The biggest healing factor in my cptsd was going low contact with my parents. You can't heal from bad treatment when the toxic people are still in your life. There's just no getting around that part. You can't heal from poison while still being poisoned.
Unfortunately given my health, I’m stuck living with my dad, who is not empathetic. He’s very task oriented. He’s on me constantly for getting my To Do list done. To top it off, my dad agreed to let his cousin live with us. He’s an ex-priest, on house arrest. You can figure out why, so the whole situation has me on edge!
21:24 My mom would brag about how I never cried when I got physically hurt as a kid because everytime I did she would ignore it and act like nothing happened to "teach me not to cry". What she actually taught me was to never acknowledge or process physical pain and that my injuries don't matter. Now as an adult I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to take pain medication, even with my chronic migraines, because "I should be able to handle it and walk it off". All she taught me was how to neglect myself.
@@nickyjan3646 Handicap is good choice of words. I have found, that it is impossible for people without CPTSD to understand those of us that have it, even the professionals. CPTSD is not a symptom or mood, it is something that casts a shadow to everything we see and feel. World with CPSTD is different than the world of others.
After watching the BPD video this makes so much sense. I checked off like ALL the BPD types.... and I had decades of trauma that I'm only just freeing myself of
Thank you Kati xx Especially for talking about emotional neglect when you overcame the question about sh. I think many of us struggle a lot considering our difficult past as "traumatic", or even just neglect. At least for me, I find it reassuring that you somehow validated this kind of struggle. Sometimes, hearing it from someone else is the first step towards, maybe someday, acknowledging it to our own story. It means a lot xx
C-PTSD from my perspective: I imagine that PTSD related to single events in adulthood impacts a person's sense of safety and leads to "classic" symptoms of PTSD. In "The body keeps the score" Bessel van der Kolk writes about "Developmental trauma disorder" as synonymous to C-PTSD. Combining environmental impact and repeated traumatizing events early on in life will not only lead to one "not knowing what it feels like to be safe", but it will also affect one's sense of identity. Which is probably why I also have a dissociative disorder. In therapy this has lead to the need for extensive safety and stabilization before trauma processing. I'm not a mental health care professional, btw.
As a veteran of afghanistan, I've developed a ton of wild symptoms I've struggled with. A primary one is that all of the traumas I've delt with over the course of 18 months from 2009 to 2011 I do not think about negatively. My psychiatrist has diagnosed me with PTSD, but has specifically told me I have Cptsd. (The VA won't accept a cptsd diagnosis and will reject it for compensation purposes). Also derealization depersonalization disorder. Therapist has told me the reason she thinks my memories arent traumatic are because of the dissociation. We've learned together that I am dissociative 95% of everyday, just on a spectrum. She believes the dissociation caused me to not categorize the specific memories traumatically. However if I think too long about these "good" memories, it leads to severe DRDP, causing me to feel an utter sense of dread and helplessness, feeling as if im back in afghanistan and I'll never come home, I begin to halucinate, I forget what my wife's name is, my childrens names and faces. These feeling cause me the most distress, and she believes my body dissociates trying to keep me from the feelings. I have an everyday feeling of no emotional attachment to my family. I've felt these feelings for years but never knew what was wrong or even that there was anything wrong at all. I used to think I was just being dramatic or depressed. Therapy has allowed me to know better now. Been going for 5 months every week, it's been Strange putting diagnosis to my feelings. Especially as a man.
I have so much emotional and health neglect it’s still hard for me to believe it. I would be told I was fine, after falling over, because I wasn’t bleeding. I constantly had to prove why I needed to see a doctor or go to the hospital, even as an adult (chronically ill, disabled and have chronic mental health). The only way I knew how to express my pain was to self harm, even that was used against me when they found out. It’s rough, yes. The reason I’ve shared this is Kati has a good point on how self harm usually is an indicator of emotional neglect. People/kids don’t do it for fun a high majority of the time.
I can relate so much to what you wrote. Instead of comforting me if I fell (which was more than most since I have a physical disability), I was taught to say “BINGO”, and ignore my physical or emotional needs. I was taught to just keep going. My pre-kindergarten teacher nicknamed me “the little engine that could”…And my parents always said “can’t never did anything”…I wasn’t “allowed” to express that I was struggling, so, when shoving my emotions became too much, I didn’t want to ruin my reputation of being “unstoppable” and I wasn’t “allowed” to get upset, I began cutting. I hid it from my family and friends, until my roommates in college found out…I was eventually suspended from my university for a semester because of cutting on campus…I haven’t done it in at least a year, but it was my main coping mechanism throughout my 20’s and into my 30’s, until at 27, my ED started…I’m 44 and still really struggle with how to safely express negative emotions…
@@Eshrimpski thank you for sharing. I’m sorry you got kicked out of college for struggling the way you were and coping the only way you knew how. I’m so proud of you for not cutting for a year (let’s call it that), it’s truly an accomplishment! I’m soon to be 33 and am still struggling with cutting although slowly getting better. I also deal with an ED and OCD tendencies that love to rule my life. Even though it seems like I know better I find I’m not able to do better cause those voices start and won’t stop till I listen and do what they want. I find even if I try to do better I have the memories both mental, emotional and physical come streaming through and I’m not able to stop them. So I generally give up. Just wondering if I’ll ever feel safe with myself, within myself in all aspects.
22:50 Thank you so much for all the work you do and put into yourself and pass on the us. So many of your videos and messages really resonate with me ❤
Re rumination / Louise Hays' book , You can heal your life . Says ..."thorts are words and words can be changed . So wright down your negative thort that keeps repeating. Then replace it with a positive statement . Now its your go to affermation to be repeated whenever the old thort trys to creep back in. Eg , "i hate my job , this really sucks" could be replaced with "My positive vibe makes a difference in this world" or "i thrive on positive thorts , life supports me in every way" . Since 1990 when i read the book , ive used this technique many times to target negative self talk. We create our own reality . Always make the affeamation in the present . Eg / "I eat only foods that nourish me." vs/ " I need to start eating more healthily." Thankyou , peace n love to all 😊
CPTSD's impact on self concept can be massive, it is negative, but itmay or may not involve low self worth. Sometimes I think maybe I don't have these common feelings of not being valuable just because there's not enough self concept to even get that far!!! I like your wording as some online therapists simply default to low self worth being a key symptom of CPTSD. To those of us with a different negative impact on our self concept those pronouncements can feel very invalidating.
I have CPTSD . The truth is, I will never heal completely. My world of people will always be small. I've been through 4 therapists, and none of them has earned my trust. Regarding asking your patients if they want to make an appointment. Made me feel like they didn't want to see me. That part of my CPTSD, abandonment.
4:20 that’s one hell of a concept! Nice. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD BPD and PTSD @14yrs old my mom and I were abducted by a 🛸 BPD EVR AFTER AND IM NOW 48 and my mom passed the anniversary of the event and on her only sons wedding anniversary.
Hello everyone in the comments and Kati members sending love support and care to you all it's so important to share things and be in this safe space in the comments ❤❤
Kati, you are amazing, and I watch almost all your videos! Just one little thing I would like to point out. At about 7:10 you say, "it's not harmful anymore". That assumes a person's trauma is in the past. For some people, threats and harms, including physical, verbal (and anxiety) attacks are ongoing and saying "it's not harmful anymore" can be perceived as dismissive. I would want to be sure a person feels safe from harm before telling them they are safe from harm. I know you get this, it just didn't seem clear enough in the video.
I took what she said simply to mean that eg. the real physical danger or direct harm no longer exists. That means we can become free from it and prove to ourselves that it is not real.
When you say trauma that happened as a child or during childhood, does that include teen years? My trauma occurred throughout all of my teen years and I haven’t heard many people talk about that age group specifically and how trauma impacts them.
Thank you so much for answering my question, Kati!! ❤ I won’t say here which one it is, but you gave me helpful insight. I like that we have the same name. 😉
I would love to discuss my trauma but I am made to feel like my reactions to dangerous situations are an over reaction. I don't see how not discussing the trauma and talking it out (processing) will help me. I'm told to tell myself "I'm safe in the moment" but literally yesterday I was attacked. When it keeps happening it's hard to feel safe. DBT is not helping at all. It might help if I had one bad event take place, but this situation is ongoing.
I have been looking into cptsd ... i definately tick the boxes of most if the criteria for bpd, but i suspect some of the character of the symptoms is different. The added difficulty for me is my autism and likely adhd.
For question 2 when I was in therapy I never scheduled my therapy appointment s my psychologist would say see you next week as my therapy would only be 1 day a week what honestly always bothered me because I really needed and felt I should of been able to have more than one session a week but unfortunately this isn't how it was same with when I had phone call therapy CBT my therapist always asked me before our session ended if I had any questions or anything I wanted to share that I didn't already seems therapy is short term in the uk but yes the good side is we don't have to pay for it just honestly wanted to add that I felt 1 therapy session a week wasn't helpful or enough it felt exusting letting everything out 1 day a week then feeling stressed and overwhelmed the rest of the week please comment if you have felt the same about therapy ❤❤
My Mom went through that. The Nuns were extremely hard on her because she only spoke Spanish. They had just moved to America when she was two years old. 😞😢 I’m sorry you experienced that.
It’s interesting to say this, but I had a trigger watching this and wonder if there’s a question in there: I had been misdiagnosed BPD for some time before having health validation and surgery. I wonder if there’s a certain type of trauma treatment that can better help with the “health trauma” part? After the DRs realized it was health related I was diagnosed cPTSD 3x in a row.
Hey Kati, really nice video ! I was wondering if I could help you with Best Quality Editing in your videos better than your Editor with good pricing and also make a highly engaging Thumbnail which will help your videos to reach to a wider audience ? Pls let me know what do you think ?
Question 6 - Get out. Leave. He doesn't genuinely care about you, you deserve better. X Sorry, I know it's blunt, leaving immediately is not that easy, or straight forward.. life is complex. This is nothing more than an unqualified IMO comment, but men like this really p*ss me off. When I work past my instant emotional reactivity (I have my own issues) I'm not entirely without empathy, and I would guess he was very likely bullied himself.
Kati I got a question my sisters trying to potty train her baby that she needed to put on a toilet a year or more ago He used to cry to use the bathroom I was the only one who understood him Hes 2 now and because others like my stoopid mom go in with him he cries to the point where he went backwards and much rather pee himself My sister might think I made up toilet trauma but I know hes dealing with it because last I heard he stopped asking to use the bathroom at daycare because my moreonic sister asked the teacher or somebody at the school to go into the bathroom with him and pretty much watch him the way my sister and mom watch him My mom lies and twists what he says but I understood him since around 3 month old or younger and I want 0 to do with him but with how much they neglected him and caused him trauma already I needed to somewhat step in because I am sick of him crying (Reason like 881 of why I kicked my sister out of my life)
The biggest healing factor in my cptsd was going low contact with my parents. You can't heal from bad treatment when the toxic people are still in your life. There's just no getting around that part. You can't heal from poison while still being poisoned.
!!!!!
Unfortunately given my health, I’m stuck living with my dad, who is not empathetic. He’s very task oriented. He’s on me constantly for getting my To Do list done. To top it off, my dad agreed to let his cousin live with us. He’s an ex-priest, on house arrest. You can figure out why, so the whole situation has me on edge!
i did the same thing, it rlly worked.
21:24 My mom would brag about how I never cried when I got physically hurt as a kid because everytime I did she would ignore it and act like nothing happened to "teach me not to cry". What she actually taught me was to never acknowledge or process physical pain and that my injuries don't matter. Now as an adult I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to take pain medication, even with my chronic migraines, because "I should be able to handle it and walk it off". All she taught me was how to neglect myself.
CPTSD can shape your personality, it has been reality for so long, it is part of you. Even when the bad people are no longer part of your life.
😭😭😭😭thank you. This comment has deeply helped me
I actually feel that my cptsd has me permanently mentally handicap. And it's sad because others don't understand and acknowledge it.
@@nickyjan3646 Handicap is good choice of words. I have found, that it is impossible for people without CPTSD to understand those of us that have it, even the professionals. CPTSD is not a symptom or mood, it is something that casts a shadow to everything we see and feel. World with CPSTD is different than the world of others.
After watching the BPD video this makes so much sense. I checked off like ALL the BPD types.... and I had decades of trauma that I'm only just freeing myself of
Thank you Kati xx Especially for talking about emotional neglect when you overcame the question about sh. I think many of us struggle a lot considering our difficult past as "traumatic", or even just neglect. At least for me, I find it reassuring that you somehow validated this kind of struggle. Sometimes, hearing it from someone else is the first step towards, maybe someday, acknowledging it to our own story. It means a lot xx
Kati , you were AMAZING on the Today Show! Long time listner, first time texter!
Bravo!!
I have been having crying fits on and off throughout this episode.
Brought some clarity and reprieve, after so long. Thank you Kati.
C-PTSD from my perspective: I imagine that PTSD related to single events in adulthood impacts a person's sense of safety and leads to "classic" symptoms of PTSD. In "The body keeps the score" Bessel van der Kolk writes about "Developmental trauma disorder" as synonymous to C-PTSD. Combining environmental impact and repeated traumatizing events early on in life will not only lead to one "not knowing what it feels like to be safe", but it will also affect one's sense of identity. Which is probably why I also have a dissociative disorder.
In therapy this has lead to the need for extensive safety and stabilization before trauma processing.
I'm not a mental health care professional, btw.
A very essential and helpful book, “the body keeps the score.”
The unabridged audiobook version is so good.
I used to think the C stood for Childhood, which kind of makes sense. Interesting.
Can dissociation as you experience it be mistaken for ADHD?
@@domepiece11 DTD or developmental trauma disorder. 👍🏼
As a veteran of afghanistan, I've developed a ton of wild symptoms I've struggled with. A primary one is that all of the traumas I've delt with over the course of 18 months from 2009 to 2011 I do not think about negatively.
My psychiatrist has diagnosed me with PTSD, but has specifically told me I have Cptsd. (The VA won't accept a cptsd diagnosis and will reject it for compensation purposes). Also derealization depersonalization disorder.
Therapist has told me the reason she thinks my memories arent traumatic are because of the dissociation. We've learned together that I am dissociative 95% of everyday, just on a spectrum. She believes the dissociation caused me to not categorize the specific memories traumatically. However if I think too long about these "good" memories, it leads to severe DRDP, causing me to feel an utter sense of dread and helplessness, feeling as if im back in afghanistan and I'll never come home, I begin to halucinate, I forget what my wife's name is, my childrens names and faces. These feeling cause me the most distress, and she believes my body dissociates trying to keep me from the feelings.
I have an everyday feeling of no emotional attachment to my family. I've felt these feelings for years but never knew what was wrong or even that there was anything wrong at all. I used to think I was just being dramatic or depressed. Therapy has allowed me to know better now.
Been going for 5 months every week, it's been Strange putting diagnosis to my feelings. Especially as a man.
I have so much emotional and health neglect it’s still hard for me to believe it. I would be told I was fine, after falling over, because I wasn’t bleeding. I constantly had to prove why I needed to see a doctor or go to the hospital, even as an adult (chronically ill, disabled and have chronic mental health). The only way I knew how to express my pain was to self harm, even that was used against me when they found out. It’s rough, yes. The reason I’ve shared this is Kati has a good point on how self harm usually is an indicator of emotional neglect. People/kids don’t do it for fun a high majority of the time.
I can relate so much to what you wrote. Instead of comforting me if I fell (which was more than most since I have a physical disability), I was taught to say “BINGO”, and ignore my physical or emotional needs. I was taught to just keep going. My pre-kindergarten teacher nicknamed me “the little engine that could”…And my parents always said “can’t never did anything”…I wasn’t “allowed” to express that I was struggling, so, when shoving my emotions became too much, I didn’t want to ruin my reputation of being “unstoppable” and
I wasn’t “allowed” to get
upset, I began cutting. I hid it from my family and friends, until my roommates in college found out…I was eventually suspended from my university for a semester because of cutting on campus…I haven’t done it in at least a year, but it was my main coping mechanism throughout my 20’s and into my 30’s, until at 27, my ED started…I’m 44 and still really struggle with how to safely express negative emotions…
@@Eshrimpski thank you for sharing. I’m sorry you got kicked out of college for struggling the way you were and coping the only way you knew how.
I’m so proud of you for not cutting for a year (let’s call it that), it’s truly an accomplishment!
I’m soon to be 33 and am still struggling with cutting although slowly getting better. I also deal with an ED and OCD tendencies that love to rule my life. Even though it seems like I know better I find I’m not able to do better cause those voices start and won’t stop till I listen and do what they want.
I find even if I try to do better I have the memories both mental, emotional and physical come streaming through and I’m not able to stop them. So I generally give up. Just wondering if I’ll ever feel safe with myself, within myself in all aspects.
22:50 Thank you so much for all the work you do and put into yourself and pass on the us. So many of your videos and messages really resonate with me ❤
Re rumination / Louise Hays' book , You can heal your life . Says ..."thorts are words and words can be changed . So wright down your negative thort that keeps repeating. Then replace it with a positive statement . Now its your go to affermation to be repeated whenever the old thort trys to creep back in. Eg , "i hate my job , this really sucks" could be replaced with "My positive vibe makes a difference in this world" or "i thrive on positive thorts , life supports me in every way" . Since 1990 when i read the book , ive used this technique many times to target negative self talk. We create our own reality . Always make the affeamation in the present . Eg / "I eat only foods that nourish me." vs/ " I need to start eating more healthily." Thankyou , peace n love to all 😊
CPTSD's impact on self concept can be massive, it is negative, but itmay or may not involve low self worth. Sometimes I think maybe I don't have these common feelings of not being valuable just because there's not enough self concept to even get that far!!! I like your wording as some online therapists simply default to low self worth being a key symptom of CPTSD. To those of us with a different negative impact on our self concept those pronouncements can feel very invalidating.
I have CPTSD . The truth is, I will never heal completely. My world of people will always be small. I've been through 4 therapists, and none of them has earned my trust. Regarding asking your patients if they want to make an appointment. Made me feel like they didn't want to see me. That part of my CPTSD, abandonment.
I know the feeling.
You're not alone.
You're a worthy human being Cindy.
Keep strong.
@@cindyfoster1351 play GENSHIN
4:20 that’s one hell of a concept! Nice.
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD BPD and PTSD
@14yrs old my mom and I were abducted by a 🛸
BPD EVR AFTER AND IM NOW 48 and my mom passed the anniversary of the event and on her only sons wedding anniversary.
It’s interesting you bring up bpd and cPTSD being linked as I was inaccurately diagnosed with BPD when I had cPTSD so to me they are linked in my mind
Hello everyone in the comments and Kati members sending love support and care to you all it's so important to share things and be in this safe space in the comments ❤❤
❤ thanks, you too.
Just love you katie you help you soo much 😊
Loved this video, so fasinating and helpful. Thank you for all your work.
Kati, you are amazing, and I watch almost all your videos! Just one little thing I would like to point out. At about 7:10 you say, "it's not harmful anymore". That assumes a person's trauma is in the past. For some people, threats and harms, including physical, verbal (and anxiety) attacks are ongoing and saying "it's not harmful anymore" can be perceived as dismissive. I would want to be sure a person feels safe from harm before telling them they are safe from harm. I know you get this, it just didn't seem clear enough in the video.
I took what she said simply to mean that eg. the real physical danger or direct harm no longer exists. That means we can become free from it and prove to ourselves that it is not real.
Yay a new video
I was diagnosed with regular ptsd due to multiple repeated trauma
When you say trauma that happened as a child or during childhood, does that include teen years? My trauma occurred throughout all of my teen years and I haven’t heard many people talk about that age group specifically and how trauma impacts them.
I'm interested in this as well. 12/13 years old
Thank you so much for answering my question, Kati!! ❤ I won’t say here which one it is, but you gave me helpful insight. I like that we have the same name. 😉
Kati Morton.hello and good afternoon so good to see you again and hear your voice so glad for a new AKA podcast ❤❤
I would love to discuss my trauma but I am made to feel like my reactions to dangerous situations are an over reaction. I don't see how not discussing the trauma and talking it out (processing) will help me. I'm told to tell myself "I'm safe in the moment" but literally yesterday I was attacked. When it keeps happening it's hard to feel safe. DBT is not helping at all. It might help if I had one bad event take place, but this situation is ongoing.
I have been looking into cptsd ... i definately tick the boxes of most if the criteria for bpd, but i suspect some of the character of the symptoms is different.
The added difficulty for me is my autism and likely adhd.
For question 2 when I was in therapy I never scheduled my therapy appointment s my psychologist would say see you next week as my therapy would only be 1 day a week what honestly always bothered me because I really needed and felt I should of been able to have more than one session a week but unfortunately this isn't how it was same with when I had phone call therapy CBT my therapist always asked me before our session ended if I had any questions or anything I wanted to share that I didn't already seems therapy is short term in the uk but yes the good side is we don't have to pay for it just honestly wanted to add that I felt 1 therapy session a week wasn't helpful or enough it felt exusting letting everything out 1 day a week then feeling stressed and overwhelmed the rest of the week please comment if you have felt the same about therapy ❤❤
What about PSPTSD? Parochial School PTSD is a real thing. Nuns still haunt my memory to this day. No lie.
Does it really need a special name? Any form of ptsd is valid. You dont have to have a special disease to be worthy of help.
My Mom went through that. The Nuns were extremely hard on her because she only spoke Spanish. They had just moved to America when she was two years old. 😞😢 I’m sorry you experienced that.
I can’t even imagine what that could be like. I grew up in CCD and all that, but homeschooled.
Hi Kati. Can a nurse develop ptsd/cptsd over time dealing with sick or dying patients?
13:50 ruminating
I'm so sorry to hear your folks......
(Long gone - I'm sorry if you're crying right now I feel terrible...😭)
Hello Kati, How do I deal with having diabetes and emotional eating?
I am going through a shift with my cPTSD because I’m moved back home. It’s just worn me out. Now I wonder what the future can look like after this.
Do you have any recommendations on a childhood trauma therapist in Nashville, Tennessee? I haven't been able to get a suggestion from someone?
It’s interesting to say this, but I had a trigger watching this and wonder if there’s a question in there: I had been misdiagnosed BPD for some time before having health validation and surgery. I wonder if there’s a certain type of trauma treatment that can better help with the “health trauma” part? After the DRs realized it was health related I was diagnosed cPTSD 3x in a row.
kwani hukunipna mikipena cjalila kwa lunguru
❤❤❤
Let's sue the narcs and their enablers for causing our brain damage.
Antidepressants caused my brain damage
Hey Kati, really nice video ! I was wondering if I could help you with Best Quality Editing in your videos better than your Editor with good pricing and also make a highly engaging Thumbnail which will help your videos to reach to a wider audience ? Pls let me know what do you think ?
Listen I'm real sorry 😞
Question 6 - Get out. Leave. He doesn't genuinely care about you, you deserve better. X
Sorry, I know it's blunt, leaving immediately is not that easy, or straight forward.. life is complex.
This is nothing more than an unqualified IMO comment, but men like this really p*ss me off.
When I work past my instant emotional reactivity (I have my own issues) I'm not entirely without empathy, and I would guess he was very likely bullied himself.
mufanye 5() mpakmwisho z400 (/mwisho sawa qoin
Kati I got a question my sisters trying to potty train her baby that she needed to put on a toilet a year or more ago
He used to cry to use the bathroom I was the only one who understood him
Hes 2 now and because others like my stoopid mom go in with him he cries to the point where he went backwards and much rather pee himself
My sister might think I made up toilet trauma but I know hes dealing with it because last I heard he stopped asking to use the bathroom at daycare because my moreonic sister asked the teacher or somebody at the school to go into the bathroom with him and pretty much watch him the way my sister and mom watch him
My mom lies and twists what he says but I understood him since around 3 month old or younger and I want 0 to do with him but with how much they neglected him and caused him trauma already I needed to somewhat step in because I am sick of him crying
(Reason like 881 of why I kicked my sister out of my life)
More alphabets in my vegetable soup.