like I imagine it is quite an adjustment to go from living with your family or on your own and having never cohabitated with ANY partner before, let alone the specific person you've married and that it can be quite rocky.
2:54:15 oh my GAWD there's so much idiotic nonsense in this it's unbelievable. And I'm a man who literally almost never cries. You'd best believe it has absolutely nothing to do with some bullshit about how I'm "not supposed to cos mEn DoNt CrY". It just doesn't come naturally to me. That's it. There is nothing shameful or "un-manly" about crying or being emotional.
Solis: "Women are designed to have children." Me: *laughs in Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome* Also, Rachel, that story about Kieran saving bits of hard cheese for Kyra is THE cutest thing I've heard all day.
3:43:28 this argument that feminism is somehow the OPPOSITE of being a homemaker, mother, wife, and beautiful is so funny to me as a hot feminist wife and stay at home, HOMESCHOOLING mom. They just don’t want to admit that they could’ve done all that without having a man that loves to tell them they aren’t allowed to cry or complain…but they married a misogynist turd so now they’re stuck with it since they don’t believe in divorce.
57:09 where in those vows is 'for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health'. There was a lot about looking after bodies and not letting self go etc. But what if faced with illness, or infertility or any tough stuff and needing to support each other through that and not just the dreams.
Religious (Muslim) women that come from strict families in my country sometimes get married really young just to escape the oppression at home. Because they wouldn't be allowed to move out while their clothes, school/work, curfews everything being controlled by their parents. So it's a rock and a hard place really. I get similar vibes from some of these fundamentalist Christian ladies. Sad af if you ask me.
I worked with kids for several years as an educator at a museum. Although I enjoy spending time with other people's kids, it made me more resolved to never have my own. I worked at a pet store for a couple of years and now I have multiple aquariums and plan to set up more when/if my partner and I are able to move to a bigger space. So yeah, different people are drawn or "called" to different things. I'm in my late 20s and every year that passes makes me more and more sure that I don't want kids and glad that I didn't have them at an earlier point when I was unsure.
This is what annoys me so much. I, personally, would not get an abortion, BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN OTHER WOMEN CAN’T OR SHOULDN’T. I would love to be a SAHM who takes care of home and children BUT I WOULD NEVER FORCE THAT ON OTHER WOMEN. It’s fine she wants these things for herself, but what is with the projection and woman-hating? All women should have the opportunity to choose what THEY want out of THEIR life. Ugh ugh ugh
Also, you might need an abortion if a wanted pregnancy goes wrong! There are so many reasons it needs to be legal, and a choice for each of us, every pregnancy. No one has to say “I’d never do that”. Because you have the choice, and for some medical situations, you just never know.
@@edvh88 I simply mean abortion as a choice. I can’t fathom how any mentally well woman would be against medically-necessary terminations 😳 abortions don’t happen in a vacuum, there’s so many reasons a woman would want/need an abortion and none of those reasons are mine, Solie’s, or the state’s business. She really needs to mind her own and stop acting like her way is the only way. 🤦🏼♀️
I cannot imagine marrying someone I hadn’t lived with, and then getting pregnant a month after marriage… UGH. I value so much the time my husband and I had together before marriage, and the 5 years of marriage we had before we had our son! Lots of time for just us to build our relationship and life together.
I was raised catholic, my mom was quite conservative (she deconstructed later in life). At 20, I was just finishing my first year in uni and knew nothing about real world. I would literally force my partner to go to church. I have deconstructed since, but I can imagine my life would be completely different if I married a conservative man at 20 and never left my small town with close-minded people. Because of that I feel a bit sorry for that woman. I can only hope some day she will change.
The way they were talking about compromising like it’s a useless tool of communication and partnership had me giving them the side eye…well honestly everything they said or wrote made me side eye them
This guy gives off just the worst vibes. Honestly, listening him talk about his coercive control is creepy. He's honestly quite scary. Just the way he talks and expresses himself with aggressive voice/face and defensive body posture when alone with his wife seems so menacing.
I so so so always appreciate your child free content. I have always known it is just not for me, not in any way shape or form. Am I somewhat excited to be an aunt to any children in my family? Yes - but also so terrified! But I will my very best to be a good role mode to them, and teach them that everyone deserves complete autonomy over their own body. Keep making this wonderful content Rachel ❤️
I will never understand fundies who think people who don't want children must have them. I have a son and he is so loved and wanted by me and my fiancé. Some days are really really hard though. If you were not 100% committed to being a parent everyone would suffer, particularly the innocent children they claim to love so much!
Her ways of “serving” sounds like the man is a child and needs mommy cleaning up after him. Or doing things so the toddler doesn’t have a temper tantrum.
![[Live] : ONE 169 วันนี้!! "อนาโตลี vs อูมาร์"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/IK3YZVWuFJg/mqdefault.jpg)
I really love how sex is solely for the purpose to have babies, but also you should never refuse sex to your husband because he has needs and deserves to be pleased. Almost as if sex isn't just about birthing children ?
Great point!
No no, it's only about the babies...for the woman! That's why we don’t use condoms! Every time she gets railed, the fear of pregnancy shiuld be looming above her like a bad omen and make sure she doesn't enjoy herself in the least. Duh!/s
This is one of many contradictions that you find in Christian teachings. I have read an article on sex in medieval Western Europe and how there practically no way people could sexually behave in a "God-honoring" way because God, apparenty, did not know what he wanted.
Like you said - sex only for procriation, but also, please your husband whenever and however he wants.
There are other contradictions like:
- Please your husband whenever he wants, but also, you can't have sex on religious holidays, more than half days a week, and when the sun is out.
- Please your husband whenever he wants, but he is not supposed to have more than one go at it at a time.
- Please your husband however he wants, but also, most sexual positions are not allowed.
- Have sex for procreation only, but also, your wife has to orgasm in order to get pregnant (I actually don't remember whether it was a general Medieval belief or what the Bible said).
- Men are entitled to sex, but also, how DARE they and women enjoy it.
- Bestiality is bad, but homosexuality is even worse, apparently.
etc.
So true
There is no contradiction.A man has needs and desires to have offspring.
“Marriage is not like a business relationship.”
Hon, he just said he BOUGHT you. How is that not a business transaction?
Also she’s talking about living how the Bible teaches us, but in biblical times, marriage was literally a business transaction…
She's also saying her husband is her boss, so which is it solie?
@@KatherineAcosta20 no thats not true , the bible honors marriage and tells husbands and wives to love and respect each other
@@gg-fr4nw I have 1 example, although there really many: 1 Samuel 18:27. Also there are a lot of stories of married men having kids with their servants, that’s not very respectful…
@@KatherineAcosta20 just because it happened doesn't mean god approved of it . Bible mentions alot of things but doesn't approve of it
I don't think I'll ever get over the hypocrisy of these people demanding that others live their lives as obedient, subordinate, perpetually home-dwelling wives and mothers while simultaneously running blogs, youtube channels, TikTok accounts, selling courses, and generally girlbossing it up and (gasp!) _earning an income._
It always baffles me. Most of these trad wife influencers are not trad. They have a career - an influencer lol
@@Arwena111 and they're usually selling/peddling harmful content to people, the gullible. :(
@InternetIsWild remember I'm not even an hour in and I already think this guy is a walking red flag. I'm pretty sure that fear kicked in the moment she married this man.
@@Arwena111They get away with it because most people especially most men don't see influenceing as careers ......So they get away with selling overpriced courses
@@sakuraesther6309 Not just that, but people don’t think that influencing can be lucrative, so they think these trad-wives don’t make much when they make bank off page engagement, and cuz they saw that their audience wants to hear they make and exception for them, but would never let their wife do what they do.
If they weren’t so creepy It would be adorable that they’ve been married 8 months and think deciding what movie to watch is a disagreement.
it goes to show how immature they truly are
that sounds like a middle school couple disagreement
I feel like this is very common. There is this arrogance a lot of people get in their first year of marriage, but most of these people are just mildly annoying and not giving advice on the internet.
@@spOOkytimes i think the arrogance mostly happens with people who get married way too fast without even properly knowing themselves or their partner.
Could they not just... Watch their own stuff alone? Or am I too used to doing things alone?
that's what i was thinking..a compromise to that 'disagreement' would be watch your own movies..@@Roadent1241
As a dude, I supported the family on one income while my wife stayed home with the kids and when they were older she finished college. Then she got a job that paid more than mine and I slowed down at my job. Then my job expanded and offers a ton of overtime so I’m working more again and she slowed down. It’s decided by what jobs make more sense at the time, not male and female.
Yeah I wish those people could see themselves and others as humans first, and men or women second.
Thank you for being a good partner and a team player and a reasonable caring person with a healthy ego!
It's definitely the give and take and the understanding of each other that is super important. It sounds like y'all have that.
Exactly. The Real World. None of this stupid illogical baiting stuff tht people (mostly dumb teens online) are actually eating up
This is such a great balance, no kids for us but all household duties, etc are split based on who's working the most and what tasks we prefer, so the person working more hours has an "easier" time at home since their current financial contribution is higher, it's worked incredibly well for us!
bruh if she thinks women are entitled, what are men??
I just love how she says women are not entitled or automatically deserving of anything just because they're women straight after describing how men are entitled to all sorts of services from their wife just because they're the man🤦♀️
Entitled as well??
Entitler
She think men's entitled attitude is proper and deserved.. because they are entitled to everything.. bc they are men.
I guess men are supposed to be entitled? Idfk
babe... BABE wake up rachel oates just dropped a four hour video essay
at four hours I think we can start calling it a video BOOK
@@9ED6F5E1 And im gonna watch the whole thing 🤣
... with three wardrobes. Is that a record?
Thank you babe I’m awake now 😂
The best mornings i swear omg
Look, I don't mind doing chores for my parents or loved ones, but if I'm calling myself their servant and doing everything for them, I better get paid.
I agree! I moved back home after college and help out with household responsibilities in exchange for a cheaper and cozier living situation. And I enjoy being able to cook meals for my boyfriend.
Even then, they hardly treat me like a servant. We just believe in splitting tasks equally around the house, and my boyfriend doesn’t mind cleaning up and prepping ingredients for me to cook.
I actually think that anyone who cares about children should be happy that people who don't want them, don't have them. Feeling unwanted and uncared for by your parents is one of the worst things you can do to a child
So true. Absolutely anything to desperately convince themselves that what they are doing is okay and doesn't require any deeper thought. Also anything to avoid thinking about people who aren't as fortunate in life and have to actually plan their lives.
I'm genuinely baffled as to why this is still such a difficult thing to understand for so many people.
100%. As a parent and someone who used to work in early childhood education for years, it's a big relief to me when someone makes the choice that having children just... isn't for them. It's a kind choice to make for the world, themselves, and the hypothetical children.
And funny enough, feeling unwanted and uncared for as a child is an experience commonly found in traditional/religious communities. Turns out, that indoctrinating young adults into believing that abortion is "murder" doesnt produce the best parenting results. Funny how that works.
🙃
i feel like instead of making sure only people who want kids have them they just want to force everyone to want kids
which doesn’t work at all
"MRS" degree was a lame joke over 50 years ago. It's aged like roadkill on a highway in full summer heat.
I don't even know wtf the joke is lol
I'm gonna look it up, knowing that it's almost certainly gonna be some hacky BS
Edit: oh christ it's just "Mrs." presented as some sort of humorous joke. That's just dumbass.
I remember girls saying that college was a good place to meet future husbands. College men were potential good providers.
That "joke" is bloated. Leaking fluids. Well past rigor mortis. To' up and ate up by turkey vultures.
@@samwindmill8264Oh yes, it’s just that women go to college for a BA, BS, or MRS. It’s especially common at religious colleges/universities.
I have an MRes (Master of Research), and it could conceivably have been some kind of American variant (like they have BS for Bachelor of Science instead of our BSc)
"I believe all people are entitled to: Safety, Freedom, Healthcare, Food, Water, Education." *Cries in American*
this is so bleak
I'm completely honest, i could never go to America, and i feel so sorry for all those unfortunate souls who aren't able to get these basic needs met ;-;
@@justordinaryme3940 yeah please don't. My kid had a shooting alarm at her school in the nicest area in the US. It turned out being not a threat but shook to the core. You aren't safe anywhere here for any reason.
I feel your comment so hard!
@lostpelican1883 Even though the first thing you learn is to "love thy neighbour"
Welp, no hate like christian love..
For too many years, this was my upbringing and life also. It wasn’t until I had a daughter- a wonderfully strong-willed and free-spirited daughter- that I made the decision to leave. She was 3 when I realized that breaking her spirit would be the only way she would find acceptance in her family and church and I couldn’t allow that to happen. 13 years. a divorce, and one amazing and supportive stepdad later, and she is thriving. Her fire and determination are some of the qualities that I admire most about her and my only regret is that I didn’t leave sooner.
That is awesome. I appreciate making the decision to watch her grow. I also have a beautiful strong willed daughter that I wouldn't trade for the world. 🩷
this was so incredible to read. i was that daughter, and my family stayed in religion. i’m now 30 and just realizing it’s okay to be loud and “annoying” as a (perceived) woman.
you’re doing a great thing by recognizing how bad it would be for your daughter to stay in that💚
I grew up like this too. Luckily I got out before I found a relationship. Part of the reason I couldn't find a relationship es because I was "too smart", "feisty", "masculine" And "weird". It's hard to be perfect enough that a man in this environment will even vaguely like you. You have to be a literal angel who never gains weight, gets stretch marks and never complains. Good for you getting your daughter out of that. ❤
My mom left when I was 2. I'll be forever grateful for her doing that. She is the reason why I had a happy childhood, a great education and I'm in a happy marriage to a man who loves me like a equal partner, not like my boss.
Damn, I wish my mom would do the same for my 16yr old brother 🥺😔
The truly ironic thing about the trad wives who drop education and career paths to be wives and mothers is that they also vote for politicians who advocate for policies that make it harder for them should they find themselves alone. I genuinely wish these women didn’t have to worry about their husbands leaving them or dying. I wish they could trust that the world would have their back if they ended up in that situation. But we don’t live in a world that works that way and they’re at least a small part of the reason why. The lack of empathy in these “Christians” is sad.
Chalk it all up to the hellish merger of fundamentalist conservative evangelical Christianity with "trickle-down", "no handouts" right wing economics. The cult of Daddeh Trumpseh is both the apotheosis and the inevitable (?) culmination of this cancerous cyst on the American body politic. I fear that it will destroy our country. Sign of the times.
Because they think that they are married to "one of the good ones". Someone that would never leave them. Especially when religion is involved, they think it would be unfathomable for him to leave them.
They probably think those who are abandoned by their husbands should have "chosen better" and that they deserve whatever happens to them.
It's a complete lack of empathy. A socially unaware view of relationships. And internalized misogyny.
@@evea.4358 but the sadder thing is even if they did marry "one of the good ones" (eugh), thats not the only concern. What if their husband becomes unable to work? Get sick or injured or dies? Do they just believe the grace of God or smth will prevent this from happening?
@@cassualtea2040 They think that they can just "fall back on their degree" . (provided they have any)
I don't think these people understand how hard it is to find a job without any experience ESPECIALLY if you graduated 10+ years ago and never used your degree.
Even worse if you don't even have a degree (or trades training) ... good luck finding a job to support an entire family.
Because they genuinely do not think separation should be an option. Even in instances of abuse, many of the Christians I’ve been around will only approve of temporary separation while you “work through you problems” they do expect you back together at some point - divorce is NOT an option
I love that you point out that feminism includes supporting women's decision to be housewifes and mothers if thats what they want.
I was thinking about what Solie said about unplanned pregnancies... that it would be seen as a disaster instead of excitement for a "new little blessing"... Well. If I was finding out I was pregnant today, I would cry and get a panic attack. Because I have an over 50% risk of dying if I give birth or if I survive - end up in a wheel chair. It's a highly privileged position to not even think about the situations other people can be in. If you're healthy and wealthy, sure, you have it quite different than me. I'm not financially stable and I have severe health problems. Get off your high horse, Solie!
Reading this made me pause and think about all the people I know that have given birth and I realized I know waaaaaaay many more people who almost died giving birth than I know people that didn't almost die.
@@briannaobrien4419 yes! It’s not an easy thing and we shouldn’t treat it as an easy thing just anyone can do…
Almost 25 percent of the population is either sterile or cant have kids due to varying health issues. They hate them.
She is also making it sound like it's a new thing and before feminism women didn't use to get scared about unwanted pregnancies. Just because nobody cared what they felt, I'm pretty sure it has always been very very scary to most girls/women. They were never asked what they wanted so chances are there were a lot more unwanted pregnancies than just the obvious ones, even within marriages.
It's really obnoxious because they also act as if marriage will protect you from negative outcomes of pregnancy and having a child. Health can still be an issue like you said, physical and mental. Babies can be born with health issues. The parents could have little to no help. They may not be able to afford the child. Also, Horrible people come it all forms, including people who identify as Christians. Some Christians can be a bad people and/or bad parents. Marriages don't always work out. Life isn't a staircase, it's a rollercoaster that you are blindfolded on at times. I know people who have fast-tracked relationship to marriage to children, and it seems miserable.
The ticktok of that woman wandering why nobody told her anything about a secure life was terrible, I hope she's ok.
Yeah that tiktok is rough. I think i remember seeing updates of her and people offering to send her money, but i think she refused.
I’m pretty sure she is - her videos pop up on my FYP sometimes and I think she’s with a new partner and getting her feet on the ground. I think she left her ex quite awhile ago (and if it’s the tiktoker I’m thinking of, he was cheating on her during their entire multi-decade relationship)
She’s working three jobs just to feed her many children. She’s surviving, but not doing that great.
Why doesn’t the dad care for the kids? He fathered them his job is the provider.
Imagine joking about buying your black biracial wife, live in 4k
Funny how Jesus preached far more about financial modesty and not showing off excessive wealth
He literally explicitly called out people who wores luxurious jewelry with gold and yet they seem to only focus kn clothing modesty
He also advised men to cast their hands and/or eyes, if these body parts led them into sin but somehow "fundie" xtians always seem to overlook that verse.
Jesus was such a bro, ngl
my husband died when I was 55. You'd best believe that engineering degree came in right handy. I worked most of the time I was married (took some time off to care for him). Now, I'm 60, make 6 figures and live comfortably. Why being a "trad wife" is a BAD idea.
Fundies love to say that their church will look after them, should their husband die or run off with someone else. Not one of them can provide any examples of families in their own church being financially supported by that church.
Jesus. How have people not heard of insurance, savings and assets. It’s not that hard. Live meaningfully, pick a good partner, plan for the future.
I’m a proud anti feminist. We don’t need pity, we are fine lol.
@@Subjugatedhappywife No, YOU'RE fine. Not everyone would be.
Pull your head out of your arse.
sorry about the loss of your husband, it really sucks to lose somebody you care about especially so young. I'm glad you were able to build a happy and stable life for yourself at least.
@@Subjugatedhappywife there are people who can't or won't either plan for the future. In the case of divorce, often, the men refuse to pay the court ordered alimony and/or child support. I just hope it never happens to you.
“Never too young to have a baby”, MA’AM. I’ve taught pregnant 13 year olds. That was 110% TOO YOUNG.
horrifying 😦
I was 19 and gave birth at 20 it was too young .
@@lisagilbert8497I hope you're okay now❤
The implications of that alone are kind of horrifying
@@icravedeath.1200 My mom worked at planned parenthood type of thing in the 80’s and she saw pregnant 12-13 year olds. Yes, some had BF’s in their 20’s, some would make pregnancy pacts with their friends and come in for group abortions, one girl came in every couple of months and would gush bout how happy she was to be pregnant just to terminate, and others said they could t go on bc cuz their BF’s said it was bad for them. Just wild stuff.
Came across a tradwife recently. She insinuated I would be a double income no kids household to which I said, not really. We plan to foster kids 10 years old and up. She sighed of relief when I said that. It was odd that someone would care that much whether I plan on having kids in my home or not. I work with children. I love kids. I do not want young children in my home 24/7 for many personal reasons. There are already too many uncared for children in this world. Tradwives need to stop telling people to have kids no matter what their personal feelings or circumstances are.
Almost like mining their own biz😅
That’s cuz she only saw your worth in being a mother, but I’m surprised that you said she breathed a sigh of relief when you told her that you’d foster kids cuz most would’ve told you that you need to have your own kids, or it’s not legitimate. I don’t get it, but they’re obsessed with natural born kids.
I'm glad that you have so much empathy for Solie. As a former Tradwife myself, a lot of people don't understand how STRONG the cult mind is for religious young women and how hard it can be to break out of that. Most of the time, if a husband leaves, that can make the woman stay in the cult and become even stronger enmeshed in (they get married to another cult member, or their cult member parents take care of them and their kids). But if a woman LEAVES the cult after, she has nothing. No education, no job prospects, no money, and no one to help take care of the kids. That second woman is so strong. ❤
As a barren+child-free, queer professional woman, nothing enraged me more than Solie saying our pets don't love us xD HOW. DARE. YOU!
What’s with fundies and thinking animals aren’t sentient? Yes, some creatures are not sentient, however there are animals incredibly capable of complex emotions such as love. Animals form bonds with people, to which they feel safe and almost like a family-mentality.
@@godofanarchye You mean sapient. Most animals are sentient.
Sentience is the ability to experience the world and react to it. Sapience is the ability to experience the world, react to it, and then consider your own position in that reaction. More or less.
There are different levels of sentience of course. A dog, horse, gorilla, human toddler, dove, and crocodile are way more sentient than an ant, a goldfish, or a starfish. They are all sentient though.
And there are more animals than humans who are sapient or "semi-sapient" as well, like orcas, octopuses, elephants, ravens, rats probably...
My cat has the intelligence of a small child.
@@maximillian1109 Thank you for the clarification.
I couldn't help but chuckle at the 18 year old making wedding vows that include, "I promise to not let myself go."
I've been married 14 years. My husband and I's bodies have both changed over that time. Not in a "let ourselves go" way, but as people age, our bodies change. I personally have gone up in weight, down in weight, a little up again. I had a baby, my hips have gotten wider. Different health issues can come up and affect your body and size. I hope she has grace for herself as she gets older and I very much hope her husband does too.
To be loved is to be changed
that one's WILD bc if a woman gets a serious illness like cancer its so common for their husbands to leave them that nurses are trained on how to console patients for that 😢
@@jackajac yup they're like 7 times more likely to leave their wives than the other way around
I can’t wait to “ let myself go “ w the love of my life .
@@rahmouchatankoGee I didn’t realize the odds were that bad. Yikes 😢
Woman with PCOS here! I struggled for my entire teenage years with painful periods until my first visit to the OB/GYN, where the doctor and I worked out a birth control method that works for me. Who knew that life without crippling pain every month was possible? And these problems (PCOS, endometriosis, retroverted uterus, etc) are very, very common - if you menstruate and are in a large amount of discomfort, finding a birth control method that works for you can give you a new lease of life.
I also HATE it when people reduce womanhood down to ‘having a womb’ 🤮 both my grandmothers had to have hysterectomies at younger ages (30s and 40s) and their lack of wombs did not strip them of their womanhood! This is to say nothing of trans folks - having a working womb does NOT determine your womanhood - womanhood is so much more than such a stupid, arbitrary, reductive notion like having a working uterus!! Ugh that idea makes me hurl!
Thank you Rachel for all the education work you’ve done hitting back at this ignorant trash!
So true! My mom had a hysterectomy at 28 and she's just as feminine and a good mom as ever
My mother got her tubes tied after her third kid because she and dad didn't want any more, and she's as genderfluid as always. Love her.
Thank you so much for saying this! I have PCOS and endometriosis and it had gotten so bad that I had no quality of life. It’s dumbfounding that these people who claim to be these wonderful, wholesome Christians are so judgmental and close minded about people with health problems they’ve been fortunate enough not to deal with. My IUD gave me my life back. The idea that necessary medical treatments make someone less of a woman or make you less worthy as a human is dumbfounding.
Very true, finding the right birth control helps so much with PCOS. My husband would not want me to be suffering everytime I have a period. It's like, well you would take medication for any other issue in order to improve your quality of life and birth control to me is the same thing. Xx
“You should not be afraid of losing your identity” that’s genuinely chilling
Stepford wife sh*t.
As an ex-fundie who escaped an abusive predatory marriage who was brainwashed into having 2 kids, I am really grateful for these videos. They are so healing
I'm so happy you escaped! I hope your life continues to improve. Btw, I've recently discovered Jordan and McKay and they give really interesting products on purity culture, etc.
3:25:01 hey, as a new zealander I want to make a half correction. Women over here could vote before 1890, that's just when women got the right to vote in the European system. Māori women could vote pre-colonization. For example there were women who signed the treaty of Waitangi but one European man didn't know that the women here could vote so refused women's signatures which resulted in at least one very insulted family
1893 wasn't it?
@@Cluuur yeah, that's when the white woman vote came in
I choose not to have kids because i'm not maternal at all and knew it wouldn't be a good environment for children
And that's totally rational!
I'm child-free for the same reason.
As a 53 year old mom, these young women are living in a fantasy. And they don’t have enough life experience to give me advice. Honestly I would rather get advice from my childless friends rather than some young mom living in an unrealistic, patriarchal, dream world
14:15 I don’t know what progressive world she lives in- I still live in a world where women are definitely judged by our looks, and our worth is often based on how valuable men find us.
Yep that will never change,its in the dna
@@daviddeida?
@@fawn2911 Its in our dna for men to seek out women who are capable of child bearing,fit, healthy and womens dna to seek men who can provide and protect the off spring
@@daviddeidahuh
Fun fact: if you click the "dont show me this channel" button (location of this button depends on your device but desktop its under the 3 dots!) It will not only prevent their videos from showing up in anybof your feeds, it will also disincentivise his videos in the algorithm! I love using this on content from tertible people. Works better than the thumbs down button, which shows there is engagement and promotes videos instead of disincentividing them
It is SO funny how she says that you are not entitled to or deserving of love, your dream job etc. but at the same time tries to convince you that men are totally entitled to women’s bodies, unpaid labor etc. LOL
I used to work with a man whose household follows the "women stay at home to take care of kids" thing for religious purposes but I remember chatting with him about it. He was super chill, always open to chat without being preachy. He told me after they got married, he and his wife came up with a plan and while he worked, she went to school to get her degree in early childhood development because best case he could financially support his family by himself and she would be able to use her degree to help raise and teach their kids while she stayed home with them. Worst case; she had marketable skills in case the economy went down enough he couldn't support them alone or - heaven forbid - something happened to him. She wouldn't be stuck in the same situation as that poor woman with no marketable skills, unable to get a job to support herself or her kids. Solie and her hubby - and these other trad wives tbh - could learn a thing or two from them.
The main difference is that even though this (from what little I have heard) nice couple were indeed equals who togeather made a plan fpr the future were neither would be set back in case something happened, from little income, to death, to divorce. While she was at home with the chores and kids, it was a choice she actually made. While he was the one working, he made that choice. And they did it togeather.
Not at all like these fundies...
3:09:32 On the topic of free tampons in bathrooms: In Canada, federally regulated workplaces are required to have free pads and tampons available in ALL washrooms. Hopefully other countries and private companies follow suit.
Girl, it's 3 in the morning on a working night! You can't just drop a 4 hour video like this now, now how will I sleep? I have to go to work in the morning!
PS: That eye look is STUNNING
She form the UK.
@@bettyunicorn6132 So am I, we're in the same time zone
Wonder if she stopped wanting to be a midwife/OBGYN because she realized it's a pro-choice profession through and through?
not only that, being a midwife isn't all about cute babies. Births are messy. A friend of mine is a midwive, and according to her the job is not for the faint of heart, like any medical profession.
@@Luthwen1301Yes it's not easy and it's one of the most important jobs on earth .
Re: making things for "your man".
I love doing things for my partner. I don't like cooking, but last weekend he was sick and I went out of my way to make him the best chicken noodle soup I could, and I was happy to do it for him.
But he NEVER demands those things from me and he frequently does similar things for me. We do it naturally, because we love each other, not because he is a man and I am a woman. It's crazy anti-feminist think we never do anything for our loved ones just cause they are men
Wow, I haven't had a craving for chicken noodle soup since 2014, now I want some. XD
@@seanboggs215 oh, it had been at least that long since I have eaten one 😂😂
There is so much internalized misogyny with them. They assume women are stupid and selfish if they aren't a doormat.
Married at 20 sounds like a fucking nightmare. I'm 25, almost 26. If I got what I thought I wanted when I was 20 I would NOT be happy right now
The "serve him first at a meal" - My ex-husband used to insist on this! I had to serve him, then the kids and then me last, and we all had to wait until he gave us permission before we were allowed to eat! Sometimes, he would refuse to let one of us (me or the kids) to eat - it was "everyone can eat, apart from YOU"...
He used to say that the pecking order in the house was him, the kids, the dogs and then me!
I also had to do all the child-care, all the cooking, all the cleaning. And I was maintaining a full-time job as well...
I was also not allowed to say "no" in any way - not just in bed, I literally was not "allowed" to say no even when it was the appropriate answer to a question!
He once said that he "owned me" and that I was his "property"... He even once said that he could not r*pe me because I was his property.
Not Christian though, he was just an abusive misogynistic a-hole...
God, I'm so sorry. That's just awful, reprehensible behaviour. That guy is a pox on "my people" (cishet men i guess?) and I detest that.
I’m so glad he is your ex husband and hope you have had all of the therapy and time to heal that you need(ed).
@@Sochi314 He was EVIL - turned out to be a CSAB... my niece! HE got a vasectomy, not because he did not want me to have more kids, more because he was worried he would get her pregnant as she started her periods (yes he was abusing her BEFORE she started!)
Does serving him mean loading the plate for him and placing it in front of him? My mom would place bowls and platters on the table and my dad would put the food on the plate himself. We kids helped ourselves. There was requests about “Please pass the potatoes” and so forth.
WTF, I'm so glad for you that you have gotten out. I hope you're thriving now!
How can submission be simultaneously something that comes natural to women but is also something you need to learn or ask god for to change you into a submissive wife if you arent....... Isnt really natural is it?
Yup, if something comes naturally, you don't have to force people into it. Like you don't have to force people to breathe or to want to eat and pee etc.
Well they also like to say it's "liberating" to completely submit your will to someone else, so I don't really trust them to know what words mean.
Due to propaganda,ie msm ,movies and netflix
@@daviddeidaWell this can’t be the case. Because otherwise the suffrage and feminist movements wouldn’t have started in the first place. Even in the most oppressive, misogynistic and isolated societies in the world, women fight for their rights. Malala Yousafzai took a bullet to the face as a teenager because she wanted to go to school. She had no Netflix access. Centuries ago, women were getting burned at the stake for having opinions and they kept having them. Lol what a weak argument.
@@daviddeida solie grew up fundie (without any mainstream media influence) and yet she still struggles to be submissive... there are also so many women from fundie homes who say the same things about struggling to submit. the point is that it's not natural for them if they have to force themselves to do it.
My jaw literally dropped at the "my husband tells me what to think" tweet. These people really are just too far gone if they're AWARE of this behavior. Oh wow
Robots 😂😂
Does she know how much time and schooling goes into becoming a midwife...? My aunt, who hails from very Catholic Ireland, runs the midwife program at my medical college, and degrees in that program take between 3 and 5 years. As a midwife, you must be the most accepting, forward thinking, non-judgmental person. That is your job, to show up for parent and baby, no matter their decisions.
At uni I took a module on coaching and team leadership and for one of the lectures we had a midwife come in a talk about her job, how she’s learnt coaching skills over the years, the way she’s learnt to understand what people need when they can’t necessarily express it in words. It was amazing! She was amazing!
And it's a mentally and emotionally taxing job, too. Giving birth is amazing and wonderful and absolutely terrifying when things go even mildly wrong. I burnt out 3/4 of the way through my degree for this exact reason, and I have so much respect and admiration for the people who continue to do it. It's not an easy profession at all and the way she minimises it is disgusting (but not at all surprising, given her other views around pregnancy and sex, etc.)
32:21 I called my very wanted, planned fetus a parasite. Babies literally steal nutrients from the host body to survive. And I can still love my baby very, very much while recognizing the toll it takes on the body.
I used to make that same joke. My mother hated it but I meant it in a joking way. Now that she’s born and an infant she makes so many funny noises that I call her my little gremlin. 😁 I mean it in a loving way but I understand that’s not everyone’s humor.
I always say I didn’t understand abortion until I had kids , the idea that that statement means “ I hate my kids and should have aborted them “ is wild .
@@lexycameron9074 I know! Being honest about how hard pregnancy and parenting is is not at all the same as saying "I hate my kids" or "I wish I didn't have kids" or "nobody should have kids."
Yep our daughter will be earthside within the week and both my husband and myself have made many jokes about my parasite.
I don’t have kids nor do I want them, but I would 100% be calling my hypothetical fetus a little parasite in the most loving way possible. I call my fur-babies free-loaders after all.xD
Your worries about her, what will she do if her husband dies and she has no skills or ability to care for her family.... this is Anna Duggar!! Cannot divorce, cannot work, no ability to express how she really feels about what her husband did. Instead she plays the good wife and maintains his denial, visits him and takes her place under his fathers household 🤢
One day, you're going to look back on your life without kids and think, "That was awesome. I'm glad I lived life on my own terms."
i love to see a new trad fundie to criticize, lately its just been the same 3 and we need some diversity
💀
The way this made me chuckle💀💀
Solie's wedding vows, as a married woman to a mostly male presenting partner, creep the hell out of me. What a nightmard
Her: 24 years old, has three sons
Me: 24 years old, 46 hours into horizon zero dawn 2
me: 24, going to even more school, looking for all 1000 Korok seeds in Zelda Tears of the Kingdom
We were also designed to sleep on the ground, shit in the woods and eat raw meat. You could say our purpose was to live without all modern day conveniences. Personally I'm happy to sleep in a bed, have running water and use an electrical stove.
“I don’t have to get up at 5 AM every morning.”
Yes, because you were probably already awake after your baby fussed at 12, 3 and 4:30 AM, and the toddler had a bad dream.
Also, people who run their own businesses often take *fewer* vacations because they have to keep things running.
There’s just zero reason to listen to what Solie has to say; she has no education and no life experience outside of her marriage, and it really shows.
"Hating on dogs, a lot for some reason"
Getting some flash backs to Roosh V(alizadeh) with that one
When dogs tell me they don't like a man, I trust him less.
When a man tells me he doesn't like dogs, I trust him less.
The more advertisements i get for Freshpet, Purina Proplan, Rover and Chewy, the more i hate dogs and the amount Western humans spend on them. Pets are a waste of resources.
@@JonéeLillardCool story, bro
My ratters didn't feel very wasteful when there was a mouse plague, but you do you@@JonéeLillard
@@JonéeLillardcope
I sat through the first part of the video thinking about how much I love your top… only to realize I have the same top 😂
Thank you for being so straightforward about not wanting to have children! Every time I say that I will never have children people tell me "you don't know what you're talking about", "you will want them eventually", "once you get pregnant (yes, they count on me having an accidental pregnancy 😰) you will want to keep it". And like, ok, nobody can predict the future, but don't pretend to know more about me than I do, goddammit. If somebody can make predictions about my future desires it is ME. I think they feel so attacked because they never knew they had a choice regqrding having children, and they see me and get mad and think I shouldn't have it either. Wild behaviour really.
"Birth control wrecks havoc on the women's cycles" hoh boy Solie my buddy my pal my body was already doing that, birth control is the only reason I even HAVE consistent cycles anymore.
I was on Bc for like 12 years straight and it was so good for me. It helped me so much and made my periods so much easier.
Exactly! I so badly want to ask these people what they think about individuals who already have severe issues with their reproductive systems. What do they think about people with PCOS or infertility issues? Does God just not love them?
Same here! I have PCOS, and before birth control I had 1-3 periods PER YEAR. I'm off of it now but it 'jump started' my hormones and that's the only reason I have a regular cycle now.
I wonder if the reason for like fundie couples the reason they get the whole "The first year being married is the hardest" is the fact that in fundie world, these people are moving from their parents place in with a spouse?
Like, they never lived with the romantic partner specifically, never lived alone, never lived with roommates, the entire idea of not living with your parents or family and moving in with someone functionally brand new, its a lot in a short period of time.
Combine this with marrying a virtual stranger that you couldn't even be alone with, let alone live with before committing your life to being with them. It's a scary transition period for a lot of people, while at the same time they're trying to learn who their new spouse is. (And if that spouse is domineering, demanding, and abusive, that's going to make it a lot worse.)
I'm continually astonished by how you're able to make these incredibly long and well thought out videos so often.
The dating advice helped so much, Rachel. Truly thank you. I’m currently at the point in my life where «you’re just not a good woman» is soul crushing to hear and easy to believe. Taking your words to heart
1:30:00 - As someone who grew up religious - Yeah, the first year/s are the "hardest" because they hopped into a marriage sooner than later and had lot of relationship growing pains *after* committing to marriage. But I'm glad these two with their whole.... uh, less than one year of being married, are here to discuss their experiences.
Sayings like that always make me blink, since I and my husband never had those problems. But, then again, we got married in year five of our relationship. Those growing pains had come and gone by that point. Year one of our relationship was...interesting to say the least. People here tend to say that most couples have their first crisis after one year. We had all those crisis and growing pains in our first three months. Apparently we were very efficient. XD
Over twenty years later, we're still together.
But really, those who get married without truly knowing their partner is just weird to me.
1:43:36 oh shit. This was tough to hear. I actually got married at 17 to a 24 year old (which was weird even by Mormon standards), and it feels like Solie is me in a worse timeline where I was even more brainwashed. Luckily I got out - I'm 21, exmormon and openly lesbian.
Proud of you for getting out of there and being true to yourself :) ❤️
Wait wait wait wait. She's TWENTY-FOUR? And has THREE kids? I feel faint, that's my age, and the mere idea of that. Oh, wow. I cannot even begin to comprehend that, and I've only started this video. I can barely even comprehend somebody in my age-bracket having ONE kid, but THREE?
AND a trad-wife at that? Oof, that one feels so sad. But the saddest thing of all, I probably know someone just like her, only I've cut contact with all my former classmates. I don't see them, and therefore can't know whether or not they've fallen down that path. But I can bet at least a few of them have, and that just makes me so sad. Not a surprise, with how my town has at least for different denominations, but still. Incredibly sad to see folks my age ('00) fall down into these paths, and to see their lives be so restricted. Oof.
It also is a very harsh and brisk reminder that I'm an adult, and that my teenage years are further behind me than I ever thought. The Pandemic contributed to my loss of time awareness, but still. I'll be 26 by the time I've finished my education and gotten my teaching license, and THAT is wild to me.
Anyway! Looking forward to watching this video, Rachel! Your deep-dives are always a joy to watch!
I personally grew up with someone a lot like this. Married at 19, three kids by 24. Down all the Qanon antivax rabbit holes. Terrifying to think when I was a kid I expected to be married by like, 22 at the latest major difference between this girl and me is my parents were absolutely determined that I graduate college. EDUCATION MATTERS)
Marriage is a legal contract. This couple reminds me of Paul and Morgan. Thank you Rachel for this video!
Not gonna lie, solie's voice sounds very similar to morgan's
@@DarkFleurofIra I recently heard about something called "the baby fundie voice" which is a certain speech pattern that fundie women are (more or less subconsciously) trained to use. Look it up, there's people that can explain it way better than me and I find it interesting (in a horrifying way).
27:30 Solie is a woman with an online presence, she must get inappropriate sexual comments all the time. I hope she doesn't blame herself and think she deserves those comments. I'd also hope that experiencing that form of sexual harassment would convince her to stop victim blaming.
The use of that Matilda clip was perfect; it also cracked me up because every time someone like this goes on and on about being "pure", all I can think of is Frank Reynolds slathered in hand sanitizer and I just hear Danny DeVito's voice in my head going "I just want to be PURE".
Edit: I'm generally pretty happy just being single, but you talking about your relationship does inspire my own yearning for a loving relationship. On the other hand, hearing fudies like Solie talk endlessly about what a "gift" their marriage is makes me want to stay single forever.
Also, my tarantula was a more gentle and compassionate person than Solie. And he had absolutely nothing going on in his brain, he didn't know me from Adam, but at least he wasn't a bitter, spiteful transphobe.
The world really does need more tarantulas and less fundies...
"We've all seen a man getting berated by a woman in public." Um.... has she been in public?
Don't open your eyes,
You won't like what you see,
The devils of truth steal,
The souls of the free,
Don't open your eyes,
Take it from me,
I have found you can find,
Happiness in slavery.
- Nine Inch Nails, "Happiness In Slavery"
I love Nine Inch Nails
The fact that they both say "woman" when the context should be "women" just drives me unreasonably insane. lmao
drove me absolutely crazy too aghhgg
Same!
If animals aren't capable of love, then why does one of my cats knock over a lamp at 7am every morning so I'll get out of bed. 🤔
It wants to be fed. If it was larger, it would probably eat you.
@@apjapki😅😅cats know love They R just mean
@@randomlyswatching9481 They know food
He fuckin hates lamps :p
@@apjapkicats definitely know love too 🩷 My one cat wakes me up just so she can sit on my chest and cuddle. At first I thought it was bc she was hungry, so I got up and fed her, but once I went back in bed she stopped eating and came back to cuddle with me 🥰
"She comes up with this stuff on her own." He says while she stares at him the whole time to make sure she's saying it right lol.
1:55:04 the number of physical signs of discomfort Solie showed during talking about compromise, coupled with her looking at him as she tries to explain it, genuinely made me feel bad for her. She displaying behavior like she’s being held hostage, like so afraid of Andre and afraid of misstepping. She’s so young and so indoctrinated by Andre and her church community/family….I am sad for her, and the children she will inevitably raise in the same values. I hope she can get out of this safely.
I have to say, my favourite part of watching these kinds of videos from Rachel is getting to hear her gush about her partner. It’s so sweet and lovely to hear as a long time viewer ❤
There is always the thought process of "Women don't take accountability" from these trad and/or redpill types but their entire philosophy is about allowing MEN to never take accountability. Men and women BOTH should take accountability for bad behaviors. Being the victim of SA is never the woman's fault.
Listening to you talk about your relationship made me cry. Thank you, Rachel, for proving that it's possible to find safe, joyful relationships in this overwhelming world.
As sad as this video has made me feel for people like Solie, as happy it has made me that you found Kieran and this amazing relationship you seem to be in♡
Ok, as a woman in my 40’s, I was pretty mad throughout most of this video. I am a PERSON. I am not a walking womb, my sole purpose for existing is not to create babies, I will not live according someone else’s “god” or religion, and HELL YEAH, I WANT TO VOTE. My marriage is an adventure with my best friend and yes, we both CHOSE to be child free as the best thing for us. And my cat loves me. 😂
Calling your partner your best friend is honestly the coolest thing ever. I aspire to be like this
The childfree people "hate children" accusation is hilarious to me bec. who is advocating for:
- physical abuse
- intense grooming into the traditional gender binary
- withholding of education
- lack of boundaries
- etc.
Some traditional/religious parents dont know what unconditional love is: they dont know what marital love is and they dont know what parental love is either. They simply indoctrinate and gaslight each other into thinking that bullying and abuse are how they prove, they love one another. Lol.
You can't go back to the tradwife lifestyle without legal DV.
This is so well-put! While they were explaining the different aspects of their marriage and their values it just kept hitting me how this is literally creating all the conditions for abuse that can go on unchecked, normalised and unsanctioned. :-//
1:57:08 modesty was a huge concern for me when I was a child through my 20s. When I turned 40, I realized I hadn’t been cat-called in a few years and I felt so good. As a woman, I know I’m still not really taken seriously but no longer being a sex object in public is the best feeling. My clothing style hasn’t changed, if anything, I’m more confident in less clothes now than when I was young. It’s not what we wear, men, and old men, sexualize and prey on young women and girls. There’s nothing natural about that, the men who act like this are predators. This is not a god thing, there’s no advice about this in the Bible.
The stuff about modesty in the Bible isn’t about skimpy clothing anyways, it’s about being ostentatious and wearing your family’s wealth, which is/was a cultural thing in that era.
I’m 36 and have also noticed the cat calling has basically stopped, it’s such a relief!! I’m just a human, we all are, I appreciate modesty in men too (ie, topless gross dudes)
Maybe I'm overthinking this, but hearing him talk about "buying" his wife feels extra icky with her being at least part black, especially since fundamental Christian denominations have been associated with white supremacy and anti-abolition politics since their beginning. For instance, the Southern Baptist Convention literally started because the southern Baptists wanted slavery to be viewed as biblical, since most of the leaders were southern slaveholders. Then you add in the modern white supremacist links to the traditional marriage movement and fundie communities and it gets so much worse
Can I just say that I love how you light up and come across as super happy and excited when you talk about Kieran about 1.5 hours into the video? It’s just so nice to see, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy to see you so happy. And I really hope this doesn’t come across as creepy or anything.
And of course I don’t mean that you seem unhappy or bored during the other bits of the video. You’re always so well-spoken, passionate, educated and also emphatic. I love how you never put anyone down and even find bits you agree with even when someone has completely different views
Oh, and I love that yellow/black knitted sweater
3:25:30 - If anything, Solie's video in their car, with her husband heavy breathing into the microphone, a child screaming in the back and Solie struggling to string a coherent sentence together to explain why "feminism bad" is probably the best point in favour of feminism and education.
I was going to say, the trouble adjusting in the first year of marriage is only a problem if you've never lived together as a couple before. Like I imagine it is quite an adjustment to go from living with your family or on your own and having never cohabitated with ANY partner before, let alone the specific person you've married and that it can be quite rocky.
2:54:15 oh my GAWD there's so much idiotic nonsense in this it's unbelievable. And I'm a man who literally almost never cries. You'd best believe it has absolutely nothing to do with some bullshit about how I'm "not supposed to cos mEn DoNt CrY". It just doesn't come naturally to me. That's it. There is nothing shameful or "un-manly" about crying or being emotional.
Exactly!! I'm a cis woman and I don't cry hardly ever but my spouse cries easily.
People that have been married for 5 minutes really gotta stop making podcasts. They know nothing about the subject! I can’t take them seriously 😅
Solis: "Women are designed to have children."
Me: *laughs in Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome*
Also, Rachel, that story about Kieran saving bits of hard cheese for Kyra is THE cutest thing I've heard all day.
3:43:28 this argument that feminism is somehow the OPPOSITE of being a homemaker, mother, wife, and beautiful is so funny to me as a hot feminist wife and stay at home, HOMESCHOOLING mom. They just don’t want to admit that they could’ve done all that without having a man that loves to tell them they aren’t allowed to cry or complain…but they married a misogynist turd so now they’re stuck with it since they don’t believe in divorce.
57:09 where in those vows is 'for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health'. There was a lot about looking after bodies and not letting self go etc. But what if faced with illness, or infertility or any tough stuff and needing to support each other through that and not just the dreams.
Religious (Muslim) women that come from strict families in my country sometimes get married really young just to escape the oppression at home. Because they wouldn't be allowed to move out while their clothes, school/work, curfews everything being controlled by their parents. So it's a rock and a hard place really. I get similar vibes from some of these fundamentalist Christian ladies. Sad af if you ask me.
I worked with kids for several years as an educator at a museum. Although I enjoy spending time with other people's kids, it made me more resolved to never have my own.
I worked at a pet store for a couple of years and now I have multiple aquariums and plan to set up more when/if my partner and I are able to move to a bigger space.
So yeah, different people are drawn or "called" to different things. I'm in my late 20s and every year that passes makes me more and more sure that I don't want kids and glad that I didn't have them at an earlier point when I was unsure.
This is what annoys me so much. I, personally, would not get an abortion, BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN OTHER WOMEN CAN’T OR SHOULDN’T. I would love to be a SAHM who takes care of home and children BUT I WOULD NEVER FORCE THAT ON OTHER WOMEN. It’s fine she wants these things for herself, but what is with the projection and woman-hating? All women should have the opportunity to choose what THEY want out of THEIR life. Ugh ugh ugh
Also, you might need an abortion if a wanted pregnancy goes wrong! There are so many reasons it needs to be legal, and a choice for each of us, every pregnancy. No one has to say “I’d never do that”. Because you have the choice, and for some medical situations, you just never know.
@@edvh88 I simply mean abortion as a choice. I can’t fathom how any mentally well woman would be against medically-necessary terminations 😳 abortions don’t happen in a vacuum, there’s so many reasons a woman would want/need an abortion and none of those reasons are mine, Solie’s, or the state’s business. She really needs to mind her own and stop acting like her way is the only way. 🤦🏼♀️
Her wedding vows sounded like a child unwilling to grow up without a parental authority figure. It's literally arrested development.
And I thought my videos were deep dives. 😅 That thumbnail though.. they didn't even add "sometimes".
I cannot imagine marrying someone I hadn’t lived with, and then getting pregnant a month after marriage… UGH. I value so much the time my husband and I had together before marriage, and the 5 years of marriage we had before we had our son! Lots of time for just us to build our relationship and life together.
I was raised catholic, my mom was quite conservative (she deconstructed later in life). At 20, I was just finishing my first year in uni and knew nothing about real world. I would literally force my partner to go to church. I have deconstructed since, but I can imagine my life would be completely different if I married a conservative man at 20 and never left my small town with close-minded people. Because of that I feel a bit sorry for that woman. I can only hope some day she will change.
The way they were talking about compromising like it’s a useless tool of communication and partnership had me giving them the side eye…well honestly everything they said or wrote made me side eye them
This guy gives off just the worst vibes. Honestly, listening him talk about his coercive control is creepy. He's honestly quite scary. Just the way he talks and expresses himself with aggressive voice/face and defensive body posture when alone with his wife seems so menacing.
I so so so always appreciate your child free content. I have always known it is just not for me, not in any way shape or form. Am I somewhat excited to be an aunt to any children in my family? Yes - but also so terrified! But I will my very best to be a good role mode to them, and teach them that everyone deserves complete autonomy over their own body. Keep making this wonderful content Rachel ❤️
I'm dealing with a lot right now, and seeing this video was a relief to see. I love your energy - it's so soothing.
me too stranger, I wish you all the best, it's comforting that we all can find small comforts and relief in the same little things.
I'm sorry you're going through a lot. I hope you're doing ok
me too fellow human, me too 😓
I will never understand fundies who think people who don't want children must have them. I have a son and he is so loved and wanted by me and my fiancé. Some days are really really hard though. If you were not 100% committed to being a parent everyone would suffer, particularly the innocent children they claim to love so much!
Her ways of “serving” sounds like the man is a child and needs mommy cleaning up after him. Or doing things so the toddler doesn’t have a temper tantrum.