65 Childhood Autistic Traits - PART 1
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 มิ.ย. 2024
- Hi! Please like this video, leave a comment and subscribe if you'd like to follow me on this journey :)
This is PART 1 of my childhood autistic trait series.
Watch PART 2 here: • 65 Childhood Autistic ...
Watch PART 3 here: • 65 Childhood Autistic ...
Timestamps:
04:30 Staring at flames/electronic bedside clock
05:50 Different experience of hunger/low interoception
07:20 'Gifted', 'wise for my age', innately good in school
10:20 Strong sense of wonder/excitement
12:00 Stimming, nervous tics & OCD tendencies
15:20 Flexibility/hypermobility
16:34 Sensitive skin
17:45 Painfully shy (except when talking about my interests)
21:05 Unusual attention span/hyperfixations
22:55 Behavioural issues
25:40 Constant daydreaming
27:20 Asking people to scratch my back all the time (sensory seeking)
28:15 Traumatic first move
30:30 Struggles with change
32:35 Intense interests
34:10 Plushie collection
34:45 Preferring/identifying with animals more than humans
36:00 Monologuing about interests
37:15 Social struggles & bullying
38:25 Friendship difficulties
39:25 Told to speak (up) more in class
39:50 Sensory differences
42:40 Spoke very articulated, 'proper' French & corrected everyone
43:10 Victim/witness of abuse but never thought to tell
43:50 Hated shopping or anything 'girly'
44:55 Differences in facial expressions & handwriting
46:30 Bad in sports
48:10 Easier time expressing feelings in writing
48:30 Slow reader
49:50 Avoided eye contact w/ teachers
50:05 Constantly doing things w/ my hands in class
50:55 Meltdowns
52:00 Echolalia & excellent auditory memory
53:00 Anxiety
53:55 Feeling different
Watch more videos:
• Ways I Mask As A Late-...
• Re-Learning to 'Stim' ...
• My Autistic Special In...
• Childhood Trauma as a ...
• Navigating Social Cons...
• My Sensory Sensitiviti...
Check out my Instagram account: / ghostofastory
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Good lord...AT LEAST 2/3 (probably 3/4) of the stuff you talked about were my experiences too. I just kept thinking "uh-huh, yep, that's how it was" or "that's exactly how I was told I behaved" (I also have big gaps in my memory). 😮
I hear you. Thank you for putting it all together❤
Dear 🧡 Paune, one thing, is it's completely impossible for me to retype a comment already carefully crafted that the computer suddenly erased unless as here it is begun entirely different.
It is wonderful you do English well. French people say i've a great French accent (though not really knowing a word spoken). Despite wishing to learn other languages never did i ever.
Capital "i"s i cannot stand, unless it must be business writing so vain does it feel !
Though that comment seemed notably original, this highly sensitive brain thoroughly refuses to let me even attempt recreating it.
Interesting vid, i love hearing other's autistic proclivities.
Thanks for successfully putting up this offering ❤.
Sometime i will recomment to 😊 you if you do not mind.
Oh yes, just in case, it is part of my profile that sometimes i don't realize the social, interpersonal consequences of my words !
Have a great day or night Paune ! 😊
Back scratches 🐈🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾😻
I used to stare at clocks and do math with the numbers, too!
I think the thing with victims of abuse is universal. I mean the way they don't realize that the abuse is abuse. Because they're in an environment where they are made to believe that the abuse is normal. Anyone who doesn't have examples of healthy family relationships to draw on will come to the same conclusion. It's the same with lots of kinds of relationships. When the messages you receive keep telling you that it's normal, you accept it. It's why so many people who get abuse by oppressive systems think that they deserved the abuse.
Other than the abuse, I hear a lot of things I relate to. You definitely need to turn the opposite way to undo the first turn.
I agree. I decided to include it in the video anyway because I read somewhere that being abused and not thinking of telling anyone can be an autistic trait, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have mentioned it :)
So may things that you have spoken about resonate highly with me. In your childhood and youth. I was and still am obsessed with animals and still only like 1 or 2 friends. Bullying at school was horrendous. I was shy and spent time on my own. Thank you for explaining things.
I was almost given glasses I didn’t need because I kept walking into things. They thought surely I just can’t see that a railing is directly in front of me. Just dyspraxia!
I don't know what "dyspraxia" is as I've literally never heard this before. I've got some research to do now! Thanks! I love learning new things; it helps me understand people better. I mean, I still don't understand people no matter how much I learn...but I try. We are very complex creatures.
I had to rewarm up to people, too, when I was younger. I don’t understand what was going on there, but it’s like I couldn’t tolerate talking to or interacting with someone until I got used to their presence. Which doesn’t make sense to me. I wonder why that is..
I really relate to you a lot with many of the things you mentioned. I see patterns all the time, in paint, clouds, rugs, hair on the shower wall, bus seats, etc. I've noticed that i can look at something unchanging and see one thing and without looking away start seeing a different thing, dont know if others also experience this.
I always knew i was different, well i thought it was that i was crazy and i needed to make sure nobody found out. I got called weird a lot also and was bullied at school. I forget how u worded it in the video but it made me realize that i did always know i was different, it was hard to see it positively. When i was young i was very imaginative in pretend play with others, other kids loved it but over time i was still doing it well past when others were through with it, like when i was 13 still. I did kind of think i was special, like powerful, i hoped maybe one day i would realize i had magic powers. I would ask my mom if she secretly had magic powers, when she said no i wouldnt believe her, I'd say come on u can tell me and then o fine dont tell me lol. In a way i think ive never entirely let go of that idea, i know it sounds childish.
Gym was a terrible class for me but the teachers were never mean. I would get picked last for anything with teams. I was too weak for a long time to do things like play volleyball until i was older, i was kind of good at it then. I remember i was so tired in the fitness runs, lagging behind.
I loved writing even before i could write, i remember i would scribble trying to do it. I had a diary which i wrote in when i was emotional, still do that. I find it so helpful to get me to process my emotions, talking it out is good too but it's dependent on having someone to talk it out with and that's hard to have that trust and feel that accepted with someone.
I'm also a slow reader. I could tell when we had to read a page or something in class that i was always the last one done. I think it was because i moved my tongue as if talking, i think i sort of have to hear it in my head, so it's not faster than if it was being read aloud. Background noise makes it so hard to impossible for me to read and i think that's because it interferes with that "hearing" it. I do love to read tho, i love to escape into another world. Also i picture characters as people from my real life or cartoons i have seen or actors, not necessarily matching much at all with the description of a character. I appreciate deacriptive writing but i dont know if i really get much out of the visual aspect, maybe more the feeling, like if it's a storm or if they're in the desert i have a sense of that feel. I wonder if anyone else does this picturing characters as people they know. When i have seen the movie i will use the movie actors. Also sometimes if i listen to a podcast or something without visual I'll get a certain idea of what the person looks like, especially if I really like them i dont want that fake image to b shattered by what they really look like lol.
Im also so sensitive emotionally like u described. I can have such a strong feeling from music, movies, anything. I feel so intense from seeing stuff in nature, in awe of it. I can tell other people r not having so much emotion, like other people don't have to run away because of a sad song but to me sometimes it's all i can do to stay there not bawling, can only stand it for so long.
I also imagine real people/actors when reading, I’ve heard other autistic people talk about it so it seems quite common, maybe due to our imaginative differences 😊
@@paunesjourney o really? I haven't. I was really happy to hear someone else talk about it. I was confused by questions on the questionnaires about picturing a character, because I am picturing something but u might say it's not the character necessarily. I more often picture just people in my life
I skipped lunch every day, too, because the cafeteria was just too overwhelming for me. I would spend the time in the library with a small snack I managed to sneak in (I think the librarian knew and just didn't mind it)
About the fire: there's a painting by Mark Rothko at my favorite museum that's a big orange and brown canvas. I love sitting in front of it and "watching" it because the color reminds me of flames! It feels like meditating.
Hi, Im from the US so i'm not really interested in getting evaluated because it's so expensive so I dont have a diagnosis. however, I always had an inkling that I could be autistic, and people would also tell me I could be and to get tested. I can relate to what youre saying! I can still find comfort in someone who shares same experiences, even if I dont have the diagnosis.
I can relate so well with looking at the clock to find patterns! I used to do homework, and look at the clock on the stove. it could be like 4:22 and I would be like "omg 4-2=2" or its 6:23 and I would think "thats a good time because 6/2=3" I always trying to solves math problem so to relate the numbers to each other. anywho, im glad i found your channel and I cant wait to watch more!
YES that’s very relatable! You’re welcome here with or without a formal diagnosis 😊 I’m so glad you found my channel! Enjoy :)
So, I don't know your story at all, but if you don't have insurance you might want to try calling or emailing your state's Department of Health and Human Services. Depending on where you live it might have a different name. You can try looking around on your state's official website for the place you need. They might be able to help you get Medicaid or hook you up with free therapy. The TH-camr Mickey Atkins also has resources posted out there with links to free or low cost therapy. I'm in the US too and I HATE our healthcare system; as someone with multiple chronic illnesses from leukemia to glaucoma and a few more. I don't like how we're punished for something we have no control over. We deserve to get care no matter what our lives are like. If you feel strongly that a diagnosis will help you I hope you are able to find testing somehow, somewhere. Also, sorry for the unsolicited advice. I just turned 40 and my dad instincts are in f***ing overdrive. I can't turn them off...and I don't even have kids! Seeing young people suffer for the decisions made by people who could care less hurts me so deeply I can barely describe it. I just want to see everyone okay and living okay lives.
First I want to say I think you had a nice smile in that photo you shared. 😊. Thank you for sharing these traits. I do indeed relate to a lot of them.
Thank you ~ very glad to discover you & your videos .. relate to most of the list you talk about, & it's helpful to hear.. I was late-diagnosed (plus adhd & cptsd) aged 48, 6 years ago, still reviewing.
I can't deal with coffee either, the taste nor the effect, tho I do have a sweet tooth & as an adult I like coffee cake, but chocolate has always been my top choice, over fruit flavours too.
I sucked my (left) thumb (& smelled a wool "Dobby" at same time - a knitted bottle cover with cotton wool.insude & sewn up, dog design but I couldn't say doggy so Dobby it forever was, & I'd pull wisps of the wool with my right forefinger & thumb & roll it into tiny balls, & made a sound while i did it that became known as "goying".. still love the smell of wool, tho find it itchsome to wear. I 'goyed' (ever more discreetly as I knew it was not what cool folk did) until I had a dental brace for 2yrs aged 12-14 & was made to stop sucking my thumb.. I had an overbite, buck teeth, & was teased for looking like a rabbit.
Lots more points I connect with, but too much to type.
Really sorry you went through abusive environment at home & witnessing domestic violence, esp being so sensitive.
I see you did make a part 2! ~ Merci beaucoup!
Teachers can be cruel and/or stupid, & ignorant too.
One traumatic experience that still haunts me: aged 10, Mr North had us take turns be called to stand at front of class & be given a subject to talk about for a minute.. I was gawky & terrified anyway, then he gave me the subject "the fluff in my belly button" (!?).. I managed to say it's blue, and totally froze. No help from anyone to process that afterwards. It still pops up intermittently & I cringe, & feel a range of things, tho also have been very good at dissociating / not knowing what I feel. Evidently I was already in anxiety, likely limbic brain which can freeze, so it's possible I wouldn't have fared much better with any other title, but I wanted to do my best & not look a fool so if I'd had something to say, such as about beloved cat, it could've been different.
I love Octopuses as much as Dolphins, both are so beautiful & amazing & sensitive .. have you seen the film 'My Octopus Teacher' ? 😍
Thanks for your comment, I’m glad you found my video relatable 🥰 what a terrible experience you had in school… I wouldn’t have known what to say either! I haven’t watched it but my partner has 😊 I hope you enjoyed part 2 & 3! Xx
I think the definition of a tantrum is "a reaction to negative emotions which is physically vigorous, loud, or otherwise grabs attention, and which the SPEAKER deems is inappropriate". That last part is something you wouldn't find in many people's definitions, but I put it in mine, because I believe that this element of personal judgment is inherent to the definition. The term is not applied objectively, but subjectively. How do they know it is a tantrum? Because they personally believe it is inappropriate. And we can audit their reasons, and judge for ourselves. Just because people have the power to define things doesn't mean that they are right, and that their judgments cannot be challenged. Maybe we believe that the reaction is justified, and that the people who called it a tantrum were out of line. We can reframe the emotional reaction, if we deem that it should be reframed.
Thank you for bringing this nuance to the discussion ♥️
Thanks for the video, I relate to a lot of these points.
Some points not related to the point of the video:
-interesting about french grammar, I didn't know it was historically made to be difficult because for me it was very easy 😅
-Also not related to the point of your video but your dad was very old 😱
Haha yes he’s 81 this year 😂 he had me when he was 54 👍
As someone who is not in contact with your birth family, do you feel like it’s risky to have a TH-cam channel? My partner wants to make a channel, but she’s afraid of her birth family finding it.
In my case I don’t think there’s a risk because my parents know nothing about social media/youtube, I’m not giving any actual names on my channel that could lead back to me or my family, my partner is the only one who knows my channel name and he’s not in touch with my family, and finally my parents don’t speak English 😅 but tbh, in the unlikely event that they’d discover my channel (and understand what I’m saying in my videos, and actually care enough about me to watch…), I wouldn’t care that much, because I’ve detached myself from what they think of me, and they can’t get to me anymore 🤷🏻♀️
@@paunesjourney I’m glad you feel safe and detached from them. Thank you for sharing.
Have you mentioned to your partner making a faceless and anonymous channel? They don't need to show their face, and they can either use made up names or not mention specific names or places in general. They could record reading their script, or just talking without one, with their phone's voice recorder and put that over still images or whatever. I believe there is a solution to this problem with enough creative tricks. 😊 I, for one, believe in your partner and think their story should be told . And you can tell them I said this! They have both you and I rooting for them!
@@ChristopherSadlowski good tricks 👍
Hi Paune, I don't usually comment and mostly lurk. I find myself connecting with so much of what you say. Thank you for uploading and sharing your stories with us. It makes me feel less alone/less crazy.
I'm also 26 f and some of the things I related to in this video were.. frequent day dreaming. Always being asked 'What's wrong?" because I have 'resting bitch face" or "a flat face" I'd often lie or find some kind of excuse, even when I was feeling fine because I was tired of saying I was okay. I also have some ocd tendencies, specifically "evening out" things I'd do with my body. I have double jointed ankles for example and to be able to sleep, I often have to roll them or make them pop x amount of time each and will start over if I miscount. It has to be even or I'm unsettled. As a kid, I would also walk up to kids and do something using flexibility as a way to insert myself, because I wasn't sure what else to do. (I would hold my hands and pull them over my head and back without letting go) My parent's would often describe me as "just different" from others. I was also obsessed with movies as a kid and would rewind to certain parts of moving on my VHS player because I would be mesmerized by certain parts. I especially remember being fond of the ballroom dance scene in Anastasia. My sister and I would fight over the VHS player because I just wanted to replay it frequently. My mom would have to beg me to smile with teeth or change how I was for pictures. I'd get locked outside often and would usually stare at a specific part of my yard where there were rays of light and convince myself they were magical. I would stare at clouds while outside, or my ceiling inside and find patterns in the paint/pictures in the clouds.
I hope the info dumping is okay, I appreciate your content and hope sharing also helps you to feel less alone/imposter like. I will be getting assessed soon. I'm anxious/was struggling with giving myself permission to be assessed. But your channel has really helped me to believe in myself. Thanks Paune!
I’m so happy for you 😍 thanks for sharing your experience, it’s very much appreciated by myself and I’m sure a lot of other people in the comments! Indeed it helps feel less alone and like an imposter ♥️ best of luck with your assessment 🤞🏻
Thanks! @@paunesjourney
@@jayceejellies6424please let us know the results of your assessment once it’s done (if you feel comfortable doing so), I’d love to know how it went for you 🤗
Omg I love Anastasia, I sometimes get the songs stuck in my head, once apon a December, and the one where the guys r teaching her to act like a princess, so good.
@@heedmydemands ‘Once upon a December’ is so beautiful 🤩 I used to play it on the piano & sing it; it would put tears in my eyes…