Healing vs. Retaliation: Surviving Trauma and Sexual Abuse | Peter and Adenike Harris | TEDxPasadena
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 ต.ค. 2018
- When the tragedy of sexual abuse struck Peter (“Pops”) and his daughter Adenike (“Ade”), they were faced with two life-altering paths: retaliate against Ade’s stepfather who had repeatedly sexually assaulted her from the time she was fourteen, or choose to strengthen their own relationship. Together, the two worked to create an inspiring system of support for one another that will change the way you think about love. Affectionately known as “Popsnade,” the father/daughter allies challenge, “What do you need to begin your healing foundation? Therapy? Non-abusive allies? Whatever you choose, it will require that you dig in. It hurts, it’s tough, and it is a consistent lifestyle change. But it is so worth it.”
Peter and Adenike Harris, also known as Pops‘nAde, provide practical and loving lessons learned from years of courageous “call-and-response” dialogue that helped them heal in the years after Adenike revealed her stepfather had sexually abused her from the ages of 14 to 22. In the spirit of Lift Every Voice and Sing, Pops‘nAde reveal how they became thriving survivors through tears, candor, imagination, and even hard-won laughter. Pops‘nAde are 21st Century Conversation Starters and Healing Partners with a dynamic message: “We’re all worth healing and no silence is good that keeps you from talking to people who can help you.” Pops‘nAde are living examples, whose powerful service offers a roadmap to rich, loving, and inspiring non-abusive relationships. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
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What I get tired of people telling us is to move on. Forget about it when they have no idea how hard it is and that people heal differently
You may not want to hear it but, take it from me, facing it and moving on is the best. Better than years of rehashing it in therapy. God can help you.
I’m glad they will never have to understand and am so thankful for the ones that do understand
@@myyoutubeaccount12111 I’m actually doing a whole lot better now that time has passed
@@miarideout5401 sooooo happy to hear that. ❤️❤️
I’m glad you are doing better. I used to be so angry about it, then I started living in the present, and not looking back on it. That helped.
"My daughter asked me to be my daddy not my avenger" that spoke volumes
I would want someone to be my avenger to prove they valued my life. I might not want a close relationship to be sacrificed this way, but the lazy complacent authorities could prove they give a damn about the reason they exist in the first place.
Not 😢all people have this father!
@@kristinmeyer489 I'm not saying that they shouldn't do anything to get u justice but the reality is that in our world especially focus a lot on the culprit in a way that it overshadows the victims mental health.
It's so unique to hear a father's perspective. It's really brave to assist a daughter's healing.
@@Truthseeker7771000 It is natural of a true father and still very honorable. Amazing, actually.
@@Truthseeker7771000 I didn't disagree.
Hearing “you’ve reclaimed your life now live your life” immediately put tears in my eyes it’s something I didn’t know I needed to hear
As a man, I give this man credit for standing down and listening to his daughter. I often wonder if I would be able to do the same thing if something ever happened to my goddaughter.
You have to
@@MeruJoy yes
My father couldn’t hear any healing . He believed full silence and just put up with it
"Healing cannot be rushed" 🌱 Extremely powerful. Btw love, those men lost out on a beautiful, intelligent young woman.
This is a story that needs to be told in our community so that our women and men can begin the healing that is necessary for our community to thrive in unity; men and women living in community together without the conflicts and contradictions that come from trauma that has been silenced by fear and stigma. Although vengeance wasn't enacted here I would have like to see some restorative justrice intervention that would held the abuser to account.
The light of these two shines through my screen right into my heart. What a great father and what a strong beautiful woman. I wish her love and healing.
"My father reset the standard of masculine connection and communication in my life" Wow powerful!!
I’m happy you had support through this! My family doesn’t care...
Sommi T do you have someone to talk to ? Therapist?
I'm sorry you're not feeling supported Sommi T. and hope you're seeking support. I, too am grateful for Pops'Ade's example for what is possible.
It's a challenge to reach out for help when those who're closest to you become more of a barrier to healing.
It may not be easy, yet it can get better with the right support and redeveloping trust with yourself. 🙏💕
I am Here for you
I care and I love you 💕 my you truthfully heal.
Same here we can support each other if you like most times it seems like that but if you keep it a secret no one will know it’s not that they don’t care and if so it still made us better people
I’m sobbing. Thank you! I haven’t told my father yet and I’m terrified. I don’t want him to blame himself. He’s an amazing person. I love him so f*cking much. I don’t know how I’m going to tell him but I will. 💕
They will always react that way because they love us. He will do what you tell him will work best to heal you. I love you, fam. God bless you.
Yes Girl.
You CAN do this and you are strong. You are a survivor, not a victim anymore, just decide and you got support!!!
Have u told ?? No offense if u don't want to share.
👍🏻
I just sent this to my parents. They're going to watch it together when they get a chance. If you're seeing this, mom and dad. I love you. It's been about 5 days since the incident, and it's been about a week long nightmare. I can't feel the difference between nightmares in sleep and the one I'm living while awake. Please pray for us. Thank you.
Thank you Sister! And your Dad! I'm finally going through the process of convicting my Stepfather and my own Dad is my biggest supporter.
Ilana Mumia how did the conviction go? Is it a long process I to am thinking of pressing charges on my abuser. But I really dread the process..
Awww
This is so sad
Thank you dad. My father is gone now. He helped me try to prosecute my mothers boyfriend. Law enforcement made up for another officer's lack of training.
I'm okay. Days are hard but I lived my life without the shadow of his ugliness. Every good day. Free day from oppression is a victory. I had a happiness those criminals will never know again.
What a beautiful relationship between this daughter and father, and a great story of redemption, love and healing. They both have an amazing presence.
when she said " my experience is not unusual " 💔💔💔💔
Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you, Daddy, for listening to your daughter. I told my daughter , after being violated, you were victimized but you are NOT a victim today. Your message was powerful!
Super proud of her dad! Let the cops do their job, even though it’s hard. He’s a great dad!
These comments are so supportive and loving. Tbh im starting to believe predators seek out good hearted people on purpose.
You both are amazing role models full of courage. Thank you for sharing your story
Had to pause halfway and cry a bit. Definitely stirred up lots of emotions and repressed stuff. Really inspiring message. Definitely looking at things better.
They are both such a beautiful depiction of kindness, healing and bravery. They turned this into such an empowering story of what the human experience can be
This young lady is amazing. Peter's perspective and choice to stand down is amazing.
How he looks at her while they recall the memory..felt the love between them! Beautiful 💕
I'm crying as I watch this and feel a sense of releif from not being alone. It is so important to choose with whom to share right. You absolutely right.
This was so beautiful. As a father myself watching him grow along with you during your time of crisis and being not only your dad but a friend also is amazing. I love this. I pray for continued guidance, healing and strength for the both of you.
Thanks for sharing even hearing a father standing with his daughter throught this difficult times says to us who have been abused that all men are not beast but there is still good fathers
so beautiful to see this two. my father was always the kindest and most supportive person in my life, you just remembered me that
Choosing to be well. Thank you both.
So powerful. The energy they are radiating is incredible. So much honesty, vulnerability and connection. Thank you, it’s healing me.
I love you both 💗 I prayed for a parent like him to protect me. Thank u for listening to her. I will continue to pray for the right person to come into my life that will hear my heart and not just my story.
This is the most genuine bond I've ever seen!
Finding the right people to journey with me is the most painful traumatic and exhausting experience that it makes healing harder to gain
Way to go girl! I'm a survivor too! I chose to be well also, without help from family.
Powerful!! I am so proud of Adenike!!! Honored to call you sister-friend!!
For all men out there’s. You are not alone. I survived and you will too. Stay strong
It's a good thing they have this but I feel jealous of their relationship and it hurts. My dad didn't take it well and was more angry at me than the guy who drugged me, especially when his girlfriend suggested that I had an agenda and he started bringing his preferential treatment for his gf into my healing process. Everyone keeps telling me to forgive forgive forgive but I feel like I'm being stolen from again when people take my anger away too. It'll fade with time but I'm scared to go through this whole healing process for the 3rd time.
I'm in this weird stage where I only trust people who are angry with me and feed my anger and I'm not ok with it, this isnt who I am.
Wow! So empowering! Thank you for helping me live through this... so I might help my child heal as this father did.
I have so much respect for the two of you rn. For her to stand there, being so brave and so confident. What a STRONG woman. And her father. I can relate, so hard. He gave words to my feelings, and direction for my mind. Plus, I l9ve his taste in music
poignant and powerful telling of the journey!!! thank you!!! especially for your use of art as tool for healing
😭😭😭😭😭 So moving and powerful. I wish I had someone like this in my life, when I was experiencing and healing from my SA trauma.
Adenike, I wish you so much love and joy for the rest of your life. Your dad is amazing. I still miss my dad who died twelve years ago.
My heart is with you Adenike - and Pops in your support of your daughter. Thank you wholeheartedly for your honesty and wisdom.
Beautiful does not describe this💕💕💕💕 You will never know the courage listening to this gave me...
I love this and I love you both! I have watched this three times and each time I've heard something that I hadn't heard before. The reminder of having a choice always sticks out. I love you Ade.
Thank you for sharing - together - the story of your journey together. It's also rare to get a glimpse of the perspective of someone whose friend or loved one has experienced such a violation. It's wonderful to be reminded that the journey of healing for each person is unique. A powerful telling of your opening, your imagining, your choosing, your moving through, your reclamation.
I’m so happy they found their path to healing and recommitting to the father/daughter bond. Thank you sharing such a difficult piece of your life, it’s inspiring and encouraging for those dealing with same or similar issues. God bless the rest of your journey collectively and individually.
You two are such beautiful people, thank you so much for your words, your experience and your courage. You've helped me beyond measure. You are an amazing, inspirational woman, and have the most wonderful father 🙏❤️
This was so powerful and healing... thank you for sharing 💗 To see such a genuine and authentic relationship between a daughter and father is something new for me. So grateful to know it’s possible 💞
This is an amazing story❤️ my family tells me not to talk about it because people won't understand and they will just look down upon me.... Those I have chosen to lean on have been amazing
Simply amazing and eloquent!! Thank you both so much pops n Ade.
That was abSOlutely masterful. Your choosing TO BE well, is the reflection of GAWD WORKING THROUGH ALL HUMANS. Thank youse for witnessing and testifying on the POWER OF POSSIBILITY~
You don't need to keep going, you need for the world to stop with you.
Telling a victim/survivor to "move on" is just a "nice" version of "don't bother me with your problems", which only shows complete and utter lack of care for the other person's internal experience and wellbeing.
It’s a blessing you had/have support . My uncle got away with so you’re lucky ! I’m happy for you
still healing … my anger has gotten worse .. on Dec 20 .. it will officially be 1 year since it happened… I’m trying .. it’s hard . But I’ll keep trying and trying till I reach for the light at the end
So glad for you Ade
This is the most beautiful TedTalk that I've ever seen
What a profound story thank you for finding the courage to speak out on your pain an anguish we all go through things in life but we never know that the same thing God will lead us to build us up😊❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for living an example I hope more can benefit from witnessing and following. Moving and beautiful - filled with serious surrender, call and response to action, engaging full attention to connective communication........let alone all the attention taken for self-care - with individual and mutually unifying work focusing on the deepest, most honest, integrity, love and hope.
All that journeying in one lifetime. Beyond inspiring.
Such a powerful, important healing story! Thank you ❤
Omg im crying ! You both are really amazing 😭💕 thanks for sharing 🙏🏻
This was exactly what I needed to hear. I know my bio father, who I have nothing to do with, will not be my rider and live buddy. However, I have a beautiful friend who is by my side! I’m saddened that I had no family member who thought I was worthy enough to get angry, saddened over, or want to hurt my predator. I wouldn’t want them to act on it but to atleast feel angry or hurt for me, instead of silence. I know Jesus Christ loves me and was/is saddened for me. I am now starting to heal
Sending you love my dear Sibling in Christ!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖
Tears. Appreciation.
Thank you so much, all the best xxx
Heartwrenching, lovely and inspirational all at once. Delivered by two honorable and courageous individuals.
Thank you for sharing. Very uplifting and encouraging. Kept the focus on you. Amazing.
so powerful. thank you
I’m so glad you have been on the road to healing and that your father has been by your side. When I told my father what my stepfather had done, he “acted” angry. I know it was an act because he later did the same thing.
Sorry you were betrayed and hurt in that we. Please seek support on your road to healing.
thank you both for sharing your story. never cried so much during a Tedx Talks. I needed this. thank you.
I want to give you a warm hug. I was silent about mine and it came from church. God bless you, beautiful woman. I love you🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿💜💜💜💜
This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing!
Beautiful and inspiring for MANY, thank you for this, both of ya'll!!!
Thank you both for sharing your story. How powerful it is to have your father stand beside you ❤
I’m crying, so beautiful
I realize this is 5 years old but THANK YOU for posting this❤
Empathy for your experience. Awesome unity of you both and effective presentation!
This is so beautiful and lifted me up today god bless both of them - quiet a few amazing things I gained from this video
Magnificent and Powerful. Thanks to you both.
WOW!! Bravo!! I watched from beginning to end then repeated. Very 'productive' for me. Thank you!!
This really touched my heart. Thank you so much for sharing your story
This was amazing! I love pops ❤everyone needs someone like him in their days ❤
Sooo powerful and inspiring. Thank you for sharing this.
YOU ARE AN ISPIRATION TO ME. GOD BLESS YOU BOTH IN YOUR JOURNEY FORWARD!
This is very strong and fascinating... Thanks for that story 🙏
I m in tears listening their talk
This is family. This is beautiful.
Gf went through stuff like this, so I'm about to watch all of the videos so I can try to help her with it
Thank you. Please do, and please don't marry her if you don't understand the emotional instability that comes with it.. pls listen to her, she's broken now....let her heal before you marry her. We are one of the most loving people when healed. Also, please learn how to handle conflict before you get married. It will help you guys.
Thats amazing!
That man is strong and so is she. She ia beautiful
Still mining the Genetic Dancers legacy, Peter Harris is a treasure. GWC Museum at Tuskegee is indeed inspiring. Carver, like P&A, survived and triumphed.
u are not defined by the worst that you’ve experienced
Beautiful 🙏🏾
I filed a police report and the police department said they were too busy with other cases and since I was no longer living with my abuser they dropped the case.
Choose to be well ❤️ thankyou so much
Beautiful heart in this woman.
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💚 this. Thank you
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 I’m healing, my family and the world knows 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 Healing can’t be rushed.
what a woman and what a man too. Proud of the both of you!
Amazing story! I had goosebumps thinking about my own father
I needed this ❤😢❤🎉🎉 thank you