29 Minutes of Tom Segura
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 มิ.ย. 2024
- Enjoy 29 minutes of Tom Segura jokes.
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One of the best and most realistically relatable comedians there is
Dude has like 100 million dollars and drives luxury automobiles...
@@justinbrooke3511 yeah, that's his life now. But before that he was a broke loser like the rest of us accumulating great life experience and stories. So chill dude.
His defense of Chris Rock solidified it for me even tho I had seen all his content previously
No question. One of the greats who gives nary a fxxk about any of society's pussification tactics. 😎✊🏼
@@error404blah How I am I not chill. I just pointed out that he's not relatable at all. None of you are world famous comedians. You don't have multiple podcasts that crush. If he wasn't particularly extraordinary no one would know who is.
Best Japanese comic in the game right now.
Lmao
Segura.. what?? Japanese?
*Ssssssssegurrrraaaaaa*
@@HipHopRepair hah, YT even gives it a translate
Tomuske SEGUUURAAAAURU
"Some people suck."
Can't argue with it. You must accept it because truth is undeniable. Masterful play.
😅😂🤣
I’ve been using it at my retail job ever since I saw his special. Truly crippling in an argument
Everybody sucks the worst are sore losers that go to look at DC monuments and waste moneys.
Imagining that the world must be just is self-destructive.
I use this quote weekly unfortunately
You don't often see Japanese comics go mainstream. Hats off to you, Segura-san.
Segura-san 😂😂
@@miikeyg123Sure-san. Is that like "Sure, Jan"?
Lmfao
@@TcrrorKinda like segura sir. I dont know much about japanese culture.
@@ashenone3883ITS 11: 44 minutes in.
"Will you be eating in your car?"
"Yeah, I bet you will"
PICK IT UP
"You don't burden other people with your real-world problems during a courteous exchange!" probably most factual and positive statement I've seen from a comedian
I was a cashier for a long time and had these meaningless exchanges multiple times every quarter hour. Once, I was fed up and just answered honestly. The guy goes, "I don't care. I'm trying to be polite." I was mortified and also angry. Like, are you? Being polite? Dude, all you had to do was nod and make some sympathetic noises. No need to be a dick. Lesson learned. I guess Segura is in that camp. It's really, really mind-meltingly boring to be a cashier and work with the public. I guess, I wanted a real connection and Brent The D-bag wanted to keep it real.
@@ImNotaRussianBot ya feel better?
@@ImNotaRussianBot I see where you’re coming from, but I’m gonna be 100% real with you as someone who worked retail and now kinda works food service (deli stuff)…work isn’t a place to be real with your emotions like that. Customers might be real with you, but they NEVER wanna hear your shit. They just want to be nice, maybe feel-dump onto you, and then leave. 99% of people say “hello, how are you?” because it’s seen as the socially proper thing to do not to be seen as a cunt, but none of us really give a fuck how the other guy is doing. If you have so much that you need to ‘dump’ onto someone, I’d talk to a therapist, because they’re paid to deal with that and can even help solve the issue! But never treat anyone at work (coworkers, bosses or anyone) like anything more than a stranger who doesn’t care about you…just think; how much do you care about any rando you see somewhere? not enough to wanna hear all their life problems AND be expected to listen else you be seen as rude, that’s for sure!
@@ejwillison2001 Oh, for sure. It was a moment of weakness. I felt foolish. At the same time, I think I needed a release. Cashiering in a busy grocery store is so soulless. I think I wanted a connection to a human when my back was killing me, my feet were swollen, and my internal dialogue was the black and white static seen on TVs.
I think we, as a collective, should probably just stop saying how you doing as a greeting. If you don't wanna know, just don't ask.
Segura Is Hands Down My Favorite Japanese Comedian.
😂😂
Winner.
You know I was thinking the same thing actually.
Seguuuuuuuuuuuraaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought he was Mexican…
I listened to his bit about the bank lobby guy the other day and the very next day, I went to the bank and I was standing behind this dude in line. People moved up, he didn’t. Teller said he’ll help the next customer, and the guy looked up and said “oh I’m just waiting”
Idk wtf was going on hahaha
what the fuck I would be mad
I was somewhere between mad at him and just confused
Always awkward when they ask you to "wait" at a place where there's usually no waiting. And they may ask you to just "take a seat over there" but if you do that... you may never hear from anyone ever again lmao. I'm guessing that was that dude's predicament.
😂😂😂
@@-dopeland-3349he was probably waiting for the manager or dropping something off and they just told him to wait there honestly
watching tom grow from 2014 to now is just beautiful 😢 what a guy
I've heard all of these, but watching them is so much funnier, his body language is the best part
Wow! :-)
You did!¿
Right same! I started writing stand up the other day well I am a quadriplegic so it’s more sit down but that’s beside the point and this guy is so much my humor I love it!
@@ThisIsWheelLife good start baby! I can already feel your good vibes!!
DO YOUR STAND-UP while you lounge! Baby cake 🥰🤗
@@MrTPain Thank you I appreciate that so much! I just love making people laugh and have a better day and show people that even though life can fuck you up you can still fuck it back!
Couple of my jokes
You’ve heard of The sword making show forged in fire, well I was forged in a Firebird, yeah right out back actually!
If at anytime during the show you see my legs moving nooo they still don’t work. Im just practicing my Quady Kicks!
But be sure to watch out for my Quady Chop!👏🏼
There’s one good thing about being paralyzed. I can’t feel my nuts itching anymore.
Went for a stroll one day in my wheelchair. my battery ended up dying and I needed a jump. I was just glad I had my Cripple A card thankfully now a lifetime member.
@@ThisIsWheelLife dues paid.
His impression of a baby sounds like the noise your phone makes when it vibrates on the table.
Being a comedian this funny makes the crowd sound like a sitcom
The baby in the movie theatre bit cracks me up. I saw Tom in Indianapolis for the "I'm coming everywhere" Tour and someone brought a baby into the theatre. Tom's reaction was fucking priceless when he noticed.
They've musta planned it! How'd he take it?😂😂😂
I need answers damn it
People are waiting for answers here dude!
It’s been a year @monkeDLuffy the people need answers! 😂
@@Vanness11 Tom was mid-bit when the baby let out a typically baby sound and tom hesitated and glanced to the audience. Tom then tried to continue only to be interrupted by the baby noises once again. Tom spots the baby, proceeds to do a double take, and shouts "Is that a fucking baby!?" There was a few other lines but tom went back to the material rather quickly.
"Do you drive to work or does somebody drop you off?" is one of the funniest things I've ever heard because we've all worked with that person. I'm also realizing that Tom is a perfect mirror of my sense of humor.
I tried and tried but couldn’t understand the joke, can someone plz explain?
@@OSgaming93 "Slow" people often are unable to to drive, so they have to have someone give them a ride to work. Basically he's talking about someone who is a little mentally challenged.
@@Kid_Ying thank you brother you helped all non native English speakers in here
As a native english speaker, I couldn't even figure it out.
@@Banks0213 do you get dropped off at work?
First time seeing him and hearing his content, freaking hilarious this had me in tears!
Same here. I saw his podcast first and hated him. But now that I see his comedy I have a change of feelings. He's hilarious😂
His podcast is way pess fun than his stand up.
I loved George Carlin, Louis CK and Bill Burr, now Tom Segura is added to the list.
Try Andrew Schulz and Rick Gervais too
@@eaglefoxtrot1124 Andrew Schulz is too stupid for me (look at the interview he did with Louis CK, it's painful to watch) and Rick Gervais is excellent only on golden globes, his shows suck.
@@eddydetect6960 Jimmy carr is funny~
@@eddydetect6960 schulz can be low brow but I've also seen him go on some absolutely vicious tirades, I wouldn't write him off completely
Shane Gillis is brilliant.
Tom is BY FAR the most consistently hilarious comedian. Theres never a clip that doesn't have my face hurting from laughing
I absolutely agree, I can listen to his stuff over and over
@BB SHOW COMEDY what
Bill Burr is far more consistent
@@charlespancamo9771 booo he sucks
@@charlespancamo9771 Well idk about "more" but Bill Burr is definitely one of those types of comedians too. Just his manner of speech would make you burst out laughing!
Wasn't expecting to laugh 😅😆 this was my first time seeing this guy and I didn't stop laughing from the minute he started speaking 😂🤣
Your just white 💀
😂
go watch ymh podcast bro
keep your jeans high and tight!
You should also checkout his buddy Brent Krystal's, he's got some good stories to
The part about the woman in the bar had me laughing uncontrollably for a solid ten minutes lol
'is she making fudge, wtf is she doing' My favorite Japanese Mexican comedian
Tom Segura is one of the best story tellers of all time. I should know, I’ve been listening to stories for like 93 years.
@@adamrushford who fucking cares if it’s true or not it makes people laugh
@@adamrushford nobody goes to comedians for truth ? You mean like George carlin's entire career ?
@@adamrushford yeah, you sound like you could mess up a wet dream....
The "93 years" is part of his Steven Segal bit
@@adamrushford lol have you ever taken like, high school level history even
cause we kinda been depending on comedians to spread the truth since the fucking dark ages my guy lmfao. you sound dumb as hell.
"Either make it Quiet, or GET IT OUT!"
🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
Tom is one of the best stand-up comics ever… his delivery is amazing
what?????
stop, please
22:41 That little grunt/chuckle he does just resonates with me.
2 great sayings of Segura: “I could tell he never hugged his children”, Some ppl suck”. Brilliant.
Brilliant? Really?
"Well, could you?" is the funniest three word punchline I have ever heard.
I had a friend growing up, who was half Peruvian half Japanese and he spoke English, Spanish, and Japanese. It was always funny as shit to see him speak Spanish.
You sum up monolinguals.
Seen these bits 100 times each, still watched it all and laughed the entire time
Have you seen Josh blue?
@@effu9593 I have, and he's hilarious! 🙂🤣😂
Same...every few months
I absolutely love Tom Segura. He takes all my dark thoughts and puts a voice to them, and delivers them with timing I'll never be capable of.
Couldn't have said it better 💯
My guy all you see is a white tee shirt get up .over so many heads .pure comedy.
So true. I'm certain he helps people's days all over the world. He's awesome!
Same. As Dave says thats why he gets paid the big bucks
Had to check who this Tom guy is due to his "thoughts" on garth Brooks lately, I must say I nowreally miss Sam kinison & mitch hedberg both ends of comedic genius spectrum and not at all figuring is this Tom guy on any level w those 2 dunno why he's popular? Maybe I'm old school???
You don't burden people with your real world problems during a courteous exchange 😂🤣🤣
The fact this video kept the punchline at the end 😂
"Hey man do you drive to work or does someone drop you off? 😉" LMAOOO
Bro “Toying with the top” broke me down something bad. 💀 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Always loved this guy. I needed that laugh
I'll take all the Minutes of Tom Segura, all day, all the time. Yes Please
Netflix has all his specials
I'm right there with ya
Keep em high & tight 😉
Your mom's house is his podcast on youtube
Never saw this guy before, but this was playing in the background while I was cooking. I had to go back to the beginning to watch the whole thing, that's how good the parts I heard were. And I'm so happy I did. This guy is comedy gold.
I know he's so good. He was a guest on a podcast and I've watched his content ever since
He's such a clever comedian how he deliver his lines is very strategic and explained in a manner that makes the audience envision the events
Lol you have to be a bot wtf
Either make it quiet or get it out! 😂
“Some people suck” is my new favorite bit
Why Tom is so relatable is because he only became super abundantly wealthy in the past half decade. He lived a lot of his career as a broke comedian that had a view of the world like a lot of us everyday humans do. It's why it's relatable & fuckin hilarious. Coming home from a retail job & popping up YMH is the best shit in the world.
Um.... yeah, not super abundantly wealthy. 12 mil (6 because his wife and he own equal shares) $12 mil is cool, Id take it. But no where near "super abundantly wealthy: - considering most of that is Real Estate and other property items.
YMH?
@@tellurye dude makes stupid money touring these days. On the Are You Garbage podcast with him recently, he admitted to spending $50,000 on a single meal on his birthday this year. I'd say he's probably at least close to having an abundance of wealth at this point lol. Plus his new book is selling a lot too, so he is definitely getting some bucks from that. The man is doing alright.
@@STSGuitar16 I didnt say he wasn't doing alright, just sayin $12 mil is not abundance, compared to others who are making 100 - 300 Mil.
@@tellurye yeah, my point is $12M (I think he's almost certainly got more than that anyway) is what I would qualify as an abundance of money lol. Sure, maybe not when compared to Rogan or Elon, but $12M is more than enough money (aka an abundance) to live an exceedingly comfortable and even flashy life for his whole family. If you don't think that anyone who would drop $50k on one meal doesn't have an abundance of money, then we simply disagree, my friend lol
Tom saves the day for so many people worldwide! Each of his jokes get more and more funny as he describes them.
By the end you have a laughter headache so bad, but it's always worth it!
That bouncer/guard was just "nuh uh women scare me" 😂
Tom’s by far my favorite comedian. Even him acting in movies has me dying😂
Tom's impression of a baby crying is hilarious. Not so much accurate. But damn funny! 😆
his impression of the father was funnier
Omg I love his crying baby impression lol
Exactly :) not at all what an annoying baby sounds like. Yet still funny
@@yasserfathelbab1534 eee, I lob de baby
That's what Tom sounded like as a baby.
Tom is hilarious 😂
Now these longer videos.... now you're doing it right.
Tom became one of my favorites, so this is a treat for my morning routine!
@@ViltrumiteIsRite99 ya me too
He's a menace and I love his jokes. I laughed too much today. Thanks man!
I'm so proud of him. He's been doing comedy for 87 years.
Where is the trustfund buried, Tom? Your family deserves closure 😢
I really like the beginning. I lived in Germany for 10 years and there the 'how are you' is taken literally. That is why hello is the normal casual greeting and how are you is for when you care or should pretend to care. The actual words are still significant.
I've lived in Mexico five years. I'm Korean, and it still surprises me every time I speak to an Asian person in Spanish here. Glad I'm not the only dumbass.
Gross
Can I ask what brought you to live in Mexico? Just curious
@@breadoflifefaiupu8992 nah i need an explanation to this comment? Wanna elaborate?
'Excuse meh.... that not model over there...' 😂😂😂😂 brilliant!
She was flicking the ole bean! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Saw him live last night he’s better than ever
He was hilarious at Ball Arena!! Hoping for another special soon
Tom has such a special blend of dark humor and sharp, observational imagination.
Would love to spend a day around him and Christina P just to hear the sarcasm flow. ❤️ ✌️
No
@@breadoflifefaiupu8992 😂😂😂no what?
They have a podcast. That's as close as you'll get probably.
Stalker alert 📢🚨⚠️
this man does the role of the comedian of speaking for the world perfectly
Dude, you kill it! You are by far one of the best comedians out there today! Thanks for the laughs!!😆
Why am I picturing Zach Galifinakis as the bank dude? 😂
That sounds about right. Definitely a movie style convo.
Netflix might be plummeted
But this one,
Netflix did the right job.
Excellent writing
"Do you believe in Jesus Christ?"
"Is he going to make me do pushups?"
I love that part so much
Very decent impersonation of Louis CK.
Whoever started the video off with the in-n-out joke and ended with the in-n-out joke is a genius
That's not genius.
@@breadoflifefaiupu8992 Knock it off.
Do you mean NETFLIX, the giant company that employs thousands of experienced people who understand how to market visual products and edit videos? Those geniuses at the biggest streaming platform in the world?
Yeah. You're a sharp tack.
Oh, also Disney makes good movies. I hope I didn't blow your mind with that revelation.
Just sorta found Tom. Can't believe I been seeing him on the peripheral for a while now and didn't pick up on the fact that he's one of the best I've ever heard. I've gotta pay closer attention as I go through life.
Same
Read that as "best i ever had" 😂
I don’t care what anybody says. This is one of the top three comedians in the world.
18:42 “toying with the top” 😂
Just wait for the next special, I saw him in Nashville this year and then bought tickets for my home town coming up. It’s SO good lol
Favorite comedian by far
He’s coming to my city soon.. Never been to a comedy show but maybe I’ll get tickets
@@karlcarlsburg9641 you absolutely should. Worth every penny
The impression of the old man on the plane makes me laugh every damn time (26:50)
Every time?
@@breadoflifefaiupu8992 every *damn* time.
my go to response for when someone asks "how you doin?" is always "another day in paradise"
seems to work
Oh my God I love this guy I feel like he gets my type of humor, I honestly I haven't laughed like that in a long time.
11:22 "probably checked into 400 hotels this year" - dude out here needing more than 1 hotel per day for the entirety of the year
His next special is going to be incredible - saw him do his new hour in DC and this material is his best yet!
Hot sauce is the best.
Hell yeah honestly if I get the chance to see him live I'm jumping on it in a heartbeat
Did you see his show where he’s coming everywhere or the cumming all over tour I can’t remember the title
Not saying you're wrong but stand up always seems funnier when you see it live.
@@jamesprice2163 you're gonna jump him?
Thanks Tom Segura. I now have a sixpack from all the laughing.
Tom honestly is the best comedy story teller idk if that’s a term for comedians but the way he talks about anything and then gives the punchline it’s funny
Tom cracking himself up cracked me up
Tim is undoubtedly one of my favorite comedians. Dude has killer delivery 😮💨😂
If you like Tim, you'll love this Tom guy
@@loodlebop Who is Tom? I’ve only heard of Tim that pretends to wear one glove
I frikkin love Tim Segundo.
whats the big deal, I see no difference between tim and tom, none
Tom has lost so much weight that the O has become an I.
Knowing the struggle that Tom's family faced as Japanese POW's during WW2, it is amazing how he has used his pain to make others laugh.
I’m going to see Tom Segura in Portland tomorrow and I’m so excited!
Absolutely LOVE Tom Segura! I do a lot of late night driving after a gig MILES away from home, 4 or 5 hours getting in after sun comes up, people are going to work as you're coming in from work that sorta shit. And honestly, the number of times I put on some Tom Segura to help with the drive is now almost a ritual on a long haul. Often I am sharing the drive with a few other people and I have now turned them on to him.
Hope you read this Tom, you that man!
First japanese comedian I have seen and heard. Super funny
Great episode. I laughed and cried in this one. Keep em coming. Appreciate what you do.
I was watching this while eating and had to pause because I almost choked laughing so hard 10/10
Easily my favorite comedian. Could listen to him all day.
This is like a free mini special from Tom Segura and I LOVE IT! I have watched all three specials like probably 20times already each XD
A 29 minute history of Tom Segura’s male pattern baldness.
"We're fast food workers and you're making US sad"
Nah that shit was real asf 🤣💀💀
“We’re gonna give you a free milkshake cause you’re bumming everybody out” 😂😂😂😂
Tom- the guy's a fucking "security guard" at a bank; CONSIDER the source always...and in this case, it was golden! LOVE your stuff!
This made me start laughing my ass off in the middle of class
That delivery on “no shit” at 4:13 had me spitting out my fucking drink
I've watched this at least 10 times and it hasn't gotten old yet.
"Some people suck"
"Understandable, have a nice day"
The first three minutes will always stand as one of the best stand up I've ever seen. Incredible delivery !
I feel very fortunate. My mother has never implied or said that I couldn't do something that I wanted to do. My mother has always been very supportive no matter what I wanted to do and she still is to this day and I'm 46
Watch for the little twinkle in Tom’s eye around 11:15 after he says “he knew what was up”
Explain that bit to me cuz I don't get it 😅
This man has me rolling 💀😆
The baby in the theater bit was amazing lol. 😂
Lmao Tom is so on point sometimes I feel like I'm getting roasted in some of his bits 😂
The joke about the woman playing w herself almost made me pee .. that was funny asf
I love that he was “emotionally invested” in the Lego movie. 😆
babies in movie theaters should be illegal honestly
No exaggeration either. They could die if there's a fire, or any emergency evacuation situation. The movie theater is no place for a baby.
They should make the legal age for theatres be 6 years old but they should only be allowed in G rated movies then 13 (for PG13 movies). Every other movie should be 18 because teenagers RUIN movies, Every time someone annoys me in a movie they’re always a group of teens.
I've never even seen a baby in a theater but probably because ppl are smarter in Vermont
@@sarahoshea9603 someone took their baby to see a saw movie a couple years ago & it started crying at the best part🙄
@@ChelseaJ98 the final credits?