HOW TO KNOW YOURSELF | DR. KIM SAGE
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 มิ.ย. 2024
- This video explores 22 ways we can come to really know ourselves, especially if we experienced difficult stories/childhoods.
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Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):
1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA
(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)
2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"
(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).
3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT (FREE COURSE)
CHECKLIST IS INCLUDED IN ALL 3 COURSES!!**
xo
***Please note! I am so sorry but my practice is full at this time and I cannot accept new patients. If you would like to be added to my waitlist, please email me at drsagehelp@gmail.com and I will email you only when a spot becomes available. I cannot guarantee a spot will open, however, so please know I care very much, but am limited at this time given my case load.
* Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents (due to state licensing and insurance requirements for mysel
I read David Goggins book, "Cant Hurt Me", and he includes challenges with each chapter, the first being writing about all the traumatic events that happened in childhood. Then, another is to write down all of your successes. When we get stuck being all poopy pants about how we are screwed up, in other words stuck in the default mode network, pull up the succesess to minimize the identification with trauma and the thought that thats who we are. Anyways, thought id share that... makes wonder if he knows you! 😊
In my cart
Smart choice and he has a TH-cam channel now too..I think.
Thanks!
thank you for mentioning the book.
I'm going to read this.
“It was never enough because I felt never enough” Wow!! That’s me to a high degree!
I’m in awe of what you’ve achieved! You’re such an inspiration. You should be very proud of yourself for being asked to participate in the Harvard project.
Congratulations! It's weird that a channel of 60,000+ subscribers is medium-size in the world of the internet, but I'm really glad you were seen enough to be part of this. Very well done!
My goal was to get out! That's it!
Since finding you channel, my journey toward understanding whats under my hood and how the engine of my psyche affects my relationships, has truly accelerated the healing process exponentially! Ive also rekindled my meditation practice lately, knowledge plus introspection equals growth; thank you for making these methods available. Youre making a big difference in my life ❤
I love hearing that! I’m so happy you are finding more ways to love on yourself and move toward healing and understanding! ❤❤❤thank you so much for being here.
Neuroscience, quantum physics, genetics, glands physiology (pineal, pituitary, hypothalamus). We are more close to Carl Jung, Nikola Tesla, ancient psychology are useless at this moment of evolution. We are hyperdimensional beings and time is unity (eternal hyperdimensional present).
The best thing that ever happened to me was the breakdown of my relationships with both of my older sisters. By my 30s I had figured out that my parents were dysfunctional broken people. Not healed from their form of raising kids but able to recognize it and able to start working through my childhoodtrauma. And just turning a label on them helped me manage my relationships with them. Both of my sister's claim to of recognized this at an early age but are actually still reflecting that childhood trauma. I love that they took me under their wing and tried to protect me. They were life savers for me growing up. But they both have drug and alcohol issues and that unsteady behavior began to affect my relationships with them by my 40s. So for 9 years they've not been a part of my life or each other's. That we fell apart was very sad. Devastating at first. It wasn't my choice to not communicate. And still is sad. I hope we can all be close again someday.
But wow it has been so beneficial to me because I realized they still labeled and decided who I was. They worked to make me dependent on them. They do every thing my parents do they just come at it from a cool loving direction. And I had lived my entire life either under my parents control or theirs. Never knowing who I was but constantly being told who I was.
I'm 49 years old and about a year ago I woke and realized wow I am for the first time in my life my own person. Just me. And I really like me. I had no idea.
Also about the time my family was finally totally melting down I was just coming out of my third long term relationship...with yet another man who just like my family attempted to tell me who I was.
These past 9 or so years have been the best years of my life. I have friends but I don't see myself ever letting anyone in to point where my identity is what someone else needs or expects it to be what they need!!!
And I'm strong about it. If anyone in conversation oh you seem like the type to be like....I give it a moment and consider this description then if I don't agree with I will say actually and politely rephrase it to clear that up. Not just for them but for me.
This is such a helpful and timely video for me. I’m just starting to discover who I am after spending the first 20+ years of my life doing what I thought I “should” be doing and who my parents wanted me to be. I’m starting to take terrifying but small steps in the direction I want to take my life. I’m holding on to hope that taking action, no matter how small or scary, will slowly help me out of the nightmare of childhood. Thanks Dr Kim ❤
You are an inspiration for sure. It’s been only a couple of years that I realized that my childhood was not healthy. I’m in therapy and now I realize how trauma shapes our life. Your videos are very informative and you sound so soothing and transparent. Great channel !
10:48 "i would trauma dump to strangers" YES !!!! I have done this for 3 years and with hindsight it was TOTALLY wrong and it has given the wrong impression to people who think I'm a narc whereas the truth is that i suffered (as an empath) at the hands of a very dark narcissist and i have no family, few friends and I didn't seek professional help. Today, literally today i have an awareness of what I've done and I'm using that awareness to stop trauma dumping and am striving to be the outgoing positive person i was before i encountered a long period of domestic abuse. Who am I ? Well, I always say "I'm a flower power child, creative virgo with a passion for beaches and travel. Peace and love is the only answer in this tempestuous world" IN REALITY as my ex psychologist said in the 90s I've lived 3 lives in 1 (now 5) but i suffered childhood abuse, always tried to please my parents which has spilled over into my adult life. I SERIOUSLY OVERSHARE (delete this post lol) and I'm desperately trying to cease that to be a better person with society. I'm usually quite outgoing but when my traumas surface it stifles my vibrancy. Changed gender in 1985 of which has seriously affected my social network so i tend NOT to mention it on forums. Major bereavements in the 90s, cancer survivor 2014 and ONLY NOW have a strong desire to rise up again and become successful once again with my fashion design. I sincerely hope I'm blessed with a few more years on this beautiful planet. Life is precious, Music is Life and Your Accent is Pretty Cool !! Have a blessed week
I’ve been watching so many of your videos over the past few months. I feel like the information and insights you present have helped me finally who I am,my traumas, why I do what I do because of those traumas, and what I can do to improve myself. I don’t have words to express how thankful I am for you and your work.
Sending love ❤❤❤
Thank you so much sending the same to you!
What lovely wallpaper.
The doing is definitely important. Doing and sharing with even one other person we trust/love, I learned, is even more important. We need another to reflect our goodness and inner beauty back to us to help us diminish the sound of the negative voices we absorbed as our own.
Fantastic you are an inspiration!!! I am 62 and still starting over from PTSD. You give hope thanks so much xxxx🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🤗🤗🤗🤗Enjoy the moment of Celebration xxxx
Do your inner critic work.
Get quiet. Journaling. Meditation
Try to find the adjectives that describe who you think you are. Be loving.
What stories do you tell yourself? Eg. I am loving. So whats the story with that.
What are your dreams. Have some objectivity about it.
How wud you like to know yourself? To see yourself? Who are you when nobody is looking?
good for you!! you're content is great. you totally deserve that recognition. no need to apologize.
You are such an inspiration. You're so authentic and real and such a role model for me. 😊
Congrats on your selection from Harvard. You are worthy & an asset. Dont change to much....your genuine personality is "special". Never abandon your sweet, caring approach for prestige from an ivy league moment. Moments come & go but YOU are You forever & we love who you are. Genuine, kind, caring, insightful, smart, warm, honest, authentic & lovely inside & out.
Yes, I'm proud of you too, and so grateful for your work! Cheers
Thank you so much for being here with me!❤❤❤
I don't know why but I'm in tears watching this video, tears of joy actually. I guess I'm just really happy and emotional and grateful for the clarity and for started this journey to understanding myself, my childhood trauma and hopefully towards healing. Thank you! And Congratulations🎉 for getting into Harvard! You are doing really great and keep up the good work!
Thank you . I don't even know where to start. I have been suffering as long as I remember. You make me cry and I want that. You are talking about me and I hear that.
Thank you so much. I love how we find the right person at the right time to help us. You are a blessing Dr Sage ❤ love from Scotland ❤
Thank you. Just the information I was looking for. ❤
Thank you for showing up and giving us the courage to do so. Love how you are so authentically you and speak with so much ease from your earlier videos. ❤
OMG! After life long shrinks! YOU! You are saying everything to hit nerves, tears & fears💔💔💔😭😭😭who are you?
Congrats Kim! What a wonderful recognition of your very hard work and lifelong achievements....you have climbed many mountains. 💖
I have BPD and just started therapy. Your videos have helped me so much. Thank you for making them!
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Sending love!
You are so amazing, your work is life changing!
Also, sometimes the bully is your sibling. My sister grew up to be a narcissistic Machiavellian psychopath. She did A LOT of damage further by a narcissistic alcoholic mother. I'm 52 and just beginning to heal. You are the only professional that I see recognizing and understanding CPTSD. It is so difficult to even deal with physicians for physical medical reasons, it's disgusting.....
Wonderful content as always! So much great info on figuring this out. I'm almost divorced and out of a toxic relationship at 65. This is the first time in my life that I'm not clear about my sense of purpose. Such a strange place to be. Taking things one day at a time to move the needle forward. Congrats on being included in the Harvard group! You totally deserve it.❤
Kim thank you your my TH-cam therapist
TH-cam popped you into my suggestion list this evening. I've watched four so far and tossed a handful of kleenex along the way. I will be watching more as soon as I can. You're helping me unravel myself. I had sat down earlier this evening and began writing about why I'm angry. I don't walk around mad, but it's hiding under the sofa. I realized between that and watching one of your other videos that why I don't have many friends goes back to the first person in my life that a friendship should have formed with: my only (and older) sibling. She pushed me away in resentment and I believe that has been hindering my friendship development process. Keep doing what you are doing! Its helping me move forward in life.
Thank you for your video. Can you please make a video on why some of us cannot focus on the hobbies or interests that bring us joy. We would rather daydream than do things that bring us joy.
As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s, this rings true for me. Perhaps an area for you to explore?
@@djer05010401 Thanks for your comment. I will look into ADHD. Could you refer me to a video / article that talks about how ADHD is linked to not focusing on the hobbies or interests that bring us joy
www.hsph.harvard.edu/chc/creators-summit-on-mental-health/meet-attendees/
Here’s a list of the incredible creators who have been part of our Harvard Public Health seminars!! Please check them out!❤❤❤
So many incredible women on the list! Congratulations!
I’m celebrating with you! You’re accomplishment now has been the culmination of a lifetime of tears, perseverance and learning. What a journey! Pride in ourselves is hard fought and illusive until we are closer to healed. Looks like you are able to give yourself that beautiful gift! Bravo! to making it to here!!
You give me hope that I can change
Several years ago, I was diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder and, at that time, Clinical Depression. The psychiatrist told me that having both simultaneously is called “double depression” and it led me to contact the VA Crisis Line. I took Wellbutrin for several years, but stopped taking it about six months ago and the mental fog has finally lifted from what seemed like the longest funk in my life. Tried counseling, but the only option seems to be CBT and that method drives me crazy! I am 68 and recently filed for divorce after 47 years together, so I feel like I need counseling but don’t know how to find someone. Enjoying your videos!
This video has been so helpful. I paused it after each question you asked and answered, had a talk with myself...
And I've had some really great realizations through this.
Thank you, Kim.
Wow.
I appreciate you honesty and voulnarability. I recently found your channel. I could not explain my mom to myself.. As she is not plain narcissistic and you helped me realize she is boarderline. I felt so seen and heard for the first time. Thank you from my heart
This is what I’ve been working on and wondering 💭 how I go about getting to know myself
Thank you for ALL you share....whatever the medium ♥️
I feel like Ive been looking for you my whole life. Thank you so much for creating your content, they have brought so much clarity x
Thank you. ❤ AMAZING !!
You are amazing, congratulations on the project, I'm so happy for you! Please keep us updated on how it's going.👏 What an impact your wisdom is having 🙏 Can I also just say you look absolutely fabulous as always.❤
Thank you for this❤
Thank you!
Excellent video Dr. Sage. Thank you for sharing your inspiring story. It feels good to be reminded that the resilience, compassion and self vulnerability can mend the soul and make one stronger and happier than ever through our behaviors, beliefs and consistency.
Congratulations Dr. Sage!!
So helpful! ❤
Right video for the right time. Thank you!
This is really great content! I’ve been reading, listening but this is really great. Thank you very much!!!
Thank you - taking the step!
Thank you for this video. I needed this direction at this point in my life when I’m focusing on re-parenting myself. ❤
Thank you 🙏
i found your channel tonight. This video spoke to me! Wow. I needed to see this and hear that I need to START somewhere. Thank you!!!
I took notes for everything you shared and will keep taking the steps to move forward, thank you SO much :) I really do appreciate you creating this.
You are sooo helpful as well as being such an inspiration. I am exactly on your journey.
Thank you! You make the best videos with the best info.
Wow! I am truly inspired
Someone who you are is someone worth knowing ❤
Such great content!! Feel so grateful I came across your channel a few days ago!!! Absolutely so what I need to help in my journey 🙏🏻💞🙏🏻 thank you!!
Love you so much. Thank you. Congrats on the Harvard thing. ❤
Thank you for this. You are beautiful!
Thank you for this! ❤ I enjoy your videos and they always help me..
This is such a good video, thank you.
Your channel has helped me open up to myself and what drives me.
Thanks so much for sharing all you have learned! I love the stick figure exercise! I'll be trying that. 😊
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and personal experiences. I'm new to your channel and looking forward to watching more of your videos and doing many of the things you suggested. God bless you.
God Bless you Dr Kim
You know your TRUELY healing when you can say, sure I went threw trama, but it's made me who I am and I love me the way I am... There for I can accept my past as it was.
Congratulations! 🎉 I am happy for you and your achievements. Thank you so much for all the knowledge you share and for showing up for others from a vulnerable and honest place 💕
You should know that you are really really helping me where no one else has been able. Thank you very much❤
That's awesome I wish I could get out and do something to better myself
Congratulations and so happy you will reach more people on various channels ❤❤❤
Congrats, SiSTaR! 🙏🏼🎯Harvard! Woot! 🥳🤩👍🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I have discovered your channel earlier on today and I’m in owe of you and your content! I want to congratulate you sincerely for bringing up 4 kids on your own while being a fabulous professional! It broke my heart as you said you never wanted to be a divorcee, really well done for what you have achieved privately and professionally!
You deserve to be chosen by the Harvard students so much, your content is clear, concise and always giving.
Wishing you and your 4 children a healthy, happy future ❤
Thank you so much for your videos ❤❤ I always going to be grateful to you, beautiful lady!
So kind! Sending love!❤❤❤
You are amazing😊
Flashback to the time shortly after I started working on my mental health (as a young adult) and my dad somehow thought it was appropriate to say "Yeah, you're much better now. You used to be horrible to deal with." (to make it clear, he was telling me I was a horrible child)
I think it goes without saying I spend 0 time with this person now.
Wow Kim! I am so impressed that you survived and overcame the bizarre stuff that happened to you but perhaps if it didn't happen you wouldn't be doing this channel. I'm so proud of you. I have a bizzare story too but it doesn't include marriage or children. Maybe someday I'll share it too....yicks. 😮
I love you sharing your life bc it's similar - I was a stay at home mom to a narc and had to raise two boys through college alone. They def see my flaws (but I always told them they would) and I want them to. Long story, I get it.
and then going back to work..(teacher for me)..ugh- so long ago- still dealing with it all.
What Can say?
As life continues with exceptional guidelines towards writing a new story and examples of my Native American heroes rising into our Nations History overcoming adventures of Historical events that led to my generation of young men and women not knowing how to deal with our inner critic tendencies.
Late I have noticed that friends & family alike would just dump there anger and harsh words towards all present efforts to regain self-respect, after years of marriage in other state which ended ,but the hurt from narcissism left by my partner goes unnoticed.
Hi Kim, thanks for the great video. Like others I have watched hundreds of mental health video’s from which I’ve learned many great things. However, I feel like this is the one that has been missing all this time. I’m wondering how I can get in touch with you to connect more about topic? Thanks. ❤
Congratulations! How exciting to be part of a group of peers and exploring new information and approaches to sharing it with your audiences.
Thank you!!❤❤❤yes it’s been amazing and I’m so honored!
I like song done by peace orchestra - who am I. I listen to it, when I want to figure it out. Played the song a lot lately.
And congratulations on being chosen!! Well deserved from what I’m witnessing watching you. I believe you are doing important work and doing it extremely well 🙌🥰🙌
You look great for being 55! Not many people my age still look good LOL. I always wondered what it would be like to date a psychologist, deep psychoanalytical conversations over breakfast LOL.
🤢
Thank you doctor for giving me the name of my new band trauma dump❤
The story of how I found you is long, but I'll cut it short as possible out of respect to anyone that may subject themselves to it.
Someone very dear to me, my best friends for nearly 5 years, has been dealing with mental health issues much of her life. She had started a group with me on social media for those that have dealt with such things, or traumatic situations or even a combination as she had.
I wanted to find videos such as this to help others find ways to aid them on their way to becoming whole again, or maybe even the firsttime in their life. I researched depression and anxiety, as they were her two greatest enemies, but as I delved deeper, it began to look like BPD, perhaps HPD, as some lines blur. Then add CPTSD, and an addiction to a number of things she seems to cycle through.
It was my desire to gather what I could to present to her things to discuss and contemplate to urge her to seek proper treatment/therapy for once.
Sadly she saw my attempt as a way to press upon the fact that she is damaged, and point out her flaws, and remind her that she's defective.
Needless to say our relationship is dead, and there's so much hatred towards me, she prefers to associate with the man that exposed photos of her self harm to the world, and literally tried for the last six months, to coax her into committing suicide, as an alternative to doing anything with me.
And yes this was painfully condensed while trying to get it to make sense
This is actually really interesting. What about when some people c all you can alcoholic? If you're not educated on things like narcissism you can easily let it become your identity. I don't think it is my identity. It's to do with choosing to come into consciousness and healing. Certainly now I am living by who I think I am rather than labels people try to give me. It's like becoming your authentic self.
I literally (I am not kidding) spent about 1 YEAR with the words “who am I?” running through my head in 1991. I didn’t tell anybody, just thought I had OCD or something. I couldn’t answer it though. Eventually it stopped, but I wasn’t able to answer it. That was 30+ years ago (thankfully I can answer it now, lol).
I'd be really interested to know how you would respond to my answers of the questions you've presented here.
But I don't have 300 bucks an hour, so... 😝
Again, thank you so much for making helpful content for those of us whom cannot afford private therapy.
You're an angel.
From my parents .
Congratulations!!! Omg you soooo deserve it. I can’t tell you how much research I’ve done over the last few years, and I don’t remember anyone addressing these issues the way you do. It is more than helpful… I think possibly life changing.😄 Your personal life experiences, even tho traumatic, are helping many. So it appears you made lemonade out of lemons. So thank you Dr. Kim for sharing your life AND expertise. From your friendly neighborhood borderline. Or not so friendly, depending on who you ask. Don’t ask my adult daughter tho.😊
I am very interested to hear your thoughts on AI and information truth. I studied data science and this was a huge deal. How can we trust what we hear and read? Very difficult when even legitimate artists are using ghost creators and AI to create their content (though of course they still need to approve the end product but what does this actually mean?).
Mwah ❤
Can you do codependent moms?
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My biggest bully was my sister😢
Hi Dr Sage! I'm trying to translate and add Spanish subtitles to your vids, but this feature is not available on your channel. Can you activate this option please?
hello, hope you're having a good day,,Im doubtful that you may see this but I was wondering if you can touch on parents or a parent who struggled with mental illness and drug abuse? I looked through your videos and im sure I may have just missed it, but I didnt see it :')
💗