Exactly, people with boundaries know their worth, people who lack boundaries and lack to enforce consequences if their boundaries are crossed do Not have self worth. That why many predators target weak minded people to abuse
Look man, I'm sick of people dancing around the word "insecurity". What flipping difference does it make if the man is or is NOT insecure? He doesn't like it and he doesn't want to be in a relationship with a woman doing x,y,z. That's reason enough for that woman to either leave him, or NOT DO THE ACTIVITY. Whatever the flip it is. Doesn't even matter if he is insecure or secure. The person who loves you should work to help you, not cause you stress in unnecessary situations. In today's example, the woman shouldnt go to a Strip club. Game, set, match. lol
@@BASSFZz the insecurities are important because in this case he doesn't want her to go because he thinks,she would do something with the dancers, that means that he doesn't trust in her, and you can't build a relationship with mistrust, and if you feel entitled to tell your partner you can't do x YZ , then the other part has the same right to tell you and you can't do x y z . Rules are the same for both
This is the whole purpose of dating. If doing something makes the other person uncomfortable, and they disregard your feelings and do it anyway, that’s a sign that the two of you are not compatible and should part ways. Breakups are hard, but not as hard as divorce 10 years later with child support because you ignored red flags.
your never going to find someone who is perfect and has the exact values as you. if you keep looking for that person you will be alone forever. Good relationships compromise and are willing to change small things to suit the other person.
I never understood the hype about them. If you’re about to enter a marriage why would you even be interested in engaging in this right before your wedding let alone encourage others who are in a committed relationship to do the same? I find it disrespectful and it’s insane how desensitized the world is to lust
You Americans call it one last blow out.....or fun time to get it all out of your systems. DO NOT get engaged to be married or married if you still have unresolved lust/insecurity issues.
There's actually some historical basis to the last night of freedom thing. It harkens back to a time where arranged marriages were the norm. So in a way you were marrying a person that you barely knew maybe, and a person that you didn't actually feel anything for. So your buddies would arrange a wild night of debauchery for you as one last time that you can choose who to direct your lust to. Honestly it makes sense in this case purely because you wouldn't be choosing who to marry and therefore have no emotional ties to break on the other person's side, because it's not like they love you either. But now a days that explanation doesn't really work, since both people have chosen each other and love each other, and have been with each other for what could be years. So the last night of freedom thing doesn't really ring as true anymore.
@@Decadence13666last night of freedom? So we arent free inside a marriage? Here is my hot take: premarital s*x is for losers. I think these people arent very smart at all.
I think if it makes you uncomfortable, you should speak up. My husband knows I hate strip clubs, so he never went to one for his bachelor party. Our marriage and values were more important than one wild night, and we are both in agreement over that.
It's not about makes you uncomfortable he should speak up.. Offcourse he will speak up that's not issue. The problem is which he is also thinking in his head.. The fact that her gf wanted to do that .. And thought came in her mind.. It shows her character, how much she respect him, respect their relationship.. And how much value she have for her man for his feelings.. That is the point.. He doesn't really need to tell her that.. It should be automatic... Women want men to take them seriously act like husband but they themselves doesn't want to act like lady or wife.. Don't put your man in situation where he needs to tell you not do this.. Not wear this, don't go to party, don't go to girls trip etc... They should themselves have enough brain and mature enough to understand don't do this.. No men is ok with her women wearing sexy revealing clothes, goes out party drinking like single, Posting provactive photos on social media etc.. It's not about trust it's about respect.. Also how many times you heard person go to party, travel and unexpectedly some mistake happen and they cheat in heat of moment which destroy all years of relationship. So why put yourself in that situation.. So this is boyfriend problem that he need to tell her and even argue with her don't go to party in sexual , dirty environment where everyone drinking, cheering naked men dancing.. She should herself decided to not go and disrespect her men by go there without him telling her.. This just show her character, her value and how she have respect for him..
Pretty disgusting stuff really. A dude brought in a stripper for his boss's birthday party at work. I excused myself and stepped out. I just felt dirty knowing this young lady was doing thAt for a few dollars. I felt bad for her, and was disgusted with my co-workers.
It’s a really weird tradition. The concept of a “last hurrah of being single” just sets a weird groundwork for the marriage. I can understand a night with friends but not in that way.
@@ganymedehedgehog371 yeah, like even when dating you’re committing to be loyal to the person you’re with, and when you get engaged to be married you’re making that commitment even more serious and set in stone. So if you’re promising to be loyal to me, as you have been thus far in our dating relationship, but then you go out to be in an inappropriate situation to celebrate your last days of “freedom” that just feels like a betrayal of that loyalty… we’re already committed to each other. What difference does a few weeks make? The tradition is weird and leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth… like total red flags for me. Feels like cheating in my book, because you’re willing to put yourself in a sexual situation without me
I never understood strippers being involved in the parties before marriage. Let me go disrespect my fiance right before we get married...ummm ...great way to start your marriage!
If a woman wants to go to a strip club, it means that she doesn't really love the man that she is marrying. She realizes that she will be stuck in a relationship with a man she really isn't attracted to. So she wants to have one last night of fun.
I’ve had 3 different boyfriends that were obsessed with strip clubs. In Hawaii it’s honestly pretty common to go out with your boys and go to strip clubs. I wanted to be the cool girlfriend and act like I didn’t have a problem with it. The first two boyfriends I definitely knew they weren’t the ones so they were short lived relationships but the third relationship I was so in love with him and in 4 years together he went to 3 strip clubs all 3 were bachelor parties & I went with him to one of them cause he invited me. He knew one of the strippers (he’s a tattoo artist & had tattooed her) she started to dance for him and I knew her too. I immediately wanted to throw up and I asked him if he would leave with me. He said no & I walked home…. Unfortunately I stayed with him for 6 more months. I never understood it or why they all wanted to do it and it definitely caused some body issues for me. I’m in a relationship now where he would never put me in in that position as vice versa I’m also almost 30 now and life has a totally different meaning.
I have this approach to going to strip club. You should go there only if you would mind your daughter or son working as stripper. If you think it isn't respectful workplace, you have no business to go there. Most people who seek this kind of entertainment are hypocrites.
Even though it hurts, it's a blessing when someone shows you who they really are and how they truly feel about you through there actions. I'm glad you were secure enough to leave and find someone who actually values you. That's the part I've always struggled with. I ruined my life by staying a man who treated my in a way that no human should ever be treated. It warms my heart when I hear about people who didn't make the same mistakes I did. You avoided years or decades of misery. You should be proud of yourself 😊
Yeah, your story touches on something super important. Woman hear men complain about nagging women all the time so we don’t want to BE her, we want to be cool! But the real reason why men complain when a woman has standards is because they’re wishing she would lower her standards for him, but in order to make themselves not look weak they blame her. Don’t be the cool girl. Say what you mean, say what you really feel. The right guy will respect you, your boundaries and stick it out.
@@Steviejustine824 I wanted a whole life with him. He was a triplet and his brothers wives literally all told me to run. They shared their experiences & how those men don’t change even after marriage and children. If it wasn’t for the support I had from them I don’t know if I would have had my own strength to do it. I might still be subjecting myself to his porn addiction and going drinking with his boys the constantly liking girls bikini photos on IG. I’m so sorry you had to experience a nasty human like that, just know it was never you and your past partner needed some serious work because you don’t treat humans badly let alone your partner. I hope you’re able to heal and also your life isn’t ruined I’m sending all the blessings and beautiful future. I started therapy & honestly I kinda really let people walk all over me before so I’m just now at 30 learning to set boundaries and find my voice. Sending love ❤️ please have a good week
@@doctorposting is it stupid when men are judged for watching the same stuff but it’s on websites instead of live and in color? As a culture we have a tremendous hypocrisy problem.
You don't get to allow or disallow it. You get to state your boundaries (i.e. "I am not comfortable with you going to a strip club,") and then you get to enact whatever actions you need to if that boundary is broken. But you don't get to "allow" or "disallow" it.
@@christaggart5687 do whatever you want, but if you leave the boundaries of what I consider a relationship to be built upon, then we are incompatible and can't be together. No force is being enacted anywhere on anyone. All of the forces at play are boiled down to personal decisions. You can't eat your cake and have it too.
Married woman here, and very conservative, so I totally get where he's coming from about values. I HOPE his standards are just as high for himself regarding p0rn. It's perfectly fine to have standards, but they should be applied across the board.
Your point might make sense and for all we know, he might be the worst person in the world. But when someone opens up about a problem or an insecurity I think it's really sad to immediately start wondering if he's actually at fault or if he's hiding something.
@@Toomies08 It's not about makes you uncomfortable he should speak up.. Offcourse he will speak up that's not issue. The problem is which he is also thinking in his head.. The fact that her gf wanted to do that .. And thought came in her mind.. It shows her character, how much she respect him, respect their relationship.. And how much value she have for her man for his feelings.. That is the point.. He doesn't really need to tell her that.. It should be automatic... Women want men to take them seriously act like husband but they themselves doesn't want to act like lady or wife.. Don't put your man in situation where he needs to tell you not do this.. Not wear this, don't go to party, don't go to girls trip etc... They should themselves have enough brain and mature enough to understand don't do this.. No men is ok with her women wearing sexy revealing clothes, goes out party drinking like single, Posting provactive photos on social media etc.. It's not about trust it's about respect.. Also how many times you heard person go to party, travel and unexpectedly some mistake happen and they cheat in heat of moment which destroy all years of relationship. So why put yourself in that situation.. So this is boyfriend problem that he need to tell her and even argue with her don't go to party in sexual , dirty environment where everyone drinking, cheering naked men dancing.. She should herself decided to not go and disrespect her men by go there without him telling her.. This just show her character, her value and how she have respect for him..
My husband was extremely uncomfortable with my bridesmaids taking me to a strip club and understandably so. Why would my husband want me seeing other naked men?! He expressed his feelings calmly and I had no issues with it. I did tell him it went both ways though.
My hubby went to 2 bachelor parties and just didn’t go to the strip club. He stayed back at the house and went to bed 🤭 he told the guys “out of respect for my wife I’m not going” he offered to pick them up if they got too drunk lol
@@Sam11747you can be friends with people who have different interests. It doesn’t mean anything for him. Every relationship is different. Some people are comfortable with those events, others are not. I think it’s sweet he’d offer to drive them home. He clearly cares about their safety.
This is simple. It's a major values issue for him as well as a sexual compatibility. If you are not sexually compatible with someone and your values are not compatible, then the relationship is not compatible and should end. This is part of dating. If you sacrifice your values to be with somebody you will wind up completely miserable and resentful. So there's a bigger issue here than whether or not she agrees to go/not go to a strip club. The issue is that you've identified a values issue
100%, it is for sure a value/common sense issue. Because you could sit there and explain in simple terms. And if they say no to your concerns or boundary. You didn't sound confusing nor made the explanation confusing, they just chose their wants over your values.
I think this was a great conversation about how to set up and enforce boundaries in a practice setting. I appreciate Andre was aware he didn't handle the initial conversation well and knows why. This was actually useful for me because, like Dr. John, I'm a shutdown type who struggles to communicate in conflict. I think he's right to be concerned about the male strip club and I wish him well in his conversation with his girlfriend.
That's why it's a REALLY important conversation to have before becoming exclusive. When you decide to exclusively date someone, have that important conversation about boundaries. Issues like this, previous ex's etc.
This is a perfect opportunity to find out if she is the one for you. This goes both for female or male partners. You need to share the same morals. If she still goes after she knows how you feel then she is not the one for you. When ever I met a gentleman that liked adult entertainment in any form, i knew he was not the guy for me. Maybe someone else would love this, but it is a big deal breaker for me.
I used to BE a stripper and I’m married now. Most of the men who frequent those clubs are married, and the ones who are single are not that great. So you’re not missing out on much. Working there scarred me for life.
She didn't tell him, got caught, and has friends who are into that. She's probably done worse things without telling him. Based on the caller's verbiage (e.g, "I attacked her immediately..." and "trust her") he has grow a spine.
Well said … if my partner said it would make her uncomfortable i wouldn’t be going, bc i respect my partner and our connection much more than watching half nekked anyone
So many experts in this comment section, some saying he is ''narcissist'', ''controllng'' while others say she is cheating, break up with her immediately. Just looking at it through glasses of their past traumas. Seems like not many have learnt the art of communication sheeesh
Agree. "Just break up with her." They're freakin' engaged but this one thing makes the whole relationship null and void? No wonder so many people are bad at relationships and communicating, because there is none!
@@katemiller7874 The boyfriend never put boundaries on her from beginning of relationship.. Because due to feminists, liberal culture.. They are afraid to come out as a insecure person... So they won't ever tell truth to their partner like don't go to party, don't wear this.. Even if from inside they don't want her to that but They feel scared to tell her to her face i don't like it.. It's wrong.. It's disrespectful.. Most men are not honest and never tell truth.. Most men are just weak and they afraid if i tell her this she will get mad or leave me.. I think it's wrong thinking.. Man should be honest, there is nothing wrong in having clear boundaries.. That i don't like this this this.. Also women should also understand it is disrespectful to your relationship, husband.. Don't put him in situation where he need to tell you not do this.. It should be automatic without him tell you.. To not go party like single, dress well modest clothes and don't go to girls trips.. Just like you don't need to tell men pay bills, help you, protect you, fight for you if someone grab your ass in public or steal your purse.. You don't need to tell him to chase thief it should be automatic.. Women want men to act like husband but they themselves don't wanna act like lady, like wife.. It's not about trust it's just disrespectful and shows much value you have for your partner, for your relationship That you want to go in party in sexual, dirty area where naked men dancing..
I would just tell her it crosses my boundaries. If she goes, leave her, if she doesnt go, stay with her. You don't want to be with someone who doesnt have the same morals as you. Plus if those are the type of women she surrounds herself with, she probably isnt worth it either
Sometimes it's not about morals but germs. Can you imagine the MRSA in that place? It's worse than a gym except the strip club probably isn't cleaned hourly.
@@mschlund1 Or the dopo who arranged the party. This is why I avoid hen parties like the plague - it's either drinking too much, or walking around smoking cigars or some baloney like that. No thank you. (!) But it is, in the end, whatever the bride wants.
This is always why I say you absolutely have to have shared values in a relationship. There is someone out there for him that feels the same way about strip clubs just like there is someone out there for her that wouldn’t care if she went.
Many women don’t like their man going to strip clubs, so why should men like/ accept their girlfriends go? Mutual understanding on peoples boundaries is the foundation for relationship and friendship. So yeah, if your values are not the same,then that needs to be discussed between them. I really want the updates on all these situations as we hear then😅
If my husband or I acted upset bc we were not going to a club bc of our relationship values, lol, time to reassess us.. It's a relief to not go to a club.
We do not "allow" our partners to do or not do anything. Grossed out by that wording. We decide what we are or are not willing to accept from our partners and make them aware of our boundaries. When they cross them, we follow through with whatever expectation we set. Not an ultimatum! We tell them what *we* will do, not attempt to control their actions.
There's nothing wrong with the wording. It implies there are consequences if you break these boundaries. That's all. It's your interpretation of relationships that's bothering you and you alone.
@@tatl6244 you're also wrong and highly emotional. Just because you're triggered by a word doesn't mean something is wrong with it. The word allow is appropriate. Will you allow someone to disrespect your boundaries makes perfect sense.
I love being single. I can go where I please, when I please, but if it hurt my dude for me to go, I wouldn’t. My friend’s man had the girls over and danced for them bc he didn’t want her to go. Everyone had fun. He’s not in great shape.
Allow is the wrong word, she's not your child. Tolerate is the appropriate word. I would not tolerate my boyfriend or spouse going to a strip club. I would just remove myself from that situation, that just does not align with my values. It is disrespectful and it's cheating. Each person gets to make their decision!
@@thisis.michelletorres444 yes I agree but I paid attention to the callers words and I never heard him use the word “allow”. I think they just used that word in the title to grab attention
Am I the only one confused why going to a strip club is a thing for BACHELOR and BACHELORETTE parties??? Like wouldn’t that be disrespectful to the husband or wife to be. I imagine if this bf is uncomfortable, I can’t imagine how this woman who is having the bachelor party fiancé is taking it. Very strange to me!
This is so sad, and such a wasteful thing to argue about. I never understood the hysteria around either man or woman strip clubs, the thought that anyone who steps inside instantly gets sucked into orgy land and red alert for temptations. I'd be way more worried about my partner's co-workers! The vast majority of infidelity happens in workplaces and social circles, not staring at some dude or girl on stage.
Glad to see another logical individual here 😂. People just don’t like the *feeling* and the *idea* of an adult space like that. But the reality is, that’s a place much less likely for an affair to happen!!!
As a lady having gone to a men's club. I'll disagree. The things I saw the dancers doing for the gents and what they did with me bc they knew they'd make extra was crazy. I was young and naive and way in over my head. Co workers may make for an affair but a fast BJ is absolutely likely at a club. Both are not good.
It’s not even necessarily that people are worried about infidelity. Some people just feel it’s disrespectful to go ogle other naked people while already in a relationship. People can have different boundaries.
I was in this situation with my ex husband. I told him how I felt about it which was that it made me uncomfortable and that he shouldn’t go. He went anyways. I really hope she didn’t go. He may hold resentment and hurt over that throughout the whole relationship
Something about "jealousy" that is actually just a excuse to control your partner. Here I am at 59 and still dealing with it in my new marriage. I don't go anywhere or do anything and my wife is younger and attractive. Nobody is pursuing me lol
@@Darktacomic That's a pointless ultimatum. If she's the kind of person who wants to share her sexuality with more than one person, there are no magic words to change who she is.
If it’s against your morals and values then you need to let her know. You can’t ignore it. If she decides to go knowing that you’re dead set against it then she isn’t the one for you bro. She’ll just keep breaking your boundaries the entirely of the relationship. I’m not a prude by any means but I’m completely turned off by pornography and similar things. I find it disgusting and if anyone I dated would be into that sort of thing they would instantly become less appealing to me.
She hasn't said she is into this. She is just not standing up for doing something she has said she is reluctant to do. Those are two different things. There are always stupid ideas at bachelor parties - you really can say no. She needs to figure that part out.
Pornography is something personal. I don’t think anyone should get into other ppls masturbation methods. Unless she watches that with other men it’s her business
This is a matter of respect for your partner. Friends who don't understand that you're not going with them are either no good for you (and your relationship) or don't understand the value of a great relationship.
Even if I wanted to (which I wouldn’t) . I would never disrespect my boyfriend by going to that type of thing. ESPECIALLY if he expresses he is uncomfortable with it. I would break up with her.
Finally Dr. John admitted that he has double standards for men and women. Explains a lot about how he treats and advices men and women on similar issues 🙈
@@flashthecorgi2053 Its "fair?" Lol. Okay. Given that woman need to be coddled and can't be given any accountability for their actions... Certainly they shouldn't be allowed to say vote or hold public office? I know I wouldn't want such fragile creatures deciding important decisions and running things.
@Femtoisbackandbetter oh darling, for centuries most men have been tougher on women than on men. You're just looking for an excuse to keep on doing that. Please solve the reason why there is so much wrath in your heart towards women and so much empathy for men that you have nothing in common with.
I had a buddy of mine who was a bodybuilder and made money on the side by being a stripper. The stories he told me about the antics of married women cheating on their husbands with strippers was an eye opener. This man has a right to be concerned.
Back in the day I was always called upon to be an escort to the club by a bunch of women and EVERY SINGLE TIME it wasn't just to be a bodyguard, it was to take me home afterwards, that was made very clear....what most men don't understand is that women are way more bold then men when they want something and having a strong body that aesthetic is just as tempting to a woman then a perfect 10 body on a woman is to a man...imagine ANY man that's drunk NOT being attracted to a beautiful woman with a perfect body.....
My wife and I got married last year. Her girlfriends planned on taking her to a “man show.” I told her I was totally fine with it. She asked again, and I assured her I wanted her to have fun with her friends and there’s no problem. I really appreciated she wanted to know she wasn’t crossing a boundary for me and said she would cancel it if I changed my mind. There were no issues.
A way to explain this to loved ones that I have used comes from a church story I have taken to heart. There are two pilots both very skilled, one flew high and one flew as close to the treeline as possible to boast his confidence in his abilities as a pilot. Long story short eventually the pilot flying really close to the trees crashed . Don’t fly as close to the trees (boundaries in relationships or in life) but continue to fly safely within your comfort zones because life and turbulence happen!
If she’s not going to engage then what is the point of going? Looking , cheering , clapping is still engaging lol Set a boundary in your relationship. “I’m not comfortable with you going and we will have to end our relationship if we don’t have the same values.” Some people are stuck on the “allow” part in the title…idk if the caller said that exact word in the call or if the video was just titled that way, But to the caller, you cannot make life decisions for someone they will resent you for it. If she wants to go and sees nothing wrong with it, the issue of boundaries being crossed will continue even in marriage. Have a calm open discussion, explain your beliefs and why this situation crosses your boundaries. If it’s not respected then there you go, you have your answer.
Those magic mike type shows are goofy. Any woman I know who has gone to one( and I am one of them) does not go for erotic purposes, but rather for a laugh and be loud and rowdy. He's still entitled to his feelings to set boundaries but just my perspective
I agree.. for most women, I think these guys are NOT something/someone you would ever be interested in!!!! I went to one with a friend because she begged me and I’d heard how hilarious they were. So stupid. I didn’t want to b touched by those guys.
As a guy, I find all strip clubs “trashy”. I have never understood why men pay to go see a sleazy woman charge money to look at her. Male strip clubs the same.
@mschlund1 My husband isn't my property either and I'd never be ok with him partying at a strip club. It's setting boundaries for how you expect your partner to treat you and your relationship, and "don't go somewhere you're going to gawk at someone else's sexy bits" is a very reasonable one to have
I agree with the caller. Disrespect is disrespect. He's told her how he feels... so I think he needs to be silent from here on out (and this may linger for a lengthy period).
*This call made me realize some people are hella desperate and afraid to end relationships.* Better to be alone than with someone who doesn’t respect you. Relationships are simple concerning boundaries. If you set boundaries and the other person disrespects you, end the relationship. Don’t try to make them feel bad, don’t bad mouth them just go your separate ways with a calm conversation. It’s a win both sides since you don’t respect one another’s boundaries. He’s not married yet and he should breakup with her.
I completely agree. There's a fundamental incompatibility in their values. This relationship has very little chance of long-term success. There's also a woman all over this comments section talking about how all the men are insecure in every thread. I am completely convinced that she's cheating on her partner and has cheated on all of her partners.
@@Ayaa29048 And yet here you are feeling a need to defend yourself to a stranger on the internet. To quote a famous scribe, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
This is the reason why I am no longer with my husband. I had a HUGE problem w strip clubs having worked in some...I absolutely hated them and every man that came in! He didn't. He didn't understand my problem. He would spend more money on strippers than he ever did on me! We are no longer together.
This is a great opportunity for him to state his boundaries and be a leader of the relationship. If his fiance can't accept this or follow his lead, maybe he doesn't have as good of a fiance as he thought. Delony is right, this is 100% a morals issue. He needs to decide what type of morals his relationship will be built upon.
Going to a Murlesque show is hilarious and as a woman I can say it is not arousing at all. It's funny. I saw a guy dancing to wrecking ball swinging round like Miley Cyrus and at no point did I think "that's hot". lol
Haha this! I'm impressed by the gymnastics and acrobatic feats, not necessarily drooling over some junk in my face, ready to perform. They stay on the stage. It's not too scandalous at all.
It's the optics ladies. It's the complete opposite of trying to be faithful. Humans have this crazy need to play by the guard rails and surprised when something happens
This is why it's important to date someone for years before getting married. Time allows for many friction points like this to come out. You have to make your own decision, but be glad you have a decision to make before walking down that aisle.
I got married within 3 months. Now 2yrs together. you can find out someone’s values and personality and if you align very quickly if you are paying attention. Dating long term is actually a distraction because people play house, move in together, sleep together, share bills together all the while forget they’re suppose to be finding out if they’re the one. Date short, use it as an interview/vetting process, do not be intimate, And you can focus clearly and see who is right/wrong for you. When you find the right one, lock it down.
@@oromtitiwbo5078 With respect, you still don't have enough time in your relationship to give an opinion on this. I am happy you're 2 years together has worked out. From personal experience, being with my partner for 15 years after dating for 8, we adopted pets, we lost pets, family members, we flooded a house, got fat, got skinny, fought with each other, fought with each other's family, had financial trouble, built wealth, investments, learned spending habits, got new careers, and so much more all after a 2 year span. Two years is more than 1 year, but far from knowing everything about another person and definitely not long enough to have a completed foundation to build on.
I’m sorry but uh why is this even a conversation?! The answer is yes this IS disrespectful and no his girlfriend shouldn’t go to the strip club! No this doesn’t make him insecure at all!!! I swear u people make this too casual and normal it’s disgusting and scary. If ur single then fine, but if ur with someone especially married then no u shouldn’t go. Again how is this a conversation? What’s funny is that my coworkers brought up this topic and were shocked I said I wouldn’t go to one and I told them I’m married and they said so what and gave me a weird look like I said something wrong. I told them with a serious tone I’m married, that’s disrespectful, and my eyes are only for my wife’s body and no one else’s. After that they took a second and said they gain more respect towards me, that I’m a good man, and one of them said I’ll be a great father to my future daughters. U think I would have felt honored and proud, but I felt sadness and disappointment cus of how normalized this crap is
@@Blacknight6577 Yup 👍🏽 And this concept would be sick and absurd if you asked couples in Africa, West Asia , South Asia, etc. Being perverse is made casual and free and respecting yourself and your family is seen as controlling only in Wstrn society.
About twenty years ago, I went on a trip to a tropical island with three of my boys. We had a ball. We got drunk and stoned, gave each other a hard time, told lies about how cool we were, and played ruthless games of dominoes. One of the guys decided we needed some company and brought four prostitutes to our suite. I was pretty wasted at the time, but not too wasted to remember to put my wallet and passport in my front pocket and my DSLR camera around my body. The girls were beautiful. Young, tall, leggy, busty, friendly. Everyone was baffled that I didn't want to have sex with the one who was "for me". I showed them a photo of the woman I was dating and said she's why. They said she won't know and I said but I will. The girls stole everything that wasn't nailed down and then they were dumb enough to come back the next day to try to get one of my buddies to sign his traveler's checks. The guy who hired the prostitute confessed to his fiancé within hours after we got home and that drama never ended TO THIS DAY.
I noticed something very powerful john was doing, and i may be way off base but he was using tactical silence. The caller felt the need to fill the silence and come up with proof that they are not insecure and they are in a loving relationship and theyve never told them nit to do something. In the first 7 minutes they showed that they are insecure and that her going makes their relationship feel vulnerable and he didnt like it. Which is perfectly fine to feel. So i appreciate john kind of letting him process these things on his own for the most part
Does anyone here think this is how many women feel about their male (or female) partners looking at pornography? I know its not the exact same, but may be its similar.
My mama always said “nothing good happens after midnight!” She’s not wrong! Hormones and alcohol……..”you can trust me” 🚨 🚨🚨🚨. Many many moments of infidelity are open in these situations. God speed in working this out.
I wish this was mentioned in the discussion Dr. Delony had with him bc we know he's worried that being in that environment could inspire her to do things she usually wouldn't do, especially when sober.
@@Candace-M-He panders to women. In our modern society it is frown upon to hold women to standards and boundaries. Women today are untethered, and this is why 80% initiate divorce cause they are not used to responsibilities and expectations. These things makes them feel trapped.
My ex went to strip clubs. He said the bar. I went and saw Chippendales. It was disgusting. Women paid too kiss them. Not me. I wanted to leave. I found it disgusting. .
@@greenfly0917 no other was a show on stage. But i knew a stripper and she told me about the special rooms down stairs. They called them the real money maker rooms. She worked 2 jobs . We worked at rrtail chain together.
Nope. No go. Unless you have a verbal agreement that this sort of thing is ok in your marriage, and it would be allowed both ways. We really need to abandon this whole idea that strip clubs during a marriage is anything but cheating, or intent to cheat, or blatant disrepect to your partner. Especially right before a wedding. Its like saying "Dang im gunna miss this. Im sad there wont be any of this when im married". Gross. Not ok. Nothing against strippers or single men going to strip clubs.
@@christophera4364 Well im about to have a bachelorette "party" and we are just going out to eat. So realistically i still wouldnt do either. If i was single and a friend invited me to a gathering at either i might attend to be supportive, and maybe it would be fun. I dunno. Not my scene.
If either person in the relationship has an issue with the other going to something like this then they should say something. If it’s a deal breaking boundary for you, then so be it. But you both need to discuss it with a realistic POV. If my boyfriend told me I “wasn’t allowed” then I would have to put my foot down and tell him I’m not his child and he needs to approach me differently, but if he told me he didn’t want me to go because he doesn’t agree with me being in strip club then I would honor that in a heartbeat. The way my man is, he would trust me but he wouldn’t trust the environment and I find that so comforting lol I want to know that my man cares about where I’m going and if I’d be safe.
Your man might be blowing smoke up your you-know. Trust is not dependent on an environment, one is either trusted to maintain their word and values anywhere anytime or they are not. No one would ever trust a war zone environment, but you can be damn sure I'd trust my man 100% to operate with the skills and mindset needed to bring himself home safe. You might want to ask your man his thoughts on how you can trustfully operate in "non-trustfull" environments
@@colleenmccann1190 As a husband, I wouldn’t need my wife to ask me not to attend a strip club. She knows I have self control but I wouldn’t go out of respect for her. All the guys I know who love going to strip clubs also brag about cheating on their significant others. I’m black, mid 30s, 6’4, fit, personable and handsome according to most women so being discipline and having self control goes along way. Most women don’t care that I’m married and I get propositioned routinely even in the corporate world where I work. People who spend money are strip clubs are simps, giving resources away to people who simply dancing half naked is pathetic. I personally wouldn’t convince anyone I’m dating to not go, I’d just break up with them afterwards.
It’s sad that this man has to express more than once that he doesn’t like the idea of his girlfriend going to a sexual place where other men will be completely naked and doing sexual acts. The fact that she tries to justify it, and is more swayed by her female friends to do this while in a relationship clearly shows that she doesn’t have good friends, and that she isnt trustworthy in a mature relationship.
‘Doing sexual acts’, generally strip shows aimed at women are more about shows and skilled dancing with abbs. You get touched less than an average night at a bar! I’ve been to a couple for various ‘bachelorette’ parties, they always asked consent before touching those watching.
Let her go. She will see how lame it is. I was dragged to one of these kind of bachelor parties. I was disgusted by the dancers and my friends looked ridiculous yelling and screaming at these men. ICKK
My relationship just ended over unshared values. It's really hard to walk away when you still care deeply for someone, but at the end of the day some things are just deal breakers.
My husband’s sister got married and we were both invited to the bachelorette and bachelor parties respectively (they took place on party boats at the same time). I went, but my husband chose to stay home and help his dad with car troubles. Later we heard the guys’ boat apparently had a stripper and they were all getting drunk and going crazy? (Us girls went snorkeling, had an inappropriate cake, and relaxed) Both my husband and I agreed we were happy he didn’t. We believe people in committed relationships don’t need to be in sexual situations with others like that. It’s toe-ing the line with cheating and porn and such
@@TararyzeMcg I said “sexual situations”, not a sexual relationship. Still, my point stands. Lines can easily be crossed and blurred. For many in healthy relationships, porn and sexting is considered virtual cheating. Things such as stripping can lead to more as well, even just emotional cheating (which matters too) Sexual entertainment isn’t innocent. So no, I will never be comfortable with my husband watching a stripper or being in a sexual situation that doesn’t involve me, and likewise I would never do that to him. It’s not a hard concept to grasp, it’s being loyal and committed to the person you love
It's not just about "your" values and sticking them in concrete. It's about understanding yourself, understanding the other view, and choosing. Your values at 20 years old shouldn't be your same values at 30 years old. If not one value or perception has changed, you haven't learned anything or valued any of your new experiences in 10 years. You didn't grow at all. Sometimes what you picture in your head about a situation is either the worst vision of it or the most idealistic that everything will work out perfectly. Very rarely was the preconceived version what actually happens. I totally understand this guys feelings about this situation. Tell her what your vision of this situation looks like in your head and here out what her expectations are in this event. If she understands your fear, when or if that situation starts to materialize she will notice in and choose to get out of it or not.
Hahahahahajahahajahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. So how come so many happy married women saw magic mike? lollolololol. Because it's hilarious and great fun.... and the husbands enjoy those happy women coming home with the blood pumping ;-)
I personally didn't want strippers for my bachelorette party, but have been to ones that had them. I would be so resentful of my now-husband if he had tried to keep me from going. I would have chosen him over the experience, but he'd owe me BIG TIME. Like him paying for a girl's trip to Bali while he stays home.
I think John is right that they are different things (bro-lesque vs strip clubs). Because the vast majority of women also think they are a joke and are not actually turned on at all. Unlike men at strip clubs. HOWEVER that’s not the point here. In this case it obviously makes this man very uncomfortable. And so as John says, it’s about whether his gf respects his strong feelings and boundaries.
@@christophera4364 Personally neither! I've been to a female strip club once with guy friends I was visiting for their friends bachelor party of sorts (I don't think he was that into it honestly). I felt bad for the girls and found it all a bit depressing. And it was a very upscale club - I imagine downtrodden ones are significantly more depressing. I've never been to a male strip club and have 0 interest...less than 0 interest. Though I will add, I would guess that workers at male strip clubs are likely a lot safer/much less likely to get stalked or sexually assaulted. I know that's a real concern for women who work in that industry. Security is needed at female strip clubs. I'm guessing not so much at male strip clubs.
Ignore the other other commenter, only high-adrenaline activities allowed in their world!!! My husband stayed home for his! Well, he invited his closest friends over, played video games all night and got lots of food. I consider that a cost-effective win :-)
@@franciskeys9810 Thanks! We were married in '96 and he is a good dad to our grown daughter and special needs son who was injured by childhood toxic injections. Our nephews are grown now with families of their own. :)
It comes down to what your moral standard is, bachelorette parties are meant to be “fun” and to go out with the girls and have fun, not entertain with other men that are not your future husband or BFs. It’s a very degenerate type of tradition that me and my wife didn’t care to do but I’ve been to a couple bachelor parties and I’ve seen with my own eyes everyone drunk and cheat on their partners with basically strippers/hookers. So just know that a bachelorette or bachelor party is an excuse to cheat in some sense. The positive thing is if you tell your gf it bothers me and I prefer you not to go and she doesn’t go she is a keeper if she says no I’m going, she is choosing that over you. The reason I say that is because she now knows it hurts you and bothers you but she don’t care her friends and fun come first. So that’s a huge red flag for any future issues.
I couldn't put my finger on why this fellow's approach to this situation didn't sit well with me. You talked to him about HIS boundaries and values. He talked in pejorative terms about HER decision, and comments, about going to this strip club with her pals. In effect, he was not seeing her, and HER boundaries and values as separate from his and, several times, he judged them as inferior or 'less then' his own. That should be a warning sign in any relationship, when either partner subsumes the other and, further warning sign, he blows up when this conflict arises. Sometimes boundaries are like fences between neighbors: if people are in alignment, they night put a gate in to make mutual time easier to access but when they don't align, a less adaptable strategy would be to spend less time in the back yard, a more positive response would be to build stronger fences and in the worst case scenario, move away!
No, he means that because he really doesn’t trust her. That is the problem, he doesn’t get to control her every move. He is controlling and used to getting his way, when she says she’s going, he must trust her. She doesn’t have to change her plans to appease his controlling ways.
Whatever it is that he meant, if he really doesn't trust her, he needs to leave. They've been in the relationship that long and no trust? It'll only end up badly.
Dr. Johnny, you have the same values as me. But your speech knowing what to say are very exceptional. I learned a lot on how to be calm and respect the other people values. I forward some good advice from you to my kids just for future knowledge and how to value themselves.
If both men and women knew and were honest with the realities of these bachelorette experiences and girls nights out, there wouldn’t be a question as to why she shouldn’t be going while in a relationship. Just ask anyone who works in nightlife…
I don't get that. I've been in a bunch of groups with married friends and I am married and our girls nights are always fun and nothing but drinks ever happens.
@@sandialoser not really. most people would trust their bf/gf to not cheat. it’s kinda the bare minimum. if you don’t trust that they’ll act with dignity why are you even with them lol
@@LSSYLondon 100%. No one ever stays for their fourth or fifth martini when everyone else is ready to call it a night and screws the cute bartender. No one ever wakes up with a hangover and says, "Oh my god what have I done?" Never. Married people getting drunk without their spouse is never a problem, never in the history of the world.
This show exists primarily because people can’t manage themselves and their commitments in domesticated circumstances. People believing that things would go well in these types of situations is hilarious and wildly naive.
I am very opposed to my significant other, going to see strippers, i view it as a violation of monogamy. My ex felt differently. I tried to ask him not to go, because in any other context him being in a room with a naked lady gyrating on him would be infidelity. He went anyway, I should have broke it off, but I was too scared. Later I found out my fears were indeed warranted and things went further than I was led to believe. I told my now husband when we started dating that this was a hard line for me and he agreed. Now if both parties are okay with it ahead of time I say go for it. But don’t sacrifice your values like I did.
Tell her if she goes to not come back. Not in an emotional way but calmly. If you compromise your values for fear of being called insecure you will regret it.
He knows how she will react. I went to one of these in Las Vegas for a bachelorette party. I sat in the dark corner away from the stage alone. I was texting my husband the whole time. Th dancers knew by my reactions to stay away from me. My husband knew that I was so uncomfortable, and all I saw was gross guys who were selling sex 🤮
Completely different. Magic Mike is nbd, it’s a choreographed show, not worth stressing over. He’s just realizing they’re not as compatible as he thought.
1. Express your concern one time. Dont dwell on it. Dont try to convince her let her be herself. 2. If she goes dump her. Move up and out fast. you don’t want convince her and then she have resentment towards you. It will just fester. Her friend that’s getting married should have been considerate of those who don’t want to go. That shows your girlfriend is just like her and she makes bad choices choosing inconsiderate friends. next thing with a woman like this will be late girls nights and more problems. Just let her be herself then decide if you want this self inflicted pain.
The wording wasn’t good. “Allow”. It’s a give and take and it depends on your stand with this. I have been terribly hurt by different things of this nature. I would never marry again. So air out these type of things because the person that you are with should be someone that you can talk about anything. If not then bail …..
Very disrespectful. I have an ex wife. She would be like this, loved hanging out with her single friends and going out partying. So glad I didn't stick around for that trainwreck. I barely consider us even married, I filed for divorce in less than 6 months. But now I met an amazing woman who is my wife, who would never act like such. Don't stick around for bad people. Find one worth your time.
Having a boundary you enforce is the exact opposite of being insecure. Violating your boundary to appease another person, especially a GF or wife would be the precise definition of “insecure”. If your SO calls you insecure for you protecting the fidelity of your relationship, then reevaluate if that person is equally yoked to you. I would personally rather be alone than with a person who thinks sexual immorality is acceptable in a monogamous relationship
If they call you insecure they are really just attacking your boundaries. Be firm and stand on business. The more you flex the less she will respect you in the long run. And most women leave men that they dont respect.
I hear him, he is valid, BUT, when a woman complains about stag dos and much more goes on eg lapdancing, she is called a wet blanket and told "this is what men do." Women feel like they can't complain. Welcome to the world of "women's feelings." I just hope some empathy is garnered after he is faced with a similar situation.
@katemiller7874 it's not weird, it's called peer pressure, herd mentality feuled by beer and even drugs. It's pretty common on stags, you must have been born yesterday if you're unaware.
@christophera4364 male, and I've been to both. The male one was a proper production show costing 50$ tickets. The female, 12$ entrance fee, not a production and did private lapdancing... I've seen high grade female productions but they're only in burlesque format (I saw Dita Von Teese). Anyway, I don't believe in stags or hens... its fine going to these places as a single person, I went to see Dita as a couple because its a consenting situation for both and was enjoyable for both sexes.
He made a great point at 14:35 that I was thinking all along. I would hope in my future marriage that I don’t have to convince my wife to not go to a strip club.
Relationship in 2024 work like this very simple. You set certain boundaries and if a person crosses them there must be consequences. you go to that bachelorette and the Relationship is done ( you must mean it and no do it as a scare tactic). If she still goes find a partner. I know its not that simple, but at the end of the day, we have so many idiots who think they can be in a relationship and act like they're single, so let them go be single. Il
@@katemiller7874It's not insecure to not want your partner having a bunch of naked men or women dancing around them, if that's your idea of fun while in a relationship then you shouldn't be in one
Having boundaries does not show insecurity, it actually shows security.
Exactly, people with boundaries know their worth, people who lack boundaries and lack to enforce consequences if their boundaries are crossed do Not have self worth. That why many predators target weak minded people to abuse
Look man, I'm sick of people dancing around the word "insecurity". What flipping difference does it make if the man is or is NOT insecure? He doesn't like it and he doesn't want to be in a relationship with a woman doing x,y,z. That's reason enough for that woman to either leave him, or NOT DO THE ACTIVITY. Whatever the flip it is.
Doesn't even matter if he is insecure or secure. The person who loves you should work to help you, not cause you stress in unnecessary situations. In today's example, the woman shouldnt go to a Strip club. Game, set, match. lol
@@BASSFZz the insecurities are important because in this case he doesn't want her to go because he thinks,she would do something with the dancers, that means that he doesn't trust in her, and you can't build a relationship with mistrust, and if you feel entitled to tell your partner you can't do x YZ , then the other part has the same right to tell you and you can't do x y z . Rules are the same for both
😂😂😂😂😂😂 Dude bullshyt.... dude u and ur friends goes to strip clubs for so called business meetings
@tazylab6233 hey he's wants to treat her like a child instead of a adult
This is the whole purpose of dating. If doing something makes the other person uncomfortable, and they disregard your feelings and do it anyway, that’s a sign that the two of you are not compatible and should part ways. Breakups are hard, but not as hard as divorce 10 years later with child support because you ignored red flags.
Very true!
Bravo! I can't tell you how loudly I'm applauding your commentary!
your never going to find someone who is perfect and has the exact values as you. if you keep looking for that person you will be alone forever. Good relationships compromise and are willing to change small things to suit the other person.
@@lachlanbrown3112 So you think finding someone with the same value system as you means that said person is also perfect and therefore doesn’t exist?
Wow! That’s perfect
I never understood the hype about them. If you’re about to enter a marriage why would you even be interested in engaging in this right before your wedding let alone encourage others who are in a committed relationship to do the same? I find it disrespectful and it’s insane how desensitized the world is to lust
Yeah, blows my mind.
You Americans call it one last blow out.....or fun time to get it all out of your systems.
DO NOT get engaged to be married or married if you still have unresolved lust/insecurity issues.
There's actually some historical basis to the last night of freedom thing. It harkens back to a time where arranged marriages were the norm. So in a way you were marrying a person that you barely knew maybe, and a person that you didn't actually feel anything for. So your buddies would arrange a wild night of debauchery for you as one last time that you can choose who to direct your lust to. Honestly it makes sense in this case purely because you wouldn't be choosing who to marry and therefore have no emotional ties to break on the other person's side, because it's not like they love you either. But now a days that explanation doesn't really work, since both people have chosen each other and love each other, and have been with each other for what could be years. So the last night of freedom thing doesn't really ring as true anymore.
@@MachikoMelanoif you think that olny America does this you should go talk to more men all over the world. Might change your perspective.
@@Decadence13666last night of freedom? So we arent free inside a marriage? Here is my hot take: premarital s*x is for losers. I think these people arent very smart at all.
I think if it makes you uncomfortable, you should speak up. My husband knows I hate strip clubs, so he never went to one for his bachelor party. Our marriage and values were more important than one wild night, and we are both in agreement over that.
I can guarantee your husband went to the strip club - they just tell you they don’t.
Bingo
@@melissab3217 he went to the stripclub , he just never told you .
Dr. John panders to women. Our society bashes men for having boundaries and standards by calling them manipulative, controling, and insecure.
It's not about makes you uncomfortable he should speak up..
Offcourse he will speak up that's not issue.
The problem is which he is also thinking in his head..
The fact that her gf wanted to do that .. And thought came in her mind..
It shows her character, how much she respect him, respect their relationship..
And how much value she have for her man for his feelings..
That is the point..
He doesn't really need to tell her that.. It should be automatic...
Women want men to take them seriously act like husband but they themselves doesn't want to act like lady or wife..
Don't put your man in situation where he needs to tell you not do this.. Not wear this, don't go to party, don't go to girls trip etc...
They should themselves have enough brain and mature enough to understand don't do this..
No men is ok with her women wearing sexy revealing clothes, goes out party drinking like single,
Posting provactive photos on social media etc..
It's not about trust it's about respect..
Also how many times you heard person go to party, travel and unexpectedly some mistake happen and they cheat in heat of moment which destroy all years of relationship.
So why put yourself in that situation..
So this is boyfriend problem that he need to tell her and even argue with her don't go to party in sexual , dirty environment where everyone drinking, cheering naked men dancing..
She should herself decided to not go and disrespect her men by go there without him telling her..
This just show her character, her value and how she have respect for him..
I just think that strip club bachelorette or bachelor parties are a tasteless tradition.
I agree, I would rather stare at a blank wall for an hour
Pretty disgusting stuff really. A dude brought in a stripper for his boss's birthday party at work. I excused myself and stepped out. I just felt dirty knowing this young lady was doing thAt for a few dollars. I felt bad for her, and was disgusted with my co-workers.
It’s a really weird tradition. The concept of a “last hurrah of being single” just sets a weird groundwork for the marriage. I can understand a night with friends but not in that way.
@@ronhall5395 😮dang at work ?
@@ganymedehedgehog371 yeah, like even when dating you’re committing to be loyal to the person you’re with, and when you get engaged to be married you’re making that commitment even more serious and set in stone. So if you’re promising to be loyal to me, as you have been thus far in our dating relationship, but then you go out to be in an inappropriate situation to celebrate your last days of “freedom” that just feels like a betrayal of that loyalty… we’re already committed to each other. What difference does a few weeks make? The tradition is weird and leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth… like total red flags for me. Feels like cheating in my book, because you’re willing to put yourself in a sexual situation without me
I never understood strippers being involved in the parties before marriage. Let me go disrespect my fiance right before we get married...ummm ...great way to start your marriage!
Kelly if you had the choice would you rather go to a male or female club?
If a woman wants to go to a strip club, it means that she doesn't really love the man that she is marrying. She realizes that she will be stuck in a relationship with a man she really isn't attracted to. So she wants to have one last night of fun.
If someone wants to do that, then they aren't ready for marriage.
@@andrew8168it's not a big deal. Also, nobody owns each other
@@christophera4364 you have a brain for a profile picture, you must be smart!
Sounds like she doesn't want to go but she doesn't want to disappoint her friends. She needs to decide whose approval she wants more
This right here is what I take away from it too. If she values her friends opinions more than his than it's time to move on...
Oh, don't worry, she wants to go!
she definitely wants to go
Thats how it begins and it eventually leads to actually cheating because of the loose friends.
Thats false, this isn't taking a stroll on the beach, this is staring at some guys junk while getting drunk...let's not pretend here.
I’ve had 3 different boyfriends that were obsessed with strip clubs. In Hawaii it’s honestly pretty common to go out with your boys and go to strip clubs. I wanted to be the cool girlfriend and act like I didn’t have a problem with it. The first two boyfriends I definitely knew they weren’t the ones so they were short lived relationships but the third relationship I was so in love with him and in 4 years together he went to 3 strip clubs all 3 were bachelor parties & I went with him to one of them cause he invited me. He knew one of the strippers (he’s a tattoo artist & had tattooed her) she started to dance for him and I knew her too. I immediately wanted to throw up and I asked him if he would leave with me. He said no & I walked home…. Unfortunately I stayed with him for 6 more months. I never understood it or why they all wanted to do it and it definitely caused some body issues for me. I’m in a relationship now where he would never put me in in that position as vice versa I’m also almost 30 now and life has a totally different meaning.
I have this approach to going to strip club.
You should go there only if you would mind your daughter or son working as stripper.
If you think it isn't respectful workplace, you have no business to go there.
Most people who seek this kind of entertainment are hypocrites.
You didn't deserve any of that. Just like this good man, you deserve much better.
Even though it hurts, it's a blessing when someone shows you who they really are and how they truly feel about you through there actions. I'm glad you were secure enough to leave and find someone who actually values you. That's the part I've always struggled with. I ruined my life by staying a man who treated my in a way that no human should ever be treated. It warms my heart when I hear about people who didn't make the same mistakes I did. You avoided years or decades of misery. You should be proud of yourself 😊
Yeah, your story touches on something super important. Woman hear men complain about nagging women all the time so we don’t want to BE her, we want to be cool! But the real reason why men complain when a woman has standards is because they’re wishing she would lower her standards for him, but in order to make themselves not look weak they blame her. Don’t be the cool girl. Say what you mean, say what you really feel. The right guy will respect you, your boundaries and stick it out.
@@Steviejustine824 I wanted a whole life with him. He was a triplet and his brothers wives literally all told me to run. They shared their experiences & how those men don’t change even after marriage and children. If it wasn’t for the support I had from them I don’t know if I would have had my own strength to do it. I might still be subjecting myself to his porn addiction and going drinking with his boys the constantly liking girls bikini photos on IG. I’m so sorry you had to experience a nasty human like that, just know it was never you and your past partner needed some serious work because you don’t treat humans badly let alone your partner. I hope you’re able to heal and also your life isn’t ruined I’m sending all the blessings and beautiful future. I started therapy & honestly I kinda really let people walk all over me before so I’m just now at 30 learning to set boundaries and find my voice. Sending love ❤️ please have a good week
I feel like John really read this situation really well. He isn’t judging the girl, he’s just discussing their connection.
@@saratexas5181 i mean it would be pretty stupid to judge her for this
@@saratexas5181 Connection? Ahhhh...🤣
@@doctorposting is it stupid when men are judged for watching the same stuff but it’s on websites instead of live and in color?
As a culture we have a tremendous hypocrisy problem.
Ill judge, if you want to see naked people prancing around more than your partners feelings, you're not ready for a relationship.
@@godknowsimstupid7848 Yes, he should dump her. That's nasty celebrating with a performance goofy show for laughs.
You don't get to allow or disallow it. You get to state your boundaries (i.e. "I am not comfortable with you going to a strip club,") and then you get to enact whatever actions you need to if that boundary is broken. But you don't get to "allow" or "disallow" it.
Sounds like you are not allowing me to do something
Exactly!
I mean, that’s clearly implied. What’s he gonna do? Chain her up? 😅
Say it once then let her make her decision. If she goes anyway dump her
@@christaggart5687 do whatever you want, but if you leave the boundaries of what I consider a relationship to be built upon, then we are incompatible and can't be together. No force is being enacted anywhere on anyone. All of the forces at play are boiled down to personal decisions.
You can't eat your cake and have it too.
Married woman here, and very conservative, so I totally get where he's coming from about values. I HOPE his standards are just as high for himself regarding p0rn. It's perfectly fine to have standards, but they should be applied across the board.
Preach it.
Your point might make sense and for all we know, he might be the worst person in the world. But when someone opens up about a problem or an insecurity I think it's really sad to immediately start wondering if he's actually at fault or if he's hiding something.
@@Toomies08 It's not about makes you uncomfortable he should speak up..
Offcourse he will speak up that's not issue.
The problem is which he is also thinking in his head..
The fact that her gf wanted to do that .. And thought came in her mind..
It shows her character, how much she respect him, respect their relationship..
And how much value she have for her man for his feelings..
That is the point..
He doesn't really need to tell her that.. It should be automatic...
Women want men to take them seriously act like husband but they themselves doesn't want to act like lady or wife..
Don't put your man in situation where he needs to tell you not do this.. Not wear this, don't go to party, don't go to girls trip etc...
They should themselves have enough brain and mature enough to understand don't do this..
No men is ok with her women wearing sexy revealing clothes, goes out party drinking like single,
Posting provactive photos on social media etc..
It's not about trust it's about respect..
Also how many times you heard person go to party, travel and unexpectedly some mistake happen and they cheat in heat of moment which destroy all years of relationship.
So why put yourself in that situation..
So this is boyfriend problem that he need to tell her and even argue with her don't go to party in sexual , dirty environment where everyone drinking, cheering naked men dancing..
She should herself decided to not go and disrespect her men by go there without him telling her..
This just show her character, her value and how she have respect for him..
@@akhilmahajan9759off your Lamictal? Holy $hit
Why is your first thought that he’s watching porn? Women will deflect at any cost man. 🤡
My husband was extremely uncomfortable with my bridesmaids taking me to a strip club and understandably so. Why would my husband want me seeing other naked men?! He expressed his feelings calmly and I had no issues with it. I did tell him it went both ways though.
😂😂😂ur husband watches porn on his phone 😂😂😂😂😂
Or he watches pork at work 😂😂😂😂
C
It goes waaay beyond seeing them naked at these strip club bachelorette parties, Trust me
Thank goodness you told him he should think about his party as well bc so many guys want us to do one thing while they do another.
My hubby went to 2 bachelor parties and just didn’t go to the strip club. He stayed back at the house and went to bed 🤭 he told the guys “out of respect for my wife I’m not going” he offered to pick them up if they got too drunk lol
Although that's good your husband doesn't do that, he does have friends who do, which does say a lot.
@@Sam11747you can be friends with people who have different interests. It doesn’t mean anything for him. Every relationship is different. Some people are comfortable with those events, others are not. I think it’s sweet he’d offer to drive them home. He clearly cares about their safety.
Actually your husband went. I saw him there.
@@gabolujan3109😂
@@Sam11747no it doesn’t. No one has friends they 100% agree with.
This is simple.
It's a major values issue for him as well as a sexual compatibility.
If you are not sexually compatible with someone and your values are not compatible, then the relationship is not compatible and should end.
This is part of dating. If you sacrifice your values to be with somebody you will wind up completely miserable and resentful.
So there's a bigger issue here than whether or not she agrees to go/not go to a strip club. The issue is that you've identified a values issue
100%, it is for sure a value/common sense issue. Because you could sit there and explain in simple terms. And if they say no to your concerns or boundary. You didn't sound confusing nor made the explanation confusing, they just chose their wants over your values.
I think this was a great conversation about how to set up and enforce boundaries in a practice setting. I appreciate Andre was aware he didn't handle the initial conversation well and knows why. This was actually useful for me because, like Dr. John, I'm a shutdown type who struggles to communicate in conflict. I think he's right to be concerned about the male strip club and I wish him well in his conversation with his girlfriend.
That's why it's a REALLY important conversation to have before becoming exclusive. When you decide to exclusively date someone, have that important conversation about boundaries. Issues like this, previous ex's etc.
And then still observe their actions, values, etc. some people will say whatever they think you want to hear even if it's a lie.
Exactly
This is a perfect opportunity to find out if she is the one for you. This goes both for female or male partners. You need to share the same morals. If she still goes after she knows how you feel then she is not the one for you. When ever I met a gentleman that liked adult entertainment in any form, i knew he was not the guy for me. Maybe someone else would love this, but it is a big deal breaker for me.
Me too, I don’t want a man who attends strip clubs
@@dinagalli4337 He should dump her filthy ridden mind today! 😂😂😂
I used to BE a stripper and I’m married now. Most of the men who frequent those clubs are married, and the ones who are single are not that great. So you’re not missing out on much. Working there scarred me for life.
She didn't tell him, got caught, and has friends who are into that. She's probably done worse things without telling him. Based on the caller's verbiage (e.g, "I attacked her immediately..." and "trust her") he has grow a spine.
Well said … if my partner said it would make her uncomfortable i wouldn’t be going, bc i respect my partner and our connection much more than watching half nekked anyone
So many experts in this comment section, some saying he is ''narcissist'', ''controllng'' while others say she is cheating, break up with her immediately. Just looking at it through glasses of their past traumas. Seems like not many have learnt the art of communication sheeesh
Agree. "Just break up with her." They're freakin' engaged but this one thing makes the whole relationship null and void? No wonder so many people are bad at relationships and communicating, because there is none!
Totally agree such an insecure grouping.
@@katemiller7874 The boyfriend never put boundaries on her from beginning of relationship.. Because due to feminists, liberal culture.. They are afraid to come out as a insecure person...
So they won't ever tell truth to their partner like don't go to party, don't wear this..
Even if from inside they don't want her to that but
They feel scared to tell her to her face i don't like it..
It's wrong.. It's disrespectful..
Most men are not honest and never tell truth..
Most men are just weak and they afraid if i tell her this she will get mad or leave me..
I think it's wrong thinking..
Man should be honest, there is nothing wrong in having clear boundaries.. That i don't like this this this..
Also women should also understand it is disrespectful to your relationship, husband..
Don't put him in situation where he need to tell you not do this..
It should be automatic without him tell you.. To not go party like single, dress well modest clothes and don't go to girls trips..
Just like you don't need to tell men pay bills, help you, protect you, fight for you if someone grab your ass in public or steal your purse..
You don't need to tell him to chase thief it should be automatic..
Women want men to act like husband but they themselves don't wanna act like lady, like wife..
It's not about trust it's just disrespectful and shows much value you have for your partner, for your relationship
That you want to go in party in sexual, dirty area where naked men dancing..
I'm a girl and I think she's crossing the line if she's in a monogamous relationship and those are his boundaries.
It's because the problem here stems from a fundamental difference in values and respect. This relationship is already over.
I would just tell her it crosses my boundaries. If she goes, leave her, if she doesnt go, stay with her. You don't want to be with someone who doesnt have the same morals as you. Plus if those are the type of women she surrounds herself with, she probably isnt worth it either
The hypocrisy, oh for f'k sake...it's 1000% is not about him. Not about her, its the brides
I agree
My thoughts exactly 💯
Sometimes it's not about morals but germs. Can you imagine the MRSA in that place? It's worse than a gym except the strip club probably isn't cleaned hourly.
@@mschlund1 Or the dopo who arranged the party. This is why I avoid hen parties like the plague - it's either drinking too much, or walking around smoking cigars or some baloney like that. No thank you. (!) But it is, in the end, whatever the bride wants.
This is always why I say you absolutely have to have shared values in a relationship. There is someone out there for him that feels the same way about strip clubs just like there is someone out there for her that wouldn’t care if she went.
Yeah, those ppl are called swinger's
We can’t control each other. We can learn to meet each other half way or walk away.
Many women don’t like their man going to strip clubs, so why should men like/ accept their girlfriends go? Mutual understanding on peoples boundaries is the foundation for relationship and friendship. So yeah, if your values are not the same,then that needs to be discussed between them.
I really want the updates on all these situations as we hear then😅
If my husband or I acted upset bc we were not going to a club bc of our relationship values, lol, time to reassess us.. It's a relief to not go to a club.
We do not "allow" our partners to do or not do anything. Grossed out by that wording. We decide what we are or are not willing to accept from our partners and make them aware of our boundaries. When they cross them, we follow through with whatever expectation we set. Not an ultimatum! We tell them what *we* will do, not attempt to control their actions.
There's nothing wrong with the wording. It implies there are consequences if you break these boundaries. That's all. It's your interpretation of relationships that's bothering you and you alone.
@@ahmorgan No, I agree with @spriggy4382.
@@tatl6244 you're also wrong and highly emotional. Just because you're triggered by a word doesn't mean something is wrong with it. The word allow is appropriate. Will you allow someone to disrespect your boundaries makes perfect sense.
@@ahmorganallow is the wrong word, lol.
Or, maybe, I'll allow him or her to decide whether they will remain my partner by their choices,..?
@@Silvermoonscorpion that doesn't make sense. When you are partnered you do or don't allow certain things
I think you left out the most important question, what are you going to do if she says I’m doing it anyway?
I love being single. I can go where I please, when I please, but if it hurt my dude for me to go, I wouldn’t. My friend’s man had the girls over and danced for them bc he didn’t want her to go. Everyone had fun. He’s not in great shape.
@@Genebaket hopefully leave her alone so she can find a husband who isn’t insecure
@@doctorpostingYet women have problem with men going on porn sites.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
He would drop 130 pounds overnight.
@@doctorposting I think you forgot to listen while this was playing. It's about values
Allow is the wrong word, she's not your child. Tolerate is the appropriate word. I would not tolerate my boyfriend or spouse going to a strip club. I would just remove myself from that situation, that just does not align with my values. It is disrespectful and it's cheating. Each person gets to make their decision!
Good way of putting it.
@@thisis.michelletorres444 yes I agree but I paid attention to the callers words and I never heard him use the word “allow”.
I think they just used that word in the title to grab attention
So you you think porn is cheating too???
@@TararyzeMcgin real life she can do more than just watch you know, he will never know !
@@TararyzeMcgit is
This relationship isn't going to end well. This is just the beginning.
Sounds a bit premature to call it on this one. The response to this one, sure, if she said I am going anyway. But over an invite?
Yep. He thinks his feelings are more important than hers and that he has a right to control her.
Huge red flags. She will dump him sooner or later.
@@AngieMcdonald-fu9nhall this over her desperate need to see another man's junk huh? 😂😂
Am I the only one confused why going to a strip club is a thing for BACHELOR and BACHELORETTE parties??? Like wouldn’t that be disrespectful to the husband or wife to be. I imagine if this bf is uncomfortable, I can’t imagine how this woman who is having the bachelor party fiancé is taking it. Very strange to me!
This is so sad, and such a wasteful thing to argue about. I never understood the hysteria around either man or woman strip clubs, the thought that anyone who steps inside instantly gets sucked into orgy land and red alert for temptations. I'd be way more worried about my partner's co-workers! The vast majority of infidelity happens in workplaces and social circles, not staring at some dude or girl on stage.
Glad to see another logical individual here 😂. People just don’t like the *feeling* and the *idea* of an adult space like that. But the reality is, that’s a place much less likely for an affair to happen!!!
And yet there is s3x and p0rn addiction that these places can feed into. But to each his own
You’ve taken a realistic approach to this situation. I feel similar.
As a lady having gone to a men's club. I'll disagree. The things I saw the dancers doing for the gents and what they did with me bc they knew they'd make extra was crazy. I was young and naive and way in over my head. Co workers may make for an affair but a fast BJ is absolutely likely at a club. Both are not good.
It’s not even necessarily that people are worried about infidelity. Some people just feel it’s disrespectful to go ogle other naked people while already in a relationship. People can have different boundaries.
I was in this situation with my ex husband. I told him how I felt about it which was that it made me uncomfortable and that he shouldn’t go. He went anyways. I really hope she didn’t go. He may hold resentment and hurt over that throughout the whole relationship
Something about "jealousy" that is actually just a excuse to control your partner. Here I am at 59 and still dealing with it in my new marriage. I don't go anywhere or do anything and my wife is younger and attractive. Nobody is pursuing me lol
You have no right to tell her what to do because she makes her own choices. But you do have the right to break up with her if she makes bad choices.
Period
You can tell her the consequences that she will get. No forcing just every decision has consequences good or bad
@@Darktacomic That's a pointless ultimatum. If she's the kind of person who wants to share her sexuality with more than one person, there are no magic words to change who she is.
@franciskeys9810 thats what an ultimatum is..
That’s kind of implied 😅 Most people aren’t gonna chain someone up and not allow them to leave.
If it’s against your morals and values then you need to let her know. You can’t ignore it. If she decides to go knowing that you’re dead set against it then she isn’t the one for you bro. She’ll just keep breaking your boundaries the entirely of the relationship. I’m not a prude by any means but I’m completely turned off by pornography and similar things. I find it disgusting and if anyone I dated would be into that sort of thing they would instantly become less appealing to me.
But she can always just go later and lie about where she went and what she did anyway
She hasn't said she is into this. She is just not standing up for doing something she has said she is reluctant to do. Those are two different things. There are always stupid ideas at bachelor parties - you really can say no. She needs to figure that part out.
Pornography is something personal. I don’t think anyone should get into other ppls masturbation methods. Unless she watches that with other men it’s her business
lighten up francis
This is good sense.
If she would go without your approval you need to drop her because she doesn't respect you
This is a matter of respect for your partner. Friends who don't understand that you're not going with them are either no good for you (and your relationship) or don't understand the value of a great relationship.
Would you rather go to a male or female club?
Even if I wanted to (which I wouldn’t) . I would never disrespect my boyfriend by going to that type of thing. ESPECIALLY if he expresses he is uncomfortable with it. I would break up with her.
Would you rather go to a male or female club if you had to choose?
Also “make you feel small”… great wording LOL
And he doubled down 🤣
The focus on potential differences in value systems was great. That really was the issue here
Finally Dr. John admitted that he has double standards for men and women. Explains a lot about how he treats and advices men and women on similar issues 🙈
John has always admitted he’s tougher on men. It’s fair bc women process things WAY different than men plus he views things through a man’s lens.
The Ramsey network has always been pretty clear about this, it’s not really an admission of anything
@@flashthecorgi2053
Its "fair?" Lol. Okay. Given that woman need to be coddled and can't be given any accountability for their actions... Certainly they shouldn't be allowed to say vote or hold public office? I know I wouldn't want such fragile creatures deciding important decisions and running things.
@Femtoisbackandbetternot a feminist I see.
@Femtoisbackandbetter oh darling, for centuries most men have been tougher on women than on men. You're just looking for an excuse to keep on doing that. Please solve the reason why there is so much wrath in your heart towards women and so much empathy for men that you have nothing in common with.
I had a buddy of mine who was a bodybuilder and made money on the side by being a stripper. The stories he told me about the antics of married women cheating on their husbands with strippers was an eye opener. This man has a right to be concerned.
Back in the day I was always called upon to be an escort to the club by a bunch of women and EVERY SINGLE TIME it wasn't just to be a bodyguard, it was to take me home afterwards, that was made very clear....what most men don't understand is that women are way more bold then men when they want something and having a strong body that aesthetic is just as tempting to a woman then a perfect 10 body on a woman is to a man...imagine ANY man that's drunk NOT being attracted to a beautiful woman with a perfect body.....
My wife and I got married last year. Her girlfriends planned on taking her to a “man show.” I told her I was totally fine with it. She asked again, and I assured her I wanted her to have fun with her friends and there’s no problem. I really appreciated she wanted to know she wasn’t crossing a boundary for me and said she would cancel it if I changed my mind. There were no issues.
I'm sure she was fine with you going to a boob show!!
Sounds like you're a beta bro.
Exactly. Not sure what the big deal is. You either trust your partner or you don’t
Yeah you never trust a women 😂
@@indiefilmmillennial8338 The prude audiance acts like it's a big deal. It's not. 🙄🙄🙄😂
A way to explain this to loved ones that I have used comes from a church story I have taken to heart. There are two pilots both very skilled, one flew high and one flew as close to the treeline as possible to boast his confidence in his abilities as a pilot. Long story short eventually the pilot flying really close to the trees crashed . Don’t fly as close to the trees (boundaries in relationships or in life) but continue to fly safely within your comfort zones because life and turbulence happen!
If she’s not going to engage then what is the point of going?
Looking , cheering , clapping is still engaging lol
Set a boundary in your relationship.
“I’m not comfortable with you going and we will have to end our relationship if we don’t have the same values.”
Some people are stuck on the “allow” part in the title…idk if the caller said that exact word in the call or if the video was just titled that way,
But to the caller, you cannot make life decisions for someone they will resent you for it.
If she wants to go and sees nothing wrong with it, the issue of boundaries being crossed will continue even in marriage.
Have a calm open discussion, explain your beliefs and why this situation crosses your boundaries.
If it’s not respected then there you go, you have your answer.
Those magic mike type shows are goofy. Any woman I know who has gone to one( and I am one of them) does not go for erotic purposes, but rather for a laugh and be loud and rowdy. He's still entitled to his feelings to set boundaries but just my perspective
I agree.. for most women, I think these guys are NOT something/someone you would ever be interested in!!!! I went to one with a friend because she begged me and I’d heard how hilarious they were. So stupid. I didn’t want to b touched by those guys.
Still half/full naked men...
@@christophera4364as a women i much rather go to a women strip club. the men ones are just goofy
Uh huh uh huh......then just go to a female one and get rowdy there....but wait you don't get to choke on dong at those lol
It’s like those frat boy car washes.
As a guy, I find all strip clubs “trashy”. I have never understood why men pay to go see a sleazy woman charge money to look at her. Male strip clubs the same.
She's a girlfriend, not a wife.
Let her go, then let her go 👋🏻
Right like wtf, a ring or no telling me what to do
@@GoldenPink-fv5uh I think you missed his point, dear.
Doesn't matter, she is not property, it's not about him it's not about her ..
What is it about? @@mschlund1
@mschlund1 My husband isn't my property either and I'd never be ok with him partying at a strip club. It's setting boundaries for how you expect your partner to treat you and your relationship, and "don't go somewhere you're going to gawk at someone else's sexy bits" is a very reasonable one to have
If the person you’re with even wants to go to the strip club……DUMP THEM.
Would you rather go to a male or female club?
@@christophera4364neither
And that's how you talk....you've got to have some self worth which is lacking in 2025
4:00 “something you see coming that is going to make you feel small” 😂😂😂😂💀💀💀😭
The mentality is usually, " What happens in the strip club stays in the strip club". Not even worth it
Would you rather go to a female club or male
I agree with the caller. Disrespect is disrespect. He's told her how he feels... so I think he needs to be silent from here on out (and this may linger for a lengthy period).
*This call made me realize some people are hella desperate and afraid to end relationships.* Better to be alone than with someone who doesn’t respect you.
Relationships are simple concerning boundaries. If you set boundaries and the other person disrespects you, end the relationship. Don’t try to make them feel bad, don’t bad mouth them just go your separate ways with a calm conversation. It’s a win both sides since you don’t respect one another’s boundaries.
He’s not married yet and he should breakup with her.
I completely agree. There's a fundamental incompatibility in their values. This relationship has very little chance of long-term success.
There's also a woman all over this comments section talking about how all the men are insecure in every thread. I am completely convinced that she's cheating on her partner and has cheated on all of her partners.
@@franciskeys9810that's a STRETCH.
@@franciskeys9810I enjoy going to bars & having a drink with my girlfriends. Does that mean I cheat? NO.
@@Ayaa29048 And yet here you are feeling a need to defend yourself to a stranger on the internet. To quote a famous scribe, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
@@franciskeys9810 Also telling that they equate bars and strip clubs when they are completely different
This is the reason why I am no longer with my husband. I had a HUGE problem w strip clubs having worked in some...I absolutely hated them and every man that came in! He didn't. He didn't understand my problem. He would spend more money on strippers than he ever did on me! We are no longer together.
Glad you got rid of him before you caught an std
This is a great opportunity for him to state his boundaries and be a leader of the relationship. If his fiance can't accept this or follow his lead, maybe he doesn't have as good of a fiance as he thought. Delony is right, this is 100% a morals issue. He needs to decide what type of morals his relationship will be built upon.
Going to a Murlesque show is hilarious and as a woman I can say it is not arousing at all. It's funny. I saw a guy dancing to wrecking ball swinging round like Miley Cyrus and at no point did I think "that's hot". lol
Haha this! I'm impressed by the gymnastics and acrobatic feats, not necessarily drooling over some junk in my face, ready to perform. They stay on the stage. It's not too scandalous at all.
It's the optics ladies. It's the complete opposite of trying to be faithful. Humans have this crazy need to play by the guard rails and surprised when something happens
This is why it's important to date someone for years before getting married. Time allows for many friction points like this to come out. You have to make your own decision, but be glad you have a decision to make before walking down that aisle.
I got married within 3 months. Now 2yrs together.
you can find out someone’s values and personality and if you align very quickly if you are paying attention.
Dating long term is actually a distraction because people play house, move in together, sleep together, share bills together all the while forget they’re suppose to be finding out if they’re the one.
Date short, use it as an interview/vetting process, do not be intimate,
And you can focus clearly and see who is right/wrong for you.
When you find the right one, lock it down.
Well it's not like it's completely smooth sailing after getting married. I'm curious to know what's your metric for the green light to marriage?
@@oromtitiwbo5078 With respect, you still don't have enough time in your relationship to give an opinion on this.
I am happy you're 2 years together has worked out. From personal experience, being with my partner for 15 years after dating for 8, we adopted pets, we lost pets, family members, we flooded a house, got fat, got skinny, fought with each other, fought with each other's family, had financial trouble, built wealth, investments, learned spending habits, got new careers, and so much more all after a 2 year span. Two years is more than 1 year, but far from knowing everything about another person and definitely not long enough to have a completed foundation to build on.
I feel like Dr.John handled this situation so well
I’m sorry but uh why is this even a conversation?! The answer is yes this IS disrespectful and no his girlfriend shouldn’t go to the strip club! No this doesn’t make him insecure at all!!! I swear u people make this too casual and normal it’s disgusting and scary. If ur single then fine, but if ur with someone especially married then no u shouldn’t go. Again how is this a conversation?
What’s funny is that my coworkers brought up this topic and were shocked I said I wouldn’t go to one and I told them I’m married and they said so what and gave me a weird look like I said something wrong. I told them with a serious tone I’m married, that’s disrespectful, and my eyes are only for my wife’s body and no one else’s. After that they took a second and said they gain more respect towards me, that I’m a good man, and one of them said I’ll be a great father to my future daughters. U think I would have felt honored and proud, but I felt sadness and disappointment cus of how normalized this crap is
@@Blacknight6577 Yup 👍🏽
And this concept would be sick and absurd if you asked couples in Africa, West Asia , South Asia, etc.
Being perverse is made casual and free and respecting yourself and your family is seen as controlling only in Wstrn society.
@@oromtitiwbo5078 I’m from the West and it’s not all over, but it’s seen so much that it’s becoming normalized and it’s very sad
@@Blacknight6577 Oh my!!!! Just horrible heavens to betsy!!
About twenty years ago, I went on a trip to a tropical island with three of my boys. We had a ball. We got drunk and stoned, gave each other a hard time, told lies about how cool we were, and played ruthless games of dominoes. One of the guys decided we needed some company and brought four prostitutes to our suite. I was pretty wasted at the time, but not too wasted to remember to put my wallet and passport in my front pocket and my DSLR camera around my body. The girls were beautiful. Young, tall, leggy, busty, friendly. Everyone was baffled that I didn't want to have sex with the one who was "for me". I showed them a photo of the woman I was dating and said she's why. They said she won't know and I said but I will. The girls stole everything that wasn't nailed down and then they were dumb enough to come back the next day to try to get one of my buddies to sign his traveler's checks.
The guy who hired the prostitute confessed to his fiancé within hours after we got home and that drama never ended TO THIS DAY.
I noticed something very powerful john was doing, and i may be way off base but he was using tactical silence.
The caller felt the need to fill the silence and come up with proof that they are not insecure and they are in a loving relationship and theyve never told them nit to do something. In the first 7 minutes they showed that they are insecure and that her going makes their relationship feel vulnerable and he didnt like it. Which is perfectly fine to feel. So i appreciate john kind of letting him process these things on his own for the most part
Does anyone here think this is how many women feel about their male (or female) partners looking at pornography? I know its not the exact same, but may be its similar.
It is
My mama always said “nothing good happens after midnight!” She’s not wrong! Hormones and alcohol……..”you can trust me” 🚨 🚨🚨🚨. Many many moments of infidelity are open in these situations. God speed in working this out.
I wish this was mentioned in the discussion Dr. Delony had with him bc we know he's worried that being in that environment could inspire her to do things she usually wouldn't do, especially when sober.
@@Candace-M-He panders to women. In our modern society it is frown upon to hold women to standards and boundaries. Women today are untethered, and this is why 80% initiate divorce cause they are not used to responsibilities and expectations. These things makes them feel trapped.
In 2024, it shocks me, are people blindly naive to human nature. Nobody screws up until they screw up.
@@artimuscoffee8921common sense is not common.
You obviously haven't been to any strip clubs....they don't have sex there ffs..🙄
I think the finance of the soon to be wife might wanna have a convo with John too lol
My ex went to strip clubs. He said the bar. I went and saw Chippendales. It was disgusting. Women paid too kiss them. Not me. I wanted to leave. I found it disgusting. .
I agree I went once in the 80’s I didn’t like it I used to joke all of their cooties are jumping on to me. Gross.
So then you know Chippendales (male revues) are VASTLY different than strip clubs.
@@greenfly0917 no other was a show on stage. But i knew a stripper and she told me about the special rooms down stairs. They called them the real money maker rooms. She worked 2 jobs . We worked at rrtail chain together.
Nope. No go. Unless you have a verbal agreement that this sort of thing is ok in your marriage, and it would be allowed both ways.
We really need to abandon this whole idea that strip clubs during a marriage is anything but cheating, or intent to cheat, or blatant disrepect to your partner.
Especially right before a wedding. Its like saying "Dang im gunna miss this. Im sad there wont be any of this when im married". Gross. Not ok. Nothing against strippers or single men going to strip clubs.
Would you rather go to a male establishment or female club?
@@christophera4364 I don't know what you mean? When im married or in a committed relationship? Neither
@acaciajacqueline I was just saying that if you hypothetically had to choose between the two for a Bachelorette party.
@@christophera4364 Well im about to have a bachelorette "party" and we are just going out to eat. So realistically i still wouldnt do either. If i was single and a friend invited me to a gathering at either i might attend to be supportive, and maybe it would be fun. I dunno. Not my scene.
@@acaciajacqueline fair enough 👌
This is what grows relationships. Being honest and learning how to communicate with one another. And just remember No one is perfect!
If either person in the relationship has an issue with the other going to something like this then they should say something. If it’s a deal breaking boundary for you, then so be it. But you both need to discuss it with a realistic POV. If my boyfriend told me I “wasn’t allowed” then I would have to put my foot down and tell him I’m not his child and he needs to approach me differently, but if he told me he didn’t want me to go because he doesn’t agree with me being in strip club then I would honor that in a heartbeat. The way my man is, he would trust me but he wouldn’t trust the environment and I find that so comforting lol I want to know that my man cares about where I’m going and if I’d be safe.
Your man might be blowing smoke up your you-know. Trust is not dependent on an environment, one is either trusted to maintain their word and values anywhere anytime or they are not. No one would ever trust a war zone environment, but you can be damn sure I'd trust my man 100% to operate with the skills and mindset needed to bring himself home safe. You might want to ask your man his thoughts on how you can trustfully operate in "non-trustfull" environments
@@colleenmccann1190 As a husband, I wouldn’t need my wife to ask me not to attend a strip club. She knows I have self control but I wouldn’t go out of respect for her. All the guys I know who love going to strip clubs also brag about cheating on their significant others. I’m black, mid 30s, 6’4, fit, personable and handsome according to most women so being discipline and having self control goes along way.
Most women don’t care that I’m married and I get propositioned routinely even in the corporate world where I work. People who spend money are strip clubs are simps, giving resources away to people who simply dancing half naked is pathetic. I personally wouldn’t convince anyone I’m dating to not go, I’d just break up with them afterwards.
@colleen- you don’t even understand what not trusting the environment mean. It’s means it may not be safe for her. Drunks, men. Not a great mix
@@standground7956girls who excuse this are just manipulative whores, thats all....I was an escort myself, we know.
It’s sad that this man has to express more than once that he doesn’t like the idea of his girlfriend going to a sexual place where other men will be completely naked and doing sexual acts. The fact that she tries to justify it, and is more swayed by her female friends to do this while in a relationship clearly shows that she doesn’t have good friends, and that she isnt trustworthy in a mature relationship.
‘Doing sexual acts’, generally strip shows aimed at women are more about shows and skilled dancing with abbs. You get touched less than an average night at a bar!
I’ve been to a couple for various ‘bachelorette’ parties, they always asked consent before touching those watching.
Let her go. She will see how lame it is. I was dragged to one of these kind of bachelor parties. I was disgusted by the dancers and my friends looked ridiculous yelling and screaming at these men. ICKK
Would you rather go to a male or female club
He should allow her to go and book a date on the same night with some other chick, and go get drunk also, very funny stuff.
My relationship just ended over unshared values. It's really hard to walk away when you still care deeply for someone, but at the end of the day some things are just deal breakers.
You can go but you’ll be single when you come back 😂
Thank you dr.john, I needed to hear that my values are ok.
My husband’s sister got married and we were both invited to the bachelorette and bachelor parties respectively (they took place on party boats at the same time). I went, but my husband chose to stay home and help his dad with car troubles. Later we heard the guys’ boat apparently had a stripper and they were all getting drunk and going crazy? (Us girls went snorkeling, had an inappropriate cake, and relaxed) Both my husband and I agreed we were happy he didn’t. We believe people in committed relationships don’t need to be in sexual situations with others like that. It’s toe-ing the line with cheating and porn and such
Stripping is NOT A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP...its entertainment 😂
@@TararyzeMcg I said “sexual situations”, not a sexual relationship. Still, my point stands. Lines can easily be crossed and blurred. For many in healthy relationships, porn and sexting is considered virtual cheating. Things such as stripping can lead to more as well, even just emotional cheating (which matters too) Sexual entertainment isn’t innocent. So no, I will never be comfortable with my husband watching a stripper or being in a sexual situation that doesn’t involve me, and likewise I would never do that to him. It’s not a hard concept to grasp, it’s being loyal and committed to the person you love
@@TararyzeMcg it's literally sexual. What is wrong with u
@@TararyzeMcgit's trashy
It's not just about "your" values and sticking them in concrete. It's about understanding yourself, understanding the other view, and choosing. Your values at 20 years old shouldn't be your same values at 30 years old. If not one value or perception has changed, you haven't learned anything or valued any of your new experiences in 10 years. You didn't grow at all. Sometimes what you picture in your head about a situation is either the worst vision of it or the most idealistic that everything will work out perfectly. Very rarely was the preconceived version what actually happens. I totally understand this guys feelings about this situation. Tell her what your vision of this situation looks like in your head and here out what her expectations are in this event. If she understands your fear, when or if that situation starts to materialize she will notice in and choose to get out of it or not.
A good woman would have no interest in going if she was in a committed relationship, period.
Hahahahahajahahajahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
So how come so many happy married women saw magic mike? lollolololol.
Because it's hilarious and great fun.... and the husbands enjoy those happy women coming home with the blood pumping ;-)
I personally didn't want strippers for my bachelorette party, but have been to ones that had them. I would be so resentful of my now-husband if he had tried to keep me from going. I would have chosen him over the experience, but he'd owe me BIG TIME. Like him paying for a girl's trip to Bali while he stays home.
There are other women with good mindsets that he’ll like. This ain’t the only chick in the world
I think John is right that they are different things (bro-lesque vs strip clubs). Because the vast majority of women also think they are a joke and are not actually turned on at all. Unlike men at strip clubs. HOWEVER that’s not the point here. In this case it obviously makes this man very uncomfortable. And so as John says, it’s about whether his gf respects his strong feelings and boundaries.
Would you rather go to a male or female club?
@@christophera4364 Personally neither! I've been to a female strip club once with guy friends I was visiting for their friends bachelor party of sorts (I don't think he was that into it honestly). I felt bad for the girls and found it all a bit depressing. And it was a very upscale club - I imagine downtrodden ones are significantly more depressing.
I've never been to a male strip club and have 0 interest...less than 0 interest.
Though I will add, I would guess that workers at male strip clubs are likely a lot safer/much less likely to get stalked or sexually assaulted. I know that's a real concern for women who work in that industry. Security is needed at female strip clubs. I'm guessing not so much at male strip clubs.
I like what my husband did for his bachelor party. He went out with the boys, literally. He took his two nephews out for frozen yogurt.
Boring
@@katemiller7874 Not at all. Kids are never boring! :)
That's adorable. He's going to be a good dad if you are so blessed.
Ignore the other other commenter, only high-adrenaline activities allowed in their world!!!
My husband stayed home for his! Well, he invited his closest friends over, played video games all night and got lots of food. I consider that a cost-effective win :-)
@@franciskeys9810 Thanks! We were married in '96 and he is a good dad to our grown daughter and special needs son who was injured by childhood toxic injections. Our nephews are grown now with families of their own. :)
It comes down to what your moral standard is, bachelorette parties are meant to be “fun” and to go out with the girls and have fun, not entertain with other men that are not your future husband or BFs. It’s a very degenerate type of tradition that me and my wife didn’t care to do but I’ve been to a couple bachelor parties and I’ve seen with my own eyes everyone drunk and cheat on their partners with basically strippers/hookers. So just know that a bachelorette or bachelor party is an excuse to cheat in some sense. The positive thing is if you tell your gf it bothers me and I prefer you not to go and she doesn’t go she is a keeper if she says no I’m going, she is choosing that over you. The reason I say that is because she now knows it hurts you and bothers you but she don’t care her friends and fun come first. So that’s a huge red flag for any future issues.
If she goes, she 6 prioritising her relationship with her friends over the relationship with her bf.
And that might be the right call..
I couldn't put my finger on why this fellow's approach to this situation didn't sit well with me. You talked to him about HIS boundaries and values. He talked in pejorative terms about HER decision, and comments, about going to this strip club with her pals. In effect, he was not seeing her, and HER boundaries and values as separate from his and, several times, he judged them as inferior or 'less then' his own. That should be a warning sign in any relationship, when either partner subsumes the other and, further warning sign, he blows up when this conflict arises. Sometimes boundaries are like fences between neighbors: if people are in alignment, they night put a gate in to make mutual time easier to access but when they don't align, a less adaptable strategy would be to spend less time in the back yard, a more positive response would be to build stronger fences and in the worst case scenario, move away!
1:17
"I'm not saying I trust her.'
I think he meant to say "I'm not saying I don't trust her." Freudian slip?
No, he means that because he really doesn’t trust her. That is the problem, he doesn’t get to control her every move.
He is controlling and used to getting his way, when she says she’s going, he must trust her. She doesn’t have to change her plans to appease his controlling ways.
@@fishercourt Right he really doesn't trust her that's my point.
Whatever it is that he meant, if he really doesn't trust her, he needs to leave. They've been in the relationship that long and no trust? It'll only end up badly.
Every person that was cucked ever trusted the partner who cheated lol
@@fishercourt "when she says she's going, he must trust her" no, when a she says she is going to a strip club, he must dump her
Dr. Johnny, you have the same values as me. But your speech knowing what to say are very exceptional. I learned a lot on how to be calm and respect the other people values. I forward some good advice from you to my kids just for future knowledge and how to value themselves.
If both men and women knew and were honest with the realities of these bachelorette experiences and girls nights out, there wouldn’t be a question as to why she shouldn’t be going while in a relationship. Just ask anyone who works in nightlife…
I don't get that. I've been in a bunch of groups with married friends and I am married and our girls nights are always fun and nothing but drinks ever happens.
@@sandialoser not really. most people would trust their bf/gf to not cheat. it’s kinda the bare minimum. if you don’t trust that they’ll act with dignity why are you even with them lol
@@sandialoser I've been to plenty of these places. Zero interest in them and nothing interesting happens. Usually they're more funny than anything.
@@LSSYLondon 100%. No one ever stays for their fourth or fifth martini when everyone else is ready to call it a night and screws the cute bartender. No one ever wakes up with a hangover and says, "Oh my god what have I done?" Never. Married people getting drunk without their spouse is never a problem, never in the history of the world.
This show exists primarily because people can’t manage themselves and their commitments in domesticated circumstances. People believing that things would go well in these types of situations is hilarious and wildly naive.
I am very opposed to my significant other, going to see strippers, i view it as a violation of monogamy. My ex felt differently. I tried to ask him not to go, because in any other context him being in a room with a naked lady gyrating on him would be infidelity. He went anyway, I should have broke it off, but I was too scared. Later I found out my fears were indeed warranted and things went further than I was led to believe. I told my now husband when we started dating that this was a hard line for me and he agreed. Now if both parties are okay with it ahead of time I say go for it. But don’t sacrifice your values like I did.
Tell her if she goes to not come back. Not in an emotional way but calmly. If you compromise your values for fear of being called insecure you will regret it.
The ship has already sailed. If he gives her an ultimatum, she might comply for now out of fear, but it's not going to change who she is.
He KNOWS SHE WILL LEAVE...as she should he's a insecure control freak
@@TararyzeMcg Enjoy your red wine and cats.
@@TararyzeMcg yall have such a hard time respecting and loving your man, stop putting yourself first and think about others for once in your life
@@franciskeys9810Is that supposed to be an insult? Why would someone doing something they enjoy be a dig?
He knows how she will react. I went to one of these in Las Vegas for a bachelorette party. I sat in the dark corner away from the stage alone. I was texting my husband the whole time. Th dancers knew by my reactions to stay away from me. My husband knew that I was so uncomfortable, and all I saw was gross guys who were selling sex 🤮
A male strip club and a Thunder Down Under performance are completely different things.
Right? 😂
Completely different. Magic Mike is nbd, it’s a choreographed show, not worth stressing over. He’s just realizing they’re not as compatible as he thought.
@NefariaAdventures would you rather go to a male or female club if you had to choose?
@Femtoisbackandbetter lol have you been to one? Almost all the dancers are gay.
1. Express your concern one time. Dont dwell on it. Dont try to convince her let her be herself.
2. If she goes dump her.
Move up and out fast.
you don’t want convince her and then she have resentment towards you. It will just fester.
Her friend that’s getting married should have been considerate of those who don’t want to go. That shows your girlfriend is just like her and she makes bad choices choosing inconsiderate friends.
next thing with a woman like this will be late girls nights and more problems. Just let her be herself then decide if you want this self inflicted pain.
My wife & I have been together for 20 years. We’ve both been to strip clubs. Together, separately, we’ve never found it to be a big deal.
That's nice that you agree. No problems there. But if one of you found it to be a big deal, then what are you going to do?
Yep, it's something you do a few times with friends. No big deal.
If it was a big deal to my partner I would dump him for being controlling.
Starting around the 7:30 time, you cannot hear john talking through his mic
The wording wasn’t good. “Allow”. It’s a give and take and it depends on your stand with this. I have been terribly hurt by different things of this nature. I would never marry again. So air out these type of things because the person that you are with should be someone that you can talk about anything. If not then bail …..
Very disrespectful. I have an ex wife. She would be like this, loved hanging out with her single friends and going out partying. So glad I didn't stick around for that trainwreck. I barely consider us even married, I filed for divorce in less than 6 months. But now I met an amazing woman who is my wife, who would never act like such. Don't stick around for bad people. Find one worth your time.
Around minute 7:00 John’s mic seems off. Is it just me? Cuz I can hear the caller but not him
Having a boundary you enforce is the exact opposite of being insecure.
Violating your boundary to appease another person, especially a GF or wife would be the precise definition of “insecure”.
If your SO calls you insecure for you protecting the fidelity of your relationship, then reevaluate if that person is equally yoked to you. I would personally rather be alone than with a person who thinks sexual immorality is acceptable in a monogamous relationship
That marriage isn’t going to last.
They aren’t married
@@katemiller7874 I’m talking about the marriage for the lady with the bachelorette party.
If they call you insecure they are really just attacking your boundaries. Be firm and stand on business. The more you flex the less she will respect you in the long run. And most women leave men that they dont respect.
I hear him, he is valid, BUT, when a woman complains about stag dos and much more goes on eg lapdancing, she is called a wet blanket and told "this is what men do." Women feel like they can't complain. Welcome to the world of "women's feelings." I just hope some empathy is garnered after he is faced with a similar situation.
Really. So now people are afraid to speak up to their own friends. Weird.
"I didn't mean for anything to happen! It didn't mean anything!"
Would you rather go to a female or male club?
@katemiller7874 it's not weird, it's called peer pressure, herd mentality feuled by beer and even drugs. It's pretty common on stags, you must have been born yesterday if you're unaware.
@christophera4364 male, and I've been to both. The male one was a proper production show costing 50$ tickets. The female, 12$ entrance fee, not a production and did private lapdancing... I've seen high grade female productions but they're only in burlesque format (I saw Dita Von Teese). Anyway, I don't believe in stags or hens... its fine going to these places as a single person, I went to see Dita as a couple because its a consenting situation for both and was enjoyable for both sexes.
He made a great point at 14:35 that I was thinking all along. I would hope in my future marriage that I don’t have to convince my wife to not go to a strip club.
As always the comment section is better (or worse) than an horror movie 💀
I wouldn’t be okay with that either. I’ve had to learn the hard way that I can’t change my values to accommodate someone else.
Relationship in 2024 work like this very simple. You set certain boundaries and if a person crosses them there must be consequences. you go to that bachelorette and the Relationship is done ( you must mean it and no do it as a scare tactic). If she still goes find a partner. I know its not that simple, but at the end of the day, we have so many idiots who think they can be in a relationship and act like they're single, so let them go be single. Il
Boy are they insecure now. Wow
@@katemiller7874It's not insecure to not want your partner having a bunch of naked men or women dancing around them, if that's your idea of fun while in a relationship then you shouldn't be in one