Vlog 112 - On not being strong
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.ย. 2024
- Tara talks about the cost and consequences of the affirmations of 'strength' and 'resilience' on PhD students. Tara offers strategies to control the controllable and manage the weirdness in a doctoral programme.
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16:28 1. Make a decision
18:15 2. Be very clear what is important to you
19:03 3. Make sure your behavior aligns with what is important to you
19:43 4. Create structures for you success and automate what you can
21:08 5. When people tell you the truth about themselves, believe them
21:53 6. Control what you can control
23:16 7. Do not determine your value by what other people say about you
24:57 8. Defend yourself
26:52 9. Say no, early and often
28:09 10. If you're not going to worry about something in two years, don't worry about it now
I always return to this vlog episode every time I feel lost and hopeless. Prof Tara, thank you so much for starting this discussion.
Tara, very sorry for your loss. Very....
Thank you for being so brutally honest and genuine.
You are our light.
For me, "making decisions and sticking to these decisions" is the epitome of being strong in spirit. If a human makes decisions and follows through, then, in my books, this human has strong will. It can be a child who decided to stop watching TV to become smarter. It can be Steve who decided to go in dignity. It can be Tara who decided to not miss a bit no matter what.
Love, light and peace to you!
"...This has nothing to do with strength. Nothing. This has everything to do with making decisions when bad stuff occurs..." YES.
It's ridiculously refreshing to hear someone step away from the glory-through-suffering narrative, and acknowledge that life can be brutal and dehumanising sometimes; you do just have to get on with it somehow; and, well, that's it. No real sense or meaning or glory to be found in that single fact alone.
That being said, I've long suspected that true courage is getting up every morning in the face of such knowledge and still bloody well keeping on keeping on, whatever way that needs to look like in your world, and regardless of how non-conforming (and therefore confronting) that may appear to everyone else.
Truly enlightened and enlightening thoughts, Tara. Thank you for sharing
PS The maxims ROCK!!
Dr Tara , you are truly fabulous and wonderful!
Thank you for this.
I do need to work on knowing myself, and standing up for what I believe. People have always pigeonholed me as a disabled child / disabled mother / disabled woman. They tend to view all of my accomplishments through the lens of disability.
If I am going to get through my PhD, I need to be sure to view myself as an intelligent, capable person, irrespective of my disability, or I won't get through it.
Tara...I am in tears. I am so sorry for your loss and this vlog resonated with me on so many levels. I have suffered with debilitating anxiety since I began this PhD journey 7 months ago. Right now I’m in a happy place and I have made notes on how to deal with the hard parts on this journey so I am well equipped when it comes to it. You are awesome and have helped me through some very dark times. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️
Summary that I took
1) Resilience and struggle is not the key
2) Decisions, decisions, decisions and not worry.
3) Know what U value in life and Spend time in it.
4) Have support structures
5) Learn to say NO when it doesn't align with ur priorities and value
6) Do not worry sth, that U wouldn't care in 2 years time
Thanks Tara.
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband... My deepest condolences 😢💗
Dear Tara, I cannot believe how the time has passed. I revisited this vlog and thanks to your strength then and now, I am still studying. Keep up the vlogs. I have been going back over several so I can keep on striving to the finish line. Thank you so much.
You are magnificent Mel. We will get there. Together xxx
Dear Tara, Greetings from a newly qualified doctor in Ireland! This is your most valuable blog yet, many thanks for your honesty and sincerity. My heartfelt condolences to you on Steve's untimely death. I will share widely among the doctoral society here and look forward to the next
Thank you for your wisdom. I have been binge watching your vlogs for the past 24h. You encourage me, for the past 3 months I have been in a dark place. You shed light to me. I am sorry that you lost your husband, I pray comfort for you.
Amazing Tara. Thank you so much
My deepest condolences for your loss Professor. Thank you so much for sharing this Vlog, in which I find very consoling at this time of uncertainty. You are so right, decision making and setting up systems to protect oneself is so true. I have experienced it.
Prof Tara. Thank you for this. So brave of you to tell us of your experience when it must be hurtful. So very sorry for your loss. These vlogs are very useful. x
What a wonderful blog - Tara you are changing the world.
The resilience discourse can be very damaging as it ignores the political, historical and social contexts in which 'problems' develop.
I love the way that you challenge the current 'conventional wisdom' of positivist psychology.
You provided me with a good laugh too - thinking about the unicorn in the pack.
Could you please talk about the international students who don't speak English as their first language? do you have any experience with them? if you do, what are their common mistakes? and what are your tips to overcome the language barrier? I am a very hardworking student and motivated.. I am just concern about the language and how much it could affect my PhD journey.
Tara, I fully agree with all 10 of your strategies. I live my life very consciously, and actively follow all ten every single day; I have done for many years now. I always feel a bit odd, viewing my life and circumstances in such clear terms, but now I see I'm not the only one who does so. I'm suffering at the moment with parenting, a marital split, difficult familial relations... my personal expectations for Christmas, which are failing spectacularly, and then a PhD on top (one which brings me great pleasure and stimulation, but also takes a lot of work). This video was a pleasure for me to watch. In one year we will both be feeling very different to how we feel now. I look forward to us relishing having survived and mastered our current difficulties in one year's time, when we look back and know how far we've come. Small improvements every day, based around the broad goal of who we want to be, what we want to achieve, and what we are willing to accept from others... that's the source of human strength, I'd say.
Calm The Farm!! Love it Tara!
My condolences, Tara. Thanks for sharing this with us. Bless you!
I wish i could watch this Vlog two years ago!
So sorry for your loss, Tara!
Brilliant Tara! Congratulations and many thanks! I think this is the best Vlog I've ever seen. Period. Preach Sister! 💕❤️💕❤️
All my love, Claudia :) You are magnificent Txxx
I'm so sorry for your loss Tara ❤❤
Preparing for my first interview for PhD study, thank you for your positive work :)
We're all with you moo moo. Let us know how you go! Txxx
Thanks for this fantastic video, Tara.
Thank you so much :) Txxx
Sometimes, I wish I have someone like you in this Ph.D. journey. Making a decision, accept it, and learn from it are three main strategies that I have learned during my study. That's so true. I had always hoped for a perfect path, but in reality, the perfection seems not to be the right expectation for someone to grow and develop the expertise to become a Ph.D.
Another amazing blog. And your tips are right on target for academics and PhD students but also more generally for others.
This is brilliant! Thank you so much Tara.
I LOVE YOUR VLOGS SO MUCH!!! I've finished my doctorate, worked in applied psychology for two years and am now going back to academia with a lecutre and research post; I find these so useful. Would you do more focused at early career resesrchers / post docs please?
thank you Tara - amazing as always x
Can't manage without your support, wonderful s. Txxx
Very sorry to hear of your loss. Thanks for all the helpful information that you provide us week after week.
Thank you Nicole - my absolute pleasure. You are fab :) Txxx
I've got my PhD but my mental and physical health is broken! The supervisory system is brutal and has refused to support my future academic or broader career ambitions which are viewed as unrealistic because of my mental health issues. Survival of the Fittest seems to be the institutional mantra!
bless you, Tara
Dear Mdm. Brabazon,
Thank you for your wonderful videos, but could you inform the general public of possible correlations between the rise of neoliberalism and serious mental health issues for PhD. Students (should they be there, which I am sure of that they are).
Yours Faithfully,
Nikki Vieler
Great to hear from you Nikki. Nikki, the studies are small and the correlations not that clear. Also, the challenge we have Nikki - and you may know that I do research on neoliberalism - is that it not one 'thing' or 'entity'. In its anti-statist ideology, it has been around since the 1970s. So the challenge we have - and we'll never know this - is if the rise of mental health issues is a rise in the reporting of mental health issues or an actual rise in mental health issues. We'll never know how the very high attrition in doctoral programmes - which has been around for decades - plays into this discussion. I think a clear discussion on the nature of academic and non academic work could be useful here. But we'll never be able to study something as overarching and diversely defined and neoliberalism and then align it with mental health concerns. We'll need proxies. The workplace may be one of those... Txxx
oh Tara I am so sorry for your loss. I did not know.
No I didn't either ! Think that's what he wanted. Thought I hadn't seen him on her Vlogs for a while !
Hi, Prof. Tara...I been reviewing your vlog...thxs..so far I have been doing fine, the study and working at the same time (taking EdD currently) but recently I have been facing so many uncertainties...changes in my working environments...I think that's why I am getting freaked...and some other personal problems also...these all happens at the same time...how will I survived my candidature time?
Hi Inda Miri. Lovely to hear from you. Firstly, I would set two or three priorities. A priority in your personal life. A priority in your working life. And a priority in your thesis. Just one. Then compartmentalize them. Open one compartment - the thesis - work on that for two hours. Close the compartment. Open the working life compartment. Complete your responsibilities. Close that compartment. Your private issues. Open that compartment. Address an issue. Close it. All of us become overwhelmed. But be kind to yourself. Give yourself one task in each of these three areas. Complete them. And don't let the issues bleed. I hope that helps - and please contact me if I can be of any use. You are fantastic and doing well. Hang in there... Txxx
Thank you very much...will do it ASAP...
Brilliant, thank you.
I wish I had found this vlogs earlier!
how do u prepare for ur Vlogs is that spontaneous or prepared thakns
Thank you for this
Can you do an ep on admittance to grad school for people that are thinking about grad school
I can Dylan. The vlogs do tend to focus on helping our current students at Flinders, but I'll do some vlogs to assist students and prospective students on the way in. Txxx
Thank you!
Why isn't this lady a prime minister????
Hi HSR - biggest hug. And breathing remains my success most days :) Thank you for being you! txxx
Perhaps a sub-maxim: if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.