Really enjoying these questions + answers. Also had to pause and laugh, I had a similar car accident story. Was stopped at a red light and got rear-ended by a big truck from behind too. When questioned by police they said it was my fault because they thought the light was still green and I should have moved, they were told "it's still not okay to hit someone even if the light IS green..." hahahaha
50:00 Regarding different standards for abusive across cultures or different parents, I think part of the traumatic experience can be when kids compare their experiences between each other. Imagine two children, one with fairly lax parents, the other with fairly strict parents using corporal punishment. The stakes of one child tattling on the other (so to speak) are very different depending on which is which. The stakes of being able to disobey rules are very different depending on the child. This feeds into the power dynamics of culture of the schoolyard; the child with lax parents will likely be more outgoing and confident. I'm not sure if I'm explaining my point here well.
Thank you Dr. Kirk! The first two questions really made me think. "What is trauma?" might be a very interesting topic for future episodes. I had an abusive experience in my last relationship that is now resurfacing after I pushed it away for years. And now I'm wondering, am I traumatized? I don't have any longterm effects, I'm very happy in my life, but this experience is coming back to me often. When it does, it makes me very sad and it feels like a burden. Is that trauma? Should I be going to therapy? That is something I ask myself a lot lately
I can surely say my ex husband was a psychopath. He did have a family history of DV, I can recognise that - but there's no getting around the actions he took pleasure in to teach me "a lesson" and leaving me imprisoned for days while severely injured. The best revenge I have is living life as best I can, while keeping in mind he will die a lonely man one day. Take care everyone x
I realize this is a couple years old, but I'm so curious after listening to this. In using prolonged exposure therapy to treat PTSD, you mentioned repeatedly revisiting various memories from (the traumatizing experience) childhood. In the example you described, the client discussed various stories they experienced with their mother, but how is this applied if the trauma is derived from a single event and not an ongoing experience such as childhood abuse? Obviously one can only tell the story of a single event so many times, is there a way this gets adapted?
@@merlebrown7664 Because it's like... Few days I'm better then something small happens and I hop on the shit carousel ride again. And mostly when I'm better I only distract myself
@@hellionshark3197 For me I totally rely on my psychic for advice and also protection against negative energy to remain consistent and get better everyday 😁
Long time ex - CPS Worker My opinion on it lol. I’m bored. Is all trauma abusive? No, 1. child that sees a shooting in the neighborhood & it causes trauma due to witnessing it. 2. Child lives in a high crime area & witnesses shooting on a regular basis similar to stress of living in a ‘war zone.’ Child exhibits trauma due to observing on-going violence. Is all abuse traumatic? No, you can have a significant one time event or a pattern. 1.Child goes to see ‘long lost’ dad for a weekend & dad can’t handle the stress of watching child. Dad takes an iron & burns child causing serious burns. 2, Sexual abuse situation that takes place 1x, child discloses right away: & mom removes child from the safety risk. 3. Real situation- Mom & dad are no longer together. Dad is high & finds mom in the parking lot. Dad kills mom & sibling in front of child. Police responds before dad gets to other child. Imagine living with that?! (I left out significant details so it doesn’t match news story / very old situation) I could go on forever I agree with Dr, Kirk that not all abuse is traumatic & can be defined by the legal definition. 1.Child (11) is left in the car & mom is in the store too long & gets substantiated by CPS due to state laws. 3. Mom hits 15 year old child one time in a rare outburst & no major mark/bruise but mom is still arrested, There is a family meeting held the situation is talked out , mom feels awful for situation, child talks out emotions & mom take a parenting class.
Lundy Bancroft’s book is an eye opener for abused women. It helped me so much!!
It should be in every public library.
0:47 Q.1
1:21 What is abuse?
3:30 What is trauma?
8:37: Q.1 cont.
11:34 Q.2 abuse vs trauma
13:14 EMDR
24:11 abuser & attachment injuries
Really enjoying these questions + answers. Also had to pause and laugh, I had a similar car accident story. Was stopped at a red light and got rear-ended by a big truck from behind too. When questioned by police they said it was my fault because they thought the light was still green and I should have moved, they were told "it's still not okay to hit someone even if the light IS green..." hahahaha
People are funny...
Yes, I agree. This got heavy for me too. So thank you. And bless you for doing such needed, yet emotionally draining work.
50:00 Regarding different standards for abusive across cultures or different parents, I think part of the traumatic experience can be when kids compare their experiences between each other.
Imagine two children, one with fairly lax parents, the other with fairly strict parents using corporal punishment. The stakes of one child tattling on the other (so to speak) are very different depending on which is which. The stakes of being able to disobey rules are very different depending on the child. This feeds into the power dynamics of culture of the schoolyard; the child with lax parents will likely be more outgoing and confident.
I'm not sure if I'm explaining my point here well.
Thank you Dr. Kirk! The first two questions really made me think. "What is trauma?" might be a very interesting topic for future episodes. I had an abusive experience in my last relationship that is now resurfacing after I pushed it away for years. And now I'm wondering, am I traumatized? I don't have any longterm effects, I'm very happy in my life, but this experience is coming back to me often. When it does, it makes me very sad and it feels like a burden. Is that trauma? Should I be going to therapy? That is something I ask myself a lot lately
I can surely say my ex husband was a psychopath. He did have a family history of DV, I can recognise that - but there's no getting around the actions he took pleasure in to teach me "a lesson" and leaving me imprisoned for days while severely injured.
The best revenge I have is living life as best I can, while keeping in mind he will die a lonely man one day. Take care everyone x
I realize this is a couple years old, but I'm so curious after listening to this. In using prolonged exposure therapy to treat PTSD, you mentioned repeatedly revisiting various memories from (the traumatizing experience) childhood. In the example you described, the client discussed various stories they experienced with their mother, but how is this applied if the trauma is derived from a single event and not an ongoing experience such as childhood abuse? Obviously one can only tell the story of a single event so many times, is there a way this gets adapted?
Very well-said!
Idk why this made me sad... I feel like I'll never get better sometimes.
Why not lol
@@merlebrown7664 Because it's like... Few days I'm better then something small happens and I hop on the shit carousel ride again. And mostly when I'm better I only distract myself
@@hellionshark3197 For me I totally rely on my psychic for advice and also protection against negative energy to remain consistent and get better everyday 😁
Ello from the Philippines!
Am I the only one who doesn't give a shit about closure? I'll be so relieved when my mom dies.
I wish I didn't know all about my mom's childhood. The fkn stories she told us, jc.
13:44 EMDR
Long time ex - CPS Worker My opinion on it lol.
I’m bored.
Is all trauma abusive? No,
1. child that sees a shooting in the neighborhood & it causes trauma due to witnessing it.
2. Child lives in a high crime area & witnesses shooting on a regular basis similar to stress of living in a ‘war zone.’ Child exhibits trauma due to observing on-going violence.
Is all abuse traumatic? No, you can have a significant one time event or a pattern.
1.Child goes to see ‘long lost’ dad for a weekend & dad can’t handle the stress of watching child. Dad takes an iron & burns child causing serious burns.
2, Sexual abuse situation that takes place 1x, child discloses right away: & mom removes child from the safety risk.
3. Real situation- Mom & dad are no longer together. Dad is high & finds mom in the parking lot. Dad kills mom & sibling in front of child. Police responds before dad gets to other child. Imagine living with that?! (I left out significant details so it doesn’t match news story / very old situation)
I could go on forever
I agree with Dr, Kirk that not all abuse is traumatic & can be defined by the legal definition.
1.Child (11) is left in the car & mom is in the store too long & gets substantiated by CPS due to state laws.
3. Mom hits 15 year old child one time in a rare outburst & no major mark/bruise but mom is still arrested, There is a family meeting held the situation is talked out , mom feels awful for situation, child talks out emotions & mom take a parenting class.
Getting rid of an abusive husband or even an ex is pretty easy using detachment spells. Super helpful!
13:44 EMDR