As someone with DID, thank you for this validation and for making a video that sums up everything I say when I describe DID to others. We decided to take off our mask about 3 years ago and it’s hard to describe. I’m sure on the outside looking in, I appear to have regressed. But on the inside, the work we have done, the healing and, well, all of it - I’m so proud of all of my parts. I’m also so glad you discussed fusion. My therapist and I talked about that and it scared us. Just as we were finally communicating - as odd as that likely seemed to the outside world - the idea of “what if a therapist wants us to bind together? We didn’t want that!” I discussed it with my therapist and he said we should all focus on doing what is best for Sam. So now that is what we try to do ❤.
You so very calmly explained how and why the brain and body respond to repeated traumas and I’ve experienced both the “total blackouts” and the “I’m aware different parts are showing up”. It started out with complete unawareness of any parts at all. Then everything and everyone inside of me got chaotic, and it was messing up my relationships externally. I was “blacking out” and waking up trying to do daily chores and couldn’t remember how to simple recipes I’d been making for years. Felt like I’d fall asleep on my feet. Had nightmares and night terrors and sleep paralysis and I would wake up screaming and not realize why I was even screaming. It was SO confusing. A part of me apparently threatened people, even though all I could feel was absolute terror and panic inside. So utterly confusing to figure out what the heck was happening and why. I wound up blacking out again and ending up in a different state and “waking up” like, “What the actual heck just happened?! And why is my husband pissed and wary of me? What happened? 😢” For reference, I was a stay at home mom and wife, and I had no plans to leave or divorce my husband. He was kind and loving to me, and I had everything I needed. So this was an incredibly confusing time in my life. My kids couldn’t touch me without triggering panic in one or more of my parts, and I sometimes couldn’t recognize my husband and kids, or even myself in the mirror. The amnesia has been both from and during childhood, and of daily events. It’s been incredibly confusing and disorienting and trying to explain what’s going on in my body when I was also emotionally neglected and didn’t know how to even name my emotions really complicated matters. So, a lot of neglect emotionally, often physically in our environment not being safe, well-tended, and violence between older brothers and other siblings, verbal and emotional abuse (which I didn’t recognize as such until much later), repeated SA as a child up through my teen years by my older brother, and two SA events by two separate non-family members, and then a third by someone completely unknown because it was in a crowd of people at school and they literally grabbed my butt to cop a feel out of nowhere. Felt SO violated and unsafe in crowds after that. Never discovered who it even was to be able to report them. Had medical traumas from birth-4 years old, and a major accident that almost killed me when I was 8. Nearly tore my ankle when I sprained it in 9th grade and I can look back and realize I “switched” to a younger part of me. I “blacked out” from pain, and a younger me was crying and everything was hazy and weird when I came to sitting in the nurse’s office and crying. I can only recall certain childhood events, even positive ones, often when family members are bringing it up. I very often cannot just sit down and recall it all on my own. Sometimes I can recall SOME memories, but often it’s blank for me. I had a completely blindsiding miscarriage as an adult in 2020 after it took me and my husband 5 years of unknown infertility to conceive our firstborn. 7 months after the incredibly jarring miscarriage, I found out I was pregnant with my son, and him being male and inside of me began triggering early SA memories I hadn’t recalled before. 2020-present has been SO flipping hard. But I’m healing, learning my different parts and their functions, finally getting some level of cooperation from internal parts and communication is getting better internally, too. Thanks for sharing how this is a natural adaptation to these extremely difficult and repeated traumas. I feel so loved and seen, and that’s hard when you have so many different parts trying to either hide what’s happening, or the louder ones who cause problems with their anger sometimes. This is so healing for me. 🥺😊
I have no memories of my childhood before my teenage years. I find the way the brain/body responds to trauma fascinating. Thank you for the video! It will help alot of people.
Am new to your channel being reading learning about this I can’t imagine the suffering you all been through my heart breaks for you because of the trauma you suffered am proud of you and how far you came into this you have my love and support because I am a person who genuinely cares that much for people.❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm not sure if I have D.I.D. or not but I definitely suffer from dissociating. It has presented in different ways for me throughout the years. I was abused in several ways growing up, particularly S. A. from age 6 to 14. I remember in highschool I would spend as much time as I could in my head talking to someone named Thomas. This is strange to me because I'm not a very creative person, I've never been good at playing imaginary games like dress up or house. I also had family inside my head, a dad and a mom that dont exist in real life. I spoke to those individuals until I was about 20. Ever since I was 18 I noticed that anytime I felt anxious my voice would change and it felt strange, I would speak with a voice that felt unrecognizable to me. Sometimes I would act like a young child and I felt so embarrassed by it but I didn't know how to stop myself or I would speak uncontrollably to people, talking a lot. I've noticed more that whenever something very stressful happens, I get a brain fog afterward. For example, if I go to a job interview or a therapy session I have to make sure to write everything down in a notebook during the conversation otherwise I forget what we spoke about. I also have to set alarms for anything important otherwise I will forget to do it. I also don't remember much of my childhood except the traumatic parts. A lot of my childhood memories are completely missing.
I don’t want to blv I have DID, it seems too scary. It seems too incredible. I don’t want that label. But the way you talk about it feels reassuring, just to visualize the kind of life I’d like to have, and work to move toward that 🙂
I think it's so important to talk about working on the intrapersonal relationships between different alters in the body, now DiD and other dissociative are more in the public I feel like there's almost a push for fusion / integration and like she said in the video a lot of people aren't able or willing to experience that especially not in the stages where they're still assessing their system and it's life experiences
Thank you so much for this video. I’m in the process of being diagnosed with a severe dissociative disorder, we’re not too sure how deep it goes yet. Was trying to explain the situation to my dad and his wife….they had no idea 🤦♂️ talking about ‘everybody has parts, we all forget things’ etc. I know they were trying their best from their level of perception on the subject 😅 but when it’s official, this is the perfect video to send them so they understand 🙏
In my experience, if you have a dissociative disorder, it is likely your dad had something to do with it so explaining yourself to him could be a bad idea. I found the best thing was to remove myself from my family until I discovered the truth of what has happened, and then remove myself permanently, sad, but necessary. Namaste 🙏
I don’t have did but like I said in my comments I love and respect people so much I love with a caring heart much love to you all keep being you don’t let anyone take who you really are.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
❤thank you! We do not want integration! Our system is various ages, but the body is 60. We barely coped while we spent 10 years getting passed around to various psychiatrists. Now, being left to our selves, we take care of each other without suicide plans. ❤ M.P.D. saved our lives ! We hate the term D.I.D. for those of us with large systems of people. We feel M.P.D. & D.I.D. should bec2 separate distinct DSM diagnosis.
Thank you. We need so much more of this!!! To outweigh the harmful stuff that’s everywhere
Completely agree, that's why we wanted to set this up!
As someone with DID, thank you for this validation and for making a video that sums up everything I say when I describe DID to others. We decided to take off our mask about 3 years ago and it’s hard to describe. I’m sure on the outside looking in, I appear to have regressed. But on the inside, the work we have done, the healing and, well, all of it - I’m so proud of all of my parts.
I’m also so glad you discussed fusion. My therapist and I talked about that and it scared us. Just as we were finally communicating - as odd as that likely seemed to the outside world - the idea of “what if a therapist wants us to bind together? We didn’t want that!” I discussed it with my therapist and he said we should all focus on doing what is best for Sam. So now that is what we try to do ❤.
You so very calmly explained how and why the brain and body respond to repeated traumas and I’ve experienced both the “total blackouts” and the “I’m aware different parts are showing up”. It started out with complete unawareness of any parts at all. Then everything and everyone inside of me got chaotic, and it was messing up my relationships externally. I was “blacking out” and waking up trying to do daily chores and couldn’t remember how to simple recipes I’d been making for years.
Felt like I’d fall asleep on my feet. Had nightmares and night terrors and sleep paralysis and I would wake up screaming and not realize why I was even screaming. It was SO confusing.
A part of me apparently threatened people, even though all I could feel was absolute terror and panic inside. So utterly confusing to figure out what the heck was happening and why. I wound up blacking out again and ending up in a different state and “waking up” like, “What the actual heck just happened?! And why is my husband pissed and wary of me? What happened? 😢”
For reference, I was a stay at home mom and wife, and I had no plans to leave or divorce my husband. He was kind and loving to me, and I had everything I needed. So this was an incredibly confusing time in my life. My kids couldn’t touch me without triggering panic in one or more of my parts, and I sometimes couldn’t recognize my husband and kids, or even myself in the mirror. The amnesia has been both from and during childhood, and of daily events. It’s been incredibly confusing and disorienting and trying to explain what’s going on in my body when I was also emotionally neglected and didn’t know how to even name my emotions really complicated matters. So, a lot of neglect emotionally, often physically in our environment not being safe, well-tended, and violence between older brothers and other siblings, verbal and emotional abuse (which I didn’t recognize as such until much later), repeated SA as a child up through my teen years by my older brother, and two SA events by two separate non-family members, and then a third by someone completely unknown because it was in a crowd of people at school and they literally grabbed my butt to cop a feel out of nowhere. Felt SO violated and unsafe in crowds after that. Never discovered who it even was to be able to report them.
Had medical traumas from birth-4 years old, and a major accident that almost killed me when I was 8. Nearly tore my ankle when I sprained it in 9th grade and I can look back and realize I “switched” to a younger part of me. I “blacked out” from pain, and a younger me was crying and everything was hazy and weird when I came to sitting in the nurse’s office and crying.
I can only recall certain childhood events, even positive ones, often when family members are bringing it up. I very often cannot just sit down and recall it all on my own. Sometimes I can recall SOME memories, but often it’s blank for me.
I had a completely blindsiding miscarriage as an adult in 2020 after it took me and my husband 5 years of unknown infertility to conceive our firstborn. 7 months after the incredibly jarring miscarriage, I found out I was pregnant with my son, and him being male and inside of me began triggering early SA memories I hadn’t recalled before.
2020-present has been SO flipping hard. But I’m healing, learning my different parts and their functions, finally getting some level of cooperation from internal parts and communication is getting better internally, too.
Thanks for sharing how this is a natural adaptation to these extremely difficult and repeated traumas. I feel so loved and seen, and that’s hard when you have so many different parts trying to either hide what’s happening, or the louder ones who cause problems with their anger sometimes.
This is so healing for me. 🥺😊
I have no memories of my childhood before my teenage years. I find the way the brain/body responds to trauma fascinating. Thank you for the video! It will help alot of people.
As someone who was professionally diagnosed with DID a year ago I really appreciate these kinds of videos ❤
That's really good to hear, glad it helps!
May I ask what symptoms lead to the diagnosis? I am thinking of speaking of my dissociation with a therapist in the future.
Am new to your channel being reading learning about this I can’t imagine the suffering you all been through my heart breaks for you because of the trauma you suffered am proud of you and how far you came into this you have my love and support because I am a person who genuinely cares that much for people.❤️❤️❤️❤️
thank you for this clear description!!!
Glad to have found your channel, and for the collective wisdom of yourself and another licensed therapist.
A very informative video. Thank you
Excellent and measured summary, thank you
I'm not sure if I have D.I.D. or not but I definitely suffer from dissociating. It has presented in different ways for me throughout the years. I was abused in several ways growing up, particularly S. A. from age 6 to 14. I remember in highschool I would spend as much time as I could in my head talking to someone named Thomas. This is strange to me because I'm not a very creative person, I've never been good at playing imaginary games like dress up or house. I also had family inside my head, a dad and a mom that dont exist in real life. I spoke to those individuals until I was about 20. Ever since I was 18 I noticed that anytime I felt anxious my voice would change and it felt strange, I would speak with a voice that felt unrecognizable to me. Sometimes I would act like a young child and I felt so embarrassed by it but I didn't know how to stop myself or I would speak uncontrollably to people, talking a lot. I've noticed more that whenever something very stressful happens, I get a brain fog afterward. For example, if I go to a job interview or a therapy session I have to make sure to write everything down in a notebook during the conversation otherwise I forget what we spoke about. I also have to set alarms for anything important otherwise I will forget to do it. I also don't remember much of my childhood except the traumatic parts. A lot of my childhood memories are completely missing.
I don’t want to blv I have DID, it seems too
scary. It seems too incredible. I don’t want that label. But the way you talk about it feels reassuring, just to visualize the kind of life I’d like to have, and work to move toward that 🙂
It is just you protecting yourself.
It’s much easier when u accept all of you
For me personally*
I think it's so important to talk about working on the intrapersonal relationships between different alters in the body, now DiD and other dissociative are more in the public I feel like there's almost a push for fusion / integration and like she said in the video a lot of people aren't able or willing to experience that especially not in the stages where they're still assessing their system and it's life experiences
Thank you so much for this video. I’m in the process of being diagnosed with a severe dissociative disorder, we’re not too sure how deep it goes yet. Was trying to explain the situation to my dad and his wife….they had no idea 🤦♂️ talking about ‘everybody has parts, we all forget things’ etc. I know they were trying their best from their level of perception on the subject 😅 but when it’s official, this is the perfect video to send them so they understand 🙏
In my experience, if you have a dissociative disorder, it is likely your dad had something to do with it so explaining yourself to him could be a bad idea. I found the best thing was to remove myself from my family until I discovered the truth of what has happened, and then remove myself permanently, sad, but necessary. Namaste 🙏
I don’t have did but like I said in my comments I love and respect people so much I love with a caring heart much love to you all keep being you don’t let anyone take who you really are.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Wonderful explanation of us
❤thank you! We do not want integration! Our system is various ages, but the body is 60. We barely coped while we spent 10 years getting passed around to various psychiatrists. Now, being left to our selves, we take care of each other without suicide plans. ❤ M.P.D. saved our lives ! We hate the term D.I.D. for those of us with large systems of people.
We feel M.P.D. & D.I.D. should bec2 separate distinct DSM diagnosis.
May I ask why you think they should be named differently? Is it because D.I.D. is a spectrum?
We r finding this reassuring Ty it is hard and confusing
Glad to hear it's reassuring, it can be a hard struggle and difficult to know what to do for the best.
When I look in mirror I don’t know who i am ??? Trying so hard to look w love
That may be depersonalization.
Can you feel very sleepy? Not sure if this is dissociation or I’m in some kind of trance state.
Thank you for your comment! It could be a shut down state, this often feels like being tired.
@@wearevegatherapy thank you.
My x went into a switch right before he tried to kill me.
Dang, did he have D.I.D. ?