Is Accepting Someone Another Way of Settling?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ก.ย. 2024
- Do you remember the moment when you realized your partner was far from perfect? We share our experiences with accepting people for who they are, even if they’ve changed.
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#relationships #settling #acceptingpeople
It's only "settling" when you accept behaviors/ treatments that are a part of your dealbreakers.
On the head 🎯
So true!
Absolutely right!!
Take people as they are. It's not your job to change people. But you can decide if you want to stay or not.
But what if they’ve changed for the worse? Is it ok to try to get them to realize how they’ve changed for the worse and convince them that their new ways aren’t healthy? Or do you just have to accept that this is who they are now and if you don’t like it or agree with it, leave?
@@evanperilstein5308 I think it's ok to support them to get better, but it's not your responsibility to make them get better. At some point, if it's taking a negative mental toll on you, better to step back and be hands off.
@@AmandySue That’s good advice. Thank u
@@AmandySue Why is it not your responsibility to make them better?
@@ceterisparibus8966 People are responsible for themselves (unless they are a minor). Also, it's a lot of emotional labor if you are trying to make someone better, and you get disappointed when they don't change.
Jeannie coming back has really injected life back into these conversations they're having.
these are old clips, she's on maternity leave still
She is not back
@@asmasharif4592 They meant that she had reappeared in the clips we see every day. Anyway, she is filming again!
She's not back. Lol. These are old
Loni was on the money with the "have you yourself changed?" question. Sometimes it's not your significant other but that you've changed to the point that the lens through which you see them is different. Always always check yourself first.
Right Adrienne…. Men that I’ve dated they didn’t want me to evolve or spend time with myself and know who I am consistently … they wanted to take up my time, like on a daily and one even quit his job to be around me 24/7 and moved in on me just to keep tabs on what I was doing. He had his own place and lost it on purpose.
If I was reading or studying something or looking into things.. he always had something to say. Just like my father, never wanting us to grow up and leave and have our own minds. He was abusive to my mother and held her back and he didn’t want her to grow or know about herself or life.
These men wanted me to stay stagnant, not have goals or dreams or evolve, because they don’t want me to go anywhere and since they are comfortable, they want me to be comfortable and just have a boring simple life. I’m know who I am and I’m always in competition with myself and learning new things about myself and they don’t want to grow because it’s work.
They are not changing and wanting more and they don’t want me to expect any more or less from them or to want them to evolve for themselves. That’s a slow death with a person who’s the same, even family and friends. I changed for the better and people don’t like it. My childhood was horrible and I made it out and did better for myself and people hating. I’ve learn that not everybody is comfortable with people evolving… they need to look at themselves and not feel inadequate and left behind.
You’re a strong woman props to you for overcoming your environment ✨
Yes Loni…compromise is so crucial in any relationship 👍🏽
I love Jeannie because you are truly growing in the right direction trying to be a good wife and mother I just love Jeannie for it God continue to uphold you ❤
Amen 🙏❤
Adrienne, my Taurus man is the same way. “You said you wanted a business! No slacking!”
So happy Jeannie is back 😊😊😊
She's not back it's pre recorded
0:14 "Oh you are flawed.." Amen Adrienne!!
The way she said that cracked me up 😂
Accepting is not settling. You can always change the dynamic if the change is so big. Now if they were 130 pounds and they are now 180 pounds you can accept that (that's not a reason to divorce) , but if they all of a sudden become abusive then go. You want someone that Evolves with times and experiences because that's life that's how you know you are really living life.
I think it is up to the individual to decide what a good reason to divorce is.
Deal breakers vary from person to person. Some people are just not attracted to bigger sized people and may view gaining weight as laziness and lack of self love.
if they are no longer attracted to you and you are doing nothing to lose weight that marriage is doomed
@@melmel7011 yes that's true too
@@melmel7011 I agree. No one has the right to tell someone what they should be willing to put up with.
@@Cantetinza17 According to Kevin Samuels, a wife must be the same weight for most of the relationship
Everyone should know if someone good for you if it's a toxic relationship trust me you will know
Not always. A narcissist can really fool people.
Not always.
A person doesn't have to be toxic to be wrong for you. I think people need to know what their true deal breakers are. A lot of people are trying to force compatibility that's not there.
I am so sad to see THE REAL is being canceled. I’d be happy with a podcast or a TH-cam channel. These ladies are so amazing. I love their perspectives and I’ve learned so much from them. I am watching repeat episodes. I hope and pray they work something out to keep the show going or spin off into something better.
When my mom was alive she accepted that my dad was a smoker but she had a hard rule that he could not smoke in the house. And this rule was actually extended to anyone in our family who was a smoker and wanted to be around her
I think each person has to decide what they can accept. Personally, I can't do a smoker. I have one lung that works. Then there are things that are deal breakers from small things (no cats, pit bulls) to big things (no cheaters, abusers, etc.). We have to know what we can live with.
@@gigilamoore2656 yes same! plus I have asthma and hate the smell 😭 makes me nauseous
To me .... making the decision to tolerate is truly at the root of the decision. Settling connotes giving up. Women and men are everchanging beings and tend to experience greater strides of growth at different intervals.
Some people consider it “ love bombing” and for people that don’t know what it means :
“Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection.”
So with that being said I say…. Even if you’re feeling the love , don’t be so eager to just put all your eggs in one basket cuz that’s how they get you… when they come in with the love bomb… they then after a certain amount of time turn into a person that you didn’t recognize when you first got together ! So think with your head but also guard your heart cuz some people spit game so well… it’ll cause you to think “ well this is what love is “ & end up settling into it now cuz ur comfortable… now me being a very observant person… some stuff is simply done in an effort to try to get u off your square and it’s not gonna work on me but it may subconsciously work for someone else that doesn’t recognize these tactics !
That was a good lesson 👌
These mature conversations... love them
They are talking about changing in a positive way. But if it’s negative then you def settling
Love Loni's hair!😍
I agree. It looks so good today.
I've been the outside person looking in my family relationships. I feel that my mom did settle. At first my step dad was very high energy. Cooking & being engaging with me & my brother. But over time he began to change. He lost that high energy & stagnanted. Later on he admitted that he felt emasculated by helping around the house.
My mom too. She also changed. Over time she became a working mom. She dressed well. She began to look within her relationships & reflected. Now they're still together. However, while they accepted each other flaws they remained unhappy. My step dad being who he was, he didn't like that my mom was making more & dressing the way that she wanted. However, he knew that he wasn't making enough to support the family alone. That went against what he believed what a man should do. He became emotionally abusive.
My mom wanted spontaneity & romance. He was just checked out. He's set in his ways. He believes that it's easier to check out than to accept the change & evolve with us. His words. Now, they have love for each other but they're not happy.
The moral of my soon to be villain backstory is if you're unhappy with the change. Take a step back and reevaluate your relationships. Nothing good comes from staying just for the sake of staying.
Also my parents were on & off throughout the years, my mom never stopped him from contacting us. Even me, his step daughter. (However, he's kinda a creep & gets handsy when he's drunk. Made me uncomfortable as a child.)
From what you are describing, your mom didn't settle. When they got together they were ouk. But then they evolved and each took a different path which makes them look incompatible now. Settling is being incompatible from the beginning.
It bothers me that some men feel this way. I hate gender norms.
@@melmel7011 they're incompatible. My mom has ambition. It like to go for what she wants. However, my step dad likes the mundane of life. He's more like the go with the flow. Which angers her. She told me that she wants someone that matches her drive. She wants my step dad to match it. However, that's not his personality. But she doesn't want to go to the dating scene because she has abandonment issues. Which is why she's with my Step dad. They're both afraid of being alone. They know this. But they don't want to work on it. Because they think that everyone goes through this. Sometimes it sucks being the older daughter... I don't like being their therapist. 😒
Ladies if they cancel yall please start a podcast together !!!!
I would listen
Brilliant idea! Hope they did not sign a non-compete.
My relationship became long distance a few months before covid hit. I had to learn that when we don't talk everyday that it doesn't mean that something is wrong. We go several days without talking and sometimes we are like teenagers on the phone all night. I can always drop in on Alexa. When he has his head down and working he just wants to focus. I have become the same way and have elevated my position at work. I now, too, don't want to talk everyday. Funny. His disposition helped me appreciate him more.
Good Jeannie is back!👍
Plz don't get cancelled 🙏🏾🙏🏾🖤💜😍✌🏾
If the changes are good, that’s fine. But if the changes are bad, no I can’t deal with that. Like Adrienne said, if it’s excessive smoking and partying, just stuff that’s not good for the relationship or you, I couldn’t stay in that.
Some people change for the worse
miss Jeannie so much 😭
I totally agree with Loni
If anything accepting someone's flaws meaas that you really love em. Definitely not settling
It is. Point blank period.
However, everything the ladies described should happen in a healthy relationship, true growth and change.
But if you “accept” someone from the beginning, often dealbreakers that you overlook, you have settled. That word “accept” is usually when you’ve given up on finding who you truly want, something you shouldn’t do. So yh, that is settling.
Ahhh Jeannie's back!!!
Yes change is inevitable 👏🏾✨
This was a great conversation
EVERYONES’ HAIR STYLES >>> 😍😍😍
Food for thought for me..
Garcelle is Queen🥰
Nope, because you can't change another person to be what you want them to be. You just have to be aware of the signs, and check to see if it's good change or bad change.
My favorite show
Absolutely NOT! I think that’s why it’s so important to date in order to get to know a person. We ALL have defects due to imperfections and sin. However, I don’t think that we (as humans), should EVER dummy down, or be anything “less” than who WE REALLY ARE; simply to have someone in our lives.
Usually, if we are realistic, we all know that NOBODY should ever stay stagnated in any part of their lives.
So if your partner has changed-then consider it good change, and if it’s not good change-then maybe it’s time for you to change the nature of that relationship!
Why are people acting like looks don't matter at all. You can't blame someone for no longer being attracted to their significant other if they gain 200-300 pounds.
For me, it depends on what you're accepting. For example, if your partner happens to be a very hairy person, they can always shave so just accept it. However let's say you want kids and your partner doesn't but you settle, that is going to affect everyone involved.
No it's not settling. We are all flawed in some way but fail to be honest about our own imperfections. But we are quick to see it in others. True love out weighs flaws and it allows you to take personal inventory of self. Love never fails. Those are my thoughts.
I feel like conversations like that should be happening in the beginning. If he was a smoker when y’all met; have a conversation about the future. A conversation about maybe setting boundaries when kids come into the picture, or if y’all decide to live together down he road, have a conversation about not smoking in the house. Those conversations need to be happening FIRST, than when the kids are already here and he/she is sidetracked with the sudden change that NOWWWW he/she doesn’t want me smoking in the house, in the car… whatever whatever.
Loni’s hair 😍
What if after marriage you find that he has anger issues and it’s along the lines of emotional abuse?
If you don’t already have kids, don’t bring any into the situation. If he will get help, great. If he won’t, for your own well-being, you need to leave.
Run, do not walk away. If he can get help great. If not, do not stay. It only gets worse. I've been there and won't do it again. Just my two cents. Hope it helps. Stay well.
Plan to leave.
it's scary....it's like Jekyll and Hyde.....comes out of nowhere....and was a complete 180 from the man I knew before getting married. Alot of apologies from him. We have 2 children together and have been married 13 years. Things are better but I often wonder what life would have been like had I packed my bags after the first blow up. I didn't because I didn't even know I was being abused and got pregnant fairly quickly too. Once my daughter was growing inside me it made it 100 times harder to walk away.
If you don't have kids walk away. It's not an easy road to walk with your husband. And this is a husband who acknowledges his fault and works to change.....
That would be a no no no
Run fast
If you find that you can't accept your someone maybe you need to ask yourself if you fell in love with an idea of that person and not who they really are or maybe you fell in love with potential hoping that the person will change and that is always a recipe for disaster. If there are certain things a person does that you just can't get over it's best to walk away.
If family won’t change and they are toxic they need to change. If not bye!!!
Adreain if a man changes for you , because your character isn't what they expected so they won't care anymore 🙂
I'm so confused does anyone know why they keep posting old clips? Are they on hiatus?
great convo
I let her go and don't think about it with Jealous people what do and it's common that's a mother I am a son of a mom ok🙏🤕👍
I wish A didn’t change the question about the smoking … Cuz that was a good question.
Better let it along she ll get after me for saying!👍😡
Hey I'm a big fan
I don’t think accepting people for who they are is settling because even if you are you don’t typically realize until long after u are done and over that person ..IMO
I’m married never smoked, now I smoke I’m not smoking a pack or 2 a day maybe 1-2 cigarettes a day maybe less. Hubby hates it but I don’t smoke in the house or around our child. I try not to smell like it either especially when we go out or we get into the bed. It’s about what you can and can’t deal with in your marriage and not letting others dictate your boundaries.
Bad habit
@@Fay1106 yep it is. Trying to quit actually doing good.
@@droge410 good keep it up, one of my aunts just died from her lung failing a few weeks ago and she smoked for many years, please quit
So this was me and my ex after our 1st son I began to grow but I recognized he stayed stagnant each time I’d bring up his old goals etc he would have a reason why he couldn’t achieve them then our second son game a fire lit under me and I sought out therapy as I got better in ways and I’d compromise I recognized he didn’t want it and he became a narcissistic person so now we are going through a messy divorce
I think too much Auditing of your partner's life is not good for a lasting relationship.
Unless an issue is dangerous to one's own life or that of their children,minor issues like smoking,snoring,partying etc,though not good,can be dwelt with,as a couple grows.
If you're lucky to have somebody that appreciates your achievements,then that's a plus in your partnership.
But this should not make another person out there feel unfulfilled just coz this lacks in their relationship. May be they also have a special quality that is not in the former's marriage.
Compromise,like they've argued out,is key,but also parting ways if a relationship turns out to be a burden to either party.
I disagree. They say it is the little things that break people up as well as the big. I am an ex smoker who has a lung condition and only has the use of 1 lung, so smoking or burning anything is a no go. A person snoring who won't do anything to fix the situation can cause a partner health problems due to their sleep needs being unmet and one person partying when the other person isn't into it is a recipe for disaster. People need to stop forcing a square peg into a round whole. Compatibility matters.
@@gigilamoore2656
Sorry for your lung condition.
I respect your take on this but,are we saying partners have to be ideal to have a working relationship ?
No.We've seen them adopt habits that they initially didn't have and coz of the other partner's tolerance,and the partner making effort about the nasty habits, they get over them and their relationships thrive.
people will slip and fall in life, but the big thing is being there for your partner, encouraging them out of the fall and the other one also taking the initiative to wake up.
So, Love and Compromise again,unless it's a Threat to the parties 🙏
@@kawiramucheke I appreciate your take as well, but like I said, that depends on what the parties want to do. No one has to compromise on things that they don't like. And to tell you the truth, a lot of couples are not thriving. Is the same old argument day after day week after week month after month year after year.
@@gigilamoore2656
🙏🙏
@@kawiramucheke To you as well. Have a nice weekend.
Or instead of they changed maybe that’s how they truly always been but you were so infatuated you imagined a character
Yeah don’t listen to Destiny’s Child and “...stay the same chick you fell in love with.”
Adrienne needs to quit cutting people off
Why there’s no audience?
The issue with this show is that its not fun anymore. Theyre sitting down in those chairs like old ladies. Bring back the table. Bring back the audiences like the view has. Bring back the fun and sexy girl topics. This show has become boring because of the producers. Not the women. Either way no ones wants this show cancelled, we want the old vibe back
Omg ur right i was thinking the same thing! I miss the fun light hearted girl chat!
Are we watching the same show? I feel like they have had more fun and sexy girl topics this season than the last 3. The season that was not fun was the one with Amanda Seales.
Sry i disagree! I love those girls chats and from my Pov it got better!!
@@tisch9233 agreed!
@@tisch9233 according to the ratings, it hasnt lol
Hi edagdwg women change just like men all people aren't the best pay attention to what you do and say to people be real don't become miss you better stop drinking and you don't because you say I don't drink as much as you sad Linda j. Peace
What is it with this pijama trend lol
2:37
lets be realistic if I met you and you were thin and you gain 300lbs my love is definitely gonna change TF why would I accept a 300lb person when I met you as a thin person .
Yes! I don't get why no one continued to share how they felt about that. Weight gain affects the individuals whole life, of course that significant change is something a partner has to consider as well. Addressing the cause, bc it can be due to stress, hormonal health, anxiety or depression, etc. Can bring even more intimacy. Imagine choosing to age well and fit with someone and then they lose sight of that, and when you guys grow old, youll have the stress of taking care of them and their extra health implications. It's more than just because their looks changed, although it is fair to judge someone off that if that is a preference or criteria for what is attractive to you. Let's be real
Agreed.
Old women have no choice but to settle. They don’t get the same suitors or attention that they got in their prime so what do they do settle or buy a dog lol