Why Narcissists Cheat And How They Get Away With It
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ก.ย. 2024
- This is an enormous topic that I know so many in the community have experienced …
The infidelity of a narcissist - because the fact is that a narcissist doesn’t possess the moral code to care about and respect others. The sad truth is they will commit heinous acts and then lie straight to your face or gaslight you into believing you are the one with all the problems.
If you’ve suffered infidelity in a narcissistic relationship my heart goes out to you and in this video, I’m going to show you how to cut through the fog, bring the lies into the light and move forward to a much safer and healthier future.
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I still scratch my head and think: How did I end up with such a monster?
Truth walker don’t we all darling
Mill house Master I like bastards coz my parents were bastards
I still do the same as you Truth Walker, yet I am learning that it is because we got broken as children and our ability to discern truth was distorted in our need to survive and feel loved in broken environments. We took this into adulthood. Thankfully we are not defined by our past and we can heal, grow and be set free. Be gentle on yourself, love yourself in where you are currently at and keep learning and healing alongside such people as Melanie, Ross Rosenberg, Abdul Saad and so many other wise people who help us walk into the life, love, hope and freedom that is open to us all.
Watchthis7777777 thank you for taking the time to answer my post 💕
Same here. I told his new supply before she got with him. He brought her around me to flaunt her after I dumped him. I was fed up with his audacity that I told her about it. Everyone defended him and I was seen as jealous. Now she's expecting his child because she wanted to have a baby and get married. He fulfilled her dreams. All I can say is I tried but if I could go back I probably wouldn't have said anything. It was a waste of time and if it wouldn't have been her it would've been someone else. I spoke facts and he knows so he continued smearing my name.
I think this in generation, it’s best to stay single.
Nah you just have to learn to be able to detach if need be and move on. It sucks, but after you get your heart trampled on enough you learn to guard your heart. It really sucks, but I love having companionship from the opposite sex.
Being single is best
Yep!
Anti-social media - 100% success rate designed to destroy relationships & intimacy. I feel bad for anyone attempting to date or marry in this era.
@@jeffg.6310 me too!
They are vampires. They have no integrity, loyalty, warmth, or empathy. When they discard you, it is the greatest gift they give us. So glad my narc husband of 20 years dumped me. I feel sorry for his new supply.
Same here--my now ex was cheating--gambling---stealing from me--she lost us the house with all her spending---i got to the stage where i couldn't handle anymore--i escaped--slowly .
I think my past relationship caused some kind of ptsd.
I am suffering from panic attacks. Been married for 6 months and it’s been hell on earth. Working and saving to leave.
@@jenniferfreedom get out.
Me to.... Your not alone
Same
Watch Richard Grannon's video on here (go back a year or two) and Fortress Mental Health Protection. You might have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Response. God bless.
I've never met a Narcissist who didn't cheat. My father cheated on my mother. My ex-wife was sleeping around during our whole marriage. A female who manipulated me for nearly a year into thinking I was her closest friend revealed to me that she cheated on everyone she's been with since she was a teenager. They live to please themselves no matter who they hurt in the process. They don't care that they hurt people. And when you tell them they hurt people, they turn it around on YOU.
😵 ...if I had not experienced it, I would not have believed it. I feel so sorry for this generation of people dating! I had been married to a covert for 23 years! Then met an overt! Since, I have been scared into a cave! I’ve been alone for 3 years, finally recovered, and I feel whole, free, and safe! Thanks for your videos!
You are SO welcome Josephine, keep thriving! xoxox
Can i talk to u
Josephine Jehoiada For me 3+ years single , I felt again because I totally wanted to believe a very educated man will not be a narc ... Wrong..." never to judge the books by its cover " this time was ugly inside :( in my recovery again
Wow, I'm the process of divorcing a covert after 23 years.
Even though the relationship ended I found out he cheated on me more times than I knew about but I always had a gut feeling. I just didn’t want to believe it...that he could really be this evil. He’s got a long list of people he played and he’s playing his new supply now.
Narcissists Are Addicted To Attention! They Are So Needy How Sad!
Yep an ex narc friend of mine we worked together at lunch time she went down to her father's shop after she came back she told me he wasn't giving her any attention! she was 30 at the time I'm 4 years younger and I just looked at her in disbelief at how needy she was red flag there also she cheated on her husband !
My exnarc was cheating on me constantly and he chose a new victim that's 30years younger than him...surely it's to get more attention from others and more sex from her.
They need a "fix" of feeling validated by any means.
Ron Bocanegra fucked them
If my late husband Sam looked as good on the inside as he did on the outside, I would have never left him. We were married five years. During our last four month separation, he died of a drug overdose May 4, 2020. RIP Sam.
There's nothing so painful as trying to work out narcissist's lies. A great video. You look really lovely Melanie.
Aww Sea Fern I am delighted this video resonated with you. And thank you for your kind compliments hun xoxox
Thank you, excellent work.I AM going through this right now.Thank you so much.
Going through that now. Their word salad and list of lies is ridiculous.
I'm sure the two dislikes of this video are from cheating narcissist 😂 Melanie speaks truth as usual 💋
Most likely the 2 cheating Narcs lol
@@teramariee7441 😭🤣🤣🤣🤣👌
Absolutely 💯 😆 🤣 😂
Moles! You nailed it
Melanie your videos have saved my life! I am going through a break up of my marriage of 37 years. My husband is a covert narcissist & his mother is actually a classic narcissist. Heartbreaking after discovering all the lies, financial chaos, and infidelity. You have been my rock through your videos and I'm so very grateful.
From Florida, USA
You are so welcome Nina. I'm very happy my videos have helped you. Keep healing, keep smiling and keep thriving sweetheart. It's the only way forward. Love and blessings xoxox
@@christinesmith8879 it does get better. Took 2 years to heal with a good solid therapist, great supportive friends & a wonderful church. I've found love again and it's wonderful. Hang in there. Grieve the loss of what you thought you had & would be. Then live your life.
@@ninak8506 thanks Nina I'm gone through exactly that! I'm taking time for myself now! I'm finally gonna start living this thing we call life lol
I would love to talk to you Your story sounds like my life. I’m still in my relationship
If someone is willing to lie to you or anyone else during dating - it's a narcissist!
I knew something was very wrong..when he would randomly tell me... I would NEVER cheat... he was trying to convince himself more than me... people in real relationships dont need to convince the other ...they are not cheating....😣😣😣
he betrayed me on ALL levels... not only sexually... all if it was painful.😢
Sorry you went through that
Mine said the same thing, but did all the time. I hated him so much, I refused to look at his face. He couldn't stand that. I told him you disgust me. I ignored him constantly. Then I left for good. I couldn't stand this horrible trash. He had done way to much. He died May 4, 2020 of a drug overdose. I guess he couldn't even stand himself.
@@victorialevy431 I'm sorry....that's a tragic ending to your story.
Tragic yes. For me no. I'm grieving over who loved in the beginning not who I hated in the end. He never went back to Prince Charming. He turned in the Prince of Darkness. I glad I don't have to keep constantly waiting for him to come back. He always left every night. And he would run the streets constantly
during the day.
For long periods of time.
He prepared me by abandoning me repeatedly. Now he'll never be back. I don't have to endlessly wait.
@@victorialevy431 Dead or alive ....we all feel the same...we loved them.....in death there is some closure...but the same pain.
Good luck in your healing process 😘
He almost got away with decieving me. Was in love with another woman the whole 3 years we were together. Never told me even though he said I would know if he were cheating. Had to find out myself through emails and songs he wrote for her while I was pregnant.
What a horrendous monster was he.
I'm rly sorry😢😢
Dirty ni**a!!!!
SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m so sorry. I’m going through this right now. My daughter 7 months… he’s been in love with his ex.
This is a splendid video .The narcissist has no real sense of self but is an empty shell of a human being.He borrows character traits and resorts to mirroring his partners actions to establish a fake "connection" with a new partner in the initial phases of a new relationship.He wears masks of being a loving,caring individual, which is , in reality,a false self.Beneath the mask lie fury,self-loathing and toxic shame.
The new relationship and the sex gives them a temporary high and temporarily distracts them from the loathing they feel.They also receive copious quantities of supply from the new partner which keeps them interested for a while.
After a while the potency of this supply fades , the boredom,loathing and shame start raising their ugly head so they seek partners outside of the main relationship.The new chase, procurement and the whole process of seduction and sex and also being desired by someone props up the false self thus distracts from the loathing again.Rinse repeat to infinity.
Couple this with lack of respect for other people's boundaries,accountability,matured adult behavior and a strong moral compass and you have a cheating narcissist.
And no, it does not change no matter how much they pretend to have remorse or attend therapy.
aanchal parker thank you. This is so accurate and dealing with someone like this now
She*
perfectly explained
Bang on!
Trust your gut. I guess the "free love" generation left a mess behind! Use condoms in EVERY circumstance, marriage included - how sad cheaters are.
Also they try and isolate you from your friends and family by bad mouthing them in private whilst being charming to their faces. I feel this is because they know others will see what they are instantly and warn you off. Or that others already know their reputation and they cannot risk you hearing about it from anyone that truly cares about you. It's really is so calculated and selfish on their part. And hence we cannot believe they are capable of it. Thanks Mel your videos are so helpful and thought provoking.
My pleasure Julie. I'm so glad this helps. Love and blessings xoxox
Julie Inwood the worse part about it is that their friends will lie for them and help them isolate you and will join in on the gaslighting
The Narc is completely empty as a person so they need validation of others in the form of narc supply to think they are feeling normal in a perverted way.
Sounds just like what my husband did all of this sounds just like him...
If someone says they never lie and makes a point of pushing this, just see the red flag for what it is.
The projection is a HUGE tell... My ex was constantly accusing me of cheating on him. He looked at my phone, he read my journal, he even had a private investigator follow me around. None of that produced any proof of cheating- and he would STILL accuse me! Yet when I asked to look at his phone, he wouldn't let me. He held the phone over my head & deleted things. I told him to go ahead & keep it, I didn't want to look at it now that he had deleted stuff. His response was to fly into a narcissistic/borderline rage! Started screaming & hurling vile & disgusting insults. Anything to get the focus off of what he had done... These people are truly sociopaths. I'm doing a lot of work on myself to figure out & heal my inner wounds that led me to be with this nutcase in the first place. And Mel, your videos have been such a powerful tool on my healing journey!! Thank you for all the wonderful work that you do.💜
Faith it's my pleasure and that is so great you are on your healing journey xoxo
My ex did the same thing.
This rings so many bells with me. My ex is a total pathological liar. So many lies and affairs whilst in a committed relationship with me. I was also stepmom to his children. When challenged on these ‘incidents’ where I suspected him he was gaslighting me all the way.
A devious sexual predator in every way, he lost his job because of this inappropriate sexualised behaviour towards female colleagues I have discovered.
Now on 3rd week of no contact from this desease of a man. Nothing you ever do will be enough for these toxic people. Concentrate on putting that love back into yourself to heal. I’m still getting there but each day is a further step.
Suspicious behaviour can make you go from fancying him to Zero...n sort of hating him...easy to stop fancying. a narc...for me it is
Man I’m so done dealing with this Narc crap. It’s consumed 16 years of my life. I’m a shell of my former self at this point but she won’t and can’t break me. I refuse and I won’t allow it to define the rest of my life.
Hi Melanie, everything you said is dead on. My narc was addicted to going to massage parlors where multiple escorts worked and he paid for various types of services from them. How did I find out? All the yucky feelings you said prompted me to hire a private detective. I also then discovered he was on over 20 different online hook up sites. In addition he had downloaded porn to his phone. This was in addition to cheating on me with a former ex and narc supply member. When confronted with evidence his narc injury caused a hostile outburst followed by projection and smear campaign when I went no contact. So you are right. If you have to become a detective or hire one in your relationship that is definitely a red flag and anyone reading this needs to get out and stay out! Love your videos!
The red line should always be infidelity.... there is no coming back from their filthy habit!
I know. Women cheat way more than men in this day- it's disgusting. Easier for the to get sex.
I shouldn't laugh but I have giggled all the way through this! Every story was a near carbon copy of what I experienced... Broke free, healed, love my work and clearly see the damaged inner child I dated and married - I saw it but he told me he wanted to change and I believed that story. Know I know better
I wish I had listened and trusted my gut instinct about my ex narc. I had and have always had the instinct with people when they are unfaithful, lying, using etc. I tend to want to avoid because I like to think the best of people and dont want to jump to conclusions. Well that mind set has let me to being ignorant LOL. I was always right and wont ever second guess myself again. I proved it to myself with my last ex narc when I contacted the woman he was just 'friends' with at the end of our relationship, she told me they were in a commited relationship! WOW, enough said. I gave her a brief and neutral piece of advice and left her alone. Later , after they broke it off, she told me how rude he was and she never trusted him and blocked him. I am happy for her she seen him for who he is BUT wont be suprised if he hoovers her back in as he is a master of it and did it too me for a long time
The day I left:
I was feeling extremely anxious, hurt, depleted, wrecked (d/t cumulative suppressed pain while with narcissist).
He knew how I was feeling, but wanted sex in spite of my obvious distress.
I flipped (internally), and in an instant, jumped up (calmly), quickly grabbed a few essentials then left!
This was the last time I saw him.
This event broke through my cognitive dissonance. His actions glaringly depicted his self-serving mindset all-inclusive.
It verified to me that there was never going to be any change. I simply could not extend myself to this depth of depravity.
At the time I was completely worn-down.
This is why I say:
At my weakest, I was my strongest (re: being able to take charge & stop the insanity).
I’m 2.9 yrs out.
I am so proud of you. The sex is not loving its mechanical. Only for their pleasure not yours. I lost interest half way through my five year marriage. That was the best part of our marriage. I don't approve of sharing him and I definitely didn't care or love him anymore. If he cheats, he shares what was mine. He's dead now, but our marriage had been over with. Betrayal is something I never forgive or forget.
If u look at a narcs eyes...you can see their shiftyness straight away!!
Amazing how these psychopaths reel in fully aware partners and abuse them for long periods of time 🤔
You are very insightful on describing the demonic tactics and mindset of the Narc .
The female covert Narc is extremely is good at getting away with cheating.
Maybe so. The wages of sin is death. Can't get away from that. My husband died at 39 of a drug overdose. It catches up with these manipulative, lying, cheating, stealing monsters. They deserve every miserable second of the eternity they have in hell.
The female coverts cheat during the day "while they're at work" and you always know they exact moment because they dont respond to txt msgs or calls and then say "I was just busy" when they use to normally ALWAYS respond even when they were busy.
This video proves the adage that "once a cheater always a cheater" especially with a Narc
My Narc was so untrusting of me.. and accuse me to meeting up with woman etc.. when I did absolutely nothing to suggest I was cheating.. when what was really going on was she was the one who was keeping in touch with many men and cheating on the side. Very sick and sad people.
This is exactly what I’m going through, he needs help . And so do I now
They can't be helped.
I have become a very good detective in the past several months. I was determined to catch him with a female friend not once but 4 times. I'm embarrassed to even admit that. I would get a gut feeling followed by being ghosted for several hours with little to no explanation. Would be in a euphoric mood after this. He would come to my house after his ghosting episode and look straight into my eyes and start his series of lies and over explaining to the point that he was amused by his own lies and more than likely started to believe himself. I already knew he was at her home but didn't ever confront him. We would have a special time for us on a particular evening and he would be 2-6 hours late with no explanation. He came up with the most outrageous stories, it was almost like he was in the middle of his fairy tail. I found him there 4 times and last time pulled in the driveway behind his truck so he could see me when he came out of the garage. He had a very surprised look and became enraged. Etc.. We broke up several times and then I would forgive but never trust. Deleted items from, flirted with females on FB messenger. This man is 55, and I'm 8 yrs older. Than him. Just the typical narc traits. i then caught them again a few months later at his shop. I had the gut feeling that they were together and after he was 15 min late for dinner and wouldn't answer his phone, I went on a stake out and there they were, talkung, and laughing like 2 teenagers. It nauseated me. But I've never had any proof that they had sex and of course he denied denied denied. I won't go into any mores details but I never got that closure I so desperately wanted. The truth from him. We are apart now, no contact
"No proof, no truth" thanks Mel
One thing is for sure. If they have friends they are glued to. Not just your friend you see here and there...if they are thick as thieves and glued at the hip... they are probably doing the same thing the friend does...if they speak about how the friend is promiscuous or a cheater, and then talk down about that, but always hang out with that person...they are probably doing the same thing. If they ever accuse you of cheating for no real good reason...they are 'projecting ' and probably are the one cheating. No matter what never move in with anyone totally until married. Never even consider marriage until you've dated 2 years. It takes about 2 years before you get to know someone!
Another incredibly painful thing to add to the list of narc abuses. One of the red flags I missed, or ignored, was he also kept pictures of his conquests. I asked him on a few occasions to delete them. Well I found out I was pregnant and something told me to check his pc. Sure enough the same pics I’ve asked to delete, are still there in a different place. I ended up breaking the pc. Not proud but🤷♀️ If only I had known that it was so much more than reminiscing. They’ll make up excuses in their mind why you are suddenly the enemy. That gives them justification also. When I caught him on a dating app, it was the lowest moment of my life. I was being devalued for years and was trying so hard to make him happy. He had no good reason. He also told me he was a good dog that would stay on the porch as long as you let him. Lie. These people are demons.
Melanie you look very lovely in this video (and all of the others as well). I also really enjoyed seeing your cat. I just lost my grey cat who was deeply important to me, he actually saved my life when I was deeply depressed over the narcissist in my life. The reality of what you are saying in this video is so sad but so helpful for being empowered to heal this terrible dynamic. Thank you very much.
You are very welcome lake Tolbert. I'm happy to help and I'm so sorry for your loss. Our pets do contribute so much to our lives. I hope that you will be able to find that lovely companionship again in another furry friend. They don't replace the one you've lost but they do provide a wonderful benefit. Love and blessings xoxox
So sorry for your loss ❤️ I've lost mine too. A beautiful female gray cat , her name was BRIGITTE 🤗 I'm here with her brother , he's here with me. He's my baby ❤️
This is another example how evil a Narc is and in effect they are the devil personified.
Thank you for this video, I’ve been in so much pain lately from my Narc man. He constantly cheats, I know it and my gut knows it
People don't change. Especially narcs!!!!!!!!!
They will take your soul and let you in a pit of despair while they continue to manipulate and lie. It can't be them.
It is shocking to me how everything in this video describes my previous relationship perfectly. I hope one day he can get the help he needs.
Hope Styve fucked them
"I just was driving around because I needed to think" standard...😕
Julie Damon woah...how long would they be gone for?
@@mariyanowak4439 5 to 6 hours...
She hit every nail on the head. He’s like this exactly. Smh
Again this is another excellent video. Perfect timing.
Are you following me?
Are you inside my head Mel?
I think you knew what I've been contemplating and sent me a blunt reminder. Giving me the strength I need.
Thank you 💝💝xxxxxx
P Pee, I am so pleased this was timely for you and helps. We so need to honour ourselves sweetheart xoxoxo
Need to hear this once a day
Wow, thank you! ...unfortunately, my recent (broke up with her yesterday) ex-girlfriend is exactly like that and kept blaming me of being jealous and obsessive. I knew something was not wright until I did my own detective work and caught her hidden messages, pictures and video chats. ...she went to the point of even saying "I promise to the life of my daughters" that I am not cheating ...yet, she was with 2 guys that I caught in her cell (hidden messages, pictures and video chats). ...what a monster ...I'm so happy it is over, since we were suppose to get married next year. This video really helped me understand much and thank you so much.
They cheat because like my ex said: “I like to have my cake and eat it too” they always looking for the next adventure, high, sexual fantasy etc...
I have always suspected my wife was cheating on me. We have been married for 12 years now and its been a smooth ride until last year when she changed and started seeing other men. A friend of mine linked me up with a great hacker ultimate Hack who helped me hack into her phone, I had complete access to her phone right on my device and I could monitor all her activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, her location, call logs, text messages and all. I was left with no other choice.I loved my wife so much and I just dont know why she chose to betray me, I have been a good husband and never for once cheated on her. I tracked her down to a hotel where I found her with another man . You can contact them at ultimatehack003 at gmail or Whatsapp +17202954268 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into her phone without even touching her phone.I have enough evidence against my wife now and I am thinking of Filing for divorce. I want advice from men and other women on here, should I give her another chance because of our kids or file for divorce ?
Oh. My. God. "I wanted to have my cake and eat it too" he said the same.
@@bobvincent2251 depends on the mortgage
@@witchmonster1372 women can be very ruthless, so can men but just watch yourself.
Found out after we broke up that he cheated on me with multiple guys. We broke up very suddenly and when I asked him if something happened, he very quickly changed the subject. I would have never known if the men he’d been with hadn’t messaged me to tell me. He really almost got away with it and he blocked me on everything when I confronted him about it. Still can’t believe I fell for such a manipulative, lying parasite.
Hi Dsigg 428, The shock can be very painful and so, when you are ready hun, this may help blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-forgive-yourself-for-falling-for-a-narcissist-love-after-abuse-series/ Love and blessings to you xoxox
Melanie Tonia Evans thank you so much
OH MY GOD... you just explained my husband to a T. Married for 7 years and I’ve stood by him through everything and I just caught him AGAIN messaging another MARRIED WOMAN! Actually her husband caught them. He keeps saying he loves me and it’s so confusing to me.
My ex BF said the same thing: "I love you. I'm not looking for anyone. I don't have anyone on the side." All the while he was texting a married woman in California behind my back. I gave him multiple chances to come clean. He not only refused to take responsibility for his lying and cheating but said I was jealous. It was never about that. It was about morality, decency, and right and wrong. I was sick of the lies and I ended things on October 2nd. You need to love yourself and WALK AWAY. He doesn't deserve you.
My wife too cheated with a cokehead pothead for months while I was home with our 7 year old. Even during Quarantine she left the apt to see her friend which was the same guy months later.
Leave immediately. That married woman is not the only one. I was married to a narcissist who died May 4, 2020 of a drug overdose. We were married five years. It's enough to worry about HIV, Aids and all the other STDs. Now covid 19 and a psychopath/sociopath who can seal the deal and permanently get you out of here! He can put an insurance policy out on you. And want to collect early. For the love of God, leave. Don't look back.
Stop trying to figure it out. It will never make sense 🤷♀️
I had to face the same facts. My late husband was a cheating, degenerate loser. I left and never came back. He died of a drug overdose alone on a Chicago sidewalk.
I went and blocked and going no contact cause of this video ... it spoke so sad and true into my life ... so sad and so sick!!! I loved her so much and new she was broken but I have never been through anything like this and my gut been screaming at me for months!!!! 😪💔😪💔😪
Big hugs to you Nathan. Going No Contact is a biggie hun, well done! Please sign up for my free 16 Day Recovery course www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse here so you can be supported. I promise it can help and place you directly on your healing path so you can start coming home to your truths, values and empowerment. Love and blessings xoxox
Same
Yes ..yes ...yes...all true including after surgery...ex photos...wanted mine too...tried to have sex after my friend..neighbor and my mom had died.
The last time felt so lousy I couldn't even imagine bring with him again.
I'm sure he was cheating his porn addiction ..his love bombing and he hoovered me again after no contact after 2 month and saying I was crazy. With a text saying he never was with anyone else but me.
I didn't even ask to talk to him..He never admitted to his chesting..He just kept telling me that is why he broke up with ex..I am so over this..I went to Dr. and paid to have testing. Thankfully I am clear..sadly spent 2 wasted years and thousands of dollars and emotionally devastating consequences...Thank you so much for this video..Mel
Cat Cody, that is great that you are out. I so hope this video has helped validate you xoxox
When I confronted him about finding texts between him and another woman he said he was bored at work and just wanted to see if he still "had it". I asked him if he thought of me in that second and he said no.
He felt embarrassed because the girl was ugly. He felt dumb for getting caught. He didn't apologize for hurting me.
newfoundpeace redrum that's exactly what my husband did. I was so hurt. No more...
Nina Klein just sad...really
newfoundpeace redrum I'm so sorry. I pray you are able to find a healthy relationship with someone who cherishes you & treats you well.
Nina Klein I can't even imagine dating or even making eye contact with anyone. I have some serious scars and healing to do. I haven't even cried. Everything is so scrambled. But I know going back is not an option. I look at it as a disease with a cure. I got lucky. Going back is terminal to my entire being as well as my children.
Nina Klein How are you doing?
My ex cheated so much with her ex and would tell me he was ugly, that she didn’t like him at all, that it wasn’t the same like how she loved me, that they didn’t talk good at all
And wouldn’t you know all of that was lies!
Even when I found tickets she had gotten in her car drawer from when she illegally parked at his house for over 3 months she denied it. Even though I now had the address and I told her we’ll let’s go then and see who lives there really quick, she still denied it. Even when I saw proof in her phone of how they actually talk and their conversations she still denied it.
She was horrible. I never did anything, I just finally stayed away from her. I don’t ever want to go through what she did to me ever again. I was never wrong about what she was doing, but I let her get away with it for so long because of how much I loved her. All she did was take advantage of how much I gave a fuck about her.
What’s more messed up is that she was trying to get me to pay it, it was over 2000 dollars. She needed to pay it to get her registration for her car.
I didn’t know before why she owed that much. She would blame it on me for leaving our car outside in a street sweeping area. She would always try to make me feel like it was all my fault. I was furious when I found out why she really owed that much money for tickets. Thank god it wasn’t my car. To this day a year later I shit you now her car just sits there because she couldn’t pay it off. Serves her right.
A narcissist can also be "generous to" and "thoughtful of" others...but they do it to "win points" with the other. They do it for narcissistic supply (admiration, adoration, etc.). It also feeds their ego. They may also "be thoughtful" and "generous" to make sure that the other person feels they (that is, the other person) will never say "no" to the narcissist (or, at least, the next time the narc. asks them for something).
you look beautiful and I love your scarf. thank you for this video, it resonates deeply with all of the chaos, confusion and devastation i’ve been through. You are an angel thank you
Phoenix Fire love your cat too
Some are falsely accused or diagnosed with a personalitydisorder like BPD or narcissism. There are also therapists who can be abusive or can have narcissistic traits and can be enabler for the abuser. You see nothing at the outside. An advisor with experience in life who cares about you. Good information about this issue can save a life.
That's me now. Just finding him out after 10 years. Heartbreaking
Me too.
So sorry you’ve been through this excruciating experience. Thank you for the great insight.
You can sometimes trick them. Example: Do not ask a yes or no "Are you cheating on me?" Ask "How many times have you cheated on me?" If they blow up in rage and start a crap show of why you would accuse them of such a thing, you know they did cheat, or are cheating. It's easy for them to lie out a "No!" So make it hard for them to lie.
Also utilize SILENCE as a weapon. Look, they do need feedback from you to see whether or not you bought the lie. Leave prolonged breaks before responding. When they tell you something, do not immediately respond. Or respond with one word questions. Like with the above example:
You: How many times have you cheated on me?
Narc: Never. I would never do that.
You: **silence**
Narc: You don't believe me? I swear, I would never do that.
You: **brief silence** Never?
Narc: Blows up in rage.
You: **realize they're lying, but gives false affirmation** I believe you honey, I don't know why I would even think that, I am sorry.
Narc: **changes angry facial expression to signs of relief**
I'm going to try this. But usually he's the one who gives me the silent treatment. He also doesn't think meeting other women is cheating if they don't do anything physical.
This is so true. Ty for explaining it the way you do. I sent this to my husband. He is all this.
They seem to use people like an addict uses drugs. Do they use self pity to get a partner always playing a victim and martyr?
I think covert narcs use victimhood mostly. Overt ones often don't... they brag instead.
@cv 67 Oh my gosh. Yes, you're right. Thanks for the reminder tip!
First time I found messages to different woman, describing how he will please them sexually, and I confronted him, his first reaction was to lie and after to tell me to kiss his a.. . My god, I was in so much pain and all I got from him was silence and that disgusting smirk. MONSTERS!!! I hate myself for “forgiving “ him and let him walk all over me.
Cheating, lying, porn, etc. I was and I’m an attractive woman, 14 years younger than him and way much Farr from his league, but in a sexless marriage, abused and cheated for almost 10 years! I’m getting old and bitter and “jealous “of every happy young woman in a happy relationship .
He’s not worth it. Save yourself
I was married to a narc, A wife who claimed to be christian, but legitimately, She's really not, and neither does her mother who blames me, my relatives and my pastor for her lies and mistakes. Now my ex and her mom married to their second husbands, including a pastor who had no idea that he's married a narcissist. All those lies, harassment, Illegal physical restraining, and treating me like a slave, and not once have they ever held accountable even after they got caught. I loved your quantum tools and Understandings, Mel, Thank you so much, even when i failed my goal at becoming a family man.
Thank you, Melanie. Excellent video! You covered so many important points even medical situations, gut instincts, detective work as well as mental and emotional abuse. This video sums up everything one struggles to understand. No more lost time and resources! Wish this had been available decades ago.
I haven't seen the video yet. But I'd like to say thank you for the live seminar today. I went ahead and bought the silver package and will begin the healing process. I am a content creator and there are very few men in my position who I believe will go out in the open and spread awareness about this. I will happily be putting up a video within 6 months after I have healed and let the world know (the world of mma and strength training etc) what a powerful vessel of strength and love you and your course is. Blessings And gratitude. #thrivercrew !
Thank you Warrior Life, I am delighted you enjoyed the healing workshop and now have the NARP program to help you recover from narcissistic abuse. I admire you for showing up and taking back your power for all the men who have been narcissistically abused. Love and blessings to you xoxox
i overheard my now ex saying to a friend of hers--i amNEVER EVER going to let him go--guess what--i planned my escape and left .
My narc husband put my personal pictures on line. Someone took them off, but they fell into the wrong hands. I felt so uneasy with his weird sexual appetite. He often started an argument afterwards. He was caught watching porn by a family member. He certainly did cheat. When, I asked him where he was on his birthday, he blew up!! He said, "He did not cheat, but I never said that he cheated. He use to kiss me in pecks, like a chicken pecking for food.
Yesssss! What is the kissing in pecks about!
What about the covert who dosn't seem interested in sex ans is rigid when doing it with you. But then you descover they are talking to women online instead.
He’s probably hiding problems down there or giving it to someone else
Going through this right now...
Every time I catch my husband. lying his attitude changes for the good but it goes down hill after that
Mine too Kimberley and of course he would deny it, when all the while you know their lieing .....it’s so sickening!
How does a committed partner get out of a relationship with a narcissist?
Hi Melissa,
I'm happy to help. The commitment in a relationship with a narcissist only applies to the partner of a narcissist. The narcissist will use and manipulate the commitment. Narcissists typically don't change. When the partner has suffered enough, that is when they leave. Here is a resource that can help with that:
blog.melanietoniaevans.com/is-there-a-right-way-to-leave-a-narcissist/
Love and blessings xoxox
My husband was caught with a prostitute and arrested. I had to drive to the station to bail him out. Everyone at the station was staring at me, I was humiliated.... I didn't know what it was about, he told me it was a friend and threw a fit when I asked if he was cheating..
Yep! Believe me I can do much better, already have :-)
Oh my gosh I am so sorry you went through this. How scary and frightening. I had no idea. I thought it was like cheating husbands… typical 7 year itch stuff - but am so grateful you shared because one of my friends went through something similar and married a man who seemed “perfect, on paper”, and had all the things, charm, wit, looks, good family… but was so twisted on the inside. I won’t go into details, but the mental gymnastics she had to do to stay in his good graces until she realized what he really was… it changed her into a person she has not been since, thankfully.
I mean I appreciate you sharing because there are a lot of weirdos out there and if you’re not aware of them, you could so easily be ensnared and it’s so different if it’s generally a good man slipping up or whatever. It’s easy to think - in the haste of anger / that he must be a “narcisssist” but with these terrifying horror stories, you remind us that there are truly evil people and there is a level of difference between the two.
As sad as I am that you went through it, I’m grateful you’re educating more women, and grateful that you lived through it.
May your brave work be blessed with even more future success.
Wow Melanie you and I have a pretty similar story
I had been with a sociopath since February this year but left him on the 11 February this year due to his overt infidelity
What an excuse he used was totally dilliusional in all aspects
This is made me flee pack all my belonging and move back interstate
Since the 18 February 2019
All contact has been cut of and blocked in every way possible
I just thank my angels I have 1,200 kms of distance with help on my healing process as well as an absolutely fantastic therapists who understands the ins and outs to a tea with my abuse
Much love xxxx
Wish I had your info 2 years back. 30+ years and I found the truth July 15th 2018 and have been fighting since ( not physical but very mental). At a part of my life now as to either walk away or continue the fight for the vows I spoke those 30+ years ago. smh Lost and confused.
Hi Charles, I'd love to help you find a way forward hun and invite you to sign up for the free 16 Day Recovery Course as a first step www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse Love and blessings to you xoxox
Think of a Narc and their quest for Narc supply is like a heroine addict's need for their supply or :fix". The Narc's fix may be involvement in chronic impulsive cheating to get their fix.
Omg I’ve never heard this put better ❤️
My husband when I caught him in his affair he said she's kind and thoughtful and he couldn't upset her or let her go. Saying it all loved up as if I'm a mate not his wife of 21 years. It's as if he assumed I would be ok and not upset
Remember to them your not the victim they are. Especially when they have to try and explain themselves. It's all about them. You are only a game piece thats on the board. They will play the game until the end of time changing game pieces. Realize it wasn't you. They can't be fixed!
You nailed it every time I try to catch her in a lie she would become deflective and evasive and start the gaslighting process by using blame shifting or flipping the script! She was a master manipulator and I found out from family members that she has a history of this that's why her family members will help her out. She goes from one guy to the next putting the same game using the same script but just changing the name of the characters
She projected on me without me accusing her. She adamantly said I was cheating without any basis for her to do so. It's because she was the one cheating. So obvious ..
You’re a freakin genius! Thank you again 😘😘😘😘
Thank you J Gaw, and yo are very welcome xoxox
All you have said is spot on! my ex is a narcissist no doubt. A lier, cheater and manipulator. He will never come back into my life 👊 Thank you for this great video and advice.
They deny...deny...deny... and gender has nothing to do with it.
Hi Mel, You are looking fabulous, Thank you 💝xxxx
Thank you P Pee, that's very sweet of you! xoxoox
Thank you so so much you where 100% right I went through the exact same thing. Ladies there is nothing wrong to be alone
My Ex narcopath. She got sadistic too, loving to triangulate me in the same room as whoever she was f*cking at the time. The immense anger I had when I finally wised up.. well.. If I had acted on that I'd never be getting out of jail. As it is I'm working thru it all, 200miles away, a year or so later, and getting my life back.
what do you mean triangulating? getting you in the same room with who they r having an affair with? I think my husband may have done that two or three times. He won't admit to any of it.
I also needed concrete proof of the cheating. I spent months gathering my evidence I needed and to prove him a liar. Only to myself however, I would never confront him and out myself through that. I discarded him, delivered a couple of narc injury in the process, blocked him from everything. We have no children and don't live together. Thank you
How did you catch him I never caught my ex but my gut feelings told me she was she was good at hiding and lieing
So true. Exactly what I m going through unfortunately at the momemt. Awful feeling
snezana kohlbacher hang in there! 🌱🐈
People either have integrity or they don’t. People can’t give us something they don’t have. I met my Narcissist in high school. I was so young and naive, always saw the good in others. He destroyed me to my core with his sex addiction, physical abuse and basically every form of abuse there is. During a therapy session, I was able to feel who i once was, like I literally felt like I was in my young body and didn’t know him yet. It was SO freeing and I truly miss that young beautiful girl I once was. Now I know why he pursued me so hard back then. Not just for my looks but I was so kind to every one. I didn’t have a mean bone in my body. Now? I’m an angry bitter woman and I hate it. God freed me from those feelings a few years back only for my A-hole husband to rob me of my joy all over again. The life of a Narcissist is a twisted cycle.
I been a victim, and i was very very good at holding on to it. Untill i realized that if i as a person hold on to my victim role. I just keep attract the same kind of People. Think about how u are or were a perfect match to the narcissist. It helped me a lot to step out of the suffering zone
I know he did for our entire five year marriage and I don't give a damn. He was never satisfied, critical as hell and extremely demanding. He didn't work and only did three months out of whole time we were married. This abusive, thieving, cheating, lying, loser died May 4, 2020 of a drug overdose. That proves he hated himself or someone hated him more. RIP Sam.
I thought the narcissist didn't want to do anything wrong. To commit adultery is hugely wrong; therefore, a narcissist shouldn't want to do something that would make him imperfect.
Tammy Hollis I don't think you understand this pathology. There is nothing- absolutely NOTHING - real about a narcissist. Everything he said to you was a LIE
Tammy Hollis if "they" are doing it for them it's not wrong, they are never wrong...you made me, no accountability
outofthegoldfishbowl etcetera ??? This is barely legible...but I think I know what you are saying. I have much to learn.
outofthegoldfishbowl etcetera How do you accept that the person (when being nice) wasn't real? When you question if the bad part wasn't real either.
Tammy Hollis it's best to focus in yourself. Don't waste time trying to figure out who he us or why he does what he does. Instead really get hinest with yourself about why you were prepared to tolerate abuse. You'll no doubt have to examine your family or origin, how you are treated and what you witnessed...
Exactly as what u said. Thx a lot. I did the right th long to walk away from narc. He is an evil.
Love that thumbnail. Thank you.
Yes thank you
I have always suspected my wife was cheating on me. We have been married for 12 years now and its been a smooth ride until last year when she changed and started seeing other men. A friend of mine linked me up with a great hacker ultimate Hack who helped me hack into her phone, I had complete access to her phone right on my device and I could monitor all her activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, her location, call logs, text messages and all. I was left with no other choice.I loved my wife so much and I just dont know why she chose to betray me, I have been a good husband and never for once cheated on her. I tracked her down to a hotel where I found her with another man . You can contact them at ultimatehack003 at gmail or Whatsapp +17202954268 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into her phone without even touching her phone.I have enough evidence against my wife now and I am thinking of Filing for divorce. I want advice from men and other women on here, should I give her another chance because of our kids or file for divorce ?
I tried to leave him & he manipulated me into staying making sure to string me along until he could find someone more compliant. I can't believe I didn't recognize what was happening, until he stopped contacting me & one month later had a new girlfriend. I can't believe I was oblivious to it all.