cw: assault and violence - * HEALTH UPDATE * friends, we finally got in to see a doctor! we failed the neurological examination we were given & as of now the doctor is unsure if our symptoms are neurological or mental illness motivated. shortly after filming this video, our mother and myselves witnessed a shooting. Hours later, a man jumped my mother while walking her dog and attempted to drag her into a waiting vehicle. she fought for her life and despite sustaining a dislocated shoulder, broken finger, and other traumatic injuries - she survived, but is moving back to Michigan. The day before that, someone totaled our car in a hit and run. . . .We have decided to seek help from a local curandera for spiritual cleansing. We no longer believe, given the sheer amount of recent horror, that our problem is solely medical. we ask that you keep ourselves and more importantly, our mamà, in y'alls prayers to help chase away whatever force is hunting us. despite ALL of this, we are still doing better. we are still fighting. since posting this video, so many of you have shown up as having our back, in our dms, etc, and we no longer feel so achingly alone. everything y'all are doing is helping. we will continue to update y'all on our medical diagnosis and on mama's safety. we love y'all, - jesse and suki
This just found me this afternoon.💜 I’m glad I know of you now…I’ve subbed. We are many KMs apart and culturally as well….but I heard everything you said very loud and clear. And I wish it were easier to convey here faster how much I do understand and can relate. I’m so very sorry to hear of the additional trauma that your mother and you all have experienced recently and my whole heart and souls goes out to you and I pray and cry to our universe for comfort for you and the proper and complete help and healing that you so much need and deserve.♥️🫶🏼🫂 I can’t explain here(I could be close to your mothers age, I’ll have to catch up on your other vlogs and figure out your age) but, oh boy…….I just get it…don’t know how else to say it? Hoping and praying for a shield of protection and positive energy and health to surround you all right now and going forward.☀️💜 🫶🏼Kimberly.
Hi there! Glad y'all are getting some things figured out. May y'all find peace and healing beyond the trauma. And may the curandera's cleanse strengthen and refresh y'all! Fiery wall of protection for Jesse and mama! Fiery wall of protection for Jesse and mama! Fiery wall of protection for Jesse and mama! Fiery wall of protection for Jesse and mama! Fiery wall of protection for Jesse and mama! Fiery wall of protection for Jesse and mama! Fiery wall of protection for Jesse and mama! Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold Healing and peace for Jesse and mama! Healing and peace for Jesse and mama! Healing and peace for Jesse and mama! Healing and peace for Jesse and mama! Healing and peace for Jesse and mama! Healing and peace for Jesse and mama! Healing and peace for Jesse and mama!
I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. My mom deals with a lot of mental health struggles, and it got really bad at one point where she was having a lot of manic episodes and experienced loss of time or memories. I say that to say this, you're not alone. Absolutely not alone. I'm glad that you have an update with a silver lining with having been able to see a doctor and a spiritual healer. I wish you continued healing.
"I had an episode...obviously I'm fired". WTF? You had a medical emergency at work and they fired you for it? "Obviously" is not the word I would choose for that situation. Where I'm from, the word of choice would be "illegally".
Watching this was like looking in a mirror. I don't often see other black people talk about having DID or being diagnosed so that added to it. I've been the person who's been shocked to find myself in such awful states, and been the one to cause destruction to my environment (throwing out my things or sabotaging relationships, always stemming from confusion and distrust of their new, adult environment). It's really difficult to watch a dichotomy exist in yourself. After some years we've been doing better existing as ourselves and those things don't happen as much. Loved hearing your spiritual talk in the midst of this as well. Non-medical forms of plurality are most definitely a thing. Regardless of what it is for you, I'm so glad you're able to put it into words because that is ultimately the first step.
And you are so right that multi-faceted identities don't get studied enough. In the west, the focus is very much on white bodies and it hurts to know your own cultural/spiritual experience would be undermined because they only know of one way of being, proper. I think Olga Trujillo mentions that in one of their discussions as a Latinx person with DID, if you ever feel comfortable looking through their presentations! The work is slowly, but surely, being done.
I’d like to mention briefly that spiritual multiplicity is often separated from systemhood because people (often white people) will use spiritual multiplicity as a way to invalidate systemhood (which comes from trauma) AND spiritual multiplicity (saying they’re just mentally ill and don’t know it) You could totally have both (systemhood and spiritual multiplicity) but yeah, I just wanted to say that. So glad there’s some more black system rep
you missed hte part of the video where we talk about exactly this :) either way still super glad you commented because it bears repeating and your words matter. hope to see you more
I’m only halfway through, but this video should be the poster video for why America’s mental healthcare system needs to be reformed. When ya’ll said you couldn’t afford to be crazy right now? Or how ya’ll can’t see a psychiatrist until September? My heart broke.
🥺 thank you for this affirming comment, Kirsten. this felt good to read, but damn, we do desperately need America to get it together here. if we, as a college educated and fairly able to self advocate person are struggling to get psychiatric care - imagine the barriers for homeless, immigrant, other vulnerable populations, etc. it has to change.
I'm so so sorry y'all are struggling with all of these things. It is incredibly heavy for y'all to hold all of this right now. Thank y'all for sharing your experiences. Sending y'all love.
Could not have said it better myself. If y'all would welcome a hug-here's one on offer: 🫂 ! (But, if not, that's okay; absolutely optional) We are in y'all's corner-wishing for nothing but the best for y'all, wishing y'all will pull through this; Hang in there! 💪🏼💪🏼💜
Hi!! As a psychologist, I'd never tell y'all to stop taking meds. I'm glad y'all found the ones that work and I believe meditation and other tools are, in some cases, just additions to medication that can help even more. I was about to go to bed, saw this video on TH-cam and decided y'alls' bravery to share this and y'all wanting to help others through y'alls' experience was worth postponing everything else. Thank y'all! I'm not going to tell y'all I understand because, although I do have a disorder, it's not the same one. I'll just say I know y'all don't know me, but I'm here for whatever y'all need or want that I can do from this far (I live in Colombia). I've always admired y'all and I cannot tell y'all how much that feeling has increased. Please, take care, and post whenever y'all feel ready for it. Hope y'alls' tests give you light on this journey. Sending bear hugs!
WE LOVE BEAR HUGS!!!!! we would love it if you would DM us and we could chat more sometime. also big hugs in return. its a beautiful thing to know another latine person living with MH issues. thank you. we needed this comment and didnt know we did. any recs for books (nonfiction would be great but no pressure!) you think might help? also its totally coo if you dont have recs, just figured we would ask! also, hi as a fellow Psych degree holder!!!!
Everyone has got a "disorder" now. It's called WOCD *(Want Of Character Disorder)* . And thanks to a politically correct, uncritical acceptance of _any and all_ victimhood ideologies, WOCD has become a pandemic. Contemporary "trained" psychologist are the shepherds and _enablers_ this WOCD which is just a new _thought paradigm_ .
The brain is the only organ that receives a diagnosis and treatment without ever being looked at. I am glad you have reached someone that is willing to look. I hope your journey for answers is short. Sending you love!!
Sending so much love from a system to another. It’s okay to struggle. It was so scary when I realized how.. wrong my life was. The memory gaps. Losing myself. Finding out it’s been months since I’ve done something I did every day. Finding myself in a new place. I thought it was normal, and then.. no. It was so scary when I was younger. I hope the system is doing better now. It took us maybe.. three? Four years? To finally settle in. I was so scared of losing myself. I can promise you, it doesn’t work like that. You might slip for a bit, you might not remember who you are, but you are still YOU. YOU are an individual living in a group of people. Please be kind to yourself and your headmates. Systems form to keep eachother safe. All the members are there for a reason. Even the members that are aggressive, they are a person trying to keep themself and the group safe. We (systems) form in early childhood. We don’t disappear, we just cope. We pretend to be one person. We pretend to be “normal” to keep eachother safe. We learn to mask. I’m sending y’all all the love in the world. I wish I could write an essay on all the things in this video. All the fear I felt through the screen. The best way to work on system communication is.. communication. Alters are people. Just like you and me. If they’re acting out, it’s the same reason anyone else does. They need help. They need to be looked as a victim who needs support, not a dangerous villain. You can’t get rid of systemhood. You can’t. Please don’t. The anger and denial makes it worse. It’s like pretending a roommate doesn’t exist. The one thing I will say is the difference between systemhood and spiritual multiplicity. Systemhood needs early childhood to form. Spiritual multiplicity doesn’t. A lot of people say systems can form without trauma, but we can’t. It’s the denial and memory gaps that make us believe that. You don’t want to believe that y’all could have gone through something that rough. That shouldn’t be conflated with spiritual multiplicity (although it could be both!) I hope y’all are okay now. It’s been nearly a half year, and I hope y’all have settled a bit. Sorry for the rambling, we’re a bit blurry and messy as we text (not sure who’s here, body is feeling weird) but we hope this makes sense. Also, so glad to see some more black systems.
we love all of this!!! thank you for sharing. we agree about the difference between spirit skin and being a system and how one can be both. we hoped we had communicated that in the video but perhaps we weren't specific enough! the love, support, and solidarity you've shown means a great deal to us. we appreciate it on many levels.
I’m glad y’all are still here! Y’all matter to so many people in this world. I’m sorry y’all are struggling. If no one has said it today, I love y’all so much! Sending light and love!! 💜💜
Sending y'all all the love and support, Team Jessie. I'm so sorry that this is a worry that needs to take up so much of your brain space now, and I'm so terribly sorry for the recent traumas. I'm not a religious person, but I hope y'all understand what I mean when I say I'm praying for your health and healing of all sorts. Y'all are loved and appreciated and deserve to be happy and at peace every day!
I’m sorry y’all are going through this. This really resonated with me as someone who was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar during the pandemic. All I can say is to take it one day at a time and to put yourself first as you stabilize and adapt to your new normal. Give yourself grace and take things slow. There is a version of your life that flourishes despite your diagnosis, even if you can’t see it right now. ❤
please reach out if you ever need. have you read the Collected Schizophrenias by Esme Wang? thats a book that continues to help us and that we would like to read again and again. thank you for sharing and for commenting and for being so loving. we hope you are able to give the same love to your beautiful self.
@@JesseOnTH-camI’m here for y’all if you ever need to chat/compare experiences with someone who is also neurodivergent (and open-minded). I haven’t read the book y’all mentioned but it’s on my TBR! I’ve heard great things.
16:00 helped me a lot. Four years into trauma therapy and I am finally feeling more stable at 27 due to getting intervention. I genuinely have so much compassion as I am watching this I feel like I can see a past version of myself. Please give yourself grace. You’re cared about. I am new here but I am glad that you found your camera and that your dog is safe. Please keep fighting… it is…. Totally a fight- to process all this out through your body and store it properly takes time. I have so much love in my heart for you as I am watching this and I really hope you feel safe today. I know it’s a task to feel that way. You got this.
Trauma and memory loss is one of the scariest shits in the world! If someone(s) hadn’t experienced it, they don’t get how you almost never feel grounded!
I live with OSDD, and I just want y'all to know that y'all are seen, loved and no matter y'all's mental health, y'all are always a light. That is not dependent on y'all's state of mental health or illness. (I hope I'm using y'all right - we don't use it in Canada much). Much love. And I sympathize with the spiritual part of you feeling lost. But what I learned is that they're just quiet, giving you space to heal, space to scream, like a friend who listens but does not interject (I hope that makes sense). But they are there. I hope that helps. But leave what doesn't and take what does.
we can imagine what living with OSDD feels like so we are channeling love to you, hard. your comment helped. you help. thank you, sarah. (or is it Sarahs?)
Thank you all for continuing to be here with us, Jesse. I see yall. Yall so worthy of a peaceful mind and spirit, and I pray The Universe brings yall all the care yall need and deserve as soon as possible.
I hope commenting on this months later won’t be triggering, but I got into y’all’s channel a few months ago and only just now saw this. First of, I’m so glad y’all are still here and with us. I’m so sorry y’all were/are going through such a terrifying, heartbreaking time. I also wanted to say thank y’all for this video, for y’all’s vulnerability and for sharing so openly. That must have been terrifying in its own right. My partners have gone through a painfully similar experience around the same time as y’all, also resulting in a DID diagnosis. They share some similarities to y’all-always struggling with short-term memory, having a deep connection to spiritual worship (through their Irish ancestry & learning about other people with spiritual multiplicity meant so much to them), and suddenly becoming a full-time caretaker while struggling themselves (Covid heavily disabled me and I became on- and off bedbound), the stress of the latter cumulating in a crisis (they were also fired for it… f*king capitalism). Seeing a similar experience (even though it’s terrible y’all had to go through it) shared is so valuable. Thank y’all. Y’all are brilliant, hilarious, and have such a great insight into stories. I greatly appreciate y’all‘s content. I hope the neurological symptoms have improved. I’m sure y’all have people close to y’all to talk to, but if y’all need another ear, I’m here. My disability comes with long periods of terrifying cognitive impairment, so I totally understand the feeling of your identity slipping away and nothing you do is good enough to hold on to it. It’s hard to describe the terror of debilitating cognitive issues to people who haven’t experienced it. Y’all captured it so well though. Sending lots of love! Casper (I still haven’t gone through the effort of re-curating my new TH-cam account with my actual name 🙈)
We are diagnosed with DID as well and when you have dissociative disorder it can be very difficult to learn to live with it and having alters and learning how to communicate with your parts take time. Also having PTSD because of trauma is very hard to live with. Stay strong ❤
I relate to so much of this and I am absolutely going to start using the term "toxic positivity". I have been looking for that term for a lot of years without realizing it's exactly the term that I needed. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I know there isn't much we who watch can do, but just know that ya'll have brought many people joy through the content you all have decide to put into the world. Thanks for still being here with us :)
Jesse, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this, it sounds terrifying. I am glad that you are getting support, and hopefully the help, that you need. Everyone’s journey is their own, but know that we are pulling for your health and happiness. Sending virtual hugs ❤
I am so glad you’re still here and sending you so much love and support right now. I hope y’all keep getting care and support through what I can only imagine has been an incredibly tough and scary time period. I am so hopeful for y’all’s journey and again want to express my utmost care and support. I love that eating your mama’s food is such a healing experience for you.
My medications save my life, every single day. Every day I take my meds is another day I can be my full and complete self and engage in the world in a meaningful way.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m thinking about you and I hope you’re able to get to a better spot and feel safe and process everything. I hope you’re being gentle with yourself. 💕
This is one of the most corageous and important videos I've watched to this date. So many people who struggle with mental health issues only talk about them, when they feel better and have - somewhat - recovered and I totally get why they do so. I think it's very legit to protect yourself in vulnerable times. But you talking about your mental health state so openly in this very moment, sharing your vulnerability with all of us, is incredibly brave and really means a lot. Thank you so much! I wish you all the best for your healing process!
I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with all of this. I hope you know that DID isn’t a mental illness, it’s a natural consequence of your brain trying so hard to keep you safe as a child and now not realizing those coping mechanisms are no longer helping you survive, but getting in the way of your thriving. I hope that getting the diagnosis is simply the first step in your system starting to process and heal! Sending you much love!
Thank you!! We are well aware of the cause and how it works. but some DID folks do use that language and it’s okay for us all to describe our experience with it in a way that’s most comfortable for us. Especially as an afrolatine person whose self affirming terms are always policed. Thank you for the love, Coreen. we’re happy to report we are doing so much better now.
Sending all the love and warmth I possibly can for y'all and Akasha. I'm glad y'all are still here and thank you for sharing. Excited to see all the plants y'all have been taking care of. My recent joy is finding kids books and reading them to my son. He's six months old and a really loud and happy kid. When we read he gets so quiet and focused and it's a lovely bit of calm and peace for both of us.
omfg!!!! thank you thank you. this may sound odd but last night we dreamed we were pulling specific childrens books from the wreckage of our library. seeing this comment makes the dream makes sense. here are the books we were holding in the dream: - can we please give the police department to the grandmothers? - Nighttime Symphony we cannot recall if these 2 books were present but they are both a deep comfort to jesse: - the big house and the little house - shy willow sending love.
Hi Jesse, long time viewer, first time commenter. Y'all are amazing. Going through this and still posting a video, and sharing a vulnerable time in your life... It's so inspiring. The amount of effort y'all are putting in to keep pushing forward is just amazing. We see you. We hear you. Thank you for sharing. Sending love. ❤
jlkfksfka thanks much!!! it means so much when someone who watches silently comments bc we know how scary that can be as someone who often watches and follows silently too!!! ofc we appreciate everyone who comments haha but deepest thanks. we appreciate these words, deeply
Hi Jesse, i must admit that I am watching this video in small increments. Your pain and turmoil is raw. Thank you for being vulnerable. I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I have severe CPTSD, fibromyalgia, depressed and anxiety along with going blind. I wish I could reach through the screen and just hug you because in some way I understand. I didn't finish my degrees because of black outs. It doesn't seem like but eventually it will get better. 🌈🌹🌹🌹🌈💜💜💜💜💜
I understand how your connection with the Ancestors is really a centering part of your life. I am always with the Grandparents who are the centering, healing part of my life. One experience that I had really shook me to the core and yet was so peaceful…..I was at a herb symposium, and one of the participants walked up to me and said that she had a message for me…..she then described my paternal grandmother and what she started as a greeting was : “Pobrecito” No one in my life addresses me like that….ONLY my abuela…. I know that your ancestors are around you and holding you up. Love and light to you!
not this comment making us tear up. thank you for sharing this tenderness. we are glad to hear you are being held by your abuela and those before. you deserve nothing less. blessings
I’m glad y’all and Akasha are still here with us. I’m so sorry y’all are struggling right now and I hope y’all will get the answers y’all need. Y’all are very important for the community and are my favorite booktubers to watch. Take care, and take y’all’s time. Sending y’all lots of love and strength 🫶
honestly we would not be here if Akasha hadn't made it out of that situation alive. when that dog dies, we die lmao. but seriously. thank you. for this comment for these words for reminding us who we are.
I'm so sorry you've been going through all of this. It sounds like there's a lot piling up on you right now, and while mental health is nothing to be ashamed of, it still takes a lot of bravery to be so open about what you've been going through. I hope that you can get the help you need, and that the journey there is short
we miss you and would love to chat more. will you dm us when you have a chance? trying to surround ourSelves with friends and we've always had a kinship with you.
Your resilience is shining through every single second of this video. I am shocked that EMT didn't send you to inpatient after the "unalive" attempts. Our healthcare system is failing you and your family, and I am so sorry for that. I'm a psychotherapist who works in a Partial Hospitalization Program (with folks who struggle with SI, SH, and SAs). I sincerely hope that you can seek a higher level of care eventually, because outpatient therapy only scratches the surface. I understand why you can't commit to that right now, and I genuinely think it would greatly benefit you. Much love. Your story can help SO MANY people ❤❤❤
ps. I hope my comment did not come off as judgmental or shamed ya'll in any way. + I apologize if ya'll prefer "ya'll" instead of "you." I meant no disrespect at all. 💕
Sending you so much love. I have a lot of mental health and physical health problems and also struggle with my memory and brain fog sometimes. I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling with everything you have and I’m sending you all the love and good vibes in the world 🖤✨
Sagekay, it is felt and received. homie, dont hesitate to reach out on IG and lets link if you want because it would b so fxng cool to connect with other people who also struggle with memory and fugue. we have our mom who is the same and gets it but its always cool to have others in our communal heart. also ur icon is ICONIQUE
I have bipolar 2, CPTSD, and I experience dissociative episodes but don’t have a DID diagnosis. I thought I had very few dissociative episodes up until recently so I never pursued it. Then I noticed that I have a lot of conversations I don’t remember. Seeing this kind of makes me realize I’m having even more than I recently realized. I also recently found out when I’m pissed off, I have a New York accent sometimes and don’t realize it. Like, usually I don’t remember the incident. But I also notice things in places I didn’t think I put them. The problem is, I don’t think my childhood was bad enough. I know I have trauma and gaps, but I’m hoping that I don’t have to figure out what is in those gaps. Like, we lived in a city for a year and I have so few memories of that city. I don’t even remember the school. I have a few memories of going to the beach. I was 10. But I keep telling myself that I have yet to introduce myself with any name that isn’t my given name or my nickname, which I know about. I’m sorry you are going through this. It is awful.
I know I’m super late, but one of the joys I’m carrying is properly being diagnosed this year. Along with all my other mental issues, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 and mood stabilizers changed my life. I honestly didn’t think I would survive this year. Like I was literally going to unalive myself because the pain was just too intense and as a Dominican, mental health is highly stigmatized and I felt so alone, but I’m here. I’m still working on not feeling guilty for taking three different medications for all the issues, but it has changed my life. Like, I can function now. Thank you for making this video. Y’all are loved, brave ,and hella strong. Y’all are amazing and I’m so happy y’all are here.
I am wrapping yourselves in so much love and healing right now. Thank you for being real and sharing this. You are such an amazing human bean and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sobbing right now. Hugging Y'all so hard right now.
we are all doing so well now, part of the reason is because of filming this video and just facing it all. the support you've shown is fuel to continue this journey. thank you
i am sending you soooo much love and care right now. i have always sensed something like this from you and i think it's what attracted me to your channel, because i also have a personality disorder. i know just how difficult it is to deal with living this way. i am so sorry you've been struggling quietly behind the scenes, but i am hopeful things will begin to get better for you. so so much love for you for sharing and being open about this ❤️ you deserve respect and support, just like anyone else
@@JesseOnTH-cam y'all are so inspiring in general, i hope y'all know that!! i've also been struggling with identity for so long, so i GET it. i've sort of been wanting to make booktube content ngl, but i am Anxious about it. but good god i would love to be friends, y'all are the coolest 🖤 i'm glad there has been sooo much love and support in the comments !
It makes so much sense that yall are finding trashed rooms and self-end-icide attempts because alters wake up and can't figure out why they're suddenly there instead of the last place they remember, they might not recognize the bedroom or coworkers, they might react in destructive ways to the fear and intense disorientation that would cause. Even though yall don't react that way, they do because they're a different person. Like, so many big big things have happened to yall that maybe someone else is dealing with most of that for yall and they're handling it badly because it's really hard. But all yall can't figure out why time is missing. After the show Moon Knight I watched a few TH-camrs with DID and it's true TV depictions usually suck, but listening to those people really helped me understand more. Even though yall live alongside Mama's DID, It still might help to search "Person with DID reacts to Moon Knight" and listen to people yall's age dealing with similar issues and the very different ways they approach things. Yall must be so scared and so frustrated and my heart goes out to yall. Thanks for sharing such personal experiences with us. It means a lot.
I'm so sorry y’alll are going through this. A few years ago I was in a bike accident. I had a traumatic brain injury (TBI). My brain was bleeding in 6 different places which caused so many cognitive issues. To go into the list of things I struggled with is too much for one post. I developed a lot of coping mechanisms as well. I became so good at faking it that people began to not believe anything was wrong. I was asked several times when I thought I would be "better". It took years to heal and they were the most lonely years of my life. Watching your video, as painful as it was, made me feel seen. Thank y’all for sharing this. I can't imagine how difficult it was to make this video. It helped me and hopefully seeing all the love and shared experiences I see in the comments helps y’all know you are not alone. I am truly so sorry this is happening to y’all. My heart is with you.
1. your username is awesome 2. gods, we feel this. its frustrating when you cope so well your disability is erased and minimized under the idea that "if it was really that bad you wouldnt be able to mask/cope". so youre damned if you develop coping mechanisms and damned if you dont. 3. glad the comment section is helping. its helping us too. we had to take a break from responding because we were crying so much joy. no amount of negativity can erase what these powerful words from y'all have done for our spirits 4. you are loved.
I am sending love, light, and anything soothing I possibly can to y'all. When you were talking about your ancestral connection being broken I cried... I don't have that per se, but after my mom passed five and a half years ago she has visited me frequently, typically as I sleep, and the thought of not having her there is so, so scary despite our complicated relationship. I know it's not quite the aame thing, but it just resonated so much with me. ❤
Huge hugs, Angelica. We’re finding our way back to ourselves and praying similarly for your spirit as well. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. It is dearly appreciated
A joy is that all of you are here in this world. I hope your healing journey continues to a positive outcome. Thank y'all for letting us know y'all are ok. All of us are keeping y'all in our thoughts (speaking as a collective of your fan peoples). 💖
Thank you for sharing. Your experiences strongly resonate with me and my neurodivergent family going through burnouts, disassociations, trauma responses, and other strange reactions to life. For us, the only thing that really helped was our dog and resting and being taken care by a patient and healthy helper but I know how expensive or unrealistic it is sometime. I hope you feel healthier and gain more understanding about yourself soon. I've been checking for new videos from you and praying (non-dogmatically) for your health. You're amazing and bring so much light to this world. Sending y'll love, light and strength.
I'm so sorry to hear about y'all's struggles and I'm going to pray for y'all to feel better every day. My knowledge of DID is through DissociaDID's videos on youtube, so I know that it shouldn't be stigmatized and it is a something one can live a fulfilling life with. Praying for y'all's strength!
Jesse thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this very intimate path. I hope many things for y’all. But especially wishing y’all light and joy. I hope y’all find joyful moments amongst this darkness. I hope the correct diagnosis can lead to many positives. As a Mexicana, I have placed y’all’s name on my altar in a small hope that my ancestors - who I too am deeply rooted and connected to - can seek y’all’s soul and help it to find comfort and reconnect with y’all’s ancestors too. My mamí always told us that everyone’s ancestors were connected. No one was abandoned. We just had to ask for help. And help would come. I’m holding this to her and hoping it will help🩷 I know it’s a deeply personal connection to have with one’s ancestors. But know I am holding space for y’all’s connection to be restored. As for my joy- my physical health is getting better. I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. But my A1C has gone down almost half. So the meds and changes I’ve personally made are working.
... the amount of joyful pain we feel at this. we are beyond words. unable to share how deeply deeply grateful and just...happily stunned we are. can we connect more? congrats on your meds and A1C POSITIVE CHANGES!!!
when y'all originally posted this video i, myself, was going through it mentally as well so i didn't feel like i'd be able to appreciate y'all's vulnerability as it should be. but now that i'm doing better and i saw this, i wanna let y'all know that y'all are still loved, and appreciated and looked after and cared for. i hope y'all were given the space to really connect with yourselves, and that i know y'all's ancestors were looking over y'all cheering for y'all. i see all the work y'all've put in, i see y'all's videos and all the effort y'all have put into every one of them and i thank y'all. gracias por creer tan fuerte en sus habilidades de poder llegar a donde han llegado, por que aunque lo estaban dudando, mira donde an llegado! yo se que sus ancestros an de estar tan pinchi orgullosos de ustedes y lo que han logrado. y yo se que los van a seguir que paso que sigue. sigue poniendo sus todo en queriendose, por que ahi es cuando los e visto brillar mas. los quiero! y les deseo lo mejor (thank you for believing so strongly in your ability to reach where you are now, because even though y'all were doubting it, look at where y'all have come! i know that y'all's ancestors must have been so fucking proud of y'all and what y'all've achieved. and i knw they will follow y'all in every step that follows. continue putting y'all's all in loving all of yourselves, because it's when you do that that i've seen y'all shine the brightest. i love y'all. and i wish y'all the best.)
Thank y'all for sharing Jesse, y'all are so loved and supported. Sending positive vibes and strength. 💜 one thing that has been bringing me joy this summer is creating book recommendation lists at work for people who fill out book surveys!
Respect, love, and digital hugs to you both! Experiencing neurological issues myself - know how scary it can be. You've both got this. Hope you have a wonderful day.
I cannot begin to imagine the stuff y'all have been going through and are still dealing with. As someone who have been struggling with anxiety/ panic disorders and depression for the past 16 years I'm so grateful y'all are making this video, helping to make invisible disabilities visible! I can only imagine it took a f ton of energy to be so vulnerable and to sit down and talk about all of this. Now get some rest and know we're all so happy y'all are still with us❤️
I am so sorry y’all are going through something so difficult, and I am sending love and support. To have all this happen and hold it in is a heavy weight to carry. I’m thinking of y’all 💗
Y'all are so funny😂 these pictures, sound effects, and video clips are like watching how my brain works in real time when I have a conversation. Never felt like I've seen my inner mind in a video. This is my first video, I'll definitely have to check out your recent and other content. I'm going through my own cyclical crisis (randomly for many years), so that's how I got here. Thanks for sharing y'alls thoughts! ❤
Your honesty is greatly appreciated. I hope you are able to get all the help and support that you need. Please keep sharing your story and journey, it is extremely eye opening and helps to raise important awareness about what mental illness looks like and how to live with/through it.
Thank you for this video, I'm 54 and have been taking meds for my chronic depression for years. Saying that I decided I didn't want to take all the meds anymore because of the stigma. After watching you I have changed my mind. Thank you so much. I love all your videos. I wish you the best.
wish we could speak as to how much this comment touched us. thank you, deeply. your medications were prescribed by a reason and anyone who is not your actual doctor has 0 right to try to keep them from you. wishing you resolve, health, and joy.
I'm very glad that ya'll and Akira are still with us! That is very good. I hope that diagnosis goes smoothly, something is definitely up and ya'll are absolutely going about it the right way by taking it seriously and finding help (probably that self-awareness thing you have going). Sending ya'll love and virtual hugs. Hang in there and take care as best ya'll can. ❤❤❤
Jesse! Yall mentioned something about the toxic positivity. And it's so true I've had my own personal experience with that. One thing though. Most recently I've been going through a few of the things y'all mentioned. Maybe 1 or 2. Not sure at this point in the video. There's a way to drop the toxic from the toxic positivity and focus on the positive. It takes time but I've noticed a difference within myself. Our minds, soul and body are like a computer. Whatever we input its projected out eventually over time. (For me it looked like me being an alcoholic, or depression. Even suicidal thoughts) Please y'all. Y'all deserve to be happy. (I had to tell myself this and accept that thought. Took a while but I feel more at peace) Yall deserve to have peace. Y'all are not any diagnosis. And maybe y'all are feeling like you don't deserve any of this ? But y'all do though. It's hard. But take time and go through each thought or feeling. Write it down in a journal and go through it one by one. Let y'all selves find the root the root of that thing and change the narrative. I believe this can stop with y'all. And that y'all can have peace. Try to imagine y'allselves happy. What would that look like for yall. What would peace look like for y'all. And hold on to that. Hold on to that happy and peaceful version of y'allselves. I didn't believe at first but I believe now that the answers are within us. And it will also find us. We just have to decide that we want them and that we will get them. Expecting hope and expecting happiness is a real thing. And I do believe that our minds are working for us so tell y'allselves something positive but after you do the work. After y'all have figured out at least one of the root causes. Take it one step at a time. One day at a time. There's no real "end goal" I focus more on my daily progress. And if I fall short even a little I forgive myself and give myself some grace. Go easy on y'allselves. Y'all got this!
I battle mental health, and I always appreciate when other people make videos sharing their experience. Sadly mental health really does feel like being in an actual suspense/thriller/horror movie. And half the time everybody else in the world really does think we’re acting.
you make such a good point about how, due to the dramatization of our illnesses, non mentally ill folk see us as posturing/acting. wow. never thought of that.
Positivity: anything lost can be found. It may not be when and how one might expect, y’all may be a different you when it’s found, but nothing is ever truly gone forever. It’s there still, waiting. 🌻
Thank yall for sharing yalls story. I can't imagine what it must be like, but we are all here for y'all. I certainly empathize with the desire to record memories. I've always struggled remembering even very recent things--I'm sure trauma plays at least some role in that, and as I get older, I desperately try to capture moments in video in fear that it might fade.
💛💛 Y’all are Sunbeams in a thunderstorm. Y’all are sweet, whip smart, compassionate, resilient, creative, talented, driven, HILARIOUS, thoughtful, precious, silly, inclusive, intentional, courageous, so much more than any of us even know right right, and I’m grateful for Y’all. I once wrote a whole slam poem called When the Medication Stops Working- I see y’all, and I grieve for all the pain and uncertainty y’all are going through right now. In whatever form y’all come through this, there is love for y’all- abundant love. Be kind to yourselves and thank y’all for being vulnerable 💛
Rio, it is rare for us to feel the type of powerful bond we feel for you, despite technically how little our interactions have been. we hope we get to meet you some day. we feel called to your presence and light. thank you for being here on this plane.
How you speak is so poetic and I enjoy listening to you and how you see the world. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. For current joys, I was able to move to a place that I love and it has greatly improved my mental health.
I’m watching this very late but this all sounds so incredibly difficult and y’all are so strong and resilient and will make it through.❤ I don’t know y’all personally but I do know that you’ve created such a positive place with your channel and there is no doubt that you are a wonderful human being no matter what you’re going through. Sending so much love❤
If only there was a way to stay grounded or root yourself during a manic/psychotic episode.The tools are so hard to use when you are not in a rooted state of mind.Its so very hard to go through the ebs and flows of it and not want to die.I have BPD so I understand how out of control it feels.Yall are trying your best,never feel guilty for needing breaks to focus on self care because that's SO important when it comes to dealing with everything on yalls plate.❤
Thank you so much for sharing. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I understand a little. I have been on meds for nearly 30 years. I know that every time I tried to stop, I became suicidal. So, I too have accepted that I will be on meds for the rest of my life. There is so much more I'd like to share with you, but maybe another time. You are a beautiful person, and please don't EVER give up. You make me feel that I'm not alone. Thank you. You are loved. ❤❤❤
honestly in some ways that 'stopping and becoming suicidal' cycle is so validating. its like a forceful reminder that i'm actually sick and not imagining my symptoms. THAT SAID, TO ANYONE READING THIS, TAKE UR MEDS AS PRESCRIBED ITS NOT A GAME. thank you, Isabella. this comment did make us feel beautiful, loved, and cared for. we hope you feel the same.
Videos like this not only offer some solidarity for people who are also suffering with these issues but it also educates and brings awareness to disorders that are far more common than many of us realize. Awareness yields compassion and hopefully...ideally, leads to more resources that help people and families in your situation. Thank you for sharing. Hugs and love to y'all and your mama. Also, when y'all are up to it, I'm a plant mom too and would LOVE a plant tour! 😊 Take care ❤
My best friend has D.I.D.; I've known them for 5 years and watching them come to terms and grow and adapt to the diagnosis has been so rewarding and inspiring to watch and have the pleasure to be a part of. If you ever need someone to talk to who GETS IT please feel free to reach out
It’s sounds like y’all are doing all that can be done to get the help needed. With our broken system and society stigmas I realize there are more obstacles in the way than there should be, but I wishing y’all safety and peace. Keep on the path and I’ll be thinking of y’all.
Jesse, I'm glad y'all are here and have been able to share the hardest things that anyone can experience. I'm not going to say that y'all will always be ok, but y'all are doing everything in your power to take care of you. Sending gentle hugs and hope that y'all always know there is a community that loves and supports y'all.
much love to y’all and i’ll keep y’all in my prayers. i won’t go into it, but i have had similar experiences from having schizophrenia and i truly want to let y’all know y’all are in my heart and i wish y’all ease to your pain. i’m also sending love to your mama
I've been on meds for over 3 years now, and they've truly saved my life. sending all my love babes. so so many things have been happening this summer buttttt I am working (in a student position) currently at my dream workplace and I hope it continues!!
That sounds so scary, I’m sorry y’all are going through such a rough time. Y’all are incredibly strong to have come through all of this and I hope it gets better really soon.
So sorry you’ve been going through such a rough time. I really hope everything get better soon. Just remember, y’all have a huge amount of people that care and just want y’all to take care of yourself and be happy
I recently was worndering where you had been. Thank you for being so wildly open and brave sharing what you have been going through!! I hope you get good news on what is going on and what you can do. Just focus on your self care and we will send good energy your way. Hugs you hard Jesse.
Sending y’all lots of love and best wishes all the way from Guåhan (Guam)! I rarely comment, but I have been watching y’all’s videos for a couple of years now, & I am so grateful for all that y’all have chosen to share with us. Hoping that y’all find the peace that y’all deserve 💛
omg Kiana!!!! thank you for commenting, that means a whole lot! ignorant american here - thank you for teaching us the proper word for your country. it would be magical if our paths could cross someday. we hope they do. dm anytime
Sending ya'll so much love. Ya'll are seen and cared for. Wishing all the best of everything and hoping ya'll can get all the needed help and support ❤
![[Live] : ONE 169 วันนี้!! "อนาโตลี vs อูมาร์"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/IK3YZVWuFJg/mqdefault.jpg)
cw: assault and violence - * HEALTH UPDATE * friends, we finally got in to see a doctor! we failed the neurological examination we were given & as of now the doctor is unsure if our symptoms are neurological or mental illness motivated.
shortly after filming this video, our mother and myselves witnessed a shooting. Hours later, a man jumped my mother while walking her dog and attempted to drag her into a waiting vehicle. she fought for her life and despite sustaining a dislocated shoulder, broken finger, and other traumatic injuries - she survived, but is moving back to Michigan. The day before that, someone totaled our car in a hit and run. . . .We have decided to seek help from a local curandera for spiritual cleansing. We no longer believe, given the sheer amount of recent horror, that our problem is solely medical. we ask that you keep ourselves and more importantly, our mamà, in y'alls prayers to help chase away whatever force is hunting us.
despite ALL of this, we are still doing better. we are still fighting. since posting this video, so many of you have shown up as having our back, in our dms, etc, and we no longer feel so achingly alone. everything y'all are doing is helping. we will continue to update y'all on our medical diagnosis and on mama's safety.
we love y'all,
- jesse and suki
This just found me this afternoon.💜 I’m glad I know of you now…I’ve subbed. We are many KMs apart and culturally as well….but I heard everything you said very loud and clear. And I wish it were easier to convey here faster how much I do understand and can relate. I’m so very sorry to hear of the additional trauma that your mother and you all have experienced recently and my whole heart and souls goes out to you and I pray and cry to our universe for comfort for you and the proper and complete help and healing that you so much need and deserve.♥️🫶🏼🫂 I can’t explain here(I could be close to your mothers age, I’ll have to catch up on your other vlogs and figure out your age)
but, oh boy…….I just get it…don’t know how else to say it?
Hoping and praying for a shield of protection and positive energy and health to surround you all right now and going forward.☀️💜
🫶🏼Kimberly.
Hi there! Glad y'all are getting some things figured out. May y'all find peace and healing beyond the trauma. And may the curandera's cleanse strengthen and refresh y'all!
Fiery wall of protection for Jesse and mama!
Fiery wall of protection for Jesse and mama!
Fiery wall of protection for Jesse and mama!
Fiery wall of protection for Jesse and mama!
Fiery wall of protection for Jesse and mama!
Fiery wall of protection for Jesse and mama!
Fiery wall of protection for Jesse and mama!
Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold
Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold
Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold
Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold
Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold
Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold
Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold
Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold
Return negativity and destruction to sender ten times fold
Healing and peace for Jesse and mama!
Healing and peace for Jesse and mama!
Healing and peace for Jesse and mama!
Healing and peace for Jesse and mama!
Healing and peace for Jesse and mama!
Healing and peace for Jesse and mama!
Healing and peace for Jesse and mama!
I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. My mom deals with a lot of mental health struggles, and it got really bad at one point where she was having a lot of manic episodes and experienced loss of time or memories. I say that to say this, you're not alone. Absolutely not alone. I'm glad that you have an update with a silver lining with having been able to see a doctor and a spiritual healer. I wish you continued healing.
Wow! I Agree with yall's theory about this being more than medical. Please accept this internet hug for whenever you need one.
I must say I’m new in my spiritual journey,so I don’t know if I’m much help. But I pray that only light protects you in your journey.
"I physically can't afford to be crazy right now".
Oof, I feel that!
"I had an episode...obviously I'm fired". WTF? You had a medical emergency at work and they fired you for it? "Obviously" is not the word I would choose for that situation. Where I'm from, the word of choice would be "illegally".
Fr
Fr tho
Watching this was like looking in a mirror. I don't often see other black people talk about having DID or being diagnosed so that added to it. I've been the person who's been shocked to find myself in such awful states, and been the one to cause destruction to my environment (throwing out my things or sabotaging relationships, always stemming from confusion and distrust of their new, adult environment). It's really difficult to watch a dichotomy exist in yourself. After some years we've been doing better existing as ourselves and those things don't happen as much.
Loved hearing your spiritual talk in the midst of this as well. Non-medical forms of plurality are most definitely a thing. Regardless of what it is for you, I'm so glad you're able to put it into words because that is ultimately the first step.
And you are so right that multi-faceted identities don't get studied enough. In the west, the focus is very much on white bodies and it hurts to know your own cultural/spiritual experience would be undermined because they only know of one way of being, proper. I think Olga Trujillo mentions that in one of their discussions as a Latinx person with DID, if you ever feel comfortable looking through their presentations! The work is slowly, but surely, being done.
I’d like to mention briefly that spiritual multiplicity is often separated from systemhood because people (often white people) will use spiritual multiplicity as a way to invalidate systemhood (which comes from trauma) AND spiritual multiplicity (saying they’re just mentally ill and don’t know it)
You could totally have both (systemhood and spiritual multiplicity) but yeah, I just wanted to say that. So glad there’s some more black system rep
omg going to look them up asap thank you!!!!
you missed hte part of the video where we talk about exactly this :) either way still super glad you commented because it bears repeating and your words matter. hope to see you more
I’m only halfway through, but this video should be the poster video for why America’s mental healthcare system needs to be reformed. When ya’ll said you couldn’t afford to be crazy right now?
Or how ya’ll can’t see a psychiatrist until September? My heart broke.
🥺
thank you for this affirming comment, Kirsten. this felt good to read, but damn, we do desperately need America to get it together here. if we, as a college educated and fairly able to self advocate person are struggling to get psychiatric care - imagine the barriers for homeless, immigrant, other vulnerable populations, etc. it has to change.
I'm so so sorry y'all are struggling with all of these things. It is incredibly heavy for y'all to hold all of this right now. Thank y'all for sharing your experiences. Sending y'all love.
thank you so much, Martine
Could not have said it better myself.
If y'all would welcome a hug-here's one on offer: 🫂 ! (But, if not, that's okay; absolutely optional)
We are in y'all's corner-wishing for nothing but the best for y'all, wishing y'all will pull through this; Hang in there! 💪🏼💪🏼💜
Your in my thoughts and prayers for all of you.
Hi!! As a psychologist, I'd never tell y'all to stop taking meds. I'm glad y'all found the ones that work and I believe meditation and other tools are, in some cases, just additions to medication that can help even more.
I was about to go to bed, saw this video on TH-cam and decided y'alls' bravery to share this and y'all wanting to help others through y'alls' experience was worth postponing everything else. Thank y'all!
I'm not going to tell y'all I understand because, although I do have a disorder, it's not the same one. I'll just say I know y'all don't know me, but I'm here for whatever y'all need or want that I can do from this far (I live in Colombia).
I've always admired y'all and I cannot tell y'all how much that feeling has increased.
Please, take care, and post whenever y'all feel ready for it.
Hope y'alls' tests give you light on this journey.
Sending bear hugs!
WE LOVE BEAR HUGS!!!!!
we would love it if you would DM us and we could chat more sometime. also big hugs in return. its a beautiful thing to know another latine person living with MH issues. thank you. we needed this comment and didnt know we did. any recs for books (nonfiction would be great but no pressure!) you think might help? also its totally coo if you dont have recs, just figured we would ask! also, hi as a fellow Psych degree holder!!!!
Everyone has got a "disorder" now. It's called WOCD *(Want Of Character Disorder)* . And thanks to a politically correct, uncritical acceptance of _any and all_ victimhood ideologies, WOCD has become a pandemic.
Contemporary "trained" psychologist are the shepherds and _enablers_ this WOCD which is just a new _thought paradigm_ .
The brain is the only organ that receives a diagnosis and treatment without ever being looked at. I am glad you have reached someone that is willing to look. I hope your journey for answers is short. Sending you love!!
thank you thank you thank you
Sending so much love from a system to another. It’s okay to struggle. It was so scary when I realized how.. wrong my life was. The memory gaps. Losing myself. Finding out it’s been months since I’ve done something I did every day. Finding myself in a new place. I thought it was normal, and then.. no. It was so scary when I was younger.
I hope the system is doing better now. It took us maybe.. three? Four years? To finally settle in. I was so scared of losing myself. I can promise you, it doesn’t work like that. You might slip for a bit, you might not remember who you are, but you are still YOU. YOU are an individual living in a group of people.
Please be kind to yourself and your headmates. Systems form to keep eachother safe. All the members are there for a reason. Even the members that are aggressive, they are a person trying to keep themself and the group safe. We (systems) form in early childhood. We don’t disappear, we just cope. We pretend to be one person. We pretend to be “normal” to keep eachother safe. We learn to mask.
I’m sending y’all all the love in the world. I wish I could write an essay on all the things in this video. All the fear I felt through the screen. The best way to work on system communication is.. communication. Alters are people. Just like you and me. If they’re acting out, it’s the same reason anyone else does. They need help. They need to be looked as a victim who needs support, not a dangerous villain. You can’t get rid of systemhood. You can’t. Please don’t. The anger and denial makes it worse. It’s like pretending a roommate doesn’t exist.
The one thing I will say is the difference between systemhood and spiritual multiplicity. Systemhood needs early childhood to form. Spiritual multiplicity doesn’t. A lot of people say systems can form without trauma, but we can’t. It’s the denial and memory gaps that make us believe that. You don’t want to believe that y’all could have gone through something that rough. That shouldn’t be conflated with spiritual multiplicity (although it could be both!)
I hope y’all are okay now. It’s been nearly a half year, and I hope y’all have settled a bit. Sorry for the rambling, we’re a bit blurry and messy as we text (not sure who’s here, body is feeling weird) but we hope this makes sense. Also, so glad to see some more black systems.
we love all of this!!! thank you for sharing. we agree about the difference between spirit skin and being a system and how one can be both. we hoped we had communicated that in the video but perhaps we weren't specific enough! the love, support, and solidarity you've shown means a great deal to us. we appreciate it on many levels.
I’m glad y’all are still here! Y’all matter to so many people in this world. I’m sorry y’all are struggling. If no one has said it today, I love y’all so much! Sending light and love!! 💜💜
friend, dear friend, thank you. truly.
Sending y'all all the love and support, Team Jessie. I'm so sorry that this is a worry that needs to take up so much of your brain space now, and I'm so terribly sorry for the recent traumas. I'm not a religious person, but I hope y'all understand what I mean when I say I'm praying for your health and healing of all sorts. Y'all are loved and appreciated and deserve to be happy and at peace every day!
kjfjklsdafjlka 🤧 thank you, KeriJo
I’m sorry y’all are going through this. This really resonated with me as someone who was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar during the pandemic. All I can say is to take it one day at a time and to put yourself first as you stabilize and adapt to your new normal. Give yourself grace and take things slow. There is a version of your life that flourishes despite your diagnosis, even if you can’t see it right now. ❤
please reach out if you ever need. have you read the Collected Schizophrenias by Esme Wang? thats a book that continues to help us and that we would like to read again and again. thank you for sharing and for commenting and for being so loving. we hope you are able to give the same love to your beautiful self.
@@JesseOnTH-camI’m here for y’all if you ever need to chat/compare experiences with someone who is also neurodivergent (and open-minded). I haven’t read the book y’all mentioned but it’s on my TBR! I’ve heard great things.
16:00 helped me a lot. Four years into trauma therapy and I am finally feeling more stable at 27 due to getting intervention. I genuinely have so much compassion as I am watching this I feel like I can see a past version of myself. Please give yourself grace. You’re cared about. I am new here but I am glad that you found your camera and that your dog is safe. Please keep fighting… it is…. Totally a fight- to process all this out through your body and store it properly takes time. I have so much love in my heart for you as I am watching this and I really hope you feel safe today. I know it’s a task to feel that way. You got this.
This is so kind of you to share. Thank you for using your words and experiences 🤧
Trauma and memory loss is one of the scariest shits in the world! If someone(s) hadn’t experienced it, they don’t get how you almost never feel grounded!
I live with OSDD, and I just want y'all to know that y'all are seen, loved and no matter y'all's mental health, y'all are always a light. That is not dependent on y'all's state of mental health or illness. (I hope I'm using y'all right - we don't use it in Canada much). Much love. And I sympathize with the spiritual part of you feeling lost. But what I learned is that they're just quiet, giving you space to heal, space to scream, like a friend who listens but does not interject (I hope that makes sense). But they are there. I hope that helps. But leave what doesn't and take what does.
we can imagine what living with OSDD feels like so we are channeling love to you, hard. your comment helped. you help. thank you, sarah. (or is it Sarahs?)
@@JesseOnTH-cam I’m so glad it helped. Yes, Sarah is fine. TH-cam did a funny thing with my username haha
Thank you all for continuing to be here with us, Jesse. I see yall. Yall so worthy of a peaceful mind and spirit, and I pray The Universe brings yall all the care yall need and deserve as soon as possible.
I hope commenting on this months later won’t be triggering, but I got into y’all’s channel a few months ago and only just now saw this. First of, I’m so glad y’all are still here and with us. I’m so sorry y’all were/are going through such a terrifying, heartbreaking time.
I also wanted to say thank y’all for this video, for y’all’s vulnerability and for sharing so openly. That must have been terrifying in its own right. My partners have gone through a painfully similar experience around the same time as y’all, also resulting in a DID diagnosis. They share some similarities to y’all-always struggling with short-term memory, having a deep connection to spiritual worship (through their Irish ancestry & learning about other people with spiritual multiplicity meant so much to them), and suddenly becoming a full-time caretaker while struggling themselves (Covid heavily disabled me and I became on- and off bedbound), the stress of the latter cumulating in a crisis (they were also fired for it… f*king capitalism). Seeing a similar experience (even though it’s terrible y’all had to go through it) shared is so valuable. Thank y’all.
Y’all are brilliant, hilarious, and have such a great insight into stories. I greatly appreciate y’all‘s content.
I hope the neurological symptoms have improved. I’m sure y’all have people close to y’all to talk to, but if y’all need another ear, I’m here. My disability comes with long periods of terrifying cognitive impairment, so I totally understand the feeling of your identity slipping away and nothing you do is good enough to hold on to it. It’s hard to describe the terror of debilitating cognitive issues to people who haven’t experienced it. Y’all captured it so well though.
Sending lots of love! Casper (I still haven’t gone through the effort of re-curating my new TH-cam account with my actual name 🙈)
We are diagnosed with DID as well and when you have dissociative disorder it can be very difficult to learn to live with it and having alters and learning how to communicate with your parts take time. Also having PTSD because of trauma is very hard to live with. Stay strong ❤
I’m glad you’re still alive and putting this out there. I appreciate you and your work. 💎💎🙏🏾🙏🏾 Spreading positivity to you
❤
I relate to so much of this and I am absolutely going to start using the term "toxic positivity". I have been looking for that term for a lot of years without realizing it's exactly the term that I needed. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I know there isn't much we who watch can do, but just know that ya'll have brought many people joy through the content you all have decide to put into the world. Thanks for still being here with us :)
fjklaksl;fdaskfskajfajkf 🤧
Jesse, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this, it sounds terrifying. I am glad that you are getting support, and hopefully the help, that you need. Everyone’s journey is their own, but know that we are pulling for your health and happiness. Sending virtual hugs ❤
thank you, Kris.
I have a lifelong mental illness. Thank you for speaking on the necessity of meds. It really is essential for me to function
Big hugs, friend. I see you.
I am so glad you’re still here and sending you so much love and support right now. I hope y’all keep getting care and support through what I can only imagine has been an incredibly tough and scary time period. I am so hopeful for y’all’s journey and again want to express my utmost care and support. I love that eating your mama’s food is such a healing experience for you.
My medications save my life, every single day. Every day I take my meds is another day I can be my full and complete self and engage in the world in a meaningful way.
this is a beautiful thing you shared. and so are you.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m thinking about you and I hope you’re able to get to a better spot and feel safe and process everything. I hope you’re being gentle with yourself. 💕
This is one of the most corageous and important videos I've watched to this date. So many people who struggle with mental health issues only talk about them, when they feel better and have - somewhat - recovered and I totally get why they do so. I think it's very legit to protect yourself in vulnerable times. But you talking about your mental health state so openly in this very moment, sharing your vulnerability with all of us, is incredibly brave and really means a lot. Thank you so much! I wish you all the best for your healing process!
I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with all of this. I hope you know that DID isn’t a mental illness, it’s a natural consequence of your brain trying so hard to keep you safe as a child and now not realizing those coping mechanisms are no longer helping you survive, but getting in the way of your thriving. I hope that getting the diagnosis is simply the first step in your system starting to process and heal! Sending you much love!
Thank you!! We are well aware of the cause and how it works. but some DID folks do use that language and it’s okay for us all to describe our experience with it in a way that’s most comfortable for us. Especially as an afrolatine person whose self affirming terms are always policed.
Thank you for the love, Coreen. we’re happy to report we are doing so much better now.
Thank ya’ll so much for being vulnerable enough to share all of this. Ya’ll are very strong ❤
Sending all the love and warmth I possibly can for y'all and Akasha. I'm glad y'all are still here and thank you for sharing. Excited to see all the plants y'all have been taking care of.
My recent joy is finding kids books and reading them to my son. He's six months old and a really loud and happy kid. When we read he gets so quiet and focused and it's a lovely bit of calm and peace for both of us.
omfg!!!! thank you thank you. this may sound odd but last night we dreamed we were pulling specific childrens books from the wreckage of our library. seeing this comment makes the dream makes sense. here are the books we were holding in the dream:
- can we please give the police department to the grandmothers?
- Nighttime Symphony
we cannot recall if these 2 books were present but they are both a deep comfort to jesse:
- the big house and the little house
- shy willow
sending love.
@@JesseOnTH-cam I love this! We will definitely be looking for those recs. Thank you 🧡
I am so incredibly happy that I get to live in the same time as y’all. Y’all are a wonderful source of light in this community and this world. ❤
we are .... beyond touched, beyond words, beyond gratitude for these words. and for you.
dear gods, thank goodness you exist.
Hi Jesse, long time viewer, first time commenter. Y'all are amazing. Going through this and still posting a video, and sharing a vulnerable time in your life... It's so inspiring. The amount of effort y'all are putting in to keep pushing forward is just amazing. We see you. We hear you. Thank you for sharing. Sending love. ❤
jlkfksfka thanks much!!! it means so much when someone who watches silently comments bc we know how scary that can be as someone who often watches and follows silently too!!! ofc we appreciate everyone who comments haha but deepest thanks. we appreciate these words, deeply
Hi Jesse, i must admit that I am watching this video in small increments. Your pain and turmoil is raw. Thank you for being vulnerable. I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I have severe CPTSD, fibromyalgia, depressed and anxiety along with going blind. I wish I could reach through the screen and just hug you because in some way I understand. I didn't finish my degrees because of black outs. It doesn't seem like but eventually it will get better. 🌈🌹🌹🌹🌈💜💜💜💜💜
thank you for this. truly.
I understand how your connection with the Ancestors is really a centering part of your life. I am always with the Grandparents who are the centering, healing part of my life. One experience that I had really shook me to the core and yet was so peaceful…..I was at a herb symposium, and one of the participants walked up to me and said that she had a message for me…..she then described my paternal grandmother and what she started as a greeting was : “Pobrecito” No one in my life addresses me like that….ONLY my abuela…. I know that your ancestors are around you and holding you up. Love and light to you!
not this comment making us tear up. thank you for sharing this tenderness. we are glad to hear you are being held by your abuela and those before. you deserve nothing less.
blessings
I’m glad y’all and Akasha are still here with us. I’m so sorry y’all are struggling right now and I hope y’all will get the answers y’all need. Y’all are very important for the community and are my favorite booktubers to watch. Take care, and take y’all’s time. Sending y’all lots of love and strength 🫶
honestly we would not be here if Akasha hadn't made it out of that situation alive. when that dog dies, we die lmao. but seriously.
thank you. for this comment for these words for reminding us who we are.
I am so glad that y'all exist. Thanks for being vulnerable with us. Rooting for y'all and sending lots of love.
🤧
I'm so sorry ♥
Things are better now - still scary, but since this video we have gotten some answers. That clarity has helped. We’re on our way.
I'm so sorry you've been going through all of this. It sounds like there's a lot piling up on you right now, and while mental health is nothing to be ashamed of, it still takes a lot of bravery to be so open about what you've been going through. I hope that you can get the help you need, and that the journey there is short
Y’all are so very loved and supported! Thank y’all for sharing this and being so vulnerable, sending y’all so so much love!
we miss you and would love to chat more. will you dm us when you have a chance? trying to surround ourSelves with friends and we've always had a kinship with you.
Joys Im Carrying:
- I got an apartment with my mom! We move in august 1st.
- Been productive lately (:
Your resilience is shining through every single second of this video. I am shocked that EMT didn't send you to inpatient after the "unalive" attempts. Our healthcare system is failing you and your family, and I am so sorry for that. I'm a psychotherapist who works in a Partial Hospitalization Program (with folks who struggle with SI, SH, and SAs). I sincerely hope that you can seek a higher level of care eventually, because outpatient therapy only scratches the surface. I understand why you can't commit to that right now, and I genuinely think it would greatly benefit you. Much love. Your story can help SO MANY people ❤❤❤
ps. I hope my comment did not come off as judgmental or shamed ya'll in any way. + I apologize if ya'll prefer "ya'll" instead of "you." I meant no disrespect at all. 💕
Sending you so much love. I have a lot of mental health and physical health problems and also struggle with my memory and brain fog sometimes. I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling with everything you have and I’m sending you all the love and good vibes in the world 🖤✨
Sagekay, it is felt and received. homie, dont hesitate to reach out on IG and lets link if you want because it would b so fxng cool to connect with other people who also struggle with memory and fugue. we have our mom who is the same and gets it but its always cool to have others in our communal heart. also ur icon is ICONIQUE
I have bipolar 2, CPTSD, and I experience dissociative episodes but don’t have a DID diagnosis. I thought I had very few dissociative episodes up until recently so I never pursued it. Then I noticed that I have a lot of conversations I don’t remember. Seeing this kind of makes me realize I’m having even more than I recently realized. I also recently found out when I’m pissed off, I have a New York accent sometimes and don’t realize it. Like, usually I don’t remember the incident. But I also notice things in places I didn’t think I put them.
The problem is, I don’t think my childhood was bad enough. I know I have trauma and gaps, but I’m hoping that I don’t have to figure out what is in those gaps. Like, we lived in a city for a year and I have so few memories of that city. I don’t even remember the school. I have a few memories of going to the beach. I was 10. But I keep telling myself that I have yet to introduce myself with any name that isn’t my given name or my nickname, which I know about.
I’m sorry you are going through this. It is awful.
I appreciate you sharing all of this. Truly
I know I’m super late, but one of the joys I’m carrying is properly being diagnosed this year. Along with all my other mental issues, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 and mood stabilizers changed my life. I honestly didn’t think I would survive this year. Like I was literally going to unalive myself because the pain was just too intense and as a Dominican, mental health is highly stigmatized and I felt so alone, but I’m here. I’m still working on not feeling guilty for taking three different medications for all the issues, but it has changed my life. Like, I can function now.
Thank you for making this video. Y’all are loved, brave ,and hella strong. Y’all are amazing and I’m so happy y’all are here.
🥹🥹🥹🥹♥️
I am wrapping yourselves in so much love and healing right now. Thank you for being real and sharing this. You are such an amazing human bean and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sobbing right now. Hugging Y'all so hard right now.
So so glad y'all and your dog and your mum have made it through all these experiences, and i hope the help y'all are seeking comes through ❤️
we are all doing so well now, part of the reason is because of filming this video and just facing it all. the support you've shown is fuel to continue this journey. thank you
i am sending you soooo much love and care right now. i have always sensed something like this from you and i think it's what attracted me to your channel, because i also have a personality disorder. i know just how difficult it is to deal with living this way. i am so sorry you've been struggling quietly behind the scenes, but i am hopeful things will begin to get better for you. so so much love for you for sharing and being open about this ❤️ you deserve respect and support, just like anyone else
when like recognizes like
@@JesseOnTH-cam y'all are so inspiring in general, i hope y'all know that!! i've also been struggling with identity for so long, so i GET it. i've sort of been wanting to make booktube content ngl, but i am Anxious about it. but good god i would love to be friends, y'all are the coolest 🖤 i'm glad there has been sooo much love and support in the comments !
All the hugs to y'all.
It makes so much sense that yall are finding trashed rooms and self-end-icide attempts because alters wake up and can't figure out why they're suddenly there instead of the last place they remember, they might not recognize the bedroom or coworkers, they might react in destructive ways to the fear and intense disorientation that would cause. Even though yall don't react that way, they do because they're a different person. Like, so many big big things have happened to yall that maybe someone else is dealing with most of that for yall and they're handling it badly because it's really hard. But all yall can't figure out why time is missing.
After the show Moon Knight I watched a few TH-camrs with DID and it's true TV depictions usually suck, but listening to those people really helped me understand more. Even though yall live alongside Mama's DID, It still might help to search "Person with DID reacts to Moon Knight" and listen to people yall's age dealing with similar issues and the very different ways they approach things.
Yall must be so scared and so frustrated and my heart goes out to yall. Thanks for sharing such personal experiences with us. It means a lot.
thank you so so much
I'm so sorry y’alll are going through this. A few years ago I was in a bike accident. I had a traumatic brain injury (TBI). My brain was bleeding in 6 different places which caused so many cognitive issues. To go into the list of things I struggled with is too much for one post. I developed a lot of coping mechanisms as well. I became so good at faking it that people began to not believe anything was wrong. I was asked several times when I thought I would be "better". It took years to heal and they were the most lonely years of my life. Watching your video, as painful as it was, made me feel seen. Thank y’all for sharing this. I can't imagine how difficult it was to make this video. It helped me and hopefully seeing all the love and shared experiences I see in the comments helps y’all know you are not alone. I am truly so sorry this is happening to y’all. My heart is with you.
1. your username is awesome
2. gods, we feel this. its frustrating when you cope so well your disability is erased and minimized under the idea that "if it was really that bad you wouldnt be able to mask/cope". so youre damned if you develop coping mechanisms and damned if you dont.
3. glad the comment section is helping. its helping us too. we had to take a break from responding because we were crying so much joy. no amount of negativity can erase what these powerful words from y'all have done for our spirits
4. you are loved.
I don’t have the right words. But y’all are loved. And I hope it gets better, even if maybe it’s not ok. ♥️♥️♥️
can we hang soon? we miss you
I am sending love, light, and anything soothing I possibly can to y'all. When you were talking about your ancestral connection being broken I cried... I don't have that per se, but after my mom passed five and a half years ago she has visited me frequently, typically as I sleep, and the thought of not having her there is so, so scary despite our complicated relationship. I know it's not quite the aame thing, but it just resonated so much with me. ❤
Huge hugs, Angelica. We’re finding our way back to ourselves and praying similarly for your spirit as well.
Thank you for sharing yourself with us. It is dearly appreciated
A joy is that all of you are here in this world. I hope your healing journey continues to a positive outcome. Thank y'all for letting us know y'all are ok. All of us are keeping y'all in our thoughts (speaking as a collective of your fan peoples). 💖
thank you thank you thank you
Y’all have been through so much. I’m so sorry and glad y’all are here and and want to send all the love and support. 💛
thank you, Jordyn. we're so grateful for you. feel free to reach out anytime
Sorry you’re struggling, and I wish you the best going forward…
Yall are important. Yall and enough. And yall are loved. Hugs❤
Thank you for sharing. Your experiences strongly resonate with me and my neurodivergent family going through burnouts, disassociations, trauma responses, and other strange reactions to life. For us, the only thing that really helped was our dog and resting and being taken care by a patient and healthy helper but I know how expensive or unrealistic it is sometime. I hope you feel healthier and gain more understanding about yourself soon. I've been checking for new videos from you and praying (non-dogmatically) for your health. You're amazing and bring so much light to this world. Sending y'll love, light and strength.
we send our love light and strength back in return. thank you.
I'm so sorry to hear about y'all's struggles and I'm going to pray for y'all to feel better every day. My knowledge of DID is through DissociaDID's videos on youtube, so I know that it shouldn't be stigmatized and it is a something one can live a fulfilling life with. Praying for y'all's strength!
Jesse thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this very intimate path. I hope many things for y’all. But especially wishing y’all light and joy. I hope y’all find joyful moments amongst this darkness. I hope the correct diagnosis can lead to many positives. As a Mexicana, I have placed y’all’s name on my altar in a small hope that my ancestors - who I too am deeply rooted and connected to - can seek y’all’s soul and help it to find comfort and reconnect with y’all’s ancestors too. My mamí always told us that everyone’s ancestors were connected. No one was abandoned. We just had to ask for help. And help would come. I’m holding this to her and hoping it will help🩷 I know it’s a deeply personal connection to have with one’s ancestors. But know I am holding space for y’all’s connection to be restored.
As for my joy- my physical health is getting better. I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. But my A1C has gone down almost half. So the meds and changes I’ve personally made are working.
... the amount of joyful pain we feel at this. we are beyond words. unable to share how deeply deeply grateful and just...happily stunned we are. can we connect more?
congrats on your meds and A1C POSITIVE CHANGES!!!
@@JesseOnTH-cam sending light and love to y'all. And yes, of course we can.
when y'all originally posted this video i, myself, was going through it mentally as well so i didn't feel like i'd be able to appreciate y'all's vulnerability as it should be. but now that i'm doing better and i saw this, i wanna let y'all know that y'all are still loved, and appreciated and looked after and cared for. i hope y'all were given the space to really connect with yourselves, and that i know y'all's ancestors were looking over y'all cheering for y'all. i see all the work y'all've put in, i see y'all's videos and all the effort y'all have put into every one of them and i thank y'all. gracias por creer tan fuerte en sus habilidades de poder llegar a donde han llegado, por que aunque lo estaban dudando, mira donde an llegado! yo se que sus ancestros an de estar tan pinchi orgullosos de ustedes y lo que han logrado. y yo se que los van a seguir que paso que sigue. sigue poniendo sus todo en queriendose, por que ahi es cuando los e visto brillar mas. los quiero! y les deseo lo mejor
(thank you for believing so strongly in your ability to reach where you are now, because even though y'all were doubting it, look at where y'all have come! i know that y'all's ancestors must have been so fucking proud of y'all and what y'all've achieved. and i knw they will follow y'all in every step that follows. continue putting y'all's all in loving all of yourselves, because it's when you do that that i've seen y'all shine the brightest. i love y'all. and i wish y'all the best.)
over here ugly crying fjklafjklafl
Wow. Thank you ❤ I feel so seen listening to you. Yes ! 🎉
Thank y'all for sharing Jesse, y'all are so loved and supported. Sending positive vibes and strength. 💜
one thing that has been bringing me joy this summer is creating book recommendation lists at work for people who fill out book surveys!
thank you and okay, that sounds MAGICAL
Respect, love, and digital hugs to you both! Experiencing neurological issues myself - know how scary it can be. You've both got this. Hope you have a wonderful day.
thank you, we appreciate this :)
I cannot begin to imagine the stuff y'all have been going through and are still dealing with. As someone who have been struggling with anxiety/ panic disorders and depression for the past 16 years I'm so grateful y'all are making this video, helping to make invisible disabilities visible! I can only imagine it took a f ton of energy to be so vulnerable and to sit down and talk about all of this. Now get some rest and know we're all so happy y'all are still with us❤️
Sending you so much love and strength right now. I’m glad you are still here.
I am so sorry y’all are going through something so difficult, and I am sending love and support. To have all this happen and hold it in is a heavy weight to carry. I’m thinking of y’all 💗
oh....and joys! My animals, always my animals. They keep me grounded like people can't
Y'all are so funny😂 these pictures, sound effects, and video clips are like watching how my brain works in real time when I have a conversation. Never felt like I've seen my inner mind in a video. This is my first video, I'll definitely have to check out your recent and other content. I'm going through my own cyclical crisis (randomly for many years), so that's how I got here. Thanks for sharing y'alls thoughts! ❤
I love y'all to pieces. Take however long you need to and we'll all still be here. Sending many kisses to Akasha.
WHEEZING WITH LOVE THANK YOU
JUST SUBBED thank u for commenting
I'm glad you're still alive and my prayers are with you❤. My adult daughter has bipolar as well as other issues. Hang on.
being told someone is glad we're alive is like being blessed and anointed all at once.
Your honesty is greatly appreciated. I hope you are able to get all the help and support that you need. Please keep sharing your story and journey, it is extremely eye opening and helps to raise important awareness about what mental illness looks like and how to live with/through it.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I’m glad you’re getting help. Sending love your way!❤️
THANK YOU SOPHIE BEAR!!!
Thank you for this video, I'm 54 and have been taking meds for my chronic depression for years. Saying that I decided I didn't want to take all the meds anymore because of the stigma. After watching you I have changed my mind. Thank you so much. I love all your videos. I wish you the best.
wish we could speak as to how much this comment touched us. thank you, deeply.
your medications were prescribed by a reason and anyone who is not your actual doctor has 0 right to try to keep them from you.
wishing you resolve, health, and joy.
I'm very glad that ya'll and Akira are still with us! That is very good. I hope that diagnosis goes smoothly, something is definitely up and ya'll are absolutely going about it the right way by taking it seriously and finding help (probably that self-awareness thing you have going). Sending ya'll love and virtual hugs. Hang in there and take care as best ya'll can. ❤❤❤
thank you so much :)
I'm glad y'all are still here. I pray that y'all will receive a correct diagnosis and meds that will help.
Jesse! Yall mentioned something about the toxic positivity. And it's so true I've had my own personal experience with that. One thing though. Most recently I've been going through a few of the things y'all mentioned. Maybe 1 or 2. Not sure at this point in the video. There's a way to drop the toxic from the toxic positivity and focus on the positive. It takes time but I've noticed a difference within myself. Our minds, soul and body are like a computer. Whatever we input its projected out eventually over time. (For me it looked like me being an alcoholic, or depression. Even suicidal thoughts) Please y'all. Y'all deserve to be happy. (I had to tell myself this and accept that thought. Took a while but I feel more at peace) Yall deserve to have peace. Y'all are not any diagnosis. And maybe y'all are feeling like you don't deserve any of this ? But y'all do though.
It's hard. But take time and go through each thought or feeling. Write it down in a journal and go through it one by one. Let y'all selves find the root the root of that thing and change the narrative. I believe this can stop with y'all. And that y'all can have peace.
Try to imagine y'allselves happy. What would that look like for yall. What would peace look like for y'all. And hold on to that. Hold on to that happy and peaceful version of y'allselves. I didn't believe at first but I believe now that the answers are within us. And it will also find us. We just have to decide that we want them and that we will get them. Expecting hope and expecting happiness is a real thing. And I do believe that our minds are working for us so tell y'allselves something positive but after you do the work. After y'all have figured out at least one of the root causes. Take it one step at a time. One day at a time. There's no real "end goal" I focus more on my daily progress. And if I fall short even a little I forgive myself and give myself some grace. Go easy on y'allselves. Y'all got this!
I battle mental health, and I always appreciate when other people make videos sharing their experience. Sadly mental health really does feel like being in an actual suspense/thriller/horror movie. And half the time everybody else in the world really does think we’re acting.
you make such a good point about how, due to the dramatization of our illnesses, non mentally ill folk see us as posturing/acting. wow. never thought of that.
Positivity: anything lost can be found. It may not be when and how one might expect, y’all may be a different you when it’s found, but nothing is ever truly gone forever. It’s there still, waiting. 🌻
can we tattoo this whole sentence on our body like wtf we love you instantly. wishing you light.
Thank yall for sharing yalls story. I can't imagine what it must be like, but we are all here for y'all. I certainly empathize with the desire to record memories. I've always struggled remembering even very recent things--I'm sure trauma plays at least some role in that, and as I get older, I desperately try to capture moments in video in fear that it might fade.
we adore you, Josh, and miss our interactions. lets have more.
💛💛
Y’all are Sunbeams in a thunderstorm. Y’all are sweet, whip smart, compassionate, resilient, creative, talented, driven, HILARIOUS, thoughtful, precious, silly, inclusive, intentional, courageous, so much more than any of us even know right right, and I’m grateful for Y’all.
I once wrote a whole slam poem called When the Medication Stops Working- I see y’all, and I grieve for all the pain and uncertainty y’all are going through right now.
In whatever form y’all come through this, there is love for y’all- abundant love. Be kind to yourselves and thank y’all for being vulnerable 💛
Rio, it is rare for us to feel the type of powerful bond we feel for you, despite technically how little our interactions have been. we hope we get to meet you some day. we feel called to your presence and light. thank you for being here on this plane.
@@JesseOnTH-cam I would love that and I believe we will ☺️💛
How you speak is so poetic and I enjoy listening to you and how you see the world. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. For current joys, I was able to move to a place that I love and it has greatly improved my mental health.
we're currently trying to have our mother's lease terminated because she is unsafe and miserable there so this is strength-giving. thank you
I’m watching this very late but this all sounds so incredibly difficult and y’all are so strong and resilient and will make it through.❤ I don’t know y’all personally but I do know that you’ve created such a positive place with your channel and there is no doubt that you are a wonderful human being no matter what you’re going through. Sending so much love❤
everything is so much better, Clare! thank you so much. truly
Yall are not alone.Just know that.Sending love ❤
thank you, Miranda
If only there was a way to stay grounded or root yourself during a manic/psychotic episode.The tools are so hard to use when you are not in a rooted state of mind.Its so very hard to go through the ebs and flows of it and not want to die.I have BPD so I understand how out of control it feels.Yall are trying your best,never feel guilty for needing breaks to focus on self care because that's SO important when it comes to dealing with everything on yalls plate.❤
Condolences on the loss of your family members.
Thank you so much for sharing. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I understand a little. I have been on meds for nearly 30 years. I know that every time I tried to stop, I became suicidal. So, I too have accepted that I will be on meds for the rest of my life. There is so much more I'd like to share with you, but maybe another time. You are a beautiful person, and please don't EVER give up. You make me feel that I'm not alone. Thank you. You are loved. ❤❤❤
honestly in some ways that 'stopping and becoming suicidal' cycle is so validating. its like a forceful reminder that i'm actually sick and not imagining my symptoms. THAT SAID, TO ANYONE READING THIS, TAKE UR MEDS AS PRESCRIBED ITS NOT A GAME.
thank you, Isabella. this comment did make us feel beautiful, loved, and cared for. we hope you feel the same.
Videos like this not only offer some solidarity for people who are also suffering with these issues but it also educates and brings awareness to disorders that are far more common than many of us realize. Awareness yields compassion and hopefully...ideally, leads to more resources that help people and families in your situation.
Thank you for sharing. Hugs and love to y'all and your mama.
Also, when y'all are up to it, I'm a plant mom too and would LOVE a plant tour! 😊
Take care ❤
take care, dear friend
Thank you for sharing your story. ❤
My best friend has D.I.D.; I've known them for 5 years and watching them come to terms and grow and adapt to the diagnosis has been so rewarding and inspiring to watch and have the pleasure to be a part of. If you ever need someone to talk to who GETS IT please feel free to reach out
you're wonderful. thank you
I feel your pain and I send you love and light. Shine.❤
this comment hits.
It’s sounds like y’all are doing all that can be done to get the help needed. With our broken system and society stigmas I realize there are more obstacles in the way than there should be, but I wishing y’all safety and peace. Keep on the path and I’ll be thinking of y’all.
being sent safety, wow thank you. truly. we needed that.
you are valued and loved.
Y’all are such a light, and I’m thankful to be on this tiny corner of the internet with y’all. All my love 💗
Jesse, I'm glad y'all are here and have been able to share the hardest things that anyone can experience. I'm not going to say that y'all will always be ok, but y'all are doing everything in your power to take care of you. Sending gentle hugs and hope that y'all always know there is a community that loves and supports y'all.
much love to y’all and i’ll keep y’all in my prayers. i won’t go into it, but i have had similar experiences from having schizophrenia and i truly want to let y’all know y’all are in my heart and i wish y’all ease to your pain. i’m also sending love to your mama
I've been on meds for over 3 years now, and they've truly saved my life. sending all my love babes.
so so many things have been happening this summer buttttt I am working (in a student position) currently at my dream workplace and I hope it continues!!
we recently re-read the letter you sent us. we love you. can we stream soon???
@@JesseOnTH-cam yes absolutely!!
That sounds so scary, I’m sorry y’all are going through such a rough time. Y’all are incredibly strong to have come through all of this and I hope it gets better really soon.
So sorry you’ve been going through such a rough time. I really hope everything get better soon. Just remember, y’all have a huge amount of people that care and just want y’all to take care of yourself and be happy
this hit, Ashleigh. thank you.
I recently was worndering where you had been. Thank you for being so wildly open and brave sharing what you have been going through!! I hope you get good news on what is going on and what you can do. Just focus on your self care and we will send good energy your way. Hugs you hard Jesse.
Sending y’all lots of love and best wishes all the way from Guåhan (Guam)! I rarely comment, but I have been watching y’all’s videos for a couple of years now, & I am so grateful for all that y’all have chosen to share with us. Hoping that y’all find the peace that y’all deserve 💛
omg Kiana!!!! thank you for commenting, that means a whole lot! ignorant american here - thank you for teaching us the proper word for your country. it would be magical if our paths could cross someday. we hope they do. dm anytime
Sending ya'll so much love. Ya'll are seen and cared for. Wishing all the best of everything and hoping ya'll can get all the needed help and support ❤
Sending all the love and strength 💕 I’m glad to hear y’all taking care of yourselves❤
Be as safe as possible