Real-time BETRAYAL
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT. - บันเทิง
Narcissists will always betray you. Because they’re envious of what you have. Their happiness is not like yours, so they want to keep you down, so that they can feel better about themselves.
There it is! Well said.❤🙏🙂
Jealous people who are envious of your fabulosity. I don't really think they experience true happiness ever. They get a hit with some narcissistic supply, but it's fleeting.
The entire universe is a jealous bitch then 😂😂😂 because every person in the universe helps them destroy your life
When someone puts you down so that they can feel better is called a “leveling.”
@@marjoriechildoflight8967 horrible to do that to someone.☹
They really don’t see you as a individual is mind blowing 🤯
Istg their so dumb bro 😂
Why are they so obsessed tho 😂😂😂 like it’s so easy to just leave me alone
@@leighleigh8725 , often it's control, often it's an attempt to regulate their own inner world by other means but the underlying drivers for almost everything a narcissist does are control (often to the level of dominance) and image (reputation, etc etc). some times it take a lot of mind bending for those of us to whom those are not at all motivators to understand why they would want the reputation of cheating or hurting us, but each person has a different image they are attempting to project and protect all the time. Biggest macho dude, biggest victim, rescuer, hot sexy wanted person, perfect dad....
They can be so tiring.
@@mac-ju5ot true power stay mad about it .. go ahead struggle little baby you’ll never get away from the wrestle daddy and his tools 🥴🥴🥴🥴
This betrayal is worse.
You are isolated, and when you reach out for support you find your abuser has already sabotaged your common relationships.
Life with a Narcissist is a real life Twilight Zone episode.
More like Rosemary's Baby or the Wicker Man.
I wonder who thumped you down? You're right they even turn your children against you.,😏
Absolutely. This is my story too💔
The pain is so palpable, I’m so sorry for every person who knows the way it feels to be betrayed.
When it is loved close family members, it is devastating.
To Know Judas's Mentality Was In Family The WHOLE TIME.... Betrayal 💯
Absolutely. When the family matriarch is anything but motherly and goes out of her way to weaponize each generation against her intended target, you can't help but shake your head and wonder wth!😮. These sorts will wreck everything good with their conniving scheming games. They hold you hostage to their emotions and don't you dare step:out of line or speak out of turn!
@@valerieriggins3184 Same as Cain's
We need to identify that the act of omission is actually an act of commission, meaning: it is a deliberate choice to _omit_ a crucial piece of information. It can be even worse than commission sometimes, because it has a gaslighty effect.
It is a choice to omit something.
Exactly! Just as no response IS A response!
Yes, they are hiding something that is Causing us Serious HARM .
THIS. SO MUCH THIS. So often the betrayal is in the neglect, the failure of the people w/power over you (bosses, PARENTS) to provide information you need, that they know you need, that you have ASKED FOR and that they pretend they don't have -- and it's SO MUCH HARDER to have to prove the absence of something (help, support, crucial information) to other "normal" people whose assistance you might need in order to move forward ♥♥
Do u think if someone manipulates u so they don't have spend money by making something price an exaggeration is that lying ?? And when they bribe by promising to do something and then making it a condition of remaining with them is that toxic ?
@MStinkyknickers if anyone offers to do something for you (not a small favor), and wants to hold it over your head is toxic.
Someone telling you a price of something is more expensive than it is and it's not is not only some mind f-game, but it is a form of gaslighting and a power play...in my book.
People should say what they mean and mean what they say. And bribing someone so they can get what they want is NOT okay! I hope that makes sense.
A lie of omission is still a lie. Always, trust your gut and maintain strong boundaries.
It’s a good sign when you cannot conceptualize horrible behavior. Even if you’re an expert in the behavior. You’re a good person, Dr. Ramani. 💜
The same way a snake would always bite, a narcissist would always betray and abuse! I feel I'm buried alive in the trench of narcissistic abuse
A true friend really is a treasure.
As if looking for a needle in the barns of haystack.. Period..
I have a couple people in my life Id trust with a million dollars. That's all I need
Betrayal in the workplace is all too common. This is one of the reasons I don’t make any friends at work. Loyalty means nothing in many workplaces because everyone is just looking out for themselves. Makes you even wonder if climbing the ladder is even worth it because there will always be a narc coworker or boss threatening to throw you off that ladder.
I wonder if this partially accounts for the hordes of people now working remotely.
Politics even in the private workplace.
🔴 I needed this video. I found out I was betrayed yesterday at 11:09am. You feel it to the core.
-I should have seen it coming. How could I have been so stupid?! I can't believe I gave him the benefit of the doubt! I can't believe I felt sorry for him. Why would I ever believe he would do anything decent?!!
-The self-talk you described set it.
-I saw your video.
-I cried.
-I understood.
-You helped.
-Thank you for sharing your gift from the universe.
I could have written this. I hope we both stop beating ourselves up over someone else’s bad behavior
"Anger is a punishment we give ourselves for someone else's wrongdoing." - It's been a helpful saying because narcs truly don't give a d*mn about how their betrayals affect our well-being.
ANGER Can BE USED For GOOD Or BAD! OF Course The Narc's Love For You To USE IT To Make YOU A BITTER ANGRY 😡 Miserable 😖 Person then Turn For The WORST 👿👹☠️🕳️Like Them. Or OK👌I Can SEE To PASS THIS TEST Temptation To Screw Myself. Taking A Loss ...The Devil's NEVER Would Have Did IF Knew The Outcome 😡😞😭😁👌
It's ok you feel anger & sadness, it sure feels like a punishment yet just a result that was inflicted. Self blame is something else that someone who betrays you causes.
@@JoulesCraft true! Thank you. 🌞
I have also recently realized that there is no low end to narcissistic betrayal. I have been shocked in recent months by the depth that they will go to. Thank you Dr. Ramani for putting into words what I've been feeling.
I think of it this way; Bulletproof vests can't stop all bullets.
Sending you an air hug! You’re a beautiful lady inside and outside and so thankful for you! Keep killing it
Love that term...”air hug”! 😊☀️
The narc doesn't see us a full person with likes and dislikes. A whole person. They aim at our weakest links.
Thank you your comment makes a lot of sense and helps clarify things.
I am sorry this happened to you; especially at such a stressful time! Betrayal is SO SO hard; it guts us; especially as we wouldn’t do this to anyone. Thank you for sharing❤️
Same. We know they are terrible but we can't wrap our minds around the depths that they will go to. It's hard to protect ourselves against people like this. That's why it's important to not include them in our lives.
I'm not sure what you're talking about, the more I read, I'm sure I'm labelled as a narcicist.. but I might just be a truthteller who tries to fight back those craftsmen around me who are playing rough.. It's naive to think I spare their enablers who don't want to share the same faith..
I asked some one from greenpeace what they want. And I'm serious about it cause I love nature. She refused to talk to me and .. I don't know what she is thinking.. you could even convince Margaret Thatcher with arguments/ pros and cons..
When you are in some kind of position and refuse to talk to people, you leave the truthtellers to the narcicists. And trust me , they will not be pleased with you if you do nothing..
Thanks for sharing. I knew some really awful people growing up and always said I don't want anything to do with them because if they'll cross lines most of us would never dare to cross, I have no idea where/if they draw a limit. It took me far too long to remove the blinders in my last relationship, but I'm learning a lot about the dynamics at play and my role in them in the hope I can heal and become a better man. There is hope for us, but first we must acknowledge our mistakes and resolve not to repeat them.
I think of getting involved with narcs and their harem of enablers like jumping into a bucket of crabs all trying to get ahead by pulling each other down. It’s best to use discernment and not jump in.
That works unless you weren’t born in the bucket.
Thank you, great imagery. They are same type in same bucket. Noone would want to jump into such bucket. I wonder if they just isolated my son & I in such metaphorical bucket and then jumped in on top of us to bury us alive by their mistakes.
Dr Ramani, sharing your passion, compassion, vulnerability, wisdom, empathy, knowledge, and intelligence through your work is helping and saving countless people affected directly and indirectly by narcissistic abuse. Thank you, and please, keep fighting the good fight! Also, your analogies are the best.🙂
When you first learn of a betrayal: the response is freeze and shock.
Then you go through something similar to the stages of grief: disbelief is first.
You get that ick feeling about the person, that you are unsafe and have experienced someone not human.
Omg yes!!! I couldn’t get a word out. It felt like I was hit in my chest and couldn’t take a breath. And then grief and anger and sadness came
Great point about the radical acceptance. People who have any degree of empathy do struggle to understand the complete absence of it. That some of us are missing the empathy chip. I mean ENTIRELY missing it. You do have to learn that “humans” are divided into two sub-species: those who have empathy and those who don’t. Unfortunately we can never forget that - for the sake of our own safety 🤨😇
@@annekenney6914 That is because they are not human. They are literal empty vessels and have no 'self' they have masks they wear, thy are nothingness, cold cruel and wicked in our eyes, they are soulless, conscienceless, devoid of any emotional sense - this is how they created themselves, and yet, they have no 'sense of self' how could they, their whole beingis fantasy borne from tragic and sometimes diabolical trauma as a toddler.... the lack of self, hiding behind a mask, is their defence (split) - they are the shark of society, cold, aloof, silent and violent and catch you when you least expect it. You are merely prey - 'they' feel nothing. They havee no feelings and if they allowd any emotion in they'd die as they cannot deal with and do not comprehend emotion they blocked that off long since
@@annekenney6914I’m literally going through this at the moment. I’ve been completely blindsided by someone I’ve had on a mental ‘safe list’ for many years.
Good narc news. Our resident narcissist at work has been systematically marginalized and ostracized by the entire staff. Everyone had had enough of his antics. I started feeling sorry for him, then I was reminded of his dirty deeds. His own mind forged manacles.
I am so sorry that that woman was so awful to you. You and your videos have helped me so much through some very hard days. Thank You for being a caring giving empathetic person❤very much appreciated.
Thanks for sharing this raw heartbreak. It really helps to see that even a trained expert can't AVOID the hurt that comes with narcissistic abuse. This meant a lot, thanks again. Loving your book so far also
After a 58 yr friendship,not one disagreement..out of know where,i am accused of things i did not do,things i did not say..and then i am callously "disowned" as a friend and "no longer considered family". Six years later,i am still in disbelief. Crushing betrayal.Thank you❣ Dr.Ramani for helping me through the dark days.🙏🙏🙏
I am so sorry. The friendship betrayal is so difficult to believe. 30 year friendship for me.
Meeting my best friend in high school was literally the first time in my life I felt accepted after growing up with a narc mom who trained me to never talk to her and to hide in my room when she came home. When after decades this friend did the same thing as you describe for no apparent reason, it launched YEARS of suicidal depression and rumination about what I could have possibly done wrong.
Now I see that if someone has to LIE about you to justify their own cruel and disloyal behavior, it's categorically NOT YOUR FAULT.
When I look back, I realize the stages described in the following video are what helped me finally find peace about it: Betrayal: The Loss No One Is Talking About | Holli Kenley, LMFT | TEDxMountRubidoux.
I am also so grateful to Dr. Ramani!!!
Big hugs to anyone who has been through this.
You did not deserve it, and you are not alone!
❤😌❤
"I may not be everyone's cup of tea,
but I'm somebody's double shot of whiskey!"
"Get in where you fit in, go on and shine" 🎶
🌈🌱🌿💐🍀💖❤
@@SunandSunflowers Yes! I am sorry for you too..but,we deserve better. 😻
Dementia makes ppl paranoid and act strangely wondering if that person has dementia ?
My sister hasn't spoken to me in about 12 years, still don't know what I'm supposed to have done. Silver lining is I don't have to listen to or get dragged into her ongoing litany of crisis's.
So very sorry that betrayal happened to you. It is a fact, the Betrayers don't care, they never did and never will. Be Cautious with People, many will Betray not only those with narcissistic personalities but also anyone with Character Disorders. So, there is a very high percentage who can never be trusted .
IT ACTUALLY Helps You Get Rid Of Your PROBLEM..... QUICK!!!! Like A HOT BOILED EGG 🥚 There Is NO Doubt 🧐 Anymore 😮🤦😭🥰😁👸🥳💯
I stayed loyal to a work place for years only to have them betray me by shaming and blaming me for a coworker harassing me. It was so damaging to me and I had to leave in the end. It’s been rough getting my career back on track. The enablers really suck for sure. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
IT REALLY Meant You Was Suppose To BE THERE.... UNTIL You WOKE UP! IT Was Hostile Environment For You. Mom Was In That Situation They Couldn't Control Soooo They Planted A Dirty Diaper On HER. AFTER 22 yrs Almost Took My Mom Out....The Stress, Blood Pressure The Fear Worry And Betrayal. We TRIED To Get Her To Leave And She FINALLY Gave Up Looking To Leave Here. In The END You Have To LOVE YOURSELF OVER People, JOBS Things n Animal. A Fire Taught ME THAT Lost Everything n Cat. YOU DON'T Know HOW STRONG Mentally You Are UNTIL.....That ALL You Have n NEED 🥰💯
😳...you sound like a fly on the wall of our former house witnessing everything done by my Narcissists. And years, so many years, with that voice telling me that I was bad, I was wrong to want any form of justice, that there must have been something I could have done differently to change what happened. Lived for too long with the belief from the song that says "I'm the problem it's me".
My heart goes out to you and all the other survivors here.
Thank you so much Dr Ramani for sharing your experiences and helping us work through the despair/pain/grief/etc!
There is often a delayed reaction to betrayal followed by rage. And I was blamed for not saying anything by the brother who is the brother of the one who betrayed me. This guy, who is the brother, is a narcissist himself at the far end of the spectrum. The one who betrayed me probably would be called a covert narcissist, so he really took me by surprise. These two are cousins of mine, but here's a twist.
Many years ago, when I was a teenager, the father of the one who betrayed me, my uncle, advised me to beware of his son.
Imagine having a father warning you about the treachery of his own son!
I had low blood pressure before she discarded me. Not anymore.
Know that you are worthy of taking care of yourself. I am guilty, too, of not doing things that will keep me healthy, exercise, meditation, eating clean, but doing healthy things is one way to beat that narcissist. Live your happiest and healthiest life.
….betrayed by a Narc on the week that YOU became a New York Times Best Selling Author. Ha! That devil couldn’t bear it. Seething jealousy and rage… and needed to take you down a notch. Take your WIN Dr. Ramani… You deserve it. You did it. New York Times best selling author. THIS IS YOU. (Follow up book title… xoxo) thank you for all the healing and healing yet to come.
Man, I just experienced a comission betrayal, and yes, it surprised me! Afterwards, I was first a wreck, but then I spent 72 hours doing simple things I love--mostly reading. Mind you, I had planned to prepare my tax returns during that time, but I was so thrown off my equilibrium that I could only bring myself to do things that brought me comfort. This video is helping me to NOT feel guilty about chilling for a few days, though I feel like the narcissist stole my productivity from me.
Narcissists can change but the Arrogance prevents them.
Then That MEANS...... THEY CAN'T ONLY Enablers Think THAT! Been THERE Done THAT! 👌💅💯
Thank you for sharing this. I have been walking around in my own zombie apocalypse and didn't realize why or what I was actually doing. My quality of life does matter and I didn't even realize I have let go of that hope just so I can survive. I want to live, not just survive. I want to be able to trust others again.
I do hope you find someone worthy of your trust :)
I got betrayed in love, the worst way yesterday, and I am still trying to process that this is real. The inner child in me doesn't wanna believe it, but deep down I know the reality is cruel. and I am trying to accept it every minute
In the same place as you - happened about 2 weeks ago.
I understand completely. It’s a process to have the strength to see things as they really are. I still struggle because you want your feeling of love ❤️ to be real. It also feels like you lose everything you believed in. Reality bites, that’s why so many people stay in denial. Be strong. ❤️
thanks!, I can't believe anyone's words anymore, in 1.5 long relationship, I thought he loved me and as he said i love you all the time, he promised to marry me, met my family every week, but when I refused to get physically intimate with him this one time, he suddenly disappeared , like that 1.5 years of love didn't even matter to him, and god knows, I gave him honest pure love, but his real intentions came out in the last moments. @@ruby-qv5bd
hope you feel better with time! stay strong@@Pollycat15
The deeper you mine, the more gems you bring up. We are the benefactors, and grateful for that! 🧡 Go Ramani!
Wish I could do a double like on this. Or give it 5 stars.
Why are people always making us feel like we are crazy so they can keep hurting others
Surviving 5 narcicist have shown me a lot.. im full of usefull phrases.. one of them is "narcicists never stop surprising you", once you identify a narcisist at least you are "on guard" but they will always find a crasiest way to be mean to try yo damage you.. and you will always be amazed how shameless they are.. been aware of this helps you heal faster.. thanks for all your work dr ramini.. you have help.me.a.lot!!
This 👏🏼
Knowledge Is POWER 💪👌 That's WHY They Like You To Be Ignorant To THEIR WAYS! ONCE You Figured Them OUT IT'S OVER!!!!🥰🥳💯
Telling your story helps too.
I like how you used this experience to further your work. Writers can help other people in story form to understand the good and the bad about humanity. Narcissists are such takers that it's good that we can use their bad behavior to create art, learning, etc. A famous Anne Lamott quote: “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
I love this, thank you. As a writer I study behaviour to better create my characters :)
Yes the surprise!!!
And, SHOCK to the nervous system.
I am sending you hugs and love…
You are so courageous to
share this with all of us and we don’t feel so alone…
You have a gift of insight and it helps so much how you can
communicate it in an understanding
manner….
Thank You
Thank You
Thank You
❤❤❤❤
"I hate to see you happy, so I will betray you to fit my own unhappiness, creating sadness in you." - the narcissist betrayer
Effed up fact. 😢
Exactly 💯
My moms friend told my mom her friend gets juwelry every time he betrayed her and she wasn't interested in juwelry . But he was a fat guy, a good cook and they had a house.. can't stop laughing at the memory..
😢😢😢
It took me over a year to get over or be aware of my long-term marriage betrayal. It's still hard to accept what is tragically true.😢 It will forever sting and put a bookmark on my life. The truth always comes out but it takes as long as it takes. Many have learned they supported the wrong person. Living well is your best revenge. 😊❤
YOU Know WHEN...IT Won't BE Forever? BEEN There Lived To TELL....I Really Didn't Love Myself. I Started Looking OUT For My Hurt Pitiful SELF. 🥰 SELF LOVE The BEST CURE. Low Self Esteem People DEPENDING On Someone To DO What They Can DO! The World Don't Want That Narcs Use IT Against YOU. YOU Have Choice To Stay Stuck Or NOT. 👌💪🧠👋💯
Ive been betrayed by so many in my life. Mother, Father, siblings, their family, ex, uncle, friends, co workers, bosses. I have never told anyone about the betrayal, because I couldn’t wrap my brain around it that people would do what they were doing to me in such a cold hearted way, plus it was apparent that no one cared anyway when they would make comments that I deserved the abuse when they were apart of it.
My trust with everyone has been depleted and I find myself isolating to protect what’s left of me. Everyday is a struggle but it’s what I’m used to, so it feels normal for me. I know I’m not healing, I’m just existing, and even though it’s sad to most people, it is what it is for me because I don’t have the resources to accept anything else.
Time is a healer. Keep your guard up. I hope you work through your situation 🙏
@@tims9434Thank you, it’s been a long journey, my faith is the only thing that keeps me going.
Sorry this has happened.. How have u been doing.. any support outside of this circle
@@mic396 I appreciate your kindness. Outside of the narcissistic community I have no one. They made sure of it with all the smear campaigns that was going on behind my back.
@@tims9434 I hope so.
So sorry, thank you !!! 👍❤❤❤
Is Dr. Ramani my alter ego?😂 ohh my good Doctor is like you are in my head, and I love to hear your voice in my head giving me hope in healing. Thank you so much, please keep going, you have no idea how much good you are doing to so many of us.
As I was with him and talking to him, he is outrageously flirting and coming on to this other woman. I said WTH is going on and he says "whaddya mean it's nothing you should be concerned about?" Of course I was flabbergasted and angry then he says he "decided a few hours ago that we weren't together anymore, so just chill, and if we find each other again, then we go with it" 😶
Ew. Let that effer go and let someone else put up with his sh**.
Thank you so much for your open and heartfelt discussion here today. The depths to which they can go, the legitimacy of feeling deeply hurt, radical acceptance of enablers, persistence-these are all concepts that must be digested. A variation on this that you might focus on sometime is when the abuser does not care about you, but also actively wants to hurt you.
This helped so much. I was betrayed by three people close to me in the space of a month. It was devastating.
Narcissists have a talent for zeroing in on the thing that will hurt us the most.
It's nearly always an ambush when they do it, which amplifies the pain inflicted.
It's sick and horrifying, too difficult to remember that the narcissists in our lives embody that trait and desire, even if it's unconscious, to hurt those around them.
Especially the ones they claim to love.
Thank you for so openly sharing your story.
I'm sorry you had that experience, even if, as you said, it taught you something.
Hearing your story helps me to remember the mental illness of the narcissists formerly in my life who tried to destroy me.
It helps me to not allow any excuses for their destruction.
I appreciate your post because the ambush factor is certainly a reality in my experience with these horrible bullies and their minions. Everyone's so terrified of the fallout from the nark's temper tantrums that they shut down and refuse to speak up even when they are seeing some really hostile meanness against some unsuspecting supposedly loved one. . God forbid they find their backbone and say no I will not join you in your smear and shun campaign! Alas they are terrified of becoming the new chosen enemy of the narc.
Blessings, Dr Ramani thank you. ❤
Coming to radical acceptance about enablers was the most healing thing for me ❤
I agree. Took me a while but it was just what I needed to do.
Hey there, NYT Bestseller who has helped pull me out of the gutter MORE THAN A FEW TIMES ❤ i am sorry to learn of this. It irritates me that these things happen and some are so dismissive, esp. when they're folks you THOUGHT would understand... because after the ordeal, now they too might be suspect in unrecoverable ways. 😢 While i hope that's not yr case, what you've described is precisely why my version of radical acceptance goes, "i accept that every human being has the potential to do me harm." i am definitely not saying this is any way to choose to live; i am saying it is what has been forced to our vision. FWIW after a hit like what you described (& i take a lot of them), I FORCE myself to answer, "What Should I Learn From It So It Can Be Prevented." Hugs, sorry, and THANK YOU. i can buy an extra book of yours to throw at your offender, if u like 😁
How do I rebuild my trust for anyone after the closest person in my life betrayed me in such a vile way? I feel my trust is hopeless. Its been 20 years of this.
Love you!!
I have seen the "you are lucky to know them" statement on many people's faces.
Dr Ramani, can you talk about when the golden child blames the scapegoats of the family for everything that went wrong, engages in projection and blame shifting, cuts them out of their lives (but not the family narcissist!)? Thanks!
Omg. This is me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I thoroughly appreciate your openness and sharing what you have gone through even with all your experience, wisdom and training. It really really helps to know you went through this experience. I’m sorry you went through it and experienced all that pain. Very sorry for you. But I’m so grateful you shared it. 💕💕💕
Wish you were my neighbor
Explained my life to a T! I have no one safe
I’ve been going through a ton of this, courtesy of multiple narcissists, who don’t even know each other. Yes, it is multifaceted. I come to recognize that they feel I’m stupid, I guess, based upon how smart they think they are and because I seem like a nice person (no boundaries). I start to feel stupid, merely because I said hi, in the first place. Then, comes their anger, because not only was in it stupid, as polite as I am, they find themselves spinning their wheels and getting nowhere, meaning - perhaps, they’re stupid.
The omission, commission path to betrayal, is further impacted by the fact that the betrayal isn’t meant to be momentary. Rather, it is meant to be a delightful, daily ritual, for years on end. That it’s not something they wish to simply hear the results of. But an in-your-face assault, feeling proud that you may not know that you’re friendly with the enemy and that, if intertwined enough, you may know - and not be able to do anything to save yourself from them. As this becomes more of our culture, it is in everything, from business to interpersonal interactions. Not to build relationships by integrity, support, lifting one another up. But by being parasitic and getting others into situations.
Although I have gotten caught up with narcissists, I am decent at recognizing patterns and trajectories. Maybe the INTJ in me. The unfortunate thing is that it comes with a HIGH DOSE of thinking nothing of people, in general. That it is safest to understand that another person might not share the same standards of social contracts and that, I almost need to start off, with understanding that they’re likely to be pretty base. Through our interactions, I draw a picture of, “What’s the worse possible intention of the person and worst possible result.” That alone, can have me running the Hell up outa there. Particularly in this ever-spiraling economic climate, while I may be thinking about how to upgrade my life and make it a balance of productivity and enchantment, there are A LOT of people, who are simply thinking about how they can put one over on whatever target they can slither around and suffocate. It becomes a bombardment and, at least for me, I won’t even enter a store and only go to work, because I have to. Other than that, I like a piece of glass, between me and the world. I admit to a lot of it being fear, although, no matter what people think about introverts, the idea of fearing people sounds laughable to me. But, it’s come to the point where every friendly face morphs. So, I enjoy life more, just being alone. That may sound quite unhealthy. But, I simply don’t have enough time left, to vet people, just to find that, even years down the road, my life was severely diminished, because their long term plan, was betrayal.
Thanks Dr Ramini for sharing. Whatever the Narcissists do, I always remind myself that I’m glad I’m not like them. I’m glad I was born with empathy and the desire to help and care about people. Reminding myself of this gives me courage to stand up for myself and others, and not give in to people’s bad behavior. Thanks for advocating for us!
Thank you for sharing ❤
This is a really good video, these concepts are really good for anyone who needs help in dealing with betrayal and negative emotions. I wish more people talked about this type of thing and what it looks like to go through something like this.
Congratulations, Brilliant #thankyouall ✌️❤️🌳💯
Thank you Dr.Ramani ivestayed awake also. I dont judge others but I know they judge me .....its tiring. The advice to let them go and go grey rock is excellent. Im tored of their contempt of me. Imnot going to be around forever .
Books uncovering the truth will make many uneasy and ashamed. As knowledge spreads and unity strengthens, their influence will fade. It's time to reveal them and confront these individuals directly as a force.
A major family betrayal years ago caused me to make some poor decisions in my life, over sacrificing myself for them as I was feeling so hurt and wanting their approval. Only to have them blame shame and hurt me more. Damaged my life health and identity. Processing the grief. Seeing the truth. Taking myself back step by step. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I had anxiety attacks sometimes 20 X a day. Now I might have a few after I got rid of a bunch in my family.
Preach Dr. Ramani my sister girl. ❤✨🙌🏾✨❤
With our hurts our hearts start to see how it all is. More and more.
12:03 So true that betrayal by narcs and enablers can make you feel like no one is reliable and the world is a zombie apocalypse! 🧟♂😄Consciously looking for evidence of unselfishness & kindness in the world helps me remember that alongside the darkness there are oases of light & goodness. Dr. Ramani's channel is one of those for me.❤
My family is full of them so I do a lot of avoiding. I love talking to people at stores or social settings though. It's a whole different world when you're not around a narc.
Thank you for sharing. Makes me mad that someone would be nasty to you. I bet they are jealous of your success.
Thank you for showing us how to process the betrayals. ☺️
I totally grasp the radical acceptance part and realize it could have been anybody, but when the monsters turn your child against you, how do radically accept that your child is in a dangerous dangerous situation and the grandchild that you have never meet is same situation. I would love for you to address what to do when this happens to your child and they are so brainwashed and have their entire lives rewritten by the narcissist that they are now terrified of their whole family and have cut ties with every person in the family. Look at her face, she was happy, outgoing on top of her game and she wanted to find love and she swiped right on the wrong person and I truly believe his goal was to destroy her and our entire family.
🙏
this. this is so real and way more common than we talk about. It's devastating at any age, and my hope for you is that your daughter has enough solid deep inner knowing of who you are and how you have been to her that she will eventually see the truth. I know the pain myself as my own child and some of my family was turned against me at an early age by my ex and ultimately she followed them to continue the abusive pattern not just toward me, but toward any who truly love and try to be close to her. it's so hard to watch as a parent. and sometimes hope is all that gets me through, and sometimes that same hope feels like it's what's killing me.
I am experiencing this. Support your loved one.
This is a big one,as it has an extra painful bite. A lengthy recovery involved. Remind's me of the scorpion and the frog story,only with the stinger the size of a 10ft stingray. Edit: Thanks for writing your book--a wonderful share❤
After years of healing I’m finally posting my own content about the various forms of Narcissistic Abuse I’ve experienced through life. Thank you for being an inspiration and light for me and millions others of us. God bless!
The most horrendous part of my experience of abuse is twofold, the number of predators, so many. Secondly, the gaslighting of the enablers.
Validation is becoming my saving grace. ❤
Thinking of your words. You are correct, I had a huge betrayal that hit me like a ton of bricks. For me it feels like because we can’t even imagine doing this to someone else at the levels they will go to to betray us (the actual things they do) do surprise us. We may know what we are dealing with but at the same time can’t really imagine what they will come up with next as we don’t think that way. It is so painful and yes, we are left with everything you describe and sometimes it is even worse😓
Knowledge won’t prevent betrayal, but it will help us move on from it. Thank you for being such a good teacher and example of healthy emotional management ❤
I am very sorry it has happened to you dr Ramani.😢 thank you for sharing your heartbreaking experience with us and validating our feelings too. You are our Sunshine ☀️ you are beautiful and have such a brave heart ❤️ God bless you❤
I’ve been betrayed so many times by my family to the point of severe disengagement there is a betrayal I have tried to face so many times in my life and I just get denial denial denial from everyone in my family. It never happened you’re making a big deal of it. When are you gonna get over this? Why are you so angry on and on…
But here’s the thing how do you heal from some thing if it’s continuously denied … the cause of this denial was unfortunately sexual assault by my brother-in-law at the age of 11…. I never got counseling. I never got told that was a horrible thing that happened. My sister called me when I was 22 screaming on the phone at me….” you slept with my husband!!!!”
I had confided in another family member, and they went back to my sister and told her I … “slept with her husband “ when in reality, I was trying to find solace in what had happened to me years before trying to make sense of it trying to move forward as I had just gotten married and my marriage was already in a tailspin from a lack of trust that I couldn’t understand… I was struggling to understand what part of me was hurting. It was very traumatic and very painful and then I was betrayed by my family member. My sister denied that her husband would ever do that to this day 45 years later, she still wants to minimize it. She tries to make it no big deal she’s never apologized to me or accusing me. She’s never said to me I’m sorry that happened to you. She’s never said to me. I wish I could’ve protected you. She knew who her husband was. She was married to the man for 12 years after he divorced her, he married another woman and molested her daughter!!! and she never came to me.. I still struggle with the betrayal, in my family….
Press charges
I'm going through a terrible time right now. I'm filled with disgust for myself. I saw the red flags and ignored them. I my lose my home. I'm in a financial mess and he's doing very well partly because of all the money and things I gave him. I have had thoughts of him falling down the stairs and that fills with with even more disgust with myself for having evil thoughts. I just want an isolated life from now on. I don't want any more friends or lovers again. I am pretty much done with people.
5 yrs fooling me and full of lies,then future faking.He told me he loves me and it's only me then 2 days later i saw his wedding photo on fb.5 yrs full of mental trauma,yet waited for him to change. The only man i trusted in my whole life,first love bettayed me like this,just like a dream.
I’m sorry that you were harmed and that someone broke your trust. I could feel the hurt in your words and heart. It’s an act of great bravery to still stay open to the kindness in the world and it shows that you trust yourself. The Buddha’s second arrow 🏹☀️
The Cassandra Complex is often present in women who are victims of narcissistic abuse and I have tried to resolve it, with a good degree of success, using an NLP technique. Recovering the woman's credibility seems to be extremely important.
You being "to hard on the Narccistic folks" ie. Being honest. that has been the very thing that has saved me. I needed someone else to call it what it was for me to believe it was real.
You touch so many lives in recovery. I know you have been a huge figure in my own life. Thank you for your work. ❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing Dr. Ramani. Yes, I’m supposing “it” never gets old.
Your insight has help me tremendously. When being gaslighted by others, I tend to think now wow, there really is something wrong going on in that person for them to target me. I remind myself that I’m not responsible for their deeply seeded and rooted perception of others. I understand that in order for them to feel important or wanted they feel a want and need to be disrespectful towards me because that is all they know. Limited contact, and I remind myself that that betrayal of innocence and character assassination was a mirror of them offing who they really are. Projection is so real. It’s true, they really do not care, so what comes out of their head and mouth is indeed hurtful. In return, you have to remind yourself that you acknowledge what was said and done, but in no way should that experience penetrate your beliefs and thoughts of who you are to you. Remember over thinking is a superpower and no, you didn’t over think it. It actually happened that way.
I, sadly, agree from after a lifetime of abuse from my twin sister. When our parents died, she saw it as an opportunity to financially benefit herself, more than her sister and brother. She told me she needed money to buy a business and for me to also ask our brother. She knew I would be dividing up the inheritance. She saw her opportunity and took it. My brother and I lent her $50,000 to pay back in 2 years. It’s been 9 years and she has never mentioned it.
I like that. Be angry. Most people say don't get angry but we have that emotion for a reason. We also try to hide it.
Betrayal is horrible and hard to ever trust again.
I can’t even cry over it. I’ve learned to suppress emotions after 30+ years of being told I was too dramatic.
My narcissistic mom has been a lifelong source of angst for me, with all the usual control, dominance, invalidation and gaslighting that comes with these relationships. But I always kind of rationalized it as mostly benign due to her prickly personality and figured she loved me anyway. But late in life I caught her lying about me in private and engaging in other very calculated stabs in my back. It's been years now and I'm still processing that this happened. That betrayal was like cutting into an onion and peeling back all the layers of deliberate harm she caused me and the rest of our family over decades that was always there but my instinct was to smooth it over or ignore it. Now my mom is in her final days in hospice. I want to feel grief for her and provide comfort, but the betrayal feels like handcuffs and chains. She's my mom, and I feel like a stranger at her bedside. I guess it was always going to end this way, but I still can't believe it.
@lou1880, I understand the feeling. Even if you don't feel grief, you can still be there for her in the last days. It's
something that will help smooth things for you, I think....at least it helped me, in that the last days and hours in hospice were tranquil. That's not the time to rehash the past, because it's all too late anyway. I hope things will go
comfortably for both you and your mom. ❤🙏🏼
I'm sorry about what you had to go through. Thank you for bringing us into your real time experience.
Being afraid to show any kind of normal human weakness to anybody just in case a narcissist is among them is not healthy. I used to be in that psychological stage while healing from narcissistic abuse. I could not have moved out of that stage without the benefit of grouip therapy programs including a recreational therapy program for senior citizens. Having to be working long hours often prevents people from having enough time to heal from a set of physical injuries and emotional trauma. When looking back a lot of senior citizens start wondering how they could have survived through a lot too while only having one explanation for it - Their higher power.
I'm not guilty of anything. I have been defamed for over a decade which destroyed my 30 year marriage and divided my family.
I don’t believe for one second their is such a thing as going too hard on a narcissist ❤ I’m amazed at your ability to pull yourself up like this. It takes me a while to come to realizations like these
Thank you, there’s so much narc content online, some helpful some not, but this lady’s work is valuable, empowering and builds strength!