but thats honestly the funniest thing about the story too, because it would have been so easy for spinderscatcher to just fall back on weed jokes and portland stoner stereotypes but they didnt. they took the road less travelled and thats fucking awesome lol
@ville__ 🐕🐕YOU HAVE BEEN VISITED BY THE DOG OF CHAIN COPYPASTA! 🐕🐕You are safe to ignore this message, as the curse has been reflected back onto the original poster. If you are reading this you will be safe.
Considering it’s an established blog I feel like this person just realized for the first time that you can say whatever you want online and went buckwild with constructing this absurd scenario
@@AllisonRutherford-vs4dtI’m from a southern state and was thinking of moving to either Seattle or Portland to live somewhere more progressive, been leaning towards Seattle… should I pick seattle? Portland sounds a lil crazy
@BellaVRC not gonna lie, probably go with Vancouver, and if needed it can be a good idea to work in portland but live in Vancouver, the biggest thing is if you want a nice and progressive area make sure you're actually in the city cause country is country no matter where you go. That said, too far into the city, especially downtown, and you'll see lots of crazy stuff lol. The biggest issue here atm is the fentynol epidemic
@@BellaVRCjust go move to a more progressive southern state. Unless you’re the “Yell at people in twitters over pronouns” type of progressive in which case Portland would be perfect for you
I feel like it's weird to start with a fairly normal scenario of an annoying flatshare and then spin it out into a bizarre polycule. Like, IDK the ettiquette of aita posting, but do people normally bury the lede that hard?
Underrated bit is that they make such a fuss about anticapitalism and sustainable living but refuse to walk 12 minutes to a train stop instead of driving.
i like how your take away from the fake story is that the people wjo were written to be insane are stupid because of anti capitalism and not because its necessary for the story @@WK-47
@@RickJaeger My favorite type of "anti-capitalism" is the one where I completely buy into social justice branded corporate propaganda and let Ivy League schools dictate all my political opinions. Anti-capitalism is when you only buy from the good capitalists, after all.
Simply communicate and share labor equally in a healthy and mature way. Discard the desire to plan human emotions using Microsoft excel. Understand you are none of you able to functionally escape capitalism unless you are, ironically, wealthy enough to fully abstract money. Be fucking kind to each other
I love the "P, my March and July girlfriend" bit Because at first it reads as "having dated for those months last year", but no, it's a planned fuckonomy
Youre laughing. The vacuum is both broken and missing and two of my roommates/rotating polycule are fucking the vaccuum repair lady and youre laughing.
This polycule functions like my average Sims 3 save where theres 13 people in a huge box, mac and cheese servings everywhere, and all 4 ovens are on fire. Go into the "screaming closet" until that angry moodlet wears off.
The Sims period that's basically the death spiral of many of house. Sometimes people legit just fall over dead because they're been too angry and depressed to wash and eat. Passing out in the street after losing a fight doesn't help either...
like... its so obviously not real... but like... i know people like this. so its not even a matter of "too outlandish to be real." its just "the amount of self-awareness needed to be able to effectively chronicle all this in this way contradicts the lack of self-awareness required to be this kind of person." i love it.
brb gonna go make the fake tumblr portland polycule in the sims. utterly fascinated by descriptions like "the magenta room", "caterpillar reading room", "ocean study room"
"Housemates woke me up with their throat singing again :(" I have transcended death and opened a rift into the clown dimension. This is the funniest one.
as someone once kicked out of a car for throat-singing (to be fair i was warned)m I can neither confirm nor deny that it is capable of openning clown-dimensional doors. The fact that I'm often not seen for weeks has nothing to do with this.
I housed a now ex-friend who was OP's character but 1000x worse in 2019-20. A lot of this is standard queer communal living mess, well done, but god. Some of the details are too spot on. 5 am throat singing for her discord polycule woke me and other housemate up so many goddamn times. It was even worse when ex-friend moved to (what she turned into) the cult house. She has been an actual menace in multiple states and I KNOW she must have watched this play out in real time. She's niche Tumblr famous and dated a looot of fans. Story wasn't dark enough for OP to have known her personally, but I am kind of wondering if some of the jokes escaped containment. Never go to the desert with an eld-ish millennial Tumblr woman We are not allowing friends to be taken to or from or through the wilderness Do not make me restart the support group
"A is the one with _the most shoes_ so she does the most cleaning". There's something so special about a single line of text opening up an entire new world of cognition.
i can't stop thinking about this part specifically, months later. i'm imagining some sort of "x amount of hours outside per week per pair of shoes" rule (is it a privilege or a required service? who knows) so that having more shoes inherently means that you're going outside and then coming back to change your shoes and go back out again constantly. beautiful.
@@hx0ad5 I was imagining a grand twist of logic, rather than a crazy rule. Like, hear me out: Shoes get dirty. The more shoes, the more dirt. Dirt requires cleaning. The one who causes the most dirt should do the cleaning. _Therefore_ the one with the most shoes does the cleaning. It's really not that complicated, right?
@@infantiltinferno I think that is legitimately the logic (although an actually logical way to apply that train of thought would be whoever goes in/out the most since more shoes don't matter if they're not worn regularly)
Hot take: I think the author hints at disdain for overconsumption, that A has the most shoes, how frivolous of them! A might be a woman or feminine as well, so she must clean, but the author can't say it outright.
I love the sentence "We use the closet for solo scream meditation" both in context, but also for how perfectly it captures the essence of the relationship between the line cook and the walk in freezer.
Oh the walk-in was the only thing that got me through my 40-hour week part-time $12/hr job hell this summer (how do you do 40-hour weeks and stay part-time? Work somewhere that schedules you for 35 hours a week and ends up needing you to stay longer most shifts)
All these years. All these years my autistic ass was scared to tell my bosses at every job with a walk in freezer that sometimes on overstimulating days I’ll need a minute in the freezer. And now I find out from the comments it’s fucking normal to go in there and scream.
as a line cook, i can attest to this. there's a sign inside the walk-in fridge at my job that says "employees must stop crying before returning to work"
This person lives in one of those logic puzzles where you need to figure out which roommate has which job, who pays for what, and where everyone sleeps
As a pretty closeted transgender man I cackled when I heard that! (Because it’s overbearing) love you tumbler but the internet brain rot around here is reallll. 😂
Everyone here understands it's a joke right? Like, taking something that isn't explicitly about gender and adding (gender neutral) is one of my favourite bits lmao
Not knowing what that means or wanting to I can tell you that many people in Portland are very pat like and androgynous. So wouldn't it be like pot luck ?
To be fair, if you take into account that it's 24h/week part time, its not a horrible wage. And when you take into account not paying rent, it could be a decent economic situation - or even quite all right if they got another part time job.
i just started making $21 an hour fulltime and it gets me about 2.4k a month and it definitely feels extravagant since im living with my partner and 3 roommates who are also covering parts of bills
the funniest thing about this is that the OP kept dropping comically fake tidbits like "matching organic tracksuits", "12 cats", and "heated doghouse" but the audience kept oscillating between real or fake because Portland really is just like that. I've been there. Plastic water bottles are literally illegal.
you say that last part as if it's weird, when seriously; what is the purpose of plastic water bottles when reusable bottles and a clean drinking water supply exist in your area?
Maybe I am missing something, but “heated dog houses” are definitely a thing, especially in rural Canada. And it’s not a leftie/“woke” thing, people just don’t want their farm or guard dog to freeze in winter. And agree with other replies that discouraging plastic water bottles is…pretty smart.
@@Doomer_Optimist i've been getting this a lot and i feel the need to clarify that i am from southern california where the definition of the word 'literally' is somewhat more flexible when speaking colloquially
A has the most shoes, so she does the most cleaning. B has an eating disorder, runs a bike club, and does chores when asked. H comes and goes, mostly for group meals and to sleep on the guest couch. Q is the depression doula who leads Hasna yoga during the full moon. T leads an ML reading group. One W cooks, the other cleans. Who is the murderer - A, B, H, Q, T, W, or W?
I love the difference between people saying this is an obvious troll cause no one could be this insane and live in a house that crazy, and then the people saying it all makes sense cause they live in Portland. That city must be cursed or something
In all honesty, I'm on the other end of the world and I've seen this attitude. I feel like not working can be one hell of a drug. And it's true that working all week often also clouds your judgment in different ways! But there is just something so particularly insanity-inducing about being free to think about society all day.
As a portlander can confirm. Immediately could tell it was fake... but it's also so, so real 😂 I think since Portland has this reputation of like queer communist heaven or w/e so people with no grasp on how reality works migrate here.... Not realizing it is in fact not a giant anarchist wiccan paradise and just a city that is both kinda shitty and very expensive. Not that it's ALL outsiders or anything. Lots of weird hippies and artists have always been here, so probably more of us area fine with them/used to be them/still are them than your average city. But trying to live in a weird broke commune before the city got gentrified was much more doable, so you had a few more people doing it who weren't completely detached from reality??? lmao... Not that it didn't get unhinged. If you get enough weird broke artists in a space together.... yeahhhh..... I also blame reed college. Just generally.
@@Rybe33 Can confirm every single queer I knew that had no life skills or education saw Portland as queer heaven and thought they could make some sort of polycule commune with absolutely no skills or jobs. I have known 4 different groups of people that have done this 😭😭😭
When I opened this I didn't expect to nearly piss myself laughing, holy shit. The way OP trickles ridiculous insanity into a borderline believable scenario to the point that you find yourself wondering if parts like "she has the most shoes so she does the most cleaning" may be real is sublime.
The best AITAH posts are always the ones where they drip-feed you details. First post: my roommate has this cushy job and makes so much money! Followup 1: my roommate is so privileged with their exorbitant *$26K salary* Followup 2: we're *anti-capitalists* Followup 761: we have a plan for how to rotate what partners we have in a given month but can't figure out how to budget expenses or get any sort of income.
my personal favorite is ones where the title portrays a very different story to what they actually post. like their title will be something like "aita for defending myself?" and the post will be about a man punching a teenager for calling him a dummy
@@squeeze8178 yes!! The innocuous bait and switch titles. Like it's gotta be a troll, but then there's that nagging feeling that maybe, just maybe it's a real person and they actually think they're in the right but are just delulu and this is really how they frame the situation in their mind.
"No no no you don't understand, they deliver OXYGEN TANKS to the ELDERLY!!" has to be THE wildest plot twist in an AITA I've ever fucking seen, my sides are obliterated.
This has to be someone's narration of their modded sim 4 game. OP is C, but the housemates are sims. This has to be it. It has to be. Everything suddenly makes way more sense. Color coding hair and bedrooms? Swapping around who's in a romance? SPINDER IS PLAYING THE SIMS.
If this isn't real it's an inspired work of immersive fiction. The dozens of little touches scattered throughout ("ecstatic cleaning"; "scream meditation"; "depression doula"; "big self-test coming up") are what really make it. You just don't get that loving attention to literary detail without at least some personal exposure to the subject matter.
Every time I hear about a Portland polycule anticapitalist cult thing that uses letters in place of names I'm forcibly reminded of the FFVII poly cult. Like C here is moody, has a delivery job, disappears for hours on end when things get tense; classic Cloud behavior from the "I'm the transmigration of the real Cloud Strife who's totally a real life person in another dimension" kinda guy. Like dude
@@lindensalter6713Look up the *Final Fantasy House.* It's a wild ride too, and, to my knowledge, probably real. Does get heavy though, be forewarned. Not just funny like this.
I legitimately hope spindercatscher writes and publishes comedic fiction some day, even if just short stories. The regular callback to the damn vacuum cleaner is so good
I imagined this in my head as a stage play where everyone stands in a black void to represent the internet, and when they talk, a spotlight or something shines on them.
My favorite part is how a bunch of people from and living adjacent to Vancouver, myself included, are all saying this sounds exactly like people we know in Portland.
as a queer person currently living in portland, this story constantly toes the line between “extremely plausible” and “definitely fake” it’s truly a masterpiece 😌
Recently escaped a portland polycule, it was not that far off from this, I’m so serious. So many people in the punk scene knew our business bc of the drama that I clicked on this video half expecting it to be one of my exes or my ex’s exes
@@danielgysi5729 Conventions and really good counter-culture scenes plus being really close to Seattle (and its conventions!) I feel sad that the only thing I experienced was a mosh pit asshole shoving me into a banister, and an excellent stage makeup shop that had the nicest silver skin paint I ever got to use and smuggle back to Canada when I went there to celebrate my 21st birthday.
the fact that it’s so obvious this isn’t real but somehow we have all met people/living situations that fit these stereotypes is frankly beautiful and makes me feel closer to humanity
My personal theory is that the inital post is fully true, but at some point the roommates with tumblrs doscovered the post and op started trolling to try to lessen the damage
@@ayebrainenope it was posted on their personal account with a long history of normal posts. Many people think they meant to make the post anonymous but accidentally posted on their personal account where people they know can see
The broom with the lock on it had me rolling. It's obviously a troll but amazing work! Also, there is a band from the UK called the "Beta Blockers" who are now trending and they have no idea why.
As someone in Oregon all of these individual facts are plausible for a polycule in Portland. You can only tell it’s fake based on how the facts fit together
I was doing Wordle while listening to this, and the solution was "toxin". Off by only one character. "I need to go to the screaming closet" sure sounds like a T-shirt to me.
I very much like your usage of the word "expired" here, as it both works as the traditional "i died" response, but, due to the Latin root of the word, also means "I exhaled", thereby invoking the trope of something not being funny enough to really laugh, but just funny enough to make you forcibly exhale out of your nose. I have no idea if this pun was intentional, but I enjoyed it.
@@sagecolvard9644 I exhaled; the means by which my soul fled my body. Haha, that definitely reads more elegantly than "I howled with laughter"- which is what actually happened.
@@sagecolvard9644 This video has the best comments. I do not think I have ever seen anyone comment on Latin roots before in a TH-cam thread. Bless you.
The only good person in this hypothetical household is the spider who does the housework because they own more shoes. That's the one I root for. Go, spider girl.
Oh man, the stress-eating nutritional yeast straight from the container when there's house drama is such a weirdly specific co-op/communal living image that I'm having war flashbacks 😂.
Oh yeah we had a housemate who didn't want to spend money on snacks so would just go around fiending on random ingredients like maple syrup, grated cheese, Milo (Australian chocolate malt powder for putting in drinks) etc just eating it out of the container with a spoon or whatever. We would save our empty peanut butter jars for her because she insisted she would eat the remaining dregs but she rarely did resulting in the 'peanut butter tower' that was an iconic feature of that house. But yeah we used to go through an insane amount of Milo during exam season cos she would come down and treat herself to a spoonful whenever she was stressed 😂
There is NO WAY this isn't rage bait. My favorite part was OP getting mad that C was not allowing them to use their car...completely neglecting the fact that the car is HOW THEY DO THEIR JOB!!! There is NO fucking way anyone is this oblivious to their own insufferable stupidity!!!
As a Portlander "the bush outside Powell's" is one of the funniest things I've ever read, the Powell's store in Portland 1) is the size of a city block with multiple entrances 2) is in the city downtown without bushes
@@roxannireland Used to be. It’s now outdoor seating since the old Vitamin Shoppe is now a smoothie bar, and sine Portland OBVIOUSLY has PLENTY of parking, they decide to close the parking lot and part of the road so people can sit down.
Unless they’re talking about the ones that used to be across the street from the Burnside entrance by where Vitamin Shoppe used to be. I’m kinda at Powells far more than is reasonable. I’m on a first name basis with the RBR lady.
@@NoelleTakestheSky Oh yeah, the Shake Shack across from the main Powell's entrance on 10th Ave and Burnside? Absolutely love that they converted the parking lot into outdoor seating as if parking around Powell's wasn't shit enough already! And getting out of that parking lot on the other side of 10 Ave is so *fucking* easy. And let's just close down a few lanes for bike traffic and add a weird, unmarked roundabout to that parking lot across from the Roseland while we're at it! I hope my sarcasm is apparent. Poor Portland is a lesson in updating city planning and not in a good way.
This reminds me of that one post that goes like: Having roommates in Portland be like “Sock wants to know why you're weaponizing your neurotypical privilege by asking them to do the dishes”
"If you dont contribute rent, YOU CANT HAVE ANY HABIT BURGERS! HOW CAN YOU HAVE ANY HABIT BURGERS IF YOU DONT CONTRIBUTE RENT!" "YOU! Yes! You reading in the indigo room! STAND STILL LADDIE!"
The fucking investigative journalism happening in the notes after the main discussion is just making me cackle so much, it’s not even HALFWAY THRU THE VIDEO
as a queer person from Portland...this gave me war flashbacks. I could tell you ENDLESS STORIES about the Portland Queer Housing Facebook Group, Teya. This is not that much of an exaggeration unfortunately.
I love the tumblr spirit on posts like this, like everyone clearly can tell it’s fake from pretty early on, keeps declaring it’s fake, but we all love to keep believing or at least keep pretending because it’s just more fun that way
idk, @passxrine commented claiming to be an IRL of someone involved and witnessing it real time. it could be a fake, but i know crazier has happened (the final fantasy house 😭) so this isn’t 100% definitively fake - but keeping your suspicion at the ready isn’t a bad idea
Obviously a joke, but the bike lock around the broomstick was the only thing that got a real laugh out of me. "I can't clean the house because I live in an adventure game" is such a vibe.
At 16:50 this turns into one of those logic puzzle where you match five people with five cars and five jobs and are given exactly five sentences as hints XD
"You look a little short for a polystormtrooper." "What? Oh, the helmet. Listen, my name is K. C sent me, and I've come here to rescue you!" "C? Um... yeah, kinda awks, but we're kinda in a hate phase r/n after he hasn't gotten the vacuum cleaner fixed but is still with the vacuum cleaner repair lady I'm totally not jelly of. This is literally the worst day of my life, even after yesterday when I saw my home planet get completely destroyed by a laser."
my suspension of disbelief finally, fully snapped at "B is eating the nutritional yeast plain again" because that sounds like someone taking the piss about Portlanders, but it was still *hysterically* funny
The setting of this story in 2024 is the one fact that blew my mind the most. This is so incredibly 2013 over sharing on tumblr for shock likes era lmfao
this is by far one of my favouite fake story of all times. the way it starts off somewhat believable but then descends into madness. people in the notes still believing it. the vacuum cleaner. the schedule. it goes so hard and it could only be possible on tumblr where people will interact with anything just to see how far someone would dig their own grave. tumblr fake stories are so back baby
I'm of the opinion that the original ask was genuine and accurate or close to accurate. Then the asker got roundly You're the Asshole'd and saw activity in the notes, so decided to ramp up to full insanity one "yes, and" at a time.
I've lived in shared houses and borne witness to behaviour extremely similar to the stuff in the original post, it's really not that unbelievable for a shared household of irresponsible 20 somethings
@@noodle_fcThat’s my read, too. I suspect they were C, and after getting the feedback they needed, they jumped into full-scale trolling. Because why not?
I love the subtle implication of how M and C are actually at fault for not being able to go to the food bank and the reasoning it's their fault is that they have the cars, M was busy with school, while C "decided their car is their personal property"... All while OP's excuse was just straight up 'I was asleep when they were open.'
One of my good friends in Portland is very much the “stores need to understand that sometimes people are tired, and so have longer hours of be 24 hours.
I've got a friend who's in a polecule with someone in Portland and I can agree it's chaos all around. Drama 24/7. I've long since stopped being shocked 😂😅
@@Business_Skeletoni feel like its similar to any relationship, you tend to hear about the ones that go down in flames. but based on numbers alone, i feel like the... potential energy of something going wildly off the rails in some polycules is just higher
I definitely started out wondering if I knew any of the roommates lol I've met a punk house polycule before, during a date that went south when they called me bougie for owning a running car made in the 21st century.
I feel like somehow everyone in Portland knows someone in a hellish polycule, no matter how "vanilla"/conservative/"boring" we are. They seem to effect everyone.
"A&Q both have pixie cuts so they have the Tinkerbell room most of the time." I dont think anyone is appreciating how truly unhinged this statement is.
That is an incredibly specific broom. When I moved to Portland in 2016 I looked all over for a broom like that (for a Halloween costume) and could only find one at World Market, probably more for decoration than for actual use. Literally it is the least funcional broom you could buy so it fits perfectly with their household
I had roomates that didn't understand why grilling hamburgers in the living room was gross. The same roommates took out our fire alarms so they could smoke inside.Our apartment smelled like burnt dab 24/7. To be fair the alarms needed the batteries replaced and would beep but they just took them all out. I didn't let them take the one in my room.
Did he respond? We’d love to hear from him if he wants to come rant out the repressed feelings and exorcise his patchouli ghosts. We’ll bring the white sage for cleansing.
@ville__ To my wonderful people with OCD, anxiety or superstitious beliefs: reading this comment means you are safe! You're now free from this comment and any other variants of it you might come across.
Yet more proof that the best way to write a truly engaging fake post is the same as good TV writing; you need the active flexibility to find where people most respond to what you are making to focus down on that.
My LARP buddies from Bend, OR were telling me about how the larp practice lost most of it’s members because some were in a polycule and all caught antibiotic resistant chlamydia. Larpers always talk about starting communes and the real examples are always incredible.
Yeeeaaah, I think I know the exact people you're talking about... something about all that roleplay makes people reeeaaally thirsty. I feel bad for them, honestly.
my first and only threesome was with 2 people from my local Geek Retreat - i mostly just watched bc it was cold, in the woods in the park near the shop, and fucking weird, but it did make me realise i didn’t like women and that nerds are kinkier than i thought
“D is eating the nutritional yeast plain again so I don’t know what W and A are going to use to flavor the stew tomorrow” this bit broke me, god bless, I need to go to the crying laughing closet
ok but why is that bad? Full disclosure I have zero carpet and don't actually even own a vacuum so.. yeah. Will it damage the vacuum? The vacuum just doesn't actually clean anything cuz the big chunks are in the way? Where's the issue?
@@Sol-Orionit damages the vacuum. Especially if your vacuum has a bag. It's gonna tear it apart. It could also damage the filter. You can't vacuum hard sharp things like porcelain or glass.
@@Sol-Orion if you try to vacuum the big pieces they can end up clogging up the vacuum tube making it hard for the small shards to get vacuumed. I once got a piece of glass in my foot and found that the vacuum tube was full of large pieces of glass because my idiot roommate didn’t know what he was doing after he broke a glass
As soon as the 'roommates' also started putting in their 2 cents I knew this was fake, but I still was very entertained by the whole story. Realism D- , Creativity A. Made me shudder in dread when I imagined living like this.
I cannot describe the amount of innate terror i felt around hearing someone named C in a Portland Polycule who drives for work when I know someone exactly like that who is poly who I nearly dated feel like I dodged a massive bullet
I love how consensus seems to be "This is fake but also I've seen this happen a dozen times"
I agree it's fake in some way, but I know 4 seperate people, and know of a good 3 more who are some variation of this person.
It's honestly so tiresome. A dozen and two it seems
A statement of our times
I can tell it’s fake because the burger chain they mention doesn’t have a single location in the entire state
@ville__ buddy it's 2024 no one does chain mail curses anymore
most unrealistic part of this entire story is that nobody in that house smokes weed
but thats honestly the funniest thing about the story too, because it would have been so easy for spinderscatcher to just fall back on weed jokes and portland stoner stereotypes but they didnt. they took the road less travelled and thats fucking awesome lol
Don't drag weed into this madness lol
Extra layer to the madness: No one is smoking it, but they're all on edibles, see the beads budget. 😅
Seriously. In Portland? Maybe they don't smoke weed, and stick to edibles?
Theyre all on "emotional supplements"
it took until aeons said "canine appendicitis isnt real" for me to remember that DOGS DONT HAVE APPENDIXES.
Ooh I didn't know that I'm gonna have to look into animal anatomy a little more
It's only because of tumblr that I knew that already! Man, vetblr was a blessing ❤
@@seraphimiandogs can’t internalize any appendix either
*appendices tho.
@ville__ 🐕🐕YOU HAVE BEEN VISITED BY THE DOG OF CHAIN COPYPASTA! 🐕🐕You are safe to ignore this message, as the curse has been reflected back onto the original poster. If you are reading this you will be safe.
Considering it’s an established blog I feel like this person just realized for the first time that you can say whatever you want online and went buckwild with constructing this absurd scenario
Nah this shit happens all the time especially here in portland lol
@@AllisonRutherford-vs4dtI’m from a southern state and was thinking of moving to either Seattle or Portland to live somewhere more progressive, been leaning towards Seattle… should I pick seattle? Portland sounds a lil crazy
@BellaVRC not gonna lie, probably go with Vancouver, and if needed it can be a good idea to work in portland but live in Vancouver, the biggest thing is if you want a nice and progressive area make sure you're actually in the city cause country is country no matter where you go. That said, too far into the city, especially downtown, and you'll see lots of crazy stuff lol. The biggest issue here atm is the fentynol epidemic
@@BellaVRCjust go move to a more progressive southern state. Unless you’re the “Yell at people in twitters over pronouns” type of progressive in which case Portland would be perfect for you
I feel like it's weird to start with a fairly normal scenario of an annoying flatshare and then spin it out into a bizarre polycule. Like, IDK the ettiquette of aita posting, but do people normally bury the lede that hard?
Underrated bit is that they make such a fuss about anticapitalism and sustainable living but refuse to walk 12 minutes to a train stop instead of driving.
Car-centric city planning and it's consequences have been a disaster for the human race.
@@samanthaamburgey4128ik a good city with pretty ok public transport and biking in virginia, theres a bikelane the whole way through, its quite nice
They live in fucking Portland! Which has one of the best transit systems in the country!
tbf that’s a very low bar @@samaustin339
I had to pause the video at that point because i just lost it lol
"my january and may girlfriend" is so fucking funny to me
Didnt simon and garfunkel like make a song about that shit or smth
I've heard of a May-December romance to describe an age gap, but idk what the hell a 'March and July' girlfriend is
yeah that was the most Portland-y thing imo lol
"Sorry honey, I'm dating Abigail this month. Can't pencil you in til ehhhhh, February."
your profile pic looks like jschlatts mascot rammy when small
"someone who is good at communal anti-capitalism, help me budget, my polycule is dying"
> spend less on emotional suplements
"No "
It's almost like a rudimentary understanding of basic economics would vastly improve the situa--oh, wait.
i like how your take away from the fake story is that the people wjo were written to be insane are stupid because of anti capitalism and not because its necessary for the story @@WK-47
@@RickJaeger My favorite type of "anti-capitalism" is the one where I completely buy into social justice branded corporate propaganda and let Ivy League schools dictate all my political opinions. Anti-capitalism is when you only buy from the good capitalists, after all.
Simply communicate and share labor equally in a healthy and mature way. Discard the desire to plan human emotions using Microsoft excel. Understand you are none of you able to functionally escape capitalism unless you are, ironically, wealthy enough to fully abstract money.
Be fucking kind to each other
I love the "P, my March and July girlfriend" bit
Because at first it reads as "having dated for those months last year", but no, it's a planned fuckonomy
LMAOOO "f*ckomomy" ILY
PLANNED FUCKONOMY
Fuckonomy sounds like some terrible game mechanic from a creepy Flash game and that's just too much for me to handle at the moment
@@xavierkazoo1619or a great band name
"Yeah, our dog died of canine appendicitis." Dogs...don't have an appendix...
Today i learned
@@LynnHermioneAnd yet, there are people who think there's nothing really educational on the Internet.
Yeah I heard that I'm like I've never heard of that
Oh my god, their poor dog doesn't even have an appendix!
@@skylarjohnson7779 Who stole the dog's appendix? #RealCrimeAppendix-napping
You're laughing. The vacuum is both broken and missing and you're laughing.
They're both fucking the vacuum repair lady!
You're laughing. The broom is locked up and you're laughing.
Youre laughing. The vacuum is both broken and missing and two of my roommates/rotating polycule are fucking the vaccuum repair lady and youre laughing.
@ville__ jokes on you, my heart stopped over a year ago. And don't go for my brain, I had a lobotomy, you can have it but it'll be no use
I blame the 12 cats
This polycule functions like my average Sims 3 save where theres 13 people in a huge box, mac and cheese servings everywhere, and all 4 ovens are on fire. Go into the "screaming closet" until that angry moodlet wears off.
Honestly I was waiting for OP to confess at the end that the whole thing was made up by playing on the Sims
LMAOOO
@@vbrapidamn that would explain everything honestly
The Sims period that's basically the death spiral of many of house. Sometimes people legit just fall over dead because they're been too angry and depressed to wash and eat. Passing out in the street after losing a fight doesn't help either...
@@vbrapi Honestly yeah that would make sense
like... its so obviously not real... but like... i know people like this. so its not even a matter of "too outlandish to be real." its just "the amount of self-awareness needed to be able to effectively chronicle all this in this way contradicts the lack of self-awareness required to be this kind of person." i love it.
It's like the ''my weekend as a 28 year old in Chicago'' video
brb gonna go make the fake tumblr portland polycule in the sims. utterly fascinated by descriptions like "the magenta room", "caterpillar reading room", "ocean study room"
If I may contribute to your sims worldbuilding, my guess is they've commandeered an abandoned preschool
@@consensuslphiskthat's an awesome idea actually
This is such a good idea, thank you lol
@ville__nice try, I'm protected by Immunity Dog
PLEASE upload the house and gallery and drop your handle so we can all see it if you do this
"Housemates woke me up with their throat singing again :("
I have transcended death and opened a rift into the clown dimension. This is the funniest one.
as someone once kicked out of a car for throat-singing (to be fair i was warned)m I can neither confirm nor deny that it is capable of openning clown-dimensional doors. The fact that I'm often not seen for weeks has nothing to do with this.
I housed a now ex-friend who was OP's character but 1000x worse in 2019-20. A lot of this is standard queer communal living mess, well done, but god. Some of the details are too spot on.
5 am throat singing for her discord polycule woke me and other housemate up so many goddamn times. It was even worse when ex-friend moved to (what she turned into) the cult house. She has been an actual menace in multiple states and I KNOW she must have watched this play out in real time.
She's niche Tumblr famous and dated a looot of fans. Story wasn't dark enough for OP to have known her personally, but I am kind of wondering if some of the jokes escaped containment.
Never go to the desert with an eld-ish millennial Tumblr woman
We are not allowing friends to be taken to or from or through the wilderness
Do not make me restart the support group
Not my roommate keeping the whole apartment building up with the Sardaukar chanting😭😭😭
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA
@@radishfest not gonna lie, I could feel the fury from that last line
"A is the one with _the most shoes_ so she does the most cleaning". There's something so special about a single line of text opening up an entire new world of cognition.
I would watch the documentary
i can't stop thinking about this part specifically, months later. i'm imagining some sort of "x amount of hours outside per week per pair of shoes" rule (is it a privilege or a required service? who knows) so that having more shoes inherently means that you're going outside and then coming back to change your shoes and go back out again constantly. beautiful.
@@hx0ad5 I was imagining a grand twist of logic, rather than a crazy rule. Like, hear me out: Shoes get dirty. The more shoes, the more dirt. Dirt requires cleaning. The one who causes the most dirt should do the cleaning. _Therefore_ the one with the most shoes does the cleaning. It's really not that complicated, right?
@@infantiltinferno I think that is legitimately the logic (although an actually logical way to apply that train of thought would be whoever goes in/out the most since more shoes don't matter if they're not worn regularly)
Hot take: I think the author hints at disdain for overconsumption, that A has the most shoes, how frivolous of them! A might be a woman or feminine as well, so she must clean, but the author can't say it outright.
Plot twist: This was the LONGEST con / performance art, to promote their band "The Beta Blockers"
I found like 4 different bands on Spotify called "Beta Blockers" 😂..... No idea which one could be THE Beta Blockers.
Damn, I didn't know Erik Nervous was in a polycule
AAAAAAAAA
@@MickModTHATS WHAT I WAS THINKING
I love the sentence "We use the closet for solo scream meditation" both in context, but also for how perfectly it captures the essence of the relationship between the line cook and the walk in freezer.
Oh the walk-in was the only thing that got me through my 40-hour week part-time $12/hr job hell this summer (how do you do 40-hour weeks and stay part-time? Work somewhere that schedules you for 35 hours a week and ends up needing you to stay longer most shifts)
All these years. All these years my autistic ass was scared to tell my bosses at every job with a walk in freezer that sometimes on overstimulating days I’ll need a minute in the freezer. And now I find out from the comments it’s fucking normal to go in there and scream.
@@bigjedimullet Ours was used for crying 😅
did that myself several times... haha...
as a line cook, i can attest to this. there's a sign inside the walk-in fridge at my job that says "employees must stop crying before returning to work"
This person lives in one of those logic puzzles where you need to figure out which roommate has which job, who pays for what, and where everyone sleeps
I love those puzzles
Return of the Obra Dinner Plan
and when everyone sleeps
Is it also a murder mystery? XD I love it
@@trollanlord85and who everyone is sleeping with
"the absolute balls(gender neutral)" is such a BEAUTIFULLY tumblr sentence
As a pretty closeted transgender man I cackled when I heard that! (Because it’s overbearing) love you tumbler but the internet brain rot around here is reallll. 😂
It’s so funny like you can’t just say something is gender neutral and have it be true
Gohnads is the word everyone needs
Everyone here understands it's a joke right? Like, taking something that isn't explicitly about gender and adding (gender neutral) is one of my favourite bits lmao
@@Nat_778 yes everyone knows
I’m sorry but the ‘C!OP’ is the funniest part of this, talking like it’s some kind of alternate universe in this Portland Polycule Hell AITA fandom
SonicForRealJustice WISHES they were the Portland polycule cult.
SonicForRealJustice walked so Portland polycule cult could run and trip down a flight of stairs.
On their beads
SonicForRealJustice and 3 Weed Smoking Girlfriends have had a love child in the form of the Portland Polycule
@@sapphireBunny i warned you about the stairs bro…. i told you dog….
@ville__ here's a special uno reverse card
the fact that they have schedules for rotating polycule but not one for household chores
many such cases, i fear
I guess the focus on knowing who's smashing who was more important for them than living in a clean and well kept home.
Not knowing what that means or wanting to I can tell you that many people in Portland are very pat like and androgynous. So wouldn't it be like pot luck ?
@@BoxcarPhill Your comment qualifies as a registered Republican lol.
@@MK_ULTRA420what? Because they want to be clean??
"Privileged job making 26k" is certainly a sentence
Especially in Portland 😂 it's not as expensive as cali but it is still expensive
To be fair, if you take into account that it's 24h/week part time, its not a horrible wage. And when you take into account not paying rent, it could be a decent economic situation - or even quite all right if they got another part time job.
@@argentinelawdness oh yes for sure, for a part time job with no rent, good budgeting would allow you some luxuries. For a single person anyways.
I was looking for this comment lmao. Maybe the privilege is they don't actually do much work, cause it's not the money.
i just started making $21 an hour fulltime and it gets me about 2.4k a month and it definitely feels extravagant since im living with my partner and 3 roommates who are also covering parts of bills
the funniest thing about this is that the OP kept dropping comically fake tidbits like "matching organic tracksuits", "12 cats", and "heated doghouse" but the audience kept oscillating between real or fake because Portland really is just like that. I've been there. Plastic water bottles are literally illegal.
nooooo they're not illegal. just frowned upon
you say that last part as if it's weird, when seriously; what is the purpose of plastic water bottles when reusable bottles and a clean drinking water supply exist in your area?
Maybe I am missing something, but “heated dog houses” are definitely a thing, especially in rural Canada. And it’s not a leftie/“woke” thing, people just don’t want their farm or guard dog to freeze in winter.
And agree with other replies that discouraging plastic water bottles is…pretty smart.
Plastic bottles are not illegal there what are you talking about
@@Doomer_Optimist i've been getting this a lot and i feel the need to clarify that i am from southern california where the definition of the word 'literally' is somewhat more flexible when speaking colloquially
This whole story feels like someone recounting a truly insane The Sims playthrough.
You can only have 7 in a household. Not enough space for 12 cats + op + c + may&January girlfriend ect
@@MadameCorgi you can remove the restriction with mods
@ville__oh god not the uttp. Go outside and play in the mud or something, I beg of you
@@MadameCorgigranted a lot of this story would need mods but this post would describe how sims would act if in a 12 person polycule
I completely lost my shit at "they use more of the Dr. Bronners than anyone else." That's how you know this is a commune in Portland.
for real. I snort laughed so hard at that
That and the “they *only* spend a little more than $400 on shared groceries” like in what world is that a pittance
@ville__ I bind you from doing harm to yourself or other people. Also you have been reported for spam.
lost my mind bc u KNOW theyre using it undiluted if they’re going through it that fast
dryest skin in the game dude
Dr. Bronners gave me war flashbacks. It was the only soap my dad would let us use.
Ok, the broom “locked up” with a bicycle lock was fucking mint
i was trying to contain my laughter because of housemates being asleep but that photo made me absolutely lose it
@@marblemint7612 yeah please don't wake up your own polycule, i don't think i can handle anymore of these for atleast a month
I read the comments early into this video so I was expecting it but God damn I can hardly breath this is so ridiculously hilarious
Not enough people say 'fucking mint' on the internet.
The broom pic is the part that literally made me lose it. The kissing over burgers bit just had me dying the whole time
A has the most shoes, so she does the most cleaning. B has an eating disorder, runs a bike club, and does chores when asked. H comes and goes, mostly for group meals and to sleep on the guest couch. Q is the depression doula who leads Hasna yoga during the full moon. T leads an ML reading group. One W cooks, the other cleans. Who is the murderer - A, B, H, Q, T, W, or W?
"Our tracksuits are all black. We got them for [our dog's] funeral" is such an exquisite line.
It was for the dog's funeral, wasn't it?
@@ElysetheEevee Yep. They mentioned the cats right before that though so it would have been easy to mishear or forget
You need to have priorities.
personally, my favourite polycule is me and my 3 weed smoking girlfriends
one only tells the truth and one only tells lies
@@labyrinthine444 the third speaks only in David Bowie themed riddles
Do they smoke weed?
My favorite polycule is any cause I'm single. 🙃
@@orenbernstein3277 yes, actually
I love the difference between people saying this is an obvious troll cause no one could be this insane and live in a house that crazy, and then the people saying it all makes sense cause they live in Portland. That city must be cursed or something
In all honesty, I'm on the other end of the world and I've seen this attitude. I feel like not working can be one hell of a drug. And it's true that working all week often also clouds your judgment in different ways! But there is just something so particularly insanity-inducing about being free to think about society all day.
As a former portlander I can confirm it is cursed.
Fred Armisen and Fox News spun some narratives and suddenly everyone on the internet thinks they know what Portland is like.
As a portlander can confirm. Immediately could tell it was fake... but it's also so, so real 😂 I think since Portland has this reputation of like queer communist heaven or w/e so people with no grasp on how reality works migrate here.... Not realizing it is in fact not a giant anarchist wiccan paradise and just a city that is both kinda shitty and very expensive.
Not that it's ALL outsiders or anything. Lots of weird hippies and artists have always been here, so probably more of us area fine with them/used to be them/still are them than your average city. But trying to live in a weird broke commune before the city got gentrified was much more doable, so you had a few more people doing it who weren't completely detached from reality??? lmao... Not that it didn't get unhinged. If you get enough weird broke artists in a space together.... yeahhhh.....
I also blame reed college. Just generally.
@@Rybe33 Can confirm every single queer I knew that had no life skills or education saw Portland as queer heaven and thought they could make some sort of polycule commune with absolutely no skills or jobs. I have known 4 different groups of people that have done this 😭😭😭
When I opened this I didn't expect to nearly piss myself laughing, holy shit. The way OP trickles ridiculous insanity into a borderline believable scenario to the point that you find yourself wondering if parts like "she has the most shoes so she does the most cleaning" may be real is sublime.
The dream of a 90 person polycule is alive in Portland!
top tier reference
You would have to rotate twice a week!
Portlandia built my sense of humor
Cacao
Oddly enough the mayor is only two degrees from me. He gets around.
The best AITAH posts are always the ones where they drip-feed you details. First post: my roommate has this cushy job and makes so much money!
Followup 1: my roommate is so privileged with their exorbitant *$26K salary*
Followup 2: we're *anti-capitalists*
Followup 761: we have a plan for how to rotate what partners we have in a given month but can't figure out how to budget expenses or get any sort of income.
my personal favorite is ones where the title portrays a very different story to what they actually post. like their title will be something like "aita for defending myself?" and the post will be about a man punching a teenager for calling him a dummy
@@squeeze8178 yes!! The innocuous bait and switch titles. Like it's gotta be a troll, but then there's that nagging feeling that maybe, just maybe it's a real person and they actually think they're in the right but are just delulu and this is really how they frame the situation in their mind.
This is just the dril tweet about the candle budget all over again
@@5PctJuiceYES oh my god all i could think about was that tweet hahahaha
LOVE designating 26k as “privileged” as if it’s not only 6k above the poverty line
"No no no you don't understand, they deliver OXYGEN TANKS to the ELDERLY!!" has to be THE wildest plot twist in an AITA I've ever fucking seen, my sides are obliterated.
I mean this is a job, but I've never heard someone describe it like this 😂
This has to be someone's narration of their modded sim 4 game. OP is C, but the housemates are sims. This has to be it. It has to be. Everything suddenly makes way more sense. Color coding hair and bedrooms? Swapping around who's in a romance? SPINDER IS PLAYING THE SIMS.
That actually makes a lot of sense lol
my favourite part is "your roomate has to pay for gas!!" "actually they drive a 2015 nissan leaf"
also "its a heated doghouse"
I raise you “unigender organic cotton tracksuits”
And that’s a nice car to OP
@ville__ 🤡
@ville__omg shut up
The image of the broom through the bikelock absolutely broke me. This is actual performance art.
same! 🤣💀🪦
I choked on my own spit laughing at that
I needed to pause the video I was laughing so hard
28:11 for easy re-viewing lol
Same haha @@thequeenofcringe1585
This entire ordeal made me deeply feel that anon ask I once saw that said "You are so delicious as a concept, but as a real person I worry for you"
"they're eating burgers i wish they just cheated" actually got me
If this isn't real it's an inspired work of immersive fiction. The dozens of little touches scattered throughout ("ecstatic cleaning"; "scream meditation"; "depression doula"; "big self-test coming up") are what really make it. You just don't get that loving attention to literary detail without at least some personal exposure to the subject matter.
"big self-test" absolutely killed me
I just want to know what ecstatic cleaning is
@@asterismos5451toxic positivity tied to miserable chores
@@asterismos5451 meth
@@clutterbot7279 same, They were trying to study for it. lmao
The fucking picture of the broom locked with a bike lock sent me. Truly a piece of modern art.
Same. I've just laughed until I had a coughing fit and my roommate probably thinks I'm going insane. 😂
Every time I hear about a Portland polycule anticapitalist cult thing that uses letters in place of names I'm forcibly reminded of the FFVII poly cult. Like C here is moody, has a delivery job, disappears for hours on end when things get tense; classic Cloud behavior from the "I'm the transmigration of the real Cloud Strife who's totally a real life person in another dimension" kinda guy. Like dude
Listening more 😂 this really sounds like they're riffing off of the FFVII cult
I’m scared but intrigued by whatever you are describing
@@lindensalter6713Look up the *Final Fantasy House.* It's a wild ride too, and, to my knowledge, probably real.
Does get heavy though, be forewarned. Not just funny like this.
The what?
@@lindensalter6713 Look up "The FFVII house" by Fredrik Knudsen, it's an absolute shitshow
In the end, the real Portland Polycule from Hell was the friends we made along the way.
I legitimately hope spindercatscher writes and publishes comedic fiction some day, even if just short stories. The regular callback to the damn vacuum cleaner is so good
I imagined this in my head as a stage play where everyone stands in a black void to represent the internet, and when they talk, a spotlight or something shines on them.
@bondfall0072 what an excellent way to depict the inner expirence of reading interesting comments
@@justarandomchaneldontmindm9098 thank you, i think. Who knows, maybe I'll see if i can get this in the orlando fringe fest
@@justarandomchaneldontmindm9098 i wanted to let you know i am officially two pages into a script.
@@bondfall0072Please update when it gets there!
by far my favorite part of this is that no one cares that OP is lying because it's so well written. really playing with them in this space.
My favorite part is how a bunch of people from and living adjacent to Vancouver, myself included, are all saying this sounds exactly like people we know in Portland.
reminds me of the furry buttplug story from way back. Like, it's probably fake as hell but the prose is great.
"we had a windfall around 6 years ago" right around the time that girl's dad died and left her those records that OP wants her to get rid of LMAO
the complaint about the girls pouring coffee on the ice cream followed by "K" ending their message "affogato time!" is so genius
That's the best part. Going to pour some coffee on ice cream as I comment this.
@ville__ lol what’s wrong with you
@ville__god i fucking hope so
as a queer person currently living in portland, this story constantly toes the line between “extremely plausible” and “definitely fake” it’s truly a masterpiece 😌
God,I can imagine the sheer amount of "non-binary" and "poly" predators you have to suffer😂😂
@ville__oooooh shit, promise?
Thanks for the inside info
@ville__ You're annoying as hell, stop my heart yourself already or get out
Just wanna say the beta blockers are an actual band
Yeeeeeee
Recently escaped a portland polycule, it was not that far off from this, I’m so serious. So many people in the punk scene knew our business bc of the drama that I clicked on this video half expecting it to be one of my exes or my ex’s exes
"the punk scene" isn't that called "Portland"?
wouldn’t be surprised if it was
wtf is happening in Portland
@@danielgysi5729 Conventions and really good counter-culture scenes plus being really close to Seattle (and its conventions!)
I feel sad that the only thing I experienced was a mosh pit asshole shoving me into a banister, and an excellent stage makeup shop that had the nicest silver skin paint I ever got to use and smuggle back to Canada when I went there to celebrate my 21st birthday.
damn this really sounds like a cult
you know it's good drama when you find yourself fully convinced the situation is real yet still asking if op is fictional.
You can tell spindercatscher was having so much fun by the end and I love that for them
I hope this jumpstarts their career in sketch comedy
the fucking locked up broom lmfao
I wasn't sure what this was at first. Because Portland
@ville__shut up bot
@@bumfricker2487 That was the moment I realized it was all a farce and I can't believe it took that long my god
Op: We use the closet for solo scream meditation
Father Strange: obviously
Me: *dead*
I guess work methods can be taken home… seems like the domestic equivalent of the walk in fridges of all food service jobs 😅
@@ChickadeeBoiI… I thought I was the only one who did that…
the fact that it’s so obvious this isn’t real but somehow we have all met people/living situations that fit these stereotypes is frankly beautiful and makes me feel closer to humanity
I feel like I have two separate living situations that if I accurately described, people would assume it's a bait/troll
Closer to humanity? Ew. Humans are gross, you never know where they've been.
My personal theory is that the inital post is fully true, but at some point the roommates with tumblrs doscovered the post and op started trolling to try to lessen the damage
@@byereality7492damage to what? =) it was anonymous in the first place, wasn't it?
@@ayebrainenope it was posted on their personal account with a long history of normal posts. Many people think they meant to make the post anonymous but accidentally posted on their personal account where people they know can see
The broom with the lock on it had me rolling. It's obviously a troll but amazing work! Also, there is a band from the UK called the "Beta Blockers" who are now trending and they have no idea why.
As someone in Oregon all of these individual facts are plausible for a polycule in Portland. You can only tell it’s fake based on how the facts fit together
nice breakdown.
The tracksuits? 😨
Oh the tracksuits have been a thing since the Swingers of the 70s @mollytaylor2122
"they're in the dog house for sucking up another spider." Modern art.
"C has the highest salary of the house" is such a crazy statement when C doesn't even make a full-time minimum wage salary lmao
As someone in a polycule this is the most realistic part
I was doing Wordle while listening to this, and the solution was "toxin". Off by only one character.
"I need to go to the screaming closet" sure sounds like a T-shirt to me.
"housemates woke me up with their throat singing again" I expired on the spot
~Bejing around 1300AD
Literally been in this situation lmao. New Age/Hippy musicians and late night Jam sessions.
I very much like your usage of the word "expired" here, as it both works as the traditional "i died" response, but, due to the Latin root of the word, also means "I exhaled", thereby invoking the trope of something not being funny enough to really laugh, but just funny enough to make you forcibly exhale out of your nose.
I have no idea if this pun was intentional, but I enjoyed it.
@@sagecolvard9644 I exhaled; the means by which my soul fled my body.
Haha, that definitely reads more elegantly than "I howled with laughter"- which is what actually happened.
@@sagecolvard9644 This video has the best comments. I do not think I have ever seen anyone comment on Latin roots before in a TH-cam thread. Bless you.
The only good person in this hypothetical household is the spider who does the housework because they own more shoes. That's the one I root for. Go, spider girl.
Oh man, the stress-eating nutritional yeast straight from the container when there's house drama is such a weirdly specific co-op/communal living image that I'm having war flashbacks 😂.
Oh yeah we had a housemate who didn't want to spend money on snacks so would just go around fiending on random ingredients like maple syrup, grated cheese, Milo (Australian chocolate malt powder for putting in drinks) etc just eating it out of the container with a spoon or whatever. We would save our empty peanut butter jars for her because she insisted she would eat the remaining dregs but she rarely did resulting in the 'peanut butter tower' that was an iconic feature of that house. But yeah we used to go through an insane amount of Milo during exam season cos she would come down and treat herself to a spoonful whenever she was stressed 😂
@@georgecooper9766me with ovaltine
@@georgecooper9766👀 There really are all kinds of people on Earth.
Im gonna be so fr, this just sounds like 10 people in Portland roleplaying homestuck characters, these interactions are uncanny
There is NO WAY this isn't rage bait. My favorite part was OP getting mad that C was not allowing them to use their car...completely neglecting the fact that the car is HOW THEY DO THEIR JOB!!! There is NO fucking way anyone is this oblivious to their own insufferable stupidity!!!
Does it count as rage bait if it brings so much joy to people's lives. Seriously this is the best romantic comedy I've seen all year
Could be bait or OP is just a very selfish and shitty person HAH
I've worked in tech support for years. I can say with absolute certainty someone could be this oblivious to their own insufferable stupidity
I've worked in Customer service, there are absolutely people this oblivious. I know, the human race is doomed.
@ville__ jokes on you.
I don't have a heart.
Well... maybe I'll take yours.
As a Portlander "the bush outside Powell's" is one of the funniest things I've ever read, the Powell's store in Portland 1) is the size of a city block with multiple entrances 2) is in the city downtown without bushes
Isn't there a little traffic island across from the original Powell's entrance that has a beat-up old boxwood in it?
@@roxannireland Used to be. It’s now outdoor seating since the old Vitamin Shoppe is now a smoothie bar, and sine Portland OBVIOUSLY has PLENTY of parking, they decide to close the parking lot and part of the road so people can sit down.
Unless they’re talking about the ones that used to be across the street from the Burnside entrance by where Vitamin Shoppe used to be. I’m kinda at Powells far more than is reasonable. I’m on a first name basis with the RBR lady.
@@NoelleTakestheSky Oh yeah, the Shake Shack across from the main Powell's entrance on 10th Ave and Burnside? Absolutely love that they converted the parking lot into outdoor seating as if parking around Powell's wasn't shit enough already! And getting out of that parking lot on the other side of 10 Ave is so *fucking* easy. And let's just close down a few lanes for bike traffic and add a weird, unmarked roundabout to that parking lot across from the Roseland while we're at it!
I hope my sarcasm is apparent. Poor Portland is a lesson in updating city planning and not in a good way.
car brained thread jfc
This reminds me of that one post that goes like: Having roommates in Portland be like “Sock wants to know why you're weaponizing your neurotypical privilege by asking them to do the dishes”
PORTLAND MOMENT
I just laughed so fucking hard.
Can I live with Sock so we can be insufferably autistic together
I go by sock and was so confused on what you meant at first omfg nOo
@@compassrose1466 BUT DID YOU DO THE DISHES SOCK??? /jk
"If you dont contribute rent, YOU CANT HAVE ANY HABIT BURGERS! HOW CAN YOU HAVE ANY HABIT BURGERS IF YOU DONT CONTRIBUTE RENT!"
"YOU! Yes! You reading in the indigo room! STAND STILL LADDIE!"
underrated reference!!
The fucking investigative journalism happening in the notes after the main discussion is just making me cackle so much, it’s not even HALFWAY THRU THE VIDEO
Classic internet shit
as a queer person from Portland...this gave me war flashbacks. I could tell you ENDLESS STORIES about the Portland Queer Housing Facebook Group, Teya. This is not that much of an exaggeration unfortunately.
Ok
Yup, I've lived thru similar trauma
You should tell us.
@ville__ nice bait
please tell us more
I love the tumblr spirit on posts like this, like everyone clearly can tell it’s fake from pretty early on, keeps declaring it’s fake, but we all love to keep believing or at least keep pretending because it’s just more fun that way
The what ifs are just too fascinating lmao like “IF this was real WHY would anyone live like this???”
It’s, sadly, believable for Portland. Portlanders are chronically stupid and dramatic.
ikr I love it it’s so fun
idk, @passxrine commented claiming to be an IRL of someone involved and witnessing it real time. it could be a fake, but i know crazier has happened (the final fantasy house 😭) so this isn’t 100% definitively fake - but keeping your suspicion at the ready isn’t a bad idea
You can ? Because I fking live here and if there's a center for mentally ill far left idiots its Portland. I don't dismiss anything
Obviously a joke, but the bike lock around the broomstick was the only thing that got a real laugh out of me. "I can't clean the house because I live in an adventure game" is such a vibe.
At 16:50 this turns into one of those logic puzzle where you match five people with five cars and five jobs and are given exactly five sentences as hints XD
This maybe explains why I loved this video more than I was expecting because I love those puzzles
Yes! I said out loud “Then who owns the zebra?”
"you don't have to be a specific size to join, it just makes clothes easier..."
fucking poly stormtroopers.
Didn't know i needed the idea of "poly stormtroopers" in my head until now
"You look a little short for a polystormtrooper."
"What? Oh, the helmet. Listen, my name is K. C sent me, and I've come here to rescue you!"
"C? Um... yeah, kinda awks, but we're kinda in a hate phase r/n after he hasn't gotten the vacuum cleaner fixed but is still with the vacuum cleaner repair lady I'm totally not jelly of. This is literally the worst day of my life, even after yesterday when I saw my home planet get completely destroyed by a laser."
Why does it feel like it should be a line from the show Scream Queens?
"Polygamous Stormtroopers" would be a brilliant band name rofl
my suspension of disbelief finally, fully snapped at "B is eating the nutritional yeast plain again" because that sounds like someone taking the piss about Portlanders, but it was still *hysterically* funny
Uh…I know Portlanders who eat that stuff like there’s no tomorrow. Portlandia is more documentary than satire.
As a vegan, I have done this a few times. It's very dry
The setting of this story in 2024 is the one fact that blew my mind the most. This is so incredibly 2013 over sharing on tumblr for shock likes era lmfao
this is by far one of my favouite fake story of all times. the way it starts off somewhat believable but then descends into madness. people in the notes still believing it. the vacuum cleaner. the schedule. it goes so hard and it could only be possible on tumblr where people will interact with anything just to see how far someone would dig their own grave. tumblr fake stories are so back baby
I'm of the opinion that the original ask was genuine and accurate or close to accurate. Then the asker got roundly You're the Asshole'd and saw activity in the notes, so decided to ramp up to full insanity one "yes, and" at a time.
I've lived in shared houses and borne witness to behaviour extremely similar to the stuff in the original post, it's really not that unbelievable for a shared household of irresponsible 20 somethings
@@noodle_fcThat’s my read, too. I suspect they were C, and after getting the feedback they needed, they jumped into full-scale trolling. Because why not?
Lucky life, I've met some of the craziest, most selfish people in the world. Like, this probably isn't real, but I've met some crazy people
I love the subtle implication of how M and C are actually at fault for not being able to go to the food bank and the reasoning it's their fault is that they have the cars, M was busy with school, while C "decided their car is their personal property"... All while OP's excuse was just straight up 'I was asleep when they were open.'
One of my good friends in Portland is very much the “stores need to understand that sometimes people are tired, and so have longer hours of be 24 hours.
@@NoelleTakestheSky what?
Also it's a 13 minute walk how horrifying! Says the person obsessing over physical health. Single laps around my neighborhood are longer...
The part of this that raises it from a shitty roommate shitpost to a work of true art is the monthly polycule rotation.
im so convinced op just did a sims gameplay and then pretended this was all real and live posted their gameplay
As a Portlander, I am not at all surprised by this. I personally know several people in hellish polycules
I'm sure a good one can exist but every single one I've seen has been bad and gone down in flames.
I've got a friend who's in a polecule with someone in Portland and I can agree it's chaos all around. Drama 24/7. I've long since stopped being shocked 😂😅
@@Business_Skeletoni feel like its similar to any relationship, you tend to hear about the ones that go down in flames. but based on numbers alone, i feel like the... potential energy of something going wildly off the rails in some polycules is just higher
I definitely started out wondering if I knew any of the roommates lol I've met a punk house polycule before, during a date that went south when they called me bougie for owning a running car made in the 21st century.
I feel like somehow everyone in Portland knows someone in a hellish polycule, no matter how "vanilla"/conservative/"boring" we are. They seem to effect everyone.
The idea that they put that much effort into the poycule schedule, and zero effort into the house budget or division of assets is hilarious.
The broom was the final “ok, this is 100% a troll” for me lmao
That image was the best fucking punchline possible
"A&Q both have pixie cuts so they have the Tinkerbell room most of the time." I dont think anyone is appreciating how truly unhinged this statement is.
"I'm going to get a burger and charge my car" just sounds like they mean "I need to get the fuck away from you"
It took until "Dog Appendicitis" until it fully sunk in and I completely broke down laughing, and honestly I'm impressed that it took that long
It took me until the picture of the broom and the bike lock. The bottom text of 'What the fuck' sent my sides into low-orbit.
@@headshotbydaleI googled "the beta blockers band". It's a real band but they're all 60+ and from Long Island
it took until the first comment with frowny faces for me,,
That is an incredibly specific broom. When I moved to Portland in 2016 I looked all over for a broom like that (for a Halloween costume) and could only find one at World Market, probably more for decoration than for actual use. Literally it is the least funcional broom you could buy so it fits perfectly with their household
its mostly used on farms, mainly keeping the animal bedding neat and inside the stables
My legitimate question is was the Halloween costume a stereotypical witch or was it "distraught portland polycule member #5"
It's a pretty common kind of broom in Austria, but more for outside than inside cleaning.
@@jennymckenzie5304 ahaha! It was Kiki, of Delivery Service fame
@@pokemonviolet5418 LMAO I didn't even think of that
I had roomates that didn't understand why grilling hamburgers in the living room was gross. The same roommates took out our fire alarms so they could smoke inside.Our apartment smelled like burnt dab 24/7. To be fair the alarms needed the batteries replaced and would beep but they just took them all out. I didn't let them take the one in my room.
I sent this to my brother because he also lives in a Portland polycule with 5 roommates and one car
Did he respond? We’d love to hear from him if he wants to come rant out the repressed feelings and exorcise his patchouli ghosts. We’ll bring the white sage for cleansing.
@ville__ im waiting
@ville__
To my wonderful people with OCD, anxiety or superstitious beliefs: reading this comment means you are safe! You're now free from this comment and any other variants of it you might come across.
@@gothicGumshoe that is seriously such a sweet thing to do
@@gothicGumshoethank you lol I hate my anxiety so much it’s like I know what they are saying isn’t true but I still get anxious about it
Yet more proof that the best way to write a truly engaging fake post is the same as good TV writing; you need the active flexibility to find where people most respond to what you are making to focus down on that.
That bike-locked broom is so fucking funny
Why tf is it even locked up in the first place?? That part had me dead
I lived in Portland for 20 years and this story describes at least a few dozen possible people, if not hundreds
as a portland native i am so proud of our legacy
I was shocked to see “Portland” in the video title as a local lol
oh then you would be qualified to give a vocab list about the transit system! lol
Hard same 😂
"You know what this polycule needs? timetable logistics" ITS FUCKING HOMESTUCK AGAIN
i was skeptical about this until they got to the unisex all-black track suits
this made me CACKLE so hard, my husband came to make sure I was okay 🤣
Not the penis ouija
I don't remember that being in Homestuck but it sounds exactly like something a fan of it would say
Same energy as "I'M BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN!!!"
My LARP buddies from Bend, OR were telling me about how the larp practice lost most of it’s members because some were in a polycule and all caught antibiotic resistant chlamydia. Larpers always talk about starting communes and the real examples are always incredible.
They WHAT
HAHAHAH
Yeeeaaah, I think I know the exact people you're talking about... something about all that roleplay makes people reeeaaally thirsty.
I feel bad for them, honestly.
my first and only threesome was with 2 people from my local Geek Retreat - i mostly just watched bc it was cold, in the woods in the park near the shop, and fucking weird, but it did make me realise i didn’t like women and that nerds are kinkier than i thought
*surprised pikachu face*
“D is eating the nutritional yeast plain again so I don’t know what W and A are going to use to flavor the stew tomorrow” this bit broke me, god bless, I need to go to the crying laughing closet
“haha this is so ridiculous”
“they vacuumed the porcelain without sweeping first”
“ok wait a sec maybe they’re right to be mad”
I bet they want a pretext to visit the vacuum lady again
ok but why is that bad? Full disclosure I have zero carpet and don't actually even own a vacuum so.. yeah. Will it damage the vacuum? The vacuum just doesn't actually clean anything cuz the big chunks are in the way? Where's the issue?
@@Sol-Orionit damages the vacuum. Especially if your vacuum has a bag. It's gonna tear it apart. It could also damage the filter. You can't vacuum hard sharp things like porcelain or glass.
As someone who has had porcelain shards in the back of their foot, not cleaning ceramic shards properly is unethical.
@@Sol-Orion if you try to vacuum the big pieces they can end up clogging up the vacuum tube making it hard for the small shards to get vacuumed. I once got a piece of glass in my foot and found that the vacuum tube was full of large pieces of glass because my idiot roommate didn’t know what he was doing after he broke a glass
As soon as the 'roommates' also started putting in their 2 cents I knew this was fake, but I still was very entertained by the whole story. Realism D- , Creativity A. Made me shudder in dread when I imagined living like this.
Realism gets an A- because you believed them for THAT long.
As someone who served time in LJ drama communities before Tumblr even existed, that was my siren too.
@@zodiark111 I followed along peripherally on tumblr when it happened and didn't see all the comments they made lol.
The post with the "theyre in the dog house for sucking up another spider" and "I think C is screwing the vacuum repair man" seriously DESTROYED me
Incredible lore. I was captivated until the very end. Your ability to embody a neurotic control freak in constant crisis is truly unmatched.
I cannot describe the amount of innate terror i felt around hearing someone named C in a Portland Polycule who drives for work when I know someone exactly like that who is poly who I nearly dated
feel like I dodged a massive bullet
The nebulas possibly that C was never a troll, and was in fact, 100% serious
C *wasn't* in the polycule, keep up, Jesus
Hey, at least C's NTA.