Unfortunately, pain is the best teacher in life. Without it, we couldn't truly appreciate what we have. I've learned that whatever pain we face, we should also try to learn from it. There is always a lesson and wisdom to be gained. Learn from it and grow. Life has a funny way of repeating painful lessons if we choose not to learn from them the first time, which I'm sure we would all be happy to avoid.
Nothing can bring absolute clarity as loss. We realize all that we thought as important becomes less so when faced with losing something which will leave a huge void in our lives. Sometimes the best of things and the worse of things come when we least expect them. I lost my father to covid and I'm still dealing with it....this channel just gets better. Thank you John.
“The future is always all around us, waiting, in moments of transitions, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain.” - J. Michael Strazynski
Lost my Mom oct 2022 then my last sibling 6 months later, so there is no one left.....just me and the pile of horseshit......it seems like Hell, but thankfully, it doesnt last forever....God built in something to look forward to....I am not rushing it though....there are small joys along the way,.......your dogs are one of those joys.....helping/ encouraging people is another.....thanks for the dog walks
The amount of pain you suffer is directly proportional to the value of your loss to you. Be it a relative, a friend, pet, your health, something material. Or none tangible things like a belief and trust, to name a few. Everyone's experience will be personal, and we can only approximate how they feel based on our own experiences. I think the pain is felt more the older you get. For example, you realise you don't have a whole life ahead to pick up the pieces and try to achieve your goals again and may not even wish to. Once again, John, a very good topic you picked and wise advice. You've certainly got things figured out. 🍻
My ex spouse taught me a valuable lesson which is to never get too attached to any person or anything for that matter in fact. Maybe your children and your dog. But never ever ever to a woman. Treat her as disposable because she is certainly treating you as such.
I lost my mother due to Alzheimer after 17 years of struggle with that terrible disease. I wanna thank your for your work because it is not easy to do what you do passing through that.
My dad lost his mum to alzheimers as well and he also went the same way. The last time I saw him was in the covid lockdown as I didn't live in my home town as I was also dealing with a sick wife when I saw him he looked at me and waved his fingers in my direction and suddenly he remembered my name and said it with excitement. I sat down with him and just talked about life family he drifted in an out of the conversation one minute he remembered who so and so was .I pulled out my phone and went on you tube and found rod stewards song i am sailing. I played it to him he was tapping his feet away and hand on his chair i said I have to go now dad as I need to get back to sharon we said goodbye a few weeks later he passed away .some times we hang on to see our loved ones one more time before we go my own wife passed a way last year a few years after my dad went .at least I know she's not alone but watching the people we love and care for slipping aways is not nice as we all remember them when thay where just mum or dad who looked after us when we needed being picked up and told its gonna be fine my son or daughter when we messed up .we will always miss them time is a healer but we all would like just one more day with them to all you guys who are dealing with family members going through this your extra special people look after your selfs and each other
Hey John...I'm sorry for your sadness with your mom. Know that you've made many new "friends" on this channel. We are all wishing you well and strength, new friend. Stay strong brother ..
Pain and learning from loss has been the theme of my life over the last year. I went through a divorce, lost the house I built with my own two hands, lost my two dogs in the divorce, then lost my dad to cancer, and then my mom just seven months later. Maybe it was for the better that all that pain came in a short amount of time. I see life through an entirely different lens now.
I never comment but will do so now. Having a practice of slowing down, reflecting, and capturing those lessons learned is an important practice that is foundational for a life well lived.
Hello brothers this guy has a lot of understanding about this topic today. I’m glad he picked today. I have had a huge loss in my life but now I see that it has bring me more courage to not quit
I’m glad you found the meaningful. I think as humans we really struggle with loss. Even people were very strong faith can have that faith shaken when someone close to them suffers or dies. Ironically, that’s the time when you needed it the most. Thanks.
Loss hardens us and makes us stronger. But one loss after another and another and another, can destroy the strongest of men. It's hard enough to be resilient after one major loss, it takes a special kind of fighter to make it through a series of hardships and keep going. Eventually, the burden can become too great to bear.
Everything is made to perish. And we were built to take everything we are handed. You will never be hanged too much to handle. You might think you’re being handed too much to handle, but there is a purpose behind all of it.
Sadly people are handed more than they can handle all the time, and they die from it. Not sure why it is such a popular concept that this doesnt happen.
I understand what you’re saying and why you’re saying it. But I think you’ll find that we build stronger emotional muscles. And what seems incomprehensible when we’re young is something that we can handle in stride when we are older after we had experienced loss over and over again. You learn not to become so attached to anyone or anything. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It simply means that you don’t give them the power to control your state of mind. When you’re in that place, you can mourn a loss without losing your grip on your own reality. You developed the ability to see things from 30,000 feet up. You understand there’s a bigger picture and we’re all just a part of it.
@@john-griffin Yep, it's that eternal balance between objectivity and emotional crisis management. Age gives you more of the former but, at the end of the day, you're still only human.
Yes, great pain and great loss is a huge existential crisis, a tremendous wake-up call. Among the worst are bad marriage, bad divorce and unfair estrangement from your children. And then to have one of your children die before their time is the absolute worst! The problem for happy single men is too many don't realize the bullet they escaped. The problem for divorced men is to heal from their PTSD pain.
Well-said, John. I'm sorry to hear about your mom, that is so hard. I lost my mom at 13, my dad at 14, my brother at 40, all of my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Now at 64, the wife decided she doesn't want to be married anymore. There are many things we can't control, but we can learn, grow from them, and live life to the best of our ability regardless of circumstances. 🙏
It gives you the opportunity to grow, or growth, do to , sorrow, and suffering. Whether you like it or not, you have a choice. Me for one would not ever grow unless I had no choice. but you have have to choose to grow because of the suffering, thank you i learned this to recently! i just never knew self improvement was surrounded by sorrow
23 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +1
Thanks John, that was a very balanced presentation today which when applied daily gives purpose to each and veveryone 😊
Thank you for all your comforting videos John. You are right about pain and wisdom. Learning is a goal in it's self. I heard this phrase somewhere that I think is pretty accurate: "A lesson learned without pain is soon forgotten." As for me, my pain has taught me that there is no God or divine spirit that is sentient and righteous. Just a soulless universe which, despite being devoid of consciousness and emotion, still hates me.😅
I don’t think the universe hates you. I think that at worst, the universe is indifferent. I do believe benevolence exist on some level. Good luck and thanks.
My brother passed away in 2022 and my mother passed away in April of this year she was bedridden and it's very hard for me because all my childhood memories that I have in this house that I was raised since I was a newborn, the sadness and depression and nostalgia are constant so many family members that passed away too that visit this house since I was a kid, it's a difficult situation that's why I'm selling it and i hope that somebody buys it quickly bc I'm sick and tired of this pain 😢
It sounds like you’re really having a tough time of it. I’m sure you’ll find a buyer and you’ll be able to walk away from what that house represents to. Unfortunately, those memories are going to be with you for the rest of your life. So you might as well make friends with them. Because they’re gonna be living in your head forever. And that’s not a bad thing. Because your memory of those who have passed may be all that remains of them. So keeping them present in your mind anyway keeps them alive inside you.
George Bruno has stated a divorce or a break up should sometimes be treated like a death. In some cases, a death is easier then a break in a relationship. With a death, there is no future , only the past. A divorce, the other one can continue to hurt the other. I finally had to think the divorce was a death this last year and move on. The haunting part of it, she can still knock on my door at any time. She still visits me in my dreams and nightmares. But everyday , seems to get better with time. 😊
Great video thank you John. As we get older we try not to make the same mistakes again and again. Especially with women and dealing with the ever-changing world that they exist in. I really wouldn’t want to be 18 today and starting over again. Have a great day😊
I commented on a previous video that I was sadly, fresh out of a relationship. I'm not the guy you referred to in this video, but I feel as if this video, once again, spoke directly to me. You and I are approximately the same age and I appreciate your perspective, great video, thank you!
Thank you for these videos. Invaluable for us older gents trying to figure out life through their fist divorce. Lost my father & marriage a few months ago. I’m learning a lot from your advice. Side note- after my mother passed , her brother ( my uncle) told me “ Dad always told us the last thing you can teach your children is how to die”, will never forget that moment, we we’re eating breakfast the day of her service.
That is a fascinating topic. It’s something that we’re all going to experience, but none of us really think about. Very few people spend any time considering their own death and how it gives meaning to their lives. That’s a great comment though. What’s your uncle told you is great advice
@@john-griffin both of them died of cancer, a slow death. My daughter’s beloved father n law died unexpectedly of a heart attack and was found in his kitchen, that one I’m really struggling with.
It is difficult. I lost my mother to Cancer. Spirituality has assisted me and seeing things from a different perspective. Energy doesn't die. It transforms. Remember everything runs it course and completion in this world into the next world.
I got scammed for a lot of money by a w-oman, my father passed away, and my cat almost passed away- all in a matter of 2-3 months. I was able to come on top from all that and I'm grateful for learning the hard experiences.
Yes very difficult! I lost my father to Alzheimer’s disease 7 years ago and it was a long goodbye as the person who’d held together a blended family faded away through spells of utter nonsense and delusion. Unfortunately my half brothers just abandoned me and my mother and was the catalyst for understanding some dark truths about resentment as well as growth.
Yeah, we’ve been socked in with rain for the last two weeks. I think today is the first time I’ve seen the sun and nearly a month. But yeah, I’m afraid the shorts and T-shirt season is probably come to an end. Thanks.
In theory, you have to put energy into a relationship to make it work. However, the more energy you put in the worse it can be when it ends. Is there a sweet spot? I'm not sure. It seems relationships are going completely transactional and it seems society is accepting that.
I sometimes think unanticipated pain is God's perverse joke on humanity. Like this quote: "Happiness is wasted on those who have never known real suffering."
You would be better to try home care for your mother. Nursing homes are very expensive once medicare runs out. Once that happens, the care home will start to neglect her and make a half-hearted effort to feed her. . Then she will not want to eat and go downhill. I have been through the whole thing. Nursing homes have a huge bag of tricks they can use to gradually end her life. Bring her home and get prepared food at Costco and take care of her yourself.
Thanks, that’s what we’ve done. We have someone who comes in during the day for six or seven hours. And it’s very helpful. It gives her a certain amount of autonomy and it relieves my stepfather from having to be a full-time caregiver. Thanks for your input. I really appreciate it. I know these things are not easy for anyone.
I lost so much in the past 5 yrs...but I'm still here filled with great gratitude ...I focus on what I can control.
That’s a great approach. It sounds like you have things under control. And that’s the best anyone can do.
That commenter wasn't the only one going through a tough time right now. Thanks for the timely video.
Thanks very much! I’m glad the videos are helping you
True, it's our losses and mistakes which teach us valuable lessons.
Our struggles make us stronger.
Be and express gratitude for every experience. They are all signs you are alive. Thanks John!
Isn’t that the truth?
Unfortunately, pain is the best teacher in life. Without it, we couldn't truly appreciate what we have. I've learned that whatever pain we face, we should also try to learn from it. There is always a lesson and wisdom to be gained. Learn from it and grow. Life has a funny way of repeating painful lessons if we choose not to learn from them the first time, which I'm sure we would all be happy to avoid.
Well said... reminds me of that quote:
"Happiness is wasted on those who have never known real suffering."
Nothing can bring absolute clarity as loss. We realize all that we thought as important becomes less so when faced with losing something which will leave a huge void in our lives. Sometimes the best of things and the worse of things come when we least expect them. I lost my father to covid and I'm still dealing with it....this channel just gets better. Thank you John.
Thanks
Keep going buddy you got this
“The future is always all around us, waiting, in moments of transitions, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain.” - J. Michael Strazynski
Excellent
Lost my Mom oct 2022 then my last sibling 6 months later, so there is no one left.....just me and the pile of horseshit......it seems like Hell, but thankfully, it doesnt last forever....God built in something to look forward to....I am not rushing it though....there are small joys along the way,.......your dogs are one of those joys.....helping/ encouraging people is another.....thanks for the dog walks
Thanks
The amount of pain you suffer is directly proportional to the value of your loss to you. Be it a relative, a friend, pet, your health, something material. Or none tangible things like a belief and trust, to name a few.
Everyone's experience will be personal, and we can only approximate how they feel based on our own experiences.
I think the pain is felt more the older you get. For example, you realise you don't have a whole life ahead to pick up the pieces and try to achieve your goals again and may not even wish to.
Once again, John, a very good topic you picked and wise advice. You've certainly got things figured out. 🍻
Thanks for your insights. There’s some really good stuff in there. Thanks.
My ex spouse taught me a valuable lesson which is to never get too attached to any person or anything for that matter in fact. Maybe your children and your dog.
But never ever ever to a woman. Treat her as disposable because she is certainly treating you as such.
That's why I get angry when a man comes around, trying to date me... I know he'll leave eventually anyway.
@@ohhhhhnoooooYou KNOW this?
@@garyfrancis6193it's her character.
Thanks John...for all the great videos
Agree
Thanks
Well stated John. Life is indeed a journey. Embrace the change.
Thanks
great words, there is learning you can't get any other way than through the lessons of loss
True
Thank you John, thanks for the inspiration and guidance. I have learnt a lot from your videos and i always look forward to your videos and teachings.
Thanks
I lost my mother due to Alzheimer after 17 years of struggle with that terrible disease.
I wanna thank your for your work because it is not easy to do what you do passing through that.
Thanks
My dad lost his mum to alzheimers as well and he also went the same way. The last time I saw him was in the covid lockdown as I didn't live in my home town as I was also dealing with a sick wife when I saw him he looked at me and waved his fingers in my direction and suddenly he remembered my name and said it with excitement.
I sat down with him and just talked about life family he drifted in an out of the conversation one minute he remembered who so and so was .I pulled out my phone and went on you tube and found rod stewards song i am sailing.
I played it to him he was tapping his feet away and hand on his chair i said I have to go now dad as I need to get back to sharon we said goodbye a few weeks later he passed away .some times we hang on to see our loved ones one more time before we go my own wife passed a way last year a few years after my dad went .at least I know she's not alone but watching the people we love and care for slipping aways is not nice as we all remember them when thay where just mum or dad who looked after us when we needed being picked up and told its gonna be fine my son or daughter when we messed up .we will always miss them time is a healer but we all would like just one more day with them to all you guys who are dealing with family members going through this your extra special people look after your selfs and each other
Hey John...I'm sorry for your sadness with your mom. Know that you've made many new "friends" on this channel. We are all wishing you well and strength, new friend. Stay strong brother ..
Thanks
I love this man! Excellent videos
Thanks
Comfort is the enemy of growth. Pain and struggle forge you in to the better stronger version of you.
That reminds me of the movie "Conan the Barbarian". This is the secret of steel.
Pain and learning from loss has been the theme of my life over the last year. I went through a divorce, lost the house I built with my own two hands, lost my two dogs in the divorce, then lost my dad to cancer, and then my mom just seven months later. Maybe it was for the better that all that pain came in a short amount of time. I see life through an entirely different lens now.
You have definitely been through a lot in a very short period of time. Hopefully what comes next will be a little bit brighter.
Notwithstanding your other losses, losing , in a divorce, a house that you have personally built, is really sh1tty.
I never comment but will do so now. Having a practice of slowing down, reflecting, and capturing those lessons learned is an important practice that is foundational for a life well lived.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts
Hello brothers this guy has a lot of understanding about this topic today.
I’m glad he picked today.
I have had a huge loss in my life but now I see that it has bring me more courage to not quit
I’m glad you found the meaningful. I think as humans we really struggle with loss. Even people were very strong faith can have that faith shaken when someone close to them suffers or dies. Ironically, that’s the time when you needed it the most. Thanks.
Loss hardens us and makes us stronger. But one loss after another and another and another, can destroy the strongest of men. It's hard enough to be resilient after one major loss, it takes a special kind of fighter to make it through a series of hardships and keep going. Eventually, the burden can become too great to bear.
Everything is made to perish. And we were built to take everything we are handed. You will never be hanged too much to handle. You might think you’re being handed too much to handle, but there is a purpose behind all of it.
Sadly people are handed more than they can handle all the time, and they die from it. Not sure why it is such a popular concept that this doesnt happen.
I understand what you’re saying and why you’re saying it. But I think you’ll find that we build stronger emotional muscles. And what seems incomprehensible when we’re young is something that we can handle in stride when we are older after we had experienced loss over and over again. You learn not to become so attached to anyone or anything. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It simply means that you don’t give them the power to control your state of mind. When you’re in that place, you can mourn a loss without losing your grip on your own reality. You developed the ability to see things from 30,000 feet up. You understand there’s a bigger picture and we’re all just a part of it.
@@john-griffin Yep, it's that eternal balance between objectivity and emotional crisis management. Age gives you more of the former but, at the end of the day, you're still only human.
I call it pain with purpose!
Yes, great pain and great loss is a huge existential crisis, a tremendous wake-up call.
Among the worst are bad marriage, bad divorce and unfair estrangement from your children.
And then to have one of your children die before their time is the absolute worst!
The problem for happy single men is too many don't realize the bullet they escaped.
The problem for divorced men is to heal from their PTSD pain.
Well-said, John. I'm sorry to hear about your mom, that is so hard. I lost my mom at 13, my dad at 14, my brother at 40, all of my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Now at 64, the wife decided she doesn't want to be married anymore. There are many things we can't control, but we can learn, grow from them, and live life to the best of our ability regardless of circumstances. 🙏
Wow man, you really had a lot of wisdom come your way didn’t you?
Believe that your mother would want you to be happy . She is still alive in your heart.
You can never make a woman happy. ❤
Thanks for the philosophy
It gives you the opportunity to grow, or growth, do to , sorrow, and suffering. Whether you like it or not, you have a choice. Me for one would not ever grow unless I had no choice. but you have have to choose to grow because of the suffering, thank you i learned this to recently! i just never knew self improvement was surrounded by sorrow
Thanks John, that was a very balanced presentation today which when applied daily gives purpose to each and veveryone 😊
Thanks
Hi John. Great message! By my own experience I can say that you're spot on it!
Be healthy and stay free! (-_-)
Thanks
Thank you for all your comforting videos John. You are right about pain and wisdom. Learning is a goal in it's self. I heard this phrase somewhere that I think is pretty accurate:
"A lesson learned without pain is soon forgotten."
As for me, my pain has taught me that there is no God or divine spirit that is sentient and righteous. Just a soulless universe which, despite being devoid of consciousness and emotion, still hates me.😅
I don’t think the universe hates you. I think that at worst, the universe is indifferent. I do believe benevolence exist on some level. Good luck and thanks.
My brother passed away in 2022 and my mother passed away in April of this year she was bedridden and it's very hard for me because all my childhood memories that I have in this house that I was raised since I was a newborn, the sadness and depression and nostalgia are constant so many family members that passed away too that visit this house since I was a kid, it's a difficult situation that's why I'm selling it and i hope that somebody buys it quickly bc I'm sick and tired of this pain 😢
It sounds like you’re really having a tough time of it. I’m sure you’ll find a buyer and you’ll be able to walk away from what that house represents to. Unfortunately, those memories are going to be with you for the rest of your life. So you might as well make friends with them. Because they’re gonna be living in your head forever. And that’s not a bad thing. Because your memory of those who have passed may be all that remains of them. So keeping them present in your mind anyway keeps them alive inside you.
Great one, John. Prayers for your Mom.
Thanks
George Bruno has stated a divorce or a break up should sometimes be treated like a death. In some cases, a death is easier then a break in a relationship. With a death, there is no future , only the past. A divorce, the other one can continue to hurt the other. I finally had to think the divorce was a death this last year and move on. The haunting part of it, she can still knock on my door at any time. She still visits me in my dreams and nightmares. But everyday , seems to get better with time. 😊
Great video thank you John. As we get older we try not to make the same mistakes again and again. Especially with women and dealing with the ever-changing world that they exist in. I really wouldn’t want to be 18 today and starting over again. Have a great day😊
Thanks
I commented on a previous video that I was sadly, fresh out of a relationship. I'm not the guy you referred to in this video, but I feel as if this video, once again, spoke directly to me. You and I are approximately the same age and I appreciate your perspective, great video, thank you!
Thanks
Wisdom often comes too late
Thank you for these videos. Invaluable for us older gents trying to figure out life through their fist divorce. Lost my father & marriage a few months ago. I’m learning a lot from your advice.
Side note- after my mother passed , her brother ( my uncle) told me “ Dad always told us the last thing you can teach your children is how to die”, will never forget that moment, we we’re eating breakfast the day of her service.
That is a fascinating topic. It’s something that we’re all going to experience, but none of us really think about. Very few people spend any time considering their own death and how it gives meaning to their lives. That’s a great comment though. What’s your uncle told you is great advice
@@john-griffin both of them died of cancer, a slow death. My daughter’s beloved father n law died unexpectedly of a heart attack and was found in his kitchen, that one I’m really struggling with.
It is difficult. I lost my mother to Cancer. Spirituality has assisted me and seeing things from a different perspective. Energy doesn't die. It transforms. Remember everything runs it course and completion in this world into the next world.
Excellent insights. I agree with you completely.
I got scammed for a lot of money by a w-oman, my father passed away, and my cat almost passed away- all in a matter of 2-3 months.
I was able to come on top from all that and I'm grateful for learning the hard experiences.
Some lessons are very expensive. That’s what makes him so valuable.
Yes very difficult! I lost my father to Alzheimer’s disease 7 years ago and it was a long goodbye as the person who’d held together a blended family faded away through spells of utter nonsense and delusion. Unfortunately my half brothers just abandoned me and my mother and was the catalyst for understanding some dark truths about resentment as well as growth.
….never waste a bad experience. Learn from it!
Thanks for the video John. My sister passed away last week she was my best friend.
It hurts.
Yes, it is tough. I can’t imagine what you’re going through
Stick in there bud
Thank you
Thank you.
John, I see that your weather has changed too. No more shorts and t-shirt.😊
Yeah, we’ve been socked in with rain for the last two weeks. I think today is the first time I’ve seen the sun and nearly a month. But yeah, I’m afraid the shorts and T-shirt season is probably come to an end. Thanks.
The Japanese speak about pain, enduring the unendurable.
A well-known saying of theirs is:
"Shikata ga nai" ... which means, it couldn't be helped.
In theory, you have to put energy into a relationship to make it work. However, the more energy you put in the worse it can be when it ends. Is there a sweet spot? I'm not sure. It seems relationships are going completely transactional and it seems society is accepting that.
I am glad you are here to warn other people so they dont have to have the pain since the therapy industry has been weaponized and politisized.
I learned don’t get married.
It's "damned if you do, and damned if you don't." God should have quit after he made the animals. What a shitshow.
Can you believe in God and believe we are animals
I sometimes think unanticipated pain is God's perverse joke on humanity.
Like this quote:
"Happiness is wasted on those who have never known real suffering."
Good one 👍
Who landscaped your backyard ?.
My mother is suffering with deminta and does not recognize who I am. Doesn't know my name or realize I am her son.
It takes a few minutes for my mom to recognize me. It’s inevitable that she won’t at one point
You would be better to try home care for your mother. Nursing homes are very expensive once medicare runs out. Once that happens, the care home will start to neglect her and make a half-hearted effort to feed her. . Then she will not want to eat and go downhill. I have been through the whole thing. Nursing homes have a huge bag of tricks they can use to gradually end her life. Bring her home and get prepared food at Costco and take care of her yourself.
Thanks, that’s what we’ve done. We have someone who comes in during the day for six or seven hours. And it’s very helpful. It gives her a certain amount of autonomy and it relieves my stepfather from having to be a full-time caregiver. Thanks for your input. I really appreciate it. I know these things are not easy for anyone.