Thank you for this interview. I really needed this as I am contemplating my own sexuality and I think I might be asexual. Especially going through the comment section, the radically different opinions show me that we need more discussions on asexuality.
let me give you a thought experiment: Immagine there would be just 1% of heterosexual people on the planet. So if y,ou feel attracted to females, you would run around and ask yourself, whats wrong with you and/or you would experience countless failed relationships, desperately trying to fit in. You would feel alone and broken inside. Even if you would have the strenth to accept your feelings, you would have a problem to find a partner, who feels like you, to be able to have a harmonic relationship. But if you have a word for your sexual orientation, you are able to find out, that you are just one of a kind. You can name your desires and communcate better, when establishing relationships. THIS is why having categories is a lifechanging aspect for so many people.
@@MatthiasKlees Imagine, if you will... that only about 1% of the people on the planet immediately made assumptions about people (like that I'm heterosexual) and categorized them into groups instead of taking the time to find out what they actually think. You would suddenly find that you would feel isolated and would like to have a category for the kind of people who like to categorize people. That way you could more easily find like minded people, unlike reality where you can safely assume that everyone you meet will quickly condense you down into the groups you identify with.
‘monosexual’ was a term coined in 1869 by Karl-Maria Kertbeny, the same man who coined the terms ‘homosexual’ and ‘heterosexual’ (all 3 in the same pamphlet, actually!). ‘monosexual’ refers to people who only masturbate, rather than have sexual encounters, the implication there being that monosexuals have no interest in sex/feel no need for it. (it’s a myth that asexual people don’t masturbate--some do, some don’t. asexual people have fully functioning equipment, and are perfectly capable of having and even enjoying orgasms. remember that stimulation of sexual organs is not the same thing as feeling attraction).
Being asexual myself, I gathered a few interesting tidbits from this. I especially liked the mention of the fictional character who thought that sex is hoax, because that's very similar to how I feel. Unfortunately, I don't think that just trying to date random people is a viable option, at least for me. I have neither the looks nor the personality that I'd need to be popular. In my entire life I've maybe met 2-3 people who might have been interested in dating me, and they all almost immediately bailed out because of my asexuality. When you have dozens of people texting you on Tinder and one of them happens to be asexual, you ain't gonna choose the asexual.
there is a dating and social app for asexuals on android (I don't know if its also available for iphone). Maybe this would suit you better than "random search" its simply called "ace-app"
as an asexual person myself, it’s difficult to deal with feeling both under-represented and excluded, both in cishet society AND lgbtq+ circles. the general conception regarding asexuality, in my experience, is that it’s a new identity, specifically a ‘tumblr snowflake’ identity, it’s not real, it’s a medical condition, etc etc. not only is this perspective genuinely hurtful and damaging, it’s just plain wrong.
As a tolerant lefty, I am not sure I give a hoot. Don't want to have sex? Don't. Want to have sex? Do. Want to have sex with same gender? Do. Don't want to have sex with same gender? Don't. I don't care if you are male, female, or one of the friends I have that is chromosomally in-between (XXY). If I am not interested in having sex with your personally, I have very little interest in your gender, or sexuality, or lack thereof. I am interested in your abilities, personality, intellectual interests, kindness and maybe hobbies. Feel free to call me a simple CIS/Hetero, but I am actually starting to see that term as a veiled insult - with the implied insinuation that I "wouldn't understand". Well, I am not expected to understand - it is irrelevant and unique, and that is the point. You would not understand me and mine either. If these things define your existence, then you will struggle to be a contributing member of society. Move on.
May I ask how old she is? Btw Sean you approached this as best a theoretical physicist could. Pretty badass to take on something so subjective when you generally deal in the objective. Especially when the vast majority of the human species is sexual and you have to tackle the extreme minority that is not. And how to tackle this topic.
My dad sent me this video and said he's interested in the book. Mind you, I came out as ace to my parents 7 years ago and didn't have many resources to point them to in order to help them understand me. Angela's book will hopefully be helpful for them. Also, I'm so glad that I'm not the only ace person who hates the term "asexual" and prefer "ace"!
I think it’s awesome that you’ve got the kind of dad who has actually engaged with you to such an extent that this pops up in his feed and he sends it your way. So many folks out there not so blessed. So many people take something new to them as something to be feared, shunned. Kudos to you and your family.
I am Asexual, and i know that my I am the way I am because, sex is intimacy, and there is NOT a person on this Earth , that I trust with that much power over me .. how many other "ASE" ;es feel the same way ?
in the 1960s, the magazine Transvestia (founded by transwoman Virginia Prince in 1960, and ran from 1960-1980) published an article that claimed that, while most trans people “are entirely heterosexual,” “some are also asexual.” in 1965 the same magazine published the “A-Sexual Range”--sort of an early prototype for the modern asexual spectrum--which stated “There are persons who simply have a very low libido-no sex drive to speak of.”
www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/without-prejudice/201209/prejudice-against-group-x-asexuals Ill also link to a post containing not only more sources but also more info. Keep in mind some posts had to be deleted due to an influx of harrassment of anyone supporting asexuals in the thread.
Good discussion! Now I'm looking at the comment section... it's weird to see how much even talking about these kinds of things seem to trigger some people.
Thank you so much for this amazing conversation.. It really covered different aspects of it, which was needed. I also always believed that there is sth very wrong with the 1% statistics.. there are definitely more ace people out there that either never questioned these stuff or never wanted to come out, etc.
Discrimination against asexual people, also known as acephobia[1][2][3] or aphobia,[4][5][6] encompasses a range of negative attitudes, behaviours, and feelings toward asexuality or people who identify as part of the asexual spectrum. Negative feelings or characterisations toward asexuality include dehumanisation, the belief that asexuality is a mental illness, that asexual people cannot feel love, and the refusal to accept asexuality as a genuine sexual orientation. Asexuality is sometimes confused with celibacy or abstinence.[7] Asexual people sometimes face hate crimes, and the discrimination against them has been compared to that faced by other sexual minorities.[8][9] There have been efforts to combat anti-asexual discrimination through legislation or education (such as through workshops on asexuality).
before any terminology was coined, 17th century author and poet Catherine Bernard wrote various works that have since been read as relating to asexuality. her views of love, sex, marriage, and personal affairs (or lack thereof) speak to the asexual experience. here’s an article about her and her works for more information.
@UCxuLuJ_xP1soZNSnPYR0fLg also google exists. I dont exactly have extra time to link each thing individually since ive just started started studying to become a nurse. Also it is mentioned in finnish sex education and in finnish health and sex ed books used in high school if you speak the language.
Well, this made me question my sexuality again :D I don't think I'm ace, but I don't get aroused by people or pictures very often. I do enjoy sex though, but I guess my arousal for it is mostly initiated by engaging in it. And I use the term "sexy" mostly as an aesthetic preference descriptor, so maybe I'm a little bit ace, just don't prefer to identify as that because of high enough libido to make it not particularly relevant.
Hi! Open for debate if I may. Why is it so important to have a ready symbol so you can succinctly transmit your feelings about genitalia? Unless there’s oppression and need of social normalization about the existence of a certain group....Isnt it either a dull or an intimate topic of conversation? 🤷🏻♂️
Because as human beings we symbolize everything from supporting your favourite sporting team, sport, TV programs, Art, Games, Occupation, Religion, Race etc.. Sexuality seems like one of the last taboo's. Its a good thing that society is now discussing and raising issues like this as it is important some people, while others may just tune out.
Yes, I get that. I advocate for universalism. For example, naming someone as the best director of Latin movies might seem inclusive, but is (I find as a european) ultimately a sign of the racism present in USA society. I’d rather have him called a great director, no more no less. However, maybe it’s a toll to be paid in order to arrive to normalization?
@@PrimatoFortunato Because human experience is still too varied that we can't forego proper contextualization, and labels are probably the most efficient way to communicate context. At least to me, the difference between a Latin film or a Japanese one, for example, is material enough to be worth distinguishing. And calling someone a great director of Latin films would only be racist if you viewed that as a qualification.
To me sexual health is this: training. We train ourselves through media, parents and peers. We train ourselves to be attracted to everyone. That is the problem. So then even if you meet someone you've trained yourself to still be attracted to others. We are creatures of habit. So maybe we should train ourselves not to look that way towards other in the first place. Why i don't date. I don't think about how pretty you are, i think what do you know? The greeks had it right about love with different words. Agap'e is a brotherly love and is the only type of love that should be taught for outside the family. Training. Mating and fighting is reptilian, agap'e is human. Who are you? There are 4 billion woman on this planet, if I'm to be with one then i should not develop attraction to any. Then I'll have alot of friends. Peace and agap'e.
It is all confusing and this interview helped not at all. I have a friend's daughter who recently had a "coming out party" for being asexual. She was ~21 year old, CSci major, perhaps Aspergers? Of course when someone "comes out" everyone on social media is supportive about her bravery, and it seemed bizarre - why reduce yourself to one thing that might change? As best I could tell the only practical purpose of the announcement is she is signalling she isn't interested in anyone hitting on her. I can think back I didn't date until after college, and as a male I had no inclination to announce anything at all about my sexuality. I also wasn't interested in drugs or alcohol either, or stupidity - which seemed to be what people are when they don't suppress their sex drive, and I'm sure it can be suppressed, a combination of fear and disgust are powerful inhibitors. Probably that's why many young people use alcohol, because there's just too much self-consciousness otherwise for most of us. I remember in college people asked why I didn't drink, and I mentioned my parents didn't drink, and that satisfied them, but it wasn't the real reason. The real reason is I like to be in control of myself, and alcohol is a threat to self-control. And a sex drive I suppose is a different threat to self-control. I don't think I have aspergers, but lean that way, towards systems thinking, and away from undependable feelings to explain my world.
I had exactly the same perception, but it seems not as much an identity issue as more like a “hey me not wanting to go to bed is not about you, so stop correctively raping me pls?” kind of statement. I know I can be insisting! Not a cart pulled by 4 oxen could make me go back if I thought it was mutual, but the insinuation of becoming a “corrective rapist” makes me freeze
@@PrimatoFortunato You don't think it's about identity? I mean, maybe i'm wrong, but goddang, when i'm listening to someone like Angela, it feels like asexuality is the core of these people's lives.
Anonymous it’s certainly the core of this podcast, hehe. It makes absolute sense for her to speak for an hour about asexuality and her feelings towards the topic, in this podcast. If she was like that every day I would find she ironically sexualizes life too much, and is as interesting as a drunk macho that brags about his (imaginary) sexual life at the least opportunity. But not because the message is unimportant, but because it is ultimately uninteresting to me if we don’t have intimacy. Edit: lots or caveats. In a nutshell: Be yourselves and don’t react. Pondering is much more interesting than reacting. Specially if what you hear is shocking.
Yes i was super happy when I saw the notification and that asexuality is getting some representation on here. Sean always does an amazing job at being open minded and well prepared for his interviews.
No you couldn't and it's absolutely gross that you even dare to post this. This is exactly the shit aces have to deal with all the time. Would you wat this about a lesbian woman? This is exactly the same thing.
It's always nice to hear people discuss rationally thoughts I can't share with my social groups because of societal standards.
Also, I just bought the book. Looking forward to reading it.
Thank you for this interview. I really needed this as I am contemplating my own sexuality and I think I might be asexual. Especially going through the comment section, the radically different opinions show me that we need more discussions on asexuality.
Thank you for this conversation. I always knew I thought differently from others. This helps explain a lot to me.
I would like to be categorized as a person who doesn't want to be categorized.
@@aaronsmith5864 Whatever, as long as I'm in a category--it's all good.
Alright, I’ll categorize you with all other people who don’t want to be categorized.
let me give you a thought experiment:
Immagine there would be just 1% of heterosexual people on the planet. So if y,ou feel attracted to females, you would run around and ask yourself, whats wrong with you and/or you would experience countless failed relationships, desperately trying to fit in. You would feel alone and broken inside. Even if you would have the strenth to accept your feelings, you would have a problem to find a partner, who feels like you, to be able to have a harmonic relationship.
But if you have a word for your sexual orientation, you are able to find out, that you are just one of a kind. You can name your desires and communcate better, when establishing relationships. THIS is why having categories is a lifechanging aspect for so many people.
@@MatthiasKlees Imagine, if you will... that only about 1% of the people on the planet immediately made assumptions about people (like that I'm heterosexual) and categorized them into groups instead of taking the time to find out what they actually think. You would suddenly find that you would feel isolated and would like to have a category for the kind of people who like to categorize people. That way you could more easily find like minded people, unlike reality where you can safely assume that everyone you meet will quickly condense you down into the groups you identify with.
Good for you? Welcome to how language works! Nothing wrong with being a little slow to understand 😊
‘monosexual’ was a term coined in 1869 by Karl-Maria Kertbeny, the same man who coined the terms ‘homosexual’ and ‘heterosexual’ (all 3 in the same pamphlet, actually!). ‘monosexual’ refers to people who only masturbate, rather than have sexual encounters, the implication there being that monosexuals have no interest in sex/feel no need for it. (it’s a myth that asexual people don’t masturbate--some do, some don’t. asexual people have fully functioning equipment, and are perfectly capable of having and even enjoying orgasms. remember that stimulation of sexual organs is not the same thing as feeling attraction).
Being asexual myself, I gathered a few interesting tidbits from this. I especially liked the mention of the fictional character who thought that sex is hoax, because that's very similar to how I feel.
Unfortunately, I don't think that just trying to date random people is a viable option, at least for me. I have neither the looks nor the personality that I'd need to be popular. In my entire life I've maybe met 2-3 people who might have been interested in dating me, and they all almost immediately bailed out because of my asexuality. When you have dozens of people texting you on Tinder and one of them happens to be asexual, you ain't gonna choose the asexual.
there is a dating and social app for asexuals on android (I don't know if its also available for iphone).
Maybe this would suit you better than "random search" its simply called "ace-app"
as an asexual person myself, it’s difficult to deal with feeling both under-represented and excluded, both in cishet society AND lgbtq+ circles. the general conception regarding asexuality, in my experience, is that it’s a new identity, specifically a ‘tumblr snowflake’ identity, it’s not real, it’s a medical condition, etc etc. not only is this perspective genuinely hurtful and damaging, it’s just plain wrong.
As a tolerant lefty, I am not sure I give a hoot. Don't want to have sex? Don't. Want to have sex? Do. Want to have sex with same gender? Do. Don't want to have sex with same gender? Don't. I don't care if you are male, female, or one of the friends I have that is chromosomally in-between (XXY). If I am not interested in having sex with your personally, I have very little interest in your gender, or sexuality, or lack thereof. I am interested in your abilities, personality, intellectual interests, kindness and maybe hobbies. Feel free to call me a simple CIS/Hetero, but I am actually starting to see that term as a veiled insult - with the implied insinuation that I "wouldn't understand". Well, I am not expected to understand - it is irrelevant and unique, and that is the point. You would not understand me and mine either. If these things define your existence, then you will struggle to be a contributing member of society. Move on.
I’m sure there are some white supremacists who feel the term “white” or “whyte” are veiled insults too. Perhaps you could go for coffee together.
So educational! And Sean's approach - effortless, natural yet professional as usual. Nailed it ❤
Thank you so much for this wonderful, nuanced discussion!
May I ask how old she is?
Btw Sean you approached this as best a theoretical physicist could. Pretty badass to take on something so subjective when you generally deal in the objective. Especially when the vast majority of the human species is sexual and you have to tackle the extreme minority that is not. And how to tackle this topic.
My dad sent me this video and said he's interested in the book. Mind you, I came out as ace to my parents 7 years ago and didn't have many resources to point them to in order to help them understand me. Angela's book will hopefully be helpful for them.
Also, I'm so glad that I'm not the only ace person who hates the term "asexual" and prefer "ace"!
I think it’s awesome that you’ve got the kind of dad who has actually engaged with you to such an extent that this pops up in his feed and he sends it your way. So many folks out there not so blessed. So many people take something new to them as something to be feared, shunned. Kudos to you and your family.
I am Asexual, and i know that my I am the way I am because, sex is intimacy, and there is NOT a person on this Earth , that I trust with that much power over me .. how many other "ASE" ;es feel the same way ?
I don’t feel this way, but I love this perspective. It makes a lot of sense… I have just never heard it before. 🙂
in the 1960s, the magazine Transvestia (founded by transwoman Virginia Prince in 1960, and ran from 1960-1980) published an article that claimed that, while most trans people “are entirely heterosexual,” “some are also asexual.” in 1965 the same magazine published the “A-Sexual Range”--sort of an early prototype for the modern asexual spectrum--which stated “There are persons who simply have a very low libido-no sex drive to speak of.”
Are there many differences in male and female asexuals? Are there more of one sex than another?
www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/without-prejudice/201209/prejudice-against-group-x-asexuals
Ill also link to a post containing not only more sources but also more info. Keep in mind some posts had to be deleted due to an influx of harrassment of anyone supporting asexuals in the thread.
whatsnew-lgbtq.tumblr.com/post/624898650230947840/coolcurrybooks-a-brief-overview-of-the-asexual
cathartic-ace-stories.tumblr.com/post/623913735948533760/scarfman33-la-mancha-screwjob
homoerotic-ads.tumblr.com/post/623757702993166336/asexuality-is-not-an-internet-identity-a-fad
Good discussion! Now I'm looking at the comment section... it's weird to see how much even talking about these kinds of things seem to trigger some people.
Would you call a borderline asexual 'hyposexual'?
Thank you so much for this amazing conversation..
It really covered different aspects of it, which was needed.
I also always believed that there is sth very wrong with the 1% statistics.. there are definitely more ace people out there that either never questioned these stuff or never wanted to come out, etc.
Discrimination against asexual people, also known as acephobia[1][2][3] or aphobia,[4][5][6] encompasses a range of negative attitudes, behaviours, and feelings toward asexuality or people who identify as part of the asexual spectrum. Negative feelings or characterisations toward asexuality include dehumanisation, the belief that asexuality is a mental illness, that asexual people cannot feel love, and the refusal to accept asexuality as a genuine sexual orientation. Asexuality is sometimes confused with celibacy or abstinence.[7] Asexual people sometimes face hate crimes, and the discrimination against them has been compared to that faced by other sexual minorities.[8][9]
There have been efforts to combat anti-asexual discrimination through legislation or education (such as through workshops on asexuality).
Great video - thanks!
before any terminology was coined, 17th century author and poet Catherine Bernard wrote various works that have since been read as relating to asexuality. her views of love, sex, marriage, and personal affairs (or lack thereof) speak to the asexual experience. here’s an article about her and her works for more information.
@UCxuLuJ_xP1soZNSnPYR0fLg featured in my ltwr comments
@UCxuLuJ_xP1soZNSnPYR0fLg also google exists. I dont exactly have extra time to link each thing individually since ive just started started studying to become a nurse. Also it is mentioned in finnish sex education and in finnish health and sex ed books used in high school if you speak the language.
Asexuality in Sci-fi - Exhibit #1 is Star Wars.
Well, this made me question my sexuality again :D I don't think I'm ace, but I don't get aroused by people or pictures very often. I do enjoy sex though, but I guess my arousal for it is mostly initiated by engaging in it. And I use the term "sexy" mostly as an aesthetic preference descriptor, so maybe I'm a little bit ace, just don't prefer to identify as that because of high enough libido to make it not particularly relevant.
Biggest ideas in the universe is over? so sad : (
This podcast has never been only about the big ideas of cosmology.
This triggers the right wingers.
I think most people are beautiful and sexy in their own way. Doesn't mean you have to objectify them though.
I wonder if many monks are asexual, and nuns.
Hi! Open for debate if I may.
Why is it so important to have a ready symbol so you can succinctly transmit your feelings about genitalia?
Unless there’s oppression and need of social normalization about the existence of a certain group....Isnt it either a dull or an intimate topic of conversation? 🤷🏻♂️
Because as human beings we symbolize everything from supporting your favourite sporting team, sport, TV programs, Art, Games, Occupation, Religion, Race etc.. Sexuality seems like one of the last taboo's. Its a good thing that society is now discussing and raising issues like this as it is important some people, while others may just tune out.
Yes, I get that. I advocate for universalism.
For example, naming someone as the best director of Latin movies might seem inclusive, but is (I find as a european) ultimately a sign of the racism present in USA society.
I’d rather have him called a great director, no more no less.
However, maybe it’s a toll to be paid in order to arrive to normalization?
@@PrimatoFortunato Because human experience is still too varied that we can't forego proper contextualization, and labels are probably the most efficient way to communicate context. At least to me, the difference between a Latin film or a Japanese one, for example, is material enough to be worth distinguishing. And calling someone a great director of Latin films would only be racist if you viewed that as a qualification.
To me sexual health is this: training. We train ourselves through media, parents and peers. We train ourselves to be attracted to everyone. That is the problem. So then even if you meet someone you've trained yourself to still be attracted to others. We are creatures of habit. So maybe we should train ourselves not to look that way towards other in the first place. Why i don't date. I don't think about how pretty you are, i think what do you know? The greeks had it right about love with different words. Agap'e is a brotherly love and is the only type of love that should be taught for outside the family. Training. Mating and fighting is reptilian, agap'e is human. Who are you? There are 4 billion woman on this planet, if I'm to be with one then i should not develop attraction to any. Then I'll have alot of friends.
Peace and agap'e.
It is all confusing and this interview helped not at all. I have a friend's daughter who recently had a "coming out party" for being asexual. She was ~21 year old, CSci major, perhaps Aspergers? Of course when someone "comes out" everyone on social media is supportive about her bravery, and it seemed bizarre - why reduce yourself to one thing that might change? As best I could tell the only practical purpose of the announcement is she is signalling she isn't interested in anyone hitting on her.
I can think back I didn't date until after college, and as a male I had no inclination to announce anything at all about my sexuality. I also wasn't interested in drugs or alcohol either, or stupidity - which seemed to be what people are when they don't suppress their sex drive, and I'm sure it can be suppressed, a combination of fear and disgust are powerful inhibitors. Probably that's why many young people use alcohol, because there's just too much self-consciousness otherwise for most of us.
I remember in college people asked why I didn't drink, and I mentioned my parents didn't drink, and that satisfied them, but it wasn't the real reason. The real reason is I like to be in control of myself, and alcohol is a threat to self-control. And a sex drive I suppose is a different threat to self-control. I don't think I have aspergers, but lean that way, towards systems thinking, and away from undependable feelings to explain my world.
Nothing wrong with having a low libido. But i don't understand why someone would make that into a large part of their identity.
@@DenkyManner let me rephrase:
Nothing wrong with not finding other human beings sexually attractive, but why make that a core part of your identity?
I had exactly the same perception, but it seems not as much an identity issue as more like a “hey me not wanting to go to bed is not about you, so stop correctively raping me pls?” kind of statement.
I know I can be insisting! Not a cart pulled by 4 oxen could make me go back if I thought it was mutual, but the insinuation of becoming a “corrective rapist” makes me freeze
@@PrimatoFortunato You don't think it's about identity? I mean, maybe i'm wrong, but goddang, when i'm listening to someone like Angela, it feels like asexuality is the core of these people's lives.
Anonymous it’s certainly the core of this podcast, hehe. It makes absolute sense for her to speak for an hour about asexuality and her feelings towards the topic, in this podcast.
If she was like that every day I would find she ironically sexualizes life too much, and is as interesting as a drunk macho that brags about his (imaginary) sexual life at the least opportunity.
But not because the message is unimportant, but because it is ultimately uninteresting to me if we don’t have intimacy.
Edit: lots or caveats.
In a nutshell: Be yourselves and don’t react. Pondering is much more interesting than reacting. Specially if what you hear is shocking.
You don't have to think about it a lot, but heterosexuality is also a big part of your identity.
LGBTQAI+ philosophy and cultural analysis?
Nice!
Yes i was super happy when I saw the notification and that asexuality is getting some representation on here. Sean always does an amazing job at being open minded and well prepared for his interviews.
It sounds like she doesn't understand it herself
i could convince her
No you couldn't and it's absolutely gross that you even dare to post this. This is exactly the shit aces have to deal with all the time. Would you wat this about a lesbian woman? This is exactly the same thing.
Doesn't know what she's missing.....