I thru-hiked the Allegheny Trail with the intension of continuing my hike up the A.T. After a month on trail, and 300 miles behind me, I finally reached the junction with the A.T. Standing there looking north and south, I realized that I wasn't a thru-hiker. I had rushed past some amazing places simply to reach the next milepost in time, which left me feeling continually disappointed. To me, thru-hiking is like bringing societal expectations with you. Schedules, and waypoints. Sitting in a tent at night looking at elevation charts, while planning the mileage and all the stops for the next day. The whole reason you carry everything on your back is so your home is wherever you are, and you never have to feel rushed. And the freedom you feel when you don't have a plan is intoxicating. Even something as simple as stumbling upon an abandoned picnic area in the wilderness with flowers blooming everywhere is absolutely magical. It's like.... where am I? What is this place? Is this really in the middle of nowhere? Nope, around the corner is a State Park gift shop. LOL Had I looked on a map the day before, I would have never experienced the same magic. Do you know what I mean? I think that's why thru-hikers love trail magic so much. It's something unexpected. That's why I love being a "destination unknown" backpacker.
I just had to reply to your comment and tell you that it really resonated with me. I started walking the Camino de Santiago from France exactly 3 weeks ago. I had been training for months and felt confident in my ability to walk the distance to Santiago de Compostela. I walked up the Pyrenees to the first hostel on the first day, and it was hard but I did it. That night I woke up at 3:00 a.m. and had to go to the bathroom. I was on a top bunk, which was quite a high bunk bed at that particular hostel, and I'm not sure whether or not my foot slipped or what but I fell about 5 ft flat on my back onto a tile floor and smacked my head, hard. I knew it was a really bad fall and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get up. But I was so embarrassed that I managed to drag myself up, clean myself up, take an Ibuprofen, stretch, and go back up to my bunk. The next day I sent my pack ahead and walked the remaining 12 miles to the next hostel and continued for another 7 days after that, until my back was so painful that I could barely get myself up out of a bed in the morning. At that point I realized I had to stop the Camino. I was terribly disappointed in myself and sad. I decided to continue the trip though, and took buses from place to place so I could see some of the cities on the Way. I took lots of painkillers and was able to do that for another week or so, then I decided I really needed to stop and do some serious rest. So now I am near Malaga sitting on a beach. But since all that happened, I have had some insights that I am pretty sure I would never have had if everything had gone according to plan. They were very similar to yours. I realized that when I was walking the stages of the Camino, I didn't have any time to stop and enjoy any of the sights. After walking for at least 6 hours in the hot sun with no shade, 13-17 miles, I was completely exhausted and all I wanted to do was eat, shower, and sleep. The whole reason I had wanted to walk the Camino was as a transitional time for reflection after retiring. I wanted to think about what my life would be after working, what my goals were, and what I wanted to focus on and change. And with time and reflection after stopping the walk because of the fall, I realized that I had just been continuing all my old patterns. My whole life I set a goal, set up a timeline, and then went after it come hell or high water. I suddenly realized that I didn't have to do that anymore. I could break that pattern. That if I go back and do the Camino again, I can just walk whatever number of miles I want to walk each day and then stop. I don't have to walk the whole 480 miles. I can walk for a week or two and enjoy the experience and rest and relax as I go. This one insight was actually worth all of the pain and the disappointment that I experienced as a result of that fall the first night. The other thing that keeps coming up is gratitude. In slow motion while I was falling, I knew it was going to be a really dangerous fall...could be game over. After falling so hard, I remember lying on the floor doubting I would be able to stand up. But even though I got hurt, every day since then I am so grateful for the fact that I can still walk and for so many other things. Definitely a perspective shift. So, thanks for your comment.
I hike off trail with map and compass. I love old army survey maps, which include a bunch of crap out in the wilderness that may or may not actually exist. A blue pond on the map? Dry creek bed. Old mine? A bunch of metal crap rusting away. Trails? Nope.
I always wanted to go to Ireland and buy a donkey and just ride it around pay to sleep in a barn here and there by a little hay from somebody have a beer with the crew and then give the donkey to somebody poor when I went home. I never once desire to go on a tour and see 10 cities in 5 days or whatever these guys do.
I have always wanted to thru hike, having hiked NC, SC and GA for over 30 years. But 15 years ago my teenage daughter and I were day hiking for a week in NC and SC. I felt a fear I had never felt before - anxiety, foreshadowing, sudden fear of a bear sighting, etc. We also met some strange people on the trails. Lone men with no gear, people carrying long arms - it was not hunting season - and not much gear, and it really spooked me. She and I took our old dog back to a favorite trail - Pig Pen Falls - a few years ago when we knew the dog didn’t have much time left. The forest was completely silent…spooky. We fooled around at the falls and went to the river. There was something there that made it feel wrong. Guess what I’m trying to say is that there can be untoward and perhaps evil in the woods. Heed your intuition.
That's all very interesting accounts. I've often wondered about encountering things like Spidey senses going off or encountering transients or those who just seem .. off. Thanks for sharing
Health is the most important thing, and that includes mental health! You never need an excuse to do what’s right for your health. I’m so glad you got out of there! You are so awesome for talking about this because it’s not often talked about. It wasn’t a failure, it was a success in that you saved yourself and learned a tremendous amount. 💚🌧🌧🌧
Great Honesty. People that just watch videos of moments of the people that complete a thru hike need to see the other side. Awesome that you didn’t finish one year. Few years later finished. The wanting to hurt yourself/sprain your ankle is common. Thanks for shining an honest and sincere light on anxiety. The feeling of impending doom and chest pain is a great way to explain anxiety. Thank you.
I think thru-hiking has become the end all be all and really it's like a status thing. "I hiked a thru hike", I say big deal I hiked a 25 mile hike in an entire week and saw a ton of beautiful things and had time to stop and smell the flowers and take pictures and just enjoy myself. That is what it is all about the enjoyment of the outdoors not simply getting from point a to point b. JMO.
I appreciate your self-honesty and your authenticity, Tara. It requires courage to share a story like this. If what you are doing does not make you happy or nourish your soul, the only person's permission you need to stop doing it, is your own. Never fear to show yourself the grace you deserve. I'm glad that you have come to terms with this and that you have found peace within yourself. 🌧💚
Wow, that was eye opening. I recently lost my hiking buddy to lung cancer last year. I was hiking by myself but only one overnight camping and sending her back pictures. The hope was she was going to beat cancer and get back on the trail to hike the last nine miles from punch bowl down to the James river and retire from hiking. Now it will be different knowing she will not be with me on the trail, sharing pics or calling her. She will always be in my heart when I hike. I usually hike the Shenandoah's and there is always hikers you meet along the way and at the shelters. I will need to hike for a week to see how I will do. Thanks for sharing.👍
This is the 1st and only video I've seen that addresses the reasons I quit my thru-hike - loneliness and anxiety, maybe dread. THANK YOU. I, too, felt like I was disappointing my loved ones. I felt an intense sense of dread - while others said they felt "free" in all the surrounding nature, I felt trapped. I tried with a group, all of whom were awesome but none were my loved ones back home. My last failed attempt ended a month ago and I find myself wanting to try a 4th time. But that isn't healthy for me. I'm going to search out your other videos on processing the early end of a thru-hike, but just wanted to let you know that this video has been a huge help. Thank you.
This is very needed video. I started March 5th, I got off trail for these exact same reasons as many people have but I didn't know how to explain it. My girlfriend has got me back in the gym and really supporting me going hard for it again next spring. Anyway, this video 🤘❤ you are literally my hero for talking about this.
Anxiety and or depression are tough. My thru hike next year is partly an attempt to fully ditch the med management. I whooped the depression on my own, but the anxiety is a bigger beast. The woods calms that beast. The only way you fail is if you quit for good. Maybe I'll see you out there.
I totally get the anxiety, when I tried SoBo' ing in 2018, The anxiety felt like an alien monster was going to burst through my chest, like in the movie "Alien". I didn't get any sleep the night before, and it was a surreal experience as my friends dropped me off in ME, I realized I was all alone and I had hundreds of miles ahead of me, thank you for being so authentic with your feelings, I'm trying to create a network to support through hikers. I recently lost a friend that I met on the Appalachian Trail in 2019 because of suicide, so I feel called upon to reach out to other hikers and help them through this anyway I can, those are my two cents worth thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing, Tara. I've had a lot of mental struggles in my attempt this year and I think it's super important people talk about it because in all my years of AT research, I still wasn't ready for what I personally encountered. The trapped feelings and wanting a "real excuse" are so relatable and something I've heard from a ton of hikers. 🌧️
Hi Tera - It was very nice meeting and talking with you today at REI. Great video and a good topic. Nearly everyone I thru hiked with in 2021 (over half) got off the trail for a multitude of reasons. For me, I worried most about what might happen when I was hiking while my wife was home alone. Without her strong emotional support, encouragement and understanding I'm not sure I would have or could have completed the entire hike. Thanks for sharing your personal experience!
I quit my '17 thru-hike for the same reasons. I was doing fine for a couple months, made it all the way to Damascus just in time for Trail Days. The next weekend was Memorial Weekend and it had been raining for about two weeks straight. When I got to Thomas Knob shelter, I was wanting to quit as the anxiety began to build because the trail was packed with weekend hikers and I was still in a huge thru-hiker bubble. I know you're not supposed to quit on a bad day, so I stayed in that shelter for three days then hiked to the nearest parking lot and hitched a ride to the nearest town. I remember the very first panic attack I had, I thought I was having a heart attack. Anxiety is no joke. I've since hiked as far north as Dalton, Mass., but next year is my next thru-attempt. Looking forward to Trail Days in a few weeks too!
Yeah I see exactly what your problem is. Other people with the right to enjoy the trail but not the finances or the position in life to go out here and camp out and walk for two or three months or just weekend warriors to you. I hope your anxiety keeps you from going out and condemning others who have every right to enjoy the same things you enjoy in a state park. You have anxiety because you do things that make you anxious. Maybe it's lying.
@@markmcgoveran6811, I don't know how you reached that interpretation of what I wrote, but it sounds like you need to go hike. I'm not blaming anyone else for my disabilities, just explaining the situation that triggered my symptoms. Go outside and take a deep breath, man.
@@OG-PapaDude well I'm glad you asked how I reach that interpretation. Try seeing everybody's rights as well as you see yours. Weekend hikers are just hikers. When you start breaking everything down into two groups like your group Superior and the other groups inferior that's where I take my interpretation from.
@@markmcgoveran6811 That was not my intention, just noting that because it was a holiday weekend and I happened to be in a very popular section of the trail, it was extremely packed which triggered my panic attack.
I have section hiked since the 70’s as an Eagle Scout an adventurer, I never made the thru hike decision. At 60, I have deep respect for those who finished and a responsibility to to introduce and educate others to this jewel of our nation.
I get the anxiety from being truly alone. If I can hear others around me, I’m good. I don’t necessarily want to interact with them, but just knowing that I wasn’t the only one there beings a sense of safety and security. When totally alone, my senses are on high alert ALL the time. Sounds like you need a hiking buddy who pairs well with you.
I have a very good guy friend of mine. He was super excited to go to Europe by himself and travel around Europe solo as I had done years before. My buddy got over there and basically had some kind of anxiety attack or something and he came back and unapologetically told all of us. I totally understood that because I too had a bit of an anxiety attack when I got there at 20 by myself. Your friends don't look down on you when you have something like that happen. They feel for you and want you to reach your goals when you can. Thanks for sharing that your experience.
I quit a lot of bike rides across the USA. One thing I kept telling myself is When u get home Nothing is gonna change. Same old same old. And if I make it across the USA I will be home in 40 days anyways. So after quitting 3x by the az border 3 days in. The 4th year I made it across the USA. Now I’ve cycled across the USA 4 times. That anxiety is real.
Thanks for sharing your story. I too feel 🌧 when it’s 🌧. I’m currently section hiking the AT. The thing that helps me love the experience most is to set out for a set number of days on trail. I don’t even think too much about mileage. Mileage is too cumbersome depending on the location. For example, 56 miles in the White Mountains took me 8 days. 99.2 miles in Pennsylvania only took me 9 days 🤷🏻♀️. Next up is 28 days NOBO from Dick’s Creek Gap. I’m focused on staying on for 28 days. We’ll see where I get 🤷🏻♀️. Also, I want to have fun. It’s hard to force fun. Right! That’s enough rambling from me. Thanks again! 😃
Thank you for sharing your story with us. You explained it very well IMO. 😉 As a 5+ year section hiker, I typically hike 1-2 weeks spring and fall, so I don't ever feel like quitting.
I related to this so hard. Literally my biggest hurdle in attempting a thru hike is my anxiety, the fear of letting everyone down, missing my husband, etc. Thank you so much for telling your story. I could tell it was still a very difficult thing to talk about so I appreciate you sharing 🌧
Thank you for this video. I needed it so so much!! I tried to do a 500 mile LASH a few weeks and experienced what you have explained in my own way and only accomplished 52.5 miles before I got off trail. I have been processing in my own way but doing it all alone because I feel like I have let everyone down.
I was in a bad car wreck when I was 16 and I fell asleep on my way home from a date at 3 am. I never had a scratch on me but my 1974 caprice classic was written off so badly I no longer even had -a front axle. I should not have survived that accident but not even a single scratch. So I walked to a home and an old lady let me me to call my mom. Now I have 10 siblings but when my mom answers the phone her words were Troy are you ok ?? I was like how did you know it was me ? He answer was Troy I woke up 20 minutes ago with a strong burden on my heart to pray for you. She got out of bed and cried out to Jesus to protect me and without my moms prayers I wouldn’t be here today. So I told u that story to tell u that life is about more than finishing a trail sometimes theses life lessons from a higher power. Listen to those inward feelings as sometimes they are very very important to your survival.
Thank you for this, it’s just what I needed to hear. My hike ended at Bly Gap in March. Although I didn’t have a choice due to my physical condition, I completely relate to needing an “acceptable” reason to get off trail. Especially when your adventure is quite public. Anxiety and anxiety attacks are just as real and crippling as spinal stenosis. And, I’m finding, is common and commonly downplayed. Nobody wants to be seen as a quitter. As for myself, I know what I did and how hard I tried. I’ll be my own hero. It was physically harder than anything I’ve done in my life, and it was psychologically challenging to step back off into a world I didn’t expect to be in again for the better part of a year. I understand anxiety. Your reminder to be present comes at the perfect time. I have the choice to live ruled by self-produced cortisol and adrenaline, or I can be present right here, right now, where I’m sitting outside soaking up sunshine. Thank you so much for this message. I’m going to go take care of some business so I can get on with my adventures. Namaste
It may have been God protecting you from some terrible experience--by motivating you to abort your carefully planned hiking agenda. You apparently did NOT feel at peace in your spirit about continuing your journey. There is NO shame in recognizing your feelings and situation--and modifying your plans accordingly, as you did. You went farther than a LOT of people have gone. You had the courage to try. Good for you. Shalom to you and your husband.
🌧 Wow that was a great video you have to not only be in good physical shape but mentally you have to be ok too. I’d imagine loneliness is very hard missing loved ones that’s a battle everyone has to figure out!! But how cool you went back and conquered it
Thank you for your honesty and wisdom! I love how wise and insightful your husband is! I am so glad you listened to your heart and stopped when you did. Well done!
It wasn't a through hike but a bad life decision. I had been in a career for about 10 years (as a scientist) but realized I wanted to do something more hands-on. I was thinking of going for a combined B.S./M.S.N. (nursing) but everyone around me kept saying, 'oh you're really smart, go to med school.' I compromised myself and went to Physicians Assistant (P.A.) school. It was the worse decision of my life. That voice in the back of my head kept saying, 'this isn't right,' and I kept ignoring it. About six weeks into that first semester I became paralyzed with anxiety and depression and had to withdraw from the program. It was as if my brain physically took over and made the decision.
That anxiety can be a beast to overcome. Never doubt that any feelings are acceptable. I was watching someone that just quit the CDT. People gotta do what people gotta do. Last year I watched someone quit the AT because their wife sold their house while he was out there ( he even agreed ) and he had some health issues out there (not covid) on top of extreme heat. He felt guilty that his wife sold the house and packed up by herself (she was fine with it). He realized if he got off trail he didn't have a home to go to anymore. I judge nobody 💜
🌧🌧. Brave for you to put this vid out Tara. I have tended to backpack in late summer, fall(generally fair weather). Rain puts on a whole other vibe when traveling on foot with a tent! Great u got to hike it later with the hubs.
Thank you for this. I appreciate your honesty and I've wondered if the same thing would happen to me if I tried a thru hike. And Jonathan sounds like a very wise man, so good for you guys getting together!
🌦 Thank you for that video! Love you Jonathan! You are so insightful and wise! You know my feelings on that failed attempt, not to diminish how you were feeling but you learned so much about yourself and gained some coping mechanisms in the process, plus you went on to have a successful thru hike at the right time, right place and right people. Love you always!!
I know you considered it a failure, but give yourself credit for getting out there in the first place. Best of luck and well-wishes on your future hikes. 🌧️
Appreciate your openness and introspection--and how the two of you have perceived and helped each other here; the empathy, compassion and understanding you share--so important. A good story for others to learn from and hold as examples of mindfulness. Thank you both for sharing.
Thank you for your honesty about what you went through. From what I can feel from you, you have a lot of grief inside of you that you are resisting letting out.as most people do. Tears are the only way for that grief to leave you, in other words it has to be felt. When you resist crying as you do that is when you will get a migraine. It’s your body letting you know that something is wrong. If you allow yourself to cry and I mean cry until it’s done, cry until you can’t, then you will have released the causal emotion. Once you release it you will never ever feel sad about that particular thing again. If you only cry a little then only a little of the grief will be released and as a result you will need to cry again and again and again until you finally if ever release it all. It’s so much easier, quicker and better to feel the emotion fully when it comes up. Don’t think your way out of the emotion don’t reason your way out of the emotion, just stop everything and feel it fully! You have a lot of sadness/grief surrounding your family that you don’t want to feel or are scared of feeling. Sometimes we feel that if we start crying we won’t stop, but that is a false belief, it will end guaranteed. I am going to tell you a truth now that you (and most people) will probably have a hard time even hearing let alone accepting. It is crucial for you to at least hear it as it will help you tremendously in your life. The truth is that you should never miss your family or anyone for that matter. The feeling of “missing” someone is the result of a codependent addictive relationship, in other words I give you something and in return I get something from you. This by the way is not love or loving as most people believe it is. Since you have a lot of grief surrounding your family this is showing you clearly that when you were little your family (your parents specifically) set this codependent addictive relationship up with you. At this point you can’t help them, not yet anyway, first you will have to release the grief that you have about this relationship with your family and they will resist you feeling it because they have the same grief that you do that they have suppressed and taught you how to suppress. So when you do start to release this grief your family will try to shut you down, but don’t them. You can’t heal them at this point but you can heal you. If I may suggest a place to start would be to ask your self what do you get out of the relationship with your family, therein lies your addiction. And when your family is not around that is when your addiction is not getting met and you will feel sad. As a side note, the reason why the dog was attacking you is that you attack yourself, in other words you judge yourself harshly. This is another thing that you were taught to do to yourself when you were little by your parents. I believe that we are all brothers and sisters and we should help, love and support each other whenever we can, the greatest of these being love of course. God Bless you my sister.
I’m a”tough” retired Combat Veteran and I have extreme depression and anxiety too. You’re not alone n your battle against the “Dark Side”. Stay the course and take any medications you’re supposed to take. Goin* on and off and on and off your meds is very harmful. Thanks for the video. People need to know that not all scars can be seen. The unseen scars cover up horrible wounds that take years to heal. Good luck in future endeavors. Touch God. He created us so He can fix us. It’s corny and not socially accepted to say that, but it’s absolutely true.
Great to hear from you again. Had a great time following the Dower Duo on the AT. I appreciate you sharing this with us. As for the rain cloud. Cool emoji! Rain has a positive effect on mood and overall well-being. I'm an older guy with some health issues but planning again to hike the Georgia section of the trail soon. Thank you for sharing your adventures!
Have you considered that the anxiety may have had a spiritual source? For instance, maybe there was danger ahead and that is why you lost your peace. This has happened to me several times. I was saved from problems. I have learned to follow peace, as the Bible says. I also believe there are dark spiritual influences, especially when there are thoughts of destruction and self-harm. At the same time, I understand we may rationalize things and make excuses when we went to quit something. I did that a lot when I was much younger. I have learned not to do that. Thanks for sharing the spot full video. It may have been better for you to go with a partner. I personally would not make a hike like that by myself as a woman. I would feel very vulnerable and at-risk.
Interesting that you mention a reaction to peanuts because feeling of impending doom is often experienced by people having anaphyaxis before it shows, and the fact that you went on to have chest pain , odd thoughts and intuitively calling yourself home to get off the trail , it's possible you were having a medical situation and not straight up anxiety. I love watching stuff about peoples experiences, hiking these trails you're very brave, I couldn't do it.
This is SO true. It’s how I realized I was allergic to almonds. I’d go from just fine to anxiety, dizziness, nausea, rapid heart rate, feeling like something bad was going to happen. I was like there MUST be something else going on. I didn’t have the stress of a thru hike on my shoulders so I figured it out pretty quickly!
Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry that this experience is still hard for you and i hope youre able to give yourself compassion. Also, trust your gut. As your husband said, you really don't know what was ahead. Oh also 🌧
When I was younger I always wanted to through hike the AT. I never had a chance when I had enough time to do that. My family and friends came first. I understand completely. My great niece has through hiked the AT both ways as well as the Pacific Crest, Mexico to Canada, Divide from Canada to Mexico and the 800 mile Arizona trail. I admire and respect her, but it's not for me. I turned down an offer to apply for a job as a traveling rep for Honda for the same reason. They said I would be home every other weekend. I could not be away from my family that much.
🌧🌧 I listened to the end 🌧🌧 Thanks for sharing your story! I was on the AT back in 2017 too, but I didn’t start until mid May. I think your story applies all over; not just thru hiking. For example, I’m involved in a school program now that I’m not loving so much. I’m not ready to quit just yet, but I have to pass a “qualifying exam” soon in order to continue and a part of me hopes that I fail it so I’ll have an easy excuse to do something else (i.e. go hiking with my dog!). So, I can relate to your hoping for something bad to happen that would provide an excuse to get off trail. Cheers!
Great video and thankl you for sharing the good, bad, and ugly side of thru hiking. It's gotta be especially hard getting out there at such a young age... Physically you're at a great advantage, but the mental aspect of it all has to be a little tougher. I'm happy to hear you got it done a few years later.🌧
Good old panic attack and anxiety. Chest pain is common. You have to hike for yourself not for someone else. You depend too much on others. It won't get any better the older you get. Have you seen any professional help? Face your fears and conquer them.
These through-hikes should be teaching you resilience and self-sufficiency. Being away from your friends and usual comforts is an opportunity to learn about yourself, and overcoming your weaknesses. One hike is insufficient to achieve this. Go to the Northern trailhead and know that you know the barriers. I have a walking disability that I have substantially overcome by thinking and persevering. My 20 year old ski pole hasn't broken. Trekking poles are weak.
I had a weird experience I was 18 and went camping by the beach and mountains. About 15miles from my parents home. About 6pm I just got spooked. No reason at all. I got up and packed my gear and walked and ran home. 15mi. I got home around 9:30pm. I walked in the door and my mom said What happened? I can’t even remember what I told her. Some lie. LoL
Anxiety can debilitating. You are young and can try it again if you want to. All you can do is your best. Anxiety is a disability and sometimes needs medical intervention. Love yourself and let it go.
Ty, I found this video interesting... I am going to start a 65 day section hike...I chose 65 as I turned 65 in Jan... I am training hiking S,M,T...up to just under 8 miles in 3.5 hrs... But find that already...I fight a mental game...and my body isn't excited to walk for hrs with a pack...but completing each day...and choosing to enjoy the moment helps...and all the neat people I meet. I have a ranch I enjoy all my horses and various critters...so am very happy day to day... And from flying out and attempting the whole trail alone, I/we have settled on section hiking over next 3 yrs, with hubby meeting me at cross roads in our camper. Which for me will make it much more do able... So yeah I can already relate to some of what you went thru. But taking each training hike as a "win"...just getting out there period is truly a "win". Ty for sharing.
Do you believe in guardian angels maybe something wasn’t going to be safe for you further down the trail you never know I think you made the right decision.
thanks for sharing considering 3 out of 4 quite a thru hike its good to be excepting of those who get off trail for WHATEVER reason its the journey not the destination . think of all those who wanted to do a thru hike and never started .at least you started and the path lead you home. I've wanted to do a AT thru hike for years and set a goal for 2025 when I turn 65 .
🌧 I haven't done a thru hike yet but have had some shorter hikes that i've had to bail on for physical and weather reasons. felt like a failure but i know that it was great that i could even get out there and try it. hike on!
Thanks for sharing your story. Everything you said was spot on. I thru-hiked in 2003 and tried again in 2005, but anxiety sabotaged my hike the way it did yours. One of the tools that helped me was a book I ran across while searching for answers. I had never ever had anxiety before my 2005 thru-hike attempt. Having an episode in the woods miles away from anything is the worst torture ever. “Raincloud” The Bible Cure for Anxiety by Henry Matlock on Audible. Mountain Dew here…..
How do you hike on such a tight trail and not get tagged by a snake? Until you get to Maine you have copperheads and rattlesnakes that love to sit on the side of game trails. Just wondering.
I've had only about 4 close encounters with snacks on my thru hike (2,200miles) and several section hikes that add up to around 500 miles. Even now I wonder the same thing. The trail is prime snake sunning location.
I happened across your video and noticed it was the same year my nephew thru hiked and low and behold at 6:32 there he is, Phesent Mellon in the underarmor shirt and his friend Umbrella Face. I recall him recapping having met you and giving your trail name.
I had a similar situation. I was gonna do half the whole thing, start in VA and go to GA. I was by myself. I ended up quitting about 120 miles from where I started. I believe it was because of anxiety for me but also because I felt very lonely without my friends or dog. I had done sections with them but they didn't have the time to do the 1000 miles I wanted to do. I really hated the rain as well. It made my anxiety way higher, and it also makes your load heavier as well and you are a million times less comfortable so it was definitely a combination of the loneliness as well as the physical exhaustion and elements. Thankyou for sharing your story.
I live alone on an island mountain so I know that feeling of just being alone with yourself it can be a challenge because it's a different way of life you have to look at yourself be with yourself in nature at least you got that but being alone with yourself can be difficult sometimes
If I felt impending doom I would have left. That feeling is what keeps me from going on this trail. Fairly or not I just never hear anything good about this trail.
That dog is thirsty! lol He’s cute! Things happen for a reason. It was meant for you to hike the AT with your husband. I’m sure it was a much better experience sharing it with him!
😪 This video should help hikers understand that most of the videos they watch capture mostly the good times and rarely the personal mental challenges of a long hike. I can remember the separation anxiety I would get as a young child even for short periods such as being dropped off at a skating rink by myself. I couldn't spend the night at a friend's house because of what we called "being home sick". Your video should help hikers prepare for the mental aspects of such a hike beyond the typical physical preparation where most of the effort is normally made.
I 100% agree! I know several hikers a year get off due to the same reasons I mentioned in this video. The mental aspect of missing family and friends is heavy and hard to predict.
Well, we are going to Europe. We have researched for the last couple of months and it seems too dangerous for us. So, we are hiking the Way, from France to Portugal. Not willing to put our lives and peace at risk for those who inhabit the trail.
I have never been on a hike ,nothing major like that, but I do understand the Isolation, anxiety,missing family after touring America for six weeks, it changed my self awareness , I kinda just wanted out of the tour, But the dread of a new place ect sleeping on the bus, an having to get up next day an Performing the show, off the bus wasn’t the best fun , it started to make me feel sick an crappy , So I had to change the way I thought,and mix it up everyday, An did day stuff with people who I enjoyed being around, not people who made me feel Anxiety , I still do that today !,,,
if hiking the trail is the most important thing in your life at that moment then you should hike. If while hiking it stops becoming the most important thing in the world to you then you should stop hiking.
Anxiety is a very real thing. Ive struggled with it for years. You need a small dose of something to take when you feel a panic attack coming on. You should talk to your dr. I’m doing better now, but I still hsve times when I feel trouble breathing, flush in face, feelings of something bad is going to happen. For probably no reason, but to me it’s real. I also think missing s boyfriend or family is a true factor. I think you said you had had an off period before you went on trail with your boyfriend. Even though things were fine when you got on trail, that has an effect. You hsve s lot of time to think when you’re alone like that. Things go through your mind the things probably aren’t even an issue or true. Maybe one day y’all can do it together. You’re not a failure. You tried and got a lot of the trail done! You’re going to be fine. Thanks for sharing.
Hiking is hiking. The AT was not originally designed as a thru hiking trail. Any time someone spends on the trail is great. Nobody needs to justify their hike.
What you have described here is actually very, very normal. You are also very brave to speak of it, because many people will not admit to it. But it is extremely, extremely, extremely normal. I cannot stress this enough. Anytime you step outside of your normal life, away from your friends and those you care about, and try to do something different, there is going to be some level of stress and anxiety. It involves two things: one of those is the obvious, like you mentioned, which is missing home, friends and family. The other is not so obvious always, and it is culture shock. I know this might sound strange, because you were not in a non-English speaking place, and it seems like you were still in your own country. But culture shock can happen just by going to a different town in your own state. Anything that is different from your own daily "culture" can cause shock, anxiety and stress. It generally takes time and experience to build up enough resilience to this - and when I say "enough resilience," I mean just that...enough. Enough to keep you going without returning home. That "enough" is different for everyone, but for most people, enough is just that - enough. It is never perfect, it just becomes like a skill that you have developed to better manage yourself to get through the times when the desire to leave is so strong so that you can stay and enjoy all the other wonderful times that adventure and travel can offer. Point being, you are normal to experience this, brave to share it, and even braver to keep trying to overcome it. Thank you for sharing this!
Very interesting and helpful video. It makes me wonder whether that oft-repeated advice (e.g., p. 31 in Appalachian Trials) to tell everyone you know that you plan to do a thru-hike before you do it might actually be a bad idea. It must make it all the more difficult to jump off the trail from an unenjoyable thru-hike if you have to explain to everyone why you "quit" or "failed." Kindly or not, if you make a big deal about the importance of doing the full thru-hike, jumping off will be viewed by many as quitting or failing, even if it was the very best choice for you.
Long hikes are for the birds, I’ll do a nice little day hike here in Arizona nice and warm well it’s in the 90s now but it is getting a bit hot but I’d rather do a short hike than a long one, First rule to hiking is take care of yourself
How the heck does something YOU planned to do for YOU be something that will let down other ppl. that would probably prefer you not be gone alone in the woods by yourself. 🤔I don't get it! I could see if THEY sent you out and told you don't come back until you complete this task. Sounds more a case of wanting to Show off and couldn't. .
I thru-hiked the Allegheny Trail with the intension of continuing my hike up the A.T. After a month on trail, and 300 miles behind me, I finally reached the junction with the A.T. Standing there looking north and south, I realized that I wasn't a thru-hiker. I had rushed past some amazing places simply to reach the next milepost in time, which left me feeling continually disappointed. To me, thru-hiking is like bringing societal expectations with you. Schedules, and waypoints. Sitting in a tent at night looking at elevation charts, while planning the mileage and all the stops for the next day. The whole reason you carry everything on your back is so your home is wherever you are, and you never have to feel rushed. And the freedom you feel when you don't have a plan is intoxicating. Even something as simple as stumbling upon an abandoned picnic area in the wilderness with flowers blooming everywhere is absolutely magical. It's like.... where am I? What is this place? Is this really in the middle of nowhere? Nope, around the corner is a State Park gift shop. LOL Had I looked on a map the day before, I would have never experienced the same magic. Do you know what I mean? I think that's why thru-hikers love trail magic so much. It's something unexpected. That's why I love being a "destination unknown" backpacker.
I just had to reply to your comment and tell you that it really resonated with me. I started walking the Camino de Santiago from France exactly 3 weeks ago. I had been training for months and felt confident in my ability to walk the distance to Santiago de Compostela. I walked up the Pyrenees to the first hostel on the first day, and it was hard but I did it. That night I woke up at 3:00 a.m. and had to go to the bathroom. I was on a top bunk, which was quite a high bunk bed at that particular hostel, and I'm not sure whether or not my foot slipped or what but I fell about 5 ft flat on my back onto a tile floor and smacked my head, hard. I knew it was a really bad fall and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get up. But I was so embarrassed that I managed to drag myself up, clean myself up, take an Ibuprofen, stretch, and go back up to my bunk. The next day I sent my pack ahead and walked the remaining 12 miles to the next hostel and continued for another 7 days after that, until my back was so painful that I could barely get myself up out of a bed in the morning. At that point I realized I had to stop the Camino. I was terribly disappointed in myself and sad. I decided to continue the trip though, and took buses from place to place so I could see some of the cities on the Way. I took lots of painkillers and was able to do that for another week or so, then I decided I really needed to stop and do some serious rest. So now I am near Malaga sitting on a beach. But since all that happened, I have had some insights that I am pretty sure I would never have had if everything had gone according to plan. They were very similar to yours. I realized that when I was walking the stages of the Camino, I didn't have any time to stop and enjoy any of the sights. After walking for at least 6 hours in the hot sun with no shade, 13-17 miles, I was completely exhausted and all I wanted to do was eat, shower, and sleep. The whole reason I had wanted to walk the Camino was as a transitional time for reflection after retiring. I wanted to think about what my life would be after working, what my goals were, and what I wanted to focus on and change. And with time and reflection after stopping the walk because of the fall, I realized that I had just been continuing all my old patterns. My whole life I set a goal, set up a timeline, and then went after it come hell or high water. I suddenly realized that I didn't have to do that anymore. I could break that pattern. That if I go back and do the Camino again, I can just walk whatever number of miles I want to walk each day and then stop. I don't have to walk the whole 480 miles. I can walk for a week or two and enjoy the experience and rest and relax as I go. This one insight was actually worth all of the pain and the disappointment that I experienced as a result of that fall the first night. The other thing that keeps coming up is gratitude. In slow motion while I was falling, I knew it was going to be a really dangerous fall...could be game over. After falling so hard, I remember lying on the floor doubting I would be able to stand up. But even though I got hurt, every day since then I am so grateful for the fact that I can still walk and for so many other things. Definitely a perspective shift. So, thanks for your comment.
I hike off trail with map and compass. I love old army survey maps, which include a bunch of crap out in the wilderness that may or may not actually exist. A blue pond on the map? Dry creek bed. Old mine? A bunch of metal crap rusting away. Trails? Nope.
I always wanted to go to Ireland and buy a donkey and just ride it around pay to sleep in a barn here and there by a little hay from somebody have a beer with the crew and then give the donkey to somebody poor when I went home. I never once desire to go on a tour and see 10 cities in 5 days or whatever these guys do.
I have always wanted to thru hike, having hiked NC, SC and GA for over 30 years. But 15 years ago my teenage daughter and I were day hiking for a week in NC and SC. I felt a fear I had never felt before - anxiety, foreshadowing, sudden fear of a bear sighting, etc. We also met some strange people on the trails. Lone men with no gear, people carrying long arms - it was not hunting season - and not much gear, and it really spooked me.
She and I took our old dog back to a favorite trail - Pig Pen Falls - a few years ago when we knew the dog didn’t have much time left. The forest was completely silent…spooky. We fooled around at the falls and went to the river. There was something there that made it feel wrong.
Guess what I’m trying to say is that there can be untoward and perhaps evil in the woods. Heed your intuition.
That's all very interesting accounts. I've often wondered about encountering things like Spidey senses going off or encountering transients or those who just seem .. off.
Thanks for sharing
Sounds a bit paranoid, i simply dislike seeing people in nature so i never follow trails.
Health is the most important thing, and that includes mental health! You never need an excuse to do what’s right for your health. I’m so glad you got out of there! You are so awesome for talking about this because it’s not often talked about. It wasn’t a failure, it was a success in that you saved yourself and learned a tremendous amount. 💚🌧🌧🌧
Sounds more like wanting to show off rather than mental illness.
Great Honesty. People that just watch videos of moments of the people that complete a thru hike need to see the other side. Awesome that you didn’t finish one year. Few years later finished. The wanting to hurt yourself/sprain your ankle is common. Thanks for shining an honest and sincere light on anxiety. The feeling of impending doom and chest pain is a great way to explain anxiety. Thank you.
Thank you for your comment! Anxiety manifests more in my thoughts now. It was different to feel such physical pain from anxiety back then
I think thru-hiking has become the end all be all and really it's like a status thing. "I hiked a thru hike", I say big deal I hiked a 25 mile hike in an entire week and saw a ton of beautiful things and had time to stop and smell the flowers and take pictures and just enjoy myself. That is what it is all about the enjoyment of the outdoors not simply getting from point a to point b. JMO.
Thanks for your comment!
This is a very supportive and compassionate man. He gets it. True confidence and strength manifest as understanding and vulnerability. King.
♥️♥️
I appreciate your self-honesty and your authenticity, Tara. It requires courage to share a story like this. If what you are doing does not make you happy or nourish your soul, the only person's permission you need to stop doing it, is your own. Never fear to show yourself the grace you deserve. I'm glad that you have come to terms with this and that you have found peace within yourself. 🌧💚
Wow, that was eye opening. I recently lost my hiking buddy to lung cancer last year. I was hiking by myself but only one overnight camping and sending her back pictures. The hope was she was going to beat cancer and get back on the trail to hike the last nine miles from punch bowl down to the James river and retire from hiking. Now it will be different knowing she will not be with me on the trail, sharing pics or calling her. She will always be in my heart when I hike. I usually hike the Shenandoah's and there is always hikers you meet along the way and at the shelters. I will need to hike for a week to see how I will do. Thanks for sharing.👍
This is the 1st and only video I've seen that addresses the reasons I quit my thru-hike - loneliness and anxiety, maybe dread. THANK YOU. I, too, felt like I was disappointing my loved ones. I felt an intense sense of dread - while others said they felt "free" in all the surrounding nature, I felt trapped. I tried with a group, all of whom were awesome but none were my loved ones back home. My last failed attempt ended a month ago and I find myself wanting to try a 4th time. But that isn't healthy for me. I'm going to search out your other videos on processing the early end of a thru-hike, but just wanted to let you know that this video has been a huge help. Thank you.
This is very needed video. I started March 5th, I got off trail for these exact same reasons as many people have but I didn't know how to explain it. My girlfriend has got me back in the gym and really supporting me going hard for it again next spring. Anyway, this video 🤘❤ you are literally my hero for talking about this.
Anxiety and or depression are tough. My thru hike next year is partly an attempt to fully ditch the med management. I whooped the depression on my own, but the anxiety is a bigger beast. The woods calms that beast. The only way you fail is if you quit for good. Maybe I'll see you out there.
I totally get the anxiety, when I tried SoBo' ing in 2018, The anxiety felt like an alien monster was going to burst through my chest, like in the movie "Alien". I didn't get any sleep the night before, and it was a surreal experience as my friends dropped me off in ME, I realized I was all alone and I had hundreds of miles ahead of me, thank you for being so authentic with your feelings, I'm trying to create a network to support through hikers. I recently lost a friend that I met on the Appalachian Trail in 2019 because of suicide, so I feel called upon to reach out to other hikers and help them through this anyway I can, those are my two cents worth thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing, Tara. I've had a lot of mental struggles in my attempt this year and I think it's super important people talk about it because in all my years of AT research, I still wasn't ready for what I personally encountered. The trapped feelings and wanting a "real excuse" are so relatable and something I've heard from a ton of hikers. 🌧️
You needed a friend to hike with!
Hi Tera - It was very nice meeting and talking with you today at REI. Great video and a good topic. Nearly everyone I thru hiked with in 2021 (over half) got off the trail for a multitude of reasons. For me, I worried most about what might happen when I was hiking while my wife was home alone. Without her strong emotional support, encouragement and understanding I'm not sure I would have or could have completed the entire hike. Thanks for sharing your personal experience!
I quit my '17 thru-hike for the same reasons. I was doing fine for a couple months, made it all the way to Damascus just in time for Trail Days. The next weekend was Memorial Weekend and it had been raining for about two weeks straight. When I got to Thomas Knob shelter, I was wanting to quit as the anxiety began to build because the trail was packed with weekend hikers and I was still in a huge thru-hiker bubble. I know you're not supposed to quit on a bad day, so I stayed in that shelter for three days then hiked to the nearest parking lot and hitched a ride to the nearest town. I remember the very first panic attack I had, I thought I was having a heart attack. Anxiety is no joke. I've since hiked as far north as Dalton, Mass., but next year is my next thru-attempt. Looking forward to Trail Days in a few weeks too!
Wow two weeks rain. Yikes
Yeah I see exactly what your problem is. Other people with the right to enjoy the trail but not the finances or the position in life to go out here and camp out and walk for two or three months or just weekend warriors to you. I hope your anxiety keeps you from going out and condemning others who have every right to enjoy the same things you enjoy in a state park. You have anxiety because you do things that make you anxious. Maybe it's lying.
@@markmcgoveran6811, I don't know how you reached that interpretation of what I wrote, but it sounds like you need to go hike. I'm not blaming anyone else for my disabilities, just explaining the situation that triggered my symptoms. Go outside and take a deep breath, man.
@@OG-PapaDude well I'm glad you asked how I reach that interpretation. Try seeing everybody's rights as well as you see yours. Weekend hikers are just hikers. When you start breaking everything down into two groups like your group Superior and the other groups inferior that's where I take my interpretation from.
@@markmcgoveran6811 That was not my intention, just noting that because it was a holiday weekend and I happened to be in a very popular section of the trail, it was extremely packed which triggered my panic attack.
I have section hiked since the 70’s as an Eagle Scout an adventurer, I never made the thru hike decision. At 60, I have deep respect for those who finished and a responsibility to to introduce and educate others to this jewel of our nation.
Thanks for sharing Tara. This will help so many who are dealing with not finishing their hikes! 🌧🌧🌧
I get the anxiety from being truly alone. If I can hear others around me, I’m good. I don’t necessarily want to interact with them, but just knowing that I wasn’t the only one there beings a sense of safety and security. When totally alone, my senses are on high alert ALL the time. Sounds like you need a hiking buddy who pairs well with you.
I found one :) Sheriff is the best
I have a very good guy friend of mine. He was super excited to go to Europe by himself and travel around Europe solo as I had done years before. My buddy got over there and basically had some kind of anxiety attack or something and he came back and unapologetically told all of us. I totally understood that because I too had a bit of an anxiety attack when I got there at 20 by myself. Your friends don't look down on you when you have something like that happen. They feel for you and want you to reach your goals when you can. Thanks for sharing that your experience.
I quit a lot of bike rides across the USA.
One thing I kept telling myself is
When u get home
Nothing is gonna change.
Same old same old.
And if I make it across the USA
I will be home in 40 days anyways.
So after quitting 3x by the az border 3 days in.
The 4th year I made it across the USA.
Now I’ve cycled across the USA 4 times.
That anxiety is real.
Thanks for sharing your story. I too feel 🌧 when it’s 🌧. I’m currently section hiking the AT. The thing that helps me love the experience most is to set out for a set number of days on trail. I don’t even think too much about mileage. Mileage is too cumbersome depending on the location. For example, 56 miles in the White Mountains took me 8 days. 99.2 miles in Pennsylvania only took me 9 days 🤷🏻♀️. Next up is 28 days NOBO from Dick’s Creek Gap. I’m focused on staying on for 28 days. We’ll see where I get 🤷🏻♀️. Also, I want to have fun. It’s hard to force fun. Right! That’s enough rambling from me. Thanks again! 😃
Very brave of you to leave the trail. So many people can’t face their humanness. Humans have emotions. Good for you!
Thank you for sharing your story with us. You explained it very well IMO. 😉
As a 5+ year section hiker, I typically hike 1-2 weeks spring and fall, so I don't ever feel like quitting.
I related to this so hard. Literally my biggest hurdle in attempting a thru hike is my anxiety, the fear of letting everyone down, missing my husband, etc. Thank you so much for telling your story. I could tell it was still a very difficult thing to talk about so I appreciate you sharing 🌧
AW YAY! Thank you for your comment. I wanted to make this for those facing similar challenges.
Thank you for this video. I needed it so so much!! I tried to do a 500 mile LASH a few weeks and experienced what you have explained in my own way and only accomplished 52.5 miles before I got off trail. I have been processing in my own way but doing it all alone because I feel like I have let everyone down.
Are ppl. so full of themselves? Sounds like you are trying to show off. Why would you let down other ppl. for something you want to do. Weirdos!!
52 miles is a lot. You didn’t let anyone down. Please know you learned a lot about hiking just in that time. Way more than many people.
I was in a bad car wreck when I was 16 and I fell asleep on my way home from a date at 3 am. I never had a scratch on me but my 1974 caprice classic was written off so badly I no longer even had -a front axle. I should not have survived that accident but not even a single scratch. So I walked to a home and an old lady let me me to call my mom. Now I have 10 siblings but when my mom answers the phone her words were Troy are you ok ?? I was like how did you know it was me ? He answer was Troy I woke up 20 minutes ago with a strong burden on my heart to pray for you. She got out of bed and cried out to Jesus to protect me and without my moms prayers I wouldn’t be here today. So I told u that story to tell u that life is about more than finishing a trail sometimes theses life lessons from a higher power. Listen to those inward feelings as sometimes they are very very important to your survival.
Wow thank you for sharing your story
@@taratreks thank you
Thank you for this, it’s just what I needed to hear. My hike ended at Bly Gap in March. Although I didn’t have a choice due to my physical condition, I completely relate to needing an “acceptable” reason to get off trail. Especially when your adventure is quite public. Anxiety and anxiety attacks are just as real and crippling as spinal stenosis. And, I’m finding, is common and commonly downplayed. Nobody wants to be seen as a quitter. As for myself, I know what I did and how hard I tried. I’ll be my own hero. It was physically harder than anything I’ve done in my life, and it was psychologically challenging to step back off into a world I didn’t expect to be in again for the better part of a year. I understand anxiety.
Your reminder to be present comes at the perfect time. I have the choice to live ruled by self-produced cortisol and adrenaline, or I can be present right here, right now, where I’m sitting outside soaking up sunshine. Thank you so much for this message. I’m going to go take care of some business so I can get on with my adventures.
Namaste
Hey Happy Hippy! Appreciate your comment and insight 👋♥️
It may have been God protecting you from some terrible experience--by motivating you to abort your carefully planned hiking agenda. You apparently did NOT feel at peace in your spirit about continuing your journey. There is NO shame in recognizing your feelings and situation--and modifying your plans accordingly, as you did. You went farther than a LOT of people have gone. You had the courage to try. Good for you. Shalom to you and your husband.
🌧 Wow that was a great video you have to not only be in good physical shape but mentally you have to be ok too. I’d imagine loneliness is very hard missing loved ones that’s a battle everyone has to figure out!! But how cool you went back and conquered it
Thank you 😊
Thank you for your honesty and wisdom! I love how wise and insightful your husband is! I am so glad you listened to your heart and stopped when you did. Well done!
You are so welcome! He is so wise and thoughtful. I value his opinion very much.
It wasn't a through hike but a bad life decision. I had been in a career for about 10 years (as a scientist) but realized I wanted to do something more hands-on. I was thinking of going for a combined B.S./M.S.N. (nursing) but everyone around me kept saying, 'oh you're really smart, go to med school.' I compromised myself and went to Physicians Assistant (P.A.) school. It was the worse decision of my life. That voice in the back of my head kept saying, 'this isn't right,' and I kept ignoring it. About six weeks into that first semester I became paralyzed with anxiety and depression and had to withdraw from the program. It was as if my brain physically took over and made the decision.
That anxiety can be a beast to overcome. Never doubt that any feelings are acceptable. I was watching someone that just quit the CDT. People gotta do what people gotta do. Last year I watched someone quit the AT because their wife sold their house while he was out there ( he even agreed ) and he had some health issues out there (not covid) on top of extreme heat. He felt guilty that his wife sold the house and packed up by herself (she was fine with it). He realized if he got off trail he didn't have a home to go to anymore. I judge nobody 💜
🌧🌧. Brave for you to put this vid out Tara. I have tended to backpack in late summer, fall(generally fair weather). Rain puts on a whole other vibe when traveling on foot with a tent! Great u got to hike it later with the hubs.
Thank you for this. I appreciate your honesty and I've wondered if the same thing would happen to me if I tried a thru hike. And Jonathan sounds like a very wise man, so good for you guys getting together!
🌦 Thank you for that video! Love you Jonathan! You are so insightful and wise! You know my feelings on that failed attempt, not to diminish how you were feeling but you learned so much about yourself and gained some coping mechanisms in the process, plus you went on to have a successful thru hike at the right time, right place and right people. Love you always!!
I know you considered it a failure, but give yourself credit for getting out there in the first place. Best of luck and well-wishes on your future hikes. 🌧️
I am so glad you shared this! I've seen some women really struggling with this this year and forcing themselves to stay because of the same reasons.
The hug was so cute. I would like to try the hike this spring. 🌧️ Watching for additional information
Appreciate your openness and introspection--and how the two of you have perceived and helped each other here; the empathy, compassion and understanding you share--so important. A good story for others to learn from and hold as examples of mindfulness. Thank you both for sharing.
Thank you for your honesty about what you went through. From what I can feel from you, you have a lot of grief inside of you that you are resisting letting out.as most people do. Tears are the only way for that grief to leave you, in other words it has to be felt. When you resist crying as you do that is when you will get a migraine. It’s your body letting you know that something is wrong. If you allow yourself to cry and I mean cry until it’s done, cry until you can’t, then you will have released the causal emotion. Once you release it you will never ever feel sad about that particular thing again. If you only cry a little then only a little of the grief will be released and as a result you will need to cry again and again and again until you finally if ever release it all. It’s so much easier, quicker and better to feel the emotion fully when it comes up. Don’t think your way out of the emotion don’t reason your way out of the emotion, just stop everything and feel it fully! You have a lot of sadness/grief surrounding your family that you don’t want to feel or are scared of feeling. Sometimes we feel that if we start crying we won’t stop, but that is a false belief, it will end guaranteed. I am going to tell you a truth now that you (and most people) will probably have a hard time even hearing let alone accepting. It is crucial for you to at least hear it as it will help you tremendously in your life. The truth is that you should never miss your family or anyone for that matter. The feeling of “missing” someone is the result of a codependent addictive relationship, in other words I give you something and in return I get something from you. This by the way is not love or loving as most people believe it is. Since you have a lot of grief surrounding your family this is showing you clearly that when you were little your family (your parents specifically) set this codependent addictive relationship up with you. At this point you can’t help them, not yet anyway, first you will have to release the grief that you have about this relationship with your family and they will resist you feeling it because they have the same grief that you do that they have suppressed and taught you how to suppress. So when you do start to release this grief your family will try to shut you down, but don’t them. You can’t heal them at this point but you can heal you. If I may suggest a place to start would be to ask your self what do you get out of the relationship with your family, therein lies your addiction. And when your family is not around that is when your addiction is not getting met and you will feel sad. As a side note, the reason why the dog was attacking you is that you attack yourself, in other words you judge yourself harshly. This is another thing that you were taught to do to yourself when you were little by your parents. I believe that we are all brothers and sisters and we should help, love and support each other whenever we can, the greatest of these being love of course. God Bless you my sister.
I quit too. The word "trail", is not an accurate description.
The Rocky Mnts of TN, kicked my ... .
I’m a”tough” retired Combat Veteran and I have extreme depression and anxiety too. You’re not alone n your battle against the “Dark Side”. Stay the course and take any medications you’re supposed to take. Goin* on and off and on and off your meds is very harmful.
Thanks for the video. People need to know that not all scars can be seen. The unseen scars cover up horrible wounds that take years to heal. Good luck in future endeavors. Touch God. He created us so He can fix us. It’s corny and not socially accepted to say that, but it’s absolutely true.
Great to hear from you again. Had a great time following the Dower Duo on the AT. I appreciate you sharing this with us. As for the rain cloud. Cool emoji! Rain has a positive effect on mood and overall well-being. I'm an older guy with some health issues but planning again to hike the Georgia section of the trail soon. Thank you for sharing your adventures!
Have you considered that the anxiety may have had a spiritual source? For instance, maybe there was danger ahead and that is why you lost your peace. This has happened to me several times. I was saved from problems. I have learned to follow peace, as the Bible says.
I also believe there are dark spiritual influences, especially when there are thoughts of destruction and self-harm.
At the same time, I understand we may rationalize things and make excuses when we went to quit something. I did that a lot when I was much younger. I have learned not to do that.
Thanks for sharing the spot full video. It may have been better for you to go with a partner. I personally would not make a hike like that by myself as a woman. I would feel very vulnerable and at-risk.
Interesting that you mention a reaction to peanuts because feeling of impending doom is often experienced by people having anaphyaxis before it shows, and the fact that you went on to have chest pain , odd thoughts and intuitively calling yourself home to get off the trail , it's possible you were having a medical situation and not straight up anxiety. I love watching stuff about peoples experiences, hiking these trails you're very brave, I couldn't do it.
This is SO true. It’s how I realized I was allergic to almonds. I’d go from just fine to anxiety, dizziness, nausea, rapid heart rate, feeling like something bad was going to happen. I was like there MUST be something else going on. I didn’t have the stress of a thru hike on my shoulders so I figured it out pretty quickly!
🌦Sounds like you made the correct choice. If you're not comfortable or enjoying the hike why stay our there.
Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry that this experience is still hard for you and i hope youre able to give yourself compassion. Also, trust your gut. As your husband said, you really don't know what was ahead.
Oh also 🌧
When I was younger I always wanted to through hike the AT. I never had a chance when I had enough time to do that. My family and friends came first. I understand completely. My great niece has through hiked the AT both ways as well as the Pacific Crest, Mexico to Canada, Divide from Canada to Mexico and the 800 mile Arizona trail. I admire and respect her, but it's not for me. I turned down an offer to apply for a job as a traveling rep for Honda for the same reason. They said I would be home every other weekend. I could not be away from my family that much.
🌧🌧 I listened to the end 🌧🌧 Thanks for sharing your story! I was on the AT back in 2017 too, but I didn’t start until mid May. I think your story applies all over; not just thru hiking. For example, I’m involved in a school program now that I’m not loving so much. I’m not ready to quit just yet, but I have to pass a “qualifying exam” soon in order to continue and a part of me hopes that I fail it so I’ll have an easy excuse to do something else (i.e. go hiking with my dog!). So, I can relate to your hoping for something bad to happen that would provide an excuse to get off trail. Cheers!
Great video and thankl you for sharing the good, bad, and ugly side of thru hiking. It's gotta be especially hard getting out there at such a young age... Physically you're at a great advantage, but the mental aspect of it all has to be a little tougher. I'm happy to hear you got it done a few years later.🌧
Thanks for your honesty and openness.🌧🌈
🌧🌈 no rain, no rainbows. Important topic to trust your instincts and let go of what other people might think about you
Hard to imagine feeling lonely on the AT. It’s usually swarming with plenty of people.
Good old panic attack and anxiety. Chest pain is common. You have to hike for yourself not for someone else. You depend too much on others. It won't get any better the older you get. Have you seen any professional help? Face your fears and conquer them.
These through-hikes should be teaching you resilience and self-sufficiency. Being away from your friends and usual comforts is an opportunity to learn about yourself, and overcoming your weaknesses. One hike is insufficient to achieve this. Go to the Northern trailhead and know that you know the barriers.
I have a walking disability that I have substantially overcome by thinking and persevering. My 20 year old ski pole hasn't broken. Trekking poles are weak.
I had a weird experience
I was 18 and went camping by the beach and mountains. About 15miles from my parents home. About 6pm I just got spooked. No reason at all. I got up and packed my gear and walked and ran home. 15mi. I got home around 9:30pm.
I walked in the door and my mom said
What happened?
I can’t even remember what I told her.
Some lie. LoL
Thank you for sharing! Going through all of this now… 🌧
Hey Alicia! Hope all is well. Here to talk if you need someone 😊
I was totally thinking about you when I watched this!
You got this girl. Whenever you feel blue remind yourself you're on the adventure of a lifetime 💙
Anxiety can debilitating. You are young and can try it again if you want to. All you can do is your best. Anxiety is a disability and sometimes needs medical intervention. Love yourself and let it go.
I finished my thru hike in 2019 luckily!
Hike your own hike! Peace and Love
Ty, I found this video interesting...
I am going to start a 65 day section hike...I chose 65 as I turned 65 in Jan... I am training hiking S,M,T...up to just under 8 miles in 3.5 hrs...
But find that already...I fight a mental game...and my body isn't excited to walk for hrs with a pack...but completing each day...and choosing to enjoy the moment helps...and all the neat people I meet. I have a ranch I enjoy all my horses and various critters...so am very happy day to day...
And from flying out and attempting the whole trail alone, I/we have settled on section hiking over next 3 yrs, with hubby meeting me at cross roads in our camper.
Which for me will make it much more do able... So yeah
I can already relate to some of what you went thru. But taking each training hike as a "win"...just getting out there period is truly a "win".
Ty for sharing.
Do you believe in guardian angels maybe something wasn’t going to be safe for you further down the trail you never know I think you made the right decision.
That’s a possibility!
thanks for sharing considering 3 out of 4 quite a thru hike its good to be excepting of those who get off trail for WHATEVER reason its the journey not the destination . think of all those who wanted to do a thru hike and never started .at least you started and the path lead you home. I've wanted to do a AT thru hike for years and set a goal for 2025 when I turn 65 .
🌧 I haven't done a thru hike yet but have had some shorter hikes that i've had to bail on for physical and weather reasons. felt like a failure but i know that it was great that i could even get out there and try it. hike on!
Thanks for sharing your story. Everything you said was spot on. I thru-hiked in 2003 and tried again in 2005, but anxiety sabotaged my hike the way it did yours. One of the tools that helped me was a book I ran across while searching for answers. I had never ever had anxiety before my 2005 thru-hike attempt. Having an episode in the woods miles away from anything is the worst torture ever. “Raincloud”
The Bible Cure for Anxiety by Henry Matlock on Audible.
Mountain Dew here…..
Thank you so much for your honesty.
Just found your channel. I've never done a thru hike, but I love hiking. 😉 ... 🌧️
My dear, your mental well being is just as justifiable a reason as your physical well being.
I have trouble with my anxiety, especially that impending doom feeling like if you don't do something so.ething terrible is gonna happen
Yes! It’s a terrible feeling
How do you hike on such a tight trail and not get tagged by a snake? Until you get to Maine you have copperheads and rattlesnakes that love to sit on the side of game trails. Just wondering.
I've had only about 4 close encounters with snacks on my thru hike (2,200miles) and several section hikes that add up to around 500 miles. Even now I wonder the same thing. The trail is prime snake sunning location.
I happened across your video and noticed it was the same year my nephew thru hiked and low and behold at 6:32 there he is, Phesent Mellon in the underarmor shirt and his friend Umbrella Face. I recall him recapping having met you and giving your trail name.
YES! Nick was a really good guy. They were a great trail family full of good times. I wish I was mentally well
To keep hiking with them.
🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 you both are truly amazing people and the love you both have for each other is truly 😍
AWW thank you! that is a very sweet comment and put a smile on my face this morning.
I had a similar situation. I was gonna do half the whole thing, start in VA and go to GA. I was by myself. I ended up quitting about 120 miles from where I started. I believe it was because of anxiety for me but also because I felt very lonely without my friends or dog. I had done sections with them but they didn't have the time to do the 1000 miles I wanted to do. I really hated the rain as well. It made my anxiety way higher, and it also makes your load heavier as well and you are a million times less comfortable so it was definitely a combination of the loneliness as well as the physical exhaustion and elements. Thankyou for sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing too!
There is training and instinct. When the training can't help you to push through instinct is all you have left.
I live alone on an island mountain so I know that feeling of just being alone with yourself it can be a challenge because it's a different way of life you have to look at yourself be with yourself in nature at least you got that but being alone with yourself can be difficult sometimes
Pushing through is building strength, but overdoing it is also not good.
If I felt impending doom I would have left. That feeling is what keeps me from going on this trail. Fairly or not I just never hear anything good about this trail.
I hear all sorts of good things about this trail. I start next spring and I can't wait.
That dog is thirsty! lol He’s cute! Things happen for a reason. It was meant for you to hike the AT with your husband. I’m sure it was a much better experience sharing it with him!
What pack would you choose Ula ohm 2.0 or Mariposa for hiking…?? Or the circuit…??
This made me sad. Strange coincidence I hiked in 17 I'm not sure I could have helped but, I wish I could have meet you and tried
Thanks for that🥹 .. it wasn’t the right timing
😪 This video should help hikers understand that most of the videos they watch capture mostly the good times and rarely the personal mental challenges of a long hike. I can remember the separation anxiety I would get as a young child even for short periods such as being dropped off at a skating rink by myself. I couldn't spend the night at a friend's house because of what we called "being home sick". Your video should help hikers prepare for the mental aspects of such a hike beyond the typical physical preparation where most of the effort is normally made.
I 100% agree! I know several hikers a year get off due to the same reasons I mentioned in this video. The mental aspect of missing family and friends is heavy and hard to predict.
Well, we are going to Europe. We have researched for the last couple of months and it seems too dangerous for us. So, we are hiking the Way, from France to Portugal. Not willing to put our lives and peace at risk for those who inhabit the trail.
Happiness only real when shared - Christopher McCandless
I have never been on a hike ,nothing major like that, but I do understand the Isolation, anxiety,missing family after touring America for six weeks, it changed my self awareness , I kinda just wanted out of the tour, But the dread of a new place ect sleeping on the bus, an having to get up next day an Performing the show, off the bus wasn’t the best fun , it started to make me feel sick an crappy , So I had to change the way I thought,and mix it up everyday, An did day stuff with people who I enjoyed being around, not people who made me feel Anxiety , I still do that today !,,,
You have nothing to anyone but yourself. There are lessons in all of our life experiences if we are open to them and take the time to look for them.
🌧 thanks for your video. ❤
Thanks for watching!
if hiking the trail is the most important thing in your life at that moment then you should hike. If while hiking it stops becoming the most important thing in the world to you then you should stop hiking.
Anxiety is a very real thing. Ive struggled with it for years. You need a small dose of something to take when you feel a panic attack coming on. You should talk to your dr. I’m doing better now, but I still hsve times when I feel trouble breathing, flush in face, feelings of something bad is going to happen. For probably no reason, but to me it’s real.
I also think missing s boyfriend or family is a true factor. I think you said you had had an off period before you went on trail with your boyfriend. Even though things were fine when you got on trail, that has an effect. You hsve s lot of time to think when you’re alone like that. Things go through your mind the things probably aren’t even an issue or true. Maybe one day y’all can do it together.
You’re not a failure. You tried and got a lot of the trail done!
You’re going to be fine. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your comment😊 we actually went back in 2019 together and finished the entire thing 🙌
🌧 thanks for the video
thanks for watching!
Hiking is hiking. The AT was not originally designed as a thru hiking trail. Any time someone spends on the trail is great. Nobody needs to justify their hike.
Thanks for this video!
Thanks!
What you have described here is actually very, very normal. You are also very brave to speak of it, because many people will not admit to it. But it is extremely, extremely, extremely normal. I cannot stress this enough.
Anytime you step outside of your normal life, away from your friends and those you care about, and try to do something different, there is going to be some level of stress and anxiety. It involves two things: one of those is the obvious, like you mentioned, which is missing home, friends and family.
The other is not so obvious always, and it is culture shock.
I know this might sound strange, because you were not in a non-English speaking place, and it seems like you were still in your own country. But culture shock can happen just by going to a different town in your own state. Anything that is different from your own daily "culture" can cause shock, anxiety and stress.
It generally takes time and experience to build up enough resilience to this - and when I say "enough resilience," I mean just that...enough. Enough to keep you going without returning home. That "enough" is different for everyone, but for most people, enough is just that - enough. It is never perfect, it just becomes like a skill that you have developed to better manage yourself to get through the times when the desire to leave is so strong so that you can stay and enjoy all the other wonderful times that adventure and travel can offer. Point being, you are normal to experience this, brave to share it, and even braver to keep trying to overcome it.
Thank you for sharing this!
What was the video that made you fall on love the Ap Trail?
Thanks
🌧️ Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for watching!
🌧 you both are adorable and your pup too. 🌧
Thank you :)
Very nice video. Thanks for your insight. 🌧
Hiking this year is to wonder if a train derailment will contaminate the water supply.
Very interesting and helpful video. It makes me wonder whether that oft-repeated advice (e.g., p. 31 in Appalachian Trials) to tell everyone you know that you plan to do a thru-hike before you do it might actually be a bad idea. It must make it all the more difficult to jump off the trail from an unenjoyable thru-hike if you have to explain to everyone why you "quit" or "failed." Kindly or not, if you make a big deal about the importance of doing the full thru-hike, jumping off will be viewed by many as quitting or failing, even if it was the very best choice for you.
This is a great point! I section hike and might thru hike in 2026. I will tell just a few family members.
Long hikes are for the birds, I’ll do a nice little day hike here in Arizona nice and warm well it’s in the 90s now but it is getting a bit hot but I’d rather do a short hike than a long one, First rule to hiking is take care of yourself
Thanks for sharing 🌧
How the heck does something YOU planned to do for YOU be something that will let down other ppl. that would probably prefer you not be gone alone in the woods by yourself. 🤔I don't get it! I could see if THEY sent you out and told you don't come back until you complete this task. Sounds more a case of wanting to Show off and couldn't. .