love good men to attract good men - self-concept + detachment
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ต.ค. 2023
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In today’s episode, the focus is on the concept of learning to love good men to attract positive romantic relationships. Elle acknowledges her internal conflict about discussing men in her content, as she aims to create a space centered on women's issues. However, she recognizes the relevance of romantic relationships with men in women's lives. Elle shares her observations about the prevalence of content geared towards men's personal development, such as the manosphere, which often revolves around discussions about women. She finds it intriguing that men are so focused on women in their content. However, she cautions against hyperfocusing on the negativity of men, as it can lead to becoming hateful individuals. She emphasizes that what one believes is often perpetuated in reality. By developing a self-concept that aligns with positive narratives, individuals can increase their chances of attaining their goals. Elle encourages individuals to embrace the concept of being a good woman who loves the concept of a man. Elle suggests consuming media that portrays men in a positive light to counterbalance the overconsumption of negative content. She acknowledges the importance of raising awareness about the ways in which men hurt women but also highlights the need for healthy portrayals of masculinity. To attract good men, Elle advises removing any bad men from one's life and surrounding oneself with people who have good intentions. By being detached early on and choosing who to engage with, individuals can find compatible and positive relationships. She emphasizes the benefit of believing that men are generally good, as it allows individuals to bring out the best version of themselves in relationships. Seeking partners who share the same belief in one's self-concept increases the chances of finding positive relationships. Elle acknowledges that a dream life involving a romantic partner is valid and should not be diminished. Each individual is entitled to shape their life experiences according to their own desires and preferences. In conclusion, Elle encourages listeners to learn to love good men to attract them into their lives. She emphasizes the importance of holding onto positive memories and experiences with men, while acknowledging the ways in which men have hurt women. The episode concludes with an empowering message from Elle, urging listeners to go after their goals and aspirations.
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![consideration is the highest form of love [men "teaching" women a lesson]](/img/n.gif)
And it is never late to meet a good man. After divorce at age 44 I met a good man of the same age who stayed with me until he died. At age 59 I met the next good man. They are out there.
You’re so pretty
how can you tell from a tiny tiny icon@@Aestheticallyalgerian
So true - I have many clients who are divorced women and who are with good men now
Thank you for this! I’m 44 and I think I just met a really great guy. Over the past couple weeks I began believing I was a great partner. Crazy this video popped up.
Thank you for hope
I came to the US at 19 years old, and I met my boyfriend (23) at the same year. He encouraged me to get a student visa, go to university and let me know he’d provide for me while I lived with him. He already has a college degree and makes a good income (just a little over 6 figures). He’s attractive and literally makes me feel super sexy and desired. DON’T FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO SETTLE TO GET A PROVIDER!!!! YOUNG AND ATTRACTIVE MEN CAN BE PROVIDERS TOO.
Wanting a provider man is really de entering yourself from men
So happy for you bae
How'd you find him. Seems they're impossible to find around here 🥲
that’s so beautiful! So many people tell me (i’m 19) there’s no way for me to meet a guy who’s decent enough at my age. Thanks for keeping my hopes up :)
Yes!
If you’re reading this I pray you receive the highest form of love. You deserve the best.🙏🏼💗
You too!
Thank u❤ wish u the same❤
amen.
amen, hope that you receive it too
Amen❤ You too💗
i grew up around bad men and at a young age i was taught to believe that that's just how they are . it's incredible hard to get rid of that feeling that men that are kind and caring are actually out there and not just in fiction . but i am also smart enough to want and accept nothing less in my life .
same it is really hard to believe there are good men out there when you didn't grow up seeing it or being surrounded by it. When she said to remember a positive experience you've had with a good man, I couldn't really think of anyone. But yes I know I deserve it, and I will try to follow more positive content online when I can. And I am smart enough to recognize the toxic bad men as well. I definitely won't settle
@@bruhl5709 finding a partner is never about being "good enough", finding a partner should be about finding an equal. and usually that's not so much about looks (they are of course a starting point, no one dates anyone they deem hideous) but more so about mentality. if you can't keep a woman's attention meaning you are interesting and attractive enough to get the initial interest, you are simply dating women with different values to yours. at that point it's rejection because it would have never worked out anyways. and as sad and hard as rejection is, it simply means they were never going to be *your* person.
focusing on yourself is good if you feel like there's not much going on in your romantic life. i always try to see those phases as me being the strong person i also want to attract in my life, even if it's painfully slow and it feels like i've waited long enough for that person already. but because i work my ass off to be the best person i can be, i never have to question myself whether i am "good enough" even if i'm not the most attractive or the most successful or the most xyz. because after all that work i put into taking care of myself, i like myself and i feel deserving of the good things that come my way. i like to think of the kind of person i wish to be mine, and i try my best to be worthy of them right now. no matter how long i have to wait. no matter whether i get rejected at times or have to reject others because they're not what i'm looking for.
@bruhl5709 dude, women don't really care about faces, it may be something else. ❤
good luck beauty
I always found good men but messed it up because of my own issues and insecurities. I finally grew up and realized I was the problem, a lot of women’s don’t take accountability for their own issues and that’s sometimes the problem 🤷🏻♀️ maybe it’s you
Agree with this. Self reflection is key.
Facts!!!
That’s very true! In order to love others, we must love ourselves enough to fix what destroys us. It goes both ways.
Same. I often overthink a lot of things too. 😭
True!
The whole bad men become invisible is literally so true!!! It’s like a filter that only allows good people to be around you.
Instead of saying, men are bad; I say there’s both bad man and bad woman, so there’s also good men and good women out there
yes, focus on the good men who have healthy masculinity.
"There is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself." Miyamoto Musashi
I met a decent good man 13 yrs ago, he is now my husband. He provides, protects, he cares for me deeply and invests in me and my well being. He is not ugly and wrinkly🤭 ( 8 yrs older than me) .
Just sharing this because I want you to believe that there are good decent men out there and they are looking for a good decent woman like you. 💕💕💕
Happy for you!
❤
Blessings ❤
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
😍😍😍
You can add affirmations. So far:
Only good things happen to me
Only good people come into my life
Only good men are in my life
Only good people are in my life
I never mess up a good thing
I'm great at sorting out the time wasters and getting rid of them
I'm discerning of time wasters and immediately rid them from my space.
I only believe in good men populating my life
I only see good men
I always attract good men
I always attract good people
I'm always surrounded by good men
I'm free of bad men in my life
I'm free of bad men
I love good men and good men love me
I like good men and good men like me
I attract good men and good men attract me
Only good comes into my life
Only good men come into my life
Good men always find me
I'm constantly surrounded by, interacting with and meeting good and positive representations of men
I'm very discerning of good and bad intentions towards me
I'm very discerning of good and bad intentions
Men always make my life easier
I first met good men when I became a “man-hater” to be honest. When I decided that I will not ever put myself in a situation where I have to work more in the relationship and I’m fine with being selfish, taking less responsibility for their feelings and lost my general respect for men are exactly the reasons that led me to meet better men. They could feel that energy and started to prove their worth to me by working on themselves and put much more effort. Now I only put effort on those who put effort into me and I’ve met a wonderful golden retriever boy who is the sweetest, most loving partner.
I also want to point out that he became like this with time and could have just as well not been the best partner if I wouldn’t have put my standards so high. Treat them well when they treat you well and don’t answer to their bullshit when they give you bullshit, that’s my advice.
When you accidentally manifest her content into your for you page, you know you're on your way to your highest potential. Love your character, just came across this channel
Same here because I was talking to my therapist about me going back into the dating scene plus truly healing from deep trauma from dating emotionally unavailable men and her channel popped up on my feed out of nowhere. I just subbed to her channel and this is a sign that I’m on the right path🤍
I was literally journaling about something like this this morning and I've never seen her content before. I'm glad I'm not the only one who manifested this
“When you go out into the world, you only see the things that validate your self concept!” ❤
I really enjoy watching family content from the man's/dad's perspective. It's not as populous as the alpha male channels but many of them are fun, heartwarming, and creative. Showing them having fun with their kids in a way that's much different from channels run by moms. I follow many men of color so that's an interesting nuance as well.
Many of them show how their wives are nurtured and spoiled as well as their children. So instead of the women being, look at what I got it's the men saying this is what I do for my woman, my family, and no one can deny him or say he shouldn't do it.
OMG ME TOO! I wanted to gain new perspectives to expand my knowledge, so I tried to watch “alpha male” and “blue pill” content and…I gained nothing.
“How to TALK TO GIRLS!”
“PORN ruins MEN by WOMEN!”
“She NEVER liked YOU!”
“The PROBLEM with MODERN WOMEN!”
“KEEP your HEAD UP King!”
It was all so derogatory because not only did they inspire young (teenage) men to treat young women in an invasive way, but gain a genuinely toxic mindset that can’t be good for long term effect.
So I watched videos from fathers and husbands and educated men and such, and they were more mature and reasonable with their life, relationships, and how to treat others fairly.
Do you have any channel recommendations for this type of content? I love this!
LaGuardia Cross, Kevonstage, Beleaf in fatherhood. Please share more!! I’d like to view more and welcome diversity ❤
@@MsMizz1also t3 & me, a black couple with two children living in Tanzania, very nice couple with a good energy.
@@MoshehM thank you!! I subscribed, looking forward to checking them out 😊
I met my man and at first I was in a negative, low self esteem place and didn’t consider him. But as I saw him more for who he is, I realized how great he truly is. A kind, observant and protective man who listens. The best decision I made was choosing him. And since then I’ve met several men like him, so I think it’s up to us to attract those kinds of men and support them as either friends or romance.
I’m glad we’re in a world in which we are waking up to the fact we don’t have to settle for dusty men, but you’re right. I don’t know anyone who makes content regarding their experiences with good men, believing in good men, attracting good men. I think many of us would benefit from you sharing your journey with believing in good men, your experiences with good men etc
I say “I love sweet men”all the time i literally only interact with kind men Ive been manifesting since 2015 every since then i say stuff like “everyone is so nice to me” “people are so wholesome/nice/kind” My beef is with the patriarchy and there’s plenty of men on this planet that recognize what its done and put in their own efforts to make sure they don’t reinforce it in their personal life
Thank you sis! I get so bombarded by posts and screenshots of the most atrocious male behavior and it is time to focus on the men who do bring value to me if I wanna attract my dream husband so I appreciate this reminder that high value men exist
Girlie im new to your channel and i just wanna say thank you for making these contents. They really resonate well with me. They're all balanced and instead of constantly focusing on what disadvantages we have as women, though we acknowledge that, you help us focus more on what advantages we have then take action. Cuz of girlies like you, you make it possible for us to do that. Like you said, "Don't get mad, get paid" ❤
periodddd thank you bestie🤎
THIS
Literally she makes me feel so good about myself I love being a girl now :)
Really glad to see a channel that focuses on women taking accountability and realizing that women can do a better job of vetting men for the values and traits that are healthy and beneficial for society longterm rather than just going for what makes them feel good or what looks good. If we want a better world it starts with us at an individual level and collectively deciding what are good behaviors to encourage.
My favorite content creator! treat others how you want to be treated! I am called a golden retriever in life by friends 😂Since I stoped playing games, start being sensible, kind and good hearted, giving everyone a good experience, I attracted best friends and partner in my life who value the same things. I cut people off if I smell they don’t have a good intentions or reciprocate, it’s that easy❤ besties you can do it too 💅
Not exactly sure if I am the target audience here (gay), but this really helped me a lot :) I’ve been struggling a lot with my self-concept, and have been consequently projecting negativity. From now on, we love good men, golden retrievers only 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
WELL DO U WANNA BE A SPOILED GIRLIE OR NOT? All of us who love men can practice discernment, and it does start with loving good men.
Only good men and people come in to my life! Amen! 🙏🏻💕✨
Girl, we are literally the same person. Golden retriver vibes only, that's what I said, your thoughts create your reality!
The thing that people don’t realize is everything that they see and everything they say, is a reflection of their deepest inner. Everything is self projection, and all things are here to teach you a lesson. I teach people to learn to love what they hate, and that’s how we get into shadow work baby.❤ i’m so glad you’re speaking on this… Shera was even talking about this last week❤
So when I was groped at 10 by 16 yo boys it was me who manifested it...🤢
Growing up around unhealed men, I didn’t have the best good/bad meter. I always mistook sweetness for goodness and my lack of self awareness led to a lot of pain and confusion.
But not anymore. I can see clearly now, the ☔️ is gone 😅 This video is everything. Thank you 💕
i’ve been lucky enough to have more good experiences with men in my life than bad ones. i think the privilege of knowing good men my whole life is what helped me find my current boyfriend. you like what you know.
that’s not to say people who haven’t had my experiences can’t find good men too, i just have observed that it’s harder for them to conceptualize men being any differently than how they know them to be, if that makes sense. there are people i love dearly in my life that i fear are settling for less because it’s all they know.
The moment you started singing “I can’t see I’m blind” was the moment I knew I would love you forever! Love the way you discuss self concept and how perception and perspective dictates the quality of experiences and men ! Your the best ❤
i love that elle adds subtitles 💕
To attract a good man I have to be a good a woman ❤
This spoke to me on a spiritual level. 😢 I see genuinely decent men, but know they would never like me since I view men in a bad light, even though I'm a genuinely decent woman.
would love to see a video from you on how to not fall back to bad habits!!
📝📝
I feel like I accidentally fell into this thought pattern because I came into the dating world a little later then some other girls, and I was often made fun of in high school for being “inexperienced”. But I’m tired of thinking this way and I want to be more positive and attract a good man in my life. ❤thank you
this is my wakeup call huh
This is so refreshing, Ive been through the worst experiences with men but I couldnt let that skew my perception of reality that I can be surrounded by genuine men too. Ive chosen to stop accepting certain behaviours n energy, aswell as avoiding feeding into the constant hate online that warped my experience with the men in my life now
Im just so happy seeing all these comments assuring that GOOD MEN DO EXIST and even from my experience i would say the moment you are willing to accept only good men in your life is when it all changes. However you gotta have to appreciate and be grayeful for them beung in your life cause tho we might think we're so emtitled for it, you cannot truly flourish if that idea of 'idc i deserve it anyways' wont help in the connection. The universe will take it away if you take it for granted :)
I have always been positive about men however I found myself attracting insecure in need of a mother/ hates women. I found that I was attracting the men I didn’t want and feeling sorry for them which is why I stayed. Really messed up upbringing that is actually frightening to tell. I found someone that exploits women’s trauma while being the good guy. After letting go of this disgusting person and finally loving myself again the good men I felt I wasn’t deserving of showed up. I also didnt want female friends who hated men and ended up with female friends who hate men and women. I have changed from the donts and nots to the is and ares- Self concept is 🔑 thank you girl!! 🙌🙌 still working on my self love and self concept in order to keep this man and these type of females and men around.
Even my youtube feed has changed out of nowhere. 😂❤
I am so lucky to have found my golden retriever man when I was 18. I am deeply grateful, not only for the love and the support and the best memories of my life but also for all the trouble that already having my soulmate has saved. If it wasn't for him I would probably be struggling with so much sorrow and uncertainty or maybe would be settling to nice guy I'm not really attracted to. He makes me feel so loved cared for and desired every day. He's the best thing that's happened to me.
Just curious question if you are already in a relationship why did click on this video?
@@yukisuperstylish to see if she's right :v
Stay blessed ❤much power to both of you
@@joannafernandes2350 thank u so much 💖💖
Can you do a Video on how to forgive yourself for past behavior ( picking „bad men“ over and over again and getting used )?
I am on the good life, good me, good men path - but I struggle with my past decisions and letting ppl hurt me
Same omg i have the same problem and it’s haunting me💔
hopefully i can give you some advice , but we allow things & people into our lives because it’s what we thought we deserved , for me i used sex as self harm & every situation that comes into your life is a learning experience , for me, taking accountability for also letting it happen was healing & knowing the men that did certain things to me it is not all their fault. they are the way they are because of the internet , society , trauma etc . that was a completely different version of you ! you wouldn’t have the knowledge now if all of that stuff didn’t happen . you can take a bath , & ask that the water cleanse you of any past relations you’ve had sexually or any energy that is still lingering from these relationships. call your power back to you ! you are divine feminine :)
Good men are everywhere ❤❤❤ speak it into existence
That's why you're the best. I've tried so hard to listen to other women with similar content, but the bitterness and hatred is disturbing!😳 That's not goals for me. Those creators aren't fooling anybody. There's NO WAY you're healed, whole, happy, and at peace with all that resentment pinnex up inside. But you are always so positive and fair, and speak with a clear moral compass. Love it!
What a great positive message. Thank you.
I am surrounded by good men in my life. But nowadays, it feels like you can't say such things bc it's just "not trendy." It feels very toxic
Thank you bestie!!!! This talk about self-concept came at the right time for me. It is so important to remember that although our minds are powerful, they lie. I value honest and transparent communication and thus I've attracted a lot of friends that speak genuinely about their feelings an try to act with integrity. HOWEVER, I met a girl yesterday whose words did not match her actions at all. She hyper victimized her story so I felt sorry for her and promised to help 🤦♀
Sometimes I feel ashamed of myself for gossiping but I was so grateful that I did tell my friends everything she was saying to me because the fact-checked the hell out that girl. I'm hilariously bad at telling when people are lying, I just assume goodness as default until proven otherwise. Gossiping has saved me from so much trouble, no wonder men complain about it😆
oh my gosh i didnt know how much I needed you in my life rn! So well spoken and honestly, as someone who loves reading about feminist theory and is hyperaware of misogyny, Ive been losing hope. I curve so many shitty guys, and i'm glad were talking about the struggle. i feel less alone tbh, thanks! :D
very bell hooks vibe from this vid! sooo much love
I love it when you say “love good men” and not “I love men” because men can be evil and we only love GOOD MEN.
as a muslim woman, a lot of what you’re saying is in line with my beliefs. تفالوا بالخير تجدوه - believe in goodness and you will find it. it’s just interesting to hear things in a different way. also, as a millennial getting advice from a gen z girl is kind of funny, it’s like being proud of my younger sister even though she says things like “girlie” “bestie” and “golden retriever guy” 😅❤ i thoroughly enjoyed this. thank you love 🙏
I think I just manifested your content into my life. This video is so good. I used to be bitter too, but then I realized I only felt that way not because all men were bad, but because I just haven't had any good experiences yet (with dating). But it's so true, when you phase out people on the lower vibration, you don't even percieve them anymore. And I chose to seek only the best vibrations for all of my relationships, friendships and jobs. It's so good. I needed this today, thank you
I think on average due to women's threat perception, it's easy for us to end up suspicious of the majority of men instead of the small, concentrated minority of them generating most of the trouble.
(Have you ever heard of the phrase "5% of the people cause 95% of the problems"?)
But it's always important to remain in your discernment, and don't put your safety in anyone else's hands.
If it was a minority of men - and such a tiny minority - then women would NOT have been oppressed by men and had so many laws banning us from pretty much every single basic human right for hundreds/thousands of years, just for being female. Be for real.
I hear you! I don’t like when there is someone being put down
Each and every one of her videos is literally so interesting
Simply SUBLIME. What an introduction from you. So happy to get to listen to you from now on 🌹
I had not heard of the idea of the self-concept before watching this video. Thank you for this newfound discovery, Elle
The beginning of saying how favoured and protected I am made me so happy. Thank you bae.
I am new to this channel and I'm already loving it 💕
Thank you so much for the amazing content and for reminding me that good men do exist.
My new mantra is i attract all that is good in my life - good men, good friends, good and positive life experiences.And whenever someone likes this comment, I'll always come back to remind myself of this❤
Thank you so much for making this video! It's exactly what I needed to see. I've been single for a few years and have been dating here and there. I had a few bad experiences that left me hating men. I recently became aware that I continued to attract "bad" men because I have been hating on men. I decided the other week to take 6 months of dating so I can focus on myself and to start loving men again because I know that there are lots of wonderful men out there.
I love a wealthy golden retriever man 😂😋
@@EjayQuing I’ve met a few
☕️
@@ferrelzso i guess you’re not a wealthy golden retriever man
I have yet fine mines wish 🤞 Mr luck
@@EjayQuing I date for marriage so it's hard for me to stay around a man once I've seen that we have a mismatch in core values. They were great men, just not for me
Just found you and I LOVE how you articulated this concept. Thanks sis! ❤
Thank you! I really needed to hear this today! I discovered the female dating podcast whatever it was called and I found the women funny and I liked the message of women lifting their standards, but I didn't like how negative they were about men. Like, why do these women even want to date men if they think all men are horrible beasts who want to exploit women? And like you say, why would any good man want to be with a woman who thinks all men are horrible and is always so angry and negative? My experience with men is that they are more good than they are bad. I always loved men in general, and have always had good men come into my life. I don't think any of my exes were bad and even though our relationship ended, it was not a horrible experience but just a misalignment in who we were as people. I have no ill will towards any of them. I'm now happily married to a good man and very grateful for him. It's good to know how to spot bad men and avoid them, but it's more important to believe in good men.
I needed to hear that. Thanks bestie 💖
I'm bipolar and when i'm deep into a depressive episode, i just start my day with a negative mindset, applying that to dudes i talk or meet, assuming they're bad people or that they probably hate me. And at the same time it's hurting me too!
I love your videos. You teach how a woman how to find love for themselves and not hate men. Fair Queen 👑
This makes so muuuch sense. Thank you so much for this!
she’s the bestttt 👏🏼👏🏼✨
This was the best I’ve ever heard anyone talk about this.
New subscriber here! I’m in my
Mid forties and divorced and wished I had this channel to glean insight from in my younger years. Thank you!
needed to hear this. thank you, elle! 💗
Thank you for this reminder. It's so easy to fall into the negativity.
Totally agree with all the points you’ve made. Labeling all men as “bad” never felt good to me. I don’t remember how it started but one day I remembered telling myself “labeling all men as “bad” will not help me find a genuinely, good man”
Beautiful content. Thank you for sharing this integral message!!!! It's so important.
Agreed. How are you supposed to attract anything good if you have a negative mindset? It's important to work on oneself and have that positive mindset.
I greatly appreciate how realistically positive this video is. For the past couple years I've been falling into a state of, not *hating* men, but being unhealthily avoidant due to some bad experieneces. It really sucks. Even guys who may be good people, I just dont know if they truly are good. I still have hope, but how do I climb out of this hole?
Thank you so much for this video, it saved my day
Thank you so much bestie for this video❤
if you dont have a Podcast,you need one. i could listen to you for hours. your videos are my church
Thankyou! Very refreshing content ❤
This is great advice. I have some really sweet brothers. Focusing on bad people constantly does bring you down.
Thanks for reminder❤
Thank you so much. You are literally doing an Amazing job. Blessings✨🍀
Thats exactly my issue, I used to be overweight and i didnt know how to dress, all men even the good ones treat you like you aren't a human. This is why its so hard for me to believe that there are good men.
I'm learning English so thank you for the subtitles❤
I’d love a list of movies or shows that have some positive male roles in them! And positive female roles as well!!
great breakdown of how people can keep attracting and perpetuating negative realities
I love how sarcastic you can be 😂 literally it's the dark feminine vibe❤
Thank youu elle, this is so helpfull
This video is gold ✨
Wonderful way of thinking ❤
Thank you for sharing such a great content! ❤️
I’m so glad I clicked on this video. You remind me of my old psychologist, she was a really important and helpful person in my life. However I can’t see her anymore as she left the hospital. 🙂
Thank you❤ Needed❤
Thank you so much for making this chanel i just found you today and im so glad i did . Thank you for doing what you do ❤❤❤
I love this community besties ❤❤
this is really insightful content, love the perspective on finding better people by being focused on the positive and letting go of the negative belief system.
Didn't realize how much I needed to hear this. I'm trying very hard to exist my man-hating era.
I love this consistency. Please don’t stop!!
This video was extremely deep. Life changer. You explain these concepts so well! Very easy to understand and grasp and most importantly APPLY! Thanks bestie. ❤
The way u untangled my brain, dissected this so well and built such a strong foundation in this self concept is very inspiring. Thank you for helping me see things in a new way! Blessings and love to u girlie.
1st time watching your videos and I love them. Thanks for sharing ❤
you are honestly so wise
I find it super important and on point right now. I'm working on a project which involves showing women and their being in the world, contrasting with the shadow of patriarchal society. I was wondering how being interested in feminism can influence a relationship - which, I personally feel - it surely can. Thank you for sharing your content!
This video literally came at the perfect time