Paranoia outburst. Especially if someone said something negative about her. She could go about it for hours. Ghosting, cold- hot patterns, no or very rare intimacy, cold as ice. Living her own secret life..... mentally drowning. 3 years of emotional roller-coaster. Never again, these kind of people can damage you beyond repair.
Dear Professor Vaknin, what do you think about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)? I wish you had a lecture about it here on TH-cam. Thank you for your great, intelligent, wise videos.
There’s a growing problem in society in that we need to attach labels to our every insecurities our anxieties and fears. When we attach a clinical label it gives a false sense of relief in that a tablet or therapist can be responsible for fixing or TH-cam healers. There’s no short cut to healing and can take deep commitment and suffering.
I’ve noticed these patterns in covert narcissistic men as well-paranoia, fear of intimacy, fear of engulfment, and the hot-cold behavior. These traits align closely with what we see in both covert narcissism and (covert) BPD. It’s incredibly tragic when you think about it; we crave connection yet fear it so intensely. The suggested solution is often years of intensive therapy, ideally before the age of 40. Beyond that point, the brain tends to become locked in its ways, making change significantly harder.
Actually these patterns are found primarily in avoidant personality disorder. Approach-avoidant behavior is more common in BPD, while narcissistic behavior is more stable.
Narcissists follow the same toxic cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard as those with FA/BPD-there’s nothing stable about them. The key difference I’ve noticed between dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants is consistency. Dismissive avoidants maintain a steady 80% level of love for their partner-no love-bombing or sudden disappearances. In contrast, fearful avoidants (whether NPD males or BPD females-I’ve experienced this firsthand) drag you through the notorious hot-and-cold cycle. They swing from 100 to zero overnight, leaving you trapped in a storm of paranoia, fear, discard, and brief reconciliations. It’s the classic anxious-avoidant trap, and narcissists with this attachment style are just as chaotic and unstable as their counterparts. It takes two to tango, and this exhausting dance can last for years.
Now I'm completely confused. So what role does the avoidant personality disorder, which in Germany is called fearful-avoidant personality disorder, play? I assumed that (fearful-) avoidant PD was the more severe form of "fearful-avoidant" Attachment Style and not Borderline.
Different labels, same underlying disorder. Whether it’s 'FA-this' or 'FA-that,' these terms only mask the reality that someone is struggling with BPD. In some cases, I would argue even NPD (overlaps significantly too). It’s a tough and challenging condition to live with, no matter what name it’s given.
I do agree, i thought a lot how similar are FA and BPD . In my head i would call a FA as "BPDlight". I think the problem with BPD is how diverse it is, everyone and their dog can be diagnosed with BPD with some creativity involved.
lol! what a great video! i sometimes joke some of us have happy personality disorder, or laughing personality disorder, or whatsoever personality disorder - you name what you want to have :D kind of an intuitive response to the shady pseudo-scientists out there.
I know a man with "disorganized attachment". Whatever you want to label it it's NOT NPD. He has some narcissistic tendencies more than others, but he has tons of empathy and that's the problem. He's hyper vigilant and flooded with everyone's emotions, so he shuts down his emotions. But talking about sensitive subjects will elicit massive emotions in him. He also has and can learned my boundaries and respects them. He can be mean and make insults and push boundaries, but he has never gaslighted. How meanness and insults are a reaction to defuse his feelings of intimacy. They aren't malicious..
My ex a so called empath with so many narcissistic tendencies its fun 🤣 try to tell me im fearful avodiant, sadist, antisocial you name it if its bad ive heard it 😎 funny thing is that i have aldready gone trough the investigation for that and apparently not cluster b peronality adhd tho
Paranoia outburst. Especially if someone said something negative about her. She could go about it for hours. Ghosting, cold- hot patterns, no or very rare intimacy, cold as ice. Living her own secret life..... mentally drowning. 3 years of emotional roller-coaster. Never again, these kind of people can damage you beyond repair.
Dear Professor Vaknin, what do you think about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)? I wish you had a lecture about it here on TH-cam.
Thank you for your great, intelligent, wise videos.
There’s a growing problem in society in that we need to attach labels to our every insecurities our anxieties and fears. When we attach a clinical label it gives a false sense of relief in that a tablet or therapist can be responsible for fixing or TH-cam healers. There’s no short cut to healing and can take deep commitment and suffering.
I’ve noticed these patterns in covert narcissistic men as well-paranoia, fear of intimacy, fear of engulfment, and the hot-cold behavior. These traits align closely with what we see in both covert narcissism and (covert) BPD. It’s incredibly tragic when you think about it; we crave connection yet fear it so intensely. The suggested solution is often years of intensive therapy, ideally before the age of 40. Beyond that point, the brain tends to become locked in its ways, making change significantly harder.
That's most of humanity
It's as if symptoms can overlap and comingling conditions. Some people consider BPD is a coping mechanism for a Narcissistic (possibly covert) parent.
@@KajtoGjorthurThis makes a lot of sense.
Actually these patterns are found primarily in avoidant personality disorder. Approach-avoidant behavior is more common in BPD, while narcissistic behavior is more stable.
Narcissists follow the same toxic cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard as those with FA/BPD-there’s nothing stable about them. The key difference I’ve noticed between dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants is consistency. Dismissive avoidants maintain a steady 80% level of love for their partner-no love-bombing or sudden disappearances. In contrast, fearful avoidants (whether NPD males or BPD females-I’ve experienced this firsthand) drag you through the notorious hot-and-cold cycle. They swing from 100 to zero overnight, leaving you trapped in a storm of paranoia, fear, discard, and brief reconciliations. It’s the classic anxious-avoidant trap, and narcissists with this attachment style are just as chaotic and unstable as their counterparts. It takes two to tango, and this exhausting dance can last for years.
Yes, I have all 9 BPD symptoms and I can only agree with this.
Now I'm completely confused. So what role does the avoidant personality disorder, which in Germany is called fearful-avoidant personality disorder, play? I assumed that (fearful-) avoidant PD was the more severe form of "fearful-avoidant" Attachment Style and not Borderline.
Different labels, same underlying disorder. Whether it’s 'FA-this' or 'FA-that,' these terms only mask the reality that someone is struggling with BPD. In some cases, I would argue even NPD (overlaps significantly too). It’s a tough and challenging condition to live with, no matter what name it’s given.
I've long seen this.
These absurd attachment theories that describe BPD but refuse to just call it what it is...
Thank you for the truth.
*Clarity
Love your content. Ive learnt so much from you Sam...thank you!
I do agree, i thought a lot how similar are FA and BPD . In my head i would call a FA as "BPDlight". I think the problem with BPD is how diverse it is, everyone and their dog can be diagnosed with BPD with some creativity involved.
On target like usual
Summary: stop confusing an already confusing subject!
lol! what a great video! i sometimes joke some of us have happy personality disorder, or laughing personality disorder, or whatsoever personality disorder - you name what you want to have :D kind of an intuitive response to the shady pseudo-scientists out there.
I think its narcissistic behaviour or Bpd not fearful avoidant
I know a man with "disorganized attachment". Whatever you want to label it it's NOT NPD. He has some narcissistic tendencies more than others, but he has tons of empathy and that's the problem. He's hyper vigilant and flooded with everyone's emotions, so he shuts down his emotions. But talking about sensitive subjects will elicit massive emotions in him. He also has and can learned my boundaries and respects them. He can be mean and make insults and push boundaries, but he has never gaslighted. How meanness and insults are a reaction to defuse his feelings of intimacy. They aren't malicious..
You are absolutely right!
Thank you professor!
I will watch it sam...but i am thanking you in anticipation you will be the best and there wii be authentic information updated
Genius
Brilliant
My ex a so called empath with so many narcissistic tendencies its fun 🤣 try to tell me im fearful avodiant, sadist, antisocial you name it if its bad ive heard it 😎 funny thing is that i have aldready gone trough the investigation for that and apparently not cluster b peronality adhd tho
Your a legend - from paige-maree
I’m laughing already
😂