How to STOP Approval Seeking | A Monk's Perspective
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 มิ.ย. 2024
- How to STOP Approval Seeking | A Monk's Perspective
A common issue that many people struggle with is regarding the need to seek approval from external sources. We do this through praise and validation. In this video, I wanted to share my perspective and give you some practical tips of how you can cultivate an internal system by validating yourself. I find that this takes practice, but it's well worth it in the long haul. I hope this is helpful. Enjoy! #monks #buddhism #mentalhealth
Timestamp
0:00 Intro
5:14 What if you still get attached?
8:10 Any good journal prompts?
10:03 Anything else on this topic?
13:12 How do you personally not attach?
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Thanks for watching.
Is seeking praise, validation or external approval an issue for you currently?
Unfortunately, yes.
Most helpful was saying that dependency on praise also makes you vulnerable to criticism. I will think about that!
I have problems accepting it. Typical artsy type, I see the mistakes. I've had to learn to see my own value, and external approval doesn't much matter to me. I've learned to say thank you for it, but it still makes me uncomfortable. I do what I do because I am who I am. I don't look for external approval.
Yes
It has been an issue for a long time, going back to childhood. I valued other people’s assessment of me more than my own. It’s a very difficult way to live. This talk is valuable as I continue to work with it. Thank you!
I love how you always say “it’s ok”. There’s no pressure on us. The feeling of not rushing on everything is very soothing❤
Thank you my friend 😊😊😊
th-cam.com/video/2qXGX4OuY7o/w-d-xo.html
Totally! I love that too. So cool. 🙏🏾
Honestly 🌷
I also love his midsentence chuckles ❤
I love the part about how seeking validation takes attention from the work. It’s interesting to think about how much energy we put into having others approve of us, instead it’s more useful to focus on what you have to offer regardless of praise.
Yessss! It’s definitely takes a lot of our time for sure 😊
"I don't have time to be a leaf". I will remember that!
ME TOO
Hi Nick, I’m retraining as a Psychotherapist at present, and I return to your videos and rewatch them to remind me ultimately of what everything we do is all about. This issue of external validation is so pervasive from young age through to adult life, unfortunately it goes hand in hand with sadness and feeling unfulfilled for many. The concept of intention as you discuss is so crucial! Best wishes 🙏😀
Thank you so much my friend and congratulations with your training. Keep up the great work out there 😊😊
thank you for your work !! here in canada becoming a psychotherapist requires a lot of physics and maths studies and that’s not my forte but i hope to help people heal in other ways regardless !
Helping those in crisis is an honorable work! Keep it up
You are so right, self validation is less risky. People can be negative and hurtful and removing yourself from that can difficult. Deep down l think you know when you have done a good job but it is nice to be told so long as it is done with good intention 🙏🏻❤
Thank you so much 😊
We also look for validation from our partner or spouse . I am currently single after dating for two and half years and the hardest part is that I still look for his approval. I know I can do well on my own, just to have to find myself again . Be alone and be okay ❤
Yes that’s normal. Just take time to observe yourself neutrally 😊 be kind and patient with yourself
How to live in the present time
By lama kunphel
th-cam.com/video/7j6SwEI9Oh0/w-d-xo.html
Shadow work helps a lot especially after a break up. Use tapping too. Helps to bring you back to yourself...and quickly.
When you stated that to seek approval from the outside is to put power outside of yourself it was refreshing to hear. Thank you, Venerable Nick 💜
I admire your wisdom and sharing your thoughts so I can learn from you. I'm 71 yrs. I want to finish the story I started in my 30's. It's an ongoing memoir that may entertain while helping others. I'm having some Dementia showing up and I want to finish my book. This will help. Grateful 🙏❣️
Oh wonderful Vivian! Yes keep going. It will be a great gift to the world 😊
Thank you for this valuable guidance Venerable Nick 🙏 From a young age, our brains were coded for approval seeking either by well-intended parents who were also raised suffering under this attachment or by mono-type dysfunctional education systems. We need to get awareness and free our minds. Thanks for showing us the way to be happier.
i dont find you boring at all, i love that you talk calmly and softly - alot of the modern popular TH-camrs are so intense, feels like they are shouting at you, and in every sentence trying to be so clever and witty and funny, its exhausting to watch
Thank you so much for your kind words 😊😊😊
So, so agree!
Thank you so much Nick! I definitely have this problem, probably because many things that I did as a little kid weren’t regarded as good enough. Seems this video is one of the greatest tutorials on how to get self confidence. And you’re totally right, it’s always a chase without an end. I just realised that many of the things I thought I’d do for others I even don’t actually do for them, instead it’s like trying to stuff a black hole inside myself using the wrong material. I think that if I really want to help others I first have to develop the right material inside myself to stuff that black hole.
Those who find you boring are seeking the wrong things. Fortunately you have developed yourself to let those comments roll off you like water on a duck. Know that you are appreciated and accepted by many. Peace and love to you.
I love how you say "Good evening everyone ". I also say like yours
😆😆 thank you my friend
🙏🙏🙏 I have been blessed yet again to watch your videos
Sadhu sadhu! Thank you so much 😊 hope you are doing well!
Thank you so much! Yes, and there is always going to be childish people who praise you one day, and feel disgustes two weeks later. 😊👃
😊😊 thank you
Another great video Nick🙏Thank you for your serene presence and bringing peace to my mind once again.
It’s my pleasure. Thank you so much my friend 😊
I think we centre a lot of things in society that are outside of ourselves. Centering and seeking approval from those with money, from those with some sort of "power", from a romantic partner, etc. takes a lot away from us. It takes a lot of practice to dismantle what we've been conditioned to do throughout our entire lives but the practice is worth it.
I just started watching your videos and they're all amazing. Thanks so much for your knowledge 🙏
"Please like, share, and subscribe." Actually, now that I think about it, I can't remember you ever ending your videos that way. But, when I remember to, I press the Like button. Thank you for all the good content!
😊😊
Thank you 🙏 validation from others could be very toxic. It really freezes you in the moment you have to decide, to plan or even to dream.
Yes definitely! Thank you so much 😊
Thank you for this Nick. Self awareness and self efficacy is a useful tool. Intention as you say is key. I believe keeping my ego in check and responding in a neutral way to comments maintains integrity. This lesson is very timely for me Nick. Thank you.
Wonderful Joan! Thank you so much 😊
When you used a book as an example at the start.. I immediately went "😲" lol! I'm in the process of writing out a story for a graphic novel I plan to make. And I'm not gonna lie, I kinda started it because I do want some validation from my family. Feeling like I'm behind on everything Is bringing me down, this graphic novel is gonna be the hardest thing I've ever tried. I really love the process of creating but sometimes I get so consumed by the obsession of being validated they I forget my passions. Anyways, this made me realize that I am putting my energy into things for the wrong reasons. I do feel a little sad that I'm not where my family probably expects me to be, but I feel like if I just can enjoy what I'm doing, then I can accept myself for where I am and make better progress. Thanks for your wisdom 😊😊
You’re welcome Matt and yes that’s normal. Dealing with family pressure is not easy; however, just take the time to reconnect with the pure intentions 😊
Your not boring at all, and you talk at the right speed Ven. Nick! May peace always be with you
Thank you so much Danny 😊
I really like your talks, they come form the heart and resonate with me.
myself, I do not like praise or recognition for doing my job, I do not require it to feel validated. I know I did my best and got the task completed.
thank you so much :)
This is a great topic, as in today's world people online constantly need validation ( I did this or that, what do you guys think of this etc) . It's really getting old when the format is setup like this ( ie: "likes" ) . This is one reason why I want to "unlike" a bunch of pages that I follow as everyone asks for validation.
I find your videos very soothing, never boring. I can't believe someone would actually say that. Just know that you are helpful to so many people.
Profoundly blessed by the wisdom you share Venerable Nick. 🙏💗🌻 Blessings and peace to you. Namaste.
Thank you so much my friend 😊
Always a pleasure to listen to you I love your laughter specially when you said people tell you you are boring 😅 it is so refreshing to see your reaction 😊 wish you well, thank you 🙏🏼
😆😆😆 thank you so much Laura
I love your teachings💗 Thank you so much for your precious gift of knowledge. You don't know how much this is helping me. God bless you and your family always 🙏
You are so welcome 😊 I’m glad it’s helpful.
You are so not boring! 😆 Coolest monk I know.
😆😆😆 thank you so much my friend!
Honestly this really helps me! I always feel like I don't matter if no one else cares about my life. You are so sweet and full of kindness thank you for this wisdom i will cherish the moments I spend watching ❤ namaste 🙏
Oh wonderful! I’m glad it’s helpful 😊😊
My new response to any insult. "I don't have time to be a leaf."
Hahaha! Yes very true 😊
People with low esteem need validation to try to pull themselves up a little more from that darkness. I found being a foreman when I see workers doing a good job. I tell them that they are doing great. By giving them a little validation, they do even better work.
Recently I have been focused on improving my meditation and the view point of looking at life with objective lenses.
I concur.
Subjectivity is never good. ❤
Oh wonderful! Please keep it up 😊😊
Revision lesson today. 27/7.23. Thank you teacher.
Wonderful 😊
The comment that the less you are seeking validation means you can put the effort into doing or making whatever you are doing or making to the very best of your ability was very helpful.
This video has helped me a lot about the subject because I´ve been seeking validation from my narcissistic mother my whole life...thank you so much ❣
You really inspire me to take a step back and think about things to take a look at myself and see how I’m doing in my life. To use your wisdom to really be honest with myself and my motivations. I thank you for this as it helps me to be the person I wish to be. L ways love and light to you ❤️🙏🏻
Interesting timing for a video like this. I definitely needed. Also at 14:17 I love how you laugh at the examples your giving for people who dislike what you do. It just really shows that I shouldn't take offense to something that's not my problem.
This is gold!
i got enlightened by the sound of the caterpillar gnawing on the mic, thanks !
😆😆
Thank you. I found this helpful!
I have recently started working on my self validation and this video was so helpful! I forget how much mindfulness helps me tune in w better choices for myself
Wonderful! I’m glad it was helpful 😊😊
I got alot from this teaching and it made me realise how mcuh ive been seeking validation at work and how that has affected my productivity and presence , , Thankyou for sharing this( NON Boring) Wisdom :)
Thank you Nick I so appreciate your wisdom I’m learning a lot from you
Such a treat to listen to your wisdom. Thank you, as always.
This video really helped me, thank you brother Nick
I LOVE AND ADORE YOU!!!! YOU ARE ABLESSING IN MY LIFE🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
True words. Thank you
Just when I needed to hear your words, there you were. You were tremendously helpful during my struggle. Thank you.
Thank you so muck, Nick! Your voice made me calm to the pressure of socity. 💚
You're so welcome! Glad it was helpful 😊😊
Absulutelly amaizing thank you
This is an issue I struggle with a lot. Thank you for explaining it and giving possible guideposts to use for self validation.
You do an excellent job sharing your perspective and It helps me to calm down and put things in a better perspective for me to move forward. Thank you!
Awww thank you so much my friend. That’s very kind of you and I’m glad it’s helpful 😊😊😊
Thank you so much for these videos! There are many individuals in this beautiful world that are lost in their thoughts, and people like you help bring them to the light!
You are so welcome! 😊☺️ thank you
Yes. I often tell my customer that praise is not necessary. If I do good it’s because I like to give my best. And if on the street you recognise me, give a smile or thumbs up. I know I do well. I just hope you have a fruitful experience and I can help you. Your words resonate so much. Thanks Nick. ✌️❤️
Thank you for creating and sharing this, Ven. Nick. 🙏 🙇♀️ I've struggled with external validation for as long as I can remember, and you made the solutions sound so simple and achievable. Specifically loved the journal prompts. With time and effort, I'm confident this approach will work. All the love for you!
Simply put
Nick, you are such a blessing! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You mix mindfulness and practice of spiritual principles with stories that also make me laugh, help me stay alert, and discover my own path of actually "practicing" and improving my inner/outer world. Peace.
Thank you Nick, much appreciated 🙏🏻
My pleasure! Thank you Jose 😊
Great video Nick. I understand how if I heap praise on what you are doing, your goal remains to simply keep the main thing the main thing. So simple and clear. Stay safe my friend!
Thank you very much indeed!
You're very welcome Allen. Thank you 😊
Thank you! As an artist, writer and teacher this is the most helpful! Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Best video ever!
I am SO SO SO following this!
I did the best I could in every moment of my life, I noticed!
Thank you Nick. I have watch and re watch and binge watch. Every time I get a new understanding. From listening to understanding to comprehending to internalising to gaining the wisdom… thank you again for sharing.
Thank you Nick 🙏🏻
You’re welcome ☺️
Thank you so much, Nick
You’re welcome ☺️
Thank you Nick❤
You’re welcome ☺️
Yes, it is as you said.Thank you for displaying it so clearly. i would even say there are situations when the artefact that you create and share has a voice of itself and the creator is in service. Interesting subject!
One more powerful video. Thank you Ven. Kind of : Demand much from yourself, little from others...
Thank you 🙏🏽 that was very helpful ❤😊
You’re welcome my friend 😊
Thank you!🙏❤
You’re welcome ☺️
I'm always so happy to see your videos. You have helped me so much! Thank-you!
Aww thank you so much Heidi 😊😊
Great topic! Thank you 🙏
You are so welcome!
This is such great advice and a good reminder. Thank you Venerable Nick.
Thank you so much. I’m glad it resonates 😊
Thank you so much for the video. Need this so bad right now.
You're so welcome! Glad it was helpful 😊😊
It serves me, so much. Thank you 🙏😊
You're welcome 😊
Thank you very much. Your videos are very helpful and I am grateful to your work 🙏
You are very welcome. Thank you so much consuelo 😊😊
I can learn a lot from your wisdom and modesty that comes with it. You are far from boring to me , and I need information presented to me in a slow way to be able to process it .
I think your tips are very useful for me , especially the " Why am I doing it " . Thank you ! 🔶️
Nick thank you 🙏
I treasure your wisdom and gifts.
Thank you so much my friend 😊
Thank you 😊
needed this!
Wonderful 😊😊
Love how you speak; nice and clear. Thank you for sharing your wisdom God bless
Sadhu Sadhu.It's a wonderful tips to apply to our daily life.
Thank you Ven. Nick. Namo Buddhaya 🙏
You are so welcome! Glad it’s helpful 😊😊
Thank you for putting out these helpful videos! You have definitely made an impact on my life and I really appreciate your work.
Aww thank you so much Nicole 😊😊😊
hahaha "you are so boring" made me laugh. I have watched your videos for most of my day and I do not find you boring at all :)
Hands down this is my favorite YT channel. Such valuable information & perspective.
Aww thank you so much for your kind words Sabrina 😊😊
I started a new job recently. Catching myself about the validation stuff at times... When I don't look for external validation and just do my job and I know I did the best I could do, that's a way better place to be... I'm more calm and grounded then. This video is a great reminder thank you
Wonderful Robert! That’s so great to hear. Keep it up 😊
Thank you!!!
You're welcome!
Thank you deeply.
All the best to you and your sanga.
Love from Switzerland
Same to you! Thanks Myra 😊
hi nick u make things so simple.u give us a choices,if it work for u used and if it do not its ok. i like that about u ,u are so humble in my opinion,i don't have to meditate,when i listen to your lectures it automatically relaxes me. tbank u
Thank you for this tool of wisdom Venerable Nick, helping me so much in my experience and you are definetly not boring!
You're so welcome! Glad it was helpful 😊😊 and thank you
Great Method, to come back to one's intention. It helped me just now. Thank you 🙏
I’m glad it was helpful 😊😊
I enjoy your videos.
Thanks for all your hard work
My pleasure! Thank you 😊
I like how you can laugh. It's a small moment of joy you share with us. Thanks🙏
😆😆 Thank you so much 😊
Thank you for this video! Struggling with CPTSD, and this has helped me immensely while meditating. Everything will take time.
Wonderful! I’m glad it’s helpful Arjun 😊
I really love your videos This one, and another about envy have been two of the 'self help' videos on TH-cam that are the most thoughtful, down to earth, and have helped me the most.
Glad it was helpful! Thank you so much 😊
Thank you