yes exactly. i think my mom was way more in love w/ my dad than he was w/ her and it backfired on her because he left her twice...now she's remarried almost 10 years w/a man who worships her and she's happy.
Literally had a dude say to me the other day, "Oh I was testing you a little bit to see if you would call and 5 days went by and no call so I just decided to call you." That's the game. They expect us to be clingy ladies. Shock them by being calm, cool, and unbothered.
Yup. You let him know you are high value and if he wants you he is gonna have to get off his ass, man up, and make the magic happen. All by himself like a damn MAN
@@Debsterism Exactly. Lol then he tried to say oh, I wonder if she still likes me. I was laughing in my head thinking to myself like yeah I like you but I'm not chasing you.
This is so true. It is what it is. Dont ever call a man unless you have missed his call. I used to think that I was too hard or mean by not reaching out first sometimes. Hell naw, if a man is pursuing you first, he will reach out to you. Trust me ladies. Try it. You will be able to wean alot of them who has no interest in you like that, quickly!
If a man puts in no effort in trying to get to know me then he isn't worth my time. I'm not going to consistently call or text him to get his attention.
I was raised old school so I agree that women should not be calling men as much as men call women, if at all But with texting, it's even deeper than that. It's the WORST way for humans who are interested in eachother to communicate. It breeds misunderstandings. It has no emotion except for some stupid typed emoticon. And worst of all, it allows for a sociopathic man(or woman) to hide their true intentions, communicate just enough to create the illusion of desire, and appear to be full on communicating with a person, while they could be literally having sex/dating/making moves on another person, while stringing 5-10 other girls along in text at the same time. Never underestimate a man's ability to deceive, especially when he's given all the tools to do so, with a willing participant in a foolish woman. I wish Deb would do a video about that dynamic, and why it's important for women to only use text for vital communication with family, friends, and coworkers. Once a 'text-only' relationship is set up with any man, you can officially consider yourself, 'in the rotation'. And while women imagine the man doing what he 'claims' to be doing while he is texting and pretending to pay attention to her, he is likely doing something very different, and only interfacing with her just long enough, to set the bait for the future booty call. Don't fall for it, ladies.
Men only love you when you don't give a shit. In my experience when I am emotionally unavailable or didn't care, did whatever I wanted is when men get obsessive. Even after a break up telling me they're going to the beauty counter to smell my perfume. If that's true or not it's still funny. When I show the things I want to see in a man, they try to take advantage and when I call them out or say no to ridiculous things. All of a sudden I'm a high maintenance, said in an insulting tone. Basically saying I'm too much work for demanding the same respect I give to them. If I walk away from a man like this they tell everyone who knows them I'm crazy after he tried to tell me he made a mistake but I'm like it's too little too late. They also try to take over my wall on Facebook, probably sitting in their chair hovering over the like button for hours.
I agree 100%. I myself will never go on a date with a man if he does not call me first. And I let them know this upfront. If he does not call (only texts), there is no date and I block and delete said man's number. Usually those same men came back or bumped into me later, all butt hurt because they couldn't reach me once they realized I was nowhere to be found. If a man is into you, it will be very obvious, and he will literally jump through hoops to be with you. Him not doing one little request like calling is indicative of future interactions.
I almost imploded from sitting still... waiting to see his next move. Almost burst into flames. Now, I’ve seen it for myself: If a man isn’t pursuing it - - a job, a goal, a companion - - It means next to nothing to him.
Ms. Cooper, the problem is definitely that a lot of these women don't know what it's like to have a guy really care for and be interested in them. I've fallen into this trap before, but I've learned my lesson.
True. But if you've never seen that, never even heard of it, no woman in your family has been treated that way, none of the neighbors been treated that way - where would they learn it? I am hoping more young women find their way here. I really though am at a loss to figure out how to reach them. 😐😟😀
Great video and excellent advice!! It's a red flag If a man is not showing interest by putting in the work with a simple phone call to initiate contact. If he can't reach you via phone he can leave a message or text to show sincere interest in contacting you. Anything else is games and a waste of time. Guys who don't put in the work upfront usually are not that interested or he has too many "side" issues going on. Don't let these guys make you feel like you have to meet them halfway or chase them. Men to lazy to call or think a woman should meet them half way are usually not good choices for mates -- you will be meeting them halfway on everything all the time -- they are a real drain and take the fun and romance out of dating. You will wear yourself out with this type of man and have nothing to show for it in the end. Relationships with this type of man are usually boring as he never wants to do anything unless you come up with the plans, pay for it, and drag him out the house. But when his friends call or he meets the girl of his dreams he'll be out of there before you can blink an eye. Women seeking relationships of substance should never pursue a guy by making phone calls or chasing him down. You can learn so much about a prospective "mate" by observing his actions or lack of action at the beginning of a relationship. A man who consistently and sincerely pursues you usually is a guy who has focused aim and knows what they want and how to get it. This type of "suitor" usually is in the relationship for the long haul as they had a mission and a game plan when they pursued you provided their interest and efforts were sincere.
The woman is the prize, and if the man is interested in her, he has to EARN IT! If he doesn't want to do that, ladies move on and find a dude that got the memo!
@Jah Selector AKA Jason Thompson, ANY heterosexual individual born with a penis, who spends there time chasing, watching/making videos about females because they want to be with one. That behaviour displays that the woman IS the prize! If the woman wasn't the prize, the hetro penis individual wouldn't be chasing the woman, very simple actually. :-)
yes these new women seem to me as if they want to be men...not me. I want to be treated like a woman if he can't fill those boots there are 1000's of men in their cities. most women love a project..me I like mine already assembled.
When I stopped reaching out to a guy he started popping up every few months with a hi or hey text just because he hadn't heard from me. They just wanna see if you'll respond or breadcrumb you until y'all fizzle out.
I had some dude worry me to death trying to get my phone number, which I refused to do with no explanation because I don't owe anyone an explanation and I will NOT be pressured into doing something I don't want to do. So he changed his approach and tried to get me to put his number in my phone. At that point I just pulled my head phones on, turned up my music, and ignored him until he got the hint finally and walked away, probably calling me everything but a child of God. I will not be coerced into giving attention to males I deem unworthy of my time.
I never called my FH when we first met. He always called me but I didn't play games when he did. He called me, I answered. If I missed his call, I called him back when I was done with that I was doing.
It's nothing wrong with that. A lot of Men like it, when a woman show interest and take action.... it's only "scares" a Man, when is not interested in the woman and don't know how to handle the situation now. and if a Man thinks a woman is desperate, when she is approaching, instead of being grateful that some girl is interested... it's not your problem :)
i always used to call men first but thats because i didnt want to give a man I just met my number. This is partly because he could be completely crazy/unsuitable/stalkerish. Once numbers have been exchanged, I let the man do most of the calling. That was my indication of how serious he was.
DolceVita - I don't give my # out either for the same reason....Only difference with me is, I get their numbers but never call them....Cuz.... Idgaf!!!😂😂😂
Tell him to man up and stop whining like a little bytch. Remind him that you're not his mommy. Complaining to you about feeling special is laughable. Big ass baby.
You right though!I stopped doing that a longg time ago..If a guy doesn't call you, it most definitely means he is not interested, and I don't have time for that..Also, if a guy calls me over 12 times, it scares me off as well..I've had guys who call and call, and when they do it gets annoying and makes me uninterested..🤦🏿♀️🤦🏿♀️🤦🏿♀️
This new age way of dating most guys want women to chase/pursue them. I just dont get it...This one guy I was dating a few months back got upset with me because I didnt call him...
I had this experience when this guy called me, I called him to see what he wanted. He was really distant on the phone, didn’t have much to say. Asking where I was. So I did not call him anymore. I basically could not get rid of him after that.
I didn’t know I was doing to much!!! In my 20s I had this mentally n then all the ladies starting saying no Liz u ask him for his number n basically I started being the aggressive one and didn’t even know it!!!
People, I think we need to round on these people giving relationship advice. *WHAT SHOULD WE DO ?* Men giving men relationship advice say: do not chase women, let women chase you. And now, seemingly, women giving relationship advice to women advice: do not chase men, let men chase you. Is there some conspiracy to divide the sexes - I wouldn't be surprised, *especially within the black community*
I'll be honest. I approach. A lot of male advisors say you shouldn't do that and instead let women chase you but, surprisingly, I agree with you in that I personally don't have time to wait. Again, I'll be honest. Later in life it sucks when you are rejected - it should. You are no longer young where you're all hormones just thinking about sex where there are plenty of opportunities for it so rejection is nothing. When you're older you're a mature, responsible and thinking person, therefore things matter. You start to think long-term, and form principles and ideals that you want to continue. Even so, you do do a little chasing depending on the personality of the particular woman, the situation and circumstances but *never too much* because even for me I find it *repulsive* to think that I as a man would chase after a woman like a little boy looking for comfort in his mother. So, if for sure you give me the impression you're not interested I will move on. I thought of you for the long term and for my wider view on things, but its better if you're clear about what you're about and want yourself because I am a serious man now so thank you for making things clear.
I like this comment! As a Black woman its very frustrating having to explain to so many people that I am not single because I have to be! I could take up a lot of space in the comments section about all of the things I hear! What if we could imagine a lot of these women are happy? At this point, if I keep listening to all of these bitter Black men, I will be even more bruised! All of this advice; smile a little more, be chipper, don't speak, what are we pets because we are single! I can be guided, but I won't be controlled, and control seems to be the mission with most men but especially a whole heap of Black men! This seems to be the anthem they chant rather if they make 10 dollars an hour, or 250 dollars an hour! I don't know what's wrong with so many of them! I asked a guy on my timeline who said "we don't chase these hoes", if you don't chase women (or the fact that he can't help himself to refer to us as hoes), and you don't like when women chase you, how will we hook up? Then he says, "oh I do chase women these are just song lyrics"! Oh, well I am happy he does not chase me with that type of thought process! So no! We have got to stop thinking that Black women are desperate and lonely! So I laugh at a lot of women when they think Black women be worrying about some sex! That is the quickest thing you can get from so many Black men of today's society! Sex it too easy with these men if you ask me, bragging about eating booties and oral sex, check the dentist with that mess! Very much so a turn off for a smart and successful woman! So many of these guys will hit it before they worry about if you need a meal or not! And don't tell me about "the wrong men women choose" when we can find deacons and bishops, doctors, and lawyers to be just as dirty and low down to their women! So yes, this is what happens when men think with their penises, and it turns me off with all of the misogyny, take it from a woman who has no trouble meeting successful men or gaining their adoration! I just don't like misogyny and I don't think enough men challenge it because it suits them!
Boss Lady, agree. But, as I have experienced, if after a certain period of time and at a particular stage, a woman is more receptive to another man, who is also chasing, I'm out. You're clearly more interested in him than me. It makes sense for me not to waste my time, not to inflate your ego and let you pursue something which (from your perspective and in your mind although you could be wrong, and it's not the context for me to correct you; you will hopefully learn otherwise) is more valuable to you in your perceived reality.
RIGHT ON! Deborah, this cannot be STRESSED enough. It is a good thing when a male wants to be the HUNTER, he is a MAN. It is great this way! TEXTING is very IMPERSONAL. When a man calls and we are hearing each other's voices and picking upon certain things, it is a wonderful sensation! Unless a woman may have thoughts of getting a SEX-CHANGE, she should let the MAN "BE" the MAN. When it is this way, a woman feels secure and feels like she is truly the BOSS and he is the MAN and each is thriving in her/his capabilities. Deborah, you really roll it out here. Thank you for emphasizing that a MAN should be allowed to have his IMAGINATIONS about the woman and that should NEVER change just because we are MODERN WOMEN roaring with all of our endeavours. Looking forward to more GUIDE from you about ETTIQUETTE of the MODERN WOMAN- SOMETHINGS SHOULD STAY ANCHORED.
I just give my VOIP number, I don't call, text, skype? Wasapp or any other communication that makes me too available or can be misconstrued into thinking I'm chasing.
I spent a bit too much time with my date in the first week of dating and there are too many opportunities for awkward moments to seep in.. eventually he said there wasn’t enough chemistry .. when honestly there was.. we just spent too much time together in the early phase.. disappointing but whatever
That merely means since he spent all that time with you, he was expecting some ass. Since you didn't give it to him, he moved on using that weakass excuse.
Don't get it twisted, I ain't down with that "feminine" crap at all. What I am focused on here and ALL I am focused on, is the reality of the male psyche. Just like when dealing with a bull - you know it is gonna charge when you wave something red in it's face. Same with men. Work with what is, not what you wish it to be, and you'll always be a winner.
Yes because the men stay complaining about how and asking why they got to do all the work? They get worrysome of they see you and you having reached out them. and I'm the type that doesn't give out my number quickly either. So unfortunately sometimes I've taken a guys number and whe. I was ready I texted. but yes I loved back in the Say when a guy called, and when they did they called non-stop Lolll
It's never really established where the line is between pursuing the woman you want vs. being obsessive to the point where it's stalking and being a creep. I mean if and when I do pursue, I know the feeling will be mutual. Awkward silence is the devil's bane!! I hate it! We do have a right to be just as careful in our pursuit of her. Don't we?
+Cejuan25 If you call and leave a message, and she doesn't have the time or decency to get back to you by days end, that is your cue to exit. The problem is so many men are ridiculously afraid of rejection so they take offense and run away at the slightest imagined transgression.
Deborrah Cooper can't lie deborrah, that's me all day unfortunately. And it's even worse today because we all have smartphones, if I text you good morning at 9am you can't tell me it takes you til 7pm to send a text back, dating today is sad.
Deborrah Cooper I agree , I also believe in straight vocal communication between adults but even I know we're in an era of quick communication, I met a woman one time who preferred we text rather than talk on the phone so guess what I did? I put her back on the shelf.i told her I'm grown and I'm not doing that.
+charles turner Excellent! Texting can be useful after things are well established. Say someone has a job where they are on phones most of the day, or in face to face contact with the public, working with machinery or chemicals, etc. A text to say "can't wait to see you tonight" or "hey cutey" or "miss you" or something like that would be appropriate and probably well received.
Another reason why I don't bother with dating. If I'm interested in a lady I would like to call her on the phone, the problem with this now and days is that if she doesn't answer, she'll usually just sent the guy a text asking what he wants (not even listening to the voicemail)I don't do texting so if I don't respond to text and I call her back, then I might be labeled one of two things (needy for calling back again, or uninterested for not texting back). I like learning from your videos but I'm just confused about this one and want to know more... Also would u still recommend not calling a man that u have good history with (friends) or is this just more for people starting off dating romantically? Sorry if u explained it already I'm just trying to get an understanding of this...
ggghhhkkk if you leave a woman a voicemail and she's too immature to return the call, and instead texts you back, she's not considerate of your time and you should set your sights higher on a lady who is respectful and considerate.
Someone will appreciate your effort. Men make phone calls and boys like to text. If she’s interested she’ll answer or at least return the call. I look at it that your weeding out those who aren’t worth your time. That’s how I look at it when I meet ppl.
That means you were the one carrying the "relationship" and that he had no real interest in you. Ever. Men go after what and who they want. If he ain't calling, then it means you were calling him and he may have just been polite and returned your calls. But when you stopped calling he had no reason to call a woman he wasn't interested in.
Okay last line Deborrah, sorry, loll But I got the phone lesson you've taught well. Now I want to ask you about boundaries for Coming to your home too quick. I'm a woman who does not allow a man over my house 1st Date or right away. So when you say don't do too Much or whatever, I do get in my car and meet Them where ever we are going great on the 1st Date, and they hate that!! I have to be comfortable and I've been stalked to much to keep letting men Know where I live. Is that okay that That I drive to the date site, or should I allow the man come over to over To me up for the 1st date? I haven't done that in 4 years, .... Let a man come over to get me for a 1st date. U Know some ladies who let men come over quickly.
Really? Like her more fabulous, thicker built older sister? LOL. Holly is a cutey pie. Remember when she was on 21 Jump Street and Johnny Depp wanted to marry her?
Yes, you are more fabulous. You could be her sister in her next big movie LOL. No, I didn't keep up with the series.. but they should have made them get married on screen. That would have been entertaining and memorable for us all.
Deborrah Cooper I agree..I had a dude that accidentally called me. Mind you i knew cause i was near my phone cause it only rung once. But to think if i was not by my phone and saw that i missed his call...I would have called back when he never even meant to call me..lol So yes! I agree..they must text "Call me when u get a chance" or something along those lines..then I will return the call.
Should this be applied to an 11 year relationship? I'm usually the one that keeps to myself most of the time but then it's somehow portrayed as me being "distant".
+Hyper12488 I would think at that point a good balance of 3:1 is good. Call him once for every 3-4 times he calls you. He will be so happy, and I dont think it will trouble you to any large degree.
This is too much of a blanket statement. If a woman doesn't call me she's playing games and I'm too old for that , if I feel my affection isn't being reciprocated I'm putting her back on the shelf quick , fast in a hurry. You only get one time to play me,simple as that. I've never chased a woman, she likes me, I like her and we call and text each other as much as possible #HAPPYENDING I'm not saying this video isn't accurate for a traditional man, but I'm anything but traditional rather good or bad.🙏🏼
+charles turner work that out between you after things are off the ground. If this video was about YOU, then your whining would be important. No woman in the world should call men as much or more than HE CALLS HER. After all, how would she know you are into her if she never lets you "be the man"? That's sexy to women...them calling you cause you demand it like a big ole baby is not sexy. At all. Turnoff.
Deborrah Cooper I never said I demand she call me, I'm saying if I call a woman , she can call me , it's a two way street. If she's interested she'll show as much interest as I do to her.
A woman should never "show as much interest" as a man does. To expect her to means you are wanting to be courted like a woman again. Women have a lot to lose by partnering up with the wrong man. She NEEDS to be a bit hesitant, reticent, and take her time assessing your words and actions. The mistake women make is getting caught up in that tit for tat shit, trying to prove that they care about you. No woman should EVER DO THAT. She can show curiousity, slight interest, nosiness perhaps. But until a man shows and says and proves that he is serious about her long-term, women need to hold back. They get in too deep, too fast and let their emotions and fantasies take the fuck over. With men like you pushing for women to do that, it's no wonder relationships are all fucked up. You men folk think you are women looking for her to be all on your jock. That is YOUR job to show her that you are her best option. It is not HER job to prove anything.
Deborrah Cooper I know thats right! I had to check a dude i was dating cause he thought that after only the second date that i should be taking him out now. I told him "I AM" the prize..and you looking for a woman to wine and dine you after you spending a few dollars on a dinner date you got me f**** up. That was the end of that.. c ya! lol
I agree. I think the flip side to situations isn't always well explained. I think if a man is pursuing a woman and he gets any doubts she isn't interested or it isn't paying off, he will fall back because he feeling played. Trust from experience its a guy in her phone who definitely isn't having that issue. Just move along lol. I think we spend too much time chasing people who don't want us as much as we want them.
This just sounds boring ...What am I if all I do is wait around for some guy to; call, text, ask me out, be in a relationship, to get married etc. Where am I in all of this? So if I need to talk I have to wait until he calls me? I get it, it just sounds like Im a "thing". Like a Pavlovic dog waiting for a bell. If this is how men work, whats the point?? It gives me anxiety just thinking about it. Maybe I have a hidden testicle in my uterus, but I want to be treated like an adult, not like "that".
You do whatever you like. You're grown. And after you finish chasing men down, what do you have? A man who doesn't have to put forth any effort at all to "get" your attention, time, love or anything else because you are chasing him down to give it to him. Shrug. Whatever floats your boat.
Right Deborrah!! I think the major problem is what to do in the meanwhile. I can think of a lot of things, some women just date other men in that time and for me I'm trying, TRYING to build my relationship with God which is already work one to do to come to Him and be in Him fully, learn Him. most arent trying to be with God on a Friday/Saturday night however. I aint perfect Im just trying to be better. and I've had my time in life being wild, letting men Call me, Chase the Hell out of me, getting in trouble with them and Getting rid of them. I'm just holding out nowadays and you're so right. and yes the Chase for many Many women, can be boring...we all like a man's company.
I don't call men or text them at all when you act indifferent they are all over you I have this 61 year old man at work who chases me and it is better when they chase and deborrah you are right when i was 18 i did call a guy and i wasn't in love with him and he was like why spend all this energy I learned then NEVER call them
If you like a guy ring him. I'm a man and I found out about a lot of women who liked me and at the time I honestly thought they didn't. Dam they should have showed interest because men can't pink up on emotional ques like women can.
Some men like to chase and other men don’t. This works if you want a man who will follow you.. if that’s what turns you on then that works but if you want a man who leads and that’s what turns you on then it would be the opposite advice. Some women want to be dominant initiators and some want to be submissive and follow. Different strokes for different folks.
Define a man.. what makes a man a man? Does that mean he likes sports? What if someone is a male but not competitive? Is he still a man? What if he’s not a provider? Does that disqualify him from being a man? Don’t both sexes have to work these days? You’re coming from a very outdated binary model of viewing gender.
If you don't kniw what a man is, you're too dumb to be in this channel. Don't waste my time asking stupid ass rhetorical questions trying to sound intellectual. Foh
I've been told "I'm not kissing your ass" that tells me you're not man enough to adore me ! You're right
Any guy who feels like doing the male pursuing of a mate is "kissing your ass"...he ain't worthy and needs to date Five Finger Mary.
My godmom always said "the man needs to be more in love with the woman than she is with him, that makes for lasting relationship"
Alek Zorn yep!
Alek Zorn I've heard that too!
yes exactly. i think my mom was way more in love w/ my dad than he was w/ her and it backfired on her because he left her twice...now she's remarried almost 10 years w/a man who worships her and she's happy.
I was told the same.
Women should never call men first. Make his ass wonder where you are
Literally had a dude say to me the other day, "Oh I was testing you a little bit to see if you would call and 5 days went by and no call so I just decided to call you." That's the game. They expect us to be clingy ladies. Shock them by being calm, cool, and unbothered.
Yup. You let him know you are high value and if he wants you he is gonna have to get off his ass, man up, and make the magic happen. All by himself like a damn MAN
@@Debsterism Exactly. Lol then he tried to say oh, I wonder if she still likes me. I was laughing in my head thinking to myself like yeah I like you but I'm not chasing you.
And I love you for that!!!!
smh
This is so true. It is what it is. Dont ever call a man unless you have missed his call. I used to think that I was too hard or mean by not reaching out first sometimes. Hell naw, if a man is pursuing you first, he will reach out to you. Trust me ladies. Try it. You will be able to wean alot of them who has no interest in you like that, quickly!
Only call men when YOU need something, it's a good way to test them, if they can't help you they may not be for you.
If a man puts in no effort in trying to get to know me then he isn't worth my time. I'm not going to consistently call or text him to get his attention.
I was raised old school so I agree that women should not be calling men as much as men call women, if at all But with texting, it's even deeper than that. It's the WORST way for humans who are interested in eachother to communicate. It breeds misunderstandings. It has no emotion except for some stupid typed emoticon. And worst of all, it allows for a sociopathic man(or woman) to hide their true intentions, communicate just enough to create the illusion of desire, and appear to be full on communicating with a person, while they could be literally having sex/dating/making moves on another person, while stringing 5-10 other girls along in text at the same time.
Never underestimate a man's ability to deceive, especially when he's given all the tools to do so, with a willing participant in a foolish woman. I wish Deb would do a video about that dynamic, and why it's important for women to only use text for vital communication with family, friends, and coworkers. Once a 'text-only' relationship is set up with any man, you can officially consider yourself, 'in the rotation'. And while women imagine the man doing what he 'claims' to be doing while he is texting and pretending to pay attention to her, he is likely doing something very different, and only interfacing with her just long enough, to set the bait for the future booty call. Don't fall for it, ladies.
AMEN....
I'm old school too. I like my waman in the kitchen.
Arnold Diaz Waman? 🤔
You said it all 💯‼️
Men only love you when you don't give a shit. In my experience when I am emotionally unavailable or didn't care, did whatever I wanted is when men get obsessive. Even after a break up telling me they're going to the beauty counter to smell my perfume. If that's true or not it's still funny. When I show the things I want to see in a man, they try to take advantage and when I call them out or say no to ridiculous things. All of a sudden I'm a high maintenance, said in an insulting tone. Basically saying I'm too much work for demanding the same respect I give to them. If I walk away from a man like this they tell everyone who knows them I'm crazy after he tried to tell me he made a mistake but I'm like it's too little too late. They also try to take over my wall on Facebook, probably sitting in their chair hovering over the like button for hours.
Men love to win. Love a challenge, a battle, a struggle. Then when they "win the prize" they are thrilled. Most women are too easy.
Exactly it's sad...but it's true...that's why woman who ain't shit have the best men and the good woman get the sorry men
I agree 100%. I myself will never go on a date with a man if he does not call me first. And I let them know this upfront. If he does not call (only texts), there is no date and I block and delete said man's number. Usually those same men came back or bumped into me later, all butt hurt because they couldn't reach me once they realized I was nowhere to be found. If a man is into you, it will be very obvious, and he will literally jump through hoops to be with you. Him not doing one little request like calling is indicative of future interactions.
I almost imploded from sitting still... waiting to see his next move. Almost burst into flames. Now, I’ve seen it for myself: If a man isn’t pursuing it - - a job, a goal, a companion - - It means next to nothing to him.
Men that give women their numbers are the worst. I never ever call them, they want u to chase. Mofos 😂😂😂
Ms. Cooper, the problem is definitely that a lot of these women don't know what it's like to have a guy really care for and be interested in them.
I've fallen into this trap before, but I've learned my lesson.
True. But if you've never seen that, never even heard of it, no woman in your family has been treated that way, none of the neighbors been treated that way - where would they learn it? I am hoping more young women find their way here. I really though am at a loss to figure out how to reach them. 😐😟😀
Great video and excellent advice!!
It's a red flag If a man is not showing interest by putting in the work with a simple phone call to initiate contact. If he can't reach you via phone he can leave a message or text to show sincere interest in contacting you. Anything else is games and a waste of time. Guys who don't put in the work upfront usually are not that interested or he has too many "side" issues going on.
Don't let these guys make you feel like you have to meet them halfway or chase them. Men to lazy to call or think a woman should meet them half way are usually not good choices for mates -- you will be meeting them halfway on everything all the time -- they are a real drain and take the fun and romance out of dating. You will wear yourself out with this type of man and have nothing to show for it in the end. Relationships with this type of man are usually boring as he never wants to do anything unless you come up with the plans, pay for it, and drag him out the house. But when his friends call or he meets the girl of his dreams he'll be out of there before you can blink an eye.
Women seeking relationships of substance should never pursue a guy by making phone calls or chasing him down. You can learn so much about a prospective "mate" by observing his actions or lack of action at the beginning of a relationship. A man who consistently and sincerely pursues you usually is a guy who has focused aim and knows what they want and how to get it. This type of "suitor" usually is in the relationship for the long haul as they had a mission and a game plan when they pursued you provided their interest and efforts were sincere.
The woman is the prize, and if the man is interested in her, he has to EARN IT! If he doesn't want to do that, ladies move on and find a dude that got the memo!
Hear hear!
@Jah Selector AKA Jason Thompson, ANY heterosexual individual born with a penis, who spends there time chasing, watching/making videos about females because they want to be with one. That behaviour displays that the woman IS the prize! If the woman wasn't the prize, the hetro penis individual wouldn't be chasing the woman, very simple actually. :-)
Factory!!!
yes these new women seem to me as if they want to be men...not me. I want to be treated like a woman if he can't fill those boots there are 1000's of men in their cities. most women love a project..me I like mine already assembled.
This is so true. Trying to build a connection with a guy who's not interested is like pulling teeth.
Precisely
I will not, I repeat will not Chase after any man.. Chasing a man will only inflate his BIG ego...Thx for the upload..👍🏾
Make his oversized head bigger than it already is!
When I stopped reaching out to a guy he started popping up every few months with a hi or hey text just because he hadn't heard from me. They just wanna see if you'll respond or breadcrumb you until y'all fizzle out.
I had some dude worry me to death trying to get my phone number, which I refused to do with no explanation because I don't owe anyone an explanation and I will NOT be pressured into doing something I don't want to do. So he changed his approach and tried to get me to put his number in my phone. At that point I just pulled my head phones on, turned up my music, and ignored him until he got the hint finally and walked away, probably calling me everything but a child of God. I will not be coerced into giving attention to males I deem unworthy of my time.
Hell no. He will grow old waiting for my phone call.
#mytwin
I never called my FH when we first met. He always called me but I didn't play games when he did. He called me, I answered. If I missed his call, I called him back when I was done with that I was doing.
I agree 100%. Women are not to pursue men. When they do, it always backfires and he'll never respect you.
I dont believe in Chasing a man neither.This scares the average man..and he will löök at you as desperate!.
It's nothing wrong with that. A lot of Men like it, when a woman show interest and take action.... it's only "scares" a Man, when is not interested in the woman and don't know how to handle the situation now.
and if a Man thinks a woman is desperate, when she is approaching, instead of being grateful that some girl is interested... it's not your problem :)
@@Laichzeiter Agreed. Notice the OP said 'average man'. Only average sees this as what it's not.
I will NEVER approach a guy ever again. The biggest mistake of my life. It was a Black guy of course.
I stopped responding to guys who never or rarely want to talk on the phone. I'm not a texting person especially when I'm trying to get to know you.
i always used to call men first but thats because i didnt want to give a man I just met my number. This is partly because he could be completely crazy/unsuitable/stalkerish. Once numbers have been exchanged, I let the man do most of the calling. That was my indication of how serious he was.
DolceVita - I don't give my # out either for the same reason....Only difference with me is, I get their numbers but never call them....Cuz....
Idgaf!!!😂😂😂
I take men's number and never call. Even if I tell them I will call them.
This man told me I want to feel special too, he wants me to call him but this video just confirmed why I will continue NOT TO. Thank you Miss Deb.
Tell him to man up and stop whining like a little bytch. Remind him that you're not his mommy. Complaining to you about feeling special is laughable. Big ass baby.
@@Debsterism Thank you, I haven't heard from him in days and I like it that way lol.
Yayusss
You right though!I stopped doing that a longg time ago..If a guy doesn't call you, it most definitely means he is not interested, and I don't have time for that..Also, if a guy calls me over 12 times, it scares me off as well..I've had guys who call and call, and when they do it gets annoying and makes me uninterested..🤦🏿♀️🤦🏿♀️🤦🏿♀️
Thank you deb..I just learned this the hard way..lol Never again after watching this. Just validated everything i was thinking...smh
Yes I agree i use to call men I stop that crap . No more
This new age way of dating most guys want women to chase/pursue them. I just dont get it...This one guy I was dating a few months back got upset with me because I didnt call him...
#bitchmade
Very good advice! I have made this mistake once before...Will not do this ever again.
I do not believe in calling men,if you call and I'm busy I might call you back ,but men need to show you "They" are intrested ,by calling you.....
You confirmed what I have been telling people for years. Obviously I have NEVER had a man into me, except one younger guy who was married. Bye!
Really? That's so sad. :(
I use to be like this but Deb got me up on game these guys aren't ready for me I got the game down and im ready to play 😈🤡👻
OMG YESSS!!! I HATE TEXTING OR TYPE TALKING AS I CALL IT......DC THANK YOU :)
1 call a day, may be morning may be night , especially if we live together... that all day yik yak is the worst
Aint't it tho? Like fingernails on a blackboard!
mistaseeforce I agree
I had this experience when this guy called me, I called him to see what he wanted. He was really distant on the phone, didn’t have much to say. Asking where I was. So I did not call him anymore. I basically could not get rid of him after that.
I didn’t know I was doing to much!!!
In my 20s I had this mentally n then all the ladies starting saying no Liz u ask him for his number n basically I started being the aggressive one and didn’t even know it!!!
People, I think we need to round on these people giving relationship advice. *WHAT SHOULD WE DO ?*
Men giving men relationship advice say: do not chase women, let women chase you.
And now, seemingly, women giving relationship advice to women advice: do not chase men, let men chase you.
Is there some conspiracy to divide the sexes - I wouldn't be surprised, *especially within the black community*
I'll be honest. I approach. A lot of male advisors say you shouldn't do that and instead let women chase you but, surprisingly, I agree with you in that I personally don't have time to wait.
Again, I'll be honest. Later in life it sucks when you are rejected - it should. You are no longer young where you're all hormones just thinking about sex where there are plenty of opportunities for it so rejection is nothing. When you're older you're a mature, responsible and thinking person, therefore things matter. You start to think long-term, and form principles and ideals that you want to continue.
Even so, you do do a little chasing depending on the personality of the particular woman, the situation and circumstances but *never too much* because even for me I find it *repulsive* to think that I as a man would chase after a woman like a little boy looking for comfort in his mother. So, if for sure you give me the impression you're not interested I will move on. I thought of you for the long term and for my wider view on things, but its better if you're clear about what you're about and want yourself because I am a serious man now so thank you for making things clear.
Thank you for being a man about yours. So refreshing.
I like this comment! As a Black woman its very frustrating having to explain to so many people that I am not single because I have to be! I could take up a lot of space in the comments section about all of the things I hear! What if we could imagine a lot of these women are happy? At this point, if I keep listening to all of these bitter Black men, I will be even more bruised! All of this advice; smile a little more, be chipper, don't speak, what are we pets because we are single! I can be guided, but I won't be controlled, and control seems to be the mission with most men but especially a whole heap of Black men! This seems to be the anthem they chant rather if they make 10 dollars an hour, or 250 dollars an hour! I don't know what's wrong with so many of them! I asked a guy on my timeline who said "we don't chase these hoes", if you don't chase women (or the fact that he can't help himself to refer to us as hoes), and you don't like when women chase you, how will we hook up? Then he says, "oh I do chase women these are just song lyrics"! Oh, well I am happy he does not chase me with that type of thought process! So no! We have got to stop thinking that Black women are desperate and lonely! So I laugh at a lot of women when they think Black women be worrying about some sex! That is the quickest thing you can get from so many Black men of today's society! Sex it too easy with these men if you ask me, bragging about eating booties and oral sex, check the dentist with that mess! Very much so a turn off for a smart and successful woman! So many of these guys will hit it before they worry about if you need a meal or not! And don't tell me about "the wrong men women choose" when we can find deacons and bishops, doctors, and lawyers to be just as dirty and low down to their women! So yes, this is what happens when men think with their penises, and it turns me off with all of the misogyny, take it from a woman who has no trouble meeting successful men or gaining their adoration! I just don't like misogyny and I don't think enough men challenge it because it suits them!
Boss Lady, agree. But, as I have experienced, if after a certain period of time and at a particular stage, a woman is more receptive to another man, who is also chasing, I'm out. You're clearly more interested in him than me. It makes sense for me not to waste my time, not to inflate your ego and let you pursue something which (from your perspective and in your mind although you could be wrong, and it's not the context for me to correct you; you will hopefully learn otherwise) is more valuable to you in your perceived reality.
This was for me. I definitely have done too much too soon.
Well, now you know. :D
@@Debsterism yep great advice Deb!! I was just thirsty and impatient.
RIGHT ON! Deborah, this cannot be STRESSED enough. It is a good thing when a male wants to be the HUNTER, he is a MAN. It is great this way! TEXTING is very IMPERSONAL. When a man calls and we are hearing each other's voices and picking upon certain things, it is a wonderful sensation! Unless a woman may have thoughts of getting a SEX-CHANGE, she should let the MAN "BE" the MAN. When it is this way, a woman feels secure and feels like she is truly the BOSS and he is the MAN and each is thriving in her/his capabilities. Deborah, you really roll it out here. Thank you for emphasizing that a MAN should be allowed to have his IMAGINATIONS about the woman and that should NEVER change just because we are MODERN WOMEN roaring with all of our endeavours. Looking forward to more GUIDE from you about ETTIQUETTE of the MODERN WOMAN- SOMETHINGS SHOULD STAY ANCHORED.
I just give my VOIP number, I don't call, text, skype? Wasapp or any other communication that makes me too available or can be misconstrued into thinking I'm chasing.
Yyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeesssssssss!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE this one
I spent a bit too much time with my date in the first week of dating and there are too many opportunities for awkward moments to seep in.. eventually he said there wasn’t enough chemistry .. when honestly there was.. we just spent too much time together in the early phase.. disappointing but whatever
That merely means since he spent all that time with you, he was expecting some ass. Since you didn't give it to him, he moved on using that weakass excuse.
I absolutely love your channel!
No need to do that much work with toys though.
Thank you so much for this timely upload! We've definitely lost the art of the feminine and need to reconnect with it.
Don't get it twisted, I ain't down with that "feminine" crap at all. What I am focused on here and ALL I am focused on, is the reality of the male psyche. Just like when dealing with a bull - you know it is gonna charge when you wave something red in it's face. Same with men. Work with what is, not what you wish it to be, and you'll always be a winner.
also i dont have a phone, so... how are they going to call me, telephatically?? hahahahah
yes Ma'am
100% agree with this
Great common sense advice!
Yes because the men stay complaining about how and asking why they got to do all the work?
They get worrysome of they see you and you having reached out them. and I'm the type that doesn't give out my number quickly either. So unfortunately sometimes I've taken a guys number and whe. I was ready I texted. but yes I loved back in the Say when a guy called, and when they did they called non-stop Lolll
It's never really established where the line is between pursuing the woman you want vs. being obsessive to the point where it's stalking and being a creep. I mean if and when I do pursue, I know the feeling will be mutual.
Awkward silence is the devil's bane!! I hate it!
We do have a right to be just as careful in our pursuit of her. Don't we?
+Cejuan25 If you call and leave a message, and she doesn't have the time or decency to get back to you by days end, that is your cue to exit.
The problem is so many men are ridiculously afraid of rejection so they take offense and run away at the slightest imagined transgression.
Deborrah Cooper can't lie deborrah, that's me all day unfortunately. And it's even worse today because we all have smartphones, if I text you good morning at 9am you can't tell me it takes you til 7pm to send a text back, dating today is sad.
Deborrah Cooper I agree , I also believe in straight vocal communication between adults but even I know we're in an era of quick communication, I met a woman one time who preferred we text rather than talk on the phone so guess what I did? I put her back on the shelf.i told her I'm grown and I'm not doing that.
+charles turner Excellent! Texting can be useful after things are well established. Say someone has a job where they are on phones most of the day, or in face to face contact with the public, working with machinery or chemicals, etc. A text to say "can't wait to see you tonight" or "hey cutey" or "miss you" or something like that would be appropriate and probably well received.
Gotta get a green light first!!
Another reason why I don't bother with dating. If I'm interested in a lady I would like to call her on the phone, the problem with this now and days is that if she doesn't answer, she'll usually just sent the guy a text asking what he wants (not even listening to the voicemail)I don't do texting so if I don't respond to text and I call her back, then I might be labeled one of two things (needy for calling back again, or uninterested for not texting back). I like learning from your videos but I'm just confused about this one and want to know more... Also would u still recommend not calling a man that u have good history with (friends) or is this just more for people starting off dating romantically? Sorry if u explained it already I'm just trying to get an understanding of this...
ggghhhkkk if you leave a woman a voicemail and she's too immature to return the call, and instead texts you back, she's not considerate of your time and you should set your sights higher on a lady who is respectful and considerate.
Yall do this all the time.
Someone will appreciate your effort. Men make phone calls and boys like to text. If she’s interested she’ll answer or at least return the call. I look at it that your weeding out those who aren’t worth your time. That’s how I look at it when I meet ppl.
What if u don’t call him & he stops calling you
That means you were the one carrying the "relationship" and that he had no real interest in you. Ever. Men go after what and who they want. If he ain't calling, then it means you were calling him and he may have just been polite and returned your calls. But when you stopped calling he had no reason to call a woman he wasn't interested in.
move on. he isn't interested.
real talk
Okay last line Deborrah, sorry, loll
But I got the phone lesson you've taught well.
Now I want to ask you about boundaries for
Coming to your home too quick.
I'm a woman who does not allow a man over my house 1st
Date or right away. So when you say don't do too
Much or whatever, I do get in my car and meet
Them where ever we are going great on the 1st
Date, and they hate that!! I have to be comfortable
and I've been stalked to much to keep letting men
Know where I live.
Is that okay that That I drive to the date site,
or should I allow the man come over to over
To me up for the 1st date?
I haven't done that in 4 years, ....
Let a man come over to get me for a 1st date. U
Know some ladies who let men come over quickly.
I am gonna bang out a 5 min vid.
Deborrah Cooper what’s the name of the video addressing if the woman should drive to the date?
Read "the rules" it will answer your questions and more
@@femininedivin3 Every single one of those women ended up divorced. I would not be too quick to use their ideas as a model.
Great tips Sis. I think that you look a little bit like the actress Holly Robinson.
Really? Like her more fabulous, thicker built older sister? LOL. Holly is a cutey pie. Remember when she was on 21 Jump Street and Johnny Depp wanted to marry her?
Yes, you are more fabulous. You could be her sister in her next big movie LOL. No, I didn't keep up with the series.. but they should have made them get married on screen. That would have been entertaining and memorable for us all.
Aw man, I can feel my head swelling to immense proportions! LOLOL.
what about if u missd their call can u call back?
+Apo risms Sure that's only polite. But only if he leaves a message asking you to. Seeing his missed call in the caller ID, no you don't return that.
Deborrah Cooper I agree..I had a dude that accidentally called me. Mind you i knew cause i was near my phone cause it only rung once. But to think if i was not by my phone and saw that i missed his call...I would have called back when he never even meant to call me..lol So yes! I agree..they must text "Call me when u get a chance" or something along those lines..then I will return the call.
Ms. Cooper. What video is it with texting. I'm interested in hearing what you had to say
It's primarily an article on www.survivingdating.com. I also discussed in a video or maybe it was a radio show...can't remember.
@@Debsterism Good morning, and thank you.
Wish my memory was better, or I had an actual topical index of my stuff. Sigh.
@@Debsterism I did find it. In the Breadcrumbs topic 👍😁 Thank You, again.
Girlllllllllllll you are amazing! Gotta start calling you Detective Ramos!
Should this be applied to an 11 year relationship? I'm usually the one that keeps to myself most of the time but then it's somehow portrayed as me being "distant".
+Hyper12488 I would think at that point a good balance of 3:1 is good. Call him once for every 3-4 times he calls you. He will be so happy, and I dont think it will trouble you to any large degree.
Deborrah Cooper thank you
This is too much of a blanket statement. If a woman doesn't call me she's playing games and I'm too old for that , if I feel my affection isn't being reciprocated I'm putting her back on the shelf quick , fast in a hurry. You only get one time to play me,simple as that. I've never chased a woman, she likes me, I like her and we call and text each other as much as possible
#HAPPYENDING
I'm not saying this video isn't accurate for a traditional man, but I'm anything but traditional rather good or bad.🙏🏼
+charles turner work that out between you after things are off the ground. If this video was about YOU, then your whining would be important. No woman in the world should call men as much or more than HE CALLS HER. After all, how would she know you are into her if she never lets you "be the man"? That's sexy to women...them calling you cause you demand it like a big ole baby is not sexy. At all. Turnoff.
Deborrah Cooper I never said I demand she call me, I'm saying if I call a woman , she can call me , it's a two way street. If she's interested she'll show as much interest as I do to her.
A woman should never "show as much interest" as a man does. To expect her to means you are wanting to be courted like a woman again. Women have a lot to lose by partnering up with the wrong man. She NEEDS to be a bit hesitant, reticent, and take her time assessing your words and actions. The mistake women make is getting caught up in that tit for tat shit, trying to prove that they care about you. No woman should EVER DO THAT. She can show curiousity, slight interest, nosiness perhaps. But until a man shows and says and proves that he is serious about her long-term, women need to hold back. They get in too deep, too fast and let their emotions and fantasies take the fuck over. With men like you pushing for women to do that, it's no wonder relationships are all fucked up. You men folk think you are women looking for her to be all on your jock. That is YOUR job to show her that you are her best option. It is not HER job to prove anything.
Deborrah Cooper I know thats right! I had to check a dude i was dating cause he thought that after only the second date that i should be taking him out now. I told him "I AM" the prize..and you looking for a woman to wine and dine you after you spending a few dollars on a dinner date you got me f**** up. That was the end of that.. c ya! lol
I agree. I think the flip side to situations isn't always well explained. I think if a man is pursuing a woman and he gets any doubts she isn't interested or it isn't paying off, he will fall back because he feeling played. Trust from experience its a guy in her phone who definitely isn't having that issue. Just move along lol. I think we spend too much time chasing people who don't want us as much as we want them.
Hey some of them prefer texting as they don't like speaking on the phone & don.t have enough credit....
LOSERS!!!
NEXT!
This just sounds boring ...What am I if all I do is wait around for some guy to; call, text, ask me out, be in a relationship, to get married etc. Where am I in all of this? So if I need to talk I have to wait until he calls me? I get it, it just sounds like Im a "thing". Like a Pavlovic dog waiting for a bell. If this is how men work, whats the point?? It gives me anxiety just thinking about it. Maybe I have a hidden testicle in my uterus, but I want to be treated like an adult, not like "that".
You do whatever you like. You're grown. And after you finish chasing men down, what do you have? A man who doesn't have to put forth any effort at all to "get" your attention, time, love or anything else because you are chasing him down to give it to him. Shrug. Whatever floats your boat.
Right Deborrah!! I think the major problem is what to do in the meanwhile. I can think of a lot of things, some women just date other men in that time and for me I'm trying, TRYING to build my relationship with God which is already work one to do to come to Him and be in Him fully, learn Him. most arent trying to be with God on a Friday/Saturday night however.
I aint perfect Im just trying to be better. and I've had my time in life being wild, letting men Call me, Chase the Hell out of me, getting in trouble with them and Getting rid of them.
I'm just holding out nowadays and you're so right. and yes the Chase for many Many women, can be boring...we all like a man's company.
I don't call men or text them at all when you act indifferent they are all over you I have this 61 year old man at work who chases me and it is better when they chase and deborrah you are right when i was 18 i did call a guy and i wasn't in love with him and he was like why spend all this energy I learned then NEVER call them
If you're single you should be dating multiple men and enjoying your life. You sound boring and perhaps thats your problem.
@@reclaimedandrested true
Please participate in this poll: goo.gl/forms/FM6jaK9eya1xWeLU2
calling is not a bad thing, what ruins women is needless arguing/complaining
Calling is a bad thing if I say it is.
lol ok have fun with that
sometimes you wana be dominant though :/
Be you. Just know the risks.
Well some men want women to call them first. I know of someone like that
Bitch made punkasses. Those are not MEN.
@@Debsterism 🤣🤣🤣Miss Deborrah you're a trip and I love it!
I disagree. Please call if you're interested, not desparate
Some men think you're desperate when interested sadly. I think ill wait for them. Just my experience.
👀👀
If you like a guy ring him. I'm a man and I found out about a lot of women who liked me and at the time I honestly thought they didn't. Dam they should have showed interest because men can't pink up on emotional ques like women can.
lotsofsparks32 but when some women do it, y'all call her desperate.
never call a man, if he is interested he should man the fuck up.
@@chanv2624 facts
Some men like to chase and other men don’t. This works if you want a man who will follow you.. if that’s what turns you on then that works but if you want a man who leads and that’s what turns you on then it would be the opposite advice. Some women want to be dominant initiators and some want to be submissive and follow. Different strokes for different folks.
Who gives a shit? You don't get off your flat ass and go after your dreams, you're useless and a dud.
Define a man.. what makes a man a man? Does that mean he likes sports? What if someone is a male but not competitive? Is he still a man? What if he’s not a provider? Does that disqualify him from being a man? Don’t both sexes have to work these days? You’re coming from a very outdated binary model of viewing gender.
If you don't kniw what a man is, you're too dumb to be in this channel. Don't waste my time asking stupid ass rhetorical questions trying to sound intellectual. Foh
Gurl I love this so much and it's on point! Thank you