My Wife and I Don’t Agree on Politics
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.พ. 2025
- My Wife and I Don’t Agree on Politics
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He keeps calling his wife emotional but he doesn't realize he is being emotional too.
Yep he’s trying to paint her as irrational in conversations about politics… it’s a subtle way of inferring that he’s more rational.
@@user-il2oy5kb7fmen always are
@@user-il2oy5kb7fit’s irrational to support gender ideology nonsense and to be anti-gun.
Come on yall…why is there always someone to blame. He said the conversation gets emotional. I don’t see how what he is saying is throwing shade at her. He clearly wants to handle it properly, and he is looking for help. Let’s not dismiss the fact that he is calling this show for professional help with this. Why would he do that? I would think it’s because he values his wife, his marriage, and the relationship that his children will use as their biggest example of what relationship dynamics are supposed to look like. I can appreciate the effort, humility, and willingness to better his marriage.
I believe things like political beliefs, religious beliefs, and whether you want children, etc, should be discussed before committing to a serious relationship.
Seriously! Don't people talk before they get married. I know they offer discounts on your marriage license if you complete a premarital course of your choice.
100% - it was a first date conversation for me and my partner. Why would I waste my time if we are fundamentally different humans on a different path.
I also think it’s a weird take to say your partner doesn’t know who you vote for. Why would that be a secret. I don’t necessarily think you have to hold the same beliefs but why would you hide it??
Even when they disagree! It should be discussed, regardless. I had a Republican cousin who married a Democrat (it may have been vice versa but they were on opposing sides.). Both did work for their respective political party and it seemed to be a good marriage. They said they had their heated debates but it just made their relationship hotter in some areas, if you get my drift. The disparity worked for them.
I don't know that would have worked for me but it seems a crazy prospect that people don't ask about political beliefs or number of children or, in one case, where they were going to live -- urban or suburban, which is also a very basic but big issue.
I couldn't be married to someone i didnt agree politically. These items were discussed before marriage.
Her worldview could have changed with childbirth, meaning what wasn't important before has become way more important now
Agreed, I couldn’t marry a MAGA fanatic
I couldn’t do it either, someone’s politics are representatives of their morals and those are so important
That's sad , you need to broaden your views on life. My husband and I are different politically. And yes this was discussed but he was not forthcoming. So here we are right. You have to listen to both sides.
That’s sad.
I love your take on these issues. Getting down to the real issues. "how can you feel safe" "how can she feel safe. " I love that
How do you argue with irrationality?
@@rational9229 Who is being irrational?
Large numbers of people, including children, are injured or killed every year in the USA, due to there being a firearm in the house.
@@emmajones8590 Biden's own study at the CDC shows that the number of people saved is 10 times more than those injured. Find the study at the CDC website.
@@rational9229what I like about this comment is that it’s something that could equally be said from either side.
Yes this is good
You don't have to be in agreement on every single political view, yet your political views reflect the lens and world view by which your values you choose to live by. This reveals how important it is you discuss your values and beliefs well before you decide to marry someone.
Divorce is inevitable with this couple.
My husband and I are in agreement on politics. I can't imagine being married to someone who isn't. It makes our lives easier.
That’s because you’re an ideologue who doesn’t value your own country. You believe the government should force your values on everyone else which is the most anti American idea I can think of. Most Americans have been brainwashed into begging for the government boot to be on their necks.
It’s ridiculous to me to think that politics should divide a relationship
@Delboydunno Political differences are didn't than having an opinion on what type is best or better. You must be living under a rock to not see that both parties are far from being in agreement or most things. So, to say that not being politically aligned makes sense is insane.
@@ONLY1KUDWE true, someone who’s pro trans probably won’t marry a bigot anyways. I think the only issue that should find their way into the household is abortion. All others don’t matter to a family or can be compromised on.
Ridiculous that you put so much value on “politics”
The mistake here, is not asking your partner these things BEFORE you married her and had a kid. You and your partner should be on the same page. You're a team.
You can have some same or similar core values & still vote differently for similar reasons . . Jmho.
💯
@@joygarrett8397How is that possible?
What were they even talking about when dating? 😅
How does that work when ppl continue to grow, evolve and change after marriage???? 😳 Or in your world are ppl supposed to be frozen in time ?
The larger more nuanced point being that love can draw ppl together regardless of different perspectives and JD is sharing an approach for how to facilitate aligning on shared core values while creating a safe place to explore and build from.
This is what happens when you marry someone because you like the same TV shows and theme parks and think they’re cute. How did these conversations not come up before?
Why does it matter? Whether my significant other likes the turd sandwich or the giant douche, ill still love them cuz i chose them for who they are not what they believe in.
@alexdillon5348 what someone believes in is a crucial part to who they are... you can't just separate that...
@@lukefoster9169 This, especially when it comes to taking other's rights away. A privileged position, if they personally will never have to experience that kind of exploitation or vitriol.
@@alexdillon5348why would you like a third sandwich or a douche. What are you talking about
@@SpaQueenRockshit the nail on the head.
I swear people don’t talk before marriage. How dumb.
But people also can change their opinions on things
Exactly
@amandab5085 This is true. But it also doesn't sound like the case here.
@@amandab5085that’s fair, BUT people change their opinion on whether they like pickles. As a grown adult, it’s unusual to change your beliefs on concrete issues, that showcases your foundational values.
@@camarada9755You'll be surprised. There are a lot of fence riders out there with no solid conviction. They'll stand for something one day, then turn against it eventually
My brother and his wife are opposite ends of the spectrum, he's conservative and she is liberal. They still love eachother and get along. As I love to say to my nieces: it's true democracy in action at your house.
Would bet $100 that's because they don't talk about their differences of opinions. And if you ask me, what kind of relationship is that to not be able to talk about everything and anything that's on your mind.
There is no way. There is a lot more to it that you don't know, specially in 2024. They are either very ignorant in the subjects and can care less or one of them at least is very ignorant and they are just simply sweeping things under the rug and is just accumulating.
Hmm, maybe she’s more centrist as I doubt that would be their case if she was on the hard left.. idk if it’s the most healthy situation to marry someone who has different values than yours.
No way that works 😂
My grandparents where the same and loved each other very deeply. They respected the other's views even when they disagreed.
My husband and I are complete opposites, even politically. Most of my friends are opposites of me politically. I grew up in Louisiana, deep south & Republican. My husband grew up in Massachusetts. The most liberal area in the US! My marriage is MORE IMPORTANT than politics!! My friendships are MORE IMPORTANT than politics. Our adult kids are opposites politically & THEY get along! I mean, politics is NOT our life! It’s part of it. We discussed our core beliefs before marriage & that was it!
How would you guys handle big disagreements? Like hypothetically if one of your children said they were trans and wanted to change pronouns and do hormonal therapy , a liberal person would most likely support and even praise that, while a conservative absolutely would not.
If one of you were firmly pro gun rights and wanted guns for safety or other practical reasons like hunting, but one of you was very against guns and didn’t think regular citizens should own them at all, how does that get navigated? Basically who gives up their moral principles in these types of situations and how do you avoid resentment ?
Being friends with someone of opposing politics isn’t that difficult. You
Aren’t living with them. You aren’t parenting with them. Iv got a lot of left wing friends but at the end of the day they run their households with their own partners and I run mine with my husband. I can’t comprehend trying to raise kids and run a household with a husband that I disagreed with about guns, gender ideology, religion or any of the big moral foundational things that you teach children. That seems like it would be way more difficult than marrying a likeminded person.
You are a VERY strong person. I can not imagine being opposite my husband. We are both conservative and I thank God every day that we agree. My heart goes out for this young couple because the fact is, marriage is going to be harder for them than if they were evenly yolked.
@@BeigeSnowYou don't necessarily need one person to give up their morals. But you need to find some middle ground between both of your opinions. People with different beliefs don't need to fight over everything, you can disagree with someone as long as you don't go too far to one side of an opinion they should be fine.
@@cajuncraftysue what a privilege to view politics as trivial, almost as if choosing between the color red and blue. I ask you to read your comment again and acknowledge that. No way in h e l l id be friends with someone voting against my loved one’s livelihoods, let alone marry them. Politics ARE life, and if you fail to see that, you’ve never been adversely affected.
might work for you, but romantically its usually best to have similar values/opinions. friends/family can believe what they want, but my spouse i want to think similarly to me. i personally love debating and discussing history and politics and if my husband werent right leaning id simply not be attracted to him. we wouldnt even make it past the dating stage lol! i dont know how you do it, but i think youre just the exception to the rule, or perhaps you and your spouse agree on alot morally and in values so it works... but the left winging people arent the same as how they used to be which is probably why its harder today to date with polar opposite political views
Drink every time he calls his wife emotional
The marriage ends in disaster. You dont have to know who eachother vote for but your morals and culture need to be compatible. Unfortunately the left and the right are polarized to a point where compromise isnt acheivable right now.
Compromise isn't achievable? Trump supporters are part of a CULT... so good luck to you men and women that happen to be involved with them. Common sense says run for the hills and connect with someone that believes in facts and democracy... period.
Very good point.
Exactly. Politics aren’t just talking pieces, it’s people’s livelihoods and it matters. The power of political differences shouldn’t be undermined.
I don’t think necessarily culture but I agree .
Well said
As an outsider, your politics is so tribal left vs right. There is NO compromise. What happened to bipartisan or in the middle. I like conservative elements and democratic elements.
@@xxxxsha modern conservatives are pretty much the liberals of the past. Modern liberals are what’s causing the problems in this country. They’re essentially communists and satanic freaks, destroying all logical thoughts, god-given rights, and the laws of nature. Conservatives are the middle as of now.
It's awful. There's such a lack of willingness to listen to each other and at least *try* to understand other perspectives. That being said, I do understand why some people aren't willing to be in a relationship with someone whose political beliefs seem to threaten their rights or existence.
In the neverending race to attract new voters, both of the dominant parties have extended their policy platforms into new issues. If we appear polarized its because the federal government is involved in issues that quite frankly should be resolved at the state and local level. My father always taught me that the best government is less government but the last 50 years we've gone full bore in the opposite direction.
The ones who want to reach across and find common ground are seen as weak, it’s pitiful.
There's no middle or bipartisanship on fundamental issues like life liberty or pursuit of property. You can't have half a gun in the house just like you can't have half of a daughter. To haggle that way is insane.
Umm... If he is making these things a debate it's BECAUSE he has emotions around them. He acts like she's the only one who has emotions, but if he didn't have them it wouldn't be that important to him to debate it.
Logic is extremely fallible, as people tend to leave out variables when determining their own logic- due to bias and beliefs.
It’s not really about being emotional or not, it’s more so that she may bring up emotional arguments ex: “I feel like x” or” I feel that y”. Then he may say “Well this is fact x and y”. We don’t know what’s really going on with they and very little information I’m not making a judgement call.
I'm so tired of emotions being genderized. As if men never have emotions. And husbands are guilty of saying their wives are overly emotional and not meaning it as a compliment. Most likely these men ignore the emotional needs of themselves and their wives. Husbands - be a safe space for your wives to express themselves. Do better.
Men have emotions- they are far more likely to be angry for example. But men only seem to recognise crying as ‘being emotional’.
I think men are socialised to ignore their emotions and thus they end up acting on them easily. Their logic is just excuses for their behaviour
I’m sorry, but it is a very funny sentence to say “my wife is wonderful, loving, compassionate, and I’m traditional”
You said it better than I. Now I don’t even need to type my comment.
I noticed that. If she's so wonderful, how come he doesn't agree with her lol
I lean more democrat on issues and my husband is more republican. Remember, “you don’t have to see eye to eye to walk hand in hand.” I think a more important quality to have in this day and age is to be ABLE to have these tough conversations and be ABLE to find a middle ground. People in the comments act like it’s bad to be different than your spouse but it’s really nice if you’re mature enough to handle it. He’s actually changed his perception on some things because of me and I have as well. When everyone starts to try this once in a while maybe our country wouldn’t be such a train wreck
You mean, be adults lol. We seem to have a lack of maturity anymore.
Agreed. I don't believe in God and my wife new it when we met. I knew she was really religious, and I knew it from the start. It's never been an issue except when I tease her about obeying her husband.
I see that in the comments as well , me and mine don't agree politically on everything but it doesn't hinder how I see our future or our marriage. We love each other period. It doesn't affect us. It's crazy that it affects ppl so much that they couldn't fathom life with ppl who have their own opinions !!
@@elisamartinez3881- I think normally people would agree with you, but when you have the democratic countries in the world worried that a cult leader Trump who is a wannabe dictator, admirer of Putin and Oban wants to be the ruler of the free world it’s frightening.
This💯 My husband and I don’t have the exact same alignments in political stances, but it’s actually opened my eyes to understand how other people can think differently, especially in politics. The “other side” is not my enemy. It’s possible to have close friendships with people who don’t think exactly like you.
I feel like Dr. John absolutely knocked this out of the park.
I feel like you,re right !😊😊
Lesson of the day: Don’t marry someone who has opposite values from you. lol 😂
Pretty much!
You can have similar values and be politically opposite.
@shawnanderson7858 Someone tell me how this is possible? Your politics ARE based on your values. If one party is for abortions and the other isn't. And you're totally against abortions but your spouse is as well, but thinks other people should be able to have one if they want. How are your values the same?
@@shawnanderson7858I disagree the values become policies
@@ONLY1KUDWEby having different assumptions. Go read A Conflict of Visions if you're really interested in this subject.
The great thing about teens and young adults today is that they are a lot more politically aware then prior generations so these conversations happen very soon
When Texans marry foreigners, like someone from California or Seattle.. 😂😂😂
Neither of the spouses are from Texas…?
@@morgancorbett3497 it was Deloney's metaphor
🤣🤣🤣
@@morgancorbett3497but one is from CA lol
Gender ideaology with children would be a deal breaker to even have kids. You cannot compromise eith making adult issues known to children
Agree, we cannot allow conservative ideologues to push their baseless and unsubstantiated religious nonsense on kids. Keep your stupidity to yourself.
100 percent right. This will damage the child as they grow up. Should only be addressed when they become an adult by themselves
A partner being antivaxx regarding children, would be a dealbreaker for me.
Him being a rabid pro lifer as well. I would not be willing to put my life at risk or give birth to a severely damaged child, because of HIS beliefs.
"making adult issues known to children", y'all are so obsessed with same gender sex acts. A 4th grade boy "throws like a girl" and wants a Barbie birthday party and I guess now you feel compelled to tell him about the mechanics of sex? It's fucking weird. The entire argument is "there is nothing wrong with that (the Barbie birthday party), intercept and punish bullying, and if he's gay he'll tell us when he's older". Nothing "adult" about any of the things.
My husband is liberal and I’m conservative. Things weren’t so politically charged as they are now vs when we dated. I’m not gonna lie it is tough, I struggle but at the end of the day I love him and not who he votes for.
I mean, who he is INFORMS who he votes for. People generally vote for the people who most closely reflect their values.
He must struggle too, only maga people in tge US like Trump the other half see him for the narcissist that he is and the democratic countries outside of the US see him as fake as they come. It’s hard for you? I’d suggest that it’s more difficult for your husband.
So youte basically a lesbian
@@UtoobAreNotZsbasically 😂
@@UtoobAreNotZslol fr. Liberal men aren't real men. They don't even know their gender. Ugh I could never 🤢
I grew up in a bipartisan household. My parents never disrespected each other around their politics. They always listened and respected each other in that realm. I learned about both sides of the coin and personally tend towards the middle. Focus on your common beliefs and what brought you together.
Same for me! one parent leaned right and the other leaned left, and I truly fell right in the middle.
As a black women, my partners party affiliation is important, I also enjoy politics so I need to know where he stands. However, everything else you said was incredible advice 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Lol
Why people feel so special announcing their race, I have no idea 😂
@@SarahConnor562 ohhh, has one of the 2 major parties ever been endorsed by a group of ppl who have a historical record of killing white people? I know it’s an ugly fact you may not want to acknowledge but it doesn’t change reality. Have a great day.
@@ZukoTheShinigami if you have no idea why I made my comment then you are apart of the problem. Have a nice day
@@ZukoTheShinigamithe current republican cant has been endorsed, at one point, by the KKK, so yes as a black woman it is important to me. Maybe you should ask yourself why my comment bothered you so?
I’m voting for Trump! And I’m happy you get to vote for who your heart desires. Go USA
Guarantee you this guy is as “emotional” as his wife lol
Yup
When my husband and I vote, we cancel each others vote out lol
These kind of couples are great at parties 😂
😂
Message to your wife: Buy a safe.
Message to you: Pickup a book and learn about people who are different than you.
He probably has one. I don't know a single gun owner who doesn't have one and I know hundreds of them... my guess is that she doesn't care and STILL has a problem with it
@@firefly9838 Nice to meet you lol. The purpose was to point out that guns are safe in a responsible home. I am glad to hear you corroborate that point anecdotally.
A lot of gun owners have safes. For one, guns are pricey and you don’t them stolen if your house gets robbed. Second, you don’t want the robber to have a new tool he can use to rob more.
Well, John, guns have affected a lot of people now. My image of a gun is a shooter killing my uncle in cold blood at the U-Haul store. It’s not about feeling safe it’s about the fact someone else could have the same thing happen. It’s haunting to families that have gone through it
I'm sorry 💔
Always keep guns locked up with small children in the house
And teenagers? Know if ur kids is not doing well.
People who let politics destroy their life and overtake their relationships are emotionally immature.
I think the lack of political discussion prior to pregnancy/marriage is the issue here. You SHOULD be able to discuss values and politics with your partner, and if you are not comparable early on then leave the relationship.
Agree 100%
Now days Politics have a lot more importance as it reflects character, your beliefs and the way you live your life on a regular basis. Then when you have kids you pass your beliefs on to them. I feel it’s emotionally immature to not understand how this greatly impacts a relationship/ family. It would be a constant battle to agree on how to raise your household, it would be such a waste of time and energy to constantly battle things due to different beliefs.
Absolutely not. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and we have had alllll the discussions from politics, to religion, to finances, to how to raise kids, our friends, where do we want to live long term, our long term career plans ALLLLL OF IT. We do not hold back and all our values are aligned. We both are very logical thinkers and respect each others emotions and thoughts because we absolutely love each other so much. We discuss these things now so we don’t have secrets pop up later in life. We were mature and brave enough to have very hard discussions because we want to enter marriage as smoothly as possible (we are aware it will never be 100% smooth) but more than it can be.
Probably should have discussed politics prior to getting married. I would not have married someone who did not align with my political beliefs.
Her worldview could have changed with childbirth, meaning what wasn't important before has become way more important now
@@liverfailure1597 you keep commenting that on comments here lol
@@TheListKeepers People keep replying the same thing--I'm just responding in kind. It's a valid point, people change worldviews sometimes upon life-changing events
But it sounds like their VALUES are similar. They just both have a different way of achieving the same things .
That’s not a virtue.
Big issue is when you have policy divisions that are reflective of values. It’s one thing to disagree on fiscal policy. It’s another to disagree on abortion, etc.
I love how Dr John always tries to get the caller to start on the topic quickly and not spend much time on greeting and pleasantries. Maybe this is for practical reasons to do with content but I also like to imagine that he feels more comfortable when stuck into what he loves - engaging with issues - and it allays any social anxiety of his to go deep quickly. I have affection for the kind of person that finds engaging in the meat of life easier than small talk.
I love that you mentioned people picturing their Grandmother because that’s exactly who I think of when engaging in the gun conversation, she literally slept with a gun under her pillow…lol we’re obviously in Texas 😂
Go granny!!!😂
So it would have been easy for a burglar or a sneaky kid to STEAL the firearm. It does NOT decrease safety. as per statistics. But being able to operate a firearm can make feel people powerful.
@@franziskani it was just different levels of respect back then, we understood what it was for and knew not to touch it.
@@franziskanino a single thing you said was accurate at all. Yes they make you safer. Objectively
You need basic core values. My wife is a slightly woke democrat. I am a moderate Republican but our core values on life and family are the same. An we have been married 24 years.
There's a reason why you are a Democrat vs Republican. The 2 have fundamental differences in their core beliefs. Maybe 20-30 years ago, you could have said what you just said. But right now, I don't see how anyone can say you are a Democrat married to a Republican and say that makes sense. The things that either party aligns with are not the same. Not even close to being the same. It almost feels like the left will pick a fight with anything the right has to say to just be different or against them. There are no similarities.
Avoid a woke democrat like the plague. Them sickos think men can be women
You are letting the media divide your own household. They are winning. It’s not that extreme trust me
What is “slightly woke”?
Not today you’re not. A slightly woke democrat today is a usually an entitled delusional narcissist.
Me and my husband wouldnt have gotten married if we didnt align politically. Your views, values, beliefs, morals and the way you want to parent your children all mirror our political and religious beliefs. Luckily we have always agreed on those things but it wasn't difficult for him to know where I stood because we actually talked and had conversations. Plus it helped that on our first date we went to the gun range 😂
There’s zero chance he truly does not know who his wife voted for lol. Be more
Honest with your audience man.
It seemed pretty honest to me. He said he knew which way his wife leaned, but didn’t know who she voted for.
I mean, it's technically possible unless he followed her into the voting booth.
I don't "know" who my fiancee voted for, nor does she "know" who I voted for. We both suspect, but we never had that conversation
Mu husband and I have been married for 21 years. Never tell each other who we vote for. It's a thing.
Eh, he can probably guess but may not know. I know couples who do that.
Goofy. If you’re voting opposite you’re only cancelling each other out anyway.😂
Never combine lives, unless you’re aligned. -Dave Ramsey Show
Totally agree. However, there are cases where when you got married you aligned on everything politically and now 10 years later, 1 of you has jumped ship.
Yeah sorry buddy but this is on you. You didn’t ask all the important questions before creating a human with someone. You must have known she leaned left so it’s very silly to think issues wouldn’t come up when raising kids. 🤦🏼♀️
she isn't just left leaning, she is hardcore left and he is hardcore right.
Their kid is gonna be so confused 😂
Politics are a matter of values; if you don't agree, you're doomed.
This is absolutely incorrect. Two people may share the value of helping the poor and the destitute. One may believe the best way to do so is to have a vast social security system while the other may believe the best way to help the poor is to invest that money into family services and education. Two different political views, the same value.
Personally I couldn't not be with someone who didn't line up with my core beliefs on my country and America. It just wouldn't work. It would be like oil and water.
It's not a political difference that impacts the marriage. It's a difference in values, which manifests itself as wildly different politics. We have occasionally voted for different people, so although we share values, sometimes we differ in who we believe represents those the best. But that's a pretty uncommon occurrence.
I know some men who have to lie to themselves every day to maintain the peace in their marriage, which I don't support. I knew an electrical engineer who's wife made him unplug the microwave so they don't get exposed to radiation. That man knows EXACTLY how a microwave works, and why it's safe. Just be true to yourself, even if it makes some waves.
LOL. Microwaves do pose a health hazard, but so do many things in our modern lifestyle....5G, pesticides, synthetic supplements, nanoparticle preservatives. So you have to decide what toxic things to deal with and how.
It's so weird that everyone thinks talking about this before you get married will solve this issue totally. But the truth is that you can start on the same page and someone can 100% change. I've known many people who have made a 180 on their political beliefs. I'm one of them. It's silly to think that you and your spouse will never change.
10:12 “I don’t think traditional values have to be absent of compassion.”
Thank you for saying this. I feel that one “side” is often deemed as the compassionate and correct viewpoint.
Demonizing those with different beliefs makes good faith conversation nearly impossible. Both sides are guilty of this - we need healing as a nation.
Everyone should be independent, don't pick a side. Form a unique set of beliefs, don't worry about how they align.
This guy probably has stronger views that he's trying to present here, or his wife does
It makes for a very abstract conversation which is kinda a waste of time
His wife's views have become pretty extreme, he seems pretty reasonable. She believes there's 29 genders
@@liverfailure1597She's the one who seems reasonable to me. And that's politics for you.
My husband and I don’t agree on a lot of political points. Doesn’t mean I don’t respect his opinions and vice versa. We share the same core values and morals. I trust him to make decisions based on the two of us as a unit. We may vote differently but we love and fight for the same principles.
My husband voted for me in 2020! He wrote me in.
You gave me an idea! Lol
Ick
That’s just wrong.
Politics is downstream of values
Nicely put
You need a meta conversation: How will we agree to talk about emotionally charged subjects with each other? It's ok to have emotions, and we want to respect those, but those emotions are no excuse to not hear and understand one another. Maybe we pause when there's intense emotions to intently collect and heal ourselves before continuing. Maybe set emotions aside to deal with the difficult parts, then come back to the emotions and address them, or vice versa. There's a lot of ways to handle it, but this needs to be discussed by more couples.
Wow. I can’t imagine marrying someone before discussing religion, politics, and parenting.
Politics is working. It’s all about the division that topics create so they can decide and conquer
He knew her politics when he married her. But the premarital sex was good so he ignored it. Now he’s suddenly bothered by it.
It takes two to tango dear. Plus he literally said everything changed after they had their daughter.
She knew his politics when she married him. But the d was good so she ignored it. Now she's suddenly bothered by it.
This is the one
Same could be said for her. She knew the guy had guns and it’s pretty obvious he is conservative or at least right leaning. I’m sure she could have found a liberal man to marry and have kids with if owing guns was a deal breaker for her.
I disagree. Most people get to marriage without talking about these things in a deep sense and for the sake of not hurting the other they stay quiet until it blows up.
Way too many people in the comments missed what the doc was saying about values being different than beliefs. Like… whoosh. Maybe watch the episode again with your brain switched on and your ego turned off. 😂
My husband & I never discussed politics before we married. Turns out we were registered opposites.
After finding out about differences we simply started discussing how we felt & why. Turns out there was A LOT of common ground. We’re still registered differently but have come to understand each other’s point of view and can now even support that point of view in certain circumstances. Fortunately, there have been no dealbreaker such as guns. Hope you two can work it out. We live in California and we vote as a family with our four grown children mainly on propositions.
What should you do when your adult children vote one way and their dad another? They feel that their dad direspected them and choose policies over them. What do I do?
They're grown. If your husband's values are opposite theirs, it's their choice to cut him off. If you then support your husband, it's also within their right to cut you off
That was good advice, in general. I live outside the U.S. and married a woman with a very different cultural upbringing. We are very aligned on most big global value items. How we get there in expressing needs related to those things is sometimes very different so it's learning how to express yourself in a way that's heard by the other person so it can be discussed properly and figured out.
Having a gun in the house is not the same as second amendment rights. You can support the second amendment with all your heart but not have a gun in the house. It isn’t a constitutional issue. You have that right. Sure. But his issue is gun ownership and access in the home.
Dude married the wrong woman. He was naive to not ask her such things before marriage, especially if she’s from California.
All the people saying this should have been discussed before marriage: what happens if someone’s political beliefs change? If your political beliefs on every issue are so entrenched that they could never change, you’re a fanatic. You should be able to love someone who doesn’t believe everything you do.
Political opinions are a reflection of core values.
If you have core values that oppose each other it can be enough to stop love. For example, if my partner turned around and said they were ‘pro-life’ I would end the relationship there and then, because that’s a sign to me that their a medically illiterate (which means as a doctor they don’t listen to me) and don’t respect bodily autonomy. That’s a earth shattering fall out of love moment for me.
@@Bringon-dw8dx some beliefs can be that strong and extreme, but those are few and far between. Even the one you mentioned has shades of grey for most people. I don’t know any pro-choice people who agree with no restrictions on abortion, mainly due to stage of gestation. They draw the line somewhere before 40 weeks as being acceptable for an abortion. Most pro-life people believe in exceptions too, like for the woman’s health or if there are serious anomalies with the fetus. It’s more complicated than just for or against.
Other issues are far milder. I believed in decriminalizing drug use like Oregon did. My husband thought it was a bad idea. We aren’t fundamentally different in our values around addiction (we both think it’s bad and feel compassion for the people struggling with addiction). I just thought harm reduction was best and it turns out I was pretty wrong so I’ve had to reevaluate and change my views. There are so many political issues that have nuances that I’d say it’s almost impossible to find someone with the exact same views you have. If you can only love someone who holds your views, I wonder how that would impact your other relationships. Would it be the same if your child has a different opinion when they’re grown?
@@tracyaf6084 that’s why I’m saying oppose each other.
If they don’t directly oppose each other then it’s fine, you can have any shades of grey in between. But if it’s a political view attached to a core value of yours, and it directly opposes your partners then it’s gonna be a huge issue and possibly relationship ending.
I'll never not believe abortion is murder. If that makes me fanatic, so be it
Our morals must align and at this point politics is morals.
Actually, this marriage follows a larger, documented trend that women, especially young women, are more liberal, and men,especially young men, are more conservative. The NYT did a big article about it.
I think maybe in the past it would have been easier to have different politics ideologies in the house.
Now, not so much. People have never been so divided. It could become a huge issue.
If you can’t tell your spouse who you’ve voting for…who can you tell?
My husband calls me a conspiracy theorist…..but my theories are usually true
If you can show your theories are true, then *he's* the conspiracy theorist
Great breakdown of the politic view. And also that Kelly part was funny to me! 😭😂
I just want to say that Kelly has a lot of patience for Dr. John's tomfoolery
I'm not anti-2nd Amendment, but I graduated from Virginia Tech in 2006, and one of my last classes was Dr. Loganathan Fluid Mechanics course in 210 Norris Hall. Had the shooting happened a year earlier, I would have been in the room where he, a kid I tutored, and a couple other acquaintances died. I spent that April day trying to get friends I knew were in that building then to answer their cell phone, in an office full of people calling their kids (my company was more than 70% VT graduates, and a large percentage of them had kids attending the college at the time). Since that day, I have thought that private sales and gun shows should require a waiting period and some level of background checks--full stop. I refuse to cater to anyone's who refuses to acknowledge this should happen. I think we need Red Flag laws, and maybe we should require owners of some weapons to not only register them with the government, but also keep them in some level of lockdown. You don't need a few of these weapons people love to do something like hunt deer, and if my friend who owns a SAW machine gun is more than OK locking it up at his range's armory in Texas (as a born Texan), it should be OK for everyone. But no, I honestly don't care if you want to own a weapon. I just ask that you be responsible and a good citizen while owning them.
More women need to play Fallout. That’s how I got over my bias. I played Skyrim first and fell in love with shooting arrows. Then I played Fallout 4 and REALLY enjoyed shooting in that. Played Borderlands 2 with my husband as well and that was super fun.
You don’t want to be without defense when things fall apart. The bad guys are not going to care that you are good people.
This is such a great analogy. I remember gaming teaching me little lessons like this once upon a time. Thank you for pointing it out.
We dated 5 years before marriage. I know everything about my wife and we aline perfectly.
The way I look at it, there's a spectrum. I consider myself center right. But I could never marry someone who is all the way right and I can't marry someone all the way to the left either.
I'm having a rough time because my wife has suddenly decided to redefine herself after an extreme weight loss and change everything about herself. Her politics and beliefs are starting to change, and we've been married for over a year.
Why do have to agree on everything? Do you think that your children will not meet people who disagree with them. Do you want them to be able to handle it with grace? Figure it out!
Ask your wife how she expects you to fight off an armed home intruder with no firearm in the house.
😂
As someone living in the UK I can't even listen to this, it's madness.
Yeah right! At first I thought it might be Democrat and Republican voting differences…. Oh wait, it probably is LOL
In fact I sussed out how my husband had voted on Brexit, on our first date, just to see if we were aligned on that…. 😅
Why?
I'm also in the UK, and can't see what problem you have with this??
@nicolab2075 just the idea of having a gun in the same house as a toddler seems so dangerous to me, I can't imagine having that debate with my partner..
Life gets real when you have kids and things like the character, beliefs, and values of your partner all of a sudden matter 😅
In 2016, when I began to realize my now ex BF was a Trump supporter, I knew we wouldn't go the distance.
Yeah extremists on either side are rough..
@@14elvira14What's rough about extremists on the other side?
What I heard was I am traditional my wife is conservative what words can I use to get her to yield to my beliefs.
Just accept that you have different ways of thinking and thats okay and move on.
Yeah American politics are primarily about social issues that don’t involve you. Politicians literally just make these issues to make you mad and get you to vote and donate. Getting in a fight with your spouse already means you’ve lost, because 99% of the issues wouldn’t impact you any way…..
John I’m a therapist and I completely disagree with you. Couples need to share the same core values and should be open with each other about their politics.
What? you might want to consider anallyzing this again. Many issues involve us.
@@bettycoutts4739 national social political issues shouldn’t be your core values. And it’s always those and not local issues that cause problems.
@@oterosocram25 Abortion, gay marriage, immigration, transgender folks and every other culture war issue has literally never impacted my life in any way that I can think of. Having that cause fights with your spouse is truly moronic behavior.
@@Jrobidy2 huh? You don’t get it.
Yes, they could have talked about these thing prior to marriage.
Ultimately, is your commitment to whatever the issue may be more important than you relationship with your spouse? Ultimately, will issues like immigration, guns, gender or whatever -ism it may be have a greater impact on your life than your spouse?
I would not tolerate anyone indoctrinating my kid with gender ideology. Not for one second. As a girl, your daughter is particularly vulnerable.
I also wouldn't want to be with a man who didnt want to help me protect our home.
Right on! ❤
Why is a girl particularly vulnerable?
My question to John is how does this work with the idea that you shouldn't keep secrets from your spouse?
They had no business getting married and having a child together. How tf did they not decided all of that before marriage??? These are things you talk when things get serious. What did they do instead???
Nah, their marriage can be good as long as they bond over similarities and respect each other’s differences.
They were too busy having sex. On the couch in the car on a bed on the floor etc
Her worldview could have changed with childbirth, meaning what wasn't important before has become way more important now
@@liverfailure1597 having children really does change everything
@@11118msn You never truly know a woman until she's had a child
My friend got married and moved in with new husband at the same time, then a baby 9 months later. Mom and dad argued over vaccinations which of course became political. People really don't think things through 😂
I disagree with the labeling of value statements as "political". That is an easy way to disassociate from the fact that you are married to someone who doesn't align with your values.
Chicago has waaayyy too many guns. The gang wars out there are horrifying 😬
Our country wouldn’t exist and we would never have made the best country in civilization without the ideals behind the 2nd amendment. Also, people cling to emotions when they don’t have a logical, sound response or argument.
A logically sound argument based on faulty emotional premises will always produce a conservative.
@@michaelb.6007bro liberals operate solely on soy lattes and feelings. Stop it 😂
I think relationships and marriages would be easier, especially at the beginning parts, if both sides share the same world view and political beliefs
You should be able to discuss who you voted for in a marriage.
Agreed- especially as you should be voting to represent your household
This only works if both parties are super open, pliable, and adaptable.
And if none of the views impede on something either person considers basic rights
There can be love even with political differences. My girlfriend and her entire family are far right, I'm smack dab in the middle but mostly align Libertarian. They're so far right that they jokingly call me "liberal." I jokingly call them conspiracy theorists because of how far they lean one way without budging (I'd do the same if they were far left.)
But there's love. And when we marry and have kids, they will have the ability to make their own decisions instead of having influence from their family the way each of us did growing up.
Yeah good luck with that. Everyone always thinks “love” is the most important thing, then years down the line your lack of compatible values start to really cause problems. I hope you really think about this. Too many people, myself included, had this same idea. Conservative who married a liberal. Divorced now.
It’s all “love” now. Wait till you have kids and have to decide on schools, upbringing preferences, exposure to far right politics for your kids. It’s a whole new world to navigate. You are clearly young and haven’t thought that far ahead yet…
That's amazing. Sounds like she was raised right. Pun intended
Politics divide equally - an equal opportunity destroyer
You know you should know this stuff before you marry someone lol
I think this is great you both have different ideas on politics. If she agrees just to agree that is bad. You both needs your own voice in a marriage it makes you stronger.
Unfortunately the facts of having a gun in the home does not support the idea you keep it safe.
perfect time to post this since the debate just happened
We all know John and this dude are trumpers 😂
Anybody working for Dave Ramsey is a MAGAt and a conservative evangelical.
No matter how hip they come across.
Having said that, I find Deloney generally good at his job.
Thank God
Thank God
Jade and George at Ramsey can't be Trumpers, I don't see it. 😯
@@14elvira14 It's the little things that you can pick up on how they talk, they have right wing ideas floating around in the background. It's how they get you into the pipeline.
As a musician and guitarist, there's always room for another guitar