“Just hook up with girls you really like.” I actually agree with the things you said, but most guys aren’t yet at the point at which they’re able to be choosy.
I really don’t think this matters. Even if your not in a position to be choosy and your a virgin and your over 25 (like me). Like what this guy says in a video, if your able to score sex with a girl and she is someone for whatever reason is NOT someone you like, maybe she doesn’t have anything in common with you, maybe she’s not the best looking girl on the planet, maybe she was a total b*tch to you. If you can somehow make that happen the sex will 9 times out of 10 NEVER be good. Better to save myself for someone I actually LIKE and I appreciate vs trying to make it happen with someone I don’t even like or appreciate at all. I’m generally not a big bible guy and I’m not interested in saving it for marriage but I’ll save it for someone I like and appreciate being around.
And with that mindset they will never be at "that point" as they are choosing to be needy and desperate. This is a great video in that it's explaining the benefits of taking the focus away from conquests and shifting it to having great experiences with females that you resonate with. Make this the focus and in the long run you'll have many amazing experiences.
Exactly and with women’s standards rising for example, I’m in high school I ask my friend to help me hook up my other friend with a girl. He asked is he attractive because they expect attractive men, I asked, are they attractive? And that the most they’re just regular😂😂
I'd hook up casual sex 15 years ago tell u something it doesn't work it's a waste of time it's the same repeat cycle no one man or woman wins learn from someone who's been there done that
This is the best dating advice i've ever had. You described my past dating life perfectly. I was constantly in that cycle. Thats why I dating wasnt fun for me anymore. I kept searching for that better sex, until I got depressed. From now on I will print this golden advice into my system and im going try my best to experience a real natural connection with a woman. Thank you so much!
As a sexuality coach, I absolutely LOVE what you are saying about casual sex and making it less “casual” and more of a connection with someone you appreciate. That brings so much more meaning, healing and presence into the exchange for both individuals. We are all wired for connection and while men and women are wired differently especially how we initially connect, the art of intimacy and connection will still take us to the same beautiful place if we are in alignment with each other, as well as our own authentic human nature and personal preferences. I wish more men understood what you are sharing here for their own growth and life-enrichment AND for the enrichment and nourishment of the women they pursue for sex or anything else. We love sex too but it has become a painful experience for many women who don’t feel appreciated during sex. Women hear some flattering words and some big talk and we think this experience is going to be something to remember, but often men who aren’t interested in anything but getting off deliver the most lame and unsatisfying experiences. I have literally found myself so frustrated I wanted to throat punch ( not really but kinda 😆) some dudes because they gave me the most empty and disconnected (not to mention short) experience compared to the big talk they recited prior. I have since learned that if there is no connection, I could have much more fun pleasuring and entertaining myself and I live by that now. Both men and women have lots of wounding around all the judgments and shame that has been thrown at our sexuality in different ways. If we could bring more connection and acceptance into some of these situations that have caused us pain or that our culture has called taboo, we can truly transcend so much of the hostility, and mistrust that has wedged itself between the sexes for far too long. Thanks for being on the planet!
So are you saying casual sex is meaningful? It's funny that basic human biology appears to be missed. If you are implying casual sex is good for women then you are merely using confounding terms that apply to meaningful exchanges as opposed to casual sex.
@@MB-ke9mi I think you're using circular reasoning here. The point of this conversation is to - change - the cultural situation with casual sex. Pointing out that it's generally not well regarded already, is just stating the obvious as a dismissal of the premise of the discussion, so it doesn't stand up logically. You don't go to a flugtag and state that no one's ever invented a successful flying machine and therefore no one ever will... Not that that stopped people doing it haha... Also the straw man. We're talking about a relationships subculture. The notion that we're here discussing this as a means of trying to find a way to replace long term relationships with hookup culture is ridiculous. Although to be fair, there'd no doubt be people here with that intention in mind, but it's not a viable outcome, so is irrelevant. The productive outcome of the topic is to improve the casual sex relationships subculture.
I know this may sound as an exaggeration, but as a struggling single man in his 30’s I sometimes can get confused about what the real important aspect to dating is, and your real life experience confirms That intimacy is the key, thank you! Much love and appreciation for this video! 🙏
Its amazing to me as a woman in midlife that this concept is new and exciting for young people. Sex is always better with someone you have an emotional connection with!! That’s the entire purpose of the sexual experience!! It’s not about notch count. Notch count is so boring.
For many reasons this is always more obvious to women - I think it's related to abundance... Many men feel like sex is just so hard to get that they get focussed on any kind of sex possible... It's only when men reach a point where they feel they have sexual options and sex isn't so scarce that they usually come around to the idea that sex can be so much more than just a random largely unfulilling act between strangers.
@@SchoolOfAttraction So true, if they get nearly none, they will take whatever they get. Otherwise they get completely depressed. And for most man it´s fu..... hard to get lucky
That's because things have changed a lot in the past 10-15 years. Now, the fastest way to turn a girl OFF is to let her know that you like her or to try and build an emotional connection. Whereas the best way to get a girl into bed is to act like you don't care and don't like her. For guys like myself who were raised to be a classical romantic, it's rough.
I don't want casual sex. I want something more profound and stimulating. These days I genuinely get put off by hot women if they're stupid and fall for less attractive (though never ugly) women if they have an interest in the same things as me; travel and adventure rather than shit nights at the club etc.
When I stopped approaching girls that were kinda attractive and focussed on women I found super attractive and interesting, things got easier. My desire and excitement shows and women respond well to it. Approaches for the sake of approaching suck, are boring and don’t go anywhere - I’m often relieved when they say they have a boyfriend because I can get the fuck out of there without being rude.
@ageofbogyo im not arguing any of that. im just adding that many women say they're taken when in reality they're rejecting u cause they wana be taken by some1 better looking, but they dont admit it. most hot girls are already taken though. i know that too.
@ageofbogyo That's why you improve yourself, so you can find a hot attractive woman in her early stages. You may be pushing 40 by the time you got your shit together, but the girls in their 20s will still be available to you.
@@EverythingLvl what? No. Female SMV is not monetary at all. It revolves around their youth, fertility, and perceived beauty. And they are naturally attracted to people with confidence, experience, influence, and resources. Self-improvement helps men attain those things, which are unaffected by age, unlike female beauty and fertility. So yeah. Even if it takes you 20 years to improve yourself, your SMV will be higher than your female counterpart, AND younger, high-value women will still be available to you. It sounds creepy, but anyone's future wife/gf may still be in grade school as we speak, but you won't be meeting them for another 20 years. So no sweat.
Not gonna lie when I read the title I was like “oh boy here go...” but what you say is what’s desperately needed in the PUA scene. I’ve actually just gotten into the phase of only connecting to women that not only I like but actually reflect what I’m putting in. It’s way less stressful and far more rewarding. Best thing is that you feel like you’re not wasting your time and energy.
Sure, but how often do you find a girl that you're interested in who's actually interested in you as well and reciprocates your energy? It's exceedingly rare and you're still spending a lot of time and energy talking to all the girls who aren't in that category because it takes time to figure out if they're interested or not.
What you say is true, but not just for men looking at Casual Sex relationships, but also for those looking for a long term relationship. The approach you take and the mindset you develop is very important. When I was single, I befriended women without any expectations, if anything developed between me and a woman, well and good; and I found it to be a much greater and rewarding experience than just focusing on sexual gratification.
Wow, this is what I'm feeling right now. I just enjoy flirting and honestly, I don't really care about sex. I don't care where it leads cause I'm just having fun with the tension. It's kind of funny cause now I get hit on by girls. Once you get so freaking good at women will appreciate you making them feel sexy. So many men have it wrong about how to flirt with girls. It isn't through compliments or any weird sexual statements. It's through the eyes and saying whatever the hell you want.
This from a guy who was apparently swamped with women, and had merely to focus on the ones he really liked. In real life, huge numbers of men would be overjoyed to find ANY woman, and have not had so many women available that they could begin to pick and choose and focus.
I was starting to pick up on this myself. I started to feel this urge to just constantly get laid. But it all felt so meh. But at the same time I don't really enjoy anyone's company so🤷♂️
So the big take away is to treat women like they are human beings with thoughts and feelings instead of a possible sperm depository and you'll find that they will appreciate it and will reciprocate it. This shouldn't be a revelation; It should be common knowledge. The tragedy of it is, that it is not common knowledge. I'm glad he made this video, I hope it get a lot more views.
IT really is disturbing that this isn't 'common sense' isni't it? That's made all the more abundantly clear when you read a lot of the comments. It's sad, but I find this cultural phenomenon of disconnect from basic knowledge about human interaction quite an interesting facet of modern life.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Well from what I gather, that's what most of the guys attracted to channels like this initially did. That's at least my story. I was 100% actually interested in getting to know them. Like what they really felt and what mattered to them. And they told me. I had *sooo* many girl friends that would gladly dump their feelings on me and use me as an emotional dumpster. And when they felt better moved on and fucked the next douchebag so they could get hurt again, because sure I would stick around and listen and help them. Sure I would help build them build up. So learned that just being a good friend doesn't work for attracting your partner. Kinda obvious but - that's literally what the women I asked told me to do. And they would of course not fail to mention that I was what every girl could just dream of and whatnot. So later I learned to be more upfront, direct and early with my intentions. But then I would get dumped or abused or whatever. Also you notice this pattern of the more I'm actually interested, the less likely this goes well. But you still want sex and affection so ... You just run with what at least sometimes kinda half-assed worked. TLDR: >>So the big take away is to treat women like they are human beings with thoughts and feelings instead of a possible sperm depository and you'll find that they will appreciate it and will reciprocate it.
It sounds like men and women kind of want the same thing. I like how you said that the experience could be "nourishing" and it should be. Very important insight.
Woman here! Totally agree with the attitude being a pressure rather than sexism (although the emotional ramifications of this pressure end up in sexist attitudes... that suck for both sexes). I think the best show ever in television to depict this is Beavis And Butthead, the whole theme revolves around the issue graciously.
This advice is golden. Thanks. Win, win. I think you said it absolutely perfectly. Enjoy each and every moment, seek and find what you like about each and every woman you like. Love her like no other.
Yes, I find I also have to be more careful in this arena too - You become a much better option for hre as a potential long term partner. But I have had success by being clear about my position in a way that isn't abraisive - and gently reminding her time t time.
SchoolOfAttraction exactly. I never understood why honestly should seem like unusual behavior. Everyone is looking for something specific to their needs. Why would we want to waste each other's time? When I was single I dated off of Match.com with wonderful success. I met people, including my wife, that I would never have met. It also allowed me to slow things down and screen out crazy, wrong intent, and incompatibility.
You're 100% right about this. It's always been my experience. I haven't gotten into hookup culture very much yet. But this approach is what you need for a long term relationship as well, it's just that we also have a certain proportion of the female population (albeit small), who are looking for casual relationships. The main problem is that hookup culture is, and always will be "a sausagefest". But if you're better looking than other guys, and have more impressive in attributes relating to women's primitive psychological drive for seeking security (money, height, muscles, confidence, etc, general prowess indicative of a "strong man/ real man/ macho man"), and ok with regularly sleeping with women well below your optimal match, then you can get some success in this area. Generally the dating scene is a dark, desperate, Machiavellian, shit hole of a life scene though. So you need to be prepared to be up for that in order to get what you want. Myself, I'm one of those people who tends to be fascinated by complex morbid topics, so it's natural. But most people aren't like that :OP
More or less agreed. That's the problem with online dating like Tinder etc, even successfully getting laid doesn't leave you feeling fully rewarded. But time with a high quality women that you met naturally does.
i suspect some of these "dating coaches" may even be virgins......is it all smoke and mirrors, illusion and self deception......the sexual version of "the emporers new clothes" ......in the meantime women are becoming more and more selfish and demanding - and the number of genuinely "successful" men shrinks and shrinks... .
lol its so eye opening to see this video on what to me is strait up common sense and how many people seem to actually feel like this is groundbreaking. I’m not trying to bash the video, but if you asked Any woman why casual sex is unsatisfying, they could tell you all of this in one sentence. Obviously you aren’t satisfied and feel dirty if you have no emotional connection, like, duh. Sex has been sacred since the beginning of time. Denial of that by entire cultures doesn’t change that fact. You can’t dishonor something sacred and get an emotional payoff. I never understood how everyone seems so clueless on that.
Yep - There are a number of things which are so obvious to one gender, they can't even comprehend why the other side doesn't get it. We need some kind of sex education in schools that isn't just about STD's...
@@SchoolOfAttraction : on line dating was created amongst other reasons, so men closed down their Hearts and emotions, creating a larger disconnect between men and women. Porn created moreso for men, as a money-making machine to further play on men's biology and further increasing the disconnect and loss of Heart-connection between men and women. Then creating sexual performance issues for men if they actually do get with a woman in real life. Internet dating and porn have sabotaged and ruined so much, no wonder there are so many lonely people seeking Love.
This doesnt' have to be the case... You can have some very close, intimate, emotionally rewarding FWB situations where it's not just about sex. At the end of a long week you come together, have a nice meal together, have some good wine - theres cuddling, sex, talking about your struggles - then back to life as usual. For many this can fill a critical gap when we're single and don't want to be desperate to find a partner and partner with the wrong person.
I broke up with my last girlfriend because of this, we were all the time thinking about getting laid and never about talking or meeting each other. I don't like it and I had to broke up, that's the natural way for me
You are talking about intimate relationship sex and not casual sex. There is a reason why both men and women don't feel good after casual sex, that is because it is not good! It is an instinctive feeling we have and we should listen to it. I only share this very private energy, this divine life-giving force, very selectively only with Girls I really really like and actually plan to have a relationship with. That is when you have amazing sex, but that is not casual sex! You should change your title.
I want to be intimate and get to know women before having sex with them. Listening, connecting, and getting to know them I have down. But I'm ugly, most of the time when I'm flirting online the moment the girl sees my face she steps away. And in person I'm not even able to get started, my face is such a turnoff.
The worst is when you do all of this by going out and approaching girls with the mindset of "do I actually like you?" rather than desperately trying to get laid, get the vastly better interactions and various IOI's, but in the end, get no increase in actual interest and still spend every night alone. It's like, I did everything right and am getting the reactions to prove it, but still aren't getting the results I want.
Men and women may want the same thing but with very different priorities. Without connection, sex becomes a rather shallow act. Even men will feel that void over some time, if they are honest with their own emotions.
Makes some good points especially the one about only flirting with girls you actually like as people...having said that not all women need emotional intimacy in every sexual encounter, this is also part of the masculinist myth that women are always weaker, more vulnerable, etc. than men; some of them are sometimes just DTF and it's not wrong to say that.
It's intersting, I haer people say this... I've been quite prolific in the number of women I've slept with, especially in my 20s - and only ever had one STD that could be cured by a quick course of antibiotics. I always wore protection - But I mean statistically, it isn't like my life has been swimming in disease. But some people seem to think it's this huge scary world - It's just not... Not unless you just never use protection ever.
@@SchoolOfAttraction you are an exception to the rule but the fact that you even had one STD is too many. If you didn’t hook up with anyone casually you wouldn’t have ever even had the one. Now let’s take your argument a step further. What if you only got one STD but it was an incurable one such as HIV or Herpes? You see how my argument actually makes sense.
@@SchoolOfAttraction also sex was never meant to be a casual encounter. We humans aren’t like animals. We can put some forethought into it as far as what the consequences of sex are. Animals operate on instinct and no deep thoughts. We were meant to either have sex with our spouses or possibly a long term partner where both parties are monogamous and loyal to one another. This means no unwanted diseases, dna or risks are introduced in that relationship. The issue today is you’re hooking up with random folks and the person that is hooking up with you is doing the same. Basically a giant orgy.
Well I can see the logic of what you're saying, but I don't think that's necessarily a functional way to live... For example, if you thought driving cars was a bad idea, and I said "I've been driving a lot for 23 and only had 3 accidents, none of which landed me in hospital" Then you could say "Yeah but imagine if just ONE of those paralysed you for life or left you brain dead? Surely it's not worth the risk" To that I'd say "yes, to me it is, because life is about measured risks - and we all have to assess our own appropriate level of risk - Driving is a way to make living much better, and the very small risk of being harmed in a vehicle accident is worth it to me. As to your point about sex not meant to be a casual encounter... I'm not at all convinced about this... The human genome going back as far as we can possibly work out appears to be full of infidelity (extramarital casual encounters) - 80% of all monogamous animals actually cheat on each other casually - humans are just animals too as far as I'm concerned - There's good evidence to support the notion that humans did grow up at times being promiscuous and at times being conservative depending on the safety of our environments at that point in time - similar to other primates. HOWEVER we don't really have definitive proof either way about how we evolved sexually, just good quality guesses based on some basic evidence. But it's certainly not a certain thing that humans didn't evolve for casual sex.
how do you make friends? I (i am a male) was home schooled until the start of college and never had any guy friends only girl friends i’ve met from tinder but those never really last longer than a couple months. just don’t know how to make the relationship/friendship more concrete
join a social sports league, easiest way to meet new people and have fun at the same time. And if you find other dudes you click with, then you organically will end up hanging out with them outside of league time
The release is def the best feeling part lol but then it’s over so you gotta realize it’s all about the build up to that with exciting flirting and then the foreplay
I don't even get the point why you would sleep with women you would not want to be in a relationship with in the first place. From my experience sleeping with women you do not really like is an act of desperation. And as he said it's not even that fun.
Sexual attraction is not equivalent to wanting a relationship. I wouldn't say sleeping with chicks you don't like is an act of desperation, but I will say that going through the process of finding out you genuinely like a chick just to find out she doesn't want to fuck you just makes the game harder. Why try to vibe with a chick who doesn't find you that way? It's not efficient. I think being a player and only offering dick, and only then after she fucks seeing if you like her, is more efficient. Less emotional, time clutter.
As a woman this is 💯 spot on! Especially the part about the sex being the icing on the top for women. We are looking for the intimacy and sensual attention first and foremost. We are looking for the mind fuck.
@@SchoolOfAttraction : Yes, I wish men would. Intellect and mind connection of 'feeling' someone and how they 'tick,' all adds to the true depth of intimacy and vulnerability. Really getting close through conversation and genuine interest - which we can 'feel,' because women know if a man is being genuine in wanting to know us, is interested, or just going through the motions in the hope he'll get sex. The 'mind-f*ck' interest for women effortlessly leads to physical connection, touch and intimacy, s*x. Yet so many men just don't 'get' this aspect and angle at all, sadly.
in my experience that is BS my female friends that got solid partners and lifes all ended up cheating for hot sex i also worked security for nearly 20 years and watched married females hunt for boys ! i watched nervous young men struggle and older blokes who dont give a fuck smash box everyweekend lol yer their is for sure some mind fucking going on and its the bad kind!
I kinda realized this thing about myself alone. Unfortunately after that works and we actually do have a connection and it works great, my fear of abandonment kicks in. And then I get needy and fuck it up what was a great thing for both.
Great Vid (even though the title was somewhat cringy). One major upshot of this mindset is that it makes you tons less needy. If you are not just going out trying to "take" sex from random women. But instead qualify them and see if they really have what you want (i.e. if you really like them) you automatically come from a real position of choosing (and not the fake one that is taught in classic pick up either.)
You're right. And this is a part of why some European and Latino men are often sought after by women. They flirt for the enjoyment of flirting, without necessarily expecting an outcome. This in itself is a worthwhile goal, and about as far as a guy should go with most Western women. In reality, today, most Western women aren't worth dating or relationships. They just have little to offer of what men are traditionally looking for. But, for the experience and the social skills, flirting without expectation is great, and if you happen to find that unicorn, your skills will be on point. It's also an important skill to have to maintain and LTR.
Yeaaah.... The challenge is maintaining your single status whilst doing this. This is basically how all my situationships happened. Spoiler alert, they don't end well
Yes - Well the key is to have strong boundaries for yourself too - All my relationships started this way - but for me it was a very conscious decision. I'd have lots of women I'd be seeing casually and one day, I start casually seeing a woman that really is head and shoulders better than the others . For me she's a really standout woman worth considering dating, so I take the step.
Oddly, since making this video, and after enjoying quite a lot of casual sex in my life for 17 years, I now can't enjoy sex without the connection at all either :)
Thats very true! The problem is if you don't really attract a lot of those girls where you just think to yourself "woow, she is gorgous!", despite being good looking and on your purpose and talking to hundreds and thousands of girls consistently.
This is great and definitely would improve the lackluster sex that my partner and I have been having but serious question. How do you do this in a way that does not lead a woman to become attached? Is it inevitable and just a strict shelf life expiration date should be implemented? Like “only 3 times or only for 3 months?”
It's not 100% but it's maybe 90% of the time, one of the two of you will get attached. Very hard to avoid in the very long term. But when I play it the way I do, nobody gets hurt, at a certain point, the woman will say "I've really enjoyed this together, but I realise I'm starting to get attached so I want to take some distance right now" , and I say "Okay, I respect that, I hope you find what you're looking for" - and we part ways. No hard feelings, no heartbreak etc.
SchoolOfAttraction honesty and forthright communication helps. We also implemented a policy of letting the fwb know about our relationship by the second hookup. Knowing that tends to shut down her ideas of a real future and keep those feelings casual. The problem is the sex stays surface and stale and gets old fast. I guess it’s a catch 22 situation. I have an easier time being friends with women I hook up with (and have better sex with them,) than my husband does. Women (even the ones who want NSA,)aren’t as cool with his situation for some reason. Thankfully the best sex on the planet is still with each other.
Yeah but...they are so boring and self focused...and most so insufferable - it is definitely a chore. (That said guys are largely to blame for allowing them to get away with it in the market) How do you form intimacy without trust?
since passport is free now, if i set my location to a different area and get a lot of matches, will my ELO score increase this way, so when I set it back to my currently location, my ELO score will be increased?
@@SchoolOfAttraction how about if i start matching with people that have liked me first but that are from other countries because they are using passport. If i start talking to them, not sure if there is any anecdoteral experiences, but would my visibility increase this way?
By the way, believe it or not, I actually landed on this video because I'm looking for just straight male friends who might be interested in learning Spanish and moving to Ireland and Spain with us. I´m married now so, I´m done with all the humping and pumping romps with straight guys but, I miss your friendship and natural masculinity intensely. Plus, I need your friendship to feel safe in life. And, I´m a fucking amazing and fantastic naturally masculine friend to have.
But it doesn’t always go as planned. All it takes is for one person to give one ounce of a fuck about the other person, because they are confusing their gratification of penetration/being penetrated confusing lust for love because it feels good to them. That’s why I always tell ppl that if you gonna have casual sex with someone then you need establish a clear understanding that it’s strictly business with no strings attached. If that person starts to get feelings then that’s on them....
So when you were young you would sleep with girls you didn't like, jeez. I thought we all new that you are supposed to sleep with girls who you are not attracted to by her appearance by actually have something you like about her. But damn I'm glad you figured it out.
Well yeah it should be common sense right? But for myself and a huge number of guys, that just isn't how they approach trying to get better with women.
I never enjoy casual hook ups but I can never seem to attract girls who I am actually really even attracted to so I just take what I can get which is why I am never satisfied.
Life is great when you are good/average looking. The buzz of walking into a place, cafe, bar, or even supermarket, and women of all ages give you a pleasant smile. Sometimes my friends ask how I do it 😂😂
Kind of a no brainier. Why would someone have sex with a person they aren't attracted to and expect to be fully fulfilled. However, good video and well presented.
Well it should be obvious :P But I think the key isn't to say 'attracted to' because she can be hot, but be really crappy and boring to talk to. And guys get so much pressure to just sleep with the hottest women they can, that they forget to think about whether they like anything else about her.
You need to learn. I had sex 2 times with women whom I was not atracted to, before just starting to have sex with women who I felt atraction. But even that doesnt fullfill the void left on the day after.
You forgot to tell them that despite connecting to women, sometimes sex wouldn't still happen, they are satisfied because of their nature, you aren't. They could still get sex with another person and not you despite you playing the games their own way, you can't get sex that easy. Going about it using female standards will still not get you the best results unless your aim is marriage. That's why some men sleep with prostitutes.
Work the problem backwards and you can get in any woman's pants! She wants emotional connection You want a physical connection. Once you provide the value she needs she'll give you the commodity you want.
Oh wow, i so much crave for that, but actually in recent years (i am over 45) i have almost exklusively met women who were just the other way around, the just wanted to be fxxxxd, told me they dont want intimacy in casual sex, "you dont always need to have sex with a soul connection", my last girlfriend told me that she asked around in her friend circle and it was the females who said they can totally seperate that, just have sex while it was the men who said they would at least have to be a little in love for that night.
@Flann sixtyseven - the internet and world in general has unfortunately changed the mind-set of many younger women, and some more mature. Many act like men and treat sex as sport. Women are women - we should enjoy sex, yes, but also engage our emotions as that is what we are best at. Sex without an emotional connection is just empty and meaningless. The mind, body and Heart disconnected. Generations of men 'sowing their seeds,' whereas women had to be more selective re a mate and potential off-spring.
I mean you could call it ethical non-monogamy.... A relationship suggests more of a obligation to each other.. in a relationship you actively work hard to keep things going even when they get tough for example... At least harder than you would in an emoti8onally conenected casual sex arrangement. Also in a casual sex arrangement, people grow out of them, or find someone to date long term - this doesn't happen in a relationship. Lots of little differences like this...
What works the most is allowing women stick to what they want and sticking to what you want, the great experience is the compromise, the middle ground. When you get to that point where women want to keep you with sex, and you want to get more sex by treating them right, things are easier. That has always been the way until things fell apart. Having a great time with a woman will never mean she'll want to have sex with you until you make it known.. Meaning we are different and we're only reaching for the middle ground, which will never be initiated by women since they have more options in the dating world.
Hey brother thanks for your wonderful insight, I know how you feel. Been there, yes it was always better if I found something I really liked about a girl. I was just thinking about this yesterday and how it feels like I have lost my Mojo but what does this really mean? I think you hit the nail on the head, I have dated and been out with a lot of women over my nearly 50 years and when I look back at what you’re saying is true. If I found something that I really liked about the girl it always went much smoother. thanks brother how’s Queensland going when you coming back to Bali there is a game of werewolf going on in Ubud right now.
So, are these experiences mostly picking up women in a bar & with alcohol being a part of it? I'm just curious. I am not a drinker, I used to, but my pancreas won't let me. I CAN'T really party or anything, so picking up women in bars is not easy for me.
@SchoolOfAttraction Thank you for your reply. That's good to hear. But I asked about the women you've met & where!! Is it just when you're out & about, or do you go to bars or clubs? Once again, I'm just curious!! Thank you again!!
Myself personally, most of the time I pick up women in bars and clubs - less than 50% of those are intoxicated in any way that's at all noticeable - I don't really like drunk women, so tipsy is about as far as I can handle. Not all women you meet in these locations are drunk - most are just out to hang out with friends.
@SchoolOfAttraction Cool!! Thank you for your reply. That sounds reasonable. I wouldn't want to pick up a woman who's a mess at a club, either. But that info DOES help me OUT!! To look for women going out with friends, maybe have a drink or 2, but not to get wrecked. So I thank you again. Be well & stay happy!! Peace!!
Do you know how few animals in the animal kingdom are monogamous? Like... even birds and other pair bonding animals usually filander on each other frequently.
So humans are just animals So that makes things easy Do what you want Follow no rules Don’t get married Don’t have kids Life without god or a higher power Sounds like most people today Most people sleep around until they get tired of it or fall in love If you really don’t believe in god you don’t have to follow your conscience live for today The only problem with that if there is a god and he sent his son Jesus to save you from your sins and you don’t accept him you will spend eternity in Hell You will be judged and god will want to know why you didn’t believe? If there is no god you are all good Just die and get buried
“Just hook up with girls you really like.” I actually agree with the things you said, but most guys aren’t yet at the point at which they’re able to be choosy.
I really don’t think this matters. Even if your not in a position to be choosy and your a virgin and your over 25 (like me). Like what this guy says in a video, if your able to score sex with a girl and she is someone for whatever reason is NOT someone you like, maybe she doesn’t have anything in common with you, maybe she’s not the best looking girl on the planet, maybe she was a total b*tch to you. If you can somehow make that happen the sex will 9 times out of 10 NEVER be good. Better to save myself for someone I actually LIKE and I appreciate vs trying to make it happen with someone I don’t even like or appreciate at all. I’m generally not a big bible guy and I’m not interested in saving it for marriage but I’ll save it for someone I like and appreciate being around.
And with that mindset they will never be at "that point" as they are choosing to be needy and desperate.
This is a great video in that it's explaining the benefits of taking the focus away from conquests and shifting it to having great experiences with females that you resonate with. Make this the focus and in the long run you'll have many amazing experiences.
Exactly and with women’s standards rising for example, I’m in high school I ask my friend to help me hook up my other friend with a girl. He asked is he attractive because they expect attractive men, I asked, are they attractive? And that the most they’re just regular😂😂
I'd hook up casual sex 15 years ago tell u something it doesn't work it's a waste of time it's the same repeat cycle no one man or woman wins learn from someone who's been there done that
men have starndards too.be choosy.otherwise you wont be respected@@Mptappin12
This is the best dating advice i've ever had. You described my past dating life perfectly. I was constantly in that cycle. Thats why I dating wasnt fun for me anymore. I kept searching for that better sex, until I got depressed. From now on I will print this golden advice into my system and im going try my best to experience a real natural connection with a woman. Thank you so much!
As a sexuality coach, I absolutely LOVE what you are saying about casual sex and making it less “casual” and more of a connection with someone you appreciate. That brings so much more meaning, healing and presence into the exchange for both individuals. We are all wired for connection and while men and women are wired differently especially how we initially connect, the art of intimacy and connection will still take us to the same beautiful place if we are in alignment with each other, as well as our own authentic human nature and personal preferences. I wish more men understood what you are sharing here for their own growth and life-enrichment AND for the enrichment and nourishment of the women they pursue for sex or anything else. We love sex too but it has become a painful experience for many women who don’t feel appreciated during sex. Women hear some flattering words and some big talk and we think this experience is going to be something to remember, but often men who aren’t interested in anything but getting off deliver the most lame and unsatisfying experiences. I have literally found myself so frustrated I wanted to throat punch ( not really but kinda 😆) some dudes because they gave me the most empty and disconnected (not to mention short) experience compared to the big talk they recited prior. I have since learned that if there is no connection, I could have much more fun pleasuring and entertaining myself and I live by that now. Both men and women have lots of wounding around all the judgments and shame that has been thrown at our sexuality in different ways. If we could bring more connection and acceptance into some of these situations that have caused us pain or that our culture has called taboo, we can truly transcend so much of the hostility, and mistrust that has wedged itself between the sexes for far too long.
Thanks for being on the planet!
Thank you so much for the supportive words!
So are you saying casual sex is meaningful? It's funny that basic human biology appears to be missed. If you are implying casual sex is good for women then you are merely using confounding terms that apply to meaningful exchanges as opposed to casual sex.
Well said KD. Glad to hear this.
@@MB-ke9mi I think you're using circular reasoning here. The point of this conversation is to - change - the cultural situation with casual sex. Pointing out that it's generally not well regarded already, is just stating the obvious as a dismissal of the premise of the discussion, so it doesn't stand up logically.
You don't go to a flugtag and state that no one's ever invented a successful flying machine and therefore no one ever will... Not that that stopped people doing it haha...
Also the straw man. We're talking about a relationships subculture. The notion that we're here discussing this as a means of trying to find a way to replace long term relationships with hookup culture is ridiculous. Although to be fair, there'd no doubt be people here with that intention in mind, but it's not a viable outcome, so is irrelevant. The productive outcome of the topic is to improve the casual sex relationships subculture.
@ KD King - I agree with all you have said!
I know this may sound as an exaggeration, but as a struggling single man in his 30’s I sometimes can get confused about what the real important aspect to dating is, and your real life experience confirms That intimacy is the key, thank you! Much love and appreciation for this video! 🙏
Thanks Jelly!
Its amazing to me as a woman in midlife that this concept is new and exciting for young people. Sex is always better with someone you have an emotional connection with!! That’s the entire purpose of the sexual experience!! It’s not about notch count. Notch count is so boring.
For many reasons this is always more obvious to women - I think it's related to abundance... Many men feel like sex is just so hard to get that they get focussed on any kind of sex possible... It's only when men reach a point where they feel they have sexual options and sex isn't so scarce that they usually come around to the idea that sex can be so much more than just a random largely unfulilling act between strangers.
@@SchoolOfAttraction So true, if they get nearly none, they will take whatever they get. Otherwise they get completely depressed. And for most man it´s fu..... hard to get lucky
That's because things have changed a lot in the past 10-15 years. Now, the fastest way to turn a girl OFF is to let her know that you like her or to try and build an emotional connection. Whereas the best way to get a girl into bed is to act like you don't care and don't like her. For guys like myself who were raised to be a classical romantic, it's rough.
I don't want casual sex. I want something more profound and stimulating.
These days I genuinely get put off by hot women if they're stupid and fall for less attractive (though never ugly) women if they have an interest in the same things as me; travel and adventure rather than shit nights at the club etc.
This video is the missing link, thanks for sharing 💯
You're welcome!
When I stopped approaching girls that were kinda attractive and focussed on women I found super attractive and interesting, things got easier. My desire and excitement shows and women respond well to it. Approaches for the sake of approaching suck, are boring and don’t go anywhere - I’m often relieved when they say they have a boyfriend because I can get the fuck out of there without being rude.
@ageofbogyo yea. n sometimes they say theyre taken cause youre not attractive enough for them.
sub me for future videos on the modern dating game.
You only can chase super attractive women if you are a least a bit attractive yourself, or at least I think that.
@ageofbogyo im not arguing any of that. im just adding that many women say they're taken when in reality they're rejecting u cause they wana be taken by some1 better looking, but they dont admit it.
most hot girls are already taken though. i know that too.
@ageofbogyo That's why you improve yourself, so you can find a hot attractive woman in her early stages. You may be pushing 40 by the time you got your shit together, but the girls in their 20s will still be available to you.
@@EverythingLvl what? No. Female SMV is not monetary at all. It revolves around their youth, fertility, and perceived beauty. And they are naturally attracted to people with confidence, experience, influence, and resources. Self-improvement helps men attain those things, which are unaffected by age, unlike female beauty and fertility.
So yeah. Even if it takes you 20 years to improve yourself, your SMV will be higher than your female counterpart, AND younger, high-value women will still be available to you.
It sounds creepy, but anyone's future wife/gf may still be in grade school as we speak, but you won't be meeting them for another 20 years. So no sweat.
Not gonna lie when I read the title I was like “oh boy here go...” but what you say is what’s desperately needed in the PUA scene.
I’ve actually just gotten into the phase of only connecting to women that not only I like but actually reflect what I’m putting in. It’s way less stressful and far more rewarding. Best thing is that you feel like you’re not wasting your time and energy.
Exactly! And even if it doesn't happen to lead to sex, the whole experience is never a waste of time, it's still enjoyable.
Because you're being authentic. Lack of autheticity is exhausting, when you're playing a role, it's boring.
Sure, but how often do you find a girl that you're interested in who's actually interested in you as well and reciprocates your energy? It's exceedingly rare and you're still spending a lot of time and energy talking to all the girls who aren't in that category because it takes time to figure out if they're interested or not.
What you say is true, but not just for men looking at Casual Sex relationships, but also for those looking for a long term relationship.
The approach you take and the mindset you develop is very important.
When I was single, I befriended women without any expectations, if anything developed between me and a woman, well and good; and I found it to be a much greater and rewarding experience than just focusing on sexual gratification.
It's not something new or something special but it's a thing that we have forgotten.
Wow, this is what I'm feeling right now. I just enjoy flirting and honestly, I don't really care about sex. I don't care where it leads cause I'm just having fun with the tension. It's kind of funny cause now I get hit on by girls. Once you get so freaking good at women will appreciate you making them feel sexy. So many men have it wrong about how to flirt with girls. It isn't through compliments or any weird sexual statements. It's through the eyes and saying whatever the hell you want.
You've mastered the game when you can actually get the one's you really like.
Yeah I'm struggling with the exact same problem. I can get with women. Just not the ones I actually like and am interested in.
This from a guy who was apparently swamped with women, and had merely to focus on the ones he really liked. In real life, huge numbers of men would be overjoyed to find ANY woman, and have not had so many women available that they could begin to pick and choose and focus.
Seriously? You're that desperate that you'd say yes to the first that comes your way?
@@at1the1beginning Of course I wouldn't, and haven't. My point is that I never knew a guy who was swamped with women.
I was starting to pick up on this myself. I started to feel this urge to just constantly get laid. But it all felt so meh.
But at the same time I don't really enjoy anyone's company so🤷♂️
I can totally relate with what you've just said.
I figured that out when I was 18. One random hookup with no connection and no emotions. It was the most depressing feeling after I ever had
True! The best and the most informative video i ever heard and looked. That's how this thing works, definitely! Thank u! 👌🏼👏🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
So the big take away is to treat women like they are human beings with thoughts and feelings instead of a possible sperm depository and you'll find that they will appreciate it and will reciprocate it. This shouldn't be a revelation; It should be common knowledge. The tragedy of it is, that it is not common knowledge. I'm glad he made this video, I hope it get a lot more views.
IT really is disturbing that this isn't 'common sense' isni't it?
That's made all the more abundantly clear when you read a lot of the comments. It's sad, but I find this cultural phenomenon of disconnect from basic knowledge about human interaction quite an interesting facet of modern life.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Well from what I gather, that's what most of the guys attracted to channels like this initially did. That's at least my story. I was 100% actually interested in getting to know them. Like what they really felt and what mattered to them. And they told me. I had *sooo* many girl friends that would gladly dump their feelings on me and use me as an emotional dumpster. And when they felt better moved on and fucked the next douchebag so they could get hurt again, because sure I would stick around and listen and help them. Sure I would help build them build up. So learned that just being a good friend doesn't work for attracting your partner. Kinda obvious but - that's literally what the women I asked told me to do. And they would of course not fail to mention that I was what every girl could just dream of and whatnot. So later I learned to be more upfront, direct and early with my intentions. But then I would get dumped or abused or whatever. Also you notice this pattern of the more I'm actually interested, the less likely this goes well. But you still want sex and affection so ... You just run with what at least sometimes kinda half-assed worked.
TLDR: >>So the big take away is to treat women like they are human beings with thoughts and feelings instead of a possible sperm depository and you'll find that they will appreciate it and will reciprocate it.
Problem is nowadays lots of women think they have a golden egg between their legs
@@robertsmith987 Doesn't seem to be the case in my experience
Agree with you
It sounds like men and women kind of want the same thing. I like how you said that the experience could be "nourishing" and it should be. Very important insight.
Whew! Who would have guessed.
It’s all about the EGO!
Woman here! Totally agree with the attitude being a pressure rather than sexism (although the emotional ramifications of this pressure end up in sexist attitudes... that suck for both sexes). I think the best show ever in television to depict this is Beavis And Butthead, the whole theme revolves around the issue graciously.
Sure
Something I found out In highschool. , it's quality not quantity. You deserve the best - so only go for the best! 👊😎
Great advice and I agree. 👍👍
Thanks man! Great words!
The story of my life from age 16 till I got married at 22. Once sex was over, I had to get out of there
This advice is golden. Thanks. Win, win. I think you said it absolutely perfectly. Enjoy each and every moment, seek and find what you like about each and every woman you like. Love her like no other.
great info this is gold
Glad you enjoyed it
Spot on. The only issue I found was keeping it casual. It's hard to be that connected and at least one person wants to take it 'to the next level".
Yes, I find I also have to be more careful in this arena too - You become a much better option for hre as a potential long term partner. But I have had success by being clear about my position in a way that isn't abraisive - and gently reminding her time t time.
SchoolOfAttraction exactly. I never understood why honestly should seem like unusual behavior. Everyone is looking for something specific to their needs. Why would we want to waste each other's time? When I was single I dated off of Match.com with wonderful success. I met people, including my wife, that I would never have met. It also allowed me to slow things down and screen out crazy, wrong intent, and incompatibility.
Watching what is supposed to be a grown man realize in real time to not see woman as objects and treat them as people is just baffling lol
You're 100% right about this. It's always been my experience. I haven't gotten into hookup culture very much yet. But this approach is what you need for a long term relationship as well, it's just that we also have a certain proportion of the female population (albeit small), who are looking for casual relationships. The main problem is that hookup culture is, and always will be "a sausagefest". But if you're better looking than other guys, and have more impressive in attributes relating to women's primitive psychological drive for seeking security (money, height, muscles, confidence, etc, general prowess indicative of a "strong man/ real man/ macho man"), and ok with regularly sleeping with women well below your optimal match, then you can get some success in this area.
Generally the dating scene is a dark, desperate, Machiavellian, shit hole of a life scene though. So you need to be prepared to be up for that in order to get what you want. Myself, I'm one of those people who tends to be fascinated by complex morbid topics, so it's natural. But most people aren't like that :OP
Very nicely summed up. This is something I instinctively started doing and would bring me good success.
More or less agreed. That's the problem with online dating like Tinder etc, even successfully getting laid doesn't leave you feeling fully rewarded. But time with a high quality women that you met naturally does.
TY for this. You're spot on. I'll buy your book right now. Greets from Portugal.
Great to hear Jose! I hope you get a lot out of it!
great video
Has always amazed me how much these self-proclaimed "dating coaches" really don't know about members of the opposite sex...
i suspect some of these "dating coaches" may even be virgins......is it all smoke and mirrors, illusion and self deception......the sexual version of "the emporers new clothes" ......in the meantime women are becoming more and more selfish and demanding - and the number of genuinely "successful" men shrinks and shrinks... .
.......and I'm convinced that most of the numbers being bandied about on this thread are just plucked out of thin air......
So this guy might be all talk ?
Amateur sexperts are everywhere!
the question is how to connect deeply and emotionally with a woman, in just one night
You know, I think I might make one of my next videos on this exact topic
Definition of an eternity - The time between when you come, and she leaves!
funny
Yes sir!!! What you said from 5:50 to 6:40 is something i've begun to realize from lots of growth and reflection.
Great to hear Tommy!
lol its so eye opening to see this video on what to me is strait up common sense and how many people seem to actually feel like this is groundbreaking. I’m not trying to bash the video, but if you asked Any woman why casual
sex is unsatisfying, they could
tell you all of this in one sentence. Obviously you aren’t satisfied and feel dirty if you have no emotional connection, like, duh. Sex has been sacred since the beginning of time. Denial of that by entire cultures doesn’t change that fact. You can’t dishonor something sacred and get an emotional payoff. I never understood how everyone seems so clueless on that.
Yep - There are a number of things which are so obvious to one gender, they can't even comprehend why the other side doesn't get it. We need some kind of sex education in schools that isn't just about STD's...
@@SchoolOfAttraction : on line dating was created amongst other reasons, so men closed down their Hearts and emotions, creating a larger disconnect between men and women. Porn created moreso for men, as a money-making machine to further play on men's biology and further increasing the disconnect and loss of Heart-connection between men and women. Then creating sexual performance issues for men if they actually do get with a woman in real life. Internet dating and porn have sabotaged and ruined so much, no wonder there are so many lonely people seeking Love.
If you want to be a walking STD, by all means, go ahead.
Finally someone with brains... thank you!
4 minutes in, u still going in circles
To hell with casual sex, it will always be a vacuous experience.
This doesnt' have to be the case... You can have some very close, intimate, emotionally rewarding FWB situations where it's not just about sex. At the end of a long week you come together, have a nice meal together, have some good wine - theres cuddling, sex, talking about your struggles - then back to life as usual. For many this can fill a critical gap when we're single and don't want to be desperate to find a partner and partner with the wrong person.
Dude You're the only guy other than myself that I've heard this perspective from. Thank u so much bro Cheers 🍺
I broke up with my last girlfriend because of this, we were all the time thinking about getting laid and never about talking or meeting each other. I don't like it and I had to broke up, that's the natural way for me
Some men would LOVE to have that "problem" with women - only seeing them exclusively for sex and nothing else! 🤣🤣🤣
I have found this to be true. In my experience the amount or regularity of sex is much less but the quality is huge.
You are talking about intimate relationship sex and not casual sex. There is a reason why both men and women don't feel good after casual sex, that is because it is not good! It is an instinctive feeling we have and we should listen to it. I only share this very private energy, this divine life-giving force, very selectively only with Girls I really really like and actually plan to have a relationship with. That is when you have amazing sex, but that is not casual sex! You should change your title.
I want to be intimate and get to know women before having sex with them. Listening, connecting, and getting to know them I have down. But I'm ugly, most of the time when I'm flirting online the moment the girl sees my face she steps away. And in person I'm not even able to get started, my face is such a turnoff.
The worst is when you do all of this by going out and approaching girls with the mindset of "do I actually like you?" rather than desperately trying to get laid, get the vastly better interactions and various IOI's, but in the end, get no increase in actual interest and still spend every night alone.
It's like, I did everything right and am getting the reactions to prove it, but still aren't getting the results I want.
Great video man
Thank you!
This is Exaclty how I felt. Thanks for sharing
Men and women may want the same thing but with very different priorities. Without connection, sex becomes a rather shallow act. Even men will feel that void over some time, if they are honest with their own emotions.
Makes some good points especially the one about only flirting with girls you actually like as people...having said that not all women need emotional intimacy in every sexual encounter, this is also part of the masculinist myth that women are always weaker, more vulnerable, etc. than men; some of them are sometimes just DTF and it's not wrong to say that.
Love it. You offer good ever so subtle insights to the whole process. It makes common sense. And best of all it is a win win for all of us.
Thanks Chris, I appreicate it mate
Yeah I've talked to people that look awesome but the conversations feel like slamming my head against a hot stove.
OK, what's the 3 sentence summary please?
Missing out on diseases yeah sounds like a losing situation. That’s why STD’s are rampantly because of hook up culture.
It's intersting, I haer people say this... I've been quite prolific in the number of women I've slept with, especially in my 20s - and only ever had one STD that could be cured by a quick course of antibiotics. I always wore protection - But I mean statistically, it isn't like my life has been swimming in disease.
But some people seem to think it's this huge scary world - It's just not... Not unless you just never use protection ever.
@@SchoolOfAttraction you are an exception to the rule but the fact that you even had one STD is too many. If you didn’t hook up with anyone casually you wouldn’t have ever even had the one. Now let’s take your argument a step further. What if you only got one STD but it was an incurable one such as HIV or Herpes? You see how my argument actually makes sense.
@@SchoolOfAttraction also sex was never meant to be a casual encounter. We humans aren’t like animals. We can put some forethought into it as far as what the consequences of sex are. Animals operate on instinct and no deep thoughts. We were meant to either have sex with our spouses or possibly a long term partner where both parties are monogamous and loyal to one another. This means no unwanted diseases, dna or risks are introduced in that relationship. The issue today is you’re hooking up with random folks and the person that is hooking up with you is doing the same. Basically a giant orgy.
Well I can see the logic of what you're saying, but I don't think that's necessarily a functional way to live... For example, if you thought driving cars was a bad idea, and I said "I've been driving a lot for 23 and only had 3 accidents, none of which landed me in hospital"
Then you could say "Yeah but imagine if just ONE of those paralysed you for life or left you brain dead? Surely it's not worth the risk"
To that I'd say "yes, to me it is, because life is about measured risks - and we all have to assess our own appropriate level of risk - Driving is a way to make living much better, and the very small risk of being harmed in a vehicle accident is worth it to me.
As to your point about sex not meant to be a casual encounter... I'm not at all convinced about this... The human genome going back as far as we can possibly work out appears to be full of infidelity (extramarital casual encounters) - 80% of all monogamous animals actually cheat on each other casually - humans are just animals too as far as I'm concerned - There's good evidence to support the notion that humans did grow up at times being promiscuous and at times being conservative depending on the safety of our environments at that point in time - similar to other primates.
HOWEVER we don't really have definitive proof either way about how we evolved sexually, just good quality guesses based on some basic evidence. But it's certainly not a certain thing that humans didn't evolve for casual sex.
Your presentation is right on! I only flirt with women who I truly enjoy and like! It makes all parts of the encounters better 😊
Brilliant video and self realization.
Cheers Tony, it's all one long journey of learning :)
I've come to understand this, especially recently, I just didn't know how to put it into words.
The link is dead...
how do you make friends? I (i am a male) was home schooled until the start of college and never had any guy friends only girl friends i’ve met from tinder but those never really last longer than a couple months. just don’t know how to make the relationship/friendship more concrete
join a social sports league, easiest way to meet new people and have fun at the same time. And if you find other dudes you click with, then you organically will end up hanging out with them outside of league time
Kuni thank you for that, gotta work on getting out of my comfort zone
lionemporor good idea, i do play basketball so i’ll look into intramural sports. thank you
@@chrishansen236 you are welcome!
you can also meet some women this way, as some social leagues have mixed teams so 3 birds with 1 stone
I have no friends because they all want to get something out of me. People suck.
The release is def the best feeling part lol but then it’s over so you gotta realize it’s all about the build up to that with exciting flirting and then the foreplay
I don't even get the point why you would sleep with women you would not want to be in a relationship with in the first place.
From my experience sleeping with women you do not really like is an act of desperation. And as he said it's not even that fun.
Facts
Not just desperation but more so a state of depression and more likely a guilt trip afterwards
Sexual attraction is not equivalent to wanting a relationship. I wouldn't say sleeping with chicks you don't like is an act of desperation, but I will say that going through the process of finding out you genuinely like a chick just to find out she doesn't want to fuck you just makes the game harder. Why try to vibe with a chick who doesn't find you that way? It's not efficient. I think being a player and only offering dick, and only then after she fucks seeing if you like her, is more efficient. Less emotional, time clutter.
This is gold
As a woman this is 💯 spot on! Especially the part about the sex being the icing on the top for women. We are looking for the intimacy and sensual attention first and foremost. We are looking for the mind fuck.
I appreciate you taking the time to comment here, More guys need to understand sex from a woman's vantage point.
@@SchoolOfAttraction : Yes, I wish men would. Intellect and mind connection of 'feeling' someone and how they 'tick,' all adds to the true depth of intimacy and vulnerability. Really getting close through conversation and genuine interest - which we can 'feel,' because women know if a man is being genuine in wanting to know us, is interested, or just going through the motions in the hope he'll get sex. The 'mind-f*ck' interest for women effortlessly leads to physical connection, touch and intimacy, s*x. Yet so many men just don't 'get' this aspect and angle at all, sadly.
in my experience that is BS my female friends that got solid partners and lifes all ended up cheating for hot sex i also worked security for nearly 20 years and watched married females hunt for boys ! i watched nervous young men struggle and older blokes who dont give a fuck smash box everyweekend lol yer their is for sure some mind fucking going on and its the bad kind!
You want a mind fuck, go read a book
I kinda realized this thing about myself alone. Unfortunately after that works and we actually do have a connection and it works great, my fear of abandonment kicks in. And then I get needy and fuck it up what was a great thing for both.
Thanks for remembering me who i am.
Great Vid (even though the title was somewhat cringy). One major upshot of this mindset is that it makes you tons less needy. If you are not just going out trying to "take" sex from random women. But instead qualify them and see if they really have what you want (i.e. if you really like them) you automatically come from a real position of choosing (and not the fake one that is taught in classic pick up either.)
The problem is they will get attached very quickly I've been this way my whole life it always happens
Yup. Boundaries are a thing our society sorely lacks.
Guys get attached badly too from my experience
@@angelajia3800 that's because you go for feminine men
You're right. And this is a part of why some European and Latino men are often sought after by women. They flirt for the enjoyment of flirting, without necessarily expecting an outcome. This in itself is a worthwhile goal, and about as far as a guy should go with most Western women. In reality, today, most Western women aren't worth dating or relationships. They just have little to offer of what men are traditionally looking for. But, for the experience and the social skills, flirting without expectation is great, and if you happen to find that unicorn, your skills will be on point. It's also an important skill to have to maintain and LTR.
Yeaaah.... The challenge is maintaining your single status whilst doing this. This is basically how all my situationships happened. Spoiler alert, they don't end well
Yes - Well the key is to have strong boundaries for yourself too - All my relationships started this way - but for me it was a very conscious decision. I'd have lots of women I'd be seeing casually and one day, I start casually seeing a woman that really is head and shoulders better than the others . For me she's a really standout woman worth considering dating, so I take the step.
Gold ...
If i have sex with a woman. I need a connection otherwise i just cant even do it
Oddly, since making this video, and after enjoying quite a lot of casual sex in my life for 17 years, I now can't enjoy sex without the connection at all either :)
Thats very true! The problem is if you don't really attract a lot of those girls where you just think to yourself "woow, she is gorgous!", despite being good looking and on your purpose and talking to hundreds and thousands of girls consistently.
This is great and definitely would improve the lackluster sex that my partner and I have been having but serious question. How do you do this in a way that does not lead a woman to become attached? Is it inevitable and just a strict shelf life expiration date should be implemented? Like “only 3 times or only for 3 months?”
It's not 100% but it's maybe 90% of the time, one of the two of you will get attached. Very hard to avoid in the very long term. But when I play it the way I do, nobody gets hurt, at a certain point, the woman will say "I've really enjoyed this together, but I realise I'm starting to get attached so I want to take some distance right now" , and I say "Okay, I respect that, I hope you find what you're looking for" - and we part ways. No hard feelings, no heartbreak etc.
SchoolOfAttraction honesty and forthright communication helps. We also implemented a policy of letting the fwb know about our relationship by the second hookup. Knowing that tends to shut down her ideas of a real future and keep those feelings casual. The problem is the sex stays surface and stale and gets old fast. I guess it’s a catch 22 situation. I have an easier time being friends with women I hook up with (and have better sex with them,) than my husband does. Women (even the ones who want NSA,)aren’t as cool with his situation for some reason. Thankfully the best sex on the planet is still with each other.
Yeah but...they are so boring and self focused...and most so insufferable - it is definitely a chore. (That said guys are largely to blame for allowing them to get away with it in the market) How do you form intimacy without trust?
since passport is free now, if i set my location to a different area and get a lot of matches, will my ELO score increase this way, so when I set it back to my currently location, my ELO score will be increased?
No it won't unfortunatley - this was a good trick which worked a year or two ago, but Tinder stopped it since
@@SchoolOfAttraction thank you for replying to all my question!
@@SchoolOfAttraction how about if i start matching with people that have liked me first but that are from other countries because they are using passport. If i start talking to them, not sure if there is any anecdoteral experiences, but would my visibility increase this way?
By the way, believe it or not, I actually landed on this video because I'm looking for just straight male friends who might be interested in learning Spanish and moving to Ireland and Spain with us. I´m married now so, I´m done with all the humping and pumping romps with straight guys but, I miss your friendship and natural masculinity intensely. Plus, I need your friendship to feel safe in life. And, I´m a fucking amazing and fantastic naturally masculine friend to have.
Upload More tinder videos m8 great content by the way your the best !
Cheers Micah!
Not a problem in Thailand
Easy women..half of them not even women 😂
I thought the whole point of casual sex was to do it with someone you don't like so feelings don't get caught ...
But it doesn’t always go as planned. All it takes is for one person to give one ounce of a fuck about the other person, because they are confusing their gratification of penetration/being penetrated confusing lust for love because it feels good to them. That’s why I always tell ppl that if you gonna have casual sex with someone then you need establish a clear understanding that it’s strictly business with no strings attached. If that person starts to get feelings then that’s on them....
Bro this is facts I respect this video
this is exactly what i needed . thanks
So when you were young you would sleep with girls you didn't like, jeez. I thought we all new that you are supposed to sleep with girls who you are not attracted to by her appearance by actually have something you like about her. But damn I'm glad you figured it out.
Well yeah it should be common sense right? But for myself and a huge number of guys, that just isn't how they approach trying to get better with women.
I never enjoy casual hook ups but I can never seem to attract girls who I am actually really even attracted to so I just take what I can get which is why I am never satisfied.
Honestly man, SO MANY guys are in this situation. They just feel like they take what they can get and are always unhappy with the result.
Life is great when you are good/average looking.
The buzz of walking into a place, cafe, bar, or even supermarket, and women of all ages give you a pleasant smile.
Sometimes my friends ask how I do it 😂😂
Quality > quantity.
Kind of a no brainier. Why would someone have sex with a person they aren't attracted to and expect to be fully fulfilled. However, good video and well presented.
Well it should be obvious :P But I think the key isn't to say 'attracted to' because she can be hot, but be really crappy and boring to talk to. And guys get so much pressure to just sleep with the hottest women they can, that they forget to think about whether they like anything else about her.
To get their count up
You need to learn. I had sex 2 times with women whom I was not atracted to, before just starting to have sex with women who I felt atraction.
But even that doesnt fullfill the void left on the day after.
You forgot to tell them that despite connecting to women, sometimes sex wouldn't still happen, they are satisfied because of their nature, you aren't. They could still get sex with another person and not you despite you playing the games their own way, you can't get sex that easy. Going about it using female standards will still not get you the best results unless your aim is marriage. That's why some men sleep with prostitutes.
Cut through the crap and start watching from 6mins.
Work the problem backwards and you can get in any woman's pants! She wants emotional connection You want a physical connection. Once you provide the value she needs she'll give you the commodity you want.
But how do you deal with heart breaks after you truly connect with them?
Papi Choi exactly!
Oh wow, i so much crave for that, but actually in recent years (i am over 45) i have almost exklusively met women who were just the other way around, the just wanted to be fxxxxd, told me they dont want intimacy in casual sex, "you dont always need to have sex with a soul connection", my last girlfriend told me that she asked around in her friend circle and it was the females who said they can totally seperate that, just have sex while it was the men who said they would at least have to be a little in love for that night.
@Flann sixtyseven - the internet and world in general has unfortunately changed the mind-set of many younger women, and some more mature. Many act like men and treat sex as sport. Women are women - we should enjoy sex, yes, but also engage our emotions as that is what we are best at. Sex without an emotional connection is just empty and meaningless. The mind, body and Heart disconnected. Generations of men 'sowing their seeds,' whereas women had to be more selective re a mate and potential off-spring.
As a male sex is the biggest disappointment in history. Save your energy for something useful.
Then you're not doing it with the right girls man. When you're with the right ones, it's incredible.
@@fuzzypanda1684 after 24 years and different girls it's safe to say there is no right one. Same results every time.
I’m so confused… is it casual sex if you’re building a connection? Isn’t that a relationship?
I mean you could call it ethical non-monogamy.... A relationship suggests more of a obligation to each other.. in a relationship you actively work hard to keep things going even when they get tough for example... At least harder than you would in an emoti8onally conenected casual sex arrangement.
Also in a casual sex arrangement, people grow out of them, or find someone to date long term - this doesn't happen in a relationship.
Lots of little differences like this...
What works the most is allowing women stick to what they want and sticking to what you want, the great experience is the compromise, the middle ground. When you get to that point where women want to keep you with sex, and you want to get more sex by treating them right, things are easier. That has always been the way until things fell apart. Having a great time with a woman will never mean she'll want to have sex with you until you make it known..
Meaning we are different and we're only reaching for the middle ground, which will never be initiated by women since they have more options in the dating world.
100% true, but also sad that men need this explained to them. You think human relating should be just common sense.🙄
Isn't that how you get the FEELS?
Hey brother thanks for your wonderful insight, I know how you feel. Been there, yes it was always better if I found something I really liked about a girl. I was just thinking about this yesterday and how it feels like I have lost my Mojo but what does this really mean? I think you hit the nail on the head, I have dated and been out with a lot of women over my nearly 50 years and when I look back at what you’re saying is true. If I found something that I really liked about the girl it always went much smoother. thanks brother how’s Queensland going when you coming back to Bali there is a game of werewolf going on in Ubud right now.
So, are these experiences mostly picking up women in a bar & with alcohol being a part of it? I'm just curious. I am not a drinker, I used to, but my pancreas won't let me. I CAN'T really party or anything, so picking up women in bars is not easy for me.
I stopped drinking 20 years ago ;)
@SchoolOfAttraction Thank you for your reply. That's good to hear. But I asked about the women you've met & where!! Is it just when you're out & about, or do you go to bars or clubs? Once again, I'm just curious!! Thank you again!!
Myself personally, most of the time I pick up women in bars and clubs - less than 50% of those are intoxicated in any way that's at all noticeable - I don't really like drunk women, so tipsy is about as far as I can handle. Not all women you meet in these locations are drunk - most are just out to hang out with friends.
@SchoolOfAttraction Cool!! Thank you for your reply. That sounds reasonable. I wouldn't want to pick up a woman who's a mess at a club, either. But that info DOES help me OUT!! To look for women going out with friends, maybe have a drink or 2, but not to get wrecked. So I thank you again. Be well & stay happy!! Peace!!
Maybe sex should be for married couples in love?
Do you know how few animals in the animal kingdom are monogamous? Like... even birds and other pair bonding animals usually filander on each other frequently.
So humans are just animals
So that makes things easy
Do what you want
Follow no rules
Don’t get married
Don’t have kids
Life without god or a higher power
Sounds like most people today
Most people sleep around until they get tired
of it or fall in love
If you really don’t believe in god you don’t have to follow your conscience live for today
The only problem with that if there is a god
and he sent his son Jesus to save you from your sins and you don’t accept him
you will spend eternity in Hell
You will be judged and god will want to know why you didn’t believe?
If there is no god you are all good
Just die and get buried