@steadypace1262 I realize the same thing now after all this time. This is how they trick you into the trap. Nothing is ever enough for them and the bottomless pit starts unraveling you like a star caught in the pull of a black hole. I think the bright star and the black hole are perfect analogies regarding empaths and narcissists.
“What have they added to your life- absolutely nothing” THEY WAY I GASPED 💀💀💀 seriously ty tho, been feeling literally crazy after cutting of a guy i got strung on for a year by. just learned about trauma bonds and it resonates with a piece of my soul that i didn’t even know existed. tysm for spreading such helpful information!!!
It is sad and depressing when one has to face the fact that someone is not the person we believed them to be (the person they presented themselves to be). When this happened to me, I likened it to having a wonderful dream and you awaken to discover it was only a dream; you really didn't win the lottery! When you realize it was just a dream, you don't get upset and get all depressed, you go on about your day. This is how I worked through this period; the person was like a dream, not real. The person I cared about was not real. That person doesn't really exist. Why should I mourn over someone who does not exist?
Very good way to look at it! Even our reality was controlled by the narc! Coming back to our own reality seems warped - but we’re strong & we are alive and able to go forward. If narcs are “lessons” as others have suggested, I don’t want to repeat this one!
Wow, this is a very nice and unique perspective. Thank you so much for sharing that. My post divorce healing has been brutal and finding nuggets like this are truly helpful. ❤
Interesting approach... I can definitely relate. I have to keep reminding myself that the person I fell in love with, actually never existed. I cannot erase the empty malice-filled look on her face when she discarded me, from my mind. So, that definitely helps remind me who she actually was.
this resonated deeply, every word. i know people can have trauma bonds in different ways but this was precisely my situation. it’s so hard to separate the person from the mask.
Number 3: they have made me as strong as steel and as resilient as a river after all that I have been through and all I have had to do to maintain and sustain this relationship.
Correct..! It was always that only one person was trying to contribute to build and hold on to the relationship which meant nothing for her..after years of efforts to hold the family together one day I was questioned for my efforts and was told that i never belonged to the family...it was so much hurtful that i felt like quiting everything immediately.. it was so distressing that it took months to overcome the pain with so many other things like devaluing and demeaning in between... Yes you are right...there is nothing that i would ever miss about her..
So on point as always. I'm waiting for housing to leave this monster. He blames me for his affairs. I'm totally numb. I'm looking forward to my future, alone.
I hated the trauma bond I had towards my mother. For years, I allowed her to manipulate & control my actions and decisions. She knew my respect, love, and the need for her attention and validation got her what she wanted even if I was frustrated and my peace was disturbed. And after the mistreatment, I would distance myself, but always allowed her to rehoover her way back in, knowing she would repeat the cycle because nothing had changed about her. But there comes a time when you've had enough and realize she never loved you, will always use you for supply and bad mouth you to others because of her jealousy and keeping confusion between you and other family members. It's not worth it just to say I have her in my life. Had to walk away and pray she gets help or at least takes accountability.
Excellent questions! Excellent points. It takes a very strong person to look at themselves and honestly answer these questions. Ask them to yourself every time you “miss” them. In the healing process, you will find that your answers get more real & in depth each time you answer them. No contact might seem harsh, but it will certainly help the process. Seeing them, talking to them, being intentionally hurt by them over and over again is like ripping stitches out - or more truly - having surgery without anesthesia. And just extends the process unnecessarily.
Thank you!! It took me years to figure out that the person I had fell in love with was never even them, that he had pretended to be that person to hook me. Once I realized that, I was able to mourn the loss of the person I had believed him to be, that person would never be back permanently and only then was I able to truly let go and heal!!
This is the best video I have ever seen on narcissistic trauma bond issue. Absolutely short and sweet into the point. I’m sending it to everyone I know who’s suffering.
Your video's are so helpful. Being a widow I got caught this monster. One good thing happened to me. He helped me to see my power within me , my talents took out best version of me.
AHHH THEY DID DESTROY THE OLD ME 👁️.....BUT I DONE A TOTAL RENERVATION WITHIN MY LIFE !!! 🤗💯🤸👑🆗. GOING NO CONTACT/ STAYING WITH THE NO CONTACT !!!! THESES NARCS ARE OUT HERE NARC-N 🕳️ DEAMONS FROM THE BLACK 🕳️👁️💯🤣😅🤣😅😂
It was our one year anniversary yesterday.. just like every other important day to me, it was ruined by his inability to ever accept being questioned or critiqued without entirely lashing out and trying to hurt me. Thank you so much for saying all of this.. I really needed to hear it. I don't know if I will ever truly have the strength to end this toxic mess of a relationship, but I really really hope I will.
I needed this. My BPD ex broke up with me a couple months ago and really destroyed me. I can’t stop breaking down. I miss her everyday. I still love her. This video helped me for sure. But the emotional turmoil I was put in during the relationship was ALOT. A lot of whiplash and back and forth
Omg! I just left the courthouse in Phoenix to file a claim against a covert narcissist I broke up with a month ago. He owed me $2300. I started doubting myself on my way home. if I made the right decision to leave him because I was missing him & felt sad. But you are right! I can't find anything good he added to my life except the valuable lessons he taught me about narcissists, and of course, there was nothing about him I loved, or loved. I was never in love with him. I just formed a strong attachment through sex that's it. I needed to hear this message! Thank you.
No matter what you do to make a relationship work w a narc will never be enough and it will never work. Once you accept this, then you can move on and begin a new life. Hope is a beautiful thing but Hope is a whore with a narc.
I now call him “Sunday Marc” the fake character he played at church. He was actually a JERK who lived to destroy my happiness… I see him as an enemy now. Just heal- be wise and move on!! He will be replaced and NOT missed! Smile and heal on my people!!
I miss the connection and I miss the sex 😢 Yeah, he didn’t really bring much to my life except for a lot of drama and anxiety When his bad side came out, I couldn’t believe he was real ! 😢💔
There was never a time when any of those monsters treated you like humans. There was never a a good day you spent with them. And support the abusers all you want ! An abuive relationship was abusive ! Period. They did it once, twice thrice and then every single years. It's more than a decade if you did not delete it. Even if you did, it repeated. Said sorry and then did it again. If your struggle has been harder than most people, you are about to get less than most people and that is #reality If somone makes you believe a harder struggle was needed where everything was unfair, to achieve bigger things in life, you are walking into a trap ! Just the beginning of a trauma bonding and you believed it because you follow the same behavioural patterns in your relationships . It could've been a childhood trauma that was the first trigger to all your trauma bondings.
This was all true but how can i ever understand how this beautiful and young soul turned so rotten? Did i make her that way or was she just an actor. I feel so much right now. I managed to break up and after 6 months all the emotions hit me at once. Now shes in my head rent free and my brain is trying to ignore all the terrible things she has done and said. Like wtf is my brain still processing this shit for
I disagree with the absolutely nothing part... I came from a 2 decade Narcissistic relationship. Do not throw everything away in one bag. There's always things you've gained. My ex taught me golf technicalities for example, and his drastically different view of the world which helps me understand some other people in my life. Divorce helped me take a deep dive into myself that I never would have done on my own. I suggest to people to try to avoid all encompassing words like all, nothing, always, never..
You can not tell much about someone if You didnt meet them in person. I watched K. B. and I think she is genuine but still sociopathic... she has a lot of self reflection.
The love I gave to him was the love I should have been giving to myself.😢
Oh yes.😢
@steadypace1262 I realize the same thing now after all this time. This is how they trick you into the trap. Nothing is ever enough for them and the bottomless pit starts unraveling you like a star caught in the pull of a black hole. I think the bright star and the black hole are perfect analogies regarding empaths and narcissists.
“They have destroyed everything” ✅
True. By the time we know the truth, everything felt destroyed. They are the real monsters.
I realized that I missed the way I felt when I loved him, not, the way he loved me. That helped me let go.
So true.
Even I did the same and I completely left that idiot
It feels like I only worked hard to fix relationship but nothing from that person 😢😢😢
Finally I left the relationship
True...m loosing myself by making narcissist happy all the time..but my efforts are never enough.
Same here. I feel, I'm so stuck.
Same here
Yes so trueeee
Yes they never satisfy with us
It's not love but they make us to feel it as love
“What have they added to your life- absolutely nothing”
THEY WAY I GASPED 💀💀💀
seriously ty tho, been feeling literally crazy after cutting of a guy i got strung on for a year by. just learned about trauma bonds and it resonates with a piece of my soul that i didn’t even know existed. tysm for spreading such helpful information!!!
It is sad and depressing when one has to face the fact that someone is not the person we believed them to be (the person they presented themselves to be). When this happened to me, I likened it to having a wonderful dream and you awaken to discover it was only a dream; you really didn't win the lottery! When you realize it was just a dream, you don't get upset and get all depressed, you go on about your day. This is how I worked through this period; the person was like a dream, not real. The person I cared about was not real. That person doesn't really exist. Why should I mourn over someone who does not exist?
Very good way to look at it!
Even our reality was controlled by the narc! Coming back to our own reality seems warped - but we’re strong & we are alive and able to go forward.
If narcs are “lessons” as others have suggested, I don’t want to repeat this one!
Thank you
This helps me so much!
Wow, this is a very nice and unique perspective. Thank you so much for sharing that. My post divorce healing has been brutal and finding nuggets like this are truly helpful. ❤
Interesting approach... I can definitely relate. I have to keep reminding myself that the person I fell in love with, actually never existed. I cannot erase the empty malice-filled look on her face when she discarded me, from my mind. So, that definitely helps remind me who she actually was.
You single handedly just changed my life. I nearly went back. I'm going to watch this every morning xx
Hope you are still free
You are a savior. God bless you!
this resonated deeply, every word. i know people can have trauma bonds in different ways but this was precisely my situation. it’s so hard to separate the person from the mask.
Thank you. This helps immensely!
Number 3: they have made me as strong as steel and as resilient as a river after all that I have been through and all I have had to do to maintain and sustain this relationship.
Correct..! It was always that only one person was trying to contribute to build and hold on to the relationship which meant nothing for her..after years of efforts to hold the family together one day I was questioned for my efforts and was told that i never belonged to the family...it was so much hurtful that i felt like quiting everything immediately.. it was so distressing that it took months to overcome the pain with so many other things like devaluing and demeaning in between... Yes you are right...there is nothing that i would ever miss about her..
Wow. This is all facts! 😞...I'm reluctant to feel relieved that I let go but ultimately I deserve more from myself and my future spouse.
So on point as always. I'm waiting for housing to leave this monster. He blames me for his affairs. I'm totally numb. I'm looking forward to my future, alone.
I hated the trauma bond I had towards my mother. For years, I allowed her to manipulate & control my actions and decisions. She knew my respect, love, and the need for her attention and validation got her what she wanted even if I was frustrated and my peace was disturbed. And after the mistreatment, I would distance myself, but always allowed her to rehoover her way back in, knowing she would repeat the cycle because nothing had changed about her. But there comes a time when you've had enough and realize she never loved you, will always use you for supply and bad mouth you to others because of her jealousy and keeping confusion between you and other family members. It's not worth it just to say I have her in my life. Had to walk away and pray she gets help or at least takes accountability.
Excellent questions! Excellent points.
It takes a very strong person to look at themselves and honestly answer these questions. Ask them to yourself every time you “miss” them. In the healing process, you will find that your answers get more real & in depth each time you answer them. No contact might seem harsh, but it will certainly help the process. Seeing them, talking to them, being intentionally hurt by them over and over again is like ripping stitches out - or more truly - having surgery without anesthesia. And just extends the process unnecessarily.
Thank you!! It took me years to figure out that the person I had fell in love with was never even them, that he had pretended to be that person to hook me. Once I realized that, I was able to mourn the loss of the person I had believed him to be, that person would never be back permanently and only then was I able to truly let go and heal!!
Thank you so much for the videos. Helps so much.
This is the best video I have ever seen on narcissistic trauma bond issue. Absolutely short and sweet into the point. I’m sending it to everyone I know who’s suffering.
Same. This one actually made a difference to me
In my country we are bound to take care, obey and worship parents even when they are cutting of your oxygen supply.
interesting
Only until we say no & walk away completely.
Your video's are so helpful. Being a widow I got caught this monster. One good thing happened to me. He helped me to see my power within me , my talents took out best version of me.
AHHH THEY DID DESTROY THE OLD ME 👁️.....BUT I DONE A TOTAL RENERVATION WITHIN MY LIFE !!! 🤗💯🤸👑🆗. GOING NO CONTACT/ STAYING WITH THE NO CONTACT !!!! THESES NARCS ARE OUT HERE NARC-N 🕳️ DEAMONS FROM THE BLACK 🕳️👁️💯🤣😅🤣😅😂
It was our one year anniversary yesterday.. just like every other important day to me, it was ruined by his inability to ever accept being questioned or critiqued without entirely lashing out and trying to hurt me. Thank you so much for saying all of this.. I really needed to hear it. I don't know if I will ever truly have the strength to end this toxic mess of a relationship, but I really really hope I will.
This helps tremendously, Thank You.❤❤all of these are true except the person i was with is not a hurtful person
Thank you. This puts it all into perspective.
I really needed this. THANK YOU for setting me straight. So accurate.
I missed having a grown man in the house for protection...
We're they really, or just a child in an adult body? You are so much stronger than you think!! 😀
I'm in limbo, won't to be free mentally.
I felt the same then I realised that I needed an extra grown man to protect me from THEM!
The trouble with that is we need someone to protect us from the narcissist. When you partner with a narc you never feel safe. Take care Survivor's.
Wow, this is so very true!! 😢
I love how the last answer came almost before the question was complete. 😂 NOTHING! So true! Thank you for the reminder. ❤
I needed this. My BPD ex broke up with me a couple months ago and really destroyed me. I can’t stop breaking down. I miss her everyday. I still love her. This video helped me for sure. But the emotional turmoil I was put in during the relationship was ALOT. A lot of whiplash and back and forth
You are not alone in this. They never brought you anything. You are better off without them.
Just amazing how you pointed it out
It’s a bitter pill to swallow but you can heal yourself one you digest it.
Very correct. You taught me so much. Did everything for him .but it's never enough. So I want to thank 😊 u from the bottom of my heart
Thank you brother 😢😢😢
Thankyu may you live long ❤
Why u r so accurate
Thank you, I needed to hear this
Save!! This is perfect
you are right.
Thankyou Danish for ironing that out
Yes they added nothing in my life , but was trying to steal happiness, he was adding things in his life
It is easy to say it. But we foimg thru this. Know is not easy to accept and move on🥺
Yess it takes time, take the time, I was going through this almost 5 years... now I'm gone. No contact forever
I appreciate you alot. You are a great help to me.
You saved my life ❤
Wow thank you so much! You just helped me soooo much!!
Thank you ❤❤❤❤
true . I felt the same.
Omg! I just left the courthouse in Phoenix to file a claim against a covert narcissist I broke up with a month ago. He owed me $2300. I started doubting myself on my way home. if I made the right decision to leave him because I was missing him & felt sad. But you are right! I can't find anything good he added to my life except the valuable lessons he taught me about narcissists, and of course, there was nothing about him I loved, or loved. I was never in love with him. I just formed a strong attachment through sex that's
it. I needed to hear this message! Thank you.
Spot on
Summed it up so well. Thanks for a timely reminder. I'm so grateful for your channel.
still don't know how i feel about him anymore. i think i feel nothing.
The problem is when they contributed a lot to our lives, but were abusive at the same time. It's easier when they contributed nothing.
Wow everything he said is so true
Thank you.
Thank you!!!
I gained nothing and everything got destroyed and I am really having a hard time trying to stand back up again.
Beautiful❤❤❤❤
I don;t miss anything!
Truth 😢
Dealing with this right now
Amazing video
💯💯💯 true
He added Roti to my life... and Palao... and sevian..😂😂
Wow! ON POINT 💯 %
I like that. Thank You! 👍😍
Thank you ❤️
Ok thanks
They have destroyed everything but what happens when everything is gone you start ftom scratch snd make the life you deserve.
👍 AGREE EVERYTHING WAS A LIE FRM D VERY BEGINNING
YES.
💯 very crct
They're going to cause you more pain. You'll never get the reward youi desire, to go back to the good times
I wish I could have seen this before it was too late
Love u
Actually, I. Really don’t miss any of that/them.
🔥🔥🔥
No matter what you do to make a relationship work w a narc will never be enough and it will never work. Once you accept this, then you can move on and begin a new life.
Hope is a beautiful thing but Hope is a whore with a narc.
I can’t let him go . I miss him . Why ?? I feel very lonely today . I know he is not good but I miss him or the idea of being loved?!
I now call him “Sunday Marc” the fake character he played at church. He was actually a JERK who lived to destroy my happiness… I see him as an enemy now. Just heal- be wise and move on!! He will be replaced and NOT missed! Smile and heal on my people!!
Exactly
I miss the connection and I miss the sex 😢
Yeah, he didn’t really bring much to my life except for a lot of drama and anxiety
When his bad side came out, I couldn’t believe he was real ! 😢💔
Do these also apply to trauma bonds with parents?
I was used
I don't miss a thing 0.0
😢😢😢
Negative ----- Love ----- Positive
Narcissists. Victim
There was never a time when any of those monsters treated you like humans. There was never a a good day you spent with them. And support the abusers all you want ! An abuive relationship was abusive ! Period. They did it once, twice thrice and then every single years. It's more than a decade if you did not delete it. Even if you did, it repeated. Said sorry and then did it again.
If your struggle has been harder than most people, you are about to get less than most people and that is #reality
If somone makes you believe a harder struggle was needed where everything was unfair, to achieve bigger things in life, you are walking into a trap ! Just the beginning of a trauma bonding and you believed it because you follow the same behavioural patterns in your relationships . It could've been a childhood trauma that was the first trigger to all your trauma bondings.
I can't break away
Get away for two weeks if you can, get yourself some calm air to think.
This was all true but how can i ever understand how this beautiful and young soul turned so rotten? Did i make her that way or was she just an actor. I feel so much right now. I managed to break up and after 6 months all the emotions hit me at once. Now shes in my head rent free and my brain is trying to ignore all the terrible things she has done and said. Like wtf is my brain still processing this shit for
🔥🔥🔥🔥💯❤️
I disagree with the absolutely nothing part... I came from a 2 decade Narcissistic relationship. Do not throw everything away in one bag. There's always things you've gained.
My ex taught me golf technicalities for example, and his drastically different view of the world which helps me understand some other people in my life. Divorce helped me take a deep dive into myself that I never would have done on my own.
I suggest to people to try to avoid all encompassing words like all, nothing, always, never..
Dishar,
Please look up Kanika Batra on you tube. See some of her videos and tell me what you think
You can not tell much about someone if You didnt meet them in person.
I watched K. B. and I think she is genuine but still sociopathic... she has a lot of self reflection.
life may b hard when parents are narsus
Absolutely nothing 😮
Voi sunt
Dovresti mettere la traduzioni in francese .
lol
😭😭😭😭😭I wasted my time
Before u said nothing ..i uttered nothing