" Gotta get a degree; Gotta get job; Gotta impress potential sexual partners; Gotta buy a house; Ain't got no time for that " That's what I've observed. We live in a very (artificially) busy society, too busy for self-reflection
people think that being too busy means you are needed,valuable and successful...self reflection is completely not encouraged even within degree programmes and education in general....in fact I would say I find academia positively encourages a lack of self reflection and concentrates more on a disembodied kind of intellectualism devoid of of emotions or discouraging of any kind of emotional intelligence whatsoever.
@@upendasana7857 Certainly the rising levels of anger, depression, and other emotional traumas in human beings aren't a result of an economic system that cares more about making a profit than building human health.
These videos are like honey on a wound; I have absolutely no one in my surrounding with who I could speak about all this, and really often I feel like Daniel is the only one who sustains me, as crazy as it sounds. I'm sure there are many others like me on this channel, so this is good work Daniel, you give me a sense of justice
My brother is in such denial that he thinks my parents were great and growing up in this house was utopian!!.......... IT WASN'T!! ....... Thanks again.......
I have four siblings like that. My older brother is in denial, I'm second oldest, my younger siblings were never interested in my horrible history because they had it better than me and my older brother. Shitheads.
they say they cannot relate because that’s not how they see it happened even though they were living with you growing up in the same house. It’s gotta be a defence mechanism to keep them from feeling the pain they felt as a child. They don’t realize they are adults now and capable of processing and handling the painful experiences. As a kid they had no coping mechanisms or problems solving skills and continued that into adulthood. A way to avoid examining past experiences and they think it saves them pain?. Maybe short term? But long term definitely not
@@vlogcity1111 That is mostly true, but my youngest sibling is more than ten years younger than I, so she never experienced the worst of the ugliness. The other two younger siblings are between her and I in age, they know very little of the worst history also. And what little they all do know, they minimize. I'm estranged from them all. It isn't so bad because they are abusive and not interested in the least in anything I do or say. We appeared normal to the outside world but nowhere near it on the inside. I'm sure my parents must have suffered dysfunction as children, didn't fully know how to handle it and just passed it on as if it was normal behavior. I blame them and at the same time hold them harmless for not being aware or able to do differently. Sad. It didn't have to be that way.
The thing about burning history..that actually reminds me. I had a few letters/ pretty much concrete examples of my parents abusive tendencies on paper that i've since trashed for the same reason, that it felt to painful and maybe detrimental to hold onto. I'm not sure if i believe that now, but what's done is done on that front. I definitely don't intend on destroying any other evidence or history from here on out, though. Painful or no, it's real, it happened, to have documentation is important.
I think there is 3 reasons: 1) For most people it's just too painful to look into their own history 2) We live in a world where we believe that we are our personalities 3) We live in a world where traumatized people are considered normal. I've gotten noise canelling headphones a couple months ago and I have them on often without any music. Just to listen to my mind. No distraction. And it has brought me so many revelations already that contributed to my healing. It's almost as if our current system is afraid and fearful that people look at their own minds and history.
Daniel I appreciate your video's so much, I've been a subscriber for a couple of years or so now and watch every one that you do. I like the longer video's personally, more Daniel time is good in my book. Just some feedback there, hope you're keeping well. 👋🏻 from across the pond in the UK.
i grew up in a narcissistic family and i was sexually abused by a sibling and tried to talk about it with that sibling and my family and they called me a liar and proceeded to cut me off from the family and smear my reputation. and the sibling involved has stated numerous times they have no memory of their childhood at all. so that’s how that went for me.
Hello Daniel, are you okay??? I am emerging from all the pain I went through when I was only so called, sweet sixteen. I happen to be a 50 year old woman now. Back around when I was a sixteen year old girl, I was abused by a terrible male psychiatrist. I tried running away from home when I was 16. Had a couple of frightening experiences. My parents tried to safeguard me by putting me in an adolescent psychiatric ward in Wyandotte, Michigan. It was a terrible place. I was injected with shots of thorazine in my rear end for simply refusing to take medications for 2 days. My parents were never notified until after the fact. One particular psychiatric nurse was very cruel towards me. I shudder even thinking about it. The trauma stunted my growth as a woman. I have bipolar disorder but I'm not stupid!!!
I'm so sorry for what you went through,it sounds utterly horrific.Psychiatry has so much to answer for,it has destroyed so many people's lives and still is doing so,it still perpetrating its lies and torture treatments.I highly recommend looking into the medicating normal which has youtube channel and which is a film talking about bad practices and experiences of many who were given drugs and for things they should never have been on long term medication for and given false diagnosis for things like trauma. There is also the website Beyond Meds by a woman who has also gone for years of terrible withdrawal and side effects after having been forcibly hospitalised,diagnosed and drugged etc.It is full of amazing info and articles of many things.I don't know how involved you are with any psychiatric survivors organisations but it might help as the more activists and awareness there is over the terrible practices pf psychiatry the better. I hope you don't mind me suggesting it,I just thought you might find it helpful to know there are many many others out there.
@@upendasana7857 Well, I don't believe all psychiatrists are bad people but still, I haven't met too many that I genuinely liked. A lot of them are cold and uncaring. And some nurses are abusive too.
I cannot believe that only 328 people (including myself) have liked this video. This (and all the other ones) are so precious that they should be taught in schools and universities. Maybe they will one day, if humanity is destined to evolve rather than decay... I am going through the most difficult period of my life (as an adult) and these videos have literally kept me alive, because I now see a purpose in all the suffering that I am going through. It is also my chance to grieve for my lost childhood and stop the repetition of trauma to the next generation. I wish I had started earlier, but I have lived all my life in denial...
In physics there's such a thing as retrocausality... I thoroughly believe we can heal past trauma when we heal in the moment. So, it's never to late to start!
For me, there was a huge block of guilt covering over all my childhood memories. I avoided thinking about it because the guilt would color those memories as mistakes I had made and evidence of my badness as a child. Eventually my curiosity won out and I blazed through the guilt to the anger. That’s where I’m stuck now.
DON'T be stuck at anger! Just keep focusing on the good... that's what life is about ... making mistakes and LEARNING from them. Guilt is a fun trap anger sets us... don't fall in! Look for hope! Look for kindness in others... find it in yourself!
I could not agree with you more. I actually do Shadow Work and the amount of people I encounter that do not want to look at their trauma is astounding. Like you, I can understand it to a degree and have compassion for them. But, diving into that trauma and getting to the root of my core wounds is the only way I was able to heal it, integrate it and then take ownership over my life. It is one of the best things I've done for myself. Yes, it can be hard, it can be painful and it is a lifetime endeavor, but it also can help you uncover your gifts, provide you with insight and a lot of relief. All of which makes room for you to create a joyful life. One of my favorite quotes of all time is by Joseph Campbell. “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek.” To me, no truer words have ever been spoken. Thank you for what you do.
I thought blaming myself (taking the blame for everything--a misguided attempt of a young mind to change what wasn't mine to change) was the way to "take responsibility". Later I learned it was as you say, but it's not a goal may have the capacity to reach, sadly. On that note, my favorite quote became: Bertrand Russell - 'No one gossips about other people's secret virtues.'
My father's mother gave me a diary when I was very little (five or six) and I didn't know what to write in it... well, a few years later I had a bunch of things I realized that I wanted to remember and not forget... that is, until my mother got a hold of it when I was 13, and used it against me. She was always evil... I just wouldn't believe it back then. I barely believed it now, but had to. Well, after she READ my childhood diary (there was sexual abuse and other things that I dearly wish I had kept a memory of) I swore I'd never write about my life again, but after she trafficked me to a Neo-Nazi (long sad story) I began writing one after she kicked me out at age 17, after I was able to get rid of the "boyfriend"... sadly, right before my life got really interesting for a few years (not good, just interesting, if not actually downright sad and horrifying for a lot of it) at 24, I got drunk alone one evening (a rare occasion) and decided to shred AND burn it, because I didn't want it to fall into my mother's hands if "something" happened to me. I was also feeling suicidal and didn't know at the time, that I was suffering from PTSD symptoms. Fortunately, for me I was too scared to fall prey to my familial inclination towards alcoholism--or it was due to a faulty thyroid that still can't be treated. I guess I got "lucky"? I still wrote, later, again. Once I left for college at age 30, trying to escape my past here (you can't really leave it behind or forget... and for those who wish they could... it returns in your dreams and like de ja vue, like PTSD... it all comes back when it's triggered. Only people heavily medicated get it somewhat under control) and make up for lost decades, I wrote again, and again... and again... always deleting much of it, or "storing" on drives I can't access, or accidentally wreck, meanwhile. Even though, I am absolutely trying to recreate what I can, since what happened in the past six years is even more unbelievable than everything before... And, because of some of the serious traumatic experiences here I wasn't able to sleep for nearly eight months straight, and was forced to record every waking minute, I was a complete zombie after a few months and a good friend with more time on his hands initially, was able to be there for me and guide me through my day... I'm trying to publish all of it in a book, because some incredible things came to light that blew my mind and enraged me so much... as I recover from the trauma, and not sleeping, and what, I became so enraged because, had I KNOWN what I know now, my life would most certainly've been not only different, but definitely better. Mom threatened me back when I was trying to go grey rock after she told me she wanted me dead for ruining her life... what she did to me was revenge! She told me that, "when she's dead" boy will I see what she's kept in diaries for me... It took me nearly losing my life, and losing my joy, and every shred of dignity, and my work, and circle of incredible friends, and losing touch with my father over and over again over the years to finally realize that mom was reenacting her betrayal trauma with me! I so wished I'd known the truth about my identity as a child... I was a smart kid (super high IQ which I only found out at 28 after a date-rape drug induced concussion) and would've liked to have known what I know now, because I would have protected myself. But will I WANT to read HER diaries when she's dead? NO! NO! I'll give them to someone else. But, I refuse to let her hurt me beyond the grave! She's robbed me of everything, and nearly cost me my life! I refuse to let her take whatever is left of my life at 53. Maybe I'll never experience joy again, either, but I will NOT let her steal one second more of my pathetic life! It's all I have left. Fortunately, the friends I made and the things I learned along my path, and the fact that I learned just last year that I'm also German, helped me recover these last few years, and I'm at peace with not having her in my life any longer. The person I defended all my life, she's not that person. I love(d) that person with my heart and soul! Not this vengeful and bitter old woman that she's finally, unapologetically revealed herself to be. And I refuse to be like her. That's the best revenge I can think of! But my story will have holes, and my memory is scary flawed... when I'm dead no one will even know I ever existed, though... so, it's all good! I share here, there, and maybe I'll publish my memoirs... my "story" as a cautionary tale... my life would've also been different, if all I'd done was listen to my gut instincts. But, that's not a panacea for everyone. No true life lesson that... Interesting how TH-cam brought your talks back in my direction as I was more open to listening... Thanks for making these! A lot of people like me are finding healing in them, years later, still.
I totally agree with a psychiatric diagnosis not making me feel better.. it explains nothing really and the only “solution” is cope with it.. that never felt like a good enough answer for me. I couldn’t have explained it at the time but I knew there was more to it, not just meaningless suffering because I was unlucky enough to have been born with a supposed chemical imbalance
Mr. Mackler I hope you don't mind me asking you this. As a man who has also cut ties with his family and lives a celibate lifestyle sometimes it is very difficult to deal with how lonely I feel. How do you deal with such feelings? Do you struggle with lonlines?
Yes, sometimes I am lonely. Having friends is key for me, also having meaningful projects to do, work. And a good relationship with myself. I made a video on the subject: th-cam.com/video/marHn5Nxo-0/w-d-xo.html --Daniel
@@murrayshevlin7289 it’s not necessarily a bad thing unless you start acting on it or it persists for a long time. When I grieved after difficult times in My life, I had to stop and ask myself; is this real?? Shit it can’t be real. And then you accept it Yea This is real... I have to do something about this. Rebuild the life you want one step at a time.
The favourite Golden children, of the privileged and neurotypical humans are middle upper class and happier Empathy is a crucial concept in understanding not only child maltreatment, but its intergenerational transmission. One form of maltreatment, often involving both physical and emotional abuse, targets one child in the family, referred to as the “scapegoat.” Historically, the scapegoat has been regarded as the only abuse victim; clinical experience demonstrates otherwise. In many families, siblings identify with the parent, joining in blaming the victim for the caretaker's abuse of that child. They demonstrate empathy deficits, which may protect them from the effects of witnessing the process. This paper proposes a conceptual model that examines factors contributing to the development of empathy deficits.
I did not have a perfect upbringing, but who really does? I have not had what someone would call "trauma" in my life, I mean, what constitutes as trauma? I grew up with a mother who had severe anxiety and ocd. Life wasn't perfect, but it sure could have been a whole hell of a lot worse. My parents did the best they could do with their limitations and I still was glad to have a relationship with them. I have no desire to be in therapy to rehash all the stuff in my history. I would rather enjoy my life now.
I also witnessed that in the final reflection among my cohort of trainee psychologists after an intense 3year training that was filled with people's personal and professional challenges. It was so disheartening that this bunch of people was then going on to help others who struggle with dissociation.
it reminds me a little of "technical debt" in software which is a term for all the things that need fixing but the developer decides to push off into the future for now. But if the software is allowed to grow too stale and is not updated enough, eventually it has to be abandoned completely. In the same way, society keeps pushing off its emotional debt into the future and onto the next generation. Eventually the burden is going to become too great to bear. There's so much time and effort wasted on collective self-deception and compartmentalization of bad things in this culture, so much so that there's not much room for real happiness. There is an upfront cost to dealing with the issues that is painful, but it is always better in the long run.
I think a lot of people choose to ignore their parent's shortcomings out of respect for the humanity they shared with them. It comes from an understanding that at the end of it all they really were only human, all too human sometimes, just like you and me. Its comes from a kind of deep respect for facts and events, and for the person who suffered from them - a respect for the secret of such a human life. A secret that we can never truly know, even if we do read their journals. It comes from wanting to love what is good about life, their life, however little good there was, even if they seriously failed us and let us down. An understanding that there but for the grace of God go I. Here is a cheesy quote by Fredrich Nietzsche that I think about sometimes when I have a hard time forgiving the way my parents messed me up. I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who makes things beautiful. Amor fati: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly. I do not want to accuse; I do not even want to accuse those who accuse. Looking away shall be my only negation. And all in all and on the whole: some day I wish to be only a Yes-sayer."
Thanks for sharing. I actually think it’s the complete opposite. People ignore their parents shortcomings in a very selfish, narcissistic way. Allowing them to play the victim and do not have to correct their behaviour where their parents taught them wrong. Because the parent enables that behaviour. It a never ending cycle. until they (sons/daughters) gain enough respect for themselves to snap out of it. Tell their parents the shortcomings and not recreate them in another generation? This actually gave me hope for the future knowing it could be reversed in a single generation if enough people were on board with healing childhood trauma.
@@vlogcity1111 Yea I see what you mean, thats a good point. Though forgiveness doesn't mean that what the offending party did was okay, it just means that you recognize that we all have the tendency within us to act out horrible things when we feel weak or trapped, and we often do just that for a multitude of different reasons. I believe catholics call the concept original sin. The offending party needs to know that what they did was wrong, and the onus of responsibility for correcting the behavior needs to be on the wrongdoer first and foremost. Too often the responsibility falls on the victim to "forgive" the perpetrator - "Please forgive ME, I feel so terrible for what I did to you, so YOU must forgive ME" - but this is incorrect. It asks the victim to sign on, or say that its okay that they were treated unfairly. This leads to the behavior going on and on without any real resolution. Repentance must come first, then the relationship can be restored. But what if the person doesn't want to change? Then it is clearly not a dynamic that any healthy person should want to be apart of. But despite that, forgiveness transcends a lack of repentance, in the sense that forgiveness is first and foremost for the peace of the victim. It recognizes the common core of dysfunction between all people - that a part of human nature is to be flawed, selfish, and destructive - and it finds peace in accepting that and allowing it to be, even if it cant be remedied in the situation at hand. This doesn't mean you need to be apart of the unhealthy dynamic, but it recognizes the reality of the situation, and in doing so gives you a place to rest the spirit of blame without taking a hypocritical attitude about it, where we ignore the potential for these tendencies within ourselves. Many people think Carl Jung is a kook, but I think his "shadow work" is important in understanding that we are all deeply flawed beings. Here is a quote by him I like “The acceptance of oneself is the essence of the whole moral problem and the epitome of a whole outlook on life. That I feed the hungry, that I forgive an insult, that I love my enemy in the name of Christ -- all these are undoubtedly great virtues. What I do unto the least of my brethren, that I do unto Christ. But what if I should discover that the least among them all, the poorest of all the beggars, the most impudent of all the offenders, the very enemy himself -- that these are within me, and that I myself stand in need of the alms of my own kindness -- that I myself am the enemy who must be loved -- what then? As a rule, the Christian's attitude is then reversed; there is no longer any question of love or long-suffering; we say to the brother within us "Raca," and condemn and rage against ourselves. We hide it from the world; we refuse to admit ever having met this least among the lowly in ourselves.” If you made it this far, I hope everything is going well. Thanks for reading
It helped me to know so I don't just blame myself like I always did as a kid. What about trauma you don't remember though like developmental and early childhood trauma. I wonder what you think of the more nervous system, physiological aspect of "mental " health like somatic experiencing therapists. For example in this interview they say you don't actually need to share and talk about what happened to you. Especially for people who had trauma so young and were in fight or flight freeze so much they can't verbally process any of it. This vids just an example but theres so many people more into the nervous system side of things and im hoping it can help me more because I've tried so much talk therapy eating healthy exercise self care but still struggle th-cam.com/video/mAo9ejioaa0/w-d-xo.html
Yes, I completely agree. I don’t know how you can even begin to know yourself if you don’t look into your past. There are people who simply choose look forward. I’ve been married to one for almost 20 years, he’s a gem 💎
I can resonate with this , i have scared countless people away by talking about childhoods (while i suppose exploring my own ) and or psychology (im a fan of Dr arthur janovs) .. I find it sad really because a lot f those things we have buried away and refuse to face just fizzle away when confronted..
I think for me it's too difficult to process in my current state of mind. I don't have support to process it, no support network. I can barely function as it is, with my current perception of reality. I think I need to work on my education and make sure I can financially survive in the world
I think you hit the nail on the head. “With my current perception of reality” yet you follow that with “I need to work on education and make sure I can survive”. Do you see that you courageously admitted a legit problem and then answered it with a solution that has nothing to do with addressing the problem?
@@lifeasvocation1557 changing ones perception takes time and is a messy process. And survival has everything to do with not being able to undertake such a process
Hi Daniel! Thank you for an intresting video.You have taught me alot. The last 3-4 years I have been looking Into my past childhood and familytree etc trying to heal. To be able to this I had to quite my "prestige" job and some relationships. Worked odd parttime jobs beacause it takes time and energy to heal but it is my priority. However I have this feeling that I am not contrubiting to socity in a sufficent way.I know it is part of the conditioning that we should work full time have families etc.How should one deal with this nagging guilt? Any suggestions?
Daniel what do u recommend for treatment resistant depression that isn't responding to medicine or therapy? What happens to these ppl? I feel like pushed to suicide
The World needs feckless, cowards (kind of how we need brave people); every semen demon that makes themselves to conception, can't continue to skillfully adapt (look where they've came from?); every lottery ticket can't be a winner #suchislife #itiswhatitis
![[UNCUT] The Loyal Pin ปิ่นภักดิ์ EP.6 (1/4)](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/m05kZ2GDKXg/mqdefault.jpg)
" Gotta get a degree;
Gotta get job;
Gotta impress potential sexual partners;
Gotta buy a house;
Ain't got no time for that "
That's what I've observed. We live in a very (artificially) busy society, too busy for self-reflection
people think that being too busy means you are needed,valuable and successful...self reflection is completely not encouraged even within degree programmes and education in general....in fact I would say I find academia positively encourages a lack of self reflection and concentrates more on a disembodied kind of intellectualism devoid of of emotions or discouraging of any kind of emotional intelligence whatsoever.
@@upendasana7857 Certainly the rising levels of anger, depression, and other emotional traumas in human beings aren't a result of an economic system that cares more about making a profit than building human health.
@@kfcfingerlicker9292 why does it feel when every I question something I feel like reality not real is that a good thing.
@@murrayshevlin7289 It could be Gaslighting Murray??
@@murrayshevlin7289 Reality is often defined as what our system wants, not what human beings really want.
These videos are like honey on a wound; I have absolutely no one in my surrounding with who I could speak about all this, and really often I feel like Daniel is the only one who sustains me, as crazy as it sounds. I'm sure there are many others like me on this channel, so this is good work Daniel, you give me a sense of justice
I feel exactly the same
My brother is in such denial that he thinks my parents were great and growing up in this house was utopian!!.......... IT WASN'T!! ....... Thanks again.......
I have four siblings like that. My older brother is in denial, I'm second oldest, my younger siblings were never interested in my horrible history because they had it better than me and my older brother.
Shitheads.
@@waynemizer4912 Trust me, i hear you Wayne!!
they say they cannot relate because that’s not how they see it happened even though they were living with you growing up in the same house.
It’s gotta be a defence mechanism to keep them from feeling the pain they felt as a child.
They don’t realize they are adults now and capable of processing and handling the painful experiences.
As a kid they had no coping mechanisms or problems solving skills and continued that into adulthood. A way to avoid examining past experiences and they think it saves them pain?.
Maybe short term? But long term definitely not
@@vlogcity1111
That is mostly true, but my youngest sibling is more than ten years younger than I, so she never experienced the worst of the ugliness.
The other two younger siblings are between her and I in age, they know very little of the worst history also. And what little they all do know, they minimize.
I'm estranged from them all. It isn't so bad because they are abusive and not interested in the least in anything I do or say.
We appeared normal to the outside world but nowhere near it on the inside. I'm sure my parents must have suffered dysfunction as children, didn't fully know how to handle it and just passed it on as if it was normal behavior.
I blame them and at the same time hold them harmless for not being aware or able to do differently.
Sad. It didn't have to be that way.
I relate so heavy to the idea of not really wanting a diagnosis but wanting to know the truth. So real!
Shame and pain are difficult to process.
I was gaslit so badly as a kid that it's taken lots of somatic therapy to uncover the things I experienced
The thing about burning history..that actually reminds me. I had a few letters/ pretty much concrete examples of my parents abusive tendencies on paper that i've since trashed for the same reason, that it felt to painful and maybe detrimental to hold onto. I'm not sure if i believe that now, but what's done is done on that front. I definitely don't intend on destroying any other evidence or history from here on out, though. Painful or no, it's real, it happened, to have documentation is important.
YES! I didn't realize until recently, that what I was doing was destroying evidence. NEVER do that! 🙏
I think there is 3 reasons:
1) For most people it's just too painful to look into their own history 2) We live in a world where we believe that we are our personalities 3) We live in a world where traumatized people are considered normal.
I've gotten noise canelling headphones a couple months ago and I have them on often without any music. Just to listen to my mind. No distraction. And it has brought me so many revelations already that contributed to my healing.
It's almost as if our current system is afraid and fearful that people look at their own minds and history.
Daniel I appreciate your video's so much, I've been a subscriber for a couple of years or so now and watch every one that you do. I like the longer video's personally, more Daniel time is good in my book. Just some feedback there, hope you're keeping well. 👋🏻 from across the pond in the UK.
Thanks!
Thank you 👍👍👍👍 so validating and healing
i grew up in a narcissistic family and i was sexually abused by a sibling and tried to talk about it with that sibling and my family and they called me a liar and proceeded to cut me off from the family and smear my reputation. and the sibling involved has stated numerous times they have no memory of their childhood at all. so that’s how that went for me.
Hello Daniel, are you okay??? I am emerging from all the pain I went through when I was only so called, sweet sixteen. I happen to be a 50 year old woman now. Back around when I was a sixteen year old girl, I was abused by a terrible male psychiatrist. I tried running away from home when I was 16. Had a couple of frightening experiences. My parents tried to safeguard me by putting me in an adolescent psychiatric ward in Wyandotte, Michigan. It was a terrible place. I was injected with shots of thorazine in my rear end for simply refusing to take medications for 2 days. My parents were never notified until after the fact. One particular psychiatric nurse was very cruel towards me. I shudder even thinking about it. The trauma stunted my growth as a woman. I have bipolar disorder but I'm not stupid!!!
How are you after being mugged???
I'm so sorry for what you went through,it sounds utterly horrific.Psychiatry has so much to answer for,it has destroyed so many people's lives and still is doing so,it still perpetrating its lies and torture treatments.I highly recommend looking into the medicating normal which has youtube channel and which is a film talking about bad practices and experiences of many who were given drugs and for things they should never have been on long term medication for and given false diagnosis for things like trauma.
There is also the website Beyond Meds by a woman who has also gone for years of terrible withdrawal and side effects after having been forcibly hospitalised,diagnosed and drugged etc.It is full of amazing info and articles of many things.I don't know how involved you are with any psychiatric survivors organisations but it might help as the more activists and awareness there is over the terrible practices pf psychiatry the better.
I hope you don't mind me suggesting it,I just thought you might find it helpful to know there are many many others out there.
@@upendasana7857 Well, I don't believe all psychiatrists are bad people but still, I haven't met too many that I genuinely liked. A lot of them are cold and uncaring. And some nurses are abusive too.
The Truth hurts but sets u free.
I cannot believe that only 328 people (including myself) have liked this video. This (and all the other ones) are so precious that they should be taught in schools and universities. Maybe they will one day, if humanity is destined to evolve rather than decay... I am going through the most difficult period of my life (as an adult) and these videos have literally kept me alive, because I now see a purpose in all the suffering that I am going through. It is also my chance to grieve for my lost childhood and stop the repetition of trauma to the next generation. I wish I had started earlier, but I have lived all my life in denial...
In physics there's such a thing as retrocausality... I thoroughly believe we can heal past trauma when we heal in the moment. So, it's never to late to start!
You are appreciated for this work you do and sharing it.thank you so much
It's a nice and easy bit of self-deception to believe that if you destroy the evidence, you destroy the crime, I think.
For me, there was a huge block of guilt covering over all my childhood memories. I avoided thinking about it because the guilt would color those memories as mistakes I had made and evidence of my badness as a child. Eventually my curiosity won out and I blazed through the guilt to the anger. That’s where I’m stuck now.
DON'T be stuck at anger! Just keep focusing on the good... that's what life is about ... making mistakes and LEARNING from them. Guilt is a fun trap anger sets us... don't fall in! Look for hope! Look for kindness in others... find it in yourself!
I could not agree with you more. I actually do Shadow Work and the amount of people I encounter that do not want to look at their trauma is astounding. Like you, I can understand it to a degree and have compassion for them. But, diving into that trauma and getting to the root of my core wounds is the only way I was able to heal it, integrate it and then take ownership over my life. It is one of the best things I've done for myself. Yes, it can be hard, it can be painful and it is a lifetime endeavor, but it also can help you uncover your gifts, provide you with insight and a lot of relief. All of which makes room for you to create a joyful life. One of my favorite quotes of all time is by Joseph Campbell. “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek.” To me, no truer words have ever been spoken. Thank you for what you do.
I thought blaming myself (taking the blame for everything--a misguided attempt of a young mind to change what wasn't mine to change) was the way to "take responsibility". Later I learned it was as you say, but it's not a goal may have the capacity to reach, sadly.
On that note, my favorite quote became: Bertrand Russell - 'No one gossips about other people's secret virtues.'
"Raspberries and cream"😂
My father's mother gave me a diary when I was very little (five or six) and I didn't know what to write in it... well, a few years later I had a bunch of things I realized that I wanted to remember and not forget... that is, until my mother got a hold of it when I was 13, and used it against me. She was always evil... I just wouldn't believe it back then. I barely believed it now, but had to.
Well, after she READ my childhood diary (there was sexual abuse and other things that I dearly wish I had kept a memory of) I swore I'd never write about my life again, but after she trafficked me to a Neo-Nazi (long sad story) I began writing one after she kicked me out at age 17, after I was able to get rid of the "boyfriend"... sadly, right before my life got really interesting for a few years (not good, just interesting, if not actually downright sad and horrifying for a lot of it) at 24, I got drunk alone one evening (a rare occasion) and decided to shred AND burn it, because I didn't want it to fall into my mother's hands if "something" happened to me. I was also feeling suicidal and didn't know at the time, that I was suffering from PTSD symptoms. Fortunately, for me I was too scared to fall prey to my familial inclination towards alcoholism--or it was due to a faulty thyroid that still can't be treated. I guess I got "lucky"?
I still wrote, later, again. Once I left for college at age 30, trying to escape my past here (you can't really leave it behind or forget... and for those who wish they could... it returns in your dreams and like de ja vue, like PTSD... it all comes back when it's triggered. Only people heavily medicated get it somewhat under control) and make up for lost decades, I wrote again, and again... and again... always deleting much of it, or "storing" on drives I can't access, or accidentally wreck, meanwhile. Even though, I am absolutely trying to recreate what I can, since what happened in the past six years is even more unbelievable than everything before...
And, because of some of the serious traumatic experiences here I wasn't able to sleep for nearly eight months straight, and was forced to record every waking minute, I was a complete zombie after a few months and a good friend with more time on his hands initially, was able to be there for me and guide me through my day... I'm trying to publish all of it in a book, because some incredible things came to light that blew my mind and enraged me so much... as I recover from the trauma, and not sleeping, and what, I became so enraged because, had I KNOWN what I know now, my life would most certainly've been not only different, but definitely better.
Mom threatened me back when I was trying to go grey rock after she told me she wanted me dead for ruining her life... what she did to me was revenge! She told me that, "when she's dead" boy will I see what she's kept in diaries for me...
It took me nearly losing my life, and losing my joy, and every shred of dignity, and my work, and circle of incredible friends, and losing touch with my father over and over again over the years to finally realize that mom was reenacting her betrayal trauma with me! I so wished I'd known the truth about my identity as a child... I was a smart kid (super high IQ which I only found out at 28 after a date-rape drug induced concussion) and would've liked to have known what I know now, because I would have protected myself.
But will I WANT to read HER diaries when she's dead? NO! NO! I'll give them to someone else. But, I refuse to let her hurt me beyond the grave! She's robbed me of everything, and nearly cost me my life! I refuse to let her take whatever is left of my life at 53. Maybe I'll never experience joy again, either, but I will NOT let her steal one second more of my pathetic life! It's all I have left.
Fortunately, the friends I made and the things I learned along my path, and the fact that I learned just last year that I'm also German, helped me recover these last few years, and I'm at peace with not having her in my life any longer. The person I defended all my life, she's not that person. I love(d) that person with my heart and soul! Not this vengeful and bitter old woman that she's finally, unapologetically revealed herself to be.
And I refuse to be like her. That's the best revenge I can think of! But my story will have holes, and my memory is scary flawed... when I'm dead no one will even know I ever existed, though... so, it's all good! I share here, there, and maybe I'll publish my memoirs... my "story" as a cautionary tale... my life would've also been different, if all I'd done was listen to my gut instincts. But, that's not a panacea for everyone. No true life lesson that...
Interesting how TH-cam brought your talks back in my direction as I was more open to listening... Thanks for making these! A lot of people like me are finding healing in them, years later, still.
I totally agree with a psychiatric diagnosis not making me feel better.. it explains nothing really and the only “solution” is cope with it.. that never felt like a good enough answer for me. I couldn’t have explained it at the time but I knew there was more to it, not just meaningless suffering because I was unlucky enough to have been born with a supposed chemical imbalance
Mr. Mackler I hope you don't mind me asking you this. As a man who has also cut ties with his family and lives a celibate lifestyle sometimes it is very difficult to deal with how lonely I feel. How do you deal with such feelings? Do you struggle with lonlines?
Yes, sometimes I am lonely. Having friends is key for me, also having meaningful projects to do, work. And a good relationship with myself. I made a video on the subject: th-cam.com/video/marHn5Nxo-0/w-d-xo.html --Daniel
@@dmackler58 so I was grieving and the next morning I felt like reality wasn't real is that a bad thing.
@@murrayshevlin7289 it’s not necessarily a bad thing unless you start acting on it or it persists for a long time.
When I grieved after difficult times in My life,
I had to stop and ask myself; is this real?? Shit it can’t be real. And then you accept it Yea
This is real... I have to do something about this.
Rebuild the life you want one step at a time.
The favourite Golden children, of the privileged and neurotypical humans are middle upper class and happier Empathy is a crucial concept in understanding not only child maltreatment, but its intergenerational transmission. One form of maltreatment, often involving both physical and emotional abuse, targets one child in the family, referred to as the “scapegoat.” Historically, the scapegoat has been regarded as the only abuse victim; clinical experience demonstrates otherwise. In many families, siblings identify with the parent, joining in blaming the victim for the caretaker's abuse of that child. They demonstrate empathy deficits, which may protect them from the effects of witnessing the process. This paper proposes a conceptual model that examines factors contributing to the development of empathy deficits.
I did not have a perfect upbringing, but who really does? I have not had what someone would call "trauma" in my life, I mean, what constitutes as trauma? I grew up with a mother who had severe anxiety and ocd. Life wasn't perfect, but it sure could have been a whole hell of a lot worse. My parents did the best they could do with their limitations and I still was glad to have a relationship with them. I have no desire to be in therapy to rehash all the stuff in my history. I would rather enjoy my life now.
Love your videos … wish you were my therapist when I was younger💕
I also witnessed that in the final reflection among my cohort of trainee psychologists after an intense 3year training that was filled with people's personal and professional challenges. It was so disheartening that this bunch of people was then going on to help others who struggle with dissociation.
it reminds me a little of "technical debt" in software which is a term for all the things that need fixing but the developer decides to push off into the future for now. But if the software is allowed to grow too stale and is not updated enough, eventually it has to be abandoned completely. In the same way, society keeps pushing off its emotional debt into the future and onto the next generation. Eventually the burden is going to become too great to bear. There's so much time and effort wasted on collective self-deception and compartmentalization of bad things in this culture, so much so that there's not much room for real happiness. There is an upfront cost to dealing with the issues that is painful, but it is always better in the long run.
I got blasted for referring this video. Some people not interested
Their loss.
I think a lot of people choose to ignore their parent's shortcomings out of respect for the humanity they shared with them. It comes from an understanding that at the end of it all they really were only human, all too human sometimes, just like you and me. Its comes from a kind of deep respect for facts and events, and for the person who suffered from them - a respect for the secret of such a human life. A secret that we can never truly know, even if we do read their journals. It comes from wanting to love what is good about life, their life, however little good there was, even if they seriously failed us and let us down. An understanding that there but for the grace of God go I.
Here is a cheesy quote by Fredrich Nietzsche that I think about sometimes when I have a hard time forgiving the way my parents messed me up.
I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who makes things beautiful. Amor fati: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly. I do not want to accuse; I do not even want to accuse those who accuse. Looking away shall be my only negation. And all in all and on the whole: some day I wish to be only a Yes-sayer."
Nice.
Thanks for sharing.
I actually think it’s the complete opposite. People ignore their parents shortcomings in a very selfish, narcissistic way. Allowing them to play the victim and do not have to correct their behaviour where their parents taught them wrong.
Because the parent enables that behaviour. It a never ending cycle.
until they (sons/daughters) gain enough respect for themselves to snap out of it.
Tell their parents the shortcomings and not recreate them in another generation?
This actually gave me hope for the future knowing it could be reversed in a single generation if enough people were on board with healing childhood trauma.
@@vlogcity1111 Yea I see what you mean, thats a good point. Though forgiveness doesn't mean that what the offending party did was okay, it just means that you recognize that we all have the tendency within us to act out horrible things when we feel weak or trapped, and we often do just that for a multitude of different reasons. I believe catholics call the concept original sin.
The offending party needs to know that what they did was wrong, and the onus of responsibility for correcting the behavior needs to be on the wrongdoer first and foremost. Too often the responsibility falls on the victim to "forgive" the perpetrator - "Please forgive ME, I feel so terrible for what I did to you, so YOU must forgive ME" - but this is incorrect. It asks the victim to sign on, or say that its okay that they were treated unfairly. This leads to the behavior going on and on without any real resolution. Repentance must come first, then the relationship can be restored.
But what if the person doesn't want to change? Then it is clearly not a dynamic that any healthy person should want to be apart of. But despite that, forgiveness transcends a lack of repentance, in the sense that forgiveness is first and foremost for the peace of the victim. It recognizes the common core of dysfunction between all people - that a part of human nature is to be flawed, selfish, and destructive - and it finds peace in accepting that and allowing it to be, even if it cant be remedied in the situation at hand. This doesn't mean you need to be apart of the unhealthy dynamic, but it recognizes the reality of the situation, and in doing so gives you a place to rest the spirit of blame without taking a hypocritical attitude about it, where we ignore the potential for these tendencies within ourselves.
Many people think Carl Jung is a kook, but I think his "shadow work" is important in understanding that we are all deeply flawed beings. Here is a quote by him I like
“The acceptance of oneself is the essence of the whole moral problem and the epitome of a whole outlook on life. That I feed the hungry, that I forgive an insult, that I love my enemy in the name of Christ -- all these are undoubtedly great virtues. What I do unto the least of my brethren, that I do unto Christ. But what if I should discover that the least among them all, the poorest of all the beggars, the most impudent of all the offenders, the very enemy himself -- that these are within me, and that I myself stand in need of the alms of my own kindness -- that I myself am the enemy who must be loved -- what then? As a rule, the Christian's attitude is then reversed; there is no longer any question of love or long-suffering; we say to the brother within us "Raca," and condemn and rage against ourselves. We hide it from the world; we refuse to admit ever having met this least among the lowly in ourselves.”
If you made it this far, I hope everything is going well. Thanks for reading
Exactly what I needed to hear right now
Do you think that everybody is traumatized?
Yes
Most of us out here seem to be. Just observe most humans and it seems so obvious 🤷🏽♀️
Wow, this describes me. Even though I like learning about psychology and trauma, I don’t like to go back into my past really. Thanks for this video💛
Great video Daniel. Been watching your videos for a long time, but never commented to say thank you! 💕
Thanks Pamela!
It helped me to know so I don't just blame myself like I always did as a kid. What about trauma you don't remember though like developmental and early childhood trauma. I wonder what you think of the more nervous system, physiological aspect of "mental " health like somatic experiencing therapists. For example in this interview they say you don't actually need to share and talk about what happened to you. Especially for people who had trauma so young and were in fight or flight freeze so much they can't verbally process any of it. This vids just an example but theres so many people more into the nervous system side of things and im hoping it can help me more because I've tried so much talk therapy eating healthy exercise self care but still struggle
th-cam.com/video/mAo9ejioaa0/w-d-xo.html
Every day doesn't have to be perfect. We can learn to love that, too. Beats the abuse, remembered or not! ;)
Yes, I completely agree. I don’t know how you can even begin to know yourself if you don’t look into your past.
There are people who simply choose look forward. I’ve been married to one for almost 20 years, he’s a gem 💎
Pain and more pain
This is exactly my personal experience.
PAIN.
I can resonate with this , i have scared countless people away by talking about childhoods (while i suppose exploring my own ) and or psychology (im a fan of Dr arthur janovs) .. I find it sad really because a lot f those things we have buried away and refuse to face just fizzle away when confronted..
thank you, Daniel
Thankyou.
💞
Hi yes I destroyed mine in case someone tried to read it, when I was in my 20s.
I think for me it's too difficult to process in my current state of mind. I don't have support to process it, no support network. I can barely function as it is, with my current perception of reality. I think I need to work on my education and make sure I can financially survive in the world
I think you hit the nail on the head. “With my current perception of reality” yet you follow that with “I need to work on education and make sure I can survive”. Do you see that you courageously admitted a legit problem and then answered it with a solution that has nothing to do with addressing the problem?
@@lifeasvocation1557 except reality doesn't always follow the machinations of logic in philosophy.
@@lifeasvocation1557 changing ones perception takes time and is a messy process. And survival has everything to do with not being able to undertake such a process
I don't think I want to know
In this, I am not fortunate, as the most my parents ever managed to write were in address books.
Hi Daniel!
Thank you for an intresting video.You have taught me alot.
The last 3-4 years I have been looking Into my past childhood and familytree etc trying to heal. To be able to this I had to quite my "prestige" job and some relationships. Worked odd parttime jobs beacause it takes time and energy to heal but it is my priority. However I have this feeling that I am not contrubiting to socity in a sufficent way.I know it is part of the conditioning that we should work full time have families etc.How should one deal with this nagging guilt? Any suggestions?
Hey Danial, please spread awareness about the palestinian Israeli conflict/ethnic cleansing.
Daniel what do u recommend for treatment resistant depression that isn't responding to medicine or therapy? What happens to these ppl? I feel like pushed to suicide
Free at last......
The World needs feckless, cowards (kind of how we need brave people); every semen demon that makes themselves to conception, can't continue to skillfully adapt (look where they've came from?); every lottery ticket can't be a winner #suchislife #itiswhatitis
✨🙏🏻 facts
How many journals do you have?
this is GoOoOoOoLD for me!! 😅
(for me too)
Neuro linguistic programming works
What is that?
@@veganphilosopher1975 th-cam.com/video/lASCyM-_-80/w-d-xo.html