Then you have a very pacific case of paranoid schizophrenia, should also go back on you’re medication. Lol I’m actually schizoeffective, be a little more creative man. I’m doing some usual thread reading. I’m well aware it’s not real, schizophrenia means split mind, like living in 2 worlds at once bassicly. I’ve seen dead children, people hanging, to my own sisters head watching me. We’ve got absolutely titanium fkn balls brother. Lol😂
@Srithor You are doing a piss poor job of explaining any of these points. You want to be understood then its up to you to make yourself understood instead of insulting people because of your own incapabilities. The video DOES mention paranoid schizophrenia "Improving care for america's paranoid schizophrenics". Its a joke video clearly not meant to take seriously...
@Srithor sorry to burst your ego bubble but literally the whole video it displays a box saying 'America's Paranoid Schizophrenics'. The main part is them being paranoid, but it's upgraded by adding schizophrenia
Srithor if I may ask, you claim to be a professional no? If that’s the case may I ask why you said they confused a neurological disorder with a plausible symptom of said disorder? I’m kind of confused why you felt the need to state that if the point of the joke is that they would be exasperating the joke. I’m currently studding neuroscience and would just like a clarification on that point since that seems like and important thing to note. Since you seem to be knowledgeable in the field I would love it if you could explain this. I could see it as a confusion between just general paranoia versus paranoid schizophrenia as what you were stating to be the confusion. But that wouldn’t make sense considering they were hinting at symptoms that would not be apart of some sort of general paranoia disorder and would be more inline with schizophrenia. Thanks in advance and I hope to hear back from you soon! :)
Srithor can I ask why symptom is in air quotes? It seems like you are not disputing the fact that it’s a symptom which is what it sounded like from some of your arguments. Also this video doesn’t seem to be attempting to inform the public on the nature of schizophrenia, just kind of act as a nod to those who know about the discorder at least vaguely? Not only that any of the things taken at face value from this video would exasperate the paranoia symptoms that such people would have if actually implemented no? It would seem kind of weird to take this all at face value wouldn’t it? Or am I crazy to think that? If I ever do work in this kind of stuff I would like to know what would be an appropriate way to show case this disorder. If this is truly inappropriate I would appreciate it if you could let me know in fair detail on how to present this. It is a fascinating disorder and I would love to be able to do the topic justice if I ever have the need to. Once again thank you in advance!
IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS
That’s right, literally everyone you pass by in your daily life is looking out for you! Many are also coordinating their…help. They want what’s best for you. We all want what’s best for you. Comply with our help. Let us help. You need our help.
Why is the onion so damn good at writing around serious conditions, while keeping it realistic, not offensive to those with the condition and hilarious to all? Their channel from 8-12 years ago is absolute gold, their writers need oscars
@@___meph___4547 because there’s been people that were ruled as a suicide with two gunshot wounds to the head, which is obviously not possible if you shot yourself
Schizophrenic Person: "Get out of my head!!!" The ominous voice of the government: "Dude, you are like, being really ungrateful right now. We are just trying to help you man"
@@EvilMAiq a lot of them life normal lives actually I know a girl with it and I couldn't tell unless she told me but I've never seen her have an episode because we've done a good job of keeping the cameras and microphones in her house hidden in things like lights and even the inside of her couch
See, this is why I'm for insurance reform. My paranoid grandfather's Medicaid only covers subliminal messages in TV static and infomercials, and all I can do is to go to his house in the dead of the night and scrape my nails against the windows or slam the lights on and off via the outdoor electrical box to show him that he is not alone, and that he has a grandson that loves and cares about him.
@Bangbabangbabangbang Agree, taking away old items and putting new ones similar to the original makes them realize that you both care enought to get new thing and recognize his likeness of the already present design.
Did someone call for help? FlatEarthAddy you are correct. Sorry my response time was so slow. The reality being sent to my projected consciousness had me focused on other things
@Alpha I'm epileptic and some of the meds I take also work as bipolar medications. Without them I'd be kaput. Not all meds are bad, it just depends on the severity of the situation. Believe me, I've tried every natural remedy out there and worked with everyone from certified nutritionists to naturopaths and nothing comes close to being as effective as pharmaceutical drugs. I supplement with a healthy keto diet that's proven to help epileptics, but believe me when I say my meds are a GOOD thing. In general, though, America is overmedicated, I agree.
I find it very wholesome that these measures are considered to help the schizophrenic people, I use to follow them around their routine and then pretend I'm not when they look at me to make sure they are fine but also to give them space to be themselves. It's very important that they feel a constant hidden presence around them so they know they are not alone.
Well if watching this from a site that everyone knows is a complete joke and parody still freaks you out.... Well then you need more than just medicine....
Bigtoe the only real part is the doctors injecting recorders on patients and updating the system through medicine, trust me I’m a doctor 🥼 just to study them and then give the information to the government so they can find out how to control them and use them in favor of society, nothing dark, just good intentions!
The thing about these kinds of a delusions is that even if the rational part of you recognizes that it might be a little ridiculous for some reason the "feeling" doesn't go away, and the thoughts persist.
@@bryanmejia3498 You're 100% right, some of my delusions were literally impossible but still to this day there's a small part of me that thinks they're real. It really throws your sense of intuition and instinct off
I know it's not the best look but I showed this to my schizophrenic boyfriend without context when it first came out. He responded exactly how you thought one would. I explained to him it's just a parody video and he absolutely loved the prank I pulled on him. He thought it was hilarous. We were together for 12 years. Unfortunately he took his own life Nov. 14, 2021. It may seem dumb but I revisit this video to remember how we laughed together.
my drummer is severely schizophrenic, like... "made the news getting arrested" level schizo.. he has successfully committed suicide and been revived 3 times while committed.. I can't wait to send him this video when he wakes up in a few lol... hey we have to try and have fun with our crazy loved ones, my friend is in a great place right now I know he'll be triggered but we'll laugh, I'm sorry for your loss, it is what it is, someday I'll be dealing with it too, hope not, he's a good man he just thinks insects are cameras for ninja fbi agents
@@rogerab1792 paranoid schizophrenics often feel, or 'hear' "everyone is out to get you", So they are parodying "everyone is out to get you help", but 7 words is probably too much :P
We should organize supportive "gang helping" communities over the internet to carefully plan who schizophrenics get to interact with during the day. When the schizophrenic is present, we can use special hand signals and secret words to coordinate each other, as to not distract the schizophrenic from his activities.
I am a paranoid schizophrenic and am greatly relieved to find out it's been a "team effort" all along. I used to worry that I had good luck or God was watching out for me or something. I guess all those daily rituals and prayers were for nothing. Also, I always knew they were hiding shit in the tattoos.
Yeah. The fact that the government can be so paranoid that they openly say to "prepare for the worst" but then lock people up thru the hospital system when individuals also show concern for what they can not falsify is screwed up.
Jesus christ as someone who works with paranoid schizophrenics this is hilariously accurate to the common delusions, this is officially my favourite video ever
@@staringatchairs7844 it isn't making fun of schizophrenics, it's mocking people who don't have schizophrenia but believe the government is constantly tracking and surveilling them. The humor is that they list out these things commonly said by your average libertarian Facebook user and compare it to a disease as serious as schizophrenia. The onion doesn't just pick on people with mental illness
@Wise Acres Not even remotely the same, you can take your edgy atheism somewhere else lmao. And people with schizophrenia can have religious delusions but that doesn't mean anybody who is religious is experiencing psychosis, it's a faith.
Remember kids, even if a person refuses your help, you can always give them some confident reassurance that you’ll be coming back to get them (again, in reference to help). Best to show your determination by giving example scenarios that you will gladly overcome, and make sure to never break eye contact because it would be rude.
i have schizophrenia and this is one of the funniest things ive seen about it. i'm normally way sensitive about my illness and the "delusions" i have are no joke (i only call them delusions bc its easier) especially about surveillance. this is just so funny tho. def dont wanna watch while im unmedicated but good job
@@rum-ham "thoughts and beliefs i have that only i experience the effects of and know are 100% true" doesn't roll off the tongue quite so easily so delusions it is
@@acenewgate4039 I see. Question: How could they be true/real if you're the only one who experiences them? I have had issues with paranoia about surveillance myself and I try to ask lots of questions to myself like this. I find that it helps me realize that's it's probably not true.
@@rum-ham the reasoning is kinda more than i wanna say on a public forum where ppl are joking about this kind of thing, but i'll say a schizophrenic's mind can take incredible twists and turns to make a "delusion" "work" if that makes any sense.
@@literallyjustgrassWell... After I took a massive shit, I got onions news about "Breaking news: some bullshit happening somewhere". So yeah... They are on the shit.
I’m friends with a few schizophrenic people. And honestly it’s exhausting hanging out with them. I was on a big kick of “don’t let them tell you you’re sick” but it’s a definite illness, and I feel sorry for the constant mental torture, confusion, and oppression many of these people live with
“don’t let them tell you you’re sick” might not be the answer but i feel like you got the spirit right as in "don't let an illness stop you from being a whole person"
@@MFonEarthmy friends did the same the losers. And i had no “episode” i dont have mental illness either. I was part of the occult for a time and it really messed me up, my faith in Christ saved me. Unfortunately our society is too stupid to understand spiritual problems like that, opting to reduce it to mental illness at times.
What's so bad about being sick tho? Like it helps you to get recognized and be able to live to the best of your abilities managing your symptoms. That's it, you're still human, still the same person. You are sick but that is fine why is there such shame in this? the shame you create yourself, don't let it get you down, you have to accept it, not deny it.
@@jakeschwartz2514 oh this is rich, sure its just a mindset religion issue, even though there are plenty of people religious andd non religious who have schizophrenia so thath makes no sense. And also do you have the slightest idea of how medical science works? do you have a bachelor of science? bc more than 100 years of medical acedemical science would not agree with you. I'm happy it worked for you, but saying society is stupid for correctly recognizing "unwantend mental abnormalities which negatively affects someone's ability to live" is something whe might help with. But I bet you never read a single research paper rct, or systematic review. Do you have abachelor in science? medical ofcourse, if not, please go away and spread your misinformation somewhere else, you are actively hurting people with real mental problems who want help, what you think we laugh at you at the clinics and wards? we all put our passion into our work and it shows so its frustrating to see someone, most likely unedicated in this topic, proclaim its all society based. Like how about you back that up with some facts hm? science sure can, but I doubt you can, also the occult doesnt make you crazy, its literally just make believe, something children would believe, please gr ow up
I know this is a joke, but it's very close to what the robotic government squirrel that greets me on my way to work every morning told me too. Just sayin'.
More phrases they should say in the Ear Speakers: “We want you”. This is in reference to them being in our lives. “We know what’s going to happen”. We know that we’re going to help them with their mental state. “We’re here for you. Basically in your house”. Because THATS how devoted we are to helping them.
I think such a message is necessary: "We will always be here. Nothing can get rid of us." It's important to anyone being treated for mental health that they know their caregivers are present and not going to leave or give up on them. I think that message of constancy needs to be sent to underline the fact that anywhere they go there will be someone watching for them. Regardless of where it is, whether it be their bedroom at night, the woods outside the city, or even in abandoned infrastructure they may seek shelter in.
As a schizophrenic, thank you. Now when the demon under the street lamp finally tries to wear my skin and blend into society, the feds will know it's not me
As a health care professional I can tell you this is spot on! Now they just need to make the patients future visible through normal tv broadcasts 🎉 fuuuu😂😂
The Devil is a liar. What they go into are visions, but what they “hear” about what they see probably isn’t their future. The Devil is confusing and tormenting them. Sometimes with what they see or hear, but more often with how others misguide and treat them. It’s a spiritual issue and an issue of trying to reason through it without scriptures to direct and fight it. Even Jesus had the Devil show him stuff, but he fought it with the truth. Read the gospels with that perspective. That is if you truly care about your patience. I see people get set free. Do you? I’m not being snarky, are you seeing the same results that Deliverance ministers and Biblical counselors see where people go from homeless and out of their mind to productive leaders in society having better than any vision of the future they ever imagined? Like the man in Mark five who knew to run to Jesus after being a cutter he was later found clothed and within his right mind no longer needed if to be chained. It doesn’t matter what position you hold working with those who are deemed mentally ill, shift your own mind and how you see them, see them as God sees them and learn how to talk to and pray for them. They are actually seeing stuff they just don’t know why or where it’s coming from, and they don’t know how to get it to stop, some of these people opened the doorway to that stuff through New Age meditation, messing with the occult, or most common they literally invite in a demon through prayer trying to run away from a trauma and not realizing it’s not God they are calling on as they make deals that have to be broken. I’m not saying that chemical imbalances do not exist, sometimes the problem is drugs, physical, or nutritional issues instead or in addition, but to be “crazy” is to know the truth and reject it that thinking other less spiritual options could work out just as well, that’s crazy. Sadly, medicated people too horrible crimes, I’m not even sure if we can say it’s a band-Aid as they “act normal” (emotionless) but the core issues remain. People need the truth of the Lord and to humbly submit to him as being their custom solutions and the only way.
@@FrancisR420 the government has even admitted to doing it themselves, funny how people would rather pretend all the surveillance going on is not real and let the mass spying happen
@NSA It's not, Opfart was real and it used torture to stop farts from emissioning from buttholes and it canceled our right to fart by spreading propaganda against it.
I have mild schizophrenia and find this very amusing. However, I’m also reminded that while detained in a psychiatric unit, Having nurses check in on me every 5 minutes and scribbling notes and reviewing my day to day didn’t really help
@1:02 "A recorded voice on a loop saying, everyone around you wants to get you. . .in reference to help". That pregnant pause and a deadpan delivery. Classic Onion! 😃
I find it annoying that when I give a schizophrenic a friendly stare at the coffee shop while my FBI friend secretly places a GPS tracker on their car they have this look like they are uncomfortable and I'm "suspicious".
I hate when my schizophrenic next door neighbor complains about me whispering "you won't be alone much longer" through my shower wall. I do it so he knows that I'll always be there for him. Ungrateful.
People hearing in the spiritual realm aren’t crazy, people listening to the demons who claim to love them or give them power while they tell them to do harmful things, that’s another story. Scripture says Satan is the father of lies who comes to steal kill and destroy, people need to stop putting their faith in him. People coming to Christ and being delivered from the voices or even possession that was beyond their ability to control or be controlled with meds is a real thing, how you want to define how it works, it doesn’t matter how it works, it matters that true and “genuine” acceptance of what Jesus did on the cross does work. By his Isaiah 53 stripes we are healed. See the gospels, start in Matthew, Mark, or John.
@@AverageAlienPeople are addicted to saying their illnesses and diagnostics on the internet, like what do they expect from this? I don't know, is not very difficult keep it to yourself, everyone has problems...
As a schizophrenic I hate to say that this is the best representation of the symptoms I have seen yet. The only difference for me is that I often feel like there are bugs in my ears and throat and I feel like someone’s biting me sometimes.
One of the best things our governments have done for these people is letting the homeless shelter in the walls of their homes, allowing them to never feel lonely at any given time, while not interfering with their day-to-day lives and at the same time giving the homeless a place to stay
What's it like knowing you're schizophrenic? I have a family member who became schizophrenic later in life and I can't help but feel like if she realized she was schizophrenic life would be a lot better for her.
@@marcroberts4814 what in gods name are you talking about. If you’re personality is identical to how you are inside your head then I don’t want to interact with you at all lol
So the newscaster and the people with the expertise he invited to bring this so obvious and yet value proposition, which concluded since start, strong on the way to a nice undebatle hive mind, followed rethoric. Very nice to see the news, and their is no discussion and you feel so nice at the end, nothing to learn but that these people brought their expertise we all could value.
schizophrenia is no joke unless its happening before your eyes, or on tv or whatever. its basically always funny. one of my schizophrenic friends thought his banker was following him so he walked into the bank upto the teller (off his meds of course) and handed her a note that read "if you dont stop it i'm going to kill you". he is the most gentle man, and the teller didnt know that he believed she was following him all over the place all the time. it might have been an odd situation but holy shit was it funny
"I read in a medical journal recently that a number of doctors have put microscopic tracking devices under the skin of schizophrenics which is a great way to make sure they don't get lost." pure genius
I am a medical student finishing up a 3 month rotation in a Psych ward. I laughed so hard bc these are exactly the symptoms and things schizo-paranoid patients talk about!
I met a guy in the psych ward who thought President Obama was monitoring him through the cameras in the unit, and sending magazine advertisements to the hospital to communicate his future blessings. He thought Obama was going to get him a new car. He let me read some of the letters that he was writing and holding up to the camera. It was like a letter to Santa. In his eyes, the world was conspiring in his favor. He seemed happy.
Excellent coverage of this important issue, and some fantastic ideas! I think it’s vitally important that paranoid schizophrenics know that EVERYONE is behind them. Right behind them. Everywhere. All the time. Around every corner. Making sure they know they’re never alone.
A little consideration and a whole lot of watchfulness can go a long way to putting the minds of these people at rest, and convincing them that in so many ways they are included and. They can be assured that expression of identity won't go un-notice. And also, fabulous reporting Onion, and what a fantastic panel you have here to provide both diverse and qualified opinions in relation to this topic and so many more newsworthy topics. Again, another fine example of a news and opinion media outfit that can show the world how much people care. Thanks a lot, this has really brightened my day and given me reassurance that those schitzo folk will always have a place in our community.
this is by far my favorite thing the onion has ever done it kills me everytime and gives out a lot of really useful information i’ve started following my local paranoid schizophrenic and whispering i’m gonna get you (in reference to help of course) whenever i get the chance such as the grocery store or restaurants to remind them that they have someone watching over them and they’re never alone
I really like this skit, but my Husband's favorite Onion is this one, I concur th-cam.com/video/qvCGqhShNnk/w-d-xo.htmlfeature=shared whew what a tool 🕊
I was just looking to get some volunteer work at the elderly care home but they made me take over 1,000 skin grafts and total facial reconstruction surgery to resemble a war vet’s dead son. Overall, I’d rate the working conditions an 8.5/10
Eye contact is also a way of letting people know you care about them. If everyone in the community could organize to stare at them whenever they are around, it would let them know they are supported. But, prolonged eye contact can be a little intimidating, so its important to break the eye contact as soon as they look back. This way we can ensure the greatest level of comfort.
As a schizophrenic, this is absolutely hilarious lol and the symptoms and conditions are actually completely accurate which makes this even funnier. i love this
They forgot to recruit FBI agents who will pretend to be their significant others (spouse, child, parents) who will monitor them and report to government agencies (to help with their mental health, ofc). And what about medicated food?
As a real, living schizophrenic person, I can speak for all of us schizophrenics when I say we NEED these policies implemented! The government has our overwhelming support for these measures!!
This is so relevant to how some medical professionals make mental illness worse while “helping”a patient. A few ways are: providing solutions for patients that are general due to seeing them as inhuman or under funding, anti psychotics lacking proper testing or even a proper nutritional supplement for how they affect the body of someone already under stress, isolation from society or only exposure to others in a crisis taking someone further from normalcy, ignoring aspects of biology like physical fitness as part of maintaining homeostasis (by locking someone up during a crisis).
I think it's wonderful that there's a global effort to make sure that paranoid schizophrenics are never truly alone, that there's always someone there, watching them. To make sure they're safe.
Installing multiple voice devices in their ears to hear different voices just so that they know it's a team effort is a brilliant idea. Till now I had to speak in different voices myself to help my schizophrenic ex partner but now I know he is in safe hands.
I, frankly, appreciate the recent grassroots movement taken in my community, to collectively shine lasers into Schizophrenics homes, hovels, and shantys. Using encoded patterns to send signals is a fantastic stimulus for data collection.
Been on antipsychotics since 2014 but only diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic in 2019.I was admitted to a secure psychiatric ward twice that year. Won't go into the details of my delusions because I don't like talking about it, but I would have killed someone if I hadn't been hospitalised. The misconception of a schizophrenic having a dozen independent personalities within them is absolute bollocks. People need to be educated on these matters, not to make them aware so they don't offend schizophrenics, but to make them aware so they can spot possible symptoms in other people (They won't be able to spot their own symptoms if they have schizophrenia, not until they've been medicated and stabilised, and even then it's not guaranteed. I acknowledge my illness, but still can't ignore how some of my delusions still seem real, to this day) If a person knows what to look out for they can help save a person's suffering by getting medical intervention, be it voluntary (rarely) or forced (almost always), and prevent that person harming themselves, or others. Wouldn't wish this illness on my worst enemy, it's cruel in too many ways
My former roommate DEFINITELY has schizophrenia. Homie called the police on me cuz he believed I put spy cameras in his room. He also believed I had built a secret passageway in the house. Creepy dude. He would even talk outside my door and apparently had LOTS of conversations with me while I was not there. And he tried to break into my room. I hope he gets help but also he traumatized me. I just wanna say too that both the police and the Mental Crisis team failed. I had to call the police 3x on this man and when the crisis ppl came he just lied to all their questions and they said he was fine. And this same person would vehemently tell me how he didn’t need therapy. I still have nightmares about him.
Now we find out they predicted the future, back then. They things they say in this video were either declassified or brought into public knowledge through "new research" (code term for "secret services had this for a few years, and then someone else (re)discovered how it's done and allowed it to become public knowledge").
Imagine watching it as a PS and it changing your whole world view and making you think that actually all the things you're seeing are part of a genuine support network trying to help you.
best line: We already have the ability to make everything that is the color red signal data and transmit images back to an underground government bunker THEY CAN DO THAT??
I just brought hot sauce up to my room for the first time in like 6 months, what a coincidence... There's also other red shit on my desk, scissors, 1/10th burnt candle, + fucking red handle screw driver behind me with a perfect view of my screen over my shoulder. water bottle cap. Just got a bright red fluffy cloth basically a blanket like two months ago but I don't even use that shit to keep warm, I use it as a replacement pillow.. holy chit.... just googled minority report (idk why) and google gave me a pop-up: "How satisfied are you with these results?"... gtfo :((((((((((( since when does google want feedback on anything?..... the feels
oh buddy they can do a LOT more than just that and this isn't coming from a conspiracy standpoint this is coming from an IT / ICT standpoint. For one, they can hack into pretty much anything that has a wireless signal. + the five eyes surveillance bots have a ton of functionality. Things like keyloggers, remote access, turning on ''covert connectivity'' (connecting an offline device to the internet via remote or non-remote methods) It's pretty cool stuff tbh. At least if you're interested in ICT.
Wow, this is great; my stunt of living in the sewers of a psychiatric ward for the last couple of years is finally getting recognition from the government! I'm so glad I'm not alone in doing this. Every 67 hours I restart a cycle of whispering "I am watching you" seven times every 8 hours through a megaphone so that the entire psychiatric ward rumbles. I think the whispering helps so they know I don't share their caregiver information. I hope they feel better, knowing that if they stumble, I will be there to pick them up.
My friend is schizophrenic and I love to help her out. Whenever she feels paranoid or delusional I make sure to scream loudly (I hide in her fiberglass) so she knows she isn't alone. Another accommodation I like to make is to act insane, so when she tells someone what she saw no one believes her. That way, she always has something to think about instead of being paranoid. You guys are doing god's work.
As a non-schizophrenic, this an incredibly accurate depiction of the symptoms I don't have
Lol this is a very underrated comment
based non-schizo
Hey man my father had a mental breakdown same situation same symptoms
@@Greg-jr5kr sir i believe you just won the internet! Here is your crown👑
Is this aimed at me?
Oddly, this is one of the only media representations of schizophrenia I've seen that actually gets the symptoms right.
You can tell the edgy comments that are like "santa claus lives in my teeth!" are the ones that never experienced psychosis in their lives
It's sad that the Onion is unironically the most accurate news source there is.
We live in a society.
@@manuelsputnik Gamer, rise up!
@@RobespierreThePoof I was going to say the same thing.!
@@orions2908
You have nothing to lose but your deodorant!
As a schizophrenic myself I‘m happy to say that they have since implemented all of these help measures. God bless them.
I'm watching you.
You're not schizophrenic
You somehow have all forms?
They are also putting microphones in your microwave. Thats why they call them Microwaves
Then you have a very pacific case of paranoid schizophrenia, should also go back on you’re medication. Lol I’m actually schizoeffective, be a little more creative man. I’m doing some usual thread reading. I’m well aware it’s not real, schizophrenia means split mind, like living in 2 worlds at once bassicly. I’ve seen dead children, people hanging, to my own sisters head watching me. We’ve got absolutely titanium fkn balls brother. Lol😂
"Everyone around you wants to get you."
...
"In reference to 'help.'"
Ah, of course
He nearly cracked and showed the governments true colors, he saved it tho
I'm still laughing at this one line
“you’re not alone”
Looks around like what did you think I meant 😂😂😂
😂
Oh man it's so perfect
crysknife007 overly
@Srithor You are doing a piss poor job of explaining any of these points. You want to be understood then its up to you to make yourself understood instead of insulting people because of your own incapabilities. The video DOES mention paranoid schizophrenia "Improving care for america's paranoid schizophrenics". Its a joke video clearly not meant to take seriously...
@Srithor sorry to burst your ego bubble but literally the whole video it displays a box saying 'America's Paranoid Schizophrenics'. The main part is them being paranoid, but it's upgraded by adding schizophrenia
Srithor if I may ask, you claim to be a professional no? If that’s the case may I ask why you said they confused a neurological disorder with a plausible symptom of said disorder? I’m kind of confused why you felt the need to state that if the point of the joke is that they would be exasperating the joke. I’m currently studding neuroscience and would just like a clarification on that point since that seems like and important thing to note. Since you seem to be knowledgeable in the field I would love it if you could explain this. I could see it as a confusion between just general paranoia versus paranoid schizophrenia as what you were stating to be the confusion. But that wouldn’t make sense considering they were hinting at symptoms that would not be apart of some sort of general paranoia disorder and would be more inline with schizophrenia. Thanks in advance and I hope to hear back from you soon! :)
Srithor can I ask why symptom is in air quotes? It seems like you are not disputing the fact that it’s a symptom which is what it sounded like from some of your arguments. Also this video doesn’t seem to be attempting to inform the public on the nature of schizophrenia, just kind of act as a nod to those who know about the discorder at least vaguely? Not only that any of the things taken at face value from this video would exasperate the paranoia symptoms that such people would have if actually implemented no? It would seem kind of weird to take this all at face value wouldn’t it? Or am I crazy to think that? If I ever do work in this kind of stuff I would like to know what would be an appropriate way to show case this disorder. If this is truly inappropriate I would appreciate it if you could let me know in fair detail on how to present this. It is a fascinating disorder and I would love to be able to do the topic justice if I ever have the need to. Once again thank you in advance!
As a paranoid schizophrenic, I'm glad to know that these people are looking out for me.
IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS
Every step you take, every move you make they'll be watching you!
We are all looking out for you. Right now. Through the camera part of your phone. Smile
As a semi regular person with schitzo aspirations I am happy to know I won't be alone when I reach diagnosis..thx
That’s right, literally everyone you pass by in your daily life is looking out for you! Many are also coordinating their…help. They want what’s best for you. We all want what’s best for you. Comply with our help. Let us help. You need our help.
"Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not after you."
😂😂😂😂😂😂
I agree! In addition, I wouldn't be Paranoid if they weren't really out to get me! 🤔😳
Just because they actually talk about you behind your back, doesn't mean they're talking about you behind your back.
@@Interdacted excuses..
@@JamilaJibril-e8h so talking behind ppls backs is good?
The amount of talent that went into these sketches is on another level, incredible acting and writing.
Seriously!!! Old comedy was on another level, people took the bit seriously and fully committed to it
Why is the onion so damn good at writing around serious conditions, while keeping it realistic, not offensive to those with the condition and hilarious to all? Their channel from 8-12 years ago is absolute gold, their writers need oscars
It's too bad they don't make these kind of videos anymore :(
The producers would “commit suicide” with 2 bullets in the back of their heads if they made anything like this now.
@@AdolfTrumpler i mean considering that basically every person with a condition they made skits on laughed, i doubt it.
@@___meph___4547 because there’s been people that were ruled as a suicide with two gunshot wounds to the head, which is obviously not possible if you shot yourself
@@apollo1573 "which is obviously not possible if you shot yourself"
Not with that attitude...
"Of course we can't have just one voice, we need to have more than one voice because then they know it's a team effort." LMFAO
Team effort 😆😆
We’ve seen the video
@@dianachupryk6213 its already a year
That's where I lost it 😆
I just ignore the voices in my head, none of them speak English anyway
Schizophrenic Person:
"Get out of my head!!!"
The ominous voice of the government:
"Dude, you are like, being really ungrateful right now. We are just trying to help you man"
LMAOOOOOO
That's awful 😂
*we're just trying to get you.... in reference to help
the monk is trying to help ya man
"You're being such a narc right now man"
The woman getting interrupted at 21 seconds. The satire is so well done it is almost brutal.
Yes! It's just like a panel with everybody talking off the cuff, sounds so natural. 1:19 and 1:58 are some other examples
you can do 0:21 to help people click to the time
I just picture a schizophrenic watching this without knowing it's satire
Dude you wouldn't tell who's a schizophrenic even if it was your friend
@@HolyCrusader23 If you had met someone with schizophrenia you would definitely notice.
Xeroin Dop what are you on about? Ive known several People with the diagnosis, and when theyre in a psychosis, its really easy noticeable.
@@aj4829 they're new then and or mentally weak, normal intelligent schizophrenics manage their symptoms without meds and no oce can notice anything
@@EvilMAiq a lot of them life normal lives actually I know a girl with it and I couldn't tell unless she told me but I've never seen her have an episode because we've done a good job of keeping the cameras and microphones in her house hidden in things like lights and even the inside of her couch
I think these are the best comedians on the planet.
+Mark Shawa LITERALLY YEAH
+Lilly M he played chet on childrens hospital... one of the funniest guys ever
Mark Shawa The German equivalent of the onion "der Postillon" is really good as well.
Mark Shawa he
@@gameswoodmore5950 I wish Brazil had something like this haha
See, this is why I'm for insurance reform. My paranoid grandfather's Medicaid only covers subliminal messages in TV static and infomercials, and all I can do is to go to his house in the dead of the night and scrape my nails against the windows or slam the lights on and off via the outdoor electrical box to show him that he is not alone, and that he has a grandson that loves and cares about him.
@Bangbabangbabangbang Agree, taking away old items and putting new ones similar to the original makes them realize that you both care enought to get new thing and recognize his likeness of the already present design.
This is underrated. From a psychosis guy :)
This made me laugh so hard I cried.
Underrated comment
This is one of the funniest things I've ever read in my life.
As a Schizophrenic, this is clearly old news. All this is now implemented.
Please get help.
Did someone call for help? FlatEarthAddy you are correct. Sorry my response time was so slow. The reality being sent to my projected consciousness had me focused on other things
Well duh it’s 16 years old
At first I thought you were joking, but now I'm just sorry for your condition. I hope you reach peace one day, without these thoughts.
As a non-schizophrenic, I won't claim I'm a schizophrenic.
Thanks for the humor, and thanks for not feeding the misinformation.
You're doing it right brother! I say it all the time too. We live in hard times.
Humor is the best medicine
@Alpha I'm epileptic and some of the meds I take also work as bipolar medications. Without them I'd be kaput. Not all meds are bad, it just depends on the severity of the situation. Believe me, I've tried every natural remedy out there and worked with everyone from certified nutritionists to naturopaths and nothing comes close to being as effective as pharmaceutical drugs. I supplement with a healthy keto diet that's proven to help epileptics, but believe me when I say my meds are a GOOD thing. In general, though, America is overmedicated, I agree.
@Alpha Oh, gotcha. Nice troll haha.
I find it very wholesome that these measures are considered to help the schizophrenic people, I use to follow them around their routine and then pretend I'm not when they look at me to make sure they are fine but also to give them space to be themselves. It's very important that they feel a constant hidden presence around them so they know they are not alone.
Sounds like something an imaginary psychologist would say.
Thank you for your service. ❤
doing the lords work
God bless your kind heart
Who ever said loneliness is next to godliness needs a cognitive test.
I like how youtube didn't recommend this until my anti-anxiety meds ran out.
Well if watching this from a site that everyone knows is a complete joke and parody still freaks you out.... Well then you need more than just medicine....
They did it because they care. '
Jason Price 😳🤦♀️
lmao that is so sad
@@JasonP6339 If "everyone knows is a complete joke and parody" is enough to stop mental illness, it wouldn't be much of a illness would it?
These were the golden days of The Onion
The golden days of The Onion were before TH-cam.
These were the golden days of The Onion
NSA : National Schizophrenia Awareness
Top kek
Yasir Ahmad that’s was good
Thats brillant lol
They do good work for all of the schizophrenic people.
Spot on
Someone just brought me this video as "evidence" of a tracker they claim to have pulled out of their skin.
Never change, The Onion
Never change, random methheads
This is the type of thing a 12 year old would fall for and go on about for weeks
I know schizos
They would think this is some kind of targeting designed as satire as plausible deniability
They see hidden messages everywhere
r/atetheonion
@Steve the Pirate Careful, them conspiracy nuts will start coming out lol
As somebody who went through pretty much all of the delusions listed in this video, this is one of the best/most accurate things I've ever seen
Bigtoe the only real part is the doctors injecting recorders on patients and updating the system through medicine, trust me I’m a doctor 🥼 just to study them and then give the information to the government so they can find out how to control them and use them in favor of society, nothing dark, just good intentions!
i dont call persecution dellusions
The thing about these kinds of a delusions is that even if the rational part of you recognizes that it might be a little ridiculous for some reason the "feeling" doesn't go away, and the thoughts persist.
@@bryanmejia3498 You're 100% right, some of my delusions were literally impossible but still to this day there's a small part of me that thinks they're real. It really throws your sense of intuition and instinct off
@Green Giant Try anti-psychotic meds
I know it's not the best look but I showed this to my schizophrenic boyfriend without context when it first came out. He responded exactly how you thought one would. I explained to him it's just a parody video and he absolutely loved the prank I pulled on him. He thought it was hilarous. We were together for 12 years. Unfortunately he took his own life Nov. 14, 2021. It may seem dumb but I revisit this video to remember how we laughed together.
I’m so sorry for your loss 😢
Wow I’m really sorry
That's a beautiful memory
my drummer is severely schizophrenic, like... "made the news getting arrested" level schizo.. he has successfully committed suicide and been revived 3 times while committed.. I can't wait to send him this video when he wakes up in a few lol... hey we have to try and have fun with our crazy loved ones, my friend is in a great place right now I know he'll be triggered but we'll laugh, I'm sorry for your loss, it is what it is, someday I'll be dealing with it too, hope not, he's a good man he just thinks insects are cameras for ninja fbi agents
@@eisenkeith Maybe don't show him this
everyone around you wants to get you... in reference to help LOL
Pororo Lover fuck you
No you
Jack Miller watch your fucking mouth
@@rogerab1792 paranoid schizophrenics often feel, or 'hear' "everyone is out to get you",
So they are parodying "everyone is out to get you help", but 7 words is probably too much :P
Best line!
We should organize supportive "gang helping" communities over the internet to carefully plan who schizophrenics get to interact with during the day. When the schizophrenic is present, we can use special hand signals and secret words to coordinate each other, as to not distract the schizophrenic from his activities.
This comment is evil 🤣
We should also alternate between signal colors using our clandestine civilian outfits.
Dude if one of those gangstalk nut jobs read this, they'd have a straight up aneurysm and start foaming at the mouth
This just sounds like the internet already
What does this mean?
I am a paranoid schizophrenic and am greatly relieved to find out it's been a "team effort" all along. I used to worry that I had good luck or God was watching out for me or something. I guess all those daily rituals and prayers were for nothing.
Also, I always knew they were hiding shit in the tattoos.
@@JonnySUN7 jeez who hurt you
@@JonnySUN7 Atheists are not friends they are enemies of God and men, but we can still pray for them.
Who hurt you was the funniest response ever XD
@@maximilianthomas3006 Screw you buddy. I am not the enemy of all christians, but I am yours.
@@jonavanderpal My pleasure, but please believe in Jesus. If you don't God will punish you for your all your lifetimes sins after your death.
The question is not: "Am I paranoid?", it's: "Am I paranoid enough?"
Yeah. The fact that the government can be so paranoid that they openly say to "prepare for the worst" but then lock people up thru the hospital system when individuals also show concern for what they can not falsify is screwed up.
It’s like the old refrain: if you have to ask….
Jesus christ as someone who works with paranoid schizophrenics this is hilariously accurate to the common delusions, this is officially my favourite video ever
@David C they’re in the walls
@David C It's similar to making fun of blind or deaf people, or people with photosensitive epilepsy.
@@staringatchairs7844 it isn't making fun of schizophrenics, it's mocking people who don't have schizophrenia but believe the government is constantly tracking and surveilling them. The humor is that they list out these things commonly said by your average libertarian Facebook user and compare it to a disease as serious as schizophrenia. The onion doesn't just pick on people with mental illness
@@szewal They talked about schizophrenics and used textbook paranoid schizophrenic delusions. It's about schizophrenia. Still funny tho
@Wise Acres Not even remotely the same, you can take your edgy atheism somewhere else lmao. And people with schizophrenia can have religious delusions but that doesn't mean anybody who is religious is experiencing psychosis, it's a faith.
Remember kids, even if a person refuses your help, you can always give them some confident reassurance that you’ll be coming back to get them (again, in reference to help). Best to show your determination by giving example scenarios that you will gladly overcome, and make sure to never break eye contact because it would be rude.
Shit had me crying 😂😂
😂
Spookily similar to Jehovah's Witnesses.
Are you referring to intense stare as another act to care for them?
ive found it really helpful to let them know I know their secrets and I've heard their thoughts, just so they feel seen and understood
My husband (with schizophrenia) thinks this is the funniest thing ever.
How is he doing?
Not schizophrenic but this is scary, because its slowly happening, to everyone.
soxpeewee twist: you’re actually a schizophrenic who is hallucinating a husband
But he secretly believes it true!
soxpeewee I hope by now you got a divorce, your life’s in danger woman
I love how the onion accurately makes fun of different groups of people without dehumanizing them. They are what every “edgy” comedian tries to be
15 years ago you would be right, not today though
@@jr2904 Same
They took parody to a true art form. The details are amazing.
@@jr2904neo nazis forfeited their right to fair treatment when they decided to become neo nazis
@@chainswordcssounds like you are authoritarian
i wonder how many takes they took to perform this straight faced?
Whatever SOMA they ingest over at the onion, really keeps me balanced and I need it,
1 or 2. What a stupid question..
One. These gubment scientists are stone cold.
3
696 brother
i have schizophrenia and this is one of the funniest things ive seen about it. i'm normally way sensitive about my illness and the "delusions" i have are no joke (i only call them delusions bc its easier) especially about surveillance. this is just so funny tho. def dont wanna watch while im unmedicated but good job
What else would you call them other than delusions?
@@rum-ham "thoughts and beliefs i have that only i experience the effects of and know are 100% true" doesn't roll off the tongue quite so easily so delusions it is
@@acenewgate4039 I see. Question: How could they be true/real if you're the only one who experiences them? I have had issues with paranoia about surveillance myself and I try to ask lots of questions to myself like this. I find that it helps me realize that's it's probably not true.
@@rum-ham the reasoning is kinda more than i wanna say on a public forum where ppl are joking about this kind of thing, but i'll say a schizophrenic's mind can take incredible twists and turns to make a "delusion" "work" if that makes any sense.
We, the collective internet, knew you'd love it, thats why we made it for you :)
This is exactly what I needed TH-cam to recommend me 15yrs later randomly.
The algorithm is onto you
The rhythm is punna get you.
@@vwiddymcgunter punna???
16 years for me - it just popped up (May 2024)
@@literallyjustgrassWell... After I took a massive shit, I got onions news about "Breaking news: some bullshit happening somewhere". So yeah... They are on the shit.
I’m friends with a few schizophrenic people. And honestly it’s exhausting hanging out with them. I was on a big kick of “don’t let them tell you you’re sick” but it’s a definite illness, and I feel sorry for the constant mental torture, confusion, and oppression many of these people live with
“don’t let them tell you you’re sick” might not be the answer but i feel like you got the spirit right as in "don't let an illness stop you from being a whole person"
@@MFonEarthmy friends did the same the losers. And i had no “episode” i dont have mental illness either. I was part of the occult for a time and it really messed me up, my faith in Christ saved me.
Unfortunately our society is too stupid to understand spiritual problems like that, opting to reduce it to mental illness at times.
@@jakeschwartz2514 amen I feel you, so thankful we have Jesus and the occult is not the answer
What's so bad about being sick tho? Like it helps you to get recognized and be able to live to the best of your abilities managing your symptoms. That's it, you're still human, still the same person. You are sick but that is fine why is there such shame in this? the shame you create yourself, don't let it get you down, you have to accept it, not deny it.
@@jakeschwartz2514 oh this is rich, sure its just a mindset religion issue, even though there are plenty of people religious andd non religious who have schizophrenia so thath makes no sense. And also do you have the slightest idea of how medical science works? do you have a bachelor of science? bc more than 100 years of medical acedemical science would not agree with you. I'm happy it worked for you, but saying society is stupid for correctly recognizing "unwantend mental abnormalities which negatively affects someone's ability to live" is something whe might help with. But I bet you never read a single research paper rct, or systematic review. Do you have abachelor in science? medical ofcourse, if not, please go away and spread your misinformation somewhere else, you are actively hurting people with real mental problems who want help, what you think we laugh at you at the clinics and wards? we all put our passion into our work and it shows so its frustrating to see someone, most likely unedicated in this topic, proclaim its all society based. Like how about you back that up with some facts hm? science sure can, but I doubt you can, also the occult doesnt make you crazy, its literally just make believe, something children would believe, please gr ow up
"Which bus drivers hate them... Which statues don't don't love them anymore..."
Oh my stars. XD
The bus driver quip is just sooooooo spot on 😂😂
I’m sorry Statue of Liberty! I didn’t know it wasn’t you I saw in Las Vegas. It was only 1 night
@@pozloadescobar why
The writers are on a complete different level. This is GOLD. This is better than everything I have seen in satire! Brilliant!!!
That's what I said. It's nice to know someone gets it, even if it is only humor
Used to be.
Gone...
Gone...
The acting is what sells it though. It's so earnest
@@ggggg77273Sometimes I think about these random Onion actors, and how hilarious they were. These characters should get their own movie or something
If you haven’t, Brass Eye and The Day Today are in very much the same vein and well worth a watch.
I know this is a joke, but it's very close to what the robotic government squirrel that greets me on my way to work every morning told me too. Just sayin'.
Ayava Kyavata
Stalin did nothing wrong
That's the actual government.
the robotic squirrels have many complaints about you, actually. i've seen their list.
r/thathappened
Naked Squirtle there is a difference between r/thathappened and a FUCKING JOKE
DEAR GOD. I hope this has reached a large amount of people who struggle with this condition, it is good to know the world is watching out for you
Literally
this is still one of the funniest things I've ever seen, amazing!
More phrases they should say in the Ear Speakers:
“We want you”. This is in reference to them being in our lives.
“We know what’s going to happen”. We know that we’re going to help them with their mental state.
“We’re here for you. Basically in your house”. Because THATS how devoted we are to helping them.
I think such a message is necessary: "We will always be here. Nothing can get rid of us."
It's important to anyone being treated for mental health that they know their caregivers are present and not going to leave or give up on them. I think that message of constancy needs to be sent to underline the fact that anywhere they go there will be someone watching for them. Regardless of where it is, whether it be their bedroom at night, the woods outside the city, or even in abandoned infrastructure they may seek shelter in.
As a schizophrenic, thank you. Now when the demon under the street lamp finally tries to wear my skin and blend into society, the feds will know it's not me
wtf
@@Bloxwess It's a thinker
Hey demons have feelings too, we just want to have a normal life and unfortunately that occasionally means skinning someone to assume their identity
You’ll still go to jail
@@smeggiamagarwine the weapon turns out to be a skinwalker in disguise
As a health care professional I can tell you this is spot on!
Now they just need to make the patients future visible through normal tv broadcasts 🎉 fuuuu😂😂
The Devil is a liar. What they go into are visions, but what they “hear” about what they see probably isn’t their future. The Devil is confusing and tormenting them. Sometimes with what they see or hear, but more often with how others misguide and treat them. It’s a spiritual issue and an issue of trying to reason through it without scriptures to direct and fight it. Even Jesus had the Devil show him stuff, but he fought it with the truth. Read the gospels with that perspective. That is if you truly care about your patience. I see people get set free. Do you? I’m not being snarky, are you seeing the same results that Deliverance ministers and Biblical counselors see where people go from homeless and out of their mind to productive leaders in society having better than any vision of the future they ever imagined? Like the man in Mark five who knew to run to Jesus after being a cutter he was later found clothed and within his right mind no longer needed if to be chained. It doesn’t matter what position you hold working with those who are deemed mentally ill, shift your own mind and how you see them, see them as God sees them and learn how to talk to and pray for them. They are actually seeing stuff they just don’t know why or where it’s coming from, and they don’t know how to get it to stop, some of these people opened the doorway to that stuff through New Age meditation, messing with the occult, or most common they literally invite in a demon through prayer trying to run away from a trauma and not realizing it’s not God they are calling on as they make deals that have to be broken. I’m not saying that chemical imbalances do not exist, sometimes the problem is drugs, physical, or nutritional issues instead or in addition, but to be “crazy” is to know the truth and reject it that thinking other less spiritual options could work out just as well, that’s crazy. Sadly, medicated people too horrible crimes, I’m not even sure if we can say it’s a band-Aid as they “act normal” (emotionless) but the core issues remain. People need the truth of the Lord and to humbly submit to him as being their custom solutions and the only way.
OK, where's the gag reel?? How they can do this straight faced is incredible.
@Steelpush Coinshot This is good
These people were legends
and thus the NSA was born
IgnoreThisComment OrDont you're the person they're making fun of
@@FrancisR420 the government has even admitted to doing it themselves, funny how people would rather pretend all the surveillance going on is not real and let the mass spying happen
No Schizophrenic's Alone
@@FrancisR420 moron harm yourself
@NSA It's not, Opfart was real and it used torture to stop farts from emissioning from buttholes and it canceled our right to fart by spreading propaganda against it.
I have mild schizophrenia and find this very amusing.
However, I’m also reminded that while detained in a psychiatric unit,
Having nurses check in on me every 5 minutes and scribbling notes and reviewing my day to day didn’t really help
Ikr, freaked me out more than a few times
Is that not the point of the video? That everything they are saying would be the exact opposite of what a paranoid schizophrenic person would want?
They don't know what else to do. It's only understandable to those afflicted. I think it's normal and everyone else has an issue.
Wdym "mild schizophrenia"? You been bipolar or Cyclothymia?
"Suffering from insanity? I'm enjoying every minute of it!"
"which statues don't love them anymore" I FEEL SEEN??
Wait. So, was this helpful? Lol.
@@katalystkatapatheticalyssa5987 Lmfao in a way?
Bro I died at that part Lmao 🤣 how did they know
If you must know, Lady Liberty is looking for someone else
You are seen.
@1:02 "A recorded voice on a loop saying, everyone around you wants to get you. . .in reference to help". That pregnant pause and a deadpan delivery. Classic Onion! 😃
Who got the pause pregnant!?
😂😂😂
I find it annoying that when I give a schizophrenic a friendly stare at the coffee shop while my FBI friend secretly places a GPS tracker on their car they have this look like they are uncomfortable and I'm "suspicious".
I hate when my schizophrenic next door neighbor complains about me whispering "you won't be alone much longer" through my shower wall. I do it so he knows that I'll always be there for him. Ungrateful.
Maybe they just played too much among us
@@THEMATT222 They played the game before the game even existed, and in real-life, too.
@@SapioiT yeah, like witch hunt / witch burning is basically blaming people of being an imposter.
@@THEMATT222 The Salem witch trials was just an among us reference if you really think about it
As someone with OCD I will now go and obsess over whether or not I'll get schizophrenia for not checking the faucet properly
Nobody asked
@@AverageAliennobody asked you
People hearing in the spiritual realm aren’t crazy, people listening to the demons who claim to love them or give them power while they tell them to do harmful things, that’s another story. Scripture says Satan is the father of lies who comes to steal kill and destroy, people need to stop putting their faith in him. People coming to Christ and being delivered from the voices or even possession that was beyond their ability to control or be controlled with meds is a real thing, how you want to define how it works, it doesn’t matter how it works, it matters that true and “genuine” acceptance of what Jesus did on the cross does work. By his Isaiah 53 stripes we are healed. See the gospels, start in Matthew, Mark, or John.
@SRose-vp6ew you should get psychiatric help
@@AverageAlienPeople are addicted to saying their illnesses and diagnostics on the internet, like what do they expect from this? I don't know, is not very difficult keep it to yourself, everyone has problems...
did I hear "have their care givers faces reconstructed to look like dead relatives" wtf
No - you just thought that you did.
I wouldn't worry about it....
so what does e.y.e.s. spell anyway? i mean, what's e yes? a drug reference?
I ask my girlfriend Jessica if she could get a face reconstruction to look more like my ex Rebecca so I could stop thinking about her.
@@1943vermork how'd that go over?
DJ Matusiak - he been moided
Just because you are paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
i think you are paranoid
just because their trolling, doesnt make void the truth
(in reference to help).
This is the greatest joke of all time. I commend you
Quote from Mr Paladin
As a schizophrenic I hate to say that this is the best representation of the symptoms I have seen yet. The only difference for me is that I often feel like there are bugs in my ears and throat and I feel like someone’s biting me sometimes.
Don’t you appreciate the biting? Sorry I thought that might help signify that you’re never alone and I’m always there with you 😔
I’ll try to do better
@@thejoeker8439 lmfao nawr
oof I'm sorry fren, that sounds so awful
I am inside your walls
They are joking😁
I didn't realise I had clicked on an Onion video and I was flabbergasted by what I was hearing at first.
😂😂😂😅😅
"Everyone wants to get you...in reference to help."
👌😉 perfect
Everyone around you wants to get you...help 😂😂
Musica fuck you
Musica LIE
Mazinger and Minerva i
M fucking your ear
One of the best things our governments have done for these people is letting the homeless shelter in the walls of their homes, allowing them to never feel lonely at any given time, while not interfering with their day-to-day lives and at the same time giving the homeless a place to stay
ween fan moment
Y'all are scaring me 😱
Yo, look up. I heard that from here...
As someone with diagnosed Paranoia this is the funniest thing I've seen today
I'm schizophrenic and I love this. I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia when I was 23. I'm 26 now
I know too, turn around.
What's it like knowing you're schizophrenic? I have a family member who became schizophrenic later in life and I can't help but feel like if she realized she was schizophrenic life would be a lot better for her.
wirklichdoof that last comment about the color red. Is that a real thing?
wirklichdoof 2:08
wirklichdoof real thing = do schizophrenics fear the color red?
I'm schizophrenic and I love this. Finally, some real HONEST news!
Marc Roberts lol this is supposed to be sarcastic lol. Nobody is spying on you schizoids 🤦♂️
@@crocop6873 steroid my skidzmarc asshole until it prolapses and bleed pure corona beer lol
@@crocop6873 you must be fun at parties, jerk.
@@marcroberts4814 what in gods name are you talking about. If you’re personality is identical to how you are inside your head then I don’t want to interact with you at all lol
@@crocop6873 you're the type of who asks the person next to them what's happening when you're watching a movie
It’s good to see people with such kind hearts
So the newscaster and the people with the expertise he invited to bring this so obvious and yet value proposition, which concluded since start, strong on the way to a nice undebatle hive mind, followed rethoric. Very nice to see the news, and their is no discussion and you feel so nice at the end, nothing to learn but that these people brought their expertise we all could value.
I'm schizophrenic and I find this hilarious because it's just... true, lol.
schizophrenia is no joke unless its happening before your eyes, or on tv or whatever. its basically always funny. one of my schizophrenic friends thought his banker was following him so he walked into the bank upto the teller (off his meds of course) and handed her a note that read "if you dont stop it i'm going to kill you". he is the most gentle man, and the teller didnt know that he believed she was following him all over the place all the time. it might have been an odd situation but holy shit was it funny
Julia Hermette me too...
Neeboopsh Hahaha, holy shit, that guy is lucky he didn't get arrested for attempted bank robbery.
How Ironic. I'm not schizophrenic, but was diagnosed as being so, and I still found the video to be hilarious.
+Axel Schultz every statue doesn't love you any more
this is two minutes of pure gold
I personally do not feel spied on enough.
Go to Clearwater Florida where the Scientology headquarters are. You can take pictures of them and you'll be set for the whole trip.
Sounds like a human zoo lol😂@@TheLoneMitten
Ifc if u watch me scratch my 🐒 . If it itches, imma scatatch it
"I read in a medical journal recently that a number of doctors have put microscopic tracking devices under the skin of schizophrenics which is a great way to make sure they don't get lost."
pure genius
As a schizophrenic person ( literally ) I believe this will absolutely help! Thank you so much for your care 😊💕
This video is a joke, not meant to be taken seriously!
I am in your walls
@@eggnanigans5863this comment is a joke, It’s not supposed to be taken seriously!
Unfunny unoriginal bot zoomer/gen alpha
I am a medical student finishing up a 3 month rotation in a Psych ward. I laughed so hard bc these are exactly the symptoms and things schizo-paranoid patients talk about!
I guess some may be telling the truth
That's the joke
@@derbenutzer5958that the statue loving them
I met a guy in the psych ward who thought President Obama was monitoring him through the cameras in the unit, and sending magazine advertisements to the hospital to communicate his future blessings. He thought Obama was going to get him a new car. He let me read some of the letters that he was writing and holding up to the camera. It was like a letter to Santa. In his eyes, the world was conspiring in his favor. He seemed happy.
@@Erin____ I'm happy for him in his contentment. I wish contentment for everyone.
Excellent coverage of this important issue, and some fantastic ideas! I think it’s vitally important that paranoid schizophrenics know that EVERYONE is behind them. Right behind them. Everywhere. All the time. Around every corner. Making sure they know they’re never alone.
Damn🤣
A little consideration and a whole lot of watchfulness can go a long way to putting the minds of these people at rest, and convincing them that in so many ways they are included and. They can be assured that expression of identity won't go un-notice.
And also, fabulous reporting Onion, and what a fantastic panel you have here to provide both diverse and qualified opinions in relation to this topic and so many more newsworthy topics.
Again, another fine example of a news and opinion media outfit that can show the world how much people care.
Thanks a lot, this has really brightened my day and given me reassurance that those schitzo folk will always have a place in our community.
this is by far my favorite thing the onion has ever done it kills me everytime and gives out a lot of really useful information i’ve started following my local paranoid schizophrenic and whispering i’m gonna get you (in reference to help of course) whenever i get the chance such as the grocery store or restaurants to remind them that they have someone watching over them and they’re never alone
I really like this skit, but my Husband's favorite Onion is this one, I concur th-cam.com/video/qvCGqhShNnk/w-d-xo.htmlfeature=shared whew what a tool 🕊
I was just looking to get some volunteer work at the elderly care home but they made me take over 1,000 skin grafts and total facial reconstruction surgery to resemble a war vet’s dead son.
Overall, I’d rate the working conditions an 8.5/10
Eye contact is also a way of letting people know you care about them. If everyone in the community could organize to stare at them whenever they are around, it would let them know they are supported. But, prolonged eye contact can be a little intimidating, so its important to break the eye contact as soon as they look back. This way we can ensure the greatest level of comfort.
That will just cause severe social anxiety😅
😂
Underrated comment; here's a "like." ❤
Made me lol on that one 😂😂
Underrated comment; here's a "like." ❤
showing this to an actual schizophrenic person would cause them to loose their mind
Me and that statue: it's complicated
As a schizophrenic, this is absolutely hilarious lol and the symptoms and conditions are actually completely accurate which makes this even funnier. i love this
No you're not.
@@user-sp2yu9zt6h| Of all the things I'd expect someone to lie about, this one is pretty low on the list. You sure YOU aren't the paranoid one?
@@PotatoPatatoVonSpudsworth Look behind you.
I am in your walls
Does the statue still love you?
They forgot to recruit FBI agents who will pretend to be their significant others (spouse, child, parents) who will monitor them and report to government agencies (to help with their mental health, ofc). And what about medicated food?
--They didn't forget, it's just a secret--
i can't believe they forgot!
As a real, living schizophrenic person, I can speak for all of us schizophrenics when I say we NEED these policies implemented! The government has our overwhelming support for these measures!!
This is so relevant to how some medical professionals make mental illness worse while “helping”a patient. A few ways are: providing solutions for patients that are general due to seeing them as inhuman or under funding, anti psychotics lacking proper testing or even a proper nutritional supplement for how they affect the body of someone already under stress, isolation from society or only exposure to others in a crisis taking someone further from normalcy, ignoring aspects of biology like physical fitness as part of maintaining homeostasis (by locking someone up during a crisis).
I think it's wonderful that there's a global effort to make sure that paranoid schizophrenics are never truly alone, that there's always someone there, watching them. To make sure they're safe.
Which statues don't love them anymore LMAO
Actually a thing, btw
1:53 this delivery is amazing
Installing multiple voice devices in their ears to hear different voices just so that they know it's a team effort is a brilliant idea. Till now I had to speak in different voices myself to help my schizophrenic ex partner but now I know he is in safe hands.
If he is your ex, why are you still with him?
Did he ask you to break things off?
“Everyone’s out to get you. In reference to... help.”
I, frankly, appreciate the recent grassroots movement taken in my community, to collectively shine lasers into Schizophrenics homes, hovels, and shantys. Using encoded patterns to send signals is a fantastic stimulus for data collection.
Sounds like more reckless government spending. How would they manage this without cutting into the chemtrail budget?
Been on antipsychotics since 2014 but only diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic in 2019.I was admitted to a secure psychiatric ward twice that year. Won't go into the details of my delusions because I don't like talking about it, but I would have killed someone if I hadn't been hospitalised. The misconception of a schizophrenic having a dozen independent personalities within them is absolute bollocks. People need to be educated on these matters, not to make them aware so they don't offend schizophrenics, but to make them aware so they can spot possible symptoms in other people (They won't be able to spot their own symptoms if they have schizophrenia, not until they've been medicated and stabilised, and even then it's not guaranteed. I acknowledge my illness, but still can't ignore how some of my delusions still seem real, to this day) If a person knows what to look out for they can help save a person's suffering by getting medical intervention, be it voluntary (rarely) or forced (almost always), and prevent that person harming themselves, or others. Wouldn't wish this illness on my worst enemy, it's cruel in too many ways
My former roommate DEFINITELY has schizophrenia. Homie called the police on me cuz he believed I put spy cameras in his room. He also believed I had built a secret passageway in the house. Creepy dude. He would even talk outside my door and apparently had LOTS of conversations with me while I was not there. And he tried to break into my room. I hope he gets help but also he traumatized me. I just wanna say too that both the police and the Mental Crisis team failed. I had to call the police 3x on this man and when the crisis ppl came he just lied to all their questions and they said he was fine. And this same person would vehemently tell me how he didn’t need therapy. I still have nightmares about him.
The thing is, people often confuse schizophrenia for DID when in reality they're pretty different.
Check out the work of Jerry Marzinsky - will save your life
It’s not that deep
What an amazing piece of satire. Well done.
I really miss this era of The Onion. The videos they were putting out were so damn good.
I honestly completely agree for once! My best friend suffers from schizophrenia and I feel that this would help him a lot!
Where did THIS ONION go? It WAS once funny!
They sold themselves in 2015
Clearly, this stuff wasn't as successful.
Now we find out they predicted the future, back then. They things they say in this video were either declassified or brought into public knowledge through "new research" (code term for "secret services had this for a few years, and then someone else (re)discovered how it's done and allowed it to become public knowledge").
Imagine watching this video if you're actually schizophrenic.
Me
Imagine watching it as a PS and it changing your whole world view and making you think that actually all the things you're seeing are part of a genuine support network trying to help you.
best line:
We already have the ability to make everything that is the color red signal data and transmit images back to an underground government bunker
THEY CAN DO THAT??
I just brought hot sauce up to my room for the first time in like 6 months, what a coincidence... There's also other red shit on my desk, scissors, 1/10th burnt candle, + fucking red handle screw driver behind me with a perfect view of my screen over my shoulder. water bottle cap. Just got a bright red fluffy cloth basically a blanket like two months ago but I don't even use that shit to keep warm, I use it as a replacement pillow.. holy chit.... just googled minority report (idk why) and google gave me a pop-up: "How satisfied are you with these results?"... gtfo :((((((((((( since when does google want feedback on anything?..... the feels
oh buddy they can do a LOT more than just that and this isn't coming from a conspiracy standpoint this is coming from an IT / ICT standpoint. For one, they can hack into pretty much anything that has a wireless signal.
+ the five eyes surveillance bots have a ton of functionality. Things like keyloggers, remote access, turning on ''covert connectivity'' (connecting an offline device to the internet via remote or non-remote methods)
It's pretty cool stuff tbh. At least if you're interested in ICT.
@Firstname Lastname Anything that's connected can be hacked. Her non-smartphone was connected.
You could drive someone insane doing this.
Wow, this is great; my stunt of living in the sewers of a psychiatric ward for the last couple of years is finally getting recognition from the government! I'm so glad I'm not alone in doing this. Every 67 hours I restart a cycle of whispering "I am watching you" seven times every 8 hours through a megaphone so that the entire psychiatric ward rumbles. I think the whispering helps so they know I don't share their caregiver information. I hope they feel better, knowing that if they stumble, I will be there to pick them up.
The funny thing is that doctors/researchers are trialling doing the thing with the kind voices and it’s yielding positive results. #onioncalledit
Parody/Satire gets more funny the better balance you have of exaggeration and reality.
Voice of God they call it.
Through directed energy weapons or DEW.
The onion can see the future, my guy.
I'm calling BS on this
“Care givers faces reconstructed to look like the paranoid schizophrenics dead relatives”.....best line ever...
Completely acceptable procedure
My friend is schizophrenic and I love to help her out. Whenever she feels paranoid or delusional I make sure to scream loudly (I hide in her fiberglass) so she knows she isn't alone. Another accommodation I like to make is to act insane, so when she tells someone what she saw no one believes her. That way, she always has something to think about instead of being paranoid. You guys are doing god's work.